1 00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:04,972 ADULT ADAM: Back in the day, we all had that one crazy, legendary uncle. 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,175 For me, it was my dad's brother Marvin. 3 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,442 He had a million jobs, 4 00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,478 always annoyed my dad when he came over to Thanksgiving... 5 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,612 Go away! 6 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:13,214 ...and could sweet-talk anyone. 7 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,482 (GASPS) 8 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,550 Oh, my word! 9 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,852 Have I stumbled into the residence 10 00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:21,755 of workout goddess Jane Fonda? 11 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:22,856 Marvin, come on. (CHUCKLES) 12 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,258 Get in here! (SQUEALS) 13 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,560 (BOTH LAUGH) You... 14 00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:30,331 (GASPS) There they are, Crockett and Tubbs. 15 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,434 What up, my men? We have no money! Please go away. 16 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,369 I'm not here for your money, Murman. 17 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,138 I'm just dropping by to see the fam. 18 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,474 He's right, Mur. Be nice to your brother. It's Thanksgiving. 19 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:41,709 It's the middle of May. 20 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,944 Oh. Then, yeah, he's here for cash. 21 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:47,748 How dare you suggest that I am here for a handout? 22 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:51,919 Although, as luck would have it, I am having a spot of bad luck. 23 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,522 Here we go. Just hear him out. 24 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,557 Tell us about your recent failures, Marvin. 25 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,092 Classic tale. 26 00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,094 There I was, minding my own business 27 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:03,431 in this mystical shop on the outskirts of Chinatown, 28 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:06,200 when, suddenly, this ancient man popped out 29 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:10,104 and asked me if I wanted to buy this rare and exotic pet. 30 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:12,473 Ooh. Like a sassy, colorful bird? 31 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:13,974 Better. A Mogwai. 32 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,677 And so, naturally, I handed him $6,000. 33 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,046 Are you nuts? That's not even the worst part. 34 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:22,683 You see, these Mogwai are "super-high maintenance." 35 00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,685 You can't get them wet, no bright lights, 36 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:28,256 and if you feed them after midnight, they become these bloodthirsty monsters! 37 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,591 Who would buy a pet like that? Who? 38 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,993 No one! That's who! It's from Gremlins. 39 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,697 Murray, please. He had some trouble in Chinatown. Just give him some money. 40 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,167 It's on Adam's lunchbox. It's right here! 41 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,369 How dare you exploit the fact that I'm a kid at heart? 42 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:43,237 This is what he's talking about! 43 00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,506 * I'm twisted up inside 44 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:48,742 * But nonetheless I feel the need to say 45 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,181 * I don't know the future 46 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:56,417 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 47 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,486 ADULT ADAM: It was May 10th, 1980-something, 48 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,554 and my brother was working hard to get voted 49 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,623 Best Dancer in the school yearbook. 50 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,926 Barry Goldberg! Best Electric Boogaloo! 51 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,396 ADULT ADAM: But to be honest, he'd take best anything. 52 00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,931 I'm doing business on my phone! 53 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,435 Vote Barry Goldberg Most Likely To Succeed! 54 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,970 Barry Goldberg Most Likely To Do This. 55 00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:20,641 Barry Goldberg, Best Juggler. 56 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,444 ADULT ADAM: After two weeks of campaigning, he got desperate. 57 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,380 Ow! Hey! What the... Why is this happening? 58 00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:30,017 Just get in the locker! Vote for Barry Goldberg! Best Bully! 59 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,519 (CHUCKLES) I won't let you down. 60 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:32,620 ADAM: Dude, you're hurting my body! 61 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:33,887 Damn it. Why won't you fit? 62 00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,022 (GRUNTS) Wha... 63 00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:38,359 'Cause I'm not a child anymore! I'm a grown person! 64 00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:39,727 How do you not see it by now? 65 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,030 For your information, Best Bully isn't something in the yearbook. 66 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,365 How would you know? 67 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,166 You're just one of Adam's dumb little friends. 68 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,601 Actually, I'm the editor. 69 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,136 No way! So what'd I get? 70 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:53,207 Let's just say you weren't recognized for any individual achievement. 71 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,509 Damn it! I gotta be something! 72 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,145 (IN SING-SONG VOICE) Guess who got Best Substitute Teacher? 73 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,080 The guy with the bat from Lean on Me? 74 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,849 It's your mom, dude. Enjoy your day. 75 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,083 (BEVERLY CHUCKLES) Bye, Adam. 76 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,118 Later, babe. Later. 77 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,321 The yearbook must be stopped. 78 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,723 Not being recognized for my awesomeness 79 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,426 is the greatest injustice this world has ever seen. 80 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:13,794 You should get kindest eyes. 81 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:16,063 And you should get Rightest Guy 'cause you're right! 82 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,898 That's not an equal compliment, but I'll take it. 83 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,200 Okay, I probably shouldn't be saying this out loud, 84 00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,903 but the only thing I want in the world is to get Cutest Couple with Erica. 85 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:25,873 Geoff, it's just a lame yearbook. Who cares? 86 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,775 Especially 'cause we're a lock, so why obsess over it? 87 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,711 A lock? Come on. There's way better, cuter couples out there. 88 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,680 Like who? Hello? Me and Barry? 89 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,082 Mmm-hmm. Aw! You'd totally win. 90 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:38,085 Except half your couple is Barry, so... (VOCALIZES) 91 00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,453 Hate to be this guy, 92 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,290 but I think everyone's kinda over the whole Erica and Geoff thing. 93 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,892 Yeah, Barry and Lainey may not be the fresh new couple, 94 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,527 but you can't help but root for them. 95 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,861 Ha! Oh, no! They're right! 96 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,031 Damn it, I need this win! I gotta find out who they picked! 97 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,033 Just go ask Adam. 'Cause he's on the yearbook staff. 98 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,102 Since when? Since he started dating the editor. 99 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,471 You mean Dana? You should really get to know your brother. 100 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,307 You mean punch him until we get what we want, right? 101 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,409 ADULT ADAM: While Erica and Barry suddenly needed me, 102 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:05,078 my mom realized my uncle was in dire need of a lifeline. 103 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,480 God! BEVERLY: Marvin, wait. 104 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,148 I can't let you leave empty handed. 105 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,384 I made you three casseroles and a Jell-O ring. 106 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,019 (CHUCKLES) You're always so good to me. 107 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:15,055 Marvin. Are you okay? 108 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,525 All right, here's the cold hard truth. 109 00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,127 You know all that stuff I was saying about the Mogwais? 110 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,831 It's not real. It's from this movie Gremlins. 111 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:27,034 It's made by Steven Spielberg. It's got all these little muppets in it. 112 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,470 It's surprisingly scary. Everybody knows the movie. 113 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:32,039 Starring Phoebe Cates. Woof, is she my type. 114 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,241 Please, let me help you. 115 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,810 Okay, here's the deal. I gambled away a lot of money 116 00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,379 in Atlantic City playing keno. 117 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,982 Keno? What are you, 75 years old? Nobody plays that! 118 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,385 That's why I thought I had an edge! Damn it! 119 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,787 You know, instead of coming to Murray asking for money, 120 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,256 why don't you ask him for a job at the furniture store? 121 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,326 Oh, man, if you get me this job, 122 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,995 I will never ask you for anything again. 123 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,430 If you're serious, 124 00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:58,832 I will do everything in my power to get you a job. 125 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,402 Absolutely not! The answer is no. 126 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:05,238 You don't have to convince anyone, Marvin. The job's all yours. 127 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:08,008 Look, Barry already worked here, and it was a disaster. 128 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,778 I'm not hiring another child from this family. 129 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,947 Pfft. If I'm a child, then why was I sentenced as an adult 130 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,349 when I borrowed that police horse? 131 00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:19,152 Well, I'm still a partner, and I can hire and fire whoever I want. 132 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,321 Marvin, you're hired. Yes! 133 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,624 And I can do this. You're fired. No! 134 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,359 You're hired again. Boom! 135 00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,094 You're fired. Frickin' Reaganomics! 136 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,663 You're hired back. I promise I won't let you down this time, boss. 137 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,031 I'm gonna give it my all. You're fired. 138 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,900 (BLEEP) You're hired again. 139 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,301 Yes! You're fired. 140 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,571 No! And you're hired again, end of story. 141 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:41,274 Well, that was a roller-coaster ride. Glad it worked out. 142 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,744 It's settled. Good. Bye. 143 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,414 ADULT ADAM: And with that, my dad had his newest employee. 144 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:51,018 Meanwhile, my older siblings came to me for a little polite conversation. 145 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,421 Hey! That was my record! Seven! 146 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,955 Okay, it was six. What do you want? 147 00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,858 I need you to change the yearbook so I get Most Handsome 148 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:01,261 or Most Likely To Jump A BMX Over The Grand Canyon! 149 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,997 No. But what about telling your gentle, loving sister 150 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,599 who's always adored you, what she got? 151 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:06,900 Yeah, I'm not gonna do any of that. 152 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,269 Hold him down and I'll beat him with his own toys! Go ahead! 153 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,806 Nothing you can do will hurt as much as betraying my fellow yearbook staff! 154 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,642 I don't care about your dumb baby club! 155 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,711 This is a very serious real, adult problem! 156 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,781 Now tell me if Geoff and I got Raddest Couple! How about this? 157 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:25,686 I tell you nothing and you put some Magic Shell on some ice cream for me. 158 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,855 (SIGHS) Why is he making delicious demands 159 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,322 instead of cowering in fear? 160 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:32,926 'Cause for the first time ever, I have absolute power. 161 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,395 I not only know what's in the yearbook, 162 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,431 but I can rewrite it as I please. 163 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:40,233 You're bluffing. He's bluffing. Maybe I am. 164 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:44,605 Or maybe I make you Most Likely To Share An Apartment With Her Mother. 165 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,474 That's my nightmare! Or is it your destiny? 166 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,008 No! Make him stop. 167 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,712 I'm just getting started, Most Likely To Lose A Freestyle Rap Competition. 168 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:55,082 Don't you dare put that in. You got it, Worst Dirt Biker. 169 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,284 No! Slowest Nunchucker. 170 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,487 He's attacking my private insecurities! 171 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,655 I have extensive demands. If you meet them, 172 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:04,692 I might be inclined to let you sneak a peek at the yearbook. 173 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,494 ERICA: Clean your room? Do your homework? 174 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,361 Buy you scratch 'n sniff stickers? 175 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,930 ADAM: I wrote the list four years ago. 176 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:13,433 I've waited my whole life for this moment and it's finally here. 177 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:17,204 I'm no longer your nerdy little brother. I'm your equal. 178 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,640 Just let me kick him! Control your feet, Barry. 179 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:20,708 He owns us. 180 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,810 Barry, do me a favor and scratch this for me? 181 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,678 My finger grows weary. Never! 182 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:28,248 Suit yourself, Most Likely To Never Dunk On A Regulation Basket. 183 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,786 (SNIFFS DEEPLY) 184 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,488 ADULT ADAM: As I savored the sweet smell of revenge, 185 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:37,758 my uncle was hungry to begin peddling ugly '80s furniture. 186 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:41,194 (LAUGHS) Don't sweat it, Mur. I give you my word I won't let you down. 187 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,297 I literally have never been able to count on you. 188 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:47,501 So I'm due! You have never come through for me ever. 189 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,637 All you have to do is teach me everything you know, 190 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,705 starting now. Like, what's this called? 191 00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,541 Lamp. Lamp! Got it! 192 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,408 All right. Keep 'em coming. What's this thing here? 193 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,644 Couch. Ooh! How about this? 194 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,879 Coffee table. Ooh! What's this jammy here? 195 00:07:58,912 --> 00:07:59,947 Couch. What's this? 196 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,448 Table. What's this thing named? 197 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,816 Chair again. Ooh! What's this? 198 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,618 Couch. Any details you want to share? 199 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,186 Couch! Done! 200 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:09,222 I know what you know now! We are now equals! 201 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,858 Let the sales begin! 202 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,827 ADULT ADAM: And so Marvin was off to prove himself, no questions asked. 203 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,864 Is this a clock-in, clock-out situation, or am I on salary? 204 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,699 Doesn't matter! I'm in it to win it! 205 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,167 Let's sell some extra-size chairs! 206 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,803 Couch! Why is that not sticking? 207 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,905 ADULT ADAM: Okay, yeah, this wasn't gonna go well. 208 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,442 ADULT ADAM: Desperate to find out what they'd be voted in the yearbook, 209 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:33,413 Erica and Barry had no choice but to give in to my list of ridiculous demands. 210 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:36,116 Okay, they were out of grape scratch 'n sniff stickers, 211 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,686 so I got hamburger, pizza, and skunk. 212 00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,088 Skunk? Use your head, man! 213 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,691 That's the one scratch no one wants to sniff! (SNIFFS) 214 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,525 Oh, no! 215 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,528 Do you think Jedi Master Adam Skywalker will be displeased? 216 00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,330 He's not here, you don't have to call him that! 217 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,765 I got to get in the habit. 218 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:54,134 If I screw up, who knows what he'll label me in the yearbook? 219 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:57,738 This is crazy! We're scared of Adam! He's like, a tiny boy. 220 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,340 He's been on the computer all day proofreading the yearbook. 221 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,342 Let's just go in and swipe the stupid floppy disk. 222 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,144 Oh, no. Stop panicking. 223 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:08,015 We gotta think of a brilliant, complex plan to lure him away from it. 224 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,684 ADULT ADAM: And lure me she did, using my one great weakness. 225 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,219 Yo, Jedi Master? 226 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:16,556 Number three on your list is to inform you of any pertinent TV marathons, 227 00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,258 and there's a whole block of ALF on. 228 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,328 Yes! It's show time, buddy! 229 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,296 ADULT ADAM: Okay, so their plan wasn't so much clever 230 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,265 and complex as it was sad and easy. 231 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,868 Here we go. Okay. Let's see what we get. 232 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:32,205 Son of a bitch! It's Anthony Balsamo and Lexy Bloom? 233 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,374 They gave it to the head cheerleader and our handsome quarterback! 234 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,209 What kind of backwards school do we go to? 235 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,779 Screw that. I'm changing Cutest Couple to me and whatshisface. 236 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,814 It's a weird time to forget my name, but do it for us, baby. 237 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,482 No way! This is my shining moment! 238 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:43,817 Stop it! Stop it! 239 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,085 You stop it! You stop it! 240 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,386 Stop it! Lainey, stop it! 241 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,288 Stop! Stop! Knock it off! 242 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,023 Lai... Stop it! BARRY: Stop fighting! 243 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,191 Everyone, come on! 244 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,860 I want Barry and Lainey Best Couple! (INDISTINCT ARGUING) 245 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,294 Are you kidding me? 246 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,063 (GASPS) It's Jedi Master Adam! 247 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,232 How dare you use ALF's good name to distract me? 248 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,467 ALF is sacred! 249 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:03,436 He eats cats, dude. Cats are the chicken of Melmac! 250 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,539 Doesn't matter! Give me my disk! 251 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,075 You left us no choice, man. 252 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,744 We've been working our fingers to the bone to make you happy! 253 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,045 Just let me make one little change. 254 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,580 Never! Give us that floppy! 255 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,082 We need it! Hand it over! 256 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,383 ADULT ADAM: And then it happened. 257 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,550 (IN SLOW-MOTION) No! 258 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,553 Barry accidentally grazed the inside of the disk. 259 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:25,092 Yep, back then, a fragile floppy could be ruined with one tiny touch. 260 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,627 Oh, no. You touched the tender insides! 261 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:30,097 No. I didn't. My fingers missed the tender insides. 262 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,200 I saw it. Your meaty thumb was all over the tender insides! 263 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,837 My fingers missed the tender insides! Let's relax! 264 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,707 The tender insides are still gonna be okay. (CLEARS THROAT) 265 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,075 ADULT ADAM: It was the most tense moment of my life. 266 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:45,012 Surely, a fingerprint couldn't cause that much damage. 267 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,579 And yet, it did. 268 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:47,781 He touched the tender insides. 269 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,249 I didn't think I touched it. 270 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,185 So, now that we're starting fresh, 271 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:55,288 may I suggest Geoff and Erica for cutest couple? 272 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,690 (BARRY SIGHS) Too soon? 273 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,425 ADULT ADAM: While I lost the entire school year, 274 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:01,795 my uncle discovered a cushy way to make us millions. 275 00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:02,996 What the hell is this? 276 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:06,767 This, my dear brother, is our future. 277 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,602 I give you... Bean bags. 278 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,038 I don't want any bean bags! 279 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,773 Take them back to where they come from. 280 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,141 Please, just hear me out. 281 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,409 Do you remember last year when I went back to college for a week? 282 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,045 Yeah, I paid for the whole semester. 283 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,013 Well, before I was unfairly kicked out 284 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,849 of the freshman dorm for that fire, 285 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,517 I learned that every kid comes with two things... 286 00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,920 A mini-fridge and bean bag chairs. 287 00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,656 Marvin! This isn't a get-rich-quick scheme. 288 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,424 We sell furniture! 289 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:34,294 Um, bean bag chairs are furniture. 290 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,429 They're soft, colorful balls of furniture. 291 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:37,697 How are you not getting this? 292 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,734 Damn it, Marvin! No person wants to sit on a sack of beans. 293 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,535 Yes, they will! Just pull up a bag and sit on it! 294 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,204 I will never sit on a bag of beans. 295 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,705 Sit on the beans. I don't want to sit on the beans! 296 00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:46,940 No! Come on! Try it! 297 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,375 Stop it! I don't want to try it! 298 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,844 Ease on down to comfy town. I don't want to! I just don't! 299 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,312 (GRUNTS) Yes. 300 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,714 Now let the tiny beans work their magic. 301 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,083 Damn it! I'm stuck! 302 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,885 The more I push, the more I sink! 303 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,787 (CHUCKLES) You're doing it wrong. You got to shimmy out. 304 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,089 Like me. Watch. I am shimmying! 305 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,924 (STRAINING) You just got to do like I do. 306 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,159 (SCREAMS) 307 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,096 Now I'm stuck in this horrible cloud of beans! 308 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,098 I knew this was a bad idea! Help me! 309 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,133 You were supposed to take this seriously! 310 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,267 I do! 311 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:16,269 But if you don't appreciate me, then I'm gonna quit. 312 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:19,106 More like you're fired! Let me show you the door! 313 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,574 Yeah, don't bother. I'll go through it myself. 314 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,210 (GRUNTING WILDLY) 315 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,346 Seriously? 316 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,648 The whole yearbook's gone? How did this happen? 317 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,184 Well, as you know, these two treat me like a child, 318 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,553 so I composed a list of demands 319 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,488 for when the balance of power shifted in my favor. 320 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,224 What are you even talking about? 321 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,558 Do you have any idea how much time 322 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,127 I've spent working on this layout? 323 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,694 Based on the fact that this is the yearbook, 324 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,163 I'm gonna go with a year? 325 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,664 Yes. And now it's all gone. 326 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:45,866 Don't worry, Dana. 327 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:49,602 I've literally memorized the entire school year. 328 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,738 All I got to do is re-create the yearbook 329 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,506 using my brain snapshots. 330 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,708 You mean your memories? Accessing first day of school. 331 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:58,545 (INHALES DEEPLY) It was late September, Wednesday. 332 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,181 It was snowing hard, and the Eagles were in the Super Bowl. 333 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:04,284 None of that's right. Geoff Schwartz was there, and he said something funny. 334 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,785 And we were like, "Good one, bro." 335 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,821 That does sound like me. Just forget about it. 336 00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,189 I still have the hard copy, 337 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,391 so I'll just retype the whole thing by myself. 338 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,261 At least let me help. No. Trust me. You've done enough. 339 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,595 You think this was my fault? 340 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,397 They told me ALF was on. 341 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,533 I mean, puppetry, comedy, a wisecracking alien. 342 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,701 Come on! I'm just a man. 343 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:25,138 No. No, you're really not. You're actually just a child. 344 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,976 Thanks a lot! You ruined my life. 345 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,444 You started this when you gave us that insane list of demands. 346 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,880 Do you even know why I wrote it? 347 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,483 My whole life, you've treated me like some insignificant baby! 348 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,419 I couldn't wait till I got to high school so I could be an equal. 349 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,688 But it got worse! You respect me less! 350 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:42,956 Adam. No! 351 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,225 It's bad enough that you always see me as a little child, 352 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,027 but now Jackie does, too. 353 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,361 I hope you're happy. 354 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,697 Jedi Master Adam's done with you two! 355 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,165 (SNORING) 356 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,001 Marvin? 357 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,268 Huh? 358 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:56,569 (LAUGHING) Oh, hey! Ho! 359 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,171 Bev! How's it going? 360 00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,640 I was just... (CLEARS THROAT) poppin' into the Wawa here 361 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,342 to pick up some strawberry milk and... 362 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,744 And get a box of California raisins. 363 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,113 You gotta treat the body good 364 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,215 if you want it to treat you good back. You know what I'm saying? 365 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,750 Are you just saying a bunch of words to distract me 366 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,719 from the fact that you're living in your car? 367 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,255 Can't a man just have all of his worldly possessions 368 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,957 stuffed into his DeLorean? 369 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,425 What happened to your condo? 370 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,393 Funny story, sad story. 371 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:23,463 I had to sell it in order to get rid of my keno debt, 372 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:27,334 which is a good thing because now I'm free and clear to start over fresh. 373 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,970 Fresh? You're homeless. 374 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:34,074 I like to think of it not as home-less but as car-full. 375 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,409 I'm actually thrilled this is happening, except for the bucket. 376 00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:37,510 Don't look in the bucket. 377 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,146 Okay, you're coming home with me. 378 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,648 You can stay in the basement until you get back on your feet. 379 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:45,252 Yeah, I don't know if the Mur-Man's gonna be cool with that. 380 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:48,188 Marvin, he loves you dearly. 381 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,689 He may act all angry, 382 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,525 but deep in his heart, he wants you to live with us. 383 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,527 I do not want him living with us! 384 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,330 I am saying it out loud so everyone can hear! 385 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,631 He's got to go! No Marvin! 386 00:14:58,665 --> 00:14:59,766 Think you're right, Bev. 387 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,669 He's playing it super angry, but he wants this. 388 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:05,238 Ha-ha! I knew this would happen! I called it. 389 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:09,042 Now I got four kids living here forever and leeching off me. 390 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,710 That's it! 391 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:14,481 I am tired of you always calling me your idiot kid brother! 392 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,349 Just once, I want you to treat me 393 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,385 like Barry and Erica treat Adam, 394 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,153 with a little bit of dignity and respect! 395 00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:23,056 The timing of this comparison is not good. 396 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,225 That's why I'm a damaged shell of a man, Murray, 397 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,694 because you never looked at me like I was your equal, 398 00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,462 unlike these two angels 399 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,631 who build up their kid brother no matter what! 400 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,034 Oh, my God. Adam's gonna be Marvin. 401 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,235 We got to fix this. 402 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,736 You see that? 403 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:41,508 There they go, off to make a growing boy's dreams come true. 404 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,443 Learn from them. Don't do that. 405 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,578 Don't make me out to be the bad guy here. 406 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,648 Right. 'Cause that's always me. 407 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,484 Good news, Murray... You never have to worry 408 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,754 about another kid staying in your house ever again. 409 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:58,625 ADULT ADAM: And so my dad's harsh words would finally drive my uncle away. 410 00:15:58,658 --> 00:15:59,726 (ENGINE SPUTTERING) 411 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,394 Only problem... He was out of gas. 412 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:04,697 There you go! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! 413 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:11,038 Uh, I don't want to sound ungrateful here, Bevvy, 414 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,606 but you got to put your back into it! 415 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,445 ADULT ADAM: Thanks to Barry and Erica, I had lost the yearbook 416 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,613 and my girlfriend, or so I thought. 417 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:24,484 Hey, big man. Big old... man boy. 418 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,753 Not boy. Man. Full man. 419 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,955 I don't know what's happening, but make it stop. 420 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,190 Look, you were right. 421 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,325 It's not fair that we still treat you like a dumb little kid. 422 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,727 From now on, you're no longer our nerdy baby bro. 423 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,896 You're like a real person that matters. 424 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,965 Well, none of that helps me get Jackie back. 425 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:43,103 Lucky for you, we can help with that by doing what we do best... 426 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,772 redeeming relationships with original song. 427 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:46,839 (FINGERS SNAP) Hit it! 428 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,378 * Dear Jackie, I really miss ya, girl 429 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,946 * It's me, Adam the nerdiest nerd in the world 430 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,783 * Yeah, I once was a boy who liked robots and space 431 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:59,119 * But now I'm a man who likes smoochin' your face 432 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,988 * Anyway, Jackie, I'm so, so sorry 433 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,857 * Now come to my basement and let's play Atari 434 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,727 * Girl, I must confess 435 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,562 * Ah, yeah 436 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:12,899 * I'm in complete distress 437 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,667 * My heart's in two, girl 438 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,904 * About this yearbook mess 439 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,239 (WHISPERS) Forgive me. 440 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:23,710 * He's a man, he's a man, he's a man 441 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,113 * Adam is the man 442 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,681 Sorry about ruining your life's work. 443 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,986 I got to say, that was pretty well-rehearsed for how bad it was. 444 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,889 Was it the chorus? I told them it sucked! 445 00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,458 Forget the song. 446 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,793 Fact is, if I want to be treated like an adult, 447 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,229 I got to act like one. 448 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,531 And that means taking real responsibility. 449 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,900 Oh, look. Our baby brother is a baby man now. 450 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:48,968 What can we do to help? 451 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,604 How are your typing skills? 452 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,442 Done! What's this? 453 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:58,378 The yearbook... Every page, every caption. It's all there. 454 00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,879 How is that even possible? 455 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,149 First, I got my brother and sister to help. 456 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,583 Then we got all our closest friends 457 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,685 to retype it page by page. 458 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,920 You did that for me? I did. 459 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,923 And then I read it, and it was a giant mess. 460 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,726 So I took the disk that we destroyed to a computer expert 461 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,395 and spent all my Bar Mitzvah money 462 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,064 to fix the tender insides of the floppy. 463 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,467 Gotta say, I'm impressed. 464 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,769 I did make one change, though. 465 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,737 I made us Cutest Couple. 466 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,506 That's a blatant abuse of power. 467 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,041 And I'm good with it. (CHUCKLES) 468 00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,010 ADULT ADAM: In the end, I learned the easiest way 469 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,913 to be treated like a grown-up was to act like one. 470 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:37,049 And my dad realized that, despite everything, 471 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:40,153 his little brother had actually come a long way. 472 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,155 * Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh 473 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,390 Hey. 474 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,757 * Ooh-ooh 475 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,594 Go away. I'm about to sit down to dinner. 476 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,629 Here's a key. 477 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:51,598 What's that? 478 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,101 You're moving in. 479 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,104 Well, I thought you didn't want another kid leeching off of you. 480 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,540 You're not a kid. You're my brother. 481 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,310 And you won't be leeching, 'cause you're paying rent. 482 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,577 How? I don't have a job. 483 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,580 Yeah, you do. At the store with me. 484 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:09,382 Why? Why would you do that? 485 00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,718 It's time we both started believing in you. 486 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:12,952 * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh 487 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,687 (VOICE BREAKING) I just messed up everything. 488 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,257 Maybe you did. 489 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,293 But it's never too late to start over. 490 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,895 Really? Together. 491 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,831 Thanks, Mur. 492 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,301 ADULT ADAM: That's the thing about the people you love... 493 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:31,070 No matter what, they always give you another chance. 494 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,606 ADAM: "I'm the Leia to your Han Solo." 495 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,174 Oh, sweet God. 496 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,509 Don't get a big head about it. 497 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,944 No, read what I wrote. 498 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,046 "I'm the Han Solo to your Leia." 499 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,081 That's crazy, right? It's crazy. 500 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,383 (BOTH LAUGH) 501 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:46,553 Would you look at that? Our little man's all grown up. 502 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,988 Gross. But cute. 503 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,590 We're kissing now. It's happening. Uh, like now now? 504 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:51,991 * Lean on me 505 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,394 ADULT ADAM: Even though I'd always be the baby of the family, 506 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,896 that year, my brother and sister 507 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:59,198 started to see me as more of a grown-up. 508 00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,702 And even though the last thing my dad ever wanted was another kid in the house, 509 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:06,939 the truth was having Uncle Marvin around wouldn't be so bad. 510 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:10,510 'Cause there's nothing better than having family to lean on. 511 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,245 * Somebody to lean on 512 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,552 (BELL DINGS) 513 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,227 Hey, Ad-Rock! Good news. 514 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,530 I wrote another verse to help you get back with Jackie. 515 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,231 Dude, everything's fine with us now. 516 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:33,300 Please don't sing for me. 517 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,101 Just let it happen, or he'll never leave you alone. 518 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,704 * Dear Jackie, I love you like no other 519 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,005 * But you know who's really awesome? 520 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,139 * Barry, my brother 521 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:42,542 * Black belt in karate, girls think he's a hottie 522 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,111 * It's like how much can you fit in one body? 523 00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:47,614 * He's a god on Earth, an academic wiz 524 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:50,249 * To be Barry is divine, my words, not his 525 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,852 * I wish I could do what Big Tasty can 526 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,655 * But I'm only Adam, forever your man 527 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,625 * Girl, I must confess 528 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,660 * Barry is my idol 529 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:03,663 * Barry really is the best 530 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,465 * Barry is the best 531 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,535 * To know him, we are blessed 532 00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,269 * Barry rules the world 533 00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:14,307 * He's a man, he's a man, he's a man 534 00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,509 * Barry is the man 535 00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:18,044 I wrote that song for you, girl. 536 00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,279 Copyright Big Tasty Records. 537 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:21,814 (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 538 00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:22,982 Still a no.