1
00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:01,433
ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s,
2
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,735
we all wanted to be
a badass fighter pilot
3
00:00:02,737 --> 00:00:05,971
thanks to the
cinematic masterpiece
that was 'Top Gun,'
4
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,674
and no one loved it
more than my big bro.
5
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,176
You're handsome
and clear for takeoff.
6
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:13,612
Yeah, he was a real Maverick.
7
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,647
His fighter jet
was our beat-up
station wagon,
8
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,117
and his co-pilot,
my annoyed sister.
9
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,754
Dear God,
you have been flipping
knobs for five minutes!
10
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:22,888
Just go already.
11
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,023
We ain't going anywhere
12
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,792
till tower clears us
for takeoff.
13
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,394
You're clear.
14
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:29,528
(ENGINE TURNS OVER)
15
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,330
(TIRES SCREECH)
ADULT ADAM: But as
fate would have it,
16
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:32,698
my brother's
high-flying dreams
17
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,100
were about
to become a reality.
18
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:38,070
(GASPS) Great
Goose's ghost.
19
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,739
Today, our lives
change forever, boys.
20
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,307
Behold.
21
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,510
Junior ROTC.
22
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,378
That's like pre-pre-
military training.
23
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,447
Dude, I think they give you
free camo when you sign up.
24
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,449
Sweet. Now I can hide
from my mean cousin
25
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,785
when we visit
my uncle's farm.
26
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:58,490
(CLEARS THROAT)
27
00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,091
Morning, gentlemen.
28
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,160
Interested in joining up
with Junior ROTC?
29
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,995
I need able-bodied leaders
with fire in their bellies
30
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:04,763
looking to make
a difference.
31
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,864
That's so weird.
32
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,434
I'm an able-bodied person
with a fiery belly
33
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,503
who's ready to fly your jets
and push your envelopes
34
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:12,538
and play shirtless
beach volleyball.
35
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,207
What?
It's proven to be
a nice diversion
36
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,342
from the pressures
of flight school.
37
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,043
What's your
name, son?
38
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,679
Barry Norman Goldberg,
nickname not yet decided.
39
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:24,049
You will be amazed
by our strength
and determination, sir!
40
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,918
(BELL RINGS)
(SIGHS)
41
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,820
I've got English
on the third floor.
42
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:28,654
So many stairs.
43
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,355
Naked Rob,
piggyback.
44
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:33,759
You got it, bro.
Never leave
a man behind.
45
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,894
(GRUNTS)
46
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:38,931
¶ I'm twisted up inside
47
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:43,869
¶ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
48
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,205
¶ I don't know the future
49
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:50,642
¶ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶
50
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,345
ADULT ADAM:
It was November 22,
1980-something,
51
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:56,949
and I was spending the day
with my loyal best bud, Pops.
52
00:01:56,951 --> 00:02:00,385
Your mom was nuts
to take away my license.
53
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:01,687
Look at me go!
54
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:02,254
(ENGINE REVS)
55
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,390
ADULT ADAM: Despite his age,
my grandpa was the
youngest dude I knew.
56
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,426
Winner!
Balls!
57
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,661
You want to go hustle
some suckers at air hockey?
58
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,731
I'm old with a wallet
full of cash.
59
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,167
How do I play
this ice ping-pong?
60
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:18,003
(LAUGHS)
After we hustled some kids
in air hockey,
61
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,772
Pops set his sights
on our next target.
62
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,308
Whoa, whoa.
Look at this.
63
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,743
Free movie tickets.
64
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,079
What do you say we play
a couple more chumps?
65
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,648
Mom says to be weary
of timeshare people.
66
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,916
They're the
gypsies of the mall.
67
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,086
All we got to d
o is listen to them
jabber for a half-hour
68
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:38,190
and then see
Mad Max Thunderdome
on their dime.
69
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,591
Sign me up.
70
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,293
(CHUCKLES)
71
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,396
Howdy, folks.
And welcome.
72
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,664
I'm John Calabasas,
73
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:51,136
the president and CEO
of John Calabasas'
timeshares.
74
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,239
Thank you very much.
That's very kind.
75
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,374
Oh, stop.
Thank you so much.
76
00:02:55,376 --> 00:03:01,346
Folks, who would like to live
in the condo of their dreams?
77
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,381
For two months
out of the year.
78
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,917
I'm talking about
timeshares, y'all.
79
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,618
Question.
Yes, sir.
80
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,987
If we decide
not to buy today,
81
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,322
do we still get
the movie tickets?
82
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:13,692
That's the deal, but I can
promise you this, sir,
83
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,493
at the end of today,
84
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,662
you're not gonna be thinking
about movie tickets.
85
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,530
You're gonna be
thinking about
86
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,632
Boca Sands
Resort and Tennis Club.
87
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:24,303
I'm intrigued about
this exciting opportunity.
88
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,706
Movie tickets
all locked up.
89
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,441
ADULT ADAM:
So began an epic speech
90
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,376
designed to pull in
old suckers.
91
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,045
Lucky for me,
Pops was young at heart.
92
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:37,049
Complete with sauna
and recently disinfected
steam room.
93
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:40,519
The best
overly air-conditioned
chain restaurants
94
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,554
that open for dinner
at 3:00 PM.
95
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:46,692
Not only
is it sunny year-round
in our community,
96
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:51,296
the women outnumber
the gentlemen three to one.
97
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,598
Sold!
98
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,267
Oh, my God.
99
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,803
Pops actually bought
a place in Florida?
100
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,338
Right?
It's a nightmare.
101
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,441
Hello? We're gonna have
our own beach condo.
102
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,443
Think of all the
spring breaks,
103
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,177
the Latin guys,
104
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:08,914
the romantic
walks on the beach
with the Latin guys.
105
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:09,848
Why do I come to you?
106
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,650
You need to chill.
It's a timeshare.
107
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:12,884
He'll be gone
two months a year.
108
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:16,288
Everyone knows a timeshare
is a gateway property.
109
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,889
Two months becomes six.
110
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:18,624
Six become a year.
111
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,325
And a year turns
into forever.
112
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:24,029
So? Pops is old,
and that's what all
old people do.
113
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,698
Stop saying that.
Pops isn't old.
114
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,332
He's 80.
115
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,568
Who cares? I measure
age in spirit.
116
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,437
Well, I measure age
by when you were born.
117
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,905
And for Pops,
that's 1903.
118
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:37,109
Holy crap.
Seriously?
Oh, yeah.
119
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,445
Shut up!
Everyone, shut up!
120
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,580
I got Barry news.
121
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,781
Everybody stop talking.
122
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,216
What is it,
snuggle monster?
123
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:45,651
I joined
the military.
124
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:46,985
Boom!
What's that now?
125
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,720
Good stuff.
What branch?
126
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,589
The one with the
planes and boats.
127
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:51,757
You're welcome,
America.
128
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:54,192
I just need you to sign
this permission slip.
129
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,327
Absolutely not.
130
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,295
Being a soldier
is number one
131
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,564
on my list of jobs
too dangerous
for my children.
132
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,365
List?
What list?
133
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,533
Oh, God.
Not the list.
134
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,935
I knew one day
my kids would
join the workforce,
135
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:07,372
so like a good mother,
I compiled a list
of occupations
136
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,074
that are strictly
off-limits.
137
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,176
Why can't I be
a construction worker?
138
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,978
Eating lunch on a
suspended beam
139
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,080
with your legs
dangling down?
140
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,948
No way.
No pro sports?
141
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,550
Except golf,
but you can't
drive around
142
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,152
in one of those buggies
with no seat belt.
143
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,988
Astronaut?
Your sensitive
tummy at zero g?
144
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,256
Deli guy.
Meat slicer.
145
00:05:24,258 --> 00:05:25,324
Government clerk.
Paper cut.
146
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,759
Robot technician.
Robot uprising.
147
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,695
This is nuts.
Pops was in the army.
148
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,864
And he is a hero.
Couldn't be prouder of him.
149
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,566
But I want
to be a hero.
150
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:35,834
And you can be...
151
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,102
As an orthodontist
or a maitre d'
152
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:42,107
or as one of those guys
who tests pillows
for softness.
153
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,810
ADULT ADAM: Yep.
All hope was lost.
154
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,144
I'll sign it.
155
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,045
And then found.
156
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,581
Really?
I did ROTC.
157
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,182
It changed my life.
158
00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,751
And I fully support this
as long as your mother
never finds out.
159
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:57,489
And one more thing.
If you do this,
there's no quitting.
160
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,491
I mean it.
10-4, good buddy.
161
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,759
That's trucker talk.
162
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,294
Aye-aye, matey.
163
00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:03,929
That's pirate.
164
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:04,830
Hmm.
165
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,565
ADULT ADAM: While Barry
was committed to the army,
166
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,767
I was committed
to showing Pops
167
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,102
just how young he was.
168
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:12,471
ADAM: There he is,
rockin' the new duds.
169
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,739
You dig 'em,
homey?
170
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,140
They're roomy
where I need them,
171
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,042
but kind of drafty
where I don't.
172
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,810
Perfect! Let's go
hit the town
173
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,613
and live it up while
we're still young.
174
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:22,414
What the...
175
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,282
How did your Zubaz
get so high?
176
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,251
They ride up.
I don't know.
177
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,919
They have a mind
of their own.
178
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,755
Now all you can see
is 'Frankie says'.
179
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:30,522
No one will know to relax.
180
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,291
Who is this Frankie,
and why does he
want me to relax?
181
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:37,796
All you need to know
is you look half your age
in those Zubaz pants.
182
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,398
Way too young
for Florida.
183
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,533
Oh, so that's what
this is about.
184
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,268
Kiddo, it's just
two months.
185
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:47,172
Two months
in middle-school years
is like a decade.
186
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,373
Come on, pal.
187
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,008
Pops says relax.
188
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,544
Don't you use that
catchphrase against me!
189
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,513
I will not relax!
190
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,380
Where you going?
191
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:58,784
To my other grandpa,
the one who'd never leave me.
192
00:06:58,786 --> 00:06:59,317
Pop Pop?
193
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,852
You really want
to replace me
194
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,721
with that spiteful
old bastard?
195
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:05,357
Already done.
Have fun in Florida.
196
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:07,926
I'll be
living it up here
with Pop Pop
197
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,695
having crazy
amounts of fun.
198
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,431
This is fun.
199
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,765
So much fun.
200
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,933
Shh. I'm reading
the stocks.
201
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,736
(PLASTIC SQUEAKING)
ADULT ADAM: Yep.
This was my grandfather Ben.
202
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,505
He was the anti-Pops
who could never catch a break.
203
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:23,708
Damn IBM! I should
have invested.
204
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,043
I'd be a millionaire.
205
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,045
Instead, I lost it
all on Cigaroos.
206
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:30,148
What's that?
Cigarettes for kids.
207
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:30,982
Yeah.
208
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,184
They had
a spokesbunny.
209
00:07:32,186 --> 00:07:35,554
Isn't that adorable?
It was a slam dunk!
210
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,823
ADULT ADAM: As I was
bonding with Pop Pop,
211
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,124
Barry was ready for action.
212
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,693
Barry Norman Goldberg
reporting for duty, sir!
213
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,595
Son, I told you three times.
I know you're here.
214
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:46,398
Question. When do we get
our nicknames assigned,
215
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,400
'cause I'm thinking
I'm gonna be Sky Shark.
216
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:48,967
I call Sky Tiger.
217
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,102
Dude, I told you
Sky Tiger was my nickname.
218
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,371
No one's Sky Tiger.
I'm Sky Shark.
219
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,606
There can't be
two skies.
220
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:55,740
I was kind of thinking
Thunder Shark.
221
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,310
Oh, that's good!
No, bro!
I'm the shark!
222
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,412
(ALL SHOUTING)
223
00:08:00,414 --> 00:08:01,012
Enough!
224
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,348
Instead of nicknames,
how about this.
225
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,249
Give me 20 push-ups.
226
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,618
If my body's already
in peak physical condition,
227
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,620
can I pass
and practice instead?
228
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,489
Practice what?
Volleyball.
229
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,823
You know, for when
we go to the beach
230
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,158
and flex our young,
glistening bodies.
231
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,359
I'm kind of
body-conscious,
232
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,228
so I'm not gonna pop off
my shirt at the beach,
233
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,729
if that's cool.
He's got an outie.
234
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,531
Shh!
There's no volleyball.
235
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,067
Son, if you're
not here to work,
you're worthless to me.
236
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:24,002
But I was
led to believe
I'm special.
237
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,606
You want special treatment?
Drop and give me 40!
238
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,078
Hey! How was
training, big guy?
239
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,346
Captain Wallace
says I'm, like,
240
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,815
better than Rambo,
the real one.
They're friends.
241
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:39,518
Well, I'm just proud
that you're sticking with it.
242
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,353
Oh, yeah.
Stick-to-it Barry.
243
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,555
That's what they call me.
244
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,191
Mom!
245
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,293
Dad secretly signed
a permission slip
246
00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,694
to get me
in basic training.
247
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,364
Now I need to have you
secretly get me out of it.
248
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,565
What?
Shh!
249
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,266
Dad won't let me quit,
250
00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:57,135
but Captain Wallace
is super demanding
and angry.
251
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:57,936
He called me worthless.
252
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,804
Are you (BLEEP)
kidding me?
253
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,907
I know. Right?
Worthless?
254
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,375
Well, obviously,
he's never seen you
255
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,610
ride a tandem bicycle
with your mother.
256
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:06,811
I was doing
most of the pedaling.
257
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,980
Are you sure
he called you worthless?
258
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,448
Maybe he called
you wonderful?
259
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,351
No. You have to get
me out of this, ma.
260
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,454
Unless you want me
to fly secret missions
261
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,689
to dangerous
foreign lands.
262
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,991
You can't go
on a secret mission.
263
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:20,959
They won't let you
call home,
264
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,695
and they don't know
what kind of cheese
binds you up.
265
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,997
So, you'll help?
Don't worry,
Snuggy-Boo.
266
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:26,898
I'll get you out.
267
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,001
Now, drop
and give me 20.
268
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:30,902
Huggies. (CHUCKLES)
269
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:35,373
ADULT ADAM: And with that,
Beverly Goldberg went to war.
270
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,310
ADULT ADAM: While I was
still upset about our fight,
271
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:41,079
Pops was ready to extend
an olive branch.
272
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,214
Hey, sweetheart.
You seen Adam?
273
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,551
I got him one of those
Atari-Nintendo games.
274
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:50,355
It's just like
the red-car, blue-car game
that we play at the arcade.
275
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,692
Aww, that's so cute.
But he's hanging with Pop Pop.
276
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,460
Pop-pop? I thought
he was bluffing.
277
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,028
You can always
hang with me,
278
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,296
you know, make
the little nerd jealous.
279
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:02,834
It'd be pretty damn
petty of me to use you
as some pawn.
280
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,135
Oh, I'm totally cool
with it.
281
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,438
We can, like,
go to the mall.
282
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,407
So, this is all a ploy
to get me to buy you stuff?
283
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,444
See? We get each other.
284
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:13,745
I'll drive.
285
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,681
ADULT ADAM: As Erica
and Pops had formed
an alliance,
286
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:18,783
my mom was waging war.
287
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,318
You, sir!
288
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:21,353
We need to talk.
289
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:22,854
Mrs. Goldberg,
I told you.
290
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,423
Yelling hours
are between
9:00 and 12:00.
291
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,725
This is
my lunch break.
292
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,193
Eat your tater tots, Earl.
293
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,694
I'm here for him.
294
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,929
What's happening
right now?
295
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,430
This is
Beverly Goldberg.
296
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,465
She's the Delta Force
of mothers.
297
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:37,802
And I'm here to tell you
that Barry will not be
returning to your course.
298
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,738
And I'm here to tell you
that your husband called
299
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:40,972
and said under
no circumstances
300
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,408
should I let your son
weasel out of this.
301
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:44,275
He called?
302
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,677
Oh, this just got good.
303
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,878
BEVERLY: Okay, then.
304
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,313
Well, I have demands.
305
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,915
Instead of yelling,
you will motivate my baby
306
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,717
with kindness and
encouragement.
307
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:56,388
And you will never, ever
call him worthless again.
308
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,390
Well, considering
you're asking me
309
00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:01,960
to undo years
of proven and effective
military training,
310
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,128
the answer is no.
311
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,629
BEVERLY: Or is it yes?
312
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,231
According to the
school handbook,
313
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,932
any parent is permitted
on school grounds
314
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,834
to tend to the well-being
of their child.
315
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,904
Oop.
That gives me
the legal right
316
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,240
to be my son's
wingmom.
317
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,341
Uh-oh.
Wingmom?
318
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,376
Wingmom.
That's not a thing.
319
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,244
Oh, it is.
320
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,912
I'll see you
at 0900.
321
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,681
No, you won't.
Yes, she will.
322
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:25,850
That woman isn't setting
one foot in my class,
323
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:26,618
and you know why?
324
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,753
'Cause it's absurd
and unrealistic
325
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,655
and will never happen
on my watch.
326
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,792
Due to circumstances
both beyond my control
and beyond reason,
327
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:38,596
I'd like to welcome
a new ridiculous addition
to our class.
328
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:39,931
It's me.
What?
329
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,701
You were supposed
to get me out of this,
not join me!
330
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,804
But now we can
both feel the need,
331
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,772
the need for speed.
332
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:48,473
Together.
333
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,308
I feel that need alone,
not with my mom!
334
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,178
I promise
you won't even know
I'm here, Little Schmoo.
335
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,345
(ALL LAUGH)
Little Schmoo.
336
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,680
Now that should
be your code name.
337
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,516
No! It's Sky Shark.
That better not stick.
338
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,818
Infantilizing, bro!
339
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,153
Oh, no. The tastemakers
have spoken.
340
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,421
It's sticking!
341
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,790
ADULT ADAM:
With my mom
officially enlisted,
342
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:06,725
I had officially signed up
343
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:10,028
for a day
of fun and laughter
with Pop Pop.
344
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,664
Hey, where's all
the loose change?
345
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:15,100
You promised me
pocketfuls of quarters.
346
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:15,700
Hmm.
347
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:18,837
While we're here,
might as well play
a few games.
348
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:19,471
What do you think?
349
00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:21,272
The only game I played
when I was a kid
350
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,242
was stop the Irish
from stealing our jobs.
351
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:25,977
Okay.
352
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,979
There's got to be
coins in the fountain.
353
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:28,646
I'll hold your legs.
354
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:32,550
ADULT ADAM:
My playdate with Pop Pop
couldn't get any worse...
355
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:33,251
Holy balls!
356
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,220
ADULT ADAM: ...Until
we ran into my ex.
357
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,689
What's he doing here?
How's my hair?
358
00:12:37,691 --> 00:12:38,556
Looks like
a Chia thing.
359
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,592
Shut up and laugh like
I said something funny.
360
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,127
Since when
are you funny?
361
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,729
(LAUGHS)
362
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,632
So fun.
363
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,502
Oh. Hey, Pops.
364
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:51,936
Adam.
365
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,439
Didn't expect
to see you here...
366
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:55,740
With her.
367
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:56,574
Yeah, I'd love
to chat,
368
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,443
but Pops and I are
hitting up Benetton.
369
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,078
Need some resort
wear to be ready
370
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,813
to jet down to Florida
with my main man.
371
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:05,750
Well, I'm happy that you found
someone to spend time with.
372
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,452
Oh, this one's the best.
373
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,920
Hope you're
having fun, too.
374
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,555
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
So much fun.
375
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:14,225
Today, I watched Pop Pop
pick up his prescription
376
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,527
and berate
the pharmacist
377
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:18,463
while I played
with the blood
pressure machine.
378
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,264
Classic us.
379
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,466
Ah, I see what's
going on here.
380
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,369
You're only
hanging out with me
to hurt his feelings.
381
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:25,170
(CHUCKLES)
Well done.
382
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:28,907
In your face, Al.
I'm his favorite
grandpa now.
383
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,475
Not a competition, Ben.
384
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,376
Oh, yes. It sure is.
385
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,744
I've been waiting
for this for years.
386
00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:35,513
You think you're so great
with your pockets full
of paper money
387
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:36,681
and your genuine kindness.
388
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,949
Well, no more.
389
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,150
I'm the Pops now.
390
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,285
You're not the Pops.
391
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,152
I'll always be
the Pops.
392
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,222
No, no. I'm taking it
because I hate being
called Pop Pop.
393
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:47,025
Then pick another
name, like, uh...
394
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,726
Poppy.
Oh, hell, no.
395
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:49,861
Pap Pap.
(GROANS)
396
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:50,728
Paw Paw.
No, no, no.
397
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,865
Face it. I finally beat you,
and this little weirdo
is my prize.
398
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,334
Enough! I've had it
with both of you.
399
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,037
No one gets
to be my Pops!
400
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,674
And for the record,
I still won.
401
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:03,541
WALLACE: Come on, Goldberg.
402
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,577
The only way
out of my class
is over that wall,
403
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:06,444
you lazy sack of nothing.
404
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,013
Don't you listen to him.
You're a sack of everything!
405
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,583
You need to push
that lazy, worthless body,
406
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,218
or you'll be
a loser forever.
407
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,487
Your body is a sweet treasure,
and you're a winner!
408
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:17,956
Say,
"I'm a winner!"
409
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,058
(GROANS)
I can't.
410
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,993
Too hard!
WALLACE: You don't know hard.
411
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,762
Now stand up and start
from the beginning.
412
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:25,363
Oh, no, no.
413
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,699
He's done. Come with me
and rest up, baby.
414
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:28,366
Really?
Really?
415
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,201
Really?
Barry has low
energy today
416
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,871
because he overslept
and didn't get a complete
breakfast,
417
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,840
but I have raisins,
so we're good.
418
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,342
Oh, are we, now?
419
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:37,942
We are.
420
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,410
The school manual
clearly states
421
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,313
that nutritional health
is one of the most...
Fine.
422
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,416
Then everyone else
will attack the course
except for Goldberg,
423
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,519
who's gonna sit on the side
and eat his box of raisins.
424
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,322
Sir, yes, sir!
It's nature's candy, sir!
425
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,690
Yes. I've had raisins.
426
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,759
I can't believe
these came from
grapes, sir.
427
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,895
I wonder who came up
with the idea for them, sir.
428
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:57,795
Are you done?
No, sir!
429
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:01,232
Permission to share
a few plump raisins
with my platoon, sir!
430
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:01,799
Denied!
431
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,002
Just go sit on
the bleachers
and shut up.
432
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,804
The rest of you,
move it!
433
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,507
Feels pretty good
having a wingmom, huh?
434
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:14,212
Mmm. The sun makes them
taste so sweet.
(CHUCKLES)
435
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,982
Hey, there, soldier.
How was your day?
436
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:20,551
Tough as balls,
but you were right, Dad.
437
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,686
It feels good
to stick it out.
438
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,889
It does.
I bet you're starving.
439
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,925
How about a snack?
440
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,527
Raisin?
Mom, he knows.
441
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,461
He knows?
He knows.
442
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,063
Wait.
Do you know?
Wingmom?
443
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,798
He knows.
How do you know?
444
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,599
I have my sources!
445
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,667
What?
Captain Wallace tattled?
446
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,870
Bevy, how could you go behind
my back and try and help him?
447
00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:42,473
How could you sign that
permission slip behind
my back?
448
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:43,708
Because it's important.
449
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,544
ROTC was the only way
I could go to college.
450
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:50,014
It's literally
the first thing in my life
I ever saw through.
451
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:53,117
And thank God I did,
because the guy I was before
452
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:56,721
wouldn't have had a shot
with you or any of this.
453
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,856
Look, look,
you guys both win.
454
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,125
Thanks to mom,
I get to protect my country
455
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,694
in a way that suits
my lifestyle,
456
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,430
being a hero
without working hard.
457
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,199
Well...
458
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,268
Mission accomplished.
459
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,910
Oh, so good.
460
00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:22,947
ADULT ADAM: Officially
grandfather-less,
461
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:28,019
I decided to go
to my favorite place
in the world to cheer up.
462
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,020
(ADAM SIGHS)
463
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:33,891
Right there with you, Pac.
You can't rely on anyone.
464
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,029
I got next game.
465
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,932
Not talking to me,
huh?
466
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,567
All right.
Let's play for it.
467
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,436
If I beat you, then you
got to listen to me.
468
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:48,573
If not, I'm gone.
Deal?
469
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,209
You? Play me?
470
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,945
At Ms. Pac-man?
My best game?
471
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,180
Let's just say
your old grandpa
472
00:16:56,182 --> 00:17:00,184
may have some skills
that might surprise you.
473
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,593
ADULT ADAM:
It was a game of legend.
474
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,694
Our entire relationship
was on the line.
475
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:14,766
In that moment,
Pops played that machine like
he never played it before.
476
00:17:14,768 --> 00:17:18,169
Ha! I did it!
I win!
477
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,704
Actually, you lost.
478
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:20,538
Well, that's crazy.
479
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,342
My angry ghosts killed
that pac-woman over and over.
480
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,611
You're not the ghosts.
I'm not the ghosts?
481
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:29,147
You're the Pac-woman.
I'm the Pac-woman?
482
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,948
You're the Pac-woman.
483
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:35,920
Well, (CLEARS THROAT)
I guess it's goodbye.
484
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,622
ADULT ADAM:
As I was losing my wingman,
485
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:41,292
Barry was ready
for another day
with his wingmom.
486
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,661
Mom, ROTC's in
20 minutes.
487
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,030
Why aren't you dressed
in your camo sweater?
488
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:48,066
Honey, I'm not going.
489
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,000
But you are.
Alone.
490
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:52,503
What?
You never leave your wingman,
and you're my wingmom.
491
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,306
Here. I want to
show you something.
492
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,576
This is a picture of your dad
at his ROTC graduation.
493
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,445
Who does
he look like to you?
494
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,980
(TOP GUN ANTHEM PLAYS)
Me.
495
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:06,084
Look, your dad had nothing
growing up,
496
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,252
but he was able to make
so much of himself
497
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,421
because he wasn't
a quitter.
498
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:15,526
I think I protect you so much,
I've turned you into one.
499
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,331
That's why I'm ripping up
my list of dangerous jobs.
500
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:24,302
Whoa.
Does this mean those jobs
are no longer off-limits?
501
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,538
What you want to be in life
is up to you,
502
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,208
no matter how scary
it is for me.
503
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:33,811
Even a trapeze artist?
Don't push it.
504
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,153
Goldberg...
505
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,555
We don't normally say this
in the military, but...
506
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:48,526
Where's your mother?
I'm flying solo today,
Captain.
507
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,063
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
even without a wingmom,
508
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,831
Barry could still soar
on his own.
509
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,534
As for me, when Pops
walked out of that arcade,
510
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,103
I realized I could never
fly as high without him.
511
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,906
I've been informed that you're
a sucker for a sales pitch,
512
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,008
so I figured you may want
to sit for this.
513
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:07,445
Depends
what you're selling.
Us.
514
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,383
By a show of hands,
how many of you fine folks
515
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:15,586
have a grandson
who you've helped raise?
516
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:21,692
And how many of you
are willing to forgive
said grandson
517
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:24,395
for acting like
a selfish putz?
518
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,766
'Cause the truth is,
no matter where you live,
519
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:33,070
you'll always be my hero,
always be my best friend,
520
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,039
always be my Pops.
521
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,308
Sold.
522
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,779
ADULT ADAM: And that's
how I made peace
with my Pops.
523
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,447
Sometimes it takes
almost losing someone
524
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:47,251
to make you realize
just how much you need them.
525
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:48,920
As for Pop Pop,
he'd always be
526
00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:51,556
the kind of grandfather
who didn't need much,
527
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:52,657
but deep down inside,
528
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:53,891
I knew that he still
needed me.
529
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:57,528
And, to be honest,
I needed him, too.
530
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:01,165
That's the thing
about the people we love.
531
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,366
They're there at our lowest...
532
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,969
Well done, boys.
Only one thing to do now.
533
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,538
Yeah, there is!
ALL: Yeah!
534
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,808
...And they're there
when we're flying high,
535
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:14,612
helping us celebrate
our biggest victories.
536
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,929
Truth is you can
win any battle
537
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,632
when your family's
got your back,
538
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,167
'cause no matter
what life throws at you,
539
00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:39,637
it's easy for a Maverick
when he's got Goose
at his side.
540
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,038
Winner!
Dang it!
541
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,909
That's life in
the fast lane, kiddo.
542
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:52,250
ADAM: How many girls
do you think you've
dated in your life?
543
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,518
Too numerous
to mention.
544
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:57,788
Sir! I figured it out.
545
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,157
I know why you were so mad
at my nicknames.
546
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:00,925
They weren't
good enough.
547
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,159
Lucky for you,
I got some more.
548
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,962
I was very clear.
No call signs,
no nicknames.
549
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,697
But what about
sky monkey?
No.
550
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,499
Air dragon? Air jordan?
No. No.
551
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,434
Thunder hornet?
Sky dagger?
No. My God.
552
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,636
Sky monkey.
You already said that.
553
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,070
Wolf man.
Iron beagle?
No! No.
554
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,506
Mach nine?
Mock turtleneck?
No. No.
555
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,775
Handsome Barry?
Tall Barry?
No. No.
556
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,577
Applesauce?
Yes! That's the one!
557
00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:23,648
Applesauce.
You are applesauce.
558
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:24,181
No!
Oh, yes.
559
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:27,918
That's just filler.
I was saying that so you could
warm up to Sky Shark.
560
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,420
Pick Sky Shark!