1 00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:02,334 ADULT ADAM: When you were a kid, cracking open a toy catalog 2 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:06,538 and making your holiday wish list was the most exciting part of the year. 3 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,973 But now that I was a ninth-grade man, 4 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:11,243 I wanted something you couldn't find in any store. 5 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,946 Psst! Yo! Goldnerd, Come here. 6 00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:16,882 You got the money, I got the hook-up. Let me see it first. 7 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:17,850 ADULT ADAM: Christmas came early. 8 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:21,020 He had a bootleg copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special. 9 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,355 Holy Kenobi! The legend is true! 10 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,224 This is the rarest film in existence. 11 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,525 Only aired once in the lame-ass '70s. 12 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,728 Give me, give me, give me! Pleasure doing business. Enjoy your space wars. 13 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:34,800 Stop what you're doing. I have the biggest holiday news of all time. 14 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,001 If I were to stop what I'm doing, 15 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,569 it'd be more than what I'm actually doing. Okay. 16 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:42,941 So, as everyone knows, Star Wars is my entire life, soul, and universe. 17 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:43,876 (SNORES) 18 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:44,843 (CLAPS) No dozing! 19 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,245 Well, then be less boring. Boring? 20 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:50,115 This is two hours' worth of unseen Star Wars goodness. 21 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:51,917 Star Wars. Is that the one with the bear? 22 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,386 I mean, I even heard rumor we meet Chewie's family. 23 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,456 Chuy? The guy who works in my stock room? No, Chewbacca. 24 00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,092 Is he the little guy who yells, "The plane, the plane"? 25 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,928 No, the Wookiee? Han Solo's fuzz ball? 26 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,063 (IMITATES CHEWBACCA) 27 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,066 (SNORING) No dozing! 28 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,250 ADULT ADAM: It was December 14th, 1980-something, 29 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,754 and that meant one thing, the school holiday concert. 30 00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:39,231 ADULT ADAM: Yep. We did all the fun Christmas classics. 31 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,632 We also did one half-assed tune 32 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,900 to give a shout-out to the other holiday. 33 00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,077 (PIANO CONTINUES) (SNAPS) 34 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,913 You need something? Yeah, it's the second verse. That's you. 35 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,549 That's a pass. But it's the Hanukkah solo. You do it every year. 36 00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:01,653 I think the other, way better Goldberg should do the solo. 37 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,154 Check it. 38 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,326 I can't make it cool. It's impossible. 39 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,527 Thank you for that journey. 40 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,997 Erica, if you didn't want the solo, then why did you sign up for it? 41 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,666 I didn't. (CHUCKLES) Oh, yes, you did. 42 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,501 With a glitter pen. 43 00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,301 ERICA: That's not my handwriting. 44 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,438 'Cause I would never dot the "I" in "Erica" with a heart. 45 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,740 Oh, she is so dead! 46 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:22,608 You. Love me? 47 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:25,377 Oh, my little schmoopaloo. Don't you "schmoopaloo" me. 48 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,247 What gives you the right to forge my name on a sign-up sheet? 49 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,448 It was on the bulletin board. 50 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,451 All the solos were taken except for "Dreidel Cubed." 51 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:35,254 That's what the hip cats call it. No one calls it that. 52 00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,890 The song isn't hip, and I'm tired of singing it every year. 53 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:42,161 Fine, then you go in and tell your grandfather and break his sweet heart. 54 00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:43,262 He lives for that Hanukkah solo. 55 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,831 If you don't sing it, you'll literally kill that poor, old man. 56 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:49,768 I knew you'd say that. Way to kill your grandfather and Hanukkah, Erica. 57 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:53,639 This is just your classic mom guilt. It won't work. 58 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,073 Pops, we need to talk. 59 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,708 Of course, darling. 60 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,344 How can I make your life better? 61 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,381 Damn you. He's so adorable. 62 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,482 So, you'll sing it. Nope. 63 00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,550 And if you have a problem with that, 64 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:08,120 then you can just ask Barry to do it. Barry? Please. 65 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,555 Just heard my name. 66 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,690 What am I not supposed to be hearing? 67 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,926 Surprise party? Award show? 68 00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,494 Surprise award show party? 69 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,764 Honey, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? 70 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,831 Damn it. That logic checks out. 71 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,368 Well, I'm gonna go find my tuxedo T-shirt for no reason 72 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,637 and be back around 6:00, wink, wink. 73 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,272 Looks like my solo's the least of your problems 74 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:31,610 now that you have to throw a surprise award show party in 45 minutes. 75 00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,045 ADULT ADAM: As Erica ditched her solo, 76 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:36,648 I uncovered the mystery to the Star Wars Holiday Special. 77 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,116 It wasn't great. 78 00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,318 Wow. 79 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,119 That was so...cool. 80 00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,854 Were we watching two different things? 81 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,156 You don't know Star Wars. 82 00:03:44,158 --> 00:03:46,425 This special is really for the true fan. 83 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,192 So, the true fan 84 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:50,996 wants to watch Dorothy from The Golden Girls flirt with an alien? 85 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,765 (STUTTERS) Okay, I admit it was an odd choice 86 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,401 to have Bea Arthur manage the cantina. 87 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,102 Let's just move on. 88 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,503 And what's the deal with Lumpy and Itchy? 89 00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,973 Chewie's family had to be named something. 90 00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:01,506 Lumpy and Itchy? 91 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:04,710 Couldn't they have spent 15 more seconds on the names? 92 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:05,611 I don't know! 93 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,513 And I don't know why Art Carney is a family friend 94 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,450 or why Jefferson Starship is performing for the Empire. 95 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,720 Starship's in their name. That one actually makes sense to me. 96 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:15,887 Let's never speak of this again. 97 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,057 So, you didn't love it. Who cares? I care! 98 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,560 I love Star Wars. It's my life! 99 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,363 It makes no sense why I didn't love this, too. 100 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,931 It happens to every kid. 101 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,899 The older you get, the more you realize 102 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:31,003 that all the things you loved as a boy are pointless. 103 00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,205 Are you saying I'm, like... 104 00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,274 Losing my sense of childlike wonder? 105 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:38,343 Well, you're not a child anymore, so, yes. 106 00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,911 And frankly, it's about time. 107 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,346 It happened to me when I was six. 108 00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,216 (SOFTLY) Six? My dad lost a bet. We slept in a car. 109 00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:46,785 It was a whole thing. Hey, good talk. 110 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,088 ADULT ADAM: As I lost faith in Chewie and Han Solo, 111 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,591 my mom was trying to land Erica's solo. 112 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,859 Hey, hey, Suzie Cinoman. 113 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,595 How's the number-one music and interpretive-dance teacher 114 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,264 in Montgomery County? What's gonna happen to me right now? 115 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,699 Well, all that's happening right now 116 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,302 is that this blondie brought you some blondies. 117 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:05,604 I even sprinkled some cinnamon on top. 118 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,105 It's us in dessert form. 119 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:11,109 That's very nice. I'm just, um, gonna go ahead and open this door 120 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,011 to make sure that people know I'm okay. Oh, come on. 121 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:16,481 Everything's just peachy. Here. Have a bite of us. 122 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,216 Go on. Put it in your face. 123 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,018 Yum, yum. Mmm. 124 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:20,385 Mmm! 125 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,422 I guess we are friends now. Best friends. 126 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,791 And while you're chewing on that, chew on this. 127 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,093 You're gonna give Erica a solo or it's your ass. 128 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:31,263 I knew it! These blondies aren't just sprinkled with cinnamon, 129 00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,098 they're sprinkled with deceit. Oh, give it up. 130 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,700 Erica has to sing about Hanukkah. 131 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,668 It's what her grandpa looks forward to all year. 132 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:40,172 I tried. She's just not down with the dreidel. End of story. 133 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:43,342 Well, there must be one other fun Hanukkah song. 134 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,510 Think. There's this one. 135 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:50,349 (SINGING MA'OZ TZUR IN HEBREW) 136 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,284 Okay, you just spit all over me. 137 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:55,620 There is that one about being frugal with oil. I hate you right now. 138 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,089 Oh! I know! There's that lively little one 139 00:05:57,091 --> 00:06:00,125 about trying to escape the Greeks. No! It's all no! 140 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,828 (SIGHS) I guess I'll just have to coax Erica 141 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,529 into writing her own Hanukkah song, 142 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,331 and she'll knock everyone's socks off. 143 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,432 I like your moxie, but I'm pretty sure 144 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:11,603 that Hanukkah has been around for a while, and no one has cracked that nut yet. 145 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:13,472 I bit that top one. 146 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:16,875 ADULT ADAM: And so, my mom went to give Erica something to chew on. 147 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,177 Hey, boopie. Whatcha doing? 148 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,645 Just noodling on a new song. 149 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:21,646 Oh, yeah? What's it about? 150 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,081 A boy who can't see what's right in front of him. 151 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,518 Well, I know a pretty cool boy you could write a song about. 152 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,653 Who? Judah Maccabee. 153 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:29,521 Does he go to Lincoln? 154 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,656 No, he's been dead for 2,000 years. 155 00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:34,526 Ew! And he's the hunky warrior who saved Hanukkah! 156 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:37,729 He booted the Greeks out of the temple in Jerusalem. 157 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,165 He's the reason for the season. 158 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,800 This is starting to sound like school. 159 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,335 Come on. This is for Pops. 160 00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:45,203 You're so talented at writing songs. 161 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,304 Share your gift with the world! 162 00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:50,475 Whoa, whoa, whoa! If anyone in this family is gifted at music-ing, 163 00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,577 it's Big Tasty. Okay, if he's doing this, 164 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:53,845 then clearly it's a dead-end road. I'm out. 165 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:59,317 Kids, there's no need to fight over who's gonna write the perfect Hanukkah song. 166 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,486 Although Barry does seem to want it more. 167 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,688 Yes! Barry wins! In your face! 168 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,357 You're just trying to pit us against each other 169 00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:07,793 so I write you a song out of spite. It won't work. 170 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,495 (MOCKINGLY) You're just trying to pit us against each other 171 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,030 so meow, meow, meow, meow. 172 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,065 Idiot, you're playing into her plan. 173 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,667 Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. 174 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:16,802 (NORMAL VOICE) You're a cat, basically. 175 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:20,605 "Meow, meow, meow, meow. I'm Garfield. I love lasagna!" 176 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,474 Ugh! You're so stupid! Fine! 177 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,876 I will write a better song than you with my eyes closed. 178 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,346 Oh, yeah? Well, this will be the song that puts me on the map. 179 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,048 I'm guaranteed to make millions off of it. 180 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,918 Millions? By writing a Hanukkah song? Think about it. 181 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,188 What's the greatest cash cow of our time? Give up? 182 00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,389 It's Happy Birthday. Wait. 183 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,426 Dude, no one owns that song. 184 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:45,163 Wrong. Two little old ladies wrote it 100 years ago. 185 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,600 Now every time it's sung on TV or movies, 186 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,937 they get $50,000. 187 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,207 Boom! That's another $50,000. 188 00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:59,244 Well, now I'm gonna be the birthday guy for Hanukkah. 189 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:02,147 Ka-ching! In your stupid face. 190 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:02,481 In yours! 191 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,283 I'm gonna write the best damn Hanukkah song this world's ever seen, 192 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,786 because you suck and you make me very bad. 193 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:11,756 Yay! The Hanukkah spirit is alive! 194 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,063 Hey, kiddo. What's shaking? 195 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,198 What's shaking is Ghostbusters II. 196 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,833 It's riddled with logic problems. 197 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,837 Since when can you use magic slime and a Nintendo controller 198 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,906 to make the Statue of Liberty walk? 199 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,108 Since the ghost fellas can do anything. 200 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,443 Why are you being so hard on them? 201 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,111 After I watched that Star Wars special, 202 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,647 I've been re-evaluating all the things I loved as a child. 203 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:39,351 Don't do that. All the movies I worship have come into question. 204 00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,219 Don't do that. Short Circuit 2, 205 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:46,024 Time Bandits, and don't even get me started on Jaws 4: The Revenge. 206 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,993 Now, stop right there. 207 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,428 I know you love that movie. Until now! 208 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,998 Why would a shark swim from New England to The Bahamas 209 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,401 to eat a lady whose husband killed his shark friend? 210 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,869 Sharks have feelings, too. 211 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,771 "This time, it's personal." 212 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:00,772 How's that possible? 213 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,108 It's a fish! Fish don't hold grudges. 214 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,110 Oh, so now you're a shark expert. 215 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,346 All these years, I was a child who blindly loved 216 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:12,617 anything put in front of him, but now I'm a man. 217 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:13,585 And it's all gotta go. 218 00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:16,054 ADULT ADAM: And, so, I'd throw away my childhood forever, 219 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,057 which would be harder than I thought. Oh! 220 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,927 Yep. This was gonna take a while. 221 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:22,360 Damn it! 222 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:25,931 I'm going downstairs and finding a trash can for men. 223 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,869 ADULT ADAM: As the holiday concert got closer, 224 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,204 my mom had a perfect plan to land Erica a solo. 225 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:37,609 So, I know I told you we'd be working on a new Hanukkah song, 226 00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:40,111 but we actually don't have one. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 227 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:40,879 We have two. 228 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:43,682 Erica, delight our ears. Okay. 229 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,450 Well, I don't want to build it up too much, 230 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:49,588 but prepare yourselves for the greatest Hanukkah song ever written. 231 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,516 Yeah, that's the birthday song. 232 00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,284 Not fair, cheater. 233 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:22,687 I can't use that song. I will have to pay those old ladies 234 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,389 hundreds of thousands of dollars, 235 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,757 and I've already spent our entire budget 236 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,325 on construction paper for the snowflakes. 237 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,160 How could you let this happen, Erica? 238 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,030 All you had to do was write a timeless classic 239 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,632 that would last for ages. 240 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,866 I got you covered, Mom. 241 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,735 JTP, drop the beat. 242 00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,503 (BOTH BEATBOXING) 243 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,081 Wow. What? 244 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,650 Education, y'all! 245 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,818 While I really do appreciate the effort 246 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,021 even though, uh, one song was plagiarized 247 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,690 and the other one was factually insane... 248 00:10:58,692 --> 00:10:59,457 You are insane. 249 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:02,861 I added dinosaurs to a holiday about lamps. 250 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:03,728 It's called spicing it up. 251 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,497 Look, the "Dreidel" song was our only option 252 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,099 and, truthfully, none of this was worth the hassle. 253 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,634 You can't do this to me! 254 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:10,735 To Pops. This is about him. 255 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,505 Not my problem. The "Dreidel" song is cut. 256 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:14,606 But I have more sick rhymes 257 00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:17,909 about a dreideldactyl and menorahsaurus. 258 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,277 They're dino-Hanukkah hybrids 259 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,112 who break-dance and fight crime. 260 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:21,546 Oh, ho! 261 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,785 And I'm also late, aren't I? 262 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:29,287 Hey. 263 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,022 I got something big to show Adam. 264 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,323 Where is he? Upstairs. 265 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,225 He said he was gonna tear down his movie posters 266 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,227 now that his whole world has gone to crap. 267 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,162 Blah, blah, blah. 268 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,630 I was making a sandwich. What? 269 00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,498 Why didn't you stop him? Stop him? 270 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,200 I told him this was about time. 271 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,101 This happens to everybody. 272 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,869 It just took him a few years longer. 273 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,772 Having unreasonable, childlike wonder 274 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,140 is what makes Adam Adam. 275 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,709 It's what I love about the boy. 276 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,610 I guess from now on, Adam isn't Adam. 277 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,913 We'll call him Gary. Who the hell's Gary? 278 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:55,914 Gary's the kid in Adam's class 279 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:59,084 who's really good at baseball and rides the moped. 280 00:11:59,086 --> 00:11:59,984 Ah, Gary. 281 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:03,188 So normal. So good at shortstop. 282 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:03,788 I'm gonna show Adam 283 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:06,458 that there's still plenty of wonder left in this world, 284 00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,028 and you'll have to get off your tuchas to stop me. 285 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:14,332 Eh. Well played, old man. Well played. 286 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,134 Kiddo, you're coming with me. 287 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,604 I got something fantastic you're guaranteed to love. 288 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,240 I'm good. Well, imagine if they made a movie 289 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,375 with your favorite moving-picture maker, 290 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,811 George Lucas. The Great Bearded One? 291 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:28,346 And what if Mr. Lucas then cast 292 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,150 that foxy Lea Thompson from Back in the Future? 293 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:32,884 I'm slightly listening. 294 00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:35,587 And what if I told you this very movie 295 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:38,623 was from the writer of Indiana Jones? 296 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:39,524 I'm an adult now. 297 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,860 I know it's simply not possible. 298 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,061 And yet it is, 299 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,830 and it's playing at the Hiway Theater. 300 00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:50,001 If this movie can't restore your faith in dreaming, 301 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:50,468 then nothing will. 302 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:53,505 ADULT ADAM: As always, Pops was a man of his word. 303 00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,339 Hi. Uh, three tickets 304 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,707 for the movie about the talking duck. 305 00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:58,443 Except he took me to the biggest flop of the '80s. 306 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:02,447 You know, I only see one movie a year. This better be good. 307 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,648 It's George Lucas! 308 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,550 I bet everyone in school's gonna see it. 309 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:08,253 Well, except the other Adam Goldberg in 11th grade. 310 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,255 He only goes to that cinema downtown 311 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,456 that serves wine. 312 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,191 It's been brought to my attention 313 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,425 that the "Dreidel Cubed" song 314 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:15,960 has been cut from the holiday concert. 315 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,129 Honestly, it's for the best. It's not. 316 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,063 We got to do the "Dreidel." 317 00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,732 She's gotten to you, hasn't she? She who? 318 00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,101 She is standing right outside that door, 319 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,502 isn't she? Yes. 320 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,938 So, here's the thing, Cinnabuns, 321 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,641 this Quaker school was founded on the basis 322 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,710 that everyone deserves a festive holiday song. 323 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,145 You can't have a holiday concert 324 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,713 without any Cha-nukkah songs. 325 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,482 Just pick another one. Sure, Earl. 326 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,850 Uh, how about one of the famous ones 327 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,717 recorded by, oh, I don't know, 328 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,953 Barry Manilow or Neil Diamond? Perfect. 329 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,087 They only did Christmas songs. 330 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,689 Even they knew what the audience wanted. 331 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,925 Well, look, if you don't do any Cha-nukkah songs, 332 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,194 then you can't do any Christmas songs, either. 333 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,628 Okay, this is going off the rails. 334 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:51,896 If we can't mention the holidays, 335 00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:54,065 what are the kids supposed to sing about? 336 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,667 Oh, I don't know. 337 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:56,901 The weather? Mittens? 338 00:13:56,903 --> 00:14:00,438 The damn plow guy that always skips your street? 339 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,206 I'm paying you! 340 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,107 You think of something, damn it! 341 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,143 Well, you've robbed the children of the holidays. 342 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,611 I hope you're happy. 343 00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:08,146 In my defense, 344 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,081 I was only trying to undermine you. 345 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,916 ADULT ADAM: As my mom killed the holiday concert, 346 00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,252 I was bringing my childlike wonder back to life 347 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,955 with a brand-new legendary movie. 348 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,022 Or so I thought. 349 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:21,059 Like they say, doll, love's strange. 350 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:25,230 We could always give it a try. LEA THOMPSON: Okay. 351 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:27,599 Let's go for it, Mr. Macho. 352 00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:28,933 What am I watching! 353 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,102 Come on. The duck is like E.T. 354 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:31,769 He just wants to go home. 355 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:35,406 Then how come he's spending so much time managing that band? 356 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,242 Al, the duck's gonna make it with that lady. 357 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:40,144 What have you brought us to? A family film. 358 00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,913 It's a family film. 359 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:42,981 I can't watch this anymore. 360 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,450 Well, then let's go. Really? We can do that? 361 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,517 It's about time you learned 362 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,586 that an adult can walk out of anything 363 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,555 and demand his damn money back. 364 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,656 I do it once a year. 365 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,291 Let's go. Adam, no! 366 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,226 It's not that bad. 367 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,161 A lady and a duck in bed? 368 00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:01,299 Who the (BLEEP) thought this was a good idea? 369 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,469 ADULT ADAM: It was the final rehearsal 370 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,870 for the big non-holiday holiday concert. 371 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:06,838 (TO TUNE OF WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS) 372 00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:26,891 (TO TUNE OF HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS) 373 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,865 Okay, what the hell's going on? 374 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:36,301 Why are we singing terrible songs about the weather 375 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,502 and someone's weird Uncle Doug? 376 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,871 Doug is my uncle and he lives in Ohio 377 00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:40,772 and he helps me pay my rent. 378 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:43,975 And without naming names, we are singing about the weather 379 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,343 because of Beverly Goldberg. 380 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,144 Oops. I let it slip. 381 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,313 Wait. This is your hot mom's fault? 382 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,548 (ALL BOOING) 383 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,115 Um, Miss Cinoman, 384 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,251 can you not just sit there and let them boo at us? 385 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,553 Yeah, I'm only used to wild cheering and hearing, 386 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,556 "Aw, yeah, Barry! You the man!" 387 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:01,326 (ALL BOOING) 388 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:02,794 Mom! 389 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:03,594 Hey-ey. 390 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,397 You stole Christmas, and now the whole school blames us. 391 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,667 It was the worst day ever. People booed me. 392 00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:10,168 Me! 393 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,403 Thank God I'm getting a surprise award show, 394 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,972 otherwise I'd be devastated. 395 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,673 Honey, there's not gonna be a... 396 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,109 Don't. Just don't. 397 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,878 Look, Erica, I'm sorry. 398 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,147 I did not mean to ruin the concert. 399 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:23,681 Well, you did. 400 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,818 I'm sorry, Pops, but I'm not singing your song this year. 401 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:27,485 What are you talking about? 402 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,355 Don't do this, Erica. Do not upset this lovely old man. 403 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,291 Ba-bap. I'm talking about the "Dreidel" song, Pops. 404 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:33,758 It's not happening. 405 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,528 Okay, I'm dealing with an Adam crisis here, so is this necessary? 406 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,864 The sweet man's busy. Leave him be. 407 00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:40,498 Ba-da-bup! 408 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,899 Mom made me sing that song for you 409 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,634 ever since I was in the third grade. 410 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,603 Oh, I see what's going on. 411 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,506 Your mother's lied to you for a decade. 412 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,208 Have fun with that. 413 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,010 You're unbelievable. 414 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,479 Okay, okay. Here's the thing. 415 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,182 I might have slightly used Pops 416 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,018 to guilt you into singing for me. 417 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,386 Well, did it ever occur to you 418 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,121 to just ask me like a normal person? 419 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,057 Please! I gave up on that years ago. 420 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:09,293 Look, when you were a little girl, 421 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,729 every day, you used to dress up 422 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,431 and put on shows for me. 423 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,666 (SIGHS) It was everything. 424 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,002 I remember that. 425 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,871 Well, those days are gone. 426 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:25,043 Now it's a "no" anytime I ask anything of you. 427 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,011 So, I tricked you. 428 00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,781 I just love hearing my little girl sing. 429 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:33,151 I actually understand your point. 430 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:33,818 Good. 431 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,320 'Cause I'm done trying to trick you. 432 00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:39,357 If you don't want to sing, you don't have to. 433 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,160 I know I don't have to, 434 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:45,463 but now that you finally asked, 435 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:46,464 I kind of want to. 436 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,699 ADULT ADAM: That night, my sister gave my mom 437 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,835 the Hanukkah gift she'd always wanted. 438 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,137 The joy of hearing her little girl sing. 439 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,204 ADULT ADAM: And, as it turned out, 440 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,939 Pops had a gift for me, too 441 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,074 Thought you might want this back. 442 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:33,244 Holiday Special? Did you actually watch it? 443 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,278 Yep, and guess what? 444 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,014 I think you missed something pretty big. 445 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,683 This guy. Know him? 446 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,151 Of course. Boba Fett. 447 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,018 He's my favorite character. 448 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:44,155 Got to admit, he was pretty cool in this. 449 00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:46,190 Wait a second. 450 00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:48,960 This was made way before Empire Strikes Back, 451 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,061 so if you think about it, 452 00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,563 the Holiday Special gave us the Fett. 453 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,665 All I know is with the right point of view, 454 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:58,603 this special really is... pretty damn special. 455 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,672 Pops. 456 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,409 Um... 457 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,513 I don't get it. 458 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:11,382 How do you manage to always see the good in everything? 459 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:14,685 It's easy if you never lose your childlike wonder. 460 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,455 It doesn't matter how old you are. 461 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:20,358 People like us always have it. 462 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,459 Really? 463 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,593 Really. 464 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:25,329 I need you to promise me one thing. 465 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:30,101 Always hold on to that wonder, no matter what. 466 00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,503 I will, Pops. 467 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,071 I love you. 468 00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,039 I know. 469 00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:38,776 ADULT ADAM: And with that, Pops reminded me 470 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,845 that if you truly love something, 471 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,247 you never grow out of it. 472 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,750 That's the thing about the holidays. 473 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,185 Even the biggest Scrooge 474 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:51,088 might be moved by a sense of wonder. 475 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,925 You...replaced my favorite posters. 476 00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,560 I guess it's a holiday miracle. 477 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,329 ADULT ADAM: Once I saw the good in the Star Wars special, 478 00:19:58,331 --> 00:19:59,964 I began to see the good in everything. 479 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,166 And so I went back to finish Howard the Duck. 480 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,702 Turns out he became a legendary cult badass. 481 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,971 Aren't you glad we came back and saw the end? 482 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,640 Oh, yeah. I wish I was half as cool as Howard. 483 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,910 He does have a way with the ladies. 484 00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:13,511 (BOTH LAUGH) 485 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:18,816 (LAUGHS) That's my baby. 486 00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:30,228 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 487 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,296 I had to lie to make this happen, 488 00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:34,298 but it was totally worth it.