1 00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:03,702 Adult adam: Growing up, we all have our embarrassing secrets. 2 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,705 ¶ well, I guess it would be nice 3 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,141 ¶ if I could touch your body 4 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,043 ¶ I know not everybody 5 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,712 ¶ has got a body like you, ohh ¶ 6 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,215 Adult adam: Mine was that I loved george michael 7 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,384 And I wanted to dance exactly like him. 8 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,552 Yep, this was the kind of secret 9 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,620 I didn't want to tell anyone... 10 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:24,757 (music stops) even my best friend, emmy mirsky, 11 00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:26,625 And we told each other everything. 12 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,093 So, what's it gonna be, muscles? 13 00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:31,597 It's the biggest decision of my life. Just let me think. 14 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:32,564 What's to think about? 15 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,367 Brian mcmann made it pretty darn clear. 16 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,969 Do you like him? Yes or no? 17 00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,772 Can't I just write in a third box that says "maybe?" 18 00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:42,474 You've been in love with him since first grade. 19 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,510 I'm checking "yes." no! 20 00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:45,778 Okay. 21 00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:48,547 I'm gonna tell you the hugest secret on the planet, 22 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,616 But you have to swear on our friendship 23 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,917 You won't ever tell anyone. 24 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:53,018 Okay. I swear on our friendship. 25 00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:57,289 I kissed rob butchenhart behind the gym during the fire drill. 26 00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,223 No way! 27 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,258 I've spun quite the web. 28 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,460 All right. I'm gonna tell you a secret. 29 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,128 But you got to swear on our friendship, 30 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:07,599 Under penalty of death, that you won't ever tell anyone. 31 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,802 Done. I pulled that fire alarm. 32 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:10,602 What? Why? 33 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,503 I sat in pudding at lunch. 34 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:14,640 I didn't want anyone to misinterpret the situation. 35 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:15,441 I got something to tell you, 36 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:18,444 But you have to swear on our friendship you won't get mad. 37 00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:19,011 I swear. 38 00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:20,479 I put that pudding cup on your chair. 39 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,681 Damn it! Now I can't get mad. 40 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:23,849 Stupid friendship swear. 41 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:24,883 (laughing) you know what? 42 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,051 I'm marking "yes." what? No! 43 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,753 Adult adam: You may wonder, if we told 44 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,555 All this embarrassing stuff to each other, 45 00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:32,057 Why would I keep my awesome moves a secret? 46 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,559 This is why. (vcr clicks) 47 00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:37,696 ¶ ...Love comes down without devotion 48 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,532 ¶ well, it takes a strong man, baby 49 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,568 ¶ but I'm showin' you the door 50 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,503 ¶ 'cause I gotta have faith ¶ 51 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:47,306 (gasps) snuggle monster! 52 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,108 I can't believe you broke your arm dancing. 53 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,977 It was either that or when mom jumped on me. 54 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:52,578 I'm so psyched. 55 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:55,080 This severe compound fracture is my ticket to popularity. 56 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:58,383 Nerd's right. Everybody loves the kid in the cast. 57 00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:00,752 Yeah, until everybody finds out how he broke it. 58 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,654 Why? What's wrong with a lonely boy 59 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,123 In his room videotaping himself 60 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:07,025 Shaking his groove thang to george michael? 61 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,093 Yeah, I hear it now. 62 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,361 Just come up with a good lie. 63 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,362 Something cool. Got it! 64 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,499 You were van-surfing like stiles from teen wolf! 65 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,567 Idiot, we don't have a van. 66 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,269 No, wait... Something about ninjas! 67 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:19,204 No, wait, sharks. Ninja sharks! 68 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:20,105 Just keep it simple. 69 00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,141 Say you broke it skateboarding or something. 70 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:25,611 I'm telling you... Ninja sharks. 71 00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:29,047 Adult adam: Erica was right. Keep it cool and simple. 72 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,517 And I knew just the thing. 73 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,252 That year, robert zemeckis, 74 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,286 Director of back to the future ii, 75 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,321 Gave an interview where he admitted 76 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,357 That hoverboards were, in fact, real. 77 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,259 Zemeckis: They've been around for years. 78 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,226 It's just that parents' groups 79 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,996 Have not let toy manufacturers make them. 80 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,631 But we got our hands on some. 81 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:46,798 Adult adam: Thanks to mr. Zemeckis, 82 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,468 I had a cover story anyone would believe. 83 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:50,402 Hoverboard. 84 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,638 I was on a hoverboard! 85 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,039 Ahhh. 86 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,374 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 87 00:02:55,376 --> 00:03:00,345 ¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 88 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:02,514 ¶ I don't know the future 89 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:06,818 ¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 90 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,987 Adult adam: It was December 3rd, 1980-something, 91 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:13,158 And just like every night, my mom was working her fingers to the bone 92 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,026 To make us dinner. 93 00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,994 She whisked, balled, and breaded, 94 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:19,097 Customizing each plate to our tastes. 95 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,300 Extra meat sauce. 96 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,868 No meat sauce. 97 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:23,702 Just meat sauce. 98 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,204 Adult adam: And for all the hard work, 99 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,239 This was the thanks she'd always get. 100 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,874 (sighs) jello again? 101 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,210 I hate this stuff. Barf. 102 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:31,877 Excuse me! 103 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,780 I have been slaving over a hot stove all day. 104 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,648 Do you know how many meals in a row 105 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,550 I've cooked for you people? 106 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,318 53,000. 107 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,720 That can't be right. Thank your mother. 108 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,721 Kids: Thank you. 109 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,489 Oh. That's not why I do it. 110 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,291 Adult adam: It's exactly why she did it. 111 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,293 I mean, sure, my feet ache, 112 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,295 And I've done permanent damage to my arches 113 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:53,799 And probably ruined a very lucrative dance career, 114 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:54,700 But I think it's worth it. 115 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,301 Adult adam: My dad didn't normally get involved, 116 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,403 But when it came to food, he was full of ideas. 117 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,773 You know what, bevy? I think you should take tomorrow off. 118 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,842 What's that? Murray: Yeah, a new restaurant 119 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,244 Opened up around the corner. 120 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,511 It's called china garden. 121 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,647 Chinese food? Never had it, so I don't like it. 122 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,282 Adult adam: Yep, the '80s was a simpler time, 123 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,417 When your small town only had four restaurants. 124 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,753 The bar and grill, the sandwich place, 125 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,255 The other sandwich place, 126 00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,055 And bennigan's... 127 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,191 Which was also a sandwich place. 128 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:19,992 Come on. It looks good. 129 00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:23,829 There's a happy dragon on the sign patting his full tummy. 130 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:26,265 You know, dave kim's parents own that place. 131 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:29,701 Oh! Maybe we can get some free french fries! 132 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:30,736 Hey, stupid. 133 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,337 It's chinese fries. 134 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,372 Well, I'm sold. 135 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,140 Let dave kim's mom deal with 136 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,074 You ungrateful animals for the night. 137 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,311 Adult adam: But there was one thing my mom didn't count on... 138 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:43,015 Chinese food is the greatest thing ever! 139 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:44,683 Holy balls! 140 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,753 They put pork inside of a pancake... 141 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:48,320 Right inside! 142 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,655 I feel like I'm crying a little. 143 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:52,724 Flavor is literally exploding through the crispy skin, 144 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,792 Right into my taste buds! 145 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,794 It's a little greasy for my palate. 146 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,063 Adult adam: Said my insanely jealous mom. 147 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,198 Everybody enjoying the food so far? 148 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,199 Erica: Oh, my god, yes. 149 00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:02,301 We're gonna come tomorrow night 150 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,503 And every other night for the rest of our lives. 151 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,271 Dave kim is a very lucky boy. 152 00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,240 Adult adam: In that moment, beverly goldberg saw 153 00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:12,311 Another mom get something she'd never got before... 154 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,246 True appreciation. 155 00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:16,014 Moo shu? 156 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,282 Oh! 157 00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,917 Oh, that was my fault. 158 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,787 Um (exhales sharply) well, it's ruined now. 159 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,889 I guess that means we should go, huh? 160 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,190 Ah, don't sweat it. 161 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,992 We'll get another one of those. 162 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:27,859 And I'll tell you what... 163 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,896 A refill on this delicious, exotic tea. 164 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,864 Mmm. That's duck sauce. 165 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,066 That is good. 166 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:36,768 Adult adam: While my mom was feeling overshadowed by pork dumplings, 167 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,439 I was the center of attention, thanks to my latest injury. 168 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:43,008 So, how'd you break your arm, klutz? 169 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,776 I fell off a hoverboard. No biggie. 170 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,679 Hey, I heard they're serving square pizza for lunch. Who's in? 171 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,349 Whoa. Wait. You were on a hoverboard? 172 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:51,616 As in a flying skateboard? 173 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:54,586 We all know what a hoverboard is, dave kim. 174 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,455 This putz. So, pizza! 175 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,090 Wait. Are you serious right now? 176 00:05:58,092 --> 00:06:00,559 True story, I was walking through the mall, 177 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:03,128 And a scientist walked up to me, a real doc brown type, 178 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:06,131 And he asked if I wanted to be in a select group of kids 179 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,233 To test hoverboard technology. 180 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,102 Yeah, I call bullcrap. 181 00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:12,003 Tell us what really happened. 182 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,305 Adult adam: I was losing them. 183 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:15,774 I either had to expose myself as a dancing loser 184 00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,042 Or pull out the big guns. 185 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,579 They may not believe me, but you will. 186 00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:23,348 I swear on our friendship. 187 00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:27,619 It happened, people. He floated on air. 188 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,121 Wait. Now you believe him? 189 00:06:29,123 --> 00:06:31,790 You can't lie on a friendship swear. 190 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,191 It's the rules. 191 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,793 Erica: Are you kidding me? 192 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:35,560 A hoverboard? 193 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,797 You were supposed to say something real, like skiing. 194 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:39,698 Well, that's just crazy. 195 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,134 No one would believe that I can ski. 196 00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:42,667 Okay, relax. 197 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:45,771 Every kid tells that one giant lie that gets away from them. 198 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:46,438 It's not a big deal. 199 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:50,375 Yes, it is! If emmy finds out I lied on our friendship, 200 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:51,476 She'll hate me forever. 201 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,578 Want my advice, kiddo? 202 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,279 Lie your ass off. 203 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:57,983 What? You're supposed to be my role model and moral compass. 204 00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,918 We're talking about muscles mirsky, here. 205 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,854 She's a groovy dame and a hell of a best friend, 206 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,856 And we got to do whatever it takes 207 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:05,891 To save this friendship. 208 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,492 But how? I'm in too deep. 209 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,561 Lucky for you, I'm an expert liar, 210 00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,264 And I'll teach you because you're the coolest, smartest, 211 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,599 Most capable brother a girl could ever have. 212 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,901 Really? No. 213 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,336 But now you see how good I am. 214 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,678 What is all this? 215 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,013 This... This smells. 216 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:31,149 Look, you guys just loved that chinese food so much, 217 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,485 I figured, why ever go back there 218 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,353 When I can make it all right here? 219 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,755 I present to you... 220 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,957 Beverly's chinese palace. 221 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,625 (clink) you sure you know what you're doing? 222 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,761 Yeah, chinese food seems kind of complicated. 223 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:46,298 Well, maybe for a less-experienced chef. 224 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,432 That ketchup? 225 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:48,767 It's just a base. 226 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,969 Tsk. You don't understand cooking. 227 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,404 Okay, all I have to do 228 00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:54,339 Is put this block of frozen broccoli 229 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,374 Into the boiling-hot grease, 230 00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,742 And... 231 00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,845 (extinguisher spraying) 232 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,913 (all coughing) 233 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:02,581 Beverly: Okay. 234 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,617 Beverly's chinese palace is officially closed. 235 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:09,254 But I can still whip up some of my shrimp parm. 236 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,455 Who wants shrimp parm? Huh? 237 00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:13,925 Shrimp parm? Shrimp parm? Shrimp parm? 238 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,360 (engine turns over) (gearshift clicks) 239 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:19,231 (tires screech) shrimp parm! Shrimp parm! 240 00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:20,966 Last call. 241 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:24,536 Adult adam: By the end of the week, we had been to china garden 5 times, 242 00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,605 And my mom had had enough. 243 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:27,239 Excuse me. 244 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:29,641 Hi. I don't know if you remember me. 245 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:30,342 I'm beverly goldberg. 246 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:32,511 Yes, of course. You're the mom who I thought 247 00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,513 Worked at the school 'cause she's there so much. 248 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:35,514 I'm involved, yes. 249 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,816 Uh, but today, I have a teeny, tiny favor. 250 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,185 I need you to ban my family 251 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,853 From eating here for life, okay? 252 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,955 But they're great customers. 253 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,858 We have a dish named after that one. 254 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,893 "big tasty pork." 255 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,729 It's fried pork with regular pork on top. 256 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,130 He would love that, yes. 257 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,565 Uh, look, let's talk mother-to-mother, here. 258 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:57,235 You have kids. You know that dinner is special family time. 259 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,204 I'm sorry, but it's not my fault 260 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,873 That your family likes my food better than yours. 261 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,808 (bell dings) 262 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,010 Listen... 263 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,778 I didn't come here looking for a war, 264 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,881 But I didn't come here to turn one down, either. 265 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,449 I'm not scared of you. 266 00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,684 Oh, you will be. 267 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:16,187 Watch your back, dave kim's mom. 268 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,156 (bell dings) 269 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,899 Adult adam: At school, I had laid down a thick pile of bullcrap, 270 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,369 And there was only one person with the skills to shovel me out. 271 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:35,407 Okay, time to learn america's greatest art form... 272 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,007 Lying. 273 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,843 A liar is, if nothing else, a salesman. 274 00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:39,945 You got to sell your lie, 275 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:42,414 And to do that, you got to believe it. 276 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,748 Now, tell me a lie. 277 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,950 I'm a fish. 278 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,452 Just do the hoverboard thing. 279 00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:48,520 I rode a hoverboard. 280 00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,021 Horrible! You have like 10 tells! 281 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:53,258 No eye contact, you're fidgeting, and you smell like fear. 282 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:57,262 That might be the cast. It's gotten super-stinky. Smell. 283 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:57,762 No! Focus! 284 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:02,233 The number-one rule to lying is to never, ever back down. 285 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:05,070 Just keep lying until you come out the other side. 286 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:05,804 Other side. Got it. 287 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,840 Now, look me in the eye and make me believe it. 288 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,308 I rode a hoverboard. 289 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,076 Again. 290 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,978 I rode a hoverboard. Again! 291 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,613 I rode a hoverboard! Again! 292 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,848 I rode a hoverboard! 293 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:18,416 Okay. 294 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:22,220 Odd thing to say when we're talking about mitochondria, 295 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,588 But, uh, since you brought it up, 296 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,256 I feel obligated as your science teacher 297 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,993 To inform you all that hoverboards aren't real. 298 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,294 Well, that's your opinion. 299 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,229 No, that's the opinion of gravity. 300 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,464 It's a gray area. Couldn't be clearer. 301 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,532 Well, we can agree to disagree. No, we can't. 302 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:37,469 Hold up. Are you calling adam a big, fat liar? 303 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:41,272 With all due respect to mr. Goldberg... 304 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,140 100%, yes. 305 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,275 Well, you're a 100% dook. 306 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,244 Principal's office, now. 307 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:46,878 Worth it! 308 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,682 As for the rest of you, science is based on empirical evidence, 309 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,817 So unless mr. Goldberg here can provide some, 310 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:57,055 I will implore you all not to believe a word he says. 311 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:57,589 I have a video. 312 00:10:57,591 --> 00:10:59,691 You have a video? You have a video? 313 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,126 I said "principal's office!" 314 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,260 In your face! He's got a video! 315 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:06,131 If that's true, then everything I know about science would be wrong 316 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,733 And reality as we know it would shatter. 317 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:09,267 Dogs would fly. 318 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,936 I would be dating claudia schiffer! 319 00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,972 So...We cool? 320 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,340 Oh, yeah. We cool. 321 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,043 So cool that if you show that video in class, 322 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,045 I'll give everyone in here an "a." 323 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,580 (cheers and applause) 324 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,317 How was school, poopie? 325 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,420 Worst day ever. 326 00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:31,322 Hey, can I curl up in a ball on the way back while you drive? 327 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,291 Aw, schmoo, what's wrong? 328 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,959 You can tell mama anyth... 329 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:35,827 Oh, is that dave kim? 330 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,229 Dave kim! Dave kim! 331 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:38,963 What are you doing? 332 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,298 Let's invite him over for dinner. 333 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,533 I don't want to invite him over for dinner! 334 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,235 Just lay down in the way back and be sad, okay? 335 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:48,339 Dave kim! Adam wants to invite you over for dinner, dave kim! 336 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,474 No, no, no. Drive, drive, drive! 337 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,444 Dave kim! Please be our guest at our home tonight! 338 00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:53,978 If you want to come over... Adam: Drive! Drive! Drive! 339 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,748 Just get in the backseat now. Adam: Drive! Drive! 340 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,383 Dave kim! 341 00:11:58,818 --> 00:11:59,784 (gasps) 342 00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:02,554 Well! If it isn't dave kim's mom. 343 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:03,988 Funny you should drop on by. 344 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,790 You called me to pick up my son. 345 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,425 Did I? Huh. 346 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,359 Well, yes, he's here, 347 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:11,262 Just going to town on my shrimp parm. 348 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:13,331 He loves my cooking. 349 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,166 Maybe even more than yours. 350 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,735 Mom, you got to try this. 351 00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,603 It's both fishy and cheesy. 352 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,740 You can't put cheese on seafood! 353 00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:24,175 It breaks every culinary law! 354 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,946 (chuckles) I'll put cheese on anything. 355 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:28,580 Anything. 356 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:29,881 You can't cheese anything. 357 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,383 I once cheesed a slice of watermelon. 358 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,418 That's disgusting. 359 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,719 Or is it delicious? 360 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,720 This is delicious. 361 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:36,588 Enjoy. (chuckles) 362 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,224 I told him to come back tomorrow night with his sister. 363 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,893 Jenny, is it? Sweet girl. 364 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:45,130 She's gonna love my mac and cheese meatballs. 365 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:45,697 That's right. 366 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:49,634 I'll combine an entree and side into a super-dish. 367 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:50,735 I don't give a (bleep) 368 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,704 You don't want to take me on, lady. 369 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,439 This is one food war you can't win. 370 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:58,409 Oh, I'll win. Shrimps will be cheesed, tummies will be stuffed, 371 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:01,112 And your kids will be begging to come here 372 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,882 During special family-dinner time. 373 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,718 So, what's it gonna be? (sighs) 374 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:12,423 I'm sorry, gentlemen. We can't serve you here. 375 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,458 You're talking to those two, right? 376 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:17,128 I don't understand. Why are we on the wall, like a bunch of criminals? 377 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,298 Yeah! I need my big tasty pork! 378 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,233 Please! It's my birthright! 379 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,001 Let's just say... 380 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:27,539 Some mothers love their family so much, it's scary. 381 00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:29,607 Beverly. 382 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,110 Adult adam: While my dad was heading back to deal with my mom, 383 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:35,847 I was heading back to the future! 384 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:41,686 (drill whirs) 385 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,889 (angelic choir sings) 386 00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:47,058 Unfortunately, in my version, 387 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,194 The future looked kind of crappy. 388 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:49,761 Yippee! 389 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:54,899 Here I am, testing out the world's first actual hover... 390 00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:55,700 Ow! Ow! 391 00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:56,868 It's squishing my parts. 392 00:13:56,870 --> 00:14:00,171 Cut. I can see the rope. This looks shoddy. 393 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:00,939 You think? 394 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,608 You said to keep lying till I get to the other side. 395 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,310 When do I get to the other side? 396 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,111 Just shut up and hover! 397 00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:07,679 (scoffs) god. 398 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,715 Beverly: Oh. Yeah. There. Just like that. Yep. 399 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:13,551 That actually looks not that crappy. 400 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,019 Damn it. Cut! 401 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:15,653 Someone's in the shot. 402 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,122 I can't see! Spin me around! 403 00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:20,325 Oh! Spin me back! 404 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,426 Are you kidding me? 405 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:22,861 Emmy, I can explain. 406 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:25,597 Here are your get-well cookies. 407 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,565 (sighs) 408 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,500 Come back! 409 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:30,535 Emmy! Wait! 410 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,736 I don't want to talk to you. 411 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:34,072 Just let me explain. No. 412 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:34,672 I stood up for you. 413 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,342 I got an in-school suspension and grounded for a month. 414 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,209 But even worse... 415 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,278 I told a bunch of people hoverboards are real! 416 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,048 Trust me, the truth is too embarrassing. You would've lied, too. 417 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,116 Not to you. 418 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,118 I'm sorry, okay. 419 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,987 But it's me. 420 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,521 You can't hate your best friend. 421 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,023 That's the thing. 422 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,858 You're not just a friend. 423 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,728 You're like my brother. 424 00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,597 And if I can't count on you... 425 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,732 Then I have nobody. 426 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,367 Adult adam: And just like that, 427 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,969 My best friend hovered out of my life. 428 00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:06,070 (door closing) 429 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,439 Bev! You've got a lot of nerve! 430 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:11,109 We're grown men. You cannot control us. 431 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,845 Don't be silly. Of course I can. 432 00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:14,979 Fine! You can! 433 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,748 But the one freedom we have is food, 434 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,683 And you can't take that away from us. 435 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,651 I won't let you! 436 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,586 Let's discuss it over dinner. 437 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,689 Sit down. I made cheeseburger meatloaf. 438 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,491 Adult adam: Behold my mom's secret weapon. 439 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,727 It was cheese. It was meat. It was loaf. 440 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:30,428 And it was spectacular. 441 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,965 No! The woman's just trying to use your hunger to control you. 442 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,067 Just a little taste. No taste! 443 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,635 Can we at least munch some of the topping? 444 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,238 No! We're never eating her food again. 445 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,373 Well, china garden's not an option, 446 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,174 So where else you gonna go? 447 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,443 We'll go to bamboo palace downtown. 448 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,311 Come on, guys! Let's go! 449 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,614 You'd never drive into the city during rush hour. 450 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,281 Oh, I will for this. 451 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,583 Well, then I'll have you banned from there, too. 452 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,118 Banned from chinatown entirely. 453 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,187 Then we'll switch to indian food. 454 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,389 Your stomach can't handle the spices. 455 00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,424 Then we'll get sushi! 456 00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:02,293 Raw fish? You don't even like raw carrots. 457 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,195 Then we'll get thailand food! 458 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,531 That's right! Food from wherever that is! 459 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,934 Why are you working so hard to take this away from me? 460 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:10,835 Take what away from you? 461 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,438 You're acting crazy! It's just dinner! 462 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,273 Not to me! 463 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,443 (sighs) you all have your other things going on. 464 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,110 Your work, your school, 465 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,813 Your hypersexual lifestyle. Hey. 466 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:25,083 For me, this kitchen, these meals... 467 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,284 It's all I've got. 468 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:30,188 It's the only thing I still do that makes me feel needed. 469 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,723 So, yeah, maybe that makes me crazy, 470 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:35,893 But cooking for my family means everything to me. 471 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,568 Adult adam: Emmy had found out that I'd never rode a hoverboard. 472 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:47,872 It was only a matter of time before the rest of the class learned the truth. 473 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,240 There was no way out. 474 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,908 I have a way out. It's too late. 475 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,712 I don't have time to come up with a whole new web of lies. 476 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:55,913 That's why I did it for you. 477 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:59,550 I got lainey to steal this from her dad's sketchy law office. 478 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,418 Nondisclosure agreement? 479 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,187 Just say that the scientist from the mall made you sign it 480 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,923 And you legally can't show your hoverboard video. 481 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,892 Class has started, mr. Goldberg. 482 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:11,429 We're all waiting for you to take us into the future. 483 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,365 Oh! Oh, I'm hovering! 484 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:18,002 So, I know everyone was excited to see that video 485 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,771 Of me hoverboarding, 486 00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:21,372 But I can't show it. 487 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,341 (students grumbling) 488 00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:26,444 You know what? Instead, I'll show you this. 489 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,981 This is how I really broke my arm. 490 00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,349 (faith plays) 491 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,650 (students laughing) 492 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,286 ¶ I guess it would be nice 493 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,889 ¶ if I could touch your body 494 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,324 ¶ I know not everybody 495 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:43,094 ¶ has got a body like you 496 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:45,430 ¶ ohhh ¶ 497 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,998 All: Oh! (laughing) 498 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:47,598 Oh, man! 499 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,802 I wanted that easy "a," but this is so much better. 500 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:54,338 Well, sorry, pal. I was rooting for you. 501 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:55,907 No, you weren't. That's right. 502 00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,943 'cause I always root for science. 503 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,445 ¶ baby ¶ 504 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,080 Emmy! 505 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,849 So, now you know the truth. 506 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:05,616 Changes nothing. 507 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,752 All you did was expose yourself as a wham! Fan. 508 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:11,255 Technically, it's george michael's solo effort. 509 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,192 But probably not your point. 510 00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,694 Um, so, it's Friday night. 511 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:17,728 See you at the treehouse? 512 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,665 Dude, what part of this don't you get? 513 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:21,232 No, I get it. 514 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:24,936 But you said it yourself. We're more than just friends. 515 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:25,903 We're family. 516 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,306 And in my family, we fight, scream, 517 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:32,143 And make horrible mistakes that go way too far. 518 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,946 But an hour later, we're fine. 519 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,380 That's what it means to be a goldberg, 520 00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:40,218 And, like it or not, you're one of us. 521 00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,453 ¶ I gotta have faith 522 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,522 ¶ because I gotta have faith, faith, faith 523 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,825 ¶ I gotta have faith, faith, faith ¶ 524 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,026 If you're looking for food, 525 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,496 I got your ban lifted at china garden. 526 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,531 Enjoy your exotic new lives. 527 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:57,635 Bevy, we thought all about what you said, 528 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,236 And we're sorry. 529 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,839 How could you ever think this family doesn't need you? 530 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,142 I mean, look at us! 531 00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:04,742 We're a mess! 532 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,944 We'd be living under a rock if it wasn't for you. 533 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,046 Well, you got a point there. (chuckles) 534 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,948 We appreciate what you do for us. 535 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:14,051 And dad didn't even tell me to say that. 536 00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:16,187 Thank you, honestly. 537 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,488 Now, what do you say we have some real dinner? 538 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:21,459 Adult adam: And with that, a new goldberg tradition began. 539 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:24,061 Our Friday-night dinner at china garden. 540 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:24,762 (all laughing) 541 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,331 Big tasty pork, on the house. 542 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,100 We're glad you're back. 543 00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:29,767 Barry: Oh! 544 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,036 Murray: Hey, calm down. All right, good. 545 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,905 (knock on door) 546 00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:35,806 Emmy: Hey, klutz. 547 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,377 So you don't hate me? 548 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,511 After showing that tape, 549 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,314 You're gonna need all the friends you can get. 550 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:46,350 Just, don't ever lie to me again. 551 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,352 I swear it on our friendship. 552 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,389 (chuckles) so, how's the cast? 553 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,191 Oh, it's so itchy. 554 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,192 It's driving me crazy. 555 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,861 I have skinny fingers. Let me see if I can help. 556 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,629 Adam: That's just tickling me. (emmy laughs) 557 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,231 Adult adam: That's the thing about family. 558 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,599 You fight, you yell, but in the end, 559 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:05,736 There's no one you'd rather share chinese with. 560 00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:10,474 Emmy, there are some people in your life right now 561 00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:13,477 That you sort of have these kind of crushes on. 562 00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:14,545 Now, out of all these people, 563 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,647 Is there anyone you particularly like the most? 564 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,049 Do I have to say this on film? 565 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,750 Well, I mean, it's not gonna... 566 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:20,718 No one's gonna see it or anything. 567 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,121 Uh, I don't. I'm not sure I can trust you with that. 568 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,257 Oh, you can trust me. 569 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:30,228 I'm telling you, notre dame's gonna go all the way this year. 570 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,529 What, to some random bowl game? 571 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,365 There's never gonna be a true national champion 572 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,067 Until we have a playoff system. 573 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:39,570 That's a good idea. They should do that. 574 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:40,504 (scoffs) I was kidding! 575 00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:41,906 They're never gonna do that! 576 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,741 What are you getting so excited? 577 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,076 Because you're aggravating me! 578 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:48,246 Stop aggravating him and come have dinner. 579 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:49,680 (faith plays) erica! 580 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,682 Turn off the music and get down here! 581 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:55,219 ¶ and when that love comes down 582 00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,255 ¶ without devotion 583 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,557 ¶ well, it takes a strong man, baby 584 00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,692 ¶ but I'm showin' you the door 585 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,628 ¶ 'cause I gotta have... ¶ aaah! 586 00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,162 I have faith. What are you doing here? 587 00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,531 Your mom's making seafood pizza. I can't miss that. 588 00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,901 I swear to god, you better not tell a soul about this. 589 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:13,971 Oh, no, no. This one's just for dave kim. 590 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,173 I'm serious. You tell no one. 591 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,843 Of course. I swear on our friendship. 592 00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,044 What friendship? 593 00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:21,579 So, it's more than that? 594 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:22,613 Get out! 595 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,348 ¶ maybe ¶