1
00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,134
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
before the internet,
2
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,836
there weren't as
many ways to find love.
3
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,537
If you were lucky, you might
get on The Dating Game.
4
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:09,875
If you were really lucky,
you'd run into
Beverly Goldberg.
5
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:11,377
I've got
the perfect man
for you, Inez.
6
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:15,080
His name's Tony.
He's 53, non-smoker,
works for the city,
7
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:19,151
and he is literally
the most handsome man
I've ever seen.
8
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:23,689
No, I don't know how fast
I was going, but you know
what I do know?
9
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,824
No wedding ring.
Have I got
someone for you.
10
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:30,529
Her name is Delia.
She's 34 years old,
real outdoorsy just like you,
11
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:34,366
and she is literally
the most beautiful woman
I've ever seen.
12
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:40,706
(MOUTH FULL) I am telling you,
he is literally the most
handsome man I've ever seen.
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00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:41,206
(CHUCKLES)
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00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,142
Is Lucky interested
in having puppies?
15
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,210
'Cause I know
a Springer Spaniel.
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00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,579
Literally the cutest dog
I've ever seen.
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00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:52,484
My mom was eHarmony,
JDate, and Grindr
all rolled into one.
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00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,319
She could match up anyone.
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00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,588
Well, almost anyone.
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00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:57,623
Good morning!
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00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:00,192
Wow, dad, don't you
look dapper?
Big date tonight?
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00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:03,595
Actually, I just finished
my date from last night.
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00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,864
Was this
the aerobics instructor?
24
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:06,799
The antiques dealer.
25
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,201
No. This was the manager
from Coco's.
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I ordered the steak,
she ordered the me.
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Here we go.
28
00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:15,441
Kids, you know the drill.
Give us the room.
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00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:18,811
Come on. This is pure gold.
I gotta get this on tape.
30
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,479
You stay, Murray.
31
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,146
I stay.
32
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:24,450
Please help me talk some
sense into this man.
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00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,617
Mom's been gone
for 10 years.
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00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,153
He's dated at least
five different women a week.
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00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,021
That's over 2,000 women.
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00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:32,958
You're saying something
that's good, but you're
saying it like it's bad.
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00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:36,061
I just think maybe it's time
you found someone special.
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00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:38,931
Maybe someone who doesn't
wear a tube top to work.
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00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,967
Hey, what's-her-name
was plenty special.
40
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:45,904
What was her name? Um...
Tawny? Tammy?
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00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,340
Taffy? Is Taffy a name?
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00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:49,274
Just give me
a chance, Dad.
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00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,076
I can help you find
the perfect woman.
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00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,145
I have a gift.
Tell him, Murray.
45
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,079
She has a gift,
this one.
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00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,216
Fact, 16 of my setups
led to marriage,
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00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,818
which resulted
in 37 children.
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00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,654
I did that.
I created life.
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00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,188
She's like god.
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00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,357
Trust me, dad.
I know what's
best for you.
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00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,725
She knows what's best.
The hell she does.
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00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:11,330
Bevy, you just can't
help yourself.
You have to mix in.
53
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:11,964
I'm not mixing in.
54
00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:16,802
I'm just trying to tell
you what to do, even though
you don't want me to.
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Just do her thing.
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00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,404
Murray, you're really not
helping me right now.
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00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:22,508
Will you please just give him
your honest opinion
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00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,675
about how you
feel about this?
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00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,411
You want my
honest opinion?
Mm-hmm.
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00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,212
Well... (SIGHS)
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00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,715
I think he's doing great
on his own.
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00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,050
Get out.
Good-bye.
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00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,155
Please, dad, let me
find you just one woman.
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00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,823
You could even
write down what you want,
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00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,125
and I'll find it.
I'm that good.
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00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,660
No one's that good.
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Try me.
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00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,129
Fine.
69
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,765
One date,
but nothing serious.
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00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,768
I think you're really
gonna love being
set up by your daughter.
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00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,471
See? Now you're saying
something that's bad,
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but you're saying it
like it's good.
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You're very
confusing today.
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♪ I'm twisted up inside
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♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
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♪ I don't know the future
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00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,621
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:13,992
It was October 12,
1980-something.
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00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:18,030
Every day after school,
I had a tradition
with my big sis Erica...
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00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,031
General Hospital.
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00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,634
It was more than a soap opera.
It was an obsession.
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God, I hate Luke.
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00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,404
Me, too.
84
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,506
But I'm drawn
to his danger.
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00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:28,073
Who isn't?
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00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,042
Erica loved watching
her stories,
87
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,276
and I got sucked in, too.
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Mostly 'cause
the alternative was this...
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(SLAPPING)
BARRY: Why are you
hitting yourself?
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00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,282
Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself?
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00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,585
Huh? What'd your face
ever do to you?
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00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,219
Get off me, Barry!
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00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,221
Say "I love it when Barry
whoops my ass."
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00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,689
I'm not gonna say it.
Say it!
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00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:44,990
I'm not gonna say it.
Say it!
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00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,658
I love it when Barry
whoops my ass.
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00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:49,928
Oh! Really?
Then I'm-a keep on going!
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00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:50,829
(SLAPPING)
Aw, man.
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00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,432
This was what quality time
looked like with
my brother Barry...
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00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:56,401
Until the day that
changed everything.
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00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,304
Erica? It's starting.
Hurry up!
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00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,373
Get out.
You get out.
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00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,274
General Hospital's on.
104
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:05,177
Lame.
Your puppet show's
any better?
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00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:07,546
He's not a puppet. He's Alf.
106
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,748
He eats cats
and says what he thinks.
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00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,116
Hey, you taped it.
You can watch it later.
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00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,552
Hey, don't touch it!
I was here first!
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00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,787
Give me this!
Erica, get down here!
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00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,523
(BUTTONS CLICKING)
Come here.
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00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,260
Dude! Stop!
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Don't move.
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(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
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Do you see what I see?
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I see it.
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Back in the day,
finding naughty adult stuff
was impossible.
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00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,272
But somehow, we hit
the right combo of buttons
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00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,240
on our cable box
and stumbled upon
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00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,310
a scrambled channel
we didn't pay for.
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(WOMEN GIGGLING)
Boobs.
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I see scrambled boobs.
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Okay.
(PRESSES BUTTON)
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Who's ready
to check into
General Hospital?
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00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,454
Um, I think I'm gonna watch
Alf with Barry instead.
125
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,923
Alf? What about
Luke and Laura?
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00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:54,726
He said he's not interested!
Now leave us be.
127
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,662
What the hell
is going on?
128
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,697
Is Barry forcing you
to be here?
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No, I'm here by choice.
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(WHISPERING) If you're
in trouble, blink.
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Whatever.
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00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,373
Guess I'll just watch it
in my room.
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00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:11,310
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
134
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:12,311
No!
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00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,345
(POUNDS TV)
No!
136
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,714
No! It's gone!
What happened?
137
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,716
Calm down.
We just gotta
retrace our steps.
138
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,786
Okay.
So, yeah,
you go back there.
139
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,054
Okay, so I grabbed it...
140
00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:22,988
And then I came in...
141
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,389
I came in hard, though.
Yeah.
142
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:25,190
And then we
shook it about.
143
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,858
We were clicking,
you were tugging with it.
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00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,327
(BUTTONS CLICKING,
VARIOUS PROGRAMS PLAYING)
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(MUTTERING)
"Uh, Erica,
get down here."
146
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,365
Bang, bang.
Oh! Oh, there!
We got it!
147
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,367
Good job, kid.
148
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:39,304
It was the first thing
Barry and I ever bonded over.
149
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:41,807
I could stay like this
forever. Agreed?
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00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:42,774
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
Agreed.
151
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:47,579
For once in our lives,
we were on the same channel.
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00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:51,283
All right.
Your perfect woman.
153
00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:52,818
Ooh, here we go.
154
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:53,785
Tell me everything.
155
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,721
All right.
For start...
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00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,656
I think she should be
at least 5'2",
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00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:00,859
with kind eyes,
and age-appropriate but spry.
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00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:05,430
Whoa, whoa.
Don't I tell you
what I want here?
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00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:06,064
Of course.
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00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,834
(MOUTHS WORDS)
You're gonna want someone
with a great sense of humor.
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00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,535
Not someone
who steals the show,
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00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,337
but she should be
sweet and cute...
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00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:16,775
And have a tush
like two scoops
of vanilla ice cream.
164
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:17,943
Dad!
Could be chocolate.
165
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,344
Are you gonna
take this seriously?
166
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,114
I'm trying to,
but you're
not letting me.
167
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,149
Fine. Tell me
what you want.
168
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,250
All right.
169
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,952
She should be...
170
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:30,922
Dangerous,
alluring and smart.
171
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,825
Like, really smart.
Mensa smart.
172
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:37,129
But when it comes to making
sensible decisions,
173
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:39,131
she should be kinda dumb.
174
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,032
Smart but dumb?
175
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,534
So dumb.
176
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,670
And she should have
a slender dancer's body
177
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:49,040
and be bendy
like a Chinese acrobat.
178
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:49,908
Bendy.
179
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,877
You know what would be nice?
180
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:53,512
Carly Simon's lips.
181
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,313
Put it down.
Carly Simon lips.
182
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,748
I'm sorry.
Are you involved in this?
183
00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,285
You said to give him
my honest opinion.
184
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:00,986
That's what I'm doing.
185
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:05,490
How's about this?
Long hair,
like a mermaid.
186
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,559
Boom! Write it up.
187
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:11,797
She should be exotic,
but not too exotic.
188
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,531
A Latin flavor,
189
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:18,036
but it should be impossible
to know exactly
where she comes from.
190
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,371
Impossible!
191
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:20,806
And we're done.
192
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,908
If this is really the type
of woman you want,
193
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:26,044
then, damn it,
I'm gonna find it.
194
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,914
I really wanna meet
this woman.
195
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,383
(LOWERED VOICE)
Can you imagine?
196
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,219
(SHOUTS) Marriage
is nice, too!
197
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,188
For the next five days,
my mom focused
198
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,490
on her biggest
matchmaking
challenge yet,
199
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,592
finding Pops
the perfect woman.
200
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:44,262
72 years old?
Are you kidding me
with this?
201
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:44,830
(LID CLATTERS)
202
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,265
Well, I don't care
how good her wig looks,
Ruth Applebaum.
203
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:51,236
Don't you call me back
until you've got a real lead.
204
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:52,637
Stop lurking.
205
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,773
We're having
frozen pizza for dinner.
206
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:55,974
Go pop one in the oven.
207
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:56,908
Frozen pizza?
208
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,711
That's the second time
this week.
209
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,348
Just know, six is my limit.
210
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:07,486
I'm not stopping till I find
my father the perfect woman.
211
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:08,153
Bevy,
212
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:11,256
you do realize that your dad's
just giving you busy work
213
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,558
to keep you
off his back, right?
214
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,159
I know that.
215
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:18,630
Do you think I'm really
looking for a smart but dumb
Chinese acrobat?
216
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,130
I hope so.
217
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:23,001
My father has given me
the opportunity to find
him his dream woman,
218
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,971
so I'm gonna find him
my dream woman.
219
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:28,206
Why? He's having a blast.
220
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:28,974
Is he really happy?
221
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:32,544
Very happy! Happiest
person I've ever seen.
222
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,045
I know what's best
for my father,
223
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,883
and it's more than likely one
of these 16 lovely ladies.
224
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:42,420
Turns out, my mom
cast a wide net.
225
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,189
(PHONE DIALING)
How about that?
226
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,025
She was studying
to be a cosmonaut.
227
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,594
You don't see
that every day.
228
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,931
Barry and I spent
the next three days
229
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:53,865
staring at the boob tube.
230
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:57,569
And while the quality time
was nice,
it came with a price.
231
00:08:57,571 --> 00:09:00,705
I've had this migraine
that won't go away.
232
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:02,340
Seriously? Me, too.
233
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,577
Maybe squinting
at the TV for
hours at a time
234
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,879
just isn't so good
for our brains.
235
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,549
I fell down
at school today.
236
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:13,418
I had a scrambled
dream last night.
237
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,786
(WOMAN GIGGLING)
238
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,988
Maybe we should
take a break.
239
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:17,756
Are you insane?
240
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,325
We gotta take this
to the next level, bro.
241
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:20,792
How?
242
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,628
I know this dude
who knows this other dude
243
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,564
who went up to the roof
and got every channel
244
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:28,600
by jamming a pair of tweezers
into the antenna thingy.
245
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,235
It sounds like a great idea!
246
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:30,835
So it's settled.
247
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,371
Next time we're home alone,
you'll go up to the roof,
248
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,440
and I'll stay down here
and see if it works.
249
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,041
Why do I have to go?
250
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:39,177
'Cause you have tiny little
fingers that make it easy
to get into places
251
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,279
and poke at live
electrical wires.
252
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,280
You're making
a lot of sense today.
253
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:46,351
Listen. No matter what
happens, we gotta
keep this quiet
254
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,420
and not attract
any attention.
255
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,754
Agreed.
256
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,358
What's happening?
What's going on here?
257
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:53,959
What? Nothing.
258
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:55,894
Can't two best bros
do a wolf puzzle in peace?
259
00:09:55,896 --> 00:10:00,765
You guys broke something,
you killed somebody,
something's going on.
260
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,233
Off to our big double date.
(CHUCKLES)
261
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,369
Burned through $100
in international phone calls,
262
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,572
but I found Pops
a perfect dream woman,
so wish me luck.
263
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,041
I mean, wish Pops luck.
Not that he needs any luck.
264
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,576
He's always getting lucky.
Not like that.
265
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,612
(GIGGLES) I've had
some iced wine.
266
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,814
I'm excited!
How's my hair?
267
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:20,151
Hey, dad.
Uh... Do me a favor.
268
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,920
Watch the morons tonight.
269
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:25,056
What do I get out of it?
Your dad's gratitude.
270
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,225
So nothing?
Twenty bucks.
271
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,393
Love you, daddy.
272
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,929
Okay.
Okay!
273
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,998
Have fun, boys!
274
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:33,798
Be safe.
275
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,635
Oh, we will.
Safety first.
276
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:39,371
(WALKIE-TALKIE BLIPS)
Falcon has eyes
on the target.
277
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:41,172
I repeat...
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
278
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,340
Falcon is closing in.
279
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:45,010
Whoa, wait.
I wanted to be Falcon.
(BLIPS)
280
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,111
Fine.
281
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:46,978
Golden Eagle
is on the move.
282
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,882
Oh, man,
that's way better.
I'm that!
283
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,884
Just pick a name!
284
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:53,885
Fine!
285
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:57,389
I'm Golden Falcon Shark.
Over.
286
00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:59,524
(BLIPS)
10-4.
287
00:10:59,925 --> 00:11:01,493
Whoa! (GASPS)
288
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,627
I'm okay. I'm okay.
289
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,295
It's kind of steep
up here. Over.
290
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,364
Be careful. I love you.
291
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,199
I mean...
Never mind. Over.
292
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,568
It's okay.
It's out there now.
293
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,404
I love you, too.
294
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,005
Whatever. Over?
295
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,140
(WALKIE-TALKIE BLIPS)
296
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,341
All right.
297
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,577
I'm tweezing
the antenna thing.
See anything?
298
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,979
(CLICKING)
299
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,247
No. Still scrambled.
300
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:26,551
Try jamming your tweezer
in there as hard as you can.
301
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,052
Okay.
302
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,621
How about now?
(SCREAMS AND GRUNTS)
303
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:31,089
(THUDS)
304
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,590
Still getting nothing.
305
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,259
(TAPS TV)
Tweeze harder.
306
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,428
As our plan was going up
in flames,
307
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:39,064
Pops' night was about
to be smoking hot.
308
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:40,765
My mom had searched
every tennis club,
309
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,601
Country Club, and book club
in the tri-state area,
310
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:47,172
and tracked down Pops'
dream woman.
311
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:49,674
Sophia. Mwah.
I'm so sorry.
312
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,410
My dad's running late,
but this is my husband Murray.
313
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,045
(FOREIGN ACCENT)
It's a pleasure to meet you.
314
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:58,183
You, too. So, uh,
are you from around here?
315
00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:58,817
No. No small talk.
316
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,853
We'll cover all that
when my dad gets here.
317
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,755
All right.
Okay.
318
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,996
Well, I guess a little
small talk is okay.
319
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:12,797
Do you like sangria?
320
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,033
I love it.
I'm gonna order
some sangria.
321
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,669
I love sangria.
Oh. Okay.
322
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:18,570
Two sangrias, please?
323
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:19,871
I'd love a sangria.
Okay.
324
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,639
Three sangrias.
(LOWERED VOICE) I'm sorry.
325
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,074
Beverly Goldberg?
Yes.
326
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,175
There's a phone call
for you.
327
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:28,413
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
Must be my dad.
I'll be back in a jiff.
328
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,381
Don't forget the sangrias.
329
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:31,983
Thanks.
330
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:32,417
Hello?
331
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:36,521
Hey, honey, uh,
I'm afraid I'm not gonna be
able to make it tonight.
332
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,023
I'm feeling a little
under the weather.
333
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,358
Dad, you promised.
334
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,993
Down some aspirin
and get over here.
335
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:46,231
(FORCED COUGHING) I think it's
better I stay home tonight.
336
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:49,267
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
What's that?
337
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:52,070
Oh, uh, I threw
on a record.
338
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,006
You know me.
Jazz is my medicine.
339
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,141
Are you at Dexter's?
340
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,776
No! Don't be ridiculous!
341
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:02,547
Please give a warm
Dexter's welcome
to the Shorty Flanders Trio!
342
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:06,317
Dad, we had a deal!
Don't you dare stand me up!
343
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,586
Sweetie, it's not you,
it's me.
344
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:11,055
Don't you give me
one of your lines.
345
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,190
I'd better get to bed.
346
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:14,225
I have an early meeting
in the morning.
347
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,061
A meeting?
You're retired 20 years.
348
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,397
(LINE CLICKS)
Hello?
349
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,766
Hello?
350
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,304
Are you single?
351
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,606
I know the most
handsome attorney.
352
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:31,810
Are you crazy?
Why the hell were
you on the roof?
353
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,245
Roof?
Who was on the roof?
354
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,313
No one fell off
the roof.
355
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,314
I fell off nothing
onto nothing.
356
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,250
Enough, okay?
Someone better
start talking right now.
357
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,720
Listen. I know dad is paying
you 20 bucks to watch us.
358
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:46,357
I have something
even better to make
you look the other way.
359
00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:50,528
A library card?
360
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,429
Walk away.
361
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,566
Okay, you two have
been acting like
best friends all week,
362
00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:58,369
and it's creeping me out,
so tell me what the hell
is going on.
363
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,471
Even if we had
something to hide,
364
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,406
which we don't...
We don't.
365
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:05,443
We'd never rat
each other out. Never.
Never.
366
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:07,445
Hyah!
Hyah!
367
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:10,215
What the hell was that?
You have a coordinated
handshake now?
368
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:14,385
That's what brothers do.
It's a bond
even you can't break.
369
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,622
Fine. Then I'll
just tell mom.
370
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,428
Okay, it was
Adam's idea, okay?
371
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,631
He was the one who found
the naked channel
in the first place,
372
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,266
then he got greedy
and wanted more,
373
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,168
so he went to the roof.
It was all him!
374
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,671
Are you kidding me?
Don't drag me down
with you, perv!
375
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,408
You got problems, man!
You got serious problems!
376
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,009
Son of a...
377
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,044
I was furious my brother
sold me out so easily,
378
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:44,315
and I'd let him know with
a swift punch to the arm.
379
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,149
(PUNCH ECHOES)
380
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:48,286
Or not.
It was a total accident,
381
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,187
but, oh, that didn't matter.
382
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,421
Never once
had we punched face.
383
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:54,959
A threshold had been crossed,
and there was
no going back now.
384
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,928
You punched my face?
385
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,997
It was an accident!
I was aiming for your arm.
386
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,231
Come on,
Golden Falcon Shark.
387
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,134
It's me. We have
the brother bond, right?
388
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,402
(PANTS AND CHUCKLES
NERVOUSLY)
389
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,937
I'm gonna punch
your face so hard!
390
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,505
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes!
391
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:11,776
While I was on the run,
Pops was just getting
settled for the night.
392
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,678
(CLINKING)
(GIGGLING)
393
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,946
Mmm.
394
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:16,915
Ahh. Muy bueno.
(WOMEN GIGGLE)
395
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:20,184
Okay. Fun's over.
You have a date to keep.
396
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,121
Ooh. This is
some real bad timing.
397
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:27,058
See, I'm already on a date.
Uh, two, actually.
398
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,826
Stella and Lucy.
399
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,261
Sandra.
Lorraine.
400
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:33,164
Well, whoever you are,
please excuse us.
401
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,600
I gotta start bringing
some nametags.
402
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,635
Do you know how much
time it took me to find you
403
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,270
an amazing woman
for tonight?
404
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,774
Well, I found two
so-so women in no time.
405
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,542
Stop working so hard.
406
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:45,109
Forget it.
407
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,045
If you want to waste your time
with women half your age
408
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:50,848
in a pit that smells
like a shoe, have at it.
409
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,684
Oh, don't be like that.
410
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:55,186
It's just a date.
There'll be others.
411
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,154
No, there won't be.
412
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,723
Sophia was perfect,
and you blew it.
413
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,491
All I wanted was
to find you someone
414
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,859
who will love you
and make you happy.
415
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,662
Yeah, well, that's
not what I want.
416
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,129
Why not?
417
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,232
Because I already had
that with your mother.
418
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,737
Go home, Bev, please.
419
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,645
Come on, Adam!
You can't hide forever.
420
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,847
Can't you please just
forget this ever happened?
421
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:26,351
No! You've broken
the unspoken agreement.
422
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,719
We do not punch face.
423
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,053
You never told me that!
424
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,054
It was unspoken!
425
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:33,558
But the line has been crossed,
and there's no going back!
426
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,995
Starting now, it's all
face punches, all the time!
427
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:40,031
Adam, come out. He's not
gonna punch you in the face.
428
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,966
(LOWERED VOICE) Nice.
You lure him out,
429
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,067
and I'll cold-cock him
in the eyeball.
430
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:46,404
I heard that!
(NORMAL VOICE) Okay,
you got me. I give up.
431
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,072
(LOWERED VOICE)
You'll go downstairs with him.
432
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,441
I'll jump out...
I still hear you!
433
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,175
Just open the door.
434
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,478
Trust me, Barry doesn't
have the guts to punch
you in the eyeball.
435
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,913
(NORMAL VOICE)
I do, too, have the guts.
436
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,548
I'm, like, 90 percent gut.
437
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,616
(DOOR OPENS)
438
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:02,120
Fine. The unspoken rule
has been broken.
439
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,521
(SIGHS)
440
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,256
Do what you have to do.
441
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:06,591
Yes.
442
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:10,094
Here it comes.
Brace your face.
443
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,597
Here comes the hammer.
444
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,800
It's punch time!
445
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,570
Damn it.
Told you.
446
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,341
So...
447
00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:25,943
Do you wanna watch
scrambled girls?
448
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:27,478
Nah.
449
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,513
Kinda over it.
450
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,248
Yeah, me, too. (SIGHS)
451
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:34,085
For the record, it wasn't
just about the boobs for me.
452
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:34,786
(EXHALES)
453
00:17:34,788 --> 00:17:38,156
It was just cool
hanging out with you.
454
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:39,457
Had its moments.
455
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,593
From that moment on,
there was something
different between us.
456
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:46,864
I went from Barry's annoying
little brother to his friend.
457
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,032
(BOTH LAUGH)
458
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:50,234
Then I'll see you
in a few days.
459
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:50,802
(LAUGHTER ON TV)
460
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:54,439
(LET MY LOVE OPEN
THE DOOR PLAYING)
461
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:58,109
Hey, sweetie.
462
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:01,946
Everyone alive?
463
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:02,613
Yeah.
464
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,683
Uh, nothing crazy
to report.
465
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,152
(SIGHS)
466
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,788
♪ When people keep repeating
467
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:11,222
(LAUGHING)
468
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,325
♪ That you'll never
fall in love
469
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,595
♪ When everybody
keeps retreating
470
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,964
♪ But you can't seem
to get enough ♪
471
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,432
Hey.
472
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,902
Mind if I hang out
for a bit?
473
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,605
What happened to your date?
474
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,308
Eh, wasn't feeling it.
475
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:32,510
Look.
476
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:39,884
I know you worked hard
to find someone for me,
and I'm sorry I bailed.
477
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,886
I'm sorry, too.
478
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,488
You were right.
I always mix in,
479
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:47,291
and I think I know
what's best for everyone.
480
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,226
But I mean well.
481
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:52,063
And that's the only thing
that makes it okay, honey.
482
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:52,630
(CHUCKLES)
483
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:56,734
It makes sense now why you
never get serious with anyone.
484
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,370
They're just...
485
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,038
Not mom.
486
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,208
She was one of a kind.
487
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,844
(EXHALES) Yeah, she was.
488
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,314
I just wanted you to have
someone you loved
489
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,216
to make new memories with.
490
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:15,520
That's what
you guys are for.
491
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:22,226
Well, just promise me
you won't close
yourself off forever.
492
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:24,862
Okay.
493
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,699
But you promise me
no more setups.
494
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,768
Deal.
495
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,505
But when it came
to matchmaking,
496
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,241
my mom couldn't
help herself.
497
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:42,513
My god, what a coincidence.
It's Sophia.
(SIGHS)
498
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,582
You are unbelievable.
499
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,684
Although she does have
Carly Simon lips.
500
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,387
Am I good, or what?
Not bad.
501
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:53,691
I'm probably gonna need
to cancel my morning meeting.
502
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,359
♪ Open the door
503
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,861
♪ To your heart
504
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,263
While my mom found
Pops a new connection,
505
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:01,465
Barry and I went back
to our old routine,
506
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:04,669
although now there was
a little more respect.
507
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,504
Huh?
My glasses!
508
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:07,972
Oh. Yeah.
509
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,507
Why are you
hitting yourself?
Ugh!
510
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:13,611
Why are you
hitting yourself?
Aah!
511
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,284
(GRUNTING AND LAUGHTER)
512
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:20,985
Ow!
513
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,954
(GRUNTS)
(BELL DINGS)
514
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:25,289
(GRUNTING)
Ow! Aah!
515
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,124
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHING)
516
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,093
(BELL DINGS)
517
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:31,963
My perfect girl?
518
00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:36,000
Well, she should have
big blue eyes,
and big blonde hair.
519
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:36,968
Mmm, she sounds fun.
520
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,669
She shouldn't be afraid
to speak her mind, you know?
521
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:43,774
I mean, she should have
a sensitive side,
but still be a hard-ass.
522
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,509
Oh! Sit up
straight, honey.
523
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:48,412
And I want her
to take care of me.
524
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,781
Cook, pick up my stuff,
525
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:51,816
make me hot pockets.
Mm.
526
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,585
(MOUTH FULL) by the way,
thank you for the hot pocket.
527
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,620
All right,
and I'm on the case
528
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:58,522
for my sweet, handsome,
delicious boy.
529
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:01,025
(CHUCKLES AND KISSES)
530
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:03,060
You know
you just described mom.
531
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:06,330
What? I didn't...
Oh, my god!
532
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:09,533
Mom! I meant a brunette
who doesn't cook at all!
533
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:14,105
And she's gotta be super shy
and not related to me at all!