1 00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:02,167 ADULT ADAM: The '80s were the pinnacle 2 00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,670 of the badass, jacked-up action hero. 3 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:05,771 They tore up the movie screen 4 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,475 and inspired every kid to let out their inner commando. 5 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:12,378 Dude! It's like looking into a mirror! 6 00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:14,480 (AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER) I'll be back. 7 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,981 You're not going anywhere, mister. 8 00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,716 You got schmutz all over your face. 9 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:18,984 Here, let Mama get it off. 10 00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,419 No! I'm Commando. 11 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,120 Commando? No, no, no. 12 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:24,390 Go put some undies on. You're gonna chafe your little gumdrops. 13 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:27,726 ADULT ADAM: Yep. Growing up, a new Arnold movie was an event. 14 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:30,029 Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? 15 00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:32,164 That's right, Matrix, you did! 16 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,699 I lied. (SCREAMS) 17 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,834 Schwarzenegger really is the coolest man alive. 18 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:39,405 And his acting gets slightly better in every movie. 19 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:42,041 Hoo-hoo! Look at Commando go! 20 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,475 He just punched that guy dead! 21 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,843 ADULT ADAM: Like most dads in the '80s, 22 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:48,047 Murray Goldberg loved action movies as much as me. 23 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,616 No, Commando! Don't go in that shed! 24 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,117 Adam, Commando won't listen! 25 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,552 (WHISPERING) You know who is listening? 26 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,553 (NORMAL VOICE) The entire theater! 27 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,622 ADULT ADAM: But my dad just couldn't contain himself. 28 00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,926 Incredible! That had everything you want in a movie! 29 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,127 Explosions, revenge, 30 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,463 a steam pipe being thrown through a guy. 31 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,099 All movies should be Commando. 32 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:07,933 Or Rambo. 33 00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:11,470 Or any action movie with an "O" on the end, I'm in! 34 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,671 ADULT ADAM: For the first time, 35 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,773 me and my dad had something in common. 36 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,542 Naturally, I'd use it for my gain. 37 00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:17,910 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 38 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,711 Arnold said six lines in that movie 39 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:20,979 and your dad talked over every one? 40 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,748 No! This is my big ticket to get him 41 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,617 to finally pony up some dough for a homemade action movie! 42 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,553 Dude, when are you gonna learn? What? 43 00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,021 It's like every week you go to your dad 44 00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,890 and ask him to support one of your insanely geeky hobbies. 45 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:32,991 (SCOFFS) Name one. 46 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,526 Robots, swords, video games, 47 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,562 Space Camp, D&D, Magic, Fraggles, 48 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:39,598 a new computer so you could "Weird Science" up a hot girl. 49 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,166 I live a rich life, Dave Kim! 50 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,301 But this time's gonna be different 51 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,704 'cause for the first time, we love the same thing. 52 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:46,605 He can't say no! 53 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,707 And yet, I think he'll find a way. 54 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:52,711 ADULT ADAM: And so began the presentation of a lifetime. 55 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,313 Evening, dad. Full disclosure. 56 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,081 I'm gonna do that thing where I present you 57 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,816 with an awesome idea and ask you to fund it. 58 00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:01,253 Kiddo, please don't put us all through this again. 59 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,688 It's hard to watch. 60 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:03,455 Not this time! 61 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,457 I've decided to make my first action movie. 62 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,760 And I need you to help me realize my vision. 63 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,229 Behold! 64 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,664 It's called Recipe for Death. 65 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,232 I'm in. 66 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,534 I play John Cook, the street-wise chef 67 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,736 whose brother was kidnapped by the Mafia. 68 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,304 Now the only thing I serve 69 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,739 is vengeance. I'm in. 70 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,608 Let me finish before you mock me. 71 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:26,478 My movie stars the world's biggest, baddest action hero. 72 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,347 He's not from Austria, like Arnold, 73 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,882 or Belgium, like Van Damme, 74 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,617 or wherever Steven Seagal is from. 75 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:32,951 Probably central Florida. 76 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,455 No! This superstar lives in our house! 77 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,322 Me. 78 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,423 Stop talking! I'm in! 79 00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:41,927 We get it, you're out, just let the poor yutz finish. 80 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,830 What part of "I'm in" don't you get? 81 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,631 The answer is yes. 82 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,333 Oh, sweet balls! I've never made it this far. 83 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,668 What do I ask for? I'm panicking. 84 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,703 He's having some sort of episode. 85 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,038 Get everything you can. 86 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,873 Just take my 80 bucks. 87 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,109 Dear Lord! This is a big-budget movie! 88 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,244 I'm making a big-budget movie! 89 00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,445 Yoo-yah! (GRUNTS) 90 00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,080 I'm already regretting this. 91 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,715 Too late! 92 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,697 ADULT ADAM: It was November 9, 1980-something, 93 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,266 and my sister was obsessed with the one thing 94 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:23,835 every teen girl loved, fashion. 95 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:27,239 Seriously! That dress could literally not get any radder. 96 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,473 It's a sweater dress from Benetton. 97 00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,643 They can take even the lamest and lumpiest of all clothes 98 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:32,578 and make it sleek and sexy. 99 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,347 Well, Benetton is the Italian word for "style." 100 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:35,681 I agree. 101 00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,416 It's the perfect dress for our homecoming party. 102 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,251 Me and Barry are gonna look so classy. 103 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,720 God! I want a sweater dress so bad. 104 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,322 I wish I could afford it. Maybe you can get a job. 105 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:46,158 And maybe you can try and help me instead of talking nonsense. 106 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,960 Well, then just ask your mom to buy it for you. 107 00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,362 No way! Shopping with her is a nightmare. 108 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,265 She always turns it into a daylong bonding marathon 109 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:57,469 with brunch and mani-pedis and ice cream and long talks. 110 00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,205 You mean like a loving mom who you can always count on? 111 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,073 Ugh! I know, right? 112 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,542 Well, the question you have to ask yourself 113 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,110 is how bad do you want that sweater dress? 114 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:08,880 ADULT ADAM: The answer, bad. So bad that she did this. 115 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,317 Mommy, remember that one time when I lived in your tummy? 116 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:16,088 (GASPS) So weird. I was just thinking about that. 117 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,624 Anyway. Can we go shopping for a dress? 118 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:23,729 Wait, to clarify, I'm being invited to go shopping 119 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,665 by you, my delicious little pickle. 120 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,734 Yeah, that's me. A pickle. 121 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:29,901 Whatever it takes. 122 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:30,802 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) Oh! 123 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:34,539 I just had to capture the moment so I could remember it forever. 124 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,776 The moment when my daughter became my best friend. 125 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,977 So that's a yes? 126 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,612 Heck, yes! Grab your coat! 127 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,815 Look out, Gimbels! The Goldberg gals are coming in hot! 128 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,951 Actually, I was thinking a different store. 129 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,586 Oh, but everybody loves Gimbels. 130 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,021 Yeah, it's like traveling back 131 00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:51,390 to simpler, less-fashionable era. 132 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,191 I was thinking more Benetton. 133 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:53,792 Ooh, yes. 134 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,028 That's the place where you order the meats 135 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,396 and they cook them right there next to you 136 00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,097 and then they flip the meats into your mouth 137 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,132 and then you eat the meats. 138 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,533 That's Benihana. Okay, then. 139 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,369 So, Gimbels first, then flying meats, 140 00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,405 then we get our nails done, then a sherbet stop, 141 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,140 then I gotta pick up your dad's prescription, 142 00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:11,009 then paddle boating in the park, and then who knows? 143 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,778 The moon! (CHUCKLING) 144 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,547 I just want a sweater that's also a dress. 145 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:19,184 ADULT ADAM: Lucky for Erica, Gimbels wasn't an option. 146 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,686 Going out of business? 147 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,454 What could that possibly mean? 148 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,589 I think that means they're going out of business. 149 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,825 Gimbels is the biggest shopping chain in America. 150 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,428 That's like saying Blockbuster Video shut down, 151 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,464 or B. Dalton Books, or Circuit City. It's impossible! 152 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,100 It seems possible and very much happening. 153 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,069 I think you need to shut your face-mouth! 154 00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:39,571 Sorry. This is the worst day of my life. 155 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,441 No. No way. Why are they naked? 156 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,575 Give them their decency! 157 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,445 They need bulky khakis and nylon blouses! 158 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,714 Calm down, mom. It's just a store. 159 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:52,517 Not to me. I've had my best memories there. 160 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,253 Just think of all the coupons I've doubled. 161 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,522 All the managers I've made cry. 162 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,491 All the clothes I've worn for a decade 163 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,360 and then returned no questions asked. 164 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,395 No wonder they're going out of business. 165 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,997 Now I'm store-less, Erica. 166 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,066 Life will never be the same. 167 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:11,203 Hey. It doesn't matter that Gimbels is closing. 168 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:14,072 What matters is that we're spending time together. 169 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,775 Now, come on. Let's buy me stuff. 170 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,477 ADULT ADAM: While Erica was playing my mom, 171 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:21,513 I was about to play my cinematic masterpiece 172 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:24,483 for my producer, my dad. 173 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,719 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS) 174 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,087 Yah! 175 00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:33,925 (GUNSHOT) 176 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,460 (GUNSHOT) 177 00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,696 Cool, right? Uh-huh, uh-huh. 178 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:38,897 Lots of good stuff there. 179 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,000 Dad, you're actually interested in my movie! 180 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,068 I want your feedback. 181 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,170 Good or bad? We're partners on this. 182 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,839 Partners? Okay then. 183 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,274 Well, it's all dark and hard to see. 184 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,243 There were some lighting challenges. Note taken. 185 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,011 And the camera shakes like crazy. 186 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,246 Camera's kinda heavy, so... 187 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,680 Also, it sounds like crap. 188 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,082 Wow. Lotta thoughts. 189 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,750 And it looks cheap as hell. 190 00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,518 All right, maybe ease off. 191 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,522 Like a washed-out, crummy public-access show that's on at midnight. 192 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,222 I'm just a boy! 193 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,491 I gave you $80 to make a real movie. 194 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,827 You said you were gonna do some real "Van Damage." 195 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:12,731 Look, a film camera and lights and boom mic cost a ton of money. 196 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,399 It's not just going to fall in my lap. 197 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,802 Here's the stuff. Make it good. 198 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,069 Wow. Where'd you score this? 199 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,840 My cousin Russ films bar mitzvahs for a living. He said you could borrow it. 200 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,309 Whoa. Wait. All this time, I've had access 201 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,712 to high-tech Hollywood film equipment, and you've never told me? 202 00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,681 I guess I never connected the dots. 203 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:30,549 Oh, my God. 204 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,517 There's, like, a warm sensation inside my heart. 205 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,387 Don't make it weird. It's like you're one of those dads in the stands 206 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:38,290 cheering me on 'cause I'm good at athletic-sport competitions. 207 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:41,293 You made it weird. Now, just take the stuff and go. 208 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,427 Now that I'm a real director, 209 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,129 I've gotta write a script and hire a crew... 210 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:48,900 And hire your leading man? You've come to the right place. 211 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:49,935 And I accept your offer. 212 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,337 We didn't come to you, and there's no offer. 213 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,206 Wait! Maybe this is the one time 214 00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,874 Barry would actually be helpful. 215 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,742 This is the one time, bro! 216 00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,278 I've extensively studied the work of Chuck Norris 217 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,715 and know what it takes to be a badass action star. 218 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,016 Karate! 219 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:06,918 Stunts! 220 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:07,886 (GROANS) 221 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,989 Acting. Surprise! Anger! 222 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,724 Surprise! Anger! 223 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,659 And most important, love scene. 224 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,095 No. Please don't show us love scene. 225 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:19,898 Oh, sweet Lord. 226 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,032 He's never getting married. 227 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,236 Adam, a word. Are you serious about this? 228 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,170 The guy's a moron. 229 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,638 He's your son. That's how I know! 230 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,573 Trust me. Barry's gonna be amazing. 231 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:31,910 Also, I have no other options. So do I have the part? 232 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:32,410 No. Yes. 233 00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,546 I see what's happening. You're negotiating. 234 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,082 I will reduce my normal fee of $1 million 235 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:40,085 and will work for free. No, wait. $1,000! 236 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,987 No. I'll pay you! 237 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,421 Damn it. I blew it. 238 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,891 ADULT ADAM: While Barry was preparing for his new role, 239 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,593 my mom wasn't at all prepared for Benetton. 240 00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,762 Welcome to the future of clothing. 241 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,298 The United Colors of Benetton. 242 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,368 It's very bright and it smells weird. 243 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:59,104 Forget Gimbels. This will be just as fun. 244 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:02,641 Hey. What's the one thing you love doing most when we go shopping? 245 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,443 Nodding yes or no as you try on outfits 246 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,478 like they do in the movies. 247 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,246 Well, then get ready to nod yes 248 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,782 because we have some shopping to do. 249 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:20,559 Uh-uh. 250 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,368 (MUSIC CUTS) Stop shaking no. 251 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,170 I need a yes. Shake yes! 252 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,705 I can't shake yes! 253 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,040 Just try! 254 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,681 It won't do it. My neck loves Gimbels too much. 255 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,449 Well, I don't care about your stupid neck 256 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,918 as long as your credit card is nodding. 257 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,186 I'm trying! 258 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,188 (SIGHS) Perhaps a dollop of tuna salad 259 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,191 from the Benetton cafe will calm my nerves. 260 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,492 There is no cafe. 261 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,394 Oh (BLEEP) no! 262 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:57,829 I will find tuna. 263 00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,464 Give me (BLEEP) tuna! 264 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:02,601 What kind of store doesn't have tuna? 265 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,237 ADULT ADAM: It was the morning of the shoot, 266 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,739 and while my star was ready to shine, 267 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,474 my dad was ready to pull the plug. 268 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:12,811 And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to... 269 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,447 Barry Norman Goldberg! 270 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,816 A lot of other actors would say, "Thank you." 271 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,217 I'm saying, "You're welcome." 272 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,652 Hey, Barry, are you sure 273 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,253 this is how you want to spend your Saturday? 274 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,923 Dude. This movie is gonna be my calling card, 275 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,025 and it'll make Jamie Lee Curtis notice me. 276 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,794 Don't tell Lainey! No wait, tell her. She needs to know. 277 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,998 All right, first off, I wouldn't rock the boat of that relationship. 278 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,968 And secondly, I think I saw your Jenkintown Boys Club 279 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,370 down at the Wawa parking lot. 280 00:10:38,372 --> 00:10:40,472 The JTP? Who was leading them? 281 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,873 I don't know. Some new guy. 282 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:42,374 Was it Dan? Sure. 283 00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,777 Stupid Dan! I will challenge him to a game of smashball 284 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,345 and reassert my dominance. 285 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:47,779 (TIRES SCREECH) 286 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,048 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, when it came to being a producer, 287 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,417 my dad knew how to get exactly what he wanted. 288 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,420 Why would he pass on the role of a lifetime? 289 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,422 Why? We're screwed blue! 290 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,190 We have no time to recast! 291 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,158 I'm way ahead of you. 292 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,927 Coach is here and ready for his closeup! 293 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,796 I am your clay. 294 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:05,630 Mold me. 295 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,332 Coach Mellor? He's our star? 296 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,067 Oh, yeah. I slipped him the script. 297 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:09,968 He responded to the material. 298 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:15,040 Well, I guess you're my only option, so...you got the part. 299 00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,409 You honor me. Do you know your lines? 300 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,978 I memorized the whole script. I love the zingers. 301 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,947 My favorite one... "See you ladle." 302 00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:26,851 I like how you wrote "ladle" instead of "later." 'Cause I'm a cook. 303 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,953 "See you ladle"? I didn't write that. 304 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:32,023 That'd be me. I did some noodling with the script, partner. 305 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,458 Dad! You can't rewrite my script! 306 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:37,062 But you didn't have any snappy one-liners like Arnold says. 307 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,930 That's the best part of an action movie. 308 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,132 Now you got a bunch of 'em. 309 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,368 Sear you later. 310 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,170 Spat-u-later. 311 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,772 Cheese ya grater. 312 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,207 They are all the same! 313 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:53,078 Dad, I appreciate the support, but this is still my movie. 314 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,748 Hey. Everyone knows that you're the creative vision 315 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,349 behind "Recipe for Death 2." 316 00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,418 Two? We haven't even filmed part one. 317 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,487 The best action movies are always the sequel, 318 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,656 so we're just skipping ahead to the good stuff. 319 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,458 Know what? We're a team. 320 00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,095 The important thing here is we're working on this together. 321 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,996 Pops, I need a new producer! 322 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,732 Huh? What am I producing? 323 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,967 80 bucks and no back talk. I'm in. 324 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,637 ADULT ADAM: While I had found a way to push my dad out of the picture, 325 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,607 Erica had finally found her new look. 326 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,908 Find everything you need? 327 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,777 (GRUMBLING) Mmm-mmm. 328 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,579 We did. Thank you. 329 00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:28,646 Whatever. 330 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,247 I have a coupon. 331 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,750 Oh. I'm sorry, this coupon is for Gimbels. 332 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:35,053 Correct. It's a competitor's coupon, so you match the price. 333 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,322 And when we're done here, I'm gonna need this back 334 00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:38,356 so I can use it at other stores. 335 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,892 Yeah, we don't really consider Gimbels a competitor 336 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:45,697 because we're fresh and cool and hip and fun, and they're...closing. 337 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,867 Oh, God. Um. Just run the credit-card machine thing. 338 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,101 Let me get this straight. 339 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,203 Benetton thinks it's better than Gimbels 340 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,807 because you have all these glossy posters hanging around? 341 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,543 These kids were clearly dressed against their will. 342 00:12:58,545 --> 00:12:59,911 Come on, make the ch-chunk. 343 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:00,912 This is bull corn. 344 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,580 Okay. I'm going to have to ask you 345 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,516 to take your business elsewhere. 346 00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:05,483 Ho-ho! 347 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,119 You're banning me from your store? 348 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,320 No-no, sister. 349 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,288 I'm banning you. 350 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,490 You can't ban me. Oh, I just did. 351 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,125 You are Ban-itonned! 352 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,326 That's not a word. 353 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,262 Oh, it is now. I Bani-ton you 354 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:21,299 from having the pleasure of us in your store, sucka! 355 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,300 Come on, Erica. 356 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,369 The cu...I'm... BEVERLY: No! 357 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,171 ADULT ADAM: While my mom was making a scene, 358 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,541 I was directing a scene of my own. 359 00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,009 We meet again, Blade. 360 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,377 Well, well, John Cook. 361 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,712 I'm surprised you survived the series of traps 362 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,247 I set in my deadly labyrinth. 363 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,216 Well, I'm back, a... 364 00:13:38,552 --> 00:13:43,521 And I'm ready to spoon-feed you a delicious mouthful of pain. 365 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,423 I'll see ya ladle. 366 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,626 Looking for something? 367 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,495 Cut! Cut. Cut. 368 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,096 You're not selling it, Dave Kim. 369 00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,599 Think about how dumb your haircut is. 370 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,834 Use your pain. 371 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,303 Gah! Steady up the boom, Taz. 372 00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,270 What's a boom? 373 00:13:59,272 --> 00:13:59,938 It's the thing you're holding. 374 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,273 I kept whispering, "Boom" so you'd raise it out of frame. 375 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,075 Oh! I thought you were going like, 376 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:07,045 "Boom! We just got another great cinematic moment." 377 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,847 Ah. What's all this? 378 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,215 Oh! Hey! I thought sending you 379 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:13,818 to get donuts at the airport would take much longer. 380 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:16,187 You're shooting movies without me? 381 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:16,721 Kinda. 382 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,090 I thought we were doing this whole deal together. 383 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:22,493 Uh. I decided to go with a different producer. 384 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,162 (MUMBLING) I have no notes. 385 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,697 I love everything the kid does. 386 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:28,933 I don't get it. You said you wanted my support. 387 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,269 I do! I...I did. I don't. 388 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,904 You can't give back support. 389 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,205 I just did. No! 390 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,406 You keep the support! 391 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,674 And you're gonna get much more! 392 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,710 I'm gonna support you but good! 393 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:39,611 Don't you dare say that! 394 00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:43,181 Oh, you heard me! I'm a big blanket of support! 395 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,482 A big blanket! 396 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,550 You monster. 397 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,086 Fine! Do what you want. 398 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:52,824 Also, you got some kind of bag so I can bring home this fruit? 399 00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:54,692 You sure about this? Oh, I'm sure. 400 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,895 My mom gets me banned from Benetton? 401 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:59,397 Then I'll just bring Benetton to me. 402 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:03,001 Uh (SCOFFS) you can't just make a sweater dress. 403 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,502 Can't I? 404 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:05,570 ADULT ADAM: She could. 405 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:09,374 My sister had access to the biggest, loudest sweater collection 406 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,775 in the greater Philadelphia area. 407 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:14,445 She has a sweater that celebrates the culture of sweaters? 408 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,413 My mind is melting! 409 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,515 Hey. This one shows promise. 410 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,018 Yeah, but those sleeves. Blech. 411 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,419 But... 412 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,687 if you took these sleeves 413 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,555 and the bottom half of this sparkly one, 414 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:25,356 that could totally be a dress! 415 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,825 And if you took the rhinestones from this one... 416 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,795 And used this fringe and these ruffles 417 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:34,232 and these weird tiny pockets, that would totally work! 418 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,099 So cute! 419 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,334 ADULT ADAM: And so they sewed. 420 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,102 They searched. They glued. 421 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,438 They ripped, snipped, and glittered. 422 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,706 Okay. The big reveal. 423 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,842 Eat your heart out, Bene... Oh, my God! 424 00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,577 This did not work! 425 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,412 No, it did not! 426 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,013 This does not look like Benetton! 427 00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:49,580 No, it does not! 428 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,215 We need to cut up more sweaters and fix it! 429 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,617 ADULT ADAM: And so they did it again. 430 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,520 They sewed, they cut, they tore. 431 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,055 They generally made a mess... 432 00:15:57,057 --> 00:16:00,591 until they got it just right. 433 00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:02,527 (VOICE BREAKING) I made it worse. 434 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,429 You really did! 435 00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,297 Why? 436 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,198 Why? 437 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,733 (GASPS) My sweaters! 438 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,134 My glorious sweaters! 439 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,504 I'm realizing now this whole thing got away from me. 440 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,672 Gimbels is out of business! 441 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:17,809 I can't replace them. They're all I had. 442 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,677 It's not my fault! 443 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:20,478 I mean, it is. 444 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,247 What I did sucks, but what you did sucks, too! 445 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,716 You got me Ban-itonned! 446 00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:25,516 That is not a word. 447 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,685 And I thought that the most important thing 448 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,020 was us spending time together. 449 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,956 What mattered was the dress! Not you! 450 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,428 Fine. 451 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,530 (SMACKS LIPS) 452 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,132 Go buy it. 453 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,702 Hope you feel good knowing the real price you paid. 454 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:46,804 I think the price was her. 455 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,873 I know the price, Lainey! 456 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,577 ADULT ADAM: It had been a day since me and my sister 457 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,345 tricked our parents into supporting us. 458 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,482 And now my mom and dad were farther from us than ever. 459 00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,451 Look at her. She's not even Parming the shrimp. 460 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,653 Without her Parm, it's just plain shrimp. 461 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,188 Wow, you really messed her up. 462 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,757 Wow, you really messed him up. 463 00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:10,094 He's wearing pants and not touching his rocky road? 464 00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,429 This is bad. 465 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:11,996 This is awful. 466 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:13,631 All I wanted was for my mom to leave me alone. 467 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,701 All I wanted was for my dad to be a little more involved. 468 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,236 Now I've completely pushed him away. 469 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,338 I know this is the last thing you want to hear, 470 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,940 but you've gotta figure out a way to make her feel good. 471 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,842 Just figure out a way to get him back. 472 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,644 Damn it, why are you always right? 473 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,879 Damn it, you're right. 474 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:28,946 'Sup? What the... 475 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:29,981 Where'd you come from? 476 00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,883 Dad said Dan took over the JTP, 477 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,951 and I had to stop him at all costs. 478 00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:34,819 Who's Dan? No idea. 479 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,088 So I gave everyone in school named Dan a wedgie. 480 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,790 Look. Movie's done, bro. 481 00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:39,557 Damn you, Stallone! 482 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,794 I assume he took the part after I fell out! 483 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:45,596 Get your coat. We're going shopping. 484 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:49,167 Nice try. I'm done being used for my charge card. 485 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,002 Actually, this time it's my treat. 486 00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:54,539 The Gimbels downtown store is having a going-out-of-business sale. 487 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,341 One day only. Everything 50% off. 488 00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,810 Big whoop. Sales come and go. 489 00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:00,244 I also believe you've been collecting 490 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,980 a lifetime of coupons, one of which is good 491 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,883 for 50% off your entire purchase. 492 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,085 Again, not interested. 493 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,921 You should also know that I called my old Gimbels manager 494 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:13,224 and he said he would honor my employee discount. 495 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,560 Another 50% off. 496 00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,829 That's half of half of half off. 497 00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:18,963 The shopping trifecta. 498 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,866 Only the luckiest yentas ever get to see it. 499 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,601 I know I messed up. 500 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,205 But what do you say we go do some damage? Together. 501 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,273 Let's go make some memories! 502 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,309 ADULT ADAM: That day, my mom and sister 503 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,145 went on the shopping spree of a lifetime. 504 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,380 Racks were emptied, displays were toppled, 505 00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:41,552 sweaters were replaced, and carts were overflowing. 506 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,353 Go, go, go! 507 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,688 Housewares up ahead! I'm on it! 508 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,025 (MUSIC CUTS OUT) The reason he's cheating on you 509 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,760 is 'cause your house is so filthy. Right? 510 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,930 This is my mom's! All of these are! 511 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,532 This is the proudest moment of my life. 512 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,801 ADULT ADAM: And if Gimbels wasn't going out of business before, 513 00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:02,340 they sure would have after my mom and sister were done there. 514 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:03,508 Yes! 515 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:07,111 (LAUGHING) We did it! We did it! 516 00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,249 Hey, can we talk? 517 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,984 No talk. I'm fine. 518 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,052 Well, then just sit in your chair. 519 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,787 I've never said no to that. 520 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:17,722 I wanna show you something. 521 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:21,425 ADULT ADAM: That something was my very first big-budget movie. 522 00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:24,529 And I anxiously awaited the first review. 523 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,937 Wow. Your movie turned out really good. 524 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,605 Our movie. 525 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,240 See you ladle. 526 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:37,208 (THUD) 527 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,709 Hey, you kept in my one-liners. 528 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,746 Yeah. You're a pretty good producer after all. 529 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,217 Even though I kind of fired you, 530 00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:49,687 it was really awesome having your support. 531 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:52,757 (SIGHS) 532 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,492 You know I'm not the kind of dad 533 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,528 who cheers and screams from the sidelines. 534 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:03,634 But it's really important for you to know 535 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,837 that I'll always be rooting for you. 536 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:07,972 Always. 537 00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:19,150 ADULT ADAM: That day, my mom got her picture-perfect ending. 538 00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:21,686 Just not in the way she thought. 539 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,154 'Cause in the end, 540 00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:26,224 it's not about the costumes or the music, 541 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,426 or the explosions, for that matter. 542 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,294 It's the characters. 543 00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:34,699 And in our house, you never had to look too far... 544 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,200 I don't know how you did that. 545 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:39,003 ...to find the perfect cast. 546 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,211 (SCREAMING) 547 00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,815 See you ladle! 548 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,758 My dad has a seriously freaky talent 549 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,927 of making action-movie zingers. Watch. 550 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,829 Hey, Dad. What would Arnold say 551 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:05,663 if he threw a guy off a cliff? 552 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:08,833 "My favorite season is fall." "You've been grounded." 553 00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:11,335 "It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a dead guy." 554 00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:12,837 "Surprise! Hope you weren't thrown." 555 00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,339 What would Arnold say to a guy he just fed to a lion? 556 00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:18,576 "Pleased to eat you." "This won't hurt, or am I lyin'?" 557 00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,177 "Show some pride." What would Arnold say 558 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,479 if he just ripped a guy's heart out? 559 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,281 "You're under cardiac arrest." 560 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,348 "Be my Valentine." 561 00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:25,449 "Don't be so heartless." 562 00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,751 He could be an action star. 563 00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:29,220 Bevy! I need your strong fingers! 564 00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:30,688 Or maybe not.