1
00:00:00,734 --> 00:00:03,669
Adult adam: Back in the '80s,
america had one clear enemy...
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:04,503
The russians.
3
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,971
It was the age
of the cold war.
4
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,040
Capitalism vs. Communism.
5
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:08,907
Reagan vs. Gorbachev.
6
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:11,677
Rocky vs. That
roided-out monster
7
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:12,378
Who killed apollo creed.
8
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:16,015
But the only war I knew
was the one with my brother,
and like any superpowers,
9
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:19,118
Most of our fights
were about border disputes.
10
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,552
Dude!
You're in my space.
11
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,721
You're in my space!
12
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,858
Stop it.
Stop fighting.
Don't you...
13
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:26,658
Like any warring factions,
14
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:29,094
We didn't understand
each other and had
nothing in common.
15
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:31,230
Barry roller-skated to wham!
To impress the ladies
16
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:36,402
While I roller-skated
to starlight express
to impress the theatergoers.
17
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,269
I barely survived gym class...
18
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,572
(whistle blows)
...While barry thrived
as an athlete.
19
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:41,106
(grunts)
20
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:43,609
My dream was to be
the next steven spielberg.
21
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:47,046
Barry's dream was to be
the next charles barkley.
22
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,280
Swish, baby!
23
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,648
I collected garbage pail kids
24
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,618
While barry loved
his baseball cards.
25
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,419
Dude, check it out.
26
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,988
I just got hairy mary
and oozy suzy.
27
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:56,588
Oh, really?
28
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,190
I got nerdy adam
and punchy barry.
29
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:01,360
My most prized possession
was my castle grayskull,
30
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:04,029
And barry's
was this enormous shoe.
31
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,030
Behold, my lady.
32
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:09,134
The actual high-top
of basketball's
greatest badass,
33
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,869
Sir charles barkley.
34
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:11,870
Cool.
Let me see...
35
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,873
No! Your hand contains
damaging oils.
36
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,810
You can admire it quietly.
At a distance.
37
00:01:17,812 --> 00:01:20,045
How did you even get
this thing?
38
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,747
Dave sirota hooked me up.
39
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,748
His dad's a team doctor.
40
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,318
All I got to do
is his math homework
for the rest of year.
41
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,653
That is a horrible deal
for him.
42
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,788
Yeah, it is.
Sorry to be this dude,
43
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,825
But it's just a shoe.
Who cares?
44
00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:34,026
"who cares?"
45
00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:35,894
This is charles barkley.
46
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:37,696
The round mound
of rebound.
47
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,665
The greatest sixer
of our time.
48
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,700
Yeah,
basketball's not my sport.
49
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,168
Well,
sports aren't your sport.
50
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,404
Even my shoe thinks
you're a nerd.
51
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,106
Huh?
What was that?
52
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,475
"punch your brother
in the nards"?
Idiot.
53
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,577
Your shoe sounds
a lot like you.
54
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:52,878
Hey!
Knock it off.
55
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,314
What did we discuss?
Which barry do I like?
56
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,916
Sweet barry.
Which barry
do I hate?
57
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,852
Yelly,
punchy barry.
Mmm-hmm.
58
00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:01,920
(mouthing)
adult adam: Yep,
barry and I forever lived
59
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,088
In a tense
and bitter cold war.
60
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:07,226
We were always on guard,
never knowing when the other
would strike.
61
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,161
And this year,
I decided to mount
62
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,497
An epic attack
on April fools' day.
63
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,831
My target was the one thing
64
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:16,702
He told me never to touch
with my human oils.
65
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:17,569
Where's my barkley shoe?
66
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,739
Relax.
I spilled some water on it,
so I threw it in the dryer.
67
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,975
I told you not to touch
that thing!
68
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:24,910
(footsteps receding)
69
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,846
Barry:
(screams) no!
70
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,216
Gone. (sniffles)
71
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,818
Gone forever.
72
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,419
Fly away,
little size 16.
73
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,722
I'm a better person
for having known you.
74
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,124
Well, who knew that
high heat for an hour
75
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:41,126
Would do that to rubber?
Hmm.
76
00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:44,429
I...Feel...Anger!
77
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,866
(laughs)
78
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,403
(laughs)
79
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:54,573
April fools'!
Oh, balls!
80
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,842
Dude, it was
an April fools' joke.
81
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,510
Here's the real shoe,
idiot.
82
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,779
(laughing) oh, man.
83
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,080
That... Yeah.
84
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:04,616
It's April already.
(laughs)
85
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:05,217
You got me good.
86
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:09,254
Wait. Y-you destroyed
castle grayskull.
87
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,656
You owe me 100 bucks.
88
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:11,557
Yeah, not gonna happen.
89
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:15,794
You should know I'm unstable
and would react poorly.
This is on you.
90
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:21,433
By the power of grayskull,
this will not stand.
91
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,536
Thought I lost you, buddy.
92
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:26,238
¶ I'm twisted up inside
93
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:30,676
¶ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
94
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:33,212
¶ I don't know the future
95
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:37,316
¶ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶
96
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,551
Adult adam: It was
April 1, 1980-something,
97
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,386
And my sister
was spending time
98
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,288
In her true home...
The mall.
99
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,057
Okay, what do you want
to hit next?
100
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,992
Benetton or sam goody?
101
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,927
Holy crap!
102
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,530
Every teenage girl has
a defining moment in her life.
103
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,432
For my sister,
it was the chance
104
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:56,435
To see her rock idol
jam by the food court.
105
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:59,871
Tiffany...Is coming...
To our mall?
106
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,975
Sweet god,
my life now has meaning.
107
00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:05,310
Yep, back before taylor swift
and katy perry,
108
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:08,680
Teen pop superstars
would visit your tiny town
109
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,983
And play a free concert
in your local mall.
110
00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:13,652
And the biggest star
of them all was tiffany.
111
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,287
No last name needed.
112
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,522
¶ I think we're alone now ¶
113
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,858
Don't you see
what this means?
114
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,360
I can give tiffany
my demo tape,
115
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,395
And she can
discover me.
116
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,430
Oh.
Just one problem.
117
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,198
You don't have
a demo tape,
118
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,500
And your cheap-ass dad
will never pay for one.
119
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,501
Then there's
only one play.
120
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:33,605
What if I told you
I could save you
$20,000 today?
121
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,007
For the first time
in your life,
122
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:35,941
You'd have
my full attention.
123
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:39,411
Well, that's the price
of a college education
these days.
124
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,345
And for a mere $200,
125
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:44,016
I can record a music demo tape
and hand it off to tiffany,
126
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:46,985
Thereby skipping college
and achieving my life dream
127
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,855
Of becoming a teen
singing sensation.
128
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,290
Dreams?
Who said "dreams"?
129
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,659
Mama's here.
I support you.
Don't!
130
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:57,129
She wants to sing
instead of going to college.
131
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,196
It's a nightmare.
132
00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,331
I'm not
a total idiot.
133
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,199
I've worked out
a surefire plan
134
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:02,601
That will get me
to the top.
135
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,136
Listen to our
snuggle monkey.
136
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:07,673
She has a plan.
It's surefire.
What's the plan?
137
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:11,076
I take my awesome
demo tape to the mall
and hand it to tiffany.
138
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,179
The minute she hears
my soulful voice, boom!
139
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,647
It happens.
What happens?
140
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,916
I open for her in malls
across the country.
141
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,184
That's when I get
a record deal
142
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,320
And meat simon le bon
from duran duran
143
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:23,255
At calvin klein's
lake house.
144
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:24,723
Here's a plan... College!
145
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:27,559
Beverly:
Oh, you're such
a grumpy pants.
146
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,661
Just you wait.
Her plan will work.
147
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,364
Yes!
I love you, mom.
Aw.
148
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,166
(chuckles)
(sighs)
149
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,667
(sighs)
150
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,270
The (bleep) murray?
Why didn't you stop me?
151
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,238
Stop you?
You were chewing
my head off!
152
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,608
My baby wants to sing?
That's not a job.
153
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:44,676
But you just told her
it was!
154
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,212
You got to go up there
and tell her
she's got to go to college.
155
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,680
Why? You just told her
she didn't!
156
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,881
Because
I'm the dream pusher,
157
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,651
And you're
the dream smusher.
That's how this works.
158
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:55,687
This is a thing?
I'm the smusher?
159
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,755
Yes.
I push, you smush.
160
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,457
That's the natural order
of things.
161
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,159
I didn't sign up for this!
You smush for once.
162
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,995
You know, it's exhausting
always having to be
the bad guy.
163
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,631
Well, it can't be me!
I'm the loving,
supportive one.
164
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,935
You're the grumbling,
grouchy one
I always hide behind.
165
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,537
Now go!
Smush, smush, smush.
166
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,506
(groans)
(telephone rings)
167
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,474
Hello?
168
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,843
Adam: (on phone)
have you checked on the cards?
169
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:18,276
What?
170
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:23,215
(slowly) have you checked
on the cards?
171
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:26,118
No. No!
172
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:26,752
Yes. (chuckles)
173
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,787
Barry: You drew
all over my cards!
174
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:32,758
Tell me this is a joke.
Say "April fools'."
say it!
175
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,358
No joke.
176
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,695
One castle grayskull
for your baseball cards.
177
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,296
Your toy's 100 bucks!
178
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,898
This is a million dollars!
179
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,799
They're $1 a packet.
180
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:44,536
Everyone knows
they triple in value
every day.
181
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,237
This was my nest egg.
182
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:48,173
Well, I guess
you're gonna have to
work for your money now.
183
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,875
Never.
Mark my words...
184
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:53,178
You've waged a war
you cannot win.
185
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,280
I'm coming for you,
brother.
186
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,915
And I'm coming hard.
187
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,183
Bring your best, bro,
188
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:01,686
'cause nothing scares
adam goldberg.
189
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,288
Oh, god. Oh, god.
Oh, god.
190
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:03,989
He's gonna come at me.
191
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,124
I told him to bring his best.
Why would I suggest that?
192
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:09,628
Just apologize
for what you did
to cal ripken.
193
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,596
We're long past
apologies now.
194
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,232
This is all-out war,
and I'm gonna win.
195
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,334
Kiddo,
I fought in a real war.
196
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,737
Trust me,
there is no winner.
197
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,172
Adult adam:
Pops was right.
198
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,339
While I protected my toys,
199
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,109
I forgot about
one crucial item...
200
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:24,876
My video camera.
201
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,546
No!
What have you done?
202
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,948
Okay, barry,
you've gone too far.
203
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,284
You mess with my stuff,
I mess with yours.
204
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,852
This wasn't just stuff.
205
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,054
This camera meant
everything.
206
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,222
It's like my best friend.
207
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:40,358
Oh, relax. All I did
was take it apart.
208
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,863
Here's the manual.
Just... Just put it
back together.
209
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,233
Adam: This is in chinese!
210
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,936
Remember,
you smush, I push.
211
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:53,371
Fair warning,
she's gonna get
extremely upset,
212
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,906
And she will
throw something at you.
213
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:58,877
I apologize in advance
'cause I'm gonna
let it happen.
214
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,213
Peanut,
we need to talk.
215
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:03,048
(sighs)
what do you want?
216
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:06,318
I just want you
to know...
217
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,018
(sighs)
218
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,055
...That I support
your singing 100%.
219
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,223
What?
Really?
220
00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:12,123
Really.
What?
221
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,059
Forget about college.
Gamble your life
222
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,629
In the dangerous
and shady world
of rock 'n' roll.
223
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,197
For real?
So real.
224
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,932
Unless you mom's got
something to add.
225
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,300
Uh, not at this moment.
226
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:28,139
Um, I'm just letting
the news wash over me
'cause it's so positive.
227
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,508
(chuckles)
dad, I give you
my word
228
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,409
When riki gold
sweeps the grammys,
229
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,778
You're will be
the first person I thank.
230
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,013
Riki gold?
231
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,047
Yeah,
it's my stage name.
232
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,283
'cause goldberg is...
You know.
233
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:41,419
You can be whoever
you damn well please
234
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:45,590
Because daddy believes
in you and your plan.
235
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:46,224
Ooh, thanks, dad!
236
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,859
Adult adam: With that,
my dad became the pusher...
237
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,327
I'm so excited!
...Forcing my mom
238
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,896
To become the smusher.
Thank you.
239
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:52,097
It's a bad plan.
240
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,698
What?
You know I love you,
241
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,501
But you are gonna
go to college
and get a good job
242
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:59,337
So I don't have to
stay up late
at night worrying.
243
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,605
So, basically,
you're a sham.
244
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:04,809
Every time that you said
you believed in me,
it was a lie?
245
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:07,345
Of course not.
It's still me.
246
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,514
It's your mama,
snuggle monkey.
(scoffs)
247
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:13,018
Lies! I am not
your snuggle monkey.
248
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,753
You don't mean that.
249
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:15,754
Oh, I mean it.
250
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:18,890
And you can never call me
snuggly or squishy
251
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,626
Or boopie or schmoopie
ever again.
252
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:24,429
Do not take schmoopie
away from me.
253
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:25,997
Don't you dare!
254
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,066
It's just I...
255
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,200
I don't want you to fail.
256
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,836
Well, that makes me want
to succeed even more.
257
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,272
I will sing for quarters
on the subway.
258
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:38,677
I will sleep on lumpy couches
owned by creepy disk jockeys.
259
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,045
Sure,
when times get tough,
260
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,381
I may have to go cry
in a bank vestibule.
261
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,349
But then, in the end,
262
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:47,118
I will be bigger than
tiffany and debbie gibson.
263
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,589
But not madonna,
because I'm realistic.
264
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:54,926
(sighs)
265
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:58,296
Adult adam:
Since neither of my parents
wanted to be the smusher,
266
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,398
They turned to
erica's teacher for help.
267
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,068
Thank you so much
for meeting with us
on a Saturday.
268
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,704
Honestly, we really do
appreciate it.
269
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,771
Anything for erica.
270
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,673
In all of my years
of teaching,
271
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:12,210
I have never had a student
so passionate and talented.
272
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,779
Oh, that is so nice
to hear.
273
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,781
And I'm gonna need you
to shut your mouth
274
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,750
And never say that again.
275
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,151
What? I...
276
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,152
Let me chime in here.
277
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,923
Actively destroy her dreams.
Thank you so much.
278
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,391
(chuckling) yeah,
I'm not gonna agree to that.
279
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:30,595
I'm her teacher.
It is my job to inspire her,
not to hold her back.
280
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,464
Let me pipe in here, mur.
281
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,298
We would appreciate it
282
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,533
If you would shame her
into quitting
283
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:39,371
Using, say, scare tactics
or negative reinforcement.
284
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:43,108
I don't want to tell you
how to do your job.
You get it.
285
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:43,808
I really don't get it.
286
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,577
Let me
sound off here, bev.
287
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,112
What my wife
is trying to say,
288
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,547
And I think we can
all agree on this,
289
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:52,384
A career in music,
it's absurd.
290
00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:55,420
(scoffs)
I...Don't agree.
291
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,588
Let me finish this off,
mur.
292
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,423
See, millions of girls
want to be stars,
293
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:02,694
But they end up becoming
waitresses or dog walkers
or music teachers.
294
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:07,332
And that is no life
anyone would wish
for their little girl.
295
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,433
No offense.
296
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,468
Literally couldn't be
more offended.
297
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:11,736
Let me take
the wheel here, bev.
298
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,639
Uh, you know what?
Don't take wheel.
Okay? (laughs)
299
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,741
Beverly,
I cannot believe this.
300
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,643
I... Even though
you give me hives
301
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:22,213
And I am stalked
in my dreams
by a blond monster,
302
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:26,484
I have always respected
the way that you support
your kids no matter what.
303
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,486
(sighs)
look. It's just...
304
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:32,023
What she wants to do,
it's such a long shot.
305
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,525
It is if you're not
there for her.
306
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,061
Do you think that tiffany
or debbie gibson
307
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,496
Would have made it
without their mothers?
308
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:38,830
No.
309
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,398
They not only support
their daughters,
310
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,200
They manage
their whole careers.
311
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:42,901
What's that, now?
312
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:46,304
Adult adam: My mom realized
that she could hijack
erica's career
313
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,641
And be both a mom
and a manager.
314
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:50,041
Momager.
315
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,477
While my mom was plotting
erica's rise to stardom,
316
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:55,046
I was planning
barry's fall from grace.
317
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,014
I'd win the cold war
318
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,650
By taking away the one thing
he loved most...
319
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,418
His hot lady friend.
320
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,820
Hi, um, lainey.
321
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:05,056
Look, I know I showed my bra
to dave kim for five bucks,
322
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,124
But it's not, like,
a thing.
323
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:09,327
No. I'm afraid
I'm the bearer
of bad news.
324
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,929
Barry asked me
to come here
325
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,465
And terminate
your relationship.
326
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:16,034
Yeah, that's just not
realistic, dude.
327
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:16,768
Damn it.
328
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:17,802
What's going on
with you two?
329
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,704
He broke
my video camera.
330
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,206
Why would he do that?
331
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,741
I told him I liked
sweet barry.
332
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:25,243
Turns out,
there is no sweet barry...
333
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,680
Only yelly,
punchy barry.
334
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:31,282
I don't want to say
that you could do better,
335
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,384
But we're all thinking it.
336
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:34,486
Hmm.
337
00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:35,086
You are so dead!
338
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,388
Am I?
'cause I've never
felt more alive.
339
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:40,225
Lainey said she had to think
about our future.
340
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,226
I can't have her thinking.
341
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:42,727
What if she sees me
for what I am?
342
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,262
Well, maybe you should have
thought of that
343
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,997
Before you were
who you are.
344
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,067
I...Feel...Anger!
345
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,438
What the hell?
346
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,441
Where's all your nerd stuff
for me to stomp on?
347
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,375
Put it all in storage.
348
00:12:57,377 --> 00:13:01,079
Now I live in a room
without joy and happiness.
349
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,915
In...Your...Face.
350
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,484
I can't believe it.
351
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:09,287
You actually beat me.
352
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,124
April fools'.
353
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,660
Adult adam: As my brother
was preparing to take me down,
354
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,929
Tiffany was preparing
to take the stage
355
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,565
In front of a thousand
screaming teenage girls.
356
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,299
Erica: Sorry, guys.
357
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,102
Just got to squeeze
right through you.
Yeah, thanks.
358
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,338
Oh, excuse me. Hi.
I'm er... I'm, uh, riki gold.
359
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,640
And, uh,
I just wanted to know
360
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,875
If you could give
this demo tape to tiffany
361
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:32,677
And let her know
that I recorded it
362
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,379
On my broken boom box
in my bathroom,
363
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:35,647
Which isn't
totally soundproof.
364
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:38,082
You can kind of hear my dad
yelling in the background.
365
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:41,886
But in the end, uh, my voice
totally shines through.
366
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:42,654
Sure thing, kid.
367
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,589
Oh, my god.
It actually worked.
368
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:45,857
Adult adam:
It did not work.
369
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,960
Every other girl in town
had a demo tape, too.
370
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,563
Wow.
That's a lot of tapes.
371
00:13:51,565 --> 00:13:53,498
But riki gold
had a plan b...
372
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,599
Sneak up to the tour bus
and get discovered
373
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:58,903
By singing directly
to tiffany herself.
It was foolproof!
374
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:00,071
What the hell?
375
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,906
Unfortunately,
every other fool in town...
376
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:05,243
Excuse me. Sorry.
Pardon me.
...Had the exact same plan.
377
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,345
Lainey,
what are you doing here?
378
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,746
Duh.
I want to be famous.
379
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,783
Uh, no, wanting to be famous
is my thing.
380
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,718
Hi, girls. Scooch over.
Scooch.
381
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,153
Oh, my god.
Why are you here?
382
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,555
You parents maybe
made me question
383
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:18,223
Some of my life choices.
384
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:21,826
Sort of my last gasp here.
Really need this win.
(note plays)
385
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,295
No, this is my plan.
386
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:28,132
(playing guitar)
¶ children, behave
387
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:31,436
¶ running
just as fast as we can
388
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:34,405
¶ holding on
to one another's hands
389
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,307
(engine revs)
¶ trying to get away
390
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,475
¶ into the night ¶
night!
391
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,543
Tiffany!
Tiffany!
392
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:39,978
Adult adam:
Erica's dreams of stardom
393
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,947
Were literally driving away
before her very eyes.
394
00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:45,416
Meanwhile, barry's dream
of obliterating me
395
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,118
Was about to become reality.
396
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,087
For years, he held onto
a secret weapon...
397
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,290
Something so powerful
that it could
only be unleashed
398
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,658
In a time of true war.
399
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,561
And that time was now.
400
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,897
Oh, no.
401
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,566
Oh, yes.
402
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:03,368
Oh, no.
403
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,036
I had taken
barry's girlfriend,
404
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,905
And he would take my dignity
by unleashing
405
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,407
The most embarrassing
sears glamour portrait
406
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,844
The world had ever seen,
knee-high socks and all.
407
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,879
Oh, no! (groans)
408
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,314
Barry.
409
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,883
Hey, buddy.
What brings you by?
410
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:21,119
How?
I destroyed this photo!
411
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,488
You mean...
This one?
412
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:27,258
The one where
mom dragged you
to a studio photographer
413
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,526
Dressed like a sad,
little dandy?
414
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:32,931
And I will post it
all over the school.
415
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:33,731
No! You can't!
416
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,133
That will completely
destroy me!
417
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:39,103
Oh, my god.
Pops was right!
No one wins a war.
418
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,673
Actually,
somebody does win...
419
00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:43,808
Whoever's got
the bigger nuke.
420
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:47,011
And I've got
the adam bomb.
421
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,448
Adult adam:
My mom had officially
dedicated her life
422
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,883
To managing my sister's
music career.
423
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:54,886
Only problem,
erica had no idea.
424
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:55,520
Erica: What the...
425
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,855
Why is my awful
10th grade yearbook photo
426
00:15:57,857 --> 00:16:00,858
On t-shirts, buttons,
and bumper stickers?
427
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:04,028
Because your momager
got you your first gig.
428
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,031
You're playing
the del ennis bowling lanes
429
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:07,966
At 10:00 a.M. On Tuesday!
430
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:11,269
Who's gonna be
at the del ennis lanes
at 10:00 a.M. On a Tuesday?
431
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,839
Well, del will be there
and bonnie, his wife.
She rents the shoes.
432
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:19,277
And, uh, I'll be there
selling these
puffy paint t-shirts.
433
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,311
Hmm? (chuckles)
434
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,079
If del allows it.
435
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:24,282
He's trying to take
a cut of the merch.
I'm into it with him.
436
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,550
You don't need to know
the details.
437
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,952
Mom, maybe,
I should...
No.
438
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:29,020
You were right about me.
439
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:30,755
I've supported you
your whole life.
440
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:35,727
But when it really mattered,
when you really needed me,
I panicked.
441
00:16:35,729 --> 00:16:38,196
Well, from now on,
we're in this together...
442
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:42,600
All day, every day,
on the tour bus, in hotels,
443
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,802
You and your biggest fan,
your mama.
444
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,805
That's why, I'm gonna
momage you
straight to the top.
445
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:51,142
I'm gonna make sure
no one ever smushes
your dreams again.
446
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,478
You have to smush
my dreams.
Murray: No, no, no.
447
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,580
I'm out of that game.
From now on, I'm a pusher.
448
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,383
No, mom's the pusher.
We can't have two pushers.
449
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,818
Then I'll actually have
to follow through on things.
450
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,320
Wait, I...I thought
this is what you wanted.
451
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:06,457
Don't give it up just 'cause
your mom bought
a bunch of puffy paint.
452
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,026
It's not just mom.
453
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,894
I went to that mall,
and I realized
454
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:12,363
There's a million girls
out there just like me.
455
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,666
And the truth is,
you were right.
456
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:18,002
I just don't have a shot.
457
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,705
Adult adam:
As erica was giving up
on her dreams,
458
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:25,209
Barry was about to obliterate
my reality.
459
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,747
(cheering)
460
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,284
Hey.
What's going on?
461
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:36,954
Dude, it's crazy.
The berlin wall just fell.
462
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,658
Adult adam:
It was one of those moments
463
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,260
You remember
for the rest of your life.
464
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,562
A country divided,
coming together
465
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,164
For a shining moment of peace.
466
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,399
And as barry
watched it all unfold,
467
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,935
He realized
it was time to end
468
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,437
The war at home.
469
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:55,773
My camera!
How did you get
the money to fix it?
470
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,975
I sold my barkley shoe
back to dave sirota.
471
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,477
But what about the photo?
472
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,212
You were about to drop
the adam bomb.
473
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,281
I saw something today
that changed me.
474
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,084
David hasselhoff was on top
of the great wall of china
475
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,251
In a light-up jacket
singing about freedom.
476
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:12,023
And it occurred to me,
if knight rider can make
can make east and west russia
477
00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:14,725
Find common ground,
maybe we can, too.
478
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:17,328
While your facts
are wildly off,
479
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,764
Your spirit
is right on the money.
480
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,398
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
481
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,800
Sure, I'm athletic
and enjoy awesome stuff
482
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,302
While everything
you know and love
483
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,536
Is for losers
who suck at life,
484
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:29,040
But even though we're from
two different worlds,
485
00:18:29,042 --> 00:18:31,676
I believe we can live
in harmony.
486
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:35,913
Wait. You gave me back
what I love.
487
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,249
Time to return the favor.
488
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,951
(rapping)
¶ I'm a bad boy
489
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,352
¶ but a good guy
490
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,920
¶ on the outside, I'm tough
491
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,589
¶ on the inside, I cry
492
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,491
¶ I'm always on the streets
493
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:47,425
¶ rhymin' and schemin'
494
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:51,062
¶ but when I think
of your face
I get sensitive feelings
495
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:52,630
¶ I mouth off to the cops
496
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,531
¶ and get myself in trouble
497
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:57,368
¶ but when you bail be out
we watch splash and cuddle
498
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,437
¶ see, I'm a bad boy
499
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:00,538
¶ but a sweet guy
500
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,340
¶ I get in trouble
501
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:04,108
¶ and I don't know why
502
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,476
¶ so take big tasty back
503
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,544
¶ you know you can't resist
504
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:12,250
¶ so on a humbler note
I really need this ¶
505
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:16,154
That was...
Uncomfortable.
506
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:18,789
Point is,
he got my camera fixed.
507
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:19,790
That's sweet.
508
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,059
He really is a good brother.
509
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,794
You're not so bad
yourself.
510
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:27,932
(tiffany's I think
we're alone now plays)
511
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,035
Here. For your demo.
512
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,971
But we agreed
you were gonna talk to mom.
513
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,039
And I will.
514
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,674
But I just need you to know
515
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,945
That there's nobody else
out there like you. Nobody.
516
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:43,181
Look.
I got my dream.
517
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,283
I got this house,
I got the family, I got you.
518
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:49,987
And if this is what
you really want,
I say go for it.
519
00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:53,157
To a parent,
that's scary as hell.
520
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,426
But I can't have you
live your life
521
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,496
Thinking
I held you back.
522
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,135
¶ children, behave
dad.
523
00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:04,802
Yeah?
524
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:08,639
What you said,
that was really, um...
525
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,209
¶ and watch how you play
526
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,344
Thank you.
¶ they don't understand
527
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,046
Anything for you,
peanut.
528
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,447
Adult adam: That's the thing
about family.
529
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:20,885
You fight, you argue,
you wage all-out war,
but at the end of the day,
530
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,154
You're always
on the same side.
531
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:23,955
¶ tryin' to get away
532
00:20:23,957 --> 00:20:25,890
¶ into the night
'cause in a world
where everyone
533
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,624
Tries to smush you down,
534
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:30,895
The one thing you got
is your family
to push you forward.
535
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,364
¶ I think we're alone now
536
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:37,201
¶ there doesn't seem to be
anyone around
537
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,036
That's my superstar
client.
538
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:42,840
You're not gonna be
the momager.
We'll see.
539
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,376
¶ ...Is the only sound ¶
540
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:51,415
Glad that's
gone forever.
(chuckles)
541
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,854
(ding)
542
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,825
Riki gold, big tasty,
543
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,628
Thank you for meeting me
on such short notice.
544
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,496
Meeting?
We're eating breakfast.
545
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,697
Let me cut to the chase.
546
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,800
What I'm looking at
are two musical giants
547
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,369
On the precipice of greatness,
548
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,436
And as your momager...
549
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:13,804
No! (laughs)
no!
550
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:16,874
...I present
"the tasty gold experience."
551
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,076
Even better,
I won't even take 10%.
552
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,445
You can pay me
in huggies and smoochies.
553
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,047
Both: No!