1 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:22,940 Huh. 2 00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:28,028 Hmm. 3 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,239 Hmm. 4 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,616 SPORTSCASTER: Buckle up. 5 00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:34,159 We're going to overtime. 6 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,535 (whoops) 7 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:36,995 What the hell is this? 8 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,914 Warriors and Knicks overtime. 9 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,666 Ashley-- five stars. 10 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:42,292 Natalya-- four stars. 11 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,835 Cornelia-- one star. 12 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,754 What, because her name was Cornelia? 13 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,172 That's not her fault, 14 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,715 you should give her parents one star. 15 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,551 It's my amends list for Al-Anon. 16 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,929 And you hid it behind my panty drawer? 17 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,055 Freak. 18 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,975 I wasn't hiding anything, I lost it. 19 00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,268 I wrote that a year ago. 20 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,271 You know, I don't just vent about you at Al-Anon. 21 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,855 I do the steps. 22 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:04,856 SPORTSCASTER: Let's get ready for the tip-off. 23 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,316 Except that one. 24 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:09,444 Yeah, you're gonna catch the highlights, pal. 25 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,531 So, you owe an amends to all these women? 26 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:14,700 And some of their husbands. 27 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,077 And what do the stars mean? 28 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,287 How hot they were? 29 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:20,872 It's how bad my behavior was. 30 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,041 Candy was four stars? 31 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,501 Yeah. 32 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,420 (laughs): Actually, in both departments. 33 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,089 (clears throat) 34 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,968 So, you wrote down this list 35 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,678 of, like, a thousand names, 36 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,096 and you haven't gotten in touch with any of them? 37 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:36,972 Correct. 38 00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,391 And, by the way, where is my name? 39 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,105 Oh, wait, here I am. 40 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,108 Different Bonnie. 41 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,945 ♪ ♪ 42 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,798 Interesting. My amends list was 43 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,091 a bunch of laws I broke. 44 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,968 Yours is a bunch of hearts you broke. 45 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,263 My Al-Anon sponsor had me look at my patterns with women, 46 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,266 and I did a lot of damage there. 47 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,769 I was either drawn to drama or creating it. 48 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,520 Like you create it with me? 49 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,100 Sure. 50 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,600 So I... 51 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,150 made this list and then I lost it. 52 00:02:33,150 --> 00:02:35,360 If that's not a sign from my higher power... 53 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,110 Yeah, nice try. 54 00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:39,200 At least I had drugs and drinking to blame. 55 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,490 Yeah, you had alcohol. 56 00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:43,370 I had a penis. 57 00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:46,950 Both weapons of mass destruction when used irresponsibly. 58 00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:48,910 Well, there's your list. 59 00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,290 There's your phone, get cracking. 60 00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:52,670 (chuckles) 61 00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:55,340 I know I should. 62 00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:57,800 I just don't know what to say. 63 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,300 And that's where, once again, you are fortunate to have me. 64 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:05,220 No one has made more amends to more people than I have. 65 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:06,810 It's the reason I learned Spanish. 66 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:11,980 I've done them in person, on the phone, in song. 67 00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:14,360 I'm not gonna sing to anyone. 68 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,650 The DMV lady loved it. 69 00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:19,490 ♪ I'm sorry I drove us off a bridge ♪ 70 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,150 ♪ During my three-point turn ♪ 71 00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:24,740 ♪ But I was tripping balls on acid. ♪ 72 00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:30,080 Don't be shy with the jazz hands. 73 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,330 I-I don't know. 74 00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,170 I've got six pages of past here. 75 00:03:33,170 --> 00:03:35,340 Well, let's start at the beginning. 76 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,710 What's the story with five-star Ashley? 77 00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:42,010 Uh, she was a girl I started dating right out of college-- 78 00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:44,300 redhead, psych major, loved to ski. 79 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,510 Get to the stars. 80 00:03:45,510 --> 00:03:48,220 I slept with somebody she knew. 81 00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:49,520 Go on. 82 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,310 And when I moved to L.A., 83 00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:54,270 I accidentally on purpose didn't give her my new number. 84 00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:55,480 That's it? 85 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,020 And I kept her Supertramp album. 86 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,070 (scoffs) Supertramp? You did her a favor. 87 00:04:00,070 --> 00:04:02,950 Let me tell you, honey, making amends is a lot like sex. 88 00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:04,490 The first time, it's awkward 89 00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:06,120 'cause you don't know what you're doing. 90 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,490 And then you get better at it and it's fun, 91 00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:08,990 and eventually you get so good, 92 00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:10,750 you set up a camera and film yourself. 93 00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:12,960 Hypothetically. 94 00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:17,960 Should we have waited for Bonnie? 95 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,630 She never waits for us. 96 00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:20,840 But you know she's gonna get more mad at me 97 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,510 than the rest of you guys. 98 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:23,970 Don't worry, if she comes after you, I got your back. 99 00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:25,090 Thanks. 100 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:27,050 Incoming. Seriously, Wendy? 101 00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:28,430 You couldn't wait? 102 00:04:28,430 --> 00:04:30,220 We tried to tell her. 103 00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:31,930 What was that? 104 00:04:31,930 --> 00:04:34,190 How you survive seven years in prison. 105 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,650 Give me the cake. 106 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,560 I need it after the morning I just had. 107 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,440 You know, you don't have to come every day. 108 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,280 At my urging, 109 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,070 Adam decided to embark on his amends journey. 110 00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:48,780 Let's just say the first one did not go so well. 111 00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:50,290 She's dead? 112 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,500 Jazz hands. 113 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:55,790 (women sympathizing) Oh, so sad. 114 00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:57,790 Kicked the bucket six months ago. 115 00:04:57,790 --> 00:05:00,250 Dead. That's a tough one out of the gate. 116 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:01,630 Yeah. He still gets credit for trying. 117 00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:03,170 Mm. 118 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,760 I remember my first time tackling my amends list. 119 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,930 Did you have Agnes at the switchboard connect you 120 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:10,180 to Klondike-five, zero-one-nine-eight? 121 00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:13,270 No. 122 00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:15,060 It was in a phone booth, 123 00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:19,150 and I had to do awful things to get the change for the call. 124 00:05:19,150 --> 00:05:21,020 Mm. I had a whole section of my list 125 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:22,820 that was just "things I set on fire." 126 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:26,070 Adam's taking this woman's death very hard. 127 00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:28,320 I caught him crying while he was brushing his teeth. 128 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,280 It's so gross when men feel. 129 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,120 Yeah. It's like women being umpires-- who needs that? 130 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,460 Oh, God. 131 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,420 I'm sorry, were you an umpire? 132 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,670 I bet you looked real cute in those gray slacks. 133 00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:44,260 No, this makes me realize it's time I get to my big amends. 134 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,130 You mean like not having my back with Bonnie? 135 00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,470 Why don't we let that one go, sweetheart? 136 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,510 So, who is it? A fella you done wrong? 137 00:05:51,510 --> 00:05:53,220 (gasps) Oh, I know. 138 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,060 Did you set someone on fire in their jail cell? 139 00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:57,190 What is it with you and fire? 140 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:01,110 Oh, honestly, it's just so beautiful while it destroys. 141 00:06:03,070 --> 00:06:04,650 Someone talk. 142 00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:07,240 It's the steakhouse I robbed. 143 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,910 I've driven by it so many times. 144 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,990 I've just never had the courage to go in. 145 00:06:10,990 --> 00:06:13,200 Yeah, me, too, but for very different reasons. 146 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,540 The only steak that costs $4.99 is called horse. 147 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,330 You know what? 148 00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:20,790 I'm starting to think it was the husband. 149 00:06:20,790 --> 00:06:22,920 He's too nice, and they wouldn't use 150 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,340 an actor like that unless he murdered. 151 00:06:25,340 --> 00:06:27,800 And that guy had a show, remember? 152 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,970 Remember, he lived on a boat and gave free legal advice 153 00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,340 to other people that lived on boats? 154 00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:33,390 What was it called? Boat's Law? 155 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,680 I-I don't really care. Yeah, well, neither did America. 156 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,600 That's why it's not on anymore. 157 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,850 Aren't you gonna open that beer? 158 00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:42,560 No, you can have it. 159 00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:46,940 Unless you want me to end up on a pool floatie 160 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,400 in the Bellagio fountain, no, I cannot. 161 00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:52,200 (chuckles): Sorry. 162 00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:55,540 (chatter on TV) 163 00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:00,080 (scoffs) 164 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,580 What's going on? 165 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,840 You have barely said a word all day, 166 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,960 and now you're not paying attention to NCIS: New Orleans. 167 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,510 And this is a good one. 168 00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:11,260 The crawdads ate the guy's fingerprints off. 169 00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:13,720 I'm f-- I'm fine. 170 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,810 Oh, my God. 171 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,020 Are you still upset about Ashley? 172 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,560 Hello, that was Tuesday. 173 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,600 The official mourning period for a girl you dated 174 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,900 during the Reagan administration is over. 175 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:27,530 You women all want us to be vulnerable until we are. 176 00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:32,450 You're sad because you kissed a girl who's dead. 177 00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:34,410 I mean, if it's any comfort, 178 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,450 I had sex with someone while he was dying. 179 00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:38,370 Actually, wait. 180 00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:39,950 That happened twice. 181 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,920 I think I'd like to be alone. 182 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,210 Seriously? You're pushing me away? 183 00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:47,920 I just need some space. 184 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,590 Are you still in love with Ashley? 185 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,590 Do you have a secret family? 186 00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,090 Oh, God, I got to get out of here. 187 00:07:55,090 --> 00:07:56,550 To go and see them? 188 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:58,100 What is it, little Adam's birthday? 189 00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,350 You're crazy. 190 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:00,980 Why is this affecting you so much? 191 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,520 It just is, okay? 192 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,600 Where are you going? I'm trying to help. 193 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,310 Try less. (groans) 194 00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:10,110 Legal Seagull! That was the name of the show. 195 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,610 Hi, hello, are you the manager? 196 00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,820 Who's asking? 197 00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:18,950 Well, my name is Tammy Diffendorf, 198 00:08:18,950 --> 00:08:20,620 and when this was an Outback, I... 199 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:22,410 Hey, we chose to change the name. 200 00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,460 They didn't leave us. 201 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,830 Okay. Well, nine years ago, 202 00:08:26,830 --> 00:08:29,460 I robbed this restaurant and I went to prison. 203 00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:32,800 And since that time, I've gotten sober and changed my life. 204 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,510 And I just really want to make amends for my crime. 205 00:08:35,510 --> 00:08:37,350 Oh, I remember. 206 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,560 You wore a catsuit and hit us on cops-eat-free night. 207 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,680 That security footage was a staple 208 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,020 at the Christmas party for years. 209 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:46,480 Also a staple at my trial. 210 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,230 You know what the real crime is? 211 00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:51,320 Nine years later, I still work here. 212 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,320 Anyway, um... (clears throat) 213 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,120 I can't take back what I did, 214 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,490 but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart... 215 00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:03,330 (phone rings) Excuse me. (clears throat) 216 00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:06,460 Hey, Bon, I'm kind of in the middle of something here. 217 00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:08,330 Have you seen Adam? 218 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,380 He took off in the RV, and he's not answering his phone. 219 00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:11,500 Oh, my God. 220 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,840 Is this blood? 221 00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:16,340 I'm sorry, Bonnie. 222 00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:18,390 I haven't heard from him, but I'm sure he'll be back. 223 00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,810 Are you? He basically drove off in a house. 224 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,560 There's nothing to stop him from starting a new life. 225 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,770 (gasps) And he just learned how to remove his fingerprints. 226 00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:37,780 DARRYL: Follow my logic here. 227 00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,200 A hamburger is meat between two pieces of bread. 228 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,950 How is that not a sandwich? 229 00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:44,740 Because it's a hamburger. It's its own damn thing, D'rryl. 230 00:09:44,740 --> 00:09:46,410 Please stop using my name like that. 231 00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:49,040 I will when you finally make a point, D'rryl. 232 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,880 All right, smart guy, 233 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,130 what about a patty melt? Not a sandwich. 234 00:09:53,130 --> 00:09:54,710 (groans) Stop embarrassing yourself. 235 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:57,590 It's a melt, it's right there in the name. 236 00:09:57,590 --> 00:09:59,380 I can't even look at you. 237 00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:01,890 Will you two please shut the hell up? 238 00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:04,560 Excuse me? 239 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,430 I've been listening to you jackasses for 20 minutes. 240 00:10:07,430 --> 00:10:08,940 Is a hot dog a sandwich? 241 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,400 Is a taco a sandwich? 242 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,690 Is a jelly doughnut a sandwich? 243 00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:15,320 Who cares? We're all gonna die! 244 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,820 What's your problem, Wheels? 245 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:20,240 Don't you call me that. 246 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,330 Oh, okay. Chair? 247 00:10:25,790 --> 00:10:27,910 (levers click) 248 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,250 Sorry about that. 249 00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,010 My friend's husband seems to be missing. 250 00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:38,170 Oh. You might want to take a look around 251 00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:39,720 and see if he's here. 252 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,260 We get a lot of angry men eating alone. 253 00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:44,140 I'm sure the Bloomin' Onion cheers 'em up. 254 00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:46,140 Hey, we don't offer that product or anything 255 00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:47,640 that infringes on its trademark. 256 00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:51,640 All right, let's wrap up the apology. 257 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,020 I've got a sneeze guard to wipe down. 258 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,270 It's actually an amends. What's the difference? 259 00:10:56,270 --> 00:10:57,900 Well, an apology is just saying "I'm sorry." 260 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,400 An amends is an attempt 261 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,450 to actually change the way you live your life. 262 00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,700 That's part of an apology. No, it's not. 263 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:05,780 It is where I come from. No, no. 264 00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:07,330 An apology is just saying you're sorry. 265 00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:08,790 You're not actually doing anything. 266 00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:10,540 Totally disagree. A sincere desire 267 00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:11,960 to change must be included in any apology, 268 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,210 or it doesn't count. 269 00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:14,710 No, see, the word "amends" comes 270 00:11:14,710 --> 00:11:17,300 from the root word "mend," meaning "to repair." 271 00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:20,300 So an amends is a... an attempt to fix things. 272 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,630 Are you gonna stand there and tell me 273 00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:24,050 an apology doesn't fix things? 274 00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:27,310 This got kind of intense. 275 00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:29,470 Which is strange 'cause I really don't care. 276 00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:31,980 Look, I'm just trying to work my program 277 00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:34,020 so I can be more spiritually evolved! 278 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:35,860 If you really want to make a difference in the world, 279 00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:37,270 how about you and I go out to the parking lot, 280 00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:39,360 you hop in your car and run me over? 281 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:44,820 Hey, Nancy. 282 00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:46,490 Marge! 283 00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:48,330 Did another one of your lambs lose their way? 284 00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:50,660 (laughs) Not officially one of mine, 285 00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:51,910 but he's married to one of mine. 286 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,330 Adam Janikowski. 287 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:57,170 Do you guys still accept the Discover Card? 288 00:11:57,170 --> 00:12:00,550 Yeah. You should be getting the friends and family discount. 289 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,340 Janikowski's ride's here. 290 00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:07,350 Let me guess. You nailed him on a 647? 291 00:12:07,350 --> 00:12:09,890 Boy, you're good. Huh. 292 00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:12,180 Could've had him on a 415, too. 293 00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:13,770 A fight? Mm. 294 00:12:13,770 --> 00:12:15,850 Who would fight a man in a wheelchair? 295 00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:18,690 Someone who got punched in the face by a man in a wheelchair. 296 00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,360 (buzzer sounds) 297 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,910 Thanks for coming. 298 00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:29,580 Sorry I called you instead of Bonnie. 299 00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,700 I just can't deal with her right now. 300 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:33,620 Sometimes she makes me so mad. 301 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,670 And you end up punching somebody who doesn't deserve it. 302 00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:39,250 Been there, just never got caught. 303 00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:45,630 Warning: I am not having a good day. 304 00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:48,090 Terrific, and sitting next to me. 305 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,020 You can't whisper when the person's right next to you. 306 00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:53,350 It doesn't work. 307 00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:54,730 She does it all the time. 308 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,520 What are you doing? 309 00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:00,730 You're like a kid at the zoo poking a stick through the bars. 310 00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,780 First, Adam took off in his stupid house-on-wheels, 311 00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,820 and now he won't answer my calls or my texts. 312 00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,820 Marjorie isn't answering my texts. 313 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,990 This one took my call but was very distracted. 314 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,990 Hey, I was mid-amends with the manager of the place I robbed. 315 00:13:12,990 --> 00:13:14,750 He's an interesting guy. 316 00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,460 Did you know the first steak ever was served in Italy? 317 00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:20,460 I'm guessing the first steak ever was served 318 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:22,090 when a cow got hit by lightning. 319 00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,670 In Italy. 320 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:27,050 I just... I don't understand why he's so upset. 321 00:13:27,050 --> 00:13:28,380 And why is he shutting me out? 322 00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:30,260 I'm in his corner no matter what. 323 00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:32,640 Did you let him know that whatever he's feeling is okay, 324 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:33,970 and you can handle it? 325 00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:35,520 While being patient and understanding 326 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,480 with both looks and your tone? 327 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,360 I don't know. Maybe. 328 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,320 I-I might have been a little insensitive. 329 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,150 I can't be sure unless Marjorie is here making a face at me. 330 00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:51,280 The odds of you being insensitive are pretty good. 331 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,410 That's very insensitive of you to point that out. 332 00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:56,750 Wait. Was that insensitive or just annoying? 333 00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,790 Where the hell is Marjorie?! 334 00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:04,630 This is nice. 335 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:08,050 You got your own fortress of solitude. Yeah. 336 00:14:08,050 --> 00:14:10,840 I felt like I needed to be alone with my thoughts. 337 00:14:12,390 --> 00:14:14,390 Then I thought, 338 00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:16,520 "Now I'm alone with my thoughts." 339 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,560 And then my thoughts said to me, 340 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,520 "Why are you leaving us alone with you?" 341 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,110 And next thing you know, 342 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:25,190 I'm bailing you out instead of your wife. 343 00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:26,990 Yeah. 344 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:28,990 So what's going on? 345 00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,700 Beats the hell out of me. 346 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:32,280 I started making my amends. 347 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,120 Number one on the list is dead. 348 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,990 It knocked me sideways. 349 00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:38,750 And then I got in my first bar fight of our new century. 350 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:41,080 Mm. That still doesn't help me understand 351 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,170 why you didn't call Bonnie. 352 00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:46,500 Because Bonnie couldn't understand why I was upset. 353 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,760 Uh, and neither can you. (chuckles softly) 354 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,010 You know, Bonnie's always talking 355 00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:54,220 about how helpful you are. 356 00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,560 Whe-When does that part kick in? 357 00:14:56,560 --> 00:15:00,730 When you get honest about what's really going on. 358 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:02,770 Oh, that was good. 359 00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:07,530 Well, one thing-- might be it, might not-- 360 00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:09,650 I didn't tell her the whole truth 361 00:15:09,650 --> 00:15:11,110 about what happened with Ashley. 362 00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:16,200 You're gonna play it that way, huh? 363 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,240 Okay. 364 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:19,910 We broke up because I slept with somebody, 365 00:15:19,910 --> 00:15:21,870 and that somebody was her mother. 366 00:15:21,870 --> 00:15:24,380 I'd appreciate if you wouldn't look at me right now. 367 00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:26,880 I'll stare into my coffee. Go on. 368 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,710 I didn't sleep with her once. I slept with her seven times. 369 00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:32,590 You might want to grip your seat for this moment. 370 00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:35,050 There was one day where I slept with them both. 371 00:15:36,050 --> 00:15:38,430 How much of this does Bonnie know? 372 00:15:38,430 --> 00:15:40,930 Not much. There was some heavy editing of the truth. 373 00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,190 (sighs) Oh. 374 00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:46,060 I did this horrible thing that I've lived with for years, 375 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:49,730 and now there's no way for me to ever make amends to Ashley. 376 00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:54,070 Not direct amends, but you can make a living amends. 377 00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:56,240 We don't do this to stay in the guilt and shame. 378 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,240 We do this to move forward. 379 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,950 So, how do I do that? 380 00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:03,210 You can start by living differently 381 00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:06,250 so that it never happens with anyone else. 382 00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,920 Well, I already do that. 383 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,130 Maybe part of living differently is being honest with Bonnie. 384 00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:19,760 Even if it's hard, even if it hurts. 385 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,770 Oh, it's gonna hurt. 386 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,640 At this point, it'll hurt either way. 387 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:29,020 Thanks... for being here. 388 00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:31,570 If I can ever do anything to repay you, like, 389 00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,570 like... 390 00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:36,450 You can loan me this thing next time there's a music festival. 391 00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:39,530 I can't even go anymore 'cause I have to pee too much. 392 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,120 So, to review-- 393 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,170 you cheated on Ashley with her mother, 394 00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:51,050 you cheated on her mother with Ashley, 395 00:16:51,050 --> 00:16:53,970 you chose not to tell me those facts, 396 00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:55,840 you got arrested in a bar fight, 397 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,470 and then called Marjorie instead of your loving wife. 398 00:16:58,470 --> 00:17:02,430 To be fair, those events took place over a 40-year period. 399 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,480 Still stings. 400 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,980 You're right. I'll add you to the list. 401 00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:10,270 No, no, you already have a Bonnie on your list. 402 00:17:10,270 --> 00:17:12,530 This one's gonna need jewelry. 403 00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:15,400 I should have shared with you first. 404 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,900 Why didn't you? 405 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:19,240 'Cause I was ashamed of myself. 406 00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:23,660 Ashley and her mother ended up not speaking, 407 00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:25,410 and that was all on me. 408 00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:27,420 Oh, honey. 409 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:29,330 You sit in those meetings, 410 00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:32,130 and you hear all the ways that people have hurt each other, 411 00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,880 and you start thinking about all the stuff 412 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,340 that you've done that you're not proud of. 413 00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:40,970 I mean, I felt so awful about so many things. 414 00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:42,970 And I... 415 00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:46,270 started to worry, "How... 416 00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:49,940 How can Bonnie ever feel the same way about me again?" 417 00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,780 I like the way you look at me. 418 00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:55,440 I don't want that to change. 419 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,320 Oh... 420 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,360 After all the things you've learned about me over the years, 421 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,450 how can I sit here and judge you? 422 00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:04,910 I mean, I love that you have a past. 423 00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:07,460 Your past is what's made you you. 424 00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:10,460 And-and it's something to talk about if the cable goes out. 425 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:16,210 And... I am sorry if I was a little hard on you 426 00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:17,260 when you were being... 427 00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:19,800 Emotional? Yeah. 428 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:24,890 I'm happy to know you're someone who's capable of remorse. 429 00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,770 I mean, given that half the world decided 430 00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:28,310 shame is no longer a thing anymore, 431 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:29,890 it's kind of refreshing. 432 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,020 Thank you. 433 00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:35,190 And you know what else? 434 00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:38,440 I think I owe you an amends. 435 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,070 Man, this amends thing is just a carousel 436 00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,780 you can't get off, isn't it? Mm-hmm. 437 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,290 Are we seriously eating here? 438 00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:55,090 You all smell that, don't you? 439 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,960 Oh, hi, Lou. Table for four. 440 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,670 Are you messing with me? 441 00:18:58,670 --> 00:19:01,130 My friends and I eat out about 17 times a week, 442 00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,180 so I figured we'd work you into the rotation. 443 00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:05,930 How about you go ahead and dust off one of those tables for us? 444 00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:07,930 Is this still part of the whole apology thing? 445 00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:11,430 Amends. Do not go there. He will not yield. 446 00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:13,350 All right, ladies, follow me. 447 00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:17,770 And I never said this, but skip the surf, stick to the turf. 448 00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,030 Your fish isn't fresh? 449 00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,860 It's not even fish. 450 00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:27,120 Where is she? Where is she? 451 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,200 You look high, I'll look low. 452 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,460 Geez, you think they charge more for eye-level? 453 00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:35,000 Probably. It's like a grocery store. 454 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,750 I feel bad for the bottom row. 455 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,670 Stuck down there like the off-brand soda. 456 00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:43,170 Their loved ones have to pop a squat just to say "I miss you." 457 00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:47,220 Think you could save the op-ed for the drive home? 458 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,140 Yeah. Sorry. 459 00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:50,970 Hey. 460 00:19:50,970 --> 00:19:54,560 Here she is, right next to her mother. 461 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,230 I bet they made up, huh? 462 00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:57,860 I hope so. 463 00:19:57,860 --> 00:20:01,360 I'll just put the flowers in the little vase 464 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:03,320 and let you do your thing. 465 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,990 (quietly): By the way, he grew up to be a really good man. 466 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,670 Hey, Ashley. 467 00:20:16,670 --> 00:20:18,170 It's Adam.