1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,534 ADULT ADAM: Ah, the romantic comedies of the '80s... 2 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:05,004 I learned everything I knew about getting the girl 3 00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:06,939 from classics like Can't Buy Me Love, 4 00:00:06,941 --> 00:00:09,875 because the romantic scenes that played out in my house 5 00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:12,378 usually went a little something like this. 6 00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:14,113 Here. 7 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,881 What's this? 8 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,516 Birthday card. 9 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,885 My birthday was two weeks ago. 10 00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:22,021 Remember? We had Mexican food. 11 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,789 You had to race home in a mad panic. 12 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:27,326 Well, that photo finish is why I forgot to give you a card. 13 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,828 You know what else you forgot to do? 14 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:30,596 Clean the garage. 15 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:33,032 Give me some credit. I didn't forget. 16 00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:34,933 It's gonna get done. 17 00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:41,707 I'll get my pants. 18 00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,208 Happy belated birthday. 19 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,210 I had the kind of parents who loved each other, 20 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:48,113 but I literally never once saw them kiss, 21 00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:52,484 which is why I was what you'd call romantically challenged. 22 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,653 Her name was Dana Caldwell. 23 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,622 She biked past my house every day, 24 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,524 and she was perfect. 25 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,125 (CLEARS THROAT) 26 00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:02,761 I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here, 27 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,396 but I gotta say, this looks weird. 28 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,799 It's not weird. I'm just filming a girl I like 29 00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,802 to play the tape back later to practice talking to her. 30 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:11,770 Oh, boy. It's weird. 31 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,772 You know, I can help you out. 32 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:14,540 Pops, I'm 12. 33 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:17,910 I gotta start handling this lady stuff on my own. 34 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,745 She's coming back. 35 00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:23,048 (GASPS) Get down! Get down! 36 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,317 While I was crawling away from the girl I loved, 37 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:29,088 my father was trying to get the girl he loved off his back 38 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,189 by cleaning the garage. 39 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,724 All right, anything under $10...toss. 40 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,961 All that crappy art from when you were kids...toss. 41 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:40,132 No way! It's my old keyboard! 42 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,166 This thing is awesome! 43 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:43,168 (BARRY'S VOICE RAISING PITCH) Awesome, awesome, awesome. 44 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:44,369 I thought you said someone stole it. 45 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,840 Yeah, well, the robber... she was supposed to throw it away. 46 00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:50,742 Awesome, a-awesome, a-awesome, a-awesome. 47 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:51,677 It's going in the garbage. 48 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,313 No. This is mine, and I love it, okay? 49 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,148 Holy crap! Check this out. 50 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:59,384 I found a box of Dad's old love poems to Mom. 51 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,819 Don't touch that! Don't touch that! 52 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,688 Come on. It's none of your business. Ready? "Tears stain 53 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,456 "the pillows of my heart" Come on. Come on. 54 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,859 No, no, come on! "Your perfume lingers on my mind 55 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,027 "Return to me, my love" Come on, come on! 56 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,028 God, you're terrible. 57 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,164 Okay, stop it. Give me that box. 58 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:12,698 Give... 59 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:16,902 Whoa! "Our bodies are one under the starry sky 60 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:20,205 "There is no me, only us... 61 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,507 "My sweet Anita"? 62 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:25,043 What? It says here you were gonna have a wedding? 63 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,311 Anita? Who's Anita? 64 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,516 Oh. I see what's going on here. 65 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,084 You have a secret family. 66 00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:32,985 If I had a secret family, 67 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:35,654 why would I be standing here talking to you people? 68 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,890 Give me that box! Here! 69 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:39,992 Come on! Got it! 70 00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:41,660 All right! I'll tell you the story. 71 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,530 Before your mother, I was engaged to another woman. 72 00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:47,466 You're so hosed. (VOICE PITCH RAISES) Hosed, hosed. 73 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,635 I am not hos... Turn that off! 74 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,236 I am not hosed. 75 00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,471 Nobody's getting hosed. 76 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,773 Your mom knows about the engagement. 77 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:57,643 Oh, and she knows all about the love letters? 78 00:02:58,044 --> 00:02:59,344 Of course she knows! 79 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:02,047 (GARAGE DOOR WHIRRING) She knows. 80 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,716 Come on, kids, give me the box! 81 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,252 I wish I had a secret family! 82 00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,288 I'm so hosed. 83 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,557 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 84 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:16,161 ♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say 85 00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:18,730 ♪ I don't know the future 86 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:23,101 ♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 87 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,103 ADULT ADAM: October 4th, 1980-something... 88 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,140 The day my dad's old love letters went public. 89 00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:29,374 Bevy, before you say anything, 90 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:34,012 just know that I thought I threw this box out years ago 91 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,248 when Anita sent it back to me, 92 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,550 and it...it means nothing. 93 00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:41,620 My father had crossed a line. 94 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,854 (LAUGHING) I can't. 95 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,389 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 96 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,459 I thought I could keep a straight face, but I can't. 97 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:48,327 So you're not mad at me? 98 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:51,630 No, I'm worried. How are your loins? 99 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:52,864 Have they stopped burning? (GROANS) 100 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,934 Is your heart still aflutter? Yeah. 101 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,836 Adorable. Yeah. 102 00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:58,770 (LAUGHS) Oh, no, no, no. 103 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:01,373 So you're not even a little bit jealous? 104 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,408 Please. I won. 105 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,143 I bagged my moose. 106 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,846 You see? She doesn't give a crap. 107 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,215 That's what a strong marriage is... 108 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,951 Mutual not-giving-a-crap. 109 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,453 See? Not hosed. 110 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,287 Okay. 111 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,422 We've had a good laugh. Time to chuck 'em. 112 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,092 Chuck 'em? (SNICKERS) I can't even put 'em down. 113 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:23,328 I mean, Dad used to be pretty romantic. 114 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:27,132 Oh, he's still plenty romantic with me. 115 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,500 (CHUCKLES) Yuck. 116 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,868 And how is Dad romantic? 117 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,471 For the last two years, he forgot your anniversary. 118 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,507 In his defense, I didn't remind him enough. 119 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,110 But he writes romantic stuff to me all the time. 120 00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:42,247 (CHUCKLES) Look. Here's my birthday card. 121 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:47,185 "X.O.X.O. Murray." 122 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,921 Well, the X's are for kisses, 123 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,758 and the O's for hugs. 124 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:55,594 And "Murray"... 125 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,729 Is who it's from. 126 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,764 Doesn't matter what he writes. 127 00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:01,300 We are more in love than ever. 128 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,735 Don't you at least wanna see what she looks like? 129 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:07,439 I've gone 20 years without needing to know what she looks like. 130 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:10,108 I'm not gonna start now. 131 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:14,279 (STAMMERS) Oh, plus where would you even get a picture, 132 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,947 you know, if someone wanted to see a picture? 133 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,482 Where would you find it? I don't know. Well... 134 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,385 They'd probably have an engagement announcement in the paper. 135 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:22,120 I mean, if you really wanted to look, 136 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:25,991 you could probably just go to the library and dig it up. 137 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,592 I don't need to see it. 138 00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:28,026 Fine. 139 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,895 But if you would feel better seeing it, 140 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,497 fine, we'll go to the library. Jeez. 141 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,299 While my mom was feeling insecure, 142 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,501 I was feeling damn good. I had a plan. 143 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,071 Dana Caldwell would see me cooly tinkering with my bike 144 00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:42,741 and ask me to go for a ride, and then we would get married! 145 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,543 (BRAKES SQUEAL) 146 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,844 Hey. Hey. 147 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,614 It was now or never. Time for my A game. 148 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,750 Bicycles, right? 149 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,018 Bicycles. 150 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:53,852 Nope. 151 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,921 Do you know how to fix them? 152 00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:57,089 Well... 153 00:05:57,091 --> 00:05:58,790 My bike chain's all messed up. 154 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,193 Maybe you could take a look? 155 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,996 Yeah, I can... I can take a quick look-see. 156 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,498 (CHUCKLES) 157 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,533 Chain. Chain. 158 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,836 (CLANK) 159 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:12,204 Ugh. 160 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,840 Wait. Is this one of those soviet bikes? 161 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,609 'Cause I only deal with American equipment. 162 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:18,410 Huh? USA! 163 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:21,313 Maybe I'll just have my dad fix it. (CHUCKLES) 164 00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:23,548 Makes sense. Keep it in the family. 165 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:26,418 (CLANK) (GROANS LOUDLY) 166 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,254 Aah! Are you okay? 167 00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:31,723 Mmm-hmm. Are you crying? 168 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,091 No. (EXHALES) 169 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,394 Good talking. (WHIMPERING) 170 00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:37,996 My plan was a complete bust. 171 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:42,200 I only had one option left... Call in the big guns. 172 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:46,538 So what happened to "I'm 12. I gotta go it alone"? 173 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,506 That didn't work out so great. 174 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:53,545 Well, you're safe now. Love's my business, and business is booming. 175 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,313 So what do we got? 176 00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:57,282 Okay. Her name's Dana. 177 00:06:57,284 --> 00:07:00,218 She's 13, lives down the block. 178 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,887 She smells like fruity pebbles. 179 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,555 Pfft. 180 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,823 Why are you asking Pops for help 181 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,192 when you got all the resources you need right here? 182 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,460 You don't know anything about girls. 183 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:11,930 I know a ton. I've got a super hot girlfriend. 184 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,166 Yeah, from Canada that no one's ever seen. 185 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:16,902 'Cause I met her at camp, ya sausage gobbler. 186 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:20,038 You couldn't come up with something a little more original? 187 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,941 I mean, a fake girlfriend... In Canada? 188 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,178 Hey! There's nothing fake about her except her boobs! 189 00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:30,782 Yep, they're huge and real... But they're also fake. 190 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,084 You know what? I don't have to explain it to you. 191 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,820 I'm outta here. 192 00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,924 Her breasts sound very complicated. 193 00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,326 So where are we at with this Dana girl? 194 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,596 Well, I've been secretly following her around for two weeks. 195 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,331 Creating a sense of mystery. 196 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,933 And today I broke her bicycle. 197 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:51,503 Good. You made a memorable first impression. 198 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:52,771 And I kinda cried in front of her. 199 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,440 Some women like a sensitive man. 200 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,376 You think? You can't help him, Pops. 201 00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,644 He's un-help-able. 202 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,214 He'll never get a girlfriend even half as hot as mine. 203 00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:05,383 Oh, yeah? What's her name? Tell me right now. Go. 204 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,952 Marion Lemieux. 205 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:07,819 Marion Lemieux? 206 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,688 Like Mario Lemieux, the hockey player? 207 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,724 Yeah! It's a common last name in Canada, 208 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:13,625 like "Smith" or "Jones." 209 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,795 I was trying to be nice to you, but forget it. 210 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,864 I'm outta here. 211 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:20,365 Okay. 212 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,901 Your next move with Dana is important. 213 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,236 You gotta go for it. 214 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,504 Make a big gesture... 215 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:29,441 Something that'll show her exactly how you feel. 216 00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,977 Pfft. Waste of time. 217 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:32,577 Here we go. 218 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,880 This nerd has no clue with the ladies. 219 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,715 Yeah? Let's call Marion right now. 220 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,783 Think I won't? 'Cause I will. 221 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,318 That's what I'm asking you to do. 222 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,288 I don't need this! I'm outta here. 223 00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:00,438 Meanwhile, my Mom and Erica were using 224 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,706 the most cutting edge technology 225 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,642 to track down a photo of Anita. 226 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:07,579 Mom. It was called microfiche. 227 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,347 Move. 228 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,849 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 229 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:14,719 It's amazing. It only took us two hours to find it. 230 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,388 Hey, not bad, Dad. 231 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,822 Okay, Erica, you saw her. 232 00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:20,425 Now you can move on with your life. 233 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,327 Hmm. 234 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,162 Wait a minute. 235 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:25,730 How do you... 236 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,865 (RATTLING) What? 237 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,667 Make it bigger? Well, okay, just... 238 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:29,801 Make the picture bigger. Okay, here. 239 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,704 Where's the knob to make it a bigger picture? It's just... (PEOPLE SHUSHING) 240 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,240 Mom, God! That's as big as it goes. Okay, okay. 241 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,409 What is it? Shh! 242 00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:40,679 Oh, no. 243 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:45,016 As always, my mom took the bad news with grace and dignity. 244 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,986 (BLEEPS) My ring. Shh! 245 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,125 Bevy! 246 00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:58,096 What a day! What a day! 247 00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,130 (SHOES CLATTER) 248 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,565 Sold six couches! 249 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,667 Your man is on fire. 250 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:07,639 By sheer chance, my dad was in a rare good mood that night. 251 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,874 Unfortunately, my mom was not. 252 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,242 What's happening? 253 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,877 Nothing. 254 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:15,213 Take a load off. 255 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:18,850 Well, I usually take a load off right there. 256 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,453 But I'll put my load right here. 257 00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:23,455 What do you... 258 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,825 Is there anything you wanna tell me about this ring? 259 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,461 It's a symbol of our love? 260 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,529 Yes, that's very true. 261 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,798 But, uh, tell me about that. 262 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:38,436 What made you pick this exact ring for me? 263 00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:42,073 When I saw it, it spoke to me. 264 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,175 Aw. What did it say? 265 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:48,113 "I'm a pretty ring. Buy me." 266 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,148 "Buy me" for who? 267 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,416 Oh, boy. (SIGHS) 268 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,018 How could you give me her ring? 269 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,220 What do you think I'm made of, diamonds? 270 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,956 I... (HUFFS) You can't just return these! 271 00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:02,260 Okay, well, I have no problem returning this one. 272 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,862 Wait. Bevy! 273 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,464 Let's talk about this. Listen. 274 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,867 If it'll make you feel any better, 275 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,369 I will get you a new ring. 276 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,972 Great. Get me a new ring. 277 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,740 What? You can't say that. 278 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,442 Why would I get you a new ring? 279 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,376 It was your idea! 280 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,645 Yeah, but I'm filled with terrible ideas! 281 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:23,415 I gave you a used ring, for God sake. 282 00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:26,151 Wow, Murray, you are so romantic! 283 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,620 Fine! I'll get you a new ring! 284 00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:29,521 Fine! 285 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,256 Fine! Fine! 286 00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:31,823 Fine! 287 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,192 While my parents were calmly working out their problems, 288 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:38,596 I'd finally come up with a solution to my problems with Dana. 289 00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,231 (IN YOUR EYES PLAYING) (EXHALES) 290 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,199 Let's do this, Lloyd. (KISSES) 291 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,203 I'd use my favorite romantic movie, Say Anything, 292 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,138 to win Dana's heart. 293 00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:52,711 (IN YOUR EYES PLAYING ON BOOMBOX) 294 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,849 ♪ Love 295 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:03,054 ♪ I get so lost 296 00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:04,189 ♪ Sometimes What are you doing? 297 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:08,226 Oh, crap! I thought this was your sister's room. 298 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,360 Well, it's not. 299 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,062 Can you tell Dana I'm here? 300 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,966 Mmm, no. This is kind of a creepy thing to do, bro. 301 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:15,900 (WINDOW OPENS) 302 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,235 What the hell's going on out here? 303 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,204 Nothing, sir. Go back to bed. 304 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,705 Some weird kid's here for Dana. 305 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,340 (WINDOW OPENS) ♪ I am complete 306 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,109 Adam? What are you doing? 307 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:27,178 Adam? This is the kid who broke your bike? 308 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,813 Yeah. Not cool, man. 309 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,982 ♪ The resolution You have a lovely home. 310 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:34,319 (SPRINKLERS HISSING) ♪ In your eyes 311 00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,389 (MUSIC STOPS) Pleasure meeting you! 312 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,958 POPS: Calm down, kiddo. 313 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,093 We can fix this. We can't! 314 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,963 I serenaded her brother, I dropped my boombox, 315 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,132 and I soaked my Lloyd Dobler coat. 316 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,235 I understood none of that. Did you take my advice? 317 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,436 Yes. A big gesture. 318 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,672 I stood outside her window and blasted music at her. 319 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:55,974 Why would you do that? 320 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:56,508 You told me to! 321 00:12:56,510 --> 00:12:59,410 I meant take her out for a milkshake. 322 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,546 How is a milkshake a big gesture? 323 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,313 For you, it's big. 324 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,048 You should have been more specific! 325 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:07,285 Wait. Don't go, kiddo. We can just regroup. 326 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,319 Forget it. 327 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,889 The movies lie. None of it's real! 328 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,056 Love isn't real. 329 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,758 (MOUTH FULL) Tell that to my girlfriend. 330 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,294 She's not real! She's not real! 331 00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,264 (BELL DINGS) 332 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:24,202 All right, let's get this over with. 333 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:25,103 One ring, please. 334 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:28,139 Of course. Do you have anything in particular in mind? 335 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:32,577 Don't look at me. Just pick something that speaks to you. 336 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:33,144 Okay. 337 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,514 All right, uh, this one's talking up a storm. How much is it? 338 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,683 That one is $5,000. 339 00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:39,517 Is that the one I pointed to? 340 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,852 You pointed at that one, yeah. 341 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,120 It just stopped speaking to me. 342 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,188 Stopped completely. Oh, really? 343 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,856 Yeah. Is that because I'm not worth the money? 344 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,891 No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that, Bev. 345 00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:47,892 Don't... Don't do that. Really? 346 00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,360 How much am I worth to you? 347 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,863 I cannot put a price on love. 348 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:55,600 I can. Uh, how much is this ring worth? 349 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,036 Oh. Very nice. 350 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,638 Yes, excellent cut. Beautiful clarity. 351 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,739 You must really love this lady. 352 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:05,109 It used to belong to his ex-fiance, Anita. 353 00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:05,777 Oh, add that story. 354 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,378 And he re-gifted it to me. All right, do that. 355 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,546 Ugh. Yeah, and he used to write her 356 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:11,249 lots of love letters and poems. Oh, yeah, tell him, yeah. 357 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,885 How many do you think he's written to me? 358 00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:18,356 Um... I'm gonna guess it's a low number. 359 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,325 Zero. That's very low. 360 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,593 Yeah. Okay. That's because 361 00:14:21,595 --> 00:14:26,097 Anita needed love letters and all that crap all day long. 362 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:26,931 It's why we broke up. 363 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,067 That's all I was doing, was writing letters. 364 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,535 I didn't get to watch any TV. 365 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,636 Oh, listen to this guy. 366 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,538 He thinks I don't need love letters. 367 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,772 That's why I chose you. 368 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,141 You don't need any of that romantic junk. 369 00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:38,943 Oh, that's right. Just give ol' Bev 370 00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:42,113 a Hallmark Card and a used ring. 371 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,615 All right, you know what? 372 00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:45,884 We're gonna get you the $5,000 ring, 373 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,285 and you can be the one who tells Adam 374 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,854 that his teeth are gonna be crooked for the rest of his life. 375 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,624 Great. That's exactly what I want, a spite ring. 376 00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:54,225 Great, because that's what you're getting. 377 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,028 Oh. Okay, my friend, we are buying the ring. 378 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,464 I'd like you to ring it up, 379 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,766 because we are buying it! 380 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,167 All right. 381 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,303 (MOUTHING WORDS) 382 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,839 (MOUTHS WORD) Um... 383 00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,674 (MOUTHING WORDS) 384 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:10,608 I don't know what to do here. 385 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:13,144 You heard the man. Ring it up. (MOUTHS WORDS) 386 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:14,746 All right, but just so you know, 387 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:18,349 we have a strict no return policy. 388 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,385 Ring it up. 389 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,620 (MOUTHING WORDS) 390 00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,122 (CLICKS) 391 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,090 (BEVERLY CHUCKLES) 392 00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:35,967 In most houses, a dinner this quiet was normal, 393 00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,169 but in our house, no yelling 394 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:42,106 meant something very bad was going down. 395 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,509 (LOWERED VOICE) What's happening? 396 00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:47,745 (LOWERED VOICE) Dad bought Mom a spite ring, 397 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:51,516 and now she's wearing the spite ring to spite him. 398 00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,520 Lot of love problems around here. 399 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:56,988 Not Barry. 400 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,390 I keep my lady satisfied. 401 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:00,925 Dude... 402 00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:01,993 I was at camp with you. 403 00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,228 There's no girl named Marion Lemieux. 404 00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:07,065 She was in the large-chested foxy girl bunk, 405 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,900 and you were in the annoying sister bunk, 406 00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:11,536 so you probably never crossed paths. 407 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,704 Really? 'Cause I thought you were 408 00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,239 in the large-chested girl bunk. 409 00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:17,642 (CHOMPING) Original. 410 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,945 Adam! Dinner's almost over! 411 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,948 Come on! Get out of the stupid tree! 412 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,818 ADAM: I'm not hungry! Go away. 413 00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:28,186 (SIGHS) 414 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,687 (CREAKS) 415 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,557 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 416 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:33,624 What's going on? 417 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,426 I just wanna be alone, okay? 418 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,128 Like how I'll be for the rest of my life. 419 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:40,431 What are you talking about? You're 10 years old. 420 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,266 I'm 12. And... 421 00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,235 I really screwed things up with a girl. 422 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,404 Yeah? Tell me about it. 423 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,739 Well, her name's Dana... 424 00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:49,240 No, I didn't mean "tell me about it" 425 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:53,344 "tell me about it." I meant, I screwed up with a girl, too. 426 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,313 Oh! My gosh. 427 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,248 So is the girl Mom? 428 00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:58,549 Yes, it's Mom! 429 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,952 Your mother seems to think that I don't show her 430 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:02,687 that I care about her enough. 431 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,155 I show her all the time, 432 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:07,859 just not in big ways, but in little ways... 433 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,961 You know, ways that she doesn't notice, 434 00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,929 not like a box of love letters. 435 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:15,333 There's no record of the stuff that I do. 436 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,668 You know, maybe there is. 437 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,903 There isn't. What if there were? 438 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:22,473 There's not. Dad, I'm saying I have an idea. 439 00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:25,710 My dad may not have been able to say 440 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:26,644 how he felt about my mom, 441 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:31,349 but luckily, I recorded a bunch of ways that showed it. 442 00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:33,551 (CLICKS AND WHIRS) 443 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,853 (IN YOUR EYES PLAYING) 444 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,997 ♪ Love 445 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,868 ♪ I get so lost 446 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:54,272 ♪ Sometimes 447 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,975 ♪ Days pass 448 00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:02,046 ♪ And this emptiness 449 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,849 ♪ Fills my heart 450 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:10,621 ♪ When I want to run away 451 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:15,927 ♪ I drive off in my car 452 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,531 ♪ But whichever way I go 453 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:24,669 ♪ I come back to the place you are ♪ 454 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,939 ADULT ADAM: Turns out the most romantic movie of the '80s 455 00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,108 was the one that I made with my dad. 456 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:33,778 I hate my new ring. I'm gonna take it back tomorrow. 457 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,614 But the man said no returns. 458 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,784 Eh. I'll guilt him into it. 459 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,519 It's what I do. 460 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,121 ♪ Without my pride 461 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:47,058 ADULT ADAM: It was the first time we ever saw them kiss, 462 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,626 and it was gross. 463 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,927 But I started to believe in love again. 464 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:53,698 I mean, it was complicated as hell, but it was real. 465 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:57,568 Maybe those romantic movies weren't so far off after all. 466 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,537 ♪ I see the doorway ♪ In your eyes 467 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:02,473 ♪ To a thousand churches ♪ In your eyes 468 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,775 ♪ The resolution ♪ In your eyes 469 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:08,980 ♪ Of all the fruitless searches ♪ In your eyes 470 00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:11,716 ♪ Oh, I see the light and the heat ♪ 471 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,452 ♪ In your eyes, the light, the heat 472 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:17,955 ♪ Oh, I wanna be that complete Me? 473 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:18,856 Yeah, you. 474 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:22,226 ♪ I wanna touch the light, the heat 475 00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:25,329 ♪ I see in your eyes 476 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,398 Hi. Hi. 477 00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:32,537 You left this on our lawn. 478 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,005 Yeah, I... 479 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,340 I did. I'm sorry. 480 00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:39,010 (SIGHS) 481 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:43,614 The other night was weird. (CHUCKLES) 482 00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:48,719 You know, my dad told me not to talk to you anymore. 483 00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:50,521 I... I get it. 484 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,924 Too bad I never listen to my dad. 485 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,725 (EXHALES) 486 00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,496 ♪ And all my instincts 487 00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,931 Wanna go for a ride? 488 00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:01,666 ♪ They return 489 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:04,202 ♪ And the grand facade 490 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,036 ♪ So soon will burn 491 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:09,140 Just like I told him... Go big or go home. 492 00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:13,344 Yeah. Think you can help me out with some girl stuff? 493 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,947 Oh. What happened to Miss Canada? 494 00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:17,848 Long distance. It's... It's killing us. 495 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,818 We never talk, and when we do, we fight. 496 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,420 She's not real. 497 00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:26,424 ♪ In your eyes 498 00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,961 ♪ In your eyes 499 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,730 ♪ In your eyes 500 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,469 ADAM: There goes the fluffage, different directions. 501 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,337 Is that like a bald spot? 502 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,805 Yeah, yeah, we do have a bald spot there. 503 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,774 (RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES) (BELL DINGS) 504 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,950 (BEVERLY'S VOICE) Murray! 505 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,286 What? 506 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:56,754 Murray! 507 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,056 What? Ugh! 508 00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:02,627 Murray! 509 00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:05,196 What's going on? 510 00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:07,331 Murray! What? 511 00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:09,967 Murray! What? Wh... 512 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,035 Murray! 513 00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:11,802 Well, where are you? 514 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,504 (VOICE RAISING PITCH) Murray, Murray! 515 00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:14,939 What? 516 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:15,439 Murray! 517 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,642 What do you want from me, woman? 518 00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:19,777 (CHUCKLES) Technology. 519 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,780 (LOWERED VOICE) I know. I love this thing. 520 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,749 Hey! (KEYBOARD CLATTERS) 521 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:25,816 I see you! 522 00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:26,917 (RAPID FOOTSTEPS DEPART) 523 00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,586 What'd you break?