1
00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:02,201
Adult adam:
This is my mom,
beverly goldberg,
2
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,636
A shoulder-padded,
country-haired mother warrior
3
00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,905
Whose top priority
was always her kids.
4
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:10,509
Before helicopter moms
and attachment parenting,
5
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,245
She was the original smother.
6
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,348
Snuggle bug,
circular motions.
7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:20,352
We've had
this discussion.
Just give it to me.
8
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:21,553
See?
9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:22,955
Feel that difference?
Make a bunny face.
10
00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:26,392
She was all over us
from early in the morning
11
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:27,393
To late at night.
12
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,628
Who wants
a sleepover snack?
13
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:30,362
(chuckles)
14
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,265
First one to fall asleep
gets their bra frozen.
15
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,433
Why are you in here?
16
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,935
She even found a way
to smother us at school.
17
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:39,038
(gasps) mom?
Don't mind me.
18
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,205
Soccer tryouts
are this afternoon.
19
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,808
You need that
to protect your
special spot.
20
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,576
I know what it's for.
Just leave.
21
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,278
But nothing put
a bounce in her step
22
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,548
More than planning
our futures for us.
23
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,849
Oh, this is just
so exciting!
24
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:54,319
So many choices,
how are we ever
gonna decide?
25
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,055
"we"? No, I'm deciding.
26
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:59,792
Oh, if it were your
decision, you'd go
to hawaii university.
27
00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:04,263
Uh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
28
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,632
They have a college
in hawaii?
29
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,201
How did they get
a school on an island?
30
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:13,572
Oh, my! I got to
check this out!
Aloha!
31
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:14,606
What's this?
32
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:18,077
A prestigious college
right in our hometown
of philadelphia?
33
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,278
Yeah, there's
no way in hell
34
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,581
I am living at home
and going to drexel.
35
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,783
Hear you loud
and clear.
36
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,351
Hello, drexel.
37
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,687
I'm beverly goldberg.
This is erica.
38
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,656
I don't want to
build her up too much,
39
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,691
But she is literally
the best student
40
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:33,592
That ever has been
or will be.
41
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:37,129
(chuckles)
uh, besides having
a great personality,
42
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:41,100
She gets good grades,
does meals on wheels,
model un
43
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,669
And is a volunteer
swim instructor at the "y."
44
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,571
For the love of god,
stop talking!
45
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:49,074
You're parading me
around like a poodle
and it's embarrassing.
46
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,142
Honey, I'm your mother.
47
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,743
It is my job to
strong-arm people
48
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,946
Into seeing
how amazing you are.
49
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:54,613
Look around.
50
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,783
No other mothers
insist on being
so involved.
51
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:58,484
Betsy: Beverly!
52
00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:01,086
Adult adam:
But that wasn't true.
53
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:04,156
Her name was betsy rubenstone,
the other smother.
54
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,392
She was head of the pta,
chair of the fall festival
55
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:10,329
And eight other
parent committees.
56
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,063
My mom volunteered, too,
57
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:16,301
But betsy was just made
better, stronger, faster.
58
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,670
Ah, betsy!
59
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:19,271
Oh! Mwah!
60
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:22,274
So, what school
are you thinking
about for carin?
61
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,610
She's already been
early-accepted to yale.
62
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:25,644
(clicks tongue)
63
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:29,014
Today's all about getting
a jump-start for michael.
64
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,783
Isn't he a sophomore?
It's never too early.
65
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,152
I mean,
he only has a 3.8,
66
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,186
So I'm pushing
the extracurriculars.
67
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,455
He's on the debate team,
tours middle schools
with dare,
68
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,157
And he was just riffin
"west side story."
69
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:41,460
Riff? That's... What?
Like third lead.
70
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,395
Michael's too busy
to be tony.
71
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,163
He's swamped. (sighs)
72
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,398
He can't even be student
council treasurer this year,
73
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,499
Even though he always
runs unopposed.
74
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,669
Betsy and my mom
had been at war for years
75
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,804
Over whose kids were better.
76
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:53,705
(bell dings)
77
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,542
My little science wiz.
Isn't he amazing?
78
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:57,976
(coughing)
she built it for him.
79
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,012
(bell dings)
betsy was winning.
80
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:03,815
Well, barry's busy, too.
Um, he makes up rap songs.
81
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,817
They call him big tasty.
82
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:06,919
And he does karate
83
00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:09,721
And plays harmonica
and basketball.
84
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,356
Barry made varsity?
85
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,758
More like street ball.
86
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,594
He plays in the street
and in our driveway,
87
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,395
Which leads to the street.
88
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:19,565
I'm not sure you can
put that on a college
resume. (laughs)
89
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:20,899
It's a gray area.
You know.
90
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:24,469
Point is, though,
he will be going to
an ivy league school.
91
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,838
Probably not yale
'cause I haven't
heard great things.
92
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,807
Check it out,
hawaii university!
93
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:32,644
It's real, and he said
they accept americans!
94
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:33,278
(laughs)
95
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,847
He's kidding!
Oh, class clown.
Kids love him.
96
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,917
Sense of humor,
it's such a commodity
in today's economy.
97
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,253
Hi.
Anyway, bye-bye, now.
98
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,421
What's the matter?
99
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,022
You're not going
to school in hawaii.
100
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,391
It's surrounded by sharks,
and even if I did let you go,
101
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:50,896
It would be a stretch
because you don't have
a single club on your resume.
102
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:51,396
Not true.
103
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,832
I'm founding member
of the beat-box club.
104
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,734
It's not official,
but that's by choice
105
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,936
'cause then
we'd be sellouts.
106
00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,439
(beat-boxing)
107
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:04,610
Listen, I just heard
there's an opening
108
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:07,346
For school treasurer,
unopposed.
109
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,615
Think about it.
It's a guaranteed...
110
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,316
(beat-boxing)
...Wi-in.
111
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,653
So, I do nothing
and automatically win?
Yes.
112
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:15,921
Nah.
Come on.
Name your price.
113
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,957
Eight bucks,
and I get to eat in
front of the tv tonight.
114
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,425
Deal.
Yeah!
115
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,361
I love politics.
116
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,395
♪ I'm twisted up inside
117
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:27,499
♪ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
118
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,569
♪ I don't know the future
119
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:35,207
♪ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
120
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:37,809
Adult adam:
Back in the '80s,
121
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,344
You couldn't just
lay on your couch
122
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,846
And stream a movie
to your phone.
123
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:43,015
You actually had
to spend an hour venturing
124
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:46,852
To a wondrous place
called a video store,
125
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,954
And it was awesome!
126
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,122
Let's just make
this fast, okay?
127
00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:53,925
Pick a movie, and don't go
behind the curtain!
128
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:54,660
The stakes were high.
129
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,862
If someone already rented
the movie you wanted,
130
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,430
You were out of luck.
131
00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,364
No!
132
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,400
Temple of doom
is checked out!
133
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,268
Some putz
checked it out!
134
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,303
Just pick any movie.
135
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,305
Look, rhinestone.
Rambo sings in it.
136
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:10,175
Does rambo sing while
ripping a man's heart
out of his chest?
137
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:10,909
Doesn't say.
138
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:15,547
When you were out
of options, there was
one last hail mary,
139
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:16,715
The return bin.
140
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,816
If your movie was in there,
141
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,251
It was like
winning the lottery.
142
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:22,788
At least for an obsessive
movie geek like me.
143
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,023
(gasps) yes!
144
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,925
I am the luckiest
man alive!
145
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,927
Yeah, we all
have our stories.
146
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,863
Let's just get going.
Here's my card.
147
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,599
Temple of doom.
Overrated.
148
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,335
You want to see
a good film, kid,
149
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,903
Watch bergman's,
the seventh seal.
150
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,005
Or devil's manners,
that's my student film.
151
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,473
It's pretty much
the quintessential...
152
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,042
No, thank you,
and let's get going.
153
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,110
Uh, we're in a big rush.
154
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:49,214
(computer beep)
yeah, you have a movie out.
155
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,049
Slap shot.
Overrated.
156
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,185
If you ask,
paul newman
should not...
157
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:53,819
I did not ask you,
158
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,154
And I know
I returned that movie.
Please check again.
159
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,957
I didn't realize
that my computer
was hal 9000
160
00:05:58,959 --> 00:05:59,891
And it could change at will
161
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,693
And blast us
out the pod bay doors.
162
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,229
Nothing you say
makes any sense.
163
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:08,633
Please check again
because I am 100% positive
164
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,402
That I returned that movie.
165
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,737
You guys lost it.
166
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,739
Dad, I just want to
watch my movie.
167
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,074
Okay, how much
do I owe you?
168
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,042
To restore your account,
169
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,845
You would have to purchase
the unreturned video.
170
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,115
(beeping)
which would be $59.99.
171
00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:24,850
That's crazy!
I'm not paying that!
172
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,452
Come on.
This is the only
video store in town.
173
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,087
It's not like
we have a choice.
174
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,889
We do have a choice!
175
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,457
I am not leaving here
176
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:37,462
Until you clear my account
and I get my justice.
177
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,499
(typing)
(computer beeping)
178
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,233
What are you doing?
179
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,369
Just marking
temple of doom
as in stock.
180
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:47,606
Let's get out of here.
Come on, now, now!
181
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:52,944
Is mom here?
Yeah, she just got home.
182
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:53,712
Damn it!
183
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,615
Don't mind me.
Just go back to
your sandwich.
184
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,649
Adult adam:
In that moment,
185
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,684
Pops saw that his sweet,
little granddaughter
186
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:02,354
Was actually
a master of deception.
187
00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:05,190
There's my beautiful mermaid.
How was swim class?
188
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:08,960
Little emily goodman
finally put her face
in the water.
189
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,762
Oh, you are
an inspiration.
190
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,665
Thanks, mom.
I'm so proud of you.
191
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:14,966
(erica sighs)
192
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:18,103
"swim class,
Thursday the 27th.
193
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,972
"emily goodman,
face in water."
194
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:25,911
Uh-oh, I'm looking
at some pretty
shady stuff here,
195
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,813
And I know shady.
196
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:28,380
Okay.
197
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:31,650
I'm gonna let you in
on a secret that's
so gigantic,
198
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,753
That it could
rock this family
to its very core.
199
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,588
Maybe I shouldn't...
Here it is.
200
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,090
I've never taught a swimming
lesson in my entire life,
201
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,992
I don't do model un.
Or meals on wheels
202
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,295
And it feels so good
to finally tell someone!
203
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:46,198
Wait.
You scammed your mom?
204
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:46,865
That's very risky.
205
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,968
How has she not been
at one of your
swim lessons?
206
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,905
I specifically
chose the ymca pool
'cause she hates it.
207
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,874
It's so humid,
it makes her hair frizz.
208
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,176
And the model un. Thingy?
209
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,511
I swore I'd quit
if she showed up,
210
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,713
And she knows better
than to call that bluff.
211
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,914
But how did you get
in the yearbook?
212
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,283
Turns out my
sister's desperation
213
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,353
Spawned a new invention...
214
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,422
The photo bomb.
215
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:14,125
(camera shutter clicking)
216
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,394
And I thought
she was good.
217
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,762
She is, but I'm better.
218
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,333
And I have to be,
'cause if she ever finds
out, she'll kill us both.
219
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,701
Why am I getting killed?
220
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,135
'cause you're in
on it with me.
221
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,103
Since when?
222
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,872
Since I just told you!
223
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:27,672
How did this happen?
224
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,241
I just came here to have
a pastrami sandwich!
225
00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:32,878
You better come clean
with your mother
before she finds out.
226
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,113
Or I fake-join
the debate club
227
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,115
And create a whole
other level of lies!
228
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,718
Thanks, pops!
You're the best!
229
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,756
(gasps)
finally! There's my baby.
230
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,425
(sniffs)
what's that weird smell?
231
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,260
That's the smell of clean.
232
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:51,229
You're free to start
reversing the process now.
233
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,198
How was school?
Sweet!
234
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,633
Fed a sea gull
a french fry.
235
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,968
We're not near the ocean.
How do they get there?
236
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,337
No, I was talking
about student council.
237
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,972
Oh, that. Yeah.
238
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,574
Not happening.
What?
239
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,009
Michael rubenstone
is running now.
240
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,778
You said this was
a guaranteed win and I
wouldn't have to try.
241
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,614
That's what I'm good at.
Since when
is michael running?
242
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,350
He's already got
a full plate.
243
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,251
I'm okay with it,
244
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,886
Mostly 'cause I
don't give a crap.
245
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,154
You can beat
michael rubenstone.
246
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:20,225
I mean, what has
he got that my
delicious boy doesn't?
247
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,927
Cookies!
His mom made them,
248
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:26,364
And they're the perfect mix
of chewy and crunchy.
249
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,366
Mmm.
250
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,068
Mmm.
251
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,872
Oh, so we're baking
political cookies now, huh?
252
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,942
You wanted war?
(chuckles)
253
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,678
You've got it,
betsy rubenstone.
254
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,580
(sighs)
255
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,183
(bleep) that is good!
256
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:45,850
Good morning, guys.
257
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,919
Vote for michael.
Michael for treasurer.
258
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:51,423
You guys know
michael, right?
Betsy rubenstone.
259
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,525
We need to talk.
Beverly!
260
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:57,262
Look at you pulling
off that outfit for
the most part.
261
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,930
Cut the chitchat.
I'm on to you.
262
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,133
You said michael
was too busy to
run for treasurer.
263
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,001
Well, he found the time
264
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,003
'cause he has a passion
for politics.
265
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,004
No, he doesn't!
266
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:06,838
All kids hate everything.
267
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,140
He's only running
because you have it
out for me.
268
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,809
Why don't I make michael
drop out of the race
269
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,277
And give
poor barry the win?
270
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,878
No! You leave michael in.
271
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,549
I'm barry's
campaign manager now
and we will crush you.
272
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,217
I'd love to see that.
Well, good luck.
273
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,619
Good luck to you.
Don't need it.
274
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,987
Neither do I.
Think you do.
275
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,455
Think you do.
Do you?
276
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,723
(softly) I do.
I don't.
277
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,925
What?
Just kidding. I don't.
278
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,093
Oh.
279
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,227
Things were really heating up
280
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,762
Between my mom
and betsy rubenstone,
281
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:36,067
While back home my dad
was about to lose his cool.
282
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:40,572
Murray: Oh, what did you do
with the tv guide?
283
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:45,276
My father had found the video
he swore he had returned.
284
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:45,844
(sighs)
285
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:49,447
So he did what any
honorable man would do.
286
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,117
Hide the evidence.
287
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:57,622
What you doing?
288
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,224
Nothing.
Is that slap shot?
289
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:02,560
Are you kidding me?
You swore you returned it.
290
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,129
You said you were
100% positive!
291
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:07,165
I've never been
100% positive about
anything in my life.
292
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:11,269
Whatever! Let's just
end this stupid feud
and return the movie.
293
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,604
Nope, dad is
gonna teach you
294
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:15,674
A very valuable
life lesson here, okay?
295
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:19,244
If you never admit
you're wrong,
296
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,078
You're never wrong!
297
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,947
Either you take that tape
back to the video store
298
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:24,149
Or we got real problems, man!
299
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,785
What are you getting at?
You know what I'm getting at!
300
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,154
I really have no clue.
I don't either!
301
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,189
Just return the tape!
302
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,195
As erica spun
her web of lies,
303
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,830
Pops tried to avoid
getting caught in it.
304
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,533
Pops, pops, thank god.
Um, I need you to listen
305
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,235
To this fake argument about,
uh, trickle-down economics
306
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,771
In case mom asks me
about the debate team.
307
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:49,507
You're writing speeches
for a debate
308
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,341
You're not a part of?
309
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,177
Yes, and we need to
make it good.
310
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,845
No "we."
stop saying "we."
311
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,980
"trickle-down economics
is a pejorative term
312
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,782
"used by
liberal-media hacks."
313
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:58,416
This is crazy!
314
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:02,721
Wouldn't it just
be easier if you
actually did this stuff?
315
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,724
I mean, it would look great
on the college resume.
316
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,593
Oh, it would, but I can't.
317
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:09,527
(sighs)
318
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,363
I'm gonna let you in
on another huge secret.
319
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,164
No!
Here it is.
320
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,933
This is the opposite
of what I want.
321
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:19,270
Back in freshman year
when I actually did model un,
322
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,272
There was an incident.
323
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,142
It was my sister's
dark origin story.
324
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,410
Back before erica was erica,
325
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,547
She was an overachieving,
first-class stress case!
326
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,349
Senegal? Really?
327
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,350
Their main export
is the peanut!
328
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:36,087
If I'm getting
a country in africa,
I'm getting libya!
329
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,455
Girl: Erica?
I am libya!
330
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,124
Girl 2: Hey!
I've got every country now.
331
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,091
Uh-huh,
that's right, patel!
332
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,061
(indistinct shouting)
I declare a new world order!
333
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,330
I was such a stress case
under so much pressure
334
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,932
From mom, dad,
my teachers, everyone.
335
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,502
So that's when I
started hanging out
with the popular kids.
336
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:53,071
And you know what
they do after school?
337
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,306
Nothing. They do nothing!
338
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,976
They're never stressed-out,
so I quit all of it.
339
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,211
But aren't you
just as stressed
340
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,580
Trying to keep this
whole charade alive?
341
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,348
Oh, yeah, it's way worse!
342
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:06,551
Then just apologize
and go back to being
a weirdo again.
343
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,686
I can't do that.
They hate me.
344
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:13,558
Kiddo, sometimes you just
have to swallow your pride
345
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,127
And ask for forgiveness.
346
00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:19,531
(bell dings)
347
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:20,698
Well, what have we here?
348
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:25,370
Just take the tape,
and I no longer
owe you $59.
349
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,472
That is correct.
350
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,008
(keyboard clacking)
you now owe me...
351
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:32,410
(beep)
...$106.75.
352
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,112
What are you
talking about?
That's crazy.
353
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:40,185
Late fees, 61 days overdue
times $1.75, and let's see.
354
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:43,388
Yes, definitely
a $2 rewind fee.
355
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,023
Just give me
the movie.
No.
356
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,425
Come on.
Give me the movie.
No.
357
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:48,092
No!
358
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,962
Okay, that's it.
I ban you from
video heaven.
359
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,063
Oh, no, no, no!
360
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,998
I ban you!
That's right!
361
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,534
I am never coming
in here again ever!
362
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:57,769
That's what I said.
(bell dings)
363
00:13:57,771 --> 00:14:01,673
And slap shot
is a great movie.
364
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,442
While my dad
was losing his battle,
365
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:07,178
My mom was determined
not to lose hers.
366
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,281
Hi. Uh, can I speak
to julianne crump, please?
367
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,685
Hello, mrs. Stevens.
Is your daughter kelly there?
368
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,887
Okay, your son kelly.
I'm sorry.
369
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,021
Oh, you've already
committed your...
370
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,357
Your vote to
michael rubenstone? Huh.
371
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:24,229
Okay, what can I do
to convince you
to vote for barry?
372
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,899
Yes, erica is single.
(door opens)
373
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:31,769
What the hell is this?
374
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,438
(gasps) surprise!
375
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,174
Get it?
Vote for barry.
376
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:37,909
Barry. Berry.
377
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:38,476
Barry.
378
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,079
They sound the same,
and you're both delicious!
379
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,514
Mom. Kids like cookies!
380
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,250
Why don't you just
bake some cookies?
381
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:48,453
Because "cookie"
doesn't work with "barry."
382
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,688
Well, this doesn't
work either!
383
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,324
That's right!
I got berried!
384
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,293
Ninth grade girls
threw them at me.
385
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,794
There's supposed
to be a hierarchy.
386
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,330
They ignored
the hierarchy!
387
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:00,765
I quit.
You can't quit.
388
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,334
We cannot lose this thing.
Not now, not ever.
389
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,736
Why do you
even care so much?
390
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:06,704
I don't care.
Do I look like I care?
391
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:10,008
(scoffs)
look how casual I am.
392
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,744
I don't want to be
stupid treasurer.
393
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,012
Do you even know
what a treasurer does?
394
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:19,150
A treasurer is one
of the most important
jobs a school has.
395
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,552
You get to handle
all the money.
396
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,288
So it does involve treasure.
397
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:25,757
And you get to run
the student government
398
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,525
When the president,
the vice president,
399
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:30,028
And the secretary
all get sick.
400
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,297
I want this job.
What do we have to do?
401
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,531
You just keep
being delicious.
402
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:37,302
Uh, let your campaign
manager deal with
all the nitty-gritty.
403
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,637
Here's your speech.
Memorize it.
404
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,772
Okay.
405
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,907
But no more berries!
You have my word.
406
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:47,078
The next day,
there were no
berries in sight,
407
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,915
But barry was everywhere.
408
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:01,759
Have you seen this?
This is so
freaking embarrassing.
409
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,494
Oh, my god,
it's you.
410
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,463
No, it's not.
411
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:10,101
No. No, no, no.
412
00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:15,540
In what universe,
in what reality
413
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,309
Would you think
this is even
a little bit okay?
414
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,911
Just look at that
delicious face!
415
00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:24,115
That's a face
you want to eat.
And vote for.
416
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,851
Fired! You're fired
as campaign manager!
417
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:27,919
I have just fired you!
418
00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:29,620
You can't fire me.
I'm your mother.
419
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,622
Then I fire you
as my mother!
420
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,757
If you fire me
as your mother,
421
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,058
Then I have failed
as a mother.
422
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,159
Then you've failed
as a mother.
423
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,362
How dare you say
I've failed
as a mother?
424
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,098
You know what?
I bet that
betsy rubenstone
425
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,899
Plastered posters
all over the school.
426
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,335
If anyone failed as a mother,
it's probably her somehow.
427
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:48,940
Wait, this was never
about me beating michael,
was it?
428
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,209
It was about
you beating betsy!
429
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:56,147
You always complain about
her being overbearing
and pushy.
430
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,915
You're way worse.
431
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,917
(poster drops)
432
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,255
Adult adam:
I was so excited
for my dad to get home,
433
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:07,025
I could barely enjoy
my algebra homework.
434
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:10,194
What's in the bag?
Tell me it's indiana jones.
435
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,062
Even better.
436
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:16,534
Who needs a movie
when you've got
a video-game-machine thing?
437
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,168
(chuckles)
438
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,803
Are you joking
with me right now?
439
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,973
This is atari.
I have nintendo.
440
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:23,141
There's a difference?
441
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,276
Why are you giving me
misguided gifts?
442
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,545
What happened
at the video store?
443
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:29,981
We lost her, son.
444
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,516
She's gone.
445
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,950
I went in
with the best intentions,
446
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:38,623
But things were said,
and now we're
banned for life.
447
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,091
Whose life,
mine or yours?
448
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,760
The video-store guy
wasn't clear about that.
449
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:43,795
How could you do this?
450
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:45,329
You know how important
movies are to me!
451
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:48,699
Well, I think
what we have here
is a valuable life lesson.
452
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,768
You know what's a lesson
that I've learned?
453
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,071
Never count on my dad
to do the right thing.
454
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,407
Adult adam:
While I was a casualty
of my father's war,
455
00:17:56,409 --> 00:18:00,645
My mom was finally gonna
wave the white flag.
456
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:01,979
Oh, hi, bev!
457
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,449
Love what you've done
with the hair.
458
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,617
You make
such brave choices.
459
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,619
Look, I come in peace.
460
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:13,191
All this bad blood, it...
It's got to stop. Uh...
461
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,525
Barry's dropping out.
462
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,862
Of high school?
Of the election.
463
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,764
So you guys win.
464
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,099
So unexpected.
465
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:24,802
And yet,
I knew this would happen.
466
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:28,172
(africa playing)
whoo!
467
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:30,174
Whoo!
468
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,944
Oh, winner! (laughs)
469
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,879
What?
Oh, no!
470
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:35,847
Oh, my god,
that must mean
471
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:37,715
They really loved
the speech I wrote!
472
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:41,452
Yep, I, uh...
I definitely think the
speech helped clinch it.
473
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,188
This is for all you out there
with overbearing parents
474
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,657
With no sense of shame
or boundaries!
475
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:50,561
Now, I don't know
how this exactly ties
into being a treasurer.
476
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,598
But I do know
if I can survive
the berries
477
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,666
And the pictures
of me being like this...
478
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,335
♪ hurry, boy,
it's waiting there for you
479
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,605
...Then I'm definitely
the dude to lead
this school.
480
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:03,307
'cause all moms suck!
Who's with me?
481
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,611
♪ it's gonna take a lot
to take me away from you
482
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:07,512
(cheers and applause)
483
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:10,548
♪ there's nothing that
a hundred men
or more could ever do
484
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,517
We did it!
We really did it!
485
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,019
(laughs)
I mean, you...
You did it.
486
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,388
This has nothing
to do with me.
487
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:19,957
Congrats.
Thank you.
488
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,325
Good race.
It was.
489
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,360
I know.
Do you?
490
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,629
I do.
Drive safely.
491
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,164
I will.
492
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:31,335
Adult adam: My mom
would have some tough
competition along the way,
493
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:36,641
But beverly goldberg
would always be
the original smother.
494
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:42,113
And erica was finally
able to embrace
her original self.
495
00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:43,581
(taps on door)
496
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,416
Hey, I know
it's been a while.
497
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,819
Um, I want to say I'm sorry
for everything in the past.
498
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:52,256
But I'd love to be
a part of model un
if you'd have me back.
499
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,325
You can sit next to me.
Pull up a chair.
500
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:56,093
You want to be
the u.S.A.?
501
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:56,961
No, no, no, it's fine.
502
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,030
I was thinking...
Senegal?
503
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,867
Adult adam: As for my dad,
he learned there were
very few things
504
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,835
Worth swallowing
his pride for.
505
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,704
But his kid
was one of them.
506
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,140
Don't talk.
I know I'm wrong.
507
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:12,777
I know I'm banned.
But I'm not here for me.
508
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:16,781
I'm here for someone
who loves movies
as much as you do.
509
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:20,251
♪ but she hears only whispers
of some quiet conversation
510
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:20,985
Here. (sighs)
511
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,853
It's a video-store
membership.
512
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,121
I'm banned. You're not.
513
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,357
I've prepaid
for 50 movies,
514
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,826
Which should last you
about a month.
515
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:33,898
♪ hurry, boy,
she's waiting there for you
516
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:39,770
♪ gonna take a lot
to drag me away from you
517
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:40,271
♪ yeah
518
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:47,311
♪ gonna take some time
to do the things we never have
519
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,380
♪ ooh, ooh
520
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:54,385
Man on tv:
Up next, rhinestone,
starring sylvester stallone.
521
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,486
Oh, rhinestone!
522
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,555
I hear stallone
sings in this one.
523
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,724
Is there nothing
that man cannot do?
524
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:02,627
No! He's rambo!
He's rocky!
525
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,629
He doesn't do
country music.
526
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:07,999
Where's the remote?
(sighs)
527
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:09,800
What the...
528
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:10,935
Temple of doom?
529
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,904
Didn't you rent that
a couple of months ago?
530
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:17,742
(bell dinging)
531
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,945
Oh, balls.