1
00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,133
Adult adam:
Back in the '80s,
2
00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:02,568
This is what we did
after school...
3
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:05,337
We'd prepare a feast
of our favorite sugary snacks
4
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:08,240
In preparation
for an endless tv marathon.
5
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:11,910
In those days,
our parents didn't pack our
schedules to keep us occupied.
6
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:15,547
That honor went to whatever
the three networks chose
7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:16,882
To randomly broadcast,
8
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:19,952
And it was glorious.
9
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,855
Hey! I was watching that!
I know.
10
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:25,024
Then why'd you change it?
'cause I don't care.
11
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,925
I thought that was clear
by now.
12
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:27,359
Dude.
13
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,095
It's like you have
no respect for me at all.
14
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:30,796
It is like that, yes.
15
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:34,199
I demand your respect!
Give it to me right now!
16
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,502
Respect isn't given.
It's earned.
17
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:37,403
You never get off
your lazy butt.
18
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:41,774
When I was your age,
I went to school
and I had two jobs.
19
00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:42,508
Oh, yeah?
20
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,743
I'll go out right now
and get an awesome job,
21
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,311
And then you'll have
to respect me.
22
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:49,882
And I'll learn
responsibility and earn
my own money
23
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:51,216
And never depend on you
for anything.
24
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,287
You're threatening me
with things I want you to do!
25
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,289
This is on you.
26
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,057
No, no, no. Stop.
27
00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:01,260
Come back here
and be a weight on
my spirit.
28
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,194
Adult adam: Unlike barry,
29
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:05,030
My sister worked her
way up to assistant manager
at gimbels.
30
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,000
Erica, you really have
a flair for style.
31
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:09,501
Your bandana work
is flawless.
32
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,769
Thank you.
(chuckles)
33
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,938
Aah! What the...
Stop it!
34
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:16,041
Hey! It's me!
Barry!
35
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,377
I told you to never
come where I am.
36
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,011
Awesome news...
37
00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:21,046
You're getting me a job
so dad can respect me.
38
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,882
(chuckling)
oh, good luck with that.
39
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,184
I've been working
my whole life,
40
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,485
And he still calls me
"the girl one."
41
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,988
Erica, if your brother is
half as good as you,
he's hired.
42
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,891
Chuck, I think if
you'll give my brother
a quick interview,
43
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,393
You'll have all the info
you need.
44
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,262
So, tell me...
What's your greatest strength?
45
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,797
Easy... Bo staff.
46
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,399
No! Wait.
47
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,734
Busting fresh rhymes.
No! Wait.
48
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,870
Handsome.
No! Wait.
49
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:48,273
I was literally
born without fear.
50
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:50,909
I'll let you know.
51
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:51,777
Boom!
He'll let me know.
52
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,013
Adult adam: He didn't,
but barry refused
to quit looking.
53
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,148
My biggest weakness?
54
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,150
I'm honest,
and I'm lazy.
55
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,384
What's your
biggest weakness?
56
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:02,588
Who do I think would win
a fight between a tiger
and a bear?
57
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,623
(chuckles)
that's a good question.
58
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,426
One you didn't ask,
but I'll discuss.
59
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,128
Minimum wage?
60
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:10,162
No, no, no.
61
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,197
What's maximum wage?
62
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,199
(chair squeaks)
63
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,235
¶ I'm twisted up inside
64
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:20,239
¶ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
65
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:23,509
¶ I don't know the future
66
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:27,246
¶ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶
67
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,448
Adult adam:
It was April 15,
1980 something,
68
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:33,452
And my mom's day was about
to be rocked to its very core.
69
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:34,786
Boopie, what's this?
70
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:35,888
Spanish test.
71
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:37,356
Beverly: "f"? As in "fail"?
72
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,892
No, no. That's literally
humanly impossible.
73
00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:41,393
My children don't fail.
74
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,427
I'm as stunned
as you are.
75
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:46,765
Maybe it means "f" as in
"fabulous" or "first prize."
76
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,902
I knew you would say that,
so I asked.
77
00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:50,369
It's "fail."
78
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:54,106
My teacher said maybe
I'm better off moving
down a level.
79
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,641
As in remedial?
80
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,776
Oh-ho, no!
Are you mad?
81
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,012
Yes, I'm mad...
At your teacher!
82
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,314
Senora taraborelli?
83
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,216
You think
this is her fault?
84
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,817
Well, it's certainly not
your fault.
85
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,085
You're just a little boy.
86
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,288
That's true.
I am a little boy.
87
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,890
A genius little boy.
88
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,292
Please... Be nice.
89
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,727
She's a lovely
but fragile woman.
90
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,396
Well,
I'm lovely and pissed.
91
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,065
Okay. I got to stop you
before this gets nuts.
92
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:23,202
Clearly, this is the
one subject the kid
struggles in.
93
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:26,638
You can't blame the teacher.
It's the boy.
94
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,208
It takes
a very special educator
95
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,343
To teach such a strange,
exotic language,
96
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,812
With all the squiggles
over the letters
97
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,515
And the crazy
upside-down question marks
98
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,316
And the "rrrrrrrrrrr"s.
99
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,484
Adult adam: That right there
is what you call
100
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,053
Beverly goldberg mom logic.
101
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,789
What do you mean
he failed drivers ed?
102
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,691
Yep, my mom could explain
away our failures
103
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:49,094
By perfectly placing
the blame on anyone
but us.
104
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,196
You've got your own pedal
in there.
105
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,898
I think you slammed on
the brakes yourself
106
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,167
And sabotaged my son.
Change the grade.
107
00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:57,436
Change the grade.
Change the grade.
108
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,670
Change the grade.
109
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,439
Change the grade.
Change the grade.
110
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,274
Change the...
Oh, that's nice.
111
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,876
Adult adam:
My mom would now
apply mom logic
112
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,011
To why I sucked at spanish.
113
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,680
Look, adam is so smart,
and he tries so hard,
114
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:12,851
But, you know,
he just can't keep up
with the other kids.
115
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:13,785
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
116
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,756
Uh, I see the situation
slightly differently.
117
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,724
How's that?
118
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,026
I see it
as entirely your fault.
119
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:21,827
Oh... Mrs. Goldberg,
120
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,464
I have been teaching spanish
for well over a decade.
121
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:29,835
And have you adequately
kept up with changes
to the language?
122
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,903
I'm... I'm pretty sure
it's set in stone.
123
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,640
Mmm-hmm. Have you ever
even traveled
124
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,375
To any of these
spanish places?
125
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:39,745
No, not on a teacher's salary,
but look, I'm saving money,
126
00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:45,284
And I intend to
find myself in san juan,
drinking cervezas
127
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:48,687
With a very fiery
caribbean lover
128
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,223
Who will take me
in his taut, muscular arms,
129
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:55,027
And together, we will dance
the forbidden dance.
130
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,361
The lambada.
131
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:57,029
Wow.
132
00:04:57,031 --> 00:05:00,165
That is...
Very graphic.
133
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,401
Yeah. I'm sorry.
Look, I just...
134
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,737
You know,
if adam is struggling,
I suggest you find a tutor.
135
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,372
Excellent.
When can you start?
136
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,341
Me? (chuckling) no, no.
137
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,443
That would be
a conflict of interest.
138
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,844
Oh, it's really not.
139
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,079
I mean, the school
pays you to teach.
140
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,081
Why can't I pay you more
to teach him more?
141
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,850
In this case,
50 bucks an hour
142
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,919
To help fund
your sensual adventure?
143
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,354
Well,
that is very generous,
144
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,656
But I would not feel
right about...
145
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,458
Did you say $50?
146
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,929
Adult adam: Yep, mom logic
even managed to win over
147
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,432
My earnest,
buttoned-up teacher.
148
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,033
The lure of the forbidden
dance is calling you.
149
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,870
Adult adam: Well, that
and the promise of a sensual,
silk-shirted senor.
150
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,273
Meanwhile,
my brother had somehow landed
151
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:42,107
His very first job.
152
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,644
...And the in-depth
pizza-box-folding tutorial.
153
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,913
So, any questions?
154
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,715
Nope. I'm good.
155
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:50,248
Are you?
156
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,552
This entire operation rests
on you delivering our food
157
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:54,753
Hot and on time.
158
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:55,921
Don't you worry.
159
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,222
Every street in this city
160
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,825
Can tell you a story
about barry goldberg.
161
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,761
Some are pretty hard
to talk about.
162
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,663
Lot of bad memories.
163
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:05,597
I, uh,
I struggle with stuff.
164
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,467
Point is,
I know the streets good.
165
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,368
Hope so.
166
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:10,736
'cause this may be
the pizza depot,
167
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:13,205
But we're closing in fast
on the big boys over
at domino's.
168
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:17,142
See, they've tipped
their hand and revealed
the secret
169
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,444
To the pizza-delivery
gold standard,
170
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:22,881
And that's the avoidance
of this man.
171
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:23,782
The noid.
172
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:27,586
Oh, yeah.
The funny guy from
the commercials.
173
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:28,453
Funny?
174
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,923
This floppy-eared goblin
is a physical manifestation
175
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:32,691
Of the challenges inherent
176
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:36,461
In getting a hot pizza
delivered on time.
177
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:39,498
The noid is evil,
and he never sleeps.
178
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,334
He makes pizza cold.
I'm familiar with the noid.
179
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:42,934
Are you?
180
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,970
'cause he's the wolf
at the gates
who will stop at nothing
181
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:48,340
Until he destroys us
and everything we hold dear.
182
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,308
Are you afraid now?
Huh?
183
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,309
No.
184
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,144
He's a cartoon.
185
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:53,745
You're cocky, rookie.
186
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,380
I like that.
187
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,550
Oh! Look at you!
188
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,586
How was the first day
on the job?
Not bad at all.
189
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,255
Made a ton of dough.
190
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,022
Pizza dough.
191
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,390
It's a joke we say
around the shop,
192
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,993
Because "dough" is
another word for "money"
193
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,127
But we also cook
with it.
194
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,463
I got to admit,
I didn't think you'd
go through with it.
195
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:16,334
But hard work like this
deserves something special.
196
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,403
What's this?
197
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,271
Bottle of suds.
198
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,840
It's about time you had
a beer with your old man.
199
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,074
What the hell
is this?
200
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,343
Uh, just a little
father-son thing.
201
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:28,046
Dad's giving me a beer
'cause I'm a working man.
202
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,149
What? I work,
and I like beer.
203
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,553
I've said too much.
I should go.
204
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:37,456
Just to be clear,
this is a one-time thing.
205
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,591
I can't believe
this is happening.
206
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,125
Oh, believe it.
207
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,161
This frosty cold one
is a rite of passage,
208
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,564
A symbol of my respect.
209
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:49,100
Son, you are
no longer a moron.
210
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,469
You are a man.
211
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,971
This is too much.
I'm freaking out.
212
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:53,705
Don't freak out.
213
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,407
I'm freaking out!
Don't freak out.
214
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:57,375
(grunts)
(glass shatters)
215
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,376
The hell was that?
216
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,312
I panicked!
I didn't know what to do!
217
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:03,448
You drink it!
You don't slap it
across the room!
218
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,217
I know that now!
219
00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:06,151
Let's just
put a pin in this.
220
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,887
Adult adam:
While barry was struggling
with his newfound respect,
221
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,322
I was hoping my new tutor
222
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,991
Would end my struggles
with el espanol.
223
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,260
Gracias, dave kim.
224
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,229
Ah, paco.
How'd we do?
225
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:18,797
Um... No buena.
226
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,533
No? Oh, I'm sure
it's not that bad.
227
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:24,069
(sighing) oh, boy.
228
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,804
Whew. Okay.
229
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:26,705
Uh...
230
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,907
Why don't you go ahead
and just, uh,
231
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:32,010
Eh, take another look
at 3.
232
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,678
And 6.
233
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:35,213
And 11.
234
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,314
Really?
235
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,816
Wow. Great.
236
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,084
(chuckles)
237
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,552
Um...
238
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,290
Me puedes...
239
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,594
...Pasar
240
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,696
Los zapatos?
241
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,031
Oh, yeah.
You taught me that.
242
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,399
See?
I knew you knew it.
243
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,668
Well, thanks.
Ah, yeah.
244
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:57,669
Adios.
245
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,771
Oh. Oh, very good.
246
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:06,745
Beverly: Squishy!
247
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,613
I knew you could do it!
248
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:09,848
Congrats, kid.
249
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,384
Let's hear a little bit
of the old espanol.
250
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:16,555
Well, I'm not quite ready
to talk and stuff.
251
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:21,927
Me and my tutor/teacher
work mostly in english.
252
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:22,561
Really?
253
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,429
Yeah, she's got
this amazing technique
254
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,332
Where even if I don't know
I know the answer,
255
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:31,870
She reminds me I do know it
by telling it to me.
256
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,104
Yay!
257
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,473
My baby's learning.
258
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,909
Little senor.
259
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,778
You see what's going on,
right?
260
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,112
You mean the way
his little face
261
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,581
Gets more delicious
the more you look at it?
262
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:47,419
I mean this teacher
clearly gave him the answers
'cause you paid her.
263
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,888
Oh, poop.
She did not.
264
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,122
That would be cheating.
265
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,257
Yes, it is cheating.
266
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,659
No, it is tutoring,
during the test.
267
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,628
It's a totally different
thing.
268
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,464
For once,
stop with the mom logic.
269
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:00,332
That's not a thing.
270
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:02,500
Oh, it is.
It's how you sleep at night
271
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,102
Even though you know
he's learned nothing.
272
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,707
But he thinks he's learning,
and thinking is learning.
273
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,308
Again, mom logic.
274
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,744
If cheating's the only way
adam can do well,
275
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:17,949
Just do him a favor
and drop him down
to remedial.
276
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:21,186
(bleep) ...That.
277
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,054
Adam can learn
six languages,
278
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:27,325
Because he is perfect
and anything but remedial!
279
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,062
Mom logic.
280
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:34,532
Adult adam:
After a half day of rigorous
training at the pizza depot,
281
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:38,803
Barry was confident he'd crush
his first day of deliveries.
282
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,138
(tires squeal)
283
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,173
He did not.
284
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,644
Glen oaks?
285
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,479
I need oak glen!
286
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,380
Where am I?
287
00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:49,714
Sadly, barry was in oak ridge.
288
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:52,283
He was lost,
and this meant sheer panic.
289
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,186
See, back then, our cars
didn't have navigation systems
290
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,521
Or cellphones
with google maps.
291
00:10:56,523 --> 00:11:02,260
Barry's only choice
was to wrangle an actual map
and stress-eat.
292
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:03,928
Oh, no!
293
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,131
I'm not paying
for this, bro.
Why?
294
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,600
Well, first of all,
you're an hour
and a half late.
295
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:10,235
And, secondly...
296
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,337
You clearly
ate a piece.
297
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,873
Dude,
you don't understand.
298
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,143
If you don't pay me,
it comes out of my check.
299
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,311
Oh.
I didn't realize that.
300
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,913
Yeah.
301
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,518
Uh...
302
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,120
You're fired.
What? Why?
303
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,422
'cause you're the noid.
304
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:31,556
I am not the noid!
305
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,658
You have successfully
delivered four pizzas.
306
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:34,726
You know it.
Out of 37.
307
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:37,729
Please don't fire me.
Just take the mistakes
out of my check.
308
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:41,132
Oh, I did,
until there was
no check left.
309
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,268
You now owe us $314.
310
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,302
This is a job.
311
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,304
You pay me.
I don't pay you.
312
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,007
Yeah. That's how
it usually works.
313
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,209
Yet here we are.
314
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,412
Aah!
315
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:57,482
A noid
knocking a noid down.
316
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,149
How ironic.
317
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,718
Adult adam: As my brother was
losing his job,
318
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,421
I was getting
a "b" in spanish,
and it felt awesome.
319
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,489
Well, to me.
320
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,256
Hola, friendos!
321
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:10,261
Who's ready
por esloppy joses
for lunch-o, eh?
322
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,629
(chuckles)
323
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:14,265
What's with
the silent treatment?
Are you guys mad at me?
324
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,500
Adam, everyone knows
what's going on
325
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,302
With you
and senora taraborelli.
326
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:18,303
You mean my tutoring?
327
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,972
Seems like
a little more than that.
328
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,108
Dana. Babe, it's me.
329
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,976
I would never
step out on you
like that.
330
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:28,713
No one thinks
you're dating the
spanish teacher, dude.
331
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,415
We study for hours
just to pass,
332
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,951
While you get to cut
all the corners.
333
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:33,885
Corners? No!
334
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,653
I'm getting tutored,
and I'm excelling.
335
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,589
Trust me, it's all
on the up-and-up.
336
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,658
In fact, I bet
she'd tutor all of us.
337
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,594
No, no, no, no, no, no.
338
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,662
There has been
a huge misunderstanding.
339
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:48,433
If it's the money,
I bet you my parents
will pay double.
340
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,334
Oh. No. No.
341
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,802
My family owns
a restaurant.
342
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:54,906
Help me out,
and you could be ass-deep
in crab rangoon.
343
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:55,707
Wha...
344
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:58,276
Oops. Left my wallet there
on the desk.
345
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,678
I'm gonna turn around
and count to three.
346
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,413
If it turns up empty,
so be it.
347
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:05,583
Dave kim knows
nothing in life is free.
348
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:07,318
You can't quit!
349
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,754
Things have gotten
completely out of hand.
350
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,090
Dave sirota put a $10 bill
in my waistband
351
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,325
And told me
to "think about it."
352
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,194
Well,
what about san juan?
353
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,529
The lambada!
354
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:18,396
Who am I kidding?
355
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,765
It's a forbidden dance!
I'm not allowed!
356
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,634
Anyone can dance
that dance.
357
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,470
Look, Monday, we're doing
our oral presentations.
358
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,304
And if adam doesn't pass,
359
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,807
He's being moved down
to remedial spanish.
360
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,074
But we had a deal.
361
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:31,242
Well, that deal is off.
362
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,243
I'll just spend
another summer in ohio,
363
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,814
Sleeping on the couch,
because mother's cat
has priority of the bed.
364
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:40,752
Adult adam:
While my disgruntled teacher
was shutting down my mom,
365
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:44,689
Barry was keeping up
the illusion of still
having a job.
366
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,292
There he is!
Working man!
367
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,760
How was your day?
Good.
368
00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:52,096
And I am definitely not
the noid.
369
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:53,998
Well, I want to show you
something.
370
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,735
(smacks lips)
the whole beer thing
didn't work out,
371
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:58,403
Because you're a moron.
372
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:01,773
But this, this here...
This is our moment.
Come here.
373
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:06,711
And just like that,
my father gave barry the
ultimate sign of respect...
374
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,479
The la-z-boy.
375
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,381
I get my own chair?
376
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,316
Yeah.
377
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,585
And that's not all.
378
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,788
And the remote?
379
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,256
Last time
I touched this thing,
380
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,891
You threw a photo cube
at my head.
381
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:22,794
Well,
times have changed.
382
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,430
You used to be this boy...
383
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,165
And now you're this man.
384
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:31,636
And that means
you get to choose
what we watch.
385
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,371
(gasps)
386
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:35,306
(sighs)
387
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,441
(siren wails)
388
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,343
(up-tempo music playing)
389
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,979
And you chose
a grown man in tights.
390
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,413
What the hell is this?
391
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,016
First beer,
and now a chair?
392
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:45,717
And the remote.
393
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,652
Last time
I touched that thing,
394
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,320
You threw a photo cube
at my head.
395
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,923
Well, it's different for me
'cause I'm a working man.
396
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:54,692
Hello? I've been working
my whole life!
397
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,961
This is
a total double standard.
398
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:57,595
No, it's not.
399
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,863
Dad's just giving me
special treatment
400
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,632
'cause I'm a boy
and you're not,
so you lose.
401
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:05,703
That's the definition
of a double standard,
you idiot!
402
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:06,437
Seriously?
403
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,540
Erica: And why do you keep
watching that?
It's so weird!
404
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,143
I wish I could
move my hips like that.
405
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,578
Adult adam:
Erica refused to sit back
406
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,414
And let barry rub
his newfound respect
in her face,
407
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:20,151
So she went to his job
to let him have it.
408
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,487
I told you,
you can't sit here
all day!
409
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:23,688
Just give me
one more chance.
410
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,057
No, no, no.
You don't work
here anymore!
411
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,292
Now beat it, noid!
412
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:27,859
(horn honking)
413
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:31,329
Adult adam:
Fortunately for her,
there was no job.
414
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,597
Don't you worry,
schmoo.
415
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,732
Your teacher may have
failed you,
but not your mama.
416
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,937
I will see to it
that you ace that
oral presentation.
417
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,805
You're even worse
at spanish than I am.
418
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,775
It's hopeless. I should
just go down to remedial.
419
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,577
A presentation has
nothing to do with knowledge.
420
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,345
It's all about flash.
421
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,348
I'm pretty sure
it's all about
spanish words.
422
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,784
Oh, no.
It's about showmanship.
423
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,886
You're a natural performer,
and with my help,
424
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:59,023
You will dazzle them
with your talent,
grace, and dignity.
425
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,592
Adult adam: That's right...
Beverly goldberg's mom logic
426
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:04,262
Convinced me that
I could pass a spanish test
427
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,698
Without the use
of actual spanish.
428
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:10,168
Me gusto mucho
"pet cementerio."
429
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:13,404
(chuckles)
muy bueno, dave kim.
430
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:14,939
(chuckling) okay.
431
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:15,807
(applause)
432
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:20,545
Y finalmente...
Senor goldberg.
433
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,947
Adult adam:
This was it... Go time.
434
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:25,083
With the help
of my trusty assistant,
435
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,719
An exotic musical score
from faraway lands,
436
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:31,823
And one he-man pinata,
I would ace my spanish class.
437
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,358
(la bamba plays)
438
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,692
Maracas!
439
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,694
Guacamole!
440
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:37,795
Ole!
441
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,799
Adult adam:
By today's standards,
the content was questionable.
442
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,668
Salsa! Salsa!
443
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,168
Salsa?
444
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,670
Adult adam:
And sure, I borrowed heavily
445
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,172
From the stereotypes
I saw in the movies.
446
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,007
The three amigos.
447
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,576
Adult adam:
Man, did I kill it.
448
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,878
Wow. Well,
what a wonderful summary
449
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,581
Of a very beautiful
and vibrant culture.
450
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,148
(chuckling) okay.
451
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,617
But you didn't answer
the question.
452
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,986
(speaking in spanish)
453
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:05,623
(speaking in spanish)
454
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,593
Adult adam:
For once, beverly goldberg
had no mom logic
455
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:12,497
To cover up the fact
that I was a literal failure.
456
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:14,399
Erica knew barry's secret
457
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,034
And how it would crush him
if my dad found out,
458
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:20,138
Which is exactly why
she made sure that
was gonna happen.
459
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:20,872
(doorbell rings)
460
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,408
That's me.
I ordered pizza.
461
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,842
(gasps) yes!
462
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,878
Pizza! Pizza!
463
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,580
Oh, crap.
Pizza.
464
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,150
That'll be $314.
What?
465
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:35,019
Erica? How many toppings
did you order?
466
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:39,090
None. You owe him money
because you lost 33 pizzas.
467
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,226
Who gets a job
and ends up owing
them money?
468
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:42,560
Me!
469
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:47,498
I'm sorry.
I finally had your respect,
and I got fired in two days.
470
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,068
Eh, don't beat
yourself up.
471
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:50,735
Wait... What, now?
472
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,371
Eh, he's going through
a rough patch.
473
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,739
Did I ever tell you
about the time
474
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,742
That I got fired from
the deli for refusing
to wear a hairnet?
475
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:02,980
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you actually bonding
with him over getting fired?
476
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:03,948
What is wrong with you?
477
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:08,653
I've babysat, I've tutored,
I've sold hot dogs on sticks
478
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,455
And oranged
thousands of juliuses.
479
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:15,793
And in all that time,
you never showed me
a shred of respect.
480
00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:17,528
Erica, wait!
481
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,931
Adult adam:
As my dad realized there
really was a double standard,
482
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:23,968
My mom finally accepted
it was time to lower hers.
483
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,070
How's my little
pinto bean?
Don't.
484
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,406
You used my love
of performance against me,
485
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,374
And I completely
embarrassed myself.
486
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:33,344
I know.
And I'm sorry.
487
00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:34,612
It's just that...
488
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,415
I always see you
as my perfect little angel.
489
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:41,886
And when the world
doesn't agree with me,
I go a little nuts.
490
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,287
A little?
491
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,589
Okay, a lot.
492
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:48,159
Look, I realize
no one's perfect.
493
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,361
God knows I'm not.
494
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,396
But when it comes to you...
495
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,899
I can never see you
any other way.
496
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:59,871
Well, I guess that's
not the worst thing
in the world.
497
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,008
Hey, mama?
498
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,979
(speaking in spanish)
499
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:11,115
I don't know what that means,
but it's beautiful.
500
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,152
Adult adam:
Sure, my family didn't always
speak the same language.
501
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,220
Luckily,
I learned just enough spanish
502
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,122
To tell my mom
how I really felt
503
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:21,459
Without her
ever really knowing.
504
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,663
Go away.
505
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,764
Not until we talk.
506
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:27,965
What's there
to talk about?
507
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,333
You've made everything
pretty clear.
508
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,503
Look, even though
barry's a moron,
509
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,305
He's a lot like me.
510
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:34,939
I get him.
511
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,808
And the reality is,
I was never a teenage girl.
512
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,011
Well,
that's a relief to hear.
513
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:40,678
What I mean is,
514
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,482
I just wanted to have
the big rite of passage
with my son,
515
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:47,785
When I should have been
having it with my daughter.
516
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:52,523
(clears throat)
517
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:56,127
Here's to you.
You're a man now.
518
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:57,895
(chuckles)
519
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,697
Thanks, dad.
520
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:03,100
What the...
What is this?
521
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,936
You are in big trouble,
missy!
522
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,871
But dad just...
I caught her with these.
523
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,639
Oh, my...
You are so grounded!
524
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,676
You're lucky your dad
got here before me!
525
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:12,944
So lucky!
526
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:14,512
(mouthing)
527
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,814
Adult adam:
That's the thing
about growing up.
528
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:17,915
Sometimes you take the fall
529
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,951
Or you struggle
to make the grade.
530
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,954
Looks like the
remedial class is more
my speed.
531
00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:25,890
(gasps) you are so
going to harvard.
532
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,159
I'm not, but sure.
(chuckles)
533
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:30,094
I made dinner.
534
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:30,962
Barry: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
535
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:32,563
Adult adam: And sure,
you may be far from perfect,
536
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,366
But with your family close by,
life comes pretty darn close.
537
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:40,571
You know, I wish
you'd fight over
my salads like that.
538
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:45,443
Me niego de contestar
esta pregunta.
539
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,544
(bell ding)
540
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,013
Esta clase
es tan aburrida.
541
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,582
Muy bien, clase!
542
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,516
Adios!
543
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:53,951
Kid: Adios!
544
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:57,321
How many years of experience
do I have as a cpa?
545
00:20:57,323 --> 00:21:01,192
(scoffs)
let me answer that
with a follow-up question.
546
00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,327
What is a cpa?
547
00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:06,430
This kid's head is weird.
548
00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:08,065
(sighs)
549
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:08,666
Are you related?
550
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,568
(rapping)
¶ I've got fresh rhymes
and I gotta pay my bills
551
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:13,738
¶ you've got a lot of grime
and I got some
cleaning skills ¶
552
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,975
Then I put the second
piece of tape this way,
553
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,344
And I'm a pig!
(chuckles)
554
00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:21,412
(beat-boxing)
555
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,913
Hire me.