1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,960 This programme contains some strong language and scenes which some viewers may find upsetting. 2 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,760 One of the more persistent cliches of the police procedural 3 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:18,560 is that the new partner always winds up dead. 4 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,360 And here I am. 5 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,760 The living embodiment of that trope. 6 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:29,040 Well, I'm not living any more. 7 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,240 And I'm not a cliche, I hope. 8 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,120 But my story... 9 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,640 ..well... HE CHUCKLES 10 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,000 ..it's as old as time itself. 11 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,800 TAPPING ON WINDOW 12 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,160 Can I come in? 13 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,080 Yes, what are you waiting for? Hands are full. 14 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,440 HE SIGHS 15 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,360 Hurry up, it's freezing! 16 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,920 Here you are. 17 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,920 Have you sugared it? I put a sweetener in. 18 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,760 A sweetener? Yes! 19 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,440 Do you want Type 2 diabetes? 20 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,800 No, I want two bloody sugars! 21 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,000 Trust me to get saddled with Varney the vegan. 22 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,440 I'm only thinking about your blood pressure. 23 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:56,080 When I did stakeouts with Dobbo, we'd have Red Bulls, 24 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:59,040 tin of Quality Street, full stack of Pringles. 25 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,720 Each? Yeah! 26 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:05,040 You get two good pisses in one of them tubes. 27 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,680 Handy for when you were doing undercover work. 28 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,640 That sounds very unsanitary. 29 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,440 Never did me any harm. 30 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,480 I dread to think what you put in the Quality Street tin. 31 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,680 HE CHUCKLES 32 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,240 By the way, I'm not a fully paid-up vegan. 33 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,960 I'm more of a flexitarian. 34 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,560 I do eat meat about once a month. 35 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,720 Bloody hell, Ronald McDonald. 36 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:36,240 Hey, did you know, in Uruguay, there's 3.7 cows for every human? 37 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,800 No, I didn't. Well, you do now, so... 38 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,400 ..think on. 39 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,640 Brothers and sisters have I none, 40 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,360 but that man's father is my father's son. 41 00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,880 Who am I talking about? You did this one last night. 42 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,200 Did I? 43 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:02,720 Yeah. 44 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,160 It's your son. 45 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,840 Oh... Correct. 46 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,720 You must miss him. 47 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,520 Who? Dobson. 48 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,760 We had our fair share of arguments. 49 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,160 He could be a right grumpy bugger. 50 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,840 What, grumpier than... 51 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,640 ..most coppers? 52 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,520 He was very different to you, put it that way. 53 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,720 Did you see anyone? Nah. 54 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,480 I saw a fox. 55 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,840 Heard an owl. 56 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:46,920 Some bats. 57 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,000 Felt like Bill Oddie. 58 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,000 Well, no-one's going to be dealing drugs 59 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,840 with us sat here in a patrol car, are they? 60 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,400 I thought they used unmarked cars for stakeouts. 61 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,000 We're a deterrent. 62 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,960 That's what Control said. 63 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,080 There's been some vandalism, apparently. 64 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,000 Probably just Goths. 65 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,680 They come over from Leeds. 66 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,560 You got a copy of the report? I'd quite like to read it. 67 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,480 The one that makes it sells it. 68 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,280 The one that buys it never uses it. 69 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:22,560 The one that uses it never knows that he's using it. What is it? 70 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,600 Say it again. 71 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,320 The one that makes it sells it. 72 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,000 The one that buys it never uses it. 73 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:34,120 The one that uses it never knows that he's using it. What is it? 74 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,240 I don't know. Is it a towel? It's usually a towel. 75 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,880 Nope. Give up? 76 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,440 Yeah. 77 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:46,960 A coffin. 78 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,440 Think about it. 79 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,440 The one that buys it never uses it... Yep. 80 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,120 Yep. It's very clever. 81 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,160 I know hundreds of these, me. 82 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,720 I know you do. 83 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,120 It's 20 years doing this. 84 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,960 You've got to keep your mind occupied. 85 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,480 Keep the dark thoughts at bay. 86 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,240 Ah... Excuse me. 87 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,720 VARNEY SNIFFS 88 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,800 Oh, Jesus! What is that? It stinks! 89 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,840 Chicken tikka masala. Do you want some? 90 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,960 No. Could you put the lid on it or eat it outside the vehicle? 91 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,240 Always better after a few days. The flavours really come out. 92 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,800 Please, Thomo, I'm really sensitive to smells. 93 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,240 All right, fine. 94 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,120 Ugh... 95 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,880 It's just summat to do, innit? 96 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,040 Did they offer you any counselling after... 97 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,200 ..what happened? 98 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,320 They did, yeah, but I never went. 99 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,120 Why not? 100 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,840 I don't know, I... 101 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,360 What? 102 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,520 I... 103 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,240 Go on. 104 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,520 I... 105 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,680 ..spy with my little eye... 106 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,800 ..something beginning with... 107 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,440 ..S-W. 108 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,280 Steering wheel. 109 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,520 Yeah, correct. Your go. 110 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,000 All right, I've got a game for you. Have you ever played, um... 111 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,160 ..FortunatelyUnfortunately? 112 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,320 No. Go on, how do you play? 113 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,560 Well, we tell a story 114 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,400 and one of us begins every sentence with "fortunately", 115 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,200 and the other one counters it with "unfortunately". 116 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,320 So you might say, uh, 117 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,160 "Fortunately, I won the lottery today." 118 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,080 And I'll say, "Unfortunately, I lost the ticket." 119 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,320 Oh, right, go on. 120 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,840 Sounds good. You go first. 121 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,080 Fortunately, I found the ticket in my jeans pocket. 122 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,760 Unfortunately, I'd just washed my jeans, 123 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,360 so the ticket was ruined. 124 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,720 Fortunately, uh, the newsagent I bought the ticket from had a copy. 125 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:51,200 Unfortunately, it was the national lottery of Zimbabwe, 126 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,640 so the ticket was worth £3.50. 127 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,280 Fortunately, they flew me to Africa to collect my winnings. 128 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,360 Unfortunately, the plane crashed. 129 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,200 Fortunately, we were washed up on a desert island 130 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,520 with a beautiful native girl. 131 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,360 Unfortunately, she was a cannibal. 132 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,080 Fortunately, she was a vegan cannibal. 133 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:12,360 Unfortunately, she was a flexitarian vegan cannibal. 134 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,400 She ate meat once a month. 135 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,160 Fortunately, my partner came to rescue me. 136 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,120 Unfortunately, my partner was killed. 137 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:30,440 He had his throat slit right there where you're sitting now. 138 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,520 He had a wife and two kids. 139 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,760 Another one on the way. 140 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,680 And I was in a takeaway waiting for poppadums. 141 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,080 Fortunately, you're a strong person and you... 142 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,080 ..can move on and keep helping others. 143 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,160 Unfortunately, I'm not. 144 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,440 I realise now I should have let you do the fortunatelys. 145 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,560 I heard he was... I don't want to talk about it. 146 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,080 HE YAWNS 147 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,440 Excuse me! 148 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,720 Did you not sleep? 149 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,120 No, course not. 150 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,320 I'm above a butcher's. 151 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,160 Had the bell going all day. 152 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,520 Did you? Yeah, was dead to the world. 153 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,960 You've just got to get into a routine. 154 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,400 Yeah, well, you haven't got teenagers 155 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,120 stomping up and down listening to Stormsby. 156 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:47,040 All right, top five character tropes in police dramas. 157 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,000 The quirky pathologist. 158 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,560 The rookie cop who faints at his first autopsy. 159 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:56,440 The grizzled boss who's really got a heart of gold. 160 00:10:56,440 --> 00:11:00,400 The maverick loner who wants to solve one last case 161 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,280 before he retires. 162 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160 And the new partner who ruffles his feathers, 163 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:09,040 but ultimately earns his respect. Very good! 164 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:11,720 Right... 165 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,160 I'm going for a pee and a look. 166 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,640 BEEPING 167 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,400 BEEPING STOPS 168 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,880 OVER RADIO: Oscar Nine, Oscar Nine from Control. 169 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,320 Over. 170 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,920 Control, this is Oscar Nine. Over. 171 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,000 Oscar Nine, are you still in position? 172 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,040 Over. Control, this is Special Constable Varney. 173 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,720 My partner is currently on a comfort break. Over. 174 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,600 Say again? Over. 175 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,840 Constable Thompson is... 176 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,800 ..going tinkles. Over. 177 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,520 You mean he's having a piss? 178 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,200 Over. 179 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,200 That is correct. Over. 180 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:27,640 Oscar Nine, any movement in the suspect's flat? 181 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,080 Over. 182 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,000 Uh... 183 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,880 Not that I can see. Over. 184 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,280 And no unusual activity on the dockside? Over. 185 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,200 Negative. Uh... It's all quiet. Over. 186 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,480 Well, hold your position in the car park. 187 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,200 We have intel he might be on the move in the next few minutes. 188 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,520 Over. 189 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,080 Will do. Out. 190 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,760 BEEPING 191 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,520 BEEPING STOPS 192 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,120 Jesus! 193 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,680 It's colder than a polar bear's arsehole out there. 194 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,760 Oh... Surprised it didn't come out as ice cubes. 195 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,840 Thomo, what are we actually doing here, exactly? 196 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,040 Well, what do you mean? We're on a stakeout. 197 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:27,440 Is there any particular suspect we're meant to be looking for? 198 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,680 Why do you ask? Because I'm a police constable 199 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,680 and I want to know what I'm doing here. 200 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,800 You're a SPECIAL constable, 201 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,200 which basically means you're the Bez to my Shaun Ryder. 202 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,160 So we're not meant to be at the docks, then? 203 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,800 Course we're not meant to be at the docks. 204 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,160 Why do you mention docks? 205 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,800 You're twisting my melon, man. 206 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,200 Oscar Nine, Oscar Nine from Control. 207 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,920 Suspect on the move. Can you confirm a sighting? Over. 208 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,120 Yes, yes, Control. 209 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,840 This is Oscar Nine, we are in pursuit. Over. 210 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,720 Right, get the docks up on your Google maps. 211 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,560 What's going on? Just do it! 212 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,040 ENGINE STARTS 213 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,960 Control, Control from Oscar Nine. 214 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,520 Request airborne surveillance. 215 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,920 The suspect is in camouflage gear and is really hard to spot. 216 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,880 Over. Oscar Nine from Control, request received. 217 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,400 Call you back. Out. 218 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,400 Why are you lying to them? I'm not lying to 'em. 219 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,760 We're on our way, aren't we? 220 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,280 Turn left. 221 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,800 Thomo, I respect your seniority, 222 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,480 but you've got to tell me what's going on. 223 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,480 There's meant to be a big drop happening tonight 224 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,280 behind the Old Vic warehouses. 225 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:37,880 16 boxes of angel dust smuggled in some indoor barbecues, apparently. 226 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,880 So why have we been staking out a graveyard?! 227 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,560 Oscar Nine, Oscar Nine from Control. 228 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,720 What is your position? Over. 229 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,760 Control from Oscar Nine, suspect is currently head... 230 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,520 ..heading south on... 231 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,080 HE GARBLES 232 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,080 Over. Oscar Nine, you are Romeo One. Say again? 233 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:57,800 What are you doing? Is it left or right? Uh, left... Right! 234 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,240 Dobbo was buried in that graveyard. 235 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,440 It was his grave that was vandalised. 236 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,440 I wanted to be there in case the fucker came back. 237 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,480 Why?! Because I believe whoever did it 238 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,080 was the same one that killed him. 239 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,320 They're mocking me. 240 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,200 I'm going to go over Welling Bridge. 241 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,200 No, no, no, it says to go through the estate. 242 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,200 What do you mean, it says? It's miles quicker! 243 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,080 No, well, it... it says the bridge is up. 244 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,160 It's not! I can see it with me own eyes! Go left. 245 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,240 Ridiculous. 246 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,720 And what if they find out, Thomo? What happens to us? 247 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,920 They're not going to find out, are they? 248 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,560 Cos you're not going to tell 'em. 249 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,320 Are you? 250 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,920 Are you?! 251 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,080 No. 252 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,720 But why didn't you say anything? 253 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,440 Don't you trust me? 254 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,480 Fuckin' hell, I think that's him. 255 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,160 Where's me curry? 256 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,440 I got rid of it! 257 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,960 You what?! It was three days old! Do you want salmonella? 258 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,760 We're going to get suspended, aren't we? Dereliction of duty. 259 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,320 Yeah, it's him. 260 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,520 Right, I'll now approach on foot. No! 261 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,800 Radio through our position to Control. 262 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,520 Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid. 263 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,080 Thomo, no. 264 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,600 Control, Control, this is Oscar Nine. Over. 265 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,480 Oscar Nine, go ahead. Over. 266 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,480 Control, we are on Hedden Road, we have the subject in our sights. 267 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,400 Maintaining distance. Over. 268 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,040 Oscar Nine, received. Backup on the way. Over. 269 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,880 Control, nothing more. Out. 270 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:41,720 OVER RADIO: I'll tell you what, I'm starting my diet on Monday. 271 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,160 I'm knackered. 272 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,280 Where are you? 273 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,880 I'm just behind the containers up the side of dog-shit alley. 274 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,440 Can you see him? 275 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,920 Yeah. 276 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,080 He's having a fag. 277 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,440 Backup's on the way. 278 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,840 You mustn't blame yourself for what happened to DC Dobson. 279 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,400 You could never have stopped it. 280 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,280 It was just one of those things. 281 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,520 I don't need counselling. 282 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,920 At least he was a good cop, though, yeah? 283 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,280 Wasn't on the take, or anything. 284 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,960 Oh, hang on, hang on. Something's happening. 285 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,320 What? 286 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,160 He's making contact. 287 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,920 I need to get a bit closer. 288 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,960 Code 10-3 from now on. 289 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,240 Thomo! 290 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:46,840 GUNSHOT 291 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,840 GUNSHOTS 292 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,080 Control, Control. This is Oscar Nine. 293 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,600 Urgent call. Over. 294 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,720 Oscar Nine, go ahead. Over. 295 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,040 Shots fired. 296 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,280 I say again, shots fired. Where's the backup? Over. 297 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,760 Oscar Nine, backup is two minutes away. 298 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,480 Two minutes away. Over. 299 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,720 Oscar Nine, do not approach suspect. 300 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,480 Please acknowledge. Over. 301 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,960 Oscar Nine, acknowledge. Over. 302 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,360 Oscar Nine from Control. 303 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,600 Instruction - do not approach suspect. 304 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,640 Backup is on its way. Please acknowledge. Over. 305 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,760 GUNSHOTS 306 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,240 HE EXHALES 307 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,200 HE BREATHES DEEPLY 308 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,840 TAPPING ON WINDOW 309 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,640 I got you a chai latte. 310 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,400 Why? 311 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,920 It's important to try new things. 312 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,760 Is it good for my blood pressure? 313 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,280 Not particularly. 314 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:27,840 Cheers. 315 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,120 Oof! 316 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,360 It's like drinking a mince pie. 317 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,360 I thought I'd find you here. 318 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:41,920 All the others are in the pub celebrating a record haul. 319 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,960 You had about six pints lined up. Why me? 320 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,120 It was you who took 'em down. Never seen owt like it. 321 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:51,520 It's a good job you were so quick. Mm. 322 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,040 It's because I don't eat Pringles. 323 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:57,000 Well, I owe you a beer anyway. 324 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,240 Unfortunately, I don't drink alcohol either. 325 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,640 Fortunately, they serve tomato juice. 326 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,480 Unfortunately, special constables are not invited. 327 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,640 Fortunately, you'll soon be offered a promotion. 328 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,280 Unfortunately, I'll turn it down. 329 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,800 I'm a bit too long in the tooth for all that. Well... 330 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,120 ..you saved my life. 331 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,680 Fortunately. 332 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,200 So thank you. 333 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,960 It means I'm going to be sat in here listening to you do riddles again, 334 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,440 unfortunately. Correct. 335 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,600 Actually, I'm giving up on all that. 336 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,920 It was just a distraction technique. 337 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,640 I'm starting counselling tomorrow. 338 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,240 And I've been googling yoga classes. 339 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,080 So you've obviously got under my skin. 340 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,200 Trope number five - tick! 341 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,920 HE CHUCKLES 342 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:58,840 Anything to report? 343 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,320 Nah. 344 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,640 I thought I saw someone hanging round by the car 345 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,640 when I came round the corner. I didn't see anyone. 346 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,920 Must have been a trick of the light. 347 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,520 I hope you don't mind, but, um, 348 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,480 I was reading your case notes. 349 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:22,080 You were the last person to see Dobson alive. Yeah. 350 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,200 I was only gone a few minutes. 351 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,560 Awful. 352 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,120 And you said his grave was vandalised. 353 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:33,280 Mm, yeah. They dug it up, smashed the lid in. 354 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:34,680 It was horrible. 355 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,280 Do you think whoever did it was looking for something? 356 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,440 God knows. None of it makes any sense. 357 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,520 I believe the murder weapon went missing from forensics. 358 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:48,880 Did it? 359 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,920 You know it did. 360 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,240 You've got it down there. 361 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,840 What are you playing at, Thomo? I don't trust 'em. 362 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,960 Let's just say I wanted a second opinion. 363 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,320 I gave it to a mate of mine who ran some tests on it. 364 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,960 He said it was an antique. 365 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,080 A rare Victorian stiletto blade. 366 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,000 And how did that get there, eh? 367 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,000 You can't take the law into your own hands. 368 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,480 It's only been a month. Let them do their job. 369 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,600 Why are you so fucking interested all of a sudden? 370 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:20,880 I want to help you. 371 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,040 Are you wearing a wire? What?! 372 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,200 Who are you? 373 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,600 I don't even know who you are. 374 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,520 If you're wearing a wire, I swear to God... 375 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,760 Get off! What are you doing? 376 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,520 Well, go on, show me, then! There, look! Look! 377 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:40,600 There! 378 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,720 Calm down! 379 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,520 I'm on your side! 380 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,040 Sorry, I just... 381 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,040 I'm not thinking straight. 382 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,000 I've not been sleeping. 383 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,880 I keep seeing his face. 384 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,960 Whose? Dobbo's. 385 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,160 I can't lay it to rest. I... 386 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,520 At least, coming here, I feel like I'm doing something. 387 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,120 I understand. 388 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,640 And for the record, no, I don't think you killed your partner. 389 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,280 I think it was one of those random acts of violence 390 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,800 that we see every day. 391 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,880 Unless you were trying to feed him that three-day-old curry. 392 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,760 You cheeky bastard! 393 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,480 Oh, God, it's cold tonight. 394 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,440 Do you want a...teabag? 395 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,040 Nah, I've got me chai latte. 396 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,160 No, hand-warmers. 397 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,640 They heat up when you shake them. 398 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,040 Oh, right. 399 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,880 You're oxidising the iron by producing an exothermic reaction. 400 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,840 I bet this looks bloody suspicious from outside! 401 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,840 BOTH CHUCKLE 402 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,240 I used to have to look out for things like this on Hampstead Heath 403 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,240 when I was with the Met. 404 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,960 I remember one time we saw this Mini Cooper with its lights on... 405 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,800 THUD ON ROOF 406 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,840 What was that? Don't know. Branch, maybe? 407 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,360 WHISPERS: Wait there. 408 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,040 CLATTERING 409 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,080 THUD 410 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,560 SCRAPING 411 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,240 KNOCK ON WINDOW Can I come in? 412 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,200 You scared the shit out of me! 413 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:33,760 Yes! 414 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,120 Did you see anything? 415 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:40,600 Nothing. 416 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,760 I'm going mad. 417 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,720 I just saw Dobbo again. 418 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,680 He's probably just hungry. 419 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,240 What? 420 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,080 What are these the top five tropes of? 421 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,200 They sleep in the daytime. 422 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,040 They won't cross running water. 423 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,360 They have to be invited in. 424 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,880 They can't bear the smell of garlic. 425 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:09,640 And yes... 426 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,880 ..we cast no reflection. 427 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,720 I know you didn't kill your partner. 428 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,520 That was me. 429 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,560 THOMO GRUNTS 430 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:24,960 Argh! No! 431 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,120 Argh! 432 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,160 Stop! 433 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,280 HE GURGLES 434 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,840 HE WHEEZES 435 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,720 HORN BEEPS 436 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,600 SIREN WHOOPS 437 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,000 BANG ON DOOR 438 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,600 SCRAPING AND SCRATCHING 439 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,880 Come in, my child. 440 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,800 Enjoy your first feed. 441 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,480 An eternity of them await you. 442 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,200 HE WHEEZES AND SNIFFS 443 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,560 HE GROWLS 444 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:36,840 HE SNIFFS 445 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,560 HE SNARLS 446 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:50,880 HE ROARS 447 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:58,000 One of the more persistent cliches of the police procedural 448 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,840 is that the new partner always winds up dead. 449 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:08,080 And here I am. The living embodiment of that trope. 450 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,800 Well...I'm not living any more. 451 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,840 But my story... 452 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:18,680 ..well, it's as old as time itself.