1 00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:01,300 ADULT ADAM: Back in the day, 2 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,602 winter break was my favorite time of year. 3 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,437 The hot cocoa, the gift-wrapping, 4 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,372 the taste of buttery popcorn 5 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,340 as you watched your favorite holiday movie. 6 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,377 For me and my big bro, it was A Christmas Story. 7 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,278 For some reason, it just spoke to us. 8 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,615 The Sox traded bullfrog, the only player they got, 9 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,216 for Shottenhoffen. 10 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:21,153 The Phils are trading Ryne Sandberg for Larry Bowa! 11 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,154 It's ludicrous! 12 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,522 Ralphie! On the double! 13 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,324 Everybody get your asses in here! 14 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:28,293 We didn't do Christmas, but we had Hanukkah. 15 00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,496 And that meant lots of forced family time 16 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,431 and Eastern European foods. 17 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,566 Gah! What's that smell? 18 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:35,167 Lucky, not cool! 19 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,436 ADULT ADAM: But it wasn't the dog. It was this. 20 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,203 Stuffed cabbage time! 21 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,205 Let's go! It's freakin' Hanukkah! 22 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,207 Again? Didn't we just do that? 23 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,642 Yeah, last year. Go set the table. 24 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,310 ADULT ADAM: A lot of people think that because there are 25 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:48,213 eight nights of Hanukkah, you get eight awesome presents. 26 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,816 Truth is, they were mostly filler. 27 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:51,483 Shoelaces. 28 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:52,918 Batteries. Underpants. 29 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,119 I got to go. I got a thing. 30 00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,655 ADULT ADAM: As the days stretched on, so were the limits 31 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,891 of what was considered a present. 32 00:00:58,893 --> 00:00:59,792 School supplies. 33 00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:01,226 Raisins. Underpants. 34 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:01,994 I got to go. I got a thing. 35 00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:05,731 ADULT ADAM: By night 8, it was straight-up bottom of the barrel. 36 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,498 Toothbrush. 37 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,168 Zit cream? More underpants? 38 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,235 What is the deal, people? 39 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:13,372 Zit cream isn't a gift! It's an insult! 40 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,373 I'm gonna go. I got a... 41 00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:17,276 Thing. We know. You've got a thing. 42 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,079 And your new underpants are a gift for me, Barry. 43 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,814 ADULT ADAM: Even if we didn't have the holiday spirit, 44 00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:23,782 we tried our best to make it fun. 45 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,318 What the hell happened to all the sour cream? 46 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,086 Adam dared me. 47 00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:29,421 I ate it, along with the rest of the condiments. 48 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,323 In your face, mustards and jams! 49 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,992 What is the one rule we have in this house, huh? 50 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,727 No daring Barry to do stupid stuff. 51 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,063 Why? 'Cause I have no regard for my personal well-being. 52 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:41,333 ADULT ADAM: Frankly, for us, it wasn't the most joyous holiday, 53 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:44,369 especially after visiting the Christmas wonderland 54 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,237 at the Kremps'. 55 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,172 Daisy, it's the Goldbergs! 56 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,874 (BABY VOICE) Hello, Goldbergs. 57 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,410 (LAUGHS) We've been expecting you! 58 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:54,580 Merry Chris... Holiday. 59 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,949 Winter fest. 60 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:57,683 Welcome! 61 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,284 Oh, uh, Charles is out back 62 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,786 splitting wood for the Yule fire. 63 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,154 Do you want to give him a hand, Murray? 64 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,422 He's good. I believe in him. 65 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,991 Can I wet your whistle with some eggnog? 66 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:06,992 Don't forget your cinnamon stick. 67 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,394 Be careful. Scott is our college boy, 68 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,429 and he makes a strong nog. 69 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:13,165 Mom? Did you finally give me that BB gun I always wanted? 70 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,967 Oh, this is a snare drum, isn't it? 71 00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:16,635 I told you, no peeking, okay? 72 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:20,139 I want the two of you back to icing that gingerbread house. 73 00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:22,508 Chad, put down the snare drum. 74 00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,709 I knew it! 75 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:24,710 He gets me every year. 76 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,412 Okay, what are my eyes looking at? 77 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,581 Nothing. They're just excited for Kremp Christmas. 78 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:33,685 But why are your kids here, willingly participating? 79 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,287 What else are they gonna do? Seriously? 80 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,089 You mean to tell me you're that good at family? 81 00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:38,724 Good at family? That's not a saying. 82 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:41,693 Oh, it's a saying, and you are good at family. 83 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,128 You are good at family. 84 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:43,996 We're fine at family. 85 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,631 You're fab at family. We're not. 86 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,299 It's been fun. It has. 87 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,834 Let's do it again sometime. 88 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,136 Uh, but let's not make a plan. We'll wing it. 89 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,337 Oh, Murray, before you go, 90 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,806 I have the teensiest of favors to ask you. 91 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,175 Our Santa fell through this year, 92 00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,010 and it would just mean the world to us 93 00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:01,480 if you could just pop over and hand out some gifts. 94 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,716 Thank you so much for thinking of him. 95 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,951 He'd love to. 96 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,886 Murray, you'll put on the suit. 97 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,288 Or... 98 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:13,792 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 99 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:18,297 ¶ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 100 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:21,166 ¶ I don't know the future 101 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:25,037 ¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 102 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:28,507 ADULT ADAM: It was December 23, 1980-something. 103 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,141 Christmas vacation. 104 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:31,944 That meant my brother's dopey friends were out of town, 105 00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,378 and I was his only playmate. 106 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,314 The alone time with Barry was awesome! 107 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:39,251 It's how we came up with our favorite brotherly game, ball ball. 108 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,286 There were hundreds of rules, but the most important 109 00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:44,356 was every time you took a shot, you had to yell... 110 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,290 Ball ball! 111 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,359 Ball ball! Ball ball! 112 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,260 Whoo! 113 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,261 Nine points. 114 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,495 I win. Suck it! 115 00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:51,330 Looks like the trophy is mine. 116 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,298 Damn it! You cheated! Rematch! 117 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,835 ADULT ADAM: It was days and days of bro-ing out with Barry. 118 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:57,469 You ready, Barry? 119 00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,239 You better be, 'cause we're about to play some... 120 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,306 Ball ball! Ball ball! 121 00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,842 Ball ball! Yes! 10 points. 122 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,110 What the hell is this? 123 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,111 (CHUCKLES) It's called ball ball. 124 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,547 It's this awesome game where you throw the ball back and forth... 125 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,882 I'm familiar with the game. 126 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,251 I helped invent it. 127 00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,419 I added the second "ball." 128 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,955 And I'm the official World Champion. 129 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,524 Yeah, we don't recognize that federation anymore. 130 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,794 Lainey and I now play for Champion of the Universe! 131 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,396 I didn't ratify these changes. 132 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,797 Adam, it's fine. You can play. 133 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,300 No! The ball ball he knew is over. 134 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,768 Plus, I wouldn't even be able to explain 135 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,537 all the changes we made in the past 10 minutes. 136 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:33,872 Whatever. 137 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,107 Enjoy your stupid game. 138 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,275 ADULT ADAM: While I was losing Barry, 139 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:40,178 my mom was gonna win over our family with a new holiday plan. 140 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,280 Big news, everyone. 141 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:45,083 This family's about to experience some exciting changes 142 00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:45,817 this holiday season. 143 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,287 If it costs me money, it ain't happening. 144 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:49,655 It'll actually save you money. 145 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:50,789 It's happening. In the long run. 146 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,292 In the short run, it'll cost way more. 147 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:53,825 (GROANS) 148 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,261 I just got back from the Kremps', and guess what. 149 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,164 There are people out there who actually enjoy 150 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,533 celebrating the holidays together. (CHUCKLES) 151 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:05,404 Turns out, it's not that we're not good at family. 152 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,106 It's just that we've been doing it all wrong. 153 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,376 So this year, we're gonna spice things up 154 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:15,080 with a little celebration I like to call... 155 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,115 Super Hanukkah! 156 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,751 Whoo! Mama's jazzed, and here's why. 157 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,254 We're gonna make Hanukkah sizzle and pop! 158 00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:23,355 We're gonna decorate the house. 159 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,956 We're gonna drink buttery booze milk 160 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:28,226 and put all our gifts under a festive topiary 161 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,729 together as one big family. 162 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,164 So, like a Christmas tree? 163 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,398 No! A Hanukkah bush! 164 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,101 And instead of opening presents on eight separate nights, 165 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:39,971 we're gonna save 'em up and open 'em all on one night! 166 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,239 Or one morning. 167 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,708 So, like Christmas morning? 168 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,476 No, super Hanukkah morning. 169 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,877 But you better not be naughty, 170 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,047 or else you-know-who won't bring you any presents. 171 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,115 Santa Claus! 172 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,249 No! Hanukkah Harry. 173 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:54,186 The Jon Lovitz character from Saturday Night Live? 174 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,388 Actually, he's based on a real person. 175 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,423 Don't look it up! Who has the time? 176 00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,224 Just trust me on this. 177 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,626 Well, I'm all for getting this over with in one night. 178 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,995 That's the super Hanukkah spirit! 179 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:07,299 And here's a box of lights for you to string up on the house. 180 00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:08,900 This has now become work. 181 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,902 Not work, fun. 182 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,437 Just like the Kremps have. 183 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,739 Now get to work. 184 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:14,906 I mean fun! 185 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,209 ¶ You better watch out 186 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,645 ¶ You better not cry 187 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,447 ADULT ADAM: And so my mom finally got 188 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,883 the Hanukkah she always wanted... 189 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,951 Christmas. 190 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,085 Do it with care. 191 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,688 One that would rival the Kremps'. 192 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:30,455 Before we knew it, 193 00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:34,426 we'd all been swept up in the super Hanukkah spirit. 194 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:35,961 And for the first time ever, 195 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,096 our house wasn't the only one on the block 196 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,898 that didn't have festive lights. 197 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,601 Three, two, one. 198 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,736 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) (LAUGHS) 199 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,004 Yeah, baby! 200 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:46,872 Looks expensive. 201 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:49,608 It is! Super Hanukkah! 202 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,610 ¶ Gonna find out 203 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,645 Oh, my god! (GASPS) 204 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,614 It's like I gave you a list of stuff I wanted 205 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,815 and you actually bought it! 206 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,918 Well, you made the list. I checked it twice. 207 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,354 No socks. No raisins. 208 00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:02,854 No underpants. 209 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,624 Every gift under the bush is better than the last! 210 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,826 There's more where that came from. 211 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,261 This bad boy's from me. 212 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:12,264 That's an officially licensed key chain. 213 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,131 (SNIFFS) Very rare. 214 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,966 Stop speaking your stupid words. 215 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:18,136 Behold the gift Lainey got me, an Eagles jersey! 216 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,106 My dad re-tiled their training facility. 217 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,908 But the best part... 218 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,709 The whole team signed it! 219 00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,244 But the limit was $10! 220 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,780 Oh, it's cool. I got it for free. 221 00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,882 I love you so much right now. 222 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,217 This is the holiday of my dreams, 223 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:35,620 and I don't ever want it to end, ever! 224 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,022 ¶ You better not pout 225 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,690 Ever! (CHUCKLES) 226 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,659 What the hell is this? 227 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,027 Super Hanukkah! 228 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,428 ¶ Santa Claus ¶ And what is this music? 229 00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:46,331 Neil Diamond, the voice of our people. 230 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,499 It's a Christmas song! 231 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:50,001 My god! Is that a Christmas tree? 232 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,670 No, it's a Hanukkah bush. 233 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,905 That's not a thing. A... 234 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:54,840 Oh, my lord. 235 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:58,410 Did you hang stockings by the chimney with care? 236 00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:00,645 Not stockings, Hanukkah socks. 237 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,281 Ma, we're running out of candy canes. 238 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,150 Not candy canes. 239 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:05,951 Peppermint J's. 240 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,954 Can I wet your whistle with some Hanu-nog? 241 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:09,287 No! 242 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,523 Dad, I'm just trying to spice it up, 243 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:12,324 like the Kremps do. 244 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:15,060 They're good at family, and now so are we. 245 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,329 Trading in your family's tradition 246 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:18,964 is not being good at family. 247 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,932 I mean, what's next? Santa Claus. 248 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:24,870 I did the thing for the blond neighbor people. 249 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:25,537 No more. 250 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,205 Understand? No more! 251 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,141 ADULT ADAM: And just when Pops thought it couldn't get any worse... 252 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,142 (DOORBELL RINGS) Hi! 253 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,845 Hello! I brought you some decorations. 254 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,081 (GASPS) Oh, my! Oh, my. 255 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:39,985 Your holiday is just so much more vibrant than I remember. 256 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,753 Well, we kicked it up a notch. 257 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:45,123 No! Hanukkah only has one notch. 258 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,124 Look at this! 259 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:46,892 That's our Hanukkah bush. 260 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:50,061 You know, I never knew that there were so many similarities 261 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,096 between our two holidays. 262 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:54,332 What is the story behind the Hanukkah bush, anyway? 263 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,101 Yeah, Betty. What is the story? 264 00:08:56,103 --> 00:09:00,105 I mean, obviously, there's a rich cultural significance. 265 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,107 Otherwise, why would you do this to me? 266 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:07,078 Well, the Maccabees only had enough oil for one night, 267 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,880 and it was a miracle. 268 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,348 And another miracle, 269 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:14,786 was the finding of the bush in the temple basement. 270 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:18,857 And they decorated it with festive tchotchkes. 271 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:19,491 So interesting. 272 00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,660 Where'd they find the tchotchkes? 273 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,794 In their pockets. 274 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,629 Tchotchke pockets. They were potchkes. 275 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:28,833 You forgot the part where Aquaman swam to Egypt 276 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,304 and parted the Red Sea with his fish friends 277 00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:33,738 and Moses, the porpoise. 278 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,608 Okay, that's enough. You're being ridiculous. 279 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,842 I'm ridiculous? 280 00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:41,379 I'll show you who's ridiculous. 281 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,213 You'll see. 282 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,015 (DOOR CLOSES) POPS: You'll see! 283 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:47,018 Well, that was the traditional re-enactment 284 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:51,089 of the storming out of the land of Egypt, 285 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,924 by Aquaman. 286 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,326 Whoa. 287 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,030 ADULT ADAM: As the holiday break wore on, 288 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,599 Lainey continued to edge me out 289 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,434 of my holiday traditions with Barry. 290 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,569 She even edged me off the couch. 291 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,137 (RUSTLING) 292 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:06,905 Shh! 293 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,139 Stop shifting in the beanbag. 294 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,309 Lainey and I are trying to watch our favorite movie here. 295 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,210 Your favorite movie? 296 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,045 It's supposed to be our favorite movie. 297 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,847 Well, it's been re-favorited. 298 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,948 That's not even a word. 299 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:17,816 There's no way to know. 300 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,784 You know what? Fudge both you guys! 301 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:23,955 And you've seen the movie, so you know what that means! 302 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,259 Dude, wait. What's your deal? 303 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,127 Did I do something wrong? 304 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,397 Oh, look at you, acting all foxy and innocent. 305 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:33,398 I'm onto you, lady. 306 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,332 What are you talking about? 307 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,700 This is the only time all year 308 00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,235 that Barry's actually nice to me. 309 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:40,672 But then you crashed our movie and stole ball ball 310 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,007 and ruined everything. 311 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,308 I didn't mean to, okay? 312 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,776 I'd never get between two brothers. 313 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,745 Again. It happened once at summer camp. 314 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,446 There were these hot twins, and... 315 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,114 It's not important. 316 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,249 I'll just give you and Barry some time alone. 317 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,884 Y-you'd do that for me? 318 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:53,385 Of course. 319 00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:55,286 I think it's really cute that you love your big brother. 320 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,321 I'd never get in the way of that. 321 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,256 Have fun with Barry. Tell him I'll see him tomorrow. 322 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,692 Thanks for being so curvy and understanding. 323 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,128 Hey, no problem. Wait, what? 324 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,963 Nothing! See ya. 325 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,033 Guess who made caramel corn. 326 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,702 Move! That seat is saved for Laineys only. 327 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:11,736 Actually, she had to bail, 328 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,172 but now we get to watch A Christmas Story together, 329 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:14,973 like we always do. 330 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,075 Nyeh. I've seen it a billion times. 331 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,177 Wait! Wait! Where you going? 332 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,712 Lainey's. I miss her laugh. 333 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,947 That's very sweet and angering! 334 00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:25,617 See? You get it. Bye, nerd. 335 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,886 (MUFFLED) Don't leave me! Come back! 336 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,522 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, I decided to get Barry to stay 337 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,992 by breaking the one cardinal rule in our house, 338 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,661 never dare Barry Goldberg. 339 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:37,529 Wait! 340 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,431 You could go see Lainey, 341 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,866 or you could accept my double dog dare. 342 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,169 Tell me what it is, and I'll do it right now. 343 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:44,869 I don't know. 344 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,738 You'll be way too afraid of this one. 345 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,174 Impossible! I was born without the fear gene. 346 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,476 It's a medical miracle. Ask any doctor. 347 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:52,811 Okay. It's on. 348 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,012 Grab your jacket. 349 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,046 Dare complete. I win. 350 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,015 Yeah, that's not the dare. 351 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,283 Follow me to the tetherball pole. 352 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,785 ADULT ADAM: While I was trying to spend time with my brother, 353 00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,521 my mom was having the time of her life 354 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,657 with her made-up holiday. 355 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,726 Lucky! Stop it! 356 00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:08,460 Hey, honey. 357 00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:11,062 Have you been wearing that Santa suit all day? 358 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:11,496 Oh, yeah. 359 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,498 Turns out these pants keep the fellas warm and toasty. 360 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:17,669 And the girl at Wawa, she gave me a free lotto ticket. 361 00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:20,004 People love Santa Claus! 362 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,239 Who knew? 363 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,173 I think everyone. 364 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:26,111 And a Merry Hanukkah to you and yours! 365 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,245 Dad, what are you doing? 366 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,582 What's it look like? I'm handing out goodies for the holiday. 367 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,616 If you're trying to be Hanukkah Harry 368 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,786 to rub it in my face, you've got it all wrong. 369 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,454 No. I'm Hanu-Claus. 370 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:40,525 I'm mashing two words together to make one offensive one, 371 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:41,693 just like you do. 372 00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:44,496 Now, who wants presents? 373 00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:45,563 Me, Hanu-Claus! 374 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,865 Then prepare yourselves 375 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,968 as I dole out gifts from my sack of shame. 376 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:53,738 No! Guilt has no place in our people's holiday. 377 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,440 BEVERLY: Shame on you. I hope you feel guilty. 378 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:59,677 Look! It's your Great-Grandpa Samuel Solomon. 379 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,447 He crossed Poland with $2 in his shoe 380 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,351 so his traditions could live on here in America, 381 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,687 only for you to dismantle his dream. 382 00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,655 Fun! 383 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,123 I don't like Hanu-Claus. 384 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,358 And what's this? 385 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,260 This jar stores all the traditions 386 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,629 you've passed down to your children. 387 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:18,997 But it's empty. 388 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:19,731 And look! 389 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,333 Why, it's a button, from the sweatshop 390 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:26,304 your grandmother worked in to put food on our table, 391 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,807 even though we didn't have a table. 392 00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,175 You had a table, Al. 393 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,409 It wobbled! 394 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,010 My god. 395 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,013 There's like 20 more super-sad things in here. 396 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:37,015 And we're going through them all, 397 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,618 every last depressing one of them. 398 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:41,619 Fun! 399 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,555 ADULT ADAM: As Pops was trying to put an end 400 00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:44,522 to my mom's new traditions, 401 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:48,593 I was trying to get back at Barry for ruining ours. 402 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,329 Go on. Do it already. 403 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,130 Oh, I will do it. 404 00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:54,499 I've stuck my tongue to tons of different things. 405 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,135 You're stalling. Come on. 406 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,570 I triple dog dare you. 407 00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:02,273 ADULT ADAM: There it was, the coup de grace of all dares, 408 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,976 the sinister triple dog dare. 409 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,278 Barry had no choice but to accept. 410 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,880 No fear! 411 00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:15,453 That's right. 412 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:18,356 You ain't going nowhere, bro. 413 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:21,526 You've been ignoring me all week, but no more! 414 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,263 Looks like you'll be hanging out with your little brother, 415 00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,798 like it or not. 416 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,803 Really? 417 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,910 Original version? 418 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,649 Aw. 419 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,019 No! No! 420 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,821 (GRUNTS) 421 00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,765 ADULT ADAM: As Barry and I were airing our grievances, 422 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,533 Pops had decided to sing his. 423 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:08,473 ¶ On the fifth day of Hanukkah My daughter said to me 424 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,475 ¶ Five backs a-stabbing 425 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,243 ¶ Four neglected customs 426 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,245 ¶ Three sellout children 427 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,580 ¶ Two shameful parents 428 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:19,250 ¶ And she spit in my face, too ¶ 429 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,920 Put down the banjo, Dad. We get the point. 430 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,989 ¶ O Hanukkah bush O Hanukkah bush 431 00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:29,360 ¶ You crap all over our culture ¶ 432 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:29,994 Everyone! 433 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,262 Okay, this was fun for a bit, 434 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,731 and then it got sad, and now it's just bonkers. 435 00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,367 Give it to me. Give me the banjo. No! 436 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,169 Just give her the banjo, Al! 437 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,137 No! Give it! 438 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,972 Give her the damn banjo, Al! 439 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:41,839 Give it! 440 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,675 Watch the candles! 441 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:46,611 Oh! 442 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,947 (GASPS) My Hanukkah tree! 443 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,149 My Christmas bush! Whatever! 444 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,351 Murray, do something! Move! 445 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,723 Are you happy now? 446 00:15:58,725 --> 00:15:59,624 You ruined super Hanukkah! 447 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:03,661 How can I ruin something that's not even real? 448 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,230 Hi! 449 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:07,632 Hey! 450 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,866 Interesting tradition there. 451 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,469 Can we come over and hear all about it? 452 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,172 What exactly does all this symbolize? 453 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:17,075 We suck at family, okay? Is that what you want to hear? 454 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,377 You don't suck at all, but we do. 455 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:24,549 We, like, suck butt at family. 456 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,384 The big suck. 457 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,885 (BLEEP) 458 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,320 Yeah! 459 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,590 We do. 460 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,293 (BLEEP) 461 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,529 ADULT ADAM: It was hour two on the pole. 462 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,365 It was freezing, but nothing could thaw 463 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,034 the tension between me and Barry. 464 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,565 (GRUNTS) 465 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,202 (BOTH GRUNTING) 466 00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,838 (DOOR OPENS) 467 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,209 (BOTH GRUNTING) 468 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,781 I've raised morons. 469 00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,551 ADULT ADAM: That's the thing about family. 470 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,686 Even though you may not say it clearly, 471 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:09,654 you know in your heart 472 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,789 they'll always be there for you. 473 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:12,857 Hey. 474 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,725 There any room for me? 475 00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:16,160 Of course. 476 00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,995 ADULT ADAM: And sometimes you just have to accept 477 00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,932 that there's enough love to go around. 478 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,234 You guys have some good brother time? 479 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,702 It was all right. 480 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:27,004 ¶ Who's naughty and nice 481 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:27,772 ¶ Say it now 482 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,007 ADULT ADAM: 'Cause being good at family wasn't about 483 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,777 making the old holiday sizzle and pop. 484 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:33,711 It was about remembering 485 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,048 why the holiday was important in the first place. 486 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:40,218 Hey, Dad. What you got there? 487 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:41,452 Mom's locket. 488 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:45,256 Never saw this picture of me and her before. 489 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,924 (CHUCKLES) 490 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:50,094 She looks so happy. 491 00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,696 Oh, she was. 492 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,065 It was your first Hanukkah. 493 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,199 Meant the world to her. 494 00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:58,136 Dad, I'm sorry. I guess I just got carried away. 495 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,838 I think it's safe to say we both did. 496 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,741 All I wanted was to be good at family, you know? 497 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:04,742 And you are, Bev. 498 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,278 But part of being good at family 499 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,181 is knowing where you came from. 500 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:12,650 ¶ Come on, now 501 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:16,087 ¶ Santa Claus is comin' to town 502 00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:16,621 Thanks, Dad. 503 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,890 ¶ Santa Claus is comin' to town 504 00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:23,961 ¶ Santa Claus is comin' to town 505 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,563 ¶ Oh, yeah ¶ 506 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,965 Ginzy? You okay? 507 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,300 Yeah. 508 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,935 Yeah, all good. 509 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,137 Even though everything's poop. 510 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,972 It's all poop, Bev, all of it. 511 00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,375 What are you talking about? 512 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,278 You're good at family! Remember? 513 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,078 Are you kidding? 514 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,079 Scott gave Daisy some nog. 515 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,315 Now I have to get my rugs cleaned. 516 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,917 Steve shot Drew with the stupid BB gun, 517 00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:47,318 and Charles burned the ham. 518 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,886 Now we don't even have Christmas dinner. 519 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,355 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, my mom realized 520 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,090 the Kremps were no better at family than us 521 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,794 and there was no such thing as a perfect holiday. 522 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,363 Come with me. 523 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,097 I know a place. 524 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:06,170 ¶ Better be good For goodness' sake 525 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,673 ¶ Little tin horns 526 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:09,974 ¶ And little toy drums 527 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,977 Who even knew restaurants were open today? 528 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:13,744 We knew. 529 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:16,681 Chinese on Christmas, it's kind of our thing. 530 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,481 (CHUCKLES) 531 00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:19,884 Learn something new every day, right? 532 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,552 Sure do. 533 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,021 ADULT ADAM: So, this was our Christmas story. 534 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,389 It for sure doesn't look like yours, 535 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:29,427 but it's not about how or what you celebrate. 536 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,862 It's who you celebrate with. 537 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,131 And, yeah, ours was crazy. 538 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,666 Aah! Oh, geez! 539 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,802 But it was awesome. 540 00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,271 ¶ Can't stop that man no-how 541 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,673 ¶ Santa Claus is comin' to town ¶ 542 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:45,876 Merry Christmas. 543 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,378 That's a great present. 544 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,347 Chet, what do you have there? What is that? 545 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,148 Let me look. (DRUMMING) 546 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,684 Whoa! Dude, check this out! 547 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,052 Sit! Sit! 548 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,555 You want to have your Christmas present? 549 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,023 Whoa! 550 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:05,329 Oh! A card! 551 00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:06,364 Thank you! 552 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,632 It's the eighth day of Hanukkah. 553 00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,267 Figure I'd save the best for last. 554 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,468 Well, I love it. 555 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:13,037 But you know what present I'd really love? 556 00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,972 A snuggie from my biggest boy. 557 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,875 Yeah, not gonna happen. Not even if I dare you? 558 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,944 Oh, god. Don't do this. 559 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,646 Triple dog dare! 560 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,814 You'll regret ever challenging me. 561 00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,316 Take these snuggies! 562 00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:25,983 Take 'em! 563 00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:26,851 Barry wins at everything. 564 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:28,953 (CHUCKLING) That's right, honey. You win. 565 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,921 Barry wins at everything!