1
00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:02,167
ADULT ADAM:
The '80s were the pinnacle
2
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,670
of the badass, jacked-up
action hero.
3
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:05,771
They tore up the movie screen
4
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,475
and inspired every kid to let
out their inner commando.
5
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:12,378
Dude! It's like looking
into a mirror!
6
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:14,480
(AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER)
I'll be back.
7
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,981
You're not going anywhere,
mister.
8
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,716
You got schmutz
all over your face.
9
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:18,984
Here, let Mama
get it off.
10
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,419
No! I'm Commando.
11
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,120
Commando?
No, no, no.
12
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:24,390
Go put some undies on.
You're gonna chafe
your little gumdrops.
13
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:27,726
ADULT ADAM: Yep.
Growing up, a new Arnold
movie was an event.
14
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:30,029
Remember, Sully,
when I promised to
kill you last?
15
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:32,164
That's right, Matrix,
you did!
16
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,699
I lied.
(SCREAMS)
17
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,834
Schwarzenegger really is
the coolest man alive.
18
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:39,405
And his acting gets slightly
better in every movie.
19
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:42,041
Hoo-hoo!
Look at Commando go!
20
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,475
He just punched
that guy dead!
21
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,843
ADULT ADAM:
Like most dads in the '80s,
22
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:48,047
Murray Goldberg loved action
movies as much as me.
23
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,616
No, Commando!
Don't go in that shed!
24
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,117
Adam, Commando
won't listen!
25
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,552
(WHISPERING)
You know who is listening?
26
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,553
(NORMAL VOICE)
The entire theater!
27
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,622
ADULT ADAM: But my dad
just couldn't contain himself.
28
00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,926
Incredible!
That had everything
you want in a movie!
29
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,127
Explosions, revenge,
30
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,463
a steam pipe being thrown
through a guy.
31
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,099
All movies should be
Commando.
32
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:07,933
Or Rambo.
33
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:11,470
Or any action movie
with an "O" on the end,
I'm in!
34
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,671
ADULT ADAM:
For the first time,
35
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,773
me and my dad
had something in common.
36
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,542
Naturally,
I'd use it for my gain.
37
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:17,910
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
38
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,711
Arnold said six lines
in that movie
39
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:20,979
and your dad
talked over every one?
40
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,748
No! This is my big ticket
to get him
41
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,617
to finally pony up some dough
for a homemade action movie!
42
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,553
Dude, when are you
gonna learn?
What?
43
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,021
It's like every week
you go to your dad
44
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,890
and ask him to support
one of your insanely
geeky hobbies.
45
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:32,991
(SCOFFS)
Name one.
46
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,526
Robots, swords,
video games,
47
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,562
Space Camp, D&D,
Magic, Fraggles,
48
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:39,598
a new computer so you could
"Weird Science" up a hot girl.
49
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,166
I live a rich life,
Dave Kim!
50
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,301
But this time's
gonna be different
51
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,704
'cause for the first time,
we love the same thing.
52
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:46,605
He can't say no!
53
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,707
And yet, I think
he'll find a way.
54
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:52,711
ADULT ADAM: And so began the
presentation of a lifetime.
55
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,313
Evening, dad.
Full disclosure.
56
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,081
I'm gonna do that thing
where I present you
57
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,816
with an awesome idea
and ask you to fund it.
58
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:01,253
Kiddo, please don't put us all
through this again.
59
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,688
It's hard to watch.
60
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:03,455
Not this time!
61
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,457
I've decided to make
my first action movie.
62
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,760
And I need you to help me
realize my vision.
63
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,229
Behold!
64
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,664
It's called
Recipe for Death.
65
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,232
I'm in.
66
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,534
I play John Cook,
the street-wise chef
67
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,736
whose brother was kidnapped
by the Mafia.
68
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,304
Now the only thing I serve
69
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,739
is vengeance.
I'm in.
70
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,608
Let me finish
before you mock me.
71
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:26,478
My movie stars the world's
biggest, baddest action hero.
72
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,347
He's not from Austria,
like Arnold,
73
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,882
or Belgium, like Van Damme,
74
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,617
or wherever Steven Seagal
is from.
75
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:32,951
Probably central Florida.
76
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,455
No! This superstar
lives in our house!
77
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,322
Me.
78
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,423
Stop talking! I'm in!
79
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:41,927
We get it, you're out,
just let the poor yutz finish.
80
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,830
What part of "I'm in"
don't you get?
81
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,631
The answer is yes.
82
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,333
Oh, sweet balls!
I've never made it this far.
83
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,668
What do I ask for?
I'm panicking.
84
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,703
He's having
some sort of episode.
85
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,038
Get everything you can.
86
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,873
Just take my 80 bucks.
87
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,109
Dear Lord! This is
a big-budget movie!
88
00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,244
I'm making
a big-budget movie!
89
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,445
Yoo-yah!
(GRUNTS)
90
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,080
I'm already regretting this.
91
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,715
Too late!
92
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,697
ADULT ADAM: It was November 9,
1980-something,
93
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,266
and my sister was obsessed
with the one thing
94
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:23,835
every teen girl loved,
fashion.
95
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:27,239
Seriously! That dress could
literally not get any radder.
96
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,473
It's a sweater dress
from Benetton.
97
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,643
They can take even the lamest
and lumpiest of all clothes
98
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:32,578
and make it
sleek and sexy.
99
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,347
Well, Benetton is
the Italian word for "style."
100
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:35,681
I agree.
101
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,416
It's the perfect dress
for our homecoming party.
102
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,251
Me and Barry are
gonna look so classy.
103
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,720
God! I want a sweater dress
so bad.
104
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,322
I wish I could afford it.
Maybe you can get a job.
105
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:46,158
And maybe you can try
and help me instead of
talking nonsense.
106
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,960
Well, then just ask your mom
to buy it for you.
107
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,362
No way! Shopping with her
is a nightmare.
108
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,265
She always turns it
into a daylong bonding
marathon
109
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:57,469
with brunch and mani-pedis
and ice cream and long talks.
110
00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,205
You mean like a loving mom
who you can always count on?
111
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,073
Ugh! I know, right?
112
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,542
Well, the question
you have to ask yourself
113
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,110
is how bad do you want
that sweater dress?
114
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:08,880
ADULT ADAM: The answer, bad.
So bad that she did this.
115
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,317
Mommy, remember that
one time when I lived
in your tummy?
116
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:16,088
(GASPS) So weird.
I was just thinking
about that.
117
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,624
Anyway. Can we go shopping
for a dress?
118
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:23,729
Wait, to clarify, I'm being
invited to go shopping
119
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,665
by you,
my delicious little pickle.
120
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,734
Yeah, that's me.
A pickle.
121
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:29,901
Whatever it takes.
122
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:30,802
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Oh!
123
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:34,539
I just had to capture the
moment so I could remember
it forever.
124
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,776
The moment when my daughter
became my best friend.
125
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,977
So that's a yes?
126
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,612
Heck, yes!
Grab your coat!
127
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,815
Look out, Gimbels!
The Goldberg gals
are coming in hot!
128
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,951
Actually, I was thinking
a different store.
129
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,586
Oh, but everybody loves
Gimbels.
130
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,021
Yeah, it's like
traveling back
131
00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:51,390
to simpler,
less-fashionable era.
132
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,191
I was thinking
more Benetton.
133
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:53,792
Ooh, yes.
134
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,028
That's the place
where you order the meats
135
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,396
and they cook them
right there next to you
136
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,097
and then they flip the meats
into your mouth
137
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,132
and then you eat
the meats.
138
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,533
That's Benihana.
Okay, then.
139
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,369
So, Gimbels first,
then flying meats,
140
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,405
then we get our nails done,
then a sherbet stop,
141
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,140
then I gotta pick up
your dad's prescription,
142
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:11,009
then paddle boating
in the park,
and then who knows?
143
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,778
The moon!
(CHUCKLING)
144
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,547
I just want a sweater
that's also a dress.
145
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:19,184
ADULT ADAM: Lucky for Erica,
Gimbels wasn't an option.
146
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,686
Going out of business?
147
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,454
What could that
possibly mean?
148
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,589
I think that means they're
going out of business.
149
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,825
Gimbels is the biggest
shopping chain in America.
150
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,428
That's like saying
Blockbuster Video shut down,
151
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,464
or B. Dalton Books,
or Circuit City.
It's impossible!
152
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,100
It seems possible
and very much happening.
153
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,069
I think you need
to shut your face-mouth!
154
00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:39,571
Sorry. This is
the worst day of my life.
155
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,441
No. No way.
Why are they naked?
156
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,575
Give them their decency!
157
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,445
They need bulky khakis
and nylon blouses!
158
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,714
Calm down, mom.
It's just a store.
159
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:52,517
Not to me.
I've had my best
memories there.
160
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,253
Just think of all the coupons
I've doubled.
161
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,522
All the managers
I've made cry.
162
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,491
All the clothes
I've worn for a decade
163
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,360
and then returned
no questions asked.
164
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,395
No wonder they're
going out of business.
165
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,997
Now I'm store-less, Erica.
166
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,066
Life will
never be the same.
167
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:11,203
Hey. It doesn't matter
that Gimbels is closing.
168
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:14,072
What matters is that we're
spending time together.
169
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,775
Now, come on.
Let's buy me stuff.
170
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,477
ADULT ADAM: While Erica
was playing my mom,
171
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:21,513
I was about to play
my cinematic masterpiece
172
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:24,483
for my producer, my dad.
173
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,719
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)
174
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,087
Yah!
175
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:33,925
(GUNSHOT)
176
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,460
(GUNSHOT)
177
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,696
Cool, right?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
178
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:38,897
Lots of good stuff there.
179
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,000
Dad, you're actually
interested in my movie!
180
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,068
I want your feedback.
181
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,170
Good or bad?
We're partners on this.
182
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,839
Partners?
Okay then.
183
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,274
Well, it's all dark
and hard to see.
184
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,243
There were some lighting
challenges. Note taken.
185
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,011
And the camera
shakes like crazy.
186
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,246
Camera's kinda heavy, so...
187
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,680
Also, it sounds like crap.
188
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,082
Wow. Lotta thoughts.
189
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,750
And it looks
cheap as hell.
190
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,518
All right,
maybe ease off.
191
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,522
Like a washed-out,
crummy public-access show
that's on at midnight.
192
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,222
I'm just a boy!
193
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,491
I gave you $80
to make a real movie.
194
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,827
You said you were gonna do
some real "Van Damage."
195
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:12,731
Look, a film camera
and lights and boom mic
cost a ton of money.
196
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,399
It's not just going to
fall in my lap.
197
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,802
Here's the stuff.
Make it good.
198
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,069
Wow.
Where'd you score this?
199
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,840
My cousin Russ films
bar mitzvahs for a living.
He said you could borrow it.
200
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,309
Whoa. Wait.
All this time,
I've had access
201
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,712
to high-tech Hollywood
film equipment,
and you've never told me?
202
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,681
I guess I never connected
the dots.
203
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:30,549
Oh, my God.
204
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,517
There's, like,
a warm sensation
inside my heart.
205
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,387
Don't make it weird.
It's like you're one of
those dads in the stands
206
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:38,290
cheering me on 'cause
I'm good at athletic-sport
competitions.
207
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:41,293
You made it weird.
Now, just take the
stuff and go.
208
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,427
Now that
I'm a real director,
209
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,129
I've gotta write a script
and hire a crew...
210
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:48,900
And hire your leading man?
You've come to the
right place.
211
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:49,935
And I accept your offer.
212
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,337
We didn't come to you,
and there's no offer.
213
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,206
Wait! Maybe this
is the one time
214
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,874
Barry would
actually be helpful.
215
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,742
This is the one time, bro!
216
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,278
I've extensively studied
the work of Chuck Norris
217
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,715
and know what it takes to be
a badass action star.
218
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,016
Karate!
219
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:06,918
Stunts!
220
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:07,886
(GROANS)
221
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,989
Acting.
Surprise! Anger!
222
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,724
Surprise! Anger!
223
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,659
And most important,
love scene.
224
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,095
No. Please don't show us
love scene.
225
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:19,898
Oh, sweet Lord.
226
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,032
He's never getting married.
227
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,236
Adam, a word.
Are you serious about this?
228
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,170
The guy's a moron.
229
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,638
He's your son.
That's how I know!
230
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,573
Trust me.
Barry's gonna be amazing.
231
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:31,910
Also, I have
no other options.
So do I have the part?
232
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:32,410
No.
Yes.
233
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,546
I see what's happening.
You're negotiating.
234
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,082
I will reduce my normal fee
of $1 million
235
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:40,085
and will work for free.
No, wait. $1,000!
236
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,987
No. I'll pay you!
237
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,421
Damn it. I blew it.
238
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,891
ADULT ADAM: While Barry was
preparing for his new role,
239
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,593
my mom wasn't at all prepared
for Benetton.
240
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,762
Welcome to the future
of clothing.
241
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,298
The United Colors
of Benetton.
242
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,368
It's very bright
and it smells weird.
243
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:59,104
Forget Gimbels.
This will be just as fun.
244
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:02,641
Hey. What's the one thing
you love doing most
when we go shopping?
245
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,443
Nodding yes or no
as you try on outfits
246
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,478
like they do
in the movies.
247
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,246
Well, then get ready
to nod yes
248
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,782
because we have
some shopping to do.
249
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:20,559
Uh-uh.
250
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,368
(MUSIC CUTS)
Stop shaking no.
251
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,170
I need a yes.
Shake yes!
252
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,705
I can't shake yes!
253
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,040
Just try!
254
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,681
It won't do it.
My neck loves Gimbels
too much.
255
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,449
Well, I don't care
about your stupid neck
256
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,918
as long as your credit card
is nodding.
257
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,186
I'm trying!
258
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,188
(SIGHS) Perhaps a dollop
of tuna salad
259
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,191
from the Benetton cafe
will calm my nerves.
260
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,492
There is no cafe.
261
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,394
Oh (BLEEP) no!
262
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:57,829
I will find tuna.
263
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,464
Give me (BLEEP) tuna!
264
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:02,601
What kind of store
doesn't have tuna?
265
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,237
ADULT ADAM: It was the morning
of the shoot,
266
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,739
and while my star
was ready to shine,
267
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,474
my dad was ready
to pull the plug.
268
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:12,811
And the Oscar for
Best Actor goes to...
269
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,447
Barry Norman Goldberg!
270
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,816
A lot of other actors
would say, "Thank you."
271
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,217
I'm saying,
"You're welcome."
272
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,652
Hey, Barry,
are you sure
273
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,253
this is how you want to
spend your Saturday?
274
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,923
Dude. This movie
is gonna be my calling card,
275
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,025
and it'll make
Jamie Lee Curtis notice me.
276
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,794
Don't tell Lainey!
No wait, tell her.
She needs to know.
277
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,998
All right, first off,
I wouldn't rock the boat
of that relationship.
278
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,968
And secondly, I think I saw
your Jenkintown Boys Club
279
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,370
down at the Wawa
parking lot.
280
00:10:38,372 --> 00:10:40,472
The JTP?
Who was leading them?
281
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,873
I don't know.
Some new guy.
282
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:42,374
Was it Dan?
Sure.
283
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,777
Stupid Dan!
I will challenge him
to a game of smashball
284
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,345
and reassert my dominance.
285
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:47,779
(TIRES SCREECH)
286
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,048
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
when it came to being
a producer,
287
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,417
my dad knew how to get
exactly what he wanted.
288
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,420
Why would he pass
on the role of a lifetime?
289
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,422
Why?
We're screwed blue!
290
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,190
We have no time to recast!
291
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,158
I'm way ahead of you.
292
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,927
Coach is here
and ready for his closeup!
293
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,796
I am your clay.
294
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:05,630
Mold me.
295
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,332
Coach Mellor?
He's our star?
296
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,067
Oh, yeah.
I slipped him the script.
297
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:09,968
He responded
to the material.
298
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:15,040
Well, I guess
you're my only option,
so...you got the part.
299
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,409
You honor me.
Do you know your lines?
300
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,978
I memorized the whole script.
I love the zingers.
301
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,947
My favorite one...
"See you ladle."
302
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:26,851
I like how you wrote "ladle"
instead of "later."
'Cause I'm a cook.
303
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,953
"See you ladle"?
I didn't write that.
304
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:32,023
That'd be me.
I did some noodling
with the script, partner.
305
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,458
Dad! You can't
rewrite my script!
306
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:37,062
But you didn't have
any snappy one-liners
like Arnold says.
307
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,930
That's the best part
of an action movie.
308
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,132
Now you got
a bunch of 'em.
309
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,368
Sear you later.
310
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,170
Spat-u-later.
311
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,772
Cheese ya grater.
312
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,207
They are all the same!
313
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:53,078
Dad, I appreciate the support,
but this is still my movie.
314
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,748
Hey. Everyone knows
that you're the
creative vision
315
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,349
behind
"Recipe for Death 2."
316
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,418
Two? We haven't even filmed
part one.
317
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,487
The best action movies
are always the sequel,
318
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,656
so we're just skipping ahead
to the good stuff.
319
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,458
Know what?
We're a team.
320
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,095
The important thing
here is we're working on
this together.
321
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,996
Pops, I need
a new producer!
322
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,732
Huh?
What am I producing?
323
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,967
80 bucks and no back talk.
I'm in.
324
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,637
ADULT ADAM: While I had found
a way to push my dad
out of the picture,
325
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,607
Erica had finally found
her new look.
326
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,908
Find everything you need?
327
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,777
(GRUMBLING) Mmm-mmm.
328
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,579
We did. Thank you.
329
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:28,646
Whatever.
330
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,247
I have a coupon.
331
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,750
Oh. I'm sorry, this coupon
is for Gimbels.
332
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:35,053
Correct.
It's a competitor's coupon,
so you match the price.
333
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,322
And when we're done here,
I'm gonna need this back
334
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:38,356
so I can use it
at other stores.
335
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,892
Yeah, we don't
really consider Gimbels
a competitor
336
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:45,697
because we're fresh
and cool and hip and fun,
and they're...closing.
337
00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,867
Oh, God. Um. Just run
the credit-card machine thing.
338
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,101
Let me get this straight.
339
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,203
Benetton thinks it's better
than Gimbels
340
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,807
because you have
all these glossy posters
hanging around?
341
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,543
These kids were
clearly dressed
against their will.
342
00:12:58,545 --> 00:12:59,911
Come on,
make the ch-chunk.
343
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:00,912
This is bull corn.
344
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,580
Okay. I'm going to
have to ask you
345
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,516
to take your business
elsewhere.
346
00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:05,483
Ho-ho!
347
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,119
You're banning me
from your store?
348
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,320
No-no, sister.
349
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,288
I'm banning you.
350
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,490
You can't ban me.
Oh, I just did.
351
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,125
You are Ban-itonned!
352
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,326
That's not a word.
353
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,262
Oh, it is now.
I Bani-ton you
354
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:21,299
from having the pleasure of us
in your store, sucka!
355
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,300
Come on, Erica.
356
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,369
The cu...I'm...
BEVERLY: No!
357
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,171
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
was making a scene,
358
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,541
I was directing a scene
of my own.
359
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,009
We meet again, Blade.
360
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,377
Well, well, John Cook.
361
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,712
I'm surprised you survived
the series of traps
362
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,247
I set
in my deadly labyrinth.
363
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,216
Well, I'm back, a...
364
00:13:38,552 --> 00:13:43,521
And I'm ready to
spoon-feed you a delicious
mouthful of pain.
365
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,423
I'll see ya ladle.
366
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,626
Looking for something?
367
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,495
Cut! Cut. Cut.
368
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,096
You're not selling it,
Dave Kim.
369
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,599
Think about how dumb
your haircut is.
370
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,834
Use your pain.
371
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,303
Gah!
Steady up the boom, Taz.
372
00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,270
What's a boom?
373
00:13:59,272 --> 00:13:59,938
It's the thing
you're holding.
374
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,273
I kept whispering,
"Boom" so you'd raise
it out of frame.
375
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,075
Oh! I thought you
were going like,
376
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:07,045
"Boom! We just got another
great cinematic moment."
377
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,847
Ah. What's all this?
378
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,215
Oh! Hey!
I thought sending you
379
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:13,818
to get donuts at the airport
would take much longer.
380
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:16,187
You're shooting movies
without me?
381
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:16,721
Kinda.
382
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,090
I thought we were doing
this whole deal together.
383
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:22,493
Uh. I decided to go
with a different producer.
384
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,162
(MUMBLING)
I have no notes.
385
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,697
I love everything
the kid does.
386
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:28,933
I don't get it.
You said you wanted
my support.
387
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,269
I do! I...I did.
I don't.
388
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,904
You can't give back
support.
389
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,205
I just did.
No!
390
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,406
You keep the support!
391
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,674
And you're gonna get
much more!
392
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,710
I'm gonna support you
but good!
393
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:39,611
Don't you dare say that!
394
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:43,181
Oh, you heard me!
I'm a big blanket
of support!
395
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,482
A big blanket!
396
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,550
You monster.
397
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,086
Fine!
Do what you want.
398
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:52,824
Also, you got some kind
of bag so I can bring
home this fruit?
399
00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:54,692
You sure about this?
Oh, I'm sure.
400
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,895
My mom gets me banned
from Benetton?
401
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:59,397
Then I'll just bring
Benetton to me.
402
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:03,001
Uh (SCOFFS)
you can't just make
a sweater dress.
403
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,502
Can't I?
404
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:05,570
ADULT ADAM: She could.
405
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:09,374
My sister had access
to the biggest, loudest
sweater collection
406
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,775
in the greater
Philadelphia area.
407
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:14,445
She has a sweater
that celebrates the culture
of sweaters?
408
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,413
My mind is melting!
409
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,515
Hey.
This one shows promise.
410
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,018
Yeah, but those sleeves.
Blech.
411
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,419
But...
412
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,687
if you took these sleeves
413
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,555
and the bottom half
of this sparkly one,
414
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:25,356
that could totally
be a dress!
415
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,825
And if you took the
rhinestones from this one...
416
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,795
And used this fringe
and these ruffles
417
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:34,232
and these weird tiny pockets,
that would totally work!
418
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,099
So cute!
419
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,334
ADULT ADAM: And so they sewed.
420
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,102
They searched. They glued.
421
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,438
They ripped, snipped,
and glittered.
422
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,706
Okay. The big reveal.
423
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,842
Eat your heart out, Bene...
Oh, my God!
424
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,577
This did not work!
425
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,412
No, it did not!
426
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,013
This does not look
like Benetton!
427
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:49,580
No, it does not!
428
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,215
We need to cut up
more sweaters and fix it!
429
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,617
ADULT ADAM:
And so they did it again.
430
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,520
They sewed,
they cut, they tore.
431
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,055
They generally made a mess...
432
00:15:57,057 --> 00:16:00,591
until they got it just right.
433
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:02,527
(VOICE BREAKING)
I made it worse.
434
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,429
You really did!
435
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,297
Why?
436
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,198
Why?
437
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,733
(GASPS)
My sweaters!
438
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,134
My glorious sweaters!
439
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,504
I'm realizing now this whole
thing got away from me.
440
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,672
Gimbels is out of business!
441
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:17,809
I can't replace them.
They're all I had.
442
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,677
It's not my fault!
443
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:20,478
I mean, it is.
444
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,247
What I did sucks,
but what you did sucks, too!
445
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,716
You got me Ban-itonned!
446
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:25,516
That is not a word.
447
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,685
And I thought that
the most important thing
448
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,020
was us spending time
together.
449
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,956
What mattered was the dress!
Not you!
450
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,428
Fine.
451
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,530
(SMACKS LIPS)
452
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,132
Go buy it.
453
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,702
Hope you feel good knowing
the real price you paid.
454
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:46,804
I think the price was her.
455
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,873
I know the price, Lainey!
456
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,577
ADULT ADAM: It had been a day
since me and my sister
457
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,345
tricked our parents
into supporting us.
458
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,482
And now my mom and dad were
farther from us than ever.
459
00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,451
Look at her. She's not even
Parming the shrimp.
460
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,653
Without her Parm,
it's just plain shrimp.
461
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,188
Wow, you really
messed her up.
462
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,757
Wow, you really
messed him up.
463
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:10,094
He's wearing pants and not
touching his rocky road?
464
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,429
This is bad.
465
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:11,996
This is awful.
466
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:13,631
All I wanted was for my mom
to leave me alone.
467
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,701
All I wanted was
for my dad to be
a little more involved.
468
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,236
Now I've completely
pushed him away.
469
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,338
I know this is the last thing
you want to hear,
470
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,940
but you've gotta figure out
a way to make her feel good.
471
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,842
Just figure out a way
to get him back.
472
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,644
Damn it, why are you
always right?
473
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,879
Damn it, you're right.
474
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:28,946
'Sup?
What the...
475
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:29,981
Where'd you
come from?
476
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,883
Dad said Dan
took over the JTP,
477
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,951
and I had to stop him
at all costs.
478
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:34,819
Who's Dan?
No idea.
479
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,088
So I gave everyone in school
named Dan a wedgie.
480
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,790
Look.
Movie's done, bro.
481
00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:39,557
Damn you, Stallone!
482
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,794
I assume he took the part
after I fell out!
483
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:45,596
Get your coat.
We're going shopping.
484
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:49,167
Nice try. I'm done being
used for my charge card.
485
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,002
Actually, this time
it's my treat.
486
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:54,539
The Gimbels downtown
store is having a
going-out-of-business sale.
487
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,341
One day only.
Everything 50% off.
488
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,810
Big whoop.
Sales come and go.
489
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:00,244
I also believe you've
been collecting
490
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,980
a lifetime of coupons,
one of which is good
491
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,883
for 50% off
your entire purchase.
492
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,085
Again, not interested.
493
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,921
You should also know
that I called my old
Gimbels manager
494
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:13,224
and he said he would honor
my employee discount.
495
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,560
Another 50% off.
496
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,829
That's half of half of
half off.
497
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:18,963
The shopping trifecta.
498
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,866
Only the luckiest yentas
ever get to see it.
499
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,601
I know I messed up.
500
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,205
But what do you say
we go do some damage?
Together.
501
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,273
Let's go make
some memories!
502
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,309
ADULT ADAM:
That day, my mom and sister
503
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,145
went on the shopping spree
of a lifetime.
504
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,380
Racks were emptied,
displays were toppled,
505
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:41,552
sweaters were replaced,
and carts were overflowing.
506
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,353
Go, go, go!
507
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,688
Housewares up ahead!
I'm on it!
508
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,025
(MUSIC CUTS OUT)
The reason
he's cheating on you
509
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,760
is 'cause your house
is so filthy.
Right?
510
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,930
This is my mom's!
All of these are!
511
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,532
This is the proudest moment
of my life.
512
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,801
ADULT ADAM: And if Gimbels
wasn't going out of
business before,
513
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:02,340
they sure would have
after my mom and sister
were done there.
514
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:03,508
Yes!
515
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:07,111
(LAUGHING)
We did it!
We did it!
516
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,249
Hey, can we talk?
517
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,984
No talk.
I'm fine.
518
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,052
Well, then just sit
in your chair.
519
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,787
I've never said no to that.
520
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:17,722
I wanna show you
something.
521
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:21,425
ADULT ADAM: That something
was my very first
big-budget movie.
522
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:24,529
And I anxiously awaited
the first review.
523
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,937
Wow. Your movie turned out
really good.
524
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,605
Our movie.
525
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,240
See you ladle.
526
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:37,208
(THUD)
527
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,709
Hey, you kept in
my one-liners.
528
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,746
Yeah. You're a pretty good
producer after all.
529
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,217
Even though
I kind of fired you,
530
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:49,687
it was really awesome
having your support.
531
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:52,757
(SIGHS)
532
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,492
You know I'm not
the kind of dad
533
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,528
who cheers and screams
from the sidelines.
534
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:03,634
But it's really important
for you to know
535
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,837
that I'll always be rooting
for you.
536
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:07,972
Always.
537
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:19,150
ADULT ADAM: That day,
my mom got her
picture-perfect ending.
538
00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:21,686
Just not in the way
she thought.
539
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,154
'Cause in the end,
540
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:26,224
it's not about the costumes
or the music,
541
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,426
or the explosions,
for that matter.
542
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,294
It's the characters.
543
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:34,699
And in our house, you never
had to look too far...
544
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,200
I don't know
how you did that.
545
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:39,003
...to find the perfect cast.
546
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,211
(SCREAMING)
547
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,815
See you ladle!
548
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,758
My dad has a seriously
freaky talent
549
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,927
of making action-movie
zingers. Watch.
550
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,829
Hey, Dad.
What would Arnold say
551
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:05,663
if he threw a guy off a cliff?
552
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:08,833
"My favorite season is fall."
"You've been grounded."
553
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:11,335
"It's a bird, it's a plane,
it's a dead guy."
554
00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:12,837
"Surprise!
Hope you weren't thrown."
555
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,339
What would Arnold say
to a guy he just fed
to a lion?
556
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:18,576
"Pleased to eat you."
"This won't hurt,
or am I lyin'?"
557
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,177
"Show some pride."
What would Arnold say
558
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,479
if he just ripped
a guy's heart out?
559
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,281
"You're under cardiac arrest."
560
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,348
"Be my Valentine."
561
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:25,449
"Don't be so heartless."
562
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,751
He could be
an action star.
563
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:29,220
Bevy! I need
your strong fingers!
564
00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:30,688
Or maybe not.