1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:04,338
ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s, I was
obsessed with musical theater.

2
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,840
From Jesus Christ Superstar
to Phantom of the Opera,

3
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,476
I loved the stage.

4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,777
At least, most of the time.

5
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:12,313
People,
the moment has arrived.

6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,947
My dearest theater students

7
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,384
and kids who do stage crew
for some reason...

8
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,618
I work best
in the shadows.

9
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:18,752
No one cares, Dan.

10
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,789
This year,
William Penn Academy
will be performing

11
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:24,992
the most important musical
of our time,

12
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,660
Fiddler on the Roof!

13
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:27,961
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

14
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,397
Oh! Oh! Oh!

15
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,831
Meh.
"Meh"?

16
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,167
Since when does Adam Goldberg
"meh" a musical?

17
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:36,304
Fiddler's just so heavy
and dreary and Russian.

18
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:39,006
I'm more into the happy
toe-tapping musicals,

19
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,941
like Music Man
or Pippin

20
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,343
or not Fiddler.

21
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,678
So, you're not gonna
even audition?

22
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,647
I wanted us to be
Golde and Tevye.

23
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,382
They're the power couple
of peasant Russia.

24
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,951
Like Luke and Laura,
but sadder.

25
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,153
Sorry, girl.

26
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,422
As long as it's
Fiddler on the Roof,
I ain't doing it.

27
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,689
You're doing it.

28
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,958
But you hate all
musicals with every fiber
of your being.

29
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,094
Of course!
They're long and boring,

30
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,830
and they're about cats
or painting wagons.

31
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:05,032
But Fiddler on the Roof?
The best.

32
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,335
Well, it reminds me
of Pops' sad relatives

33
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,702
who visit us
from the old country.

34
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,105
Their clothes are all schmutzy
and smell like turnips.

35
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,541
Adam, you have to do
this play.

36
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,277
Our people have a few special
things we're all proud of...

37
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,747
Sandy Koufax, The Fonz,
Sammy Davis Jr.,

38
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,250
and Fiddler on the Roof.

39
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,717
Gah, fine!

40
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,553
I'll audition to be
in the chorus or something.

41
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,720
Absolutely not!

42
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,822
In my house,
it's Tevye or nothing.

43
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,258
I don't want to be
the lead!

44
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,625
You're gonna be Tevye,
damn it!

45
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:34,762
Now put on
my grandfather's old
Russian coat and sing for me.

46
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,063
It's so heavy.

47
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,366
Like the weight of a man
with too many daughters.

48
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,100
How do I already smell?
How?

49
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,602
That's the smell
of greatness.

50
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,737
Now show me your shimmy.
I don't wanna shimmy.

51
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,039
Shimmy for your father,
damn it. Like this.

52
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,808
It's in our blood
and our shoulders.

53
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:50,844
(SIGHS)

54
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,480
If that's how you shimmy,
damn it,

55
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,114
we got to go back
to fundamentals.

56
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,116
Come on,
put your game face on. Do it!

57
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,785
Stop riding my back, man!

58
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,019
I'm doing my best.

59
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,621
Stop.
What's going on in here?

60
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:03,224
Not now, Barry.
Adam's form is off.

61
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:04,858
I got to coach some sense
into the kid.

62
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:07,228
Sounds to me like a father
demanding perfection

63
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,929
and telling his son
he's not good enough.

64
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,464
That's exactly
what's happening.

65
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,566
Damn it, I want that!
Why?

66
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,502
'Cause it's my dream
to have a sports dad

67
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:17,471
who spazzes out in the stands
and calls me a lazy failure

68
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:18,606
who needs to play harder.

69
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,040
Great. He's yours.
Take him.

70
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,642
Oh, no.
If we're gonna win this part,

71
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,244
we got to buckle down
and dig in.

72
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,878
Fine, forget sports!

73
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,980
Whatever your dumb thing is,
I'll do it.

74
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,115
It's Fiddler on the Roof.

75
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,683
Great. I'll go on the roof
right now with a fiddle.

76
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,051
You don't even have one!

77
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,920
I'm gonna go
bongo on the roof.
Where's the ladder?

78
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,688
Do not get the ladder.
Ladder it is.

79
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,758
Do not go in that garage
and touch my ladder, moron!

80
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:38,926
I mean it!

81
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,528
Too late,
theater sports dad.

82
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,162
I'll send a rope down
for my bongos.

83
00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:44,332
(Clanking)

84
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,933
* I'm twisted up inside

85
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,336
* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

86
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,441
* I don't know the future

87
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:56,810
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

88
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,146
ADULT ADAM:
It was November 1st,
1980-something,

89
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,950
and my mom and sister
were helping Geoff prep
for his SATs.

90
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,452
I failed, didn't I?
Oh, God, I failed.

91
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:05,619
I'm not going to college!

92
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,720
I'm gonna live
under a bridge,

93
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:07,988
and I'm gonna have to use
the wall as a bathroom.

94
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,390
Dude, I am here for you.

95
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,558
No matter how dumb

96
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:11,825
the test says you are.

97
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:14,562
Okay, let's see.
You got...

98
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,996
1,540!

99
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,865
Babe, I am so sorr...
Wait, what?

100
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,567
1,540?
Holy poop!

101
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,168
Yeah,
"Holy poop" is right.

102
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,304
I can go to college now!
And a wide variety.

103
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,505
Yes. Wow.

104
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,507
That's, like,
a super good score.

105
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,008
Is it wrong?
It must be wrong.

106
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,109
I mean,
how is that possible?

107
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,311
Well, I mean,
I get straight As

108
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,579
and I study all the time.

109
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,046
Wait, did you not know
I was smart?

110
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,716
No! I mean, I do hear you talk
about homework a lot,

111
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,518
but all I see is
your cute, dumb face.

112
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:41,289
Oh, young Geoffrey,
your mother is going to plotz.

113
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,856
Aside from grandchildren,

114
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:46,560
braggable SAT scores
are the greatest gift
a child can give.

115
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,129
I know. I can for sure
go to UCLA now.

116
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,131
Wait, but that UC
is in LA.

117
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,133
And LA stands
for Los Angeles.

118
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,201
It's where my dad went.

119
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,503
And doing what
other people want

120
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:56,837
makes me happy
'cause I'm a pleaser.

121
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:57,905
Bye, babe. Love you.

122
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,907
1,540.

123
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,074
Holy (BLEEP)!

124
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,510
I can't believe this.

125
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,044
That stupid goof-ass genius

126
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,913
is gonna leave Philly
and never look back.

127
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,381
Oh, well, can you blame him?

128
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:10,584
Everybody in LA eats sushi and
has hair just like their dog,

129
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:13,186
and the cops are so nice
they can't solve crimes,

130
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,488
so Axel Foley helps 'em.

131
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,956
That's all
from Beverly Hills Cop.

132
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,157
Oh, such a good movie.

133
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,359
It has my name

134
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:22,029
and that Axel Foley
has an infectious giggle.

135
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,597
(IMITATES AXEL GIGGLING)

136
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,098
Stop talking
about Axel Foley!

137
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:27,501
I will not let Geoff
go to LA.

138
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,337
Oh, squishy...

139
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,905
Some things are just
out of your control.

140
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,642
Not if I make sure
he tanks those SATs.

141
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,511
Shame on you for even thinking
such a thing.

142
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,112
If it's one rule I live by,

143
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,382
it's that you can't smother
your loved ones.

144
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,816
Um, hello?

145
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,118
Remember, I wanted to apply
to college in California?

146
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,287
You tried to sabotage my SATs

147
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,923
by teaching me
fake vocabulary words.

148
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,625
I swear on my life

149
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,462
nothing like that
has even remotely happened.

150
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:57,765
I came up with some more vocab
cards for you to memorize.

151
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,767
Thanks, Mom.
"Scubulence"?

152
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,102
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, my mom taught Erica
these absurd words

153
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,837
so she'd tank her test
and never leave.

154
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,105
That's a weird word.

155
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,976
I have made enormous strides
as a human being and mama

156
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,210
over the past few years.

157
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,912
Truly, I have changed.

158
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,246
No, you haven't.

159
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,683
You've had the same
insane hair, sweaters,

160
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,851
and obsession with
your kids since forever.

161
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:20,087
Erica.
One of my biggest regrets

162
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,657
was trying to fool you
with those fake SAT cards.

163
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,660
Trust me, do not make
the same mistake.

164
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,095
Damn it, you're right.

165
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,631
I can't do to Geoff
what you did to me.

166
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,699
I could never stoop
that low.

167
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:32,833
ADULT ADAM:
And yet, she did.

168
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,569
That day, my sister went
full Beverly Goldberg

169
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,270
to keep the love of her life
close by.

170
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,539
Plorpf! Yes!

171
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,608
ADULT ADAM:
While my sister was ready
to con Geoff,

172
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,976
I was trying to bargain my way
out of Fiddler.

173
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,879
Mr. Goldberg, welcome to
what I can only assume

174
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:48,416
is the single most important
moment of your young life.

175
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,851
Um, I'm thinking this year
we don't do this dance

176
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,019
where I put you
in the awkward position

177
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,487
of having to give me
a good part

178
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,022
even though
I can't sing or act.

179
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,458
But won't your mom just march
down here and yell at me

180
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,326
when I give you
a lousy part because
of your screechy voice?

181
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,661
I give you my word,

182
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,630
this year there will be
no Beverly Goldberg.

183
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,132
I'm only here
'cause I promised
my dad I'd audition,

184
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,667
so just throw me a few lines
and I'll be on my way.

185
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,268
You got yourself a deal.

186
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,737
ADULT ADAM:
And so I hatched my plan...

187
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,071
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
...to half-ass my way
through Fiddler.

188
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,743
Dude, I got Lazar Wolf,
the handsome town stud.

189
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,678
That's typecasting
Dave Kim likes.

190
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,012
I'm the constable.

191
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,048
Six lines, no songs,
done by intermission.

192
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,082
Dream role.

193
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,619
Move.
Move your tiny bodies.

194
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:26,854
Let's go.
Hey!

195
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,656
Dad?
What are you doing here?

196
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,023
Today's our big day!

197
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,526
I wanted to see our name
at the top of the roster.

198
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,727
It's more near the bottom,

199
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,296
but it's still
a very meaty part,
the constable.

200
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,566
What? We wanted Tevye
or nothing.

201
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,501
Well...
Matt Schernecke got it.

202
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,169
MURRAY:
That scrub is Tevye?

203
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,337
He's got a warbly voice
and no stage presence.

204
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:45,506
What's that?

205
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,907
Mazel Tov, kid.
Way to go, Matt.

206
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,476
Oh, okay.
Don't worry, champ.

207
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,243
I'll get you that part
if it's the last thing I do.

208
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:54,414
No! Matt Schernecke
is just a boy
with a kind spirit!

209
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,683
You do not do anything
of the sort.

210
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,050
I... You promise
to me, sir.

211
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,953
95% of this game
is mental.

212
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:03,223
We're gonna go
into Schernecke's head
and make him crack.

213
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,592
You just learn
the lines.

214
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,927
Me, I'll take care
of Schernecke.

215
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,029
ADULT ADAM: That day,
my dad wasn't the only one

216
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,197
with a card up his sleeve.

217
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,133
"Torkulent"?
It means delighted
and a little scared.

218
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,234
"Flimjam"?

219
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,436
To run backwards
in a zig-zag pattern.

220
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,606
Man, I didn't know
any of these SAT words.

221
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:19,940
I'm so lucky I have you.

222
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:21,742
You really are.
I'm a great person.

223
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,976
No, she's not.

224
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,678
Mom!
I'm sorry, Geoffrey.

225
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:25,879
As a yenta,
I have to tell you,

226
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,048
she is trying to keep you
from going to UCLA.

227
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,449
Come on,
Erica would never do that.

228
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,384
Who you gonna believe?
Your adoring girlfriend

229
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,921
or this needy blond-helmeted
guilt monster?

230
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,088
You, obviously.

231
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,757
Our love is built on
an unbreakable trust

232
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,858
that I cherish
more than...

233
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:38,992
Damn it, it's me!

234
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,227
I'm a terrible person,

235
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,896
and you should just
flimjam away from me
as fast as you can.

236
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:43,997
Oh, my God.

237
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,466
My girlfriend would
actually tank my future

238
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,536
just to be with me?

239
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,971
You love me so much,
and I love you, too!

240
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,105
Did not see that coming.

241
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,707
Oh, man,
I'd give anything for you

242
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:54,908
to come with me
to California!

243
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,409
Wait, why can't I?

244
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,345
LA is the center
of the music business.

245
00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,880
They have a building
that looks like records.

246
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,915
Well, you can't come
with me because...

247
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,286
Mom.

248
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,755
You said you've changed,
right?

249
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,489
Well, I have
said that recently, yes.

250
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,792
Then this is it.
I'm asking
for your support on this,

251
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,126
and if you really
have changed,

252
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,494
then there's
no answer but yes.

253
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,564
(WHISPERS) It's a yes.

254
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,031
What?
Huh?

255
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,466
What is that?
I'm lost.

256
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,634
(WHISPERS) Yes.
Was that yes?

257
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:21,802
(WHISPERS) Yes.

258
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,370
I think I heard it
that time. She said yes!

259
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,572
Ahh!
(GIGGLES)

260
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,006
(NORMAL VOICE) See?
(CHUCKLES) Yes, I have...

261
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,307
I have changed.

262
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,976
I have changed so, so much,
but, uh...

263
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,443
Oh, Pops!

264
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:31,612
He won't let you go.

265
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,346
Go? Where?
(STAMMERS) What?

266
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,749
I just came in
for an onion bialy.

267
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,350
Erica wants
to move to LA.

268
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,652
LA?

269
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,988
Wow!
That's fantastic.

270
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,023
Hollywood is
so magical.

271
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,291
I'll for sure
visit you.

272
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,793
No!
What?

273
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:49,529
Uh, to be clear,
I have changed, and
I totally support you,

274
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:52,600
but, uh, your dad
will not allow you

275
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,201
to move to LA
without knowing a soul.

276
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,804
Well, actually,
we have family there.

277
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,405
Aunt Selma, remember?

278
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,007
Wait,
I have relatives there?

279
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,142
Yes, thank you, Dad.

280
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,077
Her daughter Marci's
out there, too.

281
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,813
She...
She's in advertising.

282
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,547
Thank you, Father.
So helpful.

283
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,217
She does all those catchy
commercial jingles.

284
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,719
They pay very good money.

285
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:12,820
So helpful, Dad.

286
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:13,887
Holy crap!

287
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,723
I don't just have family
in LA. I have an in!

288
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:18,692
You should send her
a tape showing off
your beautiful voice,

289
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,160
so she can hire you.

290
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:22,395
What a great idea no one
asked you to suggest.

291
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:24,164
I'm gonna go record
some jingles right now.

292
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,565
I'm gonna go
familiarize myself

293
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,067
with the Los Angeles
freeway system.

294
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,803
(THUDS)

295
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,172
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, my mom was cornered into
acting like a changed smother.

296
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,874
Meanwhile, I was doing
whatever I could

297
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,042
not to act in Fiddler.

298
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,177
Channel the character.
You're Tevye.

299
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,245
Take yourself there.

300
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,247
And perform.

301
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,115
(SLURPING)

302
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,986
I'm having
a hard time focusing.

303
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,689
Balls! My dad's here
to rattle Schernecke's cage.
Huh?

304
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,590
What?
You heard me.
This is bad.

305
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:51,692
(SLURPING CONTINUES)

306
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,393
Mr. Goldberg,
if you're gonna
watch rehearsal,

307
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,928
you have to respect
my stage.

308
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,563
Sure. It's your team.
Manage it.

309
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,731
All right.
(SIGHS)

310
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,266
Take it from the top,
Matthew, all right?

311
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,768
Be Tevye.

312
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,937
Feel the burden
of the humble dairyman

313
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,538
with five
handsome daughters.

314
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,074
Bah!
Mr. Goldberg!

315
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,643
I'm sorry.
I don't buy this kid
having five daughters.

316
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:10,744
Do you?

317
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,245
Yes.
I buy it...enough.

318
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,914
C'mon, the kid's
a tomato can.

319
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,049
Can't hit the broad side
of his mark.

320
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,284
This adult man
is hurting my feelings.

321
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,919
MURRAY:
Sack up, Schernecke.

322
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,221
You gotta have thick skin
if you want to make it
in the big show.

323
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,956
Adam, is your dad
gonna be here
the whole time?

324
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,792
I don't know, man.
He took the week off work.

325
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,660
The whole thing's been
off the rails from the start.

326
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,662
I just want my kid to have
a shot at the bigs.

327
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:29,930
Fine.
If you pipe down,

328
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,231
I'll make him
the understudy
for Tevye.

329
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,565
Does that work
for you?

330
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,902
So, that means
I'll have no lines

331
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,236
and get to just hang
in the wings?

332
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,671
'Cause, yeah,
that super works.

333
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:39,606
Whoo!
It's on now!

334
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,875
You better watch your back,
fake Tevye.

335
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,443
'Cause we're comin'
for ya.

336
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,979
Dad, stop making
veiled threats
to Matt Schernecke.

337
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,514
They're kind of
not veiled at all.

338
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,082
I'm so sorry.

339
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,351
(SLURPING)

340
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,452
ADULT ADAM:
With her sights set on LA,

341
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,654
my sister prepped
an epic audition

342
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,056
to get into
the jingle business.

343
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,926
Hello and welcome,
product lovers of all ages.

344
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:02,295
Prepare to be delighted
by my delightful
jingle medley.

345
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,432
I'm already delighted,
but I'm prepared for more.

346
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:09,903
(PLAYING PIANO)
* The best part of waking up
is Folgers in your... *

347
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,639
* Plop-plop, fizz-fizz
oh, what a relief... *

348
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,942
* Honeycomb's big
yeah, yeah, yeah *

349
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,644
* Gimme a break
gimme a break... *

350
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,780
* What would you
do-oo-ooh for... *

351
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,849
* An Oscar Mayer wiener... *

352
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,250
* By Mennen! *

353
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:26,553
* Mommy, wow
I'm a big kid... *

354
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:29,022
* Meow, meow, meow, meow
meow, meow, meow, meow

355
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,024
* Meow, meow, meow, meow
meow, meow, meow, meow *

356
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,459
Wow!

357
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:35,562
I don't know
what half of those
are selling, but I'm buying.

358
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,663
Mom, what do you think?

359
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,731
Please, no!

360
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:39,099
What?
Ugh...

361
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,269
Got some bad news
from cousin Marci last night.

362
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,837
Just out of the blue
like that?

363
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,006
You haven't talked
in 15 years.

364
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,675
Yeah, well,
I've been missing her.

365
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,277
And it's a good thing
I called, too,

366
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:54,281
because she told me that
for legal reasons,

367
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,817
she can't listen to jingles
from existing products.

368
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,685
But I worked so hard
on these.

369
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,820
I was gonna mail her
a tape.

370
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,289
No! No, you can't.

371
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:05,558
It has to do with,
uh, torts and briefs
and subpoenas.

372
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:08,061
I could've been a lawyer,
so it made sense to me.

373
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,529
Well, how am I
gonna impress her
with my jingle voice

374
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,331
if I can't do
any jingles?

375
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,866
Good news...

376
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,603
She told me
about some, uh,

377
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,072
new products that have yet
to be jingled.

378
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,141
Name it, and I'll sing it.
Hit me.

379
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,976
ADULT ADAM: Even though
my mom swore she changed,

380
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,345
in the end,
she couldn't help but lie.

381
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,614
Dr. Steinman's...
Butt Grease.

382
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,017
I'm very curious
about this product.

383
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:34,087
Dr. Steinman's
a very respected
tushie surgeon.

384
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,623
He developed
the healing ointment himself,

385
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,391
and now he's sharing it
with the world.

386
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,527
Steinman...
I got to sing that?

387
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,929
It's not so easy
on the ear.

388
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,096
It's not great.

389
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:46,433
But yet, the next one
is even worse.

390
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:49,169
Barnaby's Baltic Sea Juice.

391
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,337
I don't want
that product.

392
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,972
There's more.

393
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:55,242
Magellan's Ol' Fashioned
Year Round 'Nog

394
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,045
for people who want eggnog,
but not just at Christmas.

395
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,980
I'd like a good 'nog
in the summer.

396
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,882
Well, if it's up to me,
you're gonna get one.

397
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,583
And I know you
can do it, Schmoo.

398
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,552
And if not, you can
just live here forever.

399
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:06,887
We'll play it by ear.

400
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,588
Thanks for always being there
for me, Mom.

401
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,656
You're awesome.

402
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,958
Time to get jingling.

403
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,827
Okay, Adam, time to run
that choreography,

404
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,195
so give me
the shimmy.

405
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,529
ADULT ADAM:
I was back at rehearsal,

406
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,565
but unfortunately,
so was my dad.

407
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,367
Is that all you got, AG?

408
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,903
Put your bat on the ball.
Let the big dog eat!

409
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,838
ADULT ADAM:
When Matt's dad heard
I got the understudy,

410
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,639
he came to check
out the competition.

411
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:29,009
Come on there, Matty boy.
Just how we practiced.

412
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:32,445
ADULT ADAM:
Turns out the only thing worse
than one sports dad is two.

413
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,546
First, they cheered.

414
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,015
Come on, AG!
Come on, now!
Let's go.

415
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,316
Go big or go home,
Matty boy.
Look alive!

416
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:37,684
ADULT ADAM:
Then, they bragged.

417
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,452
My son is
a five-tool player.

418
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:43,390
He sings, dances, acts,
juggles, and mimes.

419
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,491
ADULT ADAM:
Next came the insults.

420
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,993
Give it a rest,
Schernecke.

421
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,560
Your kid's no Tevye.

422
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:50,297
That wheelbarrow's
got more charisma.
What did you say?

423
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,831
ADULT ADAM:
And then the head games.

424
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,766
Afraid we're gonna take
your spot in the rotation?

425
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,168
'Cause you should be.

426
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,436
Oh, please.

427
00:13:56,469 --> 00:14:00,173
Your son deedle dye-dles
when he should be
dye-dle deedle-ing!

428
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,309
ADULT ADAM: And finally,
the gloves came off.

429
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,944
Stop kicking it on me
first!

430
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,445
(INDISTINCT ARGUING)
Our dads suck.

431
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,613
They really do.

432
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,248
ADULT ADAM:
As our sports dads
ruined theater,

433
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,483
Erica was rehearsing songs
for fake products

434
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,885
my mom lied to her about.

435
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,988
(PLAYING PIANO)
* It's for your bottom
but it's the tops

436
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,991
* Find happiness
in just a glop

437
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,793
* From Dr. Steinman
to every shop

438
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,330
* The one butt grease
that never stops *

439
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,135
Wow. That is
shockingly good.

440
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,602
It's already stuck in my head
and driving me nuts.

441
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:30,670
You're a genius.

442
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,105
And that's not all!

443
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,909
* Pour it cold
or drink it warm

444
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,645
* It's like seafood
in liquid form

445
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:42,082
* It's Barnaby's
the juice of the sea *

446
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,817
Wow. You really
worked hard on these.

447
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,086
Okay, there's gonna be lines
out the door

448
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,687
to drink
that salty fish juice.

449
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,822
And this next one
is dedicated to you.

450
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,324
Oh,
that's not necessary.

451
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,459
No, it is.

452
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:55,295
You talked to Marci and made
all this happen for me.

453
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,330
You have changed,
and I love you.

454
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,865
Just focus on the song.

455
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,501
* You gotta remember
'nog ain't just for December

456
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,071
* You can 'nog
all summer afternoon... *

457
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,006
It's all a lie!
What?

458
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,740
None of these products
are real,

459
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:10,410
and frankly, I don't get
how you thought they were.

460
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,246
'Cause you swore it was real
and that you changed!

461
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,049
Okay, I'm sorry I freaked out
about you moving,

462
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,286
but good thing is, I stopped
before any damage was done.

463
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,820
But there was damage!

464
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,522
So much damage!

465
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,658
I sent these insane
jingles to Marci.
Wazzat?

466
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,427
I sent her a cassette!

467
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,062
She's gonna think
I'm some crazy person

468
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,898
who peddles weird oyster water
and all-purpose 'nog.

469
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,433
There is no going back
from this.

470
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,968
Okay, Mama will fix it.

471
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:37,237
I'll call Marci
and explain everything.

472
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,773
Sure, explain how it's my SATs
all over again, but worse.

473
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,242
Don't say that.

474
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,776
It's true.

475
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,379
For the first time
since dropping out of college,

476
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,747
I had hope.

477
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,982
Thanks a lot.

478
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,417
(SIGHS)

479
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,390
ADULT ADAM:
My sports dad embarrassed me
in the theater world,

480
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,259
and I was ready
to close the curtain.

481
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,062
(YELLS) Stupid heavy jacket
from the old country!

482
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,596
Whoa.

483
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,897
Everything okay, man?

484
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,800
No, Ruben Amaro Jr.,
everything's not okay.

485
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,336
What happened, bro?

486
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,471
You break up with that girl
who dated me freshman year?

487
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,973
No, and I'd prefer
we not discuss that.

488
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:17,110
It's my dad. He insists
on coming to every
single practice.

489
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,312
I hear ya. My dad comes
to every practice, too.

490
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,281
So you get
how much it sucks.

491
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,250
No.
My dad's my best friend.

492
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:24,751
I'm almost done,
champ!

493
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,253
Let's warm up that arm
before practice.

494
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,654
Be there
in a minute, Pop.

495
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,822
Just talking to my
ex-girlfriend's
little boyfriend here.

496
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,624
I love how you're always there
for everyone.

497
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,925
You taught me well,
Dad.

498
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,027
I love you, son.

499
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,328
I love you more!

500
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:38,331
Wow. This is just like
the total opposite
of my experience.

501
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,432
What can I say?

502
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,134
Ruben Sr. was
an athlete himself,

503
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,835
so he knows how crazy
sports dads can get.

504
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,037
I re-gripped your bat,
buddy.

505
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:46,005
Super thoughtful,
Dad!

506
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,308
Yeah, last thing he wants is
for me to get burnt out

507
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,643
so I fake an injury
or quit altogether.

508
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,012
You're right!
I can totally fake an injury!

509
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,148
I'll pretend I lost my voice
so I can't sing.

510
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,516
Wait, what sport
do you play?

511
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,651
The greatest sport
of all, theater.

512
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,188
Yeah, I kinda wish I knew that
before I got involved.

513
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,156
There you are, AG.

514
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,625
Come on, you got the call.
You're goin' in.

515
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,595
(HOARSELY) Bad news.
Lost my voice.
Whatcha gonna do?

516
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,863
Hydrate it.
Suck on a lozenge.

517
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,199
Get back out there!

518
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,633
Ruben, get away
from that demanding father.

519
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:14,701
He'll kill your spirit.

520
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:15,802
On it, Pop.

521
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:16,969
Who the hell's that?

522
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,771
That is the wonderful father
of Ruben Amaro Jr.

523
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,708
named Ruben Amaro Sr.,
and I wish that was us.

524
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,843
That is us!
I'm here.

525
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,378
I'm trying to help you,
you moron!

526
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:26,479
Well, you're not!

527
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:29,249
I hate this play,
and now I hate all musicals.

528
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:32,485
So thank you for taking
my favorite thing in the world

529
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:33,953
and ruining it.

530
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:36,022
(MIKE + THE MECHANICS
PLAYING THE LIVING YEARS)

531
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,426
Schmoo?

532
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,428
Save your schmoos.
I don't want to
hear it from you.

533
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,396
I just got off the phone
with cousin Marci.

534
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:44,964
Oh, God, well,
what did you do now?

535
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,032
Nothing.

536
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,801
Apparently, Marci played
your jingles for her office,

537
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,104
and they loved 'em.

538
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:52,439
Thought it was
a bold stunt.

539
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,773
Stunt?

540
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,576
You gave me those songs
to make me look like
a crazy person.

541
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,211
Well, they don't need
to know that.

542
00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,713
That's great, but it doesn't
make up for the fact

543
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:04,050
that you sabotaged me
and you're never gonna change.

544
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,352
I know.

545
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:08,421
Truth is, I am a selfish,
scheming mama bear

546
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:09,889
who can't
let her kids leave

547
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,559
because she loves them
so damn much.

548
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,294
And the worst thing is,

549
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,730
I'll be like this
'til I'm 75 years old.

550
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,767
If that's your way of saying
I'm sorry, it's not working.

551
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,035
(SIGHS) I knew you were
gonna say that.

552
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,474
So I thought maybe some
new flash cards might help.

553
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,409
* Say it loud

554
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,577
(SCOFFS) Don't.

555
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,379
* Say it loud

556
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:33,446
* Say it clear

557
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,881
Really not helping.

558
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,449
* Whoa-oh, say it clear *

559
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:37,750
God.

560
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,852
* You can listen

561
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:40,920
Still a no.

562
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,956
* As well as you hear

563
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,292
"Rapplepop," really?

564
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,962
* It's too late

565
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,598
* It's too late

566
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,065
Even if I'm
in Los Angeles?

567
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,567
* When we die

568
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,869
* Whoa-oh, when we die

569
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,905
* To admit

570
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,808
* We don't see eye to eye...

571
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,876
How did you know
I was gonna ask that?

572
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,613
'Cause I know you
better than anyone, schmoo.

573
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,916
And the one thing about me
that'll never change

574
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,285
is how much
I rapplepop you.

575
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,120
* Between the present
and the past

576
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,656
(VOICE BREAKING)
I rapplepop you too, Mom.

577
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,659
* We only sacrifice
the future

578
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:25,131
* It's the bitterness
that lasts...

579
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,799
Whatcha doing?

580
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,068
Thinking about joining
the baseball team.

581
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,339
All the dads there seem to be
very kind and supportive.

582
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,706
I deserve that.

583
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,107
If you're just gonna
yell at me again...

584
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,709
I'm really not.

585
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:39,246
All I want is for you
to follow me.

586
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,780
ADULT ADAM:
And for the first time ever,

587
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:44,451
my dad was the one who shared
a home movie with me.

588
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,986
* Say it, say it
say it loud...

589
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,356
Okay,
what am I looking at?

590
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:50,457
Me.

591
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,459
You were in Fiddler?

592
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,193
I played Tevye.

593
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,996
I only auditioned
because my dad loved the play.

594
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,266
But Pop-Pop
hates everything.

595
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:00,800
Not this.

596
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,502
He was so proud.

597
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,804
He would sit
in the front row
every night.

598
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,639
And for the first time,

599
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,741
I felt close to the guy,
you know?

600
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,712
So, that's why
this means so much to you?

601
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,314
I know it's stupid.

602
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:17,884
But I just wanted us
to have the same thing
I had with my dad.

603
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,320
ADULT ADAM:
In that moment,
I realized why my father

604
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:23,155
became a crazed sports dad
when it came to Fiddler.

605
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,057
He wasn't trying to live
through me.

606
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:28,495
He was trying to connect
the only way he knew how.

607
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,363
And with a little perspective,

608
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:34,066
I finally understood just
how great of a play it was.

609
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,902
Sometimes,
it's hard to understand

610
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,571
why the people we love
act the way they do.

611
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,507
But when you put
your trust in them,

612
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,209
that's when the real
traditions come to life.

613
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:48,281
* Hey, so say it, say it
say it loud... *

614
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,963
Okay, everyone
shut your faces.

615
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,765
Dad, I've decided
who I'm gonna

616
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,066
be in Fiddler on the Roof,

617
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,335
so you can finally be

618
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:09,402
my sports theater Dad.

619
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:10,770
His sports what?
Don't ask.

620
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,238
I shall be Lazer Wolf.

621
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,540
Stop! The play's over!

622
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:14,974
Ah. (CHUCKLES)

623
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,709
You're trying to motivate me.

624
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,245
Well, Lazer Wolf never quits
'cause he's got lasers!

625
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,615
Moron! Lazar Wolf is
the respected town butcher.

626
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,251
(HOWLS)

627
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,454
I don't know what any
of that was.

628
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:28,488
It's for the best.