1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,368
Adult adam:
In the '80s,
a defining moment
2
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:05,004
For every teenage boy
was seeing
the karate kid.
3
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,173
It kicked and punched
and swept
the leg of our hearts.
4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,543
No one loved it more
than my brother barry.
5
00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:13,746
(gong sounding)
6
00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:15,247
(growling)
7
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:19,618
Come at me!
High block!
Cobra strike!
8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,287
Fake left, go right!
Ninja roll!
9
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,957
Ah! It's okay.
I'm okay.
10
00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,759
Now throw a chop!
(karate yell)
11
00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:27,493
I block that chop!
12
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:30,095
I retaliate!
High kick!
Fist of fury!
13
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:31,830
(rhythmic panting)
oh! Oh! Oh!
14
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,132
Death blow!
Ah!
15
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,433
Hmm, you know,
I was thinking...
16
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:37,403
It might be better
if you didn't call out
your moves first.
17
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,537
That's a great idea.
18
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,438
Sneak attack!
Ah!
19
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,373
Adult adam:
Sure, my big bro had
an inflated sense of skill,
20
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,943
But in my house,
my mother was the one
who did the inflating.
21
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,678
She wore something
we called "mom goggles."
22
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:50,449
They made everything
we did not just good,
but spectacular.
23
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,685
Oh, look at you,
my little kung fu master!
24
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,888
(adam groaning)
it's not kung fu. Stop!
25
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,089
I do karate.
26
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:57,856
Bilingual and dangerous?
27
00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,959
Oh, you are just
off-the-charts amazing,
honey.
28
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:01,760
Oh!
Ah!
29
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,429
Adult adam: Most kids ignore
their mom's high praise...
30
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,397
(school bell rings)
but barry wasn't most kids.
31
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,132
He really believed the hype.
32
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:10,335
Unfortunately,
that confidence
did not translate
33
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:13,138
To his moves with the ladies.
34
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,406
Hi?
35
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,808
Yo.
36
00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:16,909
Locker strike! Hyah!
37
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:19,044
Ow! Oh...
Are you okay?
38
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:21,880
I'm fine.
My hands are like rocks.
39
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,983
But they're soft, too.
And gentle.
40
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:25,684
Like baby ducks.
41
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,319
Weird.
Man: All right, kids!
42
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,887
That time of year again.
43
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,890
Holiday talent show.
(laughs) eh?
44
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:35,828
Nobody?
Oh, my god,
I love the talent show.
45
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,863
Oh, do ya now?
46
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,300
Do ya now?
47
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:42,835
Weird.
48
00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:46,171
(chuckles) you're great.
See ya later.
49
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,374
Adult adam:
Barry had a plan in motion,
50
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:53,011
And that night,
he put it into action.
51
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:54,079
Good evening.
52
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,548
Glad you could all
make it tonight.
53
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,683
What... What is this?
54
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:58,450
Big announcement.
55
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,954
I've decided to do
a karate routine
at the school talent show.
56
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:02,721
Auditions are tomorrow.
57
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,323
Now I don't want to make
too big a deal out of this,
58
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:09,094
But I do believe it will be
the greatest moment
in the history of everything.
59
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,296
Oh, my goodness!
What a wonderful idea!
60
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,599
Murray, isn't this
a wonderful idea?
61
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,969
If I say yes,
can I be out
of the conversation?
62
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,003
What about you, erica?
63
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,939
You should absolutely
do this talent thing.
64
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,775
I've heard you singing
pat benetton in the shower.
65
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,879
Don't worry, guys.
I'll be at
the talent show...
66
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:27,579
In the front row.
67
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,848
'cause my friends and I
always go for a good laugh.
68
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,317
Go ahead!
Bring all your hot friends.
69
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,452
I'll wow 'em with my moves.
70
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,721
Now, adam,
chuck a dinner roll
at my face.
71
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,223
Watch me deflect it.
Come on.
72
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,926
No. No, not like that.
Gentle.
73
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,061
And don't hit me
in the face if you can...
74
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,063
No... What are doing?
Gently.
75
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,032
Let me get ready, okay?
Come on.
76
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,767
Murray: Stop it!
(yelling)
77
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,035
Yes!
What the hell?
78
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:50,969
Like lightning!
I'm like lightning!
79
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:53,205
I knew you could do it!
I knew you could do it!
80
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,373
♪ I'm twisted up inside
81
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:58,477
♪ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
82
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:01,580
♪ I don't know the future
83
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:05,551
♪ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
84
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,452
Adult adam:
It was December 9th,
1980-something,
85
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:11,089
And barry's holiday cheer
was nowhere in sight.
86
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,158
(vacuum whirring loudly)
87
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,593
(shouting inaudibly)
88
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,694
(turns off vacuum)
89
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:16,662
What's the point
of anything?
90
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,729
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down. What's wrong?
91
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:20,332
I didn't get into
the talent show.
I don't understand.
92
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,001
They rejected me.
That literally makes
no sense.
93
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,703
Everyone who auditioned
got in but me.
94
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,439
I hear what you're saying,
but I cannot wrap my mind
around that.
95
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,975
Mr. Glascott said
my routine was
too inappropriate.
96
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:34,279
How is being a perfect
karate angel inappropriate?
97
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:37,716
Barry! Okay,
I have been thinking.
98
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,017
Your karate routine...
99
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,485
It needs
a professional director.
100
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,487
That's me!
A big idea guy.
101
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:45,857
Plus,
I've seen a million
karate movies.
102
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,226
Are you crying?
(voice breaks) no.
103
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:51,396
(gasps) no!
They're warrior's tears,
and it doesn't matter!
104
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,064
The school said no!
105
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,299
I'll never
cobra strike again!
106
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,368
(sobbing) ugh!
This isn't fair!
107
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,904
Adult adam:
At that moment,
there was only one thing
108
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,806
Running through
my mom's mind.
109
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:01,607
(door slams shut)
110
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,810
No one tells my baby
he can't cobra strike.
111
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,048
Mr. Glascott!
112
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,750
I need to speak to you
immediately.
113
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,652
Oh, I'm sorry.
I have an important
morning meeting
114
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,520
With the kids
from the math club.
115
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,455
The nerds can wait.
116
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,191
My son,
barry goldberg cannot.
117
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,427
Are you... Beverly goldberg?
118
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,395
Oh, yes, I am.
119
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,797
Tell me,
what kind of educator
120
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,667
Stomps on the dreams
of his students?
121
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,002
Look, barry's a good kid,
122
00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,337
Which is kinda
why I discouraged him
123
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,805
From taking part
in the show.
124
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,141
See, some of the more
high-profile students here
125
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:40,879
Can be very critical,
if you follow me.
126
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:41,546
I really don't.
127
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,615
The popular kids here
are real douche-sacks.
128
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:47,119
Last year,
one kid did a
lovely ventriloquist act.
129
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:52,691
The kids, well,
they did unspeakable things
to that doll after the show.
130
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,660
Quite frankly,
it was very jarring.
131
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:58,997
And barry's karate
is really ripe
for that type of ridicule.
132
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,700
Uh, this is high school,
not "star search."
133
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,835
(chuckling) I mean,
who died and made you
ed mcmahon?
134
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,438
Mr. Johansson,
our gym teacher.
135
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:06,905
He died.
136
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,575
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
Barry is doing that show.
137
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:11,677
I will go to the top on this.
138
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,880
I'll petition the principal,
the school board,
139
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,415
The superintendent,
the mayor's office,
140
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:20,719
The
u.S. Secretary of education
if I have to.
141
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:23,155
So what's it gonna be,
andre?
142
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:24,556
You know my name.
143
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,358
I know everything.
144
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,559
I got into the talent show!
145
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,562
(gasps) that's good news,
and very surprising to me.
146
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:34,199
Mr. Glascott said
the tri-state talent show
committee met
147
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:37,202
And ruled that karate
is an art form.
148
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:40,639
Wow, the tri-state
talent show committee met.
149
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,974
You know,
that's almost unbelievable!
150
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,310
Well, it happened,
so let's just move on.
151
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:48,580
Oh, man,
we're back in business!
Let's get to work!
152
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,316
I'll go get my nunchucks
and firecrackers.
153
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,784
No firecrackers!
154
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,786
So...
You threatened a teacher?
155
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:58,724
Please. I just gently
suggested that
he do what I say,
156
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,092
Or there'd be
dire consequences.
157
00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:01,560
Why is it you go
trotting down to the school
158
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:05,497
And yell at somebody
every time one of our kids
doesn't get their way?
159
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,432
I'm involved.
That's a good thing.
160
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,469
You are out of control!
I had no choice, murray.
161
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,671
Have you even
seen barry do karate?
162
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:18,510
It's like a beautiful ballet,
but with punching and grunting
and rolling around.
163
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,845
He quit after eight lessons
164
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,382
Because he didn't want to
bike the six blocks
to get there.
165
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,250
It hardly makes him
chuck norris.
166
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,252
Oh, really?
Barry, get in here.
167
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,987
What?
Your father would like
a sneak peek
168
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,356
Of your routine
before the big show.
169
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:32,324
Adam, get the firecrackers.
170
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:35,494
No firecrackers!
No firecrackers.
171
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,363
(the touch playing)
172
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:38,864
Hyah!
173
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:42,367
♪ you got the touch
dragon stance! Kee-ya!
174
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:43,702
♪ you got the power
175
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,437
Tiger claw! Hyah!
176
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,873
Sumo tomahawk chop!
177
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:48,540
Hyah!
178
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,777
Assistant.
Present weaponry.
179
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,545
Nunchucks!
180
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,514
Nunchucks.
181
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:57,783
Ah!
182
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,385
That's okay. I'm okay.
183
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,654
Bo staff! (pants)
184
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,289
(thuds) sorry.
185
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,325
♪ after all is said and done
hyah!
186
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:08,460
And now...
187
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:11,263
The most deadly weapon
of 'em all, my hands.
188
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,531
(exhaling)
189
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,467
Hyah!
Oh, no! A robber!
190
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,203
Don't worry, kelly lebrock,
I'll save you!
191
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,872
(panting) no, oh...
Don't! Ow!
192
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,374
You're not supposed
to hit me.
193
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:23,008
Disarm! Adam!
194
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:27,446
(lowered voice) jeez,
you're supposed to disarm.
You're supposed to let go!
195
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,049
He has been disarmed!
196
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,351
And now...
The big finish.
197
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,021
♪ you got the touch
198
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,526
(distorted growl)
199
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,361
(clunks)
200
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,397
(distorted roaring)
201
00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:48,767
Ah! Damn!
♪ you got the touch
202
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,936
That'll break
during the show.
203
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:57,142
That was the greatest thing
my eyeballs have ever,
ever seen!
204
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,877
Do you want me to go again?
(laughing) yes!
205
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,512
We're going again!
Yes!
206
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,112
(murray groans)
207
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,014
Adult adam:
Turns out, not everyone
had mom goggles.
208
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,016
Do it again!
Do it again!
209
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,520
Adult adam: The talent show
was the furthest thing
from erica's mind,
210
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,655
But pops
was hoping to change that.
211
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,224
(knocking on door)
212
00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:13,792
Hey, kiddo,
mind if I sit down?
213
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,126
I know
what you're gonna say,
214
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,229
And I'm not doing
the talent show.
215
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:19,297
That's not why I'm here.
216
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,800
I came to
borrow this magazine.
217
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,669
"eight ways
to catch a hunk."
218
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,538
What is this garbage?
219
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,173
But since you
brought it up...
220
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,007
Pops, forget it!
221
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,010
Doing the talent show
is social suicide.
222
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,011
I might as well
go up on stage
223
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,313
With a sign that says,
"I have lice."
224
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,315
That doesn't sound like
much of an act.
225
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:40,352
Come on, you have
an amazing voice,
226
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,888
And you're terrific
on the guitar.
227
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,489
You got to play the guitar.
228
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,457
Can't. Sold it.
229
00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:48,059
What? You loved that guitar.
230
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,362
And now I love
my leather jacket.
231
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,030
That is very angering.
232
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,598
Look, I appreciate you
believing in me
233
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,268
And all that crap,
but there's no chance
I'm gonna do the talent show.
234
00:08:56,270 --> 00:09:01,740
Oh, there's a chance,
'cause I'm gonna get you
to do it.
235
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,975
Uh, not gonna happen!
236
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,477
We'll see!
237
00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:06,945
Waste of time!
238
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,014
Can't hear you!
239
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:11,082
(rhythmic exhaling)
240
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,886
Good morning, bar.
Nice karate pajamas.
241
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,554
It's called a gi.
242
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,689
You need to educate yourself,
man. See more movies.
243
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:21,326
Listen, I know your mom
loves this whole
hong kong phooey act,
244
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,162
But haven't you considered
doing something else?
245
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,030
Why would I ever do that?
246
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,765
Because you're
barry goldberg,
247
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,366
A man of many
different talents.
248
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:31,503
It's true.
I am great at a lot of stuff.
249
00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:34,472
Skateboarding,
rapping, breakdancing.
250
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,241
A little...
251
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,076
Pop-and-lock action.
252
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,679
Why are we even having
this conversation?
253
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,947
I'm doing karate.
254
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:42,948
The committee ruled
in my favor.
255
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:47,152
Barry, you can't do this act.
I speak from experience.
256
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:47,919
What are you talking about?
257
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:51,723
When I was your age,
I was the funniest guy
on the football team.
258
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,692
Funny?
Since when are you funny?
259
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,694
I'm plenty funny, okay?
260
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:56,561
I was hilarious.
261
00:09:56,563 --> 00:10:01,166
I used to tell dirty jokes,
I'd snap guys with a towel.
262
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,334
I gave everybody
a nickname,
263
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,270
Like, uh, pretty boy
and shorty.
264
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,771
Those are
terrible nicknames.
265
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,974
Shorty wasn't short.
266
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,943
As a matter of fact,
he was a giant.
267
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,512
Oh, my god.
Had a gland problem.
268
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,780
Actually sad stuff.
269
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,481
What's the point to this?
270
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,584
The point is,
the coach said,
"murray, you're a card.
271
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:22,053
"why don't you host
the pep rally?"
272
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:22,887
So I did.
273
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,556
I get up there,
I realize
274
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,492
I've only got one minute
of material.
275
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,326
One minute!
276
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,329
I bombed
in front of the whole school.
277
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:32,430
They threw peaches at me.
278
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,999
Why'd they have peaches?
I don't know!
279
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,200
They weren't even in season!
280
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:39,738
All I know is,
I don't want you
to go through
281
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,473
What I went through.
282
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,976
Please don't do your act.
I'm begging you!
283
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,978
So you think
I'm gonna suck?
284
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,546
No, son.
285
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:51,349
I know you're going to suck.
286
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:53,251
Well, I got news for you.
287
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,286
The audience won't
throw peaches.
288
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,655
They'll throw flowers.
289
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,890
And cheers! And boobs!
290
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,825
Naked boobs! Everywhere!
291
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,628
Just you watch.
Watch!
292
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,264
Boobs! Naked!
293
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,366
Adult adam:
In that moment,
my dad realized
294
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,901
He only had one way
to protect barry.
295
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:14,272
He was gonna stand up
for his son by standing
in his way.
296
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,907
Mr. Glascott?
297
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,409
We need to talk.
298
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:18,410
(door closes)
I'm out again!
299
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:22,013
What?
Mr. Glascott said the national
talent show committee
300
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,416
Overruled the tri-state
talent show committee.
301
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:27,786
Well, this is very surprising
and unacceptable,
302
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,355
But they have made
their ruling,
303
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,090
And I believe
we should honor it.
304
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:36,227
The talent show
committee system in
this country's broken!
305
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:37,762
Uh!
306
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:38,663
National committee, huh?
307
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,700
Well, it's more powerful
than the tri-state committee.
308
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:42,300
What can I say?
309
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,436
This is unbelievable.
You trotted down
to that school
310
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,838
After being so judgy
with me about it?
311
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,340
Hey, I'm just being
an involved parent.
312
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,376
You told me
that was a good thing.
313
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:51,976
Not when you do it.
314
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:55,413
You got your own son
kicked out of a talent show.
315
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,114
Who does that?
316
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,916
Look, I'm doing
the kid a favor
317
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,351
By not wearing
mom goggles all the time.
318
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:01,953
Mom what?
Goggles!
319
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,021
We all know you wear 'em!
320
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:05,490
It makes you think
our kids are so brilliant
321
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,726
And perfect
and poop rainbows.
322
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,561
For once, just take
those mom goggles off
323
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,229
And admit that
our wonderful children
324
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,699
Are terrible
at so many
different things.
325
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:15,734
I will not.
326
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,268
They're gonna have
plenty of people
327
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,703
Trying to tear them
down in life,
328
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:19,871
So while they're
under my roof,
329
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:23,074
The least I can do
is try to build them up.
330
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,277
Accept our
children's mediocrity!
331
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,779
It's freeing!
332
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,414
Seriously?
I'm right here!
333
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,950
Oh, not. Not you.
You're fantastic.
334
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:35,353
Yeah,
you're a real gem
yourself.
335
00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:37,222
Adult adam:
As the talent show drew near,
336
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,458
Pops thought it was time
to pull out his secret weapon.
337
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,860
(banjo strumming)
338
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,028
(pops vocalizing)
339
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:54,572
Hello. I...
I didn't realize
you were here.
340
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,108
Me, I'm just sitting here,
341
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,677
Relaxing,
strumming the old banjo.
342
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:00,812
You're wasting your strums.
343
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:06,551
Am I? Or is it time
to do that duet
we used to do?
344
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,152
(strumming)
345
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,820
♪ won't you come home,
bill bailey? ♪
346
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,955
(singing indistinctly)
pops. Pops!
347
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,490
I'm not doing
the talent show.
348
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,726
Come on!
Do this show!
349
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,528
You can even borrow my banjo.
350
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:17,796
Don't take this
the wrong way,
351
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,364
But toting a banjo
up on stage
352
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,699
Isn't exactly
what you'd call cool.
353
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,602
Since when is the banjo
not cool?
354
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,504
Since the invention
of the banjo.
355
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,274
Erica, when you were younger,
you used to do everything...
356
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:32,811
Volleyball, gymnastics,
school chorus.
357
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,511
What happened to you?
358
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:37,215
Well, I go to high school,
where people judge you.
359
00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:39,651
Well, if you don't think
the banjo's cool,
360
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,719
I can always break out
the accordion.
361
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,555
Adult adam:
Turns out pops
wasn't the only one
362
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:47,125
Still trying to get
a goldberg
into the talent show.
363
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,660
(sighs)
364
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,963
Or out of the talent show.
365
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,932
Man: Get out of
the way, idiot!
(car honking)
366
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:54,766
What are you doing here?
367
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:57,602
Stopping you from doing
what you're doing!
368
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,738
The only thing
I'm here to do is...
369
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,507
Fake left, go right.
370
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:04,375
Pops: But isn't it
your responsibility
371
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,679
To encourage
talented students...
Dad?
372
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,782
Oh, hey. I... I was just
talking to mr. Glascott here
373
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:14,152
About putting erica
into the talent show.
374
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,253
I can't take this anymore.
375
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,322
You want your kids in,
they're in.
376
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,023
Oh, great! Which one?
377
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:22,026
I don't know.
Both of them?
None of them?
378
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:22,627
I really don't care!
379
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,563
I mean, it's a stupid freakin'
high school talent show!
380
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:31,169
I had one moment of weakness
where I tried to do
something kind for your son.
381
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:31,836
I apologize!
382
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:35,139
All I care about now
is that I owe 20 grand
in student loans,
383
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:39,277
I live in a studio apartment
above a steaming hot
dry cleaner,
384
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,713
And I have a second job
where I work as a pizza man,
385
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,682
And occasionally
I get to deliver pizzas
to my students.
386
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:48,319
Oh, also I have a parrot
that I can't get rid of.
387
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,855
They live for 80 years.
Did you know that?
388
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:51,956
Nobody tells you about that.
389
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,259
You have to put them
in your will!
390
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,193
It's a nightmare!
391
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,228
So, yeah, do whatever
you want to do,
392
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,898
'cause I really don't care!
393
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,100
That made me
hungry for pizza.
394
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:04,569
Who wants pizza?
395
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,138
All right,
we've gathered you here
396
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,207
Because we've got
some great news.
397
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,175
There's been some movement
on the talent show.
398
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:14,712
Again? This has been
an emotional roller coaster.
399
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,282
Turns out barry
can do the show!
400
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,984
Or not,
if you don't want to.
401
00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:20,718
What are you talking about?
402
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,254
The national talent show
committee already ruled.
403
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,355
It's binding.
404
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,591
Actually, um...
405
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,426
We're the committees.
What?
406
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,461
Your mother took it
upon herself
407
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:34,399
To trot on down
to the high school
and yell at mr. Glascott
408
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,235
When you didn't get
into the talent show.
What?
409
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,803
Your father trotted, too.
410
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:41,439
At least I was trying
to get him into the show.
411
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,073
Unbelievable!
412
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,075
Why is anyone
trotting anywhere?
413
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:44,909
The silver lining?
414
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,211
Erica's in the show, too.
Excuse me?
415
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:50,381
I talked to mr. Glascott.
Troubled man.
416
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,083
But I told him
all about you.
417
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,818
Well, you can tell him
something else.
418
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,087
I'm not doing that show.
419
00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:56,854
Me, too!
420
00:15:56,856 --> 00:16:00,191
'cause mom meddled,
I'm not doing
that show anymore!
421
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:00,658
(gasps)
422
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,694
(exhales sharply)
and 'cause dad
doesn't believe in me,
423
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:06,497
I'm gonna prove you wrong,
and I'm gonna do the show.
424
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,666
Wait. Wh...
Which one is it?
425
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,334
I don't know!
426
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,935
I'm just so angry
at both of you.
427
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,304
(whispers)
I really think
you should do it.
428
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,139
All right.
I spoke with adam.
429
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,409
This thing matters a lot
to a lot of people.
430
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,544
I'm back in.
431
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,579
Adult adam:
The talent show was back on,
432
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,048
And so was
my directorial debut!
433
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,050
(dance music playing)
434
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:26,951
It was only the opening act
435
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:29,387
Of the william penn academy
holiday talent show,
436
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:33,057
And barry was already
getting cold feet.
437
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,827
Wow. They're really good.
438
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:36,928
It's gonna be
a tough act to follow.
439
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:39,063
What are you worried about?
You got a black belt.
440
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,666
That I took
from dad's bathrobe!
441
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:43,935
(music ends)
442
00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:45,236
(cheering)
443
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,505
(applauding)
444
00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:48,373
Dorks!
445
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,941
Adult adam:
In that moment,
barry realized
446
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:52,910
The reason why lexy bloom
loved the talent show.
447
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:54,645
Like the rest
of the cool crowd,
448
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,681
She could bag on
all the idiots on stage.
449
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,649
I can't go out there!
What?
450
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,152
I can't do it!
Dad was right.
451
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,320
I'm gonna humiliate
myself.
452
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,721
They're gonna
throw peaches at me!
453
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,924
Peaches? Who has peaches?
What are you talking about?
454
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,693
I can't do it!
455
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:10,828
(giggling)
456
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,263
Adult adam:
Despite pops' best efforts,
457
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:15,266
Erica decided to not even
go to the talent show.
458
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:19,337
But our grandfather had
one more card to play.
459
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:27,645
(applauding)
460
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,415
Man: And that
was our second-to-last act,
ellen mcrae juggling!
461
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,516
All right, karate kid,
you're up next.
462
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,986
I can't go out there.
What are you talking about?
You're our closer.
463
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:36,988
We gotta have a closer.
464
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:37,889
Or I could just end it.
465
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,124
Well, I'm out.
I'm in.
466
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,427
My grandfather said you might
have a spot open for me.
467
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:46,431
Well, seeing as
I don't care at all, yes.
468
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,167
(indistinct conversations)
469
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,602
One of the goldbergs.
470
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,342
(scattered applause)
471
00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:02,380
So, um...
472
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,149
This is a song
I sing in the shower.
473
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,951
(scattered giggling)
474
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:07,718
(erica exhales)
475
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,021
Just get it over with,
I guess.
476
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:13,958
(strums lightly)
477
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:18,463
♪ oh, you're
a real tough cookie
with the long history
478
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:22,800
♪ of breakin' little hearts
like the one in me
479
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:26,404
♪ that's okay,
let's see how you do it
480
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:30,441
♪ put up your dukes,
let's get down to it
481
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,077
♪ hit me with your best shot
482
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:36,547
♪ why don't you hit me
with your best shot?
483
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:37,448
(rhythmic clapping)
484
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,852
♪ oh, hit me with your
best shot
485
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:43,788
♪ fire away
486
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:45,223
(cheering continues)
487
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,692
♪ you come on
with your "come on"
488
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:48,626
♪ you don't fight fair
489
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:52,396
♪ but that's okay,
just see if I care
490
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:56,167
♪ knock me down,
it's all in vain
(speaks inaudibly)
491
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:59,871
♪ I'll get back up
on my feet again
492
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:02,974
♪ hit me with your best shot
493
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:03,608
Boy: Yeah!
494
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,378
♪ why don't you hit me
with your best shot?
495
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:11,315
♪ oh, hit me
with your best shot
496
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,050
♪ fire away
497
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,519
I'm back in!
Still don't care.
498
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,822
♪ you're a real tough cookie
with the long history
499
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:18,756
(rhythmic exhaling)
500
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,025
♪ of breakin' little hearts
nunchucks!
501
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,693
♪ like the one in me
502
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:26,531
♪ that's okay,
let's see how you do it
503
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:30,001
♪ put up your dukes,
let's get down to it
504
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,337
♪ hit me with your best shot
(screams indistinctly)
505
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,238
Sneak attack!
506
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,208
♪ why don't you hit me
with your best shot?
507
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:38,242
(grunting)
508
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:41,112
♪ hit me with
your best shot
509
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,648
♪ fire away
510
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,883
(laughing) my babies!
511
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:46,684
(exclaims)
512
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,452
♪ hit me with your best shot
513
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:52,223
(grunts loudly)
♪ why don't you hit me
with your best shot?
514
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:55,826
♪ hit me
with your best shot...
515
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:58,829
You can do it, baby!
♪ fire away
516
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,865
Hyah!
517
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:02,567
Adult adam: Pops was right.
518
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,135
Erica had nothing to be
embarrassed about.
519
00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:08,272
In fact, in that moment,
it felt damn good
to be a goldberg.
520
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,774
I have the most talented
kids in the world!
521
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:13,311
More talented than yours!
More talented than yours!
522
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,612
Calm down. Calm down.
Oh, my god!
523
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:18,015
Adult adam:
Especially for my dad,
who put on the mom goggles...
524
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,618
Wow! Wow! Wow!
For the first time
in his life.
525
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,720
Yeah! Yeah...
526
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:24,088
Thank you, guys.
527
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:28,826
And as for me, I did what
any good director would do,
I made my star look good.
528
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:33,598
Kee-ya.
I switched barry's
board for balsa wood.
529
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,403
(rhythmic exhaling)
530
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,605
Hyah!
531
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,241
(grunting)
532
00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:50,815
Okay, mom.
Next talent show's
only a year away.
533
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,085
Can't start preparing
too early! Show me
what you got.
534
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,220
I wrote a smooth soul jam.
535
00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:58,656
You ready?
536
00:20:58,658 --> 00:20:59,824
♪ girl
537
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:03,194
♪ I want to get with you
538
00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:06,264
♪ big tasty wants
to get with you
539
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,599
♪ you got to,
mmm, back it up
540
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,134
♪ mmm, back it up
541
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,169
♪ uh, uh, uh
542
00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:13,070
(kisses)
543
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,007
I'm sorry, was that
barry goldberg,
or barry manilow?
544
00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,175
'cause
I can't tell the difference!
545
00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:19,677
(doorbell rings)
546
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,312
(laughing)
547
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,849
(sighs) crap.