1
00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:02,334
ADULT ADAM:
When you were a kid,
cracking open a toy catalog
2
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:06,538
and making your holiday
wish list was the most
exciting part of the year.
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,973
But now that
I was a ninth-grade man,
4
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:11,243
I wanted something
you couldn't find
in any store.
5
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,946
Psst! Yo!
Goldnerd, Come here.
6
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:16,882
You got the money,
I got the hook-up.
Let me see it first.
7
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:17,850
ADULT ADAM:
Christmas came early.
8
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:21,020
He had
a bootleg copy of the
Star Wars Holiday Special.
9
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,355
Holy Kenobi!
The legend is true!
10
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,224
This is the rarest film
in existence.
11
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,525
Only aired once
in the lame-ass '70s.
12
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,728
Give me, give me, give me!
Pleasure doing business.
Enjoy your space wars.
13
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:34,800
Stop what you're doing.
I have the biggest
holiday news of all time.
14
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,001
If I were to stop
what I'm doing,
15
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,569
it'd be more than
what I'm actually doing.
Okay.
16
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:42,941
So, as everyone knows,
Star Wars is my entire life,
soul, and universe.
17
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:43,876
(SNORES)
18
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:44,843
(CLAPS)
No dozing!
19
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,245
Well, then be
less boring.
Boring?
20
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:50,115
This is two hours' worth
of unseen
Star Wars goodness.
21
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:51,917
Star Wars.
Is that the one
with the bear?
22
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,386
I mean, I even heard rumor
we meet Chewie's family.
23
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,456
Chuy? The guy who works
in my stock room?
No, Chewbacca.
24
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,092
Is he the little guy
who yells,
"The plane, the plane"?
25
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,928
No, the Wookiee?
Han Solo's fuzz ball?
26
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,063
(IMITATES CHEWBACCA)
27
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,066
(SNORING)
No dozing!
28
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,250
ADULT ADAM:
It was December 14th,
1980-something,
29
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,754
and that meant one thing,
the school holiday concert.
30
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:39,231
ADULT ADAM:
Yep. We did all the fun
Christmas classics.
31
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,632
We also did
one half-assed tune
32
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,900
to give a shout-out
to the other holiday.
33
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,077
(PIANO CONTINUES)
(SNAPS)
34
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,913
You need something?
Yeah, it's the second verse.
That's you.
35
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,549
That's a pass.
But it's the Hanukkah solo.
You do it every year.
36
00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:01,653
I think the other,
way better Goldberg
should do the solo.
37
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,154
Check it.
38
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,326
I can't make it cool.
It's impossible.
39
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,527
Thank you
for that journey.
40
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,997
Erica, if you didn't want
the solo, then why did you
sign up for it?
41
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,666
I didn't.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, yes, you did.
42
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,501
With a glitter pen.
43
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,301
ERICA: That's not
my handwriting.
44
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,438
'Cause I would never
dot the "I" in "Erica"
with a heart.
45
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,740
Oh, she is so dead!
46
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:22,608
You.
Love me?
47
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:25,377
Oh, my little schmoopaloo.
Don't you "schmoopaloo" me.
48
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,247
What gives you the right
to forge my name
on a sign-up sheet?
49
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,448
It was on the
bulletin board.
50
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,451
All the solos were
taken except
for "Dreidel Cubed."
51
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:35,254
That's what
the hip cats call it.
No one calls it that.
52
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,890
The song isn't hip,
and I'm tired
of singing it every year.
53
00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:42,161
Fine, then you go in
and tell your grandfather
and break his sweet heart.
54
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:43,262
He lives
for that Hanukkah solo.
55
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,831
If you don't sing it,
you'll literally kill
that poor, old man.
56
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:49,768
I knew you'd say that.
Way to kill your grandfather
and Hanukkah, Erica.
57
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:53,639
This is just
your classic mom guilt.
It won't work.
58
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,073
Pops, we need to talk.
59
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,708
Of course, darling.
60
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,344
How can I make
your life better?
61
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,381
Damn you.
He's so adorable.
62
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,482
So, you'll sing it.
Nope.
63
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,550
And if you have
a problem with that,
64
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:08,120
then you can just
ask Barry to do it.
Barry? Please.
65
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,555
Just heard my name.
66
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,690
What am I not
supposed to be hearing?
67
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,926
Surprise party?
Award show?
68
00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,494
Surprise award show party?
69
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,764
Honey, if I told you,
it wouldn't be
a surprise, would it?
70
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,831
Damn it.
That logic checks out.
71
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,368
Well, I'm gonna go
find my tuxedo T-shirt
for no reason
72
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,637
and be back around 6:00,
wink, wink.
73
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,272
Looks like
my solo's the least
of your problems
74
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:31,610
now that you have to throw
a surprise award show party
in 45 minutes.
75
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,045
ADULT ADAM:
As Erica ditched
her solo,
76
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:36,648
I uncovered
the mystery to the
Star Wars Holiday Special.
77
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,116
It wasn't great.
78
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,318
Wow.
79
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,119
That was so...cool.
80
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,854
Were we watching
two different things?
81
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,156
You don't know Star Wars.
82
00:03:44,158 --> 00:03:46,425
This special is really
for the true fan.
83
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,192
So, the true fan
84
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:50,996
wants to watch Dorothy
from The Golden Girls
flirt with an alien?
85
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,765
(STUTTERS) Okay,
I admit it was
an odd choice
86
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,401
to have Bea Arthur
manage the cantina.
87
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,102
Let's just move on.
88
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,503
And what's the deal
with Lumpy and Itchy?
89
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,973
Chewie's family
had to be named something.
90
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:01,506
Lumpy and Itchy?
91
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:04,710
Couldn't they have
spent 15 more seconds
on the names?
92
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:05,611
I don't know!
93
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,513
And I don't know
why Art Carney
is a family friend
94
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,450
or why Jefferson Starship
is performing
for the Empire.
95
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,720
Starship's in their name.
That one actually
makes sense to me.
96
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:15,887
Let's never
speak of this again.
97
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,057
So, you didn't love it.
Who cares?
I care!
98
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,560
I love Star Wars.
It's my life!
99
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,363
It makes no sense
why I didn't
love this, too.
100
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,931
It happens to every kid.
101
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,899
The older you get,
the more you realize
102
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:31,003
that all the things
you loved as a boy
are pointless.
103
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,205
Are you saying
I'm, like...
104
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,274
Losing my sense
of childlike wonder?
105
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:38,343
Well, you're not
a child anymore,
so, yes.
106
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,911
And frankly,
it's about time.
107
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,346
It happened to me
when I was six.
108
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,216
(SOFTLY) Six?
My dad lost a bet.
We slept in a car.
109
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:46,785
It was a whole thing.
Hey, good talk.
110
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,088
ADULT ADAM:
As I lost faith in Chewie
and Han Solo,
111
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,591
my mom was trying to land
Erica's solo.
112
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,859
Hey, hey,
Suzie Cinoman.
113
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,595
How's the number-one
music and
interpretive-dance teacher
114
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,264
in Montgomery County?
What's gonna happen to me
right now?
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00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,699
Well, all that's
happening right now
116
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,302
is that this blondie
brought you some blondies.
117
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:05,604
I even sprinkled
some cinnamon on top.
118
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,105
It's us in dessert form.
119
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:11,109
That's very nice.
I'm just, um, gonna go ahead
and open this door
120
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,011
to make sure that people
know I'm okay.
Oh, come on.
121
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:16,481
Everything's just peachy.
Here. Have a bite of us.
122
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,216
Go on.
Put it in your face.
123
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,018
Yum, yum.
Mmm.
124
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:20,385
Mmm!
125
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,422
I guess
we are friends now.
Best friends.
126
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,791
And while you're
chewing on that,
chew on this.
127
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,093
You're gonna give
Erica a solo
or it's your ass.
128
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:31,263
I knew it!
These blondies aren't just
sprinkled with cinnamon,
129
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,098
they're sprinkled
with deceit.
Oh, give it up.
130
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,700
Erica has to sing
about Hanukkah.
131
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,668
It's what her grandpa
looks forward to all year.
132
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:40,172
I tried. She's just not
down with the dreidel.
End of story.
133
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:43,342
Well, there must be
one other fun
Hanukkah song.
134
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,510
Think.
There's this one.
135
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:50,349
(SINGING MA'OZ TZUR
IN HEBREW)
136
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,284
Okay, you just spit
all over me.
137
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:55,620
There is that one about
being frugal with oil.
I hate you right now.
138
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,089
Oh! I know! There's that
lively little one
139
00:05:57,091 --> 00:06:00,125
about trying to escape
the Greeks.
No! It's all no!
140
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,828
(SIGHS)
I guess I'll just
have to coax Erica
141
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,529
into writing her own
Hanukkah song,
142
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,331
and she'll knock
everyone's socks off.
143
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,432
I like your moxie,
but I'm pretty sure
144
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:11,603
that Hanukkah has been
around for a while, and no one
has cracked that nut yet.
145
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:13,472
I bit that top one.
146
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:16,875
ADULT ADAM: And so,
my mom went to give Erica
something to chew on.
147
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,177
Hey, boopie.
Whatcha doing?
148
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,645
Just noodling
on a new song.
149
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:21,646
Oh, yeah?
What's it about?
150
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,081
A boy who can't see
what's right
in front of him.
151
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,518
Well, I know a pretty cool
boy you could
write a song about.
152
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,653
Who?
Judah Maccabee.
153
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:29,521
Does he go to Lincoln?
154
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,656
No, he's been dead
for 2,000 years.
155
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:34,526
Ew!
And he's the hunky warrior
who saved Hanukkah!
156
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:37,729
He booted the Greeks
out of the temple
in Jerusalem.
157
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,165
He's the reason
for the season.
158
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,800
This is starting
to sound like school.
159
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,335
Come on.
This is for Pops.
160
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:45,203
You're so talented
at writing songs.
161
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,304
Share your gift
with the world!
162
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:50,475
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
If anyone in this family
is gifted at music-ing,
163
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,577
it's Big Tasty.
Okay,
if he's doing this,
164
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:53,845
then clearly
it's a dead-end road.
I'm out.
165
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:59,317
Kids, there's no need to fight
over who's gonna write
the perfect Hanukkah song.
166
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,486
Although Barry
does seem
to want it more.
167
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,688
Yes! Barry wins!
In your face!
168
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,357
You're just trying
to pit us against
each other
169
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:07,793
so I write you a song
out of spite.
It won't work.
170
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,495
(MOCKINGLY)
You're just trying to pit us
against each other
171
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,030
so meow, meow,
meow, meow.
172
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,065
Idiot, you're playing
into her plan.
173
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,667
Meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow.
174
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:16,802
(NORMAL VOICE)
You're a cat, basically.
175
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:20,605
"Meow, meow, meow, meow.
I'm Garfield.
I love lasagna!"
176
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,474
Ugh!
You're so stupid!
Fine!
177
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,876
I will write
a better song than you
with my eyes closed.
178
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,346
Oh, yeah?
Well, this will be the song
that puts me on the map.
179
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,048
I'm guaranteed
to make millions
off of it.
180
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,918
Millions? By writing
a Hanukkah song?
Think about it.
181
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,188
What's the greatest
cash cow of our time?
Give up?
182
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,389
It's Happy Birthday.
Wait.
183
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,426
Dude, no one
owns that song.
184
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:45,163
Wrong.
Two little old ladies
wrote it 100 years ago.
185
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,600
Now every time
it's sung on TV
or movies,
186
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,937
they get $50,000.
187
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,207
Boom!
That's another $50,000.
188
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:59,244
Well, now I'm gonna be
the birthday guy
for Hanukkah.
189
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:02,147
Ka-ching!
In your stupid face.
190
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:02,481
In yours!
191
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,283
I'm gonna write the best
damn Hanukkah song
this world's ever seen,
192
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,786
because you suck
and you make me very bad.
193
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:11,756
Yay!
The Hanukkah spirit
is alive!
194
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,063
Hey, kiddo.
What's shaking?
195
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,198
What's shaking
is Ghostbusters II.
196
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,833
It's riddled
with logic problems.
197
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,837
Since when can you use
magic slime and a
Nintendo controller
198
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,906
to make the
Statue of Liberty walk?
199
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,108
Since the ghost fellas
can do anything.
200
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,443
Why are you being
so hard on them?
201
00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,111
After I watched
that Star Wars special,
202
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,647
I've been re-evaluating
all the things
I loved as a child.
203
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:39,351
Don't do that.
All the movies I worship
have come into question.
204
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,219
Don't do that.
Short Circuit 2,
205
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:46,024
Time Bandits, and don't
even get me started on
Jaws 4: The Revenge.
206
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,993
Now, stop right there.
207
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,428
I know you love
that movie.
Until now!
208
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,998
Why would a shark swim
from New England
to The Bahamas
209
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,401
to eat a lady
whose husband
killed his shark friend?
210
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,869
Sharks have feelings,
too.
211
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,771
"This time,
it's personal."
212
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:00,772
How's that possible?
213
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,108
It's a fish!
Fish don't hold grudges.
214
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,110
Oh, so now
you're a shark expert.
215
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,346
All these years,
I was a child
who blindly loved
216
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:12,617
anything put
in front of him,
but now I'm a man.
217
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:13,585
And it's all gotta go.
218
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:16,054
ADULT ADAM: And, so,
I'd throw away
my childhood forever,
219
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,057
which would be
harder than I thought.
Oh!
220
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,927
Yep.
This was gonna
take a while.
221
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:22,360
Damn it!
222
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:25,931
I'm going downstairs
and finding a trash can
for men.
223
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,869
ADULT ADAM:
As the holiday concert
got closer,
224
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,204
my mom had a perfect plan
to land Erica a solo.
225
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:37,609
So, I know I told you
we'd be working on
a new Hanukkah song,
226
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:40,111
but we actually
don't have one.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
227
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:40,879
We have two.
228
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:43,682
Erica,
delight our ears.
Okay.
229
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,450
Well, I don't want
to build it up too much,
230
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:49,588
but prepare yourselves
for the greatest Hanukkah song
ever written.
231
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,516
Yeah, that's
the birthday song.
232
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,284
Not fair, cheater.
233
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:22,687
I can't use that song.
I will have to pay
those old ladies
234
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,389
hundreds of thousands
of dollars,
235
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,757
and I've already spent
our entire budget
236
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,325
on construction paper
for the snowflakes.
237
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,160
How could you
let this happen, Erica?
238
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,030
All you had to do
was write
a timeless classic
239
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,632
that would last for ages.
240
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,866
I got you covered, Mom.
241
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,735
JTP, drop the beat.
242
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,503
(BOTH BEATBOXING)
243
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,081
Wow.
What?
244
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,650
Education, y'all!
245
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,818
While I really do
appreciate the effort
246
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,021
even though, uh,
one song was plagiarized
247
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,690
and the other one
was factually insane...
248
00:10:58,692 --> 00:10:59,457
You are insane.
249
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:02,861
I added dinosaurs
to a holiday about lamps.
250
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:03,728
It's called
spicing it up.
251
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,497
Look, the "Dreidel" song
was our only option
252
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,099
and, truthfully, none of this
was worth the hassle.
253
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,634
You can't do this to me!
254
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:10,735
To Pops.
This is about him.
255
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,505
Not my problem.
The "Dreidel" song is cut.
256
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:14,606
But I have more sick rhymes
257
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:17,909
about a dreideldactyl
and menorahsaurus.
258
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,277
They're dino-Hanukkah hybrids
259
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,112
who break-dance
and fight crime.
260
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:21,546
Oh, ho!
261
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,785
And I'm also late,
aren't I?
262
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:29,287
Hey.
263
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,022
I got something big
to show Adam.
264
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,323
Where is he?
Upstairs.
265
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,225
He said he was gonna
tear down his movie posters
266
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,227
now that his whole world
has gone to crap.
267
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,162
Blah, blah, blah.
268
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,630
I was making a sandwich.
What?
269
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,498
Why didn't you stop him?
Stop him?
270
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,200
I told him
this was about time.
271
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,101
This happens to everybody.
272
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,869
It just took him
a few years longer.
273
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,772
Having unreasonable,
childlike wonder
274
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,140
is what makes Adam Adam.
275
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,709
It's what
I love about the boy.
276
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,610
I guess from now on,
Adam isn't Adam.
277
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,913
We'll call him Gary.
Who the hell's Gary?
278
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:55,914
Gary's the kid
in Adam's class
279
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:59,084
who's really good at baseball
and rides the moped.
280
00:11:59,086 --> 00:11:59,984
Ah, Gary.
281
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:03,188
So normal.
So good at shortstop.
282
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:03,788
I'm gonna show Adam
283
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:06,458
that there's still plenty
of wonder left in this world,
284
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,028
and you'll have to get off
your tuchas to stop me.
285
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:14,332
Eh. Well played,
old man.
Well played.
286
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,134
Kiddo,
you're coming with me.
287
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,604
I got something fantastic
you're guaranteed to love.
288
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,240
I'm good.
Well, imagine
if they made a movie
289
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,375
with your favorite
moving-picture maker,
290
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,811
George Lucas.
The Great Bearded One?
291
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:28,346
And what if Mr. Lucas
then cast
292
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,150
that foxy Lea Thompson
from Back in the Future?
293
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:32,884
I'm slightly listening.
294
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:35,587
And what if I told you
this very movie
295
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:38,623
was from the writer
of Indiana Jones?
296
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:39,524
I'm an adult now.
297
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,860
I know
it's simply not possible.
298
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,061
And yet it is,
299
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,830
and it's playing
at the Hiway Theater.
300
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:50,001
If this movie can't restore
your faith in dreaming,
301
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:50,468
then nothing will.
302
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:53,505
ADULT ADAM: As always,
Pops was a man of his word.
303
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,339
Hi. Uh, three tickets
304
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,707
for the movie
about the talking duck.
305
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:58,443
Except he took me to
the biggest flop of the '80s.
306
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:02,447
You know, I only see
one movie a year.
This better be good.
307
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,648
It's George Lucas!
308
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,550
I bet everyone in school's
gonna see it.
309
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:08,253
Well, except the other
Adam Goldberg in 11th grade.
310
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,255
He only goes to
that cinema downtown
311
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,456
that serves wine.
312
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,191
It's been brought
to my attention
313
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,425
that the
"Dreidel Cubed" song
314
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:15,960
has been cut
from the holiday concert.
315
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,129
Honestly,
it's for the best.
It's not.
316
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,063
We got to do
the "Dreidel."
317
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,732
She's gotten to you,
hasn't she?
She who?
318
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,101
She is standing
right outside that door,
319
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,502
isn't she?
Yes.
320
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,938
So, here's the thing,
Cinnabuns,
321
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,641
this Quaker school
was founded on the basis
322
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,710
that everyone deserves
a festive holiday song.
323
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,145
You can't have
a holiday concert
324
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,713
without
any Cha-nukkah songs.
325
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,482
Just pick another one.
Sure, Earl.
326
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,850
Uh, how about one of
the famous ones
327
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,717
recorded by,
oh, I don't know,
328
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,953
Barry Manilow
or Neil Diamond?
Perfect.
329
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,087
They only did
Christmas songs.
330
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,689
Even they knew
what the audience wanted.
331
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,925
Well, look, if you don't do
any Cha-nukkah songs,
332
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,194
then you can't do
any Christmas songs, either.
333
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,628
Okay, this is
going off the rails.
334
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:51,896
If we can't mention
the holidays,
335
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:54,065
what are the kids
supposed to sing about?
336
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,667
Oh, I don't know.
337
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:56,901
The weather? Mittens?
338
00:13:56,903 --> 00:14:00,438
The damn plow guy
that always
skips your street?
339
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,206
I'm paying you!
340
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,107
You think of something,
damn it!
341
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,143
Well, you've robbed
the children
of the holidays.
342
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,611
I hope you're happy.
343
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:08,146
In my defense,
344
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,081
I was only trying
to undermine you.
345
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,916
ADULT ADAM: As my mom killed
the holiday concert,
346
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,252
I was bringing my
childlike wonder back to life
347
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,955
with a brand-new
legendary movie.
348
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,022
Or so I thought.
349
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:21,059
Like they say, doll,
love's strange.
350
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:25,230
We could always
give it a try.
LEA THOMPSON: Okay.
351
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:27,599
Let's go for it,
Mr. Macho.
352
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:28,933
What am I watching!
353
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,102
Come on.
The duck is like E.T.
354
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:31,769
He just wants to go home.
355
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:35,406
Then how come
he's spending so much time
managing that band?
356
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,242
Al, the duck's gonna
make it with that lady.
357
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:40,144
What have
you brought us to?
A family film.
358
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,913
It's a family film.
359
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:42,981
I can't watch this anymore.
360
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,450
Well, then let's go.
Really?
We can do that?
361
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,517
It's about time you learned
362
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,586
that an adult
can walk out of anything
363
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,555
and demand
his damn money back.
364
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,656
I do it once a year.
365
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,291
Let's go.
Adam, no!
366
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,226
It's not that bad.
367
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,161
A lady and a duck in bed?
368
00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:01,299
Who the (BLEEP) thought
this was a good idea?
369
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,469
ADULT ADAM:
It was the final rehearsal
370
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,870
for the big non-holiday
holiday concert.
371
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:06,838
(TO TUNE OF WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS)
372
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:26,891
(TO TUNE OF
HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS)
373
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,865
Okay, what the hell's
going on?
374
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:36,301
Why are we singing
terrible songs
about the weather
375
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,502
and someone's
weird Uncle Doug?
376
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,871
Doug is my uncle
and he lives in Ohio
377
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:40,772
and he helps me pay my rent.
378
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:43,975
And without naming names,
we are singing
about the weather
379
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,343
because of Beverly Goldberg.
380
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,144
Oops. I let it slip.
381
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,313
Wait. This is
your hot mom's fault?
382
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,548
(ALL BOOING)
383
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,115
Um, Miss Cinoman,
384
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,251
can you not just sit there
and let them boo at us?
385
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,553
Yeah, I'm only used to
wild cheering and hearing,
386
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,556
"Aw, yeah, Barry!
You the man!"
387
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:01,326
(ALL BOOING)
388
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:02,794
Mom!
389
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:03,594
Hey-ey.
390
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,397
You stole Christmas,
and now the whole school
blames us.
391
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,667
It was the worst day ever.
People booed me.
392
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:10,168
Me!
393
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,403
Thank God I'm getting
a surprise award show,
394
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,972
otherwise
I'd be devastated.
395
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,673
Honey, there's not
gonna be a...
396
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,109
Don't. Just don't.
397
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,878
Look, Erica, I'm sorry.
398
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,147
I did not mean
to ruin the concert.
399
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:23,681
Well, you did.
400
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,818
I'm sorry, Pops,
but I'm not singing your song
this year.
401
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:27,485
What are you
talking about?
402
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,355
Don't do this, Erica.
Do not upset
this lovely old man.
403
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,291
Ba-bap. I'm talking about
the "Dreidel" song, Pops.
404
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:33,758
It's not happening.
405
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,528
Okay, I'm dealing
with an Adam crisis here,
so is this necessary?
406
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,864
The sweet man's busy.
Leave him be.
407
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:40,498
Ba-da-bup!
408
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,899
Mom made me sing that song
for you
409
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,634
ever since
I was in the third grade.
410
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,603
Oh, I see
what's going on.
411
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,506
Your mother's lied to you
for a decade.
412
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,208
Have fun with that.
413
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,010
You're unbelievable.
414
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,479
Okay, okay.
Here's the thing.
415
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,182
I might have
slightly used Pops
416
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,018
to guilt you
into singing for me.
417
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,386
Well, did it ever
occur to you
418
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,121
to just ask me
like a normal person?
419
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,057
Please!
I gave up on that years ago.
420
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:09,293
Look, when you were
a little girl,
421
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,729
every day,
you used to dress up
422
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,431
and put on shows for me.
423
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,666
(SIGHS) It was everything.
424
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,002
I remember that.
425
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,871
Well, those days
are gone.
426
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:25,043
Now it's a "no"
anytime I ask anything of you.
427
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,011
So, I tricked you.
428
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,781
I just love hearing
my little girl sing.
429
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:33,151
I actually
understand your point.
430
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:33,818
Good.
431
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,320
'Cause I'm done
trying to trick you.
432
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:39,357
If you don't want to sing,
you don't have to.
433
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,160
I know I don't have to,
434
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:45,463
but now
that you finally asked,
435
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:46,464
I kind of want to.
436
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,699
ADULT ADAM: That night,
my sister gave my mom
437
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,835
the Hanukkah gift
she'd always wanted.
438
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,137
The joy of hearing
her little girl sing.
439
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,204
ADULT ADAM:
And, as it turned out,
440
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,939
Pops had a gift for me, too
441
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,074
Thought you might
want this back.
442
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:33,244
Holiday Special?
Did you actually watch it?
443
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,278
Yep, and guess what?
444
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,014
I think you missed something
pretty big.
445
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,683
This guy. Know him?
446
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,151
Of course. Boba Fett.
447
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,018
He's my favorite character.
448
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:44,155
Got to admit,
he was pretty cool in this.
449
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:46,190
Wait a second.
450
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:48,960
This was made way before
Empire Strikes Back,
451
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,061
so if you think about it,
452
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,563
the Holiday Special
gave us the Fett.
453
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,665
All I know is
with the right point of view,
454
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:58,603
this special really is...
pretty damn special.
455
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,672
Pops.
456
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,409
Um...
457
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,513
I don't get it.
458
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:11,382
How do you manage to always
see the good in everything?
459
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:14,685
It's easy if you never
lose your childlike wonder.
460
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,455
It doesn't matter
how old you are.
461
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:20,358
People like us
always have it.
462
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,459
Really?
463
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,593
Really.
464
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:25,329
I need you to promise me
one thing.
465
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:30,101
Always hold on to that wonder,
no matter what.
466
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,503
I will, Pops.
467
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,071
I love you.
468
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,039
I know.
469
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:38,776
ADULT ADAM: And with that,
Pops reminded me
470
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,845
that if you truly
love something,
471
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,247
you never grow out of it.
472
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,750
That's the thing
about the holidays.
473
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,185
Even the biggest Scrooge
474
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:51,088
might be moved
by a sense of wonder.
475
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,925
You...replaced
my favorite posters.
476
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,560
I guess
it's a holiday miracle.
477
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,329
ADULT ADAM:
Once I saw the good
in the Star Wars special,
478
00:19:58,331 --> 00:19:59,964
I began to see the good
in everything.
479
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,166
And so I went back
to finish Howard the Duck.
480
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,702
Turns out he became
a legendary cult badass.
481
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,971
Aren't you glad we came back
and saw the end?
482
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,640
Oh, yeah.
I wish I was
half as cool as Howard.
483
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,910
He does have a way
with the ladies.
484
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:13,511
(BOTH LAUGH)
485
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:18,816
(LAUGHS) That's my baby.
486
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:30,228
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
487
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,296
I had to lie
to make this happen,
488
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:34,298
but it was totally worth it.