1 00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:02,036 ADULT ADAM: Ever since I was a kid, 2 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,804 Billy Joel was my musical idol. 3 00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,473 I loved every album and video, 4 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:08,909 but he blew my mind when he released a song like no other. 5 00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,944 * We didn't start the fire 6 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,347 We Didn't Start the Fire was an instant classic. 7 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,549 The moment I heard it, I was obsessed. 8 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,752 * Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser, and Prokofiev... * 9 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,221 What is he doing? 10 00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:23,357 It's like Billy Joel is singing, but also rapping. 11 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:27,428 No, it's like he's rapping, but also singing. 12 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,563 ADULT ADAM: It became a point of pride to memorize the lyrics. 13 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,765 * ...Sugar Ray, Panmunjom (TAPE REWINDS) 14 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,067 ADULT ADAM: And back before the Internet, 15 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,369 the only way to learn them was to just listen. 16 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,870 The hell are you doing? 17 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:37,938 It's the middle of the night! 18 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,006 Dad, thank God! 19 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,974 Is it "Pumajob"? "Pacman job"? 20 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,610 Put on the damn headphones. What is he saying? 21 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,044 He's saying you're a moron. 22 00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,880 Now go to bed, and also learn some history! 23 00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:49,117 And the best part? I did! 24 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,552 Billy Joel actually made me good at school. 25 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:52,620 So, yes. 26 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,455 We didn't start the fire. 27 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,557 In fact, it burned right from Harry Truman 28 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:57,958 to the great cola wars. 29 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,695 Normally, I am not a fan of popular music, 30 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,764 but this song teaches and entertains. 31 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,266 You don't like music? 32 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,202 No. I enjoy the dulcet tones of AM talk radio. 33 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:11,038 That's sad. I feel sad for you. 34 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,707 I mean, traffic, sports, weather, you've got it all! 35 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:14,808 But most importantly, 36 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,711 Billy Joel taught me girls dig rock stars. 37 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:21,749 * Rock and roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore * 38 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,884 Wow! That was totally badass. 39 00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:25,653 You like how I flipped over the He-Man table? 40 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,556 You know what? You should perform that song in the holiday talent show. 41 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,090 You think? I know. 42 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,892 Not to completely objectify you, 43 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,462 but the whole thing was insanely hot. 44 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,863 Me, hot? 45 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,366 Yeah, oh! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 46 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,134 Never thought I'd hear that from a girl. 47 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,136 Is it warm? My cheeks are burning. 48 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,305 What can I say? You make quite the Billy Joel. 49 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,973 More like Boopie Joel. 50 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,809 * Schmoo didn't start the fire 51 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,945 * But his cheeks are gushy and his tushy's squooshy * 52 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,013 Give me a little nibble. 53 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,315 Just look away, Jackie! Look away! 54 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,350 I am looking away, but there's a mirror right there. 55 00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:57,518 (GROWLING) Aah! 56 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,019 (LAUGHS) 57 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,554 * I'm twisted up inside 58 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:04,292 * But nonetheless I feel the need to say 59 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,995 * I don't know the future 60 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:11,899 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 61 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,302 ADULT ADAM: It was December 13, 1980-something, 62 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,870 and Erica was back from college for winter break. 63 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,206 I have an announcement. 64 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,607 We've spent a lot of time together 65 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,709 this holiday break... Too much in fact. 66 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,776 You've been home for one day. 67 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:23,944 You're feeling it, too. 68 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,413 Which is why I will be spending 69 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,748 the first night of Hanukkah at Geoff's house. What? 70 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,917 His parents invited me, and I don't want to be here, 71 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,385 so it's all lining up. 72 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,753 Murray, your daughter wants to spend 73 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,622 the holiest day of the year without the family. 74 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,123 Say something! Holy? 75 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,091 Most years, we give up halfway through. 76 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,860 Murray, don't interrupt. 77 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,430 It's a very special day, so at the very least, 78 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,564 we should come with you. 79 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,266 Ooh, one problem... 80 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,534 You're not invited. Please. 81 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,469 Linda and Lou Schwartz are friends. 82 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,570 They'd love to have us. 83 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:50,771 You've never even talked to them. 84 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,973 Well, I sent Linda a beautifully-worded note 85 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,141 when Murray ran over her foot. 86 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,676 I signed my name at the bottom. 87 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,511 You are not crashing their dinner, 88 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,012 end of story! 89 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,581 Damn it! Quick, grab your pants. 90 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,516 The Schwartzes are clearly making a play to take Hanukkah! 91 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,752 Who's doing what now? Murray, it is crucial 92 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,187 that we establish ourselves as the fun parents 93 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,622 who host all the holidays. 94 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,858 That way, if Geoff and Erica ever get married, 95 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,025 they come to us. 96 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,727 Not those bastards. Us. 97 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,663 Okay, I'm hearing a lot of worry 98 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,599 about things far in the future that I don't care about. 99 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,033 Oh, you better care! 100 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,869 Hanukkah is a gateway holiday. 101 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,771 If they take that, then they take Thanksgiving, 102 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:25,506 then the Fourth of July, then we're left 103 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,608 with some crap holiday, like Labor Day! 104 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,344 What's wrong with Labor Day? It's quiet and we eat hot dogs! 105 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:33,113 And so my mom swore she'd win Hanukkah. 106 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,048 Meanwhile, I was ready to win over the crowd. 107 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,149 Ow! 108 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,885 (LAUGHS) 109 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,152 That's the best. 110 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,821 Still getting used to wearing my shades indoors 111 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,922 like the Piano Man. 112 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,123 You're no Piano Man. 113 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,492 Tell that to Jackie, 114 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,027 who strongly urged my hot bod to do the talent show. 115 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,763 Come on! What upside-down world 116 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,931 are we living in here? 117 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,200 How do you have a girlfriend and confidence 118 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,102 and a modest amount of popularity? 119 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,370 Hello! 120 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,505 Pops! 121 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,106 He's helped me with all of it. 122 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,142 He's even the one who gave me the idea to serenade Jackie, 123 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,877 and like always, he was right. 124 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,315 Wait, you take love advice from our old grandpa 125 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,950 who uses an entire tin of cream cheese on one bagel? 126 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,653 He helps me every day. You're just realizing that now? 127 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,154 That's why you're always chatting him up? 128 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,356 What did you think I was doing? 129 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,690 I thought you were trying to get his gold. 130 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,891 He doesn't have any gold. 131 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,027 All old people have gold. 132 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,662 The gold is his wisdom. 133 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,063 Lame! Fine. 134 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,498 Pops is lame, and so am I. 135 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,000 Lame or not, Barry couldn't deny Pops had helped me, 136 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,970 and so, with great humility, he asked for guidance. 137 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,038 Hey! My bagel! 138 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,340 Forget the bagel. 139 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,808 Schmear me with knowledge, old timer. 140 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,178 Wait. Are you actually coming to me for advice? 141 00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:41,349 I realized you made Adam suck way less. 142 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,516 Be my sensei, 143 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,918 and I will follow whatever ancient wisdom 144 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,154 you have in that tired old frame of yours. 145 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:50,090 As insulting as that is, why not? 146 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,825 I like a good challenge. 147 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,594 I am a challenge. 148 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,797 ADULT ADAM: He was, but my mom faced an even bigger challenge, 149 00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,334 making sure she didn't lose Hanukkah to the Schwartzes. 150 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,103 Linda, my God, these latkes are to die for! 151 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,171 Oh, it was nothing. 152 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,373 She's not one to toot her own horn, 153 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,040 but I will. Toot-toot! 154 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,208 (CHUCKLING) 155 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,344 Am I crazy, or is this actually going well? 156 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,212 Oh! Almost forgot. 157 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,914 Presents! 158 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,248 Whoa! Whoa, whoa! Wait! Wait, wait. 159 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,317 No one said anything about a gift exchange. 160 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,986 We didn't bring anything. Oh, don't worry. 161 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,554 We just got you a little something. 162 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,323 Classic first night gift, no big deal. 163 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,693 Holy crap! Streisand tickets? 164 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,194 Summer sausage? 165 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,529 Who are you? 166 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:31,432 An indestructible rubber Sony Sports Walkman? 167 00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,534 I always get crappy socks on the first night. 168 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,668 Not always! 169 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,404 Last year, we forgot about it completely, 170 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,672 and then on the fourth night, we were like, "Hanukkah!" 171 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,742 Ha! She's wrong. She's a big stupid liar. 172 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,745 Point is, the holidays are just as special to us. 173 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,113 A savings bond? 174 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,415 I can't touch this for 10 years! 175 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:50,017 So sensible! LOU: Look at that punim! 176 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,019 We're like twins! Look at us! 177 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,821 Well, look at this! (LAUGHS) 178 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,456 (SING-SONG) We're twins, too! 179 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,090 Mmm! 180 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,827 See this? This is the real gift... 181 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,730 Erica and the Goldbergs here for the holidays. 182 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,799 It's the best! You guys are the best. 183 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,401 Those people are human trash! 184 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:10,337 Come on! All the man did was give you Streisand tickets. 185 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,105 Third row center? 186 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,174 Best seats in the house? 187 00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,944 These people are monsters who will steal our children. 188 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,513 While my mom envisioned a lonely future, 189 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,914 Pops was reminding Barry 190 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,451 of his epic freshman year talent show routine... 191 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,720 Hyah! ...when he karate-kicked his way to glory. 192 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,422 That was quite a night, huh? 193 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,624 It was the first night Lainey noticed me. 194 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:31,725 Best of my life. 195 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,527 What if I said I could help you top it? 196 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,596 You think if I do that show, I can get a new Lainey? 197 00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,898 If Adam can impress a girl with a serenade, 198 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,132 so can you. 199 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,368 And so, Barry took Pops' advice, 200 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,803 perhaps a little too literally. 201 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:43,871 Mr. Glascott! 202 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,306 Oh, my God. Oh, my Pop-Tart! 203 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,675 Today was my cheat day! 204 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,076 I have huge news. 205 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,711 I'm signing up for the talent show. 206 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:51,812 I know it's last minute, 207 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,547 but I will not take "no" for an answer. 208 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:56,149 And you won't have to. There's like 14 spots left. 209 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,051 Then consider it your lucky day 210 00:06:58,118 --> 00:06:59,987 'cause you just got yourself your opening act. 211 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,322 Okay, you seem way too fired up about this. 212 00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:03,757 Let me be painfully clear. 213 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,759 This is a holiday talent show. 214 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:06,960 None of it matters. 215 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,629 Oh, it matters. 216 00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,163 This is the game-changer I need 217 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,399 to become the most popular kid in high school once again! 218 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,501 It's really not. 219 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,603 Honestly, this isn't some high-stakes, 220 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,137 life-defining event. 221 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,338 It's just a wasted night. 222 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,508 Then it's up to me to prove you wrong. 223 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,310 No! Do not use me to raise the stakes any further. 224 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,778 Just sign up and move on. 225 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,514 Mr. Glascott! 226 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,583 Big news, I'm gonna sing We Didn't Start the Fire at the talent show. 227 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,951 No one cares! 228 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,553 What he means to say is 229 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,287 you can do anything but that song. 230 00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,523 I'm opening the show with it. 231 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,857 You can't just take my song. 232 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:39,927 I'm just doing as my sensei, Pops, commands. 233 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,662 Pops isn't your sensei. 234 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,230 He's my Jedi Master, 235 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,799 and he'd never tell you to do the same song as me! 236 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,401 Hey, Barry, heard you were opening the talent show with Billy Joel. 237 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,838 Why, yes, I am, Jamie Weisman. 238 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:51,972 See you there. 239 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,641 What do you know? It's already working. 240 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,576 How the hell did she already know you were doing the show? 241 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:56,977 It literally just happened. 242 00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,812 She knew because Barry woke up early 243 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,448 and posted a few fliers around school... 244 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:02,516 A few hundred. 245 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,684 Balls! 246 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,953 "Holiday Talent Show featuring Barry Joel"? 247 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,721 Don't worry. I'm still gonna sing our song. 248 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,590 It's kind of feeling like your brother's song. 249 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:10,924 It does feel that way. 250 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,165 It was the second day of Hanukkah, 251 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,267 and my mom had her eyes on the prize, 252 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,536 stealing the holiday back from Lou Schwartz. 253 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,305 Thank you so much for seeing me last minute, Dr. Schwartz. 254 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,340 That's Lou to you. We're practically family now. 255 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:31,078 Aw. Speaking of, I wanted to thank you for last night 256 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,047 by hosting you guys for the second night of Hanukkah. 257 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,016 Hold still for drops. 258 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,851 While I do appreciate the offer, 259 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:41,088 night two is a Schwartz family favorite, so we'll be hosting it. 260 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,957 Well, your son already formally RSVP'd. 261 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,493 I cornered him at school, and he signed the response card. 262 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,828 Fine. You take night two. 263 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,362 We'll do nights three through eight. 264 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,398 Six nights and the closer? 265 00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,966 Okay, then you can take night four. 266 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,368 The hump day of Hanukkah? How dare you. 267 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:56,536 How dare me, what? 268 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,438 I don't understand why you're so worked up. 269 00:08:58,505 --> 00:08:59,940 Cut the crap, Schwartz! 270 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,275 You're trying to steal Hanukkah, and it ain't happening. 271 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,578 Like always, my mom had spiraled out, 272 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,346 but this time, she was right. 273 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,981 Fine! I knew it! 274 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,517 You got me. You are not taking Hanukkah. 275 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,085 Oh! I'm taking it. 276 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,187 I'm taking all the big-ticket holidays, 277 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,388 and you can't stop it. 278 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,824 Oh, I'll stop it when I throw 279 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,960 the most mind-blowing night two in Hanukkah history! 280 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,930 You'll see. Too bad you won't. 281 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,364 What did you do? 282 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,635 In a few minutes, your pupils will dilate up real nicely. 283 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:30,738 Good luck frying up a latke in a hazy blur. 284 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,239 You blinded me from Hanukkah? 285 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,074 Yes. For three whole hours. 286 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,409 You have made a dangerous mistake, Lou Schwartz! 287 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,411 Blinding me has only fueled my anger, 288 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,714 and I will use my rage to peel more potatoes 289 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,750 than I've ever peeled! Better watch your fingers. 290 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,618 And you better bring your appetite, 291 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,487 'cause once I sour cream and applesauce up a latke, 292 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,723 it is game, set, Hanukkah! 293 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,796 This is a war you won't win! 294 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,665 I already have! 295 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,933 As my mom stumbled off to dominate Hanukkah, 296 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,936 my brother was mastering Billy Joel's lyrics. 297 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,805 * Harry Truman, Doris Day 298 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:07,875 ADULT ADAM: Back before Google, it took patience and a good ear. 299 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,043 Sadly, Barry had neither. 300 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,745 * Joe is stallin' Mellor's cough 301 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,580 * Nose hairs and pro coffee pots 302 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,282 * Rock your fella, salmonella 303 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,950 * Chickens say "Bock!" 304 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,686 * Toy bone, on the phone 305 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,553 * Tossed panini, yay scones 306 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,322 * Ben's friend Lew Falls 307 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,024 * Walk around the block 308 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,693 * Barf-O, booed a breast 309 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,494 * Slamma Jamma, crew's chest 310 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,229 * Prince is great, paper plates 311 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,131 * Trouble with Aunt Suzy 312 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,901 * We didn't start the fire 313 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,003 * Blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah 314 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,437 * Blah, blah, blah 315 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,505 * Blah, blah, blah 316 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,240 You get it! What do you think? 317 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,308 I think it's amazing. 318 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,143 Do this song exactly like that, pal. 319 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,178 Never let me stand in your way again. 320 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:49,049 A more insecure man would wonder why he's so pleased. 321 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,684 But I'm not such a man. 322 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,754 Um, Bar, I... I think you messed up a couple of lyrics there. 323 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,023 Mmm... No. 324 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,158 Dude, who's awful idea was this? 325 00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,492 That'd be me. 326 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,128 I... I'm his sensei. 327 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,629 Mr. Grandpa, sir, I would like 328 00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,664 to go on record and respectfully say 329 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:07,167 that your advice will destroy Barry's life 330 00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,736 and that you suck at this. 331 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,537 While Pops was regretting the talent show, 332 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:11,671 my mom couldn't wait (DOORBELL RINGS) 333 00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,707 to show the Schwartzes a real Hanukkah. 334 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:14,908 Knock, knock! 335 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,644 Not sure if you can see us, but we're here! 336 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:18,746 Doesn't matter! 337 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,580 I can cook dinner with my eyes closed. 338 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,783 Come on in. Sorry the place is such a mess. 339 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,218 A mess? Oh, look at this house. 340 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,654 It's like a Hanukkah winter wonderland. 341 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:30,157 Yeah, what's the deal? We usually just light a candle 342 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,892 and get a lame gift, like dental floss. 343 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:34,594 Stop. When it comes to the Festival of Lights, 344 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:37,364 the Goldbergs really know how to turn it on. 345 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,465 (CLICKS) 346 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,700 Wow. (CHUCKLES) That is so festive. 347 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,002 And dangerous. 348 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,971 Last thing I'd want is for you to burst into flames 349 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,573 so we'd have to host Hanukkah every year. 350 00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,842 You know what's even better? Presents! 351 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:49,943 (BEVERLY CHUCKLES) 352 00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,745 A hundred dollars? That's insane! 353 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,680 That's what you get when you do Hanukkah here. 354 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:54,748 Remember that. 355 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,150 And, uh, we have a gift for Erica. 356 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,651 We do? 357 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,220 Thirty-two dollars. 358 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,923 And a shammy for your glasses. 359 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,624 Don't be silly. It's time for dinner. 360 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:07,660 I hope you have enough room for eight courses. 361 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,962 Prepare your tummies! 362 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,864 Whoa! GEOFF: Damn! 363 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,732 Face it, Schwartz, you're out of your league. 364 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,267 That's it. We settle this the way our people 365 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,069 have settled fights for thousands of years. 366 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,204 In court? No. 367 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,505 With a game of dreidel. 368 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,407 Winner takes all eight nights. 369 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,676 And I never lose with my lucky spinning top. 370 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,045 Until now. 371 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,246 Let's light this candle. 372 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,747 (CLICKS) 373 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:30,317 (DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL PLAYS) 374 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,188 (QUIETLY) * Together, we will play 375 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,725 Hey, kiddo. 376 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,161 I... I've been thinking about the talent show. 377 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,897 Maybe we should give that little song back to Adam. 378 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,332 No can do. 379 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,700 I already sent Billy Joel the parking directions. 380 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,902 No, that's smart, 381 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,404 but I think you'd make a much bigger splash 382 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,940 by doing something funny. 383 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,875 But it took me forever to perfectly memorize 384 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,743 every word of that song! Bup, bup, bup. 385 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,479 You promised to do everything I say, right? 386 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,548 Yes. Forgive me, sensei. 387 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,016 So, what's your idea? 388 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,619 The greatest Abbott and Costello routine of all time, 389 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,822 guaranteed to kill. 390 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,457 It's a famous skit 391 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,826 about the players and their funny names. 392 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,995 It's called Who's on First? 393 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,564 Who? Exactly! So you know it? 394 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,798 What? Yes! 395 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:19,933 "What's" on second. 396 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,869 You started this thing! You tell me! 397 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,636 Okay. Let me clear this up. 398 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,605 "Who" is the player. 399 00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,140 "Who" is on first. 400 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,009 Why won't you tell me? 401 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,811 You know what, I think you're gonna need some visuals. 402 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,580 Then you'll know who's on first. 403 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,848 Who? 404 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,583 Ah. 405 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,452 Okay, now you can clearly visualize 406 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,488 where each and every player is. 407 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,123 So, who's on first? 408 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,357 Easy. Von Hayes. 409 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,692 No. It's Who. 410 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:46,960 Who is on first. 411 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,696 I just told you, Von Hayes. 412 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,665 I'm not asking you about the Phillies lineup. 413 00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,501 I'm telling you. It's Who! 414 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,568 Von Hayes. 415 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:56,937 Okay, look at me. 416 00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:00,673 Ask me the name of the player on third base. 417 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,342 I don't need to ask you. 418 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,676 It's Mike Schmidt, right? 419 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,413 Wrong. This is "I Don't Know." 420 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,615 How do you not know Mike Schmidt? 421 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,984 He's a Gold Glove winner and a perennial All-Star! 422 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,353 Barry! Just listen! 423 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,055 Who is on first! 424 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:16,924 Who! I'm telling you! 425 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,825 Who is the name! 426 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,827 And I told you! His name is... 427 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:23,296 Don't you dare say Von Hayes! 428 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,364 (MUTTERING) Von Hayes. 429 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,866 Okay. 430 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,369 Now we're literally on a baseball field 431 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,939 with your friends holding up the names. 432 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,107 It cannot be any clearer. 433 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:38,378 So, tell me the name of the player on third. 434 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,479 I Don't Know. 435 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,848 Barry, do you really not know 436 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,517 or do you know it's I Don't Know. 437 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:45,852 It's I Don't Know. 438 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,187 And What's on second. 439 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,022 And Who's on first. Yes! 440 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,091 Yeah, baby! Only two hours! 441 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,225 Can we go home now? 442 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,594 One question. Why is it funny? 443 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,130 No one on Earth would name their son Who! 444 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,331 He's right. Kind of lame. 445 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,399 Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. 446 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,900 I'm gonna make this actually funny 447 00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,035 by changing all the names. 448 00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,136 Don't change the names. 449 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,305 First base is Mr. ClownFarts. 450 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,274 Second base is Bob Frapples. 451 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,242 And third base is Giant (BLEEP) Face. 452 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,744 No! Those aren't real names! 453 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,614 They're more real than your first baseman, Mr. Who! 454 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,249 It makes no sense! 455 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,851 No parent with the last name of (BLEEP) Face 456 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,288 would name their child Giant! Ever! 457 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,922 Then what would they name him? 458 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,524 Josh! Screw it! 459 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,993 I'm going back to being Barry Joel. 460 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,794 Barry, don't do that show. 461 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,729 I'm just trying to protect you here. 462 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,864 From what? From yourself! 463 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,367 You don't know any of the words to that song, 464 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,769 and I can't help you like I did with the karate! 465 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:37,904 What do you mean, help? 466 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,907 I swapped in a board made of balsa wood! 467 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,476 Balsa wood better be the strongest of all woods. 468 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,245 Bro, it breaks like a Kit Kat bar. 469 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,614 That better be the strongest of all candy bars. 470 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,915 It's not, dude. 471 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:52,719 Look, if I didn't actually break that board, 472 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,788 then the best night of my life is nothing but a lie. 473 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:56,889 That's not true, kiddo. 474 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,391 No. I get it. 475 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,693 Even you can't help me. 476 00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:02,762 I'm unfixable. 477 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:09,569 ADULT ADAM: As everyone waited for dinner, 478 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,739 my mom's plans to win Hanukkah were spinning out of control. 479 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,474 Boom! Squiggly again! 480 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,743 Send the bread to Fred, the Schwartzes win. 481 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,046 Okay, double or nothing. You win, you get Thanksgiving. 482 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,247 You're on! Okay. 483 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,414 My turn, I'll spin. 484 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,815 No, no, no. It's my dreidel! 485 00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,385 I'm the spinner! No, no! (CHUCKLES) 486 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,054 Yes! Squiggly! (LAUGHS) 487 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,588 The Goldbergs are back on the board. 488 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,689 Look at that! You got one. 489 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:30,790 Game's over. Happy Hanukkah. 490 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,459 Hey! Hey, wait! Wait! 491 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,361 That's six squiggles in a row. 492 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,428 What? 493 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,896 Is this a loaded dreidel? No! 494 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:40,500 Did you bring a loaded dreidel into my home? 495 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,569 There's no such thing. Is that right? 496 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,645 (GASPS) You can prove nothing! 497 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,147 Okay, what is all the yelling about? 498 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:55,615 I thought we were supposed to have dinner. 499 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,650 Lou, what is going on? The kids need to pick! 500 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,352 Which one of us is gonna be the fun in-laws 501 00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,820 you spend all the holidays with? 502 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:02,589 What are you talking about? Why is your shoe off? 503 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,224 He was cheating at dreidel! 504 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:05,792 Okay, everybody stop! 505 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,328 There is no holiday house! We're just dating! 506 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,330 Pick right now! Erica, say us. 507 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,031 Say us or I have no daughter. 508 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,100 You have to pick me, Geoffrey, 509 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,401 or you're out of my will forever! 510 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,935 You know, the whole point of this holiday 511 00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:18,004 was for our families to get to know each other. 512 00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,972 Yeah. Thanks for ruining it. 513 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,947 (DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL PLAYS) 514 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,818 My mom may have lost her precious holiday, 515 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,287 but I had found my new act for the talent show. 516 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:37,056 Okay. What am I looking at here? 517 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,658 Not that it's any of your business, 518 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,562 but I'm working on a new super-sexy act for the talent show. 519 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,397 Put the scarves away, kiddo. 520 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,599 You can do the Billy Joel song. 521 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,067 What? Barry gave up? 522 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,402 Mmm, just on me. 523 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,003 He finally came to me for help, 524 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,505 and I let him down. 525 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,606 No, don't do that! 526 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:54,841 Don't make me feel sad for him. 527 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,610 The guy stole my song and my Jedi grandpa. 528 00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,979 Kiddo, I've helped you your whole life, 529 00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,949 and now... I need your help. 530 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:07,920 Hey, can we talk about the talent show? 531 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,556 Look, if Pops sent you in here, 532 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,824 tell him I'm not doing his stupid comedy routine. 533 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,426 Forget about Who's on First? 534 00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,262 I'm here to tell you to do the song. 535 00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,996 Please. We both know I suck at it. 536 00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,866 That's why we're gonna combine your rap skills and showmanship 537 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,803 with my greatest talent, audio-video wizardry. 538 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,973 And so, united by our sensei granddad, 539 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,542 me and Barry decided he wouldn't just rap. 540 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,211 He wouldn't just sing. 541 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,079 He'd rap-sing the most important song 542 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,947 in our school's history. 543 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,616 * Barry Goldberg, JTP 544 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,351 * William Penn Academy 545 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,086 * Fighting Quakers, North Philly 546 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,688 * Principal Ball 547 00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:43,556 * Coach Mellor is good at sports 548 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,392 * And he wears those tiny shorts 549 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,761 * Cecil the janitor is mopping up the hall 550 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:49,996 It's true! (ALL CHEERING) 551 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,931 He mopped up something I spilled this morning! 552 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,600 * Mr. Glascott is a nerd 553 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,335 * Feather Locklear is his bird 554 00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,204 * Miss Tabs habla Espanol 555 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:58,938 * Lunch lady is really old 556 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,673 * Mr. Woodburn is so mean 557 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,509 * Cinoman's the drama queen 558 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,277 * Then there's Doc throwin' chalk 559 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,112 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) * That guy is out of control 560 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,847 * Burnouts, nerds, and jocks 561 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,516 * Jamie Weisman's really hot 562 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,251 * Taz Money, Dave Kim 563 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,052 * Chad Kremp, what's up with him? 564 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,821 * Jackie and my brother Ad 565 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,589 * My sensei is my granddad 566 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,191 * Watch me flip this on the floor 567 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,327 * I can't take it anymore 568 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,094 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 569 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,064 Yeah! 570 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,068 Whoo! 571 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,370 Mr. Glascott! Come quick! 572 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:31,438 It's super important! 573 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,240 No, it's not. None of this matters. 574 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,874 But Barry started a fire! 575 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,176 Dang it! It does matter! 576 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,378 It matters real bad! 577 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,615 * We didn't start the fire 578 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,251 Oh. Hello. 579 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,686 * Always burning since the world's been turning * 580 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:49,356 Hi. My wife made you a kugel. 581 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,425 Mmm. Smells delicious. 582 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,994 You both really know your way around a Hanukkah dish. 583 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:57,597 Right back at you. You were right. 584 00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,633 Never take on Beverly Goldberg in a Hanukkah war. 585 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,902 What do you say we stop worrying about the future 586 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:06,072 and just enjoy the great kids we have right now? 587 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,374 I'd love that. (CHUCKLES) 588 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,008 * We didn't start the fire 589 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,077 What? 590 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,412 You'll get used to it. 591 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,980 We're family now. 592 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,016 That night, my mom started a new holiday tradition, 593 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,319 and Barry didn't just start a fire... 594 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,820 He started his comeback. 595 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:24,824 * And on and on and on and on and on 596 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,761 * We didn't start the fire 597 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,363 * It was always burning... 598 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,764 And as for my mom, 599 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,100 she realized the best way to spend the holidays 600 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,268 was together. 601 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,336 What's all this? 602 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,338 We decided to share the holiday. 603 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,972 There's enough nights to go around. 604 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,140 (CHUCKLES) 605 00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:42,742 In the end, the holidays aren't about 606 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,677 the number of nights you have to celebrate. 607 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,813 All that matters is you're together, 608 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,549 laughing, eating, and making memories. 609 00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,751 (ALL CHEERING) (LAUGHTER) 610 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,488 (INAUDIBLE) 611 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:56,589 (BELL DINGS) 612 00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,738 ADAM: Mom! Stop watching me sleep! 613 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,272 BEVERLY: Can I just get one head sniff? 614 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,274 Mom, just say "Night, night." 615 00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:16,443 Night, night. 616 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,514 I know you're still there! I see the sweater! 617 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,215 Fine! I'll go for real! 618 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:25,952 (DOOR CLOSES) 619 00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,520 (DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL PLAYS) 620 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,188 This is my worst nightmare!