1
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:02,520
Does it talk?

2
00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:04,000
Ooh! God.

3
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,120
Innit good? Yeah.

4
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,160
Look.

5
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:09,520
Go careful.

6
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,320
Oh, bloody... I'm still getting
the hang of it, though.

7
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,040
You are. What...?

8
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:17,600
Oh! What have you got it for?

9
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,200
Huh? Oh...

10
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,280
This programme contains
strong language, adult humour,

11
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,400
scenes of nudity
and some scenes of a sexual nature

12
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,240
Oh, God, Lee. Say hello to Jenny.

13
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,480
Hello! Oh, oh, oh!

14
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,000
# In a perfect world... #

15
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,080
THEY GASP
No!Here we go.

16
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,600
They've got him. Oh!

17
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,920
What are you doing?!

18
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,280
Oh, she's a chicken nugget!
THEY LAUGH

19
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:38,840
Isn't it embarrassing, Merlin?

20
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,520
Honk-honk!

21
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,800
What?
Oh, kiss! Ooh, that's a bit forward.

22
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,120
This is raunchy, innit?

23
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,560
Bring on the dilfs!

24
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,720
Yes!

25
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,640
Who's in for the finger
this week, innit?

26
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,080
Oh! Oh!

27
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,840
It's so bad it's actually good.
It's actually good.

28
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,000
What just happened?

29
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,040
Siri, call Ofcom.

30
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,880
In the year there were some
big election results

31
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:04,760
on both sides of the pond,
we enjoyed lots of great telly.

32
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,240
Nadiya was clearing out her fridge
on BBC Two.

33
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:13,160
We waste over four million potatoes
every single day in the UK.

34
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:17,760
So next, a nifty recipe to make
the most of those final few spuds.

35
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,560
Potatoes are so good, like.

36
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,480
Let's just think about potatoes.

37
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:25,480
You get a roast potato,
a hash brown, a chip,

38
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,960
fries - if we're going there -
mashed potatoes.

39
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,120
Them like new potatoes.

40
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,560
Dauphinoise potatoes.

41
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,360
Dauphinoise potatoes.

42
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,120
Loads of different potatoes.

43
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,040
They're just multi-talented
food that...

44
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,240
They bring so much to the table.

45
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,240
Scalloped. Scalloped. Scalloped!

46
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,120
Ooh, scallopeds are naughty!
Scallopeds.

47
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:46,800
I love a scalloped. Yeah.

48
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:50,800
The big guns of Bondi were busy
as ever on E4.

49
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,960
Do you want to give me
a few serious vibes?

50
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,960
Yeah, doesn't give a shit! Phew!

51
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,080
Getting hot in here.
Oh, yeah. That looks great.

52
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,480
Do you know what it looks like?

53
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,120
He looks like me when I used to get
my eyebrows done.

54
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,080
In the single days.
When I was single

55
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,640
and I used to get
my eyebrows threaded.

56
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,560
You getting your eyebrows waxed
at the nail salon!

57
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,920
So stupid!

58
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,560
They looked terrible!

59
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,600
I looked like an absolute dickhead.

60
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,520
Everybody - "They look great!"

61
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,680
And Disney's steamy bonkbuster
had us hot under the collar again.

62
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:38,680
You see, he's giving off a lot
of magnetic force, Giles.

63
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,120
He's wearing...

64
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:42,920
..Old Spice, Mary.

65
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,080
No, he is not. He's too...
I bet you he's wearing Old Spice.

66
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,160
He's too up-market for that.

67
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,800
Eau de Cologne?

68
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,840
Probably nothing.
He's just giving off man juices.

69
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,200
Ew!

70
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,120
In Leeds...

71
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,920
I think I've out-cheesed myself.
Out-cheesed yourself?

72
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,640
And coming from me,
that's a bold statement.

73
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,520
..sisters Ellie and Izzi.

74
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,680
Cos normally what I'll do
with the cauliflower cheese is use

75
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,360
the extra mature cheddar
in the sauce... Ooh!

76
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,400
..extra mature and parmesan,

77
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,680
and maybe a bit of red Leicester,
summat like that.

78
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,520
So I made it, went whole hog,

79
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,680
whole bag of extra mature cheddar
in the cheese sauce.

80
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,840
Tasted it - nearly blew
my own head off.

81
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,120
Could stand my whisk in it,
it were that thick! Oh-ho!

82
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:35,040
I even had to put a bit
more milk in cos I thought...

83
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:38,160
Bit too cheesy, this.
Bit too cheesy, this.

84
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,120
Ooh, I can't wait to taste it.

85
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,520
Never did I think I would utter
the words "bit too cheesy"!

86
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,160
In September, the ballroom bonanza
was back

87
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,720
as the celebs took to the floor
for the first time.

88
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,880
Oh, don't spill it on me!

89
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,920
HUMS STRICTLY THEME

90
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,800
We love a bit of Strictly
in this house!

91
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,120
We do, we do!
SHAUN HUMS STRICTLY THEME

92
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,800
Some more than others.

93
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:12,960
I'm excited!

94
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,920
Oh, it's Chris.
Oh, I like old Chris.

95
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:22,000
This has got to be a first for
Strictly because he's blind, Ron.

96
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,560
Yeah. He can't see.

97
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,840
I'm going to be honest,
I'm shocked Strictly's back on!

98
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:35,920
Well, this will just be
pleasantly...bland.

99
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:41,720
Dancing the cha-cha,
Chris McCausland and Dianne Buswell.

100
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,240
Come on, Chris!

101
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,760
The cha-cha? That's the one that
goes like this, innit?

102
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:50,160
You say every dance goes like that.
I'm yet to see one that does.

103
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,200
BAND PLAYS TWIST AND SHOUT

104
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,560
Oh, it's the Beatles!

105
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,720
I mean, a Scouser, you know,
dancing to the Beatles.

106
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,400
That's like us, you know, dancing
to one of the Nolan numbers.

107
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,960
Exactly. I'm In The Mood
For Dancing. Am I!

108
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,280
Oh, he's jiving his hips, look!

109
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,200
Getting a bit of hip movement
in there. He's warming up.

110
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,680
He's warming up, the lad.

111
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,840
# Shake it up, baby, now

112
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,720
# Shake it up, baby

113
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,560
BOTH: # Twist and shout! #

114
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,880
Go on, Chris! Look at that.

115
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,280
You wouldn't know he was blind
there, would you?

116
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,600
He's only walked with her.

117
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,000
# Twist and shout
Twist and shout

118
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,760
# Come on, come on, come on,
come on... #

119
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,080
It's proper dad dancing
at a christening, in't it?

120
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,960
Come on! That's how you dance.

121
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,320
# Work it on out

122
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,000
# You know you look so good

123
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,080
# Look so good... #

124
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,680
He's not bad, is he?

125
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:38,760
He's not bad at all.

126
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,800
I suppose if you've got rhythm,
you've got rhythm, haven't you?

127
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,000
Yeah, that's it.

128
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,680
He is a bit wooden, though.

129
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,440
It's week one, you've got to give
him credit.

130
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,040
He's very good for week one.

131
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,880
Oh, a bit of leg guitar!

132
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,200
Wants to be careful
if he's strumming the wrong bit!

133
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,720
There's only so many scandals
you can have

134
00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,600
before they shut the door.

135
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,360
# Ah!

136
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,240
# Ah!

137
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,360
# Ah!

138
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,240
HIGHER: # Ah! #

139
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,160
Fucking hell, I'm out of breath!

140
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,080
# Ah! #

141
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,200
Woo!

142
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,280
Oh, and a knee slide!

143
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,800
I think he overcooked
that a little bit there. Yeah.

144
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,120
He's nearly on his arse, bless him.

145
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,960
# Twist and shout

146
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,320
# Twist and shout

147
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,680
# Come on, come on, come on... #

148
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,840
Do you know what, how she's guiding
him is actually seamless.

149
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,040
Yeah. You wouldn't even notice.

150
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,960
# Ah! #

151
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,120
Oh, no, that wasn't very good.
That looked like

152
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,160
he was dragging her out of a burning
building, that last bit.

153
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,280
No, that's unreal! Windmills!

154
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,280
Not going to lie,
if I was Chris's age,

155
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,320
he'd be looking real hot
right now.

156
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,560
CHEERING

157
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,120
Yes! Well done.

158
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,000
I think he could have done better.
SHE SIGHS

159
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,400
It's kind of crazy to feel that,
you know, there's all this toxic

160
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:05,520
atmosphere in the background when
it's so cheerful. So jovial.

161
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,680
Good for Chris, Mary.

162
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,960
Clearly having the time
of his life.

163
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,000
Why are you looking at me like that?

164
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,080
Why are you looking at me like that,
Mary. I was just wondering

165
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,880
why you were saying that
as if you were a robot.

166
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,680
MONOTONE: Clearly having the time
of his life.

167
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,920
Yeah, yeah. Clearly having...
Just... Can you be yourself, Giles?

168
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,640
Clearly having the time of his life.
Who are you...

169
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:27,880
Who are you channelling?

170
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,920
Clearly having the time of his life.
Oh!

171
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,120
In Caerphilly...

172
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,760
I got to be honest, though, Shirl,
you're a hard customer to please.

173
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,360
What, food? Yeah.

174
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,480
Well, I like it done nice, yeah.

175
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,640
..Dave and his wife, Shirley.

176
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,360
But I've seen you leave a whole
plate of food

177
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,160
because they've put a piece of...a
thing of rice, a little container...

178
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:54,400
Yeah, well, I didn't ask
for rice, so.

179
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,320
Yeah, but it hasn't actually...
I don't like rice.

180
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,800
..contaminated the rest of the food,
has it?

181
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,440
Well, yes, on my plate.

182
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,640
I don't like salad or rice,
and if somebody puts that...

183
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:08,240
If I say that's all I want is
steak and chips,

184
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,400
I don't want any other shit
with it.

185
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,800
"Shit"? Yeah. But when they bring
it back,

186
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,960
you go like that, don't you?
"Dave, look. Look at that shit."

187
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,160
"I told them I didn't want
this shit!"

188
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:22,240
A few months ago, strangers were
getting hitched again on E4.

189
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:26,920
You could not ask for more than to
sit on a cold night in September

190
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,320
at 9pm and watch two strangers
get married. Mm.

191
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,840
I couldn't ask for more. Yeah.

192
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,200
This is my jam.

193
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,840
You've been waiting for this,
innit, Twaine.

194
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,920
Listen, this is the only drama that
I accept in my life.

195
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,360
What would you do if I went on MAFS
and you was watching me on it?

196
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,360
That would be hilarious. I don't
know if I could take it seriously.

197
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,720
Why? Why not? Is my love life
a joke?

198
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,840
Yeah!

199
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:59,560
My dress sense is outgoing,
bright and fun.

200
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,240
She's having a good time in that
bedroom on her own, isn't she?

201
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:06,760
Just like me,
what you see is what you get.

202
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,920
We've got a live
wire on our hands here.

203
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,200
She's bubbly, in't she? She's full
of life.

204
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,160
I am a qualified level two animal
reiki practitioner.

205
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,120
How many levels are there
to animal reiki practitioning?

206
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,680
What college is that from?

207
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,440
It's tranquil, it's calm,
it's peace.

208
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,760
Everything I'm not.

209
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,240
HE MIMICS LAUGH

210
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,480
She seems like really good fun.
Yeah, she seems like a nice girl.

211
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,080
Yeah, I'd like to be her friend.

212
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,800
I like a guy who is adventurous...

213
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,320
Oh-ho! Well, here he is.

214
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,040
So that's her match.
Well, he's out in the sticks.

215
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,040
Fun. Everything that I am.

216
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,400
Oh! Loves animals.

217
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,600
OK, this guy might be
the perfect match.

218
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,080
What, just because he's
stroking a chicken? Yeah.

219
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,680
Absolutely love music,
I've got a piano.

220
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,360
He plays the piano, amazing.

221
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,760
Kieran's got a bit of fizz about
him, hasn't he? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

222
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,680
Yeah, I think this could be fun.

223
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,320
I hope there's a female version
of me out there.

224
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,680
Under 5' 6.

225
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:06,840
Good things come...

226
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,600
BOTH: ..in small packages!

227
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,840
Oh, shit, wedding day. Let's go.

228
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,720
See, even the names go together,

229
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,800
Kristina and Kieran, don't they?
Yeah.

230
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:21,160
I'm well invested in these two.

231
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,480
So I just want your advice
on something.

232
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,560
Go on.

233
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,720
Cos if I do this thing
at the wedding it's either going

234
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,400
to go really well or I'm going to be
divorced straight away.

235
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,680
Oh, God.

236
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,000
Don't do it.
Immediately just don't bother.

237
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,640
If it could go either way,
don't do it because at the end

238
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,120
of the day you don't know this
person and it's your wedding. Yeah,

239
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,680
exactly. Yeah.

240
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,040
GASPS
No!

241
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,400
Oh, no way.

242
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,800
No! Comedy teeth!

243
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,000
Oh, yeah, man. No, mate.

244
00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,400
Are you actually?

245
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,040
Wye aye. I love them, me.

246
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,840
Oh, I love him!

247
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,040
No, not at your wedding, mate.
Not at your wedding.

248
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,840
Not at your wedding.

249
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,000
I think it'll be
absolutely hilarious

250
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:15,440
and I'll be able to know if she's
got a good sense of humour or not.

251
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,320
Fucking hell. I hope this blows up
in his face.

252
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,280
Oh, I can't wait to see
her reaction.

253
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,160
I bet he does it. He's full of it.

254
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,480
Oh, he's not gone for it.
He's just gone for the Turkeys.

255
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,080
CHEERING
Do it!

256
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,440
Good lad. He's going for it. Unreal.

257
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,640
Kieran, take 'em out. Please take
'em out.

258
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,880
Leave 'em in! Sh! Leave 'em in!

259
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,640
Take 'em out! You're shitting me!

260
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,080
Honest to God, take 'em out.

261
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,120
He's sat there like a guinea pig.

262
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,400
Oh, my God!

263
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,080
Oh, my God. Oh!

264
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,880
Oh-ho-ho!

265
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,440
You all right?

266
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,440
You OK?

267
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,440
Oh, look!

268
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,360
She's like, "Wow, look at that."

269
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,720
What's your name?

270
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,880
She can't even speak.
She can't even speak!

271
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,840
Oh, my! She doesn't know what to do.
She doesn't know what to do!

272
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,000
Oh, you look petrified!

273
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,040
SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

274
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,640
Do you know what? I love that.

275
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,760
Right, take the second set of
jokies out.

276
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,160
Fucking hell, they're worse
than the first set!

277
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,680
Put them back in!

278
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,880
You looked so...

279
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:56,640
I'm so sorry.

280
00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:00,360
Look, she liked it. She liked it
and it's broken the ice.

281
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,280
Aw, it worked. It did work.
The gambit paid off, man.

282
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,360
That was risky, that was.
Yeah, that was.

283
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,640
I'm invested. You're invested.
I'm invested now.

284
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,320
If this goes to shit, I'm going
to be fuming. I know.

285
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,600
Kieran and Kristina,
it's got to last.

286
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,160
In Hull...

287
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,600
Jenny, I'm not being funny,
but when we were stood outside...

288
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,400
I know. ..this side of your face is,
like, glistening.

289
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,040
Like, I'm going to start
calling you Nanny - Nanny Goat.

290
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,240
Yeah, I know.

291
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,560
..best friends, Jenny and Lee.

292
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,560
You've got two down there.
It's like...

293
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,120
Are they curling?

294
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,880
Ooh, bloody hell!

295
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,000
I know. Exactly.
Oh, look at that, Lee.

296
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,400
Oh, don't! That's how long it...
Oh, it's really long.

297
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,640
I know! Is it off my chest?!

298
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,000
Oh, God!

299
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,080
I know, it's massive.
Oh, look at it!

300
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,800
Hey, measure it.

301
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:51,880
Look at that.

302
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,280
Oh, and it's still going!

303
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:54,960
Oh, oh!

304
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,760
In the autumn, it was all
about the boxes on ITV1.

305
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,720
Are you feeling lucky today, Ron?

306
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,600
You'd have to do
some serious manifestation

307
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,040
before Deal Or No Deal. Yeah.

308
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,120
What's for me will not go by me.
Yeah. No, wait.

309
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,600
I do not chase, I attract. Yeah.

310
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,400
Everything that's for me
will come to me.

311
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,480
Decent size muffin, that, in't it?

312
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,080
And fig rolls? Yeah.

313
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:21,960
Doesn't it just remind you of
being at school, though,

314
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,320
Deal Or No Deal, and getting in
after school and watching it?

315
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,800
Having a packet of cheese
and onion crisps and a caramel.

316
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:31,120
It doesn't require any level of
intelligence, does it, really?

317
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,360
Are you having a dig? No, no, no!

318
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,200
What are you trying to say?

319
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,880
You cheeky cow.

320
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,320
In the programme,
a shiny Stephen Mulhern

321
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,720
welcomed Myles to the hot seat.

322
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:46,040
How are we doing? I'm good, thanks,
buddy. How are you? Good to see you.

323
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,040
This is my 21st episode now.

324
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,120
It's his 21st episode! Oh!

325
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,440
He's due a go, then, is Myles.

326
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,640
Bit like being a bridesmaid 21 times
and finally he's the bride.

327
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,200
Good luck, Myles.
Come on, everybody,

328
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,440
give him lots of encouragement.

329
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,800
Box 17 he's got, then.
Oh, that's not a bad number.

330
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,840
17. What's the difference
between 1 to 21?

331
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,520
Oh... Why is that not a bad number?

332
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,280
Have you got a bad number?
Yeah, I have.

333
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,720
Gemma, straight over to you
with Box 15, please, my love.

334
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,720
Here we go. You want it
on the blue side, not the red.

335
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,080
Start in style, and make it
a lovely blue.

336
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,440
No pressure.

337
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,720
Oh, I've got a horrible feeling
already. Oh, Simon.

338
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,280
Come on, a blue.

339
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,880
Oh! No!

340
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,400
Oh, God.
Oh, you'd be ill, wouldn't you?

341
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,680
The first box, 75 big ones.

342
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,080
Gutted. Come on, Myles.
You can do this.

343
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,640
Time for a blue, isn't it?
It is time for a blue.

344
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,280
We need a blue. Come on.

345
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,800
And Claire, number two, you're going
to be the person to deliver it.

346
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,400
I really hope so. I didn't get to be
your neighbour for long

347
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,920
but I loved being your neighbour.

348
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,560
THEY LAUGH

349
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,960
They do make me laugh with
all this emotional bullshit. Yeah.

350
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,400
You're opening boxes!

351
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:51,920
Fuck me.

352
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,640
Oh, no. Oh, no.

353
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,480
He's having a run
of bad luck, Mary.

354
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:56,920
Paula, 16, come on.

355
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,840
Let's go. Get it open.
Right, OK, Smiley Myley,

356
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,440
I do think this is a blue.

357
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,000
For the odds, it's got to be a blue,
surely. Yeah, please be a blue.

358
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,840
And with me psychic vibes...

359
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,200
Oh, she's definitely got a red.

360
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,440
There's always someone, in't there?
Who's got a psychic vibe, yeah.

361
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,560
I think it's a penny. A penny!

362
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,720
Her psychic vibes are telling her
it's going to be a penny.

363
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,120
No. I've got a bad feeling
about this, Paula.

364
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,360
ALL GASP

365
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:23,200
Oh! Oh, you bleeding...!
Bloody hell.

366
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,280
100 grand! Bloody hell.

367
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:32,000
She were only £999,999.99 out.

368
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,120
Easy mistake to make, Pedro.

369
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,720
Paula, you were wrong, pet.

370
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,760
A bit later, with nine boxes left,

371
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,840
Myles was hoping his luck
would change.

372
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:45,120
Don't even think about it. Don't
even think about it. You know what?

373
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,600
John. Right, penny. Penny!

374
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:52,320
All we do not want to see at this
moment in time is that £50,000.

375
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,800
Surely to God.

376
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,440
I bet it's 50,000.

377
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:59,600
So, there's only two reds to go,
so surely by the law of averages

378
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,800
this has got to be a blue.
7-2, innit? 7-2 blue.

379
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,320
Keep him in the game, John.
Come on, John. It's 50 grand.

380
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:07,360
Hope it's a good one for you.

381
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:08,960
Come on, come on.

382
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,000
There's only two reds left.

383
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:14,480
THEY SHOUT

384
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,080
Oh! No!

385
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,080
Oh, this is terrible.

386
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,000
Somebody needs to start a Go Fund Me
for Myles.

387
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,000
Deal or no deal? Right at the end,
with two boxes left,

388
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,240
Myles was still smiling.

389
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,880
This is it, Myles. Crunch time.

390
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,280
Literally.

391
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,880
Oh... It's going to be a quid.

392
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,240
It's going to be a quid.

393
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,800
Oh, please. Come on, Myles! A quid!

394
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,400
Don't be cruel.

395
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,080
Oh!
SIMON CHUCKLES

396
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,440
Please let it be £50!

397
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,560
Oh, come on. Come on, Myles.

398
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:44,920
Please be kind.

399
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,680
BOTH: Oh, no!

400
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,600
Yeah!
HE LAUGHS

401
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,560
Oh!

402
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,840
That isn't even going
to cover his bus fare. No!

403
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,320
APPLAUSE
It is what it is.

404
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,520
He wants to watch himself
crossing the road tonight.

405
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,680
Yeah. I tell you now, eh?

406
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,800
Cos there's no luck on his side,
is there? No, exactly.

407
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,000
Do you know what he wants to be
doing with that pound that he's won?

408
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,440
Going and putting the lottery on.
Invest it.

409
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,000
In crypto.

410
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,720
So then you'll have minus £10.

411
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,360
In Manchester...

412
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,640
You know how we met up on Saturday,
me and my knit group?

413
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,400
Oh, yeah, the knit group. Yeah.

414
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,520
We only got chucked out of the cafe.

415
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:30,760
What did you do?

416
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,640
Nothing. We were just sat knitting,
having a...having a coffee.

417
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,520
..Alison, her husband, George,
and her daughter, Helena.

418
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,320
Were you like, "20 of your finest
tap waters, please."

419
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,880
It wasn't even tap water.

420
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,120
I had a latte

421
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,440
and Jane had a...something.

422
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:51,160
How long did you have
that latte for? About five hours?

423
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,160
Might be.
Can't do that.

424
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,480
I couldn't eat anything cos I'd
forgotten my chewing teeth, right?

425
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,760
Mm.

426
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,640
HELENA LAUGHS
Jane had...

427
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:04,000
Jane had done a community breakfast,
so she was full.

428
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,840
So that was like...

429
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,760
That was three drinks and one wrap.

430
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,880
And you know what I think swung it?

431
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,920
I think he's got something
against knitters.

432
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,440
In October, a couple of likely
lads were off on a voyage

433
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,520
of self-discovery on U&Dave.

434
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,040
Will Mellor and Ralf Little, yeah.

435
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,840
I've been looking forward to this.

436
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,600
I like them, you know? I can't get
enough Will Mellor in my life.

437
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,560
I think they've been
friends for 20 years,

438
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:35,000
since they met on Two Pints Of Lager
And A Packet Of Crisps... Yes.

439
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,400
..which we've never watched
even one episode of.

440
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,280
But I'm sure it was good
at the time.

441
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:43,200
It must be good, it's on
every night on, you know, old telly.

442
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,480
It's there.

443
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,640
HE SCREAMS

444
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,000
This is Will.

445
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,880
I have no idea who that is.

446
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,960
And this is Ralf.

447
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,080
I think Ralf Little has got better
with age as well.

448
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,240
Mm. It happens to some fellas. Yeah.

449
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,000
WILL: We might look like
middle-aged blokes...

450
00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,400
And we are.

451
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,280
RALF: ..but really,
we're just a pair of massive...

452
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,800
Bellends.

453
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,360
THEY LAUGH

454
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,640
..kids. Oh, kids.

455
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,040
It's there.

456
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,600
Will or Ralf?

457
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:16,120
I think I'd marry Ralf and then have
a roll in the hay with Will. Mm.

458
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,240
You'd have a shag in the boathouse
with Will. Yes.

459
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,120
We are going to military hostile
environment training.

460
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,400
That doesn't sound good at all.

461
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,560
Oh, I'd love to do that.

462
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,440
Would you? Really?
Yeah! Yeah, go to...

463
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,120
Well, OK, I don't know what they're
going to do exactly, but in my head,

464
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,920
they're going to go around
and shoot loads of stuff.

465
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,080
I've done walking marathons before.

466
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:39,080
Walking? Yeah. You think that's
the same as military training?

467
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,920
No, but I'm getting there.

468
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,400
And it was for charity.

469
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,680
Hostile environment training is
a serious military training exercise

470
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,640
that teaches you coping strategies
for stressful situations

471
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,120
such as combat zones or kidnappings.

472
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,600
I need this to deal with you.
You're a hostile environment.

473
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,160
How much are you thinking you'd
love it now?

474
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,200
I've gone off the idea.
Yeah, yeah, I thought you might.

475
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,240
Listen, whatever happens,
I've got you.

476
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,720
We're getting paid.

477
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,400
SOPHIE LAUGHS

478
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:06,880
What is that? What's what?

479
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,360
Oh, shit, is it happening already?

480
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,600
What? What? What?

481
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,240
That's a roadblock.
With people with guns.

482
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,320
No, it's not. Yes, it is. Oh, shit.

483
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:19,040
Oh-oh. Oh-oh, it's started, Steve.
Yeah. It's started. A roadblock.

484
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,240
I need to see some IDs
from yourselves, OK?

485
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,840
Yeah, can I get a vehicle
index check?

486
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,200
I feel like this lot are retired

487
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,800
and they're just doing
a bit of cosplay. Yeah.

488
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,560
You know, he probably does
Father Christmas.

489
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,520
At the garden centre.

490
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,160
If you'd like to keep your hands
where we can see them, please. Yeah.

491
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:38,600
BOTH: Oh!

492
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,200
Nah, nah, nah. Amani,
you would actually punch him.

493
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,840
Nah. That would piss me off.

494
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,480
Watch my foundation!

495
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,520
I know, I'd be like, "Bloody hell,
these eyelashes are fresh."

496
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,040
You're quiet in the passenger
seat, what's going on?

497
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,120
Well, this...
Stop. Take him out and search him.

498
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,320
Trousers off.

499
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,680
You know what this is like?
This is like the start of a porno.

500
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,960
Terrorist attack, we've got
two guys we don't recognise,

501
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,040
you're obviously not from here.

502
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,160
Two guys we don't recognise,

503
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,320
that will have kicked them
straight in the... Yeah!

504
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:03,680
..in the python.

505
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,680
THEY SHOUT

506
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:06,760
What's he got in his hand?

507
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:07,840
What is it? Detonator!

508
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,200
Oh, he's got a detonator.

509
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,120
Oh, for fuck's sake.

510
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,760
Get your fucking hands in the air!

511
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:13,840
Oh!

512
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,680
Oh! Oh, shit.
I was not expecting that.

513
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:16,960
Get your head down, on your knees!

514
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,480
Oh, I wouldn't like this.

515
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,440
SHOUTING
He did it.

516
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:21,520
Kill him!

517
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,720
Kill him! Kill him?

518
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,400
What? That's a bit mad, innit?

519
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,640
Keep your head still!

520
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,200
They're getting bags on their head!

521
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,160
Where's Will defending Ralf?

522
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,320
THEY LAUGH

523
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:35,040
I'm going nowhere. "I'll look
after you, Ralf, don't worry."

524
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,360
Oh, he's just shot him.

525
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:38,680
Did they just shoot him?

526
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,720
No! Pretend shoot him? Yes.

527
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,120
Stay still! Stay down.

528
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,880
I didn't realise
you'd fucking actually do it.

529
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,400
Oh!

530
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,680
Oh, my God!

531
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,600
They've killed him!
Don't be so stupid!

532
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,480
He didn't realise. "I didn't realise
you'd actually do it!"

533
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,520
Get that body in the boot.
Fucking move!

534
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,000
They've just shot Ralf.

535
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,600
Get it in! Stay still.

536
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,320
Get in. Get him in!
Put your head in. Put your...

537
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,280
Oh, he's in. Poor Ralf!
THEY LAUGH

538
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,040
Oh, Ralf is playing it well.

539
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,760
Considering he's dead, the fact that
he's managed to fold himself

540
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,680
into that boot's fantastic.

541
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,880
Back in! Head forward, head forward!

542
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,320
Go, go, go! Stay there! Move!
Go! Go, go, go!

543
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,560
Oh, they're pissing off.

544
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,800
What's going on?
Yeah, what's going on here?

545
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,160
Does he know they've ran away?

546
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:21,920
Now what?

547
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,080
RALF: About 27 minutes went past.

548
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,120
Oh, you are joking. Geez!

549
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,680
How long would you wait, though?
Oh, you'd leave me forever.

550
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,760
You'd have caught
the next bus home, you!

551
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,160
He's creeping!

552
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,440
Mate, it's me. You all right?

553
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,120
Did he really stay in there
with that over his head?

554
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,720
I don't believe that.
I'd have took that off

555
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,000
the minute they closed the lid!

556
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:49,480
GUNFIRE
Fucking hell!

557
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,400
Oi-yoi-yoi!

558
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,000
Fuck off!

559
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,240
THEY LAUGH

560
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,160
Will went to go put
the bag back on his head!

561
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,760
I've actually been in a boot before.
Have you?

562
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,960
Yeah, I'm hardcore like that, yeah.

563
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,720
Yeah, I took one for the team
because there wasn't enough space

564
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,720
in the car and as the tallest one,
I said to them,

565
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,080
"Guys, don't worry,
I'll get in the boot."

566
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,440
And I was in there
for like 30 minutes,

567
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,280
we're going over speed bumps
and everything.

568
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,560
Banging my head the whole time.
Yeah.

569
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,560
Back and forth. Yeah.

570
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,320
So I took one for the team,
so you can rely on me.

571
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,040
Yeah. In a hostile environment,
I'm the one you go to. Yeah.

572
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,880
You can be in the boot!
I'll be in the boot, mate.

573
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,800
Balaclava and all.

574
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,000
In Blackpool...

575
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,000
Hey, Soph? What? Took the old
three-wheel van out

576
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,120
for a little spin the other day.
Happy day.

577
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,640
Just so I could listen
to my new cassettes. Yeah.

578
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,920
..Pete and his
little sister, Sophie.

579
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:57,400
In fact, that reminds me, I was in
the shop around the corner. Yeah.

580
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,520
And a woman comes up to me
and she said,

581
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,640
"Oh, has your Pete got a
three-wheel van?"

582
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,880
I said, "Yeah, yeah, he has."

583
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,880
And she went, "He's a knob,
ain't he?"

584
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:10,320
Cheeky cow!

585
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,640
I hope you stuck up for me.

586
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,080
I just said yeah.

587
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:19,000
In September there were more
mid-morning matters

588
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,560
keeping us entertained on ITV1.

589
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,440
Here you are, Friday morning.
Croissant.

590
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,000
There you are, instead of
your cereal, have a croissant.

591
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,320
Oh, lovely.

592
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:32,600
You're going to be watching
This Morning every day

593
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,880
when your maternity starts.

594
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,080
You're going to start going crazy
again, like you did last time.

595
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,200
Is it Dermot and Alison on a Friday?
Yes, it is.

596
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:47,960
Now, it's one of Britain's oldest
and most bizarre traditions...

597
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,440
Right. What's this?

598
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,920
..dating back to 2067.

599
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:53,240
Sorry?!

600
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,920
2067? It's only 2024 now!

601
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,280
1267. 2067 hasn't happened yet.
What did I say?

602
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,320
You said 2067! Did I?

603
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:03,160
Yeah! You did, Alison.

604
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,480
Can somebody get Alison a coffee?

605
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,040
She's half asleep.

606
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,240
The Gurning World Championships
kicks off this weekend!

607
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:11,480
I love gurning.

608
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,880
Gurning's like that, isn't it?

609
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,160
You want to go in a few nightclubs
around here, fucking disgusting!

610
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,880
Got a competition on in them.

611
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,560
Joined by two of the best in
the biz - 18-time champion

612
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,600
Tommy Mattinson, and seven-time
champion Claire Lister.

613
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,360
They don't look like gurners,
do they? No.

614
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,600
Explain where the origins of this
is, cos it's a...

615
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,400
Crab apple fair. Right.

616
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,200
Ooh, the crab apple fair.

617
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,040
What's an apple got to do
with gurning?

618
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,640
The story goes that somebody bit the
crab apple, it's a very sour apple.

619
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:40,920
Oh, right.

620
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,040
So I suppose it made you, like...

621
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,360
Pull a face when you bit into one.
Mm.

622
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:49,080
You know like if you eat a piece of
lemon, you're like, "Ooh"? Yeah.

623
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,320
That's it, isn't it?

624
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:53,880
You're the eighth world champion.
No, I've won it 18 times. 18?!

625
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,000
Fucking hell. "You're not very good
with your figures today,

626
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,000
"are you, Alison? Wake up, my love.
18, I've won it."

627
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,440
You know what I'd win on? What?
Resting bitch face.

628
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,880
Oh, yeah, you've got plenty of that.

629
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,600
My father was a world champion,
he won it ten times.

630
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,560
So it runs in their family.
Of pulling funny faces?

631
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,360
We ain't got nothing that
follows on... I thought you had,

632
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,120
I thought you had shoplifting!

633
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,800
OK, will you show us some of your
favourite faces?

634
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:21,400
Oh, can't wait for this!

635
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,320
Will you show us the wolf?

636
00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:25,760
The wolf?! Oh, they have different
names for them.

637
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:27,600
OK, so, here we go.

638
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,600
GROWLING

639
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:30,840
Why is he making that noise?

640
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,280
What's he sniffing at?

641
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,680
GRUNTING

642
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,000
Oh, Ronnie!

643
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,240
Oh, my God!

644
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,280
LAUGHTER

645
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,920
That's so good.

646
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,360
What's happened to his face?

647
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,240
Look at his nose!
His nose is bent!

648
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,680
He's totally changed, hasn't he?

649
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,760
GRUNTING
That is so good!

650
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,640
And it's the sounds as well.

651
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,400
SHE GRUNTS

652
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,680
SHE LAUGHS

653
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,520
GRUNTING

654
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,720
Oh, yeah, you can get there, Anne.

655
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:07,800
You look so different.
Go on, Claire...

656
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,880
Let's go, Claire,
do it for the ladies.

657
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,720
LAUGHTER
Wow!Love it!Yes!

658
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,920
Oh!

659
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,760
SHE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

660
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,960
I think it's with
the eyes crossed...

661
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,320
Do it with your eyes half shut.

662
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:24,640
That's it.

663
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,840
That's a lovely face, Mary.

664
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,920
In South East London...

665
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,080
Who's... Who's that? Get that.

666
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:37,200
Oh... Bloody hell.

667
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,280
You know who it'll be - someone
trying to sell us something. Quick!

668
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,480
..Sue and her husband, Steve.

669
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,840
There you are. Oh, you...

670
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,640
Oh, it's gone now.

671
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,320
With the, uh... What's that number?

672
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,840
Oh, it's out of area.

673
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,600
It's me mother.

674
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,000
Oh. Just as well I didn't answer,
then, eh?

675
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:03,000
In May, a controversial subject
was making the headlines on ITV.

676
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,720
Are you having butter and cheese?

677
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,800
No, I'm about to have a
"snaccident"!

678
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,280
I've just ordered me lunch.

679
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,720
I shouldn't even be having
any of this.

680
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,120
I've gone for a double burger.

681
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,600
Double burger?!

682
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,720
I know! And it's only dinner time.

683
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,480
This is the ITV lunchtime news.

684
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,240
Oh, look, it's my favourite, Mary.

685
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:21,520
What? Lucrezia.

686
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,280
Lucrezia Millarini.

687
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:24,440
Good afternoon.

688
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,360
Ooh! She's gone lighter at the ends,
like me.

689
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,440
She's had a few balayage pieces
put in.

690
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,880
She's not as dark, is she?
Suits her.

691
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,200
Finally this lunchtime -

692
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,000
how our continental cousins are
calling in their chips.

693
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,520
Must be a slow news day.

694
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,320
A new poll suggests French fries

695
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:42,320
are now more popular here in Britain
than the chunky alternatives.

696
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,080
What?!

697
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,960
This is one of the reasons
why we left the EU.

698
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,400
So shit like this wouldn't happen.

699
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,000
But it's happened anyway. Yeah.

700
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,240
I must admit, I do like fries.

701
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,800
I like French fries.
No, I don't like chunky chips.

702
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:55,840
Yeah, I like both.

703
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,080
Their greasy nature and tendency
to go soggy

704
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,560
have been blamed
for their fall from favour.

705
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,480
Do you know what?
I don't even mind a soggy chip.

706
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,640
Yeah. I like soggy chips.
Love a soggy chip.

707
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,640
But at one fish bar we visited
today,

708
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,480
the old favourites remain king.

709
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,560
Well, I should bloody hope so.

710
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,640
Unapologetically carb heavy
and calorific.

711
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,880
And delicious.
They've missed that bit.

712
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,920
All that needs there now, for me,
is wrapping

713
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,960
in a bit of newspaper
with salt and vinegar.

714
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,080
Living the dream.

715
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:26,320
Chunky chips.
A favourite British classic.

716
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:27,920
Oh, they look good.

717
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,000
They look good.

718
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,840
You cannot beat a chunky chip.

719
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,640
If you're going to have a chip,
it's got to be worth having.

720
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,680
Yes. Decent size.

721
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,440
And I do like a little bit
of curry sauce to dip it in.

722
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,120
Apparently, these chunky chips
have been replaced

723
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:46,600
as the nation's favourite by their
much skinnier rival, the French fry.

724
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,400
Not by me, Sangeeta.

725
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,000
Does it not depend on
what you're eating

726
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,080
if you have a chunky chip
or a thin chip?

727
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,080
Oh, here we go. "Catering college."

728
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,160
If you're having fish and chips,
you've got to have those chips.

729
00:30:58,200 --> 00:30:59,640
But if you're having a burger,

730
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,240
you've got to have the French fries.

731
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,880
I mean, there's chips
for different things.

732
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,600
Is this chip etiquette
we're talking about here?

733
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:11,000
Well, it's just, you can't have
French fries with a piece of cod.

734
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,800
Why not? No!

735
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,560
But some people have got a chip
on their shoulder about it.

736
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,360
This is real journalism.
This is what we need.

737
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,520
People on the front line
eating chips.

738
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,720
No, definitely not,
old-fashioned chips

739
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,520
from a chip shop like that,
still the best.

740
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:28,120
BOTH: Yay!

741
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,240
Thank you.

742
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,480
Absolutely.

743
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,320
He's livid.
I don't blame him.

744
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:33,880
I think it's complete rubbish.

745
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,080
Because they're slightly larger,
you get more texture in the middle

746
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,320
rather than just being crispy.
And then nothing.

747
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,800
There is a place for the French fry,

748
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:44,920
but definitely not in the chip shop.
No. No.

749
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,440
That's taking liberties, that is.
That is.

750
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,840
The survey of 2,000 Brits
was conducted

751
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:53,000
by French restaurant chain
Cote Brasserie.

752
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,320
Course it's been conducted
by a French chain that only sells

753
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,040
fucking chippy fucking French chips.

754
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:00,320
I've never been to Cote Brasserie

755
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,560
and I wouldn't waste my bloody
time.

756
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:04,720
They say "62% of people in Britain

757
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:08,400
"prefer our French chip counterpart
to the chunky version."

758
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,680
No, don't believe that.
Who have they been speaking to?

759
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,640
I want names and addresses.
This is wrong.

760
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,280
Has the votes been verified
by an independent adjudicator?

761
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:19,680
Have they balls!

762
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,000
But in any case, Brits apparently
eat chips or fries

763
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,080
on average three times a week.

764
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,080
Huh? Do they really?

765
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,840
Not round my house.
It's seven times a week.

766
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,080
So the poll shows we are
still partial to the potato -

767
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,720
whatever way it's shaped.

768
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:37,880
Oh, look!

769
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:41,160
That's me. I'm partial to a potato -
whatever way it's shaped.

770
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,120
And I am potato shaped.

771
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:44,840
Do you know what I would say we do -

772
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,840
at the next general election,

773
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:51,040
give a second ballot paper
just to solve this! Yeah.

774
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,120
Because it's disgusting the way
we've been hung out to dry.

775
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:57,840
In Surrey...

776
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,000
I've noticed this thing
going around town, Jane,

777
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,560
cos I'm on my mobility scooter,

778
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,800
and when I'm trying to cross
the road,

779
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:06,520
sometimes people stop in the middle.
I mean, they shouldn't stop.

780
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:07,640
It's not like a proper crossing.

781
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,880
And they'll stop and they'll just
let me go because I'm on a scooter.

782
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,040
..Simon and his sister, Jane.

783
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,520
It's the motorcycle people,
I've noticed.

784
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:20,080
And because a car will flash you
or do that.

785
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,240
But they can't.
They've got to hold on.

786
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:25,800
So these motorbike people,
every time I do it, they go...

787
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,480
"Oh, you're getting me across!"

788
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:30,640
Three times this week, they've...

789
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,040
With their full helmet on?

790
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,520
Yeah, the whole helmet goes...

791
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,160
But they've got a way of doing it.
It's like a little flick,

792
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,480
like you're flicking your hair
and it really makes me laugh.

793
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:42,800
I have to be careful.
I'm like, thank you.

794
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,520
It's weird, innit?

795
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,720
All right.

796
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,680
Earlier in the year, pulses were
racing again on Netflix.

797
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,560
I do like a bit of Bridgie.

798
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:57,520
So, last episode, Penelope
and Colin shared a kiss.

799
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,800
Are they putting this shite on
again, this Bridgerton? Jesus!

800
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:04,840
You love it!

801
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,280
Oh, it's Penelope.

802
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,480
She's just getting over that big
smackarooney.

803
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,160
Colin.
Thank you for meeting me.

804
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,080
I apologise for the late hour,
but I had to see you immediately.

805
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,160
Oh, why?

806
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:19,240
What is it?

807
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:20,920
I couldn't stop thinking
about that kiss.

808
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,000
I've not been able to sleep.

809
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,640
I know, my sleeping is terrible
as well at the minute.

810
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,600
I-I can barely speak these days.

811
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:27,880
SHE SQUEALS

812
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,760
He can't eat. He can't sleep.

813
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,280
Says it all, doesn't it?
He's smitten.

814
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,040
You occupy my every thought.

815
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,840
WHISPERS: Why are they talking like
that?

816
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,480
They're confessing to each other!
No way. There's no way!

817
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,120
Goo-ah! They're canoodling!

818
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,320
Up against the wall, Simon.

819
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,200
Colin.

820
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:51,520
Colin!

821
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:52,560
Oh, shit.

822
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,480
Jesus! That escalated!

823
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,160
Oh, he was fucking dreaming.

824
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,320
Oh, my God. His mind's racing
with the thought of their kiss.

825
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,720
Oh, blinkin' heck! Got us all
excited there for nothing.

826
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,000
A bit later, Penelope found herself

827
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:14,200
in the arms of another eligible
bachelor at a fancy party.

828
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:16,520
Is everything all right,
Miss Featherington?

829
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:17,680
Everything is wonderful.

830
00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:20,360
Oh, so Debling might propose to
Penelope tonight.

831
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:21,480
Yeah.

832
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:25,480
She wants Colin.
Why settle for second best?

833
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:27,600
Because she doesn't think
she's going to get Colin.

834
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,960
May I ask you a question, my lord?
Anything.

835
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,640
Why am I sat on the edge
of my fucking seat for this?

836
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:37,040
Do you imagine that, with time,

837
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:38,880
love may one day grow?

838
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,360
Oh, well, that's the question. Huh.

839
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,400
Oh, she wants love.

840
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:44,880
I do not know.

841
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,400
To be honest, my work has
such a large portion of my heart,

842
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,520
it may be difficult to make
more space.

843
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,000
That's a red flag.

844
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,040
"I don't know if I'll ever love
you."

845
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,880
COLIN: Do you mind if I interrupt?
It should only take a moment.

846
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,440
Oh, Colin. Yes. Break it up.

847
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,320
Can I have an "excuse me"?

848
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,200
It appears you two have something
to resolve.

849
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:06,560
Oh. Ohhhh, they definitely do,
I'll tell you.

850
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,480
Colin, you're going to ruin things
between me and Debling.

851
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,280
Well, perhaps, that is for the best.
What do you mean?

852
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,080
Oh. She's fuming! Our Pen's fuming.

853
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,040
You cannot marry him.
You hardly know him.

854
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,000
Why not? You don't want to marry
her, Colin, do you?

855
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,480
I said I would help you find
a husband,

856
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,040
but I cannot stand by
and watch you make a mistake.

857
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,680
Oh. Debling's going.
Oh, he's stomping off now.

858
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:27,680
The only mistake was me ever asking
for your help in the first place.

859
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:28,800
Oh. Oh.

860
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,360
Are you just going to let her go,
Colin?

861
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,440
Taxi!

862
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,480
COLIN: Wait!

863
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,280
Oh, hello.
Oh! Oh! Hang on.

864
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,600
Penelope...
Yes!

865
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,000
If he's faster than a horse,
then she needs to marry him.

866
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:49,360
I do not wish to speak with you.
Yes, you do!

867
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,840
Let me in. "I love you!

868
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:54,320
"I had a naughty dream about you
and I can't think of anything else."

869
00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:58,600
We will stop at Bridgerton House
first.

870
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:00,440
Right, Colin, now tell her.

871
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,680
What do you want?
"You, you daft sod!"

872
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:05,040
Did Lord Debling propose?
What's it got to do with you, Colin?

873
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,600
Why am I sat on the edge
of my seat again with this?

874
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,200
I don't know. Sh!

875
00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:11,280
He will leave you,
and he is too particular.

876
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,320
And he is... He is... Not me!

877
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,800
Yeah, that's what he wants to say.

878
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:17,720
"He's not me."

879
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,320
"You want me, Penelope!"

880
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,960
What if I did have feelings for you?

881
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,280
About time, Colin. Oh, crikey Moses.
I know, it took him...

882
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,080
It's taken a while.
I know.

883
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:31,240
It is everything I have wanted to
say to you for weeks.

884
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,160
Oh, he's admitted it.
He's admitted it!

885
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:34,640
Admitted it, man.

886
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,800
THEY PANT

887
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:42,240
Ah!

888
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,240
I love it!

889
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,800
This is very Mills and Boon,
isn't it? Very.

890
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,440
This is filth on wheels.

891
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,240
This is raunchy, innit?

892
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,640
See, that's the trouble with
Bridgerton.

893
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,880
It starts off as a little kiss
and now it goes to porn, Simon.

894
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:00,920
Porn!

895
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,040
He's kissing her tits!

896
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,080
Ha-ha!

897
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,760
Not bosom-handling!
Yes.

898
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,400
Ah! Argh!

899
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,520
He's going south!

900
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:20,600
"Yep. Ravish me."

901
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,040
Not on the first date!

902
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,800
Hey, hey! I don't think they did
that in them days, did they?

903
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,280
Well, I hope she's got her
going-out knickers on.

904
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:34,120
"Colin!"

905
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:35,160
Ohhhh!

906
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,200
SHE GASPS

907
00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,160
Oh, God. I was really into it.

908
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,280
And now I'm sitting there
watching it with you.

909
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,600
Oh! Somebody really knocking on
the window.

910
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:47,840
Oh, we're here, madame!

911
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,960
Colin. What? We're at your house.

912
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,760
Tell him to go round the block!

913
00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:55,240
Could the carriage driver
not keep on driving?

914
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,240
What's he saying? Could the carriage
man keep on driving?

915
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:58,720
Yeah! Go on!

916
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,240
"Because me hand's stuck."
Yeah.

917
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,800
Are you coming with me?
Oh, he's inviting her in!

918
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,080
Your family will see me.

919
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:06,920
For God's sake,
Penelope Featherington,

920
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,520
are you going to marry me or not?

921
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:11,680
Argh! Oh, my God, he proposed!

922
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,480
Well, that was jolly,
wasn't it, Mary?

923
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,400
She's been fingered and proposed to
in the same night.

924
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,280
What a night for Penelope.
What a night!

925
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,080
In Wiltshire...

926
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,320
You've still got your own hips,
haven't you, Mary?

927
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,120
Yes. And knees.

928
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,400
I'm afraid that jogging
isn't that good for you.

929
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,360
Because people that jogged a lot

930
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,640
have got fake hips and knees now.
Have they? Yes.

931
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,920
..Giles and his wife, Mary.

932
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,520
You said that you've got banana
bosom, Mary.

933
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,440
I didn't. I said a woman
risked banana bosom.

934
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,640
Banana bosom? Yes.
Through running.

935
00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,080
What is banana bosom?

936
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,560
You know perfectly well
what it is, Charles.

937
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:05,200
Tell me again.
It's when the poitrine...

938
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:07,400
The what?!
Could you speak in English?

939
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:10,160
When your chest does not
remain taut, you know...

940
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,480
OK. You know that.

941
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,080
And that's why, when I went
to that trainer years ago,

942
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:18,080
he said,
"Never run on a running machine.

943
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,360
"It's very bad for your bosom.

944
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:23,240
"Walk uphill fast instead."
Right.

945
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,520
In October, Chef Nadiya was back
on the BBC,

946
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,280
making something out of nothing.

947
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,960
The problem with watching this is

948
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:36,880
Nadiya's food looks a lot nicer
than yours.

949
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,760
She does present it well,
to be fair, doesn't she?

950
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:40,840
Dad would cook about once a month.

951
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,760
And it'd be like the most
diabolically, like, nice meal. Yeah.

952
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,760
But it's only, like, once a month.
But you are a better cook.

953
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,040
No, but compared...

954
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,640
Dad's like Ronaldo
and you're like Messi.

955
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,960
If I see leftovers in the fridge,
I'm like...

956
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,400
Like, not for me. Nah.

957
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,400
And if it's in the Tupperware
already... Nah.

958
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,160
New meal. New meal, thank you.

959
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,120
I was so bad, but it's the truth.

960
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,240
We always make Dad
eat the leftovers.

961
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:15,640
Yeah! Mum's always like,
"That's Dad's."

962
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,920
Next, an absolutely brilliant
gathering board

963
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:19,200
that's designed to share.

964
00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:21,760
A gathering board? What the bloody
hell is a gathering board?

965
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,720
We had to bring a board night
for my 29th birthday, didn't we?

966
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:26,520
Yeah. That were good, that,
weren't it?

967
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,840
Jess Wilson made that salami
Christmas tree.

968
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,760
Ooh, yeah.

969
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:32,560
This beautiful breakfast
is not only now

970
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,080
my favourite way to serve eggs...

971
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,200
Well, we love eggs.

972
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:38,240
Yeah, I like a poached egg.
I like a fried egg. Yeah.

973
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,280
Give me a scrambled egg any time.

974
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,200
..it's also a great way to start off

975
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:43,920
someone's special day.

976
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,320
# In the summertime... #

977
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:46,960
I shall die. Is that...?

978
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,760
My party-perfect poached eggs

979
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,640
and cook once, eat twice
creamy beetroot dip.

980
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,800
Oh, I don't know about that.
Oh, I love beetroot, Ronnie.

981
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,280
I'm not even on the fence
on this one. Eggs and beetroot.

982
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,640
That's a no.

983
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:00,920
# Life is for living... #

984
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,920
Poached eggs should be on toast.
That is it. Yeah.

985
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:05,400
See, now you could do something

986
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,600
but not have that beetroot
there, couldn't you?

987
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:09,960
And do... Egg.

988
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,600
My favourite way to eat
an egg is poached.

989
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,600
I love a warm, runny yolk.

990
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,120
Can you make poached eggs?

991
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,040
Because they're the hardest
eggs to make.

992
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,040
Well, I can, but sometimes I'll use
six eggs

993
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,360
to get to the one egg
that I'm going to eat.

994
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,440
I've tried loads.
I've tried swirling it around

995
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,200
what people say...
And then drop it in, yeah.

996
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:31,600
Put it in vinegar. Yeah.

997
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,040
Oh, I've had... Oh, I don't put
vinegar.

998
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,720
I've had them in clingfilm.

999
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,280
Put them in there,
burnt me fucking fingers.

1000
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,280
I just can't do poached eggs.

1001
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,440
First, get a pan of water on the hob

1002
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,320
and one bowl for every single egg.
Oh!

1003
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,520
How much washing-up
does she want to make?

1004
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,040
You can tell she's got a dishwasher.

1005
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,000
And then just drop them in.

1006
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:52,240
OK.

1007
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,240
We've been hitting it in
the tornado blasters.

1008
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:55,880
So she's just going to crack
it right in there?

1009
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,960
No, she's got that wrong.
Yeah.

1010
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,120
Should be swirly, swirly.
Should be swirly, swirly.

1011
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,040
Sorry, Mr Professional Chef
over here.

1012
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,440
Now for my third tip for
poached-egg perfection.

1013
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,320
A bowl of cold water,
plus some ice cubes.

1014
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,560
Oh, put them in iced water, innit?

1015
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:12,360
Oh, let's be fair.

1016
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,800
Who wants to be fannying about
like this?

1017
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,400
I bet it's Joseph Joseph, that,
about £300.

1018
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:18,920
Yeah, for an ice-cube tray.

1019
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,160
It won't be the one that's
come with the freezer.

1020
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,360
Oh, God, no!

1021
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:24,080
Now to build my breakfast board.

1022
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,640
Why a board? Why a board?

1023
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,080
I suppose she can't really afford
to use any more plates

1024
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:29,600
because they're all
in the washing-up...

1025
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,040
That's why it's on a board.

1026
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,480
She's probably got
that out of the garage.

1027
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:35,960
This kind of beats having beans
on toast, doesn't it?

1028
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:37,280
No. No, no.

1029
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,720
Don't slag off beans on toast.

1030
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,240
Students for centuries have got
by on beans on toast.

1031
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,200
Not beetroot smoothie. No.

1032
00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:46,800
Remember, we eat with our eyes.

1033
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,600
If somebody served you this,
you'd be like, "Wow!"

1034
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,360
It wouldn't be wow. No.

1035
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:53,040
What have you done?

1036
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,640
I want to add some texture.

1037
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,040
So I've got pickled red cabbage.

1038
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,320
Red cabbage. If she puts red
cabbage, no, I'm out.

1039
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,720
Red cabbage for breakfast?!

1040
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,440
And wait for it...

1041
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,360
What's she done?
Now what's she putting on?

1042
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:06,600
..a drizzle of honey.

1043
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:08,360
Honey and eggs? Honey and eggs?

1044
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,480
Oh, my days! Nadiya is
a rule-breaker in the kitchen.

1045
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,200
Like, you just don't know what
to expect with her.

1046
00:44:14,240 --> 00:44:17,720
We like honey, don't we?
Not on an egg, though.

1047
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:20,480
Yes. Not on a bloody egg. No.

1048
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:25,400
Best way to eat this is with warm,
crispy buttered toast.

1049
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:27,840
Thank you. Jeez, I did wonder.
Oh!

1050
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,040
Yeah. Warm, crispy, buttery toast.

1051
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:31,360
Now we're talking!

1052
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,680
Do you know what I'd rather
have for breakfast?

1053
00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:39,000
A ciggie and I don't even smoke.

1054
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,720
I think that this might be
all right in London.

1055
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:47,240
In a city where there's
lots of different nationalities.

1056
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:50,760
But you're not going to get some
old Tory doing this, Nutty,

1057
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,840
in the shires. Oh, you are.
You're not. Yes, you are, Tubs.

1058
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,600
A Tory's going to look at that
and they're going to scream.

1059
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,280
In Leeds...

1060
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,240
You want to know why I went to
Huddersfield Uni?

1061
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:03,720
Do you know this story, actually?

1062
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,800
No, we went to the same uni
and I absolutely do not know.

1063
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,400
..best friends Danielle
and Daniella.

1064
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,240
So I went to Huddersfield Uni

1065
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,680
because Patrick Stewart
was like the chairperson.

1066
00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:16,640
He was the Chancellor.
Chancellor. Me too.

1067
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:17,920
And I was a Star Trek fan.

1068
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:21,080
And I was like, I'm going to
meet him at my graduation.

1069
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,040
I didn't meet him at my graduation.

1070
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:25,480
I did! You met him?
I had him at my graduation.

1071
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:26,600
Oh! He wasn't at mine.

1072
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,640
And he's the reason why
I went to Huddersfield Uni.

1073
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,760
Not because I was a Trekkie,
just cos I love Patrick Stewart.

1074
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:32,640
Oh! But he was at mine.
I'm fuming!

1075
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,160
Oh, you poor... I know!

1076
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,000
And there was a Facebook group
that was called,

1077
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,000
"When I graduate, I'm going to lick
Patrick Stewart's head."

1078
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:40,840
So my tutor thought I set it up.

1079
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:44,480
On an autumn night...

1080
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,800
..more kids were meddling
with their parents' love life

1081
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:49,800
on ITV1.

1082
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:50,920
Oh!

1083
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:53,480
God, I can't imagine watching
Mum or Dad date.

1084
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,640
That would cringe me out
to the bone.

1085
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:57,000
That would be so cringe.

1086
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,800
Just the thought of them
being romantic in general...

1087
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,920
Eugh, no, thank you.
..it's just making me ill.

1088
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,240
# Baby, baby,
when I look at you... #

1089
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,960
I'm at the right age.
But I don't have kids.

1090
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,200
Could I borrow Max for the purposes
of the show?

1091
00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:13,920
He'd probably prefer you on it
than me on it.

1092
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,800
So, yes. Good point.
You probably could borrow Max.

1093
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,360
My Mum, Your Uncle.
Yeah.

1094
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,120
In the programme,
Davina had a surprise in store

1095
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:23,880
for the middle-aged singletons.

1096
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,320
DAVINA: I want to talk to you about
something

1097
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:28,280
that you haven't been aware of.

1098
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:29,560
Oh. What's that?

1099
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:35,080
And that is a secret room that you
lot have not had access to.

1100
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,120
Oh, it's not a love den, is it?

1101
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:38,960
It's a red room.

1102
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:40,720
I don't think it's a red room,
Jenny.

1103
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,040
It's called "the snug".

1104
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:45,240
Sexy snug.
Oh, the sexy snug.

1105
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:48,320
It's just a really nice private
space

1106
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,640
for two of you to get to know
each other better.

1107
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,080
Oh, how disgusting!

1108
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:54,640
Do you think it's got cameras
in there?

1109
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,520
Of course it's got cameras.
Oh!

1110
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,080
But... The kids don't know...

1111
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:02,360
What don't the kids know?
What don't the kids know?

1112
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:06,600
You have the power to cut
the feed to the kids' bunker.

1113
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:08,200
Oh, my God!

1114
00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:10,640
Yeah, that means they can get jiggy.

1115
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:15,280
So if they wanted to have
a bit of, uh, quiet time.

1116
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:16,960
You were just going
to say sex, Shirl,

1117
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:18,320
I don't know why you didn't say it.

1118
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:20,440
The children chose...

1119
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:23,400
..Danny.

1120
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,960
Fantastic!
BOTH: Ohhhh!

1121
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,000
Lovely!

1122
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,440
Jenny, would you like to come with
me to the snug?

1123
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,160
I'd love to. Oh, fantastic.

1124
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,520
No, I would not want to be
Jenny's son right now. Honestly.

1125
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,160
Oh, I'll be saying,
"My mum's not going in there.

1126
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,720
"My bloody lovely mother's not going
anywhere near the fucking snug!"

1127
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,920
"Get your hands off my mother
in that snug."

1128
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,400
"She is a saint!" "You pig!"

1129
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,280
Enjoy.
Have a great time, both of you.

1130
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:51,440
Oh, they're going now?!

1131
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,720
Oh, right.
Strike while the iron's hot!

1132
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:55,480
They're going snogging in the snug.

1133
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:57,000
Snogging in the snug. Eugh!

1134
00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:00,120
Could you imagine Mum snogging?
Eugh!

1135
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:02,200
# Crown you in my heart

1136
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:05,280
# Your love is king

1137
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:06,960
# Never need to part... #

1138
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:08,440
It is sexy in there, isn't it?

1139
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,520
That is a sexy, sexy room.

1140
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,000
That's a shag pad if I've ever
seen one.

1141
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:16,280
Oh, I bet it smells like an Avon
catalogue in there.

1142
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:19,480
What's this?

1143
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:20,840
"Switch me off?"

1144
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,520
There's the switch!

1145
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:24,760
"Switch me off." Look.

1146
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:27,840
Are there any questions
that you want to ask me

1147
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:30,120
away from everyone?

1148
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:31,280
Come on.

1149
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,560
This is when you can get the juicy
information out.

1150
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:34,600
Yeah. This is your chance.

1151
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:37,040
I want to know everything about you.
Aw!

1152
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,680
That's a good answer, isn't it?
Yeah.

1153
00:48:40,720 --> 00:48:42,480
What's the matter?
I don't know.

1154
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,880
I don't know if I'm finding him
cringey yet or if it's because...

1155
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:46,040
Of course they're cringey.

1156
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,960
So I went to an all-girls
Catholic school.

1157
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,960
Right.

1158
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:52,720
When Malachi was young,

1159
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,880
I started retraining
to become a solicitor.

1160
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:59,560
But the law conversion took
two years.

1161
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,640
Oh, no, Jenny.

1162
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:03,880
Jenny, you're killing the vibe.
Oh, Jesus.

1163
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,840
You're killing the vibe.
This is you!

1164
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,640
Yeah, 1,000%.

1165
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:09,840
And, um, worked for
a financial adviser.

1166
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,040
He's fidgeting! He's like...

1167
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:13,640
It's actually a CV.

1168
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,000
Became a PA.

1169
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,720
And then I worked in HR
for the Manchester Airport.

1170
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:18,920
Oh, no.

1171
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:20,040
He's wishing that switch

1172
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,280
would fucking stop her talking
now, isn't he?

1173
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:23,440
Oh. Bless her.

1174
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:25,480
She probably hasn't done this
in a long time, isn't it? Mm.

1175
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:27,760
What about you?
What...?

1176
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:29,920
Where do you want me to start?
What do you want me to do?

1177
00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:31,960
Do you want my career history,
much like yourself?

1178
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,720
No, no, I didn't either.
But thanks for letting me have it.

1179
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:37,800
Daddy's got...
She finds everything funny, man.

1180
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:39,200
You've got amazing lips.

1181
00:49:39,240 --> 00:49:40,560
Here we go!

1182
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,880
Yeah, he's putting the groundwork
in now. Yeah.

1183
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:47,800
I've been looking at your lips
ever since we had that bowls match.

1184
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,320
You've got the most incredible lips.

1185
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:53,000
Ohhhhh! Oh, my God!

1186
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:54,440
He likes her lips, mind, doesn't he?

1187
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:56,960
Kiss them, then.
Yeah, go on.

1188
00:49:57,000 --> 00:50:00,000
# Couldn't stand
to be kept away... #

1189
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,520
Here we go.
Flick it, flick it, flick it.

1190
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:05,080
Cut the feed, cut the feed.
Come on!

1191
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:09,720
Yay! Ohhh!

1192
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:11,480
We get it, though.

1193
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:12,680
No!

1194
00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:15,000
Malachi's face.
Look at Malachi's face.

1195
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,280
Oh, yes. You got a new daddy!

1196
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,360
Every morning, I've woken up
really excited

1197
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,400
to come downstairs
and see everybody.

1198
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,280
They're still talking.
No way, man!

1199
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,160
You flipped the switch.
What are you doing? Shut up. Kiss!

1200
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:33,400
Now, I've been waking up every
morning excited to find you.

1201
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,560
Oh... I can't!
Oh, that's so sweet.

1202
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,600
He's just switched the camera off
so that he can get all soppy.

1203
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:41,680
Yeah.

1204
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,320
What's that? What's that?
That's a cute... That's a cute face.

1205
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:51,560
Oh, she just went for it.

1206
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,160
Yeah. Go on. Thank Jesus Christ.

1207
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:57,440
That was a quick peck.
Yeah, it was a peck. That's enough.

1208
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,320
What else?
Oh, I don't know.

1209
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,160
Let's think of something
to talk about quickly.

1210
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,400
Argh!

1211
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:08,000
Ohhhhh! Let's think of something
to...bleurgh.

1212
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:13,480
Well, it's been a very, very
good evening.

1213
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,480
Thank you very much for inviting me
to the snug.

1214
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:18,040
Oh! Is that it?

1215
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,320
Cos the kids are going
to be imagining a lot worse

1216
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,760
than what actually happened as well.
They are. They are.

1217
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:25,800
Accidentally switch it back on.

1218
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:29,240
It gets knocked back on!
He's on all fours.

1219
00:51:32,240 --> 00:51:34,120
He's on all fours.

1220
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,360
It gets knocked back on
and he's like...

1221
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,120
"Have they left us any choice?"

1222
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:53,880
In North London...

1223
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:55,760
I feel like I've been away
for a whole week

1224
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:59,040
and so many, so much around
the house has changed.

1225
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:00,960
Dad's gone and messed up
the whole bathroom.

1226
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:02,200
Yeah, a lot has happened.

1227
00:52:02,240 --> 00:52:05,000
..sisters Amira and Amani.

1228
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:07,480
One thing about me is when I move
out of my house,

1229
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:09,520
everything's getting done
by a professional.

1230
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:11,280
I ain't calling Dad for nothing.

1231
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,400
No DIY. No DIY!

1232
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:14,880
When I said to him like,
"Oh, yeah, I'm in...

1233
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:17,040
"You know, I'm still looking
for houses and stuff."

1234
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,480
And then he was like, "Oh, yeah,
when you move out,

1235
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:21,480
"yeah, I'll come and fix up
the place for you,

1236
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,560
"whatever you need,
anything need installing.

1237
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:24,920
"I'll be there, don't worry."

1238
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:26,840
And I said, "Dad..."
"I'm all right."

1239
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:30,000
"I'm OK, thank you.
Put those tools to rest, please."

1240
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:33,640
"RIP to your repair skills."

1241
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:36,520
He used to be better before.
He's just too old now.

1242
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:38,200
Yeah, 100%.

1243
00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:41,400
In May, we partied along
to another edition

1244
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,560
of Europe's annual singing
competition.

1245
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:46,800
Are you ready for
the Eurovision Song Contest, Simon?

1246
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:50,120
Oh, Jane, every year, I wait for it
and hope it passes.

1247
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:53,080
It's the Eurovision final.
I need a drink.

1248
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:01,000
I thought you were dressed
as a European man.

1249
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:02,440
You look quite German. Why?

1250
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,280
German? Why?

1251
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,200
In the show, we were treated to

1252
00:53:06,240 --> 00:53:08,600
a special performance from
Finland.

1253
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:10,760
GRAHAM NORTON: You've seen quite a
lot of male nudity already tonight.

1254
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:12,800
Well, stand by for some more.

1255
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:14,760
BOTH: Windows 95 Man.

1256
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:16,840
My kind of man!

1257
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:17,920
# Welcome

1258
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:21,680
# My name is Vindows
Vindows 95 Man

1259
00:53:21,720 --> 00:53:24,160
Oh, my goodness.
Is that an egg, Mary?

1260
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:25,200
# And the rule is...

1261
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:28,880
# No rules!... #

1262
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:30,400
No rules.

1263
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:33,680
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

1264
00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:34,840
# No rules!... #

1265
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:37,080
What the hell?

1266
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,360
He's coming out of an egg, Jane!
Looks like it.

1267
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,360
# Silence! I say... #

1268
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:43,960
Has he got no trousers...?

1269
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:45,560
He's got no trousers on.

1270
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:47,240
Has he got any pants on?

1271
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:48,720
# Watch me... #

1272
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,040
I don't think he has!

1273
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,120
Where the f... is his troosers?

1274
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:56,080
# Is there something wrong
with the way I look?

1275
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:57,680
# Is there something wrong... #

1276
00:53:57,720 --> 00:54:00,800
Hey.
Hello. I like it.

1277
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:02,280
# Tell me why do I

1278
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:04,640
# Look so beautiful tonight?

1279
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:05,840
# No rules!... #

1280
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:07,160
Oh!

1281
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,320
No rules!
No rules. Brilliant! No rules.

1282
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:11,360
Welcome to Finland.

1283
00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:12,760
Did he say no balls?

1284
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:14,400
No balls! Ha-ha-ha!

1285
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:15,520
I thought he said no balls.

1286
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:16,920
No balls. Fuck me!

1287
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:18,640
No, you haven't neither.

1288
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:19,960
# No rules... # No rules!

1289
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:21,560
# It's how I live

1290
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:23,320
# How I find the wind beneath... #

1291
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:26,600
Look at his arse.
He's got his bare arse out.

1292
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:29,520
Oh, you stupid little man.
What's he doing, Mary?

1293
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,360
Trying to shock the audience.

1294
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:34,840
# Let's go! No rules! #

1295
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:38,960
The things they do with smoke
machines these days.

1296
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,320
I hope that's not dry ice.

1297
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:44,120
# The other night
With the thrill of the fight... #

1298
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:48,240
The cameraman's hiding him.

1299
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:50,160
That's a paid professional.
Exactly.

1300
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,360
Having to cover a man's cock
with his camera!

1301
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:53,840
They'd have to have a bigger camera

1302
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:56,280
if it were me there with nowt on.
GoPro.

1303
00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:59,800
You cheeky bastard!

1304
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:03,960
# It's all I live for now... #

1305
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:05,000
Oh, and somebody's hat.

1306
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,520
Is this a...? It's a family show.

1307
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:12,000
No, it's when you've got no talent,
you just try to shock instead.

1308
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:14,880
# If I'm not all right,

1309
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,760
# Tell me why do I look so
beautiful tonight?

1310
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:20,240
# No rules! #

1311
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,720
# No rules! #

1312
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:28,320
His pants have turned up!

1313
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:29,560
Oh, finally.

1314
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,760
Thank God, get the shorts on him,
please.

1315
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:35,800
# No rules!... #

1316
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:40,920
What the fuck? Piro pants.

1317
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:42,400
No wonder he's had to put his pants
on for this.

1318
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:44,800
He wouldn't want sparks on his meat
and two veg.

1319
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,680
# The wind beneath my wings... #

1320
00:55:48,720 --> 00:55:49,920
Whoa! He goes crazy.

1321
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:51,200
Let's go! Woo!

1322
00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:53,960
You've got to admit,
it's quite funny.

1323
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,840
This guy's my hero!

1324
00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:59,280
He is the sort of guy you want
to go out with, though, isn't he?

1325
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:03,600
#..the thrill of the fight... #

1326
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:05,920
Why are you vibing?
This is mint!

1327
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,000
# No rules! #

1328
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,080
No wonder we don't do very well
at it. We're too normal.

1329
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:20,800
I know! We are too normal.

1330
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:23,160
We are too normal.

1331
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,280
Windows 95 Man?!

1332
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:27,080
I always thought it was more about
the music,

1333
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:30,280
but now I'm starting to realise
it's a lot about your stage show.

1334
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:33,040
The whole... The whole "package".
Yeah.

1335
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,080
Oh, my days!

1336
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:40,800
In Solihull...

1337
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,120
The only downside of going up to
Cumbria

1338
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,960
on that west coast,
it's such a long drive.

1339
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:48,560
Kills us, doesn't it? 4.5 hours.

1340
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,480
Yeah. It is a long way.

1341
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:53,120
..Teresa and her wife, Anita.

1342
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,880
It's all right when you're younger,
you don't mind driving. No.

1343
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:57,360
You just get over it so quick.

1344
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:59,000
Whereas now, we're
getting a bit old.

1345
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:01,320
But it's nice stopping at Tebay.

1346
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:04,120
Oh, that services is
lovely, isn't it? Yes, very nice.

1347
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,640
The little picnic area
on the way up.

1348
00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:08,200
Mm.

1349
00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:10,040
It's just something to look
forward to, isn't it?

1350
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:13,880
It is. What, Tebay?
Yeah, I think so.

1351
00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:16,240
How sad are we that we look
forward to going to the bloody

1352
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:17,800
service station?

1353
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:20,560
It's a sign we're getting older!

1354
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:24,960
In spring, there was some bobbing
about on boats on Channel 4.

1355
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:27,600
I'm just scared of anything
near by water,

1356
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,480
living in water, or by water.

1357
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,880
I like the thought of it, I do.
Do you? Do you? Yeah.

1358
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:33,000
I bet you didn't know this

1359
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:34,800
but narrow boats actually have a
flat bottom -

1360
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:36,400
very much like myself.

1361
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,080
The Great British canal network.

1362
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:41,760
Hey, how are you?
All right?

1363
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:43,360
This is a bit of me, this.

1364
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:46,520
You used to love Rosie and Jim
when you were younger.

1365
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:48,080
I think that's where it stems from.

1366
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:50,800
Will these intrepid Brits
stay afloat...

1367
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:52,160
Welcome to boating.

1368
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:54,440
..or will they be cast adrift?

1369
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:55,760
I've got no paddles.

1370
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:57,040
I don't know about this.

1371
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:58,080
Yeah.

1372
00:58:02,040 --> 00:58:05,720
I would like to have a narrow boat
and also live in a house.

1373
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:09,120
What, and just frequent the narrow
boat every now and then? Yeah. Yeah.

1374
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:10,960
Yeah. Nah, you don't want to be
that person, Dad.

1375
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:13,720
Remember, like, Ken Barlow
when he was having an affair

1376
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:15,680
with that lady on a narrow boat?
Yeah.

1377
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:17,480
You've got a reputation to uphold.
You don't want to be that...

1378
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:19,560
What's wrong with that?
What? Your point is?

1379
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:20,680
I'm going to tell Mum.

1380
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:24,600
36-year-old bicycle repairman,
Sam Skinner, who's was currently

1381
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:26,680
moored in Hertfordshire,
north of London.

1382
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:29,080
He's giving me
living-on-a-boat vibe. Oh, yeah.

1383
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:30,120
He's got a crop top on.

1384
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:33,640
He repairs, restores and sells bikes
to fellow boaters

1385
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:35,120
who find him on the towpath.

1386
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,360
Oh, what a nice lifestyle that is.

1387
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:40,240
Oh, wow, OK.
Maybe it's less stressful.

1388
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:41,440
I just like swimming.

1389
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:44,240
It's good for, you know,
for your body.

1390
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:45,520
Not in a canal, you don't.

1391
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:46,840
I hope he's had his jabs.

1392
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:50,920
Sam isn't one to stand on ceremony
and commits to the full monty.

1393
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:52,040
Oh. Ah.

1394
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:54,160
He's just going to jump
in there stark bollock naked?

1395
00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:55,200
Yeah.

1396
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:58,840
Wait, he's got no pants on.

1397
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:00,040
Move the bike.

1398
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:03,760
I'm glad that nut in the middle of
the wheel's just that size.

1399
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,080
If the sun's out
and it's warm enough,

1400
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:08,600
then there's no reason to
wear clothes.

1401
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:11,240
He's a nudist, isn't he, at heart?
He's a nudist.

1402
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:14,080
He ain't shy, old Sam, is he?
He's not shy.

1403
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:18,120
If you swim naked,
then it's better in multiple ways.

1404
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:19,480
He's having a lovely time, in't he?

1405
00:59:19,520 --> 00:59:22,000
It's all fun and games
until the school trip's

1406
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:23,720
taking a walk down by the canal.

1407
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:26,840
It's not advised to swim
in the river, but thankfully,

1408
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:28,720
Sam has a hot shower planned.

1409
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:30,960
Otherwise known as a bucket
over the head.

1410
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,840
A bucket over the head,
that's it?

1411
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:37,360
Oh, here we go.

1412
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:38,640
That's the first bit.

1413
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:39,960
Oh, God.

1414
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,720
He's not going to wash his bellend
in front of t'crew, is he?

1415
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:48,240
He doesn't care.
He's just living his best life.

1416
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,400
He lives that free life.
I love that for you, Sam.

1417
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:52,400
There's a time and a place, Lee,
in't they?

1418
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:53,440
He's only having a shower.

1419
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,160
I wouldn't mind having a boat next
to his.

1420
00:59:56,200 --> 00:59:59,040
Sam's taking a break from
bike work to make one

1421
00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:00,360
of his favourite dinners.

1422
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:03,120
My classic meal on the boat
is just a stew.

1423
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:04,960
Oh, I like stew. Yeah, we like stew.

1424
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:06,640
I like pork stews, basically.

1425
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:09,760
So I put leek, pork, potatoes,
onions.

1426
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:11,880
Sounds all right. Sounds delish.

1427
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:14,760
I do it without chopping anything.
Oh, OK.

1428
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,560
He's not peeling or chopping
anything?

1429
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:18,240
So I literally just go...

1430
01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:20,760
Uh?

1431
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:23,520
No.

1432
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,200
I can't be bothered to chop
stuff up, so I just bite it.

1433
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:32,200
He's quite funny, isn't he?

1434
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:34,200
Do you lot on the camera
want some of this?

1435
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:36,360
Cos I can bite
enough for three of us.

1436
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:39,720
Some people think you need
a knife for an onion.

1437
01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:41,320
Oh, no, he's not doing onion
n'all.

1438
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,000
But you don't.
ONION CRUNCHES

1439
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,920
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

1440
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:46,160
Oh, not onions. Oh, no.

1441
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:47,320
Oh, no.

1442
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:50,080
Oh, no, I didn't think about
the big veg.

1443
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:53,040
No.

1444
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:54,400
What the fuck?

1445
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:56,280
He's just chomping on a leek.

1446
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:58,560
Now time to heat up the sausages,
too.

1447
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:00,920
What's he going to do with them?
I dread to think.

1448
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:02,400
Put the sausages in.

1449
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,000
It does look good.

1450
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:09,160
Surely he should have cut
up his sausages or bit

1451
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:11,360
up his sausages.
Oh, shut up, Shaun.

1452
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,680
Sam certainly has his own
cooking style.

1453
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:14,760
You can say that again.

1454
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:16,760
I bet he's got a really good
immune system.

1455
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:18,920
Now it's time for the tasting.

1456
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:21,880
Mm. Yeah, it's wicked.

1457
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:23,240
Oh, you couldn't live like that.

1458
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:25,920
I wouldn't lick the butter
and then put it on your toast.

1459
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:27,080
No...

1460
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:29,640
Oh, I bet he does,
cos he hasn't got any cutlery.

1461
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:31,800
Dip it in.
What do you want on your toast?

1462
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:32,840
Butter.

1463
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:36,400
Oh, my God.

1464
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:39,760
In Derby...

1465
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,200
Raz, you're looking a bit tired.
Are you all right?

1466
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:45,280
I've been training a bit more than
I normally do.

1467
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,280
I've got my black belt grading
coming up in a few days.

1468
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:50,360
Oh, wow. This is third dan.

1469
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:51,840
..the Siddiquis.

1470
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:54,800
Raza, you are the strongest
Siddiqui now, aren't you? Yeah.

1471
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:57,480
I don't really like talking
about that kind of stuff.

1472
01:01:57,520 --> 01:01:59,080
But you are the strongest
Siddiqui, aren't you?

1473
01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:04,560
I don't know if I'm the strongest,
but I could...do some damage.

1474
01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:07,440
Never be ashamed of being the most
"est" Siddiqui.

1475
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:10,720
Definitely not.
Like, I'm the funniest Siddiqui.

1476
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:12,840
You're the strongest, Siddiqui.

1477
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:14,400
Dad's the... Prettiest.

1478
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:16,680
..prettiest Siddiqui, yeah.

1479
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:21,360
In October, loaded Aussies were
splashing the cash on E4.

1480
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:24,040
I'm loving this.
I'm loving all the drama.

1481
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:27,760
It's just the Australian version
of Made In Chelsea.

1482
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:30,000
It's a bag of shite this, Julie.

1483
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:35,840
Do you know what, I tune in to
watch Made in Bondi

1484
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:38,560
purely because of Lawson
and his animated self.

1485
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:42,200
Like, why is your neck turning
90 degrees?

1486
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:43,720
It's like he's constantly acting.

1487
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:44,760
Yeah.

1488
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:48,360
OK, this is looking really good.

1489
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:49,520
Whoa! Who's that?

1490
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:51,680
Do you want to give me a few
serious vibes?

1491
01:02:51,720 --> 01:02:52,720
Oh, no.

1492
01:02:54,040 --> 01:02:55,680
Oh, it's Lawson.

1493
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:58,000
Do you know, he's a very odd boy,
that Lawson.

1494
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:00,160
He's got a good body,
but not a good...

1495
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:01,920
Brain or face.
That's the one.

1496
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:03,720
So how are things going with Bella?

1497
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:05,400
Things are good, Emsie.

1498
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:06,560
Why does he speak like that?

1499
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:09,200
"I'm good, Emsie!" Yeah!

1500
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:11,600
Believe me.

1501
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:14,400
Built up this very special date for
Bella and I,

1502
01:03:14,440 --> 01:03:18,200
and...I'm out of ideas.

1503
01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:20,600
He is rich, so he should be able
to come up with something good.

1504
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,880
The textbook one is cinema -

1505
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:24,880
hole in the bottom of the popcorn.

1506
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:31,880
I think that I wanted to speak
to you.

1507
01:03:32,960 --> 01:03:34,480
Oh, no.

1508
01:03:34,520 --> 01:03:35,880
BOTH: "Oh, no."

1509
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:38,920
"Where is this going?"

1510
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:43,920
I've always kind of had this weird
thing that it feels like I'm not

1511
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:45,600
good enough for you.

1512
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,640
No.

1513
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:52,240
Did you see how long the eyes
closed for?

1514
01:03:52,280 --> 01:03:53,280
This is him.

1515
01:03:55,960 --> 01:03:56,960
It...

1516
01:03:58,080 --> 01:03:59,760
..kills me

1517
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:01,520
to hear you.

1518
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:02,920
Speak faster, man!

1519
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:05,080
We got stuff to do.

1520
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:07,760
You're everything and more.

1521
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:11,680
And you mean more to me
than anyone on this planet.

1522
01:04:11,720 --> 01:04:14,280
He's just saying what he thinks he
needs to say in the moment.

1523
01:04:14,320 --> 01:04:16,080
Do you reckon? That is exactly it.
That's it.

1524
01:04:16,120 --> 01:04:18,000
He's saying what she wants to hear.
Yeah.

1525
01:04:18,040 --> 01:04:20,440
The problem we've got here is
it's bullshit.

1526
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:21,480
Yeah, yeah.

1527
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,520
And there's going to be a big
but on the end of this.

1528
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:26,680
"You mean more to me than anyone
in the world...

1529
01:04:26,720 --> 01:04:27,960
BOTH: "But..."

1530
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:29,160
But,

1531
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:30,360
I can't lie,

1532
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:32,600
to come, from my side,
out of the blue...

1533
01:04:32,640 --> 01:04:34,560
Bella's been saying how she feels
from the get-go

1534
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:36,000
that she wants something serious.

1535
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:37,720
How could it be blindsided?

1536
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:39,960
..which is why I need time to think.

1537
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:42,200
What?!
You need time to think?!

1538
01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:44,040
What's there to think about?

1539
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:46,200
You either love her or you don't.

1540
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:48,000
# I don't want to lose you... #

1541
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:49,560
WHISPERING: Give me some time.

1542
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:53,080
Oh. Wow.

1543
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:54,480
"I can give you some time."

1544
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:57,960
I think I've seen it all now.

1545
01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:01,400
Hi, lovely ladies.
Hello.

1546
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:05,400
After having some time to think,
Lawson and Bella were reunited

1547
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:06,960
at a fancy ball.

1548
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:11,560
HE EXHALES SHARPLY
My mind has been a battleground.

1549
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:15,880
That's a great line. I'm going to
start using that at work. Yeah.

1550
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:17,720
Oh, God.

1551
01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:20,240
So dramatic, isn't he?

1552
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:22,160
Yes.

1553
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:25,000
So I've thought deep and hard.

1554
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:26,240
Fucking hell. Wow.

1555
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:27,720
He's drawing this out, innit?

1556
01:05:27,760 --> 01:05:30,800
Bloody hell.
Is he milking this or what?

1557
01:05:30,840 --> 01:05:32,440
I wouldn't have patience for him.

1558
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:38,520
And I can't see myself being a
boyfriend in this present moment.

1559
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:40,520
Eh?! What?!

1560
01:05:40,560 --> 01:05:43,320
Oh, mixed signals central. Piss off.

1561
01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:47,520
Like, I have no more time
for this now. None.

1562
01:05:47,560 --> 01:05:49,320
Yes, Bella. BOTH: You tell him.

1563
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:52,600
Exactly. Kick him in t'bollocks
and walk off.

1564
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:57,080
I completely understand that
it's at the end of the line.

1565
01:05:57,120 --> 01:05:58,920
MIMICS INTONATION: "That it's
the end of the line."

1566
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:02,000
Who ever talks like that? It's so
dramatic. Nobody talks like that.

1567
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:08,000
Why does he look so sad?
It's his decision.

1568
01:06:08,040 --> 01:06:10,400
It's the fake quivering
of the lip for me.

1569
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:12,840
Now he's regretting it.
Could you see that?

1570
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:15,080
He just realised what happened.

1571
01:06:19,120 --> 01:06:21,200
She's looking over her shoulder
to see if he's gone after her.

1572
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:23,280
Yeah. Oh, no, he hasn't.
Oh, no. Oh...

1573
01:06:23,320 --> 01:06:24,960
No, he's definitely being serious.

1574
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,000
..he's just getting an egg mayo
sandwich off the buffet.

1575
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:30,040
And he's talking to some other girl.

1576
01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:40,000
In Bristol...

1577
01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:42,200
Do you know what, I was looking
through social media

1578
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:45,640
and my old photos, and some
of the stuff that I used to wear,

1579
01:06:45,680 --> 01:06:46,760
wow.

1580
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:48,960
I used to wear V-necks all the time.

1581
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:51,720
I never got those. The low ones?
Yeah. Simon Cowell mans.

1582
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:55,520
And I used to put, like, Vaseline
in the crease as well to like,

1583
01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:57,800
do you know what I mean? To make it
shine? Yeah, make it shine.

1584
01:06:57,840 --> 01:06:59,480
Nah, you went too far.

1585
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:02,480
..brothers Tremaine, Twaine
and Tristan.

1586
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:03,840
So you used to contour
your chest hair?

1587
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:06,280
Yeah, contour.
You know what I mean?

1588
01:07:06,320 --> 01:07:07,320
That's what I mean.

1589
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,080
To make it, like, pop out a bit.

1590
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:10,760
You know what I'm saying?

1591
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:12,080
You shouldn't have told me that.

1592
01:07:12,120 --> 01:07:14,160
That's some footballers ting,
man.

1593
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:22,800
In November, we took a step back
in time for a romp around the '80s

1594
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:23,960
on Disney+.

1595
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:26,040
Rivals, a bit of smut, Pedders.

1596
01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:28,480
It's my weekly dose of smut, this,
I like it.

1597
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:32,480
Have you been watching this?
No, no, it don't bother me, sex.

1598
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:35,080
It's all about sex, innit?
Is it about sex?

1599
01:07:35,120 --> 01:07:37,640
Yeah, near enough.
No, I'm not interested.

1600
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:40,800
MUSIC: Y Viva Espana
by Sylvia Vrethammar

1601
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:42,200
Oh, hang on. Where are we?

1602
01:07:42,240 --> 01:07:44,760
Oh, Blackpool, man. Wicked, innit?

1603
01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:48,440
# Y viva Espana... #

1604
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:52,000
Spain. Just got back last night.

1605
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:55,000
# Espana, por favor. #

1606
01:07:56,680 --> 01:07:57,960
Oh, this is Cameron.

1607
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:01,280
She's a hotshot producer that works
for Tony, but she's also

1608
01:08:01,320 --> 01:08:03,000
Tony's bit on the side.

1609
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:04,040
KNOCK AT DOOR

1610
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:08,440
She's expecting someone.

1611
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:09,880
Senorita Cook?

1612
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:11,120
Oh, flowers.

1613
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:12,960
Not what she was expecting.
Ooh, roses.

1614
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:14,440
Hello?
OVER PHONE: It's me.

1615
01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:17,440
Lord Baddingham sends his apologies,
but he won't be joining you.

1616
01:08:17,480 --> 01:08:18,480
What?

1617
01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:20,040
I'm so sorry, Cameron.

1618
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:21,640
Good luck tomorrow.

1619
01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:22,680
Goodbye.

1620
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:25,400
He doesn't look bothered, does he?

1621
01:08:25,440 --> 01:08:27,840
He can't even do his own dirty
work and ring her and let

1622
01:08:27,880 --> 01:08:29,080
her know himself.

1623
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:31,680
Uh!

1624
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:32,720
Oh. Fwoo!

1625
01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:35,840
She won't be bought with a bunch
of flowers, will she? I'd have been.

1626
01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:37,920
Careful. You'll scare the pigeons.

1627
01:08:39,240 --> 01:08:40,240
HE CHUCKLES

1628
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:42,280
Look who it is, right on cue.

1629
01:08:42,320 --> 01:08:43,960
It's Rupert.

1630
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:47,160
No, Tony? Surprised the oily baron
missed the opportunity

1631
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:48,880
for a few days of fun in the sun.

1632
01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:50,000
So he knows that...

1633
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,840
Yeah, she's knocking him off.
Knocking off Lord Baddingham.

1634
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:54,800
Why is he always one step ahead?

1635
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:56,360
You should join me for dinner.

1636
01:08:56,400 --> 01:08:57,600
Excuse me?

1637
01:08:57,640 --> 01:08:58,640
Ooh.

1638
01:08:58,680 --> 01:09:00,080
Hmm, you can see
what's going to happen here.

1639
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,320
So he's trying to move to her,
then, innit?

1640
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:04,200
Isn't he always?

1641
01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:05,640
He's trying to move to every woman.

1642
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:09,120
Imagine how furious Tony would be
if he knew you were actually

1643
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:10,480
having a good time.

1644
01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:15,840
He's read her like a book.

1645
01:09:15,880 --> 01:09:19,320
She's going to be straight there.
That'll piss Tony right off.

1646
01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:24,720
Do you know what it reminds me of,
Lee? Just a load of swingers.

1647
01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:25,920
It does, honest.

1648
01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:27,960
They're all bed-hopping
with everybody else.

1649
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:30,120
I think that's what people
used to do in the '80s.

1650
01:09:30,160 --> 01:09:31,920
Really? Where was I?

1651
01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:38,200
What's Tony's appeal.

1652
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:39,600
He was in Doctor Who.

1653
01:09:41,200 --> 01:09:44,520
I can see why he finds
you irresistible.

1654
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:46,840
Oh, he's a smooth talker, in't he?

1655
01:09:46,880 --> 01:09:50,720
I know what you're doing,
and you're wasting your time.

1656
01:09:50,760 --> 01:09:52,520
BOTH: I don't think he is.

1657
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,240
Rupert has got a plan.

1658
01:09:54,280 --> 01:09:58,120
And it's just, it's not only just to
get Cameron in bed.

1659
01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:04,760
We know what's
going to happen, Pedro.

1660
01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:06,960
Do we, though?
I think she's going to say no.

1661
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:08,640
I suppose this is goodnight.

1662
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:10,000
Yes, it is, you big perv.

1663
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:13,000
"Have you got any of them Tassimo
pods left in your room?"

1664
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:15,280
"I've run out of little milks
in my room.

1665
01:10:15,320 --> 01:10:16,920
"Can I come in for a brew?"

1666
01:10:19,120 --> 01:10:20,360
It's happening!

1667
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:24,320
Well, they're going
to have some fun.

1668
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:26,160
I think we're going to have some fun
watching.

1669
01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:27,920
I'd rather not with you.

1670
01:10:29,640 --> 01:10:32,000
Look at them perky boobies.
I was just going to say.

1671
01:10:32,040 --> 01:10:35,520
Do you think they had body doubles
and clingfilm and all of that?

1672
01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:36,560
No, no.

1673
01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:42,320
Ooh, look at that bum.

1674
01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:43,960
Oh, you would have a good squeeze,
wouldn't you?

1675
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:45,840
I'm sick of seeing his arse.

1676
01:10:45,880 --> 01:10:46,880
I'm not.

1677
01:10:51,160 --> 01:10:52,680
That's not realistic.

1678
01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:55,440
It's not realistic. You'd be like,
"Oh, stop jiggling me."

1679
01:10:55,480 --> 01:10:58,600
Yeah. "I've had a load of
potatoes bravas."

1680
01:10:58,640 --> 01:11:00,800
Wish you could come tonight.

1681
01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:04,520
I'm not sure I fancy pretending to
be Lord Baddingham for the evening.

1682
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:06,600
She's getting ready for the awards,
isn't she?

1683
01:11:06,640 --> 01:11:08,160
MUSIC: Call me (Spanish version)
by Blondie

1684
01:11:08,200 --> 01:11:10,120
# Pintame la vida entera

1685
01:11:10,160 --> 01:11:13,280
# Pintame color

1686
01:11:13,320 --> 01:11:14,640
# Siento asi... #

1687
01:11:14,680 --> 01:11:16,720
Ta-ra!
Arrivederci.

1688
01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:19,840
# Call me... #

1689
01:11:19,880 --> 01:11:20,880
He's off. He's off.

1690
01:11:20,920 --> 01:11:22,320
Oh, what's he up to?

1691
01:11:24,040 --> 01:11:25,440
# Call me... #

1692
01:11:25,480 --> 01:11:28,560
What's he doing? Oh, going through
all her stuff. Yeah.

1693
01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:30,800
He's looking for something
in her room, in't he?

1694
01:11:30,840 --> 01:11:32,200
Yeah.

1695
01:11:32,240 --> 01:11:33,240
# Call me. #

1696
01:11:34,280 --> 01:11:35,280
Jackpot!

1697
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:37,640
Right, so this is striking me as
a Tony file, innit?

1698
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:39,680
She meant nothing at all to him.

1699
01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:41,320
Well, no. It's all...

1700
01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:43,200
Yeah, it's just sex, innit?

1701
01:11:43,240 --> 01:11:44,360
Well, it's not sex.

1702
01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:46,960
He just wants to get back
at his main rival, doesn't he?

1703
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:50,240
Hello? I've got something of an
emergency on my hands, and I need

1704
01:11:50,280 --> 01:11:52,400
these very important documents
copied quickly.

1705
01:11:52,440 --> 01:11:53,560
Can you do that?

1706
01:11:53,600 --> 01:11:56,720
Photocopiers,
they worked, didn't they, Mary? Mm.

1707
01:11:56,760 --> 01:11:58,720
Cos all through the '80s,
people used to sit

1708
01:11:58,760 --> 01:12:02,320
on top of the... Photocopiers.
..Xerox machines and send pictures

1709
01:12:02,360 --> 01:12:04,320
of their bottoms. Yeah.

1710
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:07,640
Oh, she's back!

1711
01:12:09,360 --> 01:12:12,200
Shit, he'll have to run like hell
now, won't he?

1712
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:14,960
God, no. I couldn't be arsed with
those stairs. I'd give up.

1713
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:17,480
I'd have to admit that
I'd stolen some documents.

1714
01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:22,160
Oh, for heaven's sake.

1715
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:23,880
He's not going to beat the lift.

1716
01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:26,080
Have you ever been stuck in a lift?

1717
01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:28,840
No. No.
Have you? No.

1718
01:12:30,160 --> 01:12:34,600
I used to want to be stuck
in a lift when I was a child

1719
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:37,280
with Cliff Richard.
Oh, sweet.

1720
01:12:37,320 --> 01:12:40,560
Cos I imagined that would be
the only way I'd get his attention.

1721
01:12:43,760 --> 01:12:45,920
Oh, do you reckon Rupert's done it?

1722
01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:51,240
This prick!

1723
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:55,400
How in the fucking hell
did he get away with that?

1724
01:12:57,080 --> 01:12:58,840
I fucking did it.

1725
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:00,000
"So did I."

1726
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:04,920
Is this what people did in the '80s
before smartphones,

1727
01:13:04,960 --> 01:13:07,840
before the t'internet? 100%.
Right, take me back.

1728
01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:10,360
Has he got wandering hand
disease, Mary?

1729
01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:12,280
Well, he just...

1730
01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:18,840
He basically just throbs with such
virility that he just has to stand

1731
01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:23,880
next to a woman, and she finds
herself kind of collapsing into him.

1732
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:25,600
Yielding. Yeah.

1733
01:13:27,760 --> 01:13:29,160
In Glasgow...

1734
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:32,320
We've spoken about this before,
but you need to stop shouting

1735
01:13:32,360 --> 01:13:34,240
when you're playing the Xbox.
Why?

1736
01:13:34,280 --> 01:13:36,360
Because people are starting
to give me weird looks when I come

1737
01:13:36,400 --> 01:13:39,400
out the house.
..Roisin and her boyfriend, Joe.

1738
01:13:39,440 --> 01:13:40,600
What's that got to do with me?

1739
01:13:40,640 --> 01:13:42,600
Joe, do you know
what you were shouting yesterday

1740
01:13:42,640 --> 01:13:44,880
with the windows fully open
in the afternoon?

1741
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:47,720
You were shouting
"Take it, take it, take it!"

1742
01:13:47,760 --> 01:13:51,480
Which you followed up with,
"The hog is getting obliterated."

1743
01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:55,960
The hog was getting obliterated.

1744
01:13:56,000 --> 01:13:58,560
Yeah, but people are going to put
two and two together and get five

1745
01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:00,160
and think I'm the hog.

1746
01:14:02,440 --> 01:14:07,280
In April, Channel 4 entertained
us with the return of this.

1747
01:14:07,320 --> 01:14:10,000
Ellie, quick!
A new series of The Piano!

1748
01:14:10,040 --> 01:14:13,320
Do you know something, at Christmas
we went to Antalya and they had

1749
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:15,560
a grand piano in the foyer and all
like that,

1750
01:14:15,600 --> 01:14:18,440
and this bloke was playing
it like mad and all like that.

1751
01:14:18,480 --> 01:14:21,000
Well, as the night went on,
I went by and I thought,

1752
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:22,760
oh, that piano's still going.

1753
01:14:22,800 --> 01:14:24,080
It was fucking electric.

1754
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:27,280
Had he pissed off? And he'd gone!

1755
01:14:27,320 --> 01:14:31,080
This year, our piano will travel
to even more train stations

1756
01:14:31,120 --> 01:14:32,440
up and down the nation...

1757
01:14:32,480 --> 01:14:34,880
Lovely to meet you. I'm Claudia.

1758
01:14:34,920 --> 01:14:38,120
..celebrating more incredible
undiscovered pianists

1759
01:14:38,160 --> 01:14:39,280
than ever before.

1760
01:14:39,320 --> 01:14:41,760
I love this programme.
The music programme with

1761
01:14:41,800 --> 01:14:43,720
everyone playing the piano
and all that.

1762
01:14:43,760 --> 01:14:44,920
I'm proper jealous.

1763
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:46,920
I wish I could play an instrument.

1764
01:14:46,960 --> 01:14:51,080
You said you was going to learn to
play the ukulele, but you never.

1765
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,160
It's hard.

1766
01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:54,880
This is The Piano.

1767
01:14:54,920 --> 01:14:55,920
The Piano.

1768
01:14:55,960 --> 01:14:58,520
# Pia, pia, piano... #

1769
01:14:58,560 --> 01:14:59,840
# P&O. #

1770
01:14:59,880 --> 01:15:01,680
My favourite kind of ferry.

1771
01:15:01,720 --> 01:15:04,640
Just in case this gets a bit
moving for you.

1772
01:15:04,680 --> 01:15:05,680
Cheers, son.

1773
01:15:05,720 --> 01:15:07,200
We're at Manchester Piccadilly.

1774
01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:10,280
Manchester Piccadilly. We were there
not that long ago. Yeah.

1775
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:12,800
They do a fantastic pasty. Yeah.

1776
01:15:12,840 --> 01:15:16,000
And for the very first time
on The Piano, we're about to meet

1777
01:15:16,040 --> 01:15:17,360
a married couple.

1778
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:18,920
Oh, married couple.

1779
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:21,880
This will end in tears. I was going
to say, argument pending.

1780
01:15:21,920 --> 01:15:23,760
Hello. I'm Claudia.

1781
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:26,520
Fran. Hi, Fran.
Duncan. Hello, Duncan.

1782
01:15:26,560 --> 01:15:28,720
Duncan.
Duncan, come and have a seat.

1783
01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:30,440
Duncan, I believe you're going to
play. Yeah.

1784
01:15:30,480 --> 01:15:31,960
Duncan's the pianoist.

1785
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:34,280
How long have you been playing
the piano?

1786
01:15:34,320 --> 01:15:36,040
Since I was four.

1787
01:15:36,080 --> 01:15:37,440
No way.

1788
01:15:37,480 --> 01:15:39,480
I've got to start
Theodore on it now.

1789
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:42,320
I'm 80 now, so a little while ago.

1790
01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:43,440
SHE GASPS
Wow.

1791
01:15:43,480 --> 01:15:44,840
76 years.

1792
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:48,040
I reckon he can bang out a good
tune, this guy. Bloody hell.

1793
01:15:48,080 --> 01:15:49,680
76 years.

1794
01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:52,320
The first time I heard him play,
which is a long time ago now,

1795
01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:53,600
I said to him...

1796
01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:54,640
Stop.

1797
01:15:54,680 --> 01:15:57,720
"There's something rather special
in your touch on the piano."

1798
01:15:57,760 --> 01:15:59,880
Oh. Oh. What a chat-up line.

1799
01:15:59,920 --> 01:16:02,120
That's what made her fall
in love with Duncan.

1800
01:16:02,160 --> 01:16:06,720
We first set eyes on each other
in 1964.

1801
01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:09,680
Oh, this is going to be a love
story, this, Lee.

1802
01:16:09,720 --> 01:16:13,320
Duncan came into the room,
and when I looked at him,

1803
01:16:13,360 --> 01:16:16,600
what went through my mind was
that's exactly the sort

1804
01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:19,200
of man I would like to marry.

1805
01:16:19,240 --> 01:16:20,240
BOTH: Aww.

1806
01:16:20,280 --> 01:16:23,440
Must have been very similar
when you looked at me. Mm-hm.

1807
01:16:23,480 --> 01:16:25,440
I haven't had that experience.

1808
01:16:25,480 --> 01:16:26,600
Neither have I.

1809
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:31,480
In fact, in ten days we will
have been married 42 years.

1810
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:34,520
42 years. Friggin' Nora!
I could have killed you

1811
01:16:34,560 --> 01:16:37,760
and I would have been out
before then. Wow.

1812
01:16:37,800 --> 01:16:39,560
How many years have we been married?

1813
01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:43,280
I don't know, Giles,
but can you stop? Pipe down? Yeah.

1814
01:16:43,320 --> 01:16:45,920
INTERVIEWER: And how does that feel,
42 years together?

1815
01:16:45,960 --> 01:16:47,560
Absolutely fine.

1816
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:54,880
There's no feeling of being bored,
being bored with the situation.

1817
01:16:54,920 --> 01:16:56,520
He's got a bit of a stutter,
hasn't he?

1818
01:16:56,560 --> 01:16:58,520
No, hang on a minute.

1819
01:16:58,560 --> 01:16:59,720
Except...

1820
01:16:59,760 --> 01:17:01,400
Er, no...

1821
01:17:03,120 --> 01:17:05,200
Yeah, Duncan obviously
seems like he's struggling

1822
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:06,720
with getting his words out.

1823
01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:07,880
Oh, do you think he's got...?

1824
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:10,440
Oh, Lee, I think he's going to say
he's poorly.

1825
01:17:10,480 --> 01:17:12,160
Yeah.

1826
01:17:12,200 --> 01:17:15,080
Don't tell me he's got dementia,
because that will upset me.

1827
01:17:15,120 --> 01:17:17,600
I do have this difficulty
with dealing with one or two

1828
01:17:17,640 --> 01:17:21,320
of the questions you might ask me,
simply because I've got,

1829
01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:24,280
you know, dementia,
and I've had it for six years.

1830
01:17:24,320 --> 01:17:25,520
Oh, no.

1831
01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:26,640
Oh, bless him.

1832
01:17:26,680 --> 01:17:29,760
He still hasn't lost the ability
to play piano. No, no.

1833
01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:30,800
Marvellous.

1834
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:33,360
The future is unknown.

1835
01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:36,200
But Duncan is everything to me.

1836
01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:40,960
I would have him in any situation
rather than not have him.

1837
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:42,800
Oh, don't be saying that.

1838
01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:45,440
Why is it always happening on
this programme?

1839
01:17:45,480 --> 01:17:47,680
That's what you want someone to say
to you about you, don't you?

1840
01:17:47,720 --> 01:17:50,160
Yeah, you do. That's real love.

1841
01:17:50,200 --> 01:17:51,960
What are you going to play
for us today?

1842
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,920
It's the Theme for Fran.

1843
01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:55,960
So, this is Fran.

1844
01:17:56,000 --> 01:17:57,400
It's a great big thank you.

1845
01:17:57,440 --> 01:18:01,120
He wrote it. He wrote this for her
to say thank you.

1846
01:18:01,160 --> 01:18:05,120
Even now, if he's just playing
anything and then he plays that,

1847
01:18:05,160 --> 01:18:07,400
I just have to go across
and give him a kiss.

1848
01:18:07,440 --> 01:18:08,520
Aah.

1849
01:18:08,560 --> 01:18:11,040
You know, there's no material
gift that would be better

1850
01:18:11,080 --> 01:18:13,040
than that, is there? No.

1851
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:15,920
Have a wonderful time.
Enjoy it. OK, will do.

1852
01:18:15,960 --> 01:18:18,920
"Have a wonderful time."
Oh, they're adorable.

1853
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:19,960
Get ready, Jane.

1854
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:21,240
Come on, Duncan.

1855
01:18:31,400 --> 01:18:33,600
Oh, nice.
It's really lovely.

1856
01:18:33,640 --> 01:18:36,440
Really light and chirpy
and delicate.

1857
01:18:36,480 --> 01:18:38,440
And I like it very much.

1858
01:18:41,920 --> 01:18:43,240
Oh, look at Fran.

1859
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:50,080
I once went on a first date
with somebody, and they played

1860
01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:51,160
the piano and sang to me.

1861
01:18:51,200 --> 01:18:53,200
And then I never went on another
date with them ever again.

1862
01:18:53,240 --> 01:18:55,320
Gave you the ick, didn't it?
Yes.

1863
01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:02,520
He hasn't forgot anything, Lee?
No, he hasn't.

1864
01:19:02,560 --> 01:19:05,040
You do feel like you get, like, a
glimpse of their life, don't you...

1865
01:19:05,080 --> 01:19:06,720
Yeah, defo.
..when he's playing that?

1866
01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:09,120
It's like a story he's telling,
or something, isn't it?

1867
01:19:14,800 --> 01:19:16,440
This could be Mum and Dad.

1868
01:19:16,480 --> 01:19:18,280
Bloody hell. Aah!

1869
01:19:19,360 --> 01:19:20,560
Oh, God.

1870
01:19:20,600 --> 01:19:23,920
I can't help it, I'm sorry. I can't.

1871
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:30,800
It just gives me such total feeling
about the girl I found

1872
01:19:30,840 --> 01:19:32,000
and the girl I married.

1873
01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:34,320
The girl I love and always will.

1874
01:19:36,960 --> 01:19:39,080
Right, where's my Duncan?

1875
01:19:39,120 --> 01:19:40,720
I want a Duncan.

1876
01:19:40,760 --> 01:19:41,960
Is that too much to ask?

1877
01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:44,840
You do not get this in this
day and age, do you?

1878
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:47,640
Men in 2024 are scraping the barrel.

1879
01:19:49,240 --> 01:19:51,800
They're not fit to lace
Duncan's boots, are they?

1880
01:19:51,840 --> 01:19:53,000
No.

1881
01:19:57,480 --> 01:19:59,080
Well done, Duncan.

1882
01:20:01,680 --> 01:20:03,320
That was unbelievable.

1883
01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:04,560
I like that bit at the end.

1884
01:20:04,600 --> 01:20:06,920
Yeah. I like his little panachey
bit with his hands.

1885
01:20:06,960 --> 01:20:08,840
Little flourish. Yes.

1886
01:20:08,880 --> 01:20:10,280
Do you and Nat have a song?

1887
01:20:10,320 --> 01:20:12,120
Do we 'eck!

1888
01:20:12,160 --> 01:20:14,880
There's no romance in mine
and Nat's relationship.

1889
01:20:14,920 --> 01:20:16,920
There's more romance in that.

1890
01:20:25,480 --> 01:20:26,640
In Leeds...

1891
01:20:26,680 --> 01:20:29,280
So, you know that air fryer
you sent me? Mm-hm.

1892
01:20:29,320 --> 01:20:31,720
Well, I've ordered it,
and you'll know how buzzing

1893
01:20:31,760 --> 01:20:34,960
I am over this -
it's got a temperature probe.

1894
01:20:35,000 --> 01:20:39,160
Oh, I've seen that the new ones have
got the temperature probe.

1895
01:20:39,200 --> 01:20:41,200
..sisters Ellie and Izzi.

1896
01:20:41,240 --> 01:20:44,640
She cooked a turkey in it.
I watched the full QVC video.

1897
01:20:44,680 --> 01:20:45,920
It was fantastic.

1898
01:20:47,000 --> 01:20:48,440
And with the probe?

1899
01:20:48,480 --> 01:20:51,000
With the probe.
She cooked it with the probe.

1900
01:20:51,040 --> 01:20:52,800
You're jealous of my probe,
aren't you?

1901
01:20:52,840 --> 01:20:54,560
I can't believe you've got a probe.

1902
01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:56,760
Your pig-sick about my probe.

1903
01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:58,360
I'm pig-sick about your...

1904
01:20:58,400 --> 01:21:00,840
Do you know what, I'm not actually
that bothered for a probe.

1905
01:21:00,880 --> 01:21:03,040
You liar!

1906
01:21:03,080 --> 01:21:04,880
I'm not that bothered for a probe
because...

1907
01:21:04,920 --> 01:21:06,800
Wait until you come to mine
for Christmas dinner

1908
01:21:06,840 --> 01:21:08,800
and I've been probing everything!

1909
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:15,080
In autumn, Sir David graced our
screens once more, and this time

1910
01:21:15,120 --> 01:21:17,720
he was taking us to the Far East.

1911
01:21:17,760 --> 01:21:21,400
One of the continents when I was
at school was Australasia.

1912
01:21:21,440 --> 01:21:23,560
Well, it might have changed,
then, from when you was at school.

1913
01:21:23,600 --> 01:21:24,840
The world was flat then, wasn't it?

1914
01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:26,400
I've never been to Asia yet.

1915
01:21:26,440 --> 01:21:28,040
It's on the list.
I want to go to Japan.

1916
01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:30,840
I've been to the Taste of Asia
in town. It's spot-on. Oh, yeah.

1917
01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:31,880
Lovely.

1918
01:21:31,920 --> 01:21:36,120
Of all the wonderful places
in the world, one continent holds

1919
01:21:36,160 --> 01:21:38,240
more riches than any other.

1920
01:21:38,280 --> 01:21:40,760
He actually looks all right for 98.

1921
01:21:40,800 --> 01:21:42,360
98.

1922
01:21:42,400 --> 01:21:44,720
Obviously, he looks old.

1923
01:21:44,760 --> 01:21:47,880
Well, I'll tell you what,
he's got a good surgeon.

1924
01:21:47,920 --> 01:21:50,880
I don't think he's had work done.
Wye aye, he has, man.

1925
01:21:50,920 --> 01:21:53,920
He's got wrinkles.
You don't look like that at 98.

1926
01:21:58,440 --> 01:22:00,640
See, I can't tell which part
of the world that is.

1927
01:22:01,800 --> 01:22:02,920
Can you?

1928
01:22:04,320 --> 01:22:06,080
It's Asia.

1929
01:22:06,120 --> 01:22:09,440
There's so much for us to see
before we die, Steve.

1930
01:22:09,480 --> 01:22:10,720
Yeah.

1931
01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:12,120
Mangroves...

1932
01:22:13,160 --> 01:22:14,320
ALL: Ooh.

1933
01:22:14,360 --> 01:22:16,360
Mangrove swamps are dense.
Mangroves.

1934
01:22:16,400 --> 01:22:17,800
The lungs of the planet.

1935
01:22:17,840 --> 01:22:19,600
That's what they call
the mangroves, isn't it?

1936
01:22:19,640 --> 01:22:22,520
I've seen this recently
on Go Jetters.

1937
01:22:22,560 --> 01:22:26,840
These are places where nothing
is as you might expect.

1938
01:22:30,240 --> 01:22:32,320
Trees grow in the sea...

1939
01:22:32,360 --> 01:22:33,760
Trees grow in the sea.

1940
01:22:33,800 --> 01:22:36,360
They aren't actually mango trees.

1941
01:22:36,400 --> 01:22:38,960
Mangroves, not mangoes.

1942
01:22:39,000 --> 01:22:40,840
LAUGHING: They're not mangoes.

1943
01:22:40,880 --> 01:22:42,400
Fucking idiot!

1944
01:22:42,440 --> 01:22:45,400
..and fish live on land.

1945
01:22:45,440 --> 01:22:48,520
And what lives on land?
Fish live on...? Fish?!

1946
01:22:48,560 --> 01:22:50,200
Oh, I bet it's the mudskipper.

1947
01:22:53,640 --> 01:22:55,520
Oh, you're a funny looking thing.

1948
01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:57,640
A dusky-gilled mudskipper.

1949
01:22:57,680 --> 01:22:59,200
That's not a fish, is it?

1950
01:22:59,240 --> 01:23:02,400
No, it looks like a hair grip.
It looks like you. Fuck off.

1951
01:23:02,440 --> 01:23:05,320
I've not had one of them
from t'chippy before.

1952
01:23:05,360 --> 01:23:09,360
I love a lightly battered
mudskipper.

1953
01:23:09,400 --> 01:23:14,160
Only 5cm long,
but a master of these swamps.

1954
01:23:14,200 --> 01:23:15,960
They're mad-looking bastards,
aren't they?

1955
01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:19,560
Joints in their pectoral fins
enable them to walk.

1956
01:23:19,600 --> 01:23:21,160
It's got legs!

1957
01:23:21,200 --> 01:23:22,760
That is weird.

1958
01:23:22,800 --> 01:23:25,840
I didn't know fish could walk.
Did you?

1959
01:23:25,880 --> 01:23:28,880
And they can leap with a flick
of their tail.

1960
01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:30,240
Oh, it can jump and n'all.

1961
01:23:30,280 --> 01:23:32,360
That's why it's called
the mudskipper.

1962
01:23:34,720 --> 01:23:38,400
This one is seeking a mate with
whom to start a family.

1963
01:23:38,440 --> 01:23:41,400
He's not going to shag a crab,
is he?

1964
01:23:41,440 --> 01:23:43,520
He's not going to what? Shag a crab?

1965
01:23:44,640 --> 01:23:45,720
Well, he's a mudskipper.

1966
01:23:45,760 --> 01:23:48,040
Why would he want to shag a crab?

1967
01:23:48,080 --> 01:23:50,400
I can't see anyone else there.

1968
01:23:50,440 --> 01:23:52,840
And when there is a dead end...

1969
01:23:52,880 --> 01:23:56,120
What does he do?
Don't tell me he's going to fly now.

1970
01:23:56,160 --> 01:23:57,200
Oh!

1971
01:23:57,240 --> 01:24:00,840
..the mudskipper simply skips
across the water's surface.

1972
01:24:00,880 --> 01:24:01,880
Jeez!

1973
01:24:01,920 --> 01:24:03,720
That is one talented fish.

1974
01:24:05,680 --> 01:24:06,840
What's this?

1975
01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:08,040
Oh, hello.

1976
01:24:08,080 --> 01:24:09,360
His eyes are bulging.

1977
01:24:09,400 --> 01:24:13,080
It's like it's got a very untreated
thyroid problem. Yeah.

1978
01:24:13,120 --> 01:24:14,960
An open arena...

1979
01:24:17,880 --> 01:24:19,520
..full of females.

1980
01:24:19,560 --> 01:24:20,840
HE WOLF-WHISTLES

1981
01:24:23,000 --> 01:24:24,920
Oh! Oh! he's got his pick.

1982
01:24:24,960 --> 01:24:27,840
It's an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Bingo.

1983
01:24:27,880 --> 01:24:30,400
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: But there are
also other males here

1984
01:24:30,440 --> 01:24:32,560
looking for partners.

1985
01:24:32,600 --> 01:24:34,160
That one looks so evil.

1986
01:24:34,200 --> 01:24:36,280
Oh, these are the males. There'll
be a fight now, you watch.

1987
01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:38,360
Oh, you watch now. To win a female,

1988
01:24:38,400 --> 01:24:39,480
they must duel.

1989
01:24:41,720 --> 01:24:45,120
SHE SINGS INDIANA JONES THEME

1990
01:24:45,160 --> 01:24:47,280
I've got a fiver on the one
with the googly eyes.

1991
01:24:47,320 --> 01:24:49,240
But no-one is backing down.

1992
01:24:50,960 --> 01:24:53,040
Look at him. Oh-ohh!

1993
01:24:53,080 --> 01:24:56,120
They'll just nudge each other.

1994
01:24:56,160 --> 01:24:57,920
What? What, fam?

1995
01:24:57,960 --> 01:24:59,480
Get off of my girl.

1996
01:24:59,520 --> 01:25:03,200
Victory, and the opponent beats
a hasty retreat.

1997
01:25:05,320 --> 01:25:07,320
Yeah. Get out of here, you scumbag!

1998
01:25:07,360 --> 01:25:09,800
The female mudskippers
are going to be impressed.

1999
01:25:09,840 --> 01:25:12,800
And it looks like this male...

2000
01:25:12,840 --> 01:25:15,000
..has caught someone's eye.

2001
01:25:15,040 --> 01:25:16,320
Oh, hello.

2002
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:17,520
She's beautiful.

2003
01:25:20,280 --> 01:25:22,440
Oh, my God. The way the eyes move!
That's so cute.

2004
01:25:22,480 --> 01:25:25,480
He's like, "I can't believe
what I just saw."

2005
01:25:25,520 --> 01:25:27,600
It's love at first sight.

2006
01:25:27,640 --> 01:25:30,600
A quick wave should seal the deal.

2007
01:25:30,640 --> 01:25:31,760
Yoo-hoo!

2008
01:25:31,800 --> 01:25:33,760
Come on. Back to my place, love.
You've copped.

2009
01:25:33,800 --> 01:25:34,800
This way.

2010
01:25:35,920 --> 01:25:37,440
Come and see my hole.

2011
01:25:41,320 --> 01:25:42,640
Aww!

2012
01:25:42,680 --> 01:25:47,600
If you said to me bulging eyes
and slimy and muddy,

2013
01:25:47,640 --> 01:25:48,960
I'd say, "Yuck."

2014
01:25:49,000 --> 01:25:52,640
But the reality is the most charming
creature... Mm.

2015
01:25:52,680 --> 01:25:54,040
..that you could hope to see.

2016
01:25:54,080 --> 01:25:56,520
You know, this is like being in town
on a Friday night. Yeah.

2017
01:25:56,560 --> 01:25:58,440
You know, they've had a scrap. Yeah.

2018
01:25:58,480 --> 01:26:01,480
Somebody's going home with no teeth.

2019
01:26:01,520 --> 01:26:03,800
The other one's got the girl.

2020
01:26:03,840 --> 01:26:05,560
And to be honest with you,
in the morning,

2021
01:26:05,600 --> 01:26:07,240
they'll both regret it.

2022
01:26:10,040 --> 01:26:11,280
NARRATOR: In Wiltshire...

2023
01:26:11,320 --> 01:26:12,560
Where are you going?

2024
01:26:12,600 --> 01:26:16,280
I'm going to go and identify
a fresh stain on the staircase.

2025
01:26:16,320 --> 01:26:18,480
..Giles and his wife, Mary...

2026
01:26:18,520 --> 01:26:21,360
Oh. I'm wondering if a bird's
got in, Mary.

2027
01:26:21,400 --> 01:26:22,560
Not another bird.

2028
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:26,040
Oh, that could be it!
It could be bird poo.

2029
01:26:26,080 --> 01:26:28,120
That's what it is. Is it?

2030
01:26:28,160 --> 01:26:32,480
It's another bird's come
into the cottage and it's shat.

2031
01:26:32,520 --> 01:26:34,280
Oh, don't say those words!

2032
01:26:34,320 --> 01:26:35,840
Oh, sorry.

2033
01:26:35,880 --> 01:26:38,000
Well, how else...
What else should I say?

2034
01:26:38,040 --> 01:26:40,360
It's urinated?
Say, "It's had an accident."

2035
01:26:40,400 --> 01:26:42,880
It's had an accident
on the staircase.

2036
01:26:42,920 --> 01:26:45,960
In November, it was all about
the numbers and letters again

2037
01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:47,000
on Channel 4.

2038
01:26:47,040 --> 01:26:49,480
Do you know this was the first-ever
show on Channel 4?

2039
01:26:49,520 --> 01:26:51,880
The first show that was broadcast
when it was first day.

2040
01:26:51,920 --> 01:26:53,880
Was it? Yeah. I sat there as, like,
a ten-year-old, going,

2041
01:26:53,920 --> 01:26:55,160
"Ooh, new channel!"

2042
01:26:55,200 --> 01:26:57,920
You've got to have a special mind
for this. Yeah.

2043
01:26:57,960 --> 01:27:01,400
And sadly... We haven't got it,
have we?

2044
01:27:04,800 --> 01:27:06,480
De-de, de-de. It's like
a clock ticking, innit?

2045
01:27:06,520 --> 01:27:09,520
Well, that's what it is, isn't it?
Yeah. It's Countdown. Yeah.

2046
01:27:09,560 --> 01:27:12,120
I didn't think of that!

2047
01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:14,320
Right, here we go.
Jenny, it hasn't even started yet.

2048
01:27:14,360 --> 01:27:15,520
I'm getting ready.

2049
01:27:15,560 --> 01:27:17,840
And we welcome back, a second time

2050
01:27:17,880 --> 01:27:20,040
in the company of Logan Skelton.

2051
01:27:20,080 --> 01:27:21,160
Go on, Logan.

2052
01:27:21,200 --> 01:27:22,840
Second time in the chair.

2053
01:27:22,880 --> 01:27:25,120
Oh, yeah. Cos this is what happens,
innit? If you're really good,

2054
01:27:25,160 --> 01:27:27,080
you just stay on. Correct. Mm.

2055
01:27:27,120 --> 01:27:28,720
Afternoon again, Rachel.
Afternoon, Logan.

2056
01:27:28,760 --> 01:27:30,320
Let's start with a consonant,
please. Thank you.

2057
01:27:30,360 --> 01:27:32,320
Start today with...L

2058
01:27:32,360 --> 01:27:33,360
L

2059
01:27:33,400 --> 01:27:35,200
Another consonant.
We've got to think of a word?

2060
01:27:35,240 --> 01:27:38,560
Is that right, Mary? Yeah.
You can only use each letter once.

2061
01:27:38,600 --> 01:27:40,280
And a third.

2062
01:27:40,320 --> 01:27:41,360
R

2063
01:27:41,400 --> 01:27:42,920
Get an S! And a fourth.

2064
01:27:44,120 --> 01:27:46,040
S. Boom! Sorted.

2065
01:27:46,080 --> 01:27:47,320
Now hit your vowels.

2066
01:27:47,360 --> 01:27:49,240
A vowel. I.

2067
01:27:49,280 --> 01:27:50,800
I. So...

2068
01:27:50,840 --> 01:27:53,000
And a third.

2069
01:27:53,040 --> 01:27:54,200
U

2070
01:27:54,240 --> 01:27:56,480
Have you got anything so far? Er...

2071
01:27:56,520 --> 01:27:57,760
And a final...

2072
01:27:57,800 --> 01:27:59,240
N

2073
01:27:59,280 --> 01:28:01,240
Flippin' heck. Here we go.

2074
01:28:04,040 --> 01:28:05,640
Come up with a four at least, Jane.

2075
01:28:05,680 --> 01:28:07,240
SURE

2076
01:28:07,280 --> 01:28:08,800
Is SURE there? Yep. Oh, yeah. OK.

2077
01:28:08,840 --> 01:28:10,840
I thought you were just telling me
you would.

2078
01:28:13,760 --> 01:28:16,080
LITRES. LISTEN.

2079
01:28:16,120 --> 01:28:17,760
L-I-S-T...

2080
01:28:17,800 --> 01:28:21,120
E-R. LISTEN. Shirl! Good shout.
LISTEN.

2081
01:28:24,040 --> 01:28:27,920
URINE. URINE! U-R-I-N-E.

2082
01:28:27,960 --> 01:28:30,240
I think I've got a seven.
What have you got, George?

2083
01:28:30,280 --> 01:28:32,520
LOITERS. LOITERS! LOITERS!

2084
01:28:32,560 --> 01:28:36,480
Oh, that's... I tell you off
for loitering. That is SO you.

2085
01:28:36,520 --> 01:28:38,640
That is, yeah.
It's always loitering.

2086
01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:39,760
I've told him off for it.

2087
01:28:39,800 --> 01:28:42,000
Logan? I think I'll try a nine.

2088
01:28:42,040 --> 01:28:43,360
Ooh! A nine!

2089
01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:44,680
Nine? Nine?

2090
01:28:44,720 --> 01:28:47,160
Oh, it's a clever dick, that one.
That's all of them.

2091
01:28:47,200 --> 01:28:48,960
Steve? Seven.

2092
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:50,720
Can we have the pathetic
seven, please?

2093
01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:53,640
LUSTIER. Oh! LUSTIER.

2094
01:28:53,680 --> 01:28:55,760
Doesn't it tell you a lot
about people, hey?

2095
01:28:55,800 --> 01:28:58,520
It's a loiterer and he's lustier.
And he's lustier!

2096
01:28:58,560 --> 01:29:00,240
Logan? OUTLINERS.

2097
01:29:00,280 --> 01:29:01,760
OUTLINERS?! What?!

2098
01:29:01,800 --> 01:29:03,800
OUTLINERS. We missed a trick.
OUTLINERS.

2099
01:29:03,840 --> 01:29:05,840
We use them every single day.
OUTLINERS in Excel,

2100
01:29:05,880 --> 01:29:08,880
when I outline my table.
Any data, babe. Any data.

2101
01:29:08,920 --> 01:29:11,520
Jesus Christ. You know what,
all those outliers.

2102
01:29:11,560 --> 01:29:13,080
Can I have a consonant, please?

2103
01:29:13,120 --> 01:29:14,560
Thank you, Logan.

2104
01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:15,600
S

2105
01:29:15,640 --> 01:29:17,120
BOTH: Ooh!

2106
01:29:17,160 --> 01:29:18,400
And a vowel.

2107
01:29:18,440 --> 01:29:19,480
E

2108
01:29:19,520 --> 01:29:20,640
Steve. It's Steve, innit?

2109
01:29:20,680 --> 01:29:21,880
That's a nice name.

2110
01:29:21,920 --> 01:29:23,000
And a consonant.

2111
01:29:23,040 --> 01:29:24,040
P

2112
01:29:24,080 --> 01:29:26,600
STEP. PIE...S.

2113
01:29:26,640 --> 01:29:28,400
PIES. PIES.

2114
01:29:28,440 --> 01:29:30,440
LOGAN: And another consonant.

2115
01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:32,480
D. Stupid! Stupid!

2116
01:29:32,520 --> 01:29:34,040
There's no U. There's no U.

2117
01:29:34,080 --> 01:29:35,720
Why are you getting excited?
Because I'm stupid!

2118
01:29:35,760 --> 01:29:37,520
And another consonant.

2119
01:29:37,560 --> 01:29:38,560
N

2120
01:29:38,600 --> 01:29:39,960
PENIS

2121
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:41,000
And a final...

2122
01:29:41,040 --> 01:29:42,440
R. And here we go.

2123
01:29:44,640 --> 01:29:47,360
Oh, there's nothing leaping out
at me, is there? Could do seven.

2124
01:29:47,400 --> 01:29:49,840
POINTED. Oh, aren't you good?!

2125
01:29:53,560 --> 01:29:54,560
PONER

2126
01:29:55,760 --> 01:29:57,880
Where's that? PONDER. What's that?

2127
01:29:57,920 --> 01:30:00,080
Oh, well done. That's six. Six.

2128
01:30:00,120 --> 01:30:02,840
TOGETHER: PONDERS. Seven!

2129
01:30:07,000 --> 01:30:08,920
STIPEND. Well done, Mary.

2130
01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:11,160
STRIPED. POINT. STRIPED. POINTERS.

2131
01:30:11,200 --> 01:30:13,640
S-T-R-I-P-E-D. POINTERS. Seven!

2132
01:30:13,680 --> 01:30:16,400
P-O-I-N-T-E-R-S.

2133
01:30:16,440 --> 01:30:18,800
Eight! Oh! POINTERS. Daniella!

2134
01:30:21,040 --> 01:30:22,760
Right. You've got eight.
I've got seven.

2135
01:30:22,800 --> 01:30:24,000
I mean, I could have done better.

2136
01:30:24,040 --> 01:30:25,920
And that's time. How many, Logan?

2137
01:30:25,960 --> 01:30:27,480
Not sure it'll be good enough.
Eight.

2138
01:30:27,520 --> 01:30:30,360
Eight. He got bloody eight.

2139
01:30:30,400 --> 01:30:32,520
Not good enough?!

2140
01:30:32,560 --> 01:30:33,800
You got more than me.

2141
01:30:33,840 --> 01:30:35,520
What's yours, Logan?

2142
01:30:35,560 --> 01:30:36,920
PORNIEST. Yes.

2143
01:30:36,960 --> 01:30:39,960
PORNIEST?! Porn...
Oh, you dirty bastard.

2144
01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:41,080
Why didn't I think of that?

2145
01:30:41,120 --> 01:30:42,920
PORNIEST. What does that mean?

2146
01:30:42,960 --> 01:30:44,520
It's the most pornographic.

2147
01:30:44,560 --> 01:30:46,120
PORNIEST. I said porn!

2148
01:30:46,160 --> 01:30:47,160
Yeah, you did.

2149
01:30:47,200 --> 01:30:48,840
And that is actually specified
in the dictionary.

2150
01:30:48,880 --> 01:30:50,760
I didn't think it would be,
but that's a very good eight.

2151
01:30:50,800 --> 01:30:51,880
It's there. Well done. Yeah.

2152
01:30:51,920 --> 01:30:55,000
What the...?! Listen.
Horniest, porniest.

2153
01:30:55,040 --> 01:30:57,640
It's porny photos. It's porn!

2154
01:30:57,680 --> 01:31:00,200
Oh.Porniest.
SHE CACKLES

2155
01:31:00,240 --> 01:31:02,760
Never thought I'd see porn
on Countdown.

2156
01:31:02,800 --> 01:31:04,560
So, you might say,

2157
01:31:04,600 --> 01:31:07,280
"Do you want to watch Deep Throat?"

2158
01:31:07,320 --> 01:31:12,160
And the other person would say,
"No, the porniest film is..."

2159
01:31:12,200 --> 01:31:15,800
And then name a film. You wouldn't
know cos you've never

2160
01:31:15,840 --> 01:31:18,200
looked at pornography. No.

2161
01:31:18,240 --> 01:31:21,920
MUSIC: Perfect World
by Kodaline

2162
01:31:21,960 --> 01:31:25,960
# In a perfect world

2163
01:31:26,000 --> 01:31:33,200
# In a perfect world, singing

2164
01:31:33,240 --> 01:31:37,680
# In a perfect world

2165
01:31:37,720 --> 01:31:41,800
# In a perfect world

2166
01:31:41,840 --> 01:31:46,680
# In a perfect, perfect world. #