1 00:00:01,097 --> 00:00:03,562 Back in the '80s, National Lampoon's Vacation 2 00:00:03,650 --> 00:00:05,953 was the best road-trip comedy ever. 3 00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:08,721 Yep, the Griswold family tore across America, 4 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:11,125 and no one loved it more than my mom. 5 00:00:11,281 --> 00:00:14,653 Yes! This movie has everything I love and deserve! 6 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,263 So pack your bags so I can unpack them 7 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,932 and then repack them again properly 8 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,403 because the Goldbergs are going on vacation! 9 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,637 I don't know, Mom. 10 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,073 That family's trip seemed super stressful and difficult. 11 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,474 And they like each other. 12 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,068 But we have one week left 13 00:00:29,156 --> 00:00:31,545 before Barry and Erica jet off to college. 14 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:32,713 It's 10 minutes away. 15 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:33,914 On nice days, I might walk. 16 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,820 And Adam's starting life as a high-school upperclassman. 17 00:00:36,908 --> 00:00:38,804 Now when the juniors throw food at me... 18 00:00:39,132 --> 00:00:40,121 ..they'll be my peers. 19 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,203 - Such a dork. - You shame us daily. 20 00:00:42,291 --> 00:00:45,810 So we're gonna take one last unforgettable family vacation 21 00:00:45,898 --> 00:00:48,872 before everybody starts the next big chapter in their lives! 22 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:49,859 What do you say? 23 00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:51,595 We love you, but pass. 24 00:00:51,698 --> 00:00:54,664 You're gonna pass on a trip to Disneyland? 25 00:00:54,752 --> 00:00:57,035 - Oh, balls! - I love you now! 26 00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,276 Ah, that's right! Embrace your mama! 27 00:00:59,364 --> 00:01:00,909 Star Wars just opened a ride there! 28 00:01:00,997 --> 00:01:02,109 It's called "Star Tours"! 29 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,078 You get to travel to the forest moon of Endor! 30 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,447 Well, I "Endor" you. Boop! 31 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,997 Even you can't ruin this. 32 00:01:08,085 --> 00:01:10,901 Star Wars teaming up with Disney is just so big! 33 00:01:10,989 --> 00:01:13,486 Sure, I wish they'd dedicate a whole land to Star Wars, 34 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,716 but that's just a little boy's dream! 35 00:01:16,466 --> 00:01:17,491 Barry? 36 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,294 Wanna give mama a huggy 'cause she's the best in the game? 37 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,229 I'm not going to Disneyland! 38 00:01:22,317 --> 00:01:24,755 I'm a grown adult man who will be starting 39 00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:26,799 a fully accredited university in a week. 40 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,917 But you love that Snow White. 41 00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:31,424 You've had a crush on her since you could talk. 42 00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:32,979 Which was late for your age. 43 00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:33,640 But still. 44 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,401 Sure, Ms. White has pretty hair 45 00:01:35,489 --> 00:01:37,276 and she's... patient with those dwarves 46 00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,816 in a way you know you'd just vibe with her, 47 00:01:38,903 --> 00:01:39,880 but not at all! 48 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:40,755 Who cares! 49 00:01:40,843 --> 00:01:42,794 I can't believe we're flying to California! 50 00:01:42,882 --> 00:01:44,850 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 51 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,481 That won't give me enough time 52 00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:48,567 squished together with my squishies. 53 00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:49,688 We're driving! 54 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,091 To the airport and then we're flying? 55 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:53,493 When will I learn not to hug 56 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:54,934 until I hear all of the details? 57 00:01:55,022 --> 00:01:57,698 It'll be just like the Griswolds. We're gonna see America! 58 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,916 This America? I've seen it. 59 00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:01,201 It's all corn. 60 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:04,705 Look, I just finished following the Grateful Dead in a van with Geoff. 61 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,707 - I'm not going back out there. - Me neither! 62 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,661 If you don't, I won't pay for college. 63 00:02:08,772 --> 00:02:10,053 Yay, everyone's in! 64 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,223 What's all the noise? 65 00:02:11,311 --> 00:02:13,377 I can barely hear myself eat my creme cookies. 66 00:02:13,465 --> 00:02:15,148 We're driving to Disneyland! 67 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,083 I get the feeling I don't have a say in this. 68 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,985 Hmm, I get that feeling, too! Yay! 69 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,155 Why did I come in here? 70 00:02:20,243 --> 00:02:21,520 And I got a Polaroid 71 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,542 so I can take a photo diary of our trip! 72 00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:24,917 Come on, squeeze together. 73 00:02:25,005 --> 00:02:25,892 I don't want to be near your dad. 74 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,162 He smells like coffee and onions. 75 00:02:27,249 --> 00:02:28,551 - Squeeze in. - You ain't exactly 76 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:30,198 cinnamon and sugar, sweetheart. 77 00:02:30,286 --> 00:02:32,199 I don't know where my body ends and Adam's begins. 78 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,368 This trip is already the worst thing that's ever happened to me! 79 00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:35,809 Just take the damn picture! 80 00:02:35,913 --> 00:02:39,198 - ♪ Holiday ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-ad ♪ - ♪ Oh whoa whoa, Oh whoa whoa! ♪ 81 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:41,285 *THE GOLDBERGS* Season 07 Episode 01 Episode Title: "Vacation" 82 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,919 It was the last week of summer, 1980-something, 83 00:02:44,007 --> 00:02:45,739 and the Goldbergs were about to hit the road. 84 00:02:45,826 --> 00:02:48,596 Of course that meant my dad was excited about one thing, 85 00:02:48,684 --> 00:02:49,838 saving money. 86 00:02:49,926 --> 00:02:51,051 Lose the bathrobe. 87 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:54,855 It's a traditional Jedi cloak revered the galaxy over. 88 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,354 Well, I'd revere a tank top if I were you, 89 00:02:57,442 --> 00:02:59,360 because I'm not using the air conditioning. 90 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:01,534 You're not cheaping out on this trip, Murray. 91 00:03:01,622 --> 00:03:02,856 We have to make it perfect 92 00:03:02,944 --> 00:03:04,492 so that no matter how old they get 93 00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:06,051 or where they are in the world, 94 00:03:06,139 --> 00:03:07,958 they'll want to do this for years to come. 95 00:03:08,046 --> 00:03:09,594 An annual trip? 96 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,238 I was just sitting, enjoying my cookies. 97 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,140 Now our financial future is in doubt? 98 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,641 Good news, everyone! 99 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,377 I'm bringing my banjo. 100 00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:17,747 No. Roger that. 101 00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:20,497 Attention, uneducated masses! 102 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:21,731 As you all know, 103 00:03:21,819 --> 00:03:23,616 I'll be attending college in a week, 104 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,419 so I need to be in tip-top shape... 105 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:26,676 Mind and body. 106 00:03:26,766 --> 00:03:28,119 Is that why you're holding 107 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:30,323 your mom's titanium leg pretzel? 108 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,992 This thigh-blasting machine 109 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,606 is my ticket to physical dominance. 110 00:03:33,694 --> 00:03:35,551 Just do your dumb thing in the car. 111 00:03:35,639 --> 00:03:37,021 Where's your sister? We got to get going. 112 00:03:37,108 --> 00:03:38,464 Saying goodbye to her boyfriend. 113 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,676 You really don't want to come 114 00:03:39,764 --> 00:03:42,214 and be jammed in a station wagon with my family for a week? 115 00:03:42,302 --> 00:03:43,598 And I answered my own question. 116 00:03:43,686 --> 00:03:44,801 Look, I'll be on the road, too. 117 00:03:44,888 --> 00:03:46,716 The Dead have four more concerts left this summer. 118 00:03:46,803 --> 00:03:48,684 I'm hoping by the last one, I finally like them. 119 00:03:49,067 --> 00:03:50,926 Erica! Let's go! 120 00:03:51,411 --> 00:03:52,424 Um... 121 00:03:52,512 --> 00:03:54,551 One more thing, we need to talk. 122 00:03:54,639 --> 00:03:55,630 Oh? What is it? 123 00:03:55,718 --> 00:03:57,731 Erica! Gas is burning! 124 00:03:57,819 --> 00:03:58,630 You know what? It's nothing. 125 00:03:58,725 --> 00:03:59,786 It... It can wait until after your trip. 126 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,778 I don't want to spoil it. 127 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,825 I better get moving, too. B-bye! 128 00:04:04,997 --> 00:04:06,223 Erica! 129 00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:07,630 We're doing it! 130 00:04:07,718 --> 00:04:10,002 The Goldbergs are going on vacation! 131 00:04:10,090 --> 00:04:13,692 ♪ I found out long ago ♪ 132 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,936 We couldn't even leave! 133 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,390 But eventually we did. 134 00:04:18,478 --> 00:04:20,873 And once we hit the highway, it was smooth sailing. 135 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:23,554 Of course, there were some bumps inside the car. 136 00:04:23,686 --> 00:04:25,701 Gah! You keep smashing into me! Stop it! 137 00:04:25,789 --> 00:04:27,480 No can do, Ad-Rock. 138 00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:30,116 And be warned, as my muscles grow, expand, 139 00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,512 and explode outward, I'll need more space. 140 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,054 Why do I always have to sit in the middle? 141 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,710 'Cause windows are for college men, 142 00:04:35,798 --> 00:04:37,079 not high school losers! 143 00:04:37,167 --> 00:04:39,149 Yeah, you keep calling yourself a college man, 144 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,495 but come next week, you're in for a rude awakening. 145 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,629 What's that supposed to mean? 146 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,374 It means you might be in college, 147 00:04:44,462 --> 00:04:46,270 but you're just gonna be a lowly freshman, 148 00:04:46,358 --> 00:04:48,168 totally starting from scratch socially. 149 00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,704 Have you not seen the work I've been doing on my thighs? 150 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:51,972 College is gonna love me. 151 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:54,508 Or the safety of the only world you've known 152 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:55,576 will have vanished, 153 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,478 and you'll discover that there's no place 154 00:04:57,565 --> 00:05:00,581 for an emotionally out-of-control doof with a thigh device. 155 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,184 What? I am not an emotionally out-of-control doof! 156 00:05:03,272 --> 00:05:03,984 You are! 157 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,677 Adam, quit working your brother up. 158 00:05:05,765 --> 00:05:06,820 He's gonna strain his groin. 159 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,889 Erica, switch seats with me, please. 160 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,725 Hey, if a guy says he needs to talk, is that bad? 161 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,727 - Ooh. - Is that a good "ooh"? 162 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,562 - Uh. - Is that a good "uh"? 163 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,897 You and Geoff are toast! 164 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,333 And not good toast with tons of marmalade and butter. 165 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,768 Bad toast that's burnt and breaking up with you. 166 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,704 He's not breaking up with me! 167 00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:25,406 He just got real serious, 168 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,387 and then said he didn't want to ruin my vacation 169 00:05:27,475 --> 00:05:29,186 by telling me something and sped off and... 170 00:05:29,274 --> 00:05:30,689 Oh, my God, Geoff's breaking up with me! 171 00:05:30,776 --> 00:05:31,757 You should call him. 172 00:05:31,845 --> 00:05:33,180 How? He's on the road, too! 173 00:05:33,268 --> 00:05:34,883 I guess you just won't know for a week. 174 00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:36,686 But hey, look on the bright side... 175 00:05:36,774 --> 00:05:37,821 Star Wars. 176 00:05:37,909 --> 00:05:38,909 Yeah, that sounds fun 177 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,508 and so much more important than my relationship! 178 00:05:41,654 --> 00:05:42,834 You know what's fun? 179 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,031 A sing-along! 180 00:05:44,119 --> 00:05:45,547 Oh, come on! 181 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,383 I'll start us all off. 182 00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:49,631 ♪ Row, row, row your boat 183 00:05:49,719 --> 00:05:51,064 ♪ Gently down the stream 184 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:51,930 Jump in! 185 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,933 ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 186 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,068 ♪ Life is but a dream 187 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:56,136 Anyone now! 188 00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,104 ♪ Row, row, row your boat 189 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,606 ♪ Gently down the stream 190 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,412 There's your cue! 191 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,388 ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 192 00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:03,698 ♪ Life is but a dream 193 00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:04,611 Make it yours. 194 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,547 ♪ Row, row, row your boat 195 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,033 ♪ Gently down the stream 196 00:06:08,121 --> 00:06:08,994 Just the girls! 197 00:06:09,082 --> 00:06:10,997 ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 198 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:15,322 ♪ Life is but a dre-e-e-am ♪ 199 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,252 That was great! 200 00:06:18,854 --> 00:06:21,623 Yep, our vacation was off to a slow start. 201 00:06:21,786 --> 00:06:23,501 But somewhere along the open road, 202 00:06:23,589 --> 00:06:25,937 things were about to kick into high gear. 203 00:06:26,025 --> 00:06:28,007 What the hell is this nut job doing? 204 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,337 Hey! Go around! 205 00:06:30,595 --> 00:06:32,369 I think she's flirting with you, Murray. 206 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,075 Whoa, it's just like in the movie! 207 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,309 But when you see it in real life, 208 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,836 it just comes off as wildly reckless! 209 00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:40,744 You're being very aggressive! 210 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,148 He's spoken for! 211 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,267 Show her your wedding ring! 212 00:06:43,354 --> 00:06:45,185 I think she's eyeballing me. 213 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,656 Move your melon, Murray, 214 00:06:46,744 --> 00:06:49,022 so I can enchant her with a coy wink. 215 00:06:49,116 --> 00:06:50,565 This can't be real. 216 00:06:51,469 --> 00:06:53,118 Oh, it's real, all right. 217 00:06:53,206 --> 00:06:55,789 My fruit guy's nephew was seduced by a road hussy 218 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,431 and he woke up in a bathtub 219 00:06:57,549 --> 00:07:00,333 missing his kidney, spleen, corneas, and rectum. 220 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,908 There are road hussies? 221 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,437 Geoff's on the road! 222 00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:04,675 And single. 223 00:07:04,763 --> 00:07:05,930 We don't know that! 224 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,362 As Pops' blonde beauty sped away, 225 00:07:10,470 --> 00:07:12,285 we headed towards our first pit stop, 226 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,886 the Old West. 227 00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:17,161 See, back in 1980-something, it was 1880-something. 228 00:07:17,249 --> 00:07:19,664 Would you look at this place? 229 00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:22,054 It's like stepping back in time! 230 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,491 The hotel room prices are certainly up-to-date. 231 00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:25,859 Howdy, folks. 232 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,463 Welcome to Durango Gulch, population 237. 233 00:07:29,669 --> 00:07:30,950 Oops. 234 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,895 Looks like 236. 235 00:07:33,014 --> 00:07:34,387 Funny stuff, Quick Draw McGraw. 236 00:07:34,479 --> 00:07:35,927 But, um, where's the pay phones? 237 00:07:36,060 --> 00:07:37,808 It's the 19th century, ma'am. 238 00:07:37,896 --> 00:07:41,173 I don't reckon to know what hifalutin contraption you're speaking about. 239 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,510 Okay, so you're just gonna keep doing the thing? 240 00:07:43,817 --> 00:07:45,591 Great. I'll be in the saloon. 241 00:07:46,451 --> 00:07:48,973 Ooh, looks like we got a real cowboy here. 242 00:07:49,061 --> 00:07:50,750 You just step off the trail, pardner? 243 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,819 I'm walking like this because I blasted my thighs 244 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,921 with unbridled intensity for 300 miles. 245 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,389 How would you two little wranglers 246 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,348 like to be my deputies? 247 00:07:59,263 --> 00:08:01,178 "Little wrangler"? 248 00:08:01,266 --> 00:08:04,082 I'm a man who could grow twice the mustache you have 249 00:08:04,207 --> 00:08:05,956 except then you'd be humiliated, 250 00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:07,118 and I'd become sheriff, 251 00:08:07,206 --> 00:08:09,075 and I don't want that responsibility. 252 00:08:09,875 --> 00:08:12,145 Ohh... Ow, ow. Ohh. 253 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,114 Not cool, man! Not cool! 254 00:08:15,434 --> 00:08:17,983 Yeah, I don't think he totally gets what this place is. 255 00:08:19,362 --> 00:08:21,299 There's no way he's breaking up with me. 256 00:08:21,391 --> 00:08:23,507 I mean, look at me. I'm a catch. 257 00:08:23,799 --> 00:08:25,291 I guess I am a little bossy, 258 00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,276 but what man doesn't like that? 259 00:08:28,866 --> 00:08:30,747 Damn it! He's so leaving me! 260 00:08:30,948 --> 00:08:31,925 Love isn't real! 261 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,323 Neither is your ID. 262 00:08:33,411 --> 00:08:34,760 Oh, sure, you don't have phones, 263 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,526 but you check my fake driver's license? 264 00:08:36,614 --> 00:08:37,628 Pick a century! 265 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,698 Yo, wanna go ride a dead-eyed mule in a circle? 266 00:08:43,786 --> 00:08:44,713 It's super sad! 267 00:08:44,801 --> 00:08:46,955 No! I'm not going on some dumb kid's ride. 268 00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:48,007 Just leave me alone. 269 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,511 Are you really still upset that I accurately suggested 270 00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:52,679 you're not ready for the next major step in your life? 271 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:56,116 Please, your devastating words had no effect on me. 272 00:08:56,297 --> 00:08:57,732 I know I'm a man! 273 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,476 Oh, no! 274 00:09:01,564 --> 00:09:03,843 Bandits have surrounded the stagecoach! 275 00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:04,945 And I'm gonna prove it! 276 00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:06,851 Is there one man brave enough 277 00:09:06,939 --> 00:09:09,721 to stop these banditos with this here lasso? 278 00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:13,029 I am that one man, Fake Sheriff. 279 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,735 You know your way around a rope, son? 280 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,002 Of course I know ropes. 281 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,271 I've played tug-of-war and the board game Clue... 282 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,765 But we lost that piece, so we use an old checker. 283 00:09:20,873 --> 00:09:24,310 Now just swing this thing in a slow circular pattern. 284 00:09:25,337 --> 00:09:26,352 Yah! 285 00:09:26,486 --> 00:09:27,772 Yah! 286 00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:29,024 Yah! 287 00:09:29,112 --> 00:09:31,381 Yah! Yah! 288 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,321 Is that one of those cheap plate-glass windows 289 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,790 that cowboys are always crashing through? 290 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:37,991 It is not. 291 00:09:40,091 --> 00:09:41,160 Morons! 292 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,430 I mean, who gets kicked out of an imaginary Western town? 293 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,266 Those rooms were non-refundable! 294 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,459 Well, this is just perfect. 295 00:09:47,547 --> 00:09:49,403 Where are we supposed to stay tonight? 296 00:09:49,491 --> 00:09:51,358 Don't you worry about me. 297 00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,781 Hey, Al. Ready to go? 298 00:09:57,899 --> 00:09:59,334 You know it, sweetie. 299 00:10:00,003 --> 00:10:01,780 I'm gonna miss you guys. 300 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,420 You know, you're welcome to stay. 301 00:10:03,508 --> 00:10:05,920 I... I'm being polite. Punch it! 302 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,055 Okay. 303 00:10:09,178 --> 00:10:10,891 We're still together mostly. 304 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,193 Don't worry, I've already thought of 305 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,028 a cheap, available place for us to sleep. 306 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,492 That night, our hotel didn't have four stars. 307 00:10:17,594 --> 00:10:18,674 It had four wheels. 308 00:10:18,762 --> 00:10:20,733 Stop fluffing me, I'm not a pillow! 309 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:21,835 Then get softer! 310 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,623 Will you two dopes shut up? 311 00:10:23,908 --> 00:10:26,467 My God, this trip sucks. 312 00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:28,541 At least it's the last one we'll ever take together. 313 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,712 Until Mom forces us to do this all again next year. 314 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,547 Dummy, we're going off to college. 315 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,983 We're not doing this again. Ever. 316 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,219 Yeah, we're not just moving out. 317 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,154 We're moving on for good. 318 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,223 In that moment, I realized our family 319 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,225 was truly going their separate ways. 320 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,527 No more crazy adventures with my brother or sister. 321 00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,114 And no more middle seat. 322 00:10:49,202 --> 00:10:50,273 I'm okay with it. 323 00:10:50,361 --> 00:10:53,218 But there was one person who would never be okay with it. 324 00:10:55,482 --> 00:10:58,037 Our family vacation was still on track for Disneyland, 325 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,547 but my mom's mind was on a different path. 326 00:11:00,635 --> 00:11:02,470 Murray, the kids aren't gonna go away to college 327 00:11:02,557 --> 00:11:04,277 - and never come back, right? - I dunno. 328 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,218 Sure they're growing up, but they love us 329 00:11:06,306 --> 00:11:08,682 - and want to stay in our lives forever! - I dunno. 330 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,951 My children will spend every summer with me 331 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,431 until the day I die! 332 00:11:12,519 --> 00:11:14,249 And even then, they're gonna carry my urn 333 00:11:14,337 --> 00:11:15,856 on every vacation they ever take. 334 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,978 Of course! Well, you're finally agreeing with me? 335 00:11:18,066 --> 00:11:19,981 Of course they're screwing me at the pump! 336 00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,086 $9 to fill up a tank? 337 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,538 Our babies are choosing to de-latch from our collective bosom 338 00:11:25,626 --> 00:11:28,001 and all you care about is gas mileage! 339 00:11:28,089 --> 00:11:29,270 What do you want from me? 340 00:11:29,358 --> 00:11:30,974 I don't know what those morons are gonna do. 341 00:11:31,061 --> 00:11:32,375 But I do know they're here now, 342 00:11:32,463 --> 00:11:35,306 so let's, uh, drive around or, uh, whatever. 343 00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:36,441 That's right! 344 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,911 They're with us now! 345 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,046 So if we make this trip extra special, 346 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,858 they're gonna want to come back for more! 347 00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:43,516 Yeah, I dunno. 348 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,767 As my mom was trying to keep her family together, 349 00:11:45,884 --> 00:11:49,155 my sister was trying to keep her relationship from falling apart. 350 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,814 Hey, Geoff, it's Erica. 351 00:11:50,986 --> 00:11:52,376 Just checking in to see 352 00:11:52,464 --> 00:11:54,040 what you meant by, "We need to talk." 353 00:11:54,158 --> 00:11:56,931 Probably just wanted to say how we have no problems 354 00:11:57,019 --> 00:11:58,700 and we're a perfect couple. 355 00:11:59,027 --> 00:12:01,228 Okay, well, have fun on the road, bye! 356 00:12:01,592 --> 00:12:04,525 Unfortunately, she couldn't leave just one message. 357 00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:06,806 Here's what "We need to talk" means to me. 358 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,508 It means we have a problem. 359 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:09,810 So is... Is it me? 360 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,150 You're the problem, Geoff! 361 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:12,779 Maybe I don't want you! 362 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,299 Come back to me, my widdle Geoffy-weffy. 363 00:12:14,386 --> 00:12:15,423 You're a butt! 364 00:12:15,511 --> 00:12:17,226 And not just the tiny part of the butt, 365 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,530 but the whole mound. 366 00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:21,486 The cheeks, the smelly region, all of it. 367 00:12:22,215 --> 00:12:24,030 Okey-doke. I think I got it. 368 00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:25,207 Thanks, Dr. Schwartz. 369 00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:26,375 Oh, I almost forgot. 370 00:12:26,463 --> 00:12:28,491 Geoffrey called and passed on a message of his own. 371 00:12:28,579 --> 00:12:29,495 What did he say? 372 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,814 He said he needs to tell you in person, 373 00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:34,181 but it's big and possibly upsetting. 374 00:12:34,269 --> 00:12:36,369 That doesn't help at all. It just makes everything worse! 375 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,876 Sure thing, honey. Bye now. 376 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,141 Why didn't you get a slushie? 377 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:42,675 They had your favorite... Blue. 378 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,311 Real men don't drink that delicious crap. 379 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,780 They drink boiling-hot coffee. 380 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,087 But you hate coffee. 381 00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:49,939 That was Yesterday Barry. 382 00:12:50,027 --> 00:12:53,181 But now my taste buds and skittish tummy have matured. 383 00:12:54,943 --> 00:12:56,792 How could you put this in your body? 384 00:12:56,892 --> 00:12:57,993 Ugh! 385 00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:00,134 I love it. 386 00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:03,368 Okay, Bar, clearly I freaked you out about starting college... 387 00:13:03,456 --> 00:13:04,603 I'm not freaked out! 388 00:13:04,691 --> 00:13:05,986 If anything, I'm freaked in! 389 00:13:06,074 --> 00:13:08,323 - That doesn't mean anything. - You don't mean anything! 390 00:13:08,411 --> 00:13:10,469 You're a tiny boy who doesn't know the struggles 391 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,212 of a fully grown college gentleman! 392 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,423 Hot! Hot! 393 00:13:18,655 --> 00:13:20,236 This is hard to watch. 394 00:13:20,362 --> 00:13:22,509 But the good news is we'll be in Anaheim in two days. 395 00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:23,933 Change of plans! 396 00:13:24,021 --> 00:13:27,103 I've got a surefire way to make sure everybody loves this vacation... 397 00:13:27,323 --> 00:13:29,321 Make it way longer! 398 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,454 Oh, balls. 399 00:13:30,542 --> 00:13:33,692 We are gonna hit every major attraction from here to California. 400 00:13:33,874 --> 00:13:34,821 But that'll take forever. 401 00:13:34,909 --> 00:13:36,428 What about my "Star Tours" ride? 402 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,618 Schmoopie, it's about the journey, not the destination. 403 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,068 Ha! You have to appreciate the journey! 404 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,838 Ah, see? Barry's excited! Who else? 405 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,240 Might as well, my relationship is probably over. 406 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,585 See? Another one of my babies didn't say no! 407 00:13:49,673 --> 00:13:50,310 Murray? 408 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,845 I don't care what we do, as long as it's free. 409 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:52,806 Ah! See? 410 00:13:52,894 --> 00:13:55,877 Everyone's in and happy and we're making memories, 411 00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:59,204 and this is gonna be the best Goldbergs vacation ever! 412 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,759 Say, "Cheese"! 413 00:14:01,847 --> 00:14:04,295 And so we saw America. 414 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,875 In all its weird and magnificent glory. 415 00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:08,754 There were sculptures made of cars, 416 00:14:08,999 --> 00:14:10,814 mountains made of faces, 417 00:14:11,026 --> 00:14:12,969 one big hole. 418 00:14:13,165 --> 00:14:14,880 But what took our breath away the most 419 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,914 was the crappy motel our dad insisted staying at. 420 00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,540 This is the kind of motel where people live full-time. 421 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,774 Uh, it's gross. 422 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,000 It's cozy. 423 00:14:23,088 --> 00:14:24,669 There's police tape around the pool. 424 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:28,188 That shows the police have already been here. So it's safe. 425 00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:30,928 Look! They got one of those Magic Fingers bed massagers. 426 00:14:31,016 --> 00:14:31,873 No! 427 00:14:31,961 --> 00:14:33,094 Nobody touch anything 428 00:14:33,182 --> 00:14:35,097 until I hit it with some Lysol Pine action. 429 00:14:35,185 --> 00:14:36,432 I'm turning it on! 430 00:14:36,535 --> 00:14:39,024 My thighs and tummy muscles are still sore! 431 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:43,090 Let's soothe my aching bones! 432 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,987 Lemme turn it down. 433 00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:49,891 Damn it, moron! 434 00:14:49,979 --> 00:14:51,774 They don't have any more rooms! 435 00:14:51,883 --> 00:14:53,516 What do you do with these things? 436 00:14:53,604 --> 00:14:56,516 I've got a super fun idea that solves everything! 437 00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:59,341 Who can sleep like this? 438 00:14:59,616 --> 00:15:02,166 Yeah, we barely slept a wink that night. 439 00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:03,850 And we were so exhausted the next morning, 440 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,586 everyone passed out in the car. 441 00:15:05,674 --> 00:15:07,055 And I mean everyone. 442 00:15:26,945 --> 00:15:29,640 Do you think this will affect our time at Disneyland? 443 00:15:31,482 --> 00:15:33,731 Barry, this is all your fault! 444 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,648 You and your stupid bed massager. 445 00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,836 I know! I'm not a man! 446 00:15:38,057 --> 00:15:41,173 I'm starting college, but the truth is I still feel like a boy. 447 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,708 Like sad, pathetic little Adam here. 448 00:15:42,797 --> 00:15:43,797 Hey! 449 00:15:43,922 --> 00:15:44,974 Will you shut up? 450 00:15:45,062 --> 00:15:46,226 I mean, look at this! 451 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,328 Now I'll never get to a phone and learn the truth 452 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:49,762 that I definitely don't wanna know! 453 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:50,897 My God! 454 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,999 You're both just selfish jerks! 455 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,167 You know, I actually thought 456 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,536 I was gonna miss you next year, but good riddance! 457 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,703 Stop! 458 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,039 Tell me the truth... 459 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:02,414 Are you all gonna head out the door for college and never look back? 460 00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:05,768 I see. 461 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,582 Every one of these pictures breaks my heart. 462 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,052 You all look sad or angry or miserable. 463 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,859 And that is not what I wanted. 464 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,056 - Bevy... - No! 465 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,594 Let's just go home and be done with it. 466 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,327 I can't take another day of family vacation 467 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,429 if this is the last one I'm ever gonna have. 468 00:16:27,082 --> 00:16:30,002 Our car and our mom were broken, 469 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,938 and all we wanted was to go home. 470 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,706 I thought we had more suitcases than this. 471 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:34,774 We did. 472 00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,392 At least this horrible trip is over. 473 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,744 But it wasn't. Not for my dad. 474 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,847 He was about to head down a road we never expected. 475 00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,449 You know what I think? 476 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,085 I think you're all **** in the head. 477 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,786 - Whoa! - Motel language! 478 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:47,887 You're just gonna give up? 479 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:48,955 - Yeah. - Kinda. 480 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:49,793 Do we have a choice? 481 00:16:49,881 --> 00:16:53,058 Your mom worked her ass off to plan you a great vacation, 482 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,699 and I didn't know why. 483 00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,996 But, damn it, I do now. 484 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,764 Murray, what are you saying? 485 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,566 I'm not sure about the future, 486 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:02,802 but right here, right now, 487 00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,605 there's no amount of money I wouldn't spend 488 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,640 for my family to have a great vacation. 489 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,808 Dad's suddenly thoughtful! 490 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,310 He must've banged his head in the accident! 491 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,411 Are you serious? 492 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,519 To keep this family together, 493 00:17:13,863 --> 00:17:15,802 I would spend every last penny. 494 00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:19,019 Hey, Goldbergs, need a lift? 495 00:17:19,107 --> 00:17:21,150 Thank God! Everybody get in! Come on! 496 00:17:21,238 --> 00:17:22,746 Geoff! How did you find us? 497 00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:25,392 Well, you left my dad a lot of very upsetting messages, 498 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:26,959 so I drove here as fast as I could. 499 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,928 I followed your suitcases like bread crumbs! 500 00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:31,027 So, what did you want to talk to me about? 501 00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:34,179 Well... 502 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,770 I had such an amazing time doing nothing this summer, 503 00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,058 that I want it to continue. 504 00:17:40,237 --> 00:17:41,637 I'm not going to school in the fall. 505 00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:43,861 Oh, my God! That's it? 506 00:17:43,949 --> 00:17:46,346 Well, yeah. I mean, it's a pretty big deal. 507 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,680 My dad's not thrilled. 508 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,981 And your messages didn't exactly 509 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,650 fill him with hope for my future. 510 00:17:50,785 --> 00:17:52,785 You jerk! I thought you were breaking up with me! 511 00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:54,187 What? Never. 512 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,274 You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. 513 00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:57,771 I never doubted it. 514 00:17:57,881 --> 00:18:00,463 Turns out some trips are about finding your way, 515 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,613 and not losing track of where you're headed. 516 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,797 Hey, Bar. About what I said. 517 00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,466 No, you were right. 518 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:07,832 I'm not ready for college. 519 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:08,967 Of course you are. 520 00:18:09,058 --> 00:18:10,536 You're Big Tasty. 521 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,706 You attack everything you do with the full force of your being. 522 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,486 Trust me, college is gonna be a piece of cake for you. 523 00:18:16,574 --> 00:18:17,710 You really think so? 524 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:18,931 I know so. 525 00:18:19,622 --> 00:18:21,113 Thanks, Ad-Rock. 526 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,089 Venturing out can be scary, 527 00:18:23,187 --> 00:18:24,683 but it's easier to take that trek 528 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,863 when you're riding with the people you love. 529 00:18:27,035 --> 00:18:28,855 Family vacations are hard. 530 00:18:28,943 --> 00:18:31,793 They're stressful and expensive, 531 00:18:32,074 --> 00:18:33,566 and uncomfortable. 532 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,069 But the thing that makes them great 533 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:37,582 are the memories of doing it all together. 534 00:18:38,011 --> 00:18:39,730 We're really here. 535 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,597 Thank you, Mama. 536 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,569 Anything for you, schmoo. 537 00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,838 Maybe next year we can go to Walt Disney World. 538 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:46,906 That sounds pretty cool. 539 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,074 Yeah, I guess I'd try it. 540 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,310 Wait... You guys would wanna do this again? 541 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,877 I'm open to it. 542 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,605 Ah! My schmoopies will be with me forever! 543 00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,457 Are we too late? 544 00:18:58,599 --> 00:19:01,144 - We got lost. - Intentionally. 545 00:19:01,232 --> 00:19:03,277 Just in time, Pops! We're running for it! 546 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,371 Oh, sorry, park's closed. 547 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,779 What? Oh, no! S-someone do something! 548 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:28,364 I'm here! 549 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,590 Don't worry, schmoo. Mama's got this. 550 00:19:30,798 --> 00:19:31,779 In that moment, 551 00:19:31,867 --> 00:19:33,908 Beverly Goldberg did what she did best... 552 00:19:33,996 --> 00:19:35,973 She lied her ass off. 553 00:19:36,061 --> 00:19:38,776 She told elaborate, far-fetched tales of our journey. 554 00:19:38,987 --> 00:19:41,270 Apparently, we were attacked by bald eagles 555 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:43,196 and a motorcycle gang? 556 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:46,369 There was a tornado, and then a tsunami. 557 00:19:46,457 --> 00:19:48,278 And then another tornado. 558 00:19:48,366 --> 00:19:52,168 She wove a tapestry of lies so intricate, so beautiful, 559 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,407 by the end, none of us knew what was real. 560 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,975 ..and that is when little Adam 561 00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:59,044 had to help his grandpa by sucking out the venom. 562 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:02,145 Wow, you guys have been through a whole lot as a family. 563 00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:04,315 And you know what? I had no idea there were zebras in Arizona. 564 00:20:04,402 --> 00:20:06,184 Zebras are the piranhas of the sand. 565 00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,853 Well, you know what? All I meant was the park is closed now. 566 00:20:08,947 --> 00:20:10,645 But it opens in 15 minutes. 567 00:20:11,648 --> 00:20:13,309 Why didn't you say something? 568 00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:15,489 Well, I tried, but you were going on and on and on. 569 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,330 But go on in! Come on, the park's all yours! 570 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,942 Rusty, you're the best! 571 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,291 Let's do it, Adam! Let's go ride "Star Tours"! 572 00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:22,302 No, no! 573 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:25,171 I think I know something that would be more fun for the whole family. 574 00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,639 ♪ Holiday road 575 00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:29,434 We finally made it to the happiest place on Earth. 576 00:20:29,522 --> 00:20:32,076 And as magical as it was, thanks to my mom, 577 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:35,121 I realized the best part of the Goldberg vacation 578 00:20:35,209 --> 00:20:36,490 was the journey. 579 00:20:36,689 --> 00:20:39,405 To this day, we still travel as a family. 580 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,204 Of course, it never gets easier, 581 00:20:41,292 --> 00:20:43,720 but I wouldn't trade it for the world. 582 00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:50,204 - ♪ Holiday ro-o-o-o-o-o-ad ♪ - ♪ Oh whoa whoa, Oh whoa whoa! ♪ 583 00:20:50,384 --> 00:20:55,336 - ♪ Holiday ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-ad ♪ - ♪ Oh whoa whoa, Oh whoa whoa! ♪ 584 00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:08,552 Wakey-wakey! Get out! I was just dreaming about 585 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,182 scoring a touchdown for the Eagles! 586 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,484 But I brought you breakfast. 587 00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:12,585 Well, finally! 588 00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:15,029 I've been trying to take my meals in my room for years. 589 00:21:15,117 --> 00:21:16,155 Gimme! 590 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:17,623 This is a whole lotta liquids. 591 00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,687 All part of a balanced breakfast. 592 00:21:20,549 --> 00:21:21,863 No! My juices! 593 00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,863 Oh, no! My hot coffee! 594 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,165 Oh, no! Adam! Hit stop! 595 00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:28,133 I should have never stolen this from the motel! 596 00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:29,695 Yeah, I'm gonna miss you.