1 00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,371 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, the biggest night for any bride, 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,939 besides the wedding, was the bachelorette party. 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,708 Lashes were curled, hair was crimped, 4 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,377 sashes were sashed... 5 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:12,313 All to make it a night that the bride-to-be would never forget. 6 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,682 Guys, it's so sweet you went to all this trouble for me. 7 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,250 Really? 'Cause you said if we didn't, 8 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,751 you'd "never forgive us." 9 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,221 And then you said, "If you're going to go to the trouble, 10 00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,556 do everything I say." Still, so sweet. 11 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,991 We totally went all-out. 12 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:28,129 I even packed us a naughty bag of bachelorette nastiness. 13 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,263 Check it out, girlfriend. 14 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,065 Oh, n-n-n-never! 15 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,700 Bar, you need to chill. 16 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,902 All we're doing is going for a little fondue 17 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,003 and a lot of karaoke. 18 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:38,439 Where there's music, there's dancing. 19 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,974 Will there be dancing in a group setting? Someone tell me. 20 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,076 What's happening? 21 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,113 As bridesmaids, you are legally obligated 22 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:48,282 to form a protective dance wall around the bride-to-be. 23 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,451 I thought our job was to, like, catch the bouquet 24 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,852 and hook up with a random hot cousin. 25 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:55,123 Wrong! Now, everyone fall into anti-grinding formation. 26 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,324 Let's practice. 27 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,660 Hey, I'm a local townie looking for a good grind. 28 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,630 Uh-oh. They're playing "Safety Dance." 29 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,098 But this is not safe. 30 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,433 Honestly, it's going to be fine. 31 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,201 Then you leave me no choice. 32 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,969 Attention! 33 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:11,939 I shall throw my own wild bachelor party. 34 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,507 Cool. Really? 35 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,742 I trust you. Well, you shouldn't.2 36 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,010 You should. You're never gonna do better anyway. 37 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,613 Agreed. Time to go tell my best man 38 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,015 to plan a gnarly bachelor party 39 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,351 and also pick my best man. 40 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,386 ** 41 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,788 Adam, it's recently come to my attention 42 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,957 that I need a best man, and I've made my choice. 43 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,225 Naked Rob, right? 44 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,793 He's the heart and soul of the JTP. 45 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:33,861 No, dummy. 46 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,529 It's you, 'cause you're my brother 47 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,631 and you mean the stupid world to me. 48 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,333 What? Stop. 49 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,001 Don't make this all weird and tearful. 50 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:44,305 I-I just can't help it. It's just such a wonderful moment for us. 51 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,006 No! Don't you dare feel deep emotion, 52 00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,308 'cause then I'll feel it, too! 53 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,376 (VOICE BREAKING) I just... 54 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,011 I have a brother who loves me so much. 55 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,480 It's true. 56 00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,047 We gotta do man stuff fast. 57 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,149 We can battle on my official 58 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,084 "Over the Top" arm-wrestling table. 59 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,320 (VOICE BREAKING) I'm gonna break all the little bones in your little bird hand. 60 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,522 Do it. Right now. 61 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,991 Be Stallone. Go over the top and pin my arm. 62 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,559 Oh, no! 63 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,229 Now we're just holding hands and staring into each other's teary eyes. 64 00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,498 Your fingers are so gently entangled in mine. 65 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,367 It's like you're my missing puzzle piece! 66 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,403 I don't know where I stop and where you begin! 67 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,870 No! 68 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,740 If you cry tears of love, then I'll cry tears of love. 69 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,243 Oh, no! I hear crying. I've got my first-aid kit. 70 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,344 What's wrong? 71 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,546 Barry asked me to be his best man! 72 00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:26,847 Oh, sweet God, no. 73 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,382 (VOICE BREAKING) I love this boy. 74 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,584 (VOICE BREAKING) I need to hug you both as tight as I can right now. 75 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,819 Hold me in your arms. (ADAM CRYING) 76 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,555 (ALL SOBBING) 77 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,156 * I'm twisted up inside 78 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:39,893 * But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 79 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,697 * I don't know the future 80 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:47,301 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 81 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,203 ADULT ADAM: It was December 5th, 1980-something, 82 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,104 and my mom was dropping us off at school 83 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,773 in my dad's crappy old car. 84 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,308 At least, she was trying to. 85 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,310 Goldbergs, you're up. Unlock and unload. 86 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,645 Mwah, mwah. Go. 87 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,013 Be the amazing, delicious boys I birthed you to be. 88 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,315 Damn it! 89 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,251 You know this door doesn't open from the inside. 90 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,418 You gotta get out and open it. 91 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,720 Goldberg, Goldfarb, let's hurry it up. 92 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,589 Damn it, just get out on Adam's side. 93 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:09,757 (ADAM EXCLAIMS) 94 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,124 The door's bungee-d shut 95 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,060 'cause Dad slammed it too hard after the Eagles lost. 96 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,895 Oh, poop! (HORN HONKS) 97 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,196 No, you don't get out. They get out. 98 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,131 If I don't get out, they can't get out. 99 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,868 I'm sorry. I had to take Murray's car today. 100 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:21,935 I don't need your backstory, 101 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:24,204 Norman Mailer. Just get 'em out. 102 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,240 Damn it, Murray! All right, we got a two-minute limit. 103 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,309 You're gonna have to circle back around. Next! 104 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:29,510 I am not getting back 105 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,111 in that line. Look at how long it is. 106 00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,880 It's that long because of you! 107 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:33,981 Mom, let us out! 108 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,249 Boys, just climb out the window. 109 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,217 Go, go, go! (HORN HONKING) 110 00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,086 Oh, Schmoopie, no! Don't go headfirst! 111 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,688 I gotta see what I'm landing on. 112 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,122 I don't want to get a gravel rash. 113 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,891 All right, this circus act is unacceptable. 114 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,793 Oh, no! My glasses! 115 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,461 Forget 'em. You got four other senses. 116 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,896 Wait. My Toaster Strudel. 117 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,298 I'll drop it off later. 118 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,132 It's fine. I'll just "Dukes of Hazzard" it. 119 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:55,269 Oh, Barry, no. Do not "Dukes of Hazzard" the window. 120 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,337 Too late! 121 00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,438 (GROANS) 122 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,307 You need a new car. 123 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,674 Ah, again with this? 124 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,843 My car works just fine. Tell her, Bill. 125 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,077 This kind of feels like 126 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:05,379 one of those lose-lose situations 127 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,647 I'd rather not be involved in. 128 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,081 Too late. You're going with us. 129 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,483 You're gonna be a bad influence 130 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,352 and goad him into spending some money. 131 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,287 How about this? We compromise. 132 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:16,424 I replace the door handle, and boom! Everybody wins! 133 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,825 Forget the door handle. 134 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,192 You've been driving the same car 135 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,661 since our first date. 136 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,363 So it's got sentimental value. You get it. 137 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,565 You're getting a new car. 138 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:29,903 ** 139 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,271 (THUD) Hey! 140 00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,140 Time to talk bachelor party, best man. 141 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,976 Last night, I taped a movie off Cinemax 142 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,110 starring Tom Hanks, 143 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,112 that forever changed my life... 144 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,247 "Bachelor Party." 145 00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,450 My dad said that movie was a raunchy shlockfest 146 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,017 that celebrates the lowest form of comedy. 147 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,319 Your dad knows his stuff. 148 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:48,055 It is brilliant, and I want it to be the blueprint 149 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,823 for my zany bachelor party. 150 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,659 What exactly do you mean by "zany"? 151 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:55,028 I'm talking about a giant rager in a hotel suite 152 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,530 with sketchy babes, 153 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,499 unruly Japanese businessmen, 154 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:01,168 and a beer-guzzling mule that passes out. 155 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,571 That sounds very adult. 156 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,772 Exactly! 157 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,707 Everyone's saying I'm just a dumb kid 158 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,208 who's stupidly getting married. 159 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,611 But this party will prove I'm a dumb adult 160 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:11,712 who's stupidly getting married. 161 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:12,880 That logic kind of tracks. 162 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,348 Thank you, David Kimberly. 163 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,049 You think "Kim" is short for "Kimberly"? 164 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,184 I'm certain of it. 165 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,786 Get to party planning, boys. 166 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,154 No pressure, but my whole marriage depends on it. 167 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,890 Don't worry. I will not rest 168 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:26,494 till I throw you the bachelor party in "Bachelor Party." 169 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,863 (CHEERING ON TVV) 170 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,366 You can't throw him this bachelor party in this movie, man. 171 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,435 You can't do it. I know, Dave Kim. 172 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,104 There's so much bad language and full-frontal shenanigans. 173 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,572 I know, Dave Kim! 174 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,408 Why would boyishly lovable Tom Hanks 175 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:41,542 agree to be in this? 176 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,210 He's done. He'll never work again. 177 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,112 I know, Dave Kim! 178 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,180 Barry said his marriage hinges on this! 179 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,517 What are you gonna do, bro? 180 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,985 I don't know, Dave Kim. I don't know. 181 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,521 ADULT ADAM: That day, the only thing harder 182 00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,255 than throwing Barry a bachelor party 183 00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:56,990 was getting my dad to buy a new car. 184 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,627 Howdy, folks. Welcome to Calabasas Family Auto. 185 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,796 Hey, I'm gonna kick things off with a friendly ice breaker. 186 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,131 Are any of you guys cops? 187 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,933 No? Perfect! 188 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,601 Hey, this handsome young guy looks like 189 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,437 he's looking for something sporty, right? 190 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,071 Not even a little. Okay. 191 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,140 Please don't touch me. Sounds like a plan. 192 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,608 Actually, I dragged him here. 193 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:15,809 He needs a new car. 194 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,645 Well, I can tell just from the look of you 195 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,013 that you only settle for the best. Am I right? 196 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,148 You are not. 197 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,750 Save your spiel for the other suckers. 198 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:23,917 I'm just here for a new handle. 199 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,253 Murray, look at me and hear the words 200 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,689 of a woman who was banned from carpool. 201 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,057 You're getting a car today. 202 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,125 Any car. I don't even care what it is at this point. 203 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,161 My God, Mur-man! 204 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,663 You're such a cheap bastard, 205 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,831 your wife has completely given up 206 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,933 and letting you get whatever car you like. 207 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,402 No, no. Now, let's respect your sensible pal 208 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,971 and his sensible choices. 209 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,874 Allow me to show you to our finest door handles, 210 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,409 which are just past the luxury sports cars. 211 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:50,478 Don't let them seduce you. 212 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,880 Ah, let me make this easy on you, okay? 213 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,782 No, no, no... 214 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,650 Never. 215 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,052 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, my dad would ask a question 216 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,021 that would change the course of history. 217 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,422 What's that? 218 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,357 That, my friend, is the "Bitter." 219 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,594 It's Austrian. So very rare. 220 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,630 Kind of looks like a Ferrari. I really loved those as a kid. 221 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,364 Come on, Murray. For once in your life, 222 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,600 just treat yourself. 223 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,867 And what a treat! 224 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,037 Hey, Mur! Individual seat heaters! 225 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,607 You know what they call that? "The marriage saver." 226 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,241 Maybe if I had these bun toasters, 227 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,511 I'd still be married. (LAUGHS) 228 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,778 Who am I kidding? 229 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,881 We had separate bedrooms, only said hi in the hallway. 230 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,316 But come on! 231 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,984 Ah, (BLEEP) it! 232 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,153 Aw, don't let your sad pal sell you 233 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,088 on this marvel of modern engineering 234 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:39,159 that happens to go from zero to 60 in only 8.1 seconds flat. 235 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,360 That is fast. 236 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,029 That's because there's a V-6 engine 237 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,731 and 210 horses under the hood. 238 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,899 That's a lot of ponies running wild. 239 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,902 I call 'em ponies, too, and nobody ever gets that. 240 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,904 I'm starting to think that this thing is meant to be. 241 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,105 She is a beauty. 242 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,007 So? What do you think? 243 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,643 Do we have ourselves a sale? 244 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:56,810 Here's the thing. 245 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,378 I'm a simple man. 246 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,047 I-I don't need fancy things. 247 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,282 I just need, uh... 248 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,084 A new door handle. Fine. 249 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,285 Follow me to Parts. 250 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,386 So close. 251 00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:07,888 Disappointed! 252 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,524 ADULT ADAM: And so, my dad's car troubles were over. 253 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,561 Little did he know, my mom was about to switch gears. 254 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,829 ** 255 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,097 Morning, sunshine. 256 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,566 What the hell did you do? 257 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,200 You may refuse to treat yourself, 258 00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,769 but I can still treat you. 259 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,871 Oh, you should see the look on your face. 260 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:24,938 (CHUCKLING) Seriously... 261 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,439 Hey, don't shut the door on me. 262 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,976 It's the Ferrari of Austria, Murray! 263 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,912 Lose yourself in luxury! 264 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,981 Damn, Murray, take the car! 265 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,282 (YELLS) 266 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,784 BARRY: Okay, best man. 267 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,319 Take us through my epic adult-man bachelor party. 268 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,954 ALL: Adult-man bachelor party! 269 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,690 Strap yourselves in, boys. 270 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,958 First, we kick it off at the Willow Grove Mall 271 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,796 with a fun night of Skee-Ball and more at Challenges Arcade. 272 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:49,997 Question. 273 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,700 Does the "more" include nudity and/or keg stands? 274 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,401 ALL: Nudity and/or keg stands! 275 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:55,836 It does not. 276 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:59,239 But it does include unlimited tokens, air hockey, 277 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,976 and a private party room featuring a Cookie Puss cake. 278 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,746 Question. In this said private party room, 279 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,815 will there also be a stolen Porsche 280 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,583 and/or a drunk donkey? 281 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,084 ALL: And/or drunk donkey! 282 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,886 No. But fear not, 283 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,656 'cause I did book us a mini-horse 284 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:19,459 that we can pet and be like, "Look! A mini-horse." 285 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:22,562 Dude! I asked for a crazy rager fit for men. 286 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,665 You're just throwing me a lame kid's birthday party. 287 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,634 Maybe that's 'cause I am a kid. 288 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,769 Then I hereby fire you as best man 289 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,503 and demote you to regular man. 290 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,172 No. Please don't make me just regular. 291 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,041 JTP, you're my new best man. 292 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,142 ALL: New best man! 293 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,477 Adam, vacate the presenting area. 294 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,579 Let's hear it, boys. What do you got? 295 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:42,783 Bro, if you want an adult-man bachelor party, 296 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,318 then we are gonna go extreme! 297 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,955 I say we kick off the night in a badass arcade 298 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,757 with some high-octane Skee-Ball! 299 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,625 High-octane. Now we're talking. 300 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,127 Followed by some extreme arcade gameplay, 301 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,563 totally balls out and wild! 302 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,232 That is balls out. You guys just get it. 303 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,635 Then we kick it up to the max with a monster mini-horse 304 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:02,970 and a no-holds-barred cake 305 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,705 made of insanely cold ice cream! 306 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,674 This is insane. All of it. 307 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,110 Dude! They just said the exact same stuff as me, 308 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,545 only they're shouting and using fancier adjectives. 309 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,347 Sorry. Nailed. Yeah. We're kids, too. 310 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,949 Fine! Adam's best man again. 311 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,150 ANDY: No! Damn it! 312 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,518 Dude, this is an emotional roller coaster. 313 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,154 How hard is it to throw me a gnarly bachelor party 314 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,590 that proves I'm a gnarly adult ready for marriage? 315 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,526 Honestly, none of us can throw you that kind of party. 316 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:30,330 But lucky for you, I know a guy who specializes in gnarly. 317 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:31,899 ADULT ADAM: And that guy was none other 318 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,433 than our party animal uncle, (DOORBELL RINGS) 319 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,902 Marvin Goldberg. 320 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,338 I heard somebody's in the market for a gnarly bachelor party. 321 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,408 Now, tell me, on a scale from 1 to 10, 322 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,743 how gnarly? 323 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,077 Six? Eight. 324 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,213 I heard six and eight. That's 14. 325 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,915 Out of my way, boys! 326 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,918 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, it was gonna be a big, gnarly mistake. 327 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,286 ADULT ADAM: Even though my mom treated my dad to a new Bitter, 328 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,622 it just made him more bitter than ever. 329 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:58,225 I mean it, Bevy. I'm returning that damn car. 330 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,294 The last thing I need is the Ferrari of Austria. 331 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,395 Sure you do. 332 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,064 Those people make a quality product. 333 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:07,267 They gave us the boomerang and Crocodile Dundee. 334 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,269 It's Austria, not Australia. 335 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,439 My God. Just...let me handle this, okay? 336 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,842 Murray, please. Just take the Bitter for a spin. 337 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,244 Look! I got you driving gloves. 338 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,446 I don't want to wear gloves while I drive. 339 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,914 What am I? The Equalizer? 340 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:24,284 Come on, Murray. Sporty new gloves for your sporty new car. 341 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,385 Just drive the thing. 342 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:26,553 Oh, I'll drive the thing. 343 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,856 Right back to that shyster's car lot. 344 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,491 ADULT ADAM: At least, that was my dad's plan... (HORN HONKS) 345 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,793 ...until this happened. 346 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,795 What? Like the car. What is it? 347 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,764 It's a Bitter. Never seen one. Where's it from? 348 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,331 Austria. Very rare. 349 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,767 Kind of looks like a Ferrari. 350 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,868 Love those cars. 351 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,202 Yeah, Ferraris are okay. 352 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,470 Yeah. 353 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,405 Well, thanks for letting me look at it. 354 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,942 ADULT ADAM: Yep. That first car compliment made my dad feel pretty good. 355 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,678 And by the tenth, he was riding high. 356 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,747 Hey. What kind of car? 357 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:54,948 Uh, it's a Bitter. 358 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,516 Austrian. Very rare. 359 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,650 At first, I thought it was a... 360 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,253 Oh, Ferrari. Yeah. It gets that a lot. 361 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,057 Also, Austria isn't the place with the boxing kangaroos. 362 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,793 That's Australia. 363 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,928 See? I'm growing, too. 364 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,930 You know, it's funny. When I drive it, 365 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,932 I feel like I'm standing out, 366 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,433 but not in a bad way. 367 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,268 Murray, do you feel special? 368 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,705 Yeah. I-I guess. I-I do feel special. 369 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:19,973 You are special, 370 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,910 and for once in your life, you deserve special things. 371 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,345 Ah, screw it! I'm a Bitter man now. 372 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,280 ADULT ADAM: Yep, that crazy foreign car 373 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,149 made something even crazier happen, 374 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:32,019 It made my dad start to embrace feeling special... 375 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,887 (ENGINE REVS) ...for about 10 seconds. 376 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,424 (ENGINE SPUTTERS) 377 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,926 (ENGINE STOPS) 378 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:45,165 (HORN BLARING) 379 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:50,103 Gentlemen, thanks for coming to Barry's bachelor party. 380 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,504 (ALL LAUGHING) 381 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:55,108 Adam, cue the mind-blowing visuals! 382 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,676 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) 383 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,712 MARVIN: (DEEP-VOICE) Philadelphia, known for the Liberty Bell, 384 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,814 South Street, 385 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,916 and the world's greatest cheesesteaks. 386 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:06,753 But tonight, none of that matters, not one damn bit. 387 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,021 (MUSIC STOPS) What? 388 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,456 But you made me go around the city 389 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,757 taking photos of that stuff. 390 00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,459 (IN NORMAL VOICE) It's for dramatic effect, man. 391 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,928 (DEEP VOICE) Which I achieved. 392 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:19,132 Because tonight, there's only one landmark that matters, 393 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,869 Delaware County's wildest dance club, 394 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,937 (MUSIC RESUMES) Pulsations! 395 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,539 (ALL EXCLAIMING IN AWE) 396 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,943 We're talking 6,000-square-foot dance floor, 397 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,744 wall-to-wall babes, 398 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,847 lasers, smoke machines, 399 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,783 giant speakers that guarantee permanent hearing loss, 400 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:41,221 and a sentient party robot that came to get down. 401 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,190 Seriously? They have a party robot? 402 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,757 (PROJECTOR CLICKS) Little fun fact, 403 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,527 it's the same robot they cast in "Rocky IV" as Paulie's robo-butler. 404 00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,529 ALL: Ooh! 405 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:52,632 And now, in your envelopes you will find, 406 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,801 (IN NORMAL VOICE) Binaca spray, Mexican pesos, 407 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,237 anti-venom, and fake I.D.s. 408 00:13:57,304 --> 00:14:00,908 Sweet! I'm a 65-year-old organ donor named Enzo Pinetti. 409 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,409 GEOFF: George P. Shultz? 410 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,244 Isn't he, like, Secretary of State? 411 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:05,812 Yeah, maybe you want to tuck your shirt in. 412 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,916 Philippe Tallahassee? Sounds totally made up, bro. 413 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,451 Not as made up as Abner Q. Cheeseburger. 414 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,386 Of German descent. It's perfectly plausible. 415 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,755 Yeah, okay. This whole night sounds a little intense. 416 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,790 Trust me, Cheeseburger. You'll be fine. 417 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,993 If not, the safeword is "apricot." 418 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,129 Thanks, but no thanks. I'm going home. 419 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,232 Guys, this terrifying journey to adulthood 420 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,067 is exactly what I need. 421 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,936 Just like Tom Hanks in "Bachelor Party," 422 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,071 this will finally get me ready for marriage. 423 00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,839 Now we're starting to make some good decisions. 424 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,942 Okay, now let's go over what to expect 425 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,978 in the VIP room at (SING-SONG) Pulsations! BARRY: Yes! 426 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,746 (GROANING) 427 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:42,049 Apricot! Apricot! Help! What? N-No! 428 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,485 Yeah, this thing's never driving again. 429 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,787 Never? Like never ever? 430 00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,957 Yeah. Not sure if you know this. 431 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,592 This is a Bitter. Austrian, very rare. 432 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,394 Yeah. We're aware. 433 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,929 Can't you just fix it? 434 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,130 Well, I mean, here's the thing. 435 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,631 If you have a car there's only one of, 436 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,133 I mean, it ain't easy to get parts. 437 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,569 There's legitimately none in this country. 438 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,272 So, what you're saying is, 439 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,608 I splurged on something nice for myself, 440 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:11,844 and the very next day, it's broken forever? 441 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,646 Yeah, that's exactly the case. 442 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:14,982 Your fault! No, 443 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,984 I saw the way you were looking at the Bitter. 444 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,585 You wanted the Bitter. 445 00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,453 You're a Bitter man, remember? 446 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,721 I am a bitter man. 447 00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,757 I'm bitter to have a broken car in my driveway 448 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,659 mocking me for the rest of my life. 449 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,195 Angry! 450 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,197 ADULT ADAM: While my dad was accepting his fate, 451 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,532 Barry was ready for his destiny. 452 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,634 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 453 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,603 (INAUDIBLE) 454 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,834 Dude! Where are you going? 455 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,370 Anywhere but here. 456 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,838 But I gave you exactly what you wanted. 457 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,407 I... 458 00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,909 I thought I wanted it, but... 459 00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,745 All it made me realize is, I'm not ready for any of it. 460 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:58,251 ** 461 00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,619 ADULT ADAM: After the Bitter had broken, 462 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,055 it left my dad bitter and broken. 463 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,456 Can you believe that woman? 464 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,857 "Treat yourself, Mur." 465 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,959 Who says that to a husband? Who? 466 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,162 Dear Lord! This is so infuriating, 467 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,997 it makes me wanna punch a wall. 468 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,533 Aw, pal, I really appreciate the support. 469 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,569 Wait, you think I'm on your side? Aren't you? 470 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,406 No! You make me want to punch a wall, not her! 471 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,973 You're my best friend. 472 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,176 You're supposed to blindly agree with anything I say. No. 473 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,245 Beverly is a saint. 474 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:28,115 Last I heard, my wife is somewhere in the Southwest. 475 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,118 That's not even a state. That's just a region of the country. 476 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,785 I can't get her on the phone. 477 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,621 There's not even an area code. 478 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,324 I ate a banana for dinner three times last week. 479 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,892 When I don't brush my teeth, nobody cares. 480 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,027 We all got stuff. 481 00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,262 Not you. 482 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,897 Your wife cooks for you, she appreciates you, 483 00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,466 she wants you to be happy. 484 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,835 My wife is a ghost in the wind. 485 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,005 Sometimes I talk to an old sock of hers when I feel lonely. 486 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,376 So, you're not gonna side with me on this, are you? 487 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:57,644 Hell no! 488 00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,679 And you're gonna make this right for us. 489 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,181 Now, if you'll excuse me, 490 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:04,217 I'm gonna go home and peel my dinner. 491 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,786 ADULT ADAM: It finally dawned on my dad. 492 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,021 He had a wife who would do anything to make him happy. 493 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,824 As for my brother, when it came to marriage, 494 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,960 he didn't know what to feel. (THE CARS' JUST WHAT I NEEDED PLAYING) 495 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,995 Got you some Cookie Puss, buddy. 496 00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,464 Forget it. 497 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,199 Party's over, dude. 498 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,667 Look. (SIGHS) 499 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,403 * 'Cause when you're standing oh so near 500 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,705 You may have hated your adult party, 501 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,175 but that doesn't mean you're not ready to be an adult. 502 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,509 Of course it does. 503 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,044 I mean, look at me. I haven't grown up at all. 504 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,148 Well, I may be the least mature human on the planet, 505 00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,849 but the one thing I know 506 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,352 is that the way you love and treat Lainey, 507 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,087 that's as grown-up as it gets. 508 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,557 Thanks, Ad Rock. Means a lot. 509 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,327 Just doing my job as best man. 510 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,662 You're more than my best man. 511 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,964 You're the best brother a guy could ask for. 512 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:55,168 Come on! We agreed no feelings or crying or hugging. 513 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,736 No, seriously. 514 00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,607 You really did throw me the bachelor party of my dreams. 515 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,342 Even if it was a total nightmare. 516 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,744 Well, it doesn't have to be. 517 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,414 Come on. The bachelor party's over. 518 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,183 Didn't you learn anything from Tom Hanks? 519 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,319 The party's over when we say it is. 520 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,755 * I guess you're just what I needed 521 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,624 ADULT ADAM: So, at the end of the day, 522 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:20,627 Barry never got the wild bachelor party he thought he wanted. 523 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,863 Instead, he got a night he'd never forget. 524 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,365 'Cause the truth is, 525 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:27,400 just when you think you're ready for the next level, 526 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:30,937 it's okay to just be in the moment and have a little fun. 527 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,939 Sure, that might not be right for everyone, 528 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,275 but for my brother, it was just what he needed. 529 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:38,010 * I guess you're just what I needed Just what I needed 530 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,647 Uh, I-I hope you don't mind. I need to use the car. 531 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,482 Sorry. I gotta make the returns. 532 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:43,850 You also, 533 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,554 didn't get to go on a picnic. 534 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,888 Murray, what are you doing? 535 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,491 I'm just trying to make things right with us. 536 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,326 And Bill. Uh, don't ask. 537 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,562 But why? You were right. It was my fault. 538 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,330 I'm the one who forced you into the car, 539 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,965 thinking it would make you happy. 540 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,267 Look. 541 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:03,870 I don't need nice things to be happy. 542 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,573 I've already got the nicest thing in the world. 543 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,640 You. 544 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,343 Aw, Mur. 545 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,112 ADULT ADAM: Yeah, my mom and dad may not have always seen eye-to-eye, 546 00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:14,647 but what really mattered 547 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,149 was that they had each other's backs. 548 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,418 That's the thing about the people 549 00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:19,986 we choose to spend our life with. 550 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,589 In the end, they're all we need to get by. 551 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,425 And, when it came to that busted-down Bitter, 552 00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,894 it really did sit in our driveway forever. 553 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,061 But it didn't matter, 554 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,930 because every time my dad saw it, 555 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,700 he was reminded that he already had the greatest gift of all, 556 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,068 a person to spend his life with. 557 00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,704 ( JUST WHAT I NEEDED CONTINUES) 558 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:44,611 ** 559 00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:51,951 ** 560 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,153 Off-campus lunch is a go, boys. 561 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,622 We've got 36 minutes 562 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,857 to make it to Jim's Steaks and back. 563 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,225 Let's ride. 564 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,528 Wait. I thought your dad sold his crappy old Tercel. 565 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,796 He bought it back 'cause his new sports car 566 00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,865 was even crappier than this crap box. 567 00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,134 Uh, bro, the door won't open. 568 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,269 That's 'cause it's been permanently busted. 569 00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,638 You just got to Dukes of Hazzard it. 570 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,172 (GRUNTS) ALL: Ooh! 571 00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:14,641 Need more of a head start. 572 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,142 (ALL GROAN) 573 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:17,477 Took my eye off it. 574 00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:18,678 (ALL GROAN) 575 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:19,912 Who moved the car? 576 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,849 BARRY: J... T... P! 577 00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,116 ALL: JTP? 578 00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:26,419 BARRY: General Lee! ANDY: Okay.