1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,237
ADULT ADAM: The '80s were
filled with monumental moments

2
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:04,772
that brought us all together.

3
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:07,475
In my household, that was
me graduating high school

4
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,677
and making sure my mom wasn't
gonna crumble to pieces.

5
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,579
Thank you for coming.
Thank you.

6
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,214
I'm honored that you
purchased us a meet-and-greet

7
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,783
with Hollywood actor
Bill Bixby.

8
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:17,785
He's the guy who plays
the Hulk when he's lame
and not green.

9
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,953
Wait, Adam said that I was
getting a lifetime supply

10
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,255
of Maybelline
lip products.

11
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:23,324
Am I not getting
my cherry cola gloss?

12
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,093
I will
put my hands on you!

13
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:27,628
Sorry, it was just something
I said to get you here.

14
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,197
Then who the hell am I here
to meet and/or greet?

15
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,731
Me?
Worst day ever!

16
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:31,832
We're getting off topic.

17
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:34,168
Tomorrow,
I graduate high school,

18
00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,437
and Mom is inevitably
gonna fall to pieces.

19
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,672
Yeah, she is.
Oh, I do get a gift.

20
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,874
All I'm asking is
for my loving family

21
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,476
to keep her
busy and distracted.

22
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:43,577
No.
Never.

23
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:44,978
Come on!

24
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,046
You two are my siblings!

25
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,215
We share a bond.

26
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,183
Let me stop you
right there.

27
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,485
And?

28
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,053
I just wanted to
stop you right there.

29
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,089
Okay, what the dope
means is,

30
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,890
we had to go through this
when we graduated,

31
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,159
so now you have to
go through it, too.

32
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,694
But I'm her last schmoo!

33
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,663
She's gonna freak out way more
than with you two.

34
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,498
Oh, I never
thought of it like that.

35
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,167
That changes everything.
It makes it way funnier.

36
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,235
Best day ever!

37
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,669
Adam, I feel bad
for you.

38
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,504
But I also don't
feel bad for you.

39
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,006
(DOOR CLOSES)
Blessings upon me.

40
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:15,409
All my boopies together
in one place?

41
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,644
What is this?

42
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:20,013
Everyone just
stopped by
for my...

43
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:23,284
"We Are the Jenkintown"
charity music video.

44
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:27,221
Oh, like "We Are the World,"
but infinitely smaller.
What's your charity?

45
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,190
Uh, a really good one.

46
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:34,094
The Downtown...
Women's...Center
for Charity...Business.

47
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,363
Be careful, Adam.

48
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,298
Most of these places
are gonna rip you off,

49
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,300
and that one sounds
a little fake.

50
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,935
Because it is.
Adam's scared that
you're gonna wig out

51
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:43,404
and wreck his graduation,
like you absolutely will.

52
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,072
You can all relax.

53
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:48,075
I know tomorrow is a big day
in the history of me,

54
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,010
but I'm gonna be fine.

55
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,613
Plus, I've got my job as
Quaker Warden to distract me.

56
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,548
Even though it's
largely ceremonial?

57
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:56,950
I am also a woman
of many hobbies,

58
00:01:57,084 --> 00:02:00,488
like tennis, bedazzling,
and cheesing meats.

59
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,390
Those will fill
a minute or two,

60
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,825
but there's, like,
eight waking hours in a day.

61
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,427
You sleep
way too much, Barry.

62
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,329
Trust me, I got this.

63
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,897
This is a surprisingly
refreshing attitude

64
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,131
that I will
grasp onto.

65
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:12,633
Now, stop worrying
about me.

66
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,968
Get on out there
and live your young lives.

67
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,504
Scoot! Move it!

68
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,971
(CHUCKLES)

69
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:23,477
Welcome to the rest of
your life, Beverly Goldberg.

70
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:25,078
(CHUCKLES)

71
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,548
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, my mom had it
all planned out.

72
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,750
Until she found herself
in an empty house,

73
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,153
totally and completely alone.

74
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:36,324
(BLEEP)

75
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,758
** I'm twisted up inside

76
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,794
** But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

77
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,233
** I don't know the future

78
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:49,002
** But the past keeps getting
clearer every day **

79
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,138
ADULT ADAM: It was May 18th,
1980-something,

80
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,507
and my sister, Erica,
and her new husband

81
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,376
were settling into
a life of marital bliss.

82
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,177
Done.
Check it.

83
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:58,712
"Dear Mr. and
Mrs. Schneider,

84
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,414
thank you for the set of
Egyptian cotton sheets.

85
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,583
We will think of you
every time we climb
into bed together."

86
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,917
Roll it back
in your head, babe.

87
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,186
Oh, no, I'm an unintentionally
naughty boy.

88
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,821
While you're at it, you might
want to take another crack at

89
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:10,258
the one for the Rosens about
the espresso machine

90
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,192
and how much fun we'll have
grinding every morning?

91
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,662
Aw.
Huge news!

92
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,397
You have a key
to our apartment?

93
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,232
I had one made
so I have a place to shower
in this neighborhood.

94
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,501
But I'm gonna be a pop star!

95
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,169
Seems unlikely,
but I'll go for a ride.

96
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,037
Cyndi Lauper has a show
at the Spectrum,

97
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,240
and one of her backup singers
left the tour

98
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,676
to take care of her dad,
who got trapped
in a grain silo

99
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,578
and developed something called
"wheat brain."

100
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,012
Uh-oh,
not wheat brain!

101
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,349
It may not be that,
but the point is,

102
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:38,151
Cyndi's holding auditions
for a one-night replacement.

103
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,920
It's all over the radio
at my therapist's office.

104
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,589
And anyone
can try out?

105
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,223
Erica,
you got to do this.

106
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,359
I'm sorry, is Erica
the one whose parents

107
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,828
bought her a fake Grammy
on their trip to California?

108
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,630
Babe, I left my rock 'n' roll
dreams behind.

109
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,198
I traded in my guitar
for a guy

110
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,401
with long eyelashes
and remarkably soft hands.

111
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,836
It's nice that you find beauty
in my less masculine features,

112
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,538
but, come on,
it's just one night,

113
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:58,839
and who's got
a better voice than you?

114
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,842
Um, the girl who had Dad
buy her a piano

115
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,677
that she only used
for hiding wine coolers?

116
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,012
Joanne,
you don't even sing.

117
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:06,880
Aunt Mildred says
I have the "it" factor.

118
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,982
No, she said you have
the "ick" factor.

119
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,851
Who cares?
I'm gonna be a star.

120
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,386
Barry's really
rubbing off on her.

121
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,722
Yeah, he is.
Please, do it for me.

122
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,524
You know how much
I used to love
watching you perform.

123
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,526
I guess it'd be fun
to just audition.

124
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,329
Fun, the thing that girls just
want to have, per Cyndi.

125
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,797
Fine, you may have the looks
and the incredible voice

126
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,666
and a stage presence
that draws the eyes,

127
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:26,767
but you don't got
what I got.

128
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,101
Is it the address?

129
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,304
I can just
turn on the radio.
Oh, damn it.

130
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,606
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica was gonna
chase her dreams again,

131
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,207
my mom was
interrupting mine.

132
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,576
Aah!

133
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,044
So not okay!

134
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,713
No, what's not okay
is you keep moving.

135
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,515
How else am I supposed to
finish sketching

136
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,551
the front of my
"Adam Sleeping Angel" book?

137
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,252
I didn't sign off
on that project.

138
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,487
I'm an adult.

139
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,456
Please don't be
in my room while I sleep.

140
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,724
Oh, poo, you don't mind it
when I brush your hair.

141
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,726
What?
Why do you think
it's so silky smooth

142
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:53,927
when you wake up
in the morning?

143
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,597
It's the mama hair fairy.
Ugh!

144
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,298
Fine, I'll do it
from memory.

145
00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,933
ADULT ADAM:
It was a waking nightmare.

146
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,902
Graduation day
was almost here,

147
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,037
and my mom was still
treating me like I was a baby.

148
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,306
This is
your captain speaking.

149
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:10,344
I have
a Pancake Airlines flight
yumming in for a landing.

150
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:13,113
ADULT ADAM:
And from there, believe it
or not, it only got worse.

151
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,648
Look what I found!

152
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,650
A painful memory
from my childhood?

153
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,752
Fun story --
I was up in the attic

154
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:21,254
just rooting through
all the dozens of boxes

155
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,056
of your childhood clothes
with my headlamp on,

156
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,493
and I just
stumbled across it.

157
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,496
That is fun,
if "fun" means totally
and disturbingly insane.

158
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,964
Oh, I knew you'd be
excited, too.
Wanna try it on?

159
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,100
Not even a little,
which is what that is,

160
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,802
because, again,
I wore it as a child.

161
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,504
Well, I'm gonna
let it out a little bit

162
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:39,106
to accommodate
your beautifully
developing man body.

163
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,974
(LAUGHS)

164
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,911
To think if I hadn't stopped
to load up on groceries,

165
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,679
I would've missed this
incredibly awesome moment.

166
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:46,847
Why are you here again?

167
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,517
Picking up toilet paper,
cereal, string cheese,

168
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,118
a variety of
juice boxes.

169
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,120
You want me to go
to the market
like an animal?

170
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,422
They want money
for that stuff!

171
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,490
I gotta go make some
last-minute alterations.

172
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,325
Oh, this is so much fun!

173
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,793
This is bad.

174
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:02,129
She's in total denial
that I'm graduating.

175
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,697
I know
you already said no,

176
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:04,998
but I really need
your help, man.

177
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,735
Suppose I were to help you,
what's in it for me?

178
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,169
The deep gratitude of
your only brother?

179
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:10,337
Worthless.

180
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,372
I guess I could take
all your graduation gifts.

181
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,707
But they're a way for
the people in my life

182
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:15,142
to honor
my biggest achievement.

183
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,244
And now they'll be
honoring me.

184
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,379
Fine, all the extremely
personal, tailor-made gifts

185
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,314
to start my adult life
are yours.

186
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,950
Yeah, they are.
And for no other reason

187
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,019
beyond cruel whimsy,
I want the cards too.

188
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,988
ADULT ADAM:
As Barry drove a hard bargain
for my stuff,

189
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,023
Erica was ready
to strut her stuff

190
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,925
and crush her audition
for Cyndi Lauper.

191
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,126
Hey, how are you feeling?

192
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,562
I guess, nervous.

193
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,029
I mean, I don't usually
get stage fright,

194
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,798
but I just threw up
in a plastic plant.

195
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,166
That's because
I'm in your head, girl.

196
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,501
Look at me.

197
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:43,036
I've prepared nothing, and I
haven't even broken a sweat.

198
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,838
Joanne, what are you
gonna do?
Freestyle, baby.

199
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,174
I'm best when
I'm in the moment.

200
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,842
(SCATTING)

201
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,310
Yeah!

202
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,379
Music... it's easy.

203
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,548
Attention,
nameless hopefuls.

204
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,751
I am Delia Thornton,
Ms. Lauper's manager,

205
00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,853
confidant,
and second cousin.

206
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,755
It's all about who you know,
and thankfully,

207
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,757
I know my grandpa's
brother's granddaughter.

208
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:07,394
Well, be prepared to have
your socks knocked off.

209
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,830
I'm assuming you're wearing
socks, because if not, gross.

210
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,600
Hard pass.
What? I-I haven't
even sung a note.

211
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,134
I don't like
your energy.

212
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,770
Thank you for your
consideration.
Mm.

213
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,238
Erica Goldberg.
ERICA: Here.

214
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,173
Um, I'm gonna sing
"Time After Time."

215
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,776
Oh, great, I haven't
heard that one today.
Oh, good.

216
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,878
A one, two, three.

217
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:28,281
** Then you say, "Go slow"

218
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,618
** I fall behind

219
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,386
** The second hand unwinds

220
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:37,257
** If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me

221
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,693
** Time after time **

222
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,895
** If you fall
I will catch you

223
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,197
** I will be waiting

224
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,666
** Time after time **

225
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:46,900
No, no.
That's enough.

226
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,201
(WHISTLES,
IMITATES EXPLOSION)

227
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:49,603
Bomb city.

228
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,438
You're hired.
Everybody else,
you can leave.

229
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,873
GEOFF: For real?
Yeah, for real?

230
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,942
For real.
You've got pipes,

231
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,476
and I desperately
want this to be over.

232
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,911
I'll see you tomorrow.

233
00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,012
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!

234
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,548
You get to sing
with Cyndi Lauper!

235
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:04,084
How do you feel?
I feel...

236
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,453
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica panicked about
performing for a full house...

237
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,889
(DOORBELL RINGS)
...Barry was gonna show
my mom that it wasn't so bad

238
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,223
to have an empty one.

239
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,259
Mom, Pop-Pop's
come for a visit!

240
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,663
Mama, look, it's treasured
family friend, Bill Lewis!

241
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,498
Mother of mine, it's neighbor
and unlikely confidant,

242
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,733
John Glascott.

243
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,201
Grizzled Grandpappy,
a query.

244
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,170
You've raised
two kids.

245
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,238
How's life been since
they went out on their own?

246
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,907
Best years of my life.

247
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,709
Without a doubt,
it has been nice.

248
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,779
While I have
almost no living
relatives or progeny,

249
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,114
I consider
my empty home a gift.

250
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,149
ADULT ADAM: Barry had
considered everything,

251
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,718
except that this
was a terrible idea.

252
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,653
I'm completely alone.

253
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,488
Every sound at night
is just a burglar

254
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,724
coming to extinguish
the pain of existence.

255
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,293
Sure, there were
some dark days
after Lainey left.

256
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:50,598
Dark, dark, daaaaark days.

257
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:53,066
And nights,
which are naturally dark.

258
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,301
I currently fill my time

259
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,604
updating John and Bev's
Adventure List.

260
00:08:56,737 --> 00:09:00,173
This notebook
contains over 100
fun activities and vacations

261
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,976
that you and I can go on
once Adam's out of my way.

262
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,612
I spend my evenings
at the window

263
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,480
flinging pistachio shells at
the mice I've given names to.

264
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,549
Oh, who am I kidding?
They're rats!

265
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:10,751
Never cleaned Lainey's room.

266
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,552
She'd left a bowl of Doritos

267
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,756
that rotted into
mushy green triangles.

268
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:16,990
Every once in a while,
I'd eat one

269
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,693
and I swear I can
hear her laughter.

270
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,161
And if you look on page 37,

271
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,831
you'll see the Ottawa
Non-Alcoholic Wine Festival.

272
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,999
But eventually, you get up,
brush your tongue,

273
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,368
and pretend life is okay.

274
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,771
Every time I fall,
I say, "This is where
I'm going to die."

275
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,006
It's just
Canadian grape juice.

276
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,208
But the real buzz
comes from the people.

277
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,678
Mama, your mouth
is hanging open.
That's good, right?

278
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,012
For sure, schmoopie.

279
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:43,016
(BEVERLY SIGHS)

280
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,718
(SIGHS)

281
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,687
Hard to know,
but I think I made it better.

282
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:52,192
ADULT ADAM:
The show had just ended, but
my sister was still buzzing

283
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,795
with excitement for living out
her rock star dream.

284
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,529
Oh, my God,
that was amazing!

285
00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,165
You were amazing!
I was?

286
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,367
I mean, I felt like I was,
but you felt it, too?

287
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,803
Totally! I mean, I was sitting
right next to the fog machine,

288
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,938
so for a while, I thought you
were the keyboardist.
He has bangs, too.

289
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,106
He also
has a soul patch.

290
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,274
Like I said,
it was foggy.

291
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,209
Hon, thanks so much for
pushing me to do this.

292
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,111
This was the best night
of my entire life.

293
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,914
How would you like to have
243 more just like it?

294
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,548
Um, what are you
talking about,

295
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,150
Cyndi Lauper's
cousin's cousin?

296
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,252
I'm talking about you coming
with us on the European tour.

297
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,453
Cyndi likes you.

298
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,255
Oh, my God,
she does?
She does.

299
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,825
You blend in perfectly with
the background in every way.

300
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:25,959
So, are you in?

301
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,460
Oh, my God,
I-I don't know.

302
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,698
I mean, uh,
we just got married
and I'm still in school.

303
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,065
Uh, do I have to
decide right now?

304
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:33,266
No, no,
take your time.

305
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,634
I'll just tell Cyndi
you're on the fence

306
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,236
about traveling the world
with her.

307
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,437
Wait, no,
she's doing it.

308
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,605
Geoff, are you serious?

309
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,107
This has always
been your dream.

310
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,842
Until it wasn't your dream
for a little while,

311
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,176
but then it became
your dream again,

312
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,577
and you gotta follow
that dream to Europe,

313
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:45,813
home of all
the great wars.

314
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,247
Fun guy you got there.

315
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,917
So, I'm gonna
pencil you in as yes?

316
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,952
I guess this is happening.
(CHUCKLES)

317
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,788
It's really happening.
Yeah, it is.

318
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,990
ADULT ADAM: While Geoff knew
Erica couldn't
turn down that offer,

319
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,959
Barry turned to the Frentas
to help with my mom.

320
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,260
There you are.

321
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,494
It was so hard
to find you two,

322
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:02,796
because neither of you
have jobs.

323
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,165
Uh, I have a thriving
floral business.

324
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,433
Don't make me
repeat myself.

325
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,500
And motherhood
is a full-time...

326
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,069
Save it.
Barry Goldberg!

327
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,604
I'm sorry, I'm just really
worried about my mom.

328
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,106
Oh, no!
Is she okay?

329
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,375
She's mumbling about
building a time machine

330
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,077
to go back
when her little baby

331
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,013
suckled at her life-giving
grocery store. Her words.

332
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:21,281
And yet you
remembered them

333
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,450
and thought to repeat them
loudly in public.

334
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,618
I'm not looking for
a give-and-take, Ginzy.

335
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:28,321
Time to throw on your
unflattering jogging suits

336
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:31,024
and lift her spirits
with one of your power walks!

337
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,360
Well, I wish I could,
but I sprained my ankle
at aerobics class.

338
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,863
Well, crossing the street to
get to the wine bar after.

339
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,664
Also, I didn't go to
aerobics class.

340
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,967
No one cares about your
lack of discipline, Essie.

341
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,935
You need to help distract
my mom from the sad reality

342
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,837
that her weirdest and youngest
child is leaving home!

343
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,039
Barry, despite
your unappealing words,

344
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:49,276
I understand, because my Chad
is also graduating today.

345
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,411
Never heard of him.
Stop with these flimsy excuses

346
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:52,846
and do your duty

347
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,481
as my mother's
best friends/pathetic
followers.

348
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,616
Now, go! Go, go!
Oh. Okay.

349
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,585
Mama, look!

350
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,721
Your dear and aged friends are
here of their own free will!

351
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:04,557
Why, so they can say goodbye
forever like everybody else?

352
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,559
Sniffle, sniffle.

353
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:09,196
I'm sorry, I would sniffle for
real, but all the crying

354
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,964
has left me stripped of
my natural moistures.

355
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,165
Actually, we're here
to take you

356
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:13,500
on a little pick-me-up
power walk.

357
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:14,601
Fresh air, Mama.

358
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,403
God's Renuzit.

359
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,705
Well, I guess
a little exercise
might be a good thing.

360
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,040
There you go!

361
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,374
Now hit the open road with
these two tumbleweeds.

362
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:22,910
Come on, off you go.

363
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,277
ADULT ADAM:
As Barry sent my mom
out walking,

364
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,379
Geoff was prepping Erica
for the road.

365
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,381
Surprise!
You're all packed.

366
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,417
Wow, look at you.
Ready to get rid of me.

367
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,352
No, but I bet
you'll never guess
where all your underwear is.

368
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,987
Is it stuffed
in my shoes?

369
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,823
Yeah, it's the patented
Schwartz space saver.

370
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,024
And don't forget
to layer up,

371
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,525
because Europe has seven
different climates.

372
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:39,893
Uh-huh.

373
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,194
Uh-huh.

374
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,163
(GRUNTS)
What are you doing?

375
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,365
Geoff, just stop!
Stop what?

376
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,834
You always do this!

377
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:47,968
You're always such
a supportive
and loving husband

378
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,702
who puts my needs first!

379
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,105
I don't mean to!
Of course
you never mean to.

380
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,206
You just are.

381
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,741
And I'm sick of it!

382
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,709
You're always like
"you, you, you, Erica,"

383
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,278
but what about your needs,
damn it?

384
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,080
Well, my only need
is for you to be happy.

385
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,181
How dare you?

386
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,150
What about your happiness,
mister?

387
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,551
Have you ever
considered yourself

388
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,719
for one single,
solitary second?

389
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,389
No.
Of course you haven't,
you unselfish jerk.

390
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,924
I thought I was
doing what you wanted.

391
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,026
You are... always,
and I've had enough.

392
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,194
I'm sorry, I guess?

393
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,863
Well, you shouldn't be.

394
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,398
Every time
you open your mouth,
something nice spills out

395
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,133
and you make me feel like
the luckiest girl
in the world.

396
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:23,403
I can do better.
You can't,
you sweet son of a bitch.

397
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,838
You're literally perfect.

398
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,139
I don't have to be.
I can change.

399
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,841
I can be
the bad man you want.

400
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,142
You say that,
but you don't mean it.

401
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,044
Just let me try.
Fine!

402
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,613
For once in your life,
stop being so damn loving

403
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,082
and tell me
what you want.

404
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,586
I don't want you
to go to Europe
with Cyndi Lauper.

405
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:40,753
And there it is!

406
00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,122
But guess what?

407
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,991
I don't want to
go either.

408
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,059
I'm so lost.

409
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,195
So, wh-what's gonna happen?

410
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,863
I'll tell you
what's gonna happen.

411
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,599
I'm gonna stay right here
with my amazing husband.

412
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,902
You are?
But what about your dream?

413
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,469
Geoff,
you're my dream.

414
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:57,337
You.

415
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,644
My God,
I love you so much.

416
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,479
I love you, too.

417
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,681
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica and Geoff made
a big decision together,

418
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,884
it was finally time
for my big day.

419
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,319
Graduation was here,

420
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,922
and everything was
just as I'd imagined,

421
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,024
except for the fact that
Beverly Goldberg was missing.

422
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,658
Where the hell's
my mom?

423
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,060
The only
possible answer is

424
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,694
she's trapped at
the bottom of a wishing well.

425
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:22,862
Dave Kim!

426
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,097
It's more plausible
than her missing

427
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,365
her schmoopie's special day.

428
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,467
Adam, I'm sure
she's just parking.

429
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,701
Or maybe Dave Kim's
bottom-of-the-well thing.

430
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:29,802
It is odd.

431
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,271
Barry, where's Mom?

432
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,105
She's not up there
with you?

433
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:33,673
Why would Mom be with me?

434
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,876
I don't know.
To make you sit in her lap
one last time?

435
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,378
What you two have
is weird.

436
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:41,381
What's weird is that I'm here,
and too early, if I may add.

437
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,583
And spare me some speeches
some kid makes

438
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,318
that life is too short.

439
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,653
Not short enough,
if you ask me.

440
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,055
Fine.

441
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,689
Keep an eye on
our uplifting grandfather.

442
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,591
I'll go find Mom.
Excuse me.

443
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,127
ADULT ADAM:
And so, my brother hit the
streets with one mission...

444
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,129
Get Beverly Goldberg
to graduation.

445
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,064
(TIRES SQUEAL)
Where the hell
is my mom?

446
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,331
She was so fast.

447
00:14:58,465 --> 00:14:59,599
Like a racehorse,
you know?

448
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,034
We couldn't keep up.

449
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,235
Which way?
There's no way
to tell.

450
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,836
I blinked and she was
beyond the horizon.

451
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,338
She has another gear, man.

452
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,874
Like, so explosive through
her thighs and glutes.

453
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,876
Now, please, take me to
my son's graduation!

454
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,878
Sorry, no time!

455
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,547
(TIRES SQUEAL)
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, my mom had gone rogue,

456
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,116
and nothing was gonna stop
Barry from finding her...

457
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,317
(HORN HONKING)

458
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,485
...except this.

459
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,687
Officer Puchinski,
let me go through.

460
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:21,921
I have a minor
family emergency.

461
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,190
Oh, I'm aware.

462
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,524
Get her
out of the road.
(CAR DOOR SLAMS)

463
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:27,094
(ENGINE REVS)

464
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,528
(TIRES SQUEAL)

465
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,630
Mama!

466
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,232
What are you doing?

467
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,734
Oh, hey, boopie,
I'm just getting
a little power walk in.

468
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:37,704
It's just, Adam is graduating
from high school right now.

469
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,139
Oh, I don't know what
you're talking about.

470
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,508
If I'm not there, it couldn't
possibly be happening.

471
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,411
Look, I know you're having
a hard time right now,

472
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,614
but you can't miss this.
It's really important.

473
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,217
What's important is I keep
walking and no one grows up

474
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,219
and no one ever leaves me
and nothing ever changes.

475
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,453
But that's not
how it works.

476
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:54,887
Why can't it?

477
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,556
Then my babies
would still be here,

478
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,458
and I wouldn't be
completely clueless

479
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,293
about what to do
with the rest of my life.

480
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:01,928
I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.

481
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,896
You're gonna
face it head-on.

482
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:06,033
Might not
always be easy.

483
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,168
In fact, it... it might
hurt sometimes,

484
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:12,405
but you're so lucky,
'cause Adam?

485
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,141
He's gonna miss you as much as
you're gonna miss him.

486
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,375
How do you know?

487
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:16,676
Because that's
how I feel.

488
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,179
Why do you think
I'm always at the house?

489
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,614
Groceries?

490
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:25,785
Obviously, but also
because it's home.

491
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,220
It's where
you and Dad are.

492
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,089
That will never,
ever change.

493
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,595
Oh, my God.

494
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,465
Oh, my God, I'm missing
my baby's graduation!

495
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,932
The hell you are.
I heard every word.

496
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,201
Stay on my tail.

497
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,436
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(SIREN WAILS)

498
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,439
Beverly! Wait!

499
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,777
ADULT ADAM:
The time to graduate was here,

500
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,279
but my mom still wasn't.

501
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,215
Welcome,
students and families,

502
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,151
to the graduation
of the class of 198...

503
00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,352
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

504
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,454
If everyone would please
take a seat,

505
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:04,591
we will...commence.

506
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,593
(LAUGHS)
Randall Henry Abington,

507
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:07,860
come get your diploma.

508
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,262
What the hell, man?

509
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:10,830
It's starting,
and my mom
is nowhere in sight.

510
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,565
Mine is.

511
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,733
What? Does everything
have to be about you?

512
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,202
Brea Bee!

513
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,036
Come on down!

514
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,271
Sorry, Ad,
kinda gotta do this.

515
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,472
At least try to stall.

516
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:20,973
Stall?
Vamp?

517
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:23,110
Do a little soft shoe?
Tell a story with your feet.

518
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:26,879
PRINCIPAL BALL: Brea,
I got a lot of names here.

519
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,682
If you'd just put a little
zip in your howdy.

520
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,184
He has no power
over you anymore.

521
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,319
You are molasses, baby.

522
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,054
Let's go, youngsters.

523
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,489
There you are.
Where've you been?

524
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,625
Oh, um,
I was still nauseous,

525
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,026
so I just popped in
to see the doctor.

526
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,994
Is everything all right?
Actually, yeah.

527
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,029
Better than all right.

528
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,197
(SIREN WAILING)

529
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:45,865
(HORN HONKING)

530
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,234
(SPECTATORS MURMUR)

531
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,168
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
BEVERLY: Whew!

532
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,337
You may begin,
I'm here.

533
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,572
And I'm here, too!
I'm so sorry, Chadwick!

534
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,674
Your father saved us
terrible seats.

535
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,776
Oh, Mom!
You made it out of
the wishing well.

536
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,278
What does that mean,
schmoopie?

537
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,347
It's one of the many working
theories of your whereabouts.

538
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,014
Any chance you were buried
under rubble?

539
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,050
I had $20 on it.

540
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,052
Barry, thank you.

541
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,420
No problem, Ad Rock.

542
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,489
It's a pretty big day
for all of us.

543
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,691
And that includes
all the other people here

544
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,526
who aren't Goldbergs.

545
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,028
Now can I please
get these kids
off my books?

546
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,131
Do your thing!
I'm barely here.

547
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,667
Adam Frederick Goldberg.

548
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,935
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

549
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,871
(TIME AFTER TIME
BY CYNDI LAUPER PLAYING)
Whoo!

550
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:28,741
ADULT ADAM:
And with that, it was a few
steps to the end of an era.

551
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,477
It happened in a blink,
and I can only imagine

552
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,478
what that felt like
for my mom.

553
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,281
** The second hand unwinds

554
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:38,551
** If you're lost you can look
and you will find me

555
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,188
** Time after time

556
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:45,825
** If you fall
I will catch you
I'll be waiting

557
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,262
** Time after time

558
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:53,132
** If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me

559
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:56,369
** Time after time

560
00:18:56,503 --> 00:19:00,907
** If you fall
I will catch you
I will be waiting

561
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,177
** Time after time

562
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,714
ADULT ADAM:
Yeah, I couldn't have done any
of it without her or my dad.

563
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,549
And standing up there,
I thought about

564
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,384
all the people who
got me to this day...

565
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,453
The friends, the teachers...

566
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,588
And another page turns.

567
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:18,157
Way to go,
young people!

568
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,160
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

569
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,963
ADULT ADAM: ...but especially
the greatest, most insane,

570
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,600
loving family
a kid could ever ask for.

571
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,469
Mama, you okay?

572
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,770
(SIGHS)

573
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,772
You know what?
I am. I am.

574
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,608
I know there's no more babies
at home, but it's okay.

575
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,109
I'm excited
for what's next.

576
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,580
Yeah, Mom,
about that.

577
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:41,681
(CHUCKLES)

578
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:42,815
Oh, my God.

579
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,150
You're not.

580
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,618
What isn't she?

581
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,487
Actually, I am.

582
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,021
(screams)

583
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,623
(LAUGHING)
Why is she screaming?

584
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,992
Geoff, we're having a baby.

585
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,126
(SCREAMS)

586
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,696
Really?
I'm gonna be a dad?

587
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,130
You're gonna be
the best dad.

588
00:19:58,265 --> 00:20:00,333
Mazel tov, kiddos.

589
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:04,036
My baby's having a baby!

590
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:07,006
I'm gonna be a grandma!

591
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,942
That's the most
important person
in a new child's life!

592
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,778
(LAUGHS)

593
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,680
ADULT ADAM:
You know, my Pops once said,

594
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,349
"Always bet on
the side of love."

595
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:19,218
I miss him every day,
but he lives on,

596
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,921
because like with all matters
of the heart, he was right.

597
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,257
That's just what
my family does.

598
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,626
We bet on love.

599
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,462
And for the most part,
it's worked out pretty great.

600
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,163
Of course, looking back,

601
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:33,666
every little detail may not
have been exactly right.

602
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,835
But there's one thing
I am sure about...

603
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,371
It was a day
I would never forget.

604
00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:40,473
You know how it goes by now.

605
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:44,076
It was 1980-something,
the year I graduated
high school,

606
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:48,415
the year I became an uncle,
and it was awesome.

607
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:49,682
** Time after time **

608
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,455
Hurry up, I'm excited!

609
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,057
ADAM: Just know I'm doing this
as a graduation gift to you.

610
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:02,028
(GASPS)
Holy (BLEEP)

611
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,597
An angel has fallen to earth
and put on a sweater.

612
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:05,798
I immediately
regret this.

613
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,200
(LAUGHS)
Cool train, bro.

614
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:09,602
That means
you're a train lover.

615
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,270
It's open to
interpretation!

616
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,540
Oh, but wait, there's more.
Please say there's a hat.

617
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:14,707
You know
there's a damn hat!

618
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,042
For the kissy express,

619
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,545
of course the conductor
wears a hat.

620
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,913
Chugga-chugga-schmoo-schmoo!

621
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:22,081
Oh!

622
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:28,755
Holy (BLEEP)