- *
- Phoebe, what do you think of my painting of Max?
- Clearly you've never seen Max in a toga.
- I have up here.
- Late again?
- Yeah, I have this thing where I don't care.
- Oh, Max, I meant to ask you.
Which one of your masterpieces
would you like to donate
to tomorrow's school art auction?
- Gosh, Mrs. Matson, I don't know.
There's so many to choose from. - Hmm.
- [mocking] So many to choose from.
- Maybe I'll make a new one.
- Well, whatever it is, Max, I'm sure it will bring in
a lot of money for the school.
Phoebe, when are you going to start your project?
- Um, actually, I just finished it.
I call it... "Horse."
-Looks like it was made by a horse.
- Max, funny and talented.
And Phoebe... always on time.
- I don't get it.
Why is art so easy for you and so hard for me?
We're twins.
- Let's ask your horse monster.
Throw me in the garbage, Max!
Neighhhh!
- Max!
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Matson, I didn't see it there.
- MRS. MATSON: It's beautiful.
- What? - What?
- Even when you fall, you create magic.
Take it in, class.
- I can do that, too, you know.
Hmm... - [splash]
- I call this one
"How much do I owe you for those shoes?"
- *
- WOMAN: * What you see is not what you get *
* Living our lives with a secret *
* We fit right in, bet you never guessed *
* Living our lives just like all the rest *
* A picture-perfect family is what we try to be *
* Look closer, you might see the crazy things we do *
* This isn't make-believe, it's our reality *
* Just your average family trying to be normal *
* And stay out of trouble
* Living a double life
- What?
Another one?
- I told you the costume shop was having a sale.
- Not your costume, Colosso.
I just lost another follower on Evilgram.
Why do you think I'm losing so many?
- 'Cause moving here made you soft.
You used to post pics of yourself
firing rockets at satellites.
Now you're just waiting for me to sit on a whoopee cushion.
- [farting sound]
- [laughs] That's funny-- I gotta post that.
- No, you don't.
Hi-yaaaah!
Waaaaaa...
I just saved you from losing more followers!
- You're right.
I gotta get my edge back.
Let's get a picture of me taking out a satellite.
- COLOSSO: Attaboy.
- [laughs]
- Now what are we going to do next time?
- Take the selfie before I light the fuse.
- Yes, grasshopper.
- Oh... you found the art supplies.
- Yeah, weird, they were in the back of the garage
under the power tools in this box labeled "Keep Out."
- Uhh... - Really?
- Weird! - Anyway...
now with a little hard work, my art can earn
more money at the auction than Max's.
- That's the spirit, Phoebe!
Keep reaching for the stars!
Just don't paint them. - [laughs]
- Hey, hey, you two--let's...
- I'm sorry.
It's just she keep ruining the refrigerator for me.
- Nothing can ruin the refrigerator for you, Dad.
- Listen, we're gonna support Phoebe, all right?
That's why I signed your dad up to be the auctioneer
at the art fundraiser.
- Why, because I'm loud, boisterous, and in your face?
- Mm-hmm. - [shouting] Sold to my wife
who knows me so well!
- [shouting] Why are we yelling?
- That's how auctioneers get people to pay for art.
- You have to get people to pay for Phoebe's art?
- [shouting] You're gonna need a lot more than yelling!
- I see you found the 10-foot-pole
girls won't go near you with.
Whoa!
- No, I'm going to vault myself into the Hiddenville Zoo
and then recruit a gorilla army.
I'll have my Evilgram followers back by midnight.
- [crash]
- Ooh...
Mom's gonna be mad at you for that!
- And you're gonna be mad at me for doing this.
- [crash] - MAX: Ow!
- Come on, Phoebe, you can make something better than Max
for the art auction!
Art powers, activate!
- [classical music]
- I've done it!
I knew if I just put my heart into it, I could create...
Mt. Suckamanjaro.
No one's gonna pay money for this.
They'll be too busy throwing up.
- [panting]
I feel like your art project looks.
- Uh, rough night at the zoo?
- Turns out gorillas really like playing
Max in the Middle.
Not giving up yet, Colosso.
I will post something devious to prove that I am not going soft.
- Will that be before or after
your lilac-scented bubble bath?
- Oh, I'm sorry, did the gorillas
use you as a soccer ball or me?
- Max, you've gotta tell me how do you get your art ideas?
Do you think about them?
DO you not think about them?
Do you take bubble baths in front of Colosso?
- Phoebe, my artistic brilliance
is not something that can be taught.
My art projects come from a place deep within my soul.
- [zooming sound]
- Here's your latest art project, Max.
- I think Billy has keys to your soul.
I can't believe you've been using him to fetch art for you
from around the world.
- Actually, I get them from a dumpster
behind the art school across town.
- You're not an artist at all--you're a trash man.
- Hey, Billy's a trash man.
I'm the guy that's gonna make more money than you
at the art auction.
- How lazy, how despicable...
how quickly can you get me something better than Max's?
- Don't do it, Billy.
- [sighs] Sorry, Phoebe, I work for Max.
- Here's 20 bucks. - Sorry, Max, I work for Phoebe.
- [zooming sound]
- Wow, Max, that's a beautiful painting.
It really shows your sweet, sensitive side.
- That's a problem--I'll fix it.
- [scoffs] So you like girls with goatees.
* Noted
- Oh, Phoebe, take Max's vase
over to the masterpiece corner.
- Um, actually, Ms. Matson, I made this.
- Really? It's stunning.
Well, I take back everything I was saying about you
in the teacher's lounge. - Ha!
- You might be giving Max a run for his money.
- Well, I gave somebody money to run.
- [in country accent] Going once, twice,
sold to Principal Bradford!
That's my cowboy auctioneer voice.
[in British accent] I can also do a fancy-pants auctioneer
if it pleases the principal.
- It doesn't.
I'll be over there...
talking to the single moms.
Joyce, is that a new sweater?
Whaaat?
- Something wrong, Max?
- I'm just losing followers on Evilgram.
- Aww, well, you've got lots of friends.
Sarah likes you.
What's that on her face?
- Whole lot of crazy.
- Thanks for the vase, Billy.
Sorry, Max, guess there's a new fake artist in the family.
- It's dumpster art-- don't be too proud.
- Actually, Phoebe's is from the museum.
Which reminds me, I gotta return it before they close.
- That's a funny joke, Billy.
Please tell me that's a joke, Billy.
- You said you wanted something better than Max,
so I went to the Hiddenville Art Museum.
- BOTH: What?!
- Billy, you stole it from the museum?
- Relax, Phoebe, it's not worth much.
The sign said it's priceless.
- [smirking] What's priceless
is the look on Phoebe's face right now.
- Billy, "priceless" means it's really expensive.
- Where do these words come from?
- We could go to jail for stealing.
We've gotta get it back before the auction starts.
- [gavel raps]
- Let's get this auction started.
- Yee-hoo!
- We can't let anybody buy that vase.
How are we gonna fix this? - We?
This is a you problem,
as in you an art thief, girl.
- All right, Billy, it's up to us.
As soon as I get that vase, you take it
and return it to the museum.
- Good evening, parents, students...
Joyce.
I'd like to introduce the only parent
who would agree to be the auctioneer,
Hank Thunderman. - [cheering]
- Ha, that's my wife. [chuckles]
- I'm as surprised as everyone else.
- All right, let's get the evening started with...
- Not the vase, not the vase!
- ...this beautiful vase,
which is made by... Phoebe Thunderman?
Is there another Phoebe Thunderman at this school?
- Max, did you help her with that?
- Nope, she stole it from a museum.
- Oh, silly, don't be so jealous.
- Okay, let's get the bidding started at $25.
Do I hear $25--$25.
Thank you, ma'am. - This is good.
When Mom buys the vase, we can trick her into giving it to me.
- Fifty dollars. - What?
- Seventy dollars.
My daughter made that vase, so you understand.
- I totally get it.
Eighty dollars.
- Oh, it's gonna be like that.
One hundred dollars.
- Okay, could I get $120
from someone I do not share a bank account with.
One-twenty... anyone?
- Yes, over here.
I can't raise my hand.
- Flapping counts.
- Does it, Hank?
Does it?
- Well, I mean, according to the auctioneer's handbook--
- Hank! - Sold to my wife
who is clearly the boss of me.
- [applause]
- Mom, you won my vase.
Here, let me get it wrapped for you.
Take this to the museum-- I'll handle Mom.
- Okay.
- [vase shatters]
- Oh, no, my masterpiece.
- Phoebe, what happened?
I don't know--it just slipped,
but I will make you another one, I promise.
In fact, I'll go do that right now.
- Aww, that's too bad.
Yeah... make sure she pays.
- What's going on?
Why are you smiling?
- Just taking care of problems.
- I was too late-- the museum's closed.
- Why are you still smiling?
- 'Cause my face freezes when I freak out.
- It's okay, Phoebe.
I hear we get pudding in jail.
- No one's going to jail.
We are still gonna return the vase.
We just have to sneak in after hours without permission.
- You mean break in?
- Don't put Max words in my mouth.
You make it sound so... - Evil?
Because it is.
In fact, a break-in selfie is just what I need
to get my followers back on Evilgram.
- Ugh, I'm so gonna regret this, but I could use your help.
Nora, Mom and Dad can't find out that we're...
- ...breaking into a museum.
- Yeah, sure, what he said.
Just keep the auction going until we get back.
- ...from breaking into a museum.
- Stop it!
- [suspense music]
- [whistling]
- Okay, we're in.
We just gotta make this quick.
I don't want to know what jail pudding tastes like.
- Phoebe, relax--I disabled the security cameras.
- And I found a free King Tut lollipop.
Mmm... history.
- Art thief action selfie.
- GUARD: [whistling] - Oh, no.
- Somebody's coming and we're gonna get caught
and I can't stop smiling again because I'm freaking out.
What are we gonna do? - Phoebe!
Stop smiling and hide!
- [whistling]
- [sighs] This pitcher's getting heavy.
- Technically the Egyptians called that a ewer.
- Technically it's gonna make the same noise
when it hits the floor.
- Hang in there, guys, he'll be gone soon.
- Time for my nightly break.
My nightly dance break.
[beatboxing]
- I don't know who looks more ridiculous...
us or him.
I'm gonna go with him. - Yeah, definitely him.
- Okay, folks, we are down to our last item.
- Last item... oh, no.
- Oh, that must be Max's painting.
Where is he, anyway?
- With Phoebe. - Where's Phoebe?
- With Billy. - Where's Billy?
- With Max. - Where's--
- Shh... the auction's starting.
- Who wants to start the bidding
on my son's one-of-a-kind...
bearded girl?
Um, who would like to start the bidding at $25.
- Twenty-five!
- I've got $25 from the girl I keep telling
to stay out of my yard.
Do I have $30... anyone?
Anybody?
- You gonna bid on Max's painting, Mom?
That? Looks like it came from a dumpster.
- I get it--you love Phoebe the most.
- That's not true.
- If only there was a way for you to prove it.
- HANK: Twenty-five going once, going twice...
- [shouting] Twenty-six dollars.
I love my son!
- Twenty-seven... I love your son more.
- Twenty-eight dollars. - Twenty-nine.
- Thirty!
- [clang]
- [techno music from headphones]
- This is not the kind of evil I was hoping for.
- I know, all this gold
is giving me a kink in my neck.
- That's what you're thinking about?
- Well, that and I shouldn't care so much
about competing with you.
- Phoebe, it's not a competition.
We're on a team-- I'm the captain,
you're the weird bus driver that takes us to away games.
- I am not Bus Driver Sally.
- BILLY: Uh-oh, bad news, guys!
- Oh, do you have to go to the bathroom?
- Well, I do now.
I was talking about the guard.
He knows the vase is missing.
- Joe... Joe, you gotta get down here.
The bird vase is missing.
[laughs] No, I wasn't dancing!
- Billy, his back is turned--go now.
- You want me to go to the bathroom in the ewer.
Okay... - PHOEBE: No!
Go put the bird vase back!
- Oh, right.
- Good job, Billy.
Max?
Yeah, I snuck in here,
but don't tell your mummy.
- This isn't happening!
Get back here, Max!
- Wait...
something's not right here, either.
- All right, what's going on, Happy Feet?
- I was patrolling, not dancing,
when I noticed the bird vase was gone.
- What are you talking about--it's right there.
- [clank echoes from far away]
- You want to explain that?
- I am not a good guard, am I?
- Escape selfie.
- One-hundred and forty. - Hundred and forty-one.
- One-hundred and forty-two. - One-hundred forty-three.
- One-hundred forty-four. - Two hundred dollars.
[gasps] I don't have that much money.
- [gasps] Then I guess ya lose.
- This doesn't have to end, Sarah.
You can borrow money from your parents,
skip college, get a small business loan.
- Or...
I win, suckas!
[laughs maniacally]
- Never bet on crazy.
- Well, that's it, folks.
As they say in the auction game,
I bid you farewell.
- Go home, Hank.
In fact, let's all get out of here.
Joyce, you with me?
Where's Joyce?
I hate this school.
- So you're probably still wondering
where Max, Phoebe, and Billy are.
Don't get mad, but they're--
- They're right here.
- And Phoebe didn't make you a new vase.
Maybe you're right to love Max more.
- [scoffs] Guys, I want to talk to you
about something Nora said.
- Nora's a liar!
- [sighs]
- She's just confused.
I don't love Phoebe more than you.
I love you both equally.
- [whispers loudly] I don't think she knows.
- BARB: Knows what?
- That we love you... more than Dad?
- Awww... you know, I always suspected it,
but it's just nice to hear.
Shh.
- [phone jingles] - Haha!
Thanks to my museum break-in, my followers are coming back.
- It wasn't a break-in.
I left admission fees on one of the displays.
- You mean the money I took to pay for this ice cream?
- Well, it's fine, 'cause I took the money from you.
I do have one question, though.
Do you have Billy steal your artwork 'cause you're lazy
or 'cause you're just horrible at art like me.
- It's 'cause I'm lazy.
I'm actually really good at art.
Here, check this out.
- Wow, that's amazing.
- Yeah, something I threw together this morning.
- Wait a minute, wasn't that in the museum?
- Yes, I'm back!
- *