1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,395 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, my dad and Barry shared a love 2 00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:05,527 of Philly sports teams...ALL: Oh! 3 00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,790 ...especially the Eagles...Yes! 4 00:00:07,964 --> 00:00:08,965 ...though you wouldn't always know it 5 00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:10,314 by the way they talked. 6 00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,969 The Eagles are a giant steaming pile of crap. 7 00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,711 They need to fire the coach, G.M., 8 00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,887 and the guy who carts off the players after they get injured. 9 00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:19,497 Could he drive any slower? 10 00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:21,543 It's a shame a pig had to die for this. 11 00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:24,285 I hate my team so much! 12 00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:25,764 What time should I come over to watch the game on Sunday? 13 00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:27,331 The preshow starts at 10:00. 14 00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:28,985 Don't be late.Okay. 15 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,639 ADULT ADAM: And nothing mattered more than beating 16 00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:33,990 my dad's best friend's team, the hated Cowboys. 17 00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:36,123 Lord in the sky, if he misses this kick, 18 00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:38,255 I promise to live a just and pious life. 19 00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:39,691 Except on my birthday. 20 00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,084 And those evenings when the Asti Spumante 21 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:42,390 hits Dolores just right. 22 00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:44,479 Okay-kay-kay, let's lock arms to help him aim. 23 00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:45,654 Come on. Come on. 24 00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:47,264 [CROWD CHEERS ON TV] 25 00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:49,353 Yeah!Oho-ho! Yeah! 26 00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:50,963 All right! Never doubted it! 27 00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:52,617 All right!This is on you, big fella. 28 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,619 I'm converting to whatever Murray is. 29 00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:56,273 Whatever you do, Bill, don't come crying to us. 30 00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,188 I appreciate your concern, 31 00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,625 but I only allow myself one good cry a year, 32 00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,279 and I wasted it on the death of my father. 33 00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:03,759 Hello? 34 00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:07,328 Yes, there is a Losery Loser from Loserville here. 35 00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,373 It's for you, Bill. 36 00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,810 Unlike the majestic eagle for which your team is named, 37 00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:13,812 you are not an honorable creature! 38 00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:15,031 Good day! 39 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,859 [CHUCKLES] We did it. We're 3 and 7. 40 00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:18,948 Not mathematically eliminated yet. 41 00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,385 Whoo-hoo! 42 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,083 ADULT ADAM: Yep, the Eagles brought my dad and Barry together. 43 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:24,867 Until the following season, 44 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:25,911 when the unthinkable happened. 45 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,870 Everyone, shut up! 46 00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:30,438 I have an announcement of international importance! 47 00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:31,352 Barry, what is it? What's wrong? 48 00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:32,831 Lemme catch my breath. 49 00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,137 I ran here from my car. 50 00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:35,573 And you had to go up three steps. 51 00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:37,271 Oh! Pins and needles! 52 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,447 Throw out that water. Bring your brother some Hawaiian Punch. 53 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,405 No, this is my special water.Bar, what is it? 54 00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,146 I just heard a terrible rumor 55 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,887 that NFL players are going on strike. 56 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,281 It's not a rumor, moron. 57 00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:49,805 This is the single most terrible thing that's ever happened! 58 00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,633 I was born in a wagon 59 00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:54,244 and didn't see a dentist till I was 20, but sure. 60 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:56,116 Darling, I can tell you're upset. 61 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,813 Come over here. 62 00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,206 Let me nuzzle you and sing the calm-down song. 63 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,469 If you need me, I'll be in my room, 64 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,166 punching and kicking my treasured possessions. 65 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:04,994 But it's just a stupid game. 66 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,475 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]What did you just say? 67 00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:08,780 You can't hurt me! Mom's here. 68 00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,826 I can't help you. He's too upset. 69 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,610 Run, Schmoopie, run![ROARS] 70 00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:14,177 Whoa! Aah! 71 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,310 ♪♪ I'm twisted up inside 72 00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:19,182 ♪♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say 73 00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,144 ♪♪ I don't know the future 74 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:26,755 ♪♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪♪ 75 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,800 ADULT ADAM: It was March 31st, 1980-something, 76 00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:30,411 and my mom was playing her favorite sport, 77 00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,195 haggling with salespeople. 78 00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:33,544 So listen up, Deb. 79 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:35,111 You're gonna take this coupon, 80 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,244 apply it to the existing discount, 81 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,898 then hand me the sweater plus $15. 82 00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:41,248 I'm getting the manager. 83 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:42,684 Great. Go get Gerald. 84 00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:44,207 [CHUCKLES] It'll give me time to get mad. 85 00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,426 Can we go? 86 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,862 I still have to exist in this society 87 00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:48,255 even when you're not around. 88 00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:51,083 Erica, I will not pay a dollar more than the $4 89 00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:53,999 that I've already paid for that giant bag of new clothes. 90 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,872 ADULT ADAM: Yep, my mom's bargaining ability had no equal, 91 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:58,003 with one exception. 92 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,049 Beverly Goldberg? 93 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:01,398 Oh, as I live and breathe. 94 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:02,704 Well, unfortunately, you still do. 95 00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:03,792 [LAUGHS] 96 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:05,707 Hello, Jane Bales. 97 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,535 If you're wondering why the sales rack is empty, 98 00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,189 it's because this vulture already picked it clean. 99 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,277 Show her. 100 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:11,669 Oh, please. 101 00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,758 I can get anything on sale I want. 102 00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:17,284 I once made Chanel honor a McDonald's gift certificate. 103 00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:20,025 Well, I once forced my way into Filene's Basement's basement. 104 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,375 [CHUCKLES] It was filled 105 00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,333 with industrial air-conditioning equipment, 106 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:24,856 which I bought for pennies on the dollar. 107 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,728 I bought our house for peanuts, 108 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,209 actual peanuts. 109 00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:31,123 The guy worked with elephants, so it made sense. 110 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,865 Then why are you holding a blouse listed at full price? 111 00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:36,694 Because my days of deal hunting are over. 112 00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:38,218 I pay retail now. 113 00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:39,654 [DRAMATIC CHORD PLAYS] 114 00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,351 Retail? [CHUCKLES] 115 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,745 But that would give businesses you support a profit. 116 00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:45,312 Don't care. 117 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:48,053 I now shop exclusively at the front of the store. 118 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,620 Seriously? 119 00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:51,492 We speed past the front of the store. 120 00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,189 There's so many happy people up there. 121 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,060 Smiling, laughing, happy people. 122 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,367 Well, we only seem happy because we are. 123 00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,195 But how and why? 124 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:00,979 And why and how? 125 00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:03,373 Simple. I'm now the top saleswoman 126 00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:06,724 of a high-end French beauty company called Energe. 127 00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:07,769 It means...Dump truck. 128 00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,336 ...the vitality of youth. 129 00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,554 Exactly. 130 00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,034 Wowza. Sales must be good. 131 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,254 They are magnifique, which means... 132 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:16,647 Magnifying glass....magnificent. 133 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,954 You were close.The secondary meaning. 134 00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:20,521 I've never seen an unslashed price tag before. 135 00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:21,739 It's so crisp. 136 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,393 I never even look at those anymore. 137 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,569 Oh!Mama, 138 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,136 take me to the front of the store, please. 139 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,443 Never! I mean, we have to go up there to exit, 140 00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:31,445 but stop poisoning my baby's mind, Jane Bales. 141 00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:34,839 Fine. Enjoy scraping the bargain bin for odds and ends. 142 00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:36,363 Au revoir. 143 00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,321 And that means "suck it, losers." 144 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:39,496 Bye. 145 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,846 Damn it! Such a beautiful language. 146 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,805 ADULT ADAM: While my mom was feeling down, 147 00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,937 Barry called my dad to say, "What's up?" 148 00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:47,287 Hey, Dad.What's wrong? 149 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:48,810 Why are you calling? Were you arrested? 150 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:50,420 What? No, I was just wondering 151 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:51,639 if I should come over this Sunday. 152 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,597 W-Why? There's no football. 153 00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,599 Wait. Is it your mother's birthday? 154 00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,645 Whatever you got her, put my name on it. 155 00:04:57,819 --> 00:04:59,647 No, I was just thinking we could still hang out and chat. 156 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,302 About old football games? 157 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,781 Sure, or whatever. 158 00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:06,393 You're acting weirder than usual. I gotta go. 159 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:07,655 ADULT ADAM: And just like that, 160 00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,570 it seemed the clock had run out 161 00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,223 on Barry's relationship with our dad, 162 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:14,401 until a Hail Mary somehow landed in his lap. 163 00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,925 REPORTER: Major news today, the NFL owners have decided 164 00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,623 to finish the season with replacement players. 165 00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,495 [CLICK]I trust you heard the news, 166 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,366 and I'm sure we're all thinking the same thing. 167 00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:24,846 That this is a vicious ploy by the NFL 168 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,413 to undermine labor unions? 169 00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:29,546 No, that I should try out for the replacement Eagles! 170 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,982 Who better than me? 171 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:33,115 Someone that's played organized football before? 172 00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:34,812 So, Barry, you're just gonna call up the Eagles 173 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,336 and announce you want to play for them? 174 00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,990 I already did that, and they very rudely informed me 175 00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,296 they're having open tryouts. 176 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:41,689 You're really doing this? 177 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,473 And we're just gonna ignore the potential 178 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:44,648 life-altering injuries you might suffer? 179 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:47,216 Shh, Matt Bradley. 180 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,739 Men are talking. 181 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,307 Soon, I'll be giving postgame interviews 182 00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:54,092 in just a towel and fending off sexy sideline reporters. 183 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,530 What a fun bunch of steps to skip! 184 00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:57,835 Well, if nothing else, your dad will be into it. 185 00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,708 I'm doing this solely for my love of the game. 186 00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:02,144 Bar...This has nothing to do 187 00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:03,624 with my father's missing love. 188 00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,190 Heisman! Hyah! 189 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,235 Look how fast! 190 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,934 Dad, I'm trying out for the Eagles, 191 00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,458 and I want you to train me. 192 00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:12,894 [BOTH LAUGH] 193 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,069 And what's so funny? 194 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,027 You being trained by Murray? 195 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,682 It's the blind leading the tragically immobile. 196 00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:20,902 Your father can barely coach a nacho chip into his mouth. 197 00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:22,077 Look at his shirt. 198 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,166 For your information, Bill, 199 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:27,125 my dad was a star football player back in high school. 200 00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:28,518 Did he go to an all-girls school? 201 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,999 [CHUCKLES] Whoops. That felt sexist. 202 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,870 Uh, God bless women and their tiny bones. 203 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,089 Oh, I did it again. 204 00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:36,004 Um, ladies good. 205 00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:38,876 I wasn't a star, but I did do some long snapping. 206 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,357 Are you serious? He was the silent hero 207 00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:43,403 of the interior line's special teams unit? 208 00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,143 And I'm gonna follow in his footsteps. 209 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:46,797 But I'll be super famous 210 00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,147 and will be on the cover of the first all-male 211 00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:50,497 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. 212 00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:52,977 No chance. Your mom will kill me. 213 00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:55,763 Mom only hates football because the helmets hide our faces. 214 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:58,113 Come on, Murray, the boy has clearly been dreaming about this 215 00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,288 for a couple of hours. 216 00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:01,812 Saying no will destroy his afternoon. 217 00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:04,728 Or possibly ours, when he throws one of his famous hissy fits. 218 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:05,903 Not gonna happen. 219 00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,557 Or maybe Murray won't help 220 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,690 because he actually never played. 221 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,169 [AS MURRAY] I'm Murray Goldberg. 222 00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:12,693 I love TV and chairs. 223 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,695 [LAUGHS]And everyone's a moron! 224 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:16,566 Toss me the ball.Wait, wait. 225 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:17,437 What?What's happening? 226 00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,221 And why is he moving? 227 00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:22,180 When I say "go," toss that pillow across the room. 228 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:23,921 Oh, my God, he's breaking in half! 229 00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:24,748 Oh, no, he's just bending over. 230 00:07:24,922 --> 00:07:26,315 [LAUGHS]Go! 231 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,752 [HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS] 232 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:29,927 [WHOOSH] 233 00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:31,189 [THUD] 234 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,321 Moses in the reeds! 235 00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:33,714 Was it shot out of a cannon? 236 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:36,456 Boom! My dad is, and always will be, 237 00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,762 a super jock. Right, Dad? 238 00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:41,199 Everybody leave. You don't want to see me get out of this. 239 00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:42,549 ADULT ADAM: As my dad bent over backwards 240 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,333 to prove his friends wrong, 241 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:47,118 Erica and I were doing our own problem-solving. 242 00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,599 Damn it! Why won't this stupid thing work? 243 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,209 Probably because you're hitting it like that. 244 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:52,515 You got to hit it like this. 245 00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:53,734 With the whackin' book. 246 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:54,909 Whackin' book? 247 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,432 It fixes more than it breaks. 248 00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:57,999 Fear not, children. 249 00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:00,784 Soon Madame Mama will buy you hundreds of televisions. 250 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,438 That seems like too many. 251 00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:03,744 And why are you dressed like Sam Kinison? 252 00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:06,137 This outfit is French. 253 00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:09,184 Energe wants their saleswomen to represent their le brand. 254 00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,012 You joined Jane Bales' company? 255 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:12,709 More like Beverly Goldberg's company. 256 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:14,015 That's what they're gonna call it 257 00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,147 as soon as I outsell that screechy scarecrow. 258 00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:17,540 Wait. Does that mean you're no longer 259 00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,063 the Quaker Warden at my school? 260 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,413 I am gonna have to scale back my hours a little bit 261 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,285 so I can bring home the French Benjamins, 262 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,592 AKA francs. 263 00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,637 Whatever this is, you have my full support. 264 00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,857 Then go get me all the names and phone numbers 265 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,467 of your friends' moms so I can hawk them stuff 266 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,077 until they go broke. 267 00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:34,905 Desperate times. I'll go grab you a pen. 268 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:37,865 Mom, how much do you really know about this Energe? 269 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,606 Only that they're the finest straight-to-market 270 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:42,086 French beauty company around. Why? 271 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,784 I don't know. It just seems like most jobs that involve 272 00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,873 getting rich quick are usually scams. 273 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,309 You should be more worried about the poor saps 274 00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,789 I'll be selling to. 275 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,704 [CHUCKLES] Which reminds me... 276 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:52,532 There's no chance I'm giving you the numbers of anyone I know. 277 00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,359 Then I'll just do it the French way, 278 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,405 through le seduction. 279 00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,581 ADULT ADAM: As my mom went to make a sale, 280 00:08:58,755 --> 00:08:59,887 Barry was looking to profit 281 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,758 from my dad's football expertise. 282 00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:03,673 [CHUCKLING] Yeah. Look at this. 283 00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:07,155 Oh, to be young and delusional about one's athletic ability. 284 00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:08,373 Yep, I'm blessed. 285 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,549 What's first, Coach Dad? 286 00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,289 Don't call me that. 287 00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,378 And I'm not helping you until you show me 288 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,686 a tiny bit of skill and a willingness to listen. 289 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,296 I'll show you 10 times that. 290 00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:19,733 Oh!Professional hike! Oh! 291 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:21,648 Aw! 292 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:22,823 I need that mirror! 293 00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:24,128 How will I merge? 294 00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:25,869 That's it. I'm out. 295 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:27,871 Coach Dad, please, give me one more shot. 296 00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,307 Oh, come on, Mur. 297 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:31,483 Throw him a tip or two and see how he does. 298 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:32,833 [CHANTING] Throw him a tip. 299 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:33,877 BOTH: Throw him a tip! 300 00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,400 Hey.Throw him a tip! 301 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,098 Okay, fine! Get in your stance. 302 00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,578 Not like that. 303 00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,363 Be like, uh, a dog digging up sand at the beach. 304 00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,278 But dogs aren't allowed on beaches. 305 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,106 It's true, and if you're caught, it's a hefty fine. 306 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,543 Beaches can be stressful environments for dogs, 307 00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:49,893 the heat, the lack of shade, 308 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,069 and noise can trigger all sorts of unfortunate behavior. 309 00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:54,115 I love our furry friends, 310 00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:56,639 but let's keep beaches fun and safe for people first. 311 00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:58,989 Enough with the beach report. 312 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:01,122 Just pretend you're a human digging like a dog at the beach. 313 00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:02,602 Now, thatI can do. 314 00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,125 [HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS] 315 00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,039 Tuck in your chin. 316 00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,695 Raise up your tailbone. 317 00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,740 Close your eyes and imagine the perfect spiral. 318 00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:13,438 Snap at the belt! 319 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,921 Great Vince Lombardi's ghost! 320 00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:20,010 This is how people felt watching the moon landing. 321 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:22,578 It's a massive overstatement, but it was still surprising. 322 00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:26,147 So, Dad, will you mold me into a football god 323 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:29,193 that's a role model to young kids everywhere? 324 00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:30,412 Even though that's really a parent's job. 325 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,719 Take it easy, okay? 326 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,025 You had one good snap. We got a lot of work to do. 327 00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:36,940 [LAUGHING] Oh! He said "we." It's happening! 328 00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:38,638 Victory spike! 329 00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:39,726 Whoo!Oh! 330 00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,688 ADULT ADAM: Barry was preparing for his big NFL tryout, 331 00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,908 and every moment was an opportunity to train. 332 00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:50,606 Hey, Bar, toss me a plum. 333 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,434 No, no, no, no, no. Snap it to him. 334 00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:53,957 You know it, Coach Dad. 335 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,437 Plum comin' in! 336 00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:56,438 Boom! 337 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:58,745 That's a papaya. 338 00:10:58,919 --> 00:10:59,920 Professional hike! 339 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,138 [THUD]Apple. 340 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:02,487 Yi![GLASS BREAKS] 341 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,750 Pear!Yi! 342 00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,316 [CLATTER]Tangelo! 343 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,058 You know what might be a nice lesson, Coach Dad? 344 00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:11,279 The difference between a banana and a plum. 345 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,237 ADULT ADAM: Thanks to my dad, Barry was starting to improve. 346 00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:15,065 Hike! And before long... 347 00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,676 Hike! ...long-snapping was a snap. 348 00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:17,764 Ow! So cold! 349 00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:18,939 BARRY: Whoo![BLEEP] 350 00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:20,114 You said we were tasting ice cream! 351 00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:21,550 Ow!Ew! 352 00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:22,812 Mr. Goldberg, you have the power to stop this! 353 00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,292 Yeah, I do. 354 00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,381 ADULT ADAM: Yep, with football to focus on, 355 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:29,210 Barry and my dad were back on solid ground. 356 00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,647 Nachos... Is it a meal, is it a snack? 357 00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:34,084 Either way, it's a great way to celebrate a child 358 00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:34,998 crossing a labor dispute. 359 00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:37,348 There he is. 360 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,524 I got something I want to give you before you hit the gridiron. 361 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,917 More hiking knowledge, Coach Dad? 362 00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:42,179 Better than that. 363 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:43,267 My old butt towel. 364 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:46,183 I don't know what to say. 365 00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:48,316 Mostly 'cause I don't understand what that is. 366 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,840 I used to wear this when I played, 367 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,712 to wipe off the ball before I snapped it, 368 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:54,583 and I want you to have it. 369 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:57,107 I'd be honored to wipe a ball 370 00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,283 with the towel that's been on your butt. 371 00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:03,331 Don't make a father giving his son his butt towel weird. 372 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:05,942 Wow. I've never seen your old man give a gift to anyone. 373 00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:07,030 It's pretty special. 374 00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:08,466 When I win the Super Bowl, 375 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,033 he'll be the second person I thank, 376 00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,775 right after my wife, Paula Abdul Goldberg. 377 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,516 The person you should be thanking is the good Lord above 378 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,474 for watching over you and making sure 379 00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:19,608 that you are not violently killed tomorrow. 380 00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:21,784 But long snapper's one of the safest positions on the field. 381 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:25,353 There's no such thing on the cruel and unforgiving gridiron. 382 00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:29,096 In high school, I got tackled so hard, I lost three days. 383 00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:31,315 I missed Ann-Margret on The Flintstones 384 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:32,316 as Ann-Margrock. 385 00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,319 Also, my grandmama's funeral. 386 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,974 You see this dent in my skull? 387 00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:40,281 I got that from my time on the turf. 388 00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:42,022 Now I can taste colors and smell feelings. 389 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,197 [SNIFFING] 390 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:45,155 Sad. 391 00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:47,244 ADULT ADAM: As Vic and Bill spooked my brother... 392 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,506 [DOORBELL RINGS] ...my mom was looking 393 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,812 to scare up a few new customers. 394 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,814 Oh! Judas the Betrayer! 395 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:52,815 What did you just spray in my face? 396 00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,469 Bon-Bon Boudoir. 397 00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:55,731 It's a skin toner. 398 00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,298 I'll put you down for four bottles. 399 00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:58,299 Is the rest of the herd here? 400 00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,953 Ladies! 401 00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,563 [SINGSONG VOICE] I hope you brought your checkbooks. 402 00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:02,782 [LAUGHS, GASPS] 403 00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:03,826 [NORMAL VOICE] Jane Bales! 404 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,393 Hello, Beverly. 405 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:06,524 I've heard that we're co-workers, 406 00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:07,743 which is great, 407 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,789 because every team needs a scrub. 408 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,573 The only thing I'm going to scrub is the floor, 409 00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:12,574 with my sales numbers. 410 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,576 This is awkward. 411 00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,317 Uh, we just bought a whole bunch of stuff from Jane. 412 00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:19,494 Anyway, gotta run, which I do often. 413 00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:20,887 Hence my exquisite frame. 414 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,628 [CHUCKLES] Toodles, my poodles. 415 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,674 What the... [BLEEPING] 416 00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,371 I was supposed to be the one to force you 417 00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:28,677 into buying things you don't want! 418 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,113 We know, but then Jane arrived, 419 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,202 and she's so pushy and terrifying. 420 00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,030 She said there was a new sheriff in town, and it's her. 421 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,076 Then she showed us an actual badge. 422 00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,860 I think she might be the sheriff. 423 00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,731 Are you more scared of her than you are of me? 424 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,951 Goodness no. No, no. You frighten the crap out of us. 425 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:44,432 I once screamed when I thought I saw your shadow. 426 00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:46,695 Thank goodness it was just a circus clown in my driveway. 427 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,523 Good. Then I'll put you all down 428 00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:50,917 for our new Rose Petal Body Mist. 429 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,483 Sorry, but I've reached my spending limit. 430 00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:55,617 Same. I don't want Lou to give me that unhappy look. 431 00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:59,055 I have a product that'll keep Lou so happy with your face, 432 00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,796 he'll forget all about your body. 433 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,058 What's wrong with our bodies? 434 00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:04,060 Nothing that a super-secret product 435 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,367 that only I have access to won't fix. 436 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,412 We're not falling for that. 437 00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:09,936 What is it? Tell me!I, too, want to hear about the super-secret product! 438 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,808 May I present Role-Pole. 439 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,723 That kind of sounds like "roly-poly." 440 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:16,943 I don't hear it. 441 00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:20,163 It's a new supplement designed to help you slim down 442 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,165 without using an ounce of energy. 443 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:23,645 I don't know, Beverly. 444 00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:25,342 There's an awful lot of weird ingredients in here. 445 00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:27,518 What's hummingbird extract? 446 00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:30,434 Relax. I wouldn't sell you anything I wouldn't take myself. 447 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:33,089 Now, come on, let's all look years younger together. 448 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:34,961 [LAUGHS] 449 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:37,093 ADULT ADAM: Soon, the French mystery pill was working. 450 00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,834 Ah. Really, really working. 451 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:39,879 My fingers are tingly. 452 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:40,967 Why is my foot tapping? 453 00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,142 It makes you kinda drowsy. 454 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,360 Oh, wait! Now it's the opposite. 455 00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:44,666 This may sound crazy, 456 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,102 but who's up for organizing Ginzy's pantry? 457 00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:47,190 Me!So in! 458 00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:48,365 You want to see how high I can kick? 459 00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,149 Yeah!Do it again! 460 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:50,628 Go!Do it! 461 00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,108 Aah!ADULT ADAM: And from there, 462 00:14:52,282 --> 00:14:53,457 things only got weirder. 463 00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:54,981 Nothing like a little group speedwalk 464 00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:56,156 to help break up the day. 465 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,461 A run would also feel good. 466 00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:59,420 I'm super cold but sweaty. Let's run hard. 467 00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:00,725 Linda's just nodding 'cause she can't move her jaw, 468 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,118 but I say yes, too! 469 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:03,990 ADULT ADAM: While my mom was amped, 470 00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:06,079 Barry wasn't exactly pumped for his tryout. 471 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,560 Why won't Big Tasty come out? 472 00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:12,302 Because I don't want to die, you idiots! 473 00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,000 Do you see the size of these guys? 474 00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:15,697 Yeah, Bar. Football players are large. 475 00:15:15,871 --> 00:15:17,220 That's kinda what they're known for. 476 00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:18,874 I'm not sure I can go through with this tryout. 477 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:20,702 There's my boy. 478 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:21,529 You came? 479 00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:23,618 You don't come to stuff. 480 00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,924 Of course I did, you moron! 481 00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:26,403 We're in this together! 482 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:27,622 We arein this together. 483 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,059 I mean, it's my body out there, 484 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,408 but I can see how you might have some interest 485 00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:32,409 in how this all turns out. 486 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:33,889 Yeah, I do. 487 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,021 Break a leg. 488 00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:37,153 ♪♪♪♪ 489 00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,112 You know, Mur, a week ago, 490 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,462 if you told me that your son could make the Eagles, 491 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:42,637 uh, I'd say you were crazy. 492 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,247 [WHISTLE BLOWS][PLAYERS GRUNTING] 493 00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:46,467 Ew!Oh, my God! 494 00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:49,035 That little guy got bent in ways no human should bend! 495 00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:51,167 The human elbow's not located there. 496 00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:52,473 COACH: Next!Crap. 497 00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,475 [WHISTLE BLOWS] 498 00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:57,347 ADULT ADAM: It was then Barry realized he was in too deep. 499 00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:58,783 So, instead of trying out... 500 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,220 Never mind! ...he did this. 501 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,917 Move, please.What's he doing? 502 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,266 [WHISTLE BLOWS]ADULT ADAM: As Barry was running 503 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:03,788 from a violent collision...Good hustle. 504 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,268 ...my mom was dealing 505 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:06,574 with a crash of her own. 506 00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:08,010 Nothing! Who wants to know? 507 00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:10,360 You're acting strange.Oh. 508 00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:11,492 And are you wearing the same clothes from yesterday? 509 00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:13,189 Gosh, you're loud. 510 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:15,365 Why is it so bright in here? 511 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,628 Were you out all night, young lady? 512 00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:19,195 I always wondered what this side of it felt like, 513 00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:20,892 and it turns out it's as boring as I thought. 514 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:24,331 If you must know, I was up all night closing deals. 515 00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:27,812 Then I did two exercise videos and read The Thorn Birds. 516 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,292 That sounds like a lot. 517 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,425 Not when you have these French wonder vitamins. 518 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:33,557 They are [SMOOCHES] superbe. 519 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,255 Does that mean amphetamines? 520 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,300 This article in today's paper says 521 00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:39,781 that your beauty company uses speed in its diet pills. 522 00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:41,739 Oh, that's ridiculous. 523 00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:44,568 I feel amazing, and I've barely eaten or slept in three days. 524 00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,005 [DOORBELL RINGS] 525 00:16:46,179 --> 00:16:47,615 Hi! Is your mom in? 526 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:48,703 We just need more body-shaping supplements. 527 00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,183 You know, for our health? 528 00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:51,923 Uh, Beverly, your loyal customers are here. 529 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,143 I got cash from the register at the flower shop. 530 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:56,276 Yeah, ladies, I don't think this is a good idea. 531 00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:57,277 Give me more pills now, please! 532 00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:58,582 No!Aaah! 533 00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:00,932 Are you happy now? 534 00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,238 I just wanted to make some extra dough, 535 00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:04,762 not turn my gal pals into druggies! 536 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,199 They do look amazing, though. 537 00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:08,375 Mom, when did making money become so important? 538 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:11,900 I don't know. Maybe w-when we saw Jane Bales at Gimbels. 539 00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:13,510 So, this is all because you're jealous 540 00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:15,338 that she shops in the front of the store? 541 00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,037 I'm not jealous that she pays retail. 542 00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:20,387 I'm jealous that she's got her own money. 543 00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:22,171 I'm jealous that she doesn't have to worry 544 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,434 about spending her husband's. 545 00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:27,307 And I'm jealous of the way you were looking at her. 546 00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:28,264 Mom...Exactly. 547 00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:30,353 I'm a mom. 548 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:32,094 More than anything, a mom who wants to be 549 00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:34,357 a role model for her daughter. 550 00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,272 Instead, I'm just a drug dealer. 551 00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:39,754 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 552 00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,364 Open the freakin' door now! 553 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,589 ADULT ADAM: My mom was ready to give up her dream of financial freedom, 554 00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:51,418 but not before Erica could make a big sale. 555 00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:53,202 Mom, if you have a minute, I would like to pitch you 556 00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,639 a new product that will change your life. 557 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,598 [SIGHS]Wow! That sounds like a tall order. 558 00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:58,773 Tell us more. 559 00:17:58,947 --> 00:17:59,643 May I present, 560 00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:01,558 the Bever-le. 561 00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:03,212 It looks amazing. 562 00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:05,127 What does the Bever-le do? 563 00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,651 Well, the real question is, what doesn'tshe do? 564 00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:10,611 Hmm?She runs a household, she works at a school, 565 00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,352 and she cares for three ungrateful children. 566 00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:14,658 They look terrible! 567 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:15,877 Except for the young one. 568 00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:17,835 He's got a Harrison Ford quality. 569 00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:20,099 Stick to the script, or I will hurt you. 570 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:23,145 B... Clearly, the Bever-le must have help. 571 00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:26,061 You would think so, but this is her life partner. 572 00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:29,934 She accomplished all that tied to a human anchor in a La-Z-Boy? 573 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,371 What's the catch? 574 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,677 Well, there is one thing. 575 00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,202 Sometimes the Bever-le is prone to questioning 576 00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,769 whether or not she sets a good example for her daughter. 577 00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:40,858 If that happens, what do you do? 578 00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:44,123 Well, you assure her that you can't think of a stronger, 579 00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,037 more caring, 580 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,866 often terrifying role model to aspire to, 581 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,999 regardless of how much money she makes. 582 00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:53,393 [CRYING] I'm the richest woman in the world! 583 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:56,047 All of this can be had for 10 easy payments of... 584 00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:57,658 She's crying, Adam. We're done. 585 00:18:57,832 --> 00:19:01,357 Oh! That was the greatest sales presentation ever. 586 00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,707 It's easy when you believe in the product. 587 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:07,276 You know, um, I still have some drug money to unload. 588 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:10,410 What do you say we go buy you some new clothes 589 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:11,585 at full price? 590 00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:16,198 ♪♪♪♪ 591 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:17,895 Hey! 592 00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,333 You drove away before we could talk. 593 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:23,684 I brought shame on the family like a disgraced samurai. 594 00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,425 And if I hadn't broken my sword last year 595 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:27,035 attacking that anthill, 596 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:27,992 I would've done the honorable thing. 597 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,820 Okay. [SIGHS] 598 00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:32,606 So, you're not a replacement Eagle. 599 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,522 There's no shame in not wanting your head knocked off. 600 00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:36,653 So, you're not disappointed? 601 00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,307 Are you kidding? 602 00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:41,832 I had a blast teaching you my old snapping tricks. 603 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,225 I guess I'm just worried, without football, 604 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,227 we have nothing in common. 605 00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,316 Barry, we have everything in common. 606 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,492 You're my kid. 607 00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:52,974 So, you'd want to hang out, even when there's no game on? 608 00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:55,063 I love the Eagles, 609 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:57,413 but my true joy is you. 610 00:19:57,587 --> 00:20:02,505 ♪♪♪♪ 611 00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:03,767 So, what do you want to talk about? 612 00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:05,943 I don't know. I... Anything, everything. 613 00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:06,857 What are you interested in? 614 00:20:07,031 --> 00:20:08,424 [SIGHS] Nunchucks, 615 00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,861 the vocal stylings of Big Daddy Kane. 616 00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:13,299 [CHUCKLES] I melted a Nerf Ball with a blowtorch. 617 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,388 We'll find something. ♪♪ Oh, oh ♪♪ 618 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:18,260 ADULT ADAM: Sure, it can be hard to find common ground 619 00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,175 with the people we love. ♪♪ I wanna be with you everywhere ♪♪ 620 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:21,524 It's not visible to the naked eye, 621 00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,570 but this skirt has irregular stitching. 622 00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:26,050 ♪♪ Oh, oh ♪♪I'll get the manager. 623 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,227 ADULT ADAM: But sometimes the things that drive us nuts... 624 00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:29,315 You embarrassed of me? 625 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,099 Always. 626 00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:32,056 ...are also what makes them special. 627 00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:34,972 What ya doin' today? 628 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,626 Whole lot of nothin'. 629 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,238 Maybe I'll stop by. We can do nothin' together. 630 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:41,327 Sounds good to me. ♪♪ Oh, oh♪♪ 631 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,067 ADULT ADAM: In the end, if you tackle 632 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,765 life's biggest challenges together, 633 00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:47,637 there's no way we can lose. 634 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:50,771 ADAM: Mom's putting on her makeup. 635 00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,468 The finesse. 636 00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:54,383 The curl on the lip.[LAUGHS] 637 00:20:56,429 --> 00:20:58,344 Dad, hurry, it's almost kickoff! 638 00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,650 [SIGHS] Maybe I should have tried out. 639 00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:01,999 Probably for the best, Bar. 640 00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:04,001 I've had a headache for 36 years. 641 00:21:04,175 --> 00:21:05,829 Oh, [SCOFFS] hat's nothin'. 642 00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:08,354 I can turn this foot all the way around like an owl's head. 643 00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,007 I got hit so hard on a crossing route, 644 00:21:10,181 --> 00:21:11,182 I was legally dead for three minutes. 645 00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:12,793 Try five. 646 00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:15,099 I saw my granny on a cloud. 647 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,318 She told me to rub some dirt on it 648 00:21:16,492 --> 00:21:18,015 and then go block somebody. 649 00:21:18,189 --> 00:21:19,495 I took a helmet to the stomach so hard, 650 00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:20,757 I no longer have a belly button. 651 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,063 I don't have any toes. 652 00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:23,717 This isn't baldness. 653 00:21:23,891 --> 00:21:25,414 I got the hair tackled right off of my head. 654 00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:27,590 [GASPS]Why do they let anyone play this game? 655 00:21:27,764 --> 00:21:28,548 'Cause it's the best.So many good memories. 656 00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:29,636 I love it.