- *
- All done.
- Oh, I love it.
- Looking good, baby!
- Aw, just the girls hangin' out?
- Not exactly.
- All right, I'm ready to pedi.
- Oh, Link's back. - He never left.
- Well, ever since I quit Splatburger,
I have all this extra time for my other job--
being Phoebe's boyfriend.
How am I doin', boss?
- Employee of the Month!
- Oh, but it is late. I should get going.
You can paint my nails next time, Chloe.
- Okay. Dr. Bunny, your turn!
- I'll call you from the car.
- Uh, it's probably not safe to call me while you're driving.
- You're right. Maybe I should stay.
- No, no, no. Call me from the car.
- Okay.
- Okay, is there a reason
you're turning our house into an igloo?
It's Link.
I love spending time with him-- just not all my time.
Since we're always together,
I never get a chance to miss him.
Looks like you got yourself quite the clinger.
Trust me. I know all about that.
- COLOSSO: Max, is that you?
Are you comin' down? Should I come up?
Max
- Well, at least I get to keep my clinger in a cage.
- You know, Phoebe, when your father first retired,
he was a little clingy, too.
Guess what I did?
- Barb, thanks again for this 3D puzzle.
Just when I'm looking for something to do,
another one shows up!
- You got him a hobby.
- No, I got him a home gym, but that didn't work.
- Oh, I think Link wants me to answer my phone.
- I forgot to freeze the back door.
- Hey, Link.
Yeah, I miss you, too.
This may be awhile.
- *
* What you see
* Is not what you get
* Livin' our lives with a secret *
* We fit right in
* Bet you never guessed
* 'Cause we're livin' our lives *
* Just like all the rest
* A picture perfect family *
* Is what we try to be
* Look closer, you might see *
* The crazy things we do
* This isn't make believe *
* It's our reality
* Just your average family
* Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble *
* Livin' a double life
- I'm so excited to go to the movies tomorrow night.
- Me, too.
Any chance that this is going to be a girls' night girls' night,
or is it gonna be a girls' night plus Link girls' night,
like it's been the past three girls' nights?
- Yeah, if you're asking if Link is coming--no.
Oh, come on, that's actually what I wanted to show you.
Of course.
You're gonna clean out your garage
so you have a place to hide from Link.
- No, it's National Hobby Month.
I'm gonna have Link pick a hobby
and then he'll give me a little space--
which is exactly what our relationship needs.
- Hey, Phoebe. Hey, Cherry.
Garage sale. Awesome.
- No, Link, it's National Hobby Month.
Duh!
Oh, I call dibs on knitting.
- Oh, yeah--did you know that up to 500 hobbies
go unhobbed each month?
- I don't think anyone knows that.
- Well, now that you do, let's get you a hobby.
We have, uh, soda brewing, ping pong,
ooh, croquet.
- Is spending time with you somewhere around here--
'cause that's a hobby I could "get down" with.
I can't take that back, can I?
- Hey, Phoebe, I think your boomerang's broken.
I threw it and it's not coming back.
- CHERRY: Now it is!
- Oh, I am just going to take my knitting and go.
No way I can hurt myself with these things.
- Wow, you saved Cherry's life.
I wish I had skills like that. - You do.
Wait. That could be your hobby--saving people.
- You know, to be honest,
it's something that I've always wanted to do.
But growing up the son of Evil Man,
I just never thought it was possible.
- Well, hey, you won't know until you try.
I can even go on your first save with you.
Make sure it's something you can "get down" with.
Yeah, there really is no way to make that cool.
- Yeah. No.
- Thanks for inviting us to hang out at Splatburger, Max.
- Ah, I didn't invite you to hang out,
I invited you to pay.
- Hello, Thunder brats.
- Mrs. Wong, what are you doing here?
- I'm passing out samples of my chili.
The "Chili Wars" cooking show is coming to Hiddenville
and I'm in it to win it!
- So, why are you here at Splatburger?
This isn't your restaurant.
- It is now.
Soon I will own every restaurant in Hiddenville
and you won't be able to escape the long arm of Wong!
Anyway, enjoy the chili.
- Well, everything tastes better when it's free.
Except this! - BILLY: It's gross!
- I've made better chili than this--
right here at this table.
Watch--uh, burrito, fried peppers,
hamburger and my secret ingredient.
- Grow up, Billy.
- Sweet potato fries.
Dig in.
- Yum! - That's awesome!
How'd you learn to cook like that?
- I was in my lair trying to make a cherry bomb.
Next thing I know,
I made a cherry pie that was the bomb.
- So, everybody enjoying my chili?
- No, we're enjoying this chili.
We spit yours out.
Let me try.
Hm, not bad. What's in it?
- It's a family secret. Sorry, Wong.
- No hard feelings.
- Yeah, I think we're done.
- All right, chili,
surrender your mysteries to the long arm of Wong.
- Okay, Link, this is perfect.
Six civilians trapped in an elevator.
Now, remember, the number one superhero rule--
saving lives comes before family and friends.
- Those six people in there are your girlfriends now.
No, don't worry.
This is a nice beginner- level save, okay?
There are six lives at stake.
Those cables could snap.
- Link, this isn't a cartoon. Cables don't just snap.
- Oh, no, the cables are snapping!
They're gonna fall! - My girlfriends!
- You caught them.
That was incredible.
- There, I pulled them to the next floor.
Let's get them out.
- I can't believe this.
- Thank you so much. How did you--
- Oh, we didn't do anything.
Just, uh, two kids hangin' out at an office building.
Okay, thanks, bye.
- Saving people feels amazing!
I think I'm hooked.
It's all because of you.
Thank you. - Oh...
Wait a minute.
If you're hugging me, who's holding the elevator?
- Guess we're taking the stairs.
- *
- Max, you've gotta see this.
- Hey, hey, hey, Chili D. Williams
here with a preview of this week's "Chili Wars."
We're in Hiddenville with contestant Mrs. Wong.
Mmmmm, smells like you've got a pretty good chance
of winning this week's big cash prize.
Do I detect a little, uh...
...sweet potato fries in there?
- Uh-uh-uh, it's a secret family recipe.
And if anybody says I stole it,
he's a liar! - Oh, wow.
- I can't believe Wong stole my recipe.
I mean, I can. But I can't!
- We can't let her win that money with your chili.
- Yeah, you've gotta enter that cooking contest.
- Whoa! Villains don't cook on TV!
You'll ruin your evil reputation.
By the way, I booked you a pedicure with Chloe at 2:00.
- Thank you.
And you're right--I can't be seen cooking in public.
But someone else can.
- Let's get cookin'!
- Uh, I meant Billy and Nora.
Sorry, pal.
- Link's been so busy saving people all week,
I'm actually starting to miss him.
And that's how you make a relationship work.
- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Alert! Alert!
Link Evilman approaching.
- Oh, yay, Link's here. I'm so excited.
I actually mean it. - I'm so happy for you.
- Uh, is that why your butt's lighting up?
- Oh, yeah, I knitted my phone into my pants.
Sorry, Mom, I must've butt-dialed you.
- Hey, stranger. - Hey, Phoebe.
Sorry I've been so caught up with my new hobby.
I just didn't think I'd be so good at it.
- Hey, you're on your way to being a great boyfriend.
I mean, hero, a great hero.
- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Alert! Alert!
Incoming transmission from Super President Kickbutt.
- Hi, Super President Kickbutt.
I suppose you're checking in on me?
- No, I'm calling for Link.
- Oh, uh, how'd you know he was here?
- The same way I know your baby sister
is running an unlicensed nail salon.
- Adios!
- Link, you've really been stepping up your game.
You're on your way to becoming a great hero.
- That's exactly what I said.
You know, I think he's making great strides--
- Pipe down, Phoebe. - Okay.
- This is official business.
Link, the Hero League has decided
to give you your own city to protect.
- Wow! Thank you!
- This is so exciting.
You're gonna get to protect your hometown just like me.
- No, we're sending Link to Hong Kong.
- Wow, that's, uh,
all the way on the other side of the world.
And not at all what I'd planned.
- Phoebe, he may need your help.
- No, right now.
He's fainting.
- I can't believe you're sending Link to Hong Kong.
Don't you have anything closer--like,
I don't know, Nearby Falls?
- I know Hong Kong is far.
But there's no one to protect their elevators--
now that their stretchy superhero,
Bungee Boy, is gone.
- Let's just say there was too much "boy"
and not enough "bungee."
You leave in two days.
Super President Kickbutt out! - But President--
- I said out!
- I can't believe this. - I know.
- I'm gonna be a superhero!
- Oh, we're going with that. Okay, yay!
- This is a dream come true. I can't wait to tell my parents.
They're gonna be so mad.
- Link is gonna be a superhero in Hong Kong?
That's so exciting.
- No, Cherry, it means we can't be together.
Look, if Link is a superhero,
he's gonna be way too busy and way too far away.
If it's 8:00 a.m. here, over there it's next Tuesday.
- Oh.
Well, can't you just ask him not to go?
- Did you see how excited he was?
It'd be selfish of me to ask him to stay.
You know what wouldn't be selfish--
making him realize he wants to stay.
- Oh, sweetie, this isn't a toy.
It's a highly- sophisticated puzzle.
It takes a lot of patience and a keen eye
to know where each piece goes.
- This piece goes here.
- Barb, Chloe's messin' with my stuff!
- Learn to share, Hank.
Now it's just us for dinner.
What should we have?
Wait. Where are all my pots?
- Let the "Chili Wars" begin!
Listen, Wong, there's no way you're winning
that cash prize with your "secret family recipe."
- I didn't say it was "my family."
- Well, we have another secret ingredient.
My family over there's gonna teach you
a thing or two about winning the "Chili War."
- Yah! Yah!
- They're just, uh... warming up their spoons.
That's another family secret.
- Do you really think this is gonna work, Max?
- Yes, no one's gonna know I'm doing all the cooking
because you two are my kitchen puppets, remember, huh?
- I like being a puppet.
Take the wheel, Max.
- Hey, hey, hey, I'm Chili D. Williams
coming to you from Hiddenville,
where this week's episode of "Chili Wars"
is gonna be hotter than a habanero.
Let's meet our first two contestants--
Billy and Nora Thunderman.
Who's this guy?
- Uh, I'm Fred Not-a-Cook.
- Ha. Ha. All right.
Are you two ready for the battle of the beans?
- We sure are.
Make sure you shoot my bow-side, too.
Can I call ya Chill?
- Ha. Ha. You sure can, baby bean.
Just stay outta my light.
All right, let's get cookin'.
- Okay, first we get...
- ...beans... and dump them in the pot--
totally on our own.
- Look who's cookin' like a big boy.
- Then I get some...
- ...some salt and I put it in the pot.
Oh, wait, no!
Looks like it's goin' on the meat.
- Then I knock over the pepper.
- Ah...achoo!
I'll take care of that.
- Uh, you do know we're on TV, right?
- Oh, sorry.
I'll take care of that.
- Ohhhh, Chili D's stickin' a fork in ya
'cause you are done. - Ow.
- I can do that. I'm a TV star.
Let's see who's next.
- [silent sneeze, silent laugh]
- Oh, this looks great.
How could Link not want to stay in Hiddenville with this?
Thanks, Cherry.
- A funny story about setting this up--
- Uh-oh, no time. Here comes Link! Hide!
- Phoebe, I still have to say goodbye to my parents.
They are so mad.
Whoa, what's all this?
- Just "The story of us." Come on.
I was thinking after the amazing day we've had
we order a black and white cookie
seeing as my hair is kind of black
and yours is kinda... white-ish.
The point is you and I go great together--
just like a black and white cookie.
Well, nope, that's not the idea.
- Actually, I prefer it this way.
The vanilla's much better on its own.
'Cause I think that the two parts
make one perfect whole which should never be separated.
No. No way. No.
How about a slide show?
- Oh, it's us at the park.
That's the time we tried to make pizza.
Oh, and that's me--eating this cookie ten seconds ago.
How...how did you-- - Shhhh. Just watch.
We've had a lot of great times together.
How does that make you feel?
- Like the luckiest guy in the world.
- Aw...
- Oh.
Oh, I have to check in for my flight.
- Aw.
No baggage for this guy.
- I'll be right back.
Cherry, this is not going well.
He's still planning on going to Hong Kong--
with no baggage.
- I had a feeling your creepy slide show wouldn't work.
- So, I knitted you a sweater to give to him.
- Oh, wow, "Phoebe Hearts Link."
It's perfect!
Except for the extra neck hole.
- It's like they have a mind of their own.
- Wait a minute--this is exactly what I need.
Isn't this great?
We've never been closer than we are right now.
- This is definitely close.
- We are back in Hiddenville
where each batch of chili so far
has been worse than the last--
which means if your chili tastes like food,
the cash prize is yours.
- Well, why don't you have a bite?
- All right.
- Max, what are you doing?
- If I'm not winning the money, neither is Wong.
- I don't know why I'm holding these.
- It looks like you're adding your secret ingredient.
Oh!
- Which is a dash of crazy.
- If you think that's crazy...
- What... What's happeni
Did I win?
- No! No! You lost the "Chili War"
and your mind!
But you do get this. - Ow!
I'm Chili D. Williams and this has been "Chili Wars."
We'll see you next week.
And cut!
This mess is never gonna air.
Pack it up, boys.
I should've never left game shows.
Boop!
- Ow!
- Another family secret--
stir your chili with your spoon, not your face.
- Hmph!
- Doesn't food taste better when we're this close?
- Well, I wouldn't know.
All I can do is lick tomato sauce off this knife.
- Oh, here, we'll switch.
- Careful. Careful. - I got it.
- Oh, gosh.
- Oh, my gosh, Link. I'm so sorry.
Let me get you some ice. Watch yourself.
- Oh, wait, there's some over here.
- It's fine. I got it. - No, I got it.
- Mine's closer.
- Phoebe, what are we doing?
- No, that's not what I meant. It's just...
I mean, my last day in Hiddenville
would be a lot more fun if you weren't being so...
well, clingy. - I was just trying to--
Wait. Did you say "clingy"?
- I'm...I'm sorry,
but you did put us in a two-headed sweater.
- Yeah, I know I did, but, um...
Okay, look, the whole reason I wanted you
to pick a hobby was because you were being clingy.
- You once insisted on
holding my hand for two straight weeks.
- Because I'm crazy about you.
- You were in Mexico with your family.
- Well, I guess I see your point.
But why wouldn't you just say something?
- Well, because...
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Link, I'm crazy about you, too, okay?
That's why I put together this whole day--
to make you wanna stay,
so we wouldn't have to break up.
I...I didn't even think about breaking up.
- What did you think was gonna happen?
- I don't know. I...I guess I was so excited
about finally becoming a superhero,
that I just didn't think about
what it meant for us.
- Well, it's all I've thought about.
- I don't wanna lose you.
- I don't wanna lose you, either.
- Wow. Look, I'm calling Kickbutt right now
and I'm telling her that I'm not going.
- No. No, I can't let you do that.
I won't let you turn your back
on your dreams because of me.
You were a great boyfriend, Link.
And now you're gonna be a great superhero.
- Wow.
So this is really happening.
- Looks like someone in Hiddenville needs saving.
Someone in Hiddenville also really needs a hug.
- *
- And maybe a kiss.
- *
- Okay.
Guess I'd better take care of this.
- *
Goodbye, Link.
We'll always have Splatburger.
- *
- So long as the kitchen doesn't burn down!
That's the emergency!
- Cherry, what did you do now?
- *