1 00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:04,526 ADULT ADAM: The '80s was the peak of the sports comedy, 2 00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,615 and my favorite, Major League. 3 00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:09,705 I loved the classic underdog story of a team of misfits 4 00:00:09,748 --> 00:00:12,882 who used questionable methods and voodoo to become champions. 5 00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:14,710 They actually make sports tolerable 6 00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:16,712 with their on-field shenanigans. 7 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,758 And Barry loved the unhinged, badass pitcher, "Wild Thing." 8 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:23,719 Dude, Wild Thing can't control his rage or his fastball. 9 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,068 That's just like me. 10 00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:26,765 ADULT ADAM: Yep, there was nothing better than rooting 11 00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:28,637 for the ragtag team with the evil owner. 12 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:29,942 You want us to lose? 13 00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:33,337 What I want is for us to finish dead last. 14 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,209 ADULT ADAM: And then one day, Major League 15 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,558 became a major reality. 16 00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:38,168 You wanted to see me, Earl? 17 00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:40,475 Ah, there's my favorite shop teacher. 18 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:41,693 We should cut the chitchat. 19 00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:43,652 I have 63 birdhouses to grade. 20 00:00:43,695 --> 00:00:46,959 See, that is just the kind of statement that leads me to believe 21 00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:49,310 you're the perfect man to help me out.With? 22 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:51,921 I want to get rid of the baseball team.Sure. 23 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:54,315 See, Coach Mellor's departure has left the team in shambles. 24 00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:55,446 Sure. 25 00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:57,927 They're so bad that even the school paper 26 00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:00,147 has stopped trying to spin the losses. 27 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,497 If our team keeps playing like hot garbage, 28 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,456 I could convince the board to drop the program 29 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,416 and spend that money fixing our budgeting issues.Sure. 30 00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:11,158 Which is why you're gonna be our new baseball coach. 31 00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,247 What? I don't know anything about the game. 32 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,379 A-All I played growing up were timber sports. 33 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:16,511 Timber sports? 34 00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,121 Log rolling, speed felling, 35 00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:19,470 speed whittling, speed sanding. 36 00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:22,473 Yeah, you help me lose and that absurd radial arm saw 37 00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:25,259 you've been requesting is all yours.Batter up. 38 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,565 I have taken the liberty of tracking down 39 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,437 some new recruits for the team. 40 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,395 They all happen to be students 41 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:34,137 who have been dodging their athletic requirements, 42 00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,574 if you catch my drift. Good luck. 43 00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:39,229 ADULT ADAM: And with that, Mr. Crosby set out to assemble 44 00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:41,275 the worst high-school team of all time. 45 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,451 Would you look at that? My shoes are untied. 46 00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:45,801 Better lace these up before I trip. 47 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,803 That is a wrap on whatever the hell this is. 48 00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,631 Get your hands and feet to the gym, boys. 49 00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,373 All right, you've died of dysentery. Time to play sports. 50 00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:53,722 Can I save my... Go! Get your ass to the gym. 51 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:54,940 Go, go, go, go, go, go. 52 00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,768 Come with me, Dave Kim. 53 00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,074 Is this about my birdhouse? 54 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,945 I need an extension. 55 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:02,122 David Sirota, Jessie Wudders, stop playing pretend government 56 00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:03,601 and start playing real baseball. 57 00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,516 But I-I only own penny loafers. 58 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:06,952 This is gonna be easier than I thought. 59 00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:08,650 ADULT ADAM: Needless to say, 60 00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,826 my brother wasn't thrilled with our team's new rookies. 61 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,088 I don't get it. 62 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,221 We haven't won a game all season. 63 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,310 Now they're hamstringing us with you turds? 64 00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:18,094 Hey, we don't wanna be here either. 65 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,965 And what are you wearing? 66 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,968 Coach was a uniform short, so I'm wearing my costume from Damn Yankees. 67 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:25,101 Adam, today is my first pitching start, 68 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,885 and they are not gonna ruin it. 69 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:29,671 Relax. We're just here to satisfy our sports requirement. 70 00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:31,847 There's no chance Coach will ever put us in. 71 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,414 Okay, listen up, team. 72 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:35,459 There's been some changes to the starting lineup. 73 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,200 Shortstop... Dave Kim. 74 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,810 No! 75 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,465 He's, like, the worst Dave Kim of all the Dave Kims. 76 00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:42,771 CROSBY: Moving on. 77 00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:44,468 Playing right field, Adam Goldberg. 78 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:45,774 What? 79 00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:48,864 He's got a lazy eye and the body to match. 80 00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:51,649 Normally, I'd object but I'm desperate here. 81 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,826 Look at it. These eyes cannot catch a baseball. 82 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:57,960 Oh, God. Put back on the corrective lenses, man. Please. 83 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,571 ♪ Wild thing ♪ 84 00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:05,968 ADULT ADAM: It was January 30, 1980-something, 85 00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,970 a landmark day for Gerica. 86 00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:10,059 Happy Kissa-versary. 87 00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,104 Here are some tulips to celebrate the day 88 00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:14,019 these two lips first kissed those two lips. 89 00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:15,804 Ew. But also aww. 90 00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,109 And wait, there's more. 91 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:19,155 I also booked us a romantic getaway to the Poconos. 92 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,852 Poconos? 93 00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,072 That's our most scenic and budget-friendly mountain range. 94 00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:24,726 You know it. Get packing, lady. 95 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,467 This is amazing. 96 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,599 The two of us, alone. 97 00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,732 How did you convince your dad to say yes? 98 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:32,908 Oh, it was easy. Uh, mostly because I haven't done it yet. 99 00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:34,605 But I have a foolproof plan. 100 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:35,432 I'm going to lie to him. 101 00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,870 Well, this was a fun ride. 102 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,220 I'll just rent us a movie. 103 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,178 Oh, come on. What, are you implying I can't lie? 104 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,440 I can lie. I lie all the time. 105 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,181 You really don't. And when you do, 106 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,183 you bail immediately and then overcompensate 107 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,054 by revealing a deeply personal secret 108 00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,534 that nobody wants to know. 109 00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:53,363 Surely you're thinking of some other unskilled liar. 110 00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:55,104 Hey, Mom, Geoff has some thoughts 111 00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:56,758 on your new Jazzercise ensemble 112 00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,194 that he wants to share with you. 113 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,283 Ah, don't you just love it, Geoffrey? 114 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,198 The Lycra is form-fitting, 115 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,895 but it still gives me the freedom 116 00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,419 to explore all my moves. 117 00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:08,335 Uh, well, I suppose I enjoy the bold colors 118 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,554 and the sleeve length and... Oh, my God. 119 00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:11,990 Also, one time at summer camp, 120 00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:14,123 I took a puff of a cigar and then it made me really nauseous 121 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,472 and I threw up in a lake. 122 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,387 And there it is. 123 00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:20,564 ADULT ADAM: And so it was up to my sister to concoct the perfect lie. 124 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:24,220 The Eastern Pennsylvania Scholastic Achievement Awards? 125 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,570 That's fantastic, but it doesn't surprise me 126 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,442 my Geoffrey is receiving such an honor. 127 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,226 Well, it's really an award for you, too. 128 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,401 You raised a smarty. 129 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:32,794 Take some videos. 130 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,491 Okay, well, we'll see ya when we see ya. 131 00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,885 ADULT ADAM: While Erica and Geoff lied their way to a dream weekend, 132 00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:39,191 I was living a true nightmare. 133 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:40,541 Please don't let the ball come to me. 134 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,456 Please. Oh, balls. 135 00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,936 I-I don't got it! I don't got it! 136 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,286 I definitely don't got it! 137 00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,767 Turns out, our underdog team 138 00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,466 wasn't as bad as the one inMajor League. 139 00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:53,945 No, we were worse. 140 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,906 I'm as mad at me as you are. 141 00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:00,909 Boys are looking lousy out there, Crosby. Good coaching. 142 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,869 Whoa. Kremp can actually play. 143 00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:06,784 Yeah, that's on me. 144 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,090 Kid was making a weird movie with Goldberg. 145 00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,483 I made some assumptions. 146 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,528 Kremp, you're benched for showboating. 147 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:12,355 Penny loafer, you're in. 148 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,489 In my defense, I have cleats, 149 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,707 but you insisted I wear these. 150 00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,274 CROSBY: Uh-huh. Move it, penny loafer. 151 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,624 Can I just stand in the grass area? They're getting all dusty. 152 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,931 Yeah, you do what you need to do, kid. 153 00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,715 ADULT ADAM: And the cherry on top of our suck sundae, 154 00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,543 my brother's pitching. 155 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,546 Just a bit outside. 156 00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:32,506 Ball four. 157 00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:33,855 Ball eight. 158 00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,335 Honestly, I've lost count. 159 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:40,644 ADULT ADAM: I just couldn't stop wondering why Crosby and Ball 160 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:43,778 didn't seem to care that our team was so epically bad. 161 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:45,562 And then it hit me. 162 00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,306 The ball just punched me. 163 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,264 They wanted us to lose, like inMajor League. 164 00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:55,659 Meanwhile, my sister was on a major romantic getaway. 165 00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,531 You know, I gotta admit, 166 00:05:57,574 --> 00:05:59,054 the whole time you were lying to my dad, 167 00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,883 I had this feeling that something terrible was gonna happen. 168 00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:04,451 Stick with me, Schwartz. I'll never lead you wrong. 169 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,759 Oh, my God! 170 00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:13,329 ADULT ADAM: Yep, this is 100% true. 171 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,288 My oldest sibling snuck off on a romantic getaway 172 00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,639 and actually did this to my dad's car. 173 00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,078 Oh, God! What are we gonna do? 174 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,994 Cars don't just fall off cliffs at scholastic award shows! 175 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,256 Forget the awards! 176 00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:28,910 My dad's car just rolled off a cliff! 177 00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:30,651 Oh, my dad's gonna kill me! 178 00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:33,218 Please make sure some nice lady gets my eyes! Promise me! 179 00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,437 Okay, let's just take a deep breath 180 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,700 of the fresh mountain air and think. 181 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,920 I lied my way into this mess. 182 00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:40,661 I can lie my way out of it. 183 00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:43,141 And just as the scholastic gala was ending, 184 00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:46,449 Geoff and I walked outside and found a sack of abandoned puppies. 185 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:49,104 Naturally, we raced the car to the animal hospital, 186 00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,585 but there was a drawbridge being raised 187 00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,717 and we tried to jump it for the puppies 188 00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:56,111 because we're good people, but the car didn't make it. 189 00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,375 Luckily, we're fine 190 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,811 and so were the two dozen puppies 191 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:02,247 that have now all found homes. 192 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:04,467 Drawbridges are death ramps. 193 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:07,514 My nail girl's brother tried to jump a drawbridge. 194 00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,560 They found his head and torso on a fishing trawler. 195 00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:13,607 He's in culinary school now, but every day is a struggle. 196 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,304 Thank God the two of you were not hurt. 197 00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:16,523 It's a lie. 198 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,525 We were in the Poconos on a secret getaway. 199 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,744 We parked your station wagon on the hill without the parking brake, 200 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,529 and also I copied part of my Bar Mitzvah speech 201 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,487 from a Winston Churchill biography. 202 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,750 So you lied right to my face, Geoffy? 203 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:29,057 Wait, no. It... It's not Geoff's fault. 204 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,712 It's all mine, and I'm so sorry. 205 00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:33,365 ADULT ADAM: And then my sister braced herself 206 00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:35,193 for a nuclear Murray meltdown. 207 00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,720 You sent my car off a cliff! 208 00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,504 Wow, he's taking this really well. 209 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,332 I figured that he would be screaming his head off. 210 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,290 Off a cliff! Who does that? 211 00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,511 Oh, no. Your father has reached a stage beyond anger. 212 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:51,645 All my family does is wreck my car! 213 00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:53,255 Third time this year! 214 00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:55,170 Oh, this is not good. 215 00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:56,301 The Poconos. 216 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:57,564 You could've been killed. 217 00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,696 To be honest, I'm digging this way more 218 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:01,219 than the screaming and the "moron" calling. 219 00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:04,571 My insurance is gonna go through the roof! 220 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:06,486 Okay, I got to get him inside and try to calm him down 221 00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,791 with warm milk and Steak-umms. 222 00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:10,359 I don't know if it'll work, but I'm a desperate woman. 223 00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:14,668 Anyway, I-I'm sorry about the bending the truth thing. 224 00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:15,712 It probably won't happen again. 225 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,584 The only reason Geoff is in this mess 226 00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,281 is because of your terrible influence, 227 00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,370 and it stops now. 228 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,937 This relationship is over. 229 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,983 What? Y-You can't break up with my girlfriend. 230 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,550 W-Wait, can you? Can he? 231 00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,552 I don't know. I've never been in this situation before. 232 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,207 Let's go, son. 233 00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,948 ADULT ADAM: While Erica's lies had finally caught up to her, 234 00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:37,386 I was catching up the guys on my major revelation. 235 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:40,215 Gentlemen, Principal Ball and Mr. Crosby 236 00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:42,913 are Major Leagueing this team.What? 237 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:45,699 Just one glaring problem with your theory. 238 00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:48,615 If he wanted us to lose, they'd never let me pitch. 239 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,313 Barry, he let you pitch because of how bad you are. 240 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,923 Adam. A word? 241 00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:55,709 Just between us, the last thing I would want 242 00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,928 is for me to seem weak in front of the team, 243 00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:01,279 but what you just said about my pitching hurt me to the core. 244 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:02,629 Uh, bro? 245 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,456 We can hear everything you're saying. 246 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,588 You're, like, not that far away. 247 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,244 I'm sorry. 248 00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:10,680 I just thought it was important you all know the truth. 249 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,900 But I don't suck. 250 00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:15,076 I'm literally gonna cry right now. 251 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,991 Guys, it's not so much a distance thing 252 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:19,428 as a volume thing, 'cause we're getting every word. 253 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:22,300 Damn it! I'll prove how good I am right now! 254 00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:23,432 Who's got a ball? 255 00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:24,781 I've got a tangerine. 256 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:27,523 But it's supposed to be for emergency dips in my blood sugar. 257 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,481 This is an emergency. 258 00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:31,614 What are you doing? I'm gonna throw 259 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,747 this little embarrassing emergency orange at you 260 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,010 so you can feel how much I don't suck. 261 00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,929 Dude. We're being Major League'd. 262 00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,670 What are we gonna do? I'll tell you what. 263 00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,759 We're gonna Major League 'em right back. 264 00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,543 'Cause in the end, it turns out 265 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,850 that ragtag bunch of losers win it all! 266 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,547 And so will we! 267 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:55,029 Or we put all our faith in our amazing pitcher 268 00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,683 to take us to the championship. 269 00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,119 Wild Thing. 270 00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,381 Look alive, Shernicke. 271 00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:03,777 Okay, we can just go with his thing. 272 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,999 ADULT ADAM: Even though Earl Ball wanted us to lose, 273 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:12,089 I'd use my favorite sports movie to help us win. 274 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:15,919 Okay, our Major Leaguejourney from underdog scrubs 275 00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:18,356 to skilled champions begins with one thing. 276 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,925 Meet Jobu, the idol that Pedro Cerrano prays to 277 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,710 that helps you hit the curve ball. 278 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:27,496 Uh, bro? That doll seems a little super insensitive. 279 00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:29,454 He's hilarious in the movie, 280 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,848 but presenting it now just makes me feel kinda weird. 281 00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,241 Y-Yeah, I'd... I'd put it away. 282 00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,808 Okay, we're gonna lose. 283 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,505 Not if we have a sexy incentive for us to win. 284 00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,072 Aw, yeah, like in the movie. 285 00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:39,551 Whenever the Indians would win, 286 00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:42,163 they would remove a sliver of clothing from a cardboard cutout 287 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,382 of the team's super hot yet evil owner. 288 00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:47,995 Which is why I made a cardboard cutout of our nemesis, 289 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:50,040 school principal and avid swimmer, Earl Ball. 290 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,916 Relax. We're only gonna take a piece off 291 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,091 when we don't win. 292 00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,440 This team shall never lose again. 293 00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,268 We can't let it happen, guys. 294 00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,487 For sure! But also, where did you get that picture? 295 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,359 Finally, we have to band together 296 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:05,882 and address each of our weaknesses. 297 00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,362 Like in the movie 298 00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:10,147 when the team had to convince Wild Thing to wear glasses. 299 00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:13,150 Bro, I-I think someone would know if they needed glasses. 300 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:16,197 Not to be this guy, but we're all painfully aware 301 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,416 that you're super nearsighted but refuse to acknowledge it. 302 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,114 I can see just fine. 303 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,464 I'll prove it. I'll read your shirt. "Spice Inventors." 304 00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,118 ALL: No. "Spork Investors"? 305 00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:25,815 No. "Shark Incisors"? 306 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,296 ALL: No. "Snake Inhalers." Yeah? 307 00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:29,776 Nope. "Spanish Inquisition"? 308 00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:31,865 No, that's... "Saint Ignatius"? 309 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:32,779 What? How have you made it this far? 310 00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:34,171 "Spare Bedroom"? No. 311 00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,390 "Spanakopita"? 312 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:36,739 Here. I'm nearsighted, too. 313 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:42,092 Oh, it's "Space Invaders." 314 00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,659 That makes sense. 315 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,792 So you're finally admitting to yourself that you need glasses? 316 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,751 I've always known! I can't believe you all knew 317 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:49,839 and never cared enough to tell me. 318 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,146 Why? 319 00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,800 I'll get us each a new pair. 320 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,324 ADULT ADAM: Yep, our team was ready to end our losing streak, 321 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:59,240 and Erica was determined to win over Geoff's dad. 322 00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:02,591 Thank you, Dr. Schwartz, for joining us today in your home. 323 00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:05,899 We've all heard some murmurs that I'm not "good enough" for Geoff. 324 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:07,901 What's happening right now? You may think you know 325 00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,337 the whole story of Geoff and Erica, 326 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,644 but do you really know Geoff and Erica?Yes. 327 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:14,342 But I think once you see my presentation, 328 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,735 you'll see that I'm the perfect girl for Geoff. 329 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,914 Long before I was a free spirit 330 00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:23,481 who treated life as one big party, 331 00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,136 I actually used to be a doofy bookworm 332 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,225 who went to bed by 9:00, just like Geoff here. 333 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:29,966 So you think my son is a doof? 334 00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:32,012 Uh, Geoff, you wanna maybe jump in here 335 00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:33,970 and talk about our love? You bet. 336 00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:36,407 Erica's a great influence on me. 337 00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:37,539 Are you drinking a beer? 338 00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,584 Moving on. 339 00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:42,413 Look. Last week, she took me mini golfing for half-price Tuesdays. 340 00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:43,675 But Tuesday's a school day. 341 00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:44,807 Moving on. 342 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,766 See, Erica's really thoughtful, Dad. 343 00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:47,854 She threw me a surprise party, 344 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,464 and it was the best night of my life. 345 00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:50,813 Is that my living room? 346 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:53,729 Did you throw a party when I was in Miami? 347 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,861 Erica, please take over again. 348 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,688 No! I've had enough. 349 00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:57,951 This just confirms what I already knew. 350 00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:59,300 You may love my son, 351 00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:02,042 but it doesn't mean you're good for him.I'm . 352 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,261 ADULT ADAM: As Erica's apology project fell apart, 353 00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:07,221 our team's bigMajor League plan was coming together. 354 00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:09,049 How's it going, Coach? 355 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,312 Are we gonna win at sucking or what? 356 00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:12,748 Got my worst men on it, sir. 357 00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:17,187 Strike! Three, three! 358 00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,016 Yes! 359 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:23,106 Two down, two down. Play's at second. 360 00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,892 They can play and know the lingo. 361 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,110 It seems they've figured out 362 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:28,503 that you're Major Leagueingthem 363 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,679 and now they're Major Leagueingyou back. 364 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,550 Unless we change the schedule. 365 00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,335 We have to play Meadowbrook High? 366 00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:35,205 They're the best team in the city. 367 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,859 This is bad. 368 00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:39,079 Ball knows we know he's Major Leagueingus 369 00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:40,776 and that we're Major Leagueinghim back. 370 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,300 I'm confused, but ready to act with anger. 371 00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,520 Good. 'Cause now we're at the top of our game, 372 00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:46,913 and nothing can bring us down. 373 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,610 Well, look who it is. 374 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,264 It's the JTP, 375 00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:52,483 AKA the Jenkintown Posers. 376 00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:54,834 You know that's not what it stands for, bro! 377 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,705 Balls, balls, this just got bad fast. 378 00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,402 It was the Meadowbrook Mafia, 379 00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:01,362 the JTP's rival posse from one town over, 380 00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:05,540 and they were led by theater star and hotshot athlete Bradley Cooper. 381 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:08,325 Word on the suburban street is the baseball schedule changed 382 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:11,720 and now we get to destroy you on Friday. 383 00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,069 Doesn't matter who we play, 384 00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,854 'cause as long as I'm pitching, 385 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,465 we're guaranteed the "W." 386 00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,293 Can't wait to see you on the mound, four-eyes. 387 00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:20,772 Shows what you know. 388 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,818 I'm pitching, not my nerd brother. 389 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,733 No, you're the four-eyed nerd. 390 00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,169 I can't wait to hit your first pitch 391 00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:28,998 all the way to the school library. 392 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,565 Where you'll probably find it the next day, 393 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,697 because you have glasses 394 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,786 and thus an uncool love of reading. 395 00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:37,311 Well, I'll have you know Barry never reads. 396 00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,008 He's more of a TV guy. 397 00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:41,663 "I have glasses, and I'm a Dork Lord." 398 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:47,016 They just called me a four-eyed nerdling. 399 00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,975 That's so hurtful. 400 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:52,326 Who talks to people like that just because they wear corrective lenses? 401 00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:55,068 You? Almost every single day of my life? 402 00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,244 Well, yeah, 'cause you're a four-eyed nerdling... 403 00:14:57,287 --> 00:15:00,334 Oh, no! 404 00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,857 I get it now! 405 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,078 You're just now getting that being called a nerd is hurtful? 406 00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:07,341 Yes. Now that I'm affected, I care. 407 00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,734 Great. 'Cause we actually have a chance 408 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,432 to stand up and fight back. 409 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,781 No, guys... 410 00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:14,174 I can't wear these things. 411 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,437 What's the worst that happens? 412 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,353 Look, there's a reason I refused to admit I needed these things. 413 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,572 Yeah, I act all cool, but I'm not. 414 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:23,705 And these glasses will just make it worse. 415 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,750 I'm sorry. I can't do it. 416 00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,277 ADULT ADAM: Turns out my overconfident brother 417 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,018 was more insecure than I thought. 418 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,237 And while glasses made Barry quit the team, 419 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,413 Geoff was determined to see Erica, 420 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,024 no matter how risky. 421 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:40,200 Gah! Geoff, what are you doing? 422 00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:41,810 I'll stop at nothing to see you! 423 00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:44,552 That's sweet, but you could've just used the front door. 424 00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:46,380 It's your dad who doesn't want us together. 425 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,904 Oh, God, I'm so upset I'm not thinking straight. 426 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,254 Relax. You're forgetting that I have parents, too. 427 00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:53,865 And once Beverly Goldberg hears that your dad 428 00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:55,737 called her baby girl a bad influence, 429 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,391 she'll unleash such unbridled fury 430 00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:59,088 that your dad will wish he was in that car. 431 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,265 Yeah, not my place. 432 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,006 Not your place? 433 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,400 Everywhere's your place! You have no boundaries! 434 00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:09,055 Schmoo, how do I put this delicately? 435 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,839 We agree with Lou. 436 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,667 You're a horrible influence on the boy. 437 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,930 What? You're supposed to be on my side. 438 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,237 Oh, how do I put this delicately? 439 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,370 Geoff is a college-bound future doctor. 440 00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,720 You're a drop-out liar who can't even hold a job. 441 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,853 Would you just let her put it delicately one time? 442 00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,333 Look, Erica, 443 00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:28,291 we don't think you're not good enough for Geoff. 444 00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:29,901 It's just that, right now, 445 00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,730 it seems Geoff is too good for you. 446 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:35,124 Thank you, Mom. 447 00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,604 Wait. That's exactly the same thing. 448 00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:39,128 You just said it in a nicer tone. 449 00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,260 ADULT ADAM: For the first time, 450 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,610 my mom said no to defending her kids 451 00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,133 and then felt so bad, she caved. 452 00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,178 Hey. 453 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,442 Wanna talk about it? 454 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,357 Everyone was right. 455 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,489 Geoff deserves someone better than me. 456 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,883 Schmoo, when I see that boy 457 00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:58,800 and how much he loves you and how hard he tries, 458 00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:01,411 makes me wonder if maybe you could be trying a little harder, too. 459 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:06,329 I love Geoff so much. 460 00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:08,288 The last thing I want to do is hold him back. 461 00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:10,812 And, in this case, maybe that means 462 00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,422 I don't get to be with him, 463 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,511 no matter how much I want to. 464 00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,563 ADULT ADAM: The big game against Meadowbrook was starting, 465 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:23,694 and everyone was there... 466 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,132 Everyone, that is, except Barry. 467 00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:27,263 CROSBY: Goldberg, you're up. 468 00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:28,917 Swing or don't swing. 469 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,353 How you strike out is up to you. 470 00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:32,007 The moment had arrived. 471 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,574 I'd never been a sports hero, 472 00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,576 butMajor League taught me anything was possible. 473 00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:37,969 Just not this time. Oh, God! 474 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,580 My tender boy body. 475 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:40,972 Adam? 476 00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,713 Barry? Are you dead, too? 477 00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:43,932 Oh, I'm alive. 478 00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:46,543 And I'm sick of being a joke. 479 00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:48,241 I'm gonna get revenge for you, 480 00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:49,894 and every other four-eyed nerd out there. 481 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,769 Coach, I'm pitching next inning. 482 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,727 Good thinking. They're only up a run. 483 00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:58,642 Go get us into a jam. 484 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:01,080 ADULT ADAM: Barry didn't just come back to our team to defend my honor, 485 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:04,561 he returned to show the world he was finally done with hiding who he really was. 486 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:08,043 ♪ Wild thing 487 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,176 ♪ You make my heart sing 488 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,179 ADULT ADAM: Yep, it's true. 489 00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:16,182 After years of calling me a four-eyed Dork Lord, 490 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:19,098 Barry Norman Goldberg now had glasses. 491 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,318 What is this song? Where is it even coming from? 492 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:24,581 Oh, yes. Just like his hero, 493 00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:26,366 Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn inMajor League, 494 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,324 Barry could finally see clearly, 495 00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,979 and he'd use it to win once and for all. 496 00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:32,154 ♪ Wild thing 497 00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:35,114 Ooh. Except he didn't. 498 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,811 ♪ Wild thing ♪ 499 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,205 That day, Barry didn't use his new glasses 500 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:40,858 to strike out the other team. 501 00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,730 Instead, he struck 'em down, 502 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,385 and it felt glorious. 503 00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,085 You're out of here! 504 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,044 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, I had a new sports hero... 505 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,698 Barry "Wild Thing" Goldberg. 506 00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,571 Hey, get up. What? 507 00:18:57,614 --> 00:19:00,051 You heard me. Get up. Get dressed. 508 00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:01,618 Maybe run a comb through your hair. 509 00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:02,793 Why? Where are we going? 510 00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:04,621 To get Geoff back. 511 00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,014 What about Lou? 512 00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:08,886 If he thinks he's gonna keep my baby from the man she loves, 513 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:12,412 then he's gonna find out what a bad influence I can be. 514 00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:17,199 ADULT ADAM: Yep, no one messes with Beverly Goldberg. 515 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,853 Sure, it took her a while to get onboard, 516 00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:22,204 but now Geoff's dad was about to face off with our Wild Thing. 517 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:23,379 Evening, Lou. 518 00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:26,643 Thank you for coming to this ambush. 519 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,472 How dare you say my daughter isn't good enough for your... 520 00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:30,691 Mom, wait. 521 00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,214 I know I begged you to fix this, 522 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,042 but this is something I have to do on my own. 523 00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:35,130 But I'm all revved up. 524 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,001 Please, rev down. I got this. 525 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:40,048 Look, I know I get Geoff into trouble 526 00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,484 and force him out of his comfort zone 527 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:44,444 and have him throw parties in your living room. 528 00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,620 But there is not a slide show in the world 529 00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,796 that will make you see just how much I love your son. 530 00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:51,277 Even though I'm selfish and moody 531 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,061 and have so much growing up to do, 532 00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:55,194 you still love me. 533 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:58,893 So, yeah, I'm not nearly good enough for a guy like you. 534 00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:01,635 But you make me wanna do whatever it takes to prove I can be. 535 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,943 Maybe they do bring out the best in each other. 536 00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:07,771 No maybe, Lou. 537 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,991 They just do. 538 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,602 ADULT ADAM: Sometimes we've got to fight for what we love, 539 00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:15,475 but what good is a fight without a little backup? 540 00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:17,303 Just a bit outside. 541 00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,261 That's the thing about family. 542 00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,654 You're a team... 543 00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,830 A team that never stops believing in each other. 544 00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,527 And when that happens, 545 00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:26,964 it makes everything a little more groovy. 546 00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:28,531 ♪ Wild thing ♪ 547 00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,929 ADULT ADAM: How come when I wear glasses, you call me a nerd, 548 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:36,496 but when you wear glasses you look awesome? 549 00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,149 That's not very fair. 550 00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,368 ADULT BARRY: I like the glasses. 551 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,765 Okay. Move, dumbass. We can't see. 552 00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,723 I know. I was once like you. 553 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:50,161 But thanks to major advances in contact-lens technology, 554 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:53,339 I now have the vision of an eagle holding a telescope. 555 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:54,992 Now that I have better-than-perfect vision, 556 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:57,560 a whole new world of careers has opened up for me. 557 00:20:57,604 --> 00:20:58,692 Behold. 558 00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:01,347 I can now be a fighter pilot, umpire, 559 00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:03,566 professional Where's Waldofinder, 560 00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:06,439 avid reader, guy who writes things on rice, 561 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:10,617 long-distance peeping tom, and Olympic athlete. 562 00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,358 It's a tad late to start training for the Olympics. 563 00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:14,751 Not with these laser-focused baby browns. 564 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:17,014 Oh, God, my contact lens popped out. 565 00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:19,539 Help. Help me. 566 00:21:19,582 --> 00:21:21,976 Mark my words, if Barry somehow makes it in, 567 00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:23,151 it will be the most memorable thing 568 00:21:23,194 --> 00:21:24,500 to ever happen at the Olympics.