- *
- Mom, guess what?
There is just the cutest new boy at school.
- Ooh, yay, tell me everything.
- He's a rocker. - Oooh.
- He writes the most beautiful lyrics...
- Oooh. - And his name is Oyster.
- Okay, you lost me.
- Here, listen to these lyrics he wrote for English class.
It's called "Goodbye Mikaila."
[clears throat]
"I shed tears on your neck
"As we say goodbye.
"Don't know how I'll go on without you,
but I'll try."
- I'm sorry, his name is Oyster?
- It's cute. Get over it.
Wish he'd write a song about me.
If only I knew someone who could introduce me to him.
- Hey, guys, this is Oyster.
- Whaddup?
- Hi!
I mean, yo!
I mean, hey!
- Here, Phoebe, have a brownie.
Uh, what she was trying to say
is welcome to our home, Oyster.
- Thanks, and fair warning...
we're gonna rock it to its foundation.
- Yeah, we started a band with a group of guys
a couple of days ago and our first gig's this weekend.
Yeah, that's right. I'm giggin'!
- Yeah? Well, I gigged back in my day.
I had a band called Barb Jovial.
Show ya a little taste of my moves.
* Ba da da da dang
- Dude, if we don't go and rehearse hard,
that's how embarrassing we'll look.
- Nice, uh... Nice meeting you.
- Oh.
- Um, okay, bye! I mean, I'll see ya!
I mean, Aloha, which is hi and goodbye!
Mom!
Where were you with that brownie?
You let me get to Aloha.
- *
* What you see
* Is not what you get
* Livin' our lives with a secret *
* We fit right in
* Bet you'd never guessed
* 'Cause we're livin' our lives *
* Just like all the rest
* A picture perfect family *
* Is what we try to be
* Look closer, you might see *
* The crazy things we do
* This isn't make believe *
* It's our reality
* Just your average family
* Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble *
* Livin' a double life
- I can't have a singing rabbit in my lair.
It was hard enough explaining your wig.
- Wig? Oh, how dare you.
This is my real hair.
- Oh, ho, the band needs fuel.
I'll take those. - Oh!
No, I wanna bring 'em down.
I need an Oyster do-over.
- No way.
I cannot have you interrupting the Max-Eyed Peas.
We're workin' on a band name, okay?
- Look, not that you would even care,
but I think Oyster is cute,
and I kinda wanted to talk to him.
- You and Oyster?
The Oyster that's downstairs?
Oyster in my band?
- How many Oysters do you know?
- Phoebe, Oyster is...is a bad boy.
He's a rocker.
He sweats poetry and shreds like a six-armed mutant.
- So, I sweat. I shred.
- Yo, Max, you got a bottle opener?
Actually, never mind.
- [lid pops]
- [spits out lid]
- See? Bad boy.
Trust me, Phoebe, you guys...
are not a good match.
- Yeah, well, if that's true,
then how come I can do this?
Ah! Arg!
- FYI. What you're doing isn't bad.
It's just embarrassing.
- I can't believe we're gonna be the only kids
in school whose parents aren't coming to Career Day.
- That's because, if they talk about being superheroes,
they might give away that they're superheroes!
- Tonight will be way cool.
My dad's a firefighter
and Chase's mom's a doctor.
What do you parents do, Billy?
- Um, they're retired.
It's a fancy word for "lazy."
- So, they just sit around all day,
where our parents are out saving the world?
- My dad saves things.
- Like what?
A spot on the couch for your mom?
[laughing]
Cool parents swap.
- My dad is way cooler than yours.
He's a superhero. - Billy!
- Wait, are you serious?
- Yeah, he can fly, and he's super strong,
and he has a really tight uniform
that he used to look great in.
- Wow! Did you hear that, guys?
We're gonna meet a real superhero.
- I just had the craziest dream
that I told everybody Dad was a superhero.
- And I just had a crazy dream
where I dragged you out of here by the ear.
- Wake up, Nora, wake up!
- [loud rock music]
[music stops]
- Dudes, we rocked so hard, an angel fell from the sky.
- This is why I joined a band.
- Phoebe, I told you yesterday
not to interrupt my band.
And why are you wearing that?
- To prove you wrong.
[clears throat]
Hey, guys, I didn't mean to crash the party.
Cool guitar. Whatever. I don't care.
- Thanks. She's my heart and soul.
I found her at a yard sale
under a pair of granny panties.
- Oh, I'm caught on your granny panty guitar.
I mean, whatever. I don't care.
- [material rips] - [guitar feedback screeches]
- Ow, my eyes! - [cymbals crashing]
- Whatever. Whatever.
- [mic stands clattering] - [drums thudding]
- Oh! Oh! - She's killin' the music.
- Phoebe, get out!
- I'll get out when I want to.
Point me towards the stairs.
- Looks like someone's trying too hard.
- Cut it, fur-face.
I just made a fool out of myself,
and now Oyster's never gonna write a song about me.
- I'll write a song about you.
* Phoebe you're really creepy *
* Ooh! Phoebe you smell like-- *
I was gonna say peaches.
- Hey.
Just lookin' to score some paper towels.
- I'm so sorry for ruining your band practice.
- Are you kidding?
That was the most rock 'n roll thing I've ever seen.
Max never told me his sister was so sweeches.
- Thanks.
I mean, whatever. I don't care.
- [ornaments shattering]
- You...you are some kind of thrash goddess.
- Yeah, that's me.
I love gettin' my trash on.
- [shelf & objects clatter]
- You're blowing my mind!
- Yeah, take that, knickknacks!
- [sniffing] Sloppy Joes.
That's why we chose this school.
- Guys, what's going on?
We've been waiting outside for half an hour.
- Billy, do you wanna tell them
that you signed Dad up for Career Day as a superhero?
- No, thank you.
So, who's up for Sloppy Joes?
- This guy!
- Hank, did you not hear what they just said?
- Joes. Sloppy. Career Day.
[gasps] You told everybody I'm a superhero?
- Billy, you know your Dad can't show up here
as Thunderman.
- I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen.
So, if you're not gonna spank him, I got this.
- I know it was wrong.
But I just wanted to brag about how great you are.
- Well, I am pretty great.
I'll tell you what-- what if I come to Career Day
and pretend to be someone even better than Thunderman?
- A flame-juggling Doctor-Astronaut?
- Pick a school based on Sloppy Joes,
that's what ya get.
- I got this scar from stage-diving
off my Mom's mini-van.
- That's nothin'.
I got this one from a motocross wipeout.
I just looks like a mosquito bite
that got infected after I scratched it too much.
- Sweeches!
You know, I don't think it was an accident
you got tangled up with my guitar, Phoebe.
I think my guitar chose you.
- No, Oyster, I chose you to be in our band--
Maxford and Sons.
Phoebe, stop distracting Oyster from his life-long passion--
the band we created yesterday in gym class.
- Yeah, man, we made an oath and sealed it with sweat
while Gideon tried to do a pull-up.
- Muscles are first sell-outs.
- I can't have a band mate dating my sister.
Are you with us or are you with Phoebe?
- I told you, Max, my guitar's my heart and soul.
- I knew you'd make the right choice.
Let's go rehearse.
- You're not hearin' me, bros.
My guitar chose Phoebe.
And so do I. - What?
- Uh, he said his guitar-- - I heard him.
- Phoebe, putting this band together
is the coolest thing I've done since we moved here.
You can't steal Oyster.
- Well, I guess you shouldn't have said
I wasn't a good match for him.
I want an apology.
- Okay.
I'm sorry...
you look like that.
Phoebe, just go break up with him,
so he can play our gig tomorrow.
- Why? I like him and he likes me.
- No, he likes the bad girl you're pretending to be
which you can't see through all that
eye makeup you never wear.
- I can see fine.
- You're squishing Colosso.
- Yeah, get your jagged elbows off of me!
- We're done here. Oyster and I are going out for pizza.
- Phoebe, you two will not last.
- Oh, we will.
Oyster already thinks I'm sweet cheese.
- It's sweeches! You don't even speak his language.
- [applauding]
- I can't wait to see what job Dad's pretending to have.
He said it's going to be better than a superhero.
- I hope so. Morgan's looking extra judgy tonight.
- So, in other words, you're a bus driver in the sky.
- HANK: [laughing]
Huh? What do ya think?
I'm an alligator wrestler.
Now your class won't care that I'm not a superhero.
- Yeah, 'cause they'll think
you're the less cool version of that guy.
- [growling, snorting]
- Shoulda gone with rodeo clown.
Does anyone around here have a boring job?
- Uh, Mr. Thunderman, you're up.
- Can I have a second to collect my lies?
- What? - Nothing. I'm going.
[laughing] Hi, kids.
I am Hank Thunderman,
and I am an honest-to-goodness, real life...
plumber.
- I shoulda known Billy was lying.
His dad's not a superhero.
- Oh, hey, plumbers are the superheroes of waste management.
We plunge the clogs of evil
and we flush the pipes of injustice!
- Wrap it up, Dad.
- You know what might impress these kids?
If you fix the, uh,
leaky water fountain in the hallway for free.
- Oh, great idea.
Who wants to see me fix the drinking fountain?
- For free!
- You think we're gonna choose you over that?
- [alligator snarling, snapping]
- I sure wouldn't.
- *
- Phoebe?
Look at you. - Oh, thank you.
- No, I mean, you look stupid.
[laughing]
- Oh, sorry. My guitar has to sit here.
She always eats with me.
- Okay.
- It's date night.
Ooh, time to get a pic of me and my baby.
- [laughing]
And you were talking about your guitar again.
- [phone camera clicks]
- Yep. It's me and her against the world.
It has been ever since I lost Mikaila.
- Wait, as in "Goodbye Mikaila"?
Those lyrics were so beautiful.
You'll write a song about me one day?
- No.
- Excuse me?
- I only write songs about my guitars.
- Wait, so, Mikaila is a guitar?
- She was, 'til I accidentally
dropped her out of a hot air balloon.
I thought I'd never find love again,
'til I met Patty.
- [thinking] Oh, I see now.
He's crazy.
But he's cute.
Maybe if I squint really hard, I won't see the crazy.
Nope, still crazy.
We really aren't a good match.
I hate it when Max is right.
Oyster, I have something to tell you.
I'm not really sure what--
Max is doing here!
Excuse me for a second, Oyster.
Patty.
[sighs] What are you doing here, Max?
- I'm gonna show Oyster bad Phoebe's a lie,
break you up, and order a mushroom calzone to go!
- Seriously?
- Yeah, I'm super hungry.
And, yeah, you're about to be super single.
- Max, you should have stayed home
because you just woke up bad Phoebe.
- [cutlery clatters] - Ah! Pick those up.
- Yes, Mrs. Wong.
- Oyster, since you like my sister so much,
I spent my birthday money on jumbo pictures
to show you who she really is.
- Dinner and a show. Awe-sedelic.
- This is your bad girl at the petting zoo
with a cute little sheep last week.
- Yeah, right before I shaved my initials
into its fuzzy little butt.
- Here is Phoebe's idea of a good time at the beach.
- Is that a metal detector?
- Yeah, I use it to trip lifeguards.
- And there she is helping an old lady cross the street.
- What's wrong with that?
- Uh...
Look at the sheep one again.
- You look really cute in this picture.
- Aw. Thank you.
- You two make me sick.
- Oh, baby, did he get you? - No, I'm okay.
And you were talking to your guitar again.
- [electric guitar music]
- What are you guys doing?
- Gideon found a new guitar player.
- She shreds like a lady wizard.
- [electric guitar music]
- My mom's not gonna be a member of Bruno Max.
Well, I don't see you two comin' up with names.
- What if I come up with a name?
- No, Mom, we're gonna get Oyster back.
- I don't see why we can't have three guitarists,
especially a pretty one that smells nice.
- Gideon, not cool.
- But what if you don't get Oyster back?
Then can I be in your band?
- If my new plan to get Oyster back fails,
and if every guitarist in the world
breaks both their hands, yes, you can be in the band.
- Yes!!
- [electric guitar music]
- So, this plan to get Oyster back,
it's a good one, right?
- We'll have to find out.
Hey, there they are-- Hiddenville's cutest couple.
Hey, I'm really sorry that I interrupted your date.
- He's being nice.
We should leave before something heavy hits us.
- No, Phoebe, I'm being sincere, okay?
I even got you a gift to show Oyster
you really are the ultimate rocker girl.
Chainsaw!
He's gonna give you guys matching Mohawks.
- That's the most romantic idea I've ever heard.
- Yeah, Max.
[through gritted teeth] How can I thank you?
- By going first.
- The elbow pipe is connected to...
the squiggly pipe which means
if I loosen this cappy thing...
- [water spurts] - Ah!
That happens.
Oh, hey, buddy, I'm almost done here.
- You can stop now, Dad.
- I know you're disappointed, son.
I am, too. I...
I really wanted to impress your classmates.
- Don't worry about them.
They're busy watching an alligator chew on a clown.
- Really?
You're not upset they don't think I'm a hero?
- No. You're my hero just for showing up today.
- Thanks, Billy.
Hey, since it's just the two of us,
how about you watch your old man
fix these pipes Thunderman style?
- [laughs] Cool.
- [metal clanking]
- Ah.
Ha! Ha!
Never doubt the skills of a man
too cheap to pay for a real plumber.
[kisses]
- [pipes rumbling, whining]
- Oh, no, Dad's fixing things.
- [water splattering]
- Uh-oh, Morgan, you should--
- I should what, Nora?
- I was gonna say
you should just sit tight and enjoy the show.
- Already on it, Snora.
- [metal creaking]
- [pipes burst] - [screaming]
- KIDS: [screaming] - [alarm bell ringing]
- You're flooding the entire building!
- Your dad did this?
- Uh-huh, and thanks to him,
we'll have to cancel school at least a week.
[groans]
- Wait. No school for a week?
Your dad really is a superhero.
- I told you.
Thanks, Dad.
- Wait, did you flood the school on purpose for Billy?
- Of course, I did.
You're not buying it, are ya?
- Not even a little.
- Phoebe, don't be nervous.
Patty and I are right here by your side.
- How comforting.
- Come on, Phoebe. Chainsaw's time is precious.
He needs to get back to prison.
- I give free haircuts to the inmates.
I'm a sweetheart like that.
- Max, how do you know this dude?
- I don't. Thank you, Internet.
There you go, Chainsaw. Let 'er rip.
- [razor buzzing]
- * My baby is an Indy Rock girl *
* Oh Oh Oh Oh
* 'Cause she likes to rock
* The Indy Rock world
- [laughing]
- * Oh Oh Oh Oh
* She's so nice
* She loves me
- Ahhhhhhhhhh!!
- [glass shatters]
- Ahhhhhhhhhh!!
I can't do it. I love my hair.
It's so rich and full and soft.
- Phoebe, come on.
You're the baddest girl I know.
You got this.
- No, Oyster, I got nothing, 'cause...
I'm not a bad girl.
- What are you talking about?
- Mmm, I'm a good girl.
I love sheep and I think metal detectors are cool.
I found this earring at the beach.
I'm sorry, but we're just not really a good match.
- [exaggerated gasp]
I did not see that coming.
I wait--I did.
- But my guitar chose you.
She never steers me wrong.
- Well, it looks like she's changed her mind.
- Oh, this is weird.
- Wow, Max, she really likes you.
Is anyone else getting uncomfortable or...
- I know I am.
- Okay, I guess Patty has spoken.
Max, will you take me back in the band?
Whatever it's called.
- If you don't come back,
my mom's gonna be our lead guitarist.
- So, go ahead and take the weekend to think about it.
- Gideon, not cool!
- And don't worry, Phoebe, we're still sweeches.
- Yeah, that's nice.
But I think Chainsaw's stealing our microwave.
- MAX: It's tough coming up with a name
that truly captures this band,
but I think we did it.
From this point, we will forever be known
as Max's--Mom!
- Hi, honey. Sorry I'm late.
- Mom, what are you doing here?
- Well, Gideon called and said that
you wanted me in the band.
- Gideon, not cool.
- Looking good, Barb. - Aw...
- Gideon, not cool.
- This is the first song I've written
that's not about a guitar.
It's about a special little lady
who satisfied a hunger in my soul.
- Aw...
- Where are you, Mrs. Wong?
- I right here.
- She gets a song?!
I mean, whatever. I don't care.
- [rock music]