1 00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:02,468 - Good evening. 2 00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:07,339 I'm Derek Waters, and I'm here in D.C. to talk to you tonight 3 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,675 about what just happened. 4 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,811 Now, I very rarely ever get political, 5 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,314 but tonight I felt the need to let you know 6 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,649 what I think we need to change as a country. 7 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:21,487 And truly the fist thing that's important to me is-- 8 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:23,122 - [whispering indistinctly] 9 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,491 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 10 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,192 - I'm sorry. I'm just finding this out now. 11 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:31,263 both: Live from Daytona Beach, 12 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:35,367 it's the "Drunk History" election special! 13 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,136 - Yeah! 14 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,237 [patriotic music] 15 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,339 Oh, yeah! - USA! 16 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,441 both: USA! USA! 17 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:46,211 - Whoo! I love this country, baby! 18 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,212 - [yells] 19 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:54,453 ♪ ♪ 20 00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:03,595 [upbeat electronic music] 21 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,532 ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:09,134 - Hello, and welcome back to the "Drunk Histroy" 23 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,369 election special. 24 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:11,236 - Mm. - Cheers. 25 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,205 - Thank you. - Here with Steve Berg. 26 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,540 - Yes. Thank you for having me, Derek. 27 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:18,210 - Thank you, Steven. - So here we have two turtles. 28 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,179 One Hillary, one Donald. 29 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,280 There's a presidental race going on. 30 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,649 We're in the racing spirit. 31 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:24,316 Let's race. 32 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,351 - Right now it looks like Donald's, like-- 33 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,686 - I mean, it looks like he's running. 34 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,455 He might be leaving the race. 35 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,656 It looks like the race might be rigged. 36 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,257 - As this race continues, we want you to watch 37 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,560 the first story of tonight. 38 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:36,295 And I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, 39 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:38,263 but back in the old days, elections were crazy. 40 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:41,266 Like, people would name-call each other and be very rude. 41 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,768 - What do you mean? 42 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,169 I thought they were very civil back then. 43 00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:49,241 - Sure, I wish that was true, but it's not, not like today. 44 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,176 Enjoy. 45 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:51,610 - Hello. 46 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:56,448 Today we're gonna talk to you about the election of 1800. 47 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,284 [slurps, laughs] 48 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,586 Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, 49 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,821 they were Founding Fathers of America, 50 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,857 and they were also the best of friends. 51 00:02:04,859 --> 00:02:06,592 Adams was like, the Constitution-- 52 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,595 you can kind of bend that how you need to bend it. 53 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:10,596 We can kind of work with this, 54 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,431 and Jefferson was always like, 55 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,432 Constitution is the Constitution. 56 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,567 You can't [bleep] with that. 57 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:16,401 But they loved each other 58 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,203 until Adams became president, 59 00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:21,340 and immediately they started butting heads. 60 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,276 John Adams was like, it's illegal to talk any [bleep] 61 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,645 about the president of the United States, 62 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,948 and if you disagree with the federal government, 63 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:30,816 [bleep] you. 64 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,751 And Jefferson was like, well, this is tyranny. 65 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:36,188 That's a violation of a little something called 66 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:36,889 freedom of speech. 67 00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:40,459 It all really reaches its head on the election of 1800, 68 00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,394 where these two lifelong friends 69 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,428 were pitted against each other. 70 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,832 Adams is like, if you elect Thomas Jefferson, 71 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,400 here's what you're gonna get. 72 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,835 Murder all the time. 73 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,404 Incest, your wives will lose their virtue 74 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:55,674 having sex with a lot of dudes willy-nilly. 75 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,644 So Jefferson starts talking a lot of [bleep] 76 00:02:58,646 --> 00:02:59,611 about John Adams. 77 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,380 We're talking about guys who, like, 78 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,047 created this country. 79 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:05,217 They were really like a bunch of eighth graders. 80 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,018 He was like, you know what? 81 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,788 Adams has prostitutes shipped in from overseas 82 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,223 that he bangs all the time. 83 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,292 I'm just gonna--I'm just gonna tell you that right now. 84 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:16,461 I'm--I feel like I keep seeing spit flying from my mouth. 85 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,729 - No, I'm feeling it. - Am I spitting a lot? 86 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:18,997 - Yeah, I'm glad you're seeing it, yeah. 87 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:21,633 - That's good. - I'm in the splash zone. 88 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,770 - So Jefferson went to the newspapers. 89 00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,338 He says, I want to tell you this. 90 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,608 John Adams is a hermaphrodite. 91 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,477 He's got both man and woman sex organs. 92 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,680 This is, like, a published statement 93 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:35,981 from Thomas Jefferson. 94 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,950 Adams was like, okay, fine. 95 00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:38,951 You want to go that route? 96 00:03:38,953 --> 00:03:40,986 That's when [bleep] got really dirty. 97 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,989 Adams says, oh, by the way, if you were thinking about 98 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,992 voting for Jefferson, you shouldn't 99 00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:49,428 because he's dead. 100 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,796 - That's a pretty good campaign. 101 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:51,897 - It's a very good campaign. 102 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,298 - Vote for me. I'm alive. 103 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:53,865 - Yeah. 104 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,033 Even if you disagree with everything I say, 105 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,535 at the very least, I'm alive. 106 00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,470 - Would you rather be accused of having 107 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,706 a penis and a vagina or being dead? 108 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,708 - I think being alive with a penis and a vagina 109 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,977 would be an amazing experience. 110 00:04:04,979 --> 00:04:06,812 And you're alive. - [laughs] 111 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,580 - Jefferson calls upon a hatchet man, 112 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:14,453 James Callender, to publish newspaper articles about Adams. 113 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,455 Adams... 114 00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,423 What was I gonna say here? 115 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,659 Oh, yeah, and he was gonna go to war with the French. 116 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,461 That's what was published in the newspapers. 117 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,429 And it's a lie. It's not true at all. 118 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,297 America was like, 119 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,865 I don't want to go to war with the French. 120 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,000 That sounds terrible. 121 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:30,335 And they elect Jefferson into office. 122 00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,036 Jefferson wins. 123 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,505 Adams is like, you want to go with this loser, fine. 124 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,674 But before I leave, 125 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,543 I'm going to appoint all of these people 126 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:41,480 who violently oppose everything Jefferson stands for, 127 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:45,350 and then he's like, I hope you like all these assholes. 128 00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,353 So cut to four years down the line, 129 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:51,890 and Jefferson's daughter dies, and Abigail Adams is like, 130 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:55,694 look, I know we've had our differences with Jefferson, 131 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:56,895 but I should pop him off a letter. 132 00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,032 She's like, look, I'm really, really sorry 133 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:04,002 about your daughter, and it sucks that she is dead. 134 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,104 Jefferson gets this letter, and he's like, 135 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:09,441 I-I want to thank you so much for being so considerate 136 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:12,010 about the death of my daughter. 137 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,046 But while I've got your attention, 138 00:05:14,048 --> 00:05:15,380 I also want to tell you, 139 00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:16,982 [bleep] you, 140 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,685 and [bleep] your husband for being such a asshole 141 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,586 who [bleep] up my presidency. 142 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,755 She's like, John, you know what? 143 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,792 We're done with Thomas Jefferson. 144 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:27,526 He's an asshole. 145 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,528 I tried to make it work with this guy, 146 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,097 but--but [bleep] him. 147 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:35,400 So these two don't speak for a decade. 148 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:38,537 Eventually, Benjamin Rush, 149 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,806 who was another Founding Father, was like, 150 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:41,540 look, John Adams. 151 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,542 Johnny, I love you two guys. 152 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,777 Why aren't you speaking anymore? 153 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,046 Why can't we all be friends like we used to 154 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,948 back in those glory days, 155 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,951 those 1776 days that were so magical? 156 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:56,955 And John Adams was like, look, I love Tommy Jeffs. 157 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:57,689 I'm a big fan. 158 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,624 I'll pop him off a letter. 159 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:00,492 It's very general. 160 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,594 It's like, hey, how you doing? 161 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,129 I--you know, I miss you. 162 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:04,996 I hope you're all right. 163 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,765 How's things going? 164 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:07,866 Jefferson gets the letter. 165 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,168 He's like, Adams, Johnny Ads. 166 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,536 Good to hear from you, buddy. 167 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:12,571 It's been ten years. How's life? 168 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,606 And then the letters start flowing, 169 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:17,442 and before you know it, they start to connect 170 00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:18,076 on certain things. 171 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,177 They start to connect on, 172 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,579 I'm a little concerned about slavery. 173 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,515 Thomas Jefferson was like, I'm anti-slavery, 174 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,584 but I do have hundreds of slaves. 175 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,586 [laughs] 176 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:30,021 Uh... 177 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,656 uh... 178 00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,525 what am I talking about? [laughs] 179 00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:34,459 - Keep going. You got it. 180 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:37,462 - It's weird how quickly alcohol makes you not realize 181 00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,965 what you said at all. 182 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:40,565 [laughs] 183 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,068 So by the end of their life, 184 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:47,072 these two have exchanged 158 letters, 185 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,008 and they're best friends again. 186 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,643 Then it's 1826. 187 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,211 John Adams is on his deathbed, 188 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:56,181 and his last words are, "Independence forever," 189 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,985 and also, "Thomas Jefferson survives" 190 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:02,187 because that guy's [bleep] awesome. 191 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,589 Little did he know that just a few hours prior, 192 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:10,529 miles and miles away, Thomas Jefferson had also died. 193 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:14,499 That day was July 4th, the 50th anniversary 194 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:19,504 of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, 195 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:20,806 which is crazy. 196 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,741 - That's true friendship. 197 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,876 - True friendship. - Cheers. 198 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,877 To friendship. 199 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:26,645 You're my best friend. 200 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,648 - We barely know each other, Derek. 201 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,149 - No, we're best friends. 202 00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:37,556 [upbeat electronic music] 203 00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:39,858 - Do you remember Abraham Lincoln? 204 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,127 He's on the $5. - Yeah. 205 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,296 - Did you know he was a lawyer? - Nope. 206 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:46,765 - Did you know he was a nerd? 207 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:47,732 - A never-ending rad dude? 208 00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:49,301 - Yeah. In a way. 209 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,736 - I did not know that. I did not know that. 210 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,873 - Well, neither did me. 211 00:07:54,875 --> 00:08:00,111 And let's see the story we did about Abraham Lincoln 212 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,646 as the Lincoln lawyer. 213 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,615 - Should we look up there? 'Cause that--like, that-- 214 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:04,349 - Is that where the TV is? 215 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,884 - I think the TV would be right there. 216 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,053 - Okay. Mm. 217 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,155 - [laughs] That's funny. 218 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,289 He looks hammered. 219 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,591 ♪ ♪ 220 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,759 - Hello, I'm Rich Fulcher, 221 00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:19,764 and today I'm gonna introduce Abraham Lincoln, the lawyer. 222 00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:24,236 You know, this device called the reaper, 223 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:28,773 in the 19th century, people were like... 224 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:31,877 [guttural noises] 225 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:38,149 And then McCormick invented a automatic reaper. 226 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:38,783 People were like, 227 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:41,219 this is crazy. 228 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,655 I can't believe this. 229 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,124 John Manny said, 230 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:50,195 I invented the automatic reaper, 231 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,163 and then that meant there was 232 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:56,067 a big luso--lu--lawsuit. 233 00:08:56,069 --> 00:09:01,673 I invented the reaper, you mother[bleep]. 234 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:07,178 I invented the reaper, you mother[bleep]. 235 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:11,249 And Manny got some Philadelphia lawyers 236 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:16,955 called Harding and Stanton and Watson 237 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,990 and some other people. 238 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,125 These guys are like, 239 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:25,797 we've got to, um, do this with a local guy. 240 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:30,735 But they didn't know anybody, and so they hired this guy. 241 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:34,372 Lincoln was this lawyer, man. 242 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,942 He was, like, a lawyer. 243 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:37,976 Lincoln answered the door. 244 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:45,116 Stanton went, he's, like, some sort of nerd. 245 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,017 Lincoln's, like, a nerd. 246 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,853 And, I mean, it's not even, like, 247 00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:51,022 a funny sitcom or anything. 248 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:54,759 And then this guy, Watson, looks at him and says, 249 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:58,897 oh, [bleep], he doesn't even have, like, a Watson, or-- 250 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:02,901 he doesn't have a Wat-- a Watson? 251 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:06,871 He doesn't have a... vest. 252 00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:10,141 Whoa, what's that all about? 253 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,377 What are you doing? 254 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:18,283 Lincoln was, like, viewed as persona non grata. 255 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:23,054 The case changed to Cincinnati. 256 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:26,424 Stanton and Harding go, 257 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,893 mm-hmm, we don't need Lincoln anymore. 258 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:32,230 But Lincoln didn't even know about any of this [bleep]. 259 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:37,435 But he would just keep researching and researching. 260 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,137 Oh, yeah, bup-bup-bup-bup. 261 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,307 I've been just going along with my own fun. 262 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,943 And he would write. He would be like, 263 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,846 am I involved in this case or what? 264 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:50,849 Finally, he found out that the case had been moved 265 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,785 to Cincinnati, and he was like, 266 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:54,986 [bleep]! 267 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:59,791 I've gotta go to Cincinnati! 268 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,792 So he went. 269 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:06,331 Lincoln went up to the hotel where all the lawyers were, 270 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:10,035 and Stanton saw Lincoln coming here--coming up. 271 00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:13,104 Oh, my God, this guy is a lanky, 272 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:17,776 gawky, awkward, ape-legged, 273 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:21,346 ape-l--armed man. 274 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:25,917 This guy is weird. This guy is like an ape. 275 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,053 He's got ape arms. 276 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:31,523 He's got, like, ape, awkward arms. 277 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:36,861 This guy is, like, an ape, awkward guy. 278 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:40,498 This guy is an ape! 279 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:45,136 Awk--awkt--"awksward"! 280 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,439 He's like an ape-man. 281 00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:51,443 This guy is like an ape, awkward man. 282 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:55,113 Lincoln stayed for the whole case. 283 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,181 They'd just go on 284 00:11:56,183 --> 00:12:00,351 without even acknowledging Lincoln. 285 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:05,990 The legal arguments that were made and the structure-- 286 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:10,095 oh, my God. This is the way to do it. 287 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:12,831 Like, oh, [bleep]. 288 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:18,069 It was just, like, a myriad of wonderment. 289 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:23,274 I'm--um--um-- 290 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:29,147 hum, hum, humma, hum, hum, humma. 291 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:33,017 Humma--Lincoln! - [laughs] 292 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:35,854 - Manny won. 293 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:39,124 And everything was great. 294 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:42,327 So Lincoln goes back to Chicago, 295 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:45,864 like, I know what I need to do now. 296 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:51,035 I'm gonna study my ass off and get things going. 297 00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:54,405 I'm gonna get my [bleep] in gear 298 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:57,175 or I'm gonna be Mr. [bleep] House. 299 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,444 And five years later, 300 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:03,014 he becomes... 301 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,550 the president. 302 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,317 Here's the thing-- 303 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:10,054 because Stanton was part of the firm that said, 304 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:12,991 we're, like, not into you, 305 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:16,561 Lincoln said, 306 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:20,331 I'm gonna get Edwin Stanton 307 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:24,169 to become Secretary of War. 308 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:27,605 [patriotic music] 309 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,475 How cool is that? 310 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:35,213 When Lincoln dies, he says, 311 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:38,983 "Now he belongs to the ages." 312 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:43,121 And Lincoln goes, 313 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:47,492 [bleep], that's great. 314 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,929 - What's the biggest lesson to learn in this story? 315 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,631 - My... 316 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:56,000 balls are big. 317 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,541 [upbeat electronic music] 318 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:10,381 ♪ ♪ 319 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,216 - He's alive. 320 00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,184 Hey, welcome back. I'm Steve Berg. 321 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,253 This is my boy, Derek. Say hi, Derek. 322 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:16,354 - Oh, hey. Hi. 323 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,591 - Derek was just telling me that a woman 324 00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,593 has run the country before. 325 00:14:21,595 --> 00:14:22,460 - Yes. 326 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:23,461 - I did not know that. - Oh. 327 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,598 Well, that's what "Drunk History" is here for. 328 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,733 [jet whirring, water bubbling] 329 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,034 - Excuse me. 330 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:30,435 I, uh... 331 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,136 - How do I turn this off? 332 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,473 - Hello. [laughs] 333 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:40,111 Today we're gonna talk about Edith Wilson, 334 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:43,548 the first female president of the United States. 335 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,315 [drumroll] 336 00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:50,321 Woodrow Wilson was the president of--of America. 337 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,589 The United States of America. 338 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:55,226 Edith [bleep] Wilson was the goddamn president's wife. 339 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:59,097 So, Woodrow Wilson, he had 18 months left in office, 340 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,099 and he has a [bleep] stroke. 341 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,101 His doctor was like, 342 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:07,839 uh, Woodrow Wilson has had a stroke, a big stroke. 343 00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:10,275 Like, we can't move, y'all, stroke. 344 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,176 So what you gon' do? 345 00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:18,483 And Edith was like, well, who I love is this man. 346 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,852 For who he is, and who he is 347 00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:22,186 is a guy who wants to be president 348 00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,123 for some [bleep] reason. 349 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,257 So if I don't-- 350 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,192 just ignore that. 351 00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,795 If I don't-- just ignore that. 352 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,765 If I don't help him be president, 353 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,800 what a kind of wife am I? 354 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:39,203 The doctor's like, uh... 355 00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,406 you got to run the [bleep] country 356 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:44,142 'cause this guy's out for the count. 357 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,178 So Edith was like, no problem. I got this. 358 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:48,813 Shut up. Sit down. 359 00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:49,614 I am in charge now. 360 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,617 Can I get my cheesy bread I brought? 361 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,418 - Your what? 362 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,453 - Cheesy bread that I brought. 363 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,823 - Can we finish this part? - What part? 364 00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,558 - The part that we want to do. 365 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,459 - [whimpers] My cheesy bread. 366 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,227 - We're still doing it. 367 00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:04,295 All right. Well-- 368 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,532 - I don't want the bread anymore. 369 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:08,166 - [laughs] 370 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,468 - So Edith Wilson, she told America, 371 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,270 hey, guys. [claps] 372 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,805 Excuse me. 373 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,708 My husband, the president-- 374 00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:17,342 he's very tired, 375 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,744 and he will be resting. 376 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:23,247 He's very tired, so he needs to rest. 377 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,616 And she even went to Congress 378 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,852 and was like, hey, no big deal. 379 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:30,321 I'm giving him everything you're saying, Congress. 380 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,424 I'm giving him all the letters and the things. 381 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:36,260 So what do you guys think of this rule 382 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:38,429 or a law or thing that we're working on? 383 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:42,233 And they'd be like, whatever, we think this. 384 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:43,501 And then she'd bring it to Woodrow who was, like, 385 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,336 half awake, and she'd be like, all right. 386 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,706 Well, Congress is like, blah, blah, blah. 387 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,308 And he'd be like... uh. 388 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:54,479 And she was like, well, I guess I'll compromise. 389 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:57,215 I'm just gonna [bleep] make the deci-- 390 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,483 [stammers] 391 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,218 Make the decision-ism myself. 392 00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:04,455 So basically, Edith Wilson was the first female president. 393 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:09,827 She ran memos between Congress and him. 394 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:12,330 Congress is like, all right. 395 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,532 What? 396 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,334 What? 397 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,669 What is going on? 398 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,572 So Congress picked this one Republican senator, 399 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:22,373 Albert Fall. 400 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,777 They're like, Albert, go see what his true condition is. 401 00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:28,546 Go see what Wilson's true condition is. 402 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,381 So Albert Fall shows up. 403 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:30,982 [dramatic msuic] 404 00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:33,918 He's like, can we come in and see the true condition? 405 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,588 She's not [bleep] stupid. She's like, yeah, sure. 406 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,923 Come on in. 407 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:40,858 So Albert Fall comes in. 408 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:46,697 ♪ ♪ 409 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,500 It was like, yep, he's--this is him. 410 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:50,401 Making decisions every day, 411 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:54,372 and not I--take the-- thank you, honey. 412 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,441 And I take the-- the papers from him 413 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,943 that I don't understand 'cause I'm just some dumb broad. 414 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:02,547 And Edith just propped up Woodrow in bed. 415 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,382 Like, waving, like hey. 416 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,950 And they're like, oh, okay. Cool. 417 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,718 And she's like, bye. And then they leave. 418 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,653 That's how dumb government is. 419 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:13,257 We had a woman [bleep] running this country, 420 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:13,891 and guess what. 421 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:14,959 You could go, nothing good happened, 422 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,562 but I can go, nothing bad happened. 423 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,831 9/11 didn't happen on her watch. 424 00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:24,669 Um, Disneyland with Johnny Depp at the ani-- 425 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:28,439 the--ho--the Haunted Mansion that's all Tim Burton-- 426 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,408 that didn't happen on her watch. 427 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,978 Christmas and Halloween combined, 428 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,847 a lot of things-- 429 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:40,118 [dramatic music] 430 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,553 - Basically everyone at this point 431 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,989 is like, where is the president? 432 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,891 Where is our boss? 433 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,659 Who ever in the name of God is like, 434 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:53,531 "Our boss is missing. We can't wait to get him back"? 435 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,099 Nobody! 436 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:58,936 Nobody wants to see they boss. 437 00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,605 Ow! Ow. 438 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:04,675 So she literally is like, I can feel the heat on me. 439 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:05,576 I know what I'll do. 440 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,745 I'll set up a photoshoot, 441 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,448 and they prop up Woodrow Wilson 442 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,150 in the Oval Office. 443 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,651 So he's, like, sitting there, 444 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,454 and they, like, move his arm, 445 00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,689 and then they just release that to the press, 446 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:21,859 and that's how dumb people were back then. 447 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,828 They're like, oh, there's the president 448 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,731 sitting there signing a document. 449 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:29,000 What the heck were we worried about? 450 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:32,136 He seems to be all at work and [bleep]. 451 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,704 So that's all fine. 452 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,907 That's how she ran the country. 453 00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,475 [patriotic music] 454 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:40,011 That's a good story. 455 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:43,014 - This is our-- [laughs] 456 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,917 - Can I just get back up? - Watch your head. 457 00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:48,619 Huh? - Can I just get back up? 458 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,620 - Yeah. 459 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,889 - But it's not on the show. 460 00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:52,990 - What? 461 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,625 - Anything. 462 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,061 When does it start filming? 463 00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:58,496 - Guys, come on. 464 00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,830 Who wants to be president? - It's not working. 465 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,033 - It's--it feels like they don't want to be president. 466 00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,634 - Why would you want to be president? 467 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,635 - I did. - It's a crazy gig. 468 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,671 - Yeah, I don't know. 469 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:12,510 But all we can say is let's all just make good history together. 470 00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:13,511 - I like that, man. 471 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,546 - You do? - I love that. 472 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,948 - All right. - I love that. 473 00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:18,849 - We love you. Thank you. 474 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,117 Look at Hillary go. 475 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,486 - Go, Hillary! Go, H! 476 00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:23,788 - Go, Hillary. Go, go, go! 477 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:24,922 - Go, go, go! Whoo! 478 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,157 - [cheering] - [laughing] 479 00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:27,058 - Oh, my God, thank you so much. 480 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:29,794 This has been one of the best days of my life. 481 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:32,997 Truly a dream come true to do an election special. 482 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,199 Thank you to Ken Alterman, Anne Freeman, 483 00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:40,137 everybody at Comedy Central for allowing this to happen. 484 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,206 This has been such a dream come true. 485 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,109 Thank you, and go America! 486 00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,077 - Whoo! - Mwah! 487 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,111 - [laughing] - Oh, man. 488 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,779 - Yeah. - Thank you for doing this. 489 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:52,016 [patriotic music] 490 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:59,223 ♪ ♪ 491 00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:11,302 [upbeat electronic music] 492 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:16,374 ♪ ♪ 493 00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:18,242 [woman vocalizing] 494 00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:18,275 ♪ ♪