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Back in the '80s,

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there wasn't a Hollywood
awards show every week.

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There was just one.
I loved it. The Oscars.

4
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Atta boy, Rain Man!

5
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Eighty-two toothpicks
and one shiny statuette!

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Yes, Meryl.

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Sophie might've had a tough choice,

8
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but the Academy sure didn't.

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Robert De Niro!

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More like Robert my hero.

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I agree. You rocked me, Amadeus.

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Who the hell are you talking to?

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But as an aspiring filmmaker
and son of Beverly Goldberg,

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there was another, lesser-known
awards show I was forced to endure.

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00:00:28,743 --> 00:00:31,085
And now, the mom-ent
we've all been waiting for,

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the Acade-mom Award for Best Picture.

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I thought last year was the end of this,

18
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when I got my Lifetime
Achieve-mom Award.

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Your whining is why the
ceremony always runs over.

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And the Mom-inees are...

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Inspector Fudge, a parody,
directed by Adam Goldberg.

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We all knew he was gonna find the fudge.

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It's in his name!

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The Partially Dressed Gun,

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a parody of the parody The Naked Gun,

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directed by Adam F. Goldberg.

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I didn't care for that one.

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'Cause you never saw
the source material!

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Adam and Chad Throw Pies at the Garage,

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directed by Adam F. Goldberg.

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That one, at least I understood.

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And the Mommy goes to...

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I'm nervous for you, kid.

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Adam and Chad Throw Pies at the Garage,

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directed by Adam F. Goldberg!

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Get on up here, Adam! It's a sweep!

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Ah, fine.

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Thank you for recognizing a video I made

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to kill three hours over
Labor Day weekend.

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Is there anyone you'd like to thank?

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Uh... Thank you to Mrs. Kremp

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for letting us throw pies at her garage.

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- And?
- Thank you to my father

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for buying me blank tapes to film on.

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And? Anyone who inspired you?

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All the other filmmakers
who came before me.

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Surely, there is someone

48
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who always believed in
you and gave you life.

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- Just say the words, Adam.
- Fine.

50
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I'd also like to thank my mother.

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Oh! W-What? Oh, my God! That's my son!

52
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I made him, so I deserve this.

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Um, my heart is racing right now.

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I promised I wouldn't cry, but, uh...

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You like me! You really like me!

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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

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It was January 29th, 1980-something.

58
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Barry and his friends were in
their first adult apartment.

59
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Unfortunately, they weren't
adult enough to pay their bills.

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- JTP.
- JTP.

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Guys, I am so cold.

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I don't think I can make
it another night here.

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Also, have you guys noticed

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there's no water
coming out of the faucet?

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Hilarious.

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We're lovable screw-ups
you can't help rooting for.

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Eh, I don't think
anyone would root for us

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if they saw our bathroom.

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It is rough sledding in there.

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I don't go in there anymore.

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I signed up for a water
aerobics class at the Y

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so I can get my body
in water once a week.

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- Smart.
- And I use the Wawa

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bathroom down the street.

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I don't want to be this guy,
but I'm worried about us.

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Silence, un-silent Matt Bradley!

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I have an idea for how to
solve all our problems.

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Why am I looking at toweled morons?

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Because our water's out,
so I told everyone

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they could use our
free-flowing suburban water.

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Well, here's the deal... Get out!

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I knew this would happen.

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And yet you made us bike
across town in the snow

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in only robes and towels?

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To our frozen bikes.

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I have another surefire iffy idea.

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Guess who's auditing
Art History. It's me.

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Good for you, babe.
I didn't know you liked art history.

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Me neither, but I was
aimlessly wandering the campus,

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as I like to do on Mondays and Fridays

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and the other three weekdays,
and I passed this lecture hall...

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- And you got drawn in?
- You're ahead of the story, but yes.

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Now the story's caught up to you.

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Well, I'm very happy for you.

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What the hell, JTP?

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You're supposed to knock
so we can not answer.

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- We need your shower.
- And your soap.

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And your strawberry-scented conditioner.

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And a lift home. I cannot
ride that ice bike anymore.

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No, no, and no, dorks.

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Why don't you guys shower at your place?

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Because, Obvious Geoffrey,
the city stopped sending us water.

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Did you try calling so
they'll resume service?

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No, but in fairness,
there was no way to know

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my more impractical ideas wouldn't work.

106
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Geoff, we need
your sick managerial skills.

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Well, too bad, dips.

108
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My worldly fella is too
busy auditing Art History.

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- Auditing? Like, not for credit?
- Then why do it?

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Because it's totally inspiring

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to expand my horizons through
the pursuit of knowledge.

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Since he can't come up with a reason,

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Geoff's gonna focus on something

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that actually does matter...

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Our deeply concerning living situation.

116
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Like Geoff's actually gonna...

117
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What the hell, dude?

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- I have time to help a little.
- Smart choice, Geoff.

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Now grab some rubber gloves, knee pads,

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sneakers you don't care about,
and a plunger.

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First task is more
toilet-related than not.

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While the JTP was
finally getting some help,

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the AV Club was about to
get some very exciting news.

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Listen up, AV scrubs.

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Every club has to
have a faculty advisor.

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Due to me losing 12 consecutive
rounds of rock-paper-scissors,

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I'm yours.

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Anyway, as I tend to see
things through a sports lens,

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I've decided that we're gonna have

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a school-wide movie championship.

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You mean like a film festival?

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I've been begging for one for years.

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Count Johnny Atkins in.

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Johnny Atkins?

135
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Since when are you in the AV Club?

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Since they found asbestos
in the detention room.

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Question, Coach Advisor.

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Is there a format restriction?

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8 millimeter? 16 millimeter?

140
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Super 8? Super 16?

141
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Super annoying question!

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Make a movie!

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Dealer's choice on the format. Nice.

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Just know I like movies
about sports, war,

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and lost dogs finding their way home.

146
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Looks like Banjo's Christmas Journey
just got greenlit.

147
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What can we expect from our
big-time director over here?

148
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My development slate for
next year is pretty full,

149
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but I can fast-track a festival darling.

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He's totally insufferable.

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That's how you know he's the best.

152
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Although, I might take a quick do-si-do

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outside my comfort zone.

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I'll be working in the new Super VHS.

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But you'll need to buy a new camera.

156
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Silly Emmy.

157
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I'm what you call completely spoiled.

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Yep, my mom was always there

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when I needed or wanted something,

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and fortunately, we had a shorthand.

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- Hey, Mama...
- From your tone,

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I can tell you're gonna need more

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fancy and expensive camera equipment.

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From your tone, I'm getting
that you'll happily pay for it.

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- See, there's...
- A film festival at school?

166
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How exciting! And I know...

167
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Deep in your heart that I'm
gonna win because I'm, by far...

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The most talented boy in the world? Yes!

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- Here. I'll give you a...
- Blank check so I can...

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Go to the camera store and get...

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Whatever I need,
no questions asked, because you...

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Love and believe in you like...

173
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No mom has ever loved
and believed in her son.

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- Thanks...
- Mama. You're...

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Welcome, my sweet forever-baby.

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Dude, a real relationship's gonna
be very hard for you one day.

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Oh, he already has a real relationship.

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With me.

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We had a ceremony and
everything when he was four.

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Take this to the camera
store and spend hard.

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While I was on my way
to get some new equipment,

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the JTP had found
someone equipped to help.

183
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Okay, so, I spent the morning
making some repairs.

184
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I snaked the toilet...

185
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There was a snake stuck in there?

186
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- Ohh!
- Awesome!

187
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What a tale of survival.
Nature is amazing.

188
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Not an actual snake.

189
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And moving on.

190
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I patched the walls, set up a
house account, and paid your bills.

191
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Now all that's left for you guys to do

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is call the gas company
and set up an appointment

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for them to turn it back on.

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Or you do it

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and we'll watch so we'll
know how to do it next time.

196
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I can't guarantee I'm gonna watch.

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00:06:36,576 --> 00:06:39,435
I-It's a big hassle, and there's
often a lot of time on hold, so...

198
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:40,938
That's no way to sell us
on doing it, bro.

199
00:06:40,962 --> 00:06:43,746
Geoffrey, as a "thank you"
for the tasks you've done

200
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,072
and the many that remain,

201
00:06:45,097 --> 00:06:47,732
I'm gonna cede my title
as house manager to you.

202
00:06:47,757 --> 00:06:49,525
No... The house manager
should be someone

203
00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:50,728
who actually lives in the house.

204
00:06:50,752 --> 00:06:51,796
And plus, I'm pretty busy now.

205
00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:54,056
It's just, I fear it won't get done

206
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,267
and Andy's little body
won't survive the winter.

207
00:06:57,936 --> 00:06:59,568
Okay, fine! I'll be your house manager!

208
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,310
Atta boy! And take it from me,

209
00:07:01,335 --> 00:07:02,670
it's a pretty cushy position.

210
00:07:02,695 --> 00:07:05,185
The other guys give you
hundreds of dollars every month.

211
00:07:05,210 --> 00:07:06,512
Actually, Bar, that's for rent.

212
00:07:06,537 --> 00:07:08,474
Oh. That makes more sense.

213
00:07:08,499 --> 00:07:11,267
Too bad the taxidermist said
no refunds or exchanges.

214
00:07:11,292 --> 00:07:12,394
You said you found them!

215
00:07:12,419 --> 00:07:14,902
No. I said I posed them.

216
00:07:14,927 --> 00:07:17,311
- This is gonna be a nightmare.
- Yeah, it is. Slap me some paw.

217
00:07:17,335 --> 00:07:19,568
While Geoff was realizing
he was a pleaser,

218
00:07:19,593 --> 00:07:21,283
I was beyond pleased to be shopping

219
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,013
for cutting-edge film technology,

220
00:07:23,038 --> 00:07:24,753
the S-VHS camera.

221
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,421
Oh, my God. It's glorious.

222
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,662
Totally. But why, exactly?

223
00:07:28,687 --> 00:07:31,402
According to people in the know,
it's slightly better.

224
00:07:31,427 --> 00:07:33,253
You'll be paying so much for so little.

225
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,326
I need it and don't care
what it costs my parents.

226
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:36,763
Excuse me? Sir?

227
00:07:36,788 --> 00:07:38,474
Could you show me this bad mamma-jamma?

228
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,435
Be prepared to have your world nudged.

229
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,238
It was my former rival,
the other Adam Goldberg!

230
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,132
It's you! Adam Goldberg!

231
00:07:45,157 --> 00:07:46,474
I heard you went to Hollywood.

232
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,615
Technically, I was living
in a town called Duarte,

233
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,459
but yeah, I chased my dreams.

234
00:07:50,484 --> 00:07:52,826
Word on the street is you
had a line on The Love Boat.

235
00:07:52,851 --> 00:07:55,083
Yep. "Which one of you ladies
ordered the white wine?"

236
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,802
Also booked a rad McDLT spot,
but... Whatever.

237
00:07:57,827 --> 00:07:58,939
You were the dude who suggests

238
00:07:58,963 --> 00:08:00,931
they keep the hot side hot
and the cool side cool.

239
00:08:00,956 --> 00:08:02,625
So, what are you doing back here?

240
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,115
Reevaluating.

241
00:08:04,140 --> 00:08:05,442
It's rough out there, man.

242
00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:07,396
My McDLT spot was seven months ago.

243
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,842
Since then, I haven't exactly been

244
00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:10,301
on the hot side of the burger box.

245
00:08:10,326 --> 00:08:11,894
But you're crazy talented.

246
00:08:11,919 --> 00:08:14,092
I had big dreams,
but the streets of Hollywood

247
00:08:14,117 --> 00:08:15,370
are littered with guys like me.

248
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,576
And actual litter. Place is filthy.

249
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:20,937
No offense, but...
I'll probably make it, right?

250
00:08:20,962 --> 00:08:23,084
You may be the best filmmaker
in your dinky school,

251
00:08:23,109 --> 00:08:24,522
but you'd be a dime a dozen out there.

252
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,756
Goldberg!

253
00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:28,450
Stop crushing customers'
dreams and get on that rickety ladder

254
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,943
and pull down one of the heavy TVs.

255
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,482
Enjoy making your little
high school movie, kid.

256
00:08:32,507 --> 00:08:33,990
It's only downhill from here.

257
00:08:35,706 --> 00:08:38,226
Did you buy your recklessly
expensive camera, Schmoo?

258
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:42,123
Actually, I've decided to
give up filmmaking forever.

259
00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:43,216
What?

260
00:08:43,241 --> 00:08:45,785
But that's your life's ambition.

261
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,787
Eh. Maybe I'll be a lawyer.

262
00:08:47,812 --> 00:08:49,426
Or a CPA.

263
00:08:49,451 --> 00:08:50,864
I don't know... Bricklayer.

264
00:08:50,889 --> 00:08:53,308
- Is that a real thing?
- Manual labor?

265
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,474
Look at me. Look at me.

266
00:08:54,499 --> 00:08:57,084
- Who did this to you?
- Nobody did anything.

267
00:08:57,109 --> 00:08:58,978
I just bumped into the
other Adam Goldberg

268
00:08:59,003 --> 00:09:00,623
working at the camera place.

269
00:09:00,648 --> 00:09:02,754
Oh, feh on him! What does he know?

270
00:09:02,779 --> 00:09:04,248
Only everything.

271
00:09:04,273 --> 00:09:07,443
He was the most talented person
to ever go to our school,

272
00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:10,006
and now he's back here, selling cameras.

273
00:09:10,769 --> 00:09:13,595
If he can't do it, I never will.

274
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,156
Here's your check back, Mom.

275
00:09:17,028 --> 00:09:19,412
- This isn't over, is it?
- Nope.

276
00:09:19,437 --> 00:09:22,971
You're gonna go destroy that poor
other Adam Goldberg, aren't you?

277
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,365
Damn right I am.

278
00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:26,862
Why do I bother asking?

279
00:09:26,887 --> 00:09:29,037
I know all the answers.

280
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,693
After realizing he was
too much of a pleaser,

281
00:09:31,718 --> 00:09:33,553
Geoff sought help from the one person

282
00:09:33,578 --> 00:09:35,154
who never pleased anyone at all.

283
00:09:35,179 --> 00:09:36,593
Why are you in front of the TV,
Schwartz?

284
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,279
It's a quarter to Remington Steele.

285
00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:40,529
Mr. G, I-I'm worried I'm a pleaser.

286
00:09:40,554 --> 00:09:42,523
Well, you're not pleasing me right now.

287
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,026
Everyone always wants
me to do stuff for them,

288
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:45,568
and I don't know how to say no.

289
00:09:45,593 --> 00:09:47,193
Y-You never do anything for anyone.

290
00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:48,720
It's easy. Lump.

291
00:09:48,745 --> 00:09:50,857
As in just sit there and never move?

292
00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:51,920
Definitely.

293
00:09:51,945 --> 00:09:53,614
But also L-U-M-P.

294
00:09:53,639 --> 00:09:55,575
It's my secret for not
doing anything for anyone.

295
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,576
You're a lazy monster,
and that's what I need.

296
00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:59,584
Please, let me learn at your idle feet.

297
00:09:59,609 --> 00:10:01,842
Okay, first up is L.

298
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:04,060
Lower expectations.

299
00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:06,021
It's something I've perfected over time.

300
00:10:06,046 --> 00:10:08,092
Dad, can you quiz me with
these science flash cards?

301
00:10:08,117 --> 00:10:09,287
Ah, who am I kidding?

302
00:10:09,312 --> 00:10:12,193
In all my years, you've never
shown interest in my education.

303
00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:14,006
He thinks you're a worthless dad.

304
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,849
That took a lot of not doing.

305
00:10:15,874 --> 00:10:17,365
Next up is U.

306
00:10:17,390 --> 00:10:20,513
When there's no way out
of something, underwhelm.

307
00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:22,037
This is how you wash a dish?

308
00:10:22,062 --> 00:10:24,545
Okay, no more washing dishes for you!

309
00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:27,433
You did a horrible job,
and now she'll never ask you again.

310
00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:29,099
I'm the worst.

311
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:30,787
Next up is M,

312
00:10:30,812 --> 00:10:33,779
which stands for "mumble" and "moron."

313
00:10:33,804 --> 00:10:36,085
Hey, Dad, can you show me how
to change the oil in my car?

314
00:10:36,858 --> 00:10:37,990
What does that even mean?

315
00:10:38,015 --> 00:10:40,131
- Leave me alone, ya moron!
- Pbht!

316
00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:43,185
So brilliant! So, what's P?

317
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,357
It's the thing I'm most proud of.

318
00:10:45,382 --> 00:10:47,193
- Pants.
- Pants?

319
00:10:47,241 --> 00:10:50,295
Why do you think I come in the
house and take off my pants?

320
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,912
I assumed it had to do with comfort

321
00:10:51,937 --> 00:10:53,396
and generally just giving up.

322
00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:54,856
Yes, but also,

323
00:10:54,881 --> 00:10:58,412
who's the least likely person
to be asked to do anything?

324
00:10:58,437 --> 00:10:59,990
Oh, my God. The guy with no pants.

325
00:11:00,015 --> 00:11:03,256
Hey, Mur, could you give
me a ride to the pharmacy...

326
00:11:03,281 --> 00:11:05,998
Oh, he's not even wearing pants.

327
00:11:06,455 --> 00:11:07,857
I'll bus it.

328
00:11:07,882 --> 00:11:10,218
My God. You have given me such a gift!

329
00:11:10,243 --> 00:11:12,599
It's my life's work. Don't waste it.

330
00:11:12,624 --> 00:11:14,592
Get out there and
do as little as you can.

331
00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:16,717
I'm gonna do nothing and make you proud.

332
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:17,987
With my dad's advice,

333
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,029
Geoff was ready to be a lump of his own.

334
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,154
Hey, Geoff, could you run

335
00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:22,702
to the mailroom and get my mail for me?

336
00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:23,927
He lowered expectations.

337
00:11:23,952 --> 00:11:25,944
Erica, when have I ever done
stuff like that for you?

338
00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:27,123
Only all the time.

339
00:11:27,148 --> 00:11:29,826
Yeah, well, not in the last two minutes,
so stop expecting it.

340
00:11:29,851 --> 00:11:31,107
He underwhelmed.

341
00:11:31,132 --> 00:11:32,209
Geoff, you said

342
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:33,710
you were going to make a
chore wheel for our house.

343
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,233
Oh, right, right.

344
00:11:36,288 --> 00:11:37,560
Here you go.

345
00:11:37,585 --> 00:11:39,599
Yeah, this seems less like a chore wheel

346
00:11:39,624 --> 00:11:42,842
and more like a napkin withthe words
"Andy" and "mop."

347
00:11:42,867 --> 00:11:44,256
That's how Geoff do?

348
00:11:44,281 --> 00:11:45,529
Unacceptable, Geoff!

349
00:11:45,554 --> 00:11:47,701
Your chore-wheel-making
privileges are revoked.

350
00:11:47,726 --> 00:11:48,881
And you need to come over.

351
00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:50,251
Our clean-up skills are not strong.

352
00:11:50,275 --> 00:11:51,709
I spilled a lot of Kool-Aid.

353
00:11:51,734 --> 00:11:54,575
Whatever you picture a lot is,
like, way more.

354
00:11:54,599 --> 00:11:56,568
He mumbled and he moron-ed.

355
00:11:56,788 --> 00:11:57,802
What?

356
00:11:57,827 --> 00:12:00,113
And also leave me alone, morons!

357
00:12:00,138 --> 00:12:02,043
Super un-Geoff of you, man.

358
00:12:02,068 --> 00:12:03,908
Are you going to get my mail or not?

359
00:12:03,942 --> 00:12:06,005
Finally, it was time for the pants.

360
00:12:06,030 --> 00:12:08,675
Oh. It's about time he's
swinging into action.

361
00:12:10,114 --> 00:12:11,169
- What?
- No!

362
00:12:11,194 --> 00:12:13,329
- Bad Geoff!
- He's not wearing pants.

363
00:12:13,354 --> 00:12:14,828
Dude's clearly not going anywhere.

364
00:12:14,853 --> 00:12:15,857
Okay, let's go, guys.

365
00:12:15,882 --> 00:12:17,950
Maybe there's a panted
savior that can help us.

366
00:12:17,975 --> 00:12:19,278
Holy crap.

367
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:22,101
My pants are on the floor,
and my spirits are through the roof.

368
00:12:22,126 --> 00:12:24,075
While Geoff was
trying to be like my dad,

369
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,773
my mom was busy being...
Well, like my mom.

370
00:12:26,798 --> 00:12:28,162
Can I answer any questions
for you, ma'am?

371
00:12:28,186 --> 00:12:29,356
Oh, just one.

372
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:31,357
Uh, who the (BLEEP)
do you think you are?

373
00:12:31,382 --> 00:12:34,418
Whoa! This is a family-friendly
audio-video store.

374
00:12:34,443 --> 00:12:36,428
Except for that section over
behind the saloon doors.

375
00:12:36,452 --> 00:12:39,230
You spoke to my son, also Adam Goldberg,

376
00:12:39,255 --> 00:12:41,482
and snuffed out his
perfect little-boy dreams.

377
00:12:41,507 --> 00:12:43,408
Look, lady,
I just call 'em like I see 'em.

378
00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:45,255
It's tough to make it in the movies.

379
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,560
Oh, for you, maybe.

380
00:12:46,585 --> 00:12:48,575
But not for my little
Stanley Schmoo-brick.

381
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,612
Well, that gives me a sense
of what I'm dealing with here.

382
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,772
Next time, I won't burst the
little bubble you keep him in.

383
00:12:52,796 --> 00:12:54,599
No next time. This time.

384
00:12:54,624 --> 00:12:55,791
You are gonna fix this.

385
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,652
- And how am I gonna do that?
- Simple.

386
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,664
I'm casting you in
the role of a lifetime,

387
00:12:59,698 --> 00:13:01,707
as "guy who gets his big break."

388
00:13:01,732 --> 00:13:03,372
Sorry, but I kinda put acting on hold.

389
00:13:03,397 --> 00:13:05,979
Well, take it off hold. The pay's $50.

390
00:13:06,004 --> 00:13:08,122
Well, I suppose I could throw in,

391
00:13:08,147 --> 00:13:10,215
uh, me not coming down here every day

392
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,685
and making your life miserable.

393
00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:13,503
All right, I'm on the project.

394
00:13:13,528 --> 00:13:15,274
Now that my mom had her cast,

395
00:13:15,299 --> 00:13:17,621
all that remained was the performance.

396
00:13:17,646 --> 00:13:19,325
Hello and welcome.

397
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,178
Hey, Adam, did you leave
this Philadelphia Inquirer

398
00:13:21,202 --> 00:13:22,730
Metro section at the
store the other day?

399
00:13:22,754 --> 00:13:24,888
- Nope. Sorry.
- Huh.

400
00:13:24,913 --> 00:13:26,492
Well, I better figure out
whose it is soon,

401
00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:28,661
'cause I gotta catch a flight
to Hollywood, California,

402
00:13:28,685 --> 00:13:30,286
moviemaking capital of the world.

403
00:13:30,311 --> 00:13:32,580
But I thought you were
reevaluating your career choice.

404
00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:34,607
I was, but then I got some amazing news.

405
00:13:34,632 --> 00:13:36,500
See, my, uh, ex-roommate's
cousin's neighbor

406
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,270
is friends with Brian De
Palma's agent's assistant,

407
00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:39,896
and slipped him my McDLT commercial.

408
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:41,117
Ooh. Seriously?

409
00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:43,492
But, wait, there's more. I'd imagine.

410
00:13:43,517 --> 00:13:44,797
The assistant got it to the agent,

411
00:13:44,821 --> 00:13:46,375
who got it to De Palma,
who liked what he saw

412
00:13:46,399 --> 00:13:48,616
and cast me in his new
Molly Ringwald picture.

413
00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:49,889
Holy balls!

414
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:52,546
America's angsty ginger princess!

415
00:13:52,571 --> 00:13:54,339
And I bet that could
lead to other things.

416
00:13:54,364 --> 00:13:56,234
No truer words have ever been spoken.

417
00:13:56,259 --> 00:13:58,605
Well, good luck on one of the easiest
careers you could ever choose.

418
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,826
And, uh, call me.
We'll split a salad at Spago.

419
00:14:00,851 --> 00:14:02,627
Doesn't sound like enough food,
but I'm in!

420
00:14:03,762 --> 00:14:05,196
Oh, wow!

421
00:14:05,221 --> 00:14:06,453
I mean, just, wow.

422
00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:09,585
If something so random and
amazing could happen to him,

423
00:14:09,610 --> 00:14:11,544
I bet there's hope for you, too, huh?

424
00:14:11,569 --> 00:14:13,937
You know it! I'm back in the festival.

425
00:14:13,962 --> 00:14:16,549
See ya, babe.
Have your people call my people.

426
00:14:16,574 --> 00:14:18,368
While my movie dreams
were back on track,

427
00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:21,625
the JTP was trying to keep the
train from derailing without Geoff.

428
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:23,585
So... cold!

429
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:24,779
Whose turn is it to sweep?

430
00:14:24,804 --> 00:14:27,052
I don't know, but according
to Geoff's chore napkin,

431
00:14:27,077 --> 00:14:28,345
it's Andy's turn to mop again.

432
00:14:28,370 --> 00:14:30,205
Come on! I'm never not mopping!

433
00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:31,639
Get me the phone. I'm calling Geoff.

434
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,661
Sorry, Tasty, but our phone's out, too.

435
00:14:33,686 --> 00:14:35,321
Oh, no!

436
00:14:35,346 --> 00:14:37,339
It's getting harder and
harder to root for us.

437
00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:40,583
Uh, did anyone else
hear what sounds like

438
00:14:40,608 --> 00:14:43,114
the bursting of old metal
followed by rushing water?

439
00:14:43,654 --> 00:14:46,138
- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!

440
00:14:46,163 --> 00:14:47,782
Geoff had sent a clear message

441
00:14:47,806 --> 00:14:49,372
that he was no longer helping anyone,

442
00:14:49,397 --> 00:14:51,302
but that message hadn't gotten through.

443
00:14:51,327 --> 00:14:53,982
In Egypt, a great deal
of art was created

444
00:14:54,006 --> 00:14:55,599
- to honor the pharaoh.
- Psst! Geoff!

445
00:14:55,623 --> 00:14:56,990
Did you buy peanut butter?

446
00:14:57,015 --> 00:14:58,249
What? I'm in class.

447
00:14:58,282 --> 00:14:59,716
Yeah, but just, like, a quick yes or no,

448
00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:02,512
'cause I'm walking past the Wawa
and I got chunky on the mind.

449
00:15:02,537 --> 00:15:04,528
- Yes.
- Okay, great.

450
00:15:05,312 --> 00:15:07,598
Wait, yes, you bought it or yes,
we need it?

451
00:15:07,623 --> 00:15:09,528
Yes, we have stupid peanut butter!

452
00:15:10,286 --> 00:15:11,286
Don't mind me.

453
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,153
Just a PB emergency.

454
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:15,122
Go back to your
super important art talk.

455
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:17,559
Geoffrey Antoinette Schwartz!

456
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,820
- Oh, God.
- Dumbwads, he is in class!

457
00:15:19,845 --> 00:15:21,546
Your stupid thing can wait.

458
00:15:21,571 --> 00:15:22,782
What kind of jam do I like?

459
00:15:22,807 --> 00:15:24,175
Yeah, but it's super urgent.

460
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,353
There's water everywhere,
and we don't know what to do!

461
00:15:26,377 --> 00:15:27,611
And you are the house manager.

462
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:28,879
Oh, my God! Enough!

463
00:15:28,904 --> 00:15:30,239
I am so sorry, Professor.

464
00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:32,492
My girlfriend and friends can't
stop taking advantage of me.

465
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,176
We're not taking advantage of you.

466
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,780
You just are really
good at doing things.

467
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:39,541
No! You're all just too lazy and
selfish to do anything on your own!

468
00:15:39,566 --> 00:15:41,412
And it was bad enough when
I had nothing going on,

469
00:15:41,436 --> 00:15:43,238
but now I found
something I actually like,

470
00:15:43,263 --> 00:15:45,668
and you ruined it for me,
so thanks a lot.

471
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:47,934
Pfft.

472
00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:50,528
- Antoinette?
- That sounds wrong, bro.

473
00:15:50,553 --> 00:15:52,723
Now that I say it out loud,
it might be Todd.

474
00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:54,760
While Geoff had finally
reached his breaking point,

475
00:15:54,784 --> 00:15:57,051
I was back in pursuit of my big break.

476
00:15:57,076 --> 00:15:59,552
One brand-new S-VHS camera, please.

477
00:15:59,577 --> 00:16:01,312
Wait. I thought you went back to L.A.

478
00:16:01,337 --> 00:16:03,347
Yeah, that's, uh... That's next week.

479
00:16:03,372 --> 00:16:05,383
So, you gonna quit this job?

480
00:16:05,408 --> 00:16:07,811
- What? You're quitting, Goldberg?
- No!

481
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,675
But how can you have a Hollywood
career and still work here?

482
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,247
I'll commute to both things.

483
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,840
I mean, the studio has a jet.

484
00:16:13,865 --> 00:16:16,001
It's in my deal I can still
sell cameras and whatnot.

485
00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:18,911
That makes no sense. What's going on?

486
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,559
Well...

487
00:16:20,584 --> 00:16:22,308
You paid him to lie to me?

488
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:23,667
Here's the truth...

489
00:16:23,701 --> 00:16:24,989
Absolutely not.

490
00:16:25,014 --> 00:16:26,215
Just tell the boy.

491
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,458
Here's the truth...

492
00:16:27,483 --> 00:16:28,915
100% yes.

493
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,239
What the hell, lady?

494
00:16:30,264 --> 00:16:31,733
You stopped believing in yourself.

495
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,093
I had to do something.

496
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,286
Don't you get it?

497
00:16:34,311 --> 00:16:36,255
If he can't make it in Hollywood,

498
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,848
I don't have a prayer.

499
00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:40,013
And no lies are gonna change that.

500
00:16:40,038 --> 00:16:41,506
I'm done.

501
00:16:47,193 --> 00:16:49,195
I had given up on filmmaking for good

502
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:50,555
and dropped out of the festival,

503
00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:52,106
which is probably why this happened.

504
00:16:52,131 --> 00:16:54,083
Looks like we got a new movie champ.

505
00:16:54,678 --> 00:16:56,762
You left it all on the screen, Atkins.

506
00:16:56,787 --> 00:17:00,106
Ha! Looks like I'm the school
movie nerd now, Goldnerd.

507
00:17:00,131 --> 00:17:02,473
Oh, no. I'm a nerd.

508
00:17:02,498 --> 00:17:04,215
The ultimate twist.

509
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:08,895
And that concludes the last
annual WPA Movie Championship.

510
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,528
Actually... I have one more entrant.

511
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:15,028
Oh, no! No way! You've done enough!

512
00:17:15,053 --> 00:17:16,567
Sorry, clock ran out.

513
00:17:16,592 --> 00:17:17,903
That's what next season's for.

514
00:17:17,928 --> 00:17:21,036
Oh, I don't care.
The dumb festival can be over.

515
00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,817
This is just for my son.

516
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:23,926
May I?

517
00:17:23,951 --> 00:17:25,106
Do what you gotta do.

518
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,843
In that moment, my mom did something

519
00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:28,903
I never could have imagined.

520
00:17:29,987 --> 00:17:31,833
Stop videotaping!

521
00:17:32,638 --> 00:17:36,473
She gave me a highlight reel
of every movie I'd ever made.

522
00:17:36,801 --> 00:17:38,918
That's the end of you, Optimus!

523
00:17:38,943 --> 00:17:41,551
I literally cannot die!

524
00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:44,793
- Bow before Princess Leia!
- Never!

525
00:17:44,818 --> 00:17:45,986
Death grip!

526
00:17:46,011 --> 00:17:47,051
I'm your father!

527
00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:49,887
No. That's not true!

528
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,865
Maybe they weren't all award-winners,

529
00:17:52,889 --> 00:17:55,558
but thanks to her,
I realized making movies

530
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:57,793
wasn't about succeeding in Hollywood.

531
00:17:57,818 --> 00:17:59,590
It was about creating something special

532
00:17:59,615 --> 00:18:01,825
with the people I loved.

533
00:18:02,077 --> 00:18:04,801
And if I could do that
for the rest of my life,

534
00:18:04,826 --> 00:18:06,661
I'd be living the dream.

535
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,957
No!

536
00:18:12,522 --> 00:18:14,317
This is amazing.

537
00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:16,598
It's all you.

538
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,372
Schmoo, I'm sorry
I shielded you from the truth.

539
00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:26,215
These movies remind me that
you are joyful and creative

540
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,637
and one of a kind.

541
00:18:29,106 --> 00:18:31,161
And if you never give up...

542
00:18:32,049 --> 00:18:34,458
I just know you're gonna make it.

543
00:18:37,928 --> 00:18:40,840
Just then, I realized there are
worse things in the world<

544
00:18:40,865 --> 00:18:42,637
than someone who thinks you're the best.

545
00:18:43,007 --> 00:18:45,184
What's going on? I got your message
about an emergency.

546
00:18:45,209 --> 00:18:47,622
- It's a friend emergency.
- And boyfriend.

547
00:18:47,647 --> 00:18:49,810
Oh, my God. Did someone break
in here and clean the place?

548
00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:51,340
No. You were right.

549
00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:53,028
We were being lazy and selfish.

550
00:18:53,053 --> 00:18:54,121
Look.

551
00:18:55,925 --> 00:18:57,059
Chore wheel.

552
00:18:57,084 --> 00:18:58,888
Also, we realized we've
been pretty rotten to you,

553
00:18:58,912 --> 00:19:01,231
and we want to make it right.

554
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,997
A Penn college course guide?

555
00:19:05,022 --> 00:19:07,387
We know how much you
loved auditing that class.

556
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:09,247
- You should do more of it.
- Yeah.

557
00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:11,645
You've always been there to support us.

558
00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:14,379
Now it's time for us to
support you for a change.

559
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:17,997
Guys, thanks. This is amazing.

560
00:19:18,022 --> 00:19:20,176
No, Geoff. You're amazing.

561
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:22,411
Sometimes, we end up

562
00:19:22,436 --> 00:19:24,692
taking advantage of the people we love,

563
00:19:24,717 --> 00:19:26,419
or even people we barely know.

564
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:29,157
Hey.

565
00:19:29,182 --> 00:19:31,489
Come to cast me in more
of your family drama?

566
00:19:31,514 --> 00:19:33,434
I'm actually here to say thank you.

567
00:19:33,459 --> 00:19:34,473
For what?

568
00:19:34,498 --> 00:19:36,379
I was looking at it all wrong.

569
00:19:36,404 --> 00:19:38,106
I let your story intimidate me

570
00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:39,926
when I should've been inspired by it.

571
00:19:39,951 --> 00:19:43,215
You're proof that guys like
us from dinky Jenkintown

572
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,583
can make it.

573
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,606
I'd hardly say I made it.

574
00:19:46,631 --> 00:19:48,778
But you're gonna. With your skills?

575
00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:49,881
You were pretty convincing as

576
00:19:49,905 --> 00:19:51,364
"guy who just got a big break."

577
00:19:51,389 --> 00:19:52,693
Did you notice that thing
where I shook my head

578
00:19:52,717 --> 00:19:53,794
like I still couldn't believe it?

579
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,911
I believed that you couldn't believe it.

580
00:19:55,936 --> 00:19:57,442
You know what?

581
00:19:57,674 --> 00:19:59,042
Maybe I will give it another shot.

582
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:00,802
You better. And who knows?

583
00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:02,963
Maybe Hollywood's big enough
for two Adam Goldbergs.

584
00:20:05,403 --> 00:20:08,105
But no matter how
far over the line we go,

585
00:20:08,130 --> 00:20:10,966
the people we care about
will always welcome us back.

586
00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:12,159
So, what are you thinking?

587
00:20:12,184 --> 00:20:14,097
Well, this year, I followed the Dead,

588
00:20:14,122 --> 00:20:15,791
I started a failed business,

589
00:20:15,816 --> 00:20:17,839
and I did a whole lot of nothing.

590
00:20:17,864 --> 00:20:20,542
I think it's time I
actually apply to college.

591
00:20:20,689 --> 00:20:22,123
For real?

592
00:20:22,148 --> 00:20:23,425
For real.

593
00:20:25,077 --> 00:20:27,223
And whether it's
the big moments of our lives

594
00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:29,448
or just the decisions that
lead to those moments,

595
00:20:29,473 --> 00:20:31,800
as long as you have people
who love and support you,

596
00:20:31,825 --> 00:20:34,816
there's a good change your
dreams will come true.

597
00:20:39,552 --> 00:20:41,675
_

598
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,698
But this would be the start of more.

599
00:20:43,723 --> 00:20:44,972
A lot more.

600
00:20:47,387 --> 00:20:49,042
It was a phone call for me.

601
00:20:49,067 --> 00:20:50,847
The first phone call all summer,

602
00:20:50,872 --> 00:20:52,659
because phones were new.

603
00:20:53,064 --> 00:20:56,935
Okay, today, I'm gonna
walk you through my process

604
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,737
with a little director's commentary.

605
00:20:59,762 --> 00:21:01,691
I'm Banjo the Dog. Arf!

606
00:21:01,716 --> 00:21:04,005
And I've gotta find my
way home before Christmas!

607
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,364
Here's an interesting tidbit...

608
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,434
That's my voice, not a dog's.

609
00:21:07,459 --> 00:21:09,231
Movie magic. Am I right?

610
00:21:09,256 --> 00:21:10,911
These woods look familiar.

611
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,748
I think I'm getting closer to home.

612
00:21:13,686 --> 00:21:15,145
Keep going, Banjo!

613
00:21:15,170 --> 00:21:16,442
You're almost there!

614
00:21:16,467 --> 00:21:19,170
I made it! That was ruff!

615
00:21:19,728 --> 00:21:23,020
Fun fact... Banjo's real name is Jimbo.

616
00:21:24,038 --> 00:21:27,968
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com