1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,368 Adult adam: In the '80s, a defining moment 2 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:05,004 For every teenage boy was seeing the karate kid. 3 00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,173 It kicked and punched and swept the leg of our hearts. 4 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,543 No one loved it more than my brother barry. 5 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:13,746 (gong sounding) 6 00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:15,247 (growling) 7 00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:19,618 Come at me! High block! Cobra strike! 8 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,287 Fake left, go right! Ninja roll! 9 00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,957 Ah! It's okay. I'm okay. 10 00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,759 Now throw a chop! (karate yell) 11 00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:27,493 I block that chop! 12 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:30,095 I retaliate! High kick! Fist of fury! 13 00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:31,830 (rhythmic panting) oh! Oh! Oh! 14 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,132 Death blow! Ah! 15 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,433 Hmm, you know, I was thinking... 16 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:37,403 It might be better if you didn't call out your moves first. 17 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,537 That's a great idea. 18 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,438 Sneak attack! Ah! 19 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,373 Adult adam: Sure, my big bro had an inflated sense of skill, 20 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,943 But in my house, my mother was the one who did the inflating. 21 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,678 She wore something we called "mom goggles." 22 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:50,449 They made everything we did not just good, but spectacular. 23 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,685 Oh, look at you, my little kung fu master! 24 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,888 (adam groaning) it's not kung fu. Stop! 25 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,089 I do karate. 26 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:57,856 Bilingual and dangerous? 27 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,959 Oh, you are just off-the-charts amazing, honey. 28 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:01,760 Oh! Ah! 29 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,429 Adult adam: Most kids ignore their mom's high praise... 30 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,397 (school bell rings) but barry wasn't most kids. 31 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,132 He really believed the hype. 32 00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:10,335 Unfortunately, that confidence did not translate 33 00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:13,138 To his moves with the ladies. 34 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,406 Hi? 35 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,808 Yo. 36 00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:16,909 Locker strike! Hyah! 37 00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:19,044 Ow! Oh... Are you okay? 38 00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:21,880 I'm fine. My hands are like rocks. 39 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,983 But they're soft, too. And gentle. 40 00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:25,684 Like baby ducks. 41 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,319 Weird. Man: All right, kids! 42 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,887 That time of year again. 43 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,890 Holiday talent show. (laughs) eh? 44 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:35,828 Nobody? Oh, my god, I love the talent show. 45 00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,863 Oh, do ya now? 46 00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,300 Do ya now? 47 00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:42,835 Weird. 48 00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:46,171 (chuckles) you're great. See ya later. 49 00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,374 Adult adam: Barry had a plan in motion, 50 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:53,011 And that night, he put it into action. 51 00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:54,079 Good evening. 52 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,548 Glad you could all make it tonight. 53 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,683 What... What is this? 54 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:58,450 Big announcement. 55 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,954 I've decided to do a karate routine at the school talent show. 56 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:02,721 Auditions are tomorrow. 57 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,323 Now I don't want to make too big a deal out of this, 58 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:09,094 But I do believe it will be the greatest moment in the history of everything. 59 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,296 Oh, my goodness! What a wonderful idea! 60 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,599 Murray, isn't this a wonderful idea? 61 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,969 If I say yes, can I be out of the conversation? 62 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,003 What about you, erica? 63 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,939 You should absolutely do this talent thing. 64 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,775 I've heard you singing pat benetton in the shower. 65 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,879 Don't worry, guys. I'll be at the talent show... 66 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:27,579 In the front row. 67 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,848 'cause my friends and I always go for a good laugh. 68 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,317 Go ahead! Bring all your hot friends. 69 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,452 I'll wow 'em with my moves. 70 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,721 Now, adam, chuck a dinner roll at my face. 71 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,223 Watch me deflect it. Come on. 72 00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,926 No. No, not like that. Gentle. 73 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,061 And don't hit me in the face if you can... 74 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,063 No... What are doing? Gently. 75 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,032 Let me get ready, okay? Come on. 76 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,767 Murray: Stop it! (yelling) 77 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,035 Yes! What the hell? 78 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:50,969 Like lightning! I'm like lightning! 79 00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:53,205 I knew you could do it! I knew you could do it! 80 00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,373 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 81 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:58,477 ♪ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 82 00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:01,580 ♪ I don't know the future 83 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:05,551 ♪ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 84 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,452 Adult adam: It was December 9th, 1980-something, 85 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:11,089 And barry's holiday cheer was nowhere in sight. 86 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,158 (vacuum whirring loudly) 87 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,593 (shouting inaudibly) 88 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,694 (turns off vacuum) 89 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:16,662 What's the point of anything? 90 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,729 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. What's wrong? 91 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:20,332 I didn't get into the talent show. I don't understand. 92 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,001 They rejected me. That literally makes no sense. 93 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,703 Everyone who auditioned got in but me. 94 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,439 I hear what you're saying, but I cannot wrap my mind around that. 95 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,975 Mr. Glascott said my routine was too inappropriate. 96 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:34,279 How is being a perfect karate angel inappropriate? 97 00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:37,716 Barry! Okay, I have been thinking. 98 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,017 Your karate routine... 99 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,485 It needs a professional director. 100 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,487 That's me! A big idea guy. 101 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:45,857 Plus, I've seen a million karate movies. 102 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,226 Are you crying? (voice breaks) no. 103 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:51,396 (gasps) no! They're warrior's tears, and it doesn't matter! 104 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,064 The school said no! 105 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,299 I'll never cobra strike again! 106 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,368 (sobbing) ugh! This isn't fair! 107 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,904 Adult adam: At that moment, there was only one thing 108 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,806 Running through my mom's mind. 109 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:01,607 (door slams shut) 110 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,810 No one tells my baby he can't cobra strike. 111 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,048 Mr. Glascott! 112 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,750 I need to speak to you immediately. 113 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,652 Oh, I'm sorry. I have an important morning meeting 114 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,520 With the kids from the math club. 115 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,455 The nerds can wait. 116 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,191 My son, barry goldberg cannot. 117 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,427 Are you... Beverly goldberg? 118 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,395 Oh, yes, I am. 119 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,797 Tell me, what kind of educator 120 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,667 Stomps on the dreams of his students? 121 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,002 Look, barry's a good kid, 122 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,337 Which is kinda why I discouraged him 123 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,805 From taking part in the show. 124 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,141 See, some of the more high-profile students here 125 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:40,879 Can be very critical, if you follow me. 126 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:41,546 I really don't. 127 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,615 The popular kids here are real douche-sacks. 128 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:47,119 Last year, one kid did a lovely ventriloquist act. 129 00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:52,691 The kids, well, they did unspeakable things to that doll after the show. 130 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,660 Quite frankly, it was very jarring. 131 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:58,997 And barry's karate is really ripe for that type of ridicule. 132 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,700 Uh, this is high school, not "star search." 133 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,835 (chuckling) I mean, who died and made you ed mcmahon? 134 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,438 Mr. Johansson, our gym teacher. 135 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:06,905 He died. 136 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,575 Yeah, it doesn't matter. Barry is doing that show. 137 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:11,677 I will go to the top on this. 138 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,880 I'll petition the principal, the school board, 139 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,415 The superintendent, the mayor's office, 140 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:20,719 The u.S. Secretary of education if I have to. 141 00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:23,155 So what's it gonna be, andre? 142 00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:24,556 You know my name. 143 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,358 I know everything. 144 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,559 I got into the talent show! 145 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,562 (gasps) that's good news, and very surprising to me. 146 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:34,199 Mr. Glascott said the tri-state talent show committee met 147 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:37,202 And ruled that karate is an art form. 148 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:40,639 Wow, the tri-state talent show committee met. 149 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,974 You know, that's almost unbelievable! 150 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,310 Well, it happened, so let's just move on. 151 00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:48,580 Oh, man, we're back in business! Let's get to work! 152 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,316 I'll go get my nunchucks and firecrackers. 153 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,784 No firecrackers! 154 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,786 So... You threatened a teacher? 155 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:58,724 Please. I just gently suggested that he do what I say, 156 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,092 Or there'd be dire consequences. 157 00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:01,560 Why is it you go trotting down to the school 158 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:05,497 And yell at somebody every time one of our kids doesn't get their way? 159 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,432 I'm involved. That's a good thing. 160 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,469 You are out of control! I had no choice, murray. 161 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,671 Have you even seen barry do karate? 162 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:18,510 It's like a beautiful ballet, but with punching and grunting and rolling around. 163 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,845 He quit after eight lessons 164 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,382 Because he didn't want to bike the six blocks to get there. 165 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,250 It hardly makes him chuck norris. 166 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,252 Oh, really? Barry, get in here. 167 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,987 What? Your father would like a sneak peek 168 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,356 Of your routine before the big show. 169 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:32,324 Adam, get the firecrackers. 170 00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:35,494 No firecrackers! No firecrackers. 171 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,363 (the touch playing) 172 00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:38,864 Hyah! 173 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:42,367 ♪ you got the touch dragon stance! Kee-ya! 174 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:43,702 ♪ you got the power 175 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,437 Tiger claw! Hyah! 176 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,873 Sumo tomahawk chop! 177 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:48,540 Hyah! 178 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,777 Assistant. Present weaponry. 179 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,545 Nunchucks! 180 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,514 Nunchucks. 181 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:57,783 Ah! 182 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,385 That's okay. I'm okay. 183 00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,654 Bo staff! (pants) 184 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,289 (thuds) sorry. 185 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,325 ♪ after all is said and done hyah! 186 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:08,460 And now... 187 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:11,263 The most deadly weapon of 'em all, my hands. 188 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,531 (exhaling) 189 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,467 Hyah! Oh, no! A robber! 190 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,203 Don't worry, kelly lebrock, I'll save you! 191 00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,872 (panting) no, oh... Don't! Ow! 192 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,374 You're not supposed to hit me. 193 00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:23,008 Disarm! Adam! 194 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:27,446 (lowered voice) jeez, you're supposed to disarm. You're supposed to let go! 195 00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,049 He has been disarmed! 196 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,351 And now... The big finish. 197 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,021 ♪ you got the touch 198 00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,526 (distorted growl) 199 00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,361 (clunks) 200 00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,397 (distorted roaring) 201 00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:48,767 Ah! Damn! ♪ you got the touch 202 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,936 That'll break during the show. 203 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:57,142 That was the greatest thing my eyeballs have ever, ever seen! 204 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,877 Do you want me to go again? (laughing) yes! 205 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,512 We're going again! Yes! 206 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,112 (murray groans) 207 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,014 Adult adam: Turns out, not everyone had mom goggles. 208 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,016 Do it again! Do it again! 209 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,520 Adult adam: The talent show was the furthest thing from erica's mind, 210 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,655 But pops was hoping to change that. 211 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,224 (knocking on door) 212 00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:13,792 Hey, kiddo, mind if I sit down? 213 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,126 I know what you're gonna say, 214 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,229 And I'm not doing the talent show. 215 00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:19,297 That's not why I'm here. 216 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,800 I came to borrow this magazine. 217 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,669 "eight ways to catch a hunk." 218 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,538 What is this garbage? 219 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,173 But since you brought it up... 220 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,007 Pops, forget it! 221 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,010 Doing the talent show is social suicide. 222 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,011 I might as well go up on stage 223 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,313 With a sign that says, "I have lice." 224 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,315 That doesn't sound like much of an act. 225 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:40,352 Come on, you have an amazing voice, 226 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,888 And you're terrific on the guitar. 227 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,489 You got to play the guitar. 228 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,457 Can't. Sold it. 229 00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:48,059 What? You loved that guitar. 230 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,362 And now I love my leather jacket. 231 00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,030 That is very angering. 232 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,598 Look, I appreciate you believing in me 233 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,268 And all that crap, but there's no chance I'm gonna do the talent show. 234 00:08:56,270 --> 00:09:01,740 Oh, there's a chance, 'cause I'm gonna get you to do it. 235 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,975 Uh, not gonna happen! 236 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,477 We'll see! 237 00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:06,945 Waste of time! 238 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,014 Can't hear you! 239 00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:11,082 (rhythmic exhaling) 240 00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,886 Good morning, bar. Nice karate pajamas. 241 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,554 It's called a gi. 242 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,689 You need to educate yourself, man. See more movies. 243 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:21,326 Listen, I know your mom loves this whole hong kong phooey act, 244 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,162 But haven't you considered doing something else? 245 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,030 Why would I ever do that? 246 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,765 Because you're barry goldberg, 247 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,366 A man of many different talents. 248 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:31,503 It's true. I am great at a lot of stuff. 249 00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:34,472 Skateboarding, rapping, breakdancing. 250 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,241 A little... 251 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,076 Pop-and-lock action. 252 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,679 Why are we even having this conversation? 253 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,947 I'm doing karate. 254 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:42,948 The committee ruled in my favor. 255 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:47,152 Barry, you can't do this act. I speak from experience. 256 00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:47,919 What are you talking about? 257 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:51,723 When I was your age, I was the funniest guy on the football team. 258 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,692 Funny? Since when are you funny? 259 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,694 I'm plenty funny, okay? 260 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:56,561 I was hilarious. 261 00:09:56,563 --> 00:10:01,166 I used to tell dirty jokes, I'd snap guys with a towel. 262 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,334 I gave everybody a nickname, 263 00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,270 Like, uh, pretty boy and shorty. 264 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,771 Those are terrible nicknames. 265 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,974 Shorty wasn't short. 266 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,943 As a matter of fact, he was a giant. 267 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,512 Oh, my god. Had a gland problem. 268 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,780 Actually sad stuff. 269 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,481 What's the point to this? 270 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,584 The point is, the coach said, "murray, you're a card. 271 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:22,053 "why don't you host the pep rally?" 272 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:22,887 So I did. 273 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,556 I get up there, I realize 274 00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,492 I've only got one minute of material. 275 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,326 One minute! 276 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,329 I bombed in front of the whole school. 277 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:32,430 They threw peaches at me. 278 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,999 Why'd they have peaches? I don't know! 279 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,200 They weren't even in season! 280 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:39,738 All I know is, I don't want you to go through 281 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,473 What I went through. 282 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,976 Please don't do your act. I'm begging you! 283 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,978 So you think I'm gonna suck? 284 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,546 No, son. 285 00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:51,349 I know you're going to suck. 286 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:53,251 Well, I got news for you. 287 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,286 The audience won't throw peaches. 288 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,655 They'll throw flowers. 289 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,890 And cheers! And boobs! 290 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,825 Naked boobs! Everywhere! 291 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,628 Just you watch. Watch! 292 00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,264 Boobs! Naked! 293 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,366 Adult adam: In that moment, my dad realized 294 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,901 He only had one way to protect barry. 295 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:14,272 He was gonna stand up for his son by standing in his way. 296 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,907 Mr. Glascott? 297 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,409 We need to talk. 298 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:18,410 (door closes) I'm out again! 299 00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:22,013 What? Mr. Glascott said the national talent show committee 300 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,416 Overruled the tri-state talent show committee. 301 00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:27,786 Well, this is very surprising and unacceptable, 302 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,355 But they have made their ruling, 303 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,090 And I believe we should honor it. 304 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:36,227 The talent show committee system in this country's broken! 305 00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:37,762 Uh! 306 00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:38,663 National committee, huh? 307 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,700 Well, it's more powerful than the tri-state committee. 308 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:42,300 What can I say? 309 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,436 This is unbelievable. You trotted down to that school 310 00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,838 After being so judgy with me about it? 311 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,340 Hey, I'm just being an involved parent. 312 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,376 You told me that was a good thing. 313 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:51,976 Not when you do it. 314 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:55,413 You got your own son kicked out of a talent show. 315 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,114 Who does that? 316 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,916 Look, I'm doing the kid a favor 317 00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,351 By not wearing mom goggles all the time. 318 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:01,953 Mom what? Goggles! 319 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,021 We all know you wear 'em! 320 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:05,490 It makes you think our kids are so brilliant 321 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,726 And perfect and poop rainbows. 322 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,561 For once, just take those mom goggles off 323 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,229 And admit that our wonderful children 324 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,699 Are terrible at so many different things. 325 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:15,734 I will not. 326 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,268 They're gonna have plenty of people 327 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,703 Trying to tear them down in life, 328 00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:19,871 So while they're under my roof, 329 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:23,074 The least I can do is try to build them up. 330 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,277 Accept our children's mediocrity! 331 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,779 It's freeing! 332 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,414 Seriously? I'm right here! 333 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,950 Oh, not. Not you. You're fantastic. 334 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:35,353 Yeah, you're a real gem yourself. 335 00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:37,222 Adult adam: As the talent show drew near, 336 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,458 Pops thought it was time to pull out his secret weapon. 337 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,860 (banjo strumming) 338 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,028 (pops vocalizing) 339 00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:54,572 Hello. I... I didn't realize you were here. 340 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,108 Me, I'm just sitting here, 341 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,677 Relaxing, strumming the old banjo. 342 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:00,812 You're wasting your strums. 343 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:06,551 Am I? Or is it time to do that duet we used to do? 344 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,152 (strumming) 345 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,820 ♪ won't you come home, bill bailey? ♪ 346 00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,955 (singing indistinctly) pops. Pops! 347 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,490 I'm not doing the talent show. 348 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,726 Come on! Do this show! 349 00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,528 You can even borrow my banjo. 350 00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:17,796 Don't take this the wrong way, 351 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,364 But toting a banjo up on stage 352 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,699 Isn't exactly what you'd call cool. 353 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,602 Since when is the banjo not cool? 354 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,504 Since the invention of the banjo. 355 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,274 Erica, when you were younger, you used to do everything... 356 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:32,811 Volleyball, gymnastics, school chorus. 357 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,511 What happened to you? 358 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:37,215 Well, I go to high school, where people judge you. 359 00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:39,651 Well, if you don't think the banjo's cool, 360 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,719 I can always break out the accordion. 361 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,555 Adult adam: Turns out pops wasn't the only one 362 00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:47,125 Still trying to get a goldberg into the talent show. 363 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,660 (sighs) 364 00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,963 Or out of the talent show. 365 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,932 Man: Get out of the way, idiot! (car honking) 366 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:54,766 What are you doing here? 367 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:57,602 Stopping you from doing what you're doing! 368 00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,738 The only thing I'm here to do is... 369 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,507 Fake left, go right. 370 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:04,375 Pops: But isn't it your responsibility 371 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,679 To encourage talented students... Dad? 372 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,782 Oh, hey. I... I was just talking to mr. Glascott here 373 00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:14,152 About putting erica into the talent show. 374 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,253 I can't take this anymore. 375 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,322 You want your kids in, they're in. 376 00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,023 Oh, great! Which one? 377 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:22,026 I don't know. Both of them? None of them? 378 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:22,627 I really don't care! 379 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,563 I mean, it's a stupid freakin' high school talent show! 380 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:31,169 I had one moment of weakness where I tried to do something kind for your son. 381 00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:31,836 I apologize! 382 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:35,139 All I care about now is that I owe 20 grand in student loans, 383 00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:39,277 I live in a studio apartment above a steaming hot dry cleaner, 384 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,713 And I have a second job where I work as a pizza man, 385 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,682 And occasionally I get to deliver pizzas to my students. 386 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:48,319 Oh, also I have a parrot that I can't get rid of. 387 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,855 They live for 80 years. Did you know that? 388 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:51,956 Nobody tells you about that. 389 00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,259 You have to put them in your will! 390 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,193 It's a nightmare! 391 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,228 So, yeah, do whatever you want to do, 392 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,898 'cause I really don't care! 393 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,100 That made me hungry for pizza. 394 00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:04,569 Who wants pizza? 395 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,138 All right, we've gathered you here 396 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,207 Because we've got some great news. 397 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,175 There's been some movement on the talent show. 398 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:14,712 Again? This has been an emotional roller coaster. 399 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,282 Turns out barry can do the show! 400 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,984 Or not, if you don't want to. 401 00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:20,718 What are you talking about? 402 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,254 The national talent show committee already ruled. 403 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,355 It's binding. 404 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,591 Actually, um... 405 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,426 We're the committees. What? 406 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,461 Your mother took it upon herself 407 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:34,399 To trot on down to the high school and yell at mr. Glascott 408 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,235 When you didn't get into the talent show. What? 409 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,803 Your father trotted, too. 410 00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:41,439 At least I was trying to get him into the show. 411 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,073 Unbelievable! 412 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,075 Why is anyone trotting anywhere? 413 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:44,909 The silver lining? 414 00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,211 Erica's in the show, too. Excuse me? 415 00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:50,381 I talked to mr. Glascott. Troubled man. 416 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,083 But I told him all about you. 417 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,818 Well, you can tell him something else. 418 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,087 I'm not doing that show. 419 00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:56,854 Me, too! 420 00:15:56,856 --> 00:16:00,191 'cause mom meddled, I'm not doing that show anymore! 421 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:00,658 (gasps) 422 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,694 (exhales sharply) and 'cause dad doesn't believe in me, 423 00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:06,497 I'm gonna prove you wrong, and I'm gonna do the show. 424 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,666 Wait. Wh... Which one is it? 425 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,334 I don't know! 426 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,935 I'm just so angry at both of you. 427 00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,304 (whispers) I really think you should do it. 428 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,139 All right. I spoke with adam. 429 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,409 This thing matters a lot to a lot of people. 430 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,544 I'm back in. 431 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,579 Adult adam: The talent show was back on, 432 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,048 And so was my directorial debut! 433 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,050 (dance music playing) 434 00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:26,951 It was only the opening act 435 00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:29,387 Of the william penn academy holiday talent show, 436 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:33,057 And barry was already getting cold feet. 437 00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,827 Wow. They're really good. 438 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:36,928 It's gonna be a tough act to follow. 439 00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:39,063 What are you worried about? You got a black belt. 440 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,666 That I took from dad's bathrobe! 441 00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:43,935 (music ends) 442 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:45,236 (cheering) 443 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,505 (applauding) 444 00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:48,373 Dorks! 445 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,941 Adult adam: In that moment, barry realized 446 00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:52,910 The reason why lexy bloom loved the talent show. 447 00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:54,645 Like the rest of the cool crowd, 448 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,681 She could bag on all the idiots on stage. 449 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,649 I can't go out there! What? 450 00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,152 I can't do it! Dad was right. 451 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,320 I'm gonna humiliate myself. 452 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,721 They're gonna throw peaches at me! 453 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,924 Peaches? Who has peaches? What are you talking about? 454 00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,693 I can't do it! 455 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:10,828 (giggling) 456 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,263 Adult adam: Despite pops' best efforts, 457 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:15,266 Erica decided to not even go to the talent show. 458 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:19,337 But our grandfather had one more card to play. 459 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:27,645 (applauding) 460 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,415 Man: And that was our second-to-last act, ellen mcrae juggling! 461 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,516 All right, karate kid, you're up next. 462 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,986 I can't go out there. What are you talking about? You're our closer. 463 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:36,988 We gotta have a closer. 464 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:37,889 Or I could just end it. 465 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,124 Well, I'm out. I'm in. 466 00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,427 My grandfather said you might have a spot open for me. 467 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:46,431 Well, seeing as I don't care at all, yes. 468 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,167 (indistinct conversations) 469 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,602 One of the goldbergs. 470 00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,342 (scattered applause) 471 00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:02,380 So, um... 472 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,149 This is a song I sing in the shower. 473 00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,951 (scattered giggling) 474 00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:07,718 (erica exhales) 475 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,021 Just get it over with, I guess. 476 00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:13,958 (strums lightly) 477 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:18,463 ♪ oh, you're a real tough cookie with the long history 478 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:22,800 ♪ of breakin' little hearts like the one in me 479 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:26,404 ♪ that's okay, let's see how you do it 480 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:30,441 ♪ put up your dukes, let's get down to it 481 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,077 ♪ hit me with your best shot 482 00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:36,547 ♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? 483 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:37,448 (rhythmic clapping) 484 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,852 ♪ oh, hit me with your best shot 485 00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:43,788 ♪ fire away 486 00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:45,223 (cheering continues) 487 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,692 ♪ you come on with your "come on" 488 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:48,626 ♪ you don't fight fair 489 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:52,396 ♪ but that's okay, just see if I care 490 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:56,167 ♪ knock me down, it's all in vain (speaks inaudibly) 491 00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:59,871 ♪ I'll get back up on my feet again 492 00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:02,974 ♪ hit me with your best shot 493 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:03,608 Boy: Yeah! 494 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,378 ♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? 495 00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:11,315 ♪ oh, hit me with your best shot 496 00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,050 ♪ fire away 497 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,519 I'm back in! Still don't care. 498 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,822 ♪ you're a real tough cookie with the long history 499 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:18,756 (rhythmic exhaling) 500 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,025 ♪ of breakin' little hearts nunchucks! 501 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,693 ♪ like the one in me 502 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:26,531 ♪ that's okay, let's see how you do it 503 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:30,001 ♪ put up your dukes, let's get down to it 504 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,337 ♪ hit me with your best shot (screams indistinctly) 505 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,238 Sneak attack! 506 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,208 ♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? 507 00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:38,242 (grunting) 508 00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:41,112 ♪ hit me with your best shot 509 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,648 ♪ fire away 510 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,883 (laughing) my babies! 511 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:46,684 (exclaims) 512 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,452 ♪ hit me with your best shot 513 00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:52,223 (grunts loudly) ♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? 514 00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:55,826 ♪ hit me with your best shot... 515 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:58,829 You can do it, baby! ♪ fire away 516 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,865 Hyah! 517 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:02,567 Adult adam: Pops was right. 518 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,135 Erica had nothing to be embarrassed about. 519 00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:08,272 In fact, in that moment, it felt damn good to be a goldberg. 520 00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,774 I have the most talented kids in the world! 521 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:13,311 More talented than yours! More talented than yours! 522 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,612 Calm down. Calm down. Oh, my god! 523 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:18,015 Adult adam: Especially for my dad, who put on the mom goggles... 524 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,618 Wow! Wow! Wow! For the first time in his life. 525 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,720 Yeah! Yeah... 526 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:24,088 Thank you, guys. 527 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:28,826 And as for me, I did what any good director would do, I made my star look good. 528 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:33,598 Kee-ya. I switched barry's board for balsa wood. 529 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,403 (rhythmic exhaling) 530 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,605 Hyah! 531 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,241 (grunting) 532 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:50,815 Okay, mom. Next talent show's only a year away. 533 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,085 Can't start preparing too early! Show me what you got. 534 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,220 I wrote a smooth soul jam. 535 00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:58,656 You ready? 536 00:20:58,658 --> 00:20:59,824 ♪ girl 537 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:03,194 ♪ I want to get with you 538 00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:06,264 ♪ big tasty wants to get with you 539 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,599 ♪ you got to, mmm, back it up 540 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,134 ♪ mmm, back it up 541 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,169 ♪ uh, uh, uh 542 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:13,070 (kisses) 543 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,007 I'm sorry, was that barry goldberg, or barry manilow? 544 00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,175 'cause I can't tell the difference! 545 00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:19,677 (doorbell rings) 546 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,312 (laughing) 547 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,849 (sighs) crap.