1
00:00:00,433 --> 00:00:05,471
Adult adam: Growing up,
my brother fancied himself
quite the ladies' man.
2
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:08,707
Unfortunately,
the only lady
who was into him
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:09,308
Was this lady.
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:12,945
I know I'm your mother,
but I think I can say this
without bias.
5
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:15,647
Uh, you are an adonis
cut from marble
6
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,017
Sent from heaven
to be scrumptious.
7
00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:20,719
(chuckles) oh,
you got some schmutz.
8
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:21,553
Adult adam: Truth is,
9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:25,657
Barry had absolutely no game
in the woman department.
10
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:26,191
(tires screech)
11
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,861
Guess who's gonna be
a professional bmx biker.
12
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,429
Guess who doesn't care.
13
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,363
Okay, then.
14
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,198
Adult adam:
Yep. No game whatsoever.
15
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,535
(rapping)
¶ big tasty wants to
take you on a boat ride
16
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,405
¶ I know it's not good timing
'cause your cat died ¶
17
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:42,474
Adult adam:
Especially when it came to
erica's best friend, lainey.
18
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:46,111
She was the girl
he pined after
since first grade.
19
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:49,081
Unfortunately,
it wasn't reciprocated.
20
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:51,550
Yep, my brother
was a lost cause...
21
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,785
Or so we thought.
22
00:00:52,787 --> 00:00:55,220
"general hospital's" on.
Get out.
23
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:55,754
Can't. I'm busy.
24
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,891
Doing what?
Sitting down here alone,
like a weirdo?
25
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,659
Sometimes I just like
to light a candle
26
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,328
And sit
with my thoughts.
(clank)
27
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,999
Erica, wait!
Lainey?
28
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:08,500
Hey.
(laughs nervously)
29
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,870
Just looking for my scrunchie.
Guess it's not down there.
30
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,105
It's in your hair.
31
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,274
Oh! So it is.
(laughs)
32
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,976
It's always
the last place you look.
Okay, bye-bye now.
33
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,912
No, come back!
34
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:21,613
Hold it right there!
35
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,483
Are you and barry,
together?
36
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,251
No. Not really.
I mean, kinda.
37
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,220
He repulses me,
but I'm still drawn to him.
38
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:29,321
Ew!
I know!
39
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,090
He's clumsy and annoying
and has those big,
40
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,692
Brown eyes and cute dimples
when he smiles.
41
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:34,293
Ew!
I know!
42
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,763
Lainey, we're talking
about my brother.
This has to stop!
43
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:38,630
I know!
Ew!
44
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,833
I've tried, but I keep
getting pulled back in.
45
00:01:40,835 --> 00:01:42,101
It's like
he annoys me so much,
46
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,203
I just want
to kiss his stupid face.
47
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:45,737
Ew!
I know!
48
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:46,138
Ladies.
49
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:49,108
Can I interest either of you
in an orange crush on ice?
50
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,209
Both: Ew! You!
Me.
51
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,911
Gotta go.
You cannot date
my best friend.
52
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,780
It's an unholy union!
I forbid it!
(door closing)
53
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:58,050
Please do.
Forbidden love
is the best kind of love.
54
00:01:58,052 --> 00:02:00,853
Right after tender
and jungle.
55
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,087
(laughing) oh!
56
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:02,888
You're delusional.
57
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,656
Your relationship's
not even real.
58
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,225
Why do you think
she's keeping it a secret?
59
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,726
Oh, we'll see
how much of a secret it is
60
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:12,097
After lainey asks me
to the darryl dawkins
dance this Friday.
61
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,232
Darryl dawkins?
62
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:13,999
Do you mean sadie hawkins?
63
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:18,237
No! I'm talking about
the dance when the girls
ask the guys.
64
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:21,140
It's named
after the basketball
player darryl dawkins.
65
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:21,807
Who?
66
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:25,310
Dr. Dunkenstein,
the rim wrecker,
67
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:26,211
Chocolate thunder,
68
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,013
Don't fake the funk
on a nasty dunk.
69
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,349
Why would a dance
where the girls ask the guys
70
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,450
Be named after
a basketball player?
71
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:34,019
'cause it's like
the ball's in your court,
girl.
72
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,088
That actually makes
a tiny bit of sense.
73
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:38,023
But lainey's
not asking you.
74
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:38,824
Oh, she will.
75
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:41,260
And we'll dance,
and we'll drink punch,
76
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:44,129
And we'll fall in love,
and we'll get married.
77
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,230
Stop talking.
78
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,832
Keep talking.
Who's getting married?
79
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,767
I heard "married,"
and I came running.
80
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:49,735
Both: No one.
81
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:50,536
Well, just so you know,
82
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:54,072
I've picked out the
perfect person for each
of my children,
83
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,407
So whenever you're ready,
84
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,776
I can introduce you
to your soul mate.
85
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:58,443
Pass!
Pass.
86
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,580
Come on. Don't you want
what your father and I have?
87
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,382
Murray: Bevy!
88
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,984
I dropped your toothbrush
in the toilet again.
89
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,686
Did you do the right thing
and toss it,
90
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,655
Or did you put it
back in the holder?
91
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,924
The right thing.
92
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,529
Soul mates.
93
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,331
¶ I'm twisted up inside
94
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:24,937
¶ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
95
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,672
¶ I don't know the future
96
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:30,909
¶ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶
97
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,678
Adult adam:
It was Saturday morning,
1980-something,
98
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,681
And that meant one thing...
Cartoons.
(grunts)
99
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:39,051
Children across america
would park themselves
on the couch
100
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:42,588
And be sucked into endless
hours of their favorite shows.
101
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:45,390
There was g.I. Joe,
dinosaucers.
102
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,091
The real ghostbusters,
103
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:49,795
And the greatest one of all,
transformers.
104
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:53,498
So, they're robots...
But they're also cars?
105
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,535
And trucks and planes
and sometimes dinosaurs.
106
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,503
Why would you ruin
a perfectly good fiero
107
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:01,039
By turning it into
some dumb robot?
108
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,175
Dumb? It's the world's
greatest cartoon.
109
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:04,710
They just came out
with an animated movie.
110
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,045
They took this
and made it longer?
I don't get it.
111
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:11,149
Oh, but a grown man
hitting a ball
with a stick...
112
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,150
That makes sense?
113
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,119
Don't you
come after baseball.
114
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:14,953
It's america's pastime.
115
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,990
And robots
are america's future!
Deal with it!
116
00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:19,825
Deal with what?
Robots aren't even real.
117
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:23,895
Oh, you'll see
how real they are when
cyborgs take over
118
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,564
And outlaw
your precious baseball.
119
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,466
Never.
And you know why?
120
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,434
Because we will rise up
with our bats
121
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,637
And destroy
those metal bastards.
122
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,939
A bat
against a plasma cannon?
123
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,608
Good luck mining steel
for your robot overlords.
124
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,111
Okay, this has gotten
away from us.
125
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,080
I'll take him
to the talking-car movie.
126
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,582
You do what you do.
127
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:44,049
(groans)
128
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,517
Adult adam:
Pops could care less
about my silly cartoon,
129
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:49,855
But my best friend
would pretend to love
anything for me.
130
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:52,691
This is amazing.
131
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:54,960
What's happening?
132
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,295
Adam: That's the autobots.
133
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,797
Those robots
are the good guys.
134
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,667
Oh! Watch this. They're about
to kick decepticon butt.
135
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:06,038
Adult adam: But they didn't.
Instead, they did this...
136
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,774
They killed
one of the good guys.
137
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,208
No.
138
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:13,979
Actually, they killed
all the good guys.
139
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:14,579
No!
140
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:18,850
Even optimus prime
was killed in cold blood.
141
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,787
And along with it,
my innocence.
142
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,956
Do the good guys
always die like this?
143
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,258
They're not dead.
144
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,026
It's probably
a plot twist.
145
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,762
They'll come back
and save the day.
146
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,432
Adult adam:
But they didn't.
147
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:35,834
You ready to go?
No.
148
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,969
Optimus will be back.
149
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,839
I don't think
he's coming back.
150
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,108
Oh, he's coming back...
151
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:47,112
Bigger and better
and not dead.
152
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,146
He's dead, dude.
153
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:52,784
Adult adam:
While I was feeling down,
barry was trying to get down.
154
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:53,885
'sup, hot lips?
155
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:54,920
You know the rules.
156
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,622
We only talk
through the locker.
157
00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:58,557
'sup, hot lips?
158
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,058
What do you want?
People are looking.
159
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,560
I was wondering
when exactly
160
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:02,494
You were gonna ask me
to the dance.
161
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,796
Yeah, never.
'cause then people
would see us together.
162
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,064
You know,
it kind of sounds like
163
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,132
You don't want to be
seen with me in public.
164
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,601
It sounds like that
'cause that's exactly
what I'm saying.
165
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,969
(sighs)
aw, come on.
166
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,605
Don't give me those puppy-dog
eyes through the locker.
167
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,508
You know I can't say no
to those baby browns.
168
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,542
Okay, fine!
169
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,077
Just go stag,
and I'll dance
adjacent to you
170
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,680
Without acknowledging
your presence.
171
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:22,647
But, I was gonna bring
my cardboard
172
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,850
So I can break-dance
for you, baby.
173
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,284
I'm sorry.
174
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,420
Lainey: Now go away.
175
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,057
Adult adam: Erica saw
that longing look
in lainey's eye
176
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:35,160
And knew there was
only one thing to do.
Stop it.
177
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:38,096
Mom, I need you to get
heavily involved
with your son
178
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:38,964
In an inappropriate way.
179
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,665
I'm in.
You name it, I'll do it.
180
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:41,666
It's barry.
181
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:42,501
He's in a serious funk
182
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,603
Because nobody's asked him
to the sadie hawkins dance.
183
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,571
Well,
when you're that delicious,
184
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:47,939
It can be intimidating.
185
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,307
That's a theory.
186
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,575
Anyway,
I think that he's ready
187
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,778
To meet that soul mate
you had picked out for him.
188
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,813
Oh, my god!
It's finally happening!
189
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:59,084
My children are coming to me
to help them find love!
190
00:06:59,086 --> 00:06:59,785
(laughs)
191
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,520
I have literally
found him
192
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:04,322
The most perfect,
beautiful girl in the world.
193
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,891
Great.
Now, when you're looking...
194
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,526
No, let's just do this
already.
195
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,493
Are you sure about this?
196
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:10,729
I mean,
barry did specifically say
197
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,464
He didn't want me
to set him up.
198
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:12,998
You have to.
199
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,001
This is not me being selfish
or having my own agenda.
200
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,436
It's coming
from a place of love,
201
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:20,138
Because I just
want barry to be happy.
202
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:21,673
(bleep) me sideways.
203
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:25,644
I have raised
some thoughtful children.
204
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,112
Come here.
205
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,249
Stand up straight.
206
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,117
There it is.
207
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,019
I mean, who murders
optimus prime?
208
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:37,355
That's like killing superman
or knight rider or lassie.
209
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,559
You've been ranting about
this for two days, kiddo.
210
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,161
Come on.
He's just a cartoon robot.
211
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,130
To you.
To me, he's a hero.
212
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,999
If I made that movie,
optimus would live forever,
213
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,469
And he would bring peace
to cybertron!
214
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,137
I don't know
what you're talking about,
215
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,039
But sure...
Let's make that movie.
216
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,275
We'll right the wrongs
of those hollywood bastards.
217
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,845
Well, if we do this,
we do it right.
218
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:03,114
I'm talking top-of-the-line
costumes, set design,
219
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,150
Romance,
big-budget stunt work.
220
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,419
I got $75 in my wallet.
221
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,054
Done.
222
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,660
What the hell are you doing?
That's my chair!
223
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,129
Now it's optimus prime's
command center.
224
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,064
I'm making
an awesome movie.
225
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:22,067
For how long?
We're thinking
five, six months.
226
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:24,202
What?
I know.
It's gonna be tough
227
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,403
With the
late-night shooting,
228
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,738
The crew taking
over the house,
229
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,274
And the huge water bill.
I got to flood
the basement.
230
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:32,110
Oh, yeah? Well,
use somebody else's chair.
231
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,144
Stop!
232
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,379
You don't understand.
233
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,248
Optimus was murdered
in cold blood.
234
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,384
The greek exchange student
staying with the applebaum's?
235
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,253
No.
That kid's name is niko.
236
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:44,489
I'm talking about the robot
I like from the cartoon.
237
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,624
So?
238
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,191
So he's gone,
239
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,027
And if it can happen to him,
it can happen to anyone.
240
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,096
Oh.
I see what's happening.
241
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,664
We need to have
the death talk.
242
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,032
Eh, I'm fine.
We don't need to talk.
243
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:58,069
I just think death sucks
and it shouldn't happen,
and I'm gonna undo it.
244
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,907
Yeah, I know it's scary,
but we all got to go sometime.
245
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,475
You got
nothing to worry about.
246
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,410
You got your whole life
ahead of you.
247
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,178
Really?
Yeah.
248
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:11,316
Now, if you were an old man,
different story.
249
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,151
All right. Good talk.
250
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,319
Adult adam:
But it wasn't a good talk.
251
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:17,422
Now I was worrying
about my other hero, pops.
252
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:21,059
Okay, time for my
big battle scene.
253
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,930
Optimo gets run over
and lives.
254
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:27,999
And hit me with the car.
255
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,534
About that,
there were some rewrites.
256
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:34,105
In the new scene,
optimus prime eats
a fiber-rich breakfast
257
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,041
And goes for
a heart-smart walk.
258
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,677
Okay, I'm not understanding
my character here.
259
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,478
You told me
I was a badass.
260
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,013
You are.
And after this scene,
261
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:45,951
You're gonna rest up with
some hot tea under an afghan,
262
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:46,451
Like a badass.
263
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,887
Feels like you're taking
the teeth out of this thing.
264
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,122
Well, I'm the director,
and this is my vision.
265
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,158
Now,
take a calcium supplement
266
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,092
And stand on your mark
in the shade.
267
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,329
Oh, stop.
Just tap me.
Tap me with the car.
268
00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:59,864
You're old. It would shatter
your whole body.
269
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:00,966
I'll show you old.
270
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,400
Hit me with the car.
No!
271
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:06,404
You get in that car
and you run me
over right now.
272
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,773
Forget it!
You're too difficult
to work with!
273
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,407
You're fired!
274
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,310
You can't fire me!
I'm the star!
275
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:12,844
I fire you!
276
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,146
You can't fire me!
I brought you
onto this project!
277
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,984
Well,
I'm pulling the funding,
'cause I'm very upset...
278
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:24,055
Even though
I'm not quite clear
what we're arguing about.
279
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:28,259
And I'm walking like this
because of the costume,
280
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:30,795
Not because I'm old.
281
00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:34,499
Adult adam:
Barry still might
not have had a date
282
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,400
For the darryl dawkins dance,
283
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:39,004
But thanks to erica's scheme,
he was about to get one.
284
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:42,907
Love bug,
I just got off the phone.
285
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,442
What's the best news
you could think of?
286
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,578
I'm gonna be on
a wheaties box
with pete rose.
287
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,647
Close.
I found a wonderful girl,
288
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:51,282
And she wants to ask you
to the sadie hawkins dance.
289
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,551
I honestly have no idea
what you're talking about.
290
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,854
She means
"darryl dawkins."
291
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:56,488
Oh!
292
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,957
Yeah, forget it.
I hate that stupid dance.
293
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,725
Barry,
you should listen to her.
294
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:02,661
Mom's the best matchmaker
in town, okay?
295
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:05,230
She set me up with
a ton of great people.
296
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,565
Really? Who?
You know, like, uh...
297
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:08,633
(muffled)
mondragor mcalister.
298
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:11,336
Mondragor mcalister?
Who's that?
299
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,406
Well, he's...
(mumbling)
300
00:11:14,408 --> 00:11:16,241
Stop talking
into your soda can!
301
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,308
(mumbling)
302
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,543
Barry, trust your mother.
303
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,578
I found
the girl of your dreams.
304
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,213
She's smart, she's pretty,
305
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,449
And she's waiting
in the kitchen.
306
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,350
What is she doing?
307
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,952
I already met
the girl of my dreams,
lainey.
308
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,220
She said she might
dance adjacent to me.
309
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,122
Dude, if you knew
what "adjacent" meant,
310
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,323
You would not be okay
with that.
311
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,893
(singsong voice)
here she is.
312
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,394
This is evelyn silver.
313
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,330
I know her mother
from my scrapbooking circle.
314
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,267
I scrapbook, too, but I'm
nothing compared to bevy.
315
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,268
She's the one
who bought me
316
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,370
My first pair
of scalloping scissors.
317
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,305
Your mom
is my arts-and-crafts guru.
318
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,973
I mean,
I would have never thought
319
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,643
To cut my pictures
into fun shapes,
320
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:53,178
Like hearts and stars.
321
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,312
Squares are for squares.
322
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,916
(laughs)
even weirder than barry
dating erica's best friend
323
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,218
Was barry dating our mother.
324
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:00,952
Wait, wait.
I know you.
325
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,855
You're the girl at school
who always argues
with the teachers.
326
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,024
Only when they're wrong.
Which is a lot.
327
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:06,691
Oh!
(gasps)
328
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,893
Oh, dear god.
I like your sweater.
329
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,129
I find it oddly comforting.
Thank you.
330
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:14,466
You got some schmutz
on the side of...
331
00:12:14,468 --> 00:12:15,834
This is so, so creepy.
332
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,869
Listen,
your mom was thinking
333
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,138
Maybe we could
go to the dance together.
334
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,740
Oh,
I don't know what...
335
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,742
So you already have
a date?
336
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,543
Not really.
337
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:26,111
Well, you do now.
338
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,079
I'm wearing pink,
so keep that in mind
339
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,547
When you're buying
my corsage.
340
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:30,882
No carnations.
Don't cheap out.
341
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,752
Bevy! Where are
my comfortable loafers?
342
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,854
Did you check
by the front door?
343
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:36,354
Who are you?
344
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,823
I'm evy.
You just called for me.
345
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,024
No, I said "bevy."
346
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:41,693
They're by
the front door.
347
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,628
Well. Sorry.
348
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,463
And thank you.
349
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,766
Is that your hubby?
Yeah.
350
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:50,568
What a catch.
(laughs)
351
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,670
Oh, dear god.
352
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:57,475
What are you doing?
353
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,744
Signing up
for skydiving lessons.
354
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,347
I'll show him who's old.
355
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,414
Okay.
356
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,583
I just got into a fight
with adam.
357
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:08,153
You just got into a fight
with adam? Over what?
358
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:10,955
He wouldn't run me over
with the car!
359
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,423
Okay.
360
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,725
I mean, all of a sudden,
361
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:17,061
He's treating me like
some fragile old fogey.
362
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,430
This might partially be
my fault.
363
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:23,635
I may have said something
along the lines of
"old people die,"
364
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:26,104
And he may have
jumped to conclusions.
365
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:26,971
What conclusions?
366
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:30,275
You know, if you're
at the deli counter of life
367
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,442
And you've got
your ticket,
368
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,579
You're gonna get
your sandwich sooner
than other people will.
369
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,415
What is this horrible deli?
I hate this deli.
370
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,716
We all got to eat there
sometime.
371
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,585
Well, I'm just gonna have
a pickle.
372
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:41,820
Can't just have a pickle.
373
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,488
I can, and I will.
374
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,889
You can't
just have a pickle.
375
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,325
I'm in better shape
than you.
376
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,726
Check out these guns!
377
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,094
Why are you yelling at me?
378
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,029
'cause it's your fault!
379
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,997
You're the old guy
wearing the costume
380
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,999
Of the dead robot
he loves.
381
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,001
You're right.
The poor kid.
382
00:13:57,003 --> 00:14:00,405
He's probably scared
of losing his two
greatest heroes.
383
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:04,876
I'm sure there's
a couple of other heroes
on that list...
384
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,312
Like me, for example.
385
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:10,081
Okay.
386
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,417
Evelyn silver?
387
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,919
How could you go to the dance
with evelyn silver?
388
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,321
'cause she asked me!
389
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,589
Well,
she kind of told me.
390
00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,158
She's pushy in a way
that feels familiar
and safe.
391
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,427
Well, now we're
never not going to
the dance together.
392
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,529
But we never were
going to the dance together.
393
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:28,600
But now we're really
never not going to the
dance together.
394
00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:29,934
Okay,
I am totally lost here.
395
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:32,303
I used to not want
to be seen with you
in public,
396
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,639
But now I don't want
to be seen with you
in private, either.
397
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,040
But if we were in private,
how could anyone see us?
398
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,977
They wouldn't not see us,
but now they'll never
not see us!
399
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,079
I think my brain
is about to explode!
400
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:44,582
See if you understand this.
I'm dumping you.
401
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,218
We were together?
402
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:49,187
We were together!
403
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,422
Wait! Come back!
404
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,392
We were together.
405
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,265
Adult adam:
Pops gave me some time
406
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,333
To cool down
from our big blowup.
407
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,369
Unfortunately,
I was hotter than ever.
408
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:07,071
Hey, kiddo.
(knocks on door)
409
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,039
Can we talk?
410
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,307
Busy.
I'm making a new movie.
411
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:13,878
Stop-motion animation.
You know what's good
about that?
412
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,613
No actors.
413
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,516
Well, you look like crap.
Have you slept?
414
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:22,453
No, I haven't slept.
I'm making
a masterpiece here.
415
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,622
Okay, look.
416
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:33,898
I know your dad
talked to you about
the deli of life,
417
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,266
But you need to know,
418
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,902
I'm not eating a sandwich
just yet.
419
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:40,438
Maybe it's because
I'm super-tired,
420
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,673
But you're making
no sense.
421
00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:45,643
Look,
everyone has their time.
422
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:47,745
But I'm here,
I'm awesome,
423
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:52,283
And I'm not going anywhere
anytime soon, kiddo.
424
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,786
Really?
Really.
425
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,855
Want to know my secret?
426
00:15:57,857 --> 00:16:02,226
Hanging out
with my best friend
keeps me young.
427
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:04,696
Now...
428
00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:09,367
What do you say you run
your grandpa over with a car?
429
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:11,703
I'd love to.
430
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,275
Hey. Aren't you supposed
to be getting ready
for the dance?
431
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,643
What's the point?
432
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,378
I found love,
and I lost it.
433
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,113
Now I'm never gonna
talk through a locker
434
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,115
With someone I really
care about again.
435
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,917
Well,
evy seems creepily into you.
436
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:29,520
But lainey was cool
and made me feel alive,
437
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:33,558
And I pretty much had
a crush on her
for my entire life.
438
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:37,295
But, like you said,
she doesn't like me.
439
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,097
Look,
I know my best friend.
440
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:42,433
Lainey likes you.
She just treats you
like an annoying,
441
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,068
Twerpy loser
because you let her.
442
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:46,971
Doesn't matter now.
I ruined everything.
443
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,540
(sighs)
no, I did.
444
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,943
Mom didn't just randomly
set you up on a date.
445
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,745
I may have
put her up to it
446
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:56,881
Because I didn't want you
frenching on my best friend.
447
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:57,315
What?
448
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,884
I know it was wrong,
but now...
449
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:02,653
I can't believe
I'm saying this...
450
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,790
You should be at the dance
with her.
451
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,091
Ew.
452
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:13,731
¶ heaven isn't too far away
453
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:19,570
¶ closer to it every day
454
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:20,805
Lainey.
We need to talk.
455
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,274
Uh, I'm sorry.
I don't know you.
456
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,575
Just hear me out!
457
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,677
No! Leave me alone!
458
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,212
Lainey!
459
00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:29,380
Lainey!
460
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,882
¶ how I love the way you move
461
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,684
¶ and the sparkle
in your eyes
462
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,019
Lainey, wait!
463
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:35,920
Wait! Wait.
464
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:40,358
Okay, I know
I'm irritating
and I sweat a lot
465
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,127
And my rap flow
is too ahead of its time,
466
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:46,364
So I get why you don't want
to be seen with me.
467
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,900
But I just need to know
one thing...
468
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:51,536
Do you like me?
469
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:53,771
I do.
Please don't tell anyone.
470
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,706
I won't! But it's
come to my attention
471
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:59,210
You only treat me this way
because I put up with it.
472
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,112
But I'm here
to tell you...
473
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,247
I want to put up with it.
474
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,016
Let me stand
in the shadows.
475
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:08,119
Let me only talk to you
through your locker vent.
476
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:11,422
Let me be
your secret shame.
477
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,791
God, you're annoying.
478
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:14,592
I know.
479
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,461
Come on. Let's dance.
480
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,729
We can still hear the music
out here.
481
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,165
No.
482
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:22,233
Let's go inside.
483
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,901
Then everyone will see us.
484
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,670
That's the point, dummy.
485
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:35,847
¶ heaven isn't too far away
486
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:40,852
¶ closer to it every day
487
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:41,486
¶ ah, ah
488
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:47,391
¶ no matter
what your friends might say
489
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:51,896
¶ we'll find our way
490
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,164
¶ yeah
491
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,133
(guitar solo)
492
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,069
Adult adam:
Yep, barry goldberg
was on top of the world,
493
00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,770
And no one could ruin that...
494
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:02,106
Not even beverly goldberg.
495
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:03,274
What the hell
is this?
496
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,609
I set barry up
with his soul mate,
497
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:05,877
And he's not even
with her
498
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,378
When I show up
completely unannounced?
499
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,147
Yeah, about that.
Why are you here?
500
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,015
I came to see
the lovebirds,
501
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,284
But those are
the wrong lovebirds!
502
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,986
Yeah, but maybe not.
503
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:18,189
¶ now the lights
are going out
504
00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:19,323
He does look happy.
505
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,026
He really does.
Wait.
What happened to evy?
506
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:22,927
Oh, I took care of that.
507
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:26,697
Turns out matchmaking
runs in the family.
508
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:29,200
Damn it.
This is my only good tie.
509
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:29,967
Oh, honey, that's okay.
510
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:33,838
Don't touch it.
Rub it out with club soda.
Be good as new.
511
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,373
¶ I don't know what to do ¶
512
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,708
Adult adam:
That's the thing
about growing up...
513
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:42,480
There's those perfect moments
where life just surprises you.
514
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:46,450
For barry,
that moment was now.
515
00:19:47,986 --> 00:19:49,020
And for me, I felt that moment
516
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:53,057
Every time
I was with my grandfather.
(tires screech)
517
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:58,029
That's the end of you,
optimus.
518
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:02,400
I literally cannot die!
519
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,802
Adult adam:
He was more than my hero.
520
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,003
He was my best friend.
521
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,306
So, what'd you think,
kiddo?
522
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,708
I love it.
523
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:19,951
(bell dings)
524
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,955
Adam: Optimus! No!
525
00:20:23,957 --> 00:20:24,455
(sobs)
526
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:30,127
We gather here today
to witness the burial
of optimus prime.
527
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:32,630
Later that night...
528
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:36,367
There's no optimus!
He's gone!
529
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,073
(dance music playing)
530
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,918
Take the wave from me.
What? No.
I don't want the wave.
531
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,687
Come on! Take it!
Stop it!
I don't want it!
532
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:57,154
No wave.
533
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,689
What the hell?
I've been waiting
534
00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,624
In the car 10 minutes.
535
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:02,693
Just watching barry.
He's quite the dancer.
536
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:03,995
Looks like a moron
to me.
537
00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:05,329
You can say that
again.
538
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:06,397
Evy,
I'm gonna go sit
539
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,599
In the comfortable chairs
over there.
540
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:11,369
Sitting?
That sounds good.
541
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:16,941
Okay, yeah, I see it now.
542
00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:20,511
(dance music playing)