1
00:00:00,367 --> 00:00:01,700
ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s,
2
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:03,969
before you could buy
anything you wanted
with a click of a mouse,
3
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:06,939
shopping was more
of a contact sport.
4
00:00:06,941 --> 00:00:11,377
(WOMEN SHOUTING)
And no one was better at it
than my mom.
5
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,983
Remember, dented cans
are 50% off.
6
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:21,720
I made it easy for you.
They're all dented.
(CHUCKLES)
7
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,088
Oh!
8
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,891
Now they're all dented.
(LAUGHS)
9
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,426
I don't care
if it is a misprint.
10
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:31,063
This ad says that
that lawn mower is $9.99,
11
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,632
and I am not leaving
until you honor this price.
12
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,301
ADULT ADAM:
There was no bargain
too small, too large,
13
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,670
or too dangerous
for Beverly Goldberg.
14
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:42,074
I'm not exaggerating.
This really happened.
15
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,275
Mom, they're slipping!
16
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,209
Don't you dare let go.
17
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,345
Use the tag!
Hold on tight!
18
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:49,548
It's ripping!
It says "Do not remove!"
19
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,250
Dad, slow down!
We can't hold them.
20
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:55,287
No. Speed up.
They'll stabilize
at a higher speed.
21
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:55,954
This isn't worth it!
22
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:59,358
They were buy two,
get two free.
It's totally worth it.
23
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,559
(SINGSONG) Pumpkin.
24
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,594
Big news
about the winter formal.
25
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,264
Found a great price
on that dress you wanted.
26
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:08,033
Is it behind this picture
of a dress I don't want?
27
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:11,103
Seriously, I don't want
some crappy knockoff.
28
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:12,204
Dad, little help?
29
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,339
Here's all I know
about fashion.
30
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,941
I like blue. That's it.
31
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,576
Then let me explain
how it works.
32
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,344
You have to spend money
to look nice.
33
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:23,482
Or you could grab
some of the old dresses
in your closet,
34
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:28,520
cut 'em up,
and make a new one
in the current style.
35
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:33,292
Like, um,
that movie with, uh,
the girl with the face.
36
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,259
Mom, he's upsetting me.
37
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,929
You should go.
I'll go. (CRUNCHES)
38
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,297
(SIGHS) Look at
these prices, Erica.
39
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:42,768
(LAUGHS)
It's gonna be so much fun.
Discount barn, here we come.
40
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:47,439
No! No discount barn
or huts or warehouses.
41
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:51,143
I'm tired of always
asking you guys for money.
42
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:51,777
I'm getting a job.
43
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,446
A job?
You're just a child.
44
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:58,517
I can't have you
losing a foot
in a forklift accident.
45
00:01:58,519 --> 00:01:59,084
Forklift?
46
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,787
Patty Newsome's son
got his foot crushed
47
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,922
his first day
at the lumberyard.
48
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,958
He'll never bike
through Europe now.
49
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:06,658
Is that what you want?
50
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:09,828
Brenda said she could
get me a job with her
at Gimbels, okay?
51
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,830
I'll finally have
my own money.
52
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:14,867
Plus I get
a big employee discount.
53
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:19,671
ADULT ADAM:
That magic word was all
my mom needed to hear.
54
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,874
(FANFARE PLAYING)
55
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:24,610
Well, who am I
to stand in your way?
56
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:27,012
That settles it.
You're getting a discount.
57
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:30,149
Job. (LAUGHS)
You're getting a job.
58
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,750
I'm just so happy for us.
59
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:32,684
You. (LAUGHS)
60
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,653
I'm happy for all of us.
61
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:37,422
Oh. Discount.
62
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,259
♪ I'm twisted up inside
63
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:44,663
♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
64
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:47,533
♪ I don't know the future
65
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:51,303
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
66
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,405
ADULT ADAM:
It was November 19th,
1980-something,
67
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:56,542
and like every afternoon,
I was spending quality time
68
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,578
with my good friend
Nintendo.
69
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,114
Come on, slugger.
Let's hit the track.
70
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:03,048
The ponies are waiting.
71
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,784
One sec. I'm so close
to winning Zelda,
72
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,952
I can taste it.
73
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:09,755
Six months of hard work
is about to pay off.
74
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,057
You know what I did
in six months?
75
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:12,958
Win World War II.
76
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,528
(SHOUTING) I get it!
You lived a rich life!
Enough!
77
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:20,232
I'm sorry. I'm under
a lot of pressure here.
78
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,700
This game is all I have.
79
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,570
Guess whose life
sucks a big sack of marbles.
80
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,537
Just guess.
81
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,939
All right, Barry,
what now?
82
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:29,808
First period,
backpack rips open.
Bad luck.
83
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:33,845
Second period,
I fail my pop quiz.
Super bad luck.
84
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,215
Third period gym,
we're playing basketball,
85
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:39,151
and a bird dooks
on my face.
86
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:40,652
He dooks on my face!
87
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,722
Actually, when a bird
goes poo-poo on you,
88
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,556
it's good luck.
89
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,225
Oh, really?
Well, after school,
90
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:48,327
I asked Jen Sperling
to the winter formal,
91
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:51,330
and she told me Ryan Corbett
just asked her
92
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,297
two minutes before me.
93
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:55,634
I don't just have bad luck.
I have Barry luck.
94
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,869
Why don't you come
to the track with us?
95
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,905
Pops, don't do that.
He's a jinx.
96
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,874
Shut up! I'll blind you
with my fists!
97
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,611
But he's right.
I'm the worst.
98
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,679
POPS: Stop talking
that way.
99
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,881
All you need
is a positive attitude,
100
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:13,418
and you'll find your luck's
as good as anyone's.
101
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,953
You think?
I know.
102
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,389
You're sitting
on my bagel bites.
103
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,725
What?
104
00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,562
Damn it!
105
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,265
Stupid Barry luck!
106
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,600
Thanks for coming.
Come back soon.
107
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,401
How are we doing over here?
108
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,604
Terrific. Just sold
an extended warranty
for a basketball.
109
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,939
Nice work, Erica.
You keep that up,
110
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,575
and pretty soon,
you'll be wearing
this vest.
111
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,409
Well, not this exact one.
112
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:40,679
There's a different style...
(SINGSONG) For the ladies.
113
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,015
Just to be clear,
I'm not hitting on you.
114
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,016
Okay.
115
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:47,119
(SINGSONG)
There's my little
worker bee.
116
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:47,719
Buzz, buzz.
117
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,187
Mom, what are you
doing here?
(CHUCKLES)
118
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:52,524
Just wanted to come by
and see my daughter
on her first day of work.
119
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:53,225
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
120
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,893
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
And while I'm here,
121
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,628
I picked up a couple
of essentials.
122
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,796
Some fiddle faddle...
(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)
123
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:02,200
Videotapes for Adam,
a clapper for dad
so he can...
124
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,202
Turn the lights off
from bed,
125
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,704
cologne for Pops...
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
126
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:09,474
And an athletic supporter
and cup for Barry.
Look at this.
127
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,109
(ROBOTIC VOICE)
I'm Darth Vader.
128
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:16,915
Erica, I am your mother.
Give me your discount.
129
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:17,716
(LAUGHS)
130
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:21,219
(NORMAL VOICE)
Oh, but seriously,
give me your discount.
131
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,321
I've only been here
an hour.
132
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:23,488
I'm not even sure
how that works.
133
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:28,126
The discount policy
extends to the employee's
immediate family,
134
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:28,794
and that's me.
135
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:29,995
How do you
even know that?
136
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,297
Well, I took a look-see
inside the employee lounge
137
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,566
and checked out
the handbook.
138
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,668
Ugh. Fine.
I'll give you my discount,
139
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,004
just as long as you
stay out of the lounge.
140
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:39,604
(WHISPERS) Okay.
141
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:43,275
(REGISTER BEEPS)
With the discount...
It comes to...
142
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:45,010
$17.10.
143
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,713
And... Damn it, I'm good.
144
00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,115
Mom...
145
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:51,650
(LAUGHS)
146
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,884
I'm so proud of us.
147
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,454
MAN OVER PA:
And down the stretch
they come...
148
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,788
Yes! Yes!
Move your ass! Move it!
149
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,156
Move it!
That's it!
150
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,225
Yes, yes!
No!
151
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,960
Son of a bitch!
152
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:05,397
Damn it!
153
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,867
The one day I wear
a ketchup-colored shirt!
154
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,136
(GROANS)
155
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:15,273
Come on. I got an idea.
156
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,576
Hey, Barry.
Barry, wait up.
157
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:21,146
I lost three in a row, Pops.
Can we just go?
158
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,547
Why would we go?
159
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:26,084
You didn't lose that race.
You won.
160
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:27,219
Really?
Really?
161
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,721
Really. When I placed
your bet,
162
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,923
I also picked the trifecta,
163
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,825
then boxed the quinella,
164
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,360
and wheeled the exotica.
165
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:38,730
That means you win
for coming in last.
166
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,998
That doesn't make
any sense.
167
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,602
Of course it does.
It's like in golf.
168
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:47,205
The person who gets
the lowest score wins.
169
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,441
That does happen in golf!
170
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:52,544
You just won yourself
20 bucks.
171
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,212
Now that's Barry luck.
172
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,381
Chili dogs on me, baby!
173
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:57,482
Whoo!
174
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,584
Told you I had a plan.
175
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,353
Where's the snack bar?
176
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:02,621
Whoo!
177
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,457
ADULT ADAM:
While Pops was making
Barry's life better,
178
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,224
over the next week,
179
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:09,661
my mom continued making
Erica's a living hell.
180
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,030
This is the last
outfit left
in Adam's size,
181
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,799
so I'll just bring
the mannequin back tomorrow.
182
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,001
Mom, this is the fourth time
you've been here this week.
183
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,770
Actually, it's the fifth.
I came in on your day off,
184
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,839
and Randy let me use
his discount.
185
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:21,673
I don't wanna
get in trouble.
186
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,810
Donald said
I'm being considered
for assistant manager.
187
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,578
Oh, my God.
That would be amazing!
188
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,581
According to the handbook,
you'd get another 10% off.
189
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,715
Mom, you're not listening.
190
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:32,417
And you're not making
with the beep-bop-boop.
191
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:35,587
I'm sorry, honey.
I've gotta speed this along.
192
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,354
I've got lunch plans.
193
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,256
You can't be back here.
(REGISTER BEEPING)
194
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,491
(REGISTER WHIRS)
It'll just take a minute.
195
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,894
You're messing
with my drawer.
I have a system!
196
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,730
(RECEIPT RIPS)
Thanks, poopie.
197
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,267
Yeah, we need to talk.
198
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:49,935
I know, I know.
199
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,771
Look, you've become
a really special member
of the Gimbels family.
200
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,173
Technically,
your mom is allowed
to use your discount,
201
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,843
but in my heart,
it just feels wrong.
I get that.
202
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:01,413
You get that if you
don't get rid of her,
I will fire you?
203
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:02,914
I didn't get that.
204
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:03,615
But now I do.
205
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:07,052
Good. Make sure
we get the mannequin back.
206
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,088
ADULT ADAM:
Erica knew
someone had to go,
207
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,423
and it wasn't gonna be her.
208
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:14,659
So when my mom
came in the next day,
she was ready.
209
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,562
Here you go.
Four snow pants,
four parkas,
210
00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:20,699
three sets of mittens,
and of course,
fiddle faddle.
211
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,567
And it practically all
pays for itself
212
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:23,602
with my employee discount.
213
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,404
Have I told you that
you're my favorite child?
214
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,206
I'm gonna say it
at the dinner table tonight.
215
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,775
I literally love you
the most.
216
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:32,377
Aw.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Aw.
217
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,079
Aw.
Aw.
218
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,914
Aw.
Aw.
219
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,450
Bye, sweetie.
Bye.
220
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:40,418
(ALARM SOUNDING)
221
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:43,321
Sorry, ma'am.
We're gonna need
to go through your bags.
222
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,323
Oh. Of course.
(CHUCKLES)
223
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,559
You know, I come here
all the time.
224
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,295
It's just standard
procedure.
225
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:56,134
I honestly...don't know
how that got in there.
226
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,736
Can you come with me,
please?
227
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,938
Why? I didn't take it.
228
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,773
I don't even wear
white diamonds.
229
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,808
It's not my signature scent.
230
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:04,309
Come on.
231
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:07,145
Don't put your hands on me!
I have rights.
232
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,680
We don't need
to make a scene.
233
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:09,681
Erica! Call Mr. Gimbel.
234
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,816
Tell him one of
his best customers
is in trouble
235
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:12,551
and needs his help.
236
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,686
I'd rather not
get involved, ma'am.
237
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,255
You. I've been framed.
238
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,057
She framed me
with snow pants.
239
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,293
Oh! Please hold on
to my merchandise
240
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,995
until I can get this
sorted out!
241
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:27,365
ADULT ADAM:
Now that Barry's luck
had changed,
242
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,368
he was sure
it was contagious.
243
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,203
Yah!
Whoo!
244
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,705
I'm on fire, baby!
245
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:37,309
That was all me.
I scored that goal.
246
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:38,543
What are you talking about?
247
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,979
My awesome luck's
going right through the TV
248
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:41,880
and into the flyers.
249
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,449
That's true. Whenever
something good happens,
250
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,850
we call it Barry luck.
251
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:46,885
Is that what
you called it
252
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,754
when he bit
into his own hand
at dinner the other night?
253
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,356
That's old Barry.
254
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,191
(POPCORN RUSTLES)
255
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,392
You ate all the fiddle!
256
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,628
It's all faddle now,
you moron.
257
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,798
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hey, kiddo. How was work?
258
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,766
Good. Good.
259
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,902
Another day,
another dollar.
260
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,441
(CLAPPING)
261
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:12,310
You.
262
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,678
You gave me no choice.
263
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,780
You were using me
as a human discount.
264
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:19,818
Who has their own mother
arrested? Who does that?
265
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,753
And to think I almost
bought you snow pants?
266
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,422
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right, what's
going on here?
267
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,825
Your own daughter had me
hauled off to jail.
268
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:30,495
It was the mall
security office
next to the orange Julius.
269
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,664
It was jail.
It was small and stuffy,
270
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:36,334
and they took a very
unflattering polaroid of me.
271
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,503
Look at it. Look at it.
272
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,904
Look at it.
Eh.
273
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:42,207
Wait. Did you steal that?
274
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,675
You were there for stealing.
275
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,845
I was providing this family
with the essential items
276
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,346
that make
this household run,
277
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,348
like food, clothing,
fiddle faddle.
278
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,984
That's what I do.
Tell her, Murray.
279
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:58,289
He agrees with me.
You framed the woman
who gave birth to you.
280
00:10:58,424 --> 00:10:59,858
Bravo.
281
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,293
Damn it!
282
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,662
(CLAPPING)
283
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:04,729
Murray.
284
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:07,098
Go to your room
while I figure out
your punishment.
285
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,502
I'm 17. You can't just
send me to my room.
286
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,736
Oh, I can,
287
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,071
and I will,
288
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,706
and I just did.
289
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,107
It's my job
as your mother.
290
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:20,578
Job? Please.
You've never had a job
a day in your life.
291
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,480
You're just a mom.
292
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:28,687
ADULT ADAM:
It had been three days
293
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,388
since Erica questioned
my mom's entire
reason for being,
294
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:35,727
so Beverly Goldberg did
the only reasonable thing
she could think of.
295
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,363
She went on strike.
296
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,265
Hey, honey.
297
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,866
Uh, just talking
with the boys,
298
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,468
and we were
kind of wondering
299
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:46,671
where we are
on tonight's
dinner situation.
300
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:51,176
Ooh. I just made myself
a delicious piece
of teriyaki salmon,
301
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,611
but, uh, oh, I think
there's cold cuts
in the fridge.
302
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:57,115
Look, Bevy,
I know you're trying
to make a point here,
303
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,551
but it's been
three days.
304
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,721
I had to wear
my tuxedo shirt
to work!
305
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,756
Yes, I did look like
Roger Moore,
306
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:08,927
but don't you think
it's time you called off
this fight?
307
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:09,561
There's no fight.
308
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:12,797
All that happened
was my daughter
gently suggested
309
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,100
that my life
is meaningless.
310
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,134
Oh, here's
our little angel now.
311
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,704
If you have a problem,
you should take it up
with her.
312
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,677
What?
You know what.
313
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,946
You broke Mom.
314
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,482
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom and Erica
continued their battle,
315
00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:35,520
my battle with Zelda
was about to come
to a glorious end.
316
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,922
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
317
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:41,092
(BEEPS)
318
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:47,732
(PANTING) Okay.
Don't touch
anything in there.
319
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,100
I'm about to win Zelda.
320
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,336
I gotta grab
my video camera
and record this moment.
321
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,304
'Cause it's literally
the biggest day of my life.
322
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,106
Well, who's Zelda?
Your... Your girlfriend?
323
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,977
No. It's the game
I've been playing
for the last six months.
324
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,112
It's all I talk about.
Were you even listening?
325
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,015
I think you answered
your own question there.
326
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,284
Don't let anyone
near the TV!
327
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,285
Oh, my God,
it's happening!
328
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,722
Dad. You won't believe
the day I had.
329
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:14,325
First I aced my math quiz.
B-minus.
330
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,161
Then bio lab got flooded,
331
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:18,463
so we had class
in the quad,
332
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,365
where a bird
did not crap on me.
333
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:25,537
Then after school,
Jen Sperling asked me
to the dance
334
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:26,838
'cause her date got...
335
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,206
♪ Viral meningitis
336
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,376
Oh, good for you.
Bad for him.
But good for you.
337
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:35,246
His brain is swollen!
Everything's
coming up Barry.
338
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,950
ADULT ADAM: Barry was on
a lucky streak, and I
was gonna pay the price.
339
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,885
I was one button click away
340
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,053
from winning
The legend of Zelda.
341
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:46,558
Unfortunately,
I wasn't the one
who got to click the button.
342
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,828
(BEEPING)
343
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:54,465
See that?
344
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,568
I literally can't lose.
345
00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:59,904
(CRYING) No, no! No!
346
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,139
What did you do?
347
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,374
You stupid, stupid man.
348
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,909
Dude! What's your problem?
349
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:07,045
I've been playing that game
for six months!
350
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,647
And I beat it
in six seconds.
351
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,916
Guess that's just
Barry luck.
352
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:12,717
You're not lucky.
353
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,086
You didn't win
a single race
at the track.
354
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,054
I won the exotica!
355
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,622
You just don't
understand golf.
356
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,657
You don't understand
anything.
357
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,993
No one wins
for coming in last.
358
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,329
Pops made it all up.
359
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:25,163
What?
360
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:28,366
Pops would never
screw with me like that.
Tell him.
361
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,335
You can win tons of money
for coming in last.
362
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:34,105
That's right!
And one day,
you'll ride a unicorn,
363
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,975
and you'll live in a house
made of candy.
364
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,843
Just to be clear,
you won't.
365
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:43,114
ADULT ADAM:
And just like that,
Barry's lucky streak ended.
366
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,291
You okay?
367
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,226
Yeah. I...
368
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:59,097
Finally made enough money
to buy the dress
I wanted at work,
369
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:02,734
and apparently,
taffeta melts.
370
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,069
Apologize to your mom.
371
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:05,503
Dad...
372
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,973
Not just for you,
but for me, too.
373
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:10,975
There's no food
in the house.
374
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:12,343
Today I had to eat
an apple.
375
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,778
I'm not gonna
apologize to Mom
376
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,346
because you
had to eat fruit.
377
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,382
I know your mom
gets carried away,
378
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,118
but everything she does,
she does for this family.
379
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:20,685
It's her job.
380
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,854
And she doesn't get
any employee discounts,
381
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:27,258
and all her customers...
Jerks! Every one of 'em.
382
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:31,429
You may not wanna do
what your mom does
when you grow up,
383
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,998
but you gotta learn
to respect it.
384
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,711
ADULT ADAM:
After learning
Pops had tricked him,
385
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,414
bad luck Barry set out
to get his revenge.
386
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,349
Thanks for agreeing
to bring me back here,
Pops.
387
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:54,786
I'm on such
a lucky streak,
figured I'd let it ride.
388
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,188
Mmm. Well,
what'll it be, kiddo?
389
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,257
There are some great odds
on semi-charmed.
390
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:04,095
Mmm. No. I'm gonna bet
Colonel Seymour.
391
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:05,530
Colonel Seymour?
392
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:06,631
He's 40 to 1.
393
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,033
You could jump on my back,
and we'd beat him.
394
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,002
Well, with Barry luck,
I can't lose,
395
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,972
'cause I'm Barry
and I'm lucky.
396
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,040
Right? Right?
397
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,209
Here's all the money
to my name...
398
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,377
Birthdays, allowance,
399
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,612
money I stole from Adam.
Bet it all.
400
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,681
I don't think you
should make this bet, kid.
401
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,117
Why not? I mean,
you told me I'm lucky,
402
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,352
and it's not like
my grandfather
403
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:30,421
would lie to my face
for a week straight.
404
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,256
Right?
405
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:33,424
Right?
406
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,425
So I'm guessing you know.
407
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,127
Yeah, I know!
Adam told me everything.
408
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,829
I'm a completely jinx,
and you know it.
409
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,898
Kiddo, you just had
the week of your life,
410
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:41,599
and you know why?
411
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,401
'Cause you were thinking
positive for a change.
412
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:46,137
Yeah, 'cause
thinking positive
got me a hot date,
413
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,439
good grades,
and stopped
my night terrors.
414
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:51,909
Yes! Look, there's
no such thing as luck.
415
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:54,278
It's all about
betting on yourself.
416
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,248
That's when things
really change.
417
00:16:58,217 --> 00:16:59,050
Guess it was a good week.
418
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:04,022
So, uh, you're still gonna
bet on this crazy long shot
Colonel Seymour?
419
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,891
Nah. I think I'm gonna
sit this one out.
420
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:10,294
MAN OVER PA:
And the winner is
Colonel Seymour
421
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,162
by half a length.
422
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,563
Pops, how much
would I have won?
423
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:18,069
Somewhere in
the neighborhood
of $4,253.
424
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,337
Ugh.
425
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,807
Ugh!
426
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,980
Hey.
Hey.
427
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:30,281
What are you
doing out here?
428
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,850
Had to get out
of that stinky house.
429
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,219
It smells like
a diaper fire.
430
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,389
(PLASTIC RUSTLING)
431
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,125
Wow.
432
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,760
These are comfortable.
433
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,563
It's comfort
spring technology.
434
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,033
Look, I was pissed.
435
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,602
I shouldn't have
said all that.
436
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:52,937
I know what you do
is a job.
437
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:57,075
You know,
when I was younger,
I was really good in school.
438
00:17:57,077 --> 00:18:00,144
I got straight A's.
I was a real good arguer,
439
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:00,878
and people used to say,
440
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,449
"Beverly Solomon,
you should be a lawyer."
441
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,551
That wasn't my dream.
442
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,519
My dream was
to have a family.
443
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,521
My dream was this.
444
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:12,490
You're really
good at it.
445
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:13,925
But it's not for everyone.
446
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:17,095
You want different things
out of life, and...
447
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:18,930
That's okay.
448
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,398
You sure?
449
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,999
Honey, you are a pain
in my ass,
450
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,035
and you never listen
to a word I say,
451
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:27,538
but the way you had me
booted out of that store...
452
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,005
(SCOFFS)
453
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:31,542
You're gonna make
a great assistant manager
one day.
454
00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:33,711
I'm sorry I got you sent
to mall jail.
455
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,014
I'm sorry
I got carried away
with your discount.
456
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,417
I know I get crazy
when it comes to shopping.
457
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:40,418
I will try to work on that.
458
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,753
No, you won't.
I really won't.
459
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:47,058
Listen,
I need your help.
460
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:49,961
I kinda ironed my dress.
461
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:53,431
Honey,
you don't iron taffeta.
462
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,068
It's okay.
Mama will fix it.
463
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:01,272
Aw.
Aw.
464
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:02,907
(CLICKS TEETH) Aw.
465
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,910
♪ Well, she was
an American girl ♪
466
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:09,247
Here you go, sweetie.
Made your lunch.
467
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,581
Have a good day at work.
468
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,382
You, too.
(CHUCKLES)
469
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,818
ADULT ADAM:
Yeah, in my family,
we yelled and swore
470
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,821
and sometimes
framed each other
for petty crimes,
471
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,389
but under all that crazy,
472
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:21,259
we were always there
to support each other.
473
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,199
Zelda II? Seriously?
474
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,434
I saved some money
at the track.
475
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,303
Come on. Let's go play.
476
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,337
(CHUCKLES)
477
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:37,542
BEVERLY: Aw, look at
my delicious little boy!
478
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:39,343
Lucky guy.
479
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,912
♪ Take it easy, baby
480
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:42,046
♪ Make it last all night
481
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,047
♪ Make it last all night
482
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,851
♪ She was an American girl
483
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,687
She looks amazing.
484
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,559
How'd you fix her dress?
485
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,261
Easy. I just bought her
a new one.
486
00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:58,696
ADULT ADAM:
And every now and then,
487
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:02,833
we even made
each other's lives
just a little bit easier.
488
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,535
What is this?
489
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,504
Figured it was our turn
to make you dinner.
490
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:10,374
Oh, my gosh.
That is so sweet!
491
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,376
So exciting.
492
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:19,650
Tough on the top
and has a jelly coating
on the bottom.
493
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,754
(MOUTH FULL)
Is that baking soda?
494
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:25,556
(GRUNTS)
495
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,094
Why don't I just
whip something up?
496
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,063
Thank God.
Perfect.
497
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,265
BEVERLY: I love you guys.
498
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:39,470
Look what I swiped
from the security office
at work.
499
00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:41,806
(SIREN WAILING ON TV)
500
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:45,509
You can't detain me!
I have rights!
501
00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:46,877
I almost went to law school.
502
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:52,350
I am a female woman,
and I am being held
against my will.
503
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,819
♪ Nobody knows
504
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:57,088
♪ The trouble I've seen
505
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,390
This prison can't hold me!
506
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:00,791
Let me out!
507
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,994
You may have
caged my body,
508
00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:06,297
but you have not
caged my mind!
509
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,265
Do you think
this is funny?
510
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,233
I know what you're doing
back there.
511
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,301
I can see you!
512
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:13,204
You will not break
my spirit.
513
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,239
(GRUNTS)
514
00:21:15,707 --> 00:21:17,808
How long was she
in there?
515
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:20,011
12 minutes.
516
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,548
Please don't do that now.
Don't do that.
517
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:27,718
ADAM: Well...
That's a nice sweater.
Where'd you get that?