1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,670 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, all the best TV shows featured a cool vehicle. 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,472 Airwolf was a badass chopper. 3 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,440 Street Hawk tore it up on a cycle. 4 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,643 But my favorite was K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider... 5 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,913 A turbo-boosted talking super car! 6 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:15,881 I was so obsessed, 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,817 I even made my own version of K.I.T.T., 8 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,886 and I named it G.I.T.T.! 9 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,054 Oh, no, G.I.T.T.! 10 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,390 The evil corporate types are chasing us 11 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,391 in that armored truck! 12 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,093 What the hell did you do to my station wagon? 13 00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:30,062 Isn't it great? I turned it into G.I.T.T., 14 00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:33,032 which stands for Goldberg Industries Turbo Transport! 15 00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:36,335 Well, you're a moron, which stands for moron, moron. 16 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:37,669 That doesn't work as an acronym. 17 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:40,439 ADULT ADAM: Even though Hollywood seemed millions of miles away 18 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,107 from Jenkintown, as fate would have it, 19 00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:46,045 TV's coolest car was about to roll into my life! 20 00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,646 Holy K.I.T.T. 21 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,149 Mom, I am coming to you with an urgent request, 22 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,984 'cause you understand the hopes and dreams 23 00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:53,552 of a sensitive, artistic boy. 24 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,319 What is it, Love Bug? Tell Mama. 25 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:57,256 I want to go see K.I.T.T. in the Gimbels Thanksgiving Day Parade. 26 00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:00,159 I'm not driving you anywhere on Thanksgiving. 27 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:00,659 Please, Mama. 28 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,828 Make the awful man take me to see the thing I love. 29 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,632 Sweetie, I would never deprive my delicious little schmoopster 30 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,333 of anything his heart desires. 31 00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:11,737 Yes! In your face, guy who's gonna drive me to fun! 32 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,305 However, it is Thanksgiving... 33 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,041 It's the one day a year when we gather together 34 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:19,311 as a family and appreciate the feast 35 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,280 that I've been working on for months. 36 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,314 In your face. 37 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,782 Fine, forget your car! 38 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:27,820 I've got my own set of wheels, and I will make it downtown! 39 00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:30,556 (KNIGHT RIDER THEME PLAYS) 40 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,866 This was so much cooler when I was seven. 41 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,485 ADULT ADAM: It was Thanksgiving, 1980-something, 42 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:03,088 and the Goldbergs' turkey day traditions were in full swing... 43 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:03,755 (DOORBELL RINGS) 44 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,725 ...which meant a visit from my Uncle Marvin. 45 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,760 Freeze, turkeys! (LAUGHS) 46 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,262 That's right. 47 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,731 Thanksgiving just got a little bit safer 48 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,567 now that Officer Goldberg is on the case! 49 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,469 Oh, my God! I know a cop now. 50 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,539 Okay, don't get sucked in. He's not a real cop. 51 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:21,874 He's just an idiot that works in a mall. 52 00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:25,677 Actually, Mur-man, for the record, I'm more than a cop. 53 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,946 I'm above the law. The laws don't apply to me. 54 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,048 I'm like The Equalizer or Batman! 55 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,252 Both of which aren't real... Just like your badge. 56 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,820 Does this look not real to you? 57 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:38,056 We got a 10-50 at the Goldberg residence, please respond. 58 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,125 Cool! What's a 10-50? A homicide. 59 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,727 Murder? Isn't HQ gonna respond? 60 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:45,030 No, they can tell by the tone of my voice I'm just having a little fun. 61 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:46,532 Awesome! Do you have a gun? 62 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,000 Nope, I'm not allowed! 63 00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:51,103 But there's no rules against... (SING-SONG) ...this! 64 00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:54,173 (LAUGHS) This is my little potato gun. 65 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:54,706 I had it made special. 66 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,309 It may not look like much, but at close range, it'll take out a rhino. 67 00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:01,013 Get that thing out of here before you hurt someone, you moron! 68 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:01,613 That's it! 69 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,048 As an officer of the Gallery Mall, 70 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,117 I will not be disrespected this way. 71 00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,351 I'm storming out! 72 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,119 No. No. No. 73 00:03:07,121 --> 00:03:09,588 There will be no storming this year, do you hear me? 74 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:14,860 We are going to eat together as a family with no drama, understand? 75 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,061 (SCOFFS) (GRUNTS) 76 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,996 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 77 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:18,897 Okay. Oh! 78 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:19,765 Here's the story. Oh! 79 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,533 Barry came at me... He was out of control. 80 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,168 You're gonna have to stab me in the arm... 81 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:23,902 That was awesome! 82 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,171 Oh, my God, you're alive! (SIGHS) 83 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,439 (VOICE BREAKING) Come here. 84 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,574 ADULT ADAM: Amazingly, the potato gun 85 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:31,176 wasn't the craziest thing to happen that holiday. 86 00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:34,546 It was a revelation that would change my mom forever. 87 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,682 Mom, I have a huge announcement. 88 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,850 I just read Diet for a Small Planet, 89 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,786 and I am officially a vegetarian. 90 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,054 No, you're not. Get out of here. 91 00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,256 ADULT ADAM: Not that stupid thing... This. 92 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,123 Okay, I'm heading out. 93 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,159 See you at 9:00 when Thanksgiving is over. What? 94 00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:48,894 Lainey's dad invited me to their big dinner, 95 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,730 and I'm going, even though I know what you're gonna say... 96 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,898 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) "My name is Mom, 97 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,301 "and this is the most important day of the year for me." 98 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,804 Ha! That's totally her! 99 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,806 Actually, I wasn't gonna say that at all. 100 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:04,176 You can go to Lainey's for Thanksgiving if that's what you want. 101 00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:05,877 Really? You go have fun. 102 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:09,381 I'll just be here doing my Mom thang. (CHUCKLES) 103 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:11,850 Hey, there, guess what. 104 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,552 You're invited to our Thanksgiving. 105 00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,020 The invitation is just a formality. 106 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,188 You're coming... No, it's not an option. 107 00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:18,457 Well, thanks, but we kind of have our own thing... 108 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,524 Okay, it's settled. Yay! 109 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,526 I'll see you in a few. Don't bring any food. 110 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:25,130 I'm closing the door, shutting off all communication, okay? 111 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:25,764 Yay again! No, I didn't... 112 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,967 ADULT ADAM: While my mom was forcing Bill and Lainey to our Thanksgiving, 113 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:32,404 my dad was forced to spend quality time with his brother. 114 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,205 When we get close enough, 115 00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:34,439 I want you to triangulate the source. 116 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,208 K.I.T.T.: We should be close enough now. 117 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:37,276 Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this? 118 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:40,646 It's a show about a talking car that Adam loves. 119 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:41,580 Pretty silly, isn't it? 120 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:43,282 Well, yeah, but I got to admit, 121 00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:44,149 I'm digging this guy's style. 122 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:47,052 All right, give me a visual on the license plate. Good idea. 123 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:50,756 Whoo-hoo! You're so right! The man oozes cool. 124 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,724 ADULT ADAM: And then, for the first time in ages, 125 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:57,062 my dad and Uncle Marvin actually had something in common. 126 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:57,496 Whoa. Whoa. 127 00:04:57,498 --> 00:05:01,933 ADULT ADAM: Unexpectedly, Thanksgiving became a thing of joy for them. 128 00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,268 Yahtzee! 129 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,269 We'll just watch one more. 130 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,172 Or two. Or three. Just to pass the time. 131 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,775 ADULT ADAM: Since I was a geek who had taped every episode, 132 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,010 my dad and uncle were able to sit down 133 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:15,147 for the world's first binge-watching session. 134 00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:17,049 We should do this more often. 135 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,384 You know, bros watching shows. 136 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,218 This is us at our best. 137 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,788 Like when we'd watch Lone Ranger as kids? 138 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,456 You'd always be my Tonto. 139 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,325 Shh! I got to hear this. 140 00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:27,526 K.I.T.T.'s lost his nerve. 141 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,594 Who would've thought that a car could doubt itself? 142 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:32,464 It's not nearly as crazy as when Michael fought 143 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,999 his evil goateed twin, Garthe. 144 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:37,002 Or when K.I.T.T. battled his evil twin K.A.R.R. 145 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,338 with a yellow light instead of the red one! 146 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,239 How do they come up with this stuff? 147 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:44,142 Man, that is one cool ride. 148 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,944 I betcha it looks even better in person. 149 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,780 Whoa, whoa... (STAMMERING) Hold on! 150 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,717 This is the car that's gonna be in the Thanksgiving Day parade! 151 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:52,718 I remember hearing that before. 152 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,922 Mur-Man, they park all of the floats in the mall parking lot! 153 00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:57,723 Must be deja vu. 154 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:58,990 Come on, you think that The Hoff 155 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,026 would bail on an opportunity like this? 156 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,894 Never! Let's ride. 157 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,966 I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something. 158 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,334 (SIGHS) 159 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,536 What could it be? 160 00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:14,172 Ah, camera. 161 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,408 I can't believe you! 162 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,010 What kind of monster won't let her own son 163 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,880 abandon his entire family on Thanksgiving? 164 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,215 You left me no choice. 165 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,950 You know I would literally die 166 00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:27,819 if I didn't have all my children here for Thanksgiving. 167 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:28,687 Is that what you want... 168 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:31,089 To bury your mother on Thanksgiving? 169 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:31,790 Yes! 170 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,658 Lainey's dad inviting me to his house 171 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,728 is the first clear sign that he's given up on hating my guts! 172 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,664 Boopie, now you have the best of both worlds. 173 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,833 You can have dinner with Lainey's family 174 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,735 and with your actual family, 175 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,271 who means so much more than those other people. 176 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,139 (DOORBELL RINGS) 177 00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:49,808 Hello. Welcome to a Goldberg Thanks... 178 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,010 Gangway, gangway! Have no fear, 179 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,279 the Thanksgiving cavalry is here! 180 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,281 Um, no, no, no, no, no, no! 181 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:59,017 Bill, I told you, you didn't have to bring anything. 182 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,085 Oh, please! As a guest, 183 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,554 it's my job to bring you a few snacks. 184 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,356 Main course. Also six pies. 185 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:07,559 That is so sweet. (CHUCKLES) Really, but no. 186 00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,194 (CHUCKLES) We're covered on food, 187 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,629 and I'm about to put my turkey in the oven. 188 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:14,366 Oven? Well, I guess that's one less delicious way to do it. 189 00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:15,867 Dad, you promised to keep it breezy. 190 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,069 That's me... Easy-breezy Bill, 191 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,205 and he says it can't be Thanksgiving 192 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,474 without his famous fried turkey. 193 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,309 Fried? (LAUGHS) 194 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,212 Never had a Thanksgiving without my fryer. 195 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,347 So, you know... 196 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,120 Do something? 197 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,254 How about we serve both of them? 198 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,223 Great idea, son. You called me son. 199 00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:41,026 Yes, thank you, my actual son. 200 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,794 (LAUGHS) Double birds. 201 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:43,462 Makes total sense. 202 00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,764 Huge Thanksgiving announcement, Bill and Lainey. 203 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:49,267 I won't be eating turkey this year for moral reasons. 204 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:50,735 What's her deal? 205 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:51,403 Get out of here! 206 00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:52,904 No one has time for your thing this year. 207 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,540 ADULT ADAM: While Thanksgiving was off to a competitive start, 208 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,976 I was realizing I lost out big time. 209 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,545 I seemed to be the only person in all of Philadelphia 210 00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:02,547 who wasn't seeing K.I.T.T. that day. 211 00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,683 Oh, man. I wish I was there. 212 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:05,584 ADULT ADAM: Literally. 213 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,987 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 214 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,288 What the hell is that? 215 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,424 It looks your father and your uncle 216 00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:14,459 doing the thing you wanted to do... 217 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:16,294 I know what it is, Pops! 218 00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:18,463 Whoo! 219 00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,065 That was amazing. 220 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,434 Who would've enjoyed this more than us? 221 00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:23,702 No one, that's who! 222 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:24,903 ADULT ADAM: There was someone... 223 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,605 A spiteful dork in a puffer vest 224 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,107 ready to unleash pure nerd rage. 225 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,041 You! 226 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,042 What are you doing? 227 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:31,943 I got to pull the car in! 228 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,646 How could you two see K.I.T.T. without me? 229 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,915 Calm down. How was I supposed to know 230 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,683 you wanted to see the awesome TV car? 231 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,186 'Cause I'm the one who told you about it! 232 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,622 Ah. That's where I heard that. 233 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,791 In my defense, you're always talking about these He-Mans, 234 00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:50,595 these robots, and these Trons, they all kind of blur together. 235 00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:52,597 You're confusing sci-fi fantasy 236 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,766 with reality-based sci-fi action. 237 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,201 You're embarrassing yourself! 238 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,970 Listen, kid, if it's any consolation, 239 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,138 you were totally right. 240 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,440 Meeting K.I.T.T. in person... 241 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:03,441 It was, like, life-changing. 242 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,710 It w... It was better than you could ever think! 243 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,947 That's not a consolation! That's rubbing my face in it! 244 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:12,150 Look, I know it meant a lot to you, so it's on me. 245 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,518 And? And, uh... 246 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,886 We should just move past this. 247 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,787 No! Hey! Hey! 248 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:19,224 Your father is opening up his heart to you, Adam. 249 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,927 You should be more sensitive to his feelings. 250 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,528 It's Thanksgiving, man! 251 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,196 Kids, huh? Unbelievable. 252 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,432 Fine! You want... You want to see bad? 253 00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:30,802 Mark my words, vengeance will be... 254 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,971 Oh, man, this thing's fast! 255 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,006 (QUICKLY) Vengeance will be mine! 256 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,242 Ew, there's a spider here! 257 00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:39,911 ADULT ADAM: It was still Thanksgiving, 258 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,446 and I was going to dish some sweet revenge 259 00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,182 by turning my dad and uncle against each other. 260 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,084 Come on, they're getting along. 261 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,888 Don't take that away from them over some singing boat. 262 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:50,989 Talking car. 263 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,857 Enough with this meshuggaas. 264 00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:55,060 Dad and Uncle Marvin think they can just take 265 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,962 my favorite TV show? (LAUGHS) 266 00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:01,266 We'll see about that when I unleash the power of this. 267 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,500 A fun kid's game? 268 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:03,201 Ages 8 and up, 269 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,538 and guaranteed to turn my uncle against my dad. 270 00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:09,307 That's it, we are officially not brothers! 271 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,375 Guys, relax. 272 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,644 All I said was only one person 273 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,646 could be the Michael Knight game piece. 274 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:18,750 We just have to figure out which one of you is not the hero. 275 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:19,351 I'm the Hoff! 276 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,553 If anyone is Michael Knight, it's me! 277 00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:23,989 Be the car! You love the car! 278 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:28,593 You think that I would ever let you ride in me? 279 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,128 Oh-ho-ho! 280 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,563 I ride in you! 281 00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,965 Oh, this is, like, crazy awkward. 282 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,101 We can't have two Michael Knights. 283 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,535 This is just like when we were kids 284 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,238 and you always wanted to be the Lone Ranger, 285 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,574 and you forced me to be Tonto! 286 00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:43,642 You loved Tonto! 287 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:44,876 Why don't you both discuss 288 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,544 the childhood betrayal in detail? 289 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:49,080 I always wanted to be the Lone Ranger, 290 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,715 but now I proved you wrong! 291 00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:52,217 I'm a cop! You're not a cop! 292 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:55,353 You just guard the fountain where the bored dads sit. 293 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,588 Ouch. Attacking you as a person. 294 00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,958 Well, you know everything there is to know about sitting, 295 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:00,558 don't you, Mur? 296 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:04,529 Because that's all you ever do, you lazy ass! 297 00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,431 Well, I'm walking now! 298 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,165 Look at this! 299 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,868 You can't storm out! That's my move! 300 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,603 He is the worst, huh? 301 00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,004 Know what'll really piss him off? 302 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,306 I don't. Tell me. Say it! 303 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,642 A picture of you sitting in the real K.I.T.T. 304 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,244 That would prove you're the Hoff. 305 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,879 Hey! The mall where I work... 306 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,415 That's where they're storing all the Thanksgiving Day floats... 307 00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:26,918 K.I.T.T. included! Let's go there now. 308 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,119 What a brilliant idea, 309 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,388 which you had with no help from me. 310 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,624 Here's your jacket and car keys! 311 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:33,191 Let's jam! 312 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,592 ADULT ADAM: As my plan was heating up, 313 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:38,163 things were getting frostier between Bill and my mom. 314 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,597 Excusez-moi. 315 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,199 Okay, Bill, if you could just stay 316 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,169 in your designated area, I would appreciate it. 317 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:44,936 Oh, my bad. You see, 318 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,072 when you're a pro at Thanksgiving like me, 319 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,039 cooking is like jazz. 320 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,874 You just go where it takes you. 321 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,443 (SCATTING) 322 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:52,177 Salt. 323 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,546 No one likes jazz, okay? No one. 324 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,715 Oh, well, maybe we should do a little Pepsi Challenge. 325 00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:59,250 Put our birds side by side. Winner takes all! 326 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,553 We're not having a cook-off, okay? 327 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:02,754 You're a guest in my home. 328 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,222 I couldn't embarrass you like that. 329 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,423 Ooh! Sounds like someone's scared. 330 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:08,393 Maybe you should be cooking a chicken instead! (CLUCKS) 331 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,762 Okay, now he's taunting her with the chicken squawk. 332 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,964 This is bad. Don't sweat it, babe. 333 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:16,401 Big Tasty is the master at defusing tension. 334 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,402 There's a line. Excuse me. 335 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,670 Stop it. I'm gonna just help you. 336 00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:20,505 Mom. Bill. It's Thanksgiving. 337 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,640 And me and Lainey both think... 338 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,609 Oh, sweet god of food, 339 00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,978 what is in my mouth-face right now? 340 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:27,679 Barry, no! 341 00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:28,680 My famous fried stuffing balls. 342 00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:32,517 Bill wins! Bill wins the Pepsi Challenge for Thanksgiving! 343 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:33,852 Okay, what Barry meant to say 344 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,420 was let's not make today a competition. 345 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,055 It's not what the holiday's about. 346 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,056 Ow, so hot! Don't care. 347 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,157 Kids make a good point, Bev. 348 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,892 Today's not about winners or losers. 349 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,560 Don't look at me. You're right. 350 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:43,995 Shame on us for competing over 351 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,497 who cares more about Thanksgiving. 352 00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:46,898 Although, if it was a competition, 353 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,033 clearly I'd win because I'm a single dad 354 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,435 and this day is all I got. 355 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,102 Oh, would you win, though? 356 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,038 'Cause I'm the one with three kids about to leave the nest 357 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,640 and pretty soon it'll just be me and Murray 358 00:12:55,642 --> 00:13:00,578 staring silently at each other across a long table thinking, 359 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,413 "Is this all there is?" 360 00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:02,814 Sad story, Bev. 361 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:05,216 But not as sad as the Thanksgiving when Lainey's mommy left. 362 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,585 Which isn't important, 'cause it's not a competition. 363 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:08,153 No, it isn't. 364 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:10,021 So it doesn't matter that I tell you that year 365 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,790 I was too depressed to cook. 366 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,758 Little Lainey looked up at me and said, 367 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,760 (HIGH-PITCHED) "Why no twurkey, Dada?" 368 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:16,594 (NORMAL VOICE) In that moment, 369 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,663 I vowed that I would always fry her a turkey. 370 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,365 Okay, now you're both just competing 371 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,599 over whose life is sadder. 372 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,035 Oh, you want sad? I'll give you sad. 373 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:28,306 It was Thanksgiving 1946, but where was Grandma? 374 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,340 Not at dinner. 375 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,675 She was pinned underneath a trolley car. 376 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:33,912 Okay, stop. Just go back to your stupid turkey competition. 377 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,914 May the best turkey win. Which is mine! 378 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,782 Excuse me, I need to get through. 379 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:38,950 I'm sorry. Pardon me. 380 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:39,517 I'm sorry. Pardon me. 381 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,986 ADULT ADAM: As the turkey competition turned into a nightmare, 382 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,923 I was about to meet the car of my dreams. 383 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:45,890 Follow me. 384 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:48,960 Stick to the shadows and watch my 6:00. 385 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,597 (CHOIR SINGING) 386 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,272 (ENGINE STARTS) 387 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,574 Do you hear that? 388 00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:04,108 (IMITATES K.I.T.T.'S SCANNER WHOOSHING) 389 00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:07,178 (IMITATES K.I.T.T.'S SCANNER WHOOSHING) 390 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:08,479 Do me a favor. 391 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,515 I want you to take a picture of me as Michael Knight 392 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,617 and we can rub it in your dad's ass face! 393 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:13,685 (LAUGHS) 394 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,053 Say, "Trans zam!" 395 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:15,954 (LAUGHS) 396 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,057 Cool, and then maybe we could switch? 397 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,391 Or we can fire it up 398 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:23,228 and then your dad can see me behind the wheel! 399 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,763 Uh, I think if we get caught driving it, 400 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:28,032 we could get into some serious trouble. 401 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,000 Don't worry, kid. 402 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,603 The security in this mall is terrible. 403 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:32,637 Ahhh! 404 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,406 (KNIGHT RIDER THEME PLAYS) 405 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,480 (BOTH SCATTING KNIGHT RIDER THEME) 406 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,093 (BOTH LAUGH) 407 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:55,860 What the hell is this? 408 00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:58,897 Now who's Michael Knight, you dook nugget? 409 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:03,001 You made my son an accessory to grand theft auto 410 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,235 just to get back at me? 411 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,103 It was worth it! 412 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,772 Unless I go to jail. Then it was not worth it. 413 00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,774 Get ready to gobble gobble, Goldbergs! 414 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,976 Yes, we're all very excited to eat a turkey 415 00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:12,977 that's been fried in a trash can. 416 00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:17,181 Well, everybody hold on, your taste buds are about to explode! 417 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,083 Whoa! Ahhh! 418 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,419 Admit it. I'm the Michael Knight. 419 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,554 I'm even driving the car! 420 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,657 (BREATHLESSLY) Son of a bitch! Holy crap! 421 00:15:25,659 --> 00:15:28,493 (VOICE BREAKING) Oh, no, K.I.T.T.'s hurt real bad! 422 00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:29,260 Balls! 423 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,461 Somebody call a car doctor! 424 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,630 That's called a mechanic, you moron. 425 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,831 (NORMAL VOICE) You shut up! 426 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,767 I'm the Michael Knight, okay? 427 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,036 I know exactly what to do here. 428 00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,504 What's that? 429 00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,209 ADULT ADAM: It had been moments 430 00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,577 since the Great Goldberg Turkey Explosion, 431 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,480 but inside, my family was about to go nuclear. 432 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:52,884 This is your fault, Mur! You did that to my car! 433 00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:53,651 It's not your car! 434 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,921 And how would I send a turkey flying out of the sky? 435 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:59,390 A turkey only goes airborne like that if it's frozen, 436 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:03,294 which means somebody popped it in the freezer! You did this! 437 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:03,661 Excuse me? 438 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,464 It's just like you to steal a car on Thanksgiving. 439 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,133 Why don't you bring it back before something worse happens? 440 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,836 There you go, bossing me around again! 441 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,871 Face it... You've been jealous of my turkey 442 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,573 since the moment it stepped claw in this house. 443 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,208 This is exactly why I hated playing 444 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,210 the Lone Ranger when we were kids. 445 00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,545 I had to be bossy! 446 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,080 I was the one raising you, 447 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,448 'cause our dad was never there! 448 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:26,117 Admit it! You put that turkey in the freezer! 449 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,418 I never asked you to be my father. 450 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,354 I never asked for you to be my brother, 451 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,855 but I didn't get a choice in that either. 452 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,257 All right! Maybe I did want your turkey to be 453 00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,592 a tad less delicious than mine, 454 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:37,996 but I didn't know it was going to turn into a meat rocket! 455 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:38,663 A-ha! 456 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:39,731 Oh, boy. Barry, say something. 457 00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:40,832 I have no mother! Something helpful. 458 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,134 Then we both agree... We're done being brothers! 459 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:43,835 Fine by me! 460 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:46,371 No! The idea here was to enjoy a car, 461 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:47,939 not hate each other forever! 462 00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:48,473 Don't look at me! 463 00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:51,009 He's the one that refused to let me be Michael Knight! 464 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,310 I was wrong. There can be two! 465 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,879 Like how there are two Adam Goldbergs in my school! 466 00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,881 Come on, Lainey. We're leaving! 467 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,183 Yeah! I'm leaving, as well! 468 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,885 And I'm never coming back! 469 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:01,819 The Hoff has spoken. 470 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,155 Oh, no, he hasn't. You know why? 471 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,256 Because I'm the Hoff! 472 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,058 Oh, look, now the Hoff's spoken! 473 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,627 Oh, no, you are mistaken because the Hoff already spoke! 474 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:10,995 Uncle Marvin, don't go! 475 00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,263 You know nothing of the Hoff! 476 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,165 I am the Hoff, infinity, no backsies! 477 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,166 There's two Adam Goldbergs! 478 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,001 One of us uses an F to differentiate! 479 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,736 What the... Everyone, come back! 480 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:21,005 It's Thanks-(BLEEP)-giving! 481 00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:23,908 This is what you get for being meat-eaters. 482 00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,443 (CHUCKLES) 483 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:28,279 Not the right time to talk about my thing, huh? 484 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,081 I'll come back later. 485 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,118 (SIGHS) 486 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,420 Look at that guy... 487 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,488 Born to be a pain in my ass. 488 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,258 Look, don't blame Uncle Marvin. 489 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,326 I may have kind of purposely 490 00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,995 turned you guys against each other. 491 00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,964 Why? I was mad you saw K.I.T.T. without me, 492 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,767 but it was wrong to tear you guys apart. 493 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,036 Also, it was shockingly easy to do. 494 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,539 Honestly, it weirdly took no effort. 495 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,375 Yeah, well, it's on me not remembering 496 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:58,810 that that's your favorite show. 497 00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:00,778 At least I finally got to see the car 498 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,314 'cause, you know, we stole it. 499 00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,084 And I finally got along with my brother. 500 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,452 For a little while, at least. 501 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,620 Well, it doesn't have to be over. 502 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:12,657 (WHEN IN ROME'S THE PROMISE PLAYS) 503 00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:17,128 (SIGHS) 504 00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,931 Let me guess. You came out here to tell me how much 505 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,499 I screwed everything up again. 506 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:26,637 I came out here to tell you that, um... 507 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,041 ...I was wrong. 508 00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:30,308 What? 509 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,678 Look, I know I wasn't great to you when we were growing up... 510 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,147 ...but, you know, Dad wasn't around, 511 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,216 and I figured I had to be the boss. 512 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,120 Yeah, well, I'm sure it wasn't easy. 513 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,056 Point is, I should have given you the chance 514 00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:46,724 to be the Lone Ranger, too. 515 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,260 Thanks, man, that means a lot. 516 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:50,862 Well, you can still be the Hoff. 517 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,565 You know, you're the one who's the cop. 518 00:18:57,403 --> 00:19:00,538 You're choking me up here. That was not my intention. 519 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:00,905 Bring it in. 520 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:05,109 No, I... I... Okay. (GROANS) Oh, buddy. 521 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,081 What's going on out there? 522 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,154 I guess that's what today's about... 523 00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:18,489 Being thankful for the people that are here, 524 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,358 even if they drive you crazy. 525 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,058 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, 526 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:25,096 my mom realized she could still save Thanksgiving. 527 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:28,432 Well, well, it's the turkey saboteur. 528 00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,269 I deserve that. But I, uh... 529 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:35,273 Just wanted to tell you that you win. 530 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,275 I do? Yes. 531 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,911 Your Thanksgivings were way sadder. 532 00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:44,582 And I realize that as much as the holiday means to me, 533 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,083 it means way more to you. 534 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:49,921 Listen, I just wasn't ready to change up Thanksgiving. 535 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:52,823 It's always been me and Lainey. 536 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,462 And now you have us, too. 537 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,231 And we can figure out 538 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,167 how to have the best Thanksgiving for both of us. 539 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:09,473 ADULT ADAM: That year, our Thanksgiving got a little bigger. 540 00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:09,840 Okay, folks, 541 00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,243 Bev and I aren't quite sure what this will be like, 542 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:13,978 but it's her seasonings and a little bit 543 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,714 of Lewis frying know-how. Dig in! 544 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,152 What happened to your vegetable thing? 545 00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:22,386 Eh, I'll try it again next year 546 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,922 when everyone doesn't have as much stuff going on. 547 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:28,159 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, doesn't matter what kind of turkey you cook. 548 00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,760 And a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. 549 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:33,397 Happy Thanksgiving, you guys. ADULT ADAM: Or what table you sit at. 550 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,633 It's the people who you welcome into your home 551 00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:41,606 And that's something to be truly thankful for. 552 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,146 (LAUGHTER) MAN: Go! 553 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,650 (TURKEY SIZZLING) 554 00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,657 (SIGHS) Being a vegetarian sucked. 555 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,393 Honestly, I was just looking for something to distract me 556 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,629 from thinking about Geoff all the time. 557 00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:05,796 No freakin' way! 558 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,798 Hey, Geoff! Look, it's Geoff! 559 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,267 I thought Barry was messing with me 560 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,268 when he said K.I.T.T. was here. 561 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,102 Knight Rider is my favorite show! 562 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:15,606 Mine too! I love the knights and horses and swords. 563 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,841 Maybe don't talk until you've seen it. 564 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,743 We should take her for a spin together! 565 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,645 Uh, maybe grab a burger, just me and you? 566 00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:23,781 Oh, my God, yes! We can swing by Evy's house and pick her up! 567 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,348 She's gonna flip! 568 00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:26,450 That's not how you wanted it to work, huh? 569 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,485 Yeah, really not my week. 570 00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:31,188 K.I.T.T., pick up girlfriend. (LAUGHS)