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00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:01,300
ADULT ADAM: Back in the day,
2
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,602
winter break
was my favorite time of year.
3
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,437
The hot cocoa,
the gift-wrapping,
4
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,372
the taste of buttery popcorn
5
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,340
as you watched
your favorite holiday movie.
6
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,377
For me and my big bro,
it was A Christmas Story.
7
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,278
For some reason,
it just spoke to us.
8
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,615
The Sox traded bullfrog,
the only player they got,
9
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,216
for Shottenhoffen.
10
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:21,153
The Phils are trading
Ryne Sandberg for Larry Bowa!
11
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,154
It's ludicrous!
12
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,522
Ralphie!
On the double!
13
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,324
Everybody get your asses
in here!
14
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:28,293
We didn't do Christmas,
but we had Hanukkah.
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00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,496
And that meant
lots of forced family time
16
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,431
and Eastern European foods.
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00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,566
Gah!
What's that smell?
18
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:35,167
Lucky, not cool!
19
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,436
ADULT ADAM: But it wasn't
the dog. It was this.
20
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,203
Stuffed cabbage time!
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00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,205
Let's go!
It's freakin' Hanukkah!
22
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,207
Again?
Didn't we just do that?
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00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,642
Yeah, last year.
Go set the table.
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00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,310
ADULT ADAM: A lot of people
think that because there are
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00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:48,213
eight nights of Hanukkah,
you get eight awesome
presents.
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00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,816
Truth is,
they were mostly filler.
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00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:51,483
Shoelaces.
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00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:52,918
Batteries.
Underpants.
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00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,119
I got to go.
I got a thing.
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00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,655
ADULT ADAM: As the days
stretched on,
so were the limits
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00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,891
of what was considered
a present.
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00:00:58,893 --> 00:00:59,792
School supplies.
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00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:01,226
Raisins.
Underpants.
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00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:01,994
I got to go.
I got a thing.
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00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:05,731
ADULT ADAM: By night 8,
it was straight-up bottom
of the barrel.
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00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,498
Toothbrush.
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00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,168
Zit cream?
More underpants?
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00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,235
What is the deal, people?
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00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:13,372
Zit cream isn't a gift!
It's an insult!
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00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,373
I'm gonna go.
I got a...
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00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:17,276
Thing. We know.
You've got a thing.
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00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,079
And your new underpants
are a gift for me, Barry.
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00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,814
ADULT ADAM: Even if we didn't
have the holiday spirit,
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00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:23,782
we tried our best
to make it fun.
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00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,318
What the hell happened
to all the sour cream?
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00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,086
Adam dared me.
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00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:29,421
I ate it, along with
the rest of the condiments.
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00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,323
In your face,
mustards and jams!
49
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,992
What is the one rule
we have in this house, huh?
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00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,727
No daring Barry
to do stupid stuff.
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00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,063
Why?
'Cause I have no regard
for my personal well-being.
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00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:41,333
ADULT ADAM: Frankly, for us,
it wasn't the most
joyous holiday,
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00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:44,369
especially after visiting
the Christmas wonderland
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00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,237
at the Kremps'.
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00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,172
Daisy,
it's the Goldbergs!
56
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,874
(BABY VOICE)
Hello, Goldbergs.
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00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,410
(LAUGHS)
We've been expecting you!
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00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:54,580
Merry Chris...
Holiday.
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00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,949
Winter fest.
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00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:57,683
Welcome!
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00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,284
Oh, uh,
Charles is out back
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00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,786
splitting wood
for the Yule fire.
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00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,154
Do you want
to give him a hand, Murray?
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00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,422
He's good.
I believe in him.
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00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,991
Can I wet your whistle
with some eggnog?
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00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:06,992
Don't forget
your cinnamon stick.
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00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,394
Be careful.
Scott is our college boy,
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00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,429
and he makes
a strong nog.
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00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:13,165
Mom? Did you finally give me
that BB gun I always wanted?
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00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,967
Oh, this is a snare drum,
isn't it?
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00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:16,635
I told you,
no peeking, okay?
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00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:20,139
I want the two of you back to
icing that gingerbread house.
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00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:22,508
Chad,
put down the snare drum.
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00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,709
I knew it!
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00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:24,710
He gets me every year.
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00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,412
Okay, what are my eyes
looking at?
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00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,581
Nothing. They're just excited
for Kremp Christmas.
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00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:33,685
But why are your kids here,
willingly participating?
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00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,287
What else are they gonna do?
Seriously?
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00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,089
You mean to tell me
you're that good at family?
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00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:38,724
Good at family?
That's not a saying.
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00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:41,693
Oh, it's a saying,
and you are good at family.
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00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,128
You are good at family.
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00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:43,996
We're fine at family.
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00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,631
You're fab at family.
We're not.
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00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,299
It's been fun. It has.
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00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,834
Let's do it again
sometime.
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00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,136
Uh, but let's not make a plan.
We'll wing it.
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00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,337
Oh, Murray,
before you go,
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00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,806
I have the teensiest of favors
to ask you.
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00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,175
Our Santa fell through
this year,
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00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,010
and it would just
mean the world to us
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00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:01,480
if you could just pop over
and hand out some gifts.
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00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,716
Thank you so much
for thinking of him.
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00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,951
He'd love to.
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00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,886
Murray,
you'll put on the suit.
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00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,288
Or...
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00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:13,792
¶ I'm twisted up inside
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00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:18,297
¶ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
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¶ I don't know the future
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00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:25,037
¶ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶
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00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:28,507
ADULT ADAM:
It was December 23,
1980-something.
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00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,141
Christmas vacation.
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00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:31,944
That meant my brother's
dopey friends were
out of town,
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00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,378
and I was his only playmate.
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00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,314
The alone time with Barry
was awesome!
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00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:39,251
It's how we came up with
our favorite brotherly game,
ball ball.
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00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,286
There were hundreds of rules,
but the most important
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00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:44,356
was every time you took
a shot, you had to yell...
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00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,290
Ball ball!
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00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,359
Ball ball!
Ball ball!
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00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,260
Whoo!
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00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,261
Nine points.
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00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,495
I win. Suck it!
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00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:51,330
Looks like
the trophy is mine.
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00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,298
Damn it!
You cheated!
Rematch!
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00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,835
ADULT ADAM: It was days
and days of bro-ing out
with Barry.
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00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:57,469
You ready, Barry?
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00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,239
You better be, 'cause
we're about to play some...
120
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,306
Ball ball!
Ball ball!
121
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,842
Ball ball!
Yes! 10 points.
122
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,110
What the hell is this?
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00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,111
(CHUCKLES)
It's called ball ball.
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00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,547
It's this awesome game
where you throw the ball
back and forth...
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00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,882
I'm familiar
with the game.
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I helped invent it.
127
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,419
I added
the second "ball."
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00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,955
And I'm the official
World Champion.
129
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,524
Yeah, we don't recognize
that federation anymore.
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00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,794
Lainey and I now play for
Champion of the Universe!
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00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,396
I didn't ratify
these changes.
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00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,797
Adam, it's fine.
You can play.
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00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,300
No! The ball ball he knew
is over.
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00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,768
Plus, I wouldn't even
be able to explain
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00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,537
all the changes we made
in the past 10 minutes.
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00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:33,872
Whatever.
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00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,107
Enjoy your stupid game.
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00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,275
ADULT ADAM:
While I was losing Barry,
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00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:40,178
my mom was gonna win over
our family with a new
holiday plan.
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00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,280
Big news, everyone.
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00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:45,083
This family's about to
experience some exciting
changes
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00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:45,817
this holiday season.
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00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,287
If it costs me money,
it ain't happening.
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00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:49,655
It'll actually
save you money.
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00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:50,789
It's happening.
In the long run.
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00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,292
In the short run,
it'll cost way more.
147
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:53,825
(GROANS)
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00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,261
I just got back from
the Kremps', and guess what.
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00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,164
There are people out there
who actually enjoy
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00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,533
celebrating the holidays
together. (CHUCKLES)
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00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:05,404
Turns out, it's not that
we're not good at family.
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00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,106
It's just that we've been
doing it all wrong.
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00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,376
So this year,
we're gonna spice things up
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00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:15,080
with a little celebration
I like to call...
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00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,115
Super Hanukkah!
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00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,751
Whoo! Mama's jazzed,
and here's why.
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00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,254
We're gonna make Hanukkah
sizzle and pop!
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00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:23,355
We're gonna
decorate the house.
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00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,956
We're gonna drink
buttery booze milk
160
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:28,226
and put all our gifts
under a festive topiary
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00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,729
together
as one big family.
162
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,164
So, like a
Christmas tree?
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00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,398
No! A Hanukkah bush!
164
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,101
And instead of opening
presents on eight
separate nights,
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00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:39,971
we're gonna save 'em up
and open 'em all on
one night!
166
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,239
Or one morning.
167
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,708
So, like
Christmas morning?
168
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,476
No,
super Hanukkah morning.
169
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,877
But you better not
be naughty,
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00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,047
or else you-know-who
won't bring you any presents.
171
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,115
Santa Claus!
172
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,249
No!
Hanukkah Harry.
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00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:54,186
The Jon Lovitz character
from Saturday Night Live?
174
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,388
Actually, he's based on
a real person.
175
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,423
Don't look it up!
Who has the time?
176
00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,224
Just trust me on this.
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00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,626
Well, I'm all for getting this
over with in one night.
178
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,995
That's the super Hanukkah
spirit!
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00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:07,299
And here's a box of lights for
you to string up on the house.
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00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:08,900
This has now become work.
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00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,902
Not work, fun.
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00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,437
Just like the Kremps have.
183
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,739
Now get to work.
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00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:14,906
I mean fun!
185
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,209
¶ You better watch out
186
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,645
¶ You better not cry
187
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,447
ADULT ADAM:
And so my mom finally got
188
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,883
the Hanukkah
she always wanted...
189
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,951
Christmas.
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00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,085
Do it with care.
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00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,688
One that would rival
the Kremps'.
192
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:30,455
Before we knew it,
193
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:34,426
we'd all been swept up
in the super Hanukkah spirit.
194
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:35,961
And for the first time ever,
195
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,096
our house wasn't
the only one on the block
196
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,898
that didn't have
festive lights.
197
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,601
Three, two, one.
198
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,736
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
(LAUGHS)
199
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,004
Yeah, baby!
200
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:46,872
Looks expensive.
201
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:49,608
It is!
Super Hanukkah!
202
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,610
¶ Gonna find out
203
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,645
Oh, my god!
(GASPS)
204
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,614
It's like I gave you
a list of stuff I wanted
205
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,815
and you actually
bought it!
206
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,918
Well, you made the list.
I checked it twice.
207
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,354
No socks. No raisins.
208
00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:02,854
No underpants.
209
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,624
Every gift under the bush
is better than the last!
210
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,826
There's more
where that came from.
211
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,261
This bad boy's from me.
212
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:12,264
That's an officially licensed
key chain.
213
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,131
(SNIFFS) Very rare.
214
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,966
Stop speaking
your stupid words.
215
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:18,136
Behold the gift Lainey got me,
an Eagles jersey!
216
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,106
My dad re-tiled
their training facility.
217
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,908
But the best part...
218
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,709
The whole team
signed it!
219
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,244
But the limit was $10!
220
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,780
Oh, it's cool.
I got it for free.
221
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,882
I love you so much
right now.
222
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,217
This is the holiday
of my dreams,
223
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:35,620
and I don't ever want it
to end, ever!
224
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,022
¶ You better not pout
225
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,690
Ever!
(CHUCKLES)
226
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,659
What the hell is this?
227
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,027
Super Hanukkah!
228
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,428
¶ Santa Claus ¶
And what is this music?
229
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:46,331
Neil Diamond,
the voice of our people.
230
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,499
It's a Christmas song!
231
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:50,001
My god!
Is that a Christmas tree?
232
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,670
No,
it's a Hanukkah bush.
233
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,905
That's not a thing.
A...
234
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:54,840
Oh, my lord.
235
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:58,410
Did you hang stockings
by the chimney with care?
236
00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:00,645
Not stockings,
Hanukkah socks.
237
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,281
Ma, we're running out
of candy canes.
238
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,150
Not candy canes.
239
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:05,951
Peppermint J's.
240
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,954
Can I wet your whistle
with some Hanu-nog?
241
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:09,287
No!
242
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,523
Dad, I'm just trying
to spice it up,
243
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:12,324
like the Kremps do.
244
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:15,060
They're good at family,
and now so are we.
245
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,329
Trading in
your family's tradition
246
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:18,964
is not
being good at family.
247
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,932
I mean, what's next?
Santa Claus.
248
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:24,870
I did the thing
for the blond neighbor people.
249
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:25,537
No more.
250
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,205
Understand?
No more!
251
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,141
ADULT ADAM: And just when Pops
thought it couldn't get
any worse...
252
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,142
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Hi!
253
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,845
Hello!
I brought you
some decorations.
254
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,081
(GASPS) Oh, my!
Oh, my.
255
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:39,985
Your holiday is just so much
more vibrant than I remember.
256
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,753
Well, we kicked it
up a notch.
257
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:45,123
No! Hanukkah only has
one notch.
258
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,124
Look at this!
259
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:46,892
That's our Hanukkah bush.
260
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:50,061
You know, I never knew
that there were
so many similarities
261
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,096
between our two holidays.
262
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:54,332
What is the story behind
the Hanukkah bush, anyway?
263
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,101
Yeah, Betty.
What is the story?
264
00:08:56,103 --> 00:09:00,105
I mean, obviously, there's
a rich cultural significance.
265
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,107
Otherwise, why would you
do this to me?
266
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:07,078
Well, the Maccabees only had
enough oil for one night,
267
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,880
and it was a miracle.
268
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,348
And another miracle,
269
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:14,786
was the finding of the bush
in the temple basement.
270
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:18,857
And they decorated it
with festive tchotchkes.
271
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:19,491
So interesting.
272
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,660
Where'd they find
the tchotchkes?
273
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,794
In their pockets.
274
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,629
Tchotchke pockets.
They were potchkes.
275
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:28,833
You forgot the part
where Aquaman swam to Egypt
276
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,304
and parted the Red Sea
with his fish friends
277
00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:33,738
and Moses, the porpoise.
278
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,608
Okay, that's enough.
You're being ridiculous.
279
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,842
I'm ridiculous?
280
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:41,379
I'll show you
who's ridiculous.
281
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,213
You'll see.
282
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,015
(DOOR CLOSES)
POPS: You'll see!
283
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:47,018
Well, that was
the traditional
re-enactment
284
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:51,089
of the storming out
of the land of Egypt,
285
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,924
by Aquaman.
286
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,326
Whoa.
287
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,030
ADULT ADAM:
As the holiday break wore on,
288
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,599
Lainey continued
to edge me out
289
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,434
of my holiday traditions
with Barry.
290
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,569
She even edged me
off the couch.
291
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,137
(RUSTLING)
292
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:06,905
Shh!
293
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,139
Stop shifting
in the beanbag.
294
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,309
Lainey and I are trying
to watch our favorite movie
here.
295
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,210
Your favorite movie?
296
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,045
It's supposed to be
our favorite movie.
297
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,847
Well, it's been
re-favorited.
298
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,948
That's not even a word.
299
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:17,816
There's no way to know.
300
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,784
You know what?
Fudge both you guys!
301
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:23,955
And you've seen the movie,
so you know what that means!
302
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,259
Dude, wait.
What's your deal?
303
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,127
Did I do
something wrong?
304
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,397
Oh, look at you,
acting all foxy and innocent.
305
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:33,398
I'm onto you, lady.
306
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,332
What are you
talking about?
307
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,700
This is the only time
all year
308
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,235
that Barry's
actually nice to me.
309
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:40,672
But then you crashed our movie
and stole ball ball
310
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,007
and ruined everything.
311
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,308
I didn't mean to, okay?
312
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,776
I'd never get between
two brothers.
313
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,745
Again. It happened once
at summer camp.
314
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,446
There were these
hot twins, and...
315
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,114
It's not important.
316
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,249
I'll just give you and Barry
some time alone.
317
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,884
Y-you'd do that for me?
318
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:53,385
Of course.
319
00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:55,286
I think it's really
cute that you love
your big brother.
320
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,321
I'd never
get in the way of that.
321
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,256
Have fun with Barry.
Tell him I'll see
him tomorrow.
322
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,692
Thanks for being
so curvy and understanding.
323
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,128
Hey, no problem.
Wait, what?
324
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,963
Nothing! See ya.
325
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,033
Guess who made
caramel corn.
326
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,702
Move! That seat is saved
for Laineys only.
327
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:11,736
Actually,
she had to bail,
328
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,172
but now we get to watch
A Christmas Story together,
329
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:14,973
like we always do.
330
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,075
Nyeh. I've seen it
a billion times.
331
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,177
Wait! Wait!
Where you going?
332
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,712
Lainey's.
I miss her laugh.
333
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,947
That's very sweet
and angering!
334
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:25,617
See? You get it.
Bye, nerd.
335
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,886
(MUFFLED)
Don't leave me! Come back!
336
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,522
ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
I decided to get Barry to stay
337
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,992
by breaking the one
cardinal rule in our house,
338
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,661
never dare Barry Goldberg.
339
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:37,529
Wait!
340
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,431
You could go see Lainey,
341
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,866
or you could accept
my double dog dare.
342
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,169
Tell me what it is,
and I'll do it right now.
343
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:44,869
I don't know.
344
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,738
You'll be way too afraid
of this one.
345
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,174
Impossible! I was born
without the fear gene.
346
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,476
It's a medical miracle.
Ask any doctor.
347
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:52,811
Okay. It's on.
348
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,012
Grab your jacket.
349
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,046
Dare complete. I win.
350
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,015
Yeah,
that's not the dare.
351
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,283
Follow me
to the tetherball pole.
352
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,785
ADULT ADAM: While I was trying
to spend time with my brother,
353
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,521
my mom was having
the time of her life
354
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,657
with her made-up holiday.
355
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,726
Lucky! Stop it!
356
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:08,460
Hey, honey.
357
00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:11,062
Have you been wearing
that Santa suit all day?
358
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:11,496
Oh, yeah.
359
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,498
Turns out these pants keep
the fellas warm and toasty.
360
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:17,669
And the girl at Wawa,
she gave me a free
lotto ticket.
361
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:20,004
People love Santa Claus!
362
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,239
Who knew?
363
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,173
I think everyone.
364
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:26,111
And a Merry Hanukkah
to you and yours!
365
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,245
Dad,
what are you doing?
366
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,582
What's it look like?
I'm handing out goodies
for the holiday.
367
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,616
If you're trying
to be Hanukkah Harry
368
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,786
to rub it in my face,
you've got it all wrong.
369
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,454
No. I'm Hanu-Claus.
370
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:40,525
I'm mashing two words together
to make one offensive one,
371
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:41,693
just like you do.
372
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:44,496
Now, who wants presents?
373
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:45,563
Me, Hanu-Claus!
374
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,865
Then prepare yourselves
375
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,968
as I dole out gifts
from my sack of shame.
376
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:53,738
No! Guilt has no place
in our people's holiday.
377
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,440
BEVERLY: Shame on you.
I hope you feel guilty.
378
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:59,677
Look! It's your Great-Grandpa
Samuel Solomon.
379
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,447
He crossed Poland
with $2 in his shoe
380
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,351
so his traditions
could live on here
in America,
381
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,687
only for you
to dismantle his dream.
382
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,655
Fun!
383
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,123
I don't like Hanu-Claus.
384
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,358
And what's this?
385
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,260
This jar stores
all the traditions
386
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,629
you've passed down
to your children.
387
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:18,997
But it's empty.
388
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:19,731
And look!
389
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,333
Why, it's a button,
from the sweatshop
390
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:26,304
your grandmother worked in
to put food on our table,
391
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,807
even though
we didn't have a table.
392
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,175
You had a table, Al.
393
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,409
It wobbled!
394
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,010
My god.
395
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,013
There's like 20 more
super-sad things in here.
396
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:37,015
And we're going through
them all,
397
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,618
every last
depressing one of them.
398
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:41,619
Fun!
399
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,555
ADULT ADAM: As Pops was trying
to put an end
400
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:44,522
to my mom's new traditions,
401
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:48,593
I was trying to get back
at Barry for ruining ours.
402
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,329
Go on.
Do it already.
403
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,130
Oh, I will do it.
404
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:54,499
I've stuck my tongue
to tons of different things.
405
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,135
You're stalling.
Come on.
406
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,570
I triple dog dare you.
407
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:02,273
ADULT ADAM: There it was,
the coup de grace
of all dares,
408
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,976
the sinister triple dog dare.
409
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,278
Barry had no choice
but to accept.
410
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,880
No fear!
411
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:15,453
That's right.
412
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:18,356
You ain't going nowhere,
bro.
413
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:21,526
You've been ignoring me
all week, but no more!
414
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,263
Looks like you'll be hanging
out with your little brother,
415
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,798
like it or not.
416
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,803
Really?
417
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,910
Original version?
418
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,649
Aw.
419
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,019
No! No!
420
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,821
(GRUNTS)
421
00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,765
ADULT ADAM: As Barry and I
were airing our grievances,
422
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,533
Pops had decided to sing his.
423
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:08,473
¶ On the fifth day of Hanukkah
My daughter said to me
424
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,475
¶ Five backs a-stabbing
425
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,243
¶ Four neglected customs
426
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,245
¶ Three sellout children
427
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,580
¶ Two shameful parents
428
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:19,250
¶ And she spit
in my face, too ¶
429
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,920
Put down the banjo, Dad.
We get the point.
430
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,989
¶ O Hanukkah bush
O Hanukkah bush
431
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:29,360
¶ You crap all over
our culture ¶
432
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:29,994
Everyone!
433
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,262
Okay, this was fun
for a bit,
434
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,731
and then it got sad,
and now it's just bonkers.
435
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,367
Give it to me.
Give me the banjo.
No!
436
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,169
Just give her the banjo, Al!
437
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,137
No!
Give it!
438
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,972
Give her the damn banjo, Al!
439
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:41,839
Give it!
440
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,675
Watch the candles!
441
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:46,611
Oh!
442
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,947
(GASPS)
My Hanukkah tree!
443
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,149
My Christmas bush!
Whatever!
444
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,351
Murray, do something!
Move!
445
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,723
Are you happy now?
446
00:15:58,725 --> 00:15:59,624
You ruined super Hanukkah!
447
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:03,661
How can I ruin something
that's not even real?
448
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,230
Hi!
449
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:07,632
Hey!
450
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,866
Interesting tradition
there.
451
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,469
Can we come over
and hear all about it?
452
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,172
What exactly
does all this symbolize?
453
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:17,075
We suck at family, okay?
Is that what you want to hear?
454
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,377
You don't suck at all,
but we do.
455
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:24,549
We, like,
suck butt at family.
456
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,384
The big suck.
457
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,885
(BLEEP)
458
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,320
Yeah!
459
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,590
We do.
460
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,293
(BLEEP)
461
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,529
ADULT ADAM:
It was hour two on the pole.
462
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,365
It was freezing,
but nothing could thaw
463
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,034
the tension
between me and Barry.
464
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,565
(GRUNTS)
465
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,202
(BOTH GRUNTING)
466
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,838
(DOOR OPENS)
467
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,209
(BOTH GRUNTING)
468
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,781
I've raised morons.
469
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,551
ADULT ADAM:
That's the thing about family.
470
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,686
Even though
you may not say it clearly,
471
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:09,654
you know in your heart
472
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,789
they'll always be there
for you.
473
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:12,857
Hey.
474
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,725
There any room for me?
475
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:16,160
Of course.
476
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,995
ADULT ADAM: And sometimes
you just have to accept
477
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,932
that there's enough love
to go around.
478
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,234
You guys have
some good brother time?
479
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,702
It was all right.
480
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:27,004
¶ Who's naughty and nice
481
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:27,772
¶ Say it now
482
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,007
ADULT ADAM:
'Cause being good at family
wasn't about
483
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,777
making the old holiday
sizzle and pop.
484
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:33,711
It was about remembering
485
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,048
why the holiday was important
in the first place.
486
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:40,218
Hey, Dad.
What you got there?
487
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:41,452
Mom's locket.
488
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:45,256
Never saw this picture
of me and her before.
489
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,924
(CHUCKLES)
490
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:50,094
She looks so happy.
491
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,696
Oh, she was.
492
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,065
It was
your first Hanukkah.
493
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,199
Meant the world to her.
494
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:58,136
Dad, I'm sorry.
I guess I just got
carried away.
495
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,838
I think it's safe to say
we both did.
496
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,741
All I wanted was to be
good at family, you know?
497
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:04,742
And you are, Bev.
498
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,278
But part of
being good at family
499
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,181
is knowing
where you came from.
500
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:12,650
¶ Come on, now
501
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:16,087
¶ Santa Claus
is comin' to town
502
00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:16,621
Thanks, Dad.
503
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,890
¶ Santa Claus
is comin' to town
504
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:23,961
¶ Santa Claus
is comin' to town
505
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,563
¶ Oh, yeah ¶
506
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,965
Ginzy? You okay?
507
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,300
Yeah.
508
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,935
Yeah, all good.
509
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,137
Even though
everything's poop.
510
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,972
It's all poop, Bev,
all of it.
511
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,375
What are you
talking about?
512
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,278
You're good at family!
Remember?
513
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,078
Are you kidding?
514
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,079
Scott gave Daisy
some nog.
515
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,315
Now I have to
get my rugs cleaned.
516
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,917
Steve shot Drew
with the stupid BB gun,
517
00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:47,318
and Charles
burned the ham.
518
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,886
Now we don't even have
Christmas dinner.
519
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,355
ADULT ADAM:
In that moment,
my mom realized
520
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,090
the Kremps were no better
at family than us
521
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,794
and there was no such thing
as a perfect holiday.
522
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,363
Come with me.
523
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,097
I know a place.
524
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:06,170
¶ Better be good
For goodness' sake
525
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,673
¶ Little tin horns
526
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:09,974
¶ And little toy drums
527
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,977
Who even knew
restaurants were open today?
528
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:13,744
We knew.
529
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:16,681
Chinese on Christmas,
it's kind of our thing.
530
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,481
(CHUCKLES)
531
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:19,884
Learn something new
every day, right?
532
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,552
Sure do.
533
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,021
ADULT ADAM:
So, this was our
Christmas story.
534
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,389
It for sure
doesn't look like yours,
535
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:29,427
but it's not about
how or what you celebrate.
536
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,862
It's who you celebrate with.
537
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,131
And, yeah, ours was crazy.
538
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,666
Aah!
Oh, geez!
539
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,802
But it was awesome.
540
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,271
¶ Can't stop that man no-how
541
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,673
¶ Santa Claus
is comin' to town ¶
542
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:45,876
Merry Christmas.
543
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,378
That's a great present.
544
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,347
Chet, what do you have there?
What is that?
545
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,148
Let me look.
(DRUMMING)
546
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,684
Whoa!
Dude, check this out!
547
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,052
Sit! Sit!
548
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,555
You want to have
your Christmas present?
549
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,023
Whoa!
550
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:05,329
Oh! A card!
551
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:06,364
Thank you!
552
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,632
It's the eighth day
of Hanukkah.
553
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,267
Figure I'd save the best
for last.
554
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,468
Well, I love it.
555
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:13,037
But you know what present
I'd really love?
556
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,972
A snuggie
from my biggest boy.
557
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,875
Yeah, not gonna happen.
Not even if I dare you?
558
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,944
Oh, god.
Don't do this.
559
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,646
Triple dog dare!
560
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,814
You'll regret
ever challenging me.
561
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,316
Take these snuggies!
562
00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:25,983
Take 'em!
563
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:26,851
Barry wins
at everything.
564
00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:28,953
(CHUCKLING)
That's right, honey. You win.
565
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,921
Barry wins
at everything!