1 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:55,281 This way, please. Thank you for being prompt. 2 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,405 Madam Talbot doesn't enjoy latecomers. 3 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,246 - Thanks. Sorry. - Erm, what is it you do, if I may ask? 4 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,646 I work in a phone shop. 5 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,564 Ah, from one line of communication to another. 6 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,123 Er, may I ask, have you ever made contact before? 7 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:12,766 At the phone shop? 8 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,286 Through mediumship. 9 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,962 Oh, sorry. I'm a bit nervous. 10 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,169 No, my sister recommended Miss... Madam Talbot, 11 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,322 but I've never been to anything like this before. 12 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,925 Let me take your coat. 13 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,206 Would you care for a glass of water? 14 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,964 No, I'm fine, thank you. 15 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:31,965 Please take a seat. 16 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:36,011 May I request if you do have a mobile telephone, you switch it off now. 17 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,323 And I will tell Madam Talbot that you're ready. 18 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,520 Tina, please, may you stand? 19 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,366 Yes, sorry. 20 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,403 May I present Madam Talbot. 21 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,006 You may be seated. 22 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,487 Why have you come here, my child? 23 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,601 My sister saw you after she lost her husband. 24 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,241 I haven't actually lost anyone recently, but... 25 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,288 I understand. 26 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,844 The curious are often drawn here, 27 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,681 for a glimpse of Summerland. 28 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:36,486 What's Summerland? 29 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,651 Good question. It means the Astral plane. 30 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,841 Let us see who may be waiting for you there. 31 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,487 Hives, Mary is sleeping now. 32 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,480 All is ready. 33 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,488 Let us link hands. 34 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,569 Sorry, sweaty palms. 35 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,611 Now let us bow our heads in meditation and prayer. 36 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,121 If there are indeed any Astrals here today... 37 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,641 ...please let yourselves be known to us. 38 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,208 Do not break the circle, Tina. 39 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,645 The circle is our protection. 40 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,246 Oh! 41 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,970 Who calls? 42 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,291 Please indulge us here on this earthly plane. 43 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,160 May we ask your name? 44 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:38,804 Oh, God! I don't like it! 45 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,726 Keep looking, Tina. What is your name? 46 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,608 Is there anyone amongst us here known to you? 47 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,685 Tina! 48 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,806 Oh, shit! 49 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,167 Talk to it, Tina. Ask it who it is. 50 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,650 - I don't want to. - You must! 51 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:56,926 Who are you? 52 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,651 I am in pain, Tina! Help me! 53 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,563 What do you want me to do? 54 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,369 I will come to you... 55 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,805 Oh, don't like it! I don't like it! 56 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,924 - I'm here! - No! 57 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,001 Tina! 58 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,729 Do not break the circle, Tina! 59 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,325 Tina, you have to stop it! 60 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,401 I can't! 61 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,566 You have to! 62 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,565 I don't know how! 63 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,405 There's only one way! 64 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:46,721 H Ow? 65 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,850 By smiling at the camera and saying, "Hi, I'm on Scaredy Cam"! 66 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,080 What? 67 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,486 Oh, my God. It's you. 68 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,608 That's right. Look through there. 69 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,205 Give us a wave 70 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,760 and say "Hi, I'm on Scaredy Cam“.! 71 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,410 I used to be such a massive fan. I can't believe... 72 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:15,606 Just say it! 73 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,206 "Hi, my name's Tina and I'm on Scaredy Cam“.! 74 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,120 All right, we got that, Terry, thanks. 75 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,841 John, did you hear we had a "shit" at 10:02? 76 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,490 Do you think we can get away with that? 77 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:28,961 A "shit" for two "bloody's". 78 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:30,481 Seems fair enough... 79 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,001 Thank you. 80 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,043 Right. Oh... 81 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,766 Terry, while you're there, 82 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,444 can I get you to do the link into part two please? 83 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,249 Yeah, could I get a cold Diet Coke please, Gemma? 84 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:41,321 Sure. 85 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,243 Yeah, I'd like a Diet Coke as well please, Gemma. 86 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,489 So, am I actually going to be on telly? 87 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:46,641 Yeah, you'll be part of a montage. 88 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,290 We do it a few times to get the best reactions. 89 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,840 Brilliant, cos I thought they cancelled it. 90 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,160 They did, but it's back now. 91 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,571 On ITV? 92 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,324 No. I'm ready. 93 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,006 GEMMA". Yeah, we're rolling. 94 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,448 So, join us after the break and we'll be counting down our top 10 terrors... 95 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,803 And we reveal which prank you voted as our funniest-ever fright. 96 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,325 Don't you dare go away! 97 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,682 Could you not move around when I'm recording, please? 98 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,765 Incredibly distracting. 99 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,410 And there was a bear on the records. Can someone shift it before we go again? 100 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,171 I'll need to do checks on Anne before we go again. 101 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,971 And the little... What is his name? 102 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,247 Erm, I'm not sure. 103 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:27,246 My favourite one was with you as the gorilla and there was a child... 104 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,243 Yes, I know. I was there, I did it. 105 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,321 Gemma, could you... 106 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,244 Oh, yes, sorry. Tina, do you want to come through with me? 107 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,765 Just get you to sign some release forms. 108 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,127 Can I get a water please, Gemma? I'm parched. 109 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,201 Sure. 110 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,441 Terry, darling, 111 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,285 could you leave more of a gap before coming in with the, 112 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,761 "Let us bow our heads in meditation and prayer" bit. 113 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,525 I wanted to get on with the heavy breathing trancy stuff 114 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,206 and I just felt it all got a bit trampled over. 115 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,327 Yes, Anne, no problem. 116 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,290 It's only a beat, but I think it's more dramatic, don't you? 117 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:55,727 Absolutely. 118 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,646 It's a hidden-camera show, not the fucking National Theatre. 119 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,041 And could someone bring me a footstool, please? 120 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,282 My ankles are swelling. 121 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,727 Could you try doing it without maybe sweating quite so much? 122 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,404 Well, it's very hot in there. 123 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,608 I don't know why I have to be blue, anyway. 124 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,205 It's just in the script, wasn't it? 125 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,762 Blue Demon Dwarf. How's the nails? 126 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,641 Lost one. Said I would, didn't I? Always happens. 127 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,090 Well, we'll have to find it, cos they're specially made. 128 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,288 So, erm, do you play a lot of demons? 129 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,691 No, why'd you say that? 130 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,085 Well, anyway, a part's a part, isn't it? 131 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,400 Doesn't matter if you're... 132 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,165 Dick Whittington's Cat in Darlington for three months or Hamlet. 133 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:36,966 Have you played Hamlet? 134 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,209 No. Love to. 135 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,805 - Amanda, sweetie? - Yea h? 136 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,406 I need these contacts out before we go again. 137 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,211 I can't have red eyes, I'm on stage tonight. 138 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,521 Yes, sorry, Anne. I'll go and fetch the solution. 139 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:49,886 Keep pressing on that. 140 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,762 So, are you treading the boards at the moment, Anne? 141 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,885 Yes. 142 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:04,646 AnYthiflg good? 143 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,529 Not really. Director's useless. 144 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,926 Mmm, what's wrong? 145 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,084 He's a drunk, darling, shits the bed. 146 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:12,281 Right. 147 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,603 We had a tricky director on Wh/tt/ngton, actually. 148 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:20,008 Yeah, he sort of came from more of a physical theatre background 149 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,520 and so made me do lots of character... 150 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,807 ...work about the cats but I'm allergic so... 151 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,048 Gemma, could you put the warm prop back in its box, please? 152 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,407 It's pissing Anne off and I'll be getting calls from her agent again. 153 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,965 Er, sure, one second. 154 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,646 I don't know why I keep booking dwarves, they're always a pain in the arse. 155 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,927 Er, I don't think he's a dwarf, is he? 156 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,331 Course he is. Look at him. 157 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,890 How did that last one look, anyway? Was it all right? 158 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,291 Yeah, good. It was funny. 159 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,124 - Funny? - Er, and scary. 160 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,290 That girl was a bit dead-eyed, wasn't she? 161 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,124 I've seen road-kill with better reactions. 162 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,203 Sorry, would it be possible to get your autograph? 163 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,842 Yeah, course. No problem. What's your name? 164 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:54,921 Tina. 165 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,129 Erm, Terry, with this top 10 thing, 166 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,884 do you still want the scarecrow one at number one? 167 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,610 Yes, please. There you go. 168 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:03,604 Because I've been looking online and people seem to love the gorilla one. 169 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,889 Yeah, that's my favourite. With the little boy. It was so funny. 170 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,291 No, I don't want that one in the top 10. 171 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,486 When he wet himself. 172 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,449 Yeah, well it was live TV. We couldn't do anything about that. 173 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,966 Well, cos I was thinking, we could track the boy down, get him back... 174 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,166 No! It's a public vote. 175 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,651 Just stick to the one I chose, OK? 176 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,721 I'll get my own Diet Coke then, shall I? 177 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,408 He comes over much nicer on the telly. 178 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:26,726 It's all done in the edit. 179 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,567 Ah, oh, thank you, sweetie. 180 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,331 And could I have a tissue, please? I need to blow my nose. 181 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,683 I don't know why, but wearing contacts always makes me snotty. 182 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,649 I have that when I eat a curry. 183 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,569 Anne, could I get you to step off for a little bit? 184 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,802 The FX team needs to look at your ectoplasm pipe. 185 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,609 Yeah, there's an offer you can't refuse. 186 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,762 No, I just need five minutes without being fiddled with. 187 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,650 I've got a performance of Hedda Gablertonight 188 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,281 and I'm not doing it looking like Christopher Lee. 189 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,767 Did you want a chair to rest your ankles on, Anne? 190 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,683 No, thank you, I'm not an invalid. 191 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,922 Erm, right, can we get you into position, please, erm... 192 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,451 Mr Demon. 193 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,841 Can I have some water first? It's so hot in there. 194 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,924 It's stifling, Gemma. We need air-con units, 195 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,161 I said this last week. 196 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,163 You would not have cattle in this heat. 197 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,241 It is warm. 198 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,166 I'm serious. You would not be allowed to keep cattle in this heat, 199 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:15,526 but actors... It's fine. 200 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,045 Amanda, could you get the artists some water? 201 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,566 - OK, so can we get you... - Terry, can I ask you something? 202 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,610 - Yes. - In the original script I got sent, 203 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:25,604 it said the character was "Spirit of Little Boy". 204 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:26,886 Yes. We changed it. 205 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:28,891 Can I ask why? 206 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,648 Because "Blue Demon Dwarf" is scarier. 207 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:35,645 But will it be in the credits as "Dwarf", because obviously... 208 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,888 - What? - I'm not a dwarf. 209 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,449 - Right. - Did you think I was? 210 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,166 No, course not. 211 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,728 Because I never would have taken the role if I'd known 212 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,768 it was all gonna be scary dwarf acting. 213 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,804 So what kind of acting do you normally do? 214 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,401 A variety, you know. 215 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,529 Like I did a short film a few years ago, where I played this guy in a park 216 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,762 who meets this really gorgeous girl with a dog. 217 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,251 And the dog keeps looking at me... 218 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,368 Yeah, one second and I do want to hear this... Gemma! 219 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,727 Could you just tell me I've got to go and put my moustache back on? 220 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,047 I don't want to get trapped with that, I can't bear it, OK? 221 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,963 Terry, you've got to go and put your moustache on. 222 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,724 Oh, OK. Will do. Sorry. 223 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:13,921 Mummy! 224 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,930 Will someone mop up that water, please? That's how accidents happen. 225 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,646 Erm, I really do need you back in your hutch, I'm afraid. 226 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,802 Hutch? I'm not a gerbil! 227 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,041 Carl, all good? 228 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,406 Who wanted water? 229 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,482 - Me! - Er, me, please! 230 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,763 Oh, yeah, Terry said we needed a mop. 231 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,040 Oh, never mind. 232 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,600 Um, can we get Anne's contacts back in as soon as possible, please? 233 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,127 There's too much fiddling on this. 234 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,770 I was in and out of a coma 235 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,571 for a BBC thing and it could have been a nightmare, 236 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,325 but it wasn't, because the prop guys were fantastic. 237 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,529 Can we check the lights? 238 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,808 Did my water come? 239 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,245 Sorry! 240 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,407 OK, roll cameras and good luck, studio. 241 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,724 This way, please. Thank you for being prompt. 242 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,280 Madam Talbot doesn't enjoy latecomers. 243 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,125 What is it you do, if I may ask? 244 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,646 I'm really sorry, I think I've stood in some dog shit. 245 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:32,926 - Er, oh... - Have a look. 246 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,206 You got a tissue or something? 247 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,442 - Um... - It's everywhere. Fucking hell! 248 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,602 No, please, let me take your shoe. 249 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,206 Sorry about this. 250 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,406 Meant to be lucky, innit? 251 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,766 Or is that just if a bird shits on ya? 252 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,569 Yeah, it's just birds, I think. Yes. 253 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,369 Mate of mine was going out with this bird, yeah, 254 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,204 and she wanted him to lie under a glass coffee table... 255 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,846 I'lljust take this outside, I won't be a moment. 256 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,081 All right. 257 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,490 UINGLING) 258 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,201 What's he doing? 259 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,645 He's pulled it off. 260 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,328 Oh, God, we can't use any of this. 261 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,043 Shit! Oh fuck! 262 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,249 What the fuck's that doing there? 263 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,845 Shitting hell! 264 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,170 Fuck! 265 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,567 There... 266 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,884 This just stuck in my foot. 267 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,201 What is it? 268 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,964 Don't know, it looks like a black nail or something. 269 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,201 Oh, I'm sorry. 270 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,681 Maybe one of Madam Talbot's, I do apologise. 271 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,044 Erm, so have you ever made contact before? 272 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,090 No, mate. Don't really know what I'm doing here to be honest with ya. 273 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,926 My mates put me up to it. Ain't that bothered, truth be told. 274 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,126 Great. 275 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,124 Er, well, if you'd like to take a seat here. 276 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,044 May I request, that if you do have a mobile telephone 277 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,360 you switch it off now. 278 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,167 I will tell Madam Talbot you are ready. 279 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:01,885 All right, fella. 280 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,246 Martin, it's me. I'm at the ghost woman's house. 281 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,724 This better not be a fucking wind-up. 282 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,009 Ring me back. Don't take me for a prick, yeah? 283 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,680 I've got better things to do. 284 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,524 We have to bleep all of this. 285 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:23,921 Cue Terry. 286 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,327 Peter, please, may you stand? 287 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,889 May I present Ma... 288 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,122 Oh, hang on. 289 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,490 All right, that was quick. just left you a message. 290 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:44,926 Yeah. 291 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,001 Madam Talbot... 292 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,730 Fucking hell, here we go. She's here. 293 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,527 Yeah, I'll call you later. Cheers, buddy. 294 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:51,601 Bye. 295 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:54,681 All right. 296 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,810 You may be seated. 297 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,880 Hives, Mary is sleeping now. 298 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,805 Sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. 299 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:13,290 Why have you come here, my child? 300 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,044 My mate Martin said I should. 301 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,600 He said you're like Derren Brown. He likes shit like that. 302 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:29,411 The curious are often drawn here, for a glimpse of Summerland. 303 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,444 I'm not curious. 304 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,490 Good question. It means the Astral plane. 305 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,840 What? 306 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,331 Er, all is ready. 307 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,010 What's wrong with her eyes? 308 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:01,328 Madam Talbot suffers from cataracts, but she's only managed to get one done. 309 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,601 Let us link hands. 310 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:06,724 You're having a laugh, ain't ya? 311 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,682 Now, let us bow our head... Sorry. 312 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,523 - Mummy... - What? 313 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,250 Where's Mummy? 314 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,006 Anne? 315 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,325 Now, let us bow our heads in meditation and prayer. 316 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,841 If there are indeed any Astrals here today, 317 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,163 we humbly ask you to give us a sign. 318 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,121 Anything? 319 00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,246 No? 320 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,370 Shit! Cue the dwarf! 321 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,848 Is there anybody here known to you? 322 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:08,726 Tina! 323 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:09,847 No! 324 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,081 Peter! 325 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,805 Whoa! 326 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,367 Talk to it, Peter. Ask it what it wants. 327 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,201 I'm here! 328 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,964 What do you want? 329 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,280 Peter! 330 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:31,646 Ahhh! 331 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,125 Shit! 332 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,082 What has happened, Hives? 333 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,365 For I am blind and can only sense. 334 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,805 Yeah, all right, drop it, Anne. 335 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,486 What are you doing, you moron? 336 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,367 Peter, it's a prank. It's a prank. 337 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:54,681 What? 338 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,046 You're being filmed for Scaredy Cam. 339 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,321 What's Scaredy Cam? 340 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,448 Oh, fuck off, it's a hidden-camera show. 341 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,443 Gemma, where do you find these people? 342 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,602 And someone tell Pepe and his friend we've stopped. 343 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,041 Oh, Carl... 344 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:08,765 I'm sorry, I didn't... I... 345 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,046 Is he all right? 346 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,167 He's bleeding. 347 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,925 Oh, no, not on the wig, I hope. It's a hire. 348 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,207 Are you OK? Oh, what is his name? 349 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,124 I never did hear it. 350 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,362 I want to say Tom for some reason, 351 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,525 but am I thinking of Tom Thumb? 352 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,364 Well, he'sjust "Blue Demon Dwarf" on the call sheet. 353 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,442 Who cares what his name is, just get him up. 354 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:27,646 Amanda, call an ambulance. 355 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,008 I told you there should have been a unit nurse. I said on day one. 356 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,605 Yeah, only because you wanted free Lemsips. 357 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:36,162 Excuse me, eight shows a week and a telly in the daytime. 358 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,605 You'd be wanting medication. 359 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,729 I'm sorry, I thought he was a monster. 360 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:40,847 He's an actor. 361 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,081 Broadly speaking. 362 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,049 I didn't mean to hurt him, I just panicked. 363 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,928 Yeah, uh, we've got a little person. 364 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,048 He's been involved in an accident. 365 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,645 No, no he's not a child, he's sort of a short... 366 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,768 Oh, for God's sake, you can say "dwarf"! 367 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,168 I'm not a dwarf! 368 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,208 He's come to. Can you hear me? 369 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,124 Well, he is blue at the moment, but he might not be underneath. 370 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,565 Would you take that outside please, Amanda? 371 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,926 Look, nobody bite my head off, 372 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,083 but might I be permitted to take my slap off and go? 373 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,170 I just can't do three hours of Ibsen on an empty stomach 374 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,720 and I did spy a Yo! Sushi on the corner. 375 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:18,801 Oh, shut up will you, Anne! 376 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,401 - I beg your pardon? - I said shut up, I'm trying to think. 377 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:23,766 How dare you! 378 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,443 No-one has ever spoken to me like that before 379 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,284 and I've done Shoestring. 380 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:29,846 Oh, my God! He's stopped breathing. 381 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:30,967 Oh, brilliant! 382 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,441 This show got cancelled last time, 383 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,887 cos a little boy pissed his pants on live TV. 384 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,886 We got 97 complaints and I ended up doing bingo adverts. 385 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,008 I'm not going back there, Gemma. Do you understand me? 386 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,286 He's dead! 387 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:47,841 Oh, God! 388 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,402 Oh, the... We'd better ring the police. 389 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,287 Oh, fucks sake! 390 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,565 "Good night, sweet prince, 391 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,971 "and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest". 392 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,526 I'm not too old for Gertrude, am I? 393 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,529 Ambulance is on its way. 394 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,523 He's dead. He died. 395 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,365 Oh, can I pop back in and grab the teeth, then? They cost a fortune. 396 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,920 I wouldn't touch him if I were you. The police want to talk to us all. 397 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,411 I haven't done anything. 398 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,448 I've just been sitting on my make-up box the whole time. 399 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,167 Yeah. 400 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,287 Just go and wait in the green room. They'll be here soon enough. 401 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,325 Why's it always me? 402 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,844 I will need that wig, though. It needs to go back into storage. 403 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,571 - ACTOR". Peter! - Ahhh! 404 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,369 What a shame. It's fucking funny. 405 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,362 Where's Amanda? I need this contact out, I look like Columbo. 406 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,930 She's in the green room. 407 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,685 Oh, fine. I'll de-rig myself then, shall I? 408 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,242 All hands to the pump. It's like doing a profit-share. 409 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:07,526 Police are on their way. 410 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:08,647 Well, I hope you didn't mention me. 411 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,245 I did. They've never heard of you. 412 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:12,525 What do you think'll happen? 413 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,683 Probably cancel the series, again. Er, stop any repeats. 414 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,240 My contract won't be renewed and I'll be blacklisted from the channel. 415 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,682 No, I meant what do you think will happen to me? 416 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,009 I dunno? Probably end up as a clip on YouTube. 417 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,607 Three million hits that pissing boy got, I didn't see a penny of it. 418 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,405 I'm sorry for spoiling your programme. 419 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,086 Oh, no, it's fine. You were swearing too much, anyway. 420 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,650 And that was before you murdered a dwarf. 421 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:33,801 I didn't murder him. 422 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,963 No, of course you didn't. And if anything it was his fault. 423 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:38,881 Whose fault? 424 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,327 Little What's-His-Face. He missed his cue. 425 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,402 And what were you saying, anyway? "Where's Mummy?" 426 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:44,766 What was all that about? 427 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,684 I don't remember. I must have dried. 428 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,683 Same thing happened to me in A Taste of Honey 429 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,046 at the Royal Exchange. 430 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:53,930 I suddenly went into a recipe for banana bread. 431 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,240 Audience never clocked. 432 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,042 Right. I'm going to get changed before the police get here. 433 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,484 Do you know, I was very nearly Marple. 434 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,404 They said I wasn't sweet enough. 435 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:05,606 Fuckers! 436 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,003 Look, it was an accident. 437 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,691 - You can't predict these things. - Thanks. 438 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,490 Can I get my shoe back? 439 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,961 Oh, sure, er, it's in the corridor. Yeah. 440 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,322 Don't worry. It'll be fine. 441 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,086 Can we run a background check on him? 442 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,889 See if there's any history of mental illness. 443 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,007 What do you mean? 444 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,287 Well, then it's all his fault isn't it? We can pin it all on him. 445 00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,283 Terry, that's the last thing on my mind at the moment. 446 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,930 Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to save the programme. 447 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,001 Don't you want a career? 448 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:37,241 Well, not if it means treating people like shit! 449 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:38,845 Oh, well, you're in the wrong job, then. 450 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,565 Yeah, maybe I am. 451 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,085 Good luck with your bingo adverts. 452 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,889 Yeah, well, Les Dennis is doing them now so... 453 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,366 Mummy! 454 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,409 Oh, thank Christ! 455 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:09,647 Hello. 456 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:12,647 Are you all right? 457 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,609 You had us all worried there for a minute. 458 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:21,450 Sorry, I don't know your name. 459 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,847 Spirit of Little Boy. 460 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,843 Er, no we changed that. Remember? 461 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,045 I'm sad. 462 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,648 Yes. Sorry about that. 463 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,890 Um, well, at least you're all right now. 464 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,729 I didn't like it. 465 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:41,000 No. No, but, er, we're going to do everything in our power 466 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,844 to make sure that guy gets prosecuted. 467 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,651 I didn't like it when you were the gorilla. 468 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,441 1 was scared. 469 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:49,800 Gorilla? 470 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,409 They all laughed at me. 471 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,811 It was easier to jump in the river. 472 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,171 What? 473 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,687 Mummy didn't see. 474 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,280 It was cold in the water. 475 00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:11,283 Tom-Tom didn't like it. 476 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,206 I'm sorry. 477 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,004 Er, I... I didn't know. 478 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:21,804 It was just a stupid bit of telly. 479 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:24,731 I didn't think... 480 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,000 Oh, hang on. 481 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,605 Oh, very funny. 482 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,966 Er, yeah, well done, guys. Very elaborate. 483 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,169 You nearly had me for a minute. Yeah, hello. 484 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:46,846 I've got to hand it to you, fella, 485 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,400 you're a much better actor than I first... 486 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,206 Mummy! Where's Mummy? 487 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:15,486 Terry, the police are he... Oh, he must be in the other room. 488 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,809 Terry, what's happened? 489 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,404 Tm on Scaredy Cam.