1 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,326 - Could you close the window, please? - Huh? 2 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,729 - Oh, it's here, look. - Where? 3 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,325 Here. Number 9. 4 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,128 Oh, God, there's people in here already. 5 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,201 So? 6 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,169 - They're asleep. - It's a sleeper train. 7 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,208 What do you expect them to be doing? Playing Ping-Pong? 8 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:45,805 Keep your voice down. Sorry. 9 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,646 - Er, I'lljust put these away. - Well, what about these? 10 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,245 Don't want them all creased up for the wedding. 11 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,244 Well, hang them up. Find the ticket, see which ones are ours. 12 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,321 - All right. - Yeah. 13 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,641 just get on with it, would you? I'm trying to sleep. 14 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:26,721 Yeah, sorry. 15 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:42,284 Here, they've got sinks for brushing your teeth, but the water's brown. 16 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,681 I don't trust it. Which ones are ours? 17 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,081 - I can't see. - I'll put the big light on. 18 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,446 _Les! “Oh! 19 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,485 I think it's these top two, but there's someone in that one. 20 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:52,641 Oh, you're joking. 21 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,484 Well, it's all right, we'lljust take these two. 22 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,325 - No, I wanna go on the top. - Les, you're not six! 23 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,044 It's the only thing I was looking forward to. 24 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,487 What, more than your daughter's wedding? 25 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,808 - Let's just wake him up. - No! 26 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,803 I've already disturbed this gentleman. 27 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,929 We'll both go in this one if you're that fussed. Be an adventure. 28 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,128 It's not the Crystal Maze, you know. 29 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,607 Why did she wanna get married in France for anyway? 30 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,330 Could have had the back room at the Cheese for free. 31 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:19,007 Because she wanted to wake up in the French mountains, Les, 32 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,765 not in a pub garden in Bury. 33 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,365 They'd have put on a good spread. 34 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,124 And they'd have an artist on at the night do. 35 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,326 They'll do a good spread here. 36 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,641 You're in France. Cuisine capital of the world. 37 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,404 Yeah, well, I'm not eating frogs' legs. 38 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,484 Oh, shut up about that. You have crabs' dicks. 39 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,564 - What? - You eat crabs' dicks in the pub. 40 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,644 That's crab sticks, you idiot. What's a crab's dick? 41 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,002 Well, I don't know. I thought they were big. 42 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,320 Would you be quiet, please? 43 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,404 Sorry, love, we're just sorting ourselves out. 44 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,844 Yeah. No. 45 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,169 Oh, me too, babe. I absolutely stink. 46 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,484 Haven't had a shower since Prague. 47 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,325 Oh, fuck knows. Hold on. 48 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:06,123 Awesome. Excuse me, does anyone know what country we're in? 49 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,804 Oh, you're in France, love. 50 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,645 Oh, my God, we're in France. 51 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,408 - What happened to Austria? - Yeah, right. 52 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,488 Hold on, hold on. I'm gonna go out in the corridor. 53 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,368 Yeah, I'm in the, er, couchette. 54 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,282 No, it's like a room. Yeah. 55 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:32,002 Basically a hostel on wheels, it's so fucked. No... 56 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:37,445 Can you close the door, please? Excuse me! Excuse me! 57 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,405 Ridiculous! 58 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:53,446 Come on, let's get undressed. 59 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,204 Ah, yeah. 60 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,686 Ow! 61 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:02,561 Oh! 62 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,844 Ow! 63 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,769 You... What you doing? You're gonna rip it. I can't... 64 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,609 - Shh! - Well, I'm just trying to help! 65 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:19,961 Shh. 66 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,849 What are you doing? Get your head out. 67 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,929 Sorry, but we're gonna have to wake him up. 68 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,321 - No! - There's no room! 69 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,331 Hey, excuse me. 70 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,720 - Er, you're in our bed. - Huh? 71 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,849 Er, you are in my wife's bed. 72 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,644 - Ja. -ja. Is that OK? 73 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:04,406 Oh, no, no, no, no, not with you. You have to go down. 74 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,409 Don't give him any ideas. No, er, here... 75 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,525 Er... Er, 9D. 76 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:16,721 9D. 77 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,088 We've started World War III here. 78 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,723 Hey, watch those suits, pal. 79 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,968 - The suits! Ignorant. - Les! 80 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,846 Well, look at him. Barbapapa. 81 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,045 Thank you, sir. We don't mean to cause a fuss, 82 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,327 but it's better to get it sorted, isn't it? 83 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,926 Look, I have a very important interview tomorrow morning. 84 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,650 We have 8 hours and 42 minutes 85 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,643 before we arrive in Bourg Saint Maurice. 86 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,690 I should like to spend the majority of that time sleeping! 87 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:59,328 Yeah, so would we. Sorry. Go on, Les, shift yourself. 88 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,202 Oh, why do I have to go in, it's all sweaty and horrible. 89 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,487 The gentleman'sjust told you he's trying to get some sleep. 90 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:08,291 Oh, but I'm gonna hang these suits up first, aren't I? 91 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,530 Hey, hey, hey. These are for our daughter's wedding. 92 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,806 Oh, please! 93 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,444 - I'll be quiet now. - Ahhh! 94 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,290 Oh, it stinks! 95 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,889 - Night-night. - Night-night. 96 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,404 - Les! - I know, it's my travel alarm. 97 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,451 Turn it off. 98 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,410 It only lasts 30 seconds, be over soon. 99 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,441 Not long now. 100 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,480 Les! 101 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:39,561 Told ya. 102 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,361 just down here. 103 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,771 Excellent. 104 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,448 This is actually much nicer than first class. 105 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:05,681 Seriously? 106 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:09,082 Yeah, it's a lot more real, if you know what I mean? 107 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,209 Here. 108 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,488 It actually reminds me of a hostel I stayed in out in Phuket. 109 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:22,087 - The toilets were disgusting. - I love all that shit. 110 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,561 - Have you done India? - Oh, yeah, it was awesome. 111 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,041 - I got hepatitis. - Really? A or B? 112 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:28,605 - Only A. - Hmm. 113 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,726 Still, my friend Callum got typhoid in Mumbai. 114 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,928 His parents had to pay for an air ambulance to get him out. 115 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,365 It was like The Killing Fields. 116 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:40,201 - Shit. Was he OK? - Yeah, he lost, like, three stone. 117 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,284 He was really pleased. He was a bit of a blob. 118 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,121 So, erm, what are your impressions of Europe so far? 119 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,325 Oh, I just love all the history and buildings and stuff. 120 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,889 - Mmm, what have you seen? - Erm, what's the one in Belgium 121 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,769 of the little boy with his dick out? 122 00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,849 Erm, Le Mannekin-Pis. 123 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:03,647 Er, designed by Hieronymus Duquesnoy in 1688, I think. 124 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,242 Yeah, I climbed over the railings and got a picture of it pissing in my mouth. 125 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,847 Wow, you're so vile. I love you. 126 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,203 Well, if someone lends me their toilet paper, I'm anybody's. 127 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,285 There's plenty more where that came from. 128 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,807 Oh, fuck, I keep forgetting there's other people in here. 129 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,362 - Shall we go to your carriage? - Er, no, actually it's better here. 130 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,169 Yeah. It's a right giggle. 131 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,643 It is now you're here. 132 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,404 Mmm, barbeque sauce. 133 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,730 So, erm, how have you found the men from country to country? 134 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,327 Not that I'm implying you're a slag or maybe you are. I don't know? 135 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,808 No, I am. You could say I've covered a lot of ground. 136 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:49,202 - Ah, OK. Who comes out on top? - Well, that depends, 137 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,881 whether we're in the marshy wetlands or the arid desert. 138 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,846 Can't actually think of a desert in Europe, other than Tabernas in Spain. 139 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,246 No, I meant up the shitter. 140 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,571 Right, good. 141 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,051 Are you much of an explorer? 142 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,089 Er, well, I, er... I can be quite adventurous. 143 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,970 Potholing in Derbyshire was properly intense. 144 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,646 So, you're used to going in pretty deep, then? 145 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,689 Ah, it depends how cavernous we're talking. 146 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,569 Ooh. 147 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,289 Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. 148 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,725 Ooh. 149 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,161 - Oh, my God! - What's going on? 150 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,810 He's dead. 151 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,121 Someone put big light on. 152 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,563 What's going on? Who are you? 153 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,928 I... I was just having a nightcap with, erm, sorry, I forgot your name. 154 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,411 - Shona. - Shona. 155 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,130 When, er, this chap fell out of the sky. 156 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,089 Get out of my way. I'm a doctor. 157 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,889 I thought he was very quiet. 158 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,440 Is he all right, bud? 159 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,845 - He's dead. - Oh. 160 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:52,921 Shittington. 161 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,843 He appears to have some sort of lesion or blister on his face. 162 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,367 - Could be erysipelas... - Oh, God, sorry. No, that's, erm, mine. 163 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,490 I'lljust, er, take that for later. 164 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,687 Fingers crossed, eh? 165 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,011 - What do we do? - I'll go and find a guard. 166 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,960 Everyone, stay here. Don't let anyone in or out. 167 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,286 - What's he say? - I don't know, something about Shrek. 168 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,691 I thought he looked a bit green. 169 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,401 Oh, it was awful. He was staring at me with these horrible glazed eyes. 170 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,441 Sorry, it's just my sex face. 171 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,681 Do you want to come up here, love, out of the way of it? 172 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,171 Yeah, thanks. 173 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:37,282 Right, well, I better be heading back to first class, so... 174 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,567 Oi, oi, hang on, pal. Hang on. 175 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,722 That fella said we've got to wait here till the guard comes. 176 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,201 Oh, I just didn't want to get... Shirley? 177 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,007 - Shona. - Shona. Shona into, er, any trouble. 178 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,884 Late night romps, etcetera. 179 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,327 Is that what you were doing? In a room full of people? 180 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,482 I'm sure you would have just slept through it. 181 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,530 You know about that, Kath. 182 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,051 Hey, what's he doing? Hey, hey. What's the idea, pal? 183 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,885 Here, get your fingers out of him. 184 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,766 Oh, he had grandkids, look. 185 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,128 His poor family. They don't even know yet. 186 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,446 Hey, it's like we're the kids in Stand By Me- Bags I River Phoenix. 187 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:27,841 Good film. 188 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,202 Couldn't find anybody. All the, er, carriages are closed. 189 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,442 Oh, they're never around when you need them, are they? 190 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,410 There has to be someone, it's not Runaway Train. 191 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,690 What are you saying? Speak English. 192 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,286 Well, he's proposing we use the emergency stop. 193 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,011 Well, can I do that? I've always wanted to smash one of them. 194 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,128 - Oh, don't cut your hands. - No, I won't. 195 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,449 Cos I'm gonna use one of your shoes. 196 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,569 Eh, I got them from Next. 197 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,404 I haven't got a ticket! 198 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,080 - What? - Can't stop the train, 199 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,845 I don't have a ticket. I'm sort of a stowaway. 200 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,522 You told me you were in first class. 201 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,524 Sorry, I lied. I'm completely broke. 202 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,411 You bastard! So what, you just hang around the toilets 203 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,211 waiting for an Australian slapper to offer you a bed, is that it? 204 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,486 Yeah, pretty much. 205 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,682 Well, listen, I'm sorry, pal, I'm smashing it. 206 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,524 - Oh. - We've got a dead body here. 207 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,047 Well, I have to declare an interest. Erm, tomorrow morning 208 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,090 I have an interview at the World Health Organization in Geneva. 209 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,965 - What do you want, a round of applause? - Well, if we stop the train, 210 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,486 there will be a major delay and I will miss my appointment, 211 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,325 an appointment that has taken me 18 months to arrange. 212 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,607 - What are you saying here? - Well, this man has been dead 213 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,127 for at least four hours, another three or four will not make any difference. 214 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,208 What, you want to just leave him there? 215 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,325 Well, I propose we put him back to bed, erm, continue the journey without delay 216 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,085 and have the guards find the poor gentleman first thing tomorrow morning. 217 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,884 Oh, that doesn't sound right. 218 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,928 Don't they have to examine the body like a Quincy? 219 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,810 Oh, exactly, yeah. They have to find out the cause of death. 220 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,611 Apparently, when you hang yourself, you get an erection. 221 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,445 Sorry, irrelevant. 222 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,406 Well, there's nothing we can do for him. It's probably a heart attack. 223 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:19,891 It really would mean the world to me 224 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,884 if we could just finish this journey without interruption. 225 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:27,170 Sorry, am I going mad here? Are you suggesting we all just bunk up 226 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,971 with a rotting corpse so you can make your interview in the morning? 227 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,327 Yeah, it's ridiculous. Smash the glass, Les. 228 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,811 Right, er... 229 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,926 We have got our Leanne's wedding tomorrow. 230 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,082 I mean, what if he's right and we end up late? 231 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,806 Well, the day-do's not until 12:00, we'll easily make that. 232 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,328 Will we, though? What if they don't let anyone off? 233 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,246 He rolled out of bed dead, it's not Murder on the Orient Express. 234 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,560 Oh, another good film. 235 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,610 I'm fairly confident that if we do alert the authorities, 236 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,001 we both will miss our respective engagements. 237 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,971 Exactly! Look, they'll find him in a couple of hours anyway. 238 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,366 We'll be gone and that's that. 239 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:06,525 I have to say I agree. 240 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,882 Good. Er, well, I'lljust explain the situation to our German friend 241 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,644 so we're all on the same page. 242 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,364 Oh, come on, Kath. We've come all this way. 243 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,965 We don't wanna let our Leanne down. 244 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:23,771 Will you give us a minute, please, love? 245 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:26,846 Sure. 246 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,645 - Do you want a hand? - Are you still here? 247 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,326 Why don't you go back to first class? 248 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,688 Well, I thought now there's a spare bunk going 249 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,967 I might as well get my head down for a couple of hours. 250 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,451 - What? - Oh. 251 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,169 Unless you want to pick up from where we left off? 252 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,086 That's been on a dead man's face. Have some respect. 253 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,524 Sorry. Too soon. 254 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,124 I can't believe what I'm hearing, Les. 255 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,043 I don't know who you are? Who are ya? 256 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,248 Oh, look, I'm just a man 257 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,244 who wants to walk his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. 258 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,971 Yeah, having slept with a dead body the night before. 259 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,760 Been doing that for the last 25 years. 260 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,281 It was a joke. 261 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,005 Oh, come on, Kath, if that Aussie bird hadn't had screamed, 262 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,003 you'd have slept through it and been none the wiser. 263 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,963 We don't even know who the man is. It's no difference to us. 264 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,804 Imagine if that was you? 265 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,487 Slung in a corner and ignored because it's more convenient for everybody else. 266 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,164 Shame on you, Les Cook! 267 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,448 Yeah, do you not think you're overreacting? 268 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,007 No, I think I've just woken up. 269 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,966 Is he all right? 270 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,042 Yes, just a little bit compacted, that's all. 271 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,770 Too much beer and bratwurst probably. 272 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,690 That should get him moving again. 273 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,731 Now, I really do think we ought to put the cadaver back where we found it. 274 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,565 Cadaver? He was a human being, you know. 275 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,001 Sorry? 276 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,890 He had a family, he's not a piece of meat. 277 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:56,810 Ah, yes, of course. Erm, would anyone like to say a few words? 278 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,490 Yeah, I would. 279 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,761 This man was a husband, 280 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,127 a father and a grandfather. 281 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,762 He always had a smile for everyone. 282 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,569 And he had a wicked sense of humour. 283 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,762 Well, I mean, we don't actually know that. 284 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,881 - I'm going by the picture. - Right. 285 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:24,082 He loved sitting in his green chair, his family all around him. 286 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,690 Yeah, he loved to drink, who doesn't? 287 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,444 But the main thing is... 288 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,731 He was a man. 289 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,531 That's it. 290 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:37,961 Great. 291 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,287 Ah, good. Well, er, shall we, erm... 292 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:46,691 That's it. 293 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:56,884 Oh! Not my first time handling a stiff. Boarding school. 294 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,161 Oh. 295 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,047 There and that leaves 3 hours and 52 minutes. 296 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:06,246 Good. Er, could you, um, get the light, please, Mrs, erm... 297 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,446 Cook. 298 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,442 Thank you. Well, good night. 299 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,005 - Shirley, did we decide to... - Fuck off! 300 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,491 OK, right. 301 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,164 Hope you don't mind a bit of spooning, pal? 302 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,767 Night, Kath. Kath? 303 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,730 You all right? 304 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:44,126 It's been a very moving service, even the wedding cake was in "tiers". 305 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,241 Er, yes, er, Leanne has known Phil for 14 years now, 306 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,005 which is funny because I don't remember her breaking two mirrors. 307 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,203 - Shh! - Oh, soz, mate, soz. 308 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,089 I'm, er, practising me speech. 309 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,447 Oh, getting a bit nervous. 310 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,443 Oh, I'm sure you'll do just fine. 311 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,490 Big day for both of us, eh? What's your interview for? 312 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,091 Pharmaceutical development. 313 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,846 Oh, right. 314 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,526 WHO are offering a sizeable grant 315 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,968 for research into the degenerative effects of angina. 316 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,728 If my bid is chosen, it could be life-changing. 317 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,129 Yeah, that's exactly like me and my decorating. 318 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:27,003 When I give a quote for, well, back bedrooms, say, I've gotta think, 319 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,050 you know, "What's the other fella coming in at and how can I undercut him 320 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,805 "without looking like a twat?" Do you know what I mean? 321 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,729 Yes, it's similar. 322 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,204 Yeah, well, good luck, pal, I hope you get it. 323 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:41,526 I'm optimistic. 324 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,447 My Aunty Gladys had acute angina. 325 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,607 Her tits weren't bad either. 326 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,926 Hey, do you remember that, Kath? Kath? Where's she gone? 327 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,563 Ah h h! 328 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,400 You OK? 329 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,403 Has anyone seen our Kath? She's just disappeared. 330 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,926 Get him off me! 331 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,365 - Er, sorry, love, have you seen me wife? - No, what's happened? 332 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:13,646 If she stopped this train... 333 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,489 She wouldn't do that. 334 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,369 What are you doing? 335 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,360 - Do you need the toilet? - Someone get him some paper. 336 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,727 Ah, ne/n! 337 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,290 - Hold on! - There's something on the tracks. 338 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,762 - Hey, that's our Kath's shoe box. - What is it? 339 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,571 - I can't... Looks like a body. - What? Who? 340 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,483 Is she's jumped, we'll be here for hours. 341 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,243 God,no! 342 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,049 - It... It's not her, is it? - I can't see. 343 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,691 Of course it's her. The stupid cow's cost me my job! 344 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,849 Shut up, you! This is all your fault! 345 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,843 OK, keep still. Here it comes. 346 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,651 - Stay away from me! - I can see they're bringing it out. 347 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,006 Try and aim away from the dead man's face! 348 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,764 - I can see blood! - So can I! 349 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,968 - Oh, ya bastard! - Leave me alone! 350 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,371 - We're gonna need a bigger box! - It's... It's a deer. 351 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:06,121 Les, what's happening? 352 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,491 And what is that smell? 353 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,050 You might need to get some new shoes. 354 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,966 Well, that was just a 32-minute delay. Not too bad at all. 355 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:29,728 Try saying that to all the little fawns who have just lost their mother. 356 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,883 I'm sorry, I don't speak deer. I'm not Doctor Dolittle. 357 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,530 Well, you are to me. 358 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,167 - Is he OK? - Yeah, he'sjust hosing himself down. 359 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,364 God, that was pretty traumatic. 360 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,603 - Yeah, he must be mortified. - No, I meant for me. 361 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:49,804 I felt like Augustus Gloop. 362 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,130 - Thanks for lending me the t-shirt. - No worries. 363 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,731 I don't know how I'm gonna get it back to you. 364 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,371 Well, where are you headed to next? 365 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,324 I thought I'd lost you there, Kath. 366 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:07,962 Don't be daft. I'm not gonna kill myself on day of me daughter's wedding, am I? 367 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,207 You're feeling better about it now? 368 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,166 We've robbed that man of dignity in his final moments 369 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,686 and for that, I will never forgive myself. 370 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,807 You're not gonna say anything, are you? 371 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:25,330 No. But, after the wedding, I want you to find out who that man was, 372 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,687 where his family live and we're gonna go to the funeral. 373 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,842 - That's what I want. - Right. 374 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,569 Who's paying for that? 375 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,769 Right, well, we're off. Enjoy the wedding. 376 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,202 Oh, thanks, love. Hey, it's at the Pavillion Hotel in Vallandry 377 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,009 if you wanted to pop in for a drink? 378 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:45,010 Ah, no, I think we're gonna go exploring, aren't we? 379 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,447 Yeah, can't wait to see those valleys. 380 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,091 Is someone going to... 381 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,209 Yes, I'll, er, inform the guard. Nice to meet you. 382 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,642 Well, er, good luck with your interview. 383 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:09,926 - Oh, thank you. - I hope you get it. 384 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,047 - Yes. - Yeah. 385 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,327 And if you ever need any decorating doing... 386 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,051 Ah, yes, I have your card. 387 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,161 Hello? 388 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,651 - Come on, Les. - Yes. 389 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,681 - This is Dr Maxwell? - Yes, this is Dr Maxwell. 390 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,287 I'm your driver. I'm at the car park. 391 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:31,887 Ah, yes, er, we're just pulling into the station now. 392 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,200 Sorry about the delay. 393 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,648 We're also waiting for the other candidate, a Dr Meyer. 394 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,085 He's on the same train. 395 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,448 Really? Oh, well, I'll keep my eye open for him. 396 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:43,691 See you shortly. 397 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,886 I'm terribly sorry about all this, but there really could ever be 398 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:52,363 one candidate for this grant. Goodbye, Dr Meyer. 399 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,606 Ja? 400 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,331 No, no, Dr Meyer was in 9B. 401 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,006 Neun B, I checked. 402 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:21,885 Yes, so do I. 403 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,766 Ah, Dr Maxwell! Sehrgut/ 404 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,001 -/Q_ 405 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:35,170 May the best man win!