1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,133 Adult adam: Back in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:02,568 This is what we did after school... 3 00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:05,337 We'd prepare a feast of our favorite sugary snacks 4 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:08,240 In preparation for an endless tv marathon. 5 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:11,910 In those days, our parents didn't pack our schedules to keep us occupied. 6 00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:15,547 That honor went to whatever the three networks chose 7 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:16,882 To randomly broadcast, 8 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:19,952 And it was glorious. 9 00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,855 Hey! I was watching that! I know. 10 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:25,024 Then why'd you change it? 'cause I don't care. 11 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,925 I thought that was clear by now. 12 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:27,359 Dude. 13 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,095 It's like you have no respect for me at all. 14 00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:30,796 It is like that, yes. 15 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:34,199 I demand your respect! Give it to me right now! 16 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,502 Respect isn't given. It's earned. 17 00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:37,403 You never get off your lazy butt. 18 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:41,774 When I was your age, I went to school and I had two jobs. 19 00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:42,508 Oh, yeah? 20 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,743 I'll go out right now and get an awesome job, 21 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,311 And then you'll have to respect me. 22 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:49,882 And I'll learn responsibility and earn my own money 23 00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:51,216 And never depend on you for anything. 24 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,287 You're threatening me with things I want you to do! 25 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,289 This is on you. 26 00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,057 No, no, no. Stop. 27 00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:01,260 Come back here and be a weight on my spirit. 28 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,194 Adult adam: Unlike barry, 29 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:05,030 My sister worked her way up to assistant manager at gimbels. 30 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,000 Erica, you really have a flair for style. 31 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:09,501 Your bandana work is flawless. 32 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,769 Thank you. (chuckles) 33 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,938 Aah! What the... Stop it! 34 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:16,041 Hey! It's me! Barry! 35 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,377 I told you to never come where I am. 36 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,011 Awesome news... 37 00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:21,046 You're getting me a job so dad can respect me. 38 00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,882 (chuckling) oh, good luck with that. 39 00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,184 I've been working my whole life, 40 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,485 And he still calls me "the girl one." 41 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,988 Erica, if your brother is half as good as you, he's hired. 42 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,891 Chuck, I think if you'll give my brother a quick interview, 43 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,393 You'll have all the info you need. 44 00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,262 So, tell me... What's your greatest strength? 45 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,797 Easy... Bo staff. 46 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,399 No! Wait. 47 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,734 Busting fresh rhymes. No! Wait. 48 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,870 Handsome. No! Wait. 49 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:48,273 I was literally born without fear. 50 00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:50,909 I'll let you know. 51 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:51,777 Boom! He'll let me know. 52 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,013 Adult adam: He didn't, but barry refused to quit looking. 53 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,148 My biggest weakness? 54 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,150 I'm honest, and I'm lazy. 55 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,384 What's your biggest weakness? 56 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:02,588 Who do I think would win a fight between a tiger and a bear? 57 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,623 (chuckles) that's a good question. 58 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,426 One you didn't ask, but I'll discuss. 59 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,128 Minimum wage? 60 00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:10,162 No, no, no. 61 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,197 What's maximum wage? 62 00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,199 (chair squeaks) 63 00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,235 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 64 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:20,239 ¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 65 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:23,509 ¶ I don't know the future 66 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:27,246 ¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 67 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,448 Adult adam: It was April 15, 1980 something, 68 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:33,452 And my mom's day was about to be rocked to its very core. 69 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:34,786 Boopie, what's this? 70 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:35,888 Spanish test. 71 00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:37,356 Beverly: "f"? As in "fail"? 72 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,892 No, no. That's literally humanly impossible. 73 00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:41,393 My children don't fail. 74 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,427 I'm as stunned as you are. 75 00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:46,765 Maybe it means "f" as in "fabulous" or "first prize." 76 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,902 I knew you would say that, so I asked. 77 00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:50,369 It's "fail." 78 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:54,106 My teacher said maybe I'm better off moving down a level. 79 00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,641 As in remedial? 80 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,776 Oh-ho, no! Are you mad? 81 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,012 Yes, I'm mad... At your teacher! 82 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,314 Senora taraborelli? 83 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,216 You think this is her fault? 84 00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,817 Well, it's certainly not your fault. 85 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,085 You're just a little boy. 86 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,288 That's true. I am a little boy. 87 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,890 A genius little boy. 88 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,292 Please... Be nice. 89 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,727 She's a lovely but fragile woman. 90 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,396 Well, I'm lovely and pissed. 91 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,065 Okay. I got to stop you before this gets nuts. 92 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:23,202 Clearly, this is the one subject the kid struggles in. 93 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:26,638 You can't blame the teacher. It's the boy. 94 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,208 It takes a very special educator 95 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,343 To teach such a strange, exotic language, 96 00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,812 With all the squiggles over the letters 97 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,515 And the crazy upside-down question marks 98 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,316 And the "rrrrrrrrrrr"s. 99 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,484 Adult adam: That right there is what you call 100 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,053 Beverly goldberg mom logic. 101 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,789 What do you mean he failed drivers ed? 102 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,691 Yep, my mom could explain away our failures 103 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:49,094 By perfectly placing the blame on anyone but us. 104 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,196 You've got your own pedal in there. 105 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,898 I think you slammed on the brakes yourself 106 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,167 And sabotaged my son. Change the grade. 107 00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:57,436 Change the grade. Change the grade. 108 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,670 Change the grade. 109 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,439 Change the grade. Change the grade. 110 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,274 Change the... Oh, that's nice. 111 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,876 Adult adam: My mom would now apply mom logic 112 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,011 To why I sucked at spanish. 113 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,680 Look, adam is so smart, and he tries so hard, 114 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:12,851 But, you know, he just can't keep up with the other kids. 115 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:13,785 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 116 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,756 Uh, I see the situation slightly differently. 117 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,724 How's that? 118 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,026 I see it as entirely your fault. 119 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:21,827 Oh... Mrs. Goldberg, 120 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,464 I have been teaching spanish for well over a decade. 121 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:29,835 And have you adequately kept up with changes to the language? 122 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,903 I'm... I'm pretty sure it's set in stone. 123 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,640 Mmm-hmm. Have you ever even traveled 124 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,375 To any of these spanish places? 125 00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:39,745 No, not on a teacher's salary, but look, I'm saving money, 126 00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:45,284 And I intend to find myself in san juan, drinking cervezas 127 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:48,687 With a very fiery caribbean lover 128 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,223 Who will take me in his taut, muscular arms, 129 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:55,027 And together, we will dance the forbidden dance. 130 00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,361 The lambada. 131 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:57,029 Wow. 132 00:04:57,031 --> 00:05:00,165 That is... Very graphic. 133 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,401 Yeah. I'm sorry. Look, I just... 134 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,737 You know, if adam is struggling, I suggest you find a tutor. 135 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,372 Excellent. When can you start? 136 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,341 Me? (chuckling) no, no. 137 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,443 That would be a conflict of interest. 138 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,844 Oh, it's really not. 139 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,079 I mean, the school pays you to teach. 140 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,081 Why can't I pay you more to teach him more? 141 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,850 In this case, 50 bucks an hour 142 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,919 To help fund your sensual adventure? 143 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,354 Well, that is very generous, 144 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,656 But I would not feel right about... 145 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,458 Did you say $50? 146 00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,929 Adult adam: Yep, mom logic even managed to win over 147 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,432 My earnest, buttoned-up teacher. 148 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,033 The lure of the forbidden dance is calling you. 149 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,870 Adult adam: Well, that and the promise of a sensual, silk-shirted senor. 150 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,273 Meanwhile, my brother had somehow landed 151 00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:42,107 His very first job. 152 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,644 ...And the in-depth pizza-box-folding tutorial. 153 00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,913 So, any questions? 154 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,715 Nope. I'm good. 155 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:50,248 Are you? 156 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,552 This entire operation rests on you delivering our food 157 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:54,753 Hot and on time. 158 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:55,921 Don't you worry. 159 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,222 Every street in this city 160 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,825 Can tell you a story about barry goldberg. 161 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,761 Some are pretty hard to talk about. 162 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,663 Lot of bad memories. 163 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:05,597 I, uh, I struggle with stuff. 164 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,467 Point is, I know the streets good. 165 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,368 Hope so. 166 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:10,736 'cause this may be the pizza depot, 167 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:13,205 But we're closing in fast on the big boys over at domino's. 168 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:17,142 See, they've tipped their hand and revealed the secret 169 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,444 To the pizza-delivery gold standard, 170 00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:22,881 And that's the avoidance of this man. 171 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:23,782 The noid. 172 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:27,586 Oh, yeah. The funny guy from the commercials. 173 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:28,453 Funny? 174 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,923 This floppy-eared goblin is a physical manifestation 175 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:32,691 Of the challenges inherent 176 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:36,461 In getting a hot pizza delivered on time. 177 00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:39,498 The noid is evil, and he never sleeps. 178 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,334 He makes pizza cold. I'm familiar with the noid. 179 00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:42,934 Are you? 180 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,970 'cause he's the wolf at the gates who will stop at nothing 181 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:48,340 Until he destroys us and everything we hold dear. 182 00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,308 Are you afraid now? Huh? 183 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,309 No. 184 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,144 He's a cartoon. 185 00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:53,745 You're cocky, rookie. 186 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,380 I like that. 187 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,550 Oh! Look at you! 188 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,586 How was the first day on the job? Not bad at all. 189 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,255 Made a ton of dough. 190 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,022 Pizza dough. 191 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,390 It's a joke we say around the shop, 192 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,993 Because "dough" is another word for "money" 193 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,127 But we also cook with it. 194 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,463 I got to admit, I didn't think you'd go through with it. 195 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:16,334 But hard work like this deserves something special. 196 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,403 What's this? 197 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,271 Bottle of suds. 198 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,840 It's about time you had a beer with your old man. 199 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,074 What the hell is this? 200 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,343 Uh, just a little father-son thing. 201 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:28,046 Dad's giving me a beer 'cause I'm a working man. 202 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,149 What? I work, and I like beer. 203 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,553 I've said too much. I should go. 204 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:37,456 Just to be clear, this is a one-time thing. 205 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,591 I can't believe this is happening. 206 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,125 Oh, believe it. 207 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,161 This frosty cold one is a rite of passage, 208 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,564 A symbol of my respect. 209 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:49,100 Son, you are no longer a moron. 210 00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,469 You are a man. 211 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,971 This is too much. I'm freaking out. 212 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:53,705 Don't freak out. 213 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,407 I'm freaking out! Don't freak out. 214 00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:57,375 (grunts) (glass shatters) 215 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,376 The hell was that? 216 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,312 I panicked! I didn't know what to do! 217 00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:03,448 You drink it! You don't slap it across the room! 218 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,217 I know that now! 219 00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:06,151 Let's just put a pin in this. 220 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,887 Adult adam: While barry was struggling with his newfound respect, 221 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,322 I was hoping my new tutor 222 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,991 Would end my struggles with el espanol. 223 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,260 Gracias, dave kim. 224 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,229 Ah, paco. How'd we do? 225 00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:18,797 Um... No buena. 226 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,533 No? Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad. 227 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:24,069 (sighing) oh, boy. 228 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,804 Whew. Okay. 229 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:26,705 Uh... 230 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,907 Why don't you go ahead and just, uh, 231 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:32,010 Eh, take another look at 3. 232 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,678 And 6. 233 00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:35,213 And 11. 234 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,314 Really? 235 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,816 Wow. Great. 236 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,084 (chuckles) 237 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,552 Um... 238 00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,290 Me puedes... 239 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,594 ...Pasar 240 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,696 Los zapatos? 241 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,031 Oh, yeah. You taught me that. 242 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,399 See? I knew you knew it. 243 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,668 Well, thanks. Ah, yeah. 244 00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:57,669 Adios. 245 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,771 Oh. Oh, very good. 246 00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:06,745 Beverly: Squishy! 247 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,613 I knew you could do it! 248 00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:09,848 Congrats, kid. 249 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,384 Let's hear a little bit of the old espanol. 250 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:16,555 Well, I'm not quite ready to talk and stuff. 251 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:21,927 Me and my tutor/teacher work mostly in english. 252 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:22,561 Really? 253 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,429 Yeah, she's got this amazing technique 254 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,332 Where even if I don't know I know the answer, 255 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:31,870 She reminds me I do know it by telling it to me. 256 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,104 Yay! 257 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,473 My baby's learning. 258 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,909 Little senor. 259 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,778 You see what's going on, right? 260 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,112 You mean the way his little face 261 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,581 Gets more delicious the more you look at it? 262 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:47,419 I mean this teacher clearly gave him the answers 'cause you paid her. 263 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,888 Oh, poop. She did not. 264 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,122 That would be cheating. 265 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,257 Yes, it is cheating. 266 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,659 No, it is tutoring, during the test. 267 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,628 It's a totally different thing. 268 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,464 For once, stop with the mom logic. 269 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:00,332 That's not a thing. 270 00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:02,500 Oh, it is. It's how you sleep at night 271 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,102 Even though you know he's learned nothing. 272 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,707 But he thinks he's learning, and thinking is learning. 273 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,308 Again, mom logic. 274 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,744 If cheating's the only way adam can do well, 275 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:17,949 Just do him a favor and drop him down to remedial. 276 00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:21,186 (bleep) ...That. 277 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,054 Adam can learn six languages, 278 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:27,325 Because he is perfect and anything but remedial! 279 00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,062 Mom logic. 280 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:34,532 Adult adam: After a half day of rigorous training at the pizza depot, 281 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:38,803 Barry was confident he'd crush his first day of deliveries. 282 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,138 (tires squeal) 283 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,173 He did not. 284 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,644 Glen oaks? 285 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,479 I need oak glen! 286 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,380 Where am I? 287 00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:49,714 Sadly, barry was in oak ridge. 288 00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:52,283 He was lost, and this meant sheer panic. 289 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,186 See, back then, our cars didn't have navigation systems 290 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,521 Or cellphones with google maps. 291 00:10:56,523 --> 00:11:02,260 Barry's only choice was to wrangle an actual map and stress-eat. 292 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:03,928 Oh, no! 293 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,131 I'm not paying for this, bro. Why? 294 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,600 Well, first of all, you're an hour and a half late. 295 00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:10,235 And, secondly... 296 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,337 You clearly ate a piece. 297 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,873 Dude, you don't understand. 298 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,143 If you don't pay me, it comes out of my check. 299 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,311 Oh. I didn't realize that. 300 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,913 Yeah. 301 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,518 Uh... 302 00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,120 You're fired. What? Why? 303 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,422 'cause you're the noid. 304 00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:31,556 I am not the noid! 305 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,658 You have successfully delivered four pizzas. 306 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:34,726 You know it. Out of 37. 307 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:37,729 Please don't fire me. Just take the mistakes out of my check. 308 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:41,132 Oh, I did, until there was no check left. 309 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,268 You now owe us $314. 310 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,302 This is a job. 311 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,304 You pay me. I don't pay you. 312 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,007 Yeah. That's how it usually works. 313 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,209 Yet here we are. 314 00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,412 Aah! 315 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:57,482 A noid knocking a noid down. 316 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,149 How ironic. 317 00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,718 Adult adam: As my brother was losing his job, 318 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,421 I was getting a "b" in spanish, and it felt awesome. 319 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,489 Well, to me. 320 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,256 Hola, friendos! 321 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:10,261 Who's ready por esloppy joses for lunch-o, eh? 322 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,629 (chuckles) 323 00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:14,265 What's with the silent treatment? Are you guys mad at me? 324 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,500 Adam, everyone knows what's going on 325 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,302 With you and senora taraborelli. 326 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:18,303 You mean my tutoring? 327 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,972 Seems like a little more than that. 328 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,108 Dana. Babe, it's me. 329 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,976 I would never step out on you like that. 330 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:28,713 No one thinks you're dating the spanish teacher, dude. 331 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,415 We study for hours just to pass, 332 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,951 While you get to cut all the corners. 333 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:33,885 Corners? No! 334 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,653 I'm getting tutored, and I'm excelling. 335 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,589 Trust me, it's all on the up-and-up. 336 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,658 In fact, I bet she'd tutor all of us. 337 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,594 No, no, no, no, no, no. 338 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,662 There has been a huge misunderstanding. 339 00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:48,433 If it's the money, I bet you my parents will pay double. 340 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,334 Oh. No. No. 341 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,802 My family owns a restaurant. 342 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:54,906 Help me out, and you could be ass-deep in crab rangoon. 343 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:55,707 Wha... 344 00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:58,276 Oops. Left my wallet there on the desk. 345 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,678 I'm gonna turn around and count to three. 346 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,413 If it turns up empty, so be it. 347 00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:05,583 Dave kim knows nothing in life is free. 348 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:07,318 You can't quit! 349 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,754 Things have gotten completely out of hand. 350 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,090 Dave sirota put a $10 bill in my waistband 351 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,325 And told me to "think about it." 352 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,194 Well, what about san juan? 353 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,529 The lambada! 354 00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:18,396 Who am I kidding? 355 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,765 It's a forbidden dance! I'm not allowed! 356 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,634 Anyone can dance that dance. 357 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,470 Look, Monday, we're doing our oral presentations. 358 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,304 And if adam doesn't pass, 359 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,807 He's being moved down to remedial spanish. 360 00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,074 But we had a deal. 361 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:31,242 Well, that deal is off. 362 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,243 I'll just spend another summer in ohio, 363 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,814 Sleeping on the couch, because mother's cat has priority of the bed. 364 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:40,752 Adult adam: While my disgruntled teacher was shutting down my mom, 365 00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:44,689 Barry was keeping up the illusion of still having a job. 366 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,292 There he is! Working man! 367 00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,760 How was your day? Good. 368 00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:52,096 And I am definitely not the noid. 369 00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:53,998 Well, I want to show you something. 370 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,735 (smacks lips) the whole beer thing didn't work out, 371 00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:58,403 Because you're a moron. 372 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:01,773 But this, this here... This is our moment. Come here. 373 00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:06,711 And just like that, my father gave barry the ultimate sign of respect... 374 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,479 The la-z-boy. 375 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,381 I get my own chair? 376 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,316 Yeah. 377 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,585 And that's not all. 378 00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,788 And the remote? 379 00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,256 Last time I touched this thing, 380 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,891 You threw a photo cube at my head. 381 00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:22,794 Well, times have changed. 382 00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,430 You used to be this boy... 383 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,165 And now you're this man. 384 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:31,636 And that means you get to choose what we watch. 385 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,371 (gasps) 386 00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:35,306 (sighs) 387 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,441 (siren wails) 388 00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,343 (up-tempo music playing) 389 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,979 And you chose a grown man in tights. 390 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,413 What the hell is this? 391 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,016 First beer, and now a chair? 392 00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:45,717 And the remote. 393 00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,652 Last time I touched that thing, 394 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,320 You threw a photo cube at my head. 395 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,923 Well, it's different for me 'cause I'm a working man. 396 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:54,692 Hello? I've been working my whole life! 397 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,961 This is a total double standard. 398 00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:57,595 No, it's not. 399 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,863 Dad's just giving me special treatment 400 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,632 'cause I'm a boy and you're not, so you lose. 401 00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:05,703 That's the definition of a double standard, you idiot! 402 00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:06,437 Seriously? 403 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,540 Erica: And why do you keep watching that? It's so weird! 404 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,143 I wish I could move my hips like that. 405 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,578 Adult adam: Erica refused to sit back 406 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,414 And let barry rub his newfound respect in her face, 407 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:20,151 So she went to his job to let him have it. 408 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,487 I told you, you can't sit here all day! 409 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:23,688 Just give me one more chance. 410 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,057 No, no, no. You don't work here anymore! 411 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,292 Now beat it, noid! 412 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:27,859 (horn honking) 413 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:31,329 Adult adam: Fortunately for her, there was no job. 414 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,597 Don't you worry, schmoo. 415 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,732 Your teacher may have failed you, but not your mama. 416 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,937 I will see to it that you ace that oral presentation. 417 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,805 You're even worse at spanish than I am. 418 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,775 It's hopeless. I should just go down to remedial. 419 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,577 A presentation has nothing to do with knowledge. 420 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,345 It's all about flash. 421 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,348 I'm pretty sure it's all about spanish words. 422 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,784 Oh, no. It's about showmanship. 423 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,886 You're a natural performer, and with my help, 424 00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:59,023 You will dazzle them with your talent, grace, and dignity. 425 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,592 Adult adam: That's right... Beverly goldberg's mom logic 426 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:04,262 Convinced me that I could pass a spanish test 427 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,698 Without the use of actual spanish. 428 00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:10,168 Me gusto mucho "pet cementerio." 429 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:13,404 (chuckles) muy bueno, dave kim. 430 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:14,939 (chuckling) okay. 431 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:15,807 (applause) 432 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:20,545 Y finalmente... Senor goldberg. 433 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,947 Adult adam: This was it... Go time. 434 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:25,083 With the help of my trusty assistant, 435 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,719 An exotic musical score from faraway lands, 436 00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:31,823 And one he-man pinata, I would ace my spanish class. 437 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,358 (la bamba plays) 438 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,692 Maracas! 439 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,694 Guacamole! 440 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:37,795 Ole! 441 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,799 Adult adam: By today's standards, the content was questionable. 442 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,668 Salsa! Salsa! 443 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,168 Salsa? 444 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,670 Adult adam: And sure, I borrowed heavily 445 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,172 From the stereotypes I saw in the movies. 446 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,007 The three amigos. 447 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,576 Adult adam: Man, did I kill it. 448 00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,878 Wow. Well, what a wonderful summary 449 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,581 Of a very beautiful and vibrant culture. 450 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,148 (chuckling) okay. 451 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,617 But you didn't answer the question. 452 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,986 (speaking in spanish) 453 00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:05,623 (speaking in spanish) 454 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,593 Adult adam: For once, beverly goldberg had no mom logic 455 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:12,497 To cover up the fact that I was a literal failure. 456 00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:14,399 Erica knew barry's secret 457 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,034 And how it would crush him if my dad found out, 458 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:20,138 Which is exactly why she made sure that was gonna happen. 459 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:20,872 (doorbell rings) 460 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,408 That's me. I ordered pizza. 461 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,842 (gasps) yes! 462 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,878 Pizza! Pizza! 463 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,580 Oh, crap. Pizza. 464 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,150 That'll be $314. What? 465 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:35,019 Erica? How many toppings did you order? 466 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:39,090 None. You owe him money because you lost 33 pizzas. 467 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,226 Who gets a job and ends up owing them money? 468 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:42,560 Me! 469 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:47,498 I'm sorry. I finally had your respect, and I got fired in two days. 470 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,068 Eh, don't beat yourself up. 471 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:50,735 Wait... What, now? 472 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,371 Eh, he's going through a rough patch. 473 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,739 Did I ever tell you about the time 474 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,742 That I got fired from the deli for refusing to wear a hairnet? 475 00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:02,980 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you actually bonding with him over getting fired? 476 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:03,948 What is wrong with you? 477 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:08,653 I've babysat, I've tutored, I've sold hot dogs on sticks 478 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,455 And oranged thousands of juliuses. 479 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:15,793 And in all that time, you never showed me a shred of respect. 480 00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:17,528 Erica, wait! 481 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,931 Adult adam: As my dad realized there really was a double standard, 482 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:23,968 My mom finally accepted it was time to lower hers. 483 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,070 How's my little pinto bean? Don't. 484 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,406 You used my love of performance against me, 485 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,374 And I completely embarrassed myself. 486 00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:33,344 I know. And I'm sorry. 487 00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:34,612 It's just that... 488 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,415 I always see you as my perfect little angel. 489 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:41,886 And when the world doesn't agree with me, I go a little nuts. 490 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,287 A little? 491 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,589 Okay, a lot. 492 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:48,159 Look, I realize no one's perfect. 493 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,361 God knows I'm not. 494 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,396 But when it comes to you... 495 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,899 I can never see you any other way. 496 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:59,871 Well, I guess that's not the worst thing in the world. 497 00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,008 Hey, mama? 498 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,979 (speaking in spanish) 499 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:11,115 I don't know what that means, but it's beautiful. 500 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,152 Adult adam: Sure, my family didn't always speak the same language. 501 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,220 Luckily, I learned just enough spanish 502 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,122 To tell my mom how I really felt 503 00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:21,459 Without her ever really knowing. 504 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,663 Go away. 505 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,764 Not until we talk. 506 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:27,965 What's there to talk about? 507 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,333 You've made everything pretty clear. 508 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,503 Look, even though barry's a moron, 509 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,305 He's a lot like me. 510 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:34,939 I get him. 511 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,808 And the reality is, I was never a teenage girl. 512 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,011 Well, that's a relief to hear. 513 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:40,678 What I mean is, 514 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,482 I just wanted to have the big rite of passage with my son, 515 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:47,785 When I should have been having it with my daughter. 516 00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:52,523 (clears throat) 517 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:56,127 Here's to you. You're a man now. 518 00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:57,895 (chuckles) 519 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,697 Thanks, dad. 520 00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:03,100 What the... What is this? 521 00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,936 You are in big trouble, missy! 522 00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,871 But dad just... I caught her with these. 523 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,639 Oh, my... You are so grounded! 524 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,676 You're lucky your dad got here before me! 525 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:12,944 So lucky! 526 00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:14,512 (mouthing) 527 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,814 Adult adam: That's the thing about growing up. 528 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:17,915 Sometimes you take the fall 529 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,951 Or you struggle to make the grade. 530 00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,954 Looks like the remedial class is more my speed. 531 00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:25,890 (gasps) you are so going to harvard. 532 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,159 I'm not, but sure. (chuckles) 533 00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:30,094 I made dinner. 534 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:30,962 Barry: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 535 00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:32,563 Adult adam: And sure, you may be far from perfect, 536 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,366 But with your family close by, life comes pretty darn close. 537 00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:40,571 You know, I wish you'd fight over my salads like that. 538 00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:45,443 Me niego de contestar esta pregunta. 539 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,544 (bell ding) 540 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,013 Esta clase es tan aburrida. 541 00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,582 Muy bien, clase! 542 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,516 Adios! 543 00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:53,951 Kid: Adios! 544 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:57,321 How many years of experience do I have as a cpa? 545 00:20:57,323 --> 00:21:01,192 (scoffs) let me answer that with a follow-up question. 546 00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,327 What is a cpa? 547 00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:06,430 This kid's head is weird. 548 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:08,065 (sighs) 549 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:08,666 Are you related? 550 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,568 (rapping) ¶ I've got fresh rhymes and I gotta pay my bills 551 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:13,738 ¶ you've got a lot of grime and I got some cleaning skills ¶ 552 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,975 Then I put the second piece of tape this way, 553 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,344 And I'm a pig! (chuckles) 554 00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:21,412 (beat-boxing) 555 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,913 Hire me.