- ¶
- Okay, "a" plus "b" equals... "c" ya later, homework!
- Good day, m'lady.
- Gideon.
If you're coming over to talk about dating me
or my mother, please move along.
- Goodbye, m'lady.
- Oh, look, you're doing the math homework.
- [phone camera clicks]
- It's nice to have my own personal nerd.
- Max, stuff like that makes me wonder
if you're really over your evil phase.
- Allison, I've told you a hundred times.
Why can't you trust me?
- 'Cause you were the only ten-time cover model
of "Evil Teen" magazine?
- Look, I've changed.
I am no longer evil.
And I was on that cover 11 times.
- Hey, you guys. We have an announcement.
Oyster asked me out.
We're a couple!
- Cue the screams.
- OTHERS: [screaming]
- Really, dude?
- What? Why should I hide my jewelry?
- I'm so happy for you guys. Come, sit!
Whoa! - [heavy thud]
- Oops.
- Ow, heh-heh.
Guess these booths are kinda small.
Um, no worries. I'll go grab a chair.
- CHERRY: Should we tell them the best part about our dating?
- OYSTER: Oh, you tell 'em. - CHERRY: No, you tell 'em.
- Okay, the best part is our new name is Choyster!
Get it? I matched "Cherry" and "Oyster" together.
- Way better than mine-- Cheroystererry.
- Hey, if you guys are Choyster, that makes us...
Mallison! - MAX: Oh?
- We should totally double-date some time.
- What are you guys doing tomorrow night?
- CHERRY, OYSTER, MAX, ALLISON: [chattering]
- Would you look at the time.
Um, it's half-past I don't belong here anymore.
Uh...
so, I'll just, uh, excuse myself before this gets awkward.
- OTHERS: [continue chattering]
- ¶
- Okay, here's another doggie, Chloe.
- This dog is missing a leg.
- It's way better than my worm.
- You're holding it upside down.
- Oh, now I see it.
- Kids, your cousin Blobbin is coming over for dinner.
It's time to get ready.
Honey, are you still upset about your friends?
- It's gotten even worse, Mom.
They entered a doubles tennis tournament
on tandem bikes and then rode them
to get double-scoop ice cream. Look.
- I've seen those.
I follow Choyster and Mallison on Chirper.
- Now my options are to either miss out on everything,
or tag along and be a fifth wheel.
- Yeah.
- I mean, literally, I tried to catch up
with them on a unicycle.
- I know. I also follow Unicycle Fails on Chirper.
Honey, you're gonna be fine.
Just take the time to focus on yourself and...
whatever this is.
- Or...
I'll focus on making a balloon boyfriend.
Choyster, Mallison, prepare to meet...
Ballonbe!
Hey, I'm actually getting pretty good at this.
"You sure are, Phoebe. I'd never ditch you."
What? I wasn't doing anything weird!
What have you guys been up to?
- Oh, we just went couples' beekeeping.
- We collected honey with our honeys.
- Bae, make me the luckiest broseph in the world
and take a photo of me at the Heart Tree tomorrow.
- Yes, I will, Choyster!
- No, Choyster is a mixture of the bo...
Never mind.
- Oyster, you're so sweet.
Hey, Max, how come we've never done that?
- Because I used to be evil.
- What's your excuse now?
- I just don't wanna.
- You will go if you wanna prove to me
that you're not evil anymore.
Or we can go to the Break-up Tree.
- Is that real?
- You wanna find out?
- Heart Tree, here we come.
- Oh, sweetcious!
But we've gotta be ready.
Crazy Farmer Ted doesn't like kids trespassing on his farm
to get to the Heart Tree.
So, he booby-trapped the whole place.
- Rumor has it, if he catches you,
he'll feed you to his man-eating pigs.
[oinking]
- Wow! Friends, fun, and the possibility
of Max being eaten by a man-eating pig?
I am in!
- You're coming to the Heart Tree? With who?
- Phoebe, do you have a new bae?
- I mean, yeah. - Oh, not more screams.
- OTHERS: [screaming]
- I can't wait to meet him. - PHOEBE: Ha. Ha.
Me, neither.
- ¶
¶ What you see ¶
¶ Is not what you get ¶
¶ Livin' our lives with a secret ¶
¶ We fit right in ¶
¶ Bet you never guessed ¶
¶ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ¶
¶ Just like all the rest ¶
¶ A picture perfect family ¶
¶ Is what we try to be ¶
¶ Look closer, you might see ¶
¶ The crazy things we do ¶
¶ This isn't make believe ¶
¶ It's our reality ¶
¶ Just your average family ¶
¶ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ¶
¶ Livin' a double life ¶¶
- ¶
- ...and when I woke up, we were somewhere over Guam.
[laughing]
That's the last time I let my dog fly my helicopter.
[laughs]
- It's even funnier the fifth time you tell it.
- Speaking of time, I bet you need to get going.
- Oh, yeah, we know how you trillionaires
have other places to be that aren't here.
- Actually, I have nowhere to be.
- HANK: Oh...
- I'm out. My baby has to go night-night.
- Oh, she's so cute, Chloe.
May I see her?
Oh, I bet she has a nice little bed,
with a nice, big dollhouse.
And a nice roof over her pretty little head.
[sobbing]
- Uh, are you okay, Blobbin?
- [sobbing] No, I'm not okay!
I lost all my money.
- How? - What happened?
- I wanted to fit my entire fortune into my wallet.
So, I cashed everything for a trillion dollar bill.
But then I lost my wallet. [sobbing]
I have no money and nowhere to go.
Unless I can stay here?
- Ho, ho, I don't think that's a great idea.
- [sobbing]
- Okay, okay, you can stay in the yard.
- [sobbing loudly]
- The garage. - [sobbing loudly]
- All right, fine, the house.
- Okay, but only because you begged.
- Speaking of begging... [laughing]
Doggin, they said we can stay!
- Great! Now we have two houseguests that slobber.
- ¶
- You know, I've always felt we had,
like, a special connection.
- I move here yesterday.
- It was an instant connection.
So, uh, are you gonna go to the Heart Tree with me?
- Crazy Farmer Ted's Heart Tree?
- Coward!
- Hey, Phoebe, that guy who ran away from you in fear--
that's your new boyfriend? [laughing]
Please don't tell Allison I was mean to you.
- Hey, Micah. You, me, Heart Tree?
- No!
I wanna live!
- Dang it. Isn't there one boy in this school
who's desperate enough to risk his life for a date with me?
- Good day, m'lady.
- Good day, m'Gideon.
- ¶
- Blobbin is the worst houseguest in the world.
He keeps ruining our stuff.
- We had to replace our toothbrushes, robes,
Nora's beach ball and--
- What'd he do to my beach ball?
- [laughing] Oooh, you do not wanna know.
- So what if Blobbin messes up our stuff
and Doggin farts a lot.
- So many farts.
- I'm with Billy.
Blobbin's not that bad.
- [high-energy music playing]
- What a great Blob-kwon-do workout, right, Doggin?
- [Doggin barks]
- [martial arts shouting]
Ah! - [glass shatters]
- [barking]
- He killed our TV. He's gotta go.
- Nora's right. It's time to ask him to leave.
- You're making a mistake, knuckleheads.
- What are you doing out here, Colosso?
- Who do you think fertilizes your flowers?
Now, listen, you're all about to fail the rich guy test.
- What test?
- Blobbin's not broke.
He wants to see if you'd still care about him,
even if he had no money.
And if you pass, he'll share his riches with you.
- The rich guy test.
I saw it in a cartoon once.
His story checks out.
- It did seem weird that he cashed in all his money
for a trillion dollar bill.
- If Colosso's right about this,
then we could buy a new TV.
- Nora, Blobbin's a trillionaire.
We could buy two TVs.
- Show me the money, baby!
- Okay, let's get in there
and show Blobbin how much we love him.
- I'm not sure how this happened.
- That's fine, Blobbin.
Give us a hug! - Okay!
- [object shatters]
- BARB: Ohhhh... - NORA: Oh!
- PHOEBE: [laughs]
Max, what ya doin'?
- I'm gonna use these night vision goggles to scope out
booby-traps and lead us safely to the Heart Tree.
- [garbage can clattering]
- Technically, that was not a booby-trap.
- Phoebe, when's your new bae getting here?
- Howdy, boo!
- OTHERS: Gideon?
- Yep, I recently realized
that Gideon would do anything for me,
and that's the kinda guy that I really, really needed.
- Oh, my gosh, you're Gidephoebedeon.
- That's right and we're gonna have the best night ever.
Achoo!
My sinuses are exploding!
- He's even more pitiful in night vision.
- I've gotta say--for a booby-trapped farm,
owned by a deranged old man, this isn't so bad.
- It's what you don't see that should scare you.
Duck! - OTHERS: [gasping]
- See? I told you I've changed.
The evil Max would let you all take a tire to the face.
Follow me.
- [owl hooting]
- Look at all of us hanging out together,
just us couples, a nice even number of wheels.
- Actually, I think your wheel's lookin' a little wobbly.
- [groaning]
- I'm sure he's fine.
- Help me, boo!
- Go ahead, Gidephoebedeon will catch up with you guys.
- Dude, why didn't you tell me you were allergic to everything?
- I wanted to be mysterious.
- You can do it. Put one foot in front of the other and--
- [rope whipping]
- --get caught in a booby-trap. [blows hair]
- The good news is I'm so scared,
my allergies have cleared up.
- Awesome. That means you'll be nice and snot-free...
when the pigs eat us!
- Oh, we've gotta find a way to get off this fence,
and catch up with everybody before Farmer Ted finds us.
Hey, is that a possum? - I hope not. I'm allergic.
- [blowing frosty air]
- Besides, the only beady-eyed creature I wanna look at is you.
- Thanks?
- Okay, I may not be smooth with my words,
but I am smooth with my beats.
[beatboxing, sputtering]
- Why did I pop my balloon boyfriend?
- [owl hooting]
- MAX: All right, there's the Heart Tree.
- It's amazing.
- This'll be way better than the selfie
we took at Butt Creek.
- You know, they really shouldn't let people swim there.
- Let's do this. - [quiet click]
- ALLISON: [gasps] - OYSTER: Oh!
- Thanks, Max.
- I'd never let a lady get hit with cow poop.
[laughs] Hey, maybe it hit Phoebe.
Phoebe?
- She went back a while ago to help Gideon.
She said they would catch up.
- Huh.
Something's not right.
- I know. That cow poop was humongous.
What are they feeding these things?
- No, I mean Phoebe should be here by now.
I've gotta go back. I'm worried about her.
- Really? A minute ago, you were hoping
she got hit with a flying turd.
- 'Cause that's funny.
- Okay, it is kinda funny. - MAX: [laughs]
- But it's also evil,
like pretending you wanna take a Heart Tree selfie,
and then bailing at the last second.
- Okay, fine. Follow me and you'll see I'm right.
Plus, I am the only one who knows how to get outta here.
- [garbage can clattering]
- Why don't these things see garbage cans?!
- ¶
- Time to get rid of these bunions.
[lasers zapping] - BLOBBIN: [laughing]
- I got your favorite-- jelly beans!
- Oh, yay! [clapping hands]
Jelly beans! [chomping]
I don't wanna seem ungrateful,
but why are you guys being so nice to me?
- Money. - HANK: [laughing]
What he means is we feel bad that you lost all your money.
- Not that it matters to us
because we love you whether or not you're rich.
- BLOBBIN: Oh...
- That goes double for me, ma dawg.
Dogs share everything. Am I right?
- [Doggin farts] - Ugh!
Smells like roses.
- I'm just glad you're not annoyed with me
for overstaying my welcome... [laughing]
and for what I did to your car.
- That's fine, Blobbin.
- We just wanna do what makes you happy.
- So, you'll do anything I ask?
- ALL: Anything.
- Well, in that case, how about some nice, relaxing...
Blob-kwon-do!
Looking good, fam.
Five, six, seven, eight...
kick and shimmy and punch and--
- [heavy thud] - BARB: [screaming]
- I'm okay.
Still love you, Blobbin.
- Chicka, chicka, chicka! [fluttering lips]
- Now to spit some romantic rhymes.
- Dude, I think you've spit enough for one night.
- Aha! I knew you guys got yourselves trapped.
- Max, you came back for us. - We're saved, boo.
Some day we'll tell this story to our little "Giddies."
- ALLISON: Max, get those dimples back here!
Oh, they are in trouble.
- That's right and you didn't believe me.
Bet you feel pretty silly.
- [lever clicks]
- CHERRY: [gasps]
- [heavy thud]
- Now we all feel pretty silly.
- Okay, don't panic.
We just need to get out of here before--
- [pigs oinking]
- And cue terrified screams. - [screaming]
- And three and four and chop, chop, chop!
Three and four and chop, chop, chop!
Feel that burn, you guys?
- I can't feel anything.
- My bad. [laughs]
Sometimes I "pop" when I should "shimmy."
- But I have something special
that's gonna make you feel like a million bucks.
- I bet it's a million bucks.
- Yes, we passed the rich guy test.
- You're welcome, dummies.
- You know, when I first got rich,
it was hard to tell if people were being nice to me
just 'cause they wanted money.
But I know you're being nice to me
because you truly love me.
Oh, you truly, truly, truly, truly love me.
Truly.
- Why does almost being rich feel so terrible?
- Because we're awful people.
And, plus, we probably have internal injuries.
- To show my appreciation,
I would like to present you with--
- Blobbin, wait!
We have to tell you the truth.
- Don't you do it!
- We only did those sweet things
because we thought you'd give us money.
- You did it.
- We should have been nice because you're family,
not because you're rich.
- But I'm not rich.
I told you, I lost my wallet
with a trillion dollar bill inside.
- Then what were you about to give us?
- I fixed your family portrait.
- BARB: Oh.
- So, there's no such thing as a rich guy test?
- I let that dog give me a tongue bath for nothin'?
[growling]
- We're sorry, Blobbin.
- Oh, lucky for you my other superpower is forgiveness.
I still love you guys.
- Oh, we love you, too.
- And even if you did have money,
we'd never ever even consider taking it.
- [Doggin barfs] - [object splats]
- [Doggin woofs]
- Cool, Doggin barfed.
- My wallet!
[gasps] Doggin, you ate it.
- [gasps] - Your trillion dollar bill!
Blobbin, you're rich again. - Oh, I totally am!
But don't worry, I'll honor your wish
and never ever give you a dime of my money.
- That's fine, Blobbin. Right, Hank?
- [sobbing] Yeah.
These are tears of joy. [sobbing]
- ¶
- [pigs oinking]
- Guys, it was my allergies that led to this.
When the pigs come, let them eat me first.
- Cool. - Works for me.
- Sounds good. - You got it.
- With any luck, they'll choke on my bones
and spare my beloved Phoebe.
Your only crime was falling for a bad boy.
- All right, Gideon...
I may have actually committed a few other crimes tonight.
I only pretended I wanted to date you,
so I could come out with these guys tonight.
- What? - I know, I know, it's horrible.
I just...I didn't wanna be a fifth wheel.
I really missed hanging out with my friends.
- Aw, Phoebe, we didn't even realize we were leaving you out.
- I did.
- You were taking advantage of my feelings?
Well, that's okay,
'cause I was taking advantage of yours, too.
- Excuse me?
- I was only dating you to get close to--
- Don't you dare! - --your mom.
- Barb is so--
- We're gonna stop talking immediately.
- [pigs oinking]
- Oh, no, here comes Farmer Ted and his man-eating pigs!
- [pigs oinking] - [corn rustling]
- Hey, kids!
- Oh. Oh, I'm sorry I was a stinker
and caught you up in my booby-traps.
Couples who come take pictures of the Heart Tree
never stop and say hi.
Hi!!!
- ALL: Hi.
- Ooh, doggies, now that's what I'm talkin' about.
- Wait, so you're not gonna feed us to your man-eating pigs?
- Oh, heck, no. I don't even have any pigs.
No, just some cows on a high-fiber diet.
- That explains the poop.
- But we heard pigs.
- Yeah. No, that was me.
Yeah, I do enjoy doing pig impressions.
[clears throat]
[oinking, snorting]
[laughing]
See, that there, that was a Wisconsin pot-belly.
- Oh, that is so impressive. Can you do teacup pigs?
- Oh, sure, sure.
Now the trick is to be real teeny with your voice.
- Hey, pig pal, can we wrap this up?
- Right. Sorry.
Um, Farmer Ted, could you free me and my friends?
- And her mom's future boyfriend?
- You can free him last.
- ¶
- [phone camera clicks]
- There you go. Proof I am no longer evil.
- I knew you weren't evil the moment you helped Phoebe.
You actually seemed concerned for her.
- I know. It's a new feeling.
I hope it goes away.
Let's head back.
- [metal clanks]
- Oh, no, we're trapped.
Why would he put one out here?
- [laughing] Couples who come to the Heart Tree
never stop and say bye.
Bye!!!
Oh, ho. [laughing]
[continues laughing]
- BOTH: Bye?
- ¶