- Oh, this dress?
Thank you, Dylan, I actually got it last weekend,
and thanks for the compliment, but I'm not that pretty.
- Okay, now that Locker Dylan's into you,
try talking to the actual Dylan.
- I can't--he's too cute.
Besides, I got a good thing going with Locker Dylan now,
and I don't want to mess that up.
- Stop it--you've been crushing on him for two weeks.
Just go talk to him! - About what?
I don't even know if we have anything in common.
- It's too bad you can't just go through his backpack
and see what he's into.
- Or can I?
- Delivery for Max Thunder--[screams]
- I'll sign for that.
Max Thunder--[screams]maaaan!
Thanks, buddy.
Oh.
- Wait--you're getting your deliveries at school now?
- Yeah, Dad took away my mail privileges.
You banish one mailman into a black hole...
but he had it coming.
- There's my backpack.
- Here, let me help you out with that, Actual Dylan...
uh, Dylan. - Thanks.
Phoebe, right? - Yeah.
Uh, here, you forgot your... diaper?
- Don't worry, it's clean... and not mine.
- Wow... nice, funny, and potty-trained.
Triple threat!
- It's my baby brother's.
I have to pick him up from daycare after school.
- You have a little brother?
I have a little brother and sister!
Look at us... having things in common.
- Do you take him to the park every day after school, too?
- Psh, no... yes!
Do you go to the park near...
- The Community Center. - That's the one.
- Maybe I'll, uh, see you at the park today.
- It's a date... a play date.
For the kids.
- [gasps]
- BOTH: [squealing]
- Oh, my gosh, you did it--that was awesome!
I didn't know you took Billy and Nora to the park every day.
- I do now. - BOTH: [squealing]
- *
- WOMAN: * What you see is not what you get *
* Living our lives with a secret *
* We fit right in, bet you never guessed *
* Living our lives just like all the rest *
* A picture-perfect family is what we try to be *
* Look closer, you might see the crazy things we do *
* This isn't make-believe, it's our reality *
* Just your average family trying to be normal *
* And stay out of trouble
* Living a double life
- [zooming sounds]
- [lasers blasting]
- Laser tag rules!
- No fair... you've got burning-hot lasers
and I have a frozen corn dog.
- Life's not fair, turbo toes.
- [lasers blasting]
- MAX: Whoa! - [thud]
- Oh, watch the lasers, guys!
- Life's not fair, turbo toes.
Oh, wait... I'm turbo toes!
- Gotta get this inside before Dad sees it.
- Where'd you get that safe?
- Bought it off EvilBay, belonged to Dark Mayhem,
but no one can open it.
- If nobody can open it, then why'd you buy it?
- 'Cause I know a kid with laser eyes
and another who can hammer with super speed.
- You know somebody else with super speed?
Oh, wait... me again.
- Now let's go see what evil treasures are inside
that Dad doesn't know he paid for.
- Surprise corn dog attack!
- [laser blasts] - Ouch!
- [clears throat] Have you two been playing laser tag?
- BOTH: Noooo...
- Then why does the fence have more holes
than my lucky underpants?
- Uhh... it was Baby Lulu.
- Hey, don't blame my doll! - [laser blasts]
- HANK: Nora!
- Uhh... it was Baby Lulu.
- In our defense, we were only using
the powers we were born with,
so technically, this is your fault.
-I would never melt the face off your mother's garden gnome.
- Did that with one eye closed.
- Ooh, nice, Nora!
Bad Nora!
- Yeah, thanks to you two, your father and I
have to drive all over town replacing the stuff you ruined.
- Why drive all over town
when we can get everything at CostClub?
- CostClub, Hank?
Every time you go there, you buy something we don't need.
- When have I ever bought something we did not need?
But Barb, it's a lawnmower
and a barbecue.
A mow-becue.
We need this.
- [sighs]
How'd that work out for you, Hank?
- Kids, we're going out for dinner!
Hi, my lawn's on fire.
- [spritzing water]
- Well, you're the one who wouldn't let me get
the fire extinguisher-becue.
- Fine, we'll go to CostClub.
- All right! - CostClub!
- No, no, you two aren't going anywhere.
You're grounded because of your little laser party.
- What? No, no, no, you can't ground them!
I have to take them to the park--my life depends on it.
- That's what you said when the Wi-Fi went out last week,
and look... still breathing.
- Sorry, Phoebe--Billy and Nora are not allowed
to leave this house. - But we want to go to the park!
- Park!
- I thought you wanted to go to CostClub.
- CostClub!
- No, you are not going anywhere.
- Great, now we're stuck here cracking open Max's safe.
- Safety books...
is what we'll be cracking open,
because that's what big brother Max is all about.
[laughs] Safety!
- You know he's up to something, right?
- Doesn't matter--he can't hurt us at CostClub.
- Max, just let me take the kids to the park for half an hour.
- And go against Mother and Father's wishes?
Phoebe, that would be wrong.
Come on, guys, let's go do something wrong.
- Wrong!
- You're not getting your way this time, Max.
- MAX: Sorry, can't hear you.
I'm too busy getting my way.
- [loud chomp] - Ow, you bit me!
- Sorry, not sorry.
- All right, since this is a supervillain's safe,
Nora, you're gonna use your laser eyes
to melt the titanium door. - Whoa!
- Yeah, whoa!
And then Billy, you're gonna use your super speed
to pound it with these hammers.
- Whoa!
- Guess what, sis-- we're going to the park.
Now we just need Billy.
- Whoa!
Brrrr... - You're not Billy.
- Yeah, well, you're not Jennifer Lopez,
so we both lose.
Whoaaa!!
[groans]
- Whoa!
What's going on? - There's no time to explain.
We're going to the park.
Huh, guess there was time to explain.
- Well, guess I'll just sit here and wait for Max to realize
he was duped. - MAX: Hey, I've been duped!
- [laughs]
- NORA: Monkey bars! - Swirly slide!
- Whoa, get back here, you two.
A park is no place to play around.
Now keep your eyes open for a hot guy.
- There's one.
- I meant "hot" as in cute, not as in sweaty mess.
- Hey, Phoebe! - Hey, is that the hot guy
you were talking about? - Oh, Nora, have some candy.
Hey, Dylan, so this must be your brother.
- Yeah, yeah, his name's Rusty,
or as I like to call him, Russ Man.
No, I don't--I just made that up--I'm sorry.
- [laughs] Oh, I love babies.
Who's the cutest wittle baby?
- [crying]
- Oops, I haven't taught him how to act
around pretty girls yet.
- Oh, my gosh, you just called me pretty!
Oh, my gosh, I just said that out loud!
- Hey, can we go show Rusty the balloons?
- Oh, I don't think that's a good idea.
- Well, actually, it'll give us a chance to hang out.
- Great idea, Billy-- [loud whisper] take your time!
- Aww, look how cute they are
with those matching strollers.
Who knew we had so much in common!
This park, siblings...
other things I haven't thought of yet.
- [laughs]
I'm glad we're getting to spend time together.
- Me, too, this is so perfect.
- MAX: Phoebe! - Until he showed up.
- [panting]
Whew! Found you...
Man, how many parks are in this city?
Right. - Worst timing ever, Max.
- Hey, you stole Billy and Nora from me.
- I needed them-- I had to make sure
Dylan and I had something in common,
but now it turns out Dylan likes me, too.
What? I know, right? Dylan's great!
So you can have them back!
- Hey, don't try to trick me with your girl talk, all right?
They're mine.
- Hey, sorry about that, Dylan.
My brother just came to pick up my siblings.
Gonna miss those little bundles of love.
- Oh, do you want to go with them?
- With who?
- Billy, Nora, let's go. - Not yet.
Billy's using the balloons to teach our babies their colors.
- This one's blueberry, that one's banana...
- Fruits aren't colors!
Let's go open my safe.
- I'm not leaving.
[in singsong voice] And you can't catch me.
- I don't need to catch you!
I caught Baby Lulu.
- It's really cool how your family gets along so well.
- Yeah, we're super-tight.
- Pick up the pace, you whiners!
- Give me back my doll, you monster!
- You're the worst babysitter in the world!
- So... remember when you called me pretty?
- [timer beeping] - Oh.
Time to feed my brother. - Aww...
[in baby voice] Is it Rusty-wusty's feeding time?
Who's a hungry wittle...
doll?!
- We were having so much fun at the park,
and you sucked it all away.
- Yeah, you're a fun sponge, Max.
- Did you or did you not agree to open my safe?
- We didn't. - Well, you're doing it anyway.
And I don't want to hear another peep out of either one of you.
- [baby squalls] - That was a peep--who peeped?
- It was Nora's doll.
- Baby Lulu doesn't cry.
She's a lady-- she only wets herself.
- [baby crying]
- Cool! Baby Lulu came to life!
- [baby crying]
- Guys... this is a real baby!
- It's Dylan's baby brother Rusty.
You took the wrong stroller, fun sponge!
- Turns out he's a baby sponge, too.
- [cell phone rings] - It's Phoebe.
- I wonder what she wants.
- Hey, Phoebs... what's the haps?
- Oh, you know, just calling to say hi, see how you're doing,
[whispers loudly] and you took a baby!
- Hey, you took Billy and Nora to the park
when they were grounded--you're in a lot of trouble, too.
- Says the guy who took a baby!
- All right, all right, we'll take the baby back
and switch them right after we open the safe.
- [whisper-screams] Baby!
- Yeah, Phoebe, but what if there's a baby in the safe?
Huh? Huh?
Okay, baby wins-- we're on our way.
Okay, Rusty...
- [laughs nervously]
- All right, let's get this baby out of here
before Mom and Dad get home. - [alarm sounds]
- FEMALE VOICE: Alert, alert, parents approaching.
- Too late! - Great, now we're gonna be
double grounded... or arrested!
- You guys stay here.
I'll take him to the back.
- BARBARA: Oh, perfect timing.
I--whoa!
- Coming through the back.
- HANK: Who wants popcorn?
- Not before dinner.
- We're surrounded-- what do we do?
- Relax, I have a plan.
- That was your plan?
- I didn't say it was a good one.
- Let's just go turn ourselves in
and take our chances with the cops.
- Thanks for all your help, kids.
Your father went overboard at CostClub.
Again!
- What?
I only got the bare essentials.
- [truck reverse beeping]
- Leave the crate of owls there,
but make sure you put the mayonnaise barrels
in the shade.
- [baby crying]
- Is that a baby crying?
- No, that's, uh, me.
I'm just so mmm-emotional with puberty and all.
- Ohh, honey, Max, it's okay to cry.
Let it out. - [farting sound]
- Okay, that's not quite what I meant.
- Sorry... my body's just so confused.
- [baby crying]
- Okay, that definitely sounds like a baby.
- Now you're calling me a baby?
- Aww... poor kid needs a tissue.
Well, I hope we bought enough.
- [sighs] There you go, Rusty.
Mmm, that's some good bottle.
[speaking quietly] Where are you, Max.
- Oh, the bottle's still full?
Here, let me try.
- Oh, look--a guy in camouflage!
- What--that's weird.
- I don't see him. - 'Cause he's in camouflage.
Uh, look who's done with his bottle.
- Wow, he drank that fast.
Okay, I'm probably gonna have to burp him.
- No, no, I'll do it...
right after we play Kick the Stroller.
Now you go kick it back.
Hurry--you're losing!
- [mouthing words]
- [baby crying]
- Can't sneak him out until he stops crying.
Why won't he stop crying?
- Bring him here, Max.
I got this.
Boo!
- [baby cries more loudly]
- That's probably why I don't have kids.
- [baby crying]
- What's that smell-- is that poop?
- I believe the scientific term is "doo-doo."
- Nora, give me one of my T-shirts.
- Uck!
- [groaning]
Oh, dirty diaper, dirty diaper!
- [water sprinkling] - Baby pee, baby pee!
- All I wanted to do was open up Dark Mayhem's safe
full of evil treasures.
- You opened up something evil.
- MAX: That should do it.
Nora... - On it!
- [laser blasts]
- All right, you guys stay down here and watch Rusty.
I'm gonna go get rid of Mom and Dad.
- Are you kidding?
Who knows what's gonna come out of that kid next?
- What? Come on, look at him.
He's a happy baby. Yeah, Rusty?
Isn't that right, Rusty? Yeah... yes, it is.
Yes, you are... yes, you are.
- [water splashes]
- Eww! He puked!
- I believe the scientific term for that is "baby barf."
- Yeah, I know what it is, Billy.
- [laughing wildly]
Oh, that's the stuff.
- Hank, you bought too much stuff.
It's not all gonna fit.
- That's because you're packing it all wrong.
Egg rolls go on the bottom.
Were you raised in a barn?
- You know that I was.
Why do you keep bringing it up?
- Sorry... here, just let me do it, all right?
- Now watch--you're stacking these wrong.
Okay, here we go-- get these down,
and you need to create a foundation.
There you go, a foundation.
Next, [indistinct]-- get that in there.
Get all the air out.
Finally, here this... - No.
- Yes, watch--watch!
Gotta believe--gotta want it!
All right.
There... it all fits.
- Hmm... that never happened in the barn.
- Max!
- Uh, yeah, what's up?
- We're heading back to CostClub to return a few things.
- [clears throat] - A lot of things.
Mistakes were made in bulk.
- Keep watching Billy and Nora--they're still grounded.
- Yep, you got it. - Here, take these pretzels
down to the kids. - [grunts]
- Okay, so Kick the Stroller was kind of fun,
but I'm sick of Run, Baby, Run,
and I have to put Rusty down for his nap.
- Um, why don't you two take a nap together?
Nothing bonds a family like unconscious time.
- I would like my brother now.
- Wait, uh...
let me sing him a lullaby.
* Lullaby and good-night - Phoebe.
- * Don't talk, Rusty's sleeping *
- Phoebe!
- Okay, I have a confession.
It's actually kind of funny-- you are gonna laugh!
- Okay.
- See, I just wanted to show you
that we had stuff in common,
but it got a little out of control, and--
here's the funny part.
I kinda...
cheated at Kick the Stroller.
Yeah, technically I double-kicked,
which is a huge no-no in stroller kicking.
[fake laughing]
You're not laughing.
- Give me my brother back!
Get them off me!
- Uh, don't struggle, Dylan--it only makes the balloons angrier!
- Get them off--get them off!
[screams]
- Touchdown!
- Give me that!
- Bye, Rusty--it's been smelly.
- [baby coos]
- What was that?
- Balloon attack.
No one ever thinks it can happen to them.
So anyway, here's Rusty.
- Thanks.
Well, I should probably get him home.
He's had a long day.
- So, uh, should we do this again tomorrow?
- Tomorrow's bad for me.
Um, I have soccer practice,
and you have... serious issues.
- Oh, yeah, well, your brother has been gone
for the past three hours,
and I've been holding a doll.
- Oh, no, he's coming back--run!
- Come on, Max--how much longer?
- Yeah, we're hungry!
- I told you, you each get 40 pounds of pretzels
when you crack the safe.
- Out of the way, out of the way!
Finally, Dark Mayhem's evil treasures are mine!
Will it be a Doomsday device?
Plans to take over the world?
Whatever it is, it's gonna be dark.
[screams]
[in squeaky voice] Oh, yeah, that's dark.
Really dark.
- BOTH: [laughing]
- [laughing]
- *