1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:04,613 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, Thanksgiving meant football, 2 00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:06,919 the Macy's Day Parade, and my dad's favorite movie... 3 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,530 Planes, Trains and Automobiles. 4 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:09,835 Those aren't pillows! 5 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,228 Ooh! 6 00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:13,535 Ooh-hoo! He thought his buns were his pillows, 7 00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:14,753 but they were his buns! 8 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,625 [LAUGHS] 9 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:19,758 I liked when he was going the wrong way on the highway. 10 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:22,413 [LAUGHS] I've done that. 11 00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:24,589 It's like John Hughes made this just for me. 12 00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,548 Well, he didn't, Gene Shalit. 13 00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:27,853 So, why don't you pipe down 14 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,551 and go help your mom with the giblets? 15 00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,814 I will. But only 'cause I don't know what giblets are, 16 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:33,207 and I like to learn. 17 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,773 ADULT ADAM: My mom was determined to butter up 18 00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,384 more than just the turkey this year. 19 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,864 Tell me. How's your dad? Is the movie working? 20 00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:40,866 Does he seem joyful and full of Thanksgiving cheer? 21 00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:42,346 He did chuckle twice, 22 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,218 but those also might have been small burps. 23 00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,785 I really need your dad to be in a great mood. 24 00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:48,004 [WHISPERING] Pop-Pop is coming. 25 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,659 Pop-Pop? Shh! Your dad can't know! 26 00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:53,792 Yeah, the cursing old guy at the end of the dinner table will be our little secret. 27 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,751 [NORMAL VOICE] Family takes care of family, 28 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:58,362 but, yes, he's terrible in every way that counts in society. 29 00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,973 ADULT ADAM: Yep, my dad's father could be a tad unpleasant. 30 00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,932 Whatever this is, I don't want it or need it. 31 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:05,369 It's me, your grandson. 32 00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:07,545 What the [BLEEP] is this? I don't drink lady soda. 33 00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,373 How you doing, Ben? You think you're better than me? 34 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:12,159 And that is why you never trust a Polynesian. 35 00:01:12,202 --> 00:01:15,162 Plus, he makes Dad absolutely miserable. 36 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,511 It's gonna be another Angst-giving. 37 00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,339 Angst-giving? It's clever wordplay. 38 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,167 I'm super proud of it, even though it's gonna be 39 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:21,646 a living nightmare for everyone. 40 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,039 Not this year. 41 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,954 I'm gonna give your dad the best day ever 42 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,956 so that when he finally does see Pop-Pop, 43 00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,740 he won't even mind. 44 00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:31,178 Sure, 'cause people rarely hold onto the memory 45 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,049 of the person who hurt them most as a child. 46 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,269 First, I'll let Steve Martin and John Candy 47 00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:37,488 work their thin guy/fat guy chemistry, 48 00:01:37,532 --> 00:01:40,143 then I'll invite his dingbat friends over. 49 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,536 Don't Bill and Vic have to be 50 00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,407 with their own miserable families on Thanksgiving? 51 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:46,236 Lucky for us, Bill is totally alone. 52 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:47,977 He has no one. That is lucky. 53 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,326 And Vic is Canadian. 54 00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,589 And those moose kissers celebrate Thanksgiving 55 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:54,375 in October for hockey or maple syrup reasons. 56 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:56,507 Yeah, I guess Vic and Bill do calm Dad down, 57 00:01:56,551 --> 00:01:58,248 like that blanket you throw on Lucky when it thunders. 58 00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,424 And then comes my masterstroke... 59 00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:04,472 Your dad is gonna watch his beloved Eagles beat the Cowboys. 60 00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:05,951 How are you gonna guarantee the Eagles win? 61 00:02:05,995 --> 00:02:08,737 Easy. I told him the game starts at 2:00. 62 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:10,217 They already played, 63 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:13,916 and those bumbling green doofuses somehow won. 64 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,744 So, you recorded it and you're gonna play it back for him. 65 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:16,832 I admit, it's brilliant. 66 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:17,920 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 67 00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:19,530 Except for one small snag. 68 00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,532 Ugh. 69 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:22,968 Ben? I know you told me to come over at 4:00, 70 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,709 but I have no heat, 71 00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,190 and you people like to burn money, so here I am. 72 00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,975 You brought a little something? Thank you. 73 00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:31,629 It's empty. It's for leftovers. 74 00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:33,240 I'm on a fixed income. Oh, where's your can? 75 00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:35,285 I took a hit off the garden hose 76 00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:37,287 and my bladder is the size of a cashew. 77 00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:38,941 There's one upstairs. Ooh-la-la. 78 00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,595 Second floor. 79 00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:43,032 Oh, look at this one with the fancy head glasses. 80 00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,121 They're for seeing. Also, hello, Granddad. 81 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,341 Dad! The hell are you doing here? 82 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,125 Came through the back because I got lost 83 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,346 wandering through this landed estate which is Murray Acres. 84 00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:53,912 It's just a simple suburban home. 85 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,392 Whatever helps you sleep at night, sellout. 86 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:56,480 Eh. Wait, but come here. 87 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,482 Ooh. Look at this. 88 00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:00,354 I thought you had to be dead to have skin that gray, 89 00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,182 but turns out you just look like crap. 90 00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:04,401 Anyway, so, kid, here. Hang this up for me, will ya? 91 00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:05,794 Oh! 92 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,535 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 93 00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:10,190 ♪ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 94 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:14,672 ♪ I don't know the future 95 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:18,807 ♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day 96 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,418 ADULT ADAM: It was Thanksgiving Day, 1980-something, 97 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:23,725 and Barry and Erica were ready to be picked up for the short ride home. 98 00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,292 [SIGHS] I'm dying. 99 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:26,945 I haven't eaten in 17 hours. 100 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:29,034 I'm gonna regret asking. Why? 101 00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,949 Just like the Pilgrims, I'm starving myself 102 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,255 to maximize stomach space 103 00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:33,735 for the turkey bounty that lies ahead. 104 00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:34,997 Crack a history book. 105 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,868 If you were in Pilgrim times, you'd die immediately. 106 00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,609 Probably of some shoe-buckle mishap. 107 00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:41,830 Or I'd win over the Indians by introducing them 108 00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:44,485 to the ultimate weapon... Nunchucks. 109 00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:47,357 Boom. Big Tasty's face on every totem pole. 110 00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,098 That honestly might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 111 00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:50,665 [CAR HORN HONKS] 112 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,233 What's got four wheels and is your uncle? This guy. 113 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,930 Well, I spoke too soon. 114 00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:56,105 Wait, why are you here? 115 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:57,454 I thought Geoff was supposed to pick us up. 116 00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:58,890 New plan. You guys were on the way, 117 00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,631 so I told your parents I'd pick you up. 118 00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,503 Now, get in the 'Vette and let's ride. 119 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,722 But this isn't a Corvette. It's a Chev-ette. 120 00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:07,508 Yeah. It's a Chevy 'Vette. 121 00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,074 We're talking the same language here, nephew. 122 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:10,162 Now, get in. Whoa, Uncle Marvin, 123 00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:11,033 you've lost a lot of weight. 124 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:12,252 Thanks for noticing. 125 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,688 You ever heard of an Egyptian tapeworm? 126 00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,342 God, no. Well, consider yourself lucky. 127 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:18,214 Well, you look good, and I dig that outfit. 128 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,347 Kind of look like Sly Stallone in that movie Cobra. 129 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,784 You mean hero cop Marion "Cobra" Cobretti? 130 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:23,915 'Cause I have no idea what you're talking about. 131 00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,005 All right. Everybody, strap in. 132 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:28,529 [ENGINE SPUTTERS] 133 00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,052 Come on. 134 00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:31,140 Come on. 135 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,098 Stupid piece of American steel! 136 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:34,143 He's already pulling a Marvin. 137 00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,666 I'm not pulling a Marvin. 138 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,538 ADULT ADAM: But of course he was.Ooh! 139 00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:38,887 See, Uncle Marvin always found a way 140 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,497 to screw up the simplest tasks. 141 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,456 Oh, I hate Thanksgiving! 142 00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:43,805 I hate it so much! I'm a healer! 143 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,023 Let me heal you! 144 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:49,245 I! Am! Not! Irresponsible! 145 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,594 [ENGINE STARTS] 146 00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,161 Oh. Nice. 147 00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:53,118 [CAR HORN HONKS] Hey, guys. 148 00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,294 I'm supposed to scoop you. 149 00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:55,904 That's who I was supposed to call. 150 00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:57,079 Man, that's on me. 151 00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,602 Sorry, smiley haircut. 152 00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,169 Not a worry. You just pulled a Marvin. 153 00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:01,257 I didn't pull anything. 154 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,302 Maybe we should just ride with Geoff. 155 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,869 No, I can handle a simple drive home, 156 00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:06,784 just like I handled my hungry, hungry tapeworm. 157 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:09,918 Oh, that explains your dramatic and concerning face and body change. 158 00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:11,180 Your face is concerning. 159 00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,095 We'll just see you and your parents back at the house. 160 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,618 Your parents are coming? 161 00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,490 [LAUGHS] You're all so screwed. 162 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,666 [LAUGHS] I'm zonked. 163 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,451 You guys must be bushed from however school works. 164 00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:23,845 Why don't you just sit back and relax and close your eyes, 165 00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,847 and let the purr of my 'Vette sing you to sleep. 166 00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,239 Sounds good. 167 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:29,024 I love to wake up in a new location. 168 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,852 ADULT ADAM: Unfortunately, things went south from there. 169 00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:31,679 And also west. 170 00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,289 [YAWNS] 171 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,857 Man... I feel so refreshed, 172 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,424 like I slept forever. 173 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:40,035 Oh, please. I slept ten times better than you. 174 00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,819 Uncle Marvin, who's a better sleeper? 175 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,995 Wait, where are we? This doesn't look familiar. 176 00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:45,519 BARRY: Pittsburgh? 177 00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,303 What the hell, man? It's all good. 178 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,393 I just took a teeny, tiny stop to get a farm fresh turkey. 179 00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,743 I musta gotten turned around on 76. 180 00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,832 For hundreds of miles? 181 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:57,879 I got too much pride to stop and ask for directions. 182 00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,664 That big Pittsburgh sign back there was my first clue. 183 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,579 Dude, this isn't even a turkey. It's a ham. 184 00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,756 That's a turkey, all right. 185 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,324 It's a beautiful, boneless, spiral-cut, honey-glazed turkey. 186 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,891 I don't care what it is! 187 00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,414 Tear me off a pig wing so I can stuff it in my mouth! 188 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,981 Hey! Hey! [TIRES SCREECH] 189 00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,896 Whoa! Not a chance, mister. 190 00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:17,333 That bad pink bird is for dinner. 191 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,117 From now on, "pulling a Marvin" 192 00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:21,119 is gonna be about farm fresh turkey 193 00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:22,773 and getting children home safely. 194 00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:25,341 We're in Western Pennsylvania with a ham. 195 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,473 You're oh-for-two. 196 00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:29,127 [SCOFFS] Don't sweat, Boba Fett. 197 00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,825 Sign says we're right by the airport. 198 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,696 We'll just ditch the 'Vette, we'll get a flight, 199 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,132 everyone will be home safe and sound. 200 00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:36,091 ADULT ADAM: As my brother and sister prepared to fly home, 201 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,702 Pop-Pop was already flying off the handle. 202 00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,878 Football. Come on, let's watch the parade. 203 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:43,141 That leggy Mary Hart's doing the play-by-play. 204 00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:45,143 Never. It's my Eagles. 205 00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,667 Come on. Sometimes there's a gust of wind 206 00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,712 and that schmuck holding Snoopy's ropes, 207 00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:50,192 he goes airborne, and he lands on some kids. 208 00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:51,672 This is my house. 209 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,804 If it was your house, there'd be no father, 210 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,066 and we'd have to raise ourselves. 211 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,459 That's still a thing with you? Huh? 212 00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:58,156 Move on. I have. 213 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,203 It's a real treat when the Goldberg men get together. 214 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,249 It's not okay in there. 215 00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:07,514 You could cut that tension with the knife in Ben's boot. 216 00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,167 Which he showed to me. 217 00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:11,779 He said he needs it for when he rides on the bus. 218 00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:14,738 I know, but the perfect Thanksgiving plan is still intact, 219 00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,958 and it all starts with a slice of delicious... 220 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,699 Oh, spiced ass! 221 00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:20,831 Oh! Murray won't even blink. 222 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,833 It's okay. The day can still be salvaged. 223 00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,531 Bill and Vic will be here any minute. 224 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,446 Bill and Vic aren't coming. The hell you say to me? 225 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,491 Ooh! Did you just chuck a yam at me? 226 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,319 Oh, butch it up. It was cooked. 227 00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:33,409 It's not my fault Bill's appendix exploded three days ago. 228 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,629 They just found him. His side is super infected. 229 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,718 Oh, that selfish bastard. 230 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:38,936 He sends his love. 231 00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:40,329 And as for Vic, 232 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,113 he's serving turkey dinners at a homeless shelter. 233 00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:44,289 Of all the days to do that. 234 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,467 Yeah, I'm not sure your perfect Thanksgiving plan is working out. 235 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:48,990 It's okay. We still have the Eagles. 236 00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:50,513 MURRAY: Beverly! 237 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,036 You recorded my Eagles game! 238 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,429 Oh, I can explain. 239 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,518 Uh, Adam did it. Me? 240 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,651 He's our common enemy that we can all rally against. 241 00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:58,782 Just go with it. It's fun. 242 00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:00,784 Forget this. I'm going to the basement 243 00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:03,134 to play with my real friends, Mario and Luigi. 244 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,875 Uch. They sound like they have accents. 245 00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,355 Anyway, sorry about your stupid game. 246 00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:07,835 I was just trying to get the parade, 247 00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,141 and I pressed, uh, one of your fancy VCR buttons. 248 00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:12,709 But why would you turn on the parade during Murray's game? 249 00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:13,928 What? Are you another parade hater? 250 00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:15,495 You ruined my game. 251 00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:16,974 But the Eagles won! 252 00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:18,759 They won? Back to the parade. 253 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,064 [TAPE REWINDS] Oh! 254 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:23,894 Did it again. They won in overtime on a Hail Mary pass! 255 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,157 This is literally the worst day of my life! 256 00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:27,289 Hey, hey, hey. [CHUCKLES] 257 00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:28,508 Murray, you see the game? 258 00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:30,205 Holy crap! What a doozy! 259 00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:32,424 I hate football, and even I thought it was thrilling, 260 00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,991 like watching a movie about football. 261 00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:35,863 Such a doozy! 262 00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:39,693 Oh, I could really feel the city around us come alive in those last few moments. 263 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,608 A doozy! 264 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,827 We get it. You saw the game, okay? 265 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:46,221 And for some reason, you keep saying "doozy." 266 00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:48,919 Erica said this night would make us question everything. 267 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,052 By the way, where is my little Turkey Day buffer? 268 00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,270 [BUTTON BEEPS] 269 00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:53,837 Excuse me... Panam. 270 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,186 Such an exotic name. 271 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,274 Are you from the Orient? 272 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:57,319 Pan Am is the airline. 273 00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:59,060 I'm Elaine from here. 274 00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,627 Please don't correct me, Elaine from here. 275 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:02,063 It's an ugly color on you. 276 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,413 Now, when can I expect meal service, huh? 277 00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:06,415 I'm sorry, it's a 40-minute flight, 278 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,373 so we won't even be coming by with the beverage cart. 279 00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:11,159 What about peanuts? This gentleman right here took the last bag. 280 00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,726 If you don't want me taking them, 281 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,641 don't leave them in the back of the bottom drawer in the galley. 282 00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:16,947 Damn it, we should be home right now. 283 00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:19,907 Geoff isn't equipped to handle our family's holiday bullcrap. 284 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,865 Listen, I got your back. 285 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:24,085 Why don't we use this handy-dandy air phone 286 00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,435 and we'll inform them that we're running a little bit behind. 287 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:27,871 Great idea. I'm starving. 288 00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,003 Let's order a pizza first. 289 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,483 These phones cost like $11 a minute. 290 00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:33,181 Money's no object. Give me your credit card. 291 00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,835 Me? Use yours. 292 00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:37,751 Mine were all cut up in nine unrelated misunderstandings. 293 00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,622 [SIGHS] 294 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,624 Dad did give me a credit card to use during an emergency. 295 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,932 What? Why would he give you one and not me? 296 00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,324 At the airport, we could've bought food 297 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,326 and important Pittsburgh trinkets and baubles. 298 00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:49,850 Shh. It's ringing. 299 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,242 [SPEAKING QUICKLY] Hi, Mom, it's Erica. 300 00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:52,592 We're gonna be late because Marvin pulled a Marvin, 301 00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,419 and we're in the skies over Pittsburgh. Okay, see you soon, bye. 302 00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,073 You see? No problem. 303 00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:58,685 Uncle Marvelous will have you guys home lickety-split. 304 00:09:58,728 --> 00:09:59,903 [PA CHIMES] PILOT: Bad news, folks. 305 00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:02,210 Due to some unforeseen weather in Philadelphia, 306 00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,908 we are being diverted to Nashville. 307 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,344 That announcement could have been for any flight. 308 00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:08,433 ADULT ADAM: While Marvin and my siblings were going off-course, 309 00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,784 my mom's plans were heading the same way. 310 00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:14,352 So, Mr. Goldberg Senior, are you retired? 311 00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,267 You know, 14 years ago, these sons of bitches 312 00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,530 gave me a Timex watch and shoved me out the door. 313 00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:19,619 They got the best years of my life. 314 00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,011 [GRUNTS] So, screw them. 315 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:22,099 What are you up to these days? 316 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,797 Well, most recently, uh, 317 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,408 I'm being grilled by this, uh, grinning schnook who thinks he's Donahue. 318 00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:27,583 I'm sorry. For what? 319 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,889 Engaging you. When are we eating, Murray? 320 00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,020 I don't like these people. 321 00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,413 These people can hear you. 322 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:32,806 They know how they are. 323 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,156 Okay, well, I just got off the phone with Erica. 324 00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:37,506 Everything's fine, but they're a... A bit delayed 325 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:38,942 somewhere over Pittsburgh. 326 00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:41,553 Oh, no, the Steel City! They have so many rivers! 327 00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:43,730 Let me guess. That other moron son of mine 328 00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:46,341 pulled a Marvin? He did, in fact, pull his namesake. 329 00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:48,386 [GRUNTS] But, uh, let me pull a Beverly 330 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:49,649 and drop another veggie platter. 331 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,694 Oh, screw this. There's only, uh, 332 00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:52,652 so much jicama a man can eat. 333 00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:54,218 Dad, don't go. 334 00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:55,742 Hmm? 335 00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,700 Now you can. Wait, Ben, Ben. 336 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,528 You can go watch the parade in the basement 337 00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:00,834 un... Until dinner's ready. 338 00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:01,922 Is that okay with everyone? 339 00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,097 I guess. It's not in here. 340 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,359 He's got his coat. 341 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,491 Great, just go downstairs and make yourself comfortable. 342 00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:07,667 Don't mind if I do. 343 00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:08,755 [GASPS] Oh, my. 344 00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:09,930 That's not okay! 345 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,932 The human body changes over time! 346 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,108 ADULT ADAM: Yes, Pop-Pop ruined a lot of Thanksgivings, 347 00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:15,979 but nothing compared to what came next. 348 00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,764 Ooh! Son of a... 349 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,202 Pop-Pop! 350 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,160 My crotchety grandfather took a tumble down the stairs! 351 00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,119 I knew I had to act fast, so I did this. 352 00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,035 Now, that's a doozy. 353 00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:29,123 [GROANS] 354 00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,127 ADULT ADAM: Uncle Marvin's 15-minute drive 355 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,651 had turned into a 12-hour layover in Nashville. 356 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,785 Man! Music City's got it all. 357 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,134 I mean, I know it's Thanksgiving 358 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,049 and we're stuck in an airport hotel, 359 00:11:42,092 --> 00:11:44,399 but [SCOFFS] who wants to go honky-tonkin'? 360 00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:45,530 I want you to shut up. 361 00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:46,706 I'm calling home. Oh, God. 362 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,359 They're probably eating already. 363 00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,231 Tell Mom to pour gravy into the phone 364 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:51,798 so I can taste it with my ears. 365 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,669 Good thing I nabbed a little something 366 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,716 from the maid's cart in the hallway to tide you over. 367 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,021 Oh! 368 00:11:58,065 --> 00:12:00,415 Oh, sweet, minty sustenance! 369 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,069 [LINE RINGS] Where the hell are you? 370 00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,331 A motel in Nashville. 371 00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:04,549 Ho... 372 00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,290 That's a "ho-tel." 373 00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,597 Hotel, with an "H" there, Bevy. 374 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,817 And Uncle Marvin has got this, okay? 375 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,254 What you've got are my children in Tennessee. 376 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:16,126 Yeah, well, you're the only "Ten I see." 377 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,345 [CHUCKLES] Is that helping? 378 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,999 No. Get them home, now. 379 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,696 MARVIN: Okay, Uncle Marvin's on the case. 380 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,176 Don't worry, you're gonna see your kids tomorrow 381 00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,394 or sometime next week. Ta! 382 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,831 [RECEIVER CLICKS] Okay, here's the headline... 383 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,311 That "Ten I see" line doesn't work over the phone. 384 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,574 ADULT ADAM: Despite my Mom's hopes for a perfect Thanksgiving, 385 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,794 it had all come crashing down. 386 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,796 Specifically, my grandfather's old body. 387 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:34,928 Let me look at you. I'm a doctor. 388 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:37,017 You? A doctor? Eh, eh, no way. 389 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,541 He's a very well-regarded ophthalmologist. 390 00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:41,586 Great. If I need a pair of glasses for my knee, I'll let him know. 391 00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:42,979 This man is a pill! 392 00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:44,372 Which is something you can't prescribe 393 00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:46,243 from your LensCrafters in the mall. 394 00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,463 Dad! He's just trying to be helpful. 395 00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,291 Him? What about me? 396 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:52,728 Pop-Pop cartwheeling down the stairs messed me up bad. 397 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,816 Give me one of those. 398 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,166 Oh, no. Did he crash into you 399 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,212 with his stumbly-crumbly body? 400 00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,474 I might be sharing too much, 401 00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,911 but I briefly lost consciousness. 402 00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,261 Did one of his beige orthopedic sneakers clock you in the noggin? 403 00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:06,698 No, he fainted, like a lady. 404 00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,222 Nice work with this one, Mur. 405 00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:10,398 Oh, so now you're giving me parenting advice? 406 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,704 Hey, remember Thanksgiving in our house? 407 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,837 I don't, because we never had one! 408 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:16,491 Yeah, well, you had something else. 409 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:19,146 It was called dinner, and it was almost every night. 410 00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:20,887 Great news, everyone. Thanksgiving dinner is... 411 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,323 Please say served. 412 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:23,715 ...tomorrow. [GROANS] 413 00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:26,153 How is a Friday Thanksgiving great news? 414 00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:28,808 Someone pulled a Marvin, and the kids are stuck in Nashville. 415 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,244 Music City? Oh, no! 416 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,202 So much hot chicken and angry fiddlin'! 417 00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:34,248 But you guys are welcome to stay here and enjoy each other's... 418 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,424 Lou, we forgot our coats. We have more at home. 419 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,512 Keep it moving. 420 00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,643 Thanks, Mrs. G. 421 00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:40,820 I-I'm thankful for those delicious smells 422 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:43,083 and the vague sense that my girlfriend is alive somewhere out there. 423 00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:44,214 POP-POP: Well, I'm out of here. 424 00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:46,564 I would like to say it was fun, 425 00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:50,351 but it was literally a pain in my ass, teeth, and bones. 426 00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:51,656 Ben, you're going nowhere. 427 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,658 You're injured, and we have plenty of room. 428 00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,182 Are the rest of the Kennedys 429 00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:58,228 okay with a guest in their compound? Mm? 430 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,230 ADULT ADAM: As Pop-Pop was ready to call it a night, 431 00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,276 Uncle Marvin was taking the new day by storm. 432 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,887 Wakey-wakey. 433 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,237 Guess which cool uncle solved all your problems. 434 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:09,544 Thank God. You got us on another flight? 435 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:10,893 Better. I scored us a ride 436 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,503 with a stranger I met at the ice machine. 437 00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:13,809 What? Crazy story... 438 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,333 I was filling up the bathtub for my road turkey...Ham. 439 00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:17,813 ...and then, on the tenth trip, 440 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,120 I met this guy who was so displeased 441 00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:21,817 with the fact that I was taking all the ice, 442 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,602 so I blamed it on the folks in room 702. 443 00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:25,734 [CHUCKLES] What's their story? 444 00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:27,083 Anyway, now we're best friends, 445 00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,259 and I scored us a ride to Philly. 446 00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:30,826 This seems like the start of a horror movie. 447 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,089 Or a great friendship. 448 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:35,265 I like the sound of this mysterious ice fella. 449 00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,180 I'm glad you dig it because we leave in 20. 450 00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,488 Trust me, the rest of the way is gonna be sweet and easy. 451 00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,794 [TIRES SCREECH] 452 00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:44,927 Well, I've never been robbed before. 453 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,537 I'm sorry I screamed so much. 454 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:47,625 I can't believe he even took 455 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,149 the Cobramatchstick from my lips. 456 00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:51,847 Now I just look like a fool. 457 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,979 Yeah, that's what did it. 458 00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:54,632 Hey, look on the bright side... 459 00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,721 He didn't want our turkey, okay? 460 00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:59,550 He only wanted our money and our watches and our IDs. 461 00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:02,640 A warm ham is not gonna replace my go-kart license! 462 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,860 We were five freaking minutes from home, 463 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,080 and now we're on some deserted Southern road 464 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:08,646 with only a ham to our name. 465 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,300 This is the finest turkey in all the land! 466 00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:11,519 It's a ham! 467 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,086 And the only turkey around here is you. 468 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,526 Listen, I made mistakes, okay? 469 00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:20,615 But you're still on my team, right, Bar? 470 00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:23,313 I used to think you pulling a Marvin was hilarious, 471 00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:26,012 but, honestly, now it's kind of sad. 472 00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:28,623 We're gonna find our own way home. 473 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:32,192 ♪♪ 474 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,542 Damn it. 475 00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,587 I think this is a ham. 476 00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:38,633 ADULT ADAM: While Erica and Barry quit my Uncle Marvin cold turkey, 477 00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:41,592 my mom was excited to have a Thanksgiving Day redo. 478 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:44,595 Morning, Ben. Oh, I'm so glad to see you up and feeling better, 479 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:45,814 and I promise, 480 00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:46,989 we are gonna have a great... 481 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,643 The [BLEEP] are you eating? 482 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:49,905 Gobble gobble. [CHUCKLES] 483 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:50,732 It's cold, but it's tasty. 484 00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,168 Did you carve my bird? 485 00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,343 No, I just yanked the leg off. 486 00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:55,389 [GRUNTS] It fought me, but I won. 487 00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,131 Damn it, Ben, I worked my ass off preparing this. 488 00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,002 I'm enjoying it. [CHUCKLES] What more do you want? 489 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,525 To eat it together as a family. 490 00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:03,136 There's plenty more. 491 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:05,225 Besides, eh, the big guy hasn't even been at it. 492 00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:07,183 The big guy? You mean your son? Your child? 493 00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:09,185 Like he needs anything more from me, huh? 494 00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:11,361 What? He's got the big house, 495 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:14,190 got the tables full of food, the fancy doodads. 496 00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,018 Not to mention you, Blondie, 497 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,672 and those annoying rugrats of yours. 498 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:18,934 Mm-hmm. Okay, you know what? 499 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,631 I think it's time you left. 500 00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,677 What? What are you talking about? 501 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,071 I have tried to be on your side, 502 00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,637 but you know what? Murray was right. 503 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:28,074 [DOOR OPENS] You are just awful. 504 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,337 Whatever happened to all that "family takes care of family" baloney? 505 00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,339 Yeah, I don't think you really want to be part of this family 506 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,254 'cause family doesn't treat people like that. 507 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:35,777 [MUMBLING] Please don't make me go. 508 00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:36,996 Did you say something? 509 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,606 I want to...stay. 510 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,651 Ben, just say whatever awful thing it is you're gonna say. 511 00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:41,826 [NORMAL VOICE] Well, what if... 512 00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:44,351 I want to be part of the family? 513 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,658 I, uh, want to get along with my son, 514 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,618 but I don't know how. 515 00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:53,099 [DOOR CLOSES] 516 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,884 If that's really what you want, I can help you. 517 00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:58,452 Oh, I knew I could get my perfect Thanksgiving. 518 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,411 Well, I wouldn't go that far. 519 00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:03,500 I mean, it's Friday, and I ate all the corn. 520 00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:10,203 ADULT ADAM: After being Planes, Trains and Automobile- ed by Uncle Marvin, 521 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,726 Barry and Erica found themselves 522 00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:13,380 further from home than ever. 523 00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:16,383 Look. There's a bus leaving for Philly in ten minutes. 524 00:17:16,426 --> 00:17:20,300 Perfect. If only that guy hadn't stolen our wallets and your dignity. 525 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,519 Those were the tears of a warrior preparing to strike. 526 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,739 We're never getting home. Oh, yes, you are. 527 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:26,915 Marvin, please don't make things any worse... 528 00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:30,179 [SHUSHING] 529 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,399 I know that I blew it before, 530 00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:35,358 and the time before that, and like a million times before that, 531 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,577 but all that's gonna change now. 532 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:37,708 Did you steal another Chevette? 533 00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:39,710 'Vette. And, no. 534 00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:42,583 But I do have a great idea to get you guys home. 535 00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:45,368 Because what's even worse than making you miss Thanksgiving 536 00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:46,978 is knowing that I'm the dumbass responsible. 537 00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:48,110 What are you saying? 538 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,372 Just trust me one last time, 539 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,157 and I promise that "pulling a Marvin," 540 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,549 it's gonna mean something good. 541 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,074 Okay. 542 00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,119 Let's see what you got. 543 00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,731 ADULT ADAM: With that, Barry and Erica had no choice but to trust our uncle, 544 00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:02,385 and that's when he pulled his most epic Marvin yet. 545 00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,431 Tickets, please. No time! 546 00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:07,695 Me and my compadres here work for the medical FBI! 547 00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:11,220 And we are mandated to get this very real human heart to Philly, STAT. 548 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:14,745 Thanksgiving and Uncle Marvin's reputation hung in the balance. 549 00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:16,617 We just needed one little "yes" to make it home. 550 00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:17,705 Whatever. 551 00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:20,142 Eh, close enough. 552 00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:21,317 I can't believe that worked. 553 00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:22,884 You actually did it, Uncle Marvin. 554 00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,278 Yeah. I kinda did. [CHUCKLES] 555 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,889 As Barry and Erica were finally headed home, 556 00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:31,284 my dad and Pop-Pop were having a hard time finding the right words... 557 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,807 Or any words. 558 00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:34,722 Okay, so, let me get the ball rolling. 559 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,463 Murray, maybe you could say something like, 560 00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:38,291 "Dad, I'm upset about..." 561 00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,770 Meh. 562 00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,337 Maybe Ben can start. 563 00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,818 Ben, maybe you could say to Murray, uh, 564 00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,341 "Murray, what you need to understand..." 565 00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:46,734 [CLEARS THROAT] 566 00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:47,996 All right, this is not gonna work 567 00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:49,432 unless everybody uses words. 568 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:50,607 Fine! 569 00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:54,307 You were a crap dad then, and you're a crap dad now. 570 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:55,786 How's that? BEVERLY: Really bad. 571 00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:58,049 Not constructive or helpful in any way. 572 00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,182 He's right. I wasn't a great dad... 573 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,096 'Cause he was a crappy kid. 574 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,228 Exactly. 575 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:04,186 We were kids, you jackass! 576 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,579 Okay, this was a mistake. 577 00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,885 Let's just go back to angry silence. 578 00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,148 After your mother left, 579 00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,845 I was stuck with two dumb boys 580 00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,368 and didn't know how to be a parent, bonehead. 581 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:14,370 How is that my fault, you jerk? 582 00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:16,329 It isn't. I was just scared and lonely 583 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:18,940 and overwhelmed... 584 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:21,247 And I got angry and took it out on the wrong people, dumbass. 585 00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:22,900 Well, I didn't know that, moron. 586 00:19:22,944 --> 00:19:24,641 I know you're yelling and it all sounds hateful, 587 00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,295 but this is really good. 588 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:29,255 I had to raise myself and my brother 589 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,474 because you wouldn't, you piece of crap. 590 00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:33,172 And that is my greatest regret, you fathead idiot. 591 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:35,783 That is the nicest thing 592 00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:38,786 that you have ever said to me, you old sack of bones! 593 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,353 It's working. 594 00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:42,529 It sounds so terrible, but it's beautiful. 595 00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:45,271 That's why I crap on everything you have, because I'm jealous. 596 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:46,402 I mean, look at your life. 597 00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:47,490 Look at this big, dumb house 598 00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:48,752 and your beautiful moron family. 599 00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,145 It is nice! 600 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,451 And I'm proud of myself. 601 00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:52,800 You should be, you ass. 602 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,193 I'm glad I could share it with you, 603 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,890 you son of a bitch. Me, too! 604 00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,370 I'd like to make up for lost time, putz. 605 00:19:57,413 --> 00:20:00,373 I'd very much like that, you broken old bastard! 606 00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:02,331 This is what I'm talking about! 607 00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:06,509 It's finally Thanks-[BLEEP]-giving! 608 00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:07,945 ADULT ADAM: Yep, thanks to my mom, 609 00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:11,079 Pop-Pop and my dad finally broke through, 610 00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:13,516 and Barry and Erica decided that "pulling a Marvin" 611 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,605 wasn't a bad thing after all. 612 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,478 It meant showing up when it mattered most. 613 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:21,263 And even though it was Friday and there wasn't any corn, 614 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:24,223 Thanksgiving finally came together. 615 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:25,441 To all of us. 616 00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:26,877 ALL: Salud. 617 00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,314 You did it, Mom. 618 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,011 You pulled off the perfect Thanksgiving. 619 00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:32,056 ADULT ADAM: That's the awesome thing about family. 620 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,145 Just when you think hope is lost, 621 00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:38,193 people who care surprise you in ways you never expected. 622 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,369 We still talk about that legendary Thanksgiving 623 00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:43,503 to this very day, 'cause in the end, 624 00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,505 no matter how crazy the journey home is, 625 00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:47,681 the best part is being together. 626 00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:52,468 ♪ Every time you go away ♪ 627 00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:55,471 ♪♪ 628 00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,559 Thanksgiving. 629 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,344 How did you like this Thanksgiving? 630 00:20:58,387 --> 00:20:59,736 Pretty good. How about you? 631 00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:00,911 ADAM: Hi. 632 00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:01,825 [BELL DINGS] 633 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,960 ADAM: I can't believe I've never seen the movie Cobra. 634 00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:07,744 Ah, you're gonna love it, kid. 635 00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:10,791 Besides Sly, it's got Danish bombshell Brigitte Nielsen. 636 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,228 [GROANS] Red Sonja herself. 637 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,621 I'll get us the tickets. 638 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,362 No need. This one's on Uncle Marvin. 639 00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,102 Please tell me your wallet's in there. 640 00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,148 Wallets are for people who play by the rules. 641 00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:21,671 Code blue! 642 00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,370 We got an emergency liver transplant in...theater four. 643 00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:26,067 I'm gonna need a bucket of ice 644 00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:27,721 and a large popcorn, STAT! 645 00:21:27,764 --> 00:21:29,505 Yeah, that'll be nine dollars.Here's ten.