1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:02,334 (WHIRS) 2 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,635 (ENGINES REVVING) 3 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:06,772 ADULT ADAM: Growing up in the '80s, I didn't just love movies... 4 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,675 I lived them. (ENGINES CONTINUE REVVING) 5 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,877 Maybe a little too much. 6 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,179 (IMITATES ENGINE REVVING) 7 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:14,980 Hey, little buddy. 8 00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,282 Hey, Barry. You want to be in my movie? 9 00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,050 I'd love nothing more. 10 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,518 Okay, so I'm inside the game grid, 11 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,254 and I have these identity discs, and you're gonna... 12 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,822 (WHOOSHES) 13 00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:26,425 That's a wrap, nerd. 14 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:28,961 I had no kids on my street to play with, 15 00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:32,931 and my older siblings weren't exactly interested 16 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,633 in my hobbies. 17 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:35,901 Yo. 18 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:36,969 Yo. 19 00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:37,903 Whatcha up to? 20 00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:39,571 Nothin'. Oh. 21 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,040 'Cause it looks like you were filming yourself 22 00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:43,675 on a "Tron" light cycle escaping the game grid. 23 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,177 You've seen "Tron." 24 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:45,811 Sixteen times. 25 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:48,180 My mom's actually kinda worried. 26 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,581 Hi, I'm Adam. 27 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:50,182 I'm Chad Kremp. 28 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,217 We just moved in across the street. 29 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,286 You wanna check out my light cycle? 30 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:54,753 Sure. Yeah. 31 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,456 And just like that, I had a new neighbor and best friend. 32 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,857 Even though we had so much in common, 33 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:01,994 our families couldn't have been more different. 34 00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:02,528 (DOORBELL RINGS) 35 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,830 The Kremps were soft-spoken... 36 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,799 Hi. Can Chad play? 37 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,867 Chad, honey, your friend is here. 38 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,670 And the Goldbergs liked to yell. 39 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,305 Hi. Can Adam play? 40 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,308 Adam! Get your ass down here! 41 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,244 The Kremps owned a fancy flower shop... 42 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:19,845 Here, Adam. 43 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,680 Why don't you take these home to your mother? 44 00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:22,281 Why? 45 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:25,017 The Goldbergs owned a discount furniture store. 46 00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,953 Hey... Get off the furniture! 47 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:28,620 I gotta sell this crap. 48 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:32,858 This was a typical Saturday afternoon at the Kremps'... 49 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:33,292 Whoa! 50 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,827 Put a little pepper on that one, didn't you, son? 51 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:35,961 DREW: I learned from the best. (CHUCKLES) 52 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,296 Hey, lemonade for my home team. Ohh! 53 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:40,866 While a Saturday afternoon at the Goldbergs' looked more like this... 54 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,067 BEVERLY: What the hell? Barry Goldberg, 55 00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:45,003 you get your butt out of that tree right now! 56 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:47,139 What kind of moron gets stuck in a tree? 57 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,775 Adam said I couldn't climb this high. 58 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:50,542 I showed him! 59 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,777 (CHUCKLES) You sure did. 60 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,412 If you don't come down right now, 61 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,947 I am gonna go get the hose! 62 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,181 BEVERLY: You're not gonna spray our son. 63 00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:58,550 Stop! BEVERLY: Erica, I would like to not have to... 64 00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,485 (CLAMORING) 65 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,954 MURRAY: The hose is the way to go. 66 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:03,555 I'll try and catch him... 67 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,524 (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Hey, neighbors! 68 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:05,858 Hi! 69 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:08,627 We have got to get that barbecue on the books, don't we? 70 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,662 Definitely. That'd be great. 71 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,364 He's a moron! He is! 72 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:16,301 Hi! And that's what you'd call "a Goldberg first impression." 73 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,736 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 74 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:21,840 ♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say ♪ 75 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,144 ♪ I don't know the future 76 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:29,181 ♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 77 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:32,484 Long before cell phones, you only had one phone line... Get off the phone. 78 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,386 Get off the phone. And it was the source of all problems. 79 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,655 Get off the phone. Get off the phone. Hold on, Lainey. 80 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,990 Get off the phone. I'm talking! 81 00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,226 Go away, or I'll punch you in the soft part of your skull. 82 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,628 Mom told you not to punch me there. 83 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:45,197 Now give me the phone. I got an important call to make. 84 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,432 Really? What's so important? 85 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,635 I gotta call Roger. He borrowed my hockey stick, 86 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,436 and I found a hornet's nest out back. 87 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:54,773 Your life is so sad and simple. Go. 88 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:55,474 No. Get off the phone. 89 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,843 Get off the phone. Get off the phone... Hey, you know... 90 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,912 When I was your age, I was a radio man 91 00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:03,148 with the 103rd, working with the French and the British. 92 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:08,220 We shared one line, and we still managed to win the war. 93 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,255 Can you please stop with these stories? 94 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,823 This is a real life situation here. 95 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,459 Dad, we gotta get a second phone line. 96 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,327 Two phone lines? 97 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,529 What does this look like... The white house? 98 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,798 A second line... Is that even possible 99 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,035 with all those wires crossing in and out? 100 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:23,802 Can they even do that? 101 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,872 While Pops couldn't understand how the phone worked, 102 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,308 my mom couldn't understand why the Kremps 103 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,110 kept ducking her barbecue invitation. 104 00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,378 This is getting ridiculous. 105 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,714 I have been nothing but nice to the Kremps... 106 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,816 And they're clearly blowing us off. 107 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:41,053 I mean, why would they want to avoid us? 108 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,388 (BLOWS AIR) 109 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,558 What did you do? 110 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,059 What? 111 00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:50,329 You heard me. What...did you do? 112 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,331 I haven't said a word to those people. 113 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,932 Well, that's the problem right there. 114 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,567 You're not friendly, you don't say "hi," 115 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,502 you water the yard in your underpants. 116 00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:58,170 It's disconcerting. 117 00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,672 It's like you're trying to drive people away. 118 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,708 That's because I am trying to drive people away. 119 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,210 Well, that is why you have no friends, Murray. 120 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,578 I live in a house full of people 121 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,714 who won't leave me the hell alone. 122 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,015 That's all the friends I need. 123 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:13,252 Well, you may not want friends, but I do. 124 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:14,486 Go over there and apologize 125 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,622 for being a pantsless grumpy pants. 126 00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,725 (SPOON CLINKS) I should apologize for being me? 127 00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,760 Yes! (DOORBELL RINGS) 128 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,032 Hi. I'm, uh, Murray Goldberg from across the street. 129 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:30,602 Just thought I'd come over and formally introduce myself. 130 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,138 Charles Kremp. Pleasure to meet you. Come on in. 131 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,806 Oh, okay. Thank you. 132 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,342 This place smells great! 133 00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,111 It's the gardenias. 134 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:41,780 It's a perk of the job. I'm a florist. 135 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:42,748 Oh, how about that? That's right. 136 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:47,653 We have a flower spray that we keep in the bathroom. 137 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,388 It tries. 138 00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:51,089 But the point is, 139 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,692 I am here to invite you to a barbecue. 140 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,361 Yes, that... That situation. 141 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,698 So... It is a situation, huh? 142 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,300 From now on, 143 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,002 I will try and, uh, 144 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,238 wear pants when I go outside. 145 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:06,972 Try. 146 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:10,876 To be honest, um, my... my wife Virginia, 147 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:16,915 she can be a little sensitive, and, uh... (CHUCKLES) 148 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:20,085 How to put this... Your wife scares her. 149 00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,354 What? Mmm. 150 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,691 That day, my father finally got to do something 151 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:29,494 he had been waiting for since the day he got married.. . 152 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,762 Be right! 153 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,064 (SINGSONG) It's you! 154 00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:33,532 What? You heard me. 155 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:37,569 It's not me that's the problem. It's you! 156 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,670 What did I do? 157 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,073 Oh. You scare the woman. 158 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:41,673 Scare her but good. 159 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:45,377 That is ridiculous. I have never been anything but cordial to her. 160 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,111 How can she not like me? 161 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:50,782 You yell. Uh, you yell inside, you yell outside. 162 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:53,318 And apparently, you climbed up on 163 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,253 a garbage truck to yell at the garbage man. 164 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,255 And he drove halfway down the block 165 00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,757 with you hanging off the back. 166 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:03,328 And then he drove back and picked up our old sink. 167 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:03,962 You're welcome. 168 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,832 Explain it any way you want to, Bevy. 169 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,801 That woman no likey you. 170 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,504 But the idea of someone not liking my mom 171 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,305 was not gonna fly. 172 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:17,609 Beverly Goldberg prided herself on being loved by all. 173 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,746 And she couldn't have it any other way. 174 00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,049 Whoo-hoo! Virginia! 175 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:28,453 She turned power walking into power stalking. 176 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,325 Hey! (CHUCKLES) Whoo! (CHUCKLES) I didn't see you there. 177 00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:36,495 Oh. I didn't know you power walked. 178 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,396 What a coincidence. 179 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,499 I do it every day. (CHUCKLES) She didn't. 180 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,168 Well, I should... Keep moving. 181 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,603 I just hit my peak burn period. So... 182 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:45,804 Oh, good stuff, good stuff. 183 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,807 Listen, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot, 184 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,742 and I know we're gonna be great friends. 185 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:54,146 So, please come over for a barbecue. 186 00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:56,882 (CHUCKLES) Sure. Sure. I'll let you know. 187 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,050 Now? Okay, uh, how about Saturday? 188 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,519 I think it's supposed to rain on Saturday. 189 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,254 Great, Saturday it is. Mark it down. 190 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:03,255 You don't have to bring anything 191 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:07,192 except an open mind and four sides. (CHUCKLES) 192 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,761 No. Just one side, if you want. 193 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,129 OKAY. (CHUCKLES) 194 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,632 I'm gonna keep moving. Okay, I'll lead. 195 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,567 (STRAINED VOICE) Oh! Aah! Cramp, cramp, cramp. 196 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:18,570 Okay, Saturday it is. Prepare to make some memories. 197 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,438 (CHUCKLES) Ohh! 198 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,275 While my mom was trying to make a connection with Mrs. Kremp... 199 00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:23,842 (LINE RINGING) 200 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,510 My brother was hoping to make a connection of his own. 201 00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,479 WOMAN: (SEDUCTIVE VOICE) Hey, there, big boy. 202 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,682 You've reached 9-7-6-fox. 203 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,451 I'm glad you called. 204 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:35,320 To speak with a hot girl in a car... press one. 205 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:39,291 To speak with a nasty girl on a plane... press two. 206 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,493 What the... Hello? 207 00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:43,995 Hang up. Hang up! 208 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:44,663 Hang up! 209 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:48,266 Seriously, you're calling 9-7-6 numbers? 210 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,836 That's a personal call with a friend! 211 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:51,336 Gimme that. 212 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:54,272 WOMAN: You've selected erotic boat ride. 213 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,574 (CHUCKLES) Oh, man. 214 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,275 You are so busted. 215 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,110 Don't tell dad, please? 216 00:07:59,112 --> 00:07:59,845 I'll do anything. 217 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:03,081 I'll give you one week of uninterrupted phone time. 218 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,450 Hmm, that's hard to pass up. 219 00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:09,254 Dad! Barry's calling 9-7-6 numbers! 220 00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:10,856 What? 221 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,492 Those calls are like $5.99 a minute. 222 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,626 The first two minutes are free, 223 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,661 and I never go beyond the second minute. 224 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,464 I use the timer from boggle. It's legit. 225 00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,633 Oh, you want legit? 226 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,368 No phone for a month! 227 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,236 What? 228 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:24,836 This is your fault! 229 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,606 How is it my fault that you want to get frisky in a rowboat? 230 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,373 (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) 231 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,509 That wasn't the selection I was gonna make. (DOOR CLOSES) 232 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,143 MURRAY: Okay, now you're in trouble. 233 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:35,113 Your son has been calling smut numbers. 234 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:35,814 I don't care. 235 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,250 I have something very important to tell you. 236 00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:41,253 The Kremps are coming over for a barbecue. 237 00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:43,421 Yes! That is big! 238 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:46,091 Now let's focus on this and not my thing. 239 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,360 Tell us more about this important barbecue. 240 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,929 Wait, are we talking about all the Kremps here, 241 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:51,763 like, the boys, too... 242 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,698 The one that's Adam's age, and the one that's my age 243 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,634 with sandy brown hair and blue eyes? 244 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,336 You still want to have a barbecue with these people, 245 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,805 even though that woman's terrified of you? 246 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:01,673 Not anymore. 247 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,141 I woke up early this morning, 248 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,943 followed her for two miles on foot, 249 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,178 then chased her down and convinced her 250 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,180 there's nothing scary about me. 251 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:12,617 Come on. I had nothing planned this weekend. 252 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,218 It was perfect. 253 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,087 Well, now you do. And you will be warm and inviting, 254 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:20,659 and so help me God, you better not fall asleep in front of these people. 255 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:24,095 Okay! Let's get cookin'! 256 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,464 Off. Take it off. 257 00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,099 It's an icebreaker... 258 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,267 Sometimes more. 259 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,169 Dad, these are good people. 260 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,804 We need to be on our best behavior. 261 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,439 That means no dirty jokes, 262 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,441 no limericks, no lewd comments. 263 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,910 This party sounds like a real drag. 264 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,512 As for the rest of you, 265 00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:41,613 no yelling, 266 00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:42,447 no cursing, 267 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,915 no fighting. 268 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:44,616 Mark my words. 269 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:49,888 This will be the best backyard barbecue in the history... 270 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,523 ...of backyard barbecues. 271 00:09:51,525 --> 00:09:52,958 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 272 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:53,592 ADULT ADAM: Or not. 273 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:57,295 It was gonna be a very stormy weekend with the Kremps. 274 00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,532 (THUNDER RUMBLES) Even though it rained during the big barbecue, 275 00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:01,499 it didn't stop me and Chad 276 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:04,402 from reciting "Empire strikes back" by heart. 277 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,272 BOTH:(ROBOTICALLY) No, no, that's not true. 278 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,607 That's impossible. 279 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:12,644 It also didn't stop my sister from warming up to Drew Kremp, 280 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:13,812 or my dad from falling asleep, 281 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:17,849 or my mom from trying to get Virginia to warm up to her. 282 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,517 I brought you some wine. 283 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,085 What? 284 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,720 (LOWERED VOICE) I brought you some wine. 285 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:22,520 I'm sorry. I can't hear you. 286 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,590 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so naturally soft-spoken. 287 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:26,791 I brought you some wine. 288 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,027 Okay, who needs dogs? 289 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,830 Mmm. Wow. Thank you so much. 290 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,933 Look... Oh, you warmed my buns. 291 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:35,333 Yes. 292 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,501 I don't know if I can handle all this meat. 293 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:39,337 (UNDER BREATH) Is she kidding me with this? (UNDER BREATH) Just go. 294 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,207 ADULT ADAM: No one was really enjoying themselves... 295 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:45,310 Except for Barry. (THUNDER RUMBLING) 296 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,712 Hello, sister. 297 00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,581 Perfect day for a barbecue, isn't it? 298 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:52,384 No, weirdo. It's pouring outside. 299 00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:53,018 Oh, I'm sorry. 300 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,453 I meant, it's a perfect day for revenge. 301 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:56,287 (BUTTON CLICKS) 302 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:57,822 ERICA: (ON TAPE) Drew Kremp is so delicious. 303 00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:01,026 I want to dunk him in a glass of milk and eat him up. 304 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,761 (RECORDING STOPS) What the hell? 305 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,195 You recorded my private phone call? 306 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:07,499 Funny... How I just happened to pick up when you were on the phone. 307 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:10,001 Should I play the rest for the guests we're entertaining? 308 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,236 (LOWERED VOICE) Okay, you win. 309 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,570 You can use the phone whenever you want, okay? 310 00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,372 Just please don't play it, I'm begging you. 311 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:17,509 Kind of like how I begged you not to tell dad, huh? 312 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,911 Perchance, can you remind me how that turned out? 313 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:22,747 Will you stop talking like that and just give me the damn tape? 314 00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:23,715 No. Just give it... 315 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:24,883 Not giving it to you. Stop it! 316 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,551 (STRAINED VOICE) You're embarrassing yourself. 317 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,752 Give it... Stop! 318 00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,054 Oh, my God! Stop! (TAPE RECORDER THUDS) 319 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,690 ERICA: ( ON TAPE) I mean, doesn't Erica Kremp sound perfect? 320 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:32,957 When we get married, we're gonna ski 321 00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:36,861 and speak French all day and have super blonde kids. 322 00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,096 Whoa. 323 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,064 Oh, dear. 324 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,566 That.was not the plan. 325 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:42,634 What was the plan? 326 00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:45,437 (SHOUTING) What was the plan? Aah! 327 00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:46,438 Kids, enough! BARRY: Ow! Ow! 328 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,339 This is so out of character for them. ERICA: Stop moving. 329 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,574 ERICA: Let me punch you! BARRY: Get off me! 330 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:52,343 Kids, I told you not to punch each other in the privates. 331 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,212 No phone for either of you. Ow, ow, ow! 332 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,182 ERICA: Stop moving! (BARRY GRUNTING) 333 00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,049 ERICA: Eat it! 334 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,285 Murray, wake the (BLEEP) up! 335 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,253 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 336 00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:03,488 (GASPS) 337 00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:04,989 Well, you know, it's... It's getting late. 338 00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,257 We should probably head out. 339 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,026 Okay. Bye-bye now. Good times. 340 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,495 ADULT ADAM: A week went by, and I hadn't seen Chad. 341 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:14,199 Thankfully, Pops was always there when I needed him. 342 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,367 Okay, and we're rolling. 343 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:17,836 Action! 344 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:20,472 What's my first line? 345 00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:21,840 Oh, come on, seriously? 346 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:22,774 You got fruit punch on your suit? 347 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:26,978 Oh, it's okay. I... I've given the character a lot of thought. 348 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,414 This robot loves fruit punch. 349 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,448 He's a messy robot. 350 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,117 I told you, you're not a robot. 351 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:35,520 You're a program living inside a digital computer world. 352 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:39,991 Or... Instead of him going to a computer world, 353 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,026 how about he goes to a juice world? 354 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,596 (ANGRILY) There's no such thing as a juice world! 355 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,297 But computer worlds are real? 356 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,031 (SIGHS) Just go. 357 00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:49,234 I don't know why a robot can't like juice. 358 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,035 Where's Chad today? 359 00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:55,073 Uh, I... I don't think he's available. 360 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:55,740 What do you mean? 361 00:12:55,742 --> 00:13:00,078 His mom just said we can't play together for a while. 362 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,045 What? 363 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:01,913 The nerve of that woman. 364 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,047 I'm marching over there right now 365 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,449 and giving her a piece of my mind. 366 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:08,019 No! Wait! your mind is the part that scares her the most. 367 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,255 Promise me you won't go over there. 368 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:13,124 Please. You'll just make it worse. 369 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,826 All right, lovebug. 370 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,060 I won't go over there, I promise. 371 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:19,197 ADULT ADAM: My mom was a woman of her word. 372 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,099 She didn't march over there. 373 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,433 Instead, she called. (LINE RINGING) 374 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,637 VIRGINIA: (OVER VOICEMAIL) Hello. You've reached the Kremps. 375 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:29,174 Please leave a message and have a wonderful day. 376 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:29,607 (BEEPING) 377 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,911 Virginia, it's Beverly Goldberg. Pick up. 378 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,513 Oh, please, I see you lurking behind the curtain 379 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,382 like a weirdo in your own home. 380 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,483 Would you pick up the phone already? 381 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,051 (RECEIVER CLATTERS) So sorry, I was just in the shower. 382 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:43,087 Cut the crap and tell me why Adam can't play with Chad. 383 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:48,159 I'm sorry. Look, I just hink that we have different styles... 384 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,361 Different ways of speaking 385 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,129 in front of our children, 386 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:57,569 and just generally different ways of being in the world. 387 00:13:57,571 --> 00:13:58,336 Fine. 388 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,438 If Chad can't play with Adam, 389 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,473 Adam can't play with Chad. 390 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,442 And I could give a hoot whether or not you like me 391 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:09,214 because I have buttloads of friends, okay? 392 00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,515 Buttloads. 393 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,117 (SLAMS DOWN RECEIVER) (GASPS) 394 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:17,322 I... kept my promise. 395 00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:19,591 I didn't go over there. 396 00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,459 (RAPID FOOTSTEPS DEPART) ADULT ADAM: And just like that, 397 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,596 my mom had hung up on my friendship with Chad. 398 00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:27,632 But we weren't the only ones getting our lines crossed. 399 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,635 My brother and sister's battle over the phone 400 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,503 had stretched on another day. 401 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,373 But what Barry would soon realize was the fight 402 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,710 was about to be taken outside. 403 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:41,713 I'm serious, Lainey. Drew Kremp heard everything. 404 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:45,884 I'm thinking of quitting school and skipping town. 405 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,285 Busted! You are so busted, 406 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,554 and I'm telling, and Barry wins. 407 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,522 Mom and dad said we couldn't use the phone 408 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,156 in the house. 409 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,093 Technically... I'm outside the house. 410 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,127 That's very intelligent. 411 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,929 Give it to me! I gotta make a call! 412 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,330 No way! It was my idea! 413 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:00,732 Just give it to me! Stop! 414 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,101 Lainey, hold on! 415 00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:04,302 (BELL DINGS) 416 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,105 (STRAINED VOICE) Give it...to me. 417 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,973 (WHOOSHES) 418 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,109 (GRUNTS) 419 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,244 You broke it! 420 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,513 Maybe you should call 9-7-6-new-phone. 421 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,382 Maybe you should call... 422 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,683 Shut up! 423 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,951 (GASPS) 424 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,786 Are you kidding me? 425 00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,454 I stand by what I did. 426 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:24,923 God! 427 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,324 Why are we like this? 428 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,159 'Cause we're a family. 429 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:28,927 That's what a family does. 430 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:32,463 All we ever do is fight, and it's exhausting. 431 00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:33,865 Wait. 432 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:37,001 You're not gonna throw mud back in my face? 433 00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:39,137 What do I do? 434 00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,040 Tell me, what do I do? 435 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:47,478 ADULT ADAM: For the next week, my mom and Virginia Kremp 436 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:48,246 avoided each other. 437 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:52,717 But in a small town, you can only avoid someone for so long. 438 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:57,288 I knew something was wrong because when I bit into the eclair, 439 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,923 it tasted like sour cream and pickles. 440 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:02,126 If they went bad, they went bad on your watch. 441 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,328 I can see why you would think that. 442 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:07,131 And normally I would never... Ever, ever make a fuss. 443 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,968 But I did purchase these less than 24 hours ago, 444 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,536 and I still have the receipt. 445 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,204 I'm not takin' these back! 446 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:13,805 Are you kidding me? 447 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,841 ADULT ADAM: My mom may have been able to give up on Virginia, 448 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:20,078 but she couldn't give up on who she was. 449 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:20,712 Mrs. Goldberg, 450 00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:22,213 I... I didn't know you two knew each other. 451 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,581 Damn right we do. We're neighbors. 452 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:27,251 Now... Go back and get her some fresh eclairs. 453 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,720 Or would you like a repeat... 454 00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:32,090 (LOUDLY) ...of the birthday cake fiasco? 455 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,759 Who writes "Sorry for your loss" 456 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,127 on a 10-year-old's birthday cake? 457 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:39,163 It was a mistake, and Victor was let go. Yeah. 458 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,833 Well, that was a dark day for this store. 459 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,535 But it could get a lot darker. 460 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:45,603 I'll take care of it. 461 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,673 Sorry, ma'am. I'll fix you right up. 462 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,609 (SIGHS) 463 00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:54,879 I know I just made a big, loud scene. 464 00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,683 It's just what I do. 465 00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:04,389 Knock, knock. Honey? 466 00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:05,623 Are you in there? 467 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,559 ADAM: Go away. I don't wanna talk to you. 468 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:13,031 You're right. I should give you some space. 469 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,369 At least close the door, and don't turn on the lights. 470 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,638 Darkness is my only friend. 471 00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:25,143 (DOOR CLOSING) 472 00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,111 BEVERLY: Adam, I am so sorry. 473 00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:29,347 ADAM: You should be sorry! Look at me! 474 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,682 I'm in a glow-in-the-dark unitard! 475 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,852 (SIGHS) And Chad was the only friend that got me... 476 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,187 Who got this! 477 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,189 And you just had to ruin it... 478 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:42,827 Just because one person in this world didn't like you. 479 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:44,896 (SWITCH CLICKS) 480 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:48,933 Sweetie, you're the one that matters. 481 00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,435 I'd rather have nobody like me 482 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,938 than have you be mad at me forever. 483 00:17:57,042 --> 00:18:00,678 Not forever, just for about a month and a half. 484 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,413 Well... 485 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,882 Let's see if I can shorten that up just a bit. 486 00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,585 (STARSHIP'S NOTHING'S GONNA STOP US NOW PLAYING) 487 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,087 Yo. 488 00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,422 Yo. 489 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,091 Whatcha doin'? 490 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,258 Nothing. 491 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,760 Want to finish our movie? 492 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,561 Yeah. Do you? 493 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,996 (CHUCKLES) Hell, yeah. Chad, "h" word. 494 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,565 Sorry. 495 00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,369 Cool. 496 00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:29,207 What the hell's the "h" word? 497 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,410 So I was thinking tomorrow we could go for a power walk. 498 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:36,114 And then you could come over and we could split an eclair. 499 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,149 Or I could come over right now, 500 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,151 and we could each have our own eclair. 501 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,553 Mmm, Beverly Goldberg, you are bad. (CHUCKLES) 502 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:45,790 I am bad. I am the worst. (LAUGHS) 503 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,992 Let's do it. (WHISPERS) Let's do it. 504 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:48,426 Okay. 505 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,361 ADULT ADAM: And just like that, the one person out there 506 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,663 who didn't like my mom became her best friend. 507 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:57,135 Even my dad, who prided himself on having no friends, 508 00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:01,038 started to come around to the idea. 509 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,341 (KEYS JANGLE) Yo. 510 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,542 Yo. 511 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,643 Whatcha doin'? 512 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,912 Uh, nothin'. Hey, uh... 513 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,581 I don't know if you're interested, but, um... 514 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,050 I got Eagles season tickets... 515 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,853 50 yard line. (CHUCKLES) 516 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:16,487 You around Sunday? 517 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,690 ♪ And we can build this thing together ♪ 518 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,025 Yeah! 519 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,360 ADULT ADAM: Watching the Kremp kids get along 520 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:26,430 inspired Barry and Erica to try something new and crazy.. . 521 00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,399 Look out for each other. 522 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,100 BARRY: Hey, Chad. 523 00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:32,036 You want to bet I can't climb the tree in your yard? 524 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,337 Yeah! 525 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,406 ♪ Nothing's gonna stop us 526 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,476 ♪ Nothing's gonna stop us 527 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,710 ♪ Now. Whoa, oh 528 00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:41,546 ADULT ADAM: we learned a lot from each other. 529 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,513 We taught them it was okay 530 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,382 to raise your voice now and then. 531 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,783 I asked for paper-thin. 532 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:46,784 You gave me slices... 533 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,954 Thick as my thumb... Not acceptable. 534 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,356 ♪ I will stay here with you ♪ 535 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,059 ADULT ADAM: While they learned how to be more like the Goldbergs, 536 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:58,429 we learned to be a little more like the Kremps. 537 00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,764 Erica, telephone. 538 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:02,333 ERICA: What? Push the button, mom. 539 00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:03,901 Uh... It's not hard. Erica... 540 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,604 How many times do I have to show you how this works. 541 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,139 How does this stupid thing work? 542 00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,740 Erica, telephone... Talk into the box! 543 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,409 (SHOUTING) Erica! Telephone! Hello? 544 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,911 Pick up the damn phone! What's the matter with you? Mom? 545 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,714 ADULT ADAM: Yep, we were different than the Kremps... 546 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,816 Not better, not worse.. . 547 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,151 Just... Different. 548 00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:21,619 Told you I could do it again. 549 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:22,620 You're so stupid for doubting me. 550 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:27,959 ADULT ADAM: (SIGHS) Oh, though Barry didn't help our case. 551 00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:31,762 Okay, folks. Today we're re-enacting 552 00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,698 some "Empire strikes back." 553 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:34,532 Are you ready? 554 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,000 Dude, are you sure about this? 555 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,970 (CHUCKLES) Oh, I'm sure. Keep it rolling. 556 00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:41,305 (CLATTERING) 557 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,043 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 558 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:48,813 What's goin' on? 559 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:49,480 (LAUGHS) 560 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,350 Oh, why do you always do this crap? 561 00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:53,618 I'm your father! 562 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,621 (VOICE BREAKING) No, that's not true. 563 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:57,355 That's impossible! 564 00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,590 What do you mean "impossible"? (MASK CLATTERS) 565 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,993 Get the hell outta here! Run! 566 00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,794 (BOTH LAUGHING)