1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,237 ADULT ADAM: Ah, the teachers of our youth. 2 00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,506 They pushed us, inspired our minds, 3 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,408 and made us who we are today. 4 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:09,443 And when those great teachers got sick, 5 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:12,046 my mom stepped in to be a sub. 6 00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,882 Bonjour, my little French fries. 7 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,584 By the time I'm done with you, 8 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,086 you're going to be eating snails, 9 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,320 not taking baths, 10 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:22,290 and enjoying the silent art of mime. 11 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:23,924 (LAUGHS) ADULT ADAM: Like most substitute teachers, 12 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,459 she didn't know very much. 13 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,061 They're a weird people, hmm? 14 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,029 Then one day, everything changed. 15 00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,365 My mom saw the movie Dead Poets Society. 16 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,533 O Captain! My Captain! 17 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,967 YOUNG MAN: O Captain! My Captain! 18 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,237 When Robin Williams inspired those stuffy rich kids 19 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:37,605 to stand on their desks, 20 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,507 my mom saw her true calling. 21 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,410 Who knew Mork from Ork had such a serious side? 22 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,812 This movie proves that a sub 23 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,948 is the most important person in a child's life. 24 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,983 Come Monday, that's just what I'm gonna do... 25 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,252 inspire my kids. 26 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,921 You mean, your students or your actual kids? 27 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,789 Both. It's a win-win. 28 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,358 I'm sure they'll see it that way. 29 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,160 MAN: Hey, shut up! You shut up! 30 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,295 Good morning, class. 31 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,697 Uh, before we get started, does anyone need to make? 32 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,133 Hmm? Anyone? 33 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,567 There's gonna be a lot of learning today, 34 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,669 so if you got to make, do it now. 35 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:09,870 Anyone got to make poo-poos? 36 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,105 Stop! 37 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,640 No one has to make! Moving on. 38 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,843 All right, according to this memo from Principal Ball, 39 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,579 Mr. Gluckman has been checked into a rehab facility 40 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,614 to address his relationship with c'caine. 41 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,783 "Please tell the students he has the flu." 42 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:25,052 Okay. Mr. Gluckman has the flu. 43 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,254 (CHUCKLES) 44 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,821 I'll be your sub for the next 30 days. 45 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,022 Sweet! A sub! 46 00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,458 We get to waste a whole month of critical learning 47 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,025 that'll put us behind for years to come! 48 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,894 No, JTP! History has proven 49 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,297 my mom turns awesome things to garbage! 50 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,065 Aw, who's that handsome fella? 51 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,167 Is he single? 52 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,268 This is a nightmare. 53 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,635 Question. Who here is familiar 54 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,437 with the film Dead Poets Society? 55 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,005 Chill, dude. Your mom's gonna show us a movie. 56 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:46,640 It's a classic sub move. 57 00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,841 Oh, we're not watching it. 58 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,009 We're living it! 59 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,144 Oh, no. Barry's right. 60 00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,812 In fact, I need a volunteer 61 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,181 chosen completely at random 62 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,682 to come stand on my desk 63 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,584 and view the world from a new perspective. 64 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,052 Oh, no! She wants us to learn by standing on furniture? 65 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:02,022 ADULT ADAM: Standing on a desk was how Robin Williams inspired his students. 66 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,658 Unfortunately, not everyone liked to see things 67 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,694 from a different angle. 68 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:07,928 Whoa, whoa! 69 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,597 There's no climbing in school! 70 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,864 Unless it's on a rope 71 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,933 hung dangerously from the rafters of the gymnasium. 72 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,035 Dude, the hot sub told us to do it. 73 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,937 Are you crazy? What do you think you're doing? 74 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,639 (LAUGHING) Ho! Look, everyone! 75 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,842 It's the stuffy administration coming to clip my wings! 76 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,544 No! For the past 30 years, 77 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,746 Mr. Gluckman has sloshed corrosive chemicals 78 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:26,947 all over that old desk. 79 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,283 It's falling apart. I fear nothing. 80 00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,519 Like any great teacher, I encourage my students 81 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:32,986 to seize the day! (CREAKING) 82 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,555 Aah! 83 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,224 * I'm twisted up inside 84 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,560 * But nonetheless I feel the need to say 85 00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,397 * I don't know the future 86 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:47,401 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 87 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:50,304 ADULT ADAM: It was January 4, 1980-something... 88 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:53,073 the day a single text message rocked my world. 89 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,475 Yo. 90 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,377 Get this note to Goldnerd for me. 91 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:57,611 ADULT ADAM: Yep, back in the '80s, 92 00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,380 this was our version of sending a text. 93 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:02,850 You'd have to pass a note the old-fashioned way, by hand. 94 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:06,520 Only problem was, your messages weren't password-protected. 95 00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,756 Mr. Goldberg, since that little paper 96 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,759 is more important than life-saving CPR, 97 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,362 maybe you'd like to stand and share it with the rest of us. 98 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,465 "Ballsssss." 99 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,167 To be clear... 100 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,635 I did not write this. 101 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:26,307 "Dude, when did Emmy Mirsky get so dang foxy? 102 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,277 "I mean, holy boobs, Batman! (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 103 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,211 "Look at those sweatshirt puppies." 104 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,314 Again, I did not write this. 105 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,948 Oh, that sucked. 106 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,585 My intention was to teach you a lesson about note-passing, 107 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,153 but instead, I just made us all feel wildly uncomfortable. 108 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,723 (CHUCKLES) Let's just move on to Chapter 6, okay? 109 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,759 Female reproductive... Nope. 110 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:46,827 Class dismissed. 111 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,697 Next time you get caught with a note, 112 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,899 just do what a normal person does and eat it. 113 00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,233 Dude, you can't eat paper. 114 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,902 My mom says it plugs up your bottom. 115 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,137 Small price to pay to avoid total humiliation. 116 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,339 I know, right? 117 00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,474 I had to stand up in front of everyone 118 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,843 and talk about my best friend's, you know, stuff. 119 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,044 Wait. 120 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,979 You thought that note was embarrassing for you? 121 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,214 Well, who else would it embarrass? 122 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,316 Me! Why? 123 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,483 The note said you were hot. 124 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:10,618 You should be happy about it. 125 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,085 Are you serious right now? 126 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,054 Dork! 127 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,389 Boy, you really know your way 128 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,157 around relationships with human beings. 129 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,926 I agree I'm flawed, 130 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,629 but I honestly have no idea what I said wrong here. 131 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,830 Okay, I'm gonna shed some light 132 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,698 on what it's like to be a freshman girl, 133 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,233 and it ain't gonna be pretty. 134 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,470 The seniors called me "Frizzica Spazzberg." 135 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,639 Every 9th-grade girl, no matter how she looks, 136 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,374 feels uncomfortable in her own skin. 137 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:34,908 There's a hunk of lettuce in your braces. 138 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:35,976 How did you not feel it? 139 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,511 I was going through a salad phase! 140 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,279 My point is, Emmy just needs a friend 141 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,881 who understands how she feels. 142 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:41,982 Seriously, though, 143 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,751 there's like a whole head of romaine in there. 144 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,286 I am gonna give you one second to walk away. 145 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,488 One! 146 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,289 ADULT ADAM: As I was learning how to be a better friend, 147 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:51,625 my mom was teaching Barry how to be a better student. 148 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:52,760 I don't understand! 149 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,528 This is my house, not my school. 150 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:57,097 Now that I have the teaching tools I learned in a movie, 151 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,967 I will not rest until you get an "A" in this class. 152 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,070 Okay, now, the atomic symbol "C" 153 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,472 stands for what? 154 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,673 Chemistry! Carbon. 155 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:06,807 It stands for Carbon. 156 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,242 But it also stands for chemistry, so half a point? 157 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:12,045 Okay. Name three types of inert gases. 158 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,582 Easy. There's regular, unleaded, 159 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,784 and...farts? 160 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,218 Farts? Farts. 161 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,853 The answer is not farts! 162 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,922 How is fart not a gas? 163 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,191 Science makes no sense, and I don't need it! 164 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:26,360 Especially 'cause I'm gonna marry Kathy Ireland. 165 00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,796 Who? Supermodel Kathy Ireland. 166 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,798 I'm gonna be her lazy mooch of a husband 167 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,133 who lives in her mansion in Ireland! 168 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,668 Now, if you'll excuse me, 169 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,770 I'm gonna go brush up on my Irish culture 170 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,207 and (BAD IRISH ACCENT) find me gold at the end of the rainbow, mon. 171 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,076 Well, that accent was definitely Jamaican. 172 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,612 Boopie, don't give up! 173 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,113 Mama believes in you! 174 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,781 Question. Why? 175 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:48,916 You're a substitute teacher. 176 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,418 Just give the boy a damn "A" already. 177 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,685 You want me to cheat? 178 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,086 Of course I do. 179 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,188 We got to get that moron into some sort of college. 180 00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:56,390 Can you believe this, Dad? 181 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:57,891 He thinks Barry can't do it. 182 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,727 His answer was "farts." 183 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,429 Okay, you really want him to buckle down? 184 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,263 Let me go upstairs and get his ass in gear. 185 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,365 By yelling at him and calling him a moron? 186 00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,800 No way. That doesn't work. 187 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,235 Barry needs inspiration. 188 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,504 All I need to do is unlock his potential, 189 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:11,839 and then the sky's the limit. 190 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,607 His many limits are the limit. 191 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,610 His answer was "farts." 192 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,812 ADULT ADAM: That day, I was also on a mission 193 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,948 to prove to Emmy I felt her pain. 194 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,916 All right, hormonal disasters! 195 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,118 It's time to pick teams! 196 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,621 Shirts, Skins, Shirts, Skins, 197 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,490 Shirts, Skins... Okay, so why exactly did we cut math 198 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,858 to sit in on some random gym class? 199 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,192 What you're witnessing 200 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,529 is a barbaric practice known as "Shirts vs. Skins." 201 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:38,331 Nothing is worse than having to awkwardly disrobe 202 00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:39,433 in front of your bros. 203 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:40,534 You got to be kidding me. 204 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:43,236 I know! I mean, why not shorts vs. pants? 205 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,272 Or red shirts vs. blue shirts? 206 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,708 Sure, it would take some planning the night before, 207 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,409 but I could get a phone tree going. 208 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,479 I mean, we are not the same. 209 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,614 Do you wear thick, baggy-ass clothes 210 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,283 when it's 90 degrees out to hide your body? 211 00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:57,718 I thought you wear that 'cause you love Epcot. 212 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,086 I've never even been there! 213 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,253 Why would I love it? 214 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,822 'Cause it's like taking a trip around the world 215 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,624 without leaving the safe confines of Orlando? 216 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,058 Being a Skin in gym 217 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,495 is nothing compared to being stared at all day. 218 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,062 Well, if you think about it, 219 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,931 my thing's actually way worse 220 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,667 'cause at least you get to cover up with bulky fabrics. 221 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,402 I get no fabrics! None! 222 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,138 You're a douche lord! 223 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,710 Hey, Bar, how's studying with Mom going? 224 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:23,977 Rad as all get-out. 225 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,346 Only took two minutes to finish all of my homework. 226 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,081 She's really teaching you science stuff? 227 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:31,451 Let's just say Mom is gonna be very pleased with my answers. 228 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,621 (CHUCKLES) Pops, give us a taste. 229 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:34,788 Question one. 230 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,224 "What is the chemical symbol for sodium?" 231 00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,291 And my answer? 232 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,794 "My mommy is the best mommy ever 233 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,697 "of all mommies on Planet Mommy." 234 00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:44,798 Nailed it! 235 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:45,899 What the hell are you doing, you moron? 236 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,034 Just giving the lady 237 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,802 the answers she always wanted to hear. 238 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,639 Pops, what's the atomic weight of chloride? 239 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:55,342 "Wittle Barry-wary like Mummy's snuggy-wuggies." 240 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,077 Okay, this is just nonsense. 241 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,446 ADULT ADAM: And with that, my dad knew it was time 242 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,582 to inspire Barry in his own way. 243 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,184 Look, I hate to tell you this, 244 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,588 but your mom is looking for any excuse to fail you. 245 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,256 What? Why? 246 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:12,492 Mom telling you to study is just a trick, 247 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,563 because she knows you never do what she says. 248 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,797 I do don't do that! 249 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,900 She really wants you to fail so you don't graduate. 250 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:23,303 And no college means you live here forever. 251 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,673 And that means she picks out your clothes 252 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:26,940 for the rest of your life. 253 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:28,341 But I want Kathy Ireland 254 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,010 to pick out my clothes for the rest of my life. 255 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,345 Well, I hope she enjoys sharing a family bathroom. 256 00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,683 No! She likes sushi and smoothies and Malibu! 257 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,051 I don't know what to tell you. Mom will not control me. 258 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,553 I will learn all chemistry... 259 00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:40,821 No, all science! 260 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,590 Mom says you won't. Oh, I will. 261 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:45,659 Time for me to tear off this plastic shrink-wrap 262 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:46,760 and get to learning. 263 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,328 But the year is half-over. 264 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:52,299 And that, my friend, is how you truly inspire a kid. 265 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,135 All you did was use his mother as a weapon to rile him up. 266 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,536 I do it all the time. 267 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,471 It's how I got Erica to learn piano, 268 00:08:58,505 --> 00:08:59,807 Adam to ice skate. 269 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,075 I just tell them that their mom is holding them back. 270 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,044 You do know that if Bev finds out about this, 271 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,345 she'll never forgive you. 272 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,446 No doubt. 273 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,616 Aw, screw it. You did what you had to do. 274 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,521 ADULT ADAM: It had been days since Emmy talked to me, 275 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,324 so I decided to recruit someone who spoke her language. 276 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,727 Okay, before you throw a hard object at me and say "Get out"... 277 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:20,928 Get out! 278 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,563 ...I have a big favor to ask, 279 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,633 and will pay a huge sum of money to do it. 280 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,700 I'm listening. 281 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:27,935 I need you to give this note to Emmy 282 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,069 and make her read it. 283 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,237 She's still not talking to you, huh? 284 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,505 Honestly, she's being crazy and irrational, 285 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,107 but as you can see in this note, 286 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,910 I'm the bigger man and still willing to apologize. 287 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,512 "Dear Emmy, you're being crazy and irrational. 288 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,048 "Let me explain the many reasons 289 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,683 "why your super-silly female body issues 290 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,051 "are all in your head." 291 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,318 No. 292 00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,520 Fine! Then, then you fix it. 293 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,156 Exactly how much money are we talking here? 294 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,059 $1,000. 295 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,794 Which is what this Megatron will be worth 296 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,963 on the black market in 30 years. 297 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,097 I'll do it for 20 bucks. 298 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,165 5 bucks and a Skeletor? 299 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,933 I'll do it if you just go away now. 300 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,501 ADULT ADAM: And so my sister would help me, 301 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,136 but not by going to Emmy. 302 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,938 Hey, Coach, got a minute? 303 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,774 Kind of busy, female Goldberg. 304 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,009 I'm inventing a new hybrid sport. 305 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,079 Either, uh, baseball fencing or water-polo squash. 306 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,614 You can't play squash under water. People need to breathe. 307 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,650 Need to breathe. 308 00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:18,418 (SIGHS) That makes sense. 309 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:22,389 "Need to breathe." 310 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,623 Uh-huh. 311 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,093 So, my brother's been a bad friend to Emmy Mirsky. 312 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,729 Ah, stabbed in the back by her best amigo. 313 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:32,065 That is a crime worse than all the murders in the world. 314 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,735 I don't think that's right, but sure. 315 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:37,537 So, could you help her by blatantly abusing your authority? 316 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,808 You want old Coach to exact sweet revenge, huh? 317 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,009 No problem. 318 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,443 You're an amazing teacher. 319 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,778 I'm sure of it. 320 00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,914 ADULT ADAM: While Erica was looking to teach me a lesson, 321 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,448 Barry was ready to learn. 322 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,083 JTP! ALL: JTP! 323 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:53,620 I need you to teach me everything about chemistry so I can get an "A." 324 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,255 Are you sure you want to join us, bro? 325 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,891 Yeah, you tend to just sort of peter out, insult us, 326 00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,226 and then leave us high and dry. 327 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,895 Not this time, my tiny friend I can fit in my pocket! 328 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:04,932 I have enough anger in me to last for at least three days. 329 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,166 Let's do this! 330 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,667 What are you doing? 331 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,169 Taking photographs with my mind. 332 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,071 You mean memorizing? Done! Quiz me. 333 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,840 Fire away. Dude. (CHUCKLES) 334 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,008 It takes more than just glancing at our note cards 335 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,778 to know what elements are in Group Four of the Periodic Table. 336 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,347 Titanium, Zirconium, Hafnium, and Rutherfordium. 337 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,350 Whoa. When you've got hate in your heart, you're, like, crazy-smart. 338 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,585 Also, it totally proves you were never living up to your potential. 339 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:26,954 Indeed, Geoffrey. 340 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,523 And I will use that potential to stop my mom's evil plan. 341 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,626 ADULT ADAM: And he did. Barry was so psyched to teach my mom a lesson, 342 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:36,029 he couldn't stop teaching himself. 343 00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,831 Well, look at you guys studying. 344 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,868 Just tutoring my boys. They're having a hard time keeping up. 345 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,502 Keeping up with you? 346 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,972 Turns out science just kind of clicks when I try. 347 00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:47,875 Barry's even read four chapters ahead, for fun. 348 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:50,243 That's right. He knows stuff we can't even begin to comprehend. 349 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,812 Until we read that far into the book. 350 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,081 Thanks to you telling me about Mom's awful plan 351 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,582 to keep me here to love me forever. 352 00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,350 You're really showing her. 353 00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,287 Uh, just maybe you keep your rage-learning between us. 354 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,688 But what's the point of knowledge 355 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,490 if you don't use it to destroy your mother? 356 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,425 You know what would really stick it to her? 357 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,427 If you tell her after you got into college. 358 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,829 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 359 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,298 Imagine how miserable she'll be when I go off to Harvard. 360 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,933 You'll destroy her for sure. 361 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,769 But until then, let's just keep it our secret. 362 00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:17,304 Our wonderful secret. 363 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,406 ADULT ADAM: As my dad was trying to keep Barry quiet, 364 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,508 I was just trying to keep my shirt on. 365 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,576 Shirt. Skin. 366 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,013 Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin, Shirt. 367 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,180 Yes! I'm golden. 368 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,448 Shirt. 369 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,682 Skin. 370 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:30,851 Skin. 371 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,119 Whoa. Hey, hang on! 372 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,386 This better be important, Goldfarb! 373 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,155 It is. You double-skinned. 374 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,057 Oh, how about that? I did double-skin. 375 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,558 But you can't double-skin. 376 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,260 It's Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin. 377 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,162 I can Skin-Skin anytime I like. 378 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,464 If you Skin-Skin, there's no rules! It's chaos! 379 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,867 Maybe now you'll know what it feels like to be a young girl coming of age! 380 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,101 Wait, is this about Emmy? 381 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,037 The best teachers never reveal if it's about Emmy. 382 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,471 So it is about Emmy! 383 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:52,639 You should have just eaten the note. 384 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:53,874 Everybody eats the note! 385 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:56,143 Why do people think eating paper is a viable option? 386 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,311 Just for the back-talk, you're a Skin for the rest of the week! 387 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,147 No! Now you're a Skin for the rest of the year! 388 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,649 You keep it up, you'll be a Skin for life! You can't do that. 389 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,051 Trust me... On your wedding day, 390 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,618 you will walk down the aisle shirtless. 391 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,387 No respectable venue would allow that! 392 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,256 It'll be a beach wedding! (GROANS) 393 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,392 That sounds wonderful and like my worst nightmare. 394 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,494 ADULT ADAM: That was when I realized 395 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,397 the person I'd enlisted to help me only made it worse. 396 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,200 You did this! You said you wanted my help, so I'm helping you. 397 00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,970 I meant talk to her and make everything better for me. 398 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,938 Instead, you got Mellor all riled up! 399 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,606 You know he riles easily! 400 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,341 I wasn't just gonna bail you out. 401 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,610 You'd never learn if I did that. Learn what? 402 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,546 Do you know how hard it was for me to be Frizzica? 403 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,682 I used to eat lunch in the bathroom stalls. 404 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,218 I'd take the back hallways to avoid boys. 405 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,053 I even spent Saturday nights at home 406 00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:41,588 watching the news with Dad. 407 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,223 He yells so much at the news. 408 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,624 It's like he thinks they can hear him! 409 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,226 But you want to know the worst part? 410 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,761 Is I had no one to talk to about any of it. 411 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:51,264 But Emmy does. She has you. 412 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,867 But you're only thinking about yourself instead of being there for her. 413 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,202 (WHISTLE BLOWING) 414 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,736 All right. Enough lesson-learning. 415 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,038 Shirt off. Get in the game. 416 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,306 You'll have to catch me first! 417 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,975 I'm athletic when determined. 418 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,146 (GROANS) I'm a Skin. 419 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,719 Boom! Read it and weep. 420 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,988 Read it to me. It hurts when I look down. 421 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,258 It's Barry's chemistry test, and guess what? He aced it! 422 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,960 Or should I say, I aced him! 423 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,261 Guess you did, huh? 424 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,096 No, you said I couldn't "Captain" him, 425 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,564 but you were wrong, sucka! 426 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:25,999 You showed me. 427 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,968 Attention, people in the room. 428 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,303 I have a huge announcement about my future 429 00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:32,472 that I need to rub in my mother's face. 430 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,042 No, no, no. We said we were gonna be rubbing at a much later date. 431 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,309 I'm sorry, Dad. 432 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,878 I couldn't wait for Harvard to beg me to join their ranks. 433 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,780 This is too good. It must be rubbed. 434 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,482 Wait, did I hear "Harvard"? 435 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,417 I think I heard "Harvard." 436 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:45,752 Oh, you heard it. 437 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,787 Thanks to my newfound love of sciences, 438 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,790 I've officially decided what to do with my life. 439 00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,359 I shall be a doctor. 440 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,061 (GASPS) 441 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,996 I give you the JTP. ALL JTP! 442 00:14:56,029 --> 00:15:00,267 Not the Jenkintown Posse. I'm talkin' about the Jenkintown Practice. 443 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,435 An all-in-one medical facility 444 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,837 where I'll be CEO and lead surgeon. 445 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,173 I'm the in-house ophthalmologist. 446 00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,540 I'm the foot doc, y'all! 447 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,908 And I'ma play drums in the waiting room. 448 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,811 I cannot believe what I'm hearing! Tell me more! 449 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:12,879 No. Let's not. 450 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,747 Sorry, Mom. You lose. 451 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,984 We've heard enough. I will succeed in life 452 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,851 just to spite you. No! 453 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,120 What'chu have to say about that? 454 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:23,590 This is the happiest (BLEEP) day of my (BLEEP) life! 455 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,258 What? Why is this good news? 456 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,994 'Cause I inspired you to learn! 457 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:30,297 Now, get up on that table and "O Captain! My Captain!" me. 458 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,465 But I thought you secretly wanted me to fail. 459 00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:35,568 Of course not. Uh, who would give you such a nasty idea? 460 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,240 (YELPS) 461 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,508 Maybe we should go. 462 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:42,909 What the hell's happening here? 463 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,212 Ooh, I'd like to stay and quietly watch. 464 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,447 I may have slightly motivated the kid 465 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,150 using you as a springboard for his hate. 466 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,285 Yeah, you get it. Wait. 467 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:55,989 My mom genuinely wants me to thrive? This is horrible! 468 00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:59,892 No, it's great! You love science now. We all win. 469 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,661 It's all built on lies! 470 00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:04,897 I fully reject science and all learning! 471 00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,366 (SIGHS) I'm sorry, JTP. 472 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,268 We're no longer the JTP. 473 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,170 We're just the JTP. 474 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,338 ALL: JTP. 475 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,908 Bevy, I only wanted to help the kid succeed. 476 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:19,212 Well, your way worked. Congrats. 477 00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,413 Wait. Where you going? 478 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,249 To quit. 479 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,051 I'm no teacher. 480 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,518 And the worst part is, 481 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:29,422 the only thing I inspired in my son is resentment. 482 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,990 (SIGHS) 483 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,262 ADULT ADAM I had messed up with Emmy, 484 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,264 and it would take a miracle to fix our friendship, 485 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,998 or a couple of jerks. Dude. 486 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,501 Fresh hottie, 9:00. (COUGHING) Nice rack. 487 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,037 Sorry. Allergies. (CHUCKLES) 488 00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:47,740 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, I finally saw how hard it was for Emmy, 489 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,343 and I knew just what I had to do, even if it killed me. 490 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,945 Excuse me. Hi, I'm Adam F. Goldberg. 491 00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,614 Not be confused with the other Adam Goldberg. 492 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:55,782 The artsy dude? 493 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,984 Actually, we both have an appreciation for the arts. 494 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,119 He's more of a multi-hyphenate. 495 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,520 I've been focusing on the written word. 496 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,322 What the hell is your problem, dorknard? 497 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,057 I just heard you talking about my friend here. 498 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,159 Dude! Go away, it's fine. 499 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,695 No, it's not! I mean, how would you feel 500 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,163 if every time you walked through school, 501 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,598 the girls talked about your body? 502 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,167 I'd nod and say, "This saddle seats one. 503 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,369 "Unless you're a twin, then it seats two." 504 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:20,107 Point is, maybe we should just be more sensitive. 505 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,642 It's hard enough to be a freshman hoping you can fit in. 506 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,377 I'm hoping you can fit in that trash can. 507 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,713 Exactly. Wait, what? 508 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,481 Oh! Oh, God! 509 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:29,916 (PANTING) Not the trash! 510 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,252 That's where Nurse Steve dumps all the old Band-Aids. 511 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:33,720 Ow! Ow, ow, ow! 512 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,523 Hands off the dork. Or what? 513 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:37,957 I sit behind you in Spanish. 514 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,926 Next siesta you take in class, 515 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,694 snip-snip, you lose the ponytail. 516 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,330 But that's where my soul resides. 517 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,597 Come on, man. 518 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,234 She's turning the tables on us, and I don't like it. 519 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,602 Dude, that was badass. 520 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,070 Well, you're a tough girl. 521 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,940 It may take you a few years, but you'll get there. 522 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:56,075 Trust me. 523 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:59,045 Are you crazy? You almost got trashed! 524 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,281 I just figured I should be there for you, 525 00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:02,982 no matter how hard it gets. 526 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,551 (CHUCKLES) 527 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,952 Thanks a lot. (SNIFFLES) 528 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:09,088 Now I'm crying at school 'cause you're such a dumb, great friend. 529 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,490 The dumbest. 530 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,059 (BOTH CHUCKLE) ADULT ADAM: Yep, growing up is an awkward adventure, 531 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,527 but with a little understanding, 532 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,796 we can help each other get through the rough spots. 533 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,064 Hey. 534 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,233 Please don't make a big deal out of this. 535 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,407 Wow. I get a hug even though I made you a Skin for life? 536 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,209 You also just saved it. 537 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:30,710 I'm your big sis. 538 00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:31,944 That's what I'm here for. 539 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,647 I'm gonna hug you again. 540 00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:35,915 Do it and you die. 541 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,217 No, I... 542 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:43,923 ADULT ADAM: Sometimes, we're so consumed with our own problems, 543 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,459 we can't see what other people are going through 544 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:50,797 until we open our eyes and our hearts. 545 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,865 Dude! Knock first! 546 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,301 What'd you put under the mattress? 547 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,602 Magazine. 548 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,204 Dirty kind with lady parts. 549 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,340 Physics? (SIGHS) 550 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,242 Fine. 551 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,743 Look, I love science. 552 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,179 I'm good at it, and I feel ashamed. 553 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:09,216 Well, don't. I'm proud of you. 554 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,383 You are? 555 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:13,686 Look, it was wrong to use your mother against you, 556 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,190 but now we know how much you can do if you actually try. 557 00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:19,459 Yeah. Who knew? 558 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,329 I'll tell you who knew. Beverly Goldberg. 559 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,765 She believed in you the whole time. 560 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,234 I guess she is a good teacher. 561 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,470 And she's also a damn-good mother. 562 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,273 And maybe it wouldn't hurt if you let her know. 563 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,410 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (WHISTLE BLOWS) 564 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:39,412 All right! Quiet down! 565 00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:41,047 I'm your substitute sub, 566 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,217 which means study hall for a month! 567 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:47,454 Sorry to interrupt. I just came to get my mug. 568 00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,657 Wait! Mom! 569 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,231 O Captain! My Captain! 570 00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,599 Sit down, Mr. Goldberg! 571 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:03,870 On behalf of me and the rest of the Jenkintown Practice, 572 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,705 thank you for believing in us. 573 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,574 And in me. 574 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,809 I said sit down, Mr. Goldberg! 575 00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,111 O Captain! My Captain! 576 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,446 O Captain! My Captain! 577 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,681 O Captain! My Captain! 578 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,116 What'd I say about standing on the desks? Everybody down! 579 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,552 Dude, they're sticking it to Mellor by standing on school property! 580 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,888 I'm king of whatever class this is! 581 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,923 This school sucks! Screw you, Dad! 582 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,192 Rush rules! I will never die! 583 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,228 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, Beverly Goldberg was way more 584 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,264 than just a substitute teacher. 585 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:34,100 She was permanent inspiration. 586 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,803 My baby's gonna be a doctor. 587 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,472 Eh, I'll believe that when I see it. 588 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,443 (APPLAUSE) (DING) 589 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:44,977 ADAM: Dad, say something. How do you feel? 590 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,746 I am so proud and happy. 591 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,682 Now that he's gonna be going to medical school, 592 00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:50,883 I cried like a baby. 593 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,452 Because that means for another four years, 594 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:53,653 he'll still be out of the house 595 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,255 and we can keep the room neat. 596 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,927 And that is how you perform CPR on a man. 597 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,163 Whoa, Mr. Goldberg, what is that you have there? 598 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,332 Is that another note? 599 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:06,433 What? You just... 600 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:07,900 You know the rule. 601 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,736 If you get caught with a note, you have to stand up and read it out loud 602 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,704 so that everybody can hear it. 603 00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:14,173 "Hey, Adam. Who's your favorite teacher? 604 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,175 "I know mine's old Glascott. 605 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,678 "He's hip like us. Dude just gets it. 606 00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:22,615 "Did you know he's in a funk-fusion band called Funk and Games? 607 00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,284 "I heard he's playing at the farmer's market this weekend." 608 00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:28,187 I can't read any more. I'm just gonna eat it. 609 00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:30,189 You can't eat paper! It'll plug you up!