1 00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:03,135 Adult adam: Back in the '80s, you couldn't keep up with all the new dance styles. 2 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:06,372 There was breakin', poppin' and lockin', the running man, 3 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,707 And something called the electric boogaloo. 4 00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,577 Unfortunately, I had two left feet. 5 00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:15,114 I often found walking a hard enough challenge. 6 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,315 You okay? 7 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,449 Me? Yeah. (chuckles) 8 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:20,519 Been working out a lot. My quads locked up on me. 9 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,221 That ever happen to you? 10 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,555 Um, no. 11 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,090 Das coo', das coo'. 12 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,559 (chuckles) here you go. 13 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,361 Well, thanks for the help. 14 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,432 Hey, um, you going to the dance Friday? 15 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,868 Are you going? Yeah, maybe. 16 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:36,568 Save me a dance? 17 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:40,005 Oh, definitely. Sounds scrumptious. 18 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,174 Adult adam: Dana was amazing. 19 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,075 She wanted to dance with me, 20 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,477 And she didn't care that I used words like "scrumptious." 21 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,946 Nothing was gonna bring me down. 22 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:48,580 Beverly: Adam! 23 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,683 Hurry up! We're late for your dentist appointment! 24 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,419 Well, almost nothing. 25 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,020 Do you need to make... 26 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:55,754 Make poo-poos? 27 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,122 I know you refuse to go at school, 28 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,223 But we don't have time to stop at home, 29 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,659 So if you have to make poo-poos, then make poo-poos here. 30 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,796 Oh, my god! I'm fine! Just let me in and let's go! 31 00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:05,497 Well, first, tell me who that girl was. 32 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:06,565 What girl? There was no girl. 33 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,800 You were talking to dana caldwell. 34 00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:10,436 Why do you ask me a question if you already know the answer? 35 00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:11,103 Unlock the door! 36 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,704 (singsong voice) what were you talking about? 37 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,073 Nothing! What were you talking about? 38 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,608 Nothing! Were you talking about the dance? 39 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,209 Tell me everything. 40 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,777 Let's just go to the dentist already! 41 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:19,878 What were you talking about? 42 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,014 Oh, my god! I'm the one kid in this world 43 00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:24,550 Who's looking forward to getting his teeth drilled. 44 00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:28,087 Sheesh. All right, captain no fun. 45 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,855 Adult adam: With a smother like mine, 46 00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,057 You have to shut her down fast. 47 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,760 You can't open the door, even a crack. 48 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:35,894 Drive! 49 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:39,398 So, then, dana asked adam if he was going to the dance, 50 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,032 And adam said yes. 51 00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,401 So, then, she said to save her a dance. 52 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:45,737 How do you know all this if you were in the car? 53 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:48,240 Sometimes a mother just knows. 54 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,143 And I trained myself to read lips a little bit. 55 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,945 Huh. Read my lips. 56 00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:53,979 You need help. 57 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,115 Murray, this is a big deal. 58 00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:58,650 Our baby has his first girlfriend. 59 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,153 I think you know what that means. 60 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,155 It's time for the talk. What talk? 61 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,424 You know, about the birds and the bees 62 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:08,727 And what they do when they've had a couple of white wines 63 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,963 And put on a lionel richie record? 64 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,197 Yeah, that talk. Not for me. 65 00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,066 Not for you? You're his father. 66 00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:16,001 Just give him the same talk you gave barry. 67 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:19,304 (sighs) ooh, here's the thing... 68 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,273 I never did that. What? 69 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:25,244 You were supposed to talk that talk with him about three years ago! 70 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,612 I know. I know. What can I say? 71 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:27,846 It got away from me. Well, do it now. 72 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:32,184 What's the rush? There's not, like, a line outside of his bedroom. 73 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:34,386 Murray! Fine! 74 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,555 (no audio) 75 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:39,324 No, you are a pain in my ass! 76 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,760 That's right. I read lips. 77 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,295 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 78 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:48,267 ♪ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 79 00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:50,569 ♪ I don't know the future 80 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,772 ♪ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 81 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,708 Adult adam: It was November 22, 1980-something, 82 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,110 And I was gonna learn to dance. 83 00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:00,612 What do you mean you don't know how to dance? 84 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,782 You're my grandson. You've got rhythm in your blood! 85 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,384 I'm an open book. Teach me. 86 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:09,221 Adult adam: As always, my grandfather would give me all the answers I needed. 87 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,957 He had never failed me before. 88 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,392 A-shuffle and a-cha! 89 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,460 (singsong voice) a-shuffle and a-cha! 90 00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,462 A-squibbidy bee, a-squibbidy boo! 91 00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:19,498 A-squibbidy bee, a-squibbidy boo! 92 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:23,335 And we take a break 'cause my foot is swollen! 93 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,837 Adult adam: There was a first time for everything. 94 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,506 I had to find another teacher. 95 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,174 Erica, teach me to dance, and fast! 96 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:32,077 What did he say? Come on! Then what did he say? 97 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:36,181 Please! I need to learn how to move my body to music! 98 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,082 Lainey's in crisis. 99 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,885 Her parents bought her a new car and it's yellow! 100 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,787 Barry: What's the matter little buddy? 101 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,422 Got a problem barry can solve? 102 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,824 No. You'll just make fun of me. 103 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:46,658 What? 104 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:47,426 I would never do that. 105 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:50,562 Fine. I need someone to teach me how to dance. 106 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,731 Ha! Loser. 107 00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:54,600 But you came to the right guy. 108 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,135 But I'm not coming to you. Let's do this. 109 00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,172 (dance music plays) 110 00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:18,991 When are you gonna start dancing? 111 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:19,591 Shut up! 112 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,661 My body's becoming one with the beat. 113 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,799 Airplane! 114 00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,435 The wave! 115 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,738 Crab legs! 116 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,474 Helicopter! 117 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,976 And turtle spin! 118 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:39,745 Breakin'. 119 00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,013 How does any of this help me? 120 00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,248 I need to learn how to dance with a girl! 121 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:46,051 Yeah, can't help you with that. 122 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,086 But I can help you with this. 123 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,890 The worm! 124 00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,325 (thudding) ow! 125 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,260 Adult adam: After I got an ice pack for barry's face, 126 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:58,864 I decided to teach myself how to dance 127 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,533 Because time was running out. 128 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,636 (dance music plays) 129 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,976 Mm, get funky, snuggle monkey. 130 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,645 (panting) wait, what? This isn't the a-team. 131 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,515 No, leave it on. We dance to that in jazzercize. 132 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,318 Adult adam: Maybe I was desperate, or maybe I was just hypnotized 133 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:23,689 By my mom's surprisingly sweet moves. 134 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:26,158 Mom... 135 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,227 Do you think you could teach me how to do that? 136 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,664 Adult adam: I let her in the door. 137 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,365 Get over here. 138 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,067 For the first time, my mother and I 139 00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:37,903 Were on the same team with the same goal. 140 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:41,540 (dance music plays) 141 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,943 There you go. Perfect. 142 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,347 And feel free to jazz it up with some head movements. 143 00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:52,484 No one's gonna tell you you're moving your head too much. 144 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,528 Look, we're kid 'n' play! 145 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,996 (laughs) 146 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:09,267 John travolta. There you go. 147 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,370 It was awesome... 148 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,604 Until this. 149 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,673 (slow ballad playing) 150 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,441 Well, this has been great. See ya! 151 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:17,142 Wait a minute, mister. 152 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,945 I'm not letting you go before I teach you how to slow dance. 153 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:20,812 No. No way. Not interested. 154 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,881 Sweetie, I know you better than anyone. 155 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,350 I know this is what's stressing you out. 156 00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,319 Hand placement, where do you look, 157 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,154 How do you keep from stepping on her feet? 158 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,422 Those are all valid questions, yes. 159 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:35,527 Adult adam: I had come this far. I couldn't turn back now. 160 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,163 Screw it. Let's do this. 161 00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,198 First, you, uh, put your hands on my waist. 162 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,034 No, thank you. Adam, I'm your mother. 163 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,636 That's the point! 164 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,208 Just rock back and forth, very gently. 165 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,644 Right and left. 166 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,780 Right... 167 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,214 Left. 168 00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:57,482 What are you doing? 169 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,718 Ohh! (muffled) no snuggies! No snuggies! 170 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:00,852 You smell like the dryer. 171 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,988 No snuggies! Honey, you're so yummy! 172 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:06,057 That's not cool. I'm out of here. 173 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,160 But thanks for the help! 174 00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:10,896 And just to be clear, I know I'm yelling, 175 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,831 But I'm actually very appreciative! 176 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:13,932 Adult adam: While I was learning to dance, 177 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,902 My dad was ready to do some teaching of his own. 178 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,270 What are you doing? 179 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,538 Eating boo berry. 180 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,173 Good for you. 181 00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:22,808 Very smart. 182 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,876 Feed your body. 183 00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:25,977 (laughter on tv) 184 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:31,950 So, your mom found out that I never got around to giving you the talk. 185 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:32,651 What talk? 186 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,754 The "people making people" talk. 187 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:38,190 Ohh, that talk! 188 00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,124 Exactly! 189 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:42,928 So, if she asks, tell her we just had it. 190 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,062 But we didn't. We don't need to. 191 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:48,600 I mean, you're a grown man, and you know everything. 192 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,035 Of course! Yeah! 193 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,837 I do have one question. 194 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,538 Is it true you can get a girl pregnant 195 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:54,906 If you french kiss her after midnight? 196 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,809 What are you talking about? Like in the movie gremlins. 197 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:01,112 If you kiss after midnight, the saliva goes into her tummy, 198 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,647 And 'cause of her hormones and the moon, 199 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,950 Six weeks later, a baby comes out. 200 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,818 Gremlins? 201 00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,553 You think... 202 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,188 How could you even? 203 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,456 Ugh! 204 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,525 Where are you going? I got to regroup! 205 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,827 I wasn't prepared for this! I need to prepare. 206 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,164 Adult adam: Turns out, my dad's world wasn't the only one caving in. 207 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,767 Do you want the rad news or the totally rad news? 208 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,636 Don't say "rad." I got these on sale 209 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,372 And thought they'd be perfect to wear to the dance. 210 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,073 You like 'em? 211 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,075 They made a parachute into clothing! 212 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,710 Damn right, I like 'em! 213 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:32,978 And the even better news is 214 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:35,614 I will be joining you at the dance! 215 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,583 What? I know! (giggles) 216 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,718 I signed up to be a chaperone. 217 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,821 That way, I'll be there to help with your moves. 218 00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,123 I don't need help. Don't help me. 219 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,926 All kids are embarrassed by their parents. 220 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,561 But don't think of me as your mom. 221 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,462 Think of me as your coach. 222 00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:53,098 I don't want to think of you at all when I'm dancing with dana. 223 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,499 You won't even know I'm there. 224 00:08:54,501 --> 00:09:00,705 And if I'm lucky, I'll get to see my little baby have his first slow dance! 225 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:04,109 Mwah! (giggles) 226 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,581 Adult adam: I'd done the unthinkable. 227 00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:13,251 I opened the door, and my mom had burst right through it! 228 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,120 What did he say? 229 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,988 Have you lost your mind? (receiver thuds) 230 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,623 I slow-danced with mom! 231 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:21,159 What? You heard me. 232 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,795 What do you mean? What are you saying? 233 00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:26,998 I slow-danced with mom. 234 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:27,832 You slow-danced with mom? 235 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,669 This doesn't concern you! The hell it doesn't! 236 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,003 You can't go slow-dancing with mom 237 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,172 And not expect me to have lots of opinions 238 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,273 On this controversial matter. 239 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,675 It was a moment of weakness and she taught me how to dance, 240 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:40,679 And now she's gonna be a chaperone tonight and totally humiliate me! 241 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,880 Now you've opened the door. 242 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:42,781 I know. 243 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,416 Just tell me how to close it. 244 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,184 There is no way! 245 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,219 Once the door's open, it stays open forever! 246 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,855 I sent her a letter from camp saying I was homesick. 247 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,158 And the next night, she showed up in the top bunk. 248 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:57,162 Look, this is a picture of us in a canoe together! 249 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,898 Never again, adam. Never again! 250 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,666 This is all so upsetting. 251 00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:04,970 I got to go. I can't be here. 252 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,505 Okay. There's got to be a way out of this. 253 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,508 Yes! Lies and deception! That's your department. 254 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,811 I'll think of something, I promise. 255 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,079 I love you. Don't say that. 256 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:19,184 Look into my eyes and know that I love you. 257 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,952 Get out! 258 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,256 Adam: Love you! 259 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,927 Again with the boo berry. 260 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,129 You know it. 261 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:31,930 All right. 262 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,099 Here we go. Time for the talk. 263 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:37,469 All right, before we get down to the nuts and bolts... 264 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,704 (laughs) nuts. 265 00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:40,972 (groans) 266 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,474 All right, instead of talking about 267 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:45,710 Male and female body parts, we're gonna use the names 268 00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:50,148 Of our favorite baseball players as code words. 269 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,984 Look, you have a mike schmidt. 270 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,319 Ladies have a wade boggs. 271 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,253 And... Why are we doing this? 272 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:59,424 This way, we won't be talking about anything horrible. 273 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,460 We're just gonna be talking about baseball... 274 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,529 Like, when a man loves a woman, 275 00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,932 Mike schmidt steps up to the plate against wade boggs. 276 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,001 Wade boggs plays third. Why is he pitching? 277 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,837 Fine! Wade boggs is now steve carlton. 278 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,906 Steve? That's clearly a dude's name. 279 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:19,110 Okay, the girl's parts are gonna be, uh, bo jackson. 280 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,445 That makes no sense. 281 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,479 Bo's a girl's name! 282 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,714 It's wintertime. 283 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,649 That's when bo jackson plays football. 284 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,618 He'd never be on the same field as mike schmidt. 285 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:30,055 I never thought that I would ever say this to you, 286 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,691 But you're over-thinking this, you moron. 287 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,225 I'm a moron? 288 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,393 Well, you're a mike schmidt! 289 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,095 Take that back! Never! 290 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,297 Get your head out of your orel hershiser 291 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,766 And come back here right now! 292 00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:44,436 (crunching) 293 00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:45,103 For what it's worth, 294 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:48,506 I found that whole baseball thing very confusing. 295 00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,575 That bad, huh? It was bad. 296 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,177 What kind of 16-year-old boy 297 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,813 Doesn't even know the basics of the birds and the bees? 298 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,147 Murray, he knows everything. 299 00:11:56,149 --> 00:12:00,251 I gave him the talk three years ago when you dropped the ball. 300 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,754 He's just messing with you. 301 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,789 So he wants a sex talk, huh? 302 00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:08,493 Well, I'm gonna give him a sex talk, but good. 303 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:11,596 Or, instead of trying to spite him, 304 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:14,799 You actually have a real conversation about it, 305 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,402 Which would mean the world to him. 306 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,003 No, I'm gonna go with my thing. 307 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:22,140 Adult adam: As my dad was putting his plan into motion, 308 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,310 I was praying erica was, as well. 309 00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,078 Oh, balls. 310 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,281 Hey, boopie. Look what mama bought. 311 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:31,950 Now we're parachute pals. 312 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,952 No! That's not a thing. Take 'em off. 313 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,854 I paid for the pants. Don't wear the pants. 314 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,757 I'm wearing the pants. Don't wear the pants. 315 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:39,591 Hey, mom? 316 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:40,291 Oh, look, it's erica. 317 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,628 Check out this box of old photos that I found in the basement. 318 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,729 Man, such good memories. 319 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:48,566 We should, like, organize these in some sort of way. 320 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,435 Maybe in, like, a book? 321 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,703 That would be fun. 322 00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:53,505 Holy (bleep) erica. 323 00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,539 I have been begging you 324 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,674 To make a scrapbook with me for years! 325 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,643 Well, let's make it right now. Oh, now? 326 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:01,546 God, no. I've got to chaperone adam's dance tonight. 327 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,916 Tomorrow morning, we'll wake up at dawn and really hit it hard. 328 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:05,850 What do you say? 329 00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,486 Eh... I'm kind of losing interest. 330 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:11,256 Oh, no, no. Don't lose interest. 331 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,324 Um... I can do both. 332 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,160 Adam, I'll meet you at the dance. 333 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:15,794 Erica, don't move. 334 00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:19,631 I'm just gonna run upstairs and get my smock and glue gun. 335 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,201 There's 1,000 pictures in this box. 336 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,436 There's no way she's gonna make it to that dance. 337 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,605 Have I mentioned that I love you? 338 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,241 Say it one more time, and I won't help you. 339 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,010 Adult adam: Erica had actually pulled it off. 340 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,013 My mom was gonna be stuck home all night! 341 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,614 All right, got our cocoa. 342 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,050 Let's cozy up and spend the next few hours 343 00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:41,820 Reliving my entire life. 344 00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,522 And...Done! 345 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,825 What? How did you do this? 346 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,092 Please, I've had this whole thing 347 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,228 Mapped out in my mind for years. 348 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,597 You pressed flowers... 349 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:56,234 And put my favorite music lyrics beneath each photo. 350 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,037 Take some time with it. (chuckles) 351 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,406 It's like a beautiful kaleidoscope of my life. 352 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,774 (chuckles) yeah, touching stuff. 353 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:04,676 Now, I've got to get to that dance. 354 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,578 The jam's not gonna pump itself up. (chuckles) 355 00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,479 Adult adam: While erica's plan had failed, 356 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,182 My dad was giving his one more shot. 357 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,751 Hey, uh, bar, you got a sec? 358 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:18,423 I think we should have a talk, man to man. 359 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,258 Really? Okay. 360 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,560 I've never been a great communicator, 361 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:27,699 So I think I should keep things as direct and exact as possible. 362 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:31,603 All right. So, we're not just gonna have the talk. 363 00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,872 We're gonna experience the talk. 364 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,240 We're gonna do some role-playing. 365 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,175 I'm gonna be the girl. You'll be the boy. 366 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,812 And we're gonna learn where babies come from with our hands. 367 00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:42,680 Take a fraggle. I don't want the fraggle. 368 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,482 (high-pitched voice) I'm a pretty fraggle girl. 369 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,418 Would you like to come up to my condo for a nightcap? 370 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:52,891 I've been so lonely since I put myself through nursing school. 371 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,192 Fraggles don't own condos! 372 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,895 Take it. Put your hand in the fraggle. 373 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,730 Keep the fraggle away from me! 374 00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:02,467 Take it now! Stop it! I was messing with you! 375 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,635 I know everything, okay? 376 00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:05,236 I know you know everything. 377 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,138 Then why are you torturing me? 378 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,740 Because you tortured me! 379 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,375 What kind of moron makes their dad 380 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,977 Give them the talk when they don't need the talk? 381 00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,979 Who does that? Me. 382 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,481 And you know why? 383 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,515 'cause you couldn't be bothered 384 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,651 To have the talk when I actually needed it. 385 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,853 Dads are supposed to teach their kids stuff... 386 00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:26,724 How to throw a fastball and change a tire and shave. 387 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,092 You never taught me anything. 388 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,795 In my defense, I know very little. 389 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:34,565 And fraggles, they can't be nurses. 390 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,135 They dance their cares away. 391 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,337 Adult adam: As my dad was striking out at home, 392 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,806 I was ready to hit the dance floor at school. 393 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:45,076 The only problem was that at a junior-high dance, 394 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,612 Kids don't dance, but that didn't matter. 395 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,614 With my mom distracted by erica at home, 396 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:54,819 It was time for me to show dana my awesome moves. 397 00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,088 May I have this dance? (laughs) 398 00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,157 Kidding, I'm just here to chaperone. 399 00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,092 Unless you're bored. Then let's boogie. 400 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,361 (gasps) what are you doing here? 401 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,329 I told you I'd make it. 402 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,930 Now I'm gonna need you to leave. 403 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:06,664 Will you stop with that? 404 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:09,367 I really want to be here at this dance. 405 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,103 You can't deny me that pleasure, adam. 406 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:12,904 Go away! 407 00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:17,008 But you're the one who asked me to teach you how to dance. 408 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:17,775 It was a mistake. 409 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,111 I asked for your help in a moment of weakness. 410 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,879 It'll never happen again. 411 00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:25,783 Okay. I guess I'll just go then. 412 00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:26,718 (swishing) 413 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,455 Adult adam: The sound of those swishing parachute pants running away 414 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,823 Was the sound of victory. 415 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:34,892 So, then, why did I feel so bad? 416 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:40,031 Even though I was forced to hurt my mom in the name of love, 417 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,165 I had to forge on. 418 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,835 I'd charm dana with a cup of hawaiian punch 419 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,536 And then make my move. 420 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,804 Dana. (panting) hey. 421 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,506 Want some punch? No, I'm just gonna go 422 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:52,010 Hang outside until my mom dances herself out. 423 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,078 I didn't know your mom was a chaperone. 424 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,713 Yeah, and she went out for margaritas 425 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,582 With the other moms before the dance. 426 00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,951 It's so humiliating. 427 00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,021 Adult adam: Turns out, my mom was right about one thing... 428 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,057 Every kid is embarrassed by their parents. Mom! 429 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,159 And it gave me an idea. Mom! 430 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,895 Don't worry. I'm just leaving. 431 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,764 No. I need your help. 432 00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:14,232 Oh, no. You don't get my help. 433 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,068 Not after you said you're never gonna ask for it again. 434 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,636 That's not how this works. 435 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:19,670 I'm sorry, okay? 436 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,672 Sometimes, I need your help. 437 00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:25,443 But sometimes, I just want you gone. 438 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,711 Well, that's confusing! 439 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,813 I know. It makes no sense. 440 00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,883 But for now, that's just how it's gonna be. 441 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,717 So, what do you want? 442 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,886 I want you to go on that dance floor 443 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:38,056 And just be yourself. 444 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,124 I can do that. 445 00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:41,626 ♪ we can dance if we want to 446 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:44,028 ♪ we can leave your friends behind 447 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,264 ♪ 'cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance 448 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,966 ♪ well, they're no friends of mine 449 00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,035 ♪ say, we can go where we want to 450 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,237 ♪ a place where they will never find 451 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,740 ♪ and we can act like we come from out of this world 452 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,542 ♪ leave the real one far behind 453 00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:58,676 Well, what do you know? 454 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,045 No one's looking at your mom anymore. 455 00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:01,913 Did you do that for me? 456 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:05,183 Well, I definitely didn't do it for me. 457 00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:10,054 ♪ we can go where we want to 458 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,155 ♪ the night is young, and so am I 459 00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,824 Adult adam: My plan had worked. 460 00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:13,458 I'd saved dana, 461 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,294 But I couldn't have predicted what happened next. 462 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,396 My mom actually got 463 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,265 Junior-high-school kids to dance... 464 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,500 And it was epic. 465 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,435 ♪ and you can act real rude and totally removed 466 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,337 ♪ and I can act like an imbecile 467 00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:29,474 ♪ say, we can dance, we can dance 468 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:32,110 ♪ everything's out of control ♪ 469 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:36,447 (slow ballad playing) 470 00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:37,815 Come on! I like the fast ones! 471 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,618 You know what? I'm gonna go out and get some fresh air. 472 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,420 Why don't you come with me? 473 00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:43,354 Have fun, baby. 474 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:47,558 Adult adam: Normally, we don't say "I love you" in our family. 475 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,395 Luckily for me, my mom could read lips. 476 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,732 ♪ I was always reachin' 477 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:59,303 ♪ you were just a girl I knew 478 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:05,276 ♪ I took for granted the friend I have in you 479 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,644 Want some company? 480 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,579 I am a terrible father. 481 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,882 I'll take that as a yes. 482 00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:11,549 (sighs) 483 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,684 I don't even know how to talk to my kids. 484 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:14,418 I'm aware. 485 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,120 I always thought that I would do 486 00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,556 Everything different than my dad did. 487 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,258 And look at me, I'm just like him. 488 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,093 Murray, you're nothing like him. 489 00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:24,028 What are you talking about? 490 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,396 We both look alike. 491 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,931 We both scream all the time. 492 00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,599 We both walk around in our underwear. 493 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:34,605 But your dad would never be out here right now, feeling like this. 494 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,574 And that's why you're different. 495 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:42,480 Adult adam: As for my dad, he'd never be a good communicator. 496 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:44,715 Damn it! 497 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:45,917 Has anyone seen the bottle opener? 498 00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:49,387 Adult adam: But he was still able to teach you a few things. 499 00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:53,224 Here. Let me show you something. 500 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:54,559 Ooh. 501 00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:58,563 Little party trick. The ladies love it. 502 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,431 Not bad. 503 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,165 Don't just stand there. 504 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,901 Go get another one, and I'll show you how. 505 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,072 Adult adam: That night, I learned that some events 506 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:11,342 Can't be captured in a scrapbook. 507 00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:17,114 You just got to be there and witness them yourself. 508 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:22,520 ♪ then I touched your hand 509 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:26,390 ♪ I could hear you whisper 510 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,960 ♪ the search is over 511 00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:36,667 ♪ love was right before my eyes ♪ 512 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,108 (dance music plays) 513 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,414 Mrs. Goldberg. 514 00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,017 Mrs. Goldberg! 515 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,185 It's time to go home. 516 00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:56,020 Mmm, dances don't really end, 517 00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,521 And the invitation for this one said, 518 00:20:57,523 --> 00:20:59,991 "6:00 to question mark," so... 519 00:20:59,993 --> 00:21:01,626 That was a nine. 520 00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:04,695 (sighs) 521 00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:17,008 (music stops) 522 00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:19,443 Okay, well, that was just rude. 523 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,653 (bell dings)