1
00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:05,504
What?
No hustle, no muscle!
2
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:06,638
Adult adam:
Gym class in the '80s...
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:10,042
The shorts were super-short,
the exercises dumb,
4
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:13,045
And the games were barbaric.
5
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:17,216
I know you're aiming
for down there, ryan,
but it's not cool!
6
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:17,916
Teams weren't assigned,
7
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,818
But handpicked
with brutal honesty
8
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:23,422
And no consideration
of a fragile
adolescent's feelings.
9
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,959
Oh, god. This is
not gonna be easy.
10
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:29,661
I'm gonna have to go
with small wonder
over there.
11
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,164
You're going down,
goldnerd.
12
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:32,765
Sorry.
13
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,833
After years of thinking
I had suffered through
14
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,902
Every indignity
gym class had to offer,
15
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,838
Turns out the worst
was yet to come.
16
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,341
The presidential
fitness test...
17
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,109
Our great president,
ronald reagan,
18
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:47,212
Along with
the predator himself,
arnold schwarzenegger,
19
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:50,382
Care enough about you
to demand physical excellence.
20
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,819
Technically, arnold
wasn't the predator.
He was the prey.
21
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,120
Nobody cares, goldfarb.
22
00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:55,988
It's goldberg.
23
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:57,456
It's literally
written on my shirt.
24
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,926
Good for you.
Now, why is this
test important?
25
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:04,396
America needs warriors
to fight the evils
of communism.
26
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:08,067
Tomorrow,
that battle begins with
the seven basic exercises,
27
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,369
Which include
the sit-and-reach,
28
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:14,373
The mile run,
and the pull-up.
29
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,542
What if you can't
do a pull-up?
30
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,510
I'm asking hypothetically
for a friend
31
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,379
That couldn't make it
today.
32
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,181
Name's josh.
You don't know him.
33
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:24,249
Well, if you are
the kind of boy
34
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,685
Who is weak of
will and spirit,
35
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,320
You don't have to do it.
36
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:28,787
(sighs)
37
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:33,459
Instead,
you will join the girls
in the flexed arm hang.
38
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,561
Josh is not gonna like that.
39
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:36,595
The news was bleak.
40
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,263
I was definitely screwed.
41
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:39,198
I mean, josh was screwed.
42
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:43,435
Honey, it's so late.
Why are you sitting alone
in the dark?
43
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:47,272
Oh, no.
What's the matter?
44
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:50,642
Nothing.
Poopie,
something's wrong.
45
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:51,710
There's a storm
inside you,
46
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,545
And I'm not leaving
till I see a little sunshine.
47
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,515
Why do you always say
super-weird stuff like that?
48
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,051
Looks like someone
needs a sugar shower.
49
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:01,720
(smooching)
all right. All right!
50
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,155
(grunts) stop!
51
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,356
(laughs)
52
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,224
If you must know,
53
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,792
The presidential fitness test
is tomorrow,
54
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:11,163
And I'm gonna be the only guy
doing the flexed arm hang
with the girls.
55
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,097
Say no more.
56
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:14,333
Mama will never, ever
let anything
57
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,168
Remotely uncomfortable
happen to you.
58
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,403
I'll just write you a note
and get you out of it.
59
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,472
For real?
Absolutely.
60
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,940
Absolutely not.
61
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:25,110
Every kid in america
has to take that test.
62
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:28,680
Well, what does that
have to do with
my adam? (chuckles)
63
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,916
It's a rite of passage.
64
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,052
You can't get out of
a rite of passage
65
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,454
With a note
from your mom.
66
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:39,057
Fine! We get it.
I won't write a note.
67
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:40,759
(sighs)
68
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:41,460
I'll write you a note.
69
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,896
Seriously?
I'm gonna hug you
so hard right now,
70
00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:46,632
I might break every bone
in your body.
71
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,067
Oh. (laughs)
72
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,170
Oh, come on, adam.
Don't be scared.
73
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,638
You can hug me
harder than that.
74
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,740
Okay.
How does this feel?
75
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:55,807
(grunting)
76
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:59,111
Mama will write you
a note. (chuckles)
77
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,445
♪ I'm twisted up inside
78
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:04,750
♪ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
79
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:07,653
♪ I don't know the future
80
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:11,890
♪ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
81
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,059
It was April 8,
1980-something.
82
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,661
Before e-mail and facetime,
83
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,695
The way to keep in touch
with somebody
84
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,966
Was by sending them
an actual piece of paper
with writing on it!
85
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,901
Are you kidding me?
Where are your pants?
86
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,303
My pen pal will be here
any minute.
87
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,038
Doesn't having a pen pal
come to your house
88
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,106
Defeat the whole purpose
of having a pen pal?
89
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,609
Fanny's just gonna be here
for a few days.
90
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,311
You can suffer through
by wearing bottoms.
91
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,814
And for the love
of all that is holy,
be nice to the girl.
92
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,149
Why wouldn't I
be nice to her?
93
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,251
We speak
the same language.
94
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,085
(imitating speaking french)
95
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,354
Mom, if he doesn't not
wear his pants
96
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:45,157
And stop speaking
french gibberish,
97
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:46,592
I will leave this house
forever.
98
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,694
(angrily imitating french)
99
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:53,699
Come on, ambassador.
Let's get you some pants.
100
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:56,868
That means nothing!
(sighs)
101
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,604
Whoa! What is this?
102
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,105
Why do you look like
a bigger knob than usual?
103
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:03,742
'cause I saw that pic
of your sexually charged
french friend,
104
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:07,346
And I am not letting this
amazing opportunity go
to waste.
105
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:07,879
Oh, no.
106
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:10,582
Just because she's french
doesn't mean
she'll make out with you.
107
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:14,186
(scoffs)
pops: I beg to differ,
actually.
108
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:15,087
In my experience,
109
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:18,757
The french demoiselle
is very adventurous.
110
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,659
What's her name again?
Fanny.
111
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,561
Oh, that's a lay-up.
112
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:23,595
Score!
Pops!
113
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,231
What? She's named
after a butt.
114
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:29,434
That's a green light
if I ever saw one.
115
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,103
Erica, I'm gonna
need your help.
116
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:35,040
Here's a bunch of phrases
I need translated
into her native tongue
117
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,876
So I can get a little
of that native tongue.
118
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,445
"girl, our countries
have been at war too long.
119
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,282
"let's make peace and love
together."
120
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:44,916
Mmm-hmm.
121
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,453
You know what?
I will help you.
122
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,187
Nice.
123
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:53,392
I can tell by that smile
we're on the same page.
124
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,462
You're gonna mess
with him, aren't you?
125
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,497
(scoffs) big time.
126
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,498
I don't know how
he doesn't see
127
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,067
That kind of thing coming
by now.
128
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:02,734
It's very upsetting.
129
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,403
While erica
was scheming against barry,
130
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:08,840
My mom's scheme to get me
out of gym class
was in motion.
131
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:12,010
You have osgood-schladder
disease?
132
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,313
Actually,
it's pronounced "schlodder,"
133
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,314
And there's
an article attached.
134
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:19,718
My hamstrings and ligaments
aren't keeping up
with my bones.
135
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,419
I'm growing too fast.
136
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,088
You're growing too fast?
Where?
137
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:23,922
It's all in the note.
138
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,390
You really
expect me to believe
139
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:26,792
Your mother wrote
this note?
140
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:27,926
Yes, 'cause she actually did.
141
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:31,330
Son, did you ever see
the movie red dawn?
142
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:32,130
(scoffs)
a million times.
143
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:35,267
Do you love movies?
'cause I love movies.
144
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:36,501
Let me ask you
a question.
145
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,403
What are you gonna do
when the russki invaders
146
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:39,471
Storm the suburbs
of philly?
147
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,640
Actually, I think
they'd be more interested
148
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,575
In coastal cities
and financial centers.
149
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:44,776
You're gonna
have to fight
150
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,912
And use the skills
you learned right here!
151
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,680
Even the pull-up?
Especially the pull-up.
152
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,351
You'll need your upper-arm
strength to bash skulls.
153
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,886
I don't want to
bash skulls.
154
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,322
The kids in red dawn
didn't want to, either,
155
00:05:57,324 --> 00:06:00,659
But they had to
in order to survive.
156
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:03,995
So, where are we
with that note?
157
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:07,532
I just received
an authentic,
bona fide note
158
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:12,204
From mr. Goldfarb here
saying that he is
physically unable
159
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,773
To complete
the presidential fitness test.
160
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:20,946
So, I've decided
to push the test one week
until he gets better.
161
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,614
Until then,
we'll be running laps.
162
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:26,818
(students groan)
mr. Goldfarb will
stand here and watch.
163
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:31,456
Feel free to wish him
a speedy recovery
in your own way.
164
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,158
All right! Let's go!
165
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,893
Hoof it! Knees high!
166
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,461
(whistle blows)
167
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,797
You're so dead,
goldnerd.
168
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,832
Totally get it.
169
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,367
(sighs)
170
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:43,368
Hey, ow.
171
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,537
Oh, real nice, lisa.
Real nice.
172
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,739
Meanwhile, erica's pen pal,
fanny, had arrived
173
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,976
And was getting
the grand tour
of the goldberg home.
174
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:54,579
(speaking french)
175
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,720
Fantastique.
(both laugh)
176
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,288
(crunch)
177
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,624
'sup, fanny?
178
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,392
Mi casa es su casa.
179
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,694
Hunk of
your native bread?
180
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,467
Oh. Barree. Bonjour.
181
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:15,934
Hi.
182
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,303
Oh, here.
Use these cards
I translated for you.
183
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,705
Start with this one.
It says,
"welcome to our home.
184
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,175
"it's really nice
to have you here."
185
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,044
(speaking french haltingly)
186
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:34,986
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Good stuff. Great start.
187
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,456
Um, I know you want to do
this next one.
188
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,491
It's "how you doing, girl?"
189
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:46,398
(laughs)
190
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,035
She likes it.
Yeah, it's working.
Don't stop now.
191
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,844
Okay...
192
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,546
It sounded like
I said "gary coleman."
193
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:02,781
Weird.
194
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,182
Beautiful language.
195
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,185
Good night.
Or should I say...
196
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,628
Let me tell you something,
mr. And mrs. Goldfarb.
197
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,630
There are three things
I hate in life...
198
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:22,033
My ex-wife,
carrots, and lies.
199
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,202
Okay, why did
I close my store
and rush down here?
200
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,837
Because president reagan
asked me personally
201
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:30,008
Through a xeroxed letter
to oversee a fitness test
of his design.
202
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:34,913
And your son tried to
get out of it
with an absurd note...
203
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,249
That no parent
would ever write.
204
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,451
Um...
205
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,361
I wrote the note.
206
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:49,961
Oh (bleep) me.
207
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,997
It was a ridiculous test,
murray.
208
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:53,265
Since when
is strength measured
209
00:08:53,267 --> 00:08:55,967
By how many pull-ups
a person can do?
210
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,836
You know
what takes real strength?
211
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:58,870
Tackling the role
of levi
212
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,706
In joseph and the amazing
technicolor dreamcoat.
213
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,474
And adam was scrumptious.
214
00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:04,309
There's nothing wrong
with my test, ma'am.
215
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,077
If adam suffers
from anything,
216
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,646
It is from
a far more serious
217
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,682
And permanent condition
called the wuss-bags.
218
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:14,719
Hey. My son
may be unathletic
and afraid of birds...
219
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,854
He's not afraid
of all birds.
220
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,889
I know, not all birds.
Not all birds.
221
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:18,823
But he's not a wuss.
222
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,793
Look, I am administering
a test at the direct order
223
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,663
Of the president
of the United States.
224
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:28,233
If you want adam out of it,
get a note from him.
225
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,901
Then it's settled.
226
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,571
I'll see you back here
on Monday.
227
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:35,974
What just happened?
228
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,276
She's gonna go get a note
from the president.
229
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,010
Look out, mr. Reagan.
230
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,846
Beverly goldberg's
coming for you.
231
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:44,416
My mom's mission to
track down the president
had begun.
232
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:47,018
First stop... Harrisburg,
the state capital.
233
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,888
Hello.
I'm pennsylvania citizen
beverly goldberg,
234
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,056
And I'm here
to speak to the governor.
235
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,325
Um...This is
the comptroller's office.
236
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:55,660
Great. Then I'll speak to
the comptroller.
237
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:58,530
Uh, and what does this
pertain to?
238
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,532
The presidential
fitness test.
239
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:02,000
And the comptroller
can help how?
240
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,635
He can put me in touch
with the governor,
241
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,370
Who can put me in touch
with the president
242
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:08,373
So I can get my son
out of gym class.
243
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,341
Ah. Question...
244
00:10:09,343 --> 00:10:11,710
Do you have any idea
what a comptroller does?
245
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,779
Of course. He comptrols
the great state
of pennsylvania,
246
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:18,550
And I need him
to get me to the man
who comptrols america.
247
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:20,385
Here's a thing...
Uh, "comptrol,"
248
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,587
The way you're using it,
isn't a word.
249
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:23,888
Yes, it is.
No. No, it's not.
250
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:24,856
It is.
Not really.
251
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,257
Yeah, it is.
Definitely not a word...
252
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,294
Straight-up not a word.
Uh, but I get the sense
you're not gonna leave,
253
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:32,497
So here's
what I'm gonna do.
254
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:35,634
There's a guy in
the state assembly's office
255
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,168
Who screwed over
my sister.
256
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,838
I think
he should meet you.
257
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,006
Sound good?
Sounds great.
258
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:44,075
Now, I'm just gonna
write down these directions,
259
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,911
And when you see him,
just tell him,
260
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,346
"jill's brother
says hi."
261
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,549
Thank you for taking comptrol
of the situation.
262
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:52,350
Not a word.
Yes, it is.
263
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,820
Meanwhile,
my brother was working on
his french connection.
264
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,490
Good morning,
mon cherie.
265
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,291
Hello, barree.
Hi.
266
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,626
Getting into this
right away, huh, barry?
267
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:06,865
What? I'm just showing her
a traditional american
breakfast.
268
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:11,169
(over-enunciating) fanny,
this is called a pop-tart.
269
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:16,307
In america, we eat our fruit
inside bread...
270
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,510
For you.
Merci.
271
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:22,480
You know what else
goes down easy
in the morning?
272
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,482
Rap music.
273
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:28,286
Erica, you translated
my masterpiece, right?
274
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,821
Every word.
275
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,824
It's called "mon lit."
276
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,593
It means "my bed."
277
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:38,096
(cassette deck clicks)
278
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,733
(mid-tempo beat plays)
279
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:45,570
(rapping in french)
280
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,760
Enough. I'm sorry.
I have to stop this.
281
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,161
It's too far.
282
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:10,895
You speak french?
283
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,797
How many times
do I have to
tell you this?
284
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:17,302
I was in the war.
I helped liberate France.
285
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:17,936
That was real?
286
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,137
I'm confused.
What's happening?
287
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,607
The song...
It's about peeing
in your bed.
288
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,676
That wasn't
your intention, right?
289
00:12:24,678 --> 00:12:26,044
No! No.
290
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:31,449
(both laugh)
it had the word "pee-pee"
in it, like, a lot.
291
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:32,417
(both laugh)
292
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,218
What the hell, erica?
293
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:35,920
I asked you for your help,
and you made a fool of me?
294
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,322
I told you
not to hit on my friend.
295
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:39,357
I mean,
did you actually think
you had a chance with her?
296
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:42,727
I don't know!
I mean, the girls here
don't get me at all,
297
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:46,030
So I thought someone
from another country might.
298
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,000
Now you ruined that, too.
299
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,170
While barry
had lost faith in romance,
300
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,538
I still had faith
in my mom.
301
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,275
Has mom come back
from the president's
house yet?
302
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,077
Are you kidding? No.
303
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,678
Have you checked
the answering machine?
304
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,947
Maybe mr. Reagan
left a message or something.
305
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,116
You know, the president's
a very busy man.
306
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:09,387
He might not have time
to help one little boy
get out of gym class.
307
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:10,455
He likes jelly beans.
308
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,724
No, no,
he's got a fun side,
309
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,259
But I think you might
want to consider
310
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,628
That your mom's not gonna
come through on this.
311
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,196
I know
it's a bit of a long shot,
312
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:19,798
But she's never
let me down before.
313
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,599
And then something happened
more surprising
314
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,135
Than my mom getting a note
from the president.
315
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,570
Come here, buddy.
I want to talk to you.
316
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:29,541
My dad decided
to open up to me.
317
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:34,479
You know why I really
want you to take this test?
318
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,681
You need an outlet
for your hostility?
319
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,584
No!
Stop aggravating me!
320
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,853
I'm trying
to help you here, man.
321
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,622
Okay, I'm gonna
tell you something
322
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,991
Your brother and sister
don't know.
323
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,560
I played a lot of sports
in high school,
324
00:13:48,562 --> 00:13:52,163
But there was one thing
I could never do... Swim.
325
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,164
What?
Yeah.
326
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,332
I grew up in the city.
Where would I learn?
327
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,501
Well, you could
take the bus
to the beach,
328
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,635
Or there's summer camps.
329
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,671
The ymca
has a very nice program.
330
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,340
How about I talk,
you listen?
331
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,375
I tried everything
in my power
332
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,376
To get out of
that swim class
333
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,312
'cause I knew
if I got in the pool,
334
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,880
I'd humiliate myself
in front of everybody.
335
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:12,650
So, what did you do?
I got in
that damn pool!
336
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:13,918
At first,
I was embarrassed,
337
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,220
But by the end
of the semester,
338
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:18,089
I... I developed
quite a mean backstroke.
339
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,858
Really?
Yeah!
340
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:23,228
You don't have to be
the best.
341
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,096
You just got to try.
342
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:28,099
Well, since you
were an athlete
back in the day,
343
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,168
Maybe you could help me
with my pull-ups.
344
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,570
Let's get to work.
Come on!
345
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,206
(eye of the tiger plays)
346
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:39,377
(drill whirs)
347
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,284
(coughs)
348
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:47,085
Let's do this.
349
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,153
(eye of the tiger stops)
I did it.
350
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,723
I got a note
from the president
351
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,158
Of the United States
of america.
352
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:54,893
Huh?
Huh?
353
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,261
Actually, it's from
the secretary
354
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,996
To the undersecretary
to the president,
355
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:01,532
Who's the best friend of
the lieutenant governor's
cousin
356
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:02,734
Who just wanted to
get me out of the office,
357
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:07,105
But it's got
the presidential seal,
so it's official.
358
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,107
Wow. But no.
359
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,308
Adam and I
just had a talk,
360
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:13,645
And he understands
the importance
of just trying.
361
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:15,780
I'll take the note!
I'll take the note.
362
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,548
(sighs)
mom, you're the best.
363
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,817
I'll see you
around the tv sometime.
364
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:21,386
And, just like that,
365
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:25,223
I had a presidential pardon
from fitness.
366
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,426
Fanny just left
for the airport.
367
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,095
You didn't
want to say goodbye?
368
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:31,796
What's the point?
369
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:35,166
She thinks
I'm a bed-wetting loser,
thanks to you.
370
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,535
Actually,
I don't think she does.
371
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,204
Look,
she left you this note.
372
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:45,243
Oh, no!
I don't read french!
373
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,745
Right. But I do.
374
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:53,284
"barry, sorry I was
so weird around you.
375
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,552
"american boys
intimidate me,
376
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,355
"especially the ones
who are so good at sports,
377
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,957
"nun chucking, and frisbee."
378
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,658
She knows about
my frisbee skills?
379
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,361
Did she write
about the sketch I gave her
of us riding a dolphin?
380
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:07,498
No. But she did say
if you're ever in paris,
look her up.
381
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,468
Does it really say that?
Yes.
382
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,674
It does.
It really does.
383
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,309
Looks like she was
into you, kiddo.
384
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,813
I'm not surprised.
I'm irresistible.
385
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,247
Hey.
386
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,583
This is a thank-you note
to your parents.
387
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,552
Well, I felt sorry
for the big dope.
388
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:29,587
No, you care about him.
389
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,055
Maybe a little.
390
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:32,123
Well, it was
a nice thing to do.
391
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:35,660
It was, but unfortunately,
it led to this.
392
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,729
(eye of the tiger plays)
393
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,097
(seatbelt clicks)
394
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,865
(engine turns over)
I've got to stop
that plane!
395
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,867
(tires squeal)
I'm coming, fanny!
396
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,436
I'm coming for you!
397
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:46,971
Thanks to my mom,
I was free.
398
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:50,975
And even so,
I could hear my dad's voice
ringing in my head.
399
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:55,279
Murray: Adam,
I really think you should
take this test.
400
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,582
Turns out
it actually was my dad.
401
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,384
Dad, what are
you doing here?
402
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,619
I came here
to tell you something.
403
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,755
(sighs) I can't swim.
404
00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:07,291
But you said you...
I know what I said.
405
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:08,860
But I lied.
406
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,863
I cut that class,
and I... I never learned how.
407
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,232
It's the biggest regret
of my life,
408
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,733
And I don't
want you growing up
409
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,235
Having the same regrets
I do.
410
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,837
Goldfarb,
get your ass in here!
411
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,539
I may never
be able to swim,
412
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,642
But I know
you can do one pull-up.
413
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,245
(eye of the tiger plays)
414
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:50,501
All right, goldfarb.
Ready for the flexed arm hang?
415
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,905
No. Today,
I'm doing pull-ups.
416
00:17:58,777 --> 00:17:59,811
Hey.
You can't park there.
417
00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:02,814
It's okay. I'm here
to see a girl.
I'm in love.
418
00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:06,884
You got it, chief.
That's how the world works.
419
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,619
We need a tow truck
at terminal 3.
420
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,989
(woman speaking indistinctly
on p.A. System)
421
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:17,962
♪ rising up
422
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,231
♪ back on the street
423
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:21,833
♪ did my time
424
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:24,235
♪ took my chances
425
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:25,903
♪ went the distance
whoa!
426
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,506
It's... It's okay.
It's okay.
♪ now I'm back on my feet
427
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:29,707
I just have
a pocket knife.
428
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,410
All right, go ahead.
You're good.
429
00:18:33,011 --> 00:18:36,848
Let's go, goldfarb.
The president is waiting.
430
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,352
♪ you trade your passion
for glory
431
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,688
♪ it's the eye of the tiger
432
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,289
♪ it's the thrill
of the fight
433
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:49,594
♪ rising up to the challenge
of our rival
434
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:54,065
♪ and the last known survivor
stalks his prey in the night
435
00:18:54,067 --> 00:19:00,972
♪ and he's watching us all
with the eye
436
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:01,839
(panting)
437
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,242
♪ of the tiger
(laughs)
438
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,276
Attaboy!
439
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,978
Yes! Whoo!
Yeah!
440
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:10,448
My lord, that was
the ugliest pull-up
I've ever seen.
441
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,151
You'll still get killed
in the first wave
of attacks,
442
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,752
But maybe, just maybe,
443
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:18,890
You'll take a couple of
those commie bastards
with you.
444
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:21,025
Well done, goldberg.
445
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,462
♪ the eye of the tiger
446
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:28,065
Man on p.A. System:
Last call for flight 612
to paris, France.
447
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,668
Barry: Wait...
Hold the plane!
448
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,036
Fanny!
449
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,504
Fanny.
450
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:39,343
Shh. Stop telling me
you love me.
451
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:40,278
It's not meant to be.
452
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:45,550
I have to stay here
and become an american
sports and music icon.
453
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,553
But we'll always have
pop-tarts, fanny.
454
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,794
We'll always
have pop-tarts.
455
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,168
She kissed me.
456
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,304
Twice.
457
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:09,040
Two french kisses.
458
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:15,446
Whoo!
459
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,582
♪ eye of the tiger
it's the thrill of the fight
460
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,950
♪ rising up to the challenge
of our rival
461
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:21,385
(grunts)
okay, that's enough.
No more.
462
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,021
I like his little
baby arms.
463
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,323
I'm gonna
chew on those arms!
464
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:26,257
Oh!
Tickle, tickle!
465
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,659
Will you stop it?
What do you do that for?
466
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:29,327
I love him so much.
467
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:32,964
Okay, I tackled my fear.
Now it's your turn.
468
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:35,266
(grunting)
469
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:36,634
Kick. Kick.
Use your legs.
470
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,769
I'm kicking.
See, you're doing it.
471
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,037
I'm doing it!
Keep on going.
472
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,639
All right.
(grunts)
473
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,075
Come on,
give it all you got.
474
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,610
Come on.
A little bit.
475
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:46,844
Yes! Whoo!
476
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,879
(both laugh)
477
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,061
Has anyone seen my car?
478
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,863
I know the sign says
you can't park there,
479
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,267
But it's okay
'cause I'm in love.
480
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:25,149
Hasta la vista, baby.
481
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:26,751
(thud)