Ooh! Feels nice with the nappy off! You're sweet. Yeah. Yeah.
This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
Oh, she's got me! Oh she's wee'd! Oh, no!
LAUGHTER
I'm covered in wee!
♪ In a perfect world... ♪
SHE SCREAMS
THEY GROAN
Have you ever done owt like that? Well, I ain't telling you if I had!
HE IMITATES HORN
Oh... BOTH: Barcelona!
Ugh!
No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me how to
eat my dinner.
A what?!
Foot fetish?!
I had no idea that was a thing.
"Remove my britches. Expose your loins." I like that.
Oh! Oh!
THEY LAUGH
Oh, Ronnie!
This is weird.
Ooh, he's a mercenary bugger, isn't he?
This is why I don't date.
That is dicing with the devil. Oh, no!
He suffers for his art, doesn't he? Clearly.
A Bentley Continental?!
I think I'd rather call it a day, Nutty, wouldn't you?
♪ Who's been arrested now?
♪ And for what? ♪
In the week, Nasa's Artemis II rocket set off
to the dark side of the moon...
...we enjoyed lots of great telly.
The big man was lording it up on BBC one.
Lord Sugar is on the hunt for the next big thing.
He hasn't felt the need to change his name to Lord Sweetener, Nutty.
Why on earth would he? Oh, that's so unfunny!
Do you remember when I had a good sense of humour? Is that...?
Is that the standard of joke that I might...?
That's, like, one of the worst jokes I've ever...
That's the reason I've stopped coming to London.
I think my jokes have gone downhill. Nutty. I'd say, "Have you watched
"anything by Lord Sweetener recently?"
Brides were getting more than they bargained for on MAFS.
He would rather starve himself,
which turned into the opposite problem as he got older
and he turned into a gluttonous pig.
I loved your wedding speeches for the fact of it was so...
It was me, you and Brian. Yeah.
Now, Brian was panicking
because he thought he was going to say, "Hello, my name's BRAIN."
Yeah, well, he is dyslexic. You hadn't written anything,
and I was that nervous that I just read off my phone at 2x speed.
Yeah, it's like having an auctioneer there.
"Hello. Welcome to the wedding. Thank you, everybody, for coming."
"I've known Pete for 30 years. He's a fantastic lad.
"Thank you very much. The buffet is now open."
And they were making keep-fit sound easy on the BBC.
Strength training puts stress on our muscle fibres
and can cause microscopic damage to them.
Ate, seem it's not good for you, some of it, is it?
It is. That's not. They grow back stronger,
Do they? Yeah. It's like what they call...
I think it's called myofibrilisation, where they grow...
Christ, have you chewed on a book or something?!
HE LAUGHS Christ, you're getting on my nerves!
In Wiltshire...
What can we do about these ants, Mary?
Oh! Oh, one's just bit me!
Oh, my God! What's happening?
I've just been bitten by an ant, Mary! You have not.
Yeah, there's two of them. Ant and Dec.
MARY CHUCKLES
...Giles and his wife Mary.
Oh, Mary! You're not serious. They... They don't bite, do they?
Look. They were literally... I've just... They weren't in that jar.
They were in the jar, Mary. All... Oh, my God!
Look at the thing! Look at the lid. Oh, no! That's horrible!
Look at how many... Who left the lid off?
Ant and Dec, and all their family.
Let go of the jar.
Oh, my God, they're all over my hand!
And they've gone into the jar, you imbecilic person!
It wasn't me who left the jar loose.
On Thursday night,
beginners in business were at it again on BBC One.
You see, the thing is with Lord sugar,
you know, he goes, "You're fired."
What he doesn't actually realise is that the legislation
now with regards to employment law has changed considerably,
and if he's not careful that he will end up in a tribunal.
Yeah. And you don't want that on your hands.
Not at his age.
You're fired.
Do you know what? I can't take my eyes off Alan Sugar's ear lobes.
Big old ear lobes, them, aren't they? Whose ear lobes are bigger?
Mine or Alan Sugar's? Alan's.
Good morning. In the programme, Lord Sugar was remoting in with
another creative challenge for the teams.
...and the UK spends an astonishing £9 billion a year
on products for their pets.
Nine billion on THAT guy?! I can believe that. Really? Yeah.
Alan Sugar doesn't really know much about animals.
That's just one trip to the vet. SHE LAUGHS
So you're going to come up with a new pet lifestyle brand,
design an innovative pet product.
I like that. This is a bit of me. I would excel at this task.
The biggest purchase I've made recently,
self-cleaning litter trays. Oh!
That's the kind of shit they need to be coming up with. Yeah.
Planning to pounce on a winning idea...
Now, imagine if you had the power to leave your dog voice notes.
Voice notes?!
I speak to my dogs all the time, don't you? So do I.
In my head, OK, there's a dog bed, right? And dog owners communicate
and leave, like, little voice messages for their dogs.
I don't think Perkins would like that very much.
No, it would confuse him, he'd think we're there. He thinks we're there.
Surely that would freak the dog out, though.
Yeah, dog's having a nap, and next thing, "Woof!
"Where's that come from?!"
The logo needs to be minimalistic and chic.
Like, I thought of Maison de Chien, which means House of Dog.
That sounds kind of sick, innit? Yeah, that sounds sick,
Maison de Chien.
Chic Canines, or Chic Le Chien.
Chic le Chien?! I know chic is... Posh. Yeah. Posh Dogs.
In French, wouldn't it be the other way around? Le Chien Chic.
Yeah, that just sounds way better. Le Chien Chic.
Chic is very much like Paris, chic... It's very, like, elegant.
Did she say chic is really...? "It's like Paris, it's like chic,
"so chic is chic." THEY LAUGH
Just to confirm, the brand name is going to be Chique Le Chien.
She spelled it wrong! That's not how you spell it!
Yeah, that's not right. It should be C-H-I-C. Yeah.
I think if we can have the Chique bigger than the Le Chien... Yeah.
"Yeah. We want the misspelt Chique even bigger, please."
Like that. Perfect.
Cheek-wa. Cheek-wa Le Chien.
I mean, seriously?! And they're all going with it!
It's a shame because it looks quite good, as well.
It does look quite nice, but it means fuck all.
Can I just double-check the spelling of Chic Le Chien?
Good question.
C-H-I-Q-U-E.
That's not the spelling of chic.
Oh, you G! Ha-ha! I love her.
Well done, Karishma. She's spot-on there, you know. Yeah, she is.
How would you usually spell it?
So it would be C-H-I-C. C-H-I-C. Oh, like chic!
Like chic. Yeah, like chic!
"Oh, so you spell chic like chic? SHE LAUGHS
"Right, yeah. OK. Yeah, I see what you're saying now."
So if you write a rough script for this, keep it short and sweet.
Oh, so they're coming up with the messages that you're going to hear
in the bed, right? Yeah. Weird.
"Hey, baby, I miss you. I'm running late, but I'll be home soon.
"Love you so much." SMACKS LIPS
"See you soon. Bye!"
Who would say that to their dog?!
"Hey, baby, I miss you." Have you ever said to Pickle,
"Hey, baby, I miss you"? No.
I would leave, in a high-pitched woman's voice, Nutty,
I'd leave a message... "Chicken!" Oh!
So this is going to be audio-activated.
Any loud bang, an ambulance, a knock on the door.
Hey, baby, I miss you. I'm running late... Like that.
...but I'll be home soon. That clap just triggered it.
That's clever.
Love you so much. See you soon. Bye! Bye! Aw!
That dog's going to get fed up with that, man!
That noise is going to get...
She's going to get sick of the sound of her own voice, you know!
We initially started with a round bed. Then I was like...
RECORDING PLAYS AGAIN
Oh, no! It's too sensitive. It's going off for everything!
Obviously it does go off with quite sensitive sounds.
RECORDING PLAYS AGAIN
Oh, wow!
THEY LAUGH Oh, no.
It'd fucking drive anyone mad, that!
LAUGHTER
The dog... Has it got on/off? "Let me out!"
Oh, guys, you know, today's a big, busy day. We've got the pitch...
RECORDING PLAYS AGAIN
THEY LAUGH
"Hey, baby!" THEY LAUGH
I'm just going to switch that off.
Love you so much. See you soon. Bye-bye. Bye!
"Bye!" THEY LAUGH
She's switching it off. She don't even like herself.
She's switching the bastard off and it's her voice!
I've spunked so much money on pets over the years.
I block it out because I don't want to remember,
because I'd just upset myself. Exactly.
But I can tell you what I wouldn't be wasting my money on. That! Yes.
In Hull...
Do you know, I went to fill my car up the other day.
Oh, you're not panic buying, are you? No. I suppose you went to
the petrol station, put loads of petrol in, loads of bog rolls
and everything. No, no, I just filled the car up!
...best friends Jenny and Lee.
Oh, I didn't half notice the difference
because I always fill my car up when it's half full. Mm.
Always.
So... And I went and I thought, "What a difference!" Is it?
Yeah. Bloody too expensive. Really? It lasts me six months.
I was going to say, you don't fucking go anywhere! I know!
No, but now... The furthest you go is the petrol station!
On Wednesday,
Disney+ took us on a flying visit to meet our favourite buzzing insects.
Oh, the bees. Oh, you like all this shit, don't you?
I just love bees.
You've always loved bees. I know. That's one thing, consistently since
I've known you, you do love a bumblebee.
What if I told you bees could be the most important animals
on the planet?
I'd believe you. I'd BEE-lieve you.
Ah!
There are over 20,000 species of bees...
Wow! I never knew that. I didn't know that.
I just thought they were just a bee.
...and together they pollinate a third of the food we eat.
Like, what type of food? Potatoes. Everything.
They pollinate a spud?!
I'm kind of here for this. Yeah. Kind of creeped out. Kind of here.
I'm in the middle of doing a bee jigsaw.
Are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Different types of bees.
They all look the same. It's a bugger!
In the mountain forests of Japan...
Has your sister had any encounters with bees while she's been in Japan?
We don't really have many...
...much conversations about bees. I'll have to ask her.
...the Asian honeybee faces a much more frightening foe.
What could that be?
Giant hornets...
Oh, they're bad bastards, them hornets!
They're awful! All right! Bloody hell! Calm down!
Oh, my God, look at them!
...known by some as "murder hornets".
THEY EXCLAIM
Because that is what they do.
Oh! Oh, you see what they're doing?!
Why have they got things like that in their life?
I don't know. Who needs them?
A nearby hive is in the firing line.
Oh, shit. Watch your back, lads!
Oh, no, this is dreadful. I don't want to see this.
SHE GASPS
Oh, it just attacked!
Oh! God! You arsehole!
Luckily, the entrance is too narrow for the giant.
Oh, it's too narrow. Thank Christ for that, then.
The hornet flies off.
Couple of weeks on Ozempic, it's straight back in!
"Recognise me?" Yeah. "I'm back!"
The hornet marks the hive with a chemical scent
that will guide her and her clan right back.
That's horrible! So they're going to come back in masses?
This is like a nightmare. Well, I think you're overreacting.
I can't.... Why can't you just watch a nature documentary without
being hysterical?
I've never seen such a horrible thing as a murder hornet!
Workers race to collect fragrant leaves to mask the hornet's scent.
Well...!
That's clever, isn't it? Yeah.
That's what I used to do when I'd been out smoking.
On the walk home, I'd get a leaf and I'd rub it on my fingers
so that when I got in, my mum was like, "Let me smell your fingers!"
This extraordinary behaviour is a rare example of tool use.
Look, he's wiping it. Yeah. He's using the leaf like a cloth.
And look at them all working together.
The bees work quickly.
But not fast enough.
Aw.
We're going to be upset, Mary. Here they come again.
The hornet's back...
...with her sisters.
Oh, God. There's three of them!
Oh, what the bloody hell?
And together they slice their way in.
Oh! Daniella!
No! They're eating the entrance.
Oh, it's in. It's in. Oh, no.
Oh, no!
Why don't all the bees just gang up on that big hornet now
and just sting him in the face? Yeah. Twat it.
The bees' only hope for survival...
...is to respond as one.
Oh, yeah. Attack!
Oh, swarm it, swarm it! Swarm it, swarm it!
Hold...
Now!
Go on! That's it! Get in!
They're all on him, too! Phwoar! Go on. Sting the bastard.
Sting him up! Swarm him! Sting him up! Swarm it! Swarm it!
Yes, bite it, bite it, bite it! Beat them up!
The bees vibrate their wings together
to generate extreme heat.
That is perfect. They're going to cook him.
They're setting it on fire with their wings.
That's mental.
And nuke it. Nuke it, yeah.
Brilliant.
The temperature in the centre reaches 115 degrees.
What? Ah, wow.
Hot enough to fry a hornet.
And then chuck its fried body out to warn the others. Yeah.
Did somebody order a hornet? One fried hornet coming up.
Send it back out fried. "There's your mate."
The next invader gets the same treatment.
Yes! Yes! And here's another one. Yeah, get that one as well.
Their collective action has achieved the near impossible...
Oh, it's like... What? Innit?
...and saved the colony.
That is wild. Is wild.
I mean, what's that last hornet going to do?
Go back and tell everybody. Well, they'll be going,
"John and Kevin have just been killed in that hive out there.
"You want to watch them. Vicious little gits!
"Thought we were bad!"
In Blackpool...
I'll tell you what, It was an emotional roller-coaster on Friday.
Why? So Paige went to me,
"Will you drop Eva off at nursery?"
LAUGHTER I said, "All right."
Fucking hell. Yeah. Your kids? Yeah.
...Pete and his little sister Sophie.
I dropped her off at pre-school,
and I just got in the car, and I just started crying,
cos I'm like... Aw, don't!
She's getting so grown up now.
I'm welling up now. Urgh! Aw!
Like, she's such a big girl,
not in a like... You get my drift. Yeah.
And I'm just like... She's just straight in. Aw.
She went, "High five." Straight in. Not arsed. Not arsed.
Yeah. They don't give a shit about me now.
Gone. Daddy's just off to cry in the car.
You have a nice day. I'm going to have a little sob in the car park.
On Thursday night,
it was time to set sail and go full steam ahead into
the brand-new series of this on BBC One.
Hey, see, when watching this, did you book a holiday?
No. Oh, yeah, I did. Skegness.
Race Across the World.
Skegness.
Race Across the Humber Bridge.
Do they go around the whole world?
You know what, right? Because that takes 365 days, I think.
No, it takes 350... 365 days for the sun to orbit the earth.
No, it doesn't. No, to get around the whole earth,
it would take a year.
The sun, not a person. The sun.
Palermo in Sicily! Palermo in Sicily!
How lovely.
Equipped with the essentials...
Right, Molly? Are you ready for this?
I can't look. ..time to find out where the race will take them.
Your final destination is Hatgal.
Hatgal. Where is that?
"Hot gal."
Hot gal. Hot gal, you know?
Where the hell is that? Yeah. In Jamaica.
First checkpoint. Fiskardo.
Fiskardo. Greece. Fiskardo. That's giving Greece.
No, it's not. That's giving... Fiskardo.
To the east, in the wine-dark sea of the Ionian archipelago,
the Greek village of Fiskardo.
Oh. You're right!
Well done, darling. Honestly. Stick with me.
It's near Meganisi.
I've actually been to Fiskardo last year.
Have you? Yeah. Smelt of fish.
"Fishkardo".
We need to find out where Fiskardo is, because it's not on the map.
Do you know what, lad? Train station.
There might be a stop called Fiskardo.
I don't think there will be,
because it's in a completely different country.
It's in a remote island.
I don't think this place exists. It's like Narnia.
Oh, this isn't boding well, is it?
Well, they're youngsters.
They need to ask somebody.
Come on, go and ask someone how to get to Fiskardo.
Oh. Well done. She's googled it. Oh, she's googled it. Clever.
So I think the fastest way is if we can find a ferry over to Naples.
I'm sure that we can connect. Very quick.
Sort of up, across and down.
OK, now you're... Now we're talking. Now you're talking, bruv. Come on.
So there's always an option to get somewhere
via water rather than having to fly.
Mm-mm. I didn't know that.
Two lads are over there. Oh. So they're doing the same as us.
Yeah. We can give them the game face eyes.
Andrew and Molly are there now with Jo and Kush. Yeah.
That must be... Well, at least you know you're on
level pegging, don't you?
Well, at least you know you're going the right way. Yeah.
After that, we just take an island hop, then to Kefalonia.
A smaller ferry to Kefalonia. Yes. Perfect.
See? Father and daughter.
Look at that. Doing so well together.
That could be us.
And how much will it be for two?
Ooh, that's quite a lot of their budget.
We're ten short.
Aw! Aw!
Is there anywhere we could change money?
Oh, they need to change the currency. Mm.
Oh, that's going to delay Molly and Andrew.
Well, yeah, cos they've got to go and change money now, haven't they?
We'll be able to go on this ferry.
Hey, the boys have got their ticket.
You wouldn't give us a tenner for a tenner? No?
Aw, that's a shame. Thought not. That's a shame.
I ain't going to lie, I'm right there with you.
I'm right there. Oh, no. I'd feel too bad.
I'd have to help.
Yes! Help them out! Good karma. No! It's a race!
No. Oh, lad, what are you trying?
"What are you trying? What are you trying?"
I'm with Kush. Oh, you would be.
Scusi. We need to get our ferry tickets.
Would you have ten euro and I'll give you £10 sterling?
Grazie. I can hug you. Grazie. Not a problem.
Oh, yes! Aw. Aw.
Look at that.
Aw. Someone... Someone's helped them out.
After a long haul ferry to Greece,
the teams took to their heels for the race to the first checkpoint.
"Continuing on foot, look for the local map stand."
That's the map stand. Map stand.
"And if you can find an off road short cut..."
An off road short cut!
"..to your first checkpoint Hotel Emelisse."
Oh, that's nice. So they've got the hotel where they need to go.
I mean, that's quite confusing. Oh, nice-looking hotel. You just find
an offroad short cut behind the back of the trees,
see the brown cat, go left,
hang a right and then go through the well and you're at your hotel.
And you'll be there.
We need to find the maps.
There's one here. Right, Molly, this way.
Wait a minute. No.
There's the map stand.
No, it's not a map stand.
Well, what's that? That's a bloody map stand, you silly get.
What's that, then, Andrew? Scotch mist.
Hotel. There it is. Oh, it's right there. Where are we?
Oh, the lads, they're on it. Oh, come on.
Surely they're in the lead.
We follow the water.
Kush and Jo seem to be doing well now. Yeah, they do.
They seem to have got it in their head now, haven't they? Yeah.
I've seen three of these. It is. I was right.
Yes, you were right, Molly!
You absolutely were bang-on the money.
You're right. We need to back up the headland.
Oh! You'd be fuming with your dad if he wasn't listening to you
and you were right all along.
See, we would also become insufferable if we were right
and the person we were with was wrong.
We couldn't let that go.
Usain Bolt can do it in ten seconds. Yeah.
Who's it going to be?
Molly! Come on. Come on!
Andrew's puffed out, mate. Yeah.
Well, I would be if I had a fucking house on my back like that.
Oh, my God. Let's get in there and sign that book!
Oh, there's the book. Who's first? Open the book.
There's the book. There's the book and the pen.
Oh, and the pen. Sorry.
Oh! Oh! Bastards. Every time,
cliff-hanger. It's almost like they want us
to watch the next one. Well, I won't now,
out of principle. I absolutely will, because I'm hooked.
In Leeds...
I said to Nat this morning, I went, I says, "Nat, I've decided."
I went, "I don't think I want to have another baby this year.
"I want to wait till next year."
...sisters Ellie and Izzi.
And he actually jumped up like this
and started doing a happy dance like that.
And he was like going, "Hallelujah, hallelujah!"
And I says to him, "Well..." I went, "Nat."
I went, "I am going to want to have one next year.
"I just think I've got too many projects on this year
"to be able to have a baby." He went,
"I'm going to start a project next year." I went,
"Oh, yeah? What project are you going to start?"
He went, "I'm going to put a swimming pool in the back garden."
I shouldn't have told him that. Gives him time to book in
for the snip. Yeah, exactly.
This week there was fresh meat heading up
the aisle Down Under on E4.
Oh, it's my favourite.
It's Married at First Sight.
You do like this, don't you? I do.
I was going to renew my vows.
Well, I wanted to. But Ray didn't. No.
People used to, years ago,
talk about the cost of getting married.
Nowadays... It's the cost of getting divorced. Exactly.
That's why we're still together. Yeah. Can't afford it, can we? No.
Next to enter the experiment is an extroverted bride
who is hoping to find her equally eccentric soulmate.
Oh, this sounds like me. Extroverted and eccentric.
I'm Juliette, I'm 27, and I'm a receptionist from Melbourne.
Oh, Juliette. Juliette.
So I just like to say yes to almost everything.
Me, too! LAUGHTER
She's probably got a car sticker that says, "One life. Live it." Mm.
I'm Joel, I'm 31. I'm from Sydney, and I'm a model.
He's fucking 31?! I'm older than him.
Eh, he looks nice in that suit, don't he?
He is good-looking. He's catalogue material, him.
Catalogue? Yeah. Who has a catalogue nowadays?
Well, no, but... Kays catalogue or was it Littlewoods?
Yeah. Both. Grattan's.
So I'm a model now which I never thought
in my wildest dreams would ever happen.
I was a fat Uber driver for six years.
A fat Uber driver?
For six years?
See, Dad? Look, miracles can happen!
What were you like? What's going on?
Are they going to actually show that?
But like... like, I want them to.
I, like... That's a request.
Are you having a laugh?
Is that the same guy? Yes!
That's an interesting angle.
He WAS a fat Uber driver!
Here comes the bride! Oh! Here comes Juliette!
How's it going, guys?
Why did he turn around like that?
That was a really weird turn!
That really was.
Hi, hubby! Hello, darling.
Mwa! You look gorgeous.
OK. He's saying all the right things.
Well, this isn't your typical man meets woman story.
What does he mean? What's he mean by that?
From the moment I saw you, I just had this funny feeling
that it was going to take less than two sightings to marry you.
What?
Is that another shit joke?
OK, carry on, Joel.
Who is this perfectly manicured, dapper, suave, sexy...
Modest! Modest. Don't forget modest.
...who says what he thinks and who is unapologetically himself
at all times, with no exceptions
for anyone, anything, any time or any place?
HE LAUGHS
He reminds me of Borat.
Oh, yeah. It's like a... it's like a spoof.
He is giving Borat. It's like he's a spoof.
Joel's an extravagant man, for sure,
but I love that about him.
Oh, OK.
She likes him. Well, see, she wants summat different.
Yeah, she's definitely going to get summat different.
Yeah, like a clown.
I think he's going to make me laugh a lot.
And that's something I said to the experts,
I want someone to make me laugh.
Oh, why did you say that? Yeah.
This isn't going to stop. Why did you tell the experts that?
You see, now, if you were in Juliette's position
and I was your brother there, you know, watching all this unfold,
I'd be saying, "Let's just pull the plug on this."
Yeah. "The dude's obviously a helmet."
And it wasn't long until Joel had another speech to make.
Good evening, everyone, and thank you for coming.
It's the wedding dinner.
Oh, God. He's got to do another speech, darling.
Someone needs to take the mic off of Joel, please. Yeah.
One thing about me is that I have an insatiable appetite,
not just for food, but for life...
Aww.
...for love, and of course...
..for my love. Yes.
You called him Borat, and he just did Borat!
Oh, my God. Oh, real recognise real.
He's based his personality off of Borat.
I hope you're excited to move in with me because I'm a real catch.
Think more along the lines of anchovy than bluefin tuna.
Um... OK.
Nobody's laughing.
I am!
I'm only joking.
I'm talking about my old self, which was smelly and undesirable.
Oh... Oh, nice.
My hay fever is so ferocious,
you can hear me sneezing from outer space.
Oh, no! This is unattractive.
And when I'm not sneezing, I'm snorting.
Ah! Oh...
Every three seconds, I have an urge to clear sewage from my throat.
Huh?
Oh, what?!
Why is he saying things like this?
Through highs and lows, my loyalty will remain
as strong as my BO after a Barry's class.
Oh, yuck!
Oh! Oh, God!
I wouldn't even sit there waiting for the sweets. I'd be off.
Thank you.
Anything nice to say about Juliette?
Somehow, I've got a feeling Juliette's opinion's
starting to change a little.
Yeah, I'm definitely a bit... a bit worried.
A bit worried?! I'd be very worried.
I'd be running for the hills, pet.
She's thinking, "We've got ourselves a fucking live wire." Yeah.
"This isn't legally binding, is it, love?"
"Just double checking. It's not legal, this, is it?
"You know, it's just a fictional thing!
"If we do want to call it off at any time..."
In Manchester...
I don't think Martha looks like you, sweetie.
She looks like her dad.
She does. She looks like her dad.
She looks like Dan. Yeah.
...Alison, her husband George and her daughter Helena.
Oh, look at her little feet.
Look at her little feet!
She's been collecting, in her hand,
fibres and mulch. Has she?
And I've been having to remove it from her.
But I thought, you could do some felting with that.
What, as a little keepsake?
Yeah, that'd be nice. It'd stink!
But she's very good at collecting fibre.
That's like belly buttons, though, isn't it? Mm.
Has she got a good belly button? Looks like a cinnamon swirl.
Oh, does it? Yeah. That's nice.
On Tuesday, some familiar faces
had tips and tricks for a better life on the BBC.
I love, um, self-help books and manuals, Nutty.
There was one I bought called
Life Was Never Meant To Be A Struggle.
Well, it's not, for you. That's right.
We all want simple ways to feel better.
Maybe you want to know how to kick start your day.
Absolutely, I do want to know how to kick start my day.
Stay in bed another hour.
Yeah!
Pull the covers up.
Or perhaps you're having trouble remembering things.
Oh, dear. Mum!
Oh, Sarah, more fish. Mum! More salmon.
Following in the footsteps of Dr Michael Mosley
in his hit podcast Just One Thing...
Sad about Michael Mosley passing, isn't it? It is, yeah.
He wanted to encourage people.
And the idea was that if you did just one thing,
it would be better than nothing, and it could make a huge difference.
I can't believe how much it has changed my life.
Just one thing. That's it, you see.
I want to know the secret, the just one thing.
But I don't know if I do,
because then I might actually have to do something.
Exactly. I don't want to do anything.
Not even one thing.
Now, I know it can be easy to worry
when starting a brand-new fitness and health regime.
I've got a gym pass, and I use it...
...for the cafe.
It's a nice cafe. It is.
But I have just one thing that can increase strength,
improve blood sugars,
and even give us stronger bones,
all for the minimum effort possible.
I'm all for that, aren't you? Minimal effort.
That sounds good. This is us. Yeah.
This is us, totally. Minimum effort.
The last bit, minimum effort. Yeah, that's what we need.
I'm on my way to meet 70-year-old retiree...
Martin Kemp!
...Alastair, whose exercise journey has been far from easy.
Hello! Hey, Roman. Hello!
Oh, it's Alastair. Mm-hm.
Take a seat. Thank you. I will, thank you very much.
Yeah.
Your Just One Thing is...
What?
...easy exercise.
HE LAUGHS
What's he laughing for?
What we're going to do, we're going to stand up.
OK. OK, I can do that. Right. Right.
Oh, we're going to stand up.
I'm not standing up, pal.
I want you to sit down... Uh-huh. ..slowly.
Oh! Oh, yeah.
Got you. The squatting.
Come on, let's give it a good go. Ready?
HE GROANS
Dad's out!
One, two...
Right.
...three... Right.
OK, I can do that. Right.
Oh.
I feel that pulling on my calf now.
Oh, really? Yeah.
...four... Oh, I can feel it in the legs. ..five.
And we're sat.
Oh!
LEE LAUGHS
Oh... That's what I'm like.
...four, five. Well done.
That wasn't bad.
Do you want to stand up now to the count of five?
No. I'd have a heart attack.
Most adults in the UK sit down for eight hours or more each day.
That's a lot... You do a lot more than that. Of sitting down? Yeah.
I sit down more than eight hours a day?
Absolutely. Chee, talk to your dad.
So my list of exercises are keeping the group on their toes.
Am I doing it right? Yeah... Oh, I fell!
It's the lowering down slowly that's the easy exercise part.
And it's been no sweat, literally, for Linda...
Oh, Linda, go yourself!
...as she's smashing her heel lowering and wall press ups.
Slower going towards the fridge door,
than it is when I'm coming away from it.
I can see that's quite good. Quite easy.
Imagine if you were walking past Linda's house
and you saw her doing that. Yeah. "What are you doing, Linda?"
"Oh, poor Linda, she's lost it!"
And she has more top tips when it comes to arm lowering.
All I use is two cans of soup.
Ah! Oh, hang on, what's Linda doing?
She never stops, Linda!
So it's just a case of
arms up...
...and then slowly down.
There you go! Go on, girl.
See, you can do that while the kettle's boiling.
Yes, you could.
Before you go and sit down!
THEY LAUGH
This is 6kg.
SHE LAUGHS
Look at that.
Shoulder press! See, I could do that exercise.
That exercise is fun.
I could do that. You don't need tins of soup.
You just need a sausage dog. Exactly!
In Yorkshire...
Oh, look what we've got for Easter!
They're real live chickens.
Oh, my God, those little chickens!
...Sara and her daughter-in-law, Lara.
Oh, my goodness. Aren't they adorable?
Oh, they are adorable.
Are they going down to Bev?
Yeah, they're going to move in with Bev.
They're going to be proper grown-up chickens.
Oh, we love you. Bless you, darling.
Hello, Milly and Molly, or whatever you're called.
I'm not sure if we're allowed to name them yet.
I might go put them in their warm...
Yeah, put them in... Go put them back.
Thank you, darling, for showing them to us. Don't let them get cold.
They're lovely. Little babies. All right. Bye.
Bye-bye, chickens. Happy Easter!
BBC NEWS THEME PLAYS
On Friday, there was a regional crime
making the headlines on the BBC.
Well, it's the...
Fuck's sake.
Why does it always land butter side down?
Fudge'll lick it off for you.
Fudge'll clean it for you. That's what dogs are good for.
I have started watching the news whilst I'm on the treadmill,
because it's half an hour and I feel like it's a good use of time.
It's all about stacking habits,
so I'm working out and burning calories,
but I'm also keeping abreast of current affairs.
You mean depressing yourself? Well, no, not always,
cos sometimes they have, like, a nice little juicy, fun story.
Now, the residents of two villages in East Yorkshire
are scratching their heads over a vintage mystery.
Oh?
Oh, I heard about this on the radio!
Bags full of empty bottles of New Zealand wine
keep being dumped on grass verges...
Christ, who's dumping that?
They must be bloody pissed, drinking all that.
At least they're putting them in bags!
Yeah, they're not complete animals!
...leaving people in Hotham and North Cave
wondering who has acquired such a taste for Sauvignon blanc.
Ooh, somebody's got a bit of a penchant for Sauvignon blanc.
And - and fly-tipping.
Well, you can cut me out of the inquiries,
because I'm White Zinfandel.
I would never be Savvy B. Yeah.
At first sigh, the villages of Hotham and North Cave
are typical picturesque East Yorkshire villages...
What's going on in Hotham? Eh?
I know, yeah!
I mean, what a beautiful place to have all them bottles dumped.
Auntie Jane's just been to Whitby. It wasn't her, wasn't it?
Well, no, it's not Auntie Jane, because she likes...
Pinot Grigio.
...but beneath the surface,
there's a crime involving wine that's happening repeatedly.
I'll tell you what. My sister lives up there, don't she?
She likes to drop a wine, Janet.
Residents say hundreds of empty bottles of Sauvignon blanc...
Someone's been going hard. Yeah!
So, that one with the blue top, that's an Oyster Bay.
I love your knowledge of mid-range white wine
available from a supermarket near you.
...particularly Villa Maria,
said to pair nicely with seafood and tangy goat's cheese.
Our Louise loves a Villa Maria Sauvignon blanc.
It's our Louise's favourite!
Ooh, wonder if it's our Louise.
Well, we've found where you can buy Villa Maria from.
This is Tesco, the nearest major supermarket from Hotham,
five and a half miles away,
and this is £10.75 a bottle.
£10.75. Well, it won't be you, then.
That's one thing.
I'll count you out.
Villagers have told us when they catch the culprit,
they'll have a drink to celebrate -
but it won't be white wine.
I bet everybody's looking at each other in the village now.
"He likes a drink." Yeah. "And she do."
All I would do is, if somebody's drunk 48 bottles of wine,
who's got a really red face and nose in the local area?
That should give it away.
In southeast London...
Can I tell you this story? Go on, then.
There I was out there, cleaning the drive up the other day...
Yeah. ..and the lady from across the road,
"Oh," she said, "I've got some printing here for you."
...Sue and her husband Steve.
I said, "For me?"
She said, "Yeah. Was you trying to print this off?"
You know the report for the eye? When you had you cataracts?
Yeah. I went, "Yeah.
What, it went over the road to their house,
on their printer? Printed over there!
It saves on paper and ink, doesn't it?
Hey?!
So, it's gone to the house across...?! It's gone over the road!
How the hell have I managed that?!
This week, top tier comics
were still trying not to chuckle on Prime Video.
BLEATING LAUGHTER
Why...? Why are you laughing like that?
Cos it's the... Last One Laughing, Mary.
Oh. I was just getting it out of my system.
Who will be the last one to laugh?
Probably Amazon,
because ultimately they're making money out of this.
In the final,
it was Sam Campbell and David Mitchell going head-to-head...
Yeah. I think we've done...
...we've acquitted ourselves well.
It's the two driest people that are left. Yeah.
They're going to have a dry-off.
...and Jimmy had a trick up his sleeve.
OK, we've got to find a winner.
Oh! How lovely. It's the trolley. The trolley!
Why is he taking afternoon tea in?
Hi, guys.
Congratulations on making it this far.
Yes. Please take a seat.
I'm immediately looking at the squirty cream.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
As a special treat, I've got some delicious food for you.
You can eat as much as you like, but there is a catch.
You have to feed each other.
No! Oh, for goodness' sake!
Oh, my God! They've got to feed each other.
How are they going to keep a straight face doing that?
Would you like some squirty cream?
Yeah.
Me and David are on the same page!
I would be gone already. Yeah. I would be gone.
I'll have a squirt.
Oh, will you ever?!
Mm...
Ooh, he's looking at him real seductive!
Nat could seduce me with a can of squirty cream like that.
Oh, you'd be putty in his hands, wouldn't you? I would.
Don't make it sexual. No, no, no... Whatever you do.
Oh, David.
Oh, God!
Eeh... I'd be hopeless, I would.
Yeah, and me. I would have cracked by now.
Uh, ever seen a little flick, Lady And The Tramp?
Oh! I think you'd have to take control of one end. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, no!
No, don't do Lady And The Tramp. You'll ruin eclairs for everyone.
Oh! Oh!
Don't back off.
Oh, my God!
Aah! Oh, God!
How are they still not laughing? I don't get it.
Banana?
You think so? Yeah, OK.
No. No, not a banana.
Oh, this is going to be sexual. Oh, no.
Eat it.
No, I'm done, I'm done!
The eye contact! Ohhh!
Mm! Is it banana-y?
How are they doing that with a straight face?
It's really good.
Maybe the potassium.
Maybe the potassium!
No, Sam - Sam's great.
INTERCOM CHIMES
OK, we're going to count down. You have 10 seconds remaining.
Nobody's going to laugh here now. 10 seconds remaining.
Uh-oh. You pull out all the stops. Pull out all the stops.
David! ..seven...
Just tickle him. Tickle him.
Right, just launch all the food at each other. Food fight.
...three...
MUFFLED
Oh...! Two... one!
Oh, wow!
Fair play.
Both of them didn't crack.
Nobody. Nobody even smirked.
You've both played an incredible game.
One of you will be declared the winner of Last One Laughing.
Who's it going to be?
The person that caused the most laughs today...
...is... Is... David.
Sam.
Sam even made Bob Mortimer laugh, and he won it last time.
...David Mitchell.
Oh, he's won! Oh, he won it! Oh, there they are.
David was always going to be really hard to beat, though.
You don't laugh at me a lot.
No, I don't have to laugh at you, Lee.
I do laugh at you sometimes.
Are you laughing at me or with me?
I'm laughing with you.
You're a liar. You're a liar!
In Wiltshire...
I've had the whole packet of cheese scones.
Why? Well, I had...
You know these pregnancy style cravings that women have?
Yeah. I had a pregnancy style craving for cheese scones.
...Giles and his wife, Mary.
So, today... Well, I'm going to have to punish you.
I've put on half a stone. Yeah, I'm not surprised.
I'm going to have to get some sort of thing like a Taser
and Taser you when you've eaten.
Taser? Taser! Taser.
"You'll be..." For domestic use.
"You'll be tasered the next time you go to that oven."
on Tuesday, there were more sandy celebs
getting surprised on Paramount+.
I never actually really asked about your past dating life.
You don't want to know. Let's start now.
Yeah, let's... Ask away, Harry.
We haven't got enough time. We've got to watch this now.
The celebs have landed in paradise.
That's my favourite place, Mary.
Where? Tenerife.
Was that Jedward?
He's called Edwin or something, from a boyband.
Is he? Er...
Jesus, what's going on? I'm Irish.
There's only so much sun I can take.
It is Jedward! Oh, my God!
It's coming back to me who he is, nutty.
He's called Cedric or something.
I have not watched this in years.
I think watching this is going to validate the whole reason
why I don't normally watch this anyway.
I'm only tuning in because Jedward's on it.
I can't believe it.
I'm Helen.
Helen Flanagan.
Rosie! Rosie!
I'm John.
Oh, John! Oh, John!
I am an international pop star...
Uh... I... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there.
International? Well, I think they are, Lee. What?!
...with my twin brother Edward, from Jedward.
Jedward!
Didn't I say Cedric, Mary? I was almost...
I said Cedric or Edwin. Ugh!
I'm feeling jepic and jexy.
Well, I have always found them a little bit jannoying,
you know what I mean? Yeah! But...
Yeah. ..let's see how he fares on this.
Yeah. Jeluded, I think is the...
Hello, girls!
God, what are the girls going to say about this bunch?
Look who it is!
How does he do that? He looks old and young at the same time.
What is going on right now?!
I think I've slid in your DMs...
Oh, I've slid into your DMs. Oh...
I want Jedward to slide into my DMs.
You're too old.
Look at this.
We got the sun, we got the breeze.
Exactly. We got Helen Flanagan in her leopard print.
Oh, he likes Helen, doesn't he? Oh, he likes Helen!
"It's date night."
It's date night!
Oh, it's date night! Date night!
How lovely. Who's going with who? Now, who's going with who?
"Girls, you are in control."
Oh, no!
"It's up to you to decide which boy you want to date."
I hope this isn't like -
you know, when you're getting picked for sport, for PE.
I'm really torn between Toby and John.
Oh, good. Oh, she did say John. She did say John.
Oh, well... He's got a chance. Come on.
She was with that footballer, wasn't she... Yeah.
...and then she's gone for David Haye -
so, natural progression, you would go for a member of Jedward. Yeah.
Toby, I feel like I get on with him personality wise.
Also with John, as well, because he's really funny and he's quirky.
Oh, he's too quirky for me.
The Irish do tend to be good fun,
Giles, have you noticed?
Y... Yes.
They've got picky bits on the table!
Picky bits, little bit of little picky bits.
A love a little picky bit one, you know? Yeah.
Picky bits on the table?!
That's our generation.
Oh, awful.
Remember, lads, open body language. Not too open.
Straight open. How are you doing? Not too open!
No, that's a bit much.
Please pick John, Helen.
Hey, John! Who's this?
She's going for Jedwin, nutty.
That is like Leicester winning the Premier League.
That is the analogy I would give.
Shall we have a drink, darling?
Yeah - I can feed you a raspberry, because that's really nice.
Are you gonna feed me? Yeah. There you go.
Oh...
There you go.
Now chew on it. Mm, juicy.
Eat that raspberry now, and contain yourself.
Close your eyes and swallow.
I think she just finds him funny, see?
You know what I mean? Well, aye. His personality.
I feel like my biggest achievement are definitely my children.
Yeah. Like, I'm obsessed with my kids.
I can't see John stepping into the stepdad role, I'm sorry.
John would be great with her kids.
Oh, it'd be like free child entertainment.
It'd be like taking them to a holiday camp
if he were in your front room. Exactly.
I'd love one more. I'd love to have one more.
Shall we... Shall we go up to the bedroom?
Blinkin' heck.
Look at your face!
He might be able to laugh her into bed, here. You never know, do you?
If you and I went to a beach and all of your exes were there...
There'd be no sunbeds left.
There would be no room on the beach.
Literally. The lifeguard would have closed the beach.
Yeah. Literally be rammed.
It's nothing to be proud of. Oh, no. I'm sorry.
♪ In a perfect world
♪ Singing, oh
♪ In a perfect world
♪ In perfect, perfect world. ♪
Subtitles by Red Bee Media