1 00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:03,438 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, the economy was booming, 2 00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:05,875 Americans were heading into the office. 3 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,791 No one was more into working 9:00 to 5:00 than my mom. 4 00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,575 [DOLLY PARTON'S 9 TO 5PLAYS] 5 00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,534 ♪♪ Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen 6 00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,884 ♪♪ Pour myself a cup of ambition 7 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,191 ♪♪ And yawn and stretch and try to come to life 8 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,413 ♪♪ Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping 9 00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,415 [HORNS HONKS]♪♪ Out on the street, the traffic starts jumping 10 00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:28,767 ♪♪ With folks like me on the job from 9 to 5 11 00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:33,381 ♪♪ Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living 12 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:37,820 ♪♪ Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving 13 00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:42,129 ♪♪ They just use your mind, and they never give you credit 14 00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:46,307 ♪♪ It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it ♪♪ 15 00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:48,352 What do you think you're doing? 16 00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,398 Oh, I'm just exercising my right as an American 17 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,356 to complain about the rat race, 18 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,532 the grind, the old 9:00 to 5:00. 19 00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:57,100 But secret story... I love it. 20 00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:59,320 But we're a school. We start at 8:00. 21 00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,365 But the Dolly Parton song... 22 00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:02,845 Look, no one loves the Smoky Mountain Songbird 23 00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:04,890 more than I do, 24 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,415 but that Backwoods Barbie has no bearing on our hours. 25 00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,373 My coworkers/best buds 26 00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:12,115 will share a chuckle about our overbearing boss. 27 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:13,595 [BOTH LAUGH] 28 00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:16,032 You're a joke. 29 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,121 ADULT ADAM: Unfortunately, this wasn't a workplace big on chuckles. 30 00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,340 Good morning. 31 00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:20,558 Good morning? 32 00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:21,820 I haven't even taken my jacket off yet 33 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,387 and this one wants to argue with me. 34 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,823 Who's ready to take on the day? 35 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:27,957 Not me. I am hung over. 36 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:30,090 Are cafeteria staff allowed to be in the teachers' lounge? 37 00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,048 I gotta do my stretches somewhere. 38 00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:34,181 Ow.And who are you? 39 00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:35,878 I don't recognize your face from yelling in it. 40 00:01:36,052 --> 00:01:37,923 I'm Miss Hooper, Andrea. 41 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,229 It's my first year teaching, 42 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,057 so I'm just quietly going with the flow. 43 00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:43,233 Do you have my Adam?No. 44 00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,148 Good. You're a child. You'll teach him nothing. 45 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,629 Mr. Glascott, you're usually chipper. 46 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,066 What's got you down?Oh, I'm not down. 47 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,200 I'm just having a contemplative moment about turning 55, 48 00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,898 the same age as the speed I won't exceed. 49 00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:58,161 It's your birthday? Well, how are we celebrating? 50 00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,945 This yogurt I'm eating has his name on it. 51 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,556 Your parents did it in April. 52 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:02,644 Nice.BEVERLY: Come on. 53 00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,254 We've got to bake a cake, 54 00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,691 call a school assembly so the kids can sing to him. 55 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,476 This man is your best friend. 56 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,391 Best friend? Where'd you get that horrible notion? 57 00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:11,392 Murphy Brown Designing Women. 58 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,481 Cheers. Mary Tyler Moore. [SCOFFS] 59 00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:15,613 Yeah, those are all fun, but that's a bunch of hooey. 60 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,441 My best friend is my knee medication. 61 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,139 He knows what I like. 62 00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:22,011 Beverly, while I do appreciate your unwanted passion, 63 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,534 we don't do that stuff around here. 64 00:02:23,708 --> 00:02:25,667 Coworkers are supposed to be close. 65 00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,669 Well, we like to keep it professional around here. 66 00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,888 Dang it! Someone ate my bagel! 67 00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:32,239 [MUFFLED] Happy birthday! 68 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,284 ♪♪ I'm twisted up inside 69 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,113 ♪♪ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 70 00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,162 ♪♪ I don't know the future 71 00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:45,556 ♪♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪♪ 72 00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,732 ADULT ADAM: It was March 3rd, 1980-something, 73 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,821 and my brother, Barry, was feeling frustrated 74 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,214 with his college identity. 75 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,303 I still haven't found my thing here, 76 00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:54,783 and I've tried everything. 77 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:57,438 Sports, campus radio, mock trial. 78 00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:58,613 Did you know that's not about 79 00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,267 making fun of people who were on trial? 80 00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,660 What exactly are you looking for? 81 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,749 I'm only asking so I don't accidentally join the same group. 82 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:07,187 I need something that helps me stand out. 83 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:08,840 I was the king of our high school, 84 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,191 but here I'm just another Geoff in the crowd. 85 00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:12,670 What a wildly hurtful thing to say out loud, 86 00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:15,064 but I think I found it? 87 00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:19,068 ADULT ADAM: And "it" was a very specific sorority beauty competition. 88 00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:22,071 Excuse me, attractive stranger, your sign's mistaken. 89 00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,681 That should say Miss Ships Ahoy. 90 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:24,639 Pageants are for the gals. 91 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,380 Not a mistake. 92 00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:28,469 This is my sorority's male beauty pageant. 93 00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:29,905 Every year, we crown a new Mr. Ships Ahoy 94 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,515 based on our core values, 95 00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,604 integrity, decency, and hotness when wet. 96 00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:35,911 I love Chips Ahoy! That's gotta matter. 97 00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:39,349 Tell the other contestants you have your champion. 98 00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:40,524 Just make an audition tape 99 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,178 saying why you should be Mr. Ships Ahoy, 100 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,136 and finalists compete onstage next week. 101 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,878 Geoff, thank God you're not a pageant guy.What does that mean? 102 00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,664 You know, just cool, strong, "I'm in a pageant" guy. 103 00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,405 I'm cool and strong. 104 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,320 Of course you are, just not in the traditional way, 105 00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:54,495 and I love that. 106 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:55,800 Doesn't sound like you love that. 107 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:56,758 Barry, help me out here. 108 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:57,933 She's saying you're a six. 109 00:03:58,107 --> 00:04:00,196 No, I'm saying you're a 10. To me. 110 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,632 So you don't think I could win? 111 00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:02,764 I don't think Barry could win either. 112 00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,983 Can and will. 113 00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:06,811 You'll be eating those words 114 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,379 when I'm glistening wet in my sash and man tiara. 115 00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:10,728 Unless I'm wearing that sash and tiara. 116 00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:11,947 And maybe some roses. 117 00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:13,296 I don't really know how it works. 118 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:14,689 But I'm gonna compete, and I'm gonna win. 119 00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,256 Second place. 120 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,344 First is already spoken for. 121 00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,128 By moi. 122 00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:20,782 I had a very specific fantasy 123 00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:22,653 when I signed up to chair this event. 124 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,481 This is not it. 125 00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:26,440 ADULT ADAM: While Barry and Geoff prepared for a win, 126 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,920 my mom was at a loss about how to connect with her coworkers. 127 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,574 I don't get it. 128 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:33,316 I have tried everything to bond with these dopes. 129 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,492 Cakes. Parms. Parmed cakes. 130 00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,320 Nothing works. 131 00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:38,974 And I'm pretty sure they're using bird calls 132 00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,410 to warn each other I'm coming. 133 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,499 Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Bird noise alert! 134 00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:43,805 Oh, hell no![DOOR SLAMS] 135 00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:46,634 And it's nothing like the workplaces on TV. 136 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,985 Where are my instant friendship and hilarious misadventures? 137 00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:51,726 Has it ever occurred to you 138 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,815 that you've been terrifying these people on my behalf 139 00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,164 for a decade?Please. 140 00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,035 When have I ever terrified them? 141 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,298 Are you a [BLEEP] idiot? 142 00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,516 Are you [BLEEP]?Whoa! 143 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:00,735 [SCREAMS] 144 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:01,866 I give you an F. 145 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,086 [SCREAMS] 146 00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,218 I'm just saying, I think they need time to adjust. 147 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,524 How about you just leave them alone? 148 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:09,570 You're right. I should mix in more. 149 00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,223 That's the opposite of what I said! 150 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:16,228 Cluck-cluck! Cluck-cluck! 151 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,447 I'm sorry. I was supposed to be watching the door. 152 00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,406 I brought coffee. 153 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,451 I noticed the machine was broken, 154 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:22,539 like almost everything else in here. 155 00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,411 We get a lot of student break-ins. 156 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:25,673 They keep putting jelly in my coat pockets, 157 00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:26,891 so I'm thinking that might be a gang thing. 158 00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,024 Andrea, French Vanilla Cafe? 159 00:05:29,198 --> 00:05:30,547 A grown-up offering me coffee? 160 00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:31,635 I would be a fool to say no. 161 00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:32,767 Eh, eh, eh, eh. 162 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,682 That coffee comes at a cost. 163 00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,379 Okay, I'm just gonna come right out and ask. 164 00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,120 Do you people have a problem with me 165 00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,948 because of my past as a pushy parent? 166 00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:41,341 Well, to put it gently... 167 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,820 You're a damn monster! 168 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,605 You haunt my dreams, and now you haunt my work! 169 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:45,867 Listen, I get it. 170 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,303 I was a tough cookie, 171 00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:48,913 but that was for my schmoopies. 172 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,088 I'm one of you now. 173 00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:52,656 We can complain about kids together. 174 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,354 Okay, well, I hear Adam's been struggling with math. 175 00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,399 You shut your [BLEEP] mouth! 176 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:59,837 Ahhh! Old habits. [CHUCKLES] 177 00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,665 Listen, why don't you all come to my house this weekend 178 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,406 for some teacher bonding? 179 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:04,842 No can do. 180 00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,714 Got jerky in the dehydrator. 181 00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:07,758 I've got a quiet weekend reconnecting with an old friend. 182 00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:09,151 Me. 183 00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,761 And I have a date. 184 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,460 It's my first in four years, so I'm super excited. 185 00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,113 Well, you don't anymore. Cancel it all. 186 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,202 I'm Quaker Warden, 187 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,596 and now this party is a mandatory friendship gathering. 188 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,468 She can't do that, can she? 189 00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:24,035 Sadly, according to the ancient parchments, she can. 190 00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:26,211 Yay! We're forcibly gathering! 191 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,909 [CHUCKLES] Next stop, friendship! 192 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,780 ADULT ADAM: While my mom was making inroads, 193 00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,609 Barry was gonna help Geoff blaze a new trail of his own. 194 00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,263 Good news, Geoff! 195 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,048 I and the second-hottest member of the JTP 196 00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:39,268 are gonna help shoot your beauty pageant video. 197 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:40,704 Bar, shouldn't you be working on your own video? 198 00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:42,706 Done. I cut together the highlights 199 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,404 from my American Gladiator audition. 200 00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:45,709 They not-so-politely declined. 201 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,798 And then they were canceled. Coincidence? 202 00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:50,235 Why would you even help me? Aren't we competitors? 203 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,063 I'm gonna win by an embarrassing margin, 204 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,935 but I can help you come in a distant second. 205 00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,937 So, what have you got so far? 206 00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,765 Guess I was just gonna talk about my interests, 207 00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,331 my hobbies, maybe throw out a coy wink. 208 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,246 Bor-ing! 209 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,075 Women want danger and agility, 210 00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,251 like a man surprise-backflipping out of a bush. 211 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,470 Being upside-down makes me throw up. 212 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:09,341 Let's start from scratch. 213 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:12,562 Imagine Geoff is a naked, faceless mannequin. 214 00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,303 Please don't.What would you put on that mannequin 215 00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,784 to make it a cool, rugged man? 216 00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:20,178 ADULT ADAM: And so the JTP set out to brainstorm what makes a man. 217 00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:21,745 A cowboy hat.Uh, youthful optimism? 218 00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:23,355 Leather pants and work gloves. 219 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,966 What about a bullwhip? 220 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:25,923 And he puts out cigars with the bullwhip, 221 00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:27,098 and then he says cool things like, 222 00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:28,839 "Smoking kills, and so do I." 223 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,798 And a scar! But not from whipping. 224 00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,060 From making love on a cliff. 225 00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,714 And a suede vest with lots of fringe. 226 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,019 And he smells like the woods. 227 00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,368 How do we film a smell? 228 00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:39,284 We'll just cover you in pine cones and tree sap. 229 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,677 ADULT ADAM: Soon, Geoff had his audition video... 230 00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,505 Faster. Faster. 231 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,551 Not masculine enough. Do push-ups. 232 00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:46,770 ...or Barry's idea of an audition video. 233 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,599 Ow! Is this really necessary? 234 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,383 Silence! You're what every woman wants! 235 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,516 ADULT ADAM: But it wasn't. It really wasn't. 236 00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:55,997 What are you doing? 237 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,564 No one can see this! 238 00:07:57,738 --> 00:07:59,783 But that's my ticket to winning Mr. Ships Ahoy! 239 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,350 It's your ticket to humiliation! 240 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,004 Erica, why won't you believe in me? 241 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:05,441 I do, but this isn't you. 242 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,488 Geoff, you're sweet and reliable and don't whip things. 243 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:09,924 You'll get crushed if you submit this. 244 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,882 Damn it, you're right. 245 00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:13,493 Okay. Whew. [CHUCKLES] 246 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,930 Sorry, love you! Gotta prove I can do this! 247 00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,584 ADULT ADAM: As Geoff was ignoring Erica's advice, 248 00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:20,064 I was learning my mom didn't take mine. 249 00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:22,719 You invited the teachers to my house? Where I sleep? 250 00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,635 That's all because you told me to reach out to them. 251 00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:26,984 I said to leave them alone! 252 00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:28,638 Then it's lucky I misheard you. 253 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,640 Mom, there are certain things you just don't do. 254 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:33,251 Poop at school. Hold hands with your sister. 255 00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,645 And invite teachers to a civilian residence. 256 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,386 Murray, would you hold hands with your sister? 257 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,605 Don't have a sister. 258 00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,563 But if you did.Nah. We're not close. 259 00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,130 Anyway, they're coming, 260 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:45,176 and I'm hours away from a workplace of best friends. 261 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:48,179 Or a massive fight with the people who are in charge of my grades. 262 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,051 Bevy, why are you trying so hard? 263 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:51,879 I thought you wanted to become a teacher 264 00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:52,793 to get close to the boy? 265 00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:54,490 That's how it started, 266 00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,536 but Adam's not gonna be here forever. 267 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,363 These people will, 268 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,062 and they can help fill the child-shaped hole in my heart. 269 00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:02,629 [DOORBELL RINGS]My besties are here! 270 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,024 You came! Oh. 271 00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:09,418 And all together, because the bonds are already growing. 272 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,376 We carpooled so no one would get here first. 273 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,813 And so we could pre-game. 274 00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,336 Right, my big hunk of yum?Ay! 275 00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,859 And I made cookies. 276 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,687 I was gonna bring a bottle of wine, 277 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,384 but do you know how many wines there are? 278 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,821 Welp, it was great catching up, so, uh... 279 00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:22,083 Wait a second. You just got here. 280 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,432 Yeah, but traffic. Appointment. 281 00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:24,564 Burst appendix. 282 00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:25,956 Any of these landing, or... 283 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,480 Listen, I know we have a lot of ice to break, 284 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,309 and I'm not gonna make you talk to me all day. 285 00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:33,224 I'm gonna make you race me. 286 00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:34,008 What in French-fry hell is this? 287 00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:36,097 Surprise! 288 00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,055 Field day's not just for students anymore! 289 00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:40,362 Oh, no. The only thing I'm racing is to the door. 290 00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:41,972 Ah-bup-bup-bup-bup. 291 00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,931 As Quaker Warden, I do have the authority 292 00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:44,888 to grant the winner the day off. 293 00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:46,063 Damn it! 294 00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,978 You found my two weaknesses, 295 00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:49,806 my need to dominate and my desire to get paid for nothing. 296 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,635 Let the games begin! 297 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:55,116 On your mark, get set, fun! 298 00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:56,944 ADULT ADAM: My mom hoped the experience 299 00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,424 would pull her coworkers together, 300 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,992 but instead, it just pulled them apart. 301 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,125 I'm thinking maybe we should rebalance these teams. 302 00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:06,301 No, we got this, girls. Let's tug. 303 00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,216 Whoop! I'm flying! [GRUNTS] 304 00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:09,347 ADULT ADAM: And just when they thought 305 00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:10,740 the day couldn't get any more twisted... 306 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,133 Left foot red. ...it did. 307 00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:15,136 Left foot red. Left foot red! 308 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:16,137 Do you think if i could tell my right from my left, 309 00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:17,312 I'd be a lunch lady? 310 00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:18,400 [ALL GRUNT] 311 00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,315 [LAUGHS] You're all out! 312 00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:21,925 ADULT ADAM: And when it was over, the teachers had bonded 313 00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,057 about being in pain. 314 00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,449 Wasn't today the best? 315 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,190 You mean the worst! 316 00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,149 I separated my shoulder during that trust fall! 317 00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,194 Thanks a lot, Perott! 318 00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:31,718 Usually people give some sort of verbal cue 319 00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:32,719 when they're falling backwards on their head. 320 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,546 Here's a verbal cue, suck it! 321 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,113 You think you took a beating? 322 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,375 I will never be able to 323 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,160 get the grass stains out of these khakis! 324 00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:41,815 Can we go immediately to the hospital? 325 00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,686 My retina's not reattaching like you said it would. 326 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:44,905 Give it time. 327 00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,689 Well, since we're wrapping up, 328 00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:48,952 looks like the winner is Coach Nick. 329 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,867 It was inevitable, but still feels pretty special. 330 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,000 Meow.Stop! 331 00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:57,352 But all won the grand prize... a lifetime of friendship! 332 00:10:57,526 --> 00:10:58,440 [ALL GROAN]Oh, great. 333 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,007 Wait, are you suggesting 334 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:02,183 that after today's bonding experience, 335 00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,315 we are not a tight-knit group of coworkers 336 00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:05,969 like the barkeeps on Cheers? 337 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,579 [ALL GROAN] 338 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,320 Just wanted to clarify I wasn't a part of this. 339 00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:10,974 See you Monday. 340 00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,672 Teachers are heroes and aren't paid enough. 341 00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,064 Ugh, you gotta be kidding me. 342 00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,157 ADULT ADAM: Geoff and Barry had submitted their audition tapes 343 00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,463 for the Mr. Ships Ahoy pageant. 344 00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,683 It was time to announce the finalists. 345 00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:24,988 Good luck, Bar.Eh, don't need it. 346 00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:28,165 I'm here to announce our five finalists. 347 00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,428 Who are also the only five to send in tapes. 348 00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,561 Yes! I did it! I won! 349 00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:33,649 Well, actually, you're just a finalist. 350 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,086 Yes! I'm just a finalist! 351 00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:39,524 Ladies, your Mr. Ships Ahoy finalists. 352 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,962 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 353 00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,572 You know what, Bar? 354 00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:44,616 I'm actually really excited about this thing. 355 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,618 I-I think I could win this. 356 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,533 ADULT ADAM: Until he saw the stone-cold hunks 357 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,057 he'd be competing against. 358 00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,668 Oh, no. Their arms are bigger than my legs, 359 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,626 and their legs have muscles on them I didn't even know existed. 360 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,454 That's an optical illusion, Geoff. 361 00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,239 Everyone looks bigger up close. 362 00:11:58,413 --> 00:12:00,502 Hey, um... historically speaking, 363 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,460 do the winners look more like me 364 00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,680 or more like those tall beefcakes? 365 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,943 Check out our wall of winners. 366 00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:08,815 GEOFF: Oh, man. They're all so smooth and beautiful. 367 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,339 This was such a mistake. 368 00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:14,385 Wait. Albert Solomon? 369 00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,039 Hey, that guy looks familiar. 370 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,041 Barry, that's your grandfather, 371 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,391 and he won Mr. Ships Ahoy with normal, human muscles. 372 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,306 All those boring stories 373 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,655 about being trapped behind enemy lines, 374 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,135 but nothing about this. 375 00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:28,225 BARRY: So, tell me, how'd you do it? 376 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,010 How did you win Mr. Ships Ahoy? 377 00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:31,838 When it comes to wooing the ladies, 378 00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,491 some things never change. 379 00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,842 ADULT ADAM: But actually, they do. A lot. 380 00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:38,105 Wink at every dame in the room. 381 00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:41,151 When in doubt, goose the caboose. 382 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,893 Tell them you've ridden in an airplane. 383 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:48,332 Spoil them by buying them a nice pair of nylons. 384 00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,813 I think times and women's rights have changed a lot, 385 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,033 and also, how do these ideas make me hotter? 386 00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:54,643 It's not all about muscles. 387 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,645 Anyone can lift a bag of nickels, 388 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,821 but it takes a special kind of fella 389 00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,781 to cheer up a woman during wartime rationing. 390 00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,000 What do I do if there isn't a war going on? 391 00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:05,872 Easy. What are you good at? 392 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:08,657 I won my year with a dynamite banjo act. 393 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,354 I'm okay at alto sax. 394 00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,096 If that's the best you got, go with that. 395 00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:14,837 ADULT ADAM: As Geoff questioned his manliness, 396 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,665 Principal Ball was about to man up. 397 00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:19,059 Quaker Warden! Just who I was looking for. 398 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:22,540 Can I have you sign this without reading it? 399 00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:23,803 Resignation letter? 400 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,456 As a gag. 401 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,241 No, sign that now. It'll be a hoot. 402 00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:28,895 Why would I resign? 403 00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:30,853 Because you injured my entire staff, 404 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,768 and I want to stop this before you kill someone? 405 00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,335 Adam! Can you believe this? 406 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,815 They want me to resign! 407 00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,338 Welp, it was a good run. 408 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:40,907 Wait, why are you not as grievously wounded as I am? 409 00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,126 'Cause they don't like you and they're taking it out on me! 410 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,867 I had three pop quizzes today, 411 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,869 and no one else in the class had to take them. 412 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,349 Okay, this weekend was a rocky start, 413 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:49,263 but I can still fix it. 414 00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:50,699 No! 415 00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,266 Coach Nick made me varsity quarterback. 416 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,920 I have a game on Friday, 417 00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:55,443 and no one can find a helmet small enough. 418 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,097 And can't you just fire her? 419 00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,315 Sorry, Mom, but you get it. 420 00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,230 Unfortunately, I can't. 421 00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,406 Our Quaker founders, in their infinite wisdom, 422 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:05,235 made the Warden answerable only to God. 423 00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:08,108 And until I hear Her complain, I'm not going anywhere. 424 00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,371 That's right. God is a woman. 425 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:12,895 Oh, you think that's the thing I'm focusing on? 426 00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,376 I have to learn something called the wishbone offense! 427 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,378 ADULT ADAM: While my mom refused to quit, 428 00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:20,424 the Mr. Ships Ahoy pageant was just getting started. 429 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:23,297 And most of that talent revolved around muscles. 430 00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:24,602 Really big muscles. 431 00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,909 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 432 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,868 When I get up there, these ladies won't know what hit them. 433 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,304 Hopefully not these knives. 434 00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:31,566 Wait, what is your talent? 435 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,960 Up next, Barry Goldberg! 436 00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:36,571 Ladies! 437 00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:38,007 I need a volunteer. 438 00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,444 Okay, your loss. 439 00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:43,795 [ALL GASP] 440 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:44,361 Really should have practiced this. 441 00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:45,928 [CHUCKLES] 442 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:46,842 [ALL GASP] 443 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:49,932 Come to wish me luck?For sure. 444 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,151 But, you know, you don't 445 00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:52,456 have to do this if you don't want to. 446 00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,284 I'm a finalist and you still don't believe in me? 447 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,156 Geoff, I always believe in you. 448 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,288 I just don't want you to pull a Barry 449 00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,986 and embarrass yourself trying to be something you're not. 450 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,552 [KNIFE CLATTERS][ALL GASP] 451 00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:02,336 BARRY: That one got away from me! Whip it back! 452 00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,468 I'm not gonna embarrass myself, 453 00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,296 because I'm more desirable than any of these guys, 454 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:07,210 and I've got the talent to prove it. 455 00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:10,518 Up next, Geoff Schwartz! 456 00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:13,608 ADULT ADAM: And so, Geoff went out to prove he could be Mr. Ships Ahoy. 457 00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,566 [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] 458 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,177 And he was actually pretty great. 459 00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:20,702 Until this happened. 460 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,486 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 461 00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:34,324 I guess it's not about the music. 462 00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:36,196 Geoff, I don't know why you care 463 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,023 what these people think of you. 464 00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,286 It's not about them. It's about you. 465 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:40,983 I want you to see other people impressed by me. 466 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,506 But why? 467 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,334 'Cause I know you see me as a nice guy, and that's great, 468 00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:45,814 but I want to be more than that. 469 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:46,728 I want to be a catch. 470 00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,164 You are a catch. 471 00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:50,253 They don't think so. 472 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:52,473 Not now, Colton! 473 00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,475 ADULT ADAM: While Geoff faced shirtless competitors, 474 00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,564 my mom had one more trick up her sleeve. 475 00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:57,913 Oh. Teacher surprise! 476 00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,436 I made over the teachers' lounge. 477 00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,699 Holy crap! Granola bars! 478 00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:02,874 Protein shakes! 479 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,050 Kitten mugs! 480 00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:06,269 A sink that doesn't scald me. 481 00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:07,836 And check this out.[DOOR CLOSES, LOCK CLICKS] 482 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,839 No more student break-ins. [CHUCKLES] 483 00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,580 That's odd. It's locked. 484 00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,060 Well, don't you have the code? 485 00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,322 Of course I have the code. 486 00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:17,498 It's in my purse... in the car. 487 00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:19,195 Oh, God, she's trapped us in here 488 00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,676 for some new team-building activity, 489 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,591 but when it goes sour, we're gonna eat each other 490 00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,462 like that soccer plane in the Andes! 491 00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:26,768 Coach Nick is not on the menu! 492 00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:29,379 Nobody is eating anybody. 493 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,207 It's just a lock. 494 00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:33,079 I just tried to do a nice thing. 495 00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:35,559 I like this mug.Bup! 496 00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:39,781 Mrs. Goldberg, you have been our worst enemy for a decade. 497 00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,436 This teachers' lounge is mainly for complaining about you. 498 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,960 I see. 499 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:45,917 Does everyone feel this way? 500 00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,310 ALL: Eh... 501 00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,750 Am I interrupting something? 502 00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:54,578 I guess not. 503 00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:58,278 Ooh, granola bars! 504 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,500 ADULT ADAM: The Mr. Ships Ahoy pageant was still under way, 505 00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:05,763 and it was time for the contestant interviews. 506 00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:08,505 See, most people eat the ice cream first, 507 00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:09,985 but I bite the bottom of the cone 508 00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:11,856 and suck everything out. 509 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,815 The question was, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" 510 00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,599 And I believe you have my answer. 511 00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,253 Okay, that's enough of that. 512 00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,038 Next contestant, Geoff Schwartz. 513 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:20,343 [APPLAUSE] 514 00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:21,910 Good luck. She's tough. 515 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,263 So, Geoff, what makes you the ideal Mr. Ships Ahoy? 516 00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:29,613 I don't know. Nothing, I guess? 517 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,746 Moving on. 518 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,270 If you were Mr. Ships Ahoy, what would your catchphrase be? 519 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,359 Thanks for settling? 520 00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,666 [CLEARS THROAT] May I?Please. 521 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,015 Erica, what are you doing? 522 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,148 I'm asking the questions. 523 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,540 When is my birthday? 524 00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:45,716 August 18th. Why does that matter? 525 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,849 I'm showing them why you're the hottest guy in this contest. 526 00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,590 When's our anniversary? 527 00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,592 Hand-holding, kissing, dating, 528 00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:54,160 or saying "I love you"?All four. 529 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:58,555 November 4th, January 23rd, February 2nd, June 9th. 530 00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,427 ALL: Aww! 531 00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,211 ADULT ADAM: And that's when Geoff realized 532 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,561 he did have something the other contestants didn't. 533 00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:05,823 What's your ideal date? 534 00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,042 Any date with you is ideal. 535 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,435 ALL: Aww! 536 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:09,740 Who's the prettiest girl in the audience? 537 00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:12,178 What audience? 538 00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:15,181 ALL: [CHANTING] Geoff! 539 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,313 ADULT ADAM: As Geoff finally realized his worth, 540 00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:19,359 my mom was feeling worthless. 541 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:20,925 Why are you eating here 542 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,405 instead of the teachers' lounge? 543 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,364 Because I'm no longer welcome there. 544 00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,235 Or this school. 545 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,410 ♪♪ Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping ♪♪ 546 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,369 I'll do what you want. I'll resign. 547 00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:31,240 You're quitting? 548 00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:34,896 You've never quit anything. What happened? 549 00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:37,159 What happened is I tried to make friends with the teachers, 550 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,989 but they only see me as the enemy. 551 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:41,772 Maybe with a little more time... 552 00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,123 Adam, it's over. 553 00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:45,646 I guess I fought so hard for you, 554 00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:49,954 it ended up costing me. 555 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,956 ADULT ADAM: After years of my mom marching down to the school 556 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,438 to have my back, it was time to do the same for her. 557 00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,745 By going somewhere I'd never dared to go before. 558 00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:00,965 Ah! Kitty in the lounge! Meow! Meow! 559 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,445 You guys call me "Kitty"? 560 00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:03,620 We call all students "kitties." 561 00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,796 Not that one senior with the mustache. 562 00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,276 I call him something else. 563 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,408 What are you doing in here, Adam? 564 00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:09,583 I'll tell you what I'm doing in here... 565 00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,237 You suck. 566 00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,108 Excuse you?Not okay! 567 00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:14,762 Now you're on special teams, too! 568 00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:17,721 Fail me if you want, but you already failed my mom. 569 00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,201 We failed her? 570 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,724 I pulled my groin at her field day! 571 00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:22,944 That's my best feature. 572 00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:25,033 Look, I know she's been hard on you guys in the past, 573 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,775 but you've never had her on your side before. 574 00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,559 Look what she did to your lounge. 575 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:33,041 It is a soothing oasis in the midst of our chaotic world. 576 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:35,217 If there's one thing you learned about my mom over the years, 577 00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:36,697 she never gives up. 578 00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:38,264 Give her a chance. 579 00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:41,223 She'll be the best ally you've ever had. 580 00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:43,399 I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. 581 00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:46,228 Um, you don't have to defend me, Adam. 582 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,274 Life is not like TV shows. 583 00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,277 Sometimes, coworkers just don't become friends. 584 00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,409 But sometimes, they do. 585 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,498 Adam's right. We never gave you a shot. 586 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,283 And I hate to admit it, 587 00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:59,459 but your constant badgering over the years 588 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,330 has made me a better teacher. 589 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,724 And I'm new, so agreeing with everyone else 590 00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,334 seems like my only option. 591 00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:07,641 So...fresh start? 592 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:10,948 I'd like that. [CHUCKLES] 593 00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:13,603 Beverly Goldberg, new Quaker Warden. 594 00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,431 John Glascott, guidance counselor. 595 00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:17,520 This is nice. 596 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:20,349 Yes, it is. 597 00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,525 Now get out of the lounge. It's for teachers only. 598 00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:24,092 ♪♪ ...crazy if you let it ♪♪ 599 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:27,182 ADULT ADAM: Changing the way people see us can be a full-time job. 600 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:28,923 So is changing the way we see ourselves. 601 00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:31,012 [APPLAUSE] 602 00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:33,362 But it isn't hard work for the people we love 603 00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,799 to see who we really are. 604 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,019 At the end of the day, 605 00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,803 when we're comfortable just being ourselves, 606 00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,588 there's nothing sweeter. 607 00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:46,810 [SCREAMS][BELL DINGS] 608 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:49,900 Whoa![BELL DINGS] 609 00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:52,816 [BELL DINGS] 610 00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,517 Great news! I figured out 611 00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,606 why my talent of knife-throwing went sideways. 612 00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,564 'Cause it's a tremendously difficult skill 613 00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,740 that requires a lifetime of patience, practice, 614 00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:05,829 and a throwing area far away from people and pets? 615 00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:07,788 I just had the wrong tools. 616 00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:09,572 Whatever you do, don't move. 617 00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:12,314 Barry, listen to me very closely, 618 00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:13,359 How about a hatchet?No! 619 00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:14,534 Gardening fork?Barry! 620 00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:15,752 Fishing lure?Please! 621 00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:17,101 Dart? Knitting needles?No! 622 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,364 Pineapple?No, no. 623 00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:19,582 Sharpened pencil?Aah! 624 00:21:19,756 --> 00:21:21,018 This icicle I found?No! 625 00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:22,324 A shark tooth necklace?Barry! 626 00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:23,499 Then what? 627 00:21:23,673 --> 00:21:24,631 Maybe this gentle Nerf ball? 628 00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,243 Ooh! [INHALES SHARPLY] 629 00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:29,113 Let's go ninja stars.