1 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,440 - Yes? - Hello! 2 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,125 I'm looking for Mrs Foulsham? 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,370 Yes, that's me, what do you want? 4 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:40,601 Handle Me Gently. 5 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,360 - Sorry? - The removals company, Handle Me Gently. 6 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:44,601 I'm Spike, 7 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:46,481 we spoke on the phone. 8 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,771 - Oh, that's right, yes. - Yes, right so through here is it? 9 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,928 Yes, but we're not quite... 10 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,201 No, no. This way. 11 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,528 You're a bit of a mouthful, aren't you? 12 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,524 The name I mean, of your company. 13 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,762 Oh, yeah, that's my boss' idea. 14 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,046 He wanted to call us Van-Man Style 15 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,403 - but I managed to talk him out of that. - Funny! 16 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,644 Well, these are all the things... 17 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,010 I want to be moved. All of this, and, well, everything really 18 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,242 because that's what happens when you move, isn't it? 19 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,321 That's the idea. 20 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,648 Though some people do leave a little something 21 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,171 for the people that are moving in. 22 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,881 - You got a buyer yet? - Not yet. 23 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,248 Some people leave a bottle of champagne, you know, 24 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,401 lawn-mower. 25 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,048 I know a couple that found a cardboard box on the kitchen table. 26 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,368 Inside the box was a paint pot. 27 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,646 Inside the paint pot 28 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,402 was a human turd. So you know, people are funny, aren't they? 29 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:43,681 What do we have here? 30 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,527 - These the breakables, is it? - Yes that's right, all... 31 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,447 Broken. 32 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,406 Okay. I'm going to have to make a note of this. 33 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:55,961 Of course. 34 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,689 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. 35 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,046 No, it's all right, I'm just... 36 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:04,845 It's all been a bit trying. 37 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,409 It's one of the most stressful things, isn't it, moving house. 38 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,329 People often say that, but according to 39 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,323 the Holmes and Rake Stress Scale, 40 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,446 the top three are Death of a Spouse, Divorce and Imprisonment. 41 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,922 Moving house is only number 32. 42 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,406 Oh, well, that's something. 43 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,289 And erectile dysfunction 44 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,690 isn't even on the list so, I don't know what her problem is. 45 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,330 I mean, I'm just getting it out there, you know, talking about it. 46 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:32,763 - It's no biggie. - Evidently not. 47 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,646 So, you lived here long, have you? 48 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,850 In this house? Yeah, yonks. Yonks and yonks. 49 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,964 How long is a yonk? Often wondered. 50 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,925 Yeah that's a good question, I don't know actually. 51 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,082 Oh, here's my husband. He might know. 52 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,605 Darling, how long is a yonk? 53 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:49,361 NXKTOR". A what'? - A yank. 54 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,050 Sorry, this is Spike from 55 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:53,641 Squeeze Me Tightly. 56 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,131 - Handle Me Gently. - All right. 57 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,724 He was wondering how long a yonk is. 58 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,482 It's short for a donkey's year, isn't it? 59 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,889 Yeah, that would make sense. 60 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,803 Are you all ready to move house, darling? 61 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,484 Well, the cakes are still in the oven so if... 62 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,365 Spike could come back another time. 63 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,081 Yes, we're making cakes for whoever moves in, aren't we? 64 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,401 We decided against pooing in a paint pot. 65 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,089 - What? - I'll show you out. 66 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,282 Mrs Foulsham, I don't think you understand, 67 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,362 we work on allocations only. 68 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,563 If I don't fill your slot today, it might be weeks 69 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,608 -before I can get up again. - Of course. 70 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,525 - Spike has erectile dysfunction. - Really? 71 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,289 I'm sorry is there a problem here? 72 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,881 No! We're just a normal family moving house. 73 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:40,961 What's going on? 74 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,050 It's all right, Dad. Go back to bed. 75 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,891 I can't sleep. My stomach's playing up. 76 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,090 Why are you dressed like a tart? 77 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,361 - And what's Richard Stilgoe doing here? - Come on, 78 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,290 -let's get you back upstairs... - I'm not changing any of those lyrics, 79 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,091 Stilgoe, so you can shove your roller skates up your arse, 80 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,811 -do you hear? - He thinks he's Andrew Lloyd-Webber. 81 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,241 - What's that racket? - Sorry, it's my phone. 82 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,561 - Now, come on, come with me. - Don't touch my penis! 83 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,566 Did you see that people? 84 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,329 He's trying to play me like a cello. 85 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,044 Oh, my God! What's wrong? Are you okay? 86 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,246 I'll get a towel. 87 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,209 Jesus Christ! 88 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,041 I can explain. 89 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,240 Ah, Julian, there you are. Well, you took your time. 90 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,010 Sorry, I couldn't find any cocoa. 91 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,923 She's packed everything away. 92 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,241 Well, I hope she hasn't touched my bloody piano! 93 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,446 I didn't see it. 94 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,091 Why aren't you wearing any clothes? 95 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,604 I was just doing some painting. Here. 96 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,731 Oh, God! It's too hot. 97 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,009 My mouth is not asbestos, you know. 98 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,401 Sorry. 99 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,482 Oh, I had a good bit of news this morning. 100 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,050 Roger has agreed to do Aspects. 101 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,410 - Roger? - Roger Moore. 102 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,967 James Bond in one of my musicals, how about that then? Hmm? 103 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,481 Hope he can sing. 104 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:52,921 That's great news. 105 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,684 Well, tell your face. 106 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,691 What's the matter with you? 107 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,282 Sorry, it's been a long day. 108 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:02,921 Have your cocoa. 109 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,924 You're my son, aren't you? 110 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,523 You're notjulian Lloyd-Webber at all. 111 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,321 That's right. 112 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,963 And I have a daughter, don't I? 113 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:23,841 Yeah. 114 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:25,761 That's good. 115 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,570 Well, you two must look after each other. 116 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,205 I won't be here forever, you know. 117 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:32,641 I know. 118 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,161 Don't worry, Dad. 119 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:35,681 Have your cocoa. 120 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,481 It'll be cooler now. 121 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:42,801 What now! 122 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:46,525 If it's Julie Covington tell her it's too late. 123 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,402 I've already offered the part to Elaine Paige. 124 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,051 Ooh, sorry. 125 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,690 Not interrupting anything, am I? 126 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,569 No, no, I was just upstairs with... 127 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,967 - Andrew Lloyd -Webbe r? - Ah, yes. 128 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,250 Bless him. He's really far-gone now, isn't he? 129 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,091 Yes, yes, he's... He's got no memory. 130 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,685 Other than the one from Cats. 131 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:17,486 Exactly. 132 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,291 Is Natasha in? 133 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,608 I'm a good friend of hers, I just live down the lane. 134 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,921 Ah, no she's not here at the moment. No she's... 135 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,841 -just picking up the removal man. - Oh, I see. 136 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,008 Does he not have his own transport? 137 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,171 - The removal man? - Yes, yes, he just got lost. 138 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,403 I was going to say. Be quite a slow move. 139 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,405 Natasha's been talking a lot about you. The mystery man. 140 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,443 - All good I hope? - Yes. 141 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,411 She seems very much in love. 142 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,890 I hope you'll take good care of her. 143 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:54,961 I will. 144 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,130 Anyway, I don't want to keep you. I only popped round to return this. 145 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,002 You know what she's like about people borrowing things. 146 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,844 - Yes. - She didn't speak to Mrs Grainger 147 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,361 -for months over that quiche plate. - So I believe. 148 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,170 Er... 149 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,281 Wait a... 150 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,451 What's wrong? 151 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,170 It's that bloody cocoa. 152 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,044 - It doesn't agree with me. -just try to keep your voice down. 153 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:34,169 I haven't felt this bad since the press night of Love Never Dies. 154 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,245 Shit. 155 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,570 Looks like that's the removal van. 156 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,405 Listen to me, bitch, you do exactly as I say. 157 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,691 Hello? Anybody in? 158 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:13,841 Sorry I'm late. 159 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,126 Hi. Hugo BravingtomjSQ. I had a message from the lady 160 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,521 of the house saying, she was gonna let you in? 161 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,450 - Ah, that's right, yes. - Well, here are the property deeds, 162 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,525 you can peruse these at your leisure as and when. 163 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:32,641 Headlines are 164 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,286 four bed trad farmhouse, two outbuildings 165 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,802 with planning pending, country kitchen with a five door Aga, 166 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,729 period features, don't know if you're arsed? 167 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,205 - Not really. - No, me neither. 168 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,651 Obviously, in need of a lick a paint, 169 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,324 you can see they've made a start already. 170 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,085 But to be perfectly honest with you it'll be sold before that's dry. 171 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,720 Is your wife able to view today, I'd strongly recommend it? 172 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,680 Ah, she's actually looking at some other properties at the moment. 173 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,366 Which ones, not Pennington Lane? 174 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,888 It is sinking, it'll be a basement in two years 175 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,200 but you didn't hear it from me. 176 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,041 So have we got a deal, are we rocking? 177 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,084 I haven't really looked round it yet. 178 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,690 Absolutely. Be my guest. 179 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,525 Any questions, don't hesitate. I will leave you alone. 180 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,041 Thanks. 181 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,001 Storage. 182 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:37,685 Lovely door action there. 183 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,650 No lock, very free and easy. 184 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,961 Imagine coming down those stairs every morning. 185 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,566 Cup of coffee, dog padding through with the paper. 186 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,884 Wife. Smell of bacon. Cooking it, she doesn't smell of it. 187 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,689 - I'm vegetarian. - Me too, good call. 188 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,125 We will live longer, my friend. 189 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,929 Let them choke on their sausages, eh? 190 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,966 Well, thanks very much. 191 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,490 One second, I've got a call coming through. Hello? 192 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,723 Really? Well, that is very interesting because I've got a gentleman here 193 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,325 at the property at the moment. 194 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,090 Well, yeah, let me relay that to him. 195 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,810 What's happened is someone's put an offer in, 196 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,451 not asking price but close to, and the vendor is considering it. 197 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,806 Now, we have a window of like 198 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,201 five minutes if you want to secure this property... 199 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,249 Mmm, that's weird. I was just talking to someone. 200 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,330 What's happened there then? Hello? 201 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,601 Hi, Mum. 202 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,923 Yeah, I can't talk right now. I'm with a client. 203 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,565 Anything, I'm not fussed. 204 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,003 All right then, biryani. Stop. 205 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:43,926 I don't know, lamb... 206 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,645 Look, I've gotta go. I'll speak to you later. Okay? Bye. 207 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,329 So, yeah, like I say, it's deal or no deal. 208 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:52,721 I'll think about it. 209 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:53,881 Please. 210 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,649 Please. I need this sale. 211 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,681 I just need to get something up on the board, that's all, 212 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,000 get over this dry patch. 213 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,605 How about it? I feel like we've connected. 214 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,967 - I mean, for fuck's sake, a five-door... - Okay. 215 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,451 - What? - Okay, I'll buy it. 216 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,842 - What's the asking price? - Eight sixty. 217 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,888 Fine. I'll go and speak to my mortgage provider. 218 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,411 You have saved a man's life today, you will not regret this. 219 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,611 And, as a thank you gesture, I have permission from the vendor 220 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,648 to throw in all these items of furniture... 221 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,970 - Whoa, that's not... - I think you've just lost this sale. 222 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,530 - Come out of there! - No, leave me alone. 223 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:37,561 Listen up. 224 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,001 - I just want to talk to you. - I don't believe you. 225 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,088 You've killed Mrs Foulsham, 226 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:45,970 do you have any idea how that's going 227 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,247 -to affect the asking price? - Look, Hugo, 228 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,405 there's no lock on this door, 229 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,600 you've just told me that. 230 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,565 Please, let me go home. 231 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,689 My mum's ordered me a biryani. 232 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,081 Well, come out then. 233 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,125 I'm not going to hurt you, 234 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,721 I promise! 235 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:10,847 _ _ 236 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,527 Hello! Sarah! 237 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,569 Water's getting cold. 238 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,041 Not another one. 239 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,127 Sarah? 240 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:01,681 Is that you? 241 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,811 Well, well, well, if it isn't the great Julian Lloyd-Webber, 242 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,723 come to see his older brother. Hmm? 243 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,321 Now look, 244 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,451 I've already given you the theme to the South BankShow 245 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,724 and that's all you're gonna get out of me! 246 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,126 Who the fuck are you? 247 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,680 You know damn well who I am, Julian. 248 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,601 Well, come on now, help me out of this bath. 249 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,087 All right, fine. 250 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,083 And then I'll make you a nice cup of cocoa. 251 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,601 Warm you up. 252 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,403 - Are you in yet, Daddy? - All right, all right, don't rush me. 253 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,487 Just let me know when everything's under the bubbles. 254 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,130 Oh, good grief! 255 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,646 That reminds me, I must get some sun-dried tomatoes. 256 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,724 Now, is there anything else I can do for you? 257 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,882 No, thank you, I'm not an invalid. 258 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,767 Right. Well, I'm going down to finish the packing. 259 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,322 You remember we're moving the furniture today? 260 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,680 What bloody furniture? 261 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,090 Who are you, anyway? 262 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,124 I'm Natasha, Daddy. 263 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,250 - I'm your daughter. - Oh, don't be ridiculous. 264 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,610 You're far too old to be my daughter. 265 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,522 You'd better get out of here before Sarah gets back. 266 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,171 She's auditioning for Hot Gossip today. 267 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:34,725 Daddy, listen. 268 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,124 I know you won't understand 269 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,851 but I have to tell you something. 270 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,725 Charles and I are moving to Portugal. 271 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,765 You remember Portugal? 272 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,202 We had that holiday there when I was a girl. 273 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,846 Yes, yes. Albufeira. 274 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,766 That's right, well... 275 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,364 We need to get away. 276 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,326 Make a fresh start. 277 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,604 We've found a lovely home for you, not far from here, 278 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,163 there's lots of people there with your... 279 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,000 Well, who I'm sure you'll get on with. 280 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,971 I won't share a room with Tim Rice! 281 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,605 No, you get your own room. 282 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,409 The problem is I won't be able to contact you. 283 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,571 That's the deal. 284 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,451 Because Charles and I... 285 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,881 Well, let's just say it'll be better all round 286 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,486 if we disappear. 287 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:33,441 Right. 288 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,326 Have you finished? 289 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,247 - Yes. - Oh, good. Go, get out. 290 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,570 Close every door to me. 291 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,604 Hugo, it's Natasha. 292 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,411 I'm just checking you're on your way over for the viewing. 293 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,121 Like I say I've got someone who's very interested. 294 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,289 I'll let them in if they get here before you. 295 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,047 And I hope you don't think I'm being patronising 296 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,248 but please try not to appear so desperate. 297 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,970 It's very off-putting. 298 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:13,927 You were sweating so much last time you looked like Lee Evans at the O2. 299 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,569 Anyway, I'll see you shortly. 300 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,525 Oh, and just so you know my father's in the upstairs bathroom, 301 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,968 so you might want to warn them about the whole Andrew Lloyd-Webber thing. 302 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,011 Okay. Bye. 303 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,527 Ah good, you've made a start. 304 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:13,881 Spike, isn't it? 305 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,331 - Er... - You're Spike from Handle Me Gently? 306 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,561 We spoke on the phone. 307 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,290 - That's right, we did. - Good. 308 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,762 So I've managed to fill most of these boxes 309 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,286 but there are a few more breakables to go in. 310 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,840 - You can bubble-wrap them, can't you? - Er, yeah. 311 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,561 Very good. 312 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,565 Er, can I take yourjacket? 313 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,562 - Would you like a cup of tea? - Er, no, thank you. 314 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,325 So you live here, yeah? This is your house? 315 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:51,046 Yes, though not for much longer obviously. 316 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,364 It can get quite isolated 317 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,728 but I've been very lucky with my neighbours. 318 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,121 That's good. 319 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,411 So do you enjoy doing removals? 320 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,891 Er, I wouldn't say I enjoy it. But... Thanks. 321 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,127 - Someone's got to do it, haven't they? - Yes. 322 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,045 I'd hate to do it on my own. 323 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,050 I just try to make it as painless as possible. 324 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,003 - For everyone involved. - I meant to ask you, 325 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:21,809 do you do disposals as well? 326 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,326 - Can do. - Because I'm not taking the tumble-dryer 327 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,164 so it'll need driving to the tip. 328 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:28,931 I'll take care of everything. 329 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,731 There won't be any loose ends. 330 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,247 What a professional young man you are. 331 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:34,681 I do try. 332 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,442 Oh, no, have you burned yourself? 333 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,369 Agas are terrible for that. 334 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,482 Here, run it under the tap. 335 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,081 Argh! 336 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,925 - I can get you some anti-septic cream. - No it's all right, I'll use this. 337 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,081 Honestly, it's no bother, 338 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,049 I have to keep my medical box handy 339 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,647 as I've an elderly father who's very accident-prone. 340 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,122 In another life I could have been a nurse. 341 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,523 There's something very satisfying about taking care of people, 342 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,530 -don't you think? - Absolutely. 343 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,530 Hello? Anybody in? 344 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,205 Sorry I'm late. 345 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:18,846 Sod it. 346 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,768 May! What are you doing here? 347 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,731 I thought you had to stay in today? 348 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,451 I know, I'm sorry but I need to talk to someone or I'll go mad. 349 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,485 Of course, come in. 350 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,770 Thanks. I know you're busy with the move 351 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,126 and your dad and everything. 352 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,565 That's all right, come through. 353 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,722 So what's happened? 354 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,408 It's Charles. I think he's having an affair. 355 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,242 - Charles? - Yes. 356 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,281 I bought him some cuff-links for his birthday, 357 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,242 I can't even remember when it is now? 358 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,087 - What? - Charles' birthday. 359 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,401 It's May, isn't it? 360 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:18,681 That's right. 361 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,123 So I wrapped them up 362 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,601 and hid them in one of the drawers of the utility room and 363 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:25,566 that's when I found this. 364 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,810 She knows about our affair. 365 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,325 Well, that doesn't prove anything. 366 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,049 But he's been behaving so strangely, it makes perfect sense. 367 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,449 All those conferences in Dusseldorf, 368 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,204 he never once brought me back a bratwurst. 369 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,846 Look darling, you can't be worrying about sausages. 370 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,051 I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation. 371 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,162 And this isn't even Charles's handwriting. 372 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:54,721 How do you know? 373 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:56,601 I can tell, 374 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,684 just from the birthday and Christmas cards 375 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,046 he's written me over the years. 376 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,121 I didn't think of that. 377 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,962 And if you're that worried about it, 378 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,765 ask him about it tonight when he gets home from work. 379 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:09,846 You mustn't bottle it up. 380 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,445 That's the worst thing you can do. 381 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,161 Thanks, Natasha. 382 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,164 You're such a dear friend. 383 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,290 I don't know what I'd do without you. 384 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,001 Now come on, you should get back home. 385 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,890 I'd hate for you to miss that package. 386 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,449 You're right. It's probably my overactive imagination. 387 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,524 Sarah! These pyjamas are leaking again! 388 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,449 I think we should send them back. 389 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:35,761 Look, I've got to go. 390 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,207 - I'll need to put him in the bath. - Of course, you go. 391 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:39,931 I'll let myself out. 392 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,081 Thanks. 393 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:43,961 Goodbye, May. 394 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,650 of course, you go- I'll let myself out. 395 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:19,481 Hello? 396 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:21,961 Charles? 397 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,603 CHARLES". Why are you calling from the landline? I told you not to use it. 398 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,520 Is everything all right? 399 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,366 It's May, isn't it? 400 00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:34,329 CHARLES". What about May? She's not been round has she? 401 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,528 I told her she had to stay in for a delivery. 402 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,445 NATASHA". She knows about our affair. 403 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:41,771 CHARLES". Why, what did she say? 404 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,089 Natasha, are you still there, darling? 405 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:46,840 Tell me what she said? 406 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:48,807 Natasha? 407 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,969 Look darling, you can't be worrying about sausages. 408 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,009 CHARLES". What? What are you talking about? 409 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,560 Listen, I know this is stressful 410 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,881 but we just have to hold our nerve. 411 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,526 In about half an hour she'll be out of our lives for good. 412 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,526 The man I'm using is very professional, 413 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,170 he comes highly recommended. 414 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,402 You just make sure you're with your estate agent 415 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,686 so you've got an alibi. 416 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,808 When the police come round and say there's been a murder 417 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,609 you can prove exactly where you were. 418 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,488 Look, I'm going to go, I'm in a meeting. 419 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,931 I love you. I'll see you in Portugal. 420 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:23,521 Natasha? 421 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,241 Goodbye, May. 422 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:27,321 What?