1 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:08,360 This programme contains very strong language 2 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,360 MUSIC THUMPS 3 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:30,800 DOOR OPENS 4 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,200 HUBBUB 5 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,360 DOOR CREAKS CLOSED 6 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,520 CLATTER 7 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,920 MAN COUGHS IN CUBICLE 8 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,400 ZIPPING 9 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,920 MAN GASPS 10 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,760 Mm. 11 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,400 Hello, hello. 12 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,200 Mm. Hmm. 13 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,520 Sorry, I got cornered by Anne Reid. 14 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,120 Oh, Christ. 15 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,680 Have you been here ages? No, no, no. 16 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,040 25 minutes. 17 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,000 There's been three number ones and one number two, so... 18 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,960 ..I haven't exactly been bored. 19 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,240 Well, do you want to keep an eye out while I...? 20 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,280 Of course, yes. Mm. 21 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,200 AWKWARD MURMURING 22 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,400 Busy out there? Yeah. Yeah. 23 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,400 Usual showbiz do. 24 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,160 Everyone looking over your shoulder 25 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,200 to see if there's anyone more famous to talk to. 26 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,760 Yes, yes. 27 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,560 I usually do two circuits, 28 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,160 pretending I'm looking for someone, and then leave. 29 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,720 I have nothing to say to these people. 30 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,360 Well, this'll loosen you up a bit. 31 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,600 Ooh, yes! 32 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,200 Make me a bit more talkative. 33 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,360 Mm. Yeah. 34 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,880 Although I have heard it can have a laxative effect. 35 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,120 No, it just gives you confidence, that's all. 36 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,800 Ooh, lovely. 37 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,240 Have you not had it before? 38 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,520 Oh, God, yeah. 39 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,160 Well, no. I once tried to buy 40 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,760 an E tablet from a dealer at Latitude, 41 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,240 but he came back with a second-hand iPad, so... 42 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,520 Misunderstanding. 43 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,000 Have you seen Reece or Steve yet? 44 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,400 I saw Reece. Oh? 45 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,640 Yeah. Surrounded by people blowing smoke up his arse. 46 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:49,840 Oh, yuck... 47 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,560 Not literally, Tim. No, I know. 48 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,320 Still, you know... 49 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,280 Nine series! 50 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,000 Oh, no, no, no. Yeah... Wowee. 51 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,440 It is good. It's good. 52 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,320 Yes. Fair play to them. 53 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,400 Mm. 54 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,320 But I think it's right for them to end it now, don't you? 55 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:05,360 SIGHS 56 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,080 It has got a bit self-indulgent. 57 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,760 Yeah, fuck 'em. 58 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,280 I think the, um, 59 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,920 "leave them wanting more" phase is behind them, 60 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,560 isn't it? Mm-hm. 61 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,520 Although I did hear there was a... 62 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,240 There was a bit of a...drama 63 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,400 on, um, Katherine Kelly's episode. 64 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,840 Oh, yeah? Yes. 65 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,000 She said that, um... Sorry. 66 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,040 She said that, um, Steve was rushed away. 67 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,640 To hospital. Really? 68 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,160 Steve Pemberton. Yeah, well, obviously. 69 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,920 Yeah. Wow. Well, 70 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,800 that doesn't surprise me. No. 71 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,840 Hardly the picture of health, is he? 72 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:39,920 Steve? 73 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,560 Won't be long before his face pops up 74 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,920 on the Bafta "in memoriam" 75 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,240 to Coldplay or some maudlin shite. 76 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,840 Right, I think we're good to go. Yes. 77 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,160 DOOR THUDS 78 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,880 Hey! Tim, how you doing? Yeah, hello. 79 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,080 Fantastic. Oh! 80 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,240 Hmm? 81 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,080 Um, this one, I think, is out of bounds. 82 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,000 There's been a blo...a blo... a blo...a blockage. 83 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,880 Pre-existing. 84 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,240 These are...blockages. 85 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,600 Yeah. 86 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,360 So I should hold it, then? 87 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,080 Yeah, keep a finger in the dyke. 88 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,520 Wha...? 89 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,240 OK... 90 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,720 Oh. All the best. 91 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:11,920 Enchante. 92 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,480 I shall see you... 93 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,800 DOOR OPENS 94 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:16,840 HUBBUB 95 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,600 Who was that? 96 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,040 Katherine bloody Parkinson. 97 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,440 SIGHS 98 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,760 I'm Katherine Parkinson. 99 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,160 GULPS 100 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,440 Yes, of course you are. 101 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:30,600 The other one, then. 102 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,280 Shall we assume the position? 103 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,400 MUMBLING 104 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,600 Oh, Christ Almighty. 105 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,120 Fucking hell. 106 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,080 Have you got any cash on you? What do I owe you? 107 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,320 No, I need a note. 108 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,120 Oh. 109 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,480 That any use? 110 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,440 Or is that too, um...? It's too wide, isn't it? 111 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:51,960 Shall we just leave it 112 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,240 and get a couple of beers? No! No! No. 113 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,200 It's all right, I've got this Body Shop voucher - that'll do. 114 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,440 Not your first rodeo. 115 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,560 So, have you been busy? Me? 116 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:02,800 Yeah. Yeah. 117 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,440 Lots of projects. Irons in fires. 118 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,760 Any paid work? 119 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,520 No. No. 120 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,760 You must have auditioned for this Divine Comedy thing 121 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,960 Amazon are doing? 122 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,520 I have never heard of it. 123 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:15,720 You are kidding. What? 124 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,160 Every cunt with an Equity card's been up for it. 125 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,120 They want English actors, apparently. 126 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,920 Fucking hell! Are you serious? 127 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,680 Yeah, it's like a... 128 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,920 ..a Dungeons & Dragons type thing, 129 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,040 based on Dante's Inferno. 130 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,640 HE GROANS 131 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:30,840 SIGHS 132 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:31,880 SHE SNIFFS 133 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,360 It sounds dreadful, 134 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,240 but they're paying people shitloads. 135 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,000 Yeah, you should get your agent onto it. 136 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,680 Yeah, thanks for the tip, Amanda. 137 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,080 Katherine. Katherine. I'm sorry. Katherine. 138 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,920 Katherine Parkinson. 139 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,240 Lovely. 140 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,400 Merci. 141 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,440 See you shortly. 142 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,760 HE SNIFFS 143 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,160 O...K. Wow. 144 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,520 Right you are. 145 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,960 Tim, you didn't have any. 146 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,160 I did. 147 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,120 Hmm. I can feel a twinge. 148 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,680 It's still there. 149 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,800 I smelt it. 150 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,080 That could be enough? 151 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,480 KNOCK AT DOOR 152 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,280 Um...hello? 153 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,000 Katherine? It's Anne Reid. Can you let me in? 154 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,720 Fucking hell. Er, yeah. 155 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:20,800 Hi, Anne! 156 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,600 I hear you've scored some good snow 157 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,480 from the dummy man on Deansgate. 158 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,080 Any chance of a quick toot? 159 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,120 Yeah, you're in luck. 160 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,400 We've got a spare line, haven't we, Tim? 161 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,120 Oh, bliss. Heaven. Thank you. 162 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,480 Hello, Anne. 163 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,000 Ooh, lovely... Oh, careful. 164 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,160 Ow! 165 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,800 DOOR OPENS 166 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:44,960 HUBBUB 167 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,000 DOOR CLOSES 168 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:49,400 Steve? 169 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:50,560 DOOR OPENS 170 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,760 HUBBUB 171 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,000 DOOR CLOSES 172 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,720 Ah, here he is! 173 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,880 Hello, my liege! How are we? 174 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,880 Great to see you. Hi, Robin. 175 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,240 It's absolutely heaving out there. What a turnout! 176 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,960 I think I'm the only one I've never heard of! 177 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,000 BOTH CHUCKLE 178 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,120 I don't mind gender-neutral toilets, do you? 179 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,440 It's equality. 180 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,040 And you get to queue up with all the lovely ladies! 181 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,160 Yeah. 182 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,720 So what's next for you both? What have you got lined up? 183 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:18,240 Yes, actually we're doing a comedy drama thing for... 184 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:19,400 GULPS 185 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,440 ..uh, the BBC, 186 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,680 uh, playing detectives. 187 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:22,720 SPLASHING 188 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:23,800 It's, uh, called Plodding On. 189 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,040 Oh! So you're really not doing any more No. 9s, then? 190 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,200 SPLASHING CONTINUES 191 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,520 No. Er, no. 192 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,320 Um, they said we could do specials if we wanted. 193 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,760 Oh! Well, that's good, cos people are always 194 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,240 coming up talking to me about the bus episode. 195 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:38,520 Yeah, I know. 196 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:39,840 Some of the fans were disappointed 197 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,160 we didn't actually do it. Exactly! 198 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,280 BUCKLE JANGLES 199 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,960 So, I've been thinking about it. 200 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,040 What? 201 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,640 The bus episode, Hold On Tight! 202 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,080 This is what I think we do. 203 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,240 ZIPPING 204 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,200 You are the driver 205 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,280 and Steve's the clippie. Right... 206 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:56,880 Now, you're both working at the depot 207 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,200 when this dollybird comes in 208 00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,840 with, like, a three-inch cleavage. 209 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,720 And she says, "Ooh, I don't know what route I'm on today!" 210 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,640 And Steve says, "Oh, I think we can give you a ride!" 211 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,800 You know, "ride" like "sex". 212 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,600 And she says, "Ooh, what number bus are you, then?" 213 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,360 And you say, "69. 214 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,320 "Oh, uh, I-I mean nine!" 215 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,920 Like oral sex. 216 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,960 Yeah? Then Steve says, 217 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,640 "I think you'd better come up here, love, 218 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,480 "and I'll take you up the back passage." 219 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,240 Ha, as in anal sex. 220 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,640 What? 221 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,400 Oh, I hadn't thought of that. 222 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,240 Now, listen, this is where I come on 223 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,040 as Mr Cole, the posh geezer. 224 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,480 Oh! 225 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,680 You've got a full script. 226 00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:37,960 Oh, yeah. 227 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,720 Now, you're showing her round the bus, 228 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,520 and I come on, as I say, as Mr Cole, 229 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,320 and I start reading the list of stops. 230 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,960 OK? Top of page four. 231 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,640 Oh. Four. 232 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:49,760 Yep. 233 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:50,800 CLEARS THROAT 234 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:52,640 Oh, er, " 'Ere, this way, darling. 235 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,480 "Come up to my cab and see my..." 236 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,760 Nelson's Column. 237 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,520 "..my steering wheel." 238 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,160 Er, "When I'm up here driving, 239 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,760 "I sometimes get bored, so I like to have a little..." 240 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,040 Bank. "..bite to eat. 241 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,040 "I, er... In fact, I'm starving now! 242 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,920 "I'd really love to chow down on your..." 243 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,080 Shepherd's Bush. 244 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,600 "..cheese and ham sandwich." 245 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,640 BOTH CHUCKLE 246 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,320 Very funny. Funny. 247 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,960 Now, listen. This is the next bit. 248 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,920 You start looking at her tits and I go, 249 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,280 "St Paul's Cathedral!" 250 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,000 See, it's all clever wordplay like that. 251 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,200 Very much like David Renwick wrote for the Rons, you know? 252 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,080 Right, well, you've obviously thought a lot about it. 253 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,640 Is there a twist or...? 254 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,560 Oh, well, that's where you and Steve come in. 255 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,880 Oh, yes. You put in all the clever bits. 256 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,520 You know, maybe they're all dead 257 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,080 or ghosts or something like that. 258 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,360 That's what you usually do, isn't it? 259 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,440 We've done that three times. 260 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:41,800 54 films. 261 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,560 We've only done it three times. 262 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,280 Well, I just think it'd be great 263 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,560 because I was never in an actual episode, was I? 264 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,360 No, I suppose not. Well, I'll have a read. 265 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,120 Oh, thank you, my liege. All right. 266 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,160 Oh, listen... 267 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,200 CLEARS THROAT 268 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,240 What's this that happened on the latest series? 269 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,600 I heard that Steve was taken off to hospital or something? 270 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,920 Oh, yeah, no, that was serious. 271 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,200 We were doing an episode set in an escape room 272 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,560 and he...he collapsed. 273 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,880 He was having some sort of seizure. 274 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,800 Shit. Is he all right? 275 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,640 Yeah, he's all right, he was back the next morning. 276 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,760 He was fine, but it was... It was really scary. 277 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,560 Oh, oh, well, it must have been. 278 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,840 Well, I'll give it to Steve, 279 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:13,920 and we'll...we'll get back to you. 280 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,040 You're a gentleman, sir. 281 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,480 Now, listen to me, you enjoy this evening. 282 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,680 You deserve it. 283 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,120 CHUCKLES 284 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,960 See ya, Robin! 285 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,720 " 'Ere, sugar-tits, pass me that rag 286 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,160 "so I can wipe my dipstick. There's a good girl." 287 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:31,680 SCOFFS 288 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,480 Oh. No, Amanda, wait! 289 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,840 My family has been wronged, Dante. 290 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,560 Is this nothing? 291 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,680 You call this nothing? DOOR OPENS 292 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,320 HUBBUB Sorry, Steve, 293 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,720 the queue at the bar was horrendous. 294 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,320 Yeah, well, we've worked with a lot of people. 295 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,680 Now, I didn't know whether to get you 296 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,720 a Diddle Diddle Daiquiri 297 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,800 or a Bloody Merrily, Merrily, so I got you both. 298 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,400 Ah, good call. Cheers. Cheers. 299 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:03,840 What did you get? 300 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,360 Riddle Of The Aperol Spritz. 301 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:07,440 Oh, it's nice. 302 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,880 Did you see Reece? Yeah. 303 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,400 Just saw him outside, actually. 304 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,000 He was putting Anne Reid in a taxi. 305 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,040 I hope she's OK. 306 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,600 She was really grinding her teeth. 307 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,280 Right, come on, what's the gossip? 308 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,280 Why are you avoiding him? Have you fallen out? 309 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,440 Nah, not really. 310 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,720 Oh, come on, you can tell me. You know I won't tell anyone. 311 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,600 Oh, yeah, right. I promise. 312 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,160 OK, well, 313 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,280 this is entre nous, yeah? Yeah. 314 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,640 You must have heard about this Divine Comedy thing 315 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,720 that Amazon are doing? Oh, God, yeah. 316 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,000 No, I did a self-tape for it. It was awful. 317 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,040 Really? What part? 318 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,560 Oh, one of the fucking maids, I don't know. 319 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,320 Well, I'd auditioned for the part of Virgil, who's obviously 320 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:41,440 one of the main characters... 321 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,360 Oh, you'd be so good at that! Thank you. 322 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,560 Anyway, weeks went by, and I didn't hear anything. 323 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:46,600 Oh, of course. 324 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,320 We started filming this, series nine. 325 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,600 Uh, then I get a call from my agent, 326 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,960 saying the showrunner's in town, 327 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,160 he wants to meet me tomorrow. 328 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,440 I said, "I can't do it tomorrow, 329 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,520 "I'm doing a scene with Reece." 330 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,360 Here, sh...shall I help you? Yeah, thanks. 331 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,680 Anyway, in the end 332 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,800 I thought, "Fuck it, you only live once," 333 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,440 so I said yes to the meeting. Mm. 334 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,920 I pretended to be ill so I could be taken off set. 335 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,520 What?! What do you mean? CHUCKLES 336 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,560 Well, to begin with, 337 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,280 I just, like, fainted, then I thought... 338 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,760 Yeah, like you hadn't gone 339 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,080 far enough? Exactly, yeah. 340 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,520 So I started fitting as well. 341 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,320 Oh, my God! I wish I'd seen that. 342 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,640 I bet you were brilliant. 343 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:19,880 I mean, I'd done all my bits. 344 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,760 It was only Reece's reverses to do. 345 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,640 In the end, they put my wig on the producer, 346 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:24,680 and he sat in for me. 347 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,880 No! Yeah. 348 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,200 Apparently, there's one scene where, 349 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,000 if you look really closely, you can tell it's not me. 350 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,680 Yeah, so, um, anyway, 351 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,400 I did the meeting... Mm-hm. 352 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,480 ..we got on like a house on fire, and 353 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,840 I just found out a couple of hours ago... 354 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,280 ..I got the job. 355 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,080 Oh, my God! 356 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,160 Oh, my God, that is amazing! 357 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,240 Yeah, thank you. 358 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,520 So, hang on, where's it filming? 359 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:46,600 Oh, well, 360 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,360 it's LA and Canada, so... Oh. 361 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,160 ..yeah, I've literally got to move out there. 362 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,200 Oh, my God. There's seven years' work. 363 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,920 Unbelievable money, Rosie. Really? 364 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,360 Like, unbelievable. Ah... 365 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,320 Relocation package for my family, the works. 366 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,840 Oh, you so deserve it, Steve, you really do. 367 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,520 Thank you. 368 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,080 So, do you know who's playing the maid? 369 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:07,280 No, I don't, but I wanted to ask you, actually... 370 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,400 Yeah? 371 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,880 Have you got Monica Dolan's number? 372 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,200 Cos I think she'd be perfect. 373 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,920 Yeah, she's great. Yeah. 374 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,360 Actually, I just saw her upstairs. 375 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,600 Just passed her ten minutes back. 376 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:17,880 Oh, good, good, good. 377 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,960 Can you get my shoes? 378 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,600 Oh, yeah. 379 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,880 SHE SCREAMS 380 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:23,920 Oh, no, no, that's, er, 381 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,880 that's just a present for Jack Whitehall. 382 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,360 It's not real. 383 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,720 Oh, Jesus! 384 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,840 They're under the table. 385 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,720 Oh, yeah. 386 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,280 The problem is... Yeah? 387 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,080 In the meantime, Reece has come up with this stupid 388 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,200 detective comedy drama thing... 389 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,280 Ooh! ..which is BBC money. 390 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,600 Pathetic. And now I'm not free to do it. 391 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,520 Oh, well, I mean, he'll understand, surely, won't he? 392 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,440 Hmm. I mean, it's not like 393 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,760 you go around using people all the time, is it? 394 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,160 Exactly. 395 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,240 I've been working with him for 25 years. 396 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,480 Got to put myself first for once, haven't I? 397 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:03,800 Jacket. Yeah. 398 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,840 BEEP Hello, pod fans! 399 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,000 It's Nick Mohammed here, 400 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,640 with episode number 279 of Mountain To Mohammed, 401 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,600 where I get to scale the heights 402 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,120 of a famous personality. 403 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,640 Uh, well, not always famous. 404 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,960 We've had a nurse on and stuff like that, 405 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,920 but, um, but the numbers are never very good. 406 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,920 Anyway, we start at the base camp of childhood, 407 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,800 whether, like me, they were very badly bullied, 408 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,640 and work our way up to the summit 409 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,280 to see what's next on the horizon. 410 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,400 Now, I should say that I'm actually recording this... 411 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,200 DOOR OPENS ..in the toilets 412 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,920 at the wrap party for series nine 413 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,200 of Inside No. 9, 414 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,200 where Steve and Reece have invited back 415 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,840 a whole galaxy of stars from previous series... 416 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,600 IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: ..including little old me! 417 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,920 So, Steve, welcome to Mountain To Mohammed. 418 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,000 How's it all going out there? 419 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,200 Er, it's great, yeah, yeah. We've...we've got... 420 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,520 So many old friends have turned up and, you know, 421 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,600 it's just lovely to celebrate the past ten years. 422 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,160 I feel like my whole life is flashing before my eyes. 423 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,200 Now, look, tell me all about your upbringing. I want to know 424 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,200 where you were brought up, where... Where were you born? 425 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,960 Ah, so I was born in Blackburn in Lancashire. 426 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,080 Now, that's interesting. 427 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,640 So I was born in Leeds, 428 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,720 which is obviously the other side of the Pennines, 429 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,240 um, well, before going on up to Durham to read geophysics, 430 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,280 so I'm not actually that familiar with Blackpool. 431 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,520 Er, Blackburn. 432 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,440 Yes, sorry. 433 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:22,480 Um... 434 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,040 I'm so sorry, what was the question again? 435 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,720 I think you asked me where I was born. 436 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,240 Yes, that's right. 437 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,000 And the answer was...? 438 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,400 Remind me. It was... 439 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,280 Blackburn. Blackburn! 440 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,560 Mm. Amazing. 441 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,360 Have you ever considered double-glazing your windows? 442 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,760 Well, that's not... Ah! 443 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:43,960 Have you ever sat at home 444 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,720 listening to the sound of traffic going by? 445 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,200 Let White Seal Windows give you a free quote 446 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,600 and up to a 20% discount, 447 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,720 and give your ears the holiday they deserve. 448 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,600 Ts & Cs, participating stores only. 449 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,040 For more information, visit www.whiteseal.org. 450 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,680 Conditions apply. I'm so sorry, 451 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,880 I've got to do two every minute or something like that 452 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,720 for the sponsors - it's really annoying. 453 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,120 CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY 454 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,200 I'm back with Steve Pemberton. 455 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,680 So, Steve, you started off 456 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,640 at the Edinburgh Fringe, didn't you? 457 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,720 Now, that was in nineteen-ninety...? 458 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,760 Six. 459 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,760 Right, OK, so I was... 460 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,600 Well, I was there last 2018 - 461 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,520 that was with Mr Swallow And The Vanishing Elephant. 462 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,560 But I... 463 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,720 God, that was my 12th show? Was it my 12th? 464 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:21,760 So, there was 465 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,800 Hello, It's Mr Swallow, Mr Swallow - The Musical, 466 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,240 Mr Swallow's Christmas Carol. That was... 467 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,280 Nick, I've got to... Yes. 468 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,560 So, Steve, we have reached the summit. 469 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,320 What's next for you? 470 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,920 Ah, well, this has only just been confirmed, actually, 471 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,240 um, so it's hot off the press, 472 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,560 but, yeah, I'm going to be playing a part - quite a big part - 473 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,800 in a major new series for Amazon, 474 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,600 um, so I'm going to be heading out to Los Angeles, 475 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,880 where I'm going to be there for, yeah, about seven years. 476 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,600 So that sounds like quite a big commitment, then? 477 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,640 Cos I thought, 478 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,400 weren't you and Reece working on a new show for the BBC? 479 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,000 Well, no, I mean, I'm not going to be doing that now but... 480 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,400 TOILET FLUSHES Uh, to be honest, 481 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,560 I was never really sure it was the right project 482 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,440 for us to be, um... 483 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,960 ..to be doing but, yeah, yeah, you know, 484 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,440 never say never and, um... BOTH MOUTH 485 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,480 ..there's always new ways of communicating with, um, 486 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,240 with emails and, uh, and...and Zoom. 487 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,960 So, yeah, hopefully we can carry on, um, 488 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,600 developing the project. TAP RUNS 489 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:13,920 Well, as luck would have it, 490 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,360 I'm actually joined by your partner in crime, 491 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,440 Reece Shearsmith. 492 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,120 Reece, welcome to Mountain To Mohammed. 493 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,080 What do you make of Steve's new job? 494 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,240 Yeah, it's great news. Yeah. 495 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,680 I've not really heard much about it. 496 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,560 I can't wait for him to explain it all to me. 497 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:26,800 Mm. 498 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,000 Well, there's nothing to explain. 499 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,280 You know, you go for an audition, 500 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,640 you don't know if you're going to get it, 501 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,000 and on this occasion, I got it. 502 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,840 So, it's all whims, isn't it? 503 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:34,960 It is all whims. 504 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,400 I mean, when I auditioned for Lasso... 505 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,560 But you don't audition for things 506 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,960 when you've got your own project greenlit 507 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,040 and ready to go, though, do you? 508 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,480 It wasn't greenlit. 509 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,120 We were commissioned to write a script, 510 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,640 which we'd barely even started... 511 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,000 Barely started? We've been working on it for six months! 512 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,560 Guys...guys. 513 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,120 In a perfect world, we'd all have peace of mind 514 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,560 all the time. 515 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,160 At Wills Unlimited, 516 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,800 we can give you that peace of mind 517 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,720 from as little as £42. 518 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,240 Ts & Cs. Subject to status. Over-18s only. 519 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,200 Offer ends 31st March. Conditions apply. 520 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,800 When did you go for this audition anyway? 521 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:06,840 You never told me. 522 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,320 Um... 523 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:10,800 I can't remember. 524 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,360 I can tell you exactly when it was 525 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:13,960 because I saw you there, didn't I? We were laughing 526 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,640 cos you still had make-up on your face from filming. 527 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,040 It was...December 15th. 528 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,800 December 15th? Mm. 529 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,000 The afternoon of December 15th? 530 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,360 So, was this audition before or after you were rushed 531 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,440 to hospital with a suspected brain aneurysm? 532 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:36,120 So! We're here celebrating nine series of Inside No. 9. 533 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,200 It is an incredible achievement, guys. 534 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,560 You must be over the moon. Could you put it into words? 535 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,760 No, I've probably got enough. 536 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,800 I can...I can...I can build it in the edit anyway. 537 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,280 Um, it is so nice to see you both! 538 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,160 LAUGHS AWKWARDLY 539 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,640 I hope you're not going to smash his head in with a Bafta. 540 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,320 DOOR OPENS 541 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,640 HUBBUB 542 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,200 You lying fucking monster. 543 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,640 Are you actually saying that to me 544 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,240 or are you doing an Inside No. 9 quote? 545 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:05,480 Both. 546 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,320 OK, well, look, I-I'm sorry I lied to you. 547 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,760 I just didn't think you'd understand. 548 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,800 No, I don't understand. 549 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,520 Please clarify the situation for me. 550 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,800 OK, look, we both know 551 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,800 we've reached the end of the road with this project. 552 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,560 I just wanted to see what else is out there. 553 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,880 "This project"? What am I, a science experiment? 554 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,240 No, but it is the perfect time 555 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,960 for us to try and do new things independent of each other. 556 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,600 We're not joined at the hip, are we? 557 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,680 No, and I never said we were, 558 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,640 but this is bigger than that. This feels like a statement. 559 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,240 I knew you'd make things difficult. 560 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,800 Why can't you just be pleased for me? Everyone else is. 561 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,480 What? I am pleased for you! 562 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,040 I'm very happy that you're going to go off 563 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,360 and work with exciting new people 564 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,800 and earn lots and lots of money! 565 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,720 You must feel very important. Well done. 566 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,960 But at the end of the day, Steve, 567 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,400 it's just a television programme. 568 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,080 It'll be on and then it won't be on. 569 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,160 Like you've always said, 570 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,640 it'll just be another line on your CV. 571 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:47,880 OK. 572 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,800 OK, well, I don't want to spoil tonight. 573 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,160 Oh, you don't want to spoil tonight? 574 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,040 Well, I'm afraid that ship has already sailed. 575 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,760 If you want to know the truth, Reece, 576 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,600 I feel like you have been holding me back! 577 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,000 DOOR OPENS Oh, you fucking what?! 578 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,200 Oh, hiya! Not now, Amanda! 579 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,840 Fuck's sake, I'm growing a monkey tail here! 580 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,560 I just feel, as an actor, 581 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,560 I've not been free to give certain performances. 582 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,440 Oh, that's rubbish! It's not rubbish! 583 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,200 I get overlooked for so many things 584 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,440 cos we come as a package! 585 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,600 "The boys! Steve and Reece." 586 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,560 I want to be me in something in my own right! 587 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,640 Well, you did Death In Paradise. 588 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,000 I'm not talking about fucking Death In Paradise! 589 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,440 I'm talking about big American things 590 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,360 with a seven-series character arc, 591 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,920 not these little half-hour nothings. 592 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,680 Every fourth one a dud. 593 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,080 Look, I told you I don't begrudge you that. 594 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,360 I don't care about the job. 595 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,640 I care about me and you, if you can imagine that. 596 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,640 I'm not going to see you for seven years. 597 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,040 That's all I'm thinking about. 598 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,920 Who am I going to sit in a stupid little office 599 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,520 and have a laugh with? When I come in 600 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,040 in the morning with two coffees, 601 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,200 and you're lying on the floor 602 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,840 with a pen sticking out of your ear pretending to be dead, 603 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,760 and we cry laughing about it for ten minutes - 604 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,040 I'm going to miss that! 605 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,400 Yeah, well, that joke hasn't been funny for years. 606 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:51,760 Not since Psychoville. 607 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:52,840 Yeah, well, whatever. 608 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,640 I'm just saying I'm going to miss you! 609 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:55,840 You're my best friend. 610 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,680 Are you quoting Merrily, Merrily now? 611 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,200 No! I mean it. 612 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,360 I was so frightened when you collapsed. 613 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,640 Or fucking pretended to collapse. 614 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:10,040 I thought you were going to die and I was going to lose you, 615 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,280 and now I am going to lose you, 616 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,360 and I've barely got any real friends as it is. 617 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,360 Reece, 618 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,240 we've been working together so long now... 619 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,000 ..I don't even know if we are friends any more. 620 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,520 DOOR OPENS 621 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,600 HUBBUB 622 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,280 Oh, there you are! 623 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,520 Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something? 624 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,160 No. CLEARS THROAT 625 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,360 It doesn't matter. 626 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,720 Just to let you know, 627 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,280 we're watching the film now, so if you want to... 628 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,200 Sure. Yeah, thanks. 629 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,560 MUFFLED APPLAUSE 630 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:44,840 DOOR OPENS 631 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,440 SENTIMENTAL MUSIC 632 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,240 I'm just going to grab a drink. Yeah. 633 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,120 No, no, this isn't right. 634 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,960 She's charged me for two Cokes. 635 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,200 Hi, Jase. 636 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,840 Ah! Hey, Steve! 637 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,560 Congratulations. 638 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,160 I mean, about the Divine Comedy. You must be thrilled. 639 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,360 Who told you about that? 640 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,280 Rosie Cavaliero. Oh... 641 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,160 No, no, I am, I am excited. 642 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,840 It's a new start and all that. 643 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,400 You know, the Yanks, they're...they're so driven. 644 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,840 You're going to love it out there. 645 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,840 I mean, you have to pay for your own cars but, um, 646 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,960 I know this scheme where you can claim it back. 647 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,640 Really? 648 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,400 Er, um, hello? 649 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:17,960 Goodbye, everyone. 650 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,640 Hello. 651 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,120 Oh! Yeah! 652 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,960 Plodding On. 653 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,400 Oh, no, no, no. The, um, 654 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,400 the next project's focus is a detective drama 655 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,520 called Plodding On. 656 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,480 Well... 657 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,840 SENTIMENTAL BALLAD 658 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:08,040 SONG CRESCENDOS 659 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,840 PHONE RINGS 660 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,400 Hello? 661 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,840 Sorry, say again? 662 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,200 No, hang on, I can't hear you. One sec. 663 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:41,800 Er, Steve. 664 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,520 Steve, Steve, I'd like to talk to you about... 665 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,160 Yeah, one second, Robin. Just...just give me one second. 666 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,640 ..bus episode. I'll come back to you in a sec. 667 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,080 But... 668 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,240 SONG CONCLUDES DRAMATICALLY 669 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,880 Oh, good riddance. 670 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:05,560 Good riddance. 671 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,080 SNIFFS 672 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,560 CHEERING 673 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,120 WHISTLING 674 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,280 So, it would be like a different case every week, 675 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,520 and we play the detectives. 676 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,320 And there's a script already commissioned. 677 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:20,800 It's... it's pretty much greenlit. 678 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,000 Right. 679 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,040 And why aren't you doing it with Steve? 680 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,520 Oh, well, you know, we're... 681 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,200 ..we're at the end of this project. 682 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,520 We're not joined at the hip, are we? 683 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:29,560 No, no. 684 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,360 I'm just not sure I want to do another detective thing 685 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:34,920 after, you know... 686 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,680 Midsomer Murders? Sherlock. 687 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,480 Oh, oh, yeah, of course, yeah. 688 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:40,840 Well, I just thought it would be, you know, 689 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,880 lovely to work together again, you know. 690 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,720 It could be... Could be really fun. 691 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,520 Yeah. 692 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:48,560 Definitely. 693 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,440 So, what...what do you think? 694 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,040 Tell you what, 695 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,840 why not send it to my agent? 696 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,000 Then it all goes through the proper channels 697 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,800 and then it's a lot easier for me to... 698 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,600 CHUCKLES WRYLY Say no. 699 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,480 Yeah. 700 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,360 OK. 701 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,280 Anyway, I've got to go, I just had the call. 702 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:07,880 Great to talk to you, love. 703 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,320 OK. Enjoy tonight. 704 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,680 Will do. See you, Mark. 705 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,120 Yeah. Bye. 706 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,480 Fucking hell, that was a close call. 707 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:17,760 Mark... 708 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,480 Mark, you've not hung up properly. 709 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:24,800 BEEP 710 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:27,600 SIGHS 711 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:28,640 DOOR OPENS 712 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:29,800 CHATTER 713 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,040 DOOR CLOSES 714 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,880 Reece? Are you in there? 715 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,720 "I've taken some tablets." 716 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:45,120 Stop it! 717 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,720 Are you coming out? 718 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:48,920 No. 719 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:50,680 My mum's ordered me a biryani. 720 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,400 Just come out, please. I've got something to tell you. 721 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,320 There's been a twist. 722 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:00,520 Has it been seeded? 723 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,800 Unfortunately not. 724 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,040 Oh. Fortunately, it doesn't matter, does it? 725 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,440 You've got your big, massive American job 726 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:07,480 to look forward to. 727 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,720 Well, unfortunately I've just had a call from my agent. 728 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,560 Apparently if I still want that job, 729 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,440 I've got to go back in and re-audition. 730 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,360 Some other actor's thrown his hat into the ring, 731 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,320 and the director's really excited. 732 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:19,560 Who? 733 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:20,760 Fucking Tim Key. 734 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,000 Oh. CHUCKLES 735 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,280 Well, he'll probably get it now. 736 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:24,520 I know! 737 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:26,960 What are you going to do? 738 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:29,320 I don't know. 739 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:30,960 I don't want to re-audition. 740 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,160 The script was terrible. 741 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,520 It was like a pig wrote it. 742 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,160 CHUCKLES Course! 743 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,400 What would you do? 744 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,120 Oh, don't ask me. 745 00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,600 I'm just stuck here doing my little nothings, aren't I? 746 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:44,880 CHUCKLES 747 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,200 Plodding On, double D? 748 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,280 Yeah. 749 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:48,760 Oh, I don't know. 750 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,240 I'm not even sure about that any more. 751 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,680 Won't be the same doing it on my own. 752 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,360 # If you're going to cry... # 753 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:03,840 Don't. Sorry. 754 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:08,040 I am sorry. 755 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,080 So, what shall we do, then? 756 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,560 There is a third option. 757 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,000 What? 758 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:23,840 APPLAUSE 759 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,880 '70s SITCOM-STYLE MUSIC 760 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,880 BELL DINGS