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00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,545
Adult Adam: Back in the '80s,
I was a boy who put it all
2
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:04,671
on the line romantically.
3
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,173
But now that I was
kind of an adult
4
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,799
in kind of
an adult relationship,
5
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,718
I didn't need to do
that stuff anymore.
6
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:11,011
Nice ketchup work.
[ Chuckles ]
7
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,971
You really know your way
around a bottle of red.
8
00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:15,432
Aww, look who knows
how to talk to a lady.
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00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,434
I used to be a tad uncomfy
around the gals,
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00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,478
but now complimenting
your condiment work
11
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,604
is as easy as breathing.
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00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,231
Don't you carry
an inhaler?
13
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You know it.
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00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,692
You and ragweed take
my breath away, girl.
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00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,945
[ Giggles ]
16
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,614
Yep, I was on cloud nine.
17
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,032
Every moment with Carmen
felt like
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00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,742
a fantastical dance number.
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00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,078
♪ Ohhh, yeah ♪
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00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:40,207
♪ Dance all night ♪
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00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,167
♪ Never gonna stop ♪
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00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:46,004
♪ We'll be groovin'
till the break of dawn ♪
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00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:52,719
♪ Hey, dance all night ♪
24
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:59,518
♪ Doo-doo-da da-da-doo ♪
Johnny: Goldnerd!
[ Snapping fingers ]
25
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,686
Goldnerd!
What the hell, bro?!
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00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,354
Stop getting freaky
with the mop.
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Sorry, I was in
a semi-fugue state
28
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:05,983
dreaming about
my special lady.
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00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:06,858
Nancy Reagan?
No.
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Poetess Maya Angelou?
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00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,903
What?
Leslie Nielsen?
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00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,363
It's Carmen,
my girlfriend!
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00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:12,948
Yeah,
I don't think so, man.
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00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,241
We're literally dating,
35
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,368
and you think white-haired actor
Leslie Nielsen
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00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,328
is a more likely
romantic partner for me?
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00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,997
Tennis legend
Billie Jean King?
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00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,873
Yep, BJK.
You got me.
39
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:24,543
It was useless-- I would
always be a romantic at heart.
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00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,670
Which meant it was time
to celebrate our relationship,
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00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,380
no matter
how small the reason.
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00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,173
Oh, don't worry.
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I won't peek
at the special surprise
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00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:34,052
someone's making
his mamaaaa!
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[ Chuckles ]
None of this is for you.
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00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,138
And why would it be?
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00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,723
Because it's Mother's Day.
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00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:38,849
No, it's not.
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00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,183
It's a random Tuesday
in February.
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00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:41,268
Well, every day
should be Mother's Day.
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00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,186
We only created
the entire world.
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You certainly created
this awkward moment.
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And these are for Carmen.
Really?
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00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:48,358
You're still seeing
that girl, huh?
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00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,152
For the millionth time, yes.
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00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,445
So what's it gonna be
this time?
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00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,572
A standard "Say Anything"
boombox
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00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:56,533
followed by a trellis climb
for a PG-rated smooch?
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00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,660
You don't know
all my moves!
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But basically, yeah.
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00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,621
It's our
"one month-iversary."
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Month-iversary?!
63
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,833
Plus I rented a tux, and
I'm putting the final touches
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00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,501
on a patented
Adam Goldberg mixtape!
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00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,919
Why are you crying?
66
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,255
I just remember when you were
so teeny and innocent
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00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,007
and didn't like
strange local women.
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I'm taking this upstairs.
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00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,555
But I love you!
I've always loved you!
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Okay, how do you turn
this thing on from here?
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♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
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- Captions by VITAC--
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00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,568
♪ I don't know the future ♪
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♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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It was February 22nd,
1980-something,
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and Erica was preparing
to introduce
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00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,620
the newest member
of the Goldbergs
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00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,580
to the one person
who hadn't met her--
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00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,749
Erica's best friend,
Lainey Lewis.
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00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,125
Okay, I need
to get this right.
82
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,795
With the hat
or without the hat?
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00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,838
I think you're putting too much
emphasis on appearances, Erica.
84
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,174
It's just been a while since
Lainey's come back from LA.
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I want our baby to make
a good impression.
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Get the tiny sunglasses.
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00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,096
It's true, she's a fox.
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00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,639
Good luck,
boys in 15 years.
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00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,057
25 years!
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00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,642
Or whenever.
I'm a chill dad.
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00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,811
I'm just saying,
Lainey has a rock 'n roll life,
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00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,938
and I'm a full-time mom.
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00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,439
Our lives couldn't be
more different.
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00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:12,275
Please, she's probably
wallowing in misery like you.
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00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,319
Like me?
And why would she be wallowing?
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00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,821
Because her spirit
has been crushed
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00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,989
since Barry went back
to the girlfriend dealership
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00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,658
and upgraded his model.
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00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,034
[ Doorbell rings ]
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00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,121
[ Lainey and Erica squeal
and laugh ]
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00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,622
It's so great
to see you!
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00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:26,623
Oh, you, too!
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00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,667
What a fun,
screechy reunion.
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00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,336
I was not met with that level
of enthusiasm
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when I scooped her
at the airport
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00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,381
in the dead center
of the work day.
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00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,591
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, Dad's here, too.
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00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,968
Now where's that little beam
of sunshine?
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Auntie Lainey,
meet Muriel.
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Oh, my God.
[ Sighs ]
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00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,849
This is the cutest child
who ever walked the earth.
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00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,350
Oh, she's actually
not walking yet.
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The doctor said
it's totally normal,
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no matter how many times
I ask him.
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00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,271
Lainey Lewis.
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And your father,
Mr. Bill Lewis.
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Hello to both of you.
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Hi, Bar.
Is that a giant chocolate kiss?
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'Tis.
Been working it all day.
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Wanted to bloat up so not
to look too attractive
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for my old flame.
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Look at that,
it worked.
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00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,701
It's also out of respect
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00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,077
to my former lover's
father.
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00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,414
I'm no threat
to your baby girl.
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00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,833
The brown ring around your lips
tells the story, son,
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00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,751
but thanks for the words.
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00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,336
Maybe I'll just
swing by later, Erica.
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00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,088
But we have so much
to catch up on.
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00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,923
Bye, kiddo. Move out
as soon as you can, 'kay?
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00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,384
I guess I'll just use
the restroom at home.
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Ciao!
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Y'know, that reminds me...
[ Door closes ]
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I, too, should mosey on out
of here in a casual fashion.
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Take that the completely
innocent way it is intended.
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What you up to, Bar?
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Conventional things.
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00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,854
Just going to meet
Matt Bradley
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so he can help me pick out
some jean shorts, you know.
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[ Door closes ]
What a strangely exhausting
three minutes.
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Hanky-panky!
What?
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00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,654
An illicit entanglement
is brewing
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00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,114
between Barry and Lainey!
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00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,824
No way.
I know Lainey,
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00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,702
and she would never
make that mistake again.
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00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:46,787
For the third time.
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00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,788
I don't know,
whenever Lainey's around,
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00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,872
Barry gets all weird.
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00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,165
He's Barry.
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00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,750
Weird is his natural state.
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00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:52,959
Plus, he's over Lainey.
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00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,711
I just don't see Barry
ever fully moving on.
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00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,171
Where is all this
coming from?
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00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,632
Okay, one, Barry is on record
saying that jean shorts
155
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,383
are the uniform
of "half-men."
156
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,135
Two, Barry would never
go to Matt Bradley
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00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,720
for advice about anything,
158
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,223
and three,
Matt Bradley is out of town!
159
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,558
Even if Barry was dumb enough
to go back down that road,
160
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,685
there is no way
that Lainey would.
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00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,938
If she was even thinking
about it, she'd tell me.
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00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,606
I'm her best friend!
Maybe.
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00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,650
But there are two words
she hasn't shared with you--
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00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,984
hanky-panky.
Oh.
165
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,528
As Geoff worried
that Barry and Lainey
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00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,488
were falling back
into a romance,
167
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,949
my mom was worried about
my romance with Carmen.
168
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,660
Adam and that Carmen
are moving way too fast.
169
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,495
I thought we were discussing
my recent health scare,
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00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,746
but let's pivot to you.
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I mean, his little heart
is just so sensitive.
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00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,001
What if she rejects him?
It'll crush him.
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00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:39,089
He does seem like a person
who's been shielded by someone
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00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,966
from experiencing
most things
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00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:42,634
any adult
would have by now.
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00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:43,718
[ Laughs ]
177
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,303
[ Gasps ] Ginzy!
Hm?
178
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,681
That Carmen is here,
and she's with another man!
179
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,807
[ Gasps ] Really?
180
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,058
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do...
181
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,768
Assume the best
and mind our own business?
182
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,937
You're gonna work your way
over to their table.
183
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,564
Be invisible
and totally forgettable--
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00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:56,940
[gasps] just like that!
185
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,358
Yes!
[ Breathes sharply ]
186
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,194
You're gonna spy on them and
write down everything they say.
187
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,279
Beverly,
part of the reason
188
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,947
that I asked you
for coffee today
189
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,449
is I wanted to say that
I no longer want to be roped
190
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,577
into Goldbergs hijinks
and shenanigans.
191
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,870
Go-go-go-go-go-go-go!
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00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:13,164
♪
193
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,750
Oh! [ Laughs ]
Excuse me.
194
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,419
I just accidentally bumped
into you
195
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,879
and started
this conversation.
196
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,088
I-I just gotta get
to the men's room.
197
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,465
[ Laughs ]
You're funny,
198
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,384
and I've disarmed you
by giving you a compliment.
199
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,386
Now, is that your sister
you're with?
200
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,971
What?
Oh, uh, no.
201
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,306
Cousin?
Landlord?
202
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,932
Some woman you found
confused on the street,
203
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,017
and you're buying her coffee?
What?
204
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,518
We're on a date,
if you must know.
205
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,854
Oh, you mean like a platonic
work date with no feelings?
206
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,355
Uh, a date date.
207
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:38,607
That two-timing hussy!
208
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:39,608
I'm so confused right now.
209
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,776
Well, nobody cares.
Just... get...
210
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:45,155
As my mom raced off to stop me
from my grand gesture...
211
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,032
I will protect my baby!
212
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,367
...across town,
Geoff was looking for evidence
213
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,285
of two-timing
of his own.
214
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,246
Oh, weird.
Look who it is!
215
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,789
Geoffrey Olivia Schwartz,
216
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,333
did you use
putting our baby to sleep
217
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,792
as a way
to get me to spy on Barry?
218
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:58,793
I know
something's going on!
219
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,462
I can just feel it!
220
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,255
Look, he's stopping at that
cheesesteak place.
221
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,548
You know Lainey loves cheesesteaks.
222
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,799
This is dumb.
223
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:05,925
I brought
my birding binoculars.
224
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,218
And it gets dumber.
Look!
225
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,595
He's getting
two cheesesteaks!
226
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,055
We have to follow
that cheese.
227
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,556
Should we have disguises, too?
228
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,557
Way ahead of you.
229
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:13,725
Let my mom's gardening hats
230
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,935
and my dad's cataract shades
camouflage us!
231
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,898
♪
232
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,441
Our marriage is weird. Mm.
233
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,943
And so, they followed
Barry all over town.
234
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,237
Until they ended up here.
235
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,864
He's turning towards
that house.
236
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,199
Wait,
that's Lainey's house!
237
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,867
♪
238
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:31,910
Oh!
239
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,120
♪
240
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,830
I can't believe it.
241
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,666
Barry and Lainey...
242
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,501
Oh, why did you make me
know this?!
243
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,002
While my sister and Geoff
were getting closer
244
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,921
to the truth about Barry,
245
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,131
I was about to tell Carmen
how truly close to her I felt.
246
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,424
Stop!
Mom!
247
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,759
What the hell
are you doing?
248
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:48,927
Protecting you!
249
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,221
The grand gesture--
abort, abort!
250
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,972
This is way too far.
251
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,265
I know you don't like Carmen,
but--
252
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,935
Adam, I saw her
on a date.
253
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,812
A date?
254
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,063
You must have misunderstood.
255
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,314
I'm telling you, it's true.
256
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,775
Look, I appreciate
your concern,
257
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:06,027
but I'll just talk to Carmen
and clear this up.
258
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,362
Go home.
But, Schmoopie Poopie--
259
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,446
Go!
260
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,034
Was that your mom?
Yeah.
261
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:16,079
She just was freaking out
because, um,
262
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,165
she thought she saw you
on a date with some other guy.
263
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,042
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
She saw us?
264
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,627
That's awkward.
265
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,879
So then,
you were on a date?
266
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,297
Yeah, but,
I mean, it's okay,
267
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,757
'cause you and I
are casual, right?
268
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,927
[ Laughs ]
Oh, definitely! Casual!
269
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,887
Wait,
why do you have roses?
270
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,264
And what's the cassette?
271
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,641
These roses are...
272
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:37,767
for Carla!
273
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,060
She's had a hard time lately.
274
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,354
Awww.
I can totally sell these.
275
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,022
And the mixtape is...
276
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,315
for Johnny!
277
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,401
Friendship mix!
How much Rush is on here?
278
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,570
Somewhere
between zero and none.
279
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:51,239
You don't know me at all!
Friendship rejected!
280
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:55,493
You... weren't about to do
some big romantic thing for me?
281
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,287
'Cause I don't want things
to be weird for you,
282
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,705
and if they are,
then maybe we should--
283
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,331
Nope! Not weird.
284
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,542
Look, if you can't handle
a casual relationship--
285
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,335
Oh, I can handle casual.
286
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:07,505
If anyone can be casual,
I can be casual.
287
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,215
♪
288
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,092
I can't be casual, Mama!
289
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,219
Don't worry, baby.
Mama will protect you
290
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,305
from the nuanced
adult relationship.
291
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:18,475
♪
292
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,229
Erica and Geoff had caught
Barry doing... something,
293
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,314
and Erica was pretty worked up
294
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,565
to nail down what it was.
295
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,941
I can't believe it.
296
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,401
If Lainey is having an affair
with Barry,
297
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,819
why wouldn't she tell me?
298
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,988
Isn't it more important that
he's cheating on my sister?
299
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,281
Sure.
She's not one of us, though.
300
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,075
She's the aunt
to your child.
301
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,118
Yeah, through marriage,
I guess.
302
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,162
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, it's Lainey.
303
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:39,954
I need to get
to the bottom of this.
304
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,206
Now hide!
Hide?
305
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,373
Yes.
This is the kind of thing
306
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,541
only best friends confide
in each other!
307
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,375
Oh!
Now go!
308
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:47,879
Heyyy!
309
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,590
Hey there [chuckles]
best friend,
310
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,133
no matter
what other things
311
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,593
have transpired
in our lives.
312
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,095
How are things going, huh?
313
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,346
Oh, come on,
let's get caught up.
314
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,764
Spill our darkest secrets.
315
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,682
I wish I had some dark secrets
to spill.
316
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,267
I feel like I've been
so boring lately.
317
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,519
Look, I'd like to think that
you'll always be
318
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,270
the one person
I can trust--
319
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,314
who I can confess
anything to.
320
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,857
Aww, of course you can, Erica.
321
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,360
I'm so glad to hear that.
[ Chuckles ]
322
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,694
I've been thinking
about cheating on Geoff.
323
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,196
You?
What?
324
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,198
I think about being
with another man constantly.
325
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,700
Where I'd meet the guy,
what hotel we'd go to--
326
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,410
the Bay Breeze Inn
off 276.
327
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,412
It's close,
but also out of the way.
328
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,498
Um, I'm not sure
how to respond.
329
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,874
The appropriate response
would be to admit
330
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,334
that you've had
some similar feelings
331
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,878
and/or participated
in any infidelities of your own?
332
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,338
Uh...
Because I think
about cheating
333
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,423
on Geoff all the time.
[ Whispering ] What?
334
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,384
I imagine a strange man's
hands in my hair,
335
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,594
on my body,
whispering in my ear.
336
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,221
Do you judge me
or do you kinda get it?
337
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,472
You guys seem
so happy together.
338
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,683
No one can know the heart
of another, right?
339
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:45,145
Which is why I don't know
yours-- so use your words.
340
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,230
Any hanky-panky going on?
Hanky-panky?
341
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,231
If I were cheating
on Geoff,
342
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,024
you'd be the first person
I told.
343
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,359
No detail would be spared.
344
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:52,819
So spill it.
345
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,362
I mean, actually--
Yes?
346
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,614
[ Sighs ] I was waiting for
the right moment to tell you
347
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,492
Steve and I broke up recently,
so there's no one to cheat on.
348
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,660
It's been really lonely.
349
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,245
Has it?
Yes.
350
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,497
And I'm still upset, too.
351
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,167
But I'm really worried
about you right now.
352
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,711
So let me just get us some tea
and let's dig in.
353
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,130
Just know
I care about you, okay?
354
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,132
Well,
I care about you, too.
355
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,466
Almost as much as I want
to cheat on Geoff!
356
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,467
[ Chuckles ]
357
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,719
♪
358
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,345
What in the actual [bleep]?!
359
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,556
You wanted the truth, right?
Well, we got it!
360
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,183
The only truth I've found out
is that my wife
361
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,684
would be great
at having an affair!
362
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,187
C'mon!
Lainey and Steve broke up.
363
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,105
She's been lonely.
The pieces fit.
364
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,064
I think you were right.
365
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,274
Oh, poor Joanne.
366
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,275
I've gotta tell her.
367
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,027
No, she will hate you forever.
368
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,904
There's only one way
to let her know--
369
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,072
get her to stumble
onto the crime herself.
370
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,199
Oh, that's
incredibly harsh.
371
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,783
It's the only way.
372
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,203
Okay, just promise me you'll
never go to that Bay Breeze Inn.
373
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,622
That filthy dump?
[ Scoffs ] Never.
What?
374
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,290
Or anywhere else, obviously.
[ Scoffs ]
375
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,293
While Geoff and Erica had
clarity about Barry and Lainey,
376
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,712
Carmen had left me
very confused.
377
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,963
Casual?
378
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,506
I mean, I'm a guy
379
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,175
who goes from intense
monogamous relationship
380
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,927
to intense monogamous relationship,
381
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,345
like a normal person!
382
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,138
Are you sure this woman
is for you?
383
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,348
She doesn't seem
to understand
384
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,725
how special
my perfect little angel is.
385
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,852
Look, I have to grow up
sometime, Mom,
386
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,395
and I really like Carmen.
387
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,606
So if she wants to be
non-exclusive,
388
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,858
I guess I'm just gonna
have to figure out how.
389
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,152
If I may remind you,
you happen to be the son
390
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,404
of the greatest Yenta
the world has ever known.
391
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,406
I don't think I've ever said
this to you before,
392
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,616
but I like the way
you're thinking.
393
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:24,535
If my handsome little man
needs to be non-exclusive,
394
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:28,498
we're gonna show her
how non-exclusive he can be.
395
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:29,666
It's matchmaking time!
396
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,418
♪
397
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,255
My mom pulled out
all the stops.
Beverly. [ Laughs ]
398
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,757
She used the phone,
the Rolodex...
399
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,009
obvious choices,
less obvious choices.
400
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,512
♪
401
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:45,974
She left no stone unturned
to find me a perfect match.
402
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:48,268
So, what
are we working with?
403
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,937
Lay it on me. Who's lining up
for a dose of Vitamin A?
404
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,814
Lotta interest, um,
405
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,276
but I think this
might not be dating season.
406
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,610
Dating season?
407
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,529
You know how many ladies
like to go away on vacation
408
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:00,989
at the end of February.
409
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:04,617
Oh, my God. Nobody wanted
to go out with me, did they?
410
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,952
You're a bit
of a tough sell.
411
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,412
You put off
going to college,
412
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,913
you're working
part-time in a diner,
413
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,290
you're living at home,
414
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,125
and it does not
sweeten the pot
415
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,918
that you're currently
seeing someone else
416
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,962
in a non-exclusive sitch.
417
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,715
Now, the only one that might be
a possibility is Essie,
418
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,341
but she said
she'd have to think on it.
419
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,342
This is a nightmare!
420
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,552
It's tearing me apart
421
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,053
that the world
can't see my boy
422
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,555
for the hot property he is,
423
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,390
even though,
in this moment,
424
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,600
to all appearances,
it seems like you're a loser.
Thank you?
425
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,102
I'll just have to go
to Carmen
426
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,730
and let her know
we're ready to be exclusive.
"We"?
427
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:34,939
Then point out
all the amazing things
428
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,482
she'll be missing
if she doesn't accept
429
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,067
a committed relationship
from you.
430
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,778
No. I have to prove to her
that I can be casual.
431
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,321
And how are you supposed
to do that?
432
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,866
You're the master
of the grand gesture.
433
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:47,285
I can't tell you
how many I've seen from afar
434
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,370
and wished I was the girl
in the window.
435
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,665
Yes! Your horrifying and
possibly criminal revelation
436
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,083
has given me an idea!
437
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,418
You run away to
the Dominican Republic
438
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,670
and start fresh?
So far from that.
439
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,464
But what if
I did something bold
440
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,132
to prove to her
how chill I am?
441
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:04,677
You mean like a classic
Adam Goldberg grand gesture,
442
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,221
but... of casualness?
443
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,514
Exactly.
444
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,016
That is the most brilliant thing
I've ever heard,
445
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,560
and I'm certain I'm not being
blinded by a mother's love
446
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,104
and desperation for you
to never feel rejection.
447
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,440
Go to her.
I will!
448
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,650
But, like, not in a rush.
449
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,402
Also,
I was sugarcoating it.
450
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,113
It was a hard no from Essie.
451
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,699
As I was off to show Carmen
how chill I could be,
452
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,786
Geoff and Erica's
investigation was heating up.
453
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,995
Jo Jo! Over here!
Oh!
454
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,455
Ooh! What's going on?
455
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:35,083
Geoff said you were having
a fashion emergency, Erica?
456
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,876
There's no fashion emergency, Joanne.
457
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,920
Sure, if you say it,
then it's true.
458
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,922
Look, you're here because
we have something upsetting
459
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,173
to show you.
460
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:43,257
We're sorry,
but my brother's
461
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,759
having an affair
with Lainey.
462
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:47,470
Puh-leeze.
I'll believe that when I see it.
463
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,597
Barry's in there right now
with Lainey. We saw him go in.
464
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,599
But he just told me he was
going to the library to study.
465
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,142
That in itself
should've been a big clue.
466
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:54,143
Hey, guys.
467
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,436
Gah!
Lainey?!
468
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,647
Why are you talking behind
the Metcalfs' hedge?
469
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:01,275
Wait, but if you're not
in there, what's Barry doing?
470
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,610
Barry and Bill:
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
471
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,028
What the hell?
472
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:06,614
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
473
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,615
Barry?!
474
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,699
Ca--
Huh?
475
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,119
Ah! This isn't what
it looks like, baby!
476
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,162
I honestly have no idea
what it looks like.
477
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,332
As things with Barry developed
an unexpected wrinkle,
478
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,667
I was ready
to iron things out
479
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,169
with Carmen--
casually, of course.
480
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,130
[ In distance ]
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
481
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,966
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
482
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,009
All through the town ♪
483
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,553
[ Breathes sharply ]
484
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:29,971
♪
485
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:32,140
[ Music continues ]
Adam?
486
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,432
♪ The wipers on the bus
go-- ♪
487
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,476
[ Clicks, music stops ]
Heyyy! [ Chuckles ]
488
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,186
I was just wandering through
your neighborhood,
489
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,813
and I'd like
to make clear--
490
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,858
walking, not running,
and absolutely not in the rain.
491
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,317
What's with the step stool?
492
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,153
See, normally when
I'm dating someone,
493
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:48,072
I'll scale a trellis
to their bedroom window.
494
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,366
But as we are both
being casual,
495
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,285
thought it seemed
a little much.
496
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,787
So instead,
I brought a step stool
497
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,956
to chat with you
near your toilet.
498
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,457
Wanna explain the boombox?
499
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,377
Usually that'd be playing
a Peter Gabriel ballad,
500
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,462
but since we're in
a non-exclusive,
501
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,173
super-laid-back thing,
502
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,799
I'm playing
"The Wheels on the Bus."
503
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:11,179
So you came to my window
with a step stool and a boombox
504
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,055
to profess your
[Chuckling] ability
505
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,308
to be in
a casual relationship?
506
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,810
♪
507
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,103
Adam...
508
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:22,231
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, it's not great.
509
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,774
[ Sighs ]
510
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:27,069
The truth is, I'm not built
for a casual relationship.
511
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,031
I like you...
512
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,657
a lot.
513
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:35,036
And I don't want to play it cool
or see other people.
514
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:38,581
I want to jump in,
cast caution to the wind,
515
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:39,916
and see where we land.
516
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,500
♪
517
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,212
It's just who I am.
[ Breathing quickly ]
518
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,255
Sorry I made it weird.
519
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,050
Unfortunately,
that's also who I am.
520
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:54,805
♪
521
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,098
[ Breathes deeply ]
522
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,479
Adult Adam:
So it turned out Barry wasn't
having an affair with Lainey,
523
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:02,355
but he did have
a secret relationship
524
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,648
with her dad, Bill,
525
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,441
which left us
with even more questions.
526
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,110
It all started the day
of the Eagles-Cowboys game.
527
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,612
We were both going to a bar
528
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,364
'cause we had no one
to watch the game with.
529
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,950
So Bill suggested we go back
to his house
530
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,576
so we can enjoy it together.
531
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:19,247
And to our surprise,
we had a magical day together.
532
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,748
We both thought
it was a one-time thing,
533
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,417
but, dammit, we could not
get enough of each other.
534
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,710
It just felt too good.
535
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,170
So good.
536
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,172
After a while, we'd watch
any random sport
537
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,132
as an excuse
to spend time together--
538
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,344
handball, badminton,
water polo.
539
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,930
We even watched
Olympic women's Ping-Pong.
540
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,598
It was like a drug.
541
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,226
We started to build up
our own private jokes,
542
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,103
traditions,
and superstitions--
543
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,563
So that's what
we just saw?
544
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,566
I know we're caught,
but I'd do it all again
545
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,234
a million times over.
546
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,235
Me too.
547
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,361
Why'd you hide it?
548
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,405
Truthfully, we knew
it wouldn't last.
549
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,073
I mean, we have nothing
in common.
550
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,408
No.
551
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,119
Maybe you have more in common
than you think.
552
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,620
You're both missing someone
in your lives
553
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,664
you used
to share sports with.
554
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,791
Dad.
Mur-man.
555
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:07,086
And in some twisted way, this
is how you're dealing with it.
556
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,171
Dad and I used to share
the lows and extra lows
557
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,048
of Philadelphia sports together.
558
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,217
[ Sighs ] Mur and I could
sit together for hours
559
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,427
and not say a thing,
560
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,762
unless my Cowboys
were playing his Eagles.
561
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,850
Then he would insult my family,
my honor, my body shape.
562
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,059
I loved it so much.
563
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,644
I guess it's over now.
564
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:25,021
Don't be stupid.
565
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,063
You can still hang out.
566
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,523
[ Scoffs ]
Boys are so dumb.
567
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,899
You mean...?
568
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:31,319
Gentlemen sports-time
is back on!
569
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,404
And no longer
in the shadows!
570
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,033
Oh.
571
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,117
Together:
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
572
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,201
[ Both laugh ]
573
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,829
Maybe a little shadow
wouldn't hurt.
574
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,665
Speaking of, you thought
I was cheating with Barry?
575
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,000
I know it's ridiculous,
576
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,252
but I feel like our lives
are so different now...
577
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,338
Maybe
you wouldn't tell me.
578
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,173
Are you kidding?
I would tell you anything.
579
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:55,134
You're my best friend.
580
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,386
♪
581
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,847
While Barry and Bill
took their weird man crush
582
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,349
out of the shadows,
583
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,518
my future with Carmen
was nothing but darkness.
584
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,771
Hey, Schmoo, I've got
some Rice Krispie Treats
585
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:08,230
if you're interested.
586
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,900
Thanks, but I'm not really in
the mood for snackies right now.
587
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,486
I know this didn't go the way
you wanted it to, sweetie,
588
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,987
but it's always more mature
589
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,490
to just show people
who you really are.
590
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:21,369
Well, the real me is gonna
be sad for a while.
591
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,412
I know you don't care
what I think,
592
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,039
but I love the real you.
593
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,959
[ Sighs ]
594
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,295
[ In distance ]
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
595
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,714
What's that?
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
596
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,675
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round-- ♪
597
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,509
[ Button clicks, music stops ]
Carmen?
598
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,010
Hey.
599
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,804
I was just
in the neighborhood,
600
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,723
decided to swing by,
all casual-like.
601
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,016
I'll come down.
602
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,646
[ Sighs ]
603
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:51,440
You know, I have never had a guy
show up to my window
604
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,734
with a step stool
and a boombox like that.
605
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,820
Really? You should have
a million guys
606
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:56,779
outside your window.
607
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,156
Not a million.
608
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,866
The appropriate amount.
609
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,660
Why don't you talk now?
610
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,328
And the reason I wanted to draw
the line at casual
611
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,414
is 'cause I just got out
of a relationship,
612
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,542
and I'm [breathes deeply]
not ready to be hurt again.
613
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,918
I get it.
614
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,837
The thing is...
615
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,965
I know you are not the kind
of guy who's going to hurt me.
616
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,426
So...
617
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,761
we can be exclusive
and see where it goes.
618
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,638
I think I can
make that work.
619
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,390
♪
620
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,183
[ Laughs ] You think
you could still show me
621
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,893
what an Adam Goldberg
grand gesture is like?
622
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,645
I would love to.
623
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,647
[ "Can't Hardly Wait" plays ]
[ Chuckles ]
624
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,858
Adult Adam: Relationships
can be complicated.
625
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,943
Just when you think you're
getting close to someone,
626
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,194
they can pull away.
627
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:39,196
♪ Lights that flash
in the evening ♪
628
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:42,199
But as long as you show people
who you really are,
629
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,702
you'll find even
casual acquaintances
630
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,328
can become like family.
631
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,329
Whoo!
Touchdown!
632
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,707
♪ I can't hardly wait ♪
633
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,129
So, your incredibly
specific tale
634
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:56,630
of infidelity
got me thinking.
635
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,466
You're not the only one
who can spin a convincing yarn
636
00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,842
about a torrid dalliance.
637
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:02,052
Alright. Get whatever this is
out of your system.
638
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:05,055
I'm just saying, I, too,
know an out-of-the-way motel
639
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:07,224
where the touching
of non-wives may occur.
640
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,226
Oh, no.
I feel super threatened.
641
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,728
That's right.
I would do some touching.
642
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,438
Could you possibly be
more specific?
643
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:13,731
Happily.
644
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:16,317
Know that said touching
would be the touching
645
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,693
of an unfamiliar
female person...
646
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,944
Uh-huh.
647
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,489
And perhaps,
if her hands are clean,
648
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,783
underneath
this rugby shirt.
649
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,201
You're incredibly bad
at this.
650
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,494
Please never leave me.
651
00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:49,141
So, your incredibly
specific tale
652
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,643
of infidelity
got me thinking.
653
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,478
You're not the only one
who can spin a convincing yarn
654
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:53,938
about a torrid dalliance.
655
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:56,065
Alright. Get whatever this is
out of your system.
656
00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:59,068
I'm just saying, I, too,
know an out-of-the-way motel
657
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:01,237
where the touching
of non-wives may occur.
658
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:03,322
Oh, no.
I feel super threatened.
659
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,824
That's right.
I would do some touching.
660
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,534
Could you possibly be
more specific?
661
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:07,827
Happily.
662
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,162
Know that said touching
would be the touching
663
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,789
of an unfamiliar
female person...
664
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,040
Uh-huh.
665
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,543
And perhaps,
if her hands are clean,
666
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,837
underneath
this rugby shirt.
667
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,255
You're incredibly bad
at this.
668
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:20,548
Please never leave me.