1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:02,936 ADULT ADAM: The '80s were the pinnacle 2 00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:05,306 of the badass, jacked-up action hero. 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,874 They tore up the movie screen 4 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:10,211 and inspired every kid to let out their inner commando. 5 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,380 Dude! It's like looking into a mirror! 6 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,216 (AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER) I'll be back. 7 00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:16,750 You're not going anywhere, mister. 8 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,252 You got schmutz all over your face. 9 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,387 Here, let Mama get it off. 10 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,954 No! I'm Commando. 11 00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,390 Commando? No, no, no. 12 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:25,693 Go put some undies on. You're gonna chafe your little gumdrops. 13 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,762 ADULT ADAM: Yep. Growing up, a new Arnold movie was an event. 14 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,764 Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? 15 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,666 That's right, Matrix, you did! 16 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,635 I lied. (SCREAMS) 17 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,837 Schwarzenegger really is the coolest man alive. 18 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:40,040 And his acting gets slightly better in every movie. 19 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:42,643 Hoo-hoo! Look at Commando go! 20 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,345 He just punched that guy dead! 21 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,913 ADULT ADAM: Like most dads in the '80s, 22 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,816 Murray Goldberg loved action movies as much as me. 23 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:51,252 No, Commando! Don't go in that shed! 24 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,853 Adam, Commando won't listen! 25 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,288 (WHISPERING) You know who is listening? 26 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,623 (NORMAL VOICE) The entire theater! 27 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,725 ADULT ADAM: But my dad just couldn't contain himself. 28 00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:01,362 Incredible! That had everything you want in a movie! 29 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,963 Explosions, revenge, 30 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,166 a steam pipe being thrown through a guy. 31 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,101 All movies should be Commando. 32 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,036 Or Rambo. 33 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,173 Or any action movie with an "O" on the end, I'm in! 34 00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:13,541 ADULT ADAM: For the first time, 35 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,509 me and my dad had something in common. 36 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,278 Naturally, I'd use it for my gain. 37 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,679 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 38 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,448 Arnold said six lines in that movie 39 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,749 and your dad talked over every one? 40 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,884 No! This is my big ticket to get him 41 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,454 to finally pony up some dough for a homemade action movie! 42 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,356 Dude, when are you gonna learn? What? 43 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,090 It's like every week you go to your dad 44 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,360 and ask him to support one of your insanely geeky hobbies. 45 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,561 (SCOFFS) Name one. 46 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,229 Robots, swords, video games, 47 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,698 Space Camp, D&D, Magic, Fraggles, 48 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,268 a new computer so you could "Weird Science" up a hot girl. 49 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,902 I live a rich life, Dave Kim! 50 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,304 But this time's gonna be different 51 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:46,073 'cause for the first time, we love the same thing. 52 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,341 He can't say no! 53 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,877 And yet, I think he'll find a way. 54 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:53,314 ADULT ADAM: And so began the presentation of a lifetime. 55 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,149 Evening, dad. Full disclosure. 56 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,917 I'm gonna do that thing where I present you 57 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,819 with an awesome idea and ask you to fund it. 58 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,689 Kiddo, please don't put us all through this again. 59 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,023 It's hard to watch. 60 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,325 Not this time! 61 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,360 I've decided to make my first action movie. 62 00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,962 And I need you to help me realize my vision. 63 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,898 Behold! 64 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,866 It's called Recipe for Death. 65 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,034 I'm in. 66 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,404 I play John Cook, the street-wise chef 67 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,272 whose brother was kidnapped by the Mafia. 68 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:19,840 Now the only thing I serve 69 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,409 is vengeance. I'm in. 70 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,711 Let me finish before you mock me. 71 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:27,147 My movie stars the world's biggest, baddest action hero. 72 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,916 He's not from Austria, like Arnold, 73 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,618 or Belgium, like Van Damme, 74 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,152 or wherever Steven Seagal is from. 75 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,754 Probably central Florida. 76 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,624 No! This superstar lives in our house! 77 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,791 Me. 78 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,460 Stop talking! I'm in! 79 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,696 We get it, you're out, just let the poor yutz finish. 80 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:45,233 What part of "I'm in" don't you get? 81 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,534 The answer is yes. 82 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,969 Oh, sweet balls! I've never made it this far. 83 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,404 What do I ask for? I'm panicking. 84 00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,206 He's having some sort of episode. 85 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,507 Get everything you can. 86 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,609 Just take my 80 bucks. 87 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,778 Dear Lord! This is a big-budget movie! 88 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,680 I'm making a big-budget movie! 89 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,014 Yoo-yah! (GRUNTS) 90 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,350 I'm already regretting this. 91 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,218 Too late! 92 00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:06,320 * I'm twisted up inside 93 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:09,957 * But nonetheless I feel the need to say 94 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,561 * I don't know the future 95 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:17,498 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 96 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,667 ADULT ADAM: It was November 9, 1980-something, 97 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,935 and my sister was obsessed with the one thing 98 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,972 every teen girl loved, fashion. 99 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,975 Seriously! That dress could literally not get any radder. 100 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,610 It's a sweater dress from Benetton. 101 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,280 They can take even the lamest and lumpiest of all clothes 102 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,547 and make it sleek and sexy. 103 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,583 Well, Benetton is the Italian word for "style." 104 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:36,650 I agree. 105 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,218 It's the perfect dress for our homecoming party. 106 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,953 Me and Barry are gonna look so classy. 107 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,723 God! I want a sweater dress so bad. 108 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,592 I wish I could afford it. Maybe you can get a job. 109 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,094 And maybe you can try and help me instead of talking nonsense. 110 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,829 Well, then just ask your mom to buy it for you. 111 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,432 No way! Shopping with her is a nightmare. 112 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:54,368 She always turns it into a daylong bonding marathon 113 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:58,539 with brunch and mani-pedis and ice cream and long talks. 114 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,608 You mean like a loving mom who you can always count on? 115 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,942 Ugh! I know, right? 116 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,412 Well, the question you have to ask yourself 117 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,213 is how bad do you want that sweater dress? 118 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,050 ADULT ADAM: The answer, bad. So bad that she did this. 119 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,387 Mommy, remember that one time when I lived in your tummy? 120 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:16,890 (GASPS) So weird. I was just thinking about that. 121 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,560 Anyway. Can we go shopping for a dress? 122 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:24,432 Wait, to clarify, I'm being invited to go shopping 123 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:27,267 by you, my delicious little pickle. 124 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,136 Yeah, that's me. A pickle. 125 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,504 Whatever it takes. 126 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,105 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) Oh! 127 00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:35,476 I just had to capture the moment so I could remember it forever. 128 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,145 The moment when my daughter became my best friend. 129 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,513 So that's a yes? 130 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,749 Heck, yes! Grab your coat! 131 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,685 Look out, Gimbels! The Goldberg gals are coming in hot! 132 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,587 Actually, I was thinking a different store. 133 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,188 Oh, but everybody loves Gimbels. 134 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,757 Yeah, it's like traveling back 135 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,025 to simpler, less-fashionable era. 136 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,461 I was thinking more Benetton. 137 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:54,662 Ooh, yes. 138 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,830 That's the place where you order the meats 139 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,298 and they cook them right there next to you 140 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,700 and then they flip the meats into your mouth 141 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:00,768 and then you eat the meats. 142 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,302 That's Benihana. Okay, then. 143 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:05,272 So, Gimbels first, then flying meats, 144 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,307 then we get our nails done, then a sherbet stop, 145 00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,142 then I gotta pick up your dad's prescription, 146 00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,479 then paddle boating in the park, and then who knows? 147 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:12,780 The moon! (CHUCKLING) 148 00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,650 I just want a sweater that's also a dress. 149 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:19,653 ADULT ADAM: Lucky for Erica, Gimbels wasn't an option. 150 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,288 Going out of business? 151 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,424 What could that possibly mean? 152 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,559 I think that means they're going out of business. 153 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,761 Gimbels is the biggest shopping chain in America. 154 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,531 That's like saying Blockbuster Video shut down, 155 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,333 or B. Dalton Books, or Circuit City. It's impossible! 156 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,936 It seems possible and very much happening. 157 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,905 I think you need to shut your face-mouth! 158 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,273 Sorry. This is the worst day of my life. 159 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,943 No. No way. Why are they naked? 160 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,412 Give them their decency! 161 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,114 They need bulky khakis and nylon blouses! 162 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,650 Calm down, mom. It's just a store. 163 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:53,421 Not to me. I've had my best memories there. 164 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,923 Just think of all the coupons I've doubled. 165 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,325 All the managers I've made cry. 166 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,227 All the clothes I've worn for a decade 167 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,195 and then returned no questions asked. 168 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,931 No wonder they're going out of business. 169 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,999 Now I'm store-less, Erica. 170 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,002 Life will never be the same. 171 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:12,205 Hey. It doesn't matter that Gimbels is closing. 172 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,808 What matters is that we're spending time together. 173 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,711 Now, come on. Let's buy me stuff. 174 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,447 ADULT ADAM: While Erica was playing my mom, 175 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,049 I was about to play my cinematic masterpiece 176 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,485 for my producer, my dad. 177 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,721 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS) 178 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,089 Yah! 179 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:33,927 (GUNSHOT) 180 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,096 (GUNSHOT) 181 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,231 Cool, right? Uh-huh, uh-huh. 182 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,733 Lots of good stuff there. 183 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,470 Dad, you're actually interested in my movie! 184 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,771 I want your feedback. 185 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,673 Good or bad? We're partners on this. 186 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,609 Partners? Okay then. 187 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,243 Well, it's all dark and hard to see. 188 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,945 There were some lighting challenges. Note taken. 189 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,547 And the camera shakes like crazy. 190 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:54,782 Camera's kinda heavy, so... 191 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,116 Also, it sounds like crap. 192 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,685 Wow. Lotta thoughts. 193 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,286 And it looks cheap as hell. 194 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,854 All right, maybe ease off. 195 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,857 Like a washed-out, crummy public-access show that's on at midnight. 196 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:04,992 I'm just a boy! 197 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,495 I gave you $80 to make a real movie. 198 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,030 You said you were gonna do some real "Van Damage." 199 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:13,534 Look, a film camera and lights and boom mic cost a ton of money. 200 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,102 It's not just going to fall in my lap. 201 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,370 Here's the stuff. Make it good. 202 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,540 Wow. Where'd you score this? 203 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,676 My cousin Russ films bar mitzvahs for a living. He said you could borrow it. 204 00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:25,613 Whoa. Wait. All this time, I've had access 205 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,482 to high-tech Hollywood film equipment, and you've never told me? 206 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:29,983 I guess I never connected the dots. 207 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,552 Oh, my God. 208 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,887 There's, like, a warm sensation inside my heart. 209 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:36,657 Don't make it weird. It's like you're one of those dads in the stands 210 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,359 cheering me on 'cause I'm good at athletic-sport competitions. 211 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,929 You made it weird. Now, just take the stuff and go. 212 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,330 Now that I'm a real director, 213 00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,298 I've gotta write a script and hire a crew... 214 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:49,369 And hire your leading man? You've come to the right place. 215 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,838 And I accept your offer. 216 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:53,040 We didn't come to you, and there's no offer. 217 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,908 Wait! Maybe this is the one time 218 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,376 Barry would actually be helpful. 219 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,712 This is the one time, bro! 220 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:01,281 I've extensively studied the work of Chuck Norris 221 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,951 and know what it takes to be a badass action star. 222 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,018 Karate! 223 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,154 Stunts! 224 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,455 (GROANS) 225 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,324 Acting. Surprise! Anger! 226 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,426 Surprise! Anger! 227 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,428 And most important, love scene. 228 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,097 No. Please don't show us love scene. 229 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,467 Oh, sweet Lord. 230 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,902 He's never getting married. 231 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,638 Adam, a word. Are you serious about this? 232 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,873 The guy's a moron. 233 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,407 He's your son. That's how I know! 234 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,677 Trust me. Barry's gonna be amazing. 235 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,212 Also, I have no other options. So do I have the part? 236 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,313 No. Yes. 237 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,415 I see what's happening. You're negotiating. 238 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,951 I will reduce my normal fee of $1 million 239 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,487 and will work for free. No, wait. $1,000! 240 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,422 No. I'll pay you! 241 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,592 Damn it. I blew it. 242 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,794 ADULT ADAM: While Barry was preparing for his new role, 243 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:49,329 my mom wasn't at all prepared for Benetton. 244 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,431 Welcome to the future of clothing. 245 00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,300 The United Colors of Benetton. 246 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,237 It's very bright and it smells weird. 247 00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,440 Forget Gimbels. This will be just as fun. 248 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,476 Hey. What's the one thing you love doing most when we go shopping? 249 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:06,046 Nodding yes or no as you try on outfits 250 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,147 like they do in the movies. 251 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,016 Well, then get ready to nod yes 252 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,784 because we have some shopping to do. 253 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,588 * Ow 254 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,060 * Yeah, yeah 255 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,394 Uh-uh. 256 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:25,065 * I used to think maybe you loved me 257 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,000 * Now, baby, I'm sure 258 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:30,938 (MUSIC CUTS) Stop shaking no. 259 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,572 I need a yes. Shake yes! 260 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:33,974 I can't shake yes! 261 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,042 Just try! 262 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,516 It won't do it. My neck loves Gimbels too much. 263 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,285 Well, I don't care about your stupid neck 264 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,220 as long as your credit card is nodding. 265 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,989 I'm trying! 266 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,058 (SIGHS) Perhaps a dollop of tuna salad 267 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,593 from the Benetton cafe will calm my nerves. 268 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:54,795 There is no cafe. 269 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,797 Oh (BLEEP) no! 270 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,298 I will find tuna. 271 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,167 Give me (BLEEP) tuna! 272 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,602 What kind of store doesn't have tuna? 273 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,107 ADULT ADAM: It was the morning of the shoot, 274 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,541 and while my star was ready to shine, 275 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,310 my dad was ready to pull the plug. 276 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,813 And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to... 277 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:16,383 Barry Norman Goldberg! 278 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,418 A lot of other actors would say, "Thank you." 279 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,787 I'm saying, "You're welcome." 280 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,554 Hey, Barry, are you sure 281 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,156 this is how you want to spend your Saturday? 282 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,726 Dude. This movie is gonna be my calling card, 283 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:28,161 and it'll make Jamie Lee Curtis notice me. 284 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,164 Don't tell Lainey! No wait, tell her. She needs to know. 285 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:34,067 All right, first off, I wouldn't rock the boat of that relationship. 286 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:37,604 And secondly, I think I saw your Jenkintown Boys Club 287 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,039 down at the Wawa parking lot. 288 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,108 The JTP? Who was leading them? 289 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,275 I don't know. Some new guy. 290 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,510 Was it Dan? Sure. 291 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,313 Stupid Dan! I will challenge him to a game of smashball 292 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,715 and reassert my dominance. 293 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:48,982 (TIRES SCREECH) 294 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,984 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, when it came to being a producer, 295 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,320 my dad knew how to get exactly what he wanted. 296 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,989 Why would he pass on the role of a lifetime? 297 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,958 Why? We're screwed blue! 298 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,659 We have no time to recast! 299 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:00,994 I'm way ahead of you. 300 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,296 Coach is here and ready for his closeup! 301 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,032 I am your clay. 302 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,199 Mold me. 303 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,101 Coach Mellor? He's our star? 304 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,703 Oh, yeah. I slipped him the script. 305 00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,171 He responded to the material. 306 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:15,042 Well, I guess you're my only option, so...you got the part. 307 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,411 You honor me. Do you know your lines? 308 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,714 I memorized the whole script. I love the zingers. 309 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:24,284 My favorite one... "See you ladle." 310 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:27,620 I like how you wrote "ladle" instead of "later." 'Cause I'm a cook. 311 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:30,190 "See you ladle"? I didn't write that. 312 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,726 That'd be me. I did some noodling with the script, partner. 313 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,694 Dad! You can't rewrite my script! 314 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:37,898 But you didn't have any snappy one-liners like Arnold says. 315 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,566 That's the best part of an action movie. 316 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,134 Now you got a bunch of 'em. 317 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,670 Sear you later. 318 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,172 Spat-u-later. 319 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,241 Cheese ya grater. 320 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,343 They are all the same! 321 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:54,081 Dad, I appreciate the support, but this is still my movie. 322 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,417 Hey. Everyone knows that you're the creative vision 323 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,152 behind "Recipe for Death 2." 324 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,321 Two? We haven't even filmed part one. 325 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,423 The best action movies are always the sequel, 326 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,225 so we're just skipping ahead to the good stuff. 327 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,660 Know what? We're a team. 328 00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:10,730 The important thing here is we're working on this together. 329 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,565 Pops, I need a new producer! 330 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,467 Huh? What am I producing? 331 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,404 80 bucks and no back talk. I'm in. 332 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,507 ADULT ADAM: While I had found a way to push my dad out of the picture, 333 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,143 Erica had finally found her new look. 334 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,344 Find everything you need? 335 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,179 (GRUMBLING) Mmm-mmm. 336 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,848 We did. Thank you. 337 00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,016 Whatever. 338 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,117 I have a coupon. 339 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,986 Oh. I'm sorry, this coupon is for Gimbels. 340 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:36,056 Correct. It's a competitor's coupon, so you match the price. 341 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,025 And when we're done here, I'm gonna need this back 342 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,326 so I can use it at other stores. 343 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:42,262 Yeah, we don't really consider Gimbels a competitor 344 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:46,733 because we're fresh and cool and hip and fun, and they're...closing. 345 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,402 Oh, God. Um. Just run the credit-card machine thing. 346 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,938 Let me get this straight. 347 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,373 Benetton thinks it's better than Gimbels 348 00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,910 because you have all these glossy posters hanging around? 349 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,079 These kids were clearly dressed against their will. 350 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,313 Come on, make the ch-chunk. 351 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,648 This is bull corn. 352 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,283 Okay. I'm going to have to ask you 353 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,684 to take your business elsewhere. 354 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,219 Ho-ho! 355 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,421 You're banning me from your store? 356 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,689 No-no, sister. 357 00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,024 I'm banning you. 358 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,926 You can't ban me. Oh, I just did. 359 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,527 You are Ban-itonned! 360 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:15,896 That's not a word. 361 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,298 Oh, it is now. I Bani-ton you 362 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,668 from having the pleasure of us in your store, sucka! 363 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:22,936 Come on, Erica. 364 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,305 The cu...I'm... BEVERLY: No! 365 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,974 ADULT ADAM: While my mom was making a scene, 366 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:30,010 I was directing a scene of my own. 367 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,478 We meet again, Blade. 368 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,313 Well, well, John Cook. 369 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,382 I'm surprised you survived the series of traps 370 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,683 I set in my deadly labyrinth. 371 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,218 Well, I'm back, a... 372 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,924 And I'm ready to spoon-feed you a delicious mouthful of pain. 373 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,425 I'll see ya ladle. 374 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,962 Looking for something? 375 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,198 Cut! Cut. Cut. 376 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,866 You're not selling it, Dave Kim. 377 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,935 Think about how dumb your haircut is. 378 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,469 Use your pain. 379 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,638 Gah! Steady up the boom, Taz. 380 00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,873 What's a boom? 381 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,108 It's the thing you're holding. 382 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,010 I kept whispering, "Boom" so you'd raise it out of frame. 383 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,078 Oh! I thought you were going like, 384 00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:07,480 "Boom! We just got another great cinematic moment." 385 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,516 Ah. What's all this? 386 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,251 Oh! Hey! I thought sending you 387 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:14,487 to get donuts at the airport would take much longer. 388 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,389 You're shooting movies without me? 389 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,724 Kinda. 390 00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:20,027 I thought we were doing this whole deal together. 391 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:23,096 Uh. I decided to go with a different producer. 392 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,864 (MUMBLING) I have no notes. 393 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,633 I love everything the kid does. 394 00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:29,436 I don't get it. You said you wanted my support. 395 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,838 I do! I...I did. I don't. 396 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,340 You can't give back support. 397 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,674 I just did. No! 398 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,076 You keep the support! 399 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,377 And you're gonna get much more! 400 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,212 I'm gonna support you but good! 401 00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,647 Don't you dare say that! 402 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,483 Oh, you heard me! I'm a big blanket of support! 403 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:44,784 A big blanket! 404 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,119 You monster. 405 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,088 Fine! Do what you want. 406 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:53,560 Also, you got some kind of bag so I can bring home this fruit? 407 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,462 You sure about this? Oh, I'm sure. 408 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,664 My mom gets me banned from Benetton? 409 00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,433 Then I'll just bring Benetton to me. 410 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:03,236 Uh (SCOFFS) you can't just make a sweater dress. 411 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,504 Can't I? 412 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:06,940 ADULT ADAM: She could. 413 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:10,143 My sister had access to the biggest, loudest sweater collection 414 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,979 in the greater Philadelphia area. 415 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,847 She has a sweater that celebrates the culture of sweaters? 416 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:15,983 My mind is melting! 417 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,185 Hey. This one shows promise. 418 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,187 Yeah, but those sleeves. Blech. 419 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,955 But... 420 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,523 if you took these sleeves 421 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,225 and the bottom half of this sparkly one, 422 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,326 that could totally be a dress! 423 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,628 And if you took the rhinestones from this one... 424 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,864 And used this fringe and these ruffles 425 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,467 and these weird tiny pockets, that would totally work! 426 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:35,735 So cute! 427 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,903 ADULT ADAM: And so they sewed. 428 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,938 They searched. They glued. 429 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,907 They ripped, snipped, and glittered. 430 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,542 Okay. The big reveal. 431 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,844 Eat your heart out, Bene... Oh, my God! 432 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:46,913 This did not work! 433 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,115 No, it did not! 434 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,382 This does not look like Benetton! 435 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,483 No, it does not! 436 00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,052 We need to cut up more sweaters and fix it! 437 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,386 ADULT ADAM: And so they did it again. 438 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:56,156 They sewed, they cut, they tore. 439 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,690 They generally made a mess... 440 00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,593 until they got it just right. 441 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,862 (VOICE BREAKING) I made it worse. 442 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,431 You really did! 443 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,466 Why? 444 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,700 Why? 445 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,202 (GASPS) My sweaters! 446 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,171 My glorious sweaters! 447 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:14,041 I'm realizing now this whole thing got away from me. 448 00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,508 Gimbels is out of business! 449 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,211 I can't replace them. They're all I had. 450 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,013 It's not my fault! 451 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,414 I mean, it is. 452 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,716 What I did sucks, but what you did sucks, too! 453 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,152 You got me Ban-itonned! 454 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,386 That is not a word. 455 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,288 And I thought that the most important thing 456 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,789 was us spending time together. 457 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,958 What mattered was the dress! Not you! 458 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,430 Fine. 459 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:39,766 (SMACKS LIPS) 460 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,134 Go buy it. 461 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,704 Hope you feel good knowing the real price you paid. 462 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,340 I think the price was her. 463 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,875 I know the price, Lainey! 464 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,480 ADULT ADAM: It had been a day since me and my sister 465 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,482 tricked our parents into supporting us. 466 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,385 And now my mom and dad were farther from us than ever. 467 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,254 Look at her. She's not even Parming the shrimp. 468 00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:03,323 Without her Parm, it's just plain shrimp. 469 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,791 Wow, you really messed her up. 470 00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:06,759 Wow, you really messed him up. 471 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:10,397 He's wearing pants and not touching his rocky road? 472 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,731 This is bad. 473 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,865 This is awful. 474 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,801 All I wanted was for my mom to leave me alone. 475 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,470 All I wanted was for my dad to be a little more involved. 476 00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,206 Now I've completely pushed him away. 477 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,441 I know this is the last thing you want to hear, 478 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,743 but you've gotta figure out a way to make her feel good. 479 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,578 Just figure out a way to get him back. 480 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,114 Damn it, why are you always right? 481 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,315 Damn it, you're right. 482 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,482 'Sup? What the... 483 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:30,650 Where'd you come from? 484 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,652 Dad said Dan took over the JTP, 485 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:34,421 and I had to stop him at all costs. 486 00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,788 Who's Dan? No idea. 487 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,590 So I gave everyone in school named Dan a wedgie. 488 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,226 Look. Movie's done, bro. 489 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,460 Damn you, Stallone! 490 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,795 I assume he took the part after I fell out! 491 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,566 Get your coat. We're going shopping. 492 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,902 Nice try. I'm done being used for my charge card. 493 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,339 Actually, this time it's my treat. 494 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,275 The Gimbels downtown store is having a going-out-of-business sale. 495 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,977 One day only. Everything 50% off. 496 00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,612 Big whoop. Sales come and go. 497 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,114 I also believe you've been collecting 498 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:03,716 a lifetime of coupons, one of which is good 499 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,353 for 50% off your entire purchase. 500 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,255 Again, not interested. 501 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,890 You should also know that I called my old Gimbels manager 502 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,593 and he said he would honor my employee discount. 503 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,263 Another 50% off. 504 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,298 That's half of half of half off. 505 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,866 The shopping trifecta. 506 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,868 Only the luckiest yentas ever get to see it. 507 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,704 I know I messed up. 508 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:27,774 But what do you say we go do some damage? Together. 509 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,109 Let's go make some memories! 510 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,212 ADULT ADAM: That day, my mom and sister 511 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:35,014 went on the shopping spree of a lifetime. 512 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,484 Racks were emptied, displays were toppled, 513 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:41,854 sweaters were replaced, and carts were overflowing. 514 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,022 Go, go, go! 515 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,324 Housewares up ahead! I'm on it! 516 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,993 * All I need is a miracle 517 00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:48,928 (MUSIC CUTS OUT) The reason he's cheating on you 518 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,530 is 'cause your house is so filthy. Right? 519 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,932 This is my mom's! All of these are! 520 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,868 This is the proudest moment of my life. 521 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,137 ADULT ADAM: And if Gimbels wasn't going out of business before, 522 00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:02,342 they sure would have after my mom and sister were done there. 523 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,244 Yes! 524 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:07,113 (LAUGHING) We did it! We did it! 525 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,718 Hey, can we talk? 526 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,653 No talk. I'm fine. 527 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,622 Well, then just sit in your chair. 528 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,390 I've never said no to that. 529 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,091 I wanna show you something. 530 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:22,295 ADULT ADAM: That something was my very first big-budget movie. 531 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,531 And I anxiously awaited the first review. 532 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,367 * All I need is a miracle 533 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,169 * All I need is you 534 00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,206 Wow. Your movie turned out really good. 535 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,907 Our movie. 536 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,443 See you ladle. 537 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,877 (THUD) 538 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,646 Hey, you kept in my one-liners. 539 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,215 Yeah. You're a pretty good producer after all. 540 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,551 * All I need is you 541 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,086 Even though I kind of fired you, 542 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,689 it was really awesome having your support. 543 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:53,460 (SIGHS) 544 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,362 You know I'm not the kind of dad 545 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,530 who cheers and screams from the sidelines. 546 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:04,404 But it's really important for you to know 547 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,839 that I'll always be rooting for you. 548 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,041 Always. 549 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,778 * I'm gonna love you for the rest of your life * 550 00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:19,919 ADULT ADAM: That day, my mom got her picture-perfect ending. 551 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,688 Just not in the way she thought. 552 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,090 'Cause in the end, 553 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,959 it's not about the costumes or the music, 554 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,895 or the explosions, for that matter. 555 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:31,364 It's the characters. 556 00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:35,368 And in our house, you never had to look too far... 557 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,803 I don't know how you did that. 558 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,005 ...to find the perfect cast. 559 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,213 (SCREAMING) 560 00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,817 See you ladle! 561 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,561 My dad has a seriously freaky talent 562 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,630 of making action-movie zingers. Watch. 563 00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:05,432 Hey, Dad. What would Arnold say 564 00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,733 if he threw a guy off a cliff? 565 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,769 "My favorite season is fall." "You've been grounded." 566 00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:12,038 "It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a dead guy." 567 00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:13,940 "Surprise! Hope you weren't thrown." 568 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,509 What would Arnold say to a guy he just fed to a lion? 569 00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:19,379 "Pleased to eat you." "This won't hurt, or am I lyin'?" 570 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:20,947 "Show some pride." What would Arnold say 571 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,081 if he just ripped a guy's heart out? 572 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,683 "You're under cardiac arrest." 573 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:24,851 "Be my Valentine." 574 00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,085 "Don't be so heartless." 575 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,454 He could be an action star. 576 00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:29,556 Bevy! I need your strong fingers! 577 00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:30,690 Or maybe not.