1
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:13,178
(tess)
lincoln's like, your balloons
are [bleep] awesome.
2
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:16,415
I want to send them into the sky
so that you can spy.
3
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,617
[bleep] yeah, I will do that.
4
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,887
This is the funnest job ever.
[laughs]
5
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:22,855
(mark)
it would be like,
6
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,423
This and this
and this and this
7
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:27,192
Then go with this and this
and this and this,
8
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,928
And the other would go,
you wish, tuna fish.
9
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:30,796
[laughs]
10
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,564
(jenny)
they're like,
we hear this thing.
11
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,499
It's like
[imitates static].
12
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:37,436
Oh, my god, this is basically
the sound of the big bang.
13
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,072
Boing!
[babbles]
14
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:43,242
[patriotic music]
15
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:48,447
♪ ♪
16
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:55,120
(man)
I was born in jersey.
17
00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:56,255
I was raised in jersey.
18
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:59,358
I am definitely going
to die in jersey.
19
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,294
(man)
jersey's [bleep]
goddamn [bleep] cold.
20
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:05,597
And, like, the next day,
it's [bleep] fine.
21
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,132
And then, like,
two days later,
22
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,435
It's [bleep] cold
as [bleep] again.
23
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,370
(man)
I love jersey,
24
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:15,841
But everything in jersey
pisses me off.
25
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,976
[geese honking]
26
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:21,580
- Let's do a shot.
- Let's do a shot.
27
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,351
You did all that in one?
Tess!
28
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,486
'cause we're on camera.
29
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,455
- Mmm!
- It's delicious. [giggles]
30
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:32,391
- Oh, giving me more--oh.
- Oh, [bleep].
31
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:35,094
- Bless your sweet heart.
- Oh, [bleep].
32
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,129
You put so much more
in mine.
33
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,797
I did.
34
00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:43,535
Doesn't have a cork.
35
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:47,372
You only need a cork
if you're not gonna finish it.
36
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,708
Hello, I'm tess lynch,
37
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,144
And today we're gonna talk
38
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:56,048
About the union balloon corps.
39
00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:57,149
[derek laughs]
40
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,852
(tess)
so it's a week
into the civil war.
41
00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:01,653
Thaddeus lowe is a balloonist.
42
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,723
He's airborne
in hoboken, new jersey,
43
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:08,460
And he's like, [bleep] yes.
Like, aah!
44
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:12,598
And everything seems great,
until, oh, boom.
45
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,198
Winds hit.
46
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,535
Whoo!
And it's like, [bleep].
47
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,437
[bleep] winds, you know?
48
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,639
But, like, the winds?
They don't care.
49
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:21,607
The winds don't care.
50
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:22,875
They're like,
we're gonna have you land
51
00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:25,777
Wherever the [bleep]
we want you to land.
52
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:26,578
[blows]
53
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,946
(tess)
and all of a sudden,
54
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:31,917
He finds himself blown
into south carolina,
55
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:35,954
Like, right in the middle
of confederate territory.
56
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,956
Are you serious?
57
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,158
So he was like, boom,
58
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,927
Blown into the hands
of the confederate mob.
59
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:45,764
So they freak,
and they're like, whoa.
60
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,232
Are you a yankee spy?
61
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,267
What's your deal?
62
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,270
And he's just like,
what the [bleep] do I do?
63
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,771
So he has all these papers
with him
64
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,641
That basically are like,
thaddeus lowe,
65
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:58,010
Important balloon person.
66
00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,512
And they're like,
you know what?
67
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,981
You seem like a cool dude.
68
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,016
You can go.
69
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,384
And he leaves.
70
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,753
Okay, one second.
71
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:10,689
This is the funnest job ever.
72
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,591
[both laugh]
73
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,492
Okay, so basically,
74
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:17,296
He's just like, I don't think
this is working out for me.
75
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,797
The winds keep taking me
76
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,633
Into, like, the worst,
[bleep] neighborhoods.
77
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,202
Like, I'm done with this.
78
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,204
But then, he gets a call.
79
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,973
But not a call
because it's back in the day.
80
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:32,110
So he gets a message,
and it says, hey, you.
81
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,011
I've had my eye on you.
82
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,415
Why don't you come on down
to washington?
83
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,549
And he's like, who are you?
84
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,517
Okay, I'll go.
Whatever.
85
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,185
Like, trip to washington
sounds good.
86
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:44,423
So he goes down to washington
to this, like, fancy room.
87
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,425
All of a sudden, who walks in?
88
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:49,127
It's [bleep]
president lincoln.
89
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,963
And lowe's like [gasps]!
90
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,297
Like, oh, holy [bleep].
91
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,232
Like, president lincoln.
92
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,733
I didn't know you were, like,
93
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,802
You know, keeping tabs
on my balloons and stuff.
94
00:03:56,804 --> 00:04:00,239
And lincoln's like,
I have been, and guess what.
95
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:02,941
I have heard tell
that your balloons
96
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,209
Are [bleep] awesome.
97
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,110
I want to send them into the sky
98
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:08,914
So that you can spy
on the confederate troops.
99
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,249
Let's see what you can do.
100
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:13,118
You know, put your money
where your mouth is.
101
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,086
Thaddeus lowe's like,
102
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:16,788
[bleep] yeah,
I will do that.
103
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,123
Lugs his balloon out,
104
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,425
Takes it out
to the washington mall.
105
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,126
Whoop!
106
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,161
500 feet above ground, boom.
107
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:27,499
He's like, I am gonna send
an aerial telegram down.
108
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,301
[imitates beeping]
109
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:32,104
Hey, lincoln!
I see you down there!
110
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:32,838
It looks pretty cool.
111
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:36,441
I see all the, you know,
this and that and whatever.
112
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,276
Boom.
113
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:40,045
Lincoln is like,
this is awesome.
114
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:45,817
Like, I can only imagine
what you can do for the union
115
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,686
When you're--whoosh--
116
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,021
You're all like, tchh--
117
00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:53,425
Above the forces,
and you're just reporting back.
118
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,126
Thaddeus lowe,
119
00:04:54,128 --> 00:05:00,766
I'm gonna task you with making
the first union balloon corps.
120
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:03,168
So he, like,
bands them all together.
121
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:06,338
Lowe is like,
check out what I've got.
122
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,774
I've got, like,
a billion balloons.
123
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,542
I've got the excelsior,
124
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,476
The constitution,
125
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,346
The [bleep] whatever,
126
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:15,947
The this, the that,
127
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,849
The intrepid!
128
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:21,386
They become a, like,
balloon force.
129
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,922
It's crazy.
It's balloons.
130
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:27,659
So thaddeus takes lowe,
and--
131
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,128
Wait, no. What?
That makes no sense.
132
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,165
[laughs]
133
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,766
Are you okay, derek?
134
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,235
This is what happens
with this show.
135
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,171
You get a little--
136
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,572
I'm wobbly.
137
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,540
[laughs]
138
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:44,142
(tess)
so he goes, and he spies.
139
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,345
The confederates
were trying their best.
140
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:48,046
They were like,
look, if you see us,
141
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,282
We're gonna shoot cannons
at you.
142
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:51,416
He's like, boom.
143
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,751
He's like, what the [bleep]?
144
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,954
Like, you're trying
to shoot me with cannons.
145
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,522
It's ridiculous, you guys.
146
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,657
I'm way the [bleep] up here!
147
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:02,094
And they're just like,
pbbt, you know what I mean?
148
00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:03,862
Like, it's reverse fart noise.
149
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,197
It's not gonna happen.
150
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,098
(derek)
what?
151
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,999
(tess)
well, fart noise is pbbt,
152
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,968
And reverse fart noise is
[slurps].
153
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:13,105
Yes, 'cause gravity.
[giggles]
154
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:15,240
So that's basically
the end of it, except--
155
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,210
- That's it.
- No, it's not it.
156
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:18,710
No.
157
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,613
(tess)
so he comes home
with all this intel,
158
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:22,314
And he's just like,
159
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:25,784
Hey, lincoln, I took
a bunch of good notes up there.
160
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:26,551
What do you think?
161
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:30,555
And lincoln is like, oh!
Balloons!
162
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,258
What the [bleep]?
They're the awesomest.
163
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:38,330
This is
the country's first air force.
164
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,499
And he did.
He did.
165
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,134
- He should.
- No, he did.
166
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:45,237
He should, and he did,
and he would.
167
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:48,774
I'm seeing, like,
so many of you.
168
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:51,710
- [laughs]
- that's the worst.
169
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,545
[both laugh]
170
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,279
[patriotic music]
171
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:58,817
These are the people
that created paleontology.
172
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:02,087
Marsh is like,
einstein isn't invented yet,
173
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,655
But you're no einstein.
174
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,357
[laughs]
175
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:10,762
(man)
there's actually a place,
176
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:11,963
Here in new jersey,
177
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,598
Where you can learn
to be a wrestler.
178
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,168
That's all
I've ever wanted to be.
179
00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:17,369
[laughs]
180
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:20,439
[hard rock music]
181
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,440
[bleep].
182
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,841
This is a dream come true.
183
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,876
You might be really good,
or you might be really...
184
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,610
Bad, you know.
185
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,412
It's either one
or the other.
186
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:30,215
Smack the mat,
tuck your head.
187
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:34,486
All right.
188
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,620
Take this
to the next level?
189
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,255
- Yeah.
- All right.
190
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:43,061
♪ ♪
191
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,129
Ooh!
192
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,499
[all shouting]
193
00:07:57,743 --> 00:08:00,445
One, two, three!
194
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:03,215
[all cheering]
195
00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:09,120
I do vodka because it doesn't
give me a hangover.
196
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,556
You don't have to keep
looking at the camera.
197
00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:13,024
It's, like, a documentary.
198
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,092
I come from the office.
199
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,228
I was on the office
for three years,
200
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:18,830
And we look
at the camera and go--
201
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:19,731
[laughs]
202
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:23,768
Hello, my name is mark proksch,
203
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:28,673
And today we are gonna talk
about the bone wars.
204
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,609
[snickers]
205
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,043
A lot of people know this.
206
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:35,180
The first dinosaur
wasn't discovered
207
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,015
Until the mid-19th century.
208
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:40,285
This created
kind of a new science.
209
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,821
Two of the first paleontologists
210
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:47,158
Were othniel marsh
and edward cope.
211
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:50,929
Cope discovers this great
discovery in new jersery.
212
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,632
New jersery--not a place.
213
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:54,399
New jersey!
214
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:57,936
The first dinosaur
that's nearly complete.
215
00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:01,072
And so the lar--
216
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,141
And so marsh gets there,
217
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,143
And they tour around.
218
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,845
It's like, hey, cope.
219
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:07,746
You're a great guy.
220
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:10,115
Love you.
Thank you so much.
221
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,349
You're awesome.
222
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,853
And then he goes
to the owners of this site
223
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:18,423
And says, listen, buddies,
here's my dollars.
224
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:22,327
Dollars good in the eye
of the federal government.
225
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:26,765
If you find
any more dinosaur bones,
226
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,667
Don't send them to cope.
227
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:29,868
Send them to me.
228
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:30,502
And they do that.
229
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:35,440
Cope finds out about this
and becomes infuriated.
230
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,675
You were my friend.
231
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,877
I let you come see this site.
232
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,079
Why would you do that to me?
233
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,380
Marsh says, listen.
234
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:47,352
If I can make this work for me,
then bully to me.
235
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,254
That's what I'm all ab--
236
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,221
[exhales]
237
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:50,889
All about.
238
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:55,493
And so cope
then breaks into marsh's sites
239
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,597
And starts pillaging
and stealing.
240
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,532
Marsh finds out about this.
241
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:02,033
[bleep] livid.
242
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,268
What the f?
243
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,737
What do you think
you're doing, mister man?
244
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,572
You're not--why would you--
245
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,207
And cope is like, listen.
246
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,443
This is the game we're playing.
247
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,544
I was here.
248
00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:14,012
I found these bones.
249
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:19,718
Just 'cause you're not here yet
doesn't mean nothing to me.
250
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,254
[stammers]
251
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:24,723
Eh.
252
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,424
[both laugh]
253
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:29,294
Well, cope finds this dinosaur,
254
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,563
And he starts publishing
all this information.
255
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:35,100
And marsh gets there,
and he's like, wow, that's--
256
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:36,301
I mean, that's neat.
257
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,671
Um, why did you put his head
on his ass?
258
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:43,742
It's supposed to be
on the other end, you dingus!
259
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,443
Marsh takes the head,
260
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,680
Puts it on the tail,
and it fits perfectly.
261
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:52,150
And marsh is like,
einstein isn't invented yet,
262
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,218
But you're no einstein.
263
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,820
So marsh--
oh, no, no, no, no.
264
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,456
Cope is like, screw you.
265
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:01,059
We are obviously not friends.
266
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,494
Let the bone wars begin.
267
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,363
- Dun-dun-dun-dun.
- Da-da-da-da.
268
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,133
(mark)
a race breaks out to discover
269
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:11,536
New dinosaur fossils
in council--
270
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:16,107
In ccccomo--coun--
como bluff, wyoming.
271
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,375
So you have these two pits.
272
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:20,578
It's like, hey,
this discovery is pretty neat.
273
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,915
And the other would be like,
nuh-uh!
274
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,583
This and this
and this and this
275
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,353
Then go with this and this
and this and this.
276
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,221
And the other would go,
you wish, tuna fish.
277
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,258
This and that
was part of this and that.
278
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,160
The other would be like,
cool your jets.
279
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:41,132
The two of them discovered
over 140 species of dinosaurs,
280
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,401
But they were, like, fighting,
281
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:46,571
Throwing dirt
in each other's pits,
282
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:49,974
Sabotaging their own findings.
283
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:50,875
Marsh would be like,
284
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,411
Don't let cope
get ahold of these.
285
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,112
Blow it up.
286
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:56,748
Just so cope wouldn't find them.
287
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,751
Cope was like, don't let
marsh get ahold of these.
288
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,152
Blow these up.
289
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,854
This is insane.
290
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,290
They even had a dirtball fight.
291
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,592
[laughing]
these are two of the people
292
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:10,595
That created paleontology.
293
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,465
They're acting like
spoiled little babies.
294
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:15,834
Put diapers on 'em!
295
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:16,601
Give 'em a nuk.
296
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,437
This went on then for 15 years.
297
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:24,642
And marsh becomes
the head of u.S. Paleontology
298
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:27,712
Because he discovered
the most bones
299
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:28,780
And is like,
300
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:32,183
All of the fossils collected
by cope
301
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:35,153
Belong to the usgs.
302
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,721
That's all cope had left,
303
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:40,458
And marsh was trying to take
that [bleep] away from him.
304
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,128
Cope was like, screw you.
305
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,864
I'm going to fight you on this.
306
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,499
Cope, it turned out,
307
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:49,734
Had been collecting evidence
308
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:55,006
That marsh was sabotaging
all this science
309
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,508
This entire time,
310
00:12:56,510 --> 00:13:00,545
Back to new jersey,
to como bluffs.
311
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:04,282
Cope gives
the new york herald...
312
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,384
[laughs]
313
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,120
All of these notes!
314
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,356
I get delightful
when I'm drunk.
315
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:14,025
The new york herald
publishi--
316
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,361
Publicizes all this information,
317
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:19,364
And it ruins marsh.
318
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,465
[laughs]
319
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,600
I got it.
Don't worry, guys.
320
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,536
[chuckles]
321
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:26,704
(mark)
this war, the bone wars,
322
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,107
Established paleontology.
323
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,943
But these two,
they're children.
324
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,711
Cope was like, you know what?
325
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:37,949
I hate marsh so much that,
when I die,
326
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,752
I want my brain
weighed and measured.
327
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:45,190
I bet my brain
is bigger than othniel marsh's.
328
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,925
And so when he died,
329
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,060
He had his brain cut out.
330
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:52,831
And then marsh was like,
no, I don't want to do that.
331
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,165
[chuckles]
332
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,667
[laughs]
333
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,268
Guys, let's eat!
334
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,704
Let's enjoy
a mouthfil--ful.
335
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,806
A what?
336
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,944
You want us
to enjoy a what?
337
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,583
[laughter]
338
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,453
I mean,
I didn't do myself any favors.
339
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,088
I really just made this drink.
340
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:21,192
It's like...
You know.
341
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,393
[both laugh]
342
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,762
Let's talk about outer space.
343
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,497
Hello, I'm jenny slate,
344
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:29,100
And today
we're going to talk
345
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:32,036
About arno penzias
and robert wilson
346
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:35,740
And their beautiful
cosmic discovery.
347
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,942
This is my dog's...
348
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:38,610
Uh, penis,
349
00:14:38,612 --> 00:14:41,646
And then I've also
had his balls removed.
350
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,414
- Aw, shame, shame.
- Reggie.
351
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,017
"give me back my balls."
you can't have 'em.
352
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,986
I took them away!
353
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,288
But I have a full vagina.
[laughs]
354
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,456
[clicks tongue]
355
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:52,523
In 1960,
356
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:57,829
Bell labs made this, like,
giant listening device for nasa.
357
00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:00,031
But then, by the time
they were ready to use it,
358
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,432
A better thing had been built.
359
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,867
So then it was just, like,
by itself,
360
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,535
All by itself in new jersey.
361
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:07,672
A lonely horn.
[sighs]
362
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,307
But two scientists,
363
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,376
Arno penzias and robert wilson,
364
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,611
They were like, oh, whoa, whoa!
365
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:14,412
Hold on, hold on!
366
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,382
If no one's using that,
could we use it?
367
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,551
They were like,
come on down to the horn.
368
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,419
So they get to the horn.
369
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:25,023
They're like, we are beautiful
scientists with lovely minds,
370
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,092
And we want to listen
to the sounds between the stars.
371
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,395
Boink.
They're like, let's go, babe!
372
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:31,429
Let's listen up!
[laughs]
373
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,799
Oh, god, I love thinking of them
calling each other "babe."
374
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:38,169
So they listen,
and the sound
375
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,804
Is a hundred times louder
376
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,774
Than any sound
they expected to hear.
377
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:46,911
It's like
[imitates static].
378
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,447
The universe is like...
[imitates static]
379
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,316
Find out about me!
[imitates static]
380
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,650
So they were like,
381
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:56,087
What is this darn sound?
382
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:56,654
[laughs]
383
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,691
It's coming from everywhere
in the sky at once.
384
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:01,459
Everywhere, everywhere,
everywhere.
385
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,260
[imitates static]
386
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,194
And then they were like, no.
387
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,663
There's no way a sound could
come from everywhere at once,
388
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,799
So we have to eliminate
all the other sounds
389
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,434
That might be,
like, interfering.
390
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:13,504
So first they thought maybe--
391
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:16,207
Someone doesn't care
about science.
392
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:19,844
They were like, it must be
coming from, you know, new york.
393
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,212
Urban interference, you know.
394
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,914
New york is a city
with buildings and lights
395
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:25,049
And people and subway
and blah, blah, blah.
396
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:27,652
So they were like,
point it there.
397
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,453
[hums]
398
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:31,089
Pointed the horn
at new york city.
399
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,091
No, that's not
what we were hearing.
400
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,258
Forget about you, new york.
401
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:37,295
Maybe it's coming
from a military base nearby.
402
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,998
And then they just, like,
point it at the military bases,
403
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,633
But they didn't hear that noise
coming from there.
404
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,969
No, it isn't it.
[laughs]
405
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,471
So then they were like,
okay, next.
406
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,271
Maybe it's from the sun.
407
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:49,040
They point it at the sun,
and the sun was like,
408
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,676
I'm just the sun.
I don't give a [bleep].
409
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,211
They were like,
it's not the sun.
410
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,279
What the funk is this, man?
411
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,415
And then they were like,
we should check our device.
412
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,350
What if there's something
inside of this thing,
413
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,653
Like, you know,
mold or a skeleton...
414
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,423
Of a hobo that crawled in there
to get shelter?
415
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,459
[laughing]
or whatever.
416
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,729
They look inside the horn.
Guess what.
417
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:14,699
This [bleep] thing
is filled with pigeons.
418
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:20,204
Houston, we do have a problem,
and it's pigeons.
419
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,939
[both laugh]
420
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:25,443
Arno is like,
you do it, robert.
421
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,477
You [bleep] kill them.
422
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,647
Robert's like,
I don't want to do it.
423
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,182
You do it.
424
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,583
[laughs]
425
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,052
Guess what they did.
426
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,087
They shot them with a gun.
427
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:36,754
A shotgun.
428
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,756
Then they were like,
well, that'll do it.
429
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:39,390
[chuckles]
430
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,925
After they've wiped
the bird blood
431
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:41,759
Off of their hands,
432
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,529
They're both like,
r.I.P. These pigeons.
433
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,329
Let's do this.
434
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:48,332
Boink.
They start to listen.
435
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,867
They're like, oh, [bleep].
436
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:51,202
[imitates static]
437
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,236
They hear it again.
438
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,873
What the hunk is this
right now?
439
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,141
[both laugh]
440
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,610
They don't have the answer.
441
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,945
They don't know what to do.
442
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:03,614
They listen through the horn
for years.
443
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,016
They're going
through their papers,
444
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:06,250
Their papers, their papers.
445
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,653
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh,
I can't get it.
446
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,855
Ugh, ugh,
there's nothing here.
447
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,290
Ugh.
This one's boring.
448
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,058
Ugh, this is
in another language.
449
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,794
Just being like, we're never
gonna figure this out.
450
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:20,998
Finally, they find a study
done by a scientist
451
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,366
Whose name is dicke.
452
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:22,934
[chuckles]
453
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,470
He had this crackpot theory
that the universe,
454
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:29,540
Instead of being infinite,
actually started at some point.
455
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:34,145
Dicke's like,
13.8 billion years ago,
456
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,314
Aka old as [bleep].
457
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,148
[laughs]
458
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,082
Check your watch.
459
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,150
I think the universe started
460
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:43,387
With, like, a crazy explosion,
aka the big bang.
461
00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:44,722
But they had no way to prove it.
462
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,557
Then these two guys
from new jersey
463
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:50,027
Who have been listening to this
[bleep] pigeon [bleep] horn...
464
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:51,095
[laughs]
465
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:53,865
Call him up, they're like,
we hear this thing.
466
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,032
It's like
[imitates static].
467
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,667
Have you ever heard of that
before?
468
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,569
He's like, oh, my god.
469
00:18:58,571 --> 00:18:59,170
That's it.
470
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,972
This is
what we've been studying.
471
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,774
Cosmic microwave.
472
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:07,311
[sighs]
what is that word?
473
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,212
What is the word?
474
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:09,347
We know it.
What is it?
475
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:13,417
Cosmic microwave
background radiation.
476
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:15,086
[triumphant music]
- okay?
477
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:18,756
It's the sound of microwaves
478
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:19,790
From the big bang.
479
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:20,958
[imitates static]
480
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,026
And they were like,
yeah, that's it!
481
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,494
This is it!
We got it! We got it!
482
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,830
This is basically the sound
of the big bang.
483
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,532
They wanted to try
to find anything,
484
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:31,869
But what they found
was the sound of everything.
485
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,639
Boing!
[babbles]
486
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:38,676
[laughs]
487
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,044
I had to unfollow nasa
on instagram
488
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,146
'cause it made me too crazay!
489
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,314
It would just be like,
490
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:46,517
This is a picture
of a [bleep] black hole!
491
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,553
And I was like, aah!
492
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,520
[laughs]
493
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,721
Okay, let me tell you this.
494
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,257
Penzias and wilson
get the nobel prize for physics.
495
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:55,593
Everyone [bleep] flips out,
and they were like,
496
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,962
Yes, the big bang is real.
497
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,764
It happened.
It's real.
498
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:00,464
You guys did it.
499
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,867
Penzias and, um...
And, uh...
500
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,869
Oh, [bleep].
The other guy.
501
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,804
I just keep thinking
of winslow...
502
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,540
[laughing] but I know
that's from family matters.
503
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,675
(derek)
carl.
504
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:11,943
[laughing]
505
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:16,714
Carl winslow
discovered the big bang.
506
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,116
Derek, what this is right here,
507
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,687
This is the sound of the echo
508
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:26,991
Of the universe
being created.
509
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,826
[imitates static]
510
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:31,963
Suck on that
for a second.
511
00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:32,964
See how you like it.
512
00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,532
Just for a second.
513
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:38,769
The universe is like,
just suck on it for a second.
514
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:41,472
[both laugh]
515
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:42,940
(jenny)
I'm the [bleep] universe.
516
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,909
Suck on it for a second.
517
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:48,079
[patriotic music]
518
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:56,320
♪ ♪
519
00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:13,271
Tonight, when I'm through
with you,
520
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:17,708
You will be history!
521
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,577
School out!
522
00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:20,711
Like, school's out of session.
523
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:20,744
I thought maybe--
was that all right?