1
00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:03,135
Adult adam: Back in the '80s,
you couldn't keep up
with all the new dance styles.
2
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:06,372
There was breakin', poppin'
and lockin', the running man,
3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,707
And something called
the electric boogaloo.
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,577
Unfortunately,
I had two left feet.
5
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:15,114
I often found walking
a hard enough challenge.
6
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,315
You okay?
7
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,449
Me? Yeah.
(chuckles)
8
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:20,519
Been working out a lot.
My quads locked up on me.
9
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,221
That ever happen to you?
10
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,555
Um, no.
11
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,090
Das coo', das coo'.
12
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,559
(chuckles)
here you go.
13
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,361
Well, thanks for the help.
14
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,432
Hey, um, you going
to the dance Friday?
15
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,868
Are you going?
Yeah, maybe.
16
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:36,568
Save me a dance?
17
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:40,005
Oh, definitely.
Sounds scrumptious.
18
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,174
Adult adam:
Dana was amazing.
19
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,075
She wanted to dance with me,
20
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,477
And she didn't care
that I used words
like "scrumptious."
21
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,946
Nothing was gonna
bring me down.
22
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:48,580
Beverly: Adam!
23
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,683
Hurry up! We're late
for your dentist appointment!
24
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,419
Well, almost nothing.
25
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,020
Do you need to make...
26
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:55,754
Make poo-poos?
27
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,122
I know you refuse
to go at school,
28
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,223
But we don't have time
to stop at home,
29
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,659
So if you have
to make poo-poos,
then make poo-poos here.
30
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,796
Oh, my god! I'm fine!
Just let me in and let's go!
31
00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:05,497
Well, first, tell me
who that girl was.
32
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:06,565
What girl?
There was no girl.
33
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,800
You were talking
to dana caldwell.
34
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:10,436
Why do you ask me
a question if you
already know the answer?
35
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:11,103
Unlock the door!
36
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,704
(singsong voice)
what were you talking about?
37
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,073
Nothing!
What were
you talking about?
38
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,608
Nothing!
Were you talking
about the dance?
39
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,209
Tell me everything.
40
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,777
Let's just go
to the dentist already!
41
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:19,878
What were you
talking about?
42
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,014
Oh, my god!
I'm the one kid
in this world
43
00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:24,550
Who's looking forward
to getting his teeth drilled.
44
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:28,087
Sheesh.
All right, captain no fun.
45
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,855
Adult adam:
With a smother like mine,
46
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,057
You have to shut
her down fast.
47
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,760
You can't open the door,
even a crack.
48
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:35,894
Drive!
49
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:39,398
So, then, dana asked adam
if he was going to the dance,
50
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,032
And adam said yes.
51
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,401
So, then, she said
to save her a dance.
52
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:45,737
How do you know all this
if you were in the car?
53
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:48,240
Sometimes
a mother just knows.
54
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,143
And I trained myself
to read lips a little bit.
55
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,945
Huh. Read my lips.
56
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:53,979
You need help.
57
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,115
Murray, this is a big deal.
58
00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:58,650
Our baby has
his first girlfriend.
59
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,153
I think you know
what that means.
60
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,155
It's time for the talk.
What talk?
61
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,424
You know, about
the birds and the bees
62
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:08,727
And what they do when they've
had a couple of white wines
63
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,963
And put on
a lionel richie record?
64
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,197
Yeah, that talk.
Not for me.
65
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,066
Not for you?
You're his father.
66
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:16,001
Just give him the same talk
you gave barry.
67
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:19,304
(sighs)
ooh, here's the thing...
68
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,273
I never did that.
What?
69
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:25,244
You were supposed
to talk that talk with him
about three years ago!
70
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,612
I know. I know.
What can I say?
71
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:27,846
It got away from me.
Well, do it now.
72
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:32,184
What's the rush?
There's not, like, a line
outside of his bedroom.
73
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:34,386
Murray!
Fine!
74
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,555
(no audio)
75
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:39,324
No, you are a pain
in my ass!
76
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,760
That's right.
I read lips.
77
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,295
♪ I'm twisted up inside
78
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:48,267
♪ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
79
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:50,569
♪ I don't know the future
80
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,772
♪ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
81
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,708
Adult adam:
It was November 22,
1980-something,
82
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,110
And I was gonna
learn to dance.
83
00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:00,612
What do you mean
you don't know how to dance?
84
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,782
You're my grandson.
You've got rhythm
in your blood!
85
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,384
I'm an open book.
Teach me.
86
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:09,221
Adult adam: As always,
my grandfather would give me
all the answers I needed.
87
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,957
He had never
failed me before.
88
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,392
A-shuffle and a-cha!
89
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,460
(singsong voice)
a-shuffle and a-cha!
90
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,462
A-squibbidy bee,
a-squibbidy boo!
91
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:19,498
A-squibbidy bee,
a-squibbidy boo!
92
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:23,335
And we take a break
'cause my foot is swollen!
93
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,837
Adult adam: There was
a first time for everything.
94
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,506
I had to find
another teacher.
95
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,174
Erica, teach me
to dance, and fast!
96
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:32,077
What did he say?
Come on! Then what did he say?
97
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:36,181
Please! I need
to learn how to move
my body to music!
98
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,082
Lainey's in crisis.
99
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,885
Her parents bought her
a new car and it's yellow!
100
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,787
Barry: What's the matter
little buddy?
101
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,422
Got a problem
barry can solve?
102
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,824
No. You'll just
make fun of me.
103
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:46,658
What?
104
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:47,426
I would never do that.
105
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:50,562
Fine. I need someone
to teach me how to dance.
106
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,731
Ha! Loser.
107
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:54,600
But you came
to the right guy.
108
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,135
But I'm not coming to you.
Let's do this.
109
00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,172
(dance music plays)
110
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:18,991
When are you gonna
start dancing?
111
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:19,591
Shut up!
112
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,661
My body's becoming
one with the beat.
113
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,799
Airplane!
114
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,435
The wave!
115
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,738
Crab legs!
116
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,474
Helicopter!
117
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,976
And turtle spin!
118
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:39,745
Breakin'.
119
00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,013
How does
any of this help me?
120
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,248
I need to learn how
to dance with a girl!
121
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:46,051
Yeah, can't help
you with that.
122
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,086
But I can help you
with this.
123
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,890
The worm!
124
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,325
(thudding) ow!
125
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,260
Adult adam: After I got
an ice pack for barry's face,
126
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:58,864
I decided to teach myself
how to dance
127
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,533
Because time was running out.
128
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,636
(dance music plays)
129
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,976
Mm, get funky,
snuggle monkey.
130
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,645
(panting) wait, what?
This isn't the a-team.
131
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,515
No, leave it on.
We dance
to that in jazzercize.
132
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,318
Adult adam: Maybe I was
desperate, or maybe
I was just hypnotized
133
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:23,689
By my mom's
surprisingly sweet moves.
134
00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:26,158
Mom...
135
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,227
Do you think you could
teach me how to do that?
136
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,664
Adult adam:
I let her in the door.
137
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,365
Get over here.
138
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,067
For the first time,
my mother and I
139
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:37,903
Were on the same team
with the same goal.
140
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:41,540
(dance music plays)
141
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,943
There you go. Perfect.
142
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,347
And feel free to jazz it up
with some head movements.
143
00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:52,484
No one's gonna tell you you're
moving your head too much.
144
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,528
Look, we're kid 'n' play!
145
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,996
(laughs)
146
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:09,267
John travolta.
There you go.
147
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,370
It was awesome...
148
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,604
Until this.
149
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,673
(slow ballad playing)
150
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,441
Well, this has been great.
See ya!
151
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:17,142
Wait a minute, mister.
152
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,945
I'm not letting you go before
I teach you how to slow dance.
153
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:20,812
No. No way.
Not interested.
154
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,881
Sweetie, I know you
better than anyone.
155
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,350
I know this is what's
stressing you out.
156
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,319
Hand placement,
where do you look,
157
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,154
How do you keep
from stepping on her feet?
158
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,422
Those are all
valid questions, yes.
159
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:35,527
Adult adam:
I had come this far.
I couldn't turn back now.
160
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,163
Screw it.
Let's do this.
161
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,198
First, you, uh,
put your hands on my waist.
162
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,034
No, thank you.
Adam, I'm your mother.
163
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,636
That's the point!
164
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,208
Just rock back and forth,
very gently.
165
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,644
Right and left.
166
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,780
Right...
167
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,214
Left.
168
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:57,482
What are you doing?
169
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,718
Ohh!
(muffled)
no snuggies! No snuggies!
170
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:00,852
You smell like the dryer.
171
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,988
No snuggies!
Honey, you're so yummy!
172
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:06,057
That's not cool.
I'm out of here.
173
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,160
But thanks for the help!
174
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:10,896
And just to be clear,
I know I'm yelling,
175
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,831
But I'm actually
very appreciative!
176
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:13,932
Adult adam:
While I was learning to dance,
177
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,902
My dad was ready to do
some teaching of his own.
178
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,270
What are you doing?
179
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,538
Eating boo berry.
180
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,173
Good for you.
181
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:22,808
Very smart.
182
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,876
Feed your body.
183
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:25,977
(laughter on tv)
184
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:31,950
So, your mom found out
that I never got around
to giving you the talk.
185
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:32,651
What talk?
186
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,754
The "people
making people" talk.
187
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:38,190
Ohh, that talk!
188
00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,124
Exactly!
189
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:42,928
So, if she asks,
tell her we just had it.
190
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,062
But we didn't.
We don't need to.
191
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:48,600
I mean, you're a grown man,
and you know everything.
192
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,035
Of course!
Yeah!
193
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,837
I do have one question.
194
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,538
Is it true you can
get a girl pregnant
195
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:54,906
If you french kiss
her after midnight?
196
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,809
What are you talking about?
Like in the movie gremlins.
197
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:01,112
If you kiss after midnight,
the saliva goes
into her tummy,
198
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,647
And 'cause of her hormones
and the moon,
199
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,950
Six weeks later,
a baby comes out.
200
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,818
Gremlins?
201
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,553
You think...
202
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,188
How could you even?
203
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,456
Ugh!
204
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,525
Where are you going?
I got to regroup!
205
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,827
I wasn't prepared for this!
I need to prepare.
206
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,164
Adult adam: Turns out,
my dad's world wasn't
the only one caving in.
207
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,767
Do you want the rad news
or the totally rad news?
208
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,636
Don't say "rad."
I got these on sale
209
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,372
And thought they'd be
perfect to wear to the dance.
210
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,073
You like 'em?
211
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,075
They made a parachute
into clothing!
212
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,710
Damn right,
I like 'em!
213
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:32,978
And the even
better news is
214
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:35,614
I will be joining you
at the dance!
215
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,583
What?
I know! (giggles)
216
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,718
I signed up
to be a chaperone.
217
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,821
That way, I'll be there
to help with your moves.
218
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,123
I don't need help.
Don't help me.
219
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,926
All kids are embarrassed
by their parents.
220
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,561
But don't think of me
as your mom.
221
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,462
Think of me
as your coach.
222
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:53,098
I don't want to think
of you at all when
I'm dancing with dana.
223
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,499
You won't even know
I'm there.
224
00:08:54,501 --> 00:09:00,705
And if I'm lucky, I'll get
to see my little baby
have his first slow dance!
225
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:04,109
Mwah!
(giggles)
226
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,581
Adult adam:
I'd done the unthinkable.
227
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:13,251
I opened the door, and my mom
had burst right through it!
228
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,120
What did he say?
229
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,988
Have you lost your mind?
(receiver thuds)
230
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,623
I slow-danced with mom!
231
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:21,159
What?
You heard me.
232
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,795
What do you mean?
What are you saying?
233
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:26,998
I slow-danced with mom.
234
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:27,832
You slow-danced
with mom?
235
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,669
This doesn't concern you!
The hell it doesn't!
236
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,003
You can't go
slow-dancing with mom
237
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,172
And not expect me
to have lots of opinions
238
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,273
On this
controversial matter.
239
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,675
It was a moment
of weakness and she
taught me how to dance,
240
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:40,679
And now she's gonna be
a chaperone tonight
and totally humiliate me!
241
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,880
Now you've opened the door.
242
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:42,781
I know.
243
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,416
Just tell me
how to close it.
244
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,184
There is no way!
245
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,219
Once the door's open,
it stays open forever!
246
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,855
I sent her a letter from
camp saying I was homesick.
247
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,158
And the next night,
she showed up in the top bunk.
248
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:57,162
Look, this is a picture of us
in a canoe together!
249
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,898
Never again, adam.
Never again!
250
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,666
This is all so upsetting.
251
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:04,970
I got to go.
I can't be here.
252
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,505
Okay. There's got
to be a way out of this.
253
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,508
Yes! Lies and deception!
That's your department.
254
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,811
I'll think of something,
I promise.
255
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,079
I love you.
Don't say that.
256
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:19,184
Look into my eyes
and know that I love you.
257
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,952
Get out!
258
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,256
Adam: Love you!
259
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,927
Again with the boo berry.
260
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,129
You know it.
261
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:31,930
All right.
262
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,099
Here we go.
Time for the talk.
263
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:37,469
All right, before we get down
to the nuts and bolts...
264
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,704
(laughs) nuts.
265
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:40,972
(groans)
266
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,474
All right,
instead of talking about
267
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:45,710
Male and female body parts,
we're gonna use the names
268
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:50,148
Of our favorite
baseball players
as code words.
269
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,984
Look,
you have a mike schmidt.
270
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,319
Ladies have a wade boggs.
271
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,253
And...
Why are we doing this?
272
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:59,424
This way, we won't
be talking about
anything horrible.
273
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,460
We're just gonna be
talking about baseball...
274
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,529
Like,
when a man loves a woman,
275
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,932
Mike schmidt
steps up to the plate
against wade boggs.
276
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,001
Wade boggs plays third.
Why is he pitching?
277
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,837
Fine! Wade boggs
is now steve carlton.
278
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,906
Steve? That's clearly
a dude's name.
279
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:19,110
Okay, the girl's parts
are gonna be, uh, bo jackson.
280
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,445
That makes no sense.
281
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,479
Bo's a girl's name!
282
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,714
It's wintertime.
283
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,649
That's when bo jackson
plays football.
284
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,618
He'd never be
on the same field
as mike schmidt.
285
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:30,055
I never thought that I would
ever say this to you,
286
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,691
But you're over-thinking this,
you moron.
287
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,225
I'm a moron?
288
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,393
Well,
you're a mike schmidt!
289
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,095
Take that back!
Never!
290
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,297
Get your head
out of your orel hershiser
291
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,766
And come back here
right now!
292
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:44,436
(crunching)
293
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:45,103
For what it's worth,
294
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:48,506
I found that whole baseball
thing very confusing.
295
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,575
That bad, huh?
It was bad.
296
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,177
What kind of
16-year-old boy
297
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,813
Doesn't even know
the basics of the birds
and the bees?
298
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,147
Murray,
he knows everything.
299
00:11:56,149 --> 00:12:00,251
I gave him the talk
three years ago when
you dropped the ball.
300
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,754
He's just messing
with you.
301
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,789
So he wants a sex talk,
huh?
302
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:08,493
Well, I'm gonna give him
a sex talk, but good.
303
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:11,596
Or, instead of
trying to spite him,
304
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:14,799
You actually have
a real conversation about it,
305
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,402
Which would mean
the world to him.
306
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,003
No, I'm gonna
go with my thing.
307
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:22,140
Adult adam:
As my dad was putting
his plan into motion,
308
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,310
I was praying erica was,
as well.
309
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,078
Oh, balls.
310
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,281
Hey, boopie.
Look what mama bought.
311
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:31,950
Now we're parachute pals.
312
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,952
No! That's not a thing.
Take 'em off.
313
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,854
I paid for the pants.
Don't wear the pants.
314
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,757
I'm wearing the pants.
Don't wear the pants.
315
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:39,591
Hey, mom?
316
00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:40,291
Oh, look, it's erica.
317
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,628
Check out this box of
old photos that I found
in the basement.
318
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,729
Man, such good memories.
319
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:48,566
We should, like,
organize these in
some sort of way.
320
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,435
Maybe in, like, a book?
321
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,703
That would be fun.
322
00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:53,505
Holy (bleep) erica.
323
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,539
I have been begging you
324
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,674
To make a scrapbook
with me for years!
325
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,643
Well, let's make it
right now.
Oh, now?
326
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:01,546
God, no.
I've got to chaperone
adam's dance tonight.
327
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,916
Tomorrow morning,
we'll wake up at dawn
and really hit it hard.
328
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:05,850
What do you say?
329
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,486
Eh...
I'm kind of losing interest.
330
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:11,256
Oh, no, no.
Don't lose interest.
331
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,324
Um... I can do both.
332
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,160
Adam, I'll meet you
at the dance.
333
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:15,794
Erica, don't move.
334
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:19,631
I'm just gonna
run upstairs and get
my smock and glue gun.
335
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,201
There's 1,000 pictures
in this box.
336
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,436
There's no way she's gonna
make it to that dance.
337
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,605
Have I mentioned
that I love you?
338
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,241
Say it one more time,
and I won't help you.
339
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,010
Adult adam: Erica had
actually pulled it off.
340
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,013
My mom was gonna be
stuck home all night!
341
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,614
All right,
got our cocoa.
342
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,050
Let's cozy up
and spend the next few hours
343
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:41,820
Reliving
my entire life.
344
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,522
And...Done!
345
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,825
What?
How did you do this?
346
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,092
Please, I've had
this whole thing
347
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,228
Mapped out in my mind
for years.
348
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,597
You pressed flowers...
349
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:56,234
And put
my favorite music lyrics
beneath each photo.
350
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,037
Take some time with it.
(chuckles)
351
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,406
It's like a beautiful
kaleidoscope of my life.
352
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,774
(chuckles)
yeah, touching stuff.
353
00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:04,676
Now, I've got to get
to that dance.
354
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,578
The jam's not gonna
pump itself up. (chuckles)
355
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,479
Adult adam: While erica's
plan had failed,
356
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,182
My dad was giving his
one more shot.
357
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,751
Hey, uh, bar,
you got a sec?
358
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:18,423
I think we should have a talk,
man to man.
359
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,258
Really? Okay.
360
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,560
I've never been
a great communicator,
361
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:27,699
So I think I should
keep things as direct
and exact as possible.
362
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:31,603
All right.
So, we're not just gonna
have the talk.
363
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,872
We're gonna
experience the talk.
364
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,240
We're gonna do
some role-playing.
365
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,175
I'm gonna be the girl.
You'll be the boy.
366
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,812
And we're gonna learn
where babies come from
with our hands.
367
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:42,680
Take a fraggle.
I don't want the fraggle.
368
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,482
(high-pitched voice)
I'm a pretty fraggle girl.
369
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,418
Would you like to come up
to my condo for a nightcap?
370
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:52,891
I've been so lonely
since I put myself
through nursing school.
371
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,192
Fraggles don't own condos!
372
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,895
Take it.
Put your hand in the fraggle.
373
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,730
Keep the fraggle
away from me!
374
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:02,467
Take it now!
Stop it!
I was messing with you!
375
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,635
I know everything, okay?
376
00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:05,236
I know
you know everything.
377
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,138
Then why
are you torturing me?
378
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,740
Because you tortured me!
379
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,375
What kind of moron
makes their dad
380
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,977
Give them the talk
when they don't need the talk?
381
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,979
Who does that?
Me.
382
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,481
And you know why?
383
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,515
'cause you couldn't
be bothered
384
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,651
To have the talk
when I actually needed it.
385
00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,853
Dads are supposed
to teach their kids stuff...
386
00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:26,724
How to throw a fastball
and change a tire and shave.
387
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,092
You never
taught me anything.
388
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,795
In my defense,
I know very little.
389
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:34,565
And fraggles,
they can't be nurses.
390
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,135
They dance
their cares away.
391
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,337
Adult adam: As my dad
was striking out at home,
392
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,806
I was ready to hit
the dance floor at school.
393
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:45,076
The only problem was
that at a junior-high dance,
394
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,612
Kids don't dance,
but that didn't matter.
395
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,614
With my mom distracted
by erica at home,
396
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:54,819
It was time for me
to show dana
my awesome moves.
397
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,088
May I have this dance?
(laughs)
398
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,157
Kidding, I'm just
here to chaperone.
399
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,092
Unless you're bored.
Then let's boogie.
400
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,361
(gasps)
what are you doing here?
401
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,329
I told you I'd make it.
402
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,930
Now I'm gonna
need you to leave.
403
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:06,664
Will you stop with that?
404
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:09,367
I really want to be here
at this dance.
405
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,103
You can't deny me
that pleasure, adam.
406
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:12,904
Go away!
407
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:17,008
But you're the one
who asked me to
teach you how to dance.
408
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:17,775
It was a mistake.
409
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,111
I asked for your help
in a moment of weakness.
410
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,879
It'll never happen again.
411
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:25,783
Okay. I guess
I'll just go then.
412
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:26,718
(swishing)
413
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,455
Adult adam:
The sound of those swishing
parachute pants running away
414
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,823
Was the sound of victory.
415
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:34,892
So, then,
why did I feel so bad?
416
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:40,031
Even though I was forced
to hurt my mom
in the name of love,
417
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,165
I had to forge on.
418
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,835
I'd charm dana
with a cup of hawaiian punch
419
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,536
And then make my move.
420
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,804
Dana.
(panting) hey.
421
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,506
Want some punch?
No, I'm just gonna go
422
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:52,010
Hang outside until my mom
dances herself out.
423
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,078
I didn't know
your mom was a chaperone.
424
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,713
Yeah, and she went out
for margaritas
425
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,582
With the other moms
before the dance.
426
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,951
It's so humiliating.
427
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,021
Adult adam: Turns out,
my mom was right
about one thing...
428
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,057
Every kid is embarrassed
by their parents.
Mom!
429
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,159
And it gave me an idea.
Mom!
430
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,895
Don't worry.
I'm just leaving.
431
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,764
No. I need your help.
432
00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:14,232
Oh, no.
You don't get my help.
433
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,068
Not after you said
you're never gonna
ask for it again.
434
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,636
That's not how this works.
435
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:19,670
I'm sorry, okay?
436
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,672
Sometimes,
I need your help.
437
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:25,443
But sometimes,
I just want you gone.
438
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,711
Well, that's confusing!
439
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,813
I know.
It makes no sense.
440
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,883
But for now,
that's just how it's gonna be.
441
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,717
So, what do you want?
442
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,886
I want you to go
on that dance floor
443
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:38,056
And just be yourself.
444
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,124
I can do that.
445
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:41,626
♪ we can dance if we want to
446
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:44,028
♪ we can leave
your friends behind
447
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,264
♪ 'cause your friends don't
dance, and if they don't dance
448
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,966
♪ well,
they're no friends of mine
449
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,035
♪ say, we can go
where we want to
450
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,237
♪ a place where
they will never find
451
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,740
♪ and we can act like we come
from out of this world
452
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,542
♪ leave the real one
far behind
453
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:58,676
Well, what do you know?
454
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,045
No one's looking
at your mom anymore.
455
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:01,913
Did you do that for me?
456
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:05,183
Well, I definitely
didn't do it for me.
457
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:10,054
♪ we can go
where we want to
458
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,155
♪ the night is young,
and so am I
459
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,824
Adult adam:
My plan had worked.
460
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:13,458
I'd saved dana,
461
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,294
But I couldn't have predicted
what happened next.
462
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,396
My mom actually got
463
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,265
Junior-high-school kids
to dance...
464
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,500
And it was epic.
465
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,435
♪ and you can act real rude
and totally removed
466
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,337
♪ and I can act
like an imbecile
467
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:29,474
♪ say, we can dance,
we can dance
468
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:32,110
♪ everything's
out of control ♪
469
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:36,447
(slow ballad playing)
470
00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:37,815
Come on!
I like the fast ones!
471
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,618
You know what?
I'm gonna go out
and get some fresh air.
472
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,420
Why don't you come with me?
473
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:43,354
Have fun, baby.
474
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:47,558
Adult adam:
Normally, we don't say
"I love you" in our family.
475
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,395
Luckily for me,
my mom could read lips.
476
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,732
♪ I was always reachin'
477
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:59,303
♪ you were just a girl I knew
478
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:05,276
♪ I took for granted
the friend I have in you
479
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,644
Want some company?
480
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,579
I am a terrible father.
481
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,882
I'll take that as a yes.
482
00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:11,549
(sighs)
483
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,684
I don't even know
how to talk to my kids.
484
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:14,418
I'm aware.
485
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,120
I always thought
that I would do
486
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,556
Everything different
than my dad did.
487
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,258
And look at me,
I'm just like him.
488
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,093
Murray,
you're nothing like him.
489
00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:24,028
What are you talking about?
490
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,396
We both look alike.
491
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,931
We both
scream all the time.
492
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,599
We both walk around
in our underwear.
493
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:34,605
But your dad would never
be out here right now,
feeling like this.
494
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,574
And that's
why you're different.
495
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:42,480
Adult adam:
As for my dad, he'd never be
a good communicator.
496
00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:44,715
Damn it!
497
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:45,917
Has anyone
seen the bottle opener?
498
00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:49,387
Adult adam:
But he was still able to
teach you a few things.
499
00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:53,224
Here.
Let me show you something.
500
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:54,559
Ooh.
501
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:58,563
Little party trick.
The ladies love it.
502
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,431
Not bad.
503
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,165
Don't just stand there.
504
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,901
Go get another one,
and I'll show you how.
505
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,072
Adult adam: That night,
I learned that some events
506
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:11,342
Can't be captured
in a scrapbook.
507
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:17,114
You just got to be there
and witness them yourself.
508
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:22,520
♪ then I touched your hand
509
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:26,390
♪ I could hear you whisper
510
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,960
♪ the search is over
511
00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:36,667
♪ love was right
before my eyes ♪
512
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,108
(dance music plays)
513
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,414
Mrs. Goldberg.
514
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,017
Mrs. Goldberg!
515
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,185
It's time to go home.
516
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:56,020
Mmm, dances don't really end,
517
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,521
And the invitation
for this one said,
518
00:20:57,523 --> 00:20:59,991
"6:00 to question mark,"
so...
519
00:20:59,993 --> 00:21:01,626
That was a nine.
520
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:04,695
(sighs)
521
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:17,008
(music stops)
522
00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:19,443
Okay, well,
that was just rude.
523
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,653
(bell dings)