1
00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:01,467
ADULT ADAM:
Ah, the last week of school.
2
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:03,969
It's a truly magical feeling
of impending freedom
3
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:07,740
as the entire student body
unites in not giving a crap.
4
00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:10,075
Even the teachers
were checked out.
5
00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:11,577
All right,
stop your stretching.
6
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,512
We're gonna watch
the movie Bloodsport.
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,346
Not that I'm complaining,
8
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,081
but isn't that, like,
wildly inappropriate
9
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,816
and has nothing to do
with gym class?
10
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,818
"Sports" are in the title.
Leave me alone.
11
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,621
I got nothing left
to give you kids!
12
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,522
You did this to me!
13
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,857
ADULT ADAM:
But for all us eighth graders,
14
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:27,026
the last week of school
meant one thing.
15
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,727
All right,
boys and girls,
16
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,430
today begins
Freshman Fear Week.
17
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,364
(STUDENTS GASP)
18
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,266
This is when upperclassmen
19
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:37,469
hunt down terrified
incoming ninth graders
20
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,837
and throw them in the showers.
21
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,506
Did he say "hunt"?
Balls!
22
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:42,041
No! I made it
through middle school
23
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,242
without using
those showers!
24
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:46,011
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
school policy on cruel
hazing traditions...
25
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:48,347
(CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah.
...tended to be
a tad more lax.
26
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:49,948
I swear, one day,
they'll realize
27
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,950
this whole practice
is completely barbaric.
28
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,019
You will never live
to see that day!
29
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,256
But you're my brother.
You're supposed to protect me.
30
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:57,890
Opposite!
31
00:00:57,892 --> 00:01:00,459
I've been training for this
my whole life.
32
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,695
Every headlock, noogie,
and wet willy
33
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:04,530
has led to this moment.
34
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,498
There has to be
a way out of this.
35
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,068
There is,
but it's not pretty.
36
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,470
Mama!
Barry's gonna hurt me!
37
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,538
I'm here, schmoo.
38
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:13,272
He's gonna hunt me down
39
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,774
and throw me into
the gross gym showers!
No!
40
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:16,308
Yes!
No!
41
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,576
And then he's gonna
rip my shoes off
42
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,511
and make me touch the floor
without flip-flops!
43
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,381
You're not athletic enough
to get athlete's foot!
44
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,348
Help me!
I'm just a boy!
45
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:24,983
(GASPS)
I got you, baby.
46
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:27,386
Oh, God!
No, I don't.
(THUD)
47
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,554
¶ I'm twisted up inside
48
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:32,991
¶ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
49
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:35,828
¶ I don't know the future
50
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:40,065
¶ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶
51
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:42,367
ADULT ADAM:
It was June 2,
1980-something,
52
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,702
the end of the school year,
53
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,638
a moment that would live
in time forever.
54
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,139
Hey, guys.
55
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,608
Still looking for
contributions for the
time capsule.
56
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,411
So far, we've got
one Hall & Oates poster,
57
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:52,978
put in by me.
58
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,413
I'm gonna put in
a naked picture of myself
59
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:58,050
so I can look back and say,
"Yeah, Naked Rob had it."
60
00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,852
I'm gonna put myself
in there.
61
00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:01,687
Boom!
Livin' in the future.
62
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,890
Dude, it's a time capsule,
not a time machine.
63
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,191
Right?
64
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:06,825
You're funny
65
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:10,662
and have trouble
making eye contact with girls.
66
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:11,163
I like it.
67
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:13,866
All except for the haircut
and the posture,
but I can fix that.
68
00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:16,502
Thanks, I think?
Hey, Erica!
69
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:16,902
Oh!
70
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,170
You want to sign
my yearbook?
71
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,339
I saved you
precious real estate
right next to my face.
72
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:20,772
Fine.
73
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,407
Yeah, you know, if you need
some more time with it,
74
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,375
you could just
give it back to me.
75
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,077
Okay, you're done.
"Have a summer."
76
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:27,179
Did you mean, like,
"good summer" or...
77
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,449
Or "bitchin' summer" or...
Or "sexy summer"?
78
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,151
Just "summer."
79
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,454
Do you think she meant it
like "Have a summer"
80
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,788
or "Have a summer"?
81
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,257
Dude,
you got to let this go.
82
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,159
Yeah,
don't be such a Duckie.
Such a what?
83
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,961
Duckie, the twerpy,
lovesick best friend
84
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,663
who never gets
Molly Ringwald.
85
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,564
That's you, bro.
86
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,465
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Please!
87
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,633
If I'm anyone
from Pretty in Pink,
88
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,401
it's feather-haired bad boy
James Spader.
89
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,103
That is delusional.
Get to know yourself, bro.
90
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:55,374
Geoffrey, Andrew, Robert,
I need to speak to my child.
91
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,308
She's using
our proper first names.
92
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,677
Move it.
It's scary
'cause she said "Andrew."
93
00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,778
What? I didn't even
do anything!
94
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:03,448
Adam says you're gonna haze
and humiliate him at school?
95
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,050
Oh, that.
Yeah, that's happening.
96
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:05,984
Like heck it is!
97
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,187
You lay one finger
on my baby...
98
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:11,290
You mean the pubescent monster
standing next to you?
99
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:14,293
Take a look at him, Ma.
He's all grown up now.
100
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:18,063
That is not
the, uh...
101
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,265
No, that's not...
102
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,936
Is this true?
103
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:25,938
No! Look at me!
104
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,005
Actually, don't.
105
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,175
Uh, close your eyes
and imagine me from last year.
106
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,577
Oh, my God! He's right.
107
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,478
My baby is going
to high school.
108
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,348
No! Stop reeling
at the passage of time!
109
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,282
Protect me!
110
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,083
Your voice!
111
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,452
I'm just now hearing it
for the first time.
112
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:44,556
It's like the last gasp
of an old helium balloon.
113
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,058
(SOFTLY) No.
114
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:46,658
Oh, yes.
115
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:50,662
I just broke Mom's spirit,
so now I can shower you.
116
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:51,830
Get ready, bro.
117
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,832
Shhhhhh!
118
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:55,000
Why are you shushing me?
119
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,102
That's not a shush.
That's a shower sound.
120
00:03:57,104 --> 00:04:00,205
What are you talking about?
This is a shower sound.
121
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:00,872
Kwwwwwwwhhhhh!
122
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:04,142
That's the ocean, bro.
A shower sounds like this.
123
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:04,743
Shhhhhh!
124
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,612
You're making a fool
out of yourself!
125
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:07,980
Listen to me. Listen.
126
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,414
Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh!
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
127
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,383
Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh!
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
128
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:14,453
Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh!
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
129
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,588
(SNIFFING DEEPLY)
Oh.
130
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,623
Hi.
Hello.
131
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:21,159
Don't mind me.
I'm just having some Bev time.
132
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,327
(SNIFFS)
133
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,062
Do you mind closing the door,
please?
134
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:27,532
Mur? Your wife is sitting
in the broom closet,
135
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:28,667
sniffing a baby blanket.
136
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,868
That's her thing.
She sits in there
137
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,238
and sniffs them
to remind her of when
our children were babies
138
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,306
and not the worst.
139
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:35,107
And that doesn't bother you?
140
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,576
What do I know?
I'm just the husband.
141
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,578
(SIGHS)
Fine.
142
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,947
(SNIFFING DEEPLY)
143
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,282
(SIGHS)
144
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:44,016
That's good blankie.
145
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:47,686
Bevy, I know it's hard with
Adam going into high school,
146
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:51,256
but you can't hide here
in the closet forever.
147
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:53,292
(SIGHS)
You're right.
148
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,327
Just...
Just take this thing
149
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,296
and put it where
I can never find it.
150
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,363
It's time to let go.
151
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,599
It doesn't appear
like you are.
I'm letting go.
152
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,934
I shouldn't have to struggle
like this.
153
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:03,769
Set me free.
154
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:04,569
Al! Will you help me?
155
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,505
She's got
superhuman strength!
156
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,674
Take it!
I'm handing it over.
157
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,443
She's got the forearms
of a tennis pro.
158
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,544
Take the blankie.
159
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:13,912
Put your back into it.
160
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:14,646
Cure me of my sickness.
161
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,115
ADULT ADAM:
As my mom was losing
her safety blanket,
162
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,618
my friends and I
were living in danger.
163
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,786
Are you okay, Taz?
164
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,021
No, man!
I'm so wet, I'm so cold.
165
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,523
They didn't even give me
a towel.
166
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,391
If they can throw Taz Money
in the showers,
167
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,125
there's no hope for us!
168
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,162
We just have to come up with
a plan before the bell rings.
169
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,596
It's too late!
170
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:32,664
Shhh! Shhh!
171
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,932
DAVE KIM: Why is he
shushing us?
172
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:37,636
No matter what happens,
we go down together.
173
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,303
For sure.
174
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,338
(BELL RINGS)
No!
175
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,238
Take him,
not me!
176
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,074
ADULT ADAM: It was
every man for himself.
177
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:42,841
We tried to escape,
178
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,544
but that day, we faced
the greatest shower ambush
179
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,578
the eighth grade
had ever seen!
180
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,814
DAVE KIM: No!
Wait! No showers!
181
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:52,517
My turtlenecks shrink
when they get wet!
182
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,520
Those next 10 seconds
lasted an eternity
183
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,923
as my friends were picked off
one by one.
184
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:58,490
TAZ: No!
185
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:01,326
They even got
Taz Money, again!
186
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,094
No!
187
00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:02,894
Next thing I knew,
188
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,697
I was facing off
against my destiny.
189
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,632
Maybe it was panic.
Maybe it was nerd rage.
190
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:11,870
Maybe it was the fact
that my brother had been
kicking my butt my whole life.
191
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,372
(SCREAMING)
But right then,
192
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,774
I said, "No more."
193
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,146
(THUD)
194
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,215
What the (BLEEP)
195
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:28,320
Nice one, Goldfarb.
Walk it off, Goldberg.
196
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:30,922
Ow. Ah...
197
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,691
(WHIMPERS)
198
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,094
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
199
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,267
What did I just do?
200
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:45,337
You just became hot,
freshman.
201
00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:45,871
That was badass.
202
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:49,441
ADULT ADAM:
In that one moment,
I had done the impossible!
203
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:50,308
I became awesome!
204
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:53,445
Meanwhile, the school time
capsule was a complete dud.
205
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:56,882
Seriously? This is why
I had a sign-up sheet!
206
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,016
Why do I even bother?
207
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,251
GEOFF:
New Kids on the B., huh?
208
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:02,487
You know, my nana says
that I look like handsome
renegade Donnie Wahlberg.
209
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:06,858
Oh, your Nana is
so sweet, but wrong.
210
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,762
If you're any Donnie,
you're Donny Osmond.
211
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,131
Clean and non-threatening.
212
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,933
I dig that.
213
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:15,333
Thanks?
214
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:18,236
ADULT ADAM:
While our resident Duckie
was still looking for love,
215
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:22,240
my mom was on a desperate hunt
for a blankie.
216
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:23,875
What is this?
217
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:24,743
You look insane.
218
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,912
You haven't by chance seen
a baby blanket,
219
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:30,048
uh, blue, soft,
precious beyond measure,
220
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,349
you know,
a standard blankie?
221
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:32,284
You mean
that gross, blue rag
222
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,952
that smells like chickenpox
and nightmare sweat?
223
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,656
You shut your face-mouth!
But, yes, that's the one.
224
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,958
Okay, don't freak out,
225
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,626
but I took it.
226
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,828
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
227
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,963
I wrapped it around
a New Kids plate
228
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,798
and put it
in a time capsule.
229
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,532
No! No, no, no, no, no!
230
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,668
That blankie is
the only thing I have
231
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,103
to remember
my favorite baby!
232
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,505
First of all, ouch.
233
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,407
But I think
this is a good thing.
234
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:58,844
Your closet time is...
How do I put it?
235
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,679
Sad and creepy.
236
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,180
This will force you
to go cold turkey.
237
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,784
Or I just dig it up
first thing in the morning!
No.
238
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:06,518
Yes.
No way.
239
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,919
All people will remember
all summer
240
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,822
is my crazy mom digging up
the school's front lawn.
241
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,891
Good idea.
You be my lookout.
242
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:15,193
Don't even put that thought
in your mind.
243
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:18,363
Too late.
Look in my eyes, Erica.
244
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:19,631
It's locked in.
245
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:20,799
Come on, I need you.
246
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:24,336
If you do this,
I promise, next year,
247
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:27,305
I will not go storming
down to the school.
248
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,673
Seriously?
My whole senior year
249
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:32,644
without my crazy mom
roaming the hallways
like a blond ghost?
250
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:33,678
That's what I'm promising.
251
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,746
We dig during first period,
252
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:37,349
while everyone is
still half asleep in class.
253
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,316
Understand?
254
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,351
You have my word, boop.
255
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,953
You will not humiliate me
more than normal.
256
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,390
¶ We're gonna dig
to get the blankie
257
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,391
Okay, that's...
That's enough.
258
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:50,362
¶ And I'm gonna sniff it
'cause it's so snuggly ¶
259
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,964
You have
a serious problem.
260
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,867
ADULT ADAM: There were only
two days left until summer,
261
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:59,271
and that meant one thing,
nobody cared.
262
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:02,807
Okay, your calculus teacher
called in sick.
263
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,009
Wish I'd have thought of it.
264
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,711
So we're gonna watch
a math-based movie,
265
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,547
Cannonball Run II.
266
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:09,481
How is that a math movie?
267
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:12,851
"II." It's got a number
in it, math.
268
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:15,086
BEVERLY:
Psst. Snuggy.
269
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:16,454
(SIGHING) Oh.
270
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,558
Mr. Coach Mellor,
can I go to the bathroom?
271
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:22,727
(WHISPERING) Hey,
272
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,063
why are you going to
the bathroom with a shovel?
273
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,064
Oh, is this a lady thing?
274
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:30,135
No. I got to dig up
the stupid time capsule.
275
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,303
Oh, no.
276
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:31,803
I'm boned.
277
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:34,306
I stashed a tape
professing my love to Erica
in that time capsule
278
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:36,374
so that our kids could hear it
30 years from now.
279
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,609
Nice move, Duckie.
280
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:38,910
I'm not Duckie!
It's romantic.
281
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,912
I even serenade her
with the power ballad
282
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,080
Heat of the Moment
by Asia.
283
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,148
It's classic Duckie, bro.
Yeah.
284
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:46,351
Aw, you're right!
I got to get that tape back.
285
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,688
(BOTH GRUNTING)
286
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,022
How are you so good
at this?
287
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,124
Jazzercise
builds upper-body strength.
288
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,426
Stop!
You can't dig that up!
289
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,761
You stop! We have one minute
till the bell rings,
290
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,029
and then
everyone will see us.
291
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,864
Ooh! There!
I see shiny metal.
292
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,533
We're one scoop away.
Wait, wait, wait!
293
00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,902
I'll help
so I can open it first!
294
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,604
Uh, aah!
(CLANG)
295
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,505
Oh! Oh!
(SCREAMING)
296
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,340
D... Don't worry!
297
00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:10,809
I'll... I'll plug it
with my body!
298
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,611
(SCREAMING)
299
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:13,979
Erica, save me!
300
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:14,679
Geoff!
301
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,581
My tummy's drowning!
302
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,382
Oh, my God!
303
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,317
BALL:
Beverly Goldberg.
304
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,319
My office, now!
305
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,488
May I ask
what this is regarding?
306
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:24,389
(GEOFF SCREAMING)
307
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,425
ADULT ADAM: As my mom
and sister were flooding
the front of the school,
308
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:31,496
Barry was drowning
in embarrassment
from my epic body slam.
309
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,164
Hey, man,
how's your back?
310
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,100
A little sore,
but I'm on the mend.
311
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:35,734
Thanks for asking.
312
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,936
That wasn't concern.
That was ridicule.
313
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,805
Ha! You got flipped on
your ass like a turtle.
314
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:41,406
(LAUGHS)
315
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:44,609
JTP, I need your counsel
immediately.
316
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:47,912
Um, is it cool
if we talk after school,
317
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,748
or later this summer?
318
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:50,382
Yeah, the thing is,
319
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:52,651
you got body-slammed
by a middle schooler,
320
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,919
which makes you
lower than a freshman now,
321
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,322
so we have to
keep our distance.
322
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:57,789
You get it.
323
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:01,626
You guys can't blow me off.
I'm your leader. JTP!
324
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:05,664
What the hell?
325
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,799
You're supposed to
automatically repeat "JTP."
326
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,368
Has the entire school
turned on me?
327
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,202
We need to talk.
328
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,771
Oh, God,
you're breaking up with me.
329
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:13,905
No, of course not.
Yet.
330
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,641
We just need to undo
what happened.
Right. Easy.
331
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,976
So, just lure Adam
into a public space
332
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,645
and dispense a swift beatdown
for all to see.
333
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,180
Done.
Quick question.
334
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,481
Is there anything else
I can do
335
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,017
that doesn't require me
going near him?
Why?
336
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,888
I'm, like...
How would you put it?
337
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,123
Very afraid of him.
338
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,124
Adam, your nerdy brother,
339
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:36,027
who dives for cover
when someone pops a balloon?
340
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,796
Correct.
341
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:38,630
This is a lot.
342
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:41,099
ADULT ADAM:
As Barry was facing
his cold, dark future,
343
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,601
my sister was feeling
the heat.
344
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:44,736
Congrats. Your little stunt
345
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:48,106
broke the water line
leading to the locker room.
346
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:52,043
You ruined
both Freshman Fear Week
347
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,044
and a timeless tradition
348
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,146
started by the great
William Penn himself,
349
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:59,250
who, after he founded
this institution in 1689,
350
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,687
immediately threw a freshman
into the showers!
351
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,089
(CLEARS THROAT)
352
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:07,225
Oh, yeah, and, uh,
there are some people
353
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,829
who are also very upset
about their pet project.
354
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:11,563
Yes, I am upset.
355
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:15,033
Everything in the time capsule
was completely ruined.
356
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:15,700
Yes!
357
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,802
Oh, everything except
this one thing.
358
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:18,269
No!
359
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,505
We should throw that away
just to be fair.
360
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:21,306
Oh, I think this is for you.
361
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:26,311
"For future wife
Erica Schwartz.
Love, your future hubby"?
362
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,579
Really, dude?
363
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:28,179
Aww.
Awkward.
364
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,915
Geoff, for the millionth time,
I don't like you that way,
365
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:34,152
not now, not in the future,
not ever.
366
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,087
So I really am the Duckie.
367
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,089
The dork from
Pretty in Pink?
368
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:42,327
Yes, that's a great example.
That's exactly who you are.
369
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,429
I think Duckie's cute.
370
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:44,929
Thanks.
371
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,199
Okay, this conversation's
gotten away from me.
372
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,334
Let's just wrap it up.
373
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:52,036
Both of you
are suspended for the day.
374
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:52,937
Called your parents.
375
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,339
They're on their way
to pick you up.
376
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,040
Message received.
Come on, schmoo.
377
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,176
Buh-buh-buh-bip!
I called your husband.
378
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,645
I'm suspending you
from parenting for the day.
379
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:04,182
Nice try, but
Murray won't care
unless money's involved.
380
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,251
Here's the bill.
381
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:11,022
Are you kidding me?
600 bucks for a broken pipe?
382
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:15,393
Well, the headline here is,
I saved Blankie.
383
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:15,894
(CHUCKLES)
384
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:18,596
Sure,
it's lost its Adam smell,
but I'll just recharge it.
385
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,331
You can't recharge
a blanket.
386
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,633
Ho-ho! You bet I can!
387
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,802
I'll just sneak it
into his pillowcase
388
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,737
or mix it in his hamper
like a stew.
389
00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,906
Don't do that.
Don't make a hamper stew.
390
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:31,342
I just...
I need the blanket.
391
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,211
Once they grow up,
it's all I'll have.
392
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,414
Look, I know how hard
this is for you.
393
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,048
I do.
394
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,184
They're more than my world,
Murray.
395
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:40,118
They're my life.
396
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,621
If I'm not Mama,
what am I?
397
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:44,923
Well, that's up to you.
398
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:48,059
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom had to figure out
her place in the world,
399
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,562
I was loving my new life
as a cool kid.
400
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:52,096
ADAM:
¶ Gummi Bears
401
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:55,300
¶ Bouncing here and there
and everywhere
402
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,837
¶ High adventure
that's beyond compare
403
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,506
¶ They are the Gummi Bears ¶
404
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,374
Look at him
sitting there, Pops,
405
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,844
acting like
a badass street punk.
406
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:06,744
Adam?
Correct.
407
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:09,080
With the cartoons
and the gelatin candies?
408
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,883
He thinks he's bad?
Well, I'll show him who's bad.
409
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,285
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
410
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,119
Why not?
411
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,855
'Cause I'm enjoying
my leisure time.
412
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,858
If I stand up,
you're gonna regret it.
413
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:20,592
I can't live this way!
414
00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:23,428
You ruined my life
by fighting back and winning!
415
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:24,629
Hey, I needed a win!
416
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:28,299
Do you realize how crappy
this year has been for me?
417
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,334
I lost my girlfriend,
418
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,836
puberty was not kind
to my body,
419
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:34,172
and I got pantsed
on the pull-up bar,
420
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:34,772
undies and all!
421
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,609
And then you tried to kick me
when I was down!
422
00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:40,078
No!
I was trying to help you!
423
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,679
By throwing me
in the showers?
424
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,347
Yes, idiot!
425
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,582
Only the cool kids get hazed
during Fear Week.
426
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:47,585
When I was your age,
no one picked on me,
and it sucked!
427
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,388
I didn't want it to suck
for you, too!
428
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,423
I didn't know that.
429
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:56,561
Well, looks like next year
is gonna be awesome,
430
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,197
for you, anyway.
431
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,169
ADULT ADAM:
It had been a day
432
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,305
since I robbed Barry
of his pride and dignity.
433
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,840
He was not taking it well.
434
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:12,010
Goodbye, nunchucks.
I will need you no more.
435
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:15,046
Find a master
who's not a wussbag.
436
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,482
Arigato, samurai sword.
437
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:21,419
This is not a place of honor.
It's a place of shame.
438
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,720
What did you
do to the boy?
439
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,189
He's trying to murder
that garbage can.
440
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,090
ADAM:
This isn't my fault.
441
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:30,061
Did Barry seriously think
I'd be a nerdy little
brother forever?
442
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:30,561
Actually, yes.
443
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,598
Look at me.
I'm getting older and bigger.
444
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,165
Things change.
445
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,800
Well, no matter
how big you get,
446
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,036
you're always gonna be
Barry's little brother,
447
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,071
and that means a lot
to him.
448
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,005
He sure
doesn't act like it.
449
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:44,042
Trust me, he loves being
your big brother.
450
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,544
It's a huge part
of who he is,
451
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:51,215
and without that,
he's just not the same.
452
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,985
Hey, Big Tasty,
we need to talk.
453
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:54,953
Whatever!
Just stay away!
454
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,054
Not that I'm scared
of you,
455
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,056
but, please,
don't put hands on me.
456
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:58,556
Come on, dude,
457
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:01,659
we both know the only reason
I could body-slam you
458
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,127
was the summer solstice.
459
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:03,828
Summer what?
460
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,330
You know,
the one day a year
461
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,298
when the moon
is closest to the earth,
462
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,133
which means
there's less gravity?
463
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,001
There is?
Yes.
464
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:13,805
That's how a nerd like me
suddenly had super strength.
465
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:14,439
It's science.
466
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:17,475
Science, you say?
Like the kind with scientists?
467
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,109
Oh, sure!
468
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:21,045
With white lab coats
and clipboards
and safety goggles.
469
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:22,947
Beakers?
Tons of beakers, yeah.
470
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,549
They hold them up the light
and nod?
471
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,818
How else would they see
the chemicals?
472
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,321
I knew there was no way
that happened for real!
473
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:30,922
(CHUCKLES)
474
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:33,825
So the balance of power
has been restored.
475
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,193
You can be you again.
476
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:35,927
It's not that easy!
477
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:39,364
The whole school
witnessed this
once-in-a-lifetime moment.
478
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,498
It can't be undone.
479
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,167
Actually,
I think it can.
480
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:50,274
Okay! Not that
complicated, people.
481
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,576
I call your name,
482
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,811
and then you go up
and get the piece of paper.
483
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:56,948
But no showboating,
no speeches,
484
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,883
and no doing the worm,
Dave Kim.
485
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,184
I am onto you.
486
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,185
This is America, man.
487
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,488
BARRY: Mic check,
one, two. One, two.
488
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,023
Mic check, one, two.
489
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:05,990
Checkity-check-check.
490
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:08,593
Stop checking and just talk
before we get busted!
491
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,995
Attention,
William Penn Academy!
492
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,063
Prepare to bear witness
493
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:15,066
to the most epic
Fear Week Prank of all time.
494
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:19,037
Eighth graders,
welcome to high school.
495
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,505
Go kick some ass.
496
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,373
I'm back, baby.
497
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:24,876
ADULT ADAM: That day,
498
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,178
I helped my brother
repair his damaged rep
499
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,046
in one fell swoop.
500
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,114
No! This is my
graduation turtleneck!
501
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:32,950
¶ One thing I said
that I would never do
(BELL RINGS)
502
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:33,785
Just like that, all memories
503
00:17:33,787 --> 00:17:35,019
of my brother getting
body-slammed
504
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:37,121
were completely washed away.
505
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:40,458
I'm not a freshman!
I'm the principal, damn it!
506
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,960
It's not funny
when it happens to you!
507
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:45,463
Dude, Goldberg just showered
the whole eighth grade!
508
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:48,366
(LAUGHING) No way!
Legendary!
509
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,300
Classic Tasty!
510
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,468
ADULT ADAM:
Growing up, we all have
511
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,303
those magical moments
etched in stone.
512
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:55,506
For Barry Norman Goldberg,
his moment was now.
513
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,842
Middle school's over,
losers!
514
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,678
Oh, my God, he's right!
Middle school's over!
515
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,048
¶ And we would scream
together songs unsung
(CHEERING)
516
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,918
I think next year's gonna be
pretty damn awesome.
517
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,187
I'm happy for you.
For both of us.
518
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,055
I'll make sure of it.
519
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,024
But until then...
520
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:13,925
Wait. What are you...
521
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,426
¶ The heat of the moment ¶
522
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,428
(LAUGHING)
Yeah!
523
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,429
JTP!
524
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,664
ALL: JTP!
525
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:22,100
¶ And now you find
yourself in '82
526
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,836
BALL: I want all of you
to go back to class!
527
00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:26,404
All of you!
528
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:27,805
Let it happen, Earl.
529
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,408
This prank
deserves our respect.
530
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,209
Let it happen.
531
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,044
ADULT ADAM:
Turns out, Freshman Fear Week
532
00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:34,712
was one of the best
weeks of my life.
533
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:37,448
We not only survived
the rite of passage,
534
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,617
we soared right through it.
535
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:44,555
GEOFF: (SINGING OFF-KEY)
'Cause it's the heat
of the moment
536
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,858
¶ Heat of the moment ¶
537
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:48,659
Guys, you've got to
hear this tape
538
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,894
that Geoff Schwartz
made me.
539
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:52,964
He, like, rambles on
about how special I am.
540
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,432
Such a dork.
541
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,333
Enough.
What?
542
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,935
All year, you've been saying
you don't like the guy.
543
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:58,936
That's 'cause I don't.
544
00:18:58,938 --> 00:18:59,937
(SCOFFS)
What?
545
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:05,476
But I don't.
I don't like Geoff Schwartz.
546
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,677
ADULT ADAM:
It's crazy how sometimes
547
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,479
your life can
change in a flash
548
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,315
and all the things you were
blind to or refuse to admit
549
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,118
are suddenly staring you
right in the face.
550
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,921
Damn it, I like
stupid Geoff Schwartz.
551
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:21,125
And just like that, everything
suddenly falls into place...
552
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,393
Uh, Geoff, can we t...
553
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,195
Come on, sweetie,
we got to get to Blockbuster.
554
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:27,031
...even if it's not the way
you thought it would.
555
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,666
Hey, do you need something?
556
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,901
It's... Nothing.
557
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:34,772
¶ The heat of the moment
showed in your eyes
Uh, have a great summer.
558
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:35,940
Yeah, have a summer.
559
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,975
ADULT ADAM:
Yeah, growing up is tough...
560
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,011
but no matter
how hard it gets,
561
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,180
you can always
look forward to the future.
562
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,548
¶ Heat of the moment
How do I look?
563
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:44,916
Like my big boy.
(CHUCKLES)
564
00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:48,419
¶ Heat of the moment
showed in your eyes ¶
565
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,720
My big man.
566
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,223
For me, I didn't know
what life would bring.
567
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,658
And, sure, that was scary.
568
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,593
But for the first time,
I wasn't so afraid.
569
00:19:55,595 --> 00:20:01,532
Congratulations, graduating
middle-school class of 198...
570
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,467
(FEEDBACK SQUEALS,
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
571
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:05,102
It was the end of an era...
572
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:05,836
You're the cutest!
573
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,072
...and the start
of a brand-new one...
574
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,974
Oh, just look at him.
575
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,210
We are gonna have
so much fun in high school.
576
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,045
"We"?
You know, you were right.
577
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,414
I do need a life
outside the house,
578
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:20,084
and that is why I'm gonna get
my teaching certificate.
579
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,485
What have you done,
Murray?
580
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:23,154
ADULT ADAM:
...in more ways than one.
581
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:24,989
Oh, and I want this
to be a surprise,
582
00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:26,257
so don't tell the kids, okay?
583
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,026
Don't worry, we'll let you
deliver that message.
584
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,829
That's the thing about
our greatest memories.
585
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,030
Sure, we don't always remember
586
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,333
exactly who was there
or how it happened.
587
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:39,270
All I remember was the blur
of 1980-something,
588
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,939
and it was awesome.
589
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,242
Luck Tin Tin, save me!
Luck Tin Tin, save me!
590
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:47,178
Luck Tin Tin,
attack!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
591
00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:49,547
(INDISTINCT YELLING)
592
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:58,422
(CHEERS AND LAUGHTER)
593
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:00,825
Okay, as you know,
594
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:04,028
you've been mocking
my changing voice
for this entire year.
595
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,363
But now that I'm going
to high school,
596
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:08,633
it's time for you to get out
all your insults here and now
597
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:11,235
so we can bring this hurtful
chapter to a close.
598
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:13,170
You sound like
a harmonica in a dryer.
599
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,206
You sound like the child
of Louis Armstrong
600
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:16,040
and Harvey Fierstein.
601
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:18,743
You sound like the Tin Man
before he was oiled.
602
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:21,112
You sound like a witch
gave a frog a voice.
603
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:23,981
Stop it!
His voice is perfect.
604
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:26,517
He sounds like
a beautiful angel...
605
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:29,220
...with an undescended
testicle. (CHUCKLES)
606
00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:30,988
I regret this.