1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,599 This programme contains strong language, adult themes and humour 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,359 What do you think to my new dining chairs? Love! 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,719 I've been waiting for new dining chairs since 2019. Oh, my God. 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:15,159 But... Look at that! ...are you ready for this? Comfort! 5 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,039 SHE GASPS 6 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,279 Oh, my God. I'm swivelling. 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,079 Now I'm watching telly. 8 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:23,759 Now I'm getting the remote. 9 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,479 I'm swivelling back to the telly. 10 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,479 I'm putting the remote down. 11 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,879 Now I'm going to go look out the window. 12 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,359 Oh, my God. You are living in 2081. 13 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,999 ♪ In a perfect world... ♪ 14 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,359 SHE SCREAMS 15 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:37,799 Argh! Ohh! 16 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,639 Have you ever done owt like that? Well, I ain't telling you if I had! 17 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,519 Parp-parp-parp! Parp-parp-parp! 18 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,879 Oh! BOTH: Barcelona! 19 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,479 DOG SNEEZES Urgh! 20 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,439 Now, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me 21 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:49,479 how to eat my dinner. 22 00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,759 A what? Foot fetish?! 23 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,319 I'd no idea that was a thing. 24 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,719 "Remove my britches, expose your loins." 25 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:56,759 I like that. 26 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:57,799 Oh! Oh! 27 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,319 THEY LAUGH 28 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,399 Oh, Ronnie! This is weird. 29 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,719 Here, he's a mercenary bugger, in't he? 30 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,919 This is why I don't date. 31 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,359 Now, that is dicing with the devil. Oh, no. 32 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,679 He suffers for his art, doesn't he? Clearly. 33 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,159 BOTH: A Bentley Continental?! 34 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,759 I think I'd rather call it a day, Nutty, wouldn't you? 35 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:19,239 ♪ Who's been arrested now, and for what? ♪ 36 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:23,759 In the week Boy George sang for San Marino in the Eurovision semis, 37 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,159 we enjoyed lots of great telly. 38 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:31,559 There was more drama from Downing Street dominating the headlines. 39 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,919 The Prime Minister arrived here, his job on the line. 40 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:39,359 Some in his party have fretted he's not up to it for months. 41 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,759 They are out to destroy... So you think he's just...? 42 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,599 ...a once great country. 43 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,599 You think he's taken the job as PM in order to destroy the...? 44 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,239 Destroy it, yeah. What? Probably... You think he's pretend...? 45 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:54,679 Probably in league with the World Economic Forum and Klaus Schwab. 46 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,159 Oh, dear, Charles, you do sound like a nutter. 47 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:01,759 It was the party of all parties for a national treasure on BBC One. 48 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,720 And I think to myself... 49 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,359 ..."What a wonderful world." 50 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,519 LEOPARD YOWLS 51 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,079 The world doesn't look like that now. 52 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,360 It's got Walkers crisps all over the floor. 53 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:19,320 SHE LAUGHS 54 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,199 It's sad. 55 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,239 And they were desperately seeking some romance on Channel 4. 56 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:33,639 My parents are both romantic, but the relationship with my mum, 57 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:33,679 when it comes to dating and love, 58 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,519 when it comes to dating and love, is really special. 59 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:40,999 You see, it's weird, in't it? You know, when love's first... bud... 60 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,359 It's like a flower, in't it, love, when you think about it? 61 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,479 You know, your first date is like the shoot, where it just comes out, 62 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,879 and then, as time progresses, it gets nice and expands 63 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,519 and the love gets bigger. 64 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,960 And then, ultimately... it dies. 65 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,359 In Wiltshire... 66 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:05,719 Ba-boop! Boo! 67 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,559 Oh, don't make yourself unattractive to me! Let me hold one! 68 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,919 These are the first vegetables of the season, Mary. Let me hold one! 69 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:16,239 ...Giles and his wife, Mary. 70 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,839 One big one for Daddy. Right. One smaller one for Mummy. 71 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:23,759 OK, I'm leaving. I'm off. No, don't spoil the... Let me hold it, then. 72 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:28,399 Don't spoil the moment, Nutty. Let this be a happy family moment. 73 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,879 On Friday, Channel 4 had us counting down to the weekend. 74 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,199 Right. Come on, Ellie. Look alive. 75 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,079 SHE INHALES DEEPLY Oxygenate the brain. 76 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,119 Countdown reminds me of getting off the school bus, 77 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:45,639 going to my gran and grandad's, having tea, and watching the telly. 78 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,280 APPLAUSE 79 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,360 Concentrate, Martha. 80 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,519 We're going to have a child genius on our hands if we keep this up. 81 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,800 It's the most middle-aged shit I've ever seen. 82 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,919 Already five octochamps have been crowned. 83 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,279 Could be six by the end of today's show. 84 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,559 Ooh! Ooh! Excitement. The tension! Oh-ho! 85 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:11,559 ...reintroduce for the last time, for now, our champion, Patrick Thomson. 86 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,919 We've got the champion on with a face like a smacked arse. 87 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,720 Patrick looks like my tone of voice. 88 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,239 You're up against Simon Randall. 89 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,079 Oh, my life! It's my friend, Simon Randall! 90 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,960 It's not! It is! 91 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,959 Get out! 92 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,280 Come on, Simon! 93 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,199 Consonant, please. Start today with R. 94 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,839 Here we go. Right. A "ruh". 95 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:35,919 Oh, she's loving it. 96 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,399 And another. H. 97 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,359 So what's happening here? Right, are you...? 98 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,279 For some of that watched it every night 99 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,599 at your gran and grandad's, you weren't watching, were you? 100 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,839 I wasn't watching, I was listening. 101 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,639 And another. U. 102 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:48,679 Oh. Uuu! What was yours? "Uuu"? 103 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,959 Oh. Uuu! What was yours? "Uuu"? Yeah, "uuu"'s there. 104 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:51,999 She's trying to tell you. 105 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,959 And another. M. 106 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,279 Ooh... 107 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,520 PHENOMENON. No, there's no M. 108 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,679 PHONE! 109 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,679 PHONE! Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 110 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:04,720 PHONED. 111 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,839 PH... PHEUD... 112 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,599 Um... PHU... IN... 113 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,439 NEON. Oh, no. That's four. 114 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,319 Well, no, can't even do that. No, that doesn't work. 115 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,080 In my defence, English is, like, our third language. 116 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,599 Fuck me! This is horrible! 117 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,479 Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. 118 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,079 PERONI, my favourite...! PERONI! 119 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,640 PHONE. PHONE. BOTH: PHONED! 120 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,559 I've got nothing! 121 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:37,960 IPHONE! 122 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,039 Patrick? A seven. 123 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,759 He's got a seven out of that? 124 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,359 Ah! Oh, well, he would, smart bastard. Patrick got a seven! 125 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,119 Simon? A seven as well. 126 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,479 He's got a seven as well. Oh! We've got a duel. 127 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,199 Excellent stuff. Patrick? Er, PHONIER? 128 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,239 PHONIER? 129 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,040 PHONIER? There's no F! 130 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,719 And for you, Simon? Yeah, the same. 131 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,319 Get in! Oh, God! 132 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:05,719 What's PHONIER? Like a phobia. He said "PHONIER". 133 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,279 Yeah, so you're scared of phones. You've got "phonia". 134 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,639 That's like when you've got two phones - 135 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:11,679 one of them looks 136 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,919 one of them looks quite a bit like a phone, 137 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,279 but the other one's just a bit more PHONIER. 138 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,879 PHONE RINGS Oh, shit. 139 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,239 That's a phone. There's your PHONIER. 140 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,559 SHE LAUGHS Oh, it's our Caz. 141 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:23,879 Consonant, please, Rachel. 142 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,879 Thank you, Patrick. L. 143 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,159 L. Here we go. 144 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,479 And another. 145 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,519 E. 146 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,920 LAPIS LAZULI! 147 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,999 LEE. Oh, yeah it's got LEE. Yeah. 148 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,679 Consonant, please. P. 149 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,399 PENS... PENS! 150 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,999 PENIS. Mary! 151 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,440 PENIS. A consonant. Mother! 152 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,319 O-P-E-N-E-S... 153 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:55,560 Oh, God! 154 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,879 PENIS it is, then. 155 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,839 She is trying to tell us the answer here and you're not listening. 156 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,279 She is saying "PENISES" as well. Is she? 157 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,639 Martha! Going to be her first word. Stop it! 158 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:08,679 Patrick? 159 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,559 Patrick? Please say PENIS. 160 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,519 Eight. Eight?! Huh?! 161 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,039 Mm-hm? From what? 162 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,999 And for you, Simon? Just seven. 163 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,199 BOTH: "Just a seven"! 164 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,479 Oh, Simon's got a seven, Jane! 165 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,839 What's the seven? PENNIES. 166 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,439 PENNIES, very good. 167 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,399 And the penny's dropped for Patrick. PENSIONE? 168 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,719 Is that Italian for PENIS? 169 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,079 What's that, an Indian dish? PENSIONE. 170 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,479 Oh, no, I'm thinking of peshwari. Oh, nice. 171 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,079 Patrick, though, brilliant on the conundrums. 172 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,119 Oh, the condrunum! The conundrum! 173 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,879 Easy for you to say. I can't even say it! 174 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,799 Sometimes it comes to me in a flash. 175 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:42,879 HE SCOFFS 176 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:43,999 It does! 177 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,359 Let's find out and reveal Friday's countdown conundrum. 178 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,359 BELL 179 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:53,719 Oh, what?! The clock didn't even start. That is mental, that. 180 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,679 RESEMBLED? 181 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,999 Let's have a look. Ah! 182 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,039 How?! 183 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,359 Shut up! 184 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,279 Unbelievable. Patrick Thompson, everybody. 185 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,639 APPLAUSE 186 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,320 Look at the clock. 187 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,519 Will you text Simon? Have you got Simon's text number? 188 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,079 Well, yes, I have, yeah, yeah, yeah. 189 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,959 Will you contact him and say, "I saw you"? Yeah, I'll message him. 190 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,480 "I saw you on Countdown, Simon." 191 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,919 In Leeds... 192 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,239 Right, what you want, crisp-wise? 193 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:27,079 Smoky bacon, roast chicken, cheese and onion, beef Hulas, 194 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,719 prawn cocktail, or ready salted? 195 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,439 Smoky bacon, please. 196 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,159 Wait until you see this. 197 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,439 ...sisters Ellie and Izzi. 198 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,679 So, I've done us a bread cake each - 199 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,639 half wafer-thin ham, half wafer-thin chicken. 200 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:42,679 Get fucked, Fudge. 201 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:47,279 Get fucked, Fudge. Then a cheeky half. Oh! 202 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,599 Lashings of butter. Yeah, but, Izzi... 203 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:51,759 Oh, my God. 204 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,439 ...I had boiled eggs and soldiers before I came round here. 205 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,679 I'm just absolutely stuffed. Really? 206 00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,319 Do you think I could...? Save it for later. 207 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,440 Put it in foil, take it home. 208 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,079 Or just force it in and pog yourself. 209 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,879 IZZI LAUGHS Also an option! Yeah. 210 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,759 On Monday, Rav and the team were fighting crime online again 211 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,199 on BBC One. 212 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,999 Oh, no! Do you need to get out 213 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,959 cos you want to watch Scam Interceptors? 214 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,319 Let's see how we can fraud people. 215 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,239 No, it's how you can protect yourself from baddies. 216 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:24,920 Yeah, protect people. Yeah. 217 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,279 The only thing I think you should be aware of 218 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:36,239 is if it sounds too good to be true, it usually isn't. 219 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,199 Do you not understand that? 220 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,039 Yeah, you just contradicted... 221 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,359 If it sounds too good to be true... 222 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,239 ...then it is too good to be true. Yes. 223 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,680 You said it isn't. It isn't true. 224 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:50,319 It's not... 225 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:53,759 If it sounds too good to be true, then it is... 226 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,959 ...to good to be true. ...to be true. That's it. 227 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,279 Glad you're not dishing out too much advice - 228 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,000 you'd get people all over the shop! 229 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,320 "To the Sky"! 230 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,719 Oh, my God! I had this happen to me! 231 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,519 As if! I like, "Don't lie to me." Oh, yeah. 232 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,039 No-one gives you anything back 233 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,399 because you've been a good customer, do they? 234 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,759 You've just found more remote access on someone else's device. 235 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,439 A different scam. Now Sky impersonation, it seems. 236 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,159 Ooh, Rav's looking extra dishy. 237 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,039 I like how he has gelled his hair today. And that black polo. 238 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,199 And in this case, 239 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,199 we can see that he's got remote access to this man's mobile phone... 240 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,719 Talk us through it, Curtains. 241 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,159 ...on the right-hand side of the screen. 242 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,359 And then, on the left, 243 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,319 he's currently signing them up for online banking. 244 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,799 Oh, my God. No, that's quite scary. That's insane. 245 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,639 This is a really complex operation. 246 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:45,679 Like, he's got him 247 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:49,079 Like, he's got him to download software... 248 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,360 You've got no chance with me. I can't be arsed. ..to remote on. 249 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,119 Sky would never do that. 250 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,999 Remember I worked for... You used to work for them, yeah! 251 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,159 I worked for them for six months 252 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,840 before they felt they'd seen enough of me! 253 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,439 Oh, debit card. No protection. Oh. 254 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,839 "We need your number, we need your pin code." Password. Yeah. Oh, yes. 255 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:17,199 The man is told to place his card in front of his phone camera. 256 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,079 THEY GASP 257 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,559 That's so they can capture a picture of the card, in't it? 258 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,279 Use it again somewhere else. 259 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,559 Thanks to ethical Hacker Agent G9... 260 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:25,519 Sorry, what? 261 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,519 SHE LAUGHS What the fuck? 262 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:32,359 ...we now know the man's name, his mobile number, and postcode. 263 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,439 Oh, brilliant. But remember, they can't ring him. Yeah. 264 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,319 They've now got to get someone round there, quick. Yeah. 265 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,119 To protect his identity, we'll call him John. 266 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,439 John. Poor John's going to get scammed. 267 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,680 He tells John to check his TV. 268 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,279 While he does that, the scammer steals his money. 269 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,679 Ah! No! 270 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,279 Sending £500. 271 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:59,119 He's taken £500 out of his account. Oh, my God. "Transfer created." 272 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,839 He's doing another transaction now. 273 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,319 Another £498. 274 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,079 He's doing it again! 275 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,399 And interceptor Alice makes a breakthrough. 276 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,279 Oh! Come on, Alice. 277 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,679 She finds the telephone number of a neighbour. 278 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,719 Hallelujah! 279 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,639 A neighbour, see? That's good, see. 280 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,039 That's brilliant, that is. 281 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,439 LINE RINGS 282 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,639 First transfer's done. 283 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,999 Hello? 284 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,719 Oh! Hello, sorry to call you out of the blue... 285 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,279 They're in! There is someone, 286 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,399 I believe, a couple of doors down from your road 287 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,159 who is actually in the process of being scammed. 288 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,159 Could you imagine getting that phone call? 289 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,159 I'd be like, "This sounds like a scam. 290 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,519 "What do you mean?" I'd go to their door, me. 291 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,879 I literally just need a knock on the door and to say, 292 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,599 "Please get off the phone. 293 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,199 "You are talking to a scammer." 294 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,519 Come on, lady. 295 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,879 I can phone him and speak to him and explain what's going on. 296 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,679 OK, then. Oh, she's a good lass, ain't she? 297 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,999 Well, you'd do that straight away, wouldn't you? Oh, I would. 298 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,239 Without hesitation. 299 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,679 What's happened? Is this it? 300 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,199 I think she's there. 301 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,559 She's there. She's on the... 302 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:57,680 She's on the door. 303 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,439 Oh, you cheeky bugger. 304 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,639 Whoa. 305 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:04,679 "Internet work is going on 306 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:06,639 "Internet work is going on right now." 307 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,199 No, no, no, no, no, Mr Scammer. 308 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,800 Someone's here. 309 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,440 "John?" "Are you there, John?" 310 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:18,839 The call ended. 311 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,399 Oh! Oh! 312 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,719 LAUGHING 313 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:23,799 That's a result. 314 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,079 Get ready to meet. 315 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,559 LINE RINGS 316 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:27,959 Yeah. This is Rav Wilding 317 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,799 from the Scam Interceptor programme. 318 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,239 Oh! "This is Rav from the BBC." 319 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,439 Yeah. 320 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,279 I sent your neighbour to your house. 321 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,679 BEEP 322 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,159 Are you OK? 323 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,999 What the BEEP 's going on? 324 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,839 Oh, he's so distressed. 325 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,879 I need to reach out to Rav Wilding. 326 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,599 Some arsehole has cloned my card details. 327 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,959 You're joking. Spent £140 on my card. 328 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,759 Shit. But the best bit was, the bank were going, 329 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,079 "Are you sure you've not spent this money?" 330 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,159 Yeah. I'm sure. 331 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,439 "Do you even know who I am?" 332 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,120 I wouldn't spend £140 on anything. 333 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,319 In Durham... 334 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,799 The best thing I've ever bought Josh was his barbecue. 335 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,599 You have them every night, don't you? 336 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,759 Every night. 337 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,039 ...best friends Abbie and Georgia. 338 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,319 It's a plug-in barbecue. 339 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,639 I know, but why are you not just cooking indoors 340 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,319 until it gets sunny outside? 341 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,200 Because I don't like the smell of food. 342 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:30,000 So, any smell of meat is outside, wafting away in the wind. 343 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,799 Josh loves it. He says, every day, 344 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,160 "Oh, I love this barbecue." 345 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,199 It's a wood fire barbecue. 346 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,400 What if you wanted rice? 347 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,000 I've also got a microwave. 348 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,039 So, you don't put everything on the barbecue? 349 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,599 No, I don't cook fucking rice on the barbecue. 350 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,920 What? 351 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,599 On Friday night, the whole nation settled in 352 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,839 to celebrate a remarkable milestone birthday. 353 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,119 Oh. Celebration drink! 354 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,239 It is. 355 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,999 But it looks like wallpaper paste. 356 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,319 Pina colada, isn't it? Yeah. 357 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,919 And it tastes like wallpaper paste. 358 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,519 Cheers, Sir David. 359 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,759 Oh, no. Properly. 360 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,479 Cheers, Sir David. 361 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,879 Happy 100 birthday. Yeah. 362 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,479 Hello and welcome to London's Royal Albert Hall. 363 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,479 Oh, look. Oh, look at that. 364 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,879 Isn't that nice? 365 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,199 {\an8}Tonight, we have a very special evening 366 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,519 {\an8}of music and celebration in store. 367 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,799 Do they not realise that we can see them... operating? 368 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,479 And tonight is all about celebrating 369 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,679 the incredible life of the one and only 370 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,119 Sir David Attenborough. 371 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,439 To me, David Attenborough is the male version of the Queen. 372 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,159 I think of... You know, 373 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,959 I'm proud to be British 374 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,759 when I think of David Attenborough. 375 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,159 VOICE BREAKS: When I think of him... 376 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,719 Steady. No. 377 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,999 He's just so perfect and admirable. 378 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,440 Unlike your miserable husband. 379 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,159 No. You've got a few good things about you, Nutty. 380 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,040 Oh, thanks for that, Mary. 381 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,679 I think David Attenborough is the only person 382 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,719 all us British people can agree on 383 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,399 is a national treasure. 384 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,679 He is. 385 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,879 He can't have haters. 386 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,559 I refuse to believe he has a hater. 387 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,479 There was no expense spared 388 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,119 as an old pal of David's 389 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,559 shared some special memories. 390 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,159 Dear David... 391 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,519 Oh, an actual letter. 392 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,839 ...it is amazing to think 393 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,639 that you and I have known one another for more than 60 years. 394 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,519 More than 60 years! They're, like, BFFs. 395 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,799 Indeed, I believe we first met in 1958... 396 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,639 What?! 397 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,159 ...almost a decade before the age of colour television. 398 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:46,839 Look at King Charles. Look at him. 399 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,399 Where's King Charles? 400 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,359 Yeah. And Anne. Princess Anne. 401 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,279 Oh... Who's David Attenborough? 402 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,839 There! Oh, hello. Not the bloody parrot. 403 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,599 You have shared my determination 404 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,680 to highlight... 405 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,039 ...the urgent need to protect 406 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:07,439 and preserve this precious planet of ours. 407 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,759 I'm going to cry. Are you going to cry? 408 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:10,999 I don't know why. 409 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,319 Yeah, he's really, really added to my life. 410 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:18,119 I feel like I want to be friends with David and King Charles. 411 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,599 You've missed the boat now. 412 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,319 They've got their small circle. 413 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:25,279 KING CHARLES III: Thank you, then, for all that you have done. 414 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,919 And, on behalf of the whole nation, 415 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,759 I wish you 416 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,959 a very happy 100th birthday. 417 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,639 MARY SOBS 418 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:36,799 BRAKES SQUEAL 419 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:37,919 Oh! 420 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,639 What's going on? What's going on? 421 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,279 There's a tree down! 422 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,599 Oh! Stop it! Oh, my God! Stop it! 423 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:45,679 Here we go. 424 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,119 We've got a Border collie with a letter in its mouth. Nice. 425 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,999 ♪ Today this could be... ♪ 426 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,759 Oh. 427 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,079 How have taught that dog to deliver mail? 428 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,959 ♪ ..the greatest day of our lives. ♪ 429 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,359 Well, it's only fitting an animal should deliver it, 430 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,639 when you think about it. Yeah. Huh? 431 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,560 ♪ Before we run out of time 432 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,679 ♪ Stay close to me... 433 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,480 No way! It's going to take it from the dog's mouth. 434 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,119 Is this real life? 435 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,439 ♪ Stay close to me 436 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,319 ♪ Watch the world... ♪ MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 437 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,000 Oh, Christ. Where's it going now? 438 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,879 MUSIC RESUMES 439 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,679 Oh. Oh. It's stuck in the hedgehog. 440 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,319 I thought it was going to cut the hedgehog in half. 441 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,079 ♪ ..the greatest day of our lives. ♪ 442 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,399 Squirrel's in on it now. Red squirrel. 443 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:34,919 Not grey. 444 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,239 Oh, they've all come out to take his card. 445 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,799 Jenny, it's not... I can't help it. 446 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,439 Jenny, it's not fucking real. 447 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:45,479 ♪ Can you hold it in your arms tonight? ♪ 448 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,200 Bloody hell. It's amazing, isn't it? 449 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:53,479 I don't think it's actually happening, my love. 450 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,239 Well, don't burst my bubble, love. 451 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,919 HE LAUGHS 452 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,759 Fucking hell. 453 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:03,919 ♪ Watch the world come alive tonight... ♪ 454 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,919 I wonder if this is Sir David's actual house. 455 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,679 Very touching. 456 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,119 Here we are. I wonder who thought this up. 457 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,919 APPLAUSE 458 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,399 CHEERING 459 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,079 Oh, and he's got it in his hand. 460 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,559 Oh, my God. 461 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,399 How good does he look for 100? 462 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,999 Doesn't he look amazing? 463 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,279 He looks really good. 464 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,879 APPLAUSE 465 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,439 CHEERING 466 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,119 There's William... SHE SOBS 467 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,759 ORCHESTRA STRIKES UP ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪ 468 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,439 Oh, my God. We get to sing. We get to be a part 469 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,439 of singing happy birthday to David Attenborough. 470 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,200 ♪ ..day to you. ♪ 471 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,279 ♪ Happy birthday... 472 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,159 ♪ ..dear David... ♪ 473 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,439 Oh! 474 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,719 ♪ Happy birthday... 475 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,080 ♪ ..to you... ♪ 476 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,999 I'd have gone with t'Stevie Wonder option if it were me. 477 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,039 Yeah. 478 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,599 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 479 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,039 Ah, look at his little face. 480 00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,959 He looks genuinely happy, doesn't he? 481 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,599 CHEERING 482 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,599 Look at those people. 483 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,479 Their nice faces. 484 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,359 Are you finished? Yeah. 485 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,119 What are you crying for again? 486 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,999 I know, I can't help it. I think it's really emotional. 487 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,479 That's most probably the most epic birthday shout-out... Mm. 488 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,839 Ever. ..ever. Yeah. Yeah. 489 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,559 Later, 490 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,279 it only seemed right to hear 491 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,920 from Sir David himself. 492 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:28,079 DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: I see trees of green. 493 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,679 SHE GASPS 494 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,039 Red roses too. Red roses too. 495 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:35,119 I see them bloom. Hang on. This is a song, Mary. I know. 496 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,959 What's the song? 497 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,599 What A Wonderful World... Oh! ..by Louis Armstrong. 498 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,999 By Louis Armstrong. 499 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,239 And I think to myself... 500 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,519 SOBBING 501 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,919 Aw! Stop it! 502 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,279 ..."What a wonderful world." 503 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,879 It is a wonderful world, when you look at the beauty, isn't it? 504 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,159 That's cos you're in it, David. 505 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,719 That's why. 506 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,480 I see skies of blue. 507 00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,719 Clouds of white. 508 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,239 I've got goose bumps. 509 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:02,720 Bright blessed days. 510 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,679 Oh, I'm in bits. 511 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,679 I can't stop crying. 512 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:08,880 And I think to myself... 513 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,760 ..."What a wonderful world." 514 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,679 IMPERSONATING LOUIS ARMSTRONG: ♪ What a Wonderful world. ♪ 515 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,560 Mm-hm. Clock it. 516 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:21,880 The colours of a rainbow... 517 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,160 ...so pretty in the sky... 518 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,719 ...are also on the faces of people going by. 519 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,479 Oh! 520 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,839 Right, come on. Pull yourself together. 521 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,119 Me glasses are steamed up. I need me windscreen wipers. 522 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:41,439 I never want to hear another version of this song again. 523 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,399 No, I agree, actually. 524 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,719 This is the version that lives on forever now. 525 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,360 I hear babies cry. 526 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:50,800 I watch them grow. 527 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,919 Oh, it is beautiful, isn't it? 528 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,799 It really is. Look. 529 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,799 Sir David is so nice because, in a shit world, 530 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,679 he reminds you there are pockets of beautiful that still exist. 531 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,159 Yeah. 532 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,400 Quite simply, wonderful. 533 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,639 I mean, what a legacy, 534 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,599 David Attenborough. 535 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,599 I mean, he hasn't GOT a legacy. 536 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,639 He IS a legacy. 537 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,120 What do you think we're going to be remembered for? 538 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,599 Caravans and chickens. 539 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,079 Spam sarnies. Spam sandwiches. 540 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,599 I could do you a nice montage... 541 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,559 ...for your birthday. 542 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,799 What you've done in your life. 543 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,239 I ain't done much, Lee. 544 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,959 I know. It won't be long. No. 545 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,479 I don't think David realises 546 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,919 what he's actually added to the world. 547 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,479 He's learnt me so much. 548 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,080 And me. 549 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,599 In Solihull... 550 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:54,999 If Aston Villa are in the top four of the league... 551 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,600 No, top five. Top five of the league... 552 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:03,639 ...or they win this cup match that they're doing... 553 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,919 Yes, the Uefa Cup. That's the one. 554 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,599 ...Teresa and her wife Anita. 555 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,159 ...then that means that next se... Next series? 556 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,199 Season. Season. 557 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,279 ...they will be in the Champions League? 558 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,959 Champions League, yes. 559 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,359 And they play other teams round the coun... the world? 560 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,640 Yeah, around Europe. Yeah. Europe, OK. 561 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,639 Right, OK. 562 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,479 Well done. I'm impressed. 563 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:29,519 Yeah, well, I'm just trying to 564 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,359 Yeah, well, I'm just trying to work out, you see, 565 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:38,079 whether I want them to lose so that they don't play so many games 566 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,599 next year so I don't have to sit here and endure so many matches. 567 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:45,199 But if they lose, then you're going to be a bit sad. 568 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,879 You... 569 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,520 I can't even believe you're thinking that! 570 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:52,799 On Friday night, 571 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,759 the political popularity contest was making the headlines, 572 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,679 and ITV was outside Number Ten with the latest update. 573 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:01,759 Did you vote, Jane? 574 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:02,999 I did vote, Simon. 575 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,319 Well done, you. Did you vote in person or a postal? 576 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,719 In person. Did you? 577 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,999 Yes, I don't like postal. OK. 578 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,839 So, yeah, it's only down the road. 579 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:15,239 I had a dream last night I went out for a pub tea with Nigel Farage, 580 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,359 cos I were his mate, and then I picked up the bill. 581 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,119 He said, did I want to go halves? 582 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,439 I went, "No, it's all right, I'll get it." 583 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,080 Jesus! What the hell? 584 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:27,759 Good evening from Downing Street 585 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,839 where the Prime Minister is vowing to fight on. 586 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,599 Can you see Keir curtain twitching in the back? 587 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,840 "Get ITV on. What's she saying?" 588 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,959 Despite Labour suffering humiliating losses 589 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,239 after elections in England, Scotland, and Wales. 590 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,559 This isn't a poll, this is actually a true temperature check 591 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,119 of what this nation is thinking and feeling right now. 592 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,279 And it ain't Labour. 593 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,639 Just tell you one thing about local elections, Mary, 594 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,839 is that people often vote in local elections 595 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,839 in a reckless way that they wouldn't when it was actually the... 596 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,839 National. ..national elections 597 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,799 because the local elections can be viewed as a protest vote. 598 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:08,719 I know that, darling. 599 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,039 Do you want me to mansplain any more? 600 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,319 No. No, OK. 601 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,919 Sir Keir Starmer said he would take responsibility 602 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,919 for the painful results, but that he wouldn't quit. 603 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,239 Well, who else could take responsibility? 604 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,079 The buck's got to stop somewhere. 605 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,479 Make me. Make me go. Make me go. God. 606 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:26,799 He's locked himself in. 607 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,159 But when he says he'll take responsibility, 608 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,519 what is that responsibility that he's going to take? 609 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,959 Well, he's the front man, isn't he, so he gets all the shit. 610 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,839 He's like Gary Barlow. 611 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,519 Yeah. He's the Gary Barlow of the Labour Party. 612 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,559 Reform UK took hundreds of council seats in England from Labour... 613 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,599 Gee, they've taken tonnes, haven't they, Reform? 614 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,039 ...the leader, Nigel Farage, saying it showed there was 615 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,799 an historic shift away from the two main parties. 616 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,159 I think everybody wants to mix it up. 617 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,679 I'm just concerned about what we're mixing it up with. Exactly. 618 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:02,399 Yesterday is the first time in my life 619 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,360 that I hadn't made my mind up on who to vote for. 620 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,399 Cos I didn't... I'm so disillusioned. 621 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,439 CHEERING 622 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,919 The jubilation was mainly measured in teal rosettes. 623 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,839 You know, I used to like teal until Reform took over. 624 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,080 As Reform surged from Hartlepool... 625 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,479 ...to Havering. 626 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:23,639 Look at that swagger. 627 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:24,839 We like Reform, don't we? 628 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,919 We do. I like Nigel Farage. Yeah. 629 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,559 A lot of my friends think he's awful. 630 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,399 There's something that we can't deny 631 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,720 is the amount of people voting for Reform. 632 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,319 And whatever you think about them, there's some appeal, 633 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,799 they're tapping into something. 634 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,879 Even if I don't like it, 635 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,559 they're saying something that people want to hear. 636 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,039 Do you know what I thought what I need to start doing 637 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:50,399 is, actually, now my local councillor, who is Reform, 638 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,719 need to start emailing her, 639 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,119 complaining about all the dog shit on my path. 640 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,599 "Can we have another bin?" 641 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,959 Can we this, can we that, can we whatever, 642 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,279 and see if they're up to much. Exactly. 643 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,679 That's what it's about. 644 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,160 Labour not just being punished on their right... 645 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,799 ...but also by the Greens on their left. 646 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,599 Look at all those moustaches in the Green Party. 647 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,479 Mullets and moustaches, all of them. 648 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:13,519 Greens are always hugging, 649 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,639 Greens are always hugging, aren't they? 650 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,479 You don't see many Reform people hugging. No. 651 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:19,519 I don't think Reform people 652 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,679 I don't think Reform people like physical contact. 653 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:26,639 The voters have sent a message about the pace of change, 654 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,559 how they want their lives improved. 655 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,919 Well, they've sent a shot right across your bow, 656 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,399 haven't they, sunshine? 657 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,119 I think a lot of Labour MPs 658 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:37,319 think now that he's stark raving bonkers, Nutty. 659 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,719 Do you think he's been replaced by an AI? 660 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,519 You know, Starmer, if he didn't sound like that, 661 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,119 I think a lot more people would like him. 662 00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,519 DEEP VOICE: If he talked like this instead. 663 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,439 Yeah. Yeah. He's got a distinguished face, hasn't he? 664 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,799 Yeah. Imagine that face sounding like, I don't know, Roger Moore, 665 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,639 somebody like that. I'd listen to what he had to say. 666 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,519 We're the most shallow voters ever, aren't we? Yeah. 667 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,679 I was elected to meet those challenges, 668 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,199 and I'm not going to walk away from those challenges 669 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,719 and plunge the country into chaos. 670 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,159 I mean, it's already kind of in chaos, mate, to be honest. 671 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:11,559 Have you not seen...? Have you been out the house recently? 672 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,919 Really, we just need Keir to stay in charge 673 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,519 until the end of the summer and then he can step down. 674 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,399 Why till the end of summer? 675 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,919 Cos he said he'll let pubs stay open an extra two hours in the World Cup. 676 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,399 Poor Keir, I'm very sorry for him. 677 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,679 Cos I don't think he means any harm. 678 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,239 I don't feel sorry for him. 679 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,559 The sooner he goes, the better. 680 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,959 Every time he steps out of his door, people shout insults at him. 681 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,399 All right... ..and he seems to be the only one that doesn't know it. 682 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,439 Giles, I really think that with a couple of years to go 683 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,320 until you're dead, there is no point in you watching this stuff. 684 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:48,639 In Hull... 685 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,559 Do you know, Lee, I'm going to get all me bits done for me holidays. 686 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,239 Oh. You know, all me legs... Yes. 687 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,559 ...best friends Jenny and Lee. 688 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,919 What I noticed the other day, 689 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,479 when I looked under me arms, 690 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,359 I hadn't got... Like a gorilla? 691 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,159 No. I ain't got none. 692 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,119 I ain't got any hairs under me arms. 693 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,999 Have you not? No. Why? 694 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,079 And I hadn't used anything. 695 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,679 So you've got more on your chin that under your arms? 696 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:20,079 This week it was a new action-packed drama that had us gripped on Sky. 697 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,439 I feel like a prisoner in this house. 698 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,919 Cos whenever I leave it, Dad goes, "Where you going?" 699 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:26,159 "I'm going out with my friends." 700 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,079 "Which friends? Where you going?" 701 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,399 What seems to be a common theme here is that it's me 702 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:31,799 asking everyone where they're going. 703 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:33,559 Yeah. Exactly. And we can't ask you. 704 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,839 If we ask you... 705 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,039 That's not true. 706 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,400 SARAH AND CHEE: Yes, it is! 707 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,639 I like a thriller, I do. 708 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,599 Looks all-action, this one, Julie, doesn't it? 709 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,199 You'd actually do well in prison 710 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,519 cos someone'd take you under their wing as their bitch. 711 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,279 Yeah, so I'd be looked after. Yeah. 712 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,639 You can't really knock that, can you? No. 713 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,119 In the episode, we joined a police briefing 714 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,999 about taking down a crime boss. 715 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,359 Putting Harrison Dempsey away is the only thing 716 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:05,999 that anyone in this room cares about. 717 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,319 He's got that Megamind situation going on. 718 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:09,239 I was about to say! 719 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:10,279 Yeah, that's a big head. 720 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:11,999 Full of ideas. 721 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,679 And the success of a guilty verdict rests on the testimony of one man. 722 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:16,959 Who? Who? Who? 723 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,679 Tibor Stone is the most precious asset we have. 724 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,319 So he's the snitch. Yuh-huh. 725 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,159 And he's going to grass up his boss. 726 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,839 So we should expect that they will do anything 727 00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,159 to stop him taking that stand in four days' time, 728 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,079 and I mean anything. 729 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,079 Well, yeah, of course they will, won't they? God. 730 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:34,799 He's going to be like a hot potato, this guy. 731 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,119 Absolutely. He does look like hot property, doesn't he? 732 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,559 This looks marvellous, doesn't it? 733 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,800 I love this programme already. 734 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,599 Warner, Gary, Category C, transfer from Stretton. 735 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,079 Ah, they transport the prisoners. 736 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,439 Oh, OK, that's the job. Like to and from court, 737 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,079 that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 738 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,679 Got a weird one for you. 739 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,039 Head office just had a call from the National Crime Unit. 740 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,679 They want us to make an additional pick-up. 741 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:01,919 Oh, it's him. 742 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,759 It's that guy. What's his name? 743 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:05,799 It's an overnight transfer... 744 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:06,879 ...under armed guard. 745 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:07,999 Oh! OK. 746 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,639 Soon as they say "armed guard..." 747 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,679 You know. ..you start thinking, "Who the hell is it?" Yeah, yeah. 748 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,240 "And what has he done?" 749 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,279 Oh, look at this, this is proper. 750 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,239 This is the safe house... 751 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:25,519 ...in the middle of nowhere. 752 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:26,679 Also known as the grim house. 753 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,199 I was going to say. 754 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,680 Look lively, here he comes. 755 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,119 God, he looks like a right scary bastard, doesn't he? 756 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:38,280 I know. Sexy, innit? 757 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:44,159 Binoculars, Pedro! 758 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:45,479 Somebody's watching. 759 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:45,519 Binoculars and fingerless gloves, 760 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,720 Binoculars and fingerless gloves, that means serious shit. 761 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:52,799 Oh. It's her! 762 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,079 That's the assassin, then, isn't it? 763 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,039 She's been hired by the mob, I'm guessing. 764 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,240 Yeah, now they know he's on the road... They've got him. Yeah. 765 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,959 Oh, God, through a tunnel. 766 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,840 You don't want to go through a tunnel. 767 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:11,879 Oh! Oh, shit! 768 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:12,959 Get lost! 769 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:14,199 This is a set-up. 770 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:18,880 As soon as that happened, I'd say, "Do a U-ey, back out." Yeah. 771 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:22,479 Something's off. 772 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:22,519 Of course it is, 773 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,239 Of course it is, I can tell that from here! 774 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,840 They're like sitting ducks right now. Do something! 775 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:30,879 Ah, oh! 776 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:32,119 Oh, it's a drone. 777 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,480 Bloody drone. 778 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:36,719 GUNFIRE 779 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:37,879 Oh! Oh! 780 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,039 Oh, shit! 781 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,960 Hey! It's a drone gun! 782 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:44,639 Get down! 783 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:45,679 THEY SCREAM 784 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,040 Oh, get down! 785 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,559 Oh, no! 786 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,079 THEY GASP 787 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:53,599 Oh, my God. 788 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,879 Can a drone really do all of that? 789 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:57,040 Apparently so. 790 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:00,600 Open the door! 791 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,919 She can't open the door, she's injured, you silly git! 792 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,399 GUNFIRE 793 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:09,839 Oh, she's... What's she going to do? 794 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:11,519 She's going to go and open the door. 795 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,479 If I was her, I'd just stay where I was, wouldn't you? 796 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,160 Pretend to be dead, I would. Yeah. 797 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,039 Yes, cuffed him! 798 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,999 Oh, don't strap yourself to him, you ninny. 799 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,599 Why would she do that? 800 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,519 What are you doing? So you can't run. 801 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,639 Is she all right? This is not the time! Who gives a fuck? 802 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,399 Yeah. She's saying, "So you can't run." 803 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,359 I'd have let him piss off, wouldn't you? 804 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,119 GUNFIRE 805 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,319 Oh, no, no, no. 806 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,600 Oh, shit. Oh, the old petrol's coming out here. 807 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,480 It's going to go kaboomski, this. 808 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,879 Oh, nice! 809 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:48,960 Run. 810 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,519 That's that woman. What woman? 811 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,440 Oh, the one with the short hair that was looking through binoculars. 812 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,840 You need to run faster than that. I'm telling you, man, she's coming. 813 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:06,519 We've got to get off this road. 814 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,359 How'd you get off of that road? Oh. 815 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,799 There's a river underneath, Soph. 816 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,119 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What are you doing? 817 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,759 Oh, fuck that. 818 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,040 No, you can't jump in the water. 819 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,079 Oh, here she comes. Hurry, hurry, hurry! 820 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:22,879 Quick! Oh, my God. OK. 821 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:24,439 Just go. Just go. 822 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,199 Come on. Go on. Come on, get your arse over here. 823 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:28,479 TIBOR: Ready? 824 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:29,879 Wait. Just wait. 825 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,879 Wait. Wait, wait, wait! 826 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:35,119 Oh! Yeah, oh! 827 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,039 I don't know why Amber agreed to jump with him. 828 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:39,839 I don't think she had much choice, darling. 829 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,319 You see, people who are that invested in their job 830 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:47,439 do frighten me a little bit, you know? Yeah. I'm going to die 831 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:50,239 because somebody's, you know, trying to get out of prison. 832 00:34:50,240 --> 00:34:52,760 I'd be opening the back door and going, "Go on, son. Off you pop." 833 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,559 In Leeds... 834 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,199 What have you been on this weekend? Cos you've been really quiet. 835 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,999 Well, I was getting over the weekend, so that came into it, 836 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,879 but I've been... Well, I did my meal plan. 837 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,159 How do you stick to that? I didn't. 838 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,679 I ordered Coco Pops. 839 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,159 ...best friends Danielle and Daniella. 840 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,039 That is literally like going to the supermarket, 841 00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,679 buying all the healthy food, avoiding the sweet aisle, 842 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,199 getting home and getting a takeaway. Yeah. 843 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,759 However, I deleted my McDonald's app. 844 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,759 Oh, that's a bold move. Yeah. 845 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,479 Hmm. After I went to the drive-thru and used all my points 846 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,959 on a double cheeseburger and an apple pie. 847 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,200 DANIELLA LAUGHS 848 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,079 Your diets are my favourite. 849 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,919 If anybody says to me, "What type of diet do you want?" 850 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,199 I'll be like, "Daniella's." 851 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:47,719 On Friday night, 852 00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:50,319 Channel 4 starry-eyed singles 853 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,599 were flirting up a storm again. 854 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,359 Are you dating anyone, Shaun? 855 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,119 No. Are you seeing anyone? 856 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,399 No. Are you hooking up with anyone? 857 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,079 No. Are you talking to anyone? 858 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,439 No. You wouldn't tell us if you was, would you? No. 859 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,879 It's your wedding anniversary soon, actually. 860 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:06,800 Is it? 22nd May. 861 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,839 In't that Eva's birthday? No. 862 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,319 Hers is 27th May. 863 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:13,959 Right. 864 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,600 I've got to get a couple of cards, then. 865 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:24,399 I think I might have been sober for my first date with Josh. Really? 866 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:24,439 I'm surprised he stuck around. 867 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,999 I'm surprised he stuck around. I'm boring when I'm sober. 868 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,439 No, you had 12 Long Island iced teas, didn't you? 869 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,399 That was when we'd got together again. 870 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:31,439 {\an8}This is 26-year-old electrician 871 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:36,199 {\an8}This is 26-year-old electrician Jordan and his mum Kelly. 872 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,999 What?! No. He's brought his mum along? 873 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,759 No. I'd walk out the restaurant. 874 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,559 Mam and son on a date? That's disgusting. 875 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,319 No, they're not dating each other! 876 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,599 Nice to see you. Nice to meet you. 877 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,279 So, what's happening here? 878 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,159 Even Fred's freaked out. Is it father and daughter? 879 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,679 Fred's trying to turn it up. 880 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,559 Are you two sisters? 881 00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,159 First time doing this. Why? 882 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:02,479 It's just a nice thing to do, isn't it? It is. 883 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:03,879 Yeah. BOTH: No! 884 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:08,239 What do you do for a living? I'm a student at the moment in Bristol. 885 00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:09,359 I'm studying forensic science. 886 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,079 Is that Jordan's date? 887 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,399 Don't tell me she's brought her fucking dad! She's lovely. 888 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:14,359 Has she brought her dad?! 889 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:17,479 Are you ready for your date? Yes, I am, I am. Is he here? 890 00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,080 Yes, so's your mother-in-law! 891 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,479 Hi. Hiya. Hi. 892 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,799 Amy, nice to meet you. Jordan. Nice to meet you, Jordan. 893 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:27,079 How are you? Are you all right? 894 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,599 Yeah, I'm so good. How are you? Good. 895 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,279 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 896 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,039 This is so awkward already. Already. 897 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,479 "Who's this lady?" She has no idea. No. 898 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,279 Introducing Mum. Introducing Mum. 899 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,199 What's the dynamic here, sorry? This is my mum. 900 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,279 Hi. I'm on a date as well! Are you? I'm waiting for my date. 901 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:44,959 There we go! 902 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,399 Should have done that in the first place, Jordan. 903 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:47,439 There you go. It's broken 904 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,760 There you go. It's broken the ice now. That's better. 905 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,399 Thinking he's the right man for the job is carpenter John. 906 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:58,719 BOTH: Oooh! Carpenter John! 907 00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:01,119 Ooh-ooh-hoo! John's a fitty. 908 00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:04,679 I'm John. Hi, John. I'm Kelly. Nice to meet you. And you. 909 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,759 Well, that's a good start. They're both checking each other out. Yes. 910 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:09,479 These actually make a nice couple. 911 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,479 You've got big arms. Yes. 912 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,239 Muscly arms. I've got some guns. Yeah, you have. 913 00:38:13,240 --> 00:38:15,559 Ohh! Oh, my gosh! That's a compliment. 914 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,439 Kelly's got bigger arms than John. 915 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,999 Go for the full bingo card and say she's got big thighs and all! Yeah. 916 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,399 Thunder things - lovely. "You've got a fat arse, haven't you?" 917 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:24,439 That's nice. Do you like girls 918 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:26,799 That's nice. Do you like girls with muscles? 919 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,319 Yeah. That's all right, then. 920 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,199 She seems quite into it. 921 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,599 She started showing off her guns. 922 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,239 What do you do? I'm a carpenter. OK. 923 00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:37,559 Good with my hands. So you like to play with tools as well? 924 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:38,919 I've got tools. 925 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,199 Oh, that was flirty! 926 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,560 What about you? I'm a dominatrix. 927 00:38:44,720 --> 00:38:46,999 Ha! Dominatrix? 928 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,399 Is that not an acrobat? 929 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:48,439 I had a boyfriend once who liked me 930 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,239 I had a boyfriend once who liked me to spank him with a frying pan. 931 00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:52,439 Oh, for heaven's sake! 932 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:55,679 I do... pegging. 933 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,439 Excuse me?! 934 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:58,999 What's pegging? 935 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,279 It's what... Google it. 936 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,679 From what I believe it is, 937 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:08,039 it will involve some type of instrument... Mm-hm? 938 00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,519 ...and buttocks. 939 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,319 OK. All right. Moving on. 940 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,199 Wait, wait, wait. An inst...? 941 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:17,599 The amount of money that I get paid per hour 942 00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,999 is quadruple what I was earning in the fitness industry. 943 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,639 To be fair, at least she's honest. 944 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,639 Yes, she's honest. There's a lot of people 945 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,639 wouldn't come out and say this on a first date. 946 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,639 It's relieved a lot of the anxiety and pressure that comes with 947 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:32,959 being a single parent. 948 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,719 So if she were on minimum wage, say, for the fitness industry, 949 00:39:35,720 --> 00:39:38,519 she's on nearly 50 quid an hour, pegging. 950 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:39,679 Fucking hell. 951 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,599 I might have to have a little career change myself. 952 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,199 Like, I'm OK with whatever you think. 953 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:49,079 It's fine. You're supporting your family, so why not? 954 00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:53,439 But still, even if he doesn't judge her harshly, 955 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,039 he probably won't want to date her 956 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,839 cos he'd be frightened of being manacled... or pegged. 957 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,599 So, then, guys, would you like to see one another again? 958 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:04,679 I'll go first, if that's all right? 959 00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,559 He's gonna say yes. If he's going first, he's gonna say yes. Come on. 960 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,879 I totally respect what you do, I think you're gorgeous. 961 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,359 I would definitely say yes. 962 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,279 Oh, he didn't mince his words either. I know. 963 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,599 He was like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, absolutely. I like that. 964 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,959 Isn't that sweet, Nutty? 965 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,359 Isn't it sweet? 966 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,999 Yeah, I'd like to go on another date again and see... 967 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,759 Just see where it went. Yeah. 968 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:26,959 It's a double yes! 969 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,479 Ohh! Oh, we were totally wrong. 970 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,799 Oh! We know nothing. 971 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,439 Hats off to her. You do what you need to do 972 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,799 to provide for your family, you know? 973 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,559 I'd be a dominatrix if I needed to be. 974 00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,719 Yeah. You'd peg someone if the kids needed feeding. 975 00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:44,240 Fucking absolutely. 976 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,639 You'd be out pegging with the best of them. 977 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,480 They'd call me Peggy Mitchell. 978 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,999 In Wiltshire... 979 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:59,039 These steaks were advertised "ask at the butcher's counter" 980 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,359 for their steaks, Mary. Half price. 981 00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,079 Why do you have to bring steaks out in this room? 982 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,359 ...Giles and his wife Mary. 983 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,719 OK. Shall I put my initial on it? 984 00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:12,079 Absolutely not! That's the daddy steak. That's the biggest one. 985 00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,319 That's the mummy steak, the second-biggest one. 986 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,239 And the daughter will have the smallest steak, Mary. 987 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:21,039 Yeah. It's time you grew up, Giles. 988 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,639 Right, I'm going to write my initials... 989 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:25,559 Oh, for God's sake, don't! 990 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,359 My initials on my steak. 991 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,079 Nobody will notice even if you do write them on. 992 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,639 G... I'm going to write it in the fat, Mary, 993 00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:34,160 just so there's no... 994 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:41,399 ...quibble. No-quibble guarantee that I get my own steak. 995 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:41,439 Do you want me to write M on yours? 996 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,279 Do you want me to write M on yours? Absolutely not. 997 00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:46,599 M... Stop it! 998 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,679 On Monday, it was manoeuvres at Number 10 999 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:52,519 that were making the headlines on the BBC. 1000 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:54,839 It's interesting times, Teresa. 1001 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:56,599 That's an understatement. 1002 00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,919 The country is upside down and back to front 1003 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,679 and turned inside out. That's true. 1004 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:02,959 I need some popcorn for this. 1005 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:04,960 Let's see the end of an era, Nutty. 1006 00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,359 What are you talking about? 1007 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:09,679 Starmer. Oh. 1008 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,479 The Prime Minister has insisted he will not walk away 1009 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,279 despite the disastrous election results last week. 1010 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,599 He's not going, is he, kicking and screaming. 1011 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,079 He's hanging on tooth and nail. 1012 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:22,599 But more than 50 Labour MPs have now called for him to go 1013 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,479 or to set a date to leave. 1014 00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:25,759 I give it the end of the week. 1015 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:30,479 Imagine being at work and being told to quite by everybody 1016 00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:32,439 and going, "No!" Yeah. 1017 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,279 "You need to quit. Get out." 1018 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,239 Sir Keir says he's proved his doubters wrong in the past 1019 00:42:37,240 --> 00:42:38,599 and will do so again. 1020 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,439 He's a stubborn bugger, in't he? 1021 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:44,839 Well, you can't just have somebody that's gonna roll over, can you? 1022 00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,719 And I suppose, if anything, it's showing he's got integrity. 1023 00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:49,679 Exactly. That's what I think. 1024 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:51,639 In a crucial speech this morning, 1025 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,999 he admitted his government had made mistakes 1026 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,679 but said he'd got the big political choices right. 1027 00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,999 Which big political choices did he get right? 1028 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:00,959 By not joining the Americans. 1029 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,279 Yeah, I'll give him that. I'll give him that, actually. 1030 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:04,759 In that fight against Iran. 1031 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:08,159 I mean, the one thing I would say is there's a humility to him 1032 00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:09,639 that I quite like. 1033 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,439 He does at least say that people... 1034 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:15,039 "I get it." And what are the actual options? 1035 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:16,479 I get it. 1036 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:18,839 You've been saying that for years, Keir. 1037 00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,559 You don't get it, otherwise you would have got it long ago, mate. 1038 00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:22,920 I feel it. 1039 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,879 And I take responsibility. 1040 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,639 It's just a load of bull, innit? It's all words. 1041 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:30,359 That's the annoying thing for me. 1042 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,239 I know I have my doubters. 1043 00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:34,079 Doubters? It's not doubters. Doubters! 1044 00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:35,879 We're not doubting you. 1045 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,959 We're certain. We're certain that you're rubbish. 1046 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,319 I wouldn't be able to handle that pressure, 1047 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,919 what Keir Starmer's under. I'd have thrown in t'towel. 1048 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:47,119 I've quit jobs for much less. You have, for much, much less. 1049 00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,279 And I know I need to prove them wrong, and I will. 1050 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,639 No, you won't be able to 1051 00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:55,079 because we already know you've cocked up. 1052 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,119 It's like an ex begging, in't it? 1053 00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,959 "I just want one more chance." "Just one more. 1054 00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:02,319 "I'll do anything." "I'll change." 1055 00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,639 Sir Keir Starmer's back against the wall, 1056 00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:06,279 he was noticeable more angry, 1057 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,599 more passionate than we often see him. 1058 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,159 The blazer's off. 1059 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:11,959 He's got no tie on either. 1060 00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:14,319 The blazer's off, the button's undone 1061 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,639 and he's ready to box the nation. Yeah. 1062 00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:18,439 I am their Prime Minister, 1063 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:20,759 and this is their government. 1064 00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:22,599 A little bit of emotion there. Yeah. 1065 00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:27,239 A good bit of emotion. Slightly arousing... Not arousing - rousing! 1066 00:44:27,240 --> 00:44:28,799 Really, darling! 1067 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,559 It was slightly rousing, not arousing. 1068 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,879 The conversations about the Prime Minister's possible successors 1069 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,679 are still feverish. There's the Mayor of Greater Manchester, 1070 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,279 Andy Burnham. 1071 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,079 Andy Burnham can't cos he's not an MP! 1072 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,639 He's doing an all right job as a mayor. We'd lose that 1073 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,159 for him to be Prime Minister, 1074 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,519 so leave him in Manchester. He's all right for the minute. 1075 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,119 Then there's the former Deputy Prime Minister, Angela Rayner. 1076 00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:51,399 No, we're not having her. 1077 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:51,439 The two vultures circling round 1078 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:55,279 The two vultures circling round their prey there. Yeah. 1079 00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,319 Angela Rayner and Andy Burnham. 1080 00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:01,119 Keir's thinking, "I'll poke their eyes out when I get home." 1081 00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:04,119 Then there is the Health Secretary Wes Streeting, 1082 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,959 whose supporters would prefer things to move quickly, 1083 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,439 before Andy Burnham can find himself a seat. 1084 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:14,919 Well, Andy Burnham has a proven record of competence, you see. Hmm. 1085 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,559 With Manchester. Hmm. 1086 00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,199 So it would be good. 1087 00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:22,039 But also, Wes has a very good sense of humour, 1088 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,159 and he's not that incompetent. 1089 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,439 And all afternoon here, 1090 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,279 one after another, 1091 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:34,079 yet more Labour MPs saying the Prime Minister has to go. 1092 00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,439 Jeez, they're all jumping on the bandwagon now. 1093 00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,279 I just think that all these lot that think that Keir Starmer's 1094 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:42,079 gonna throw in t'towel are pissing in t'wind, 1095 00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,079 because he ain't gonna go. 1096 00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:46,719 He's not going down without a fight. No, he in't, is he? 1097 00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:48,599 He were fighting for his life out there today. 1098 00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,239 Do you remember that poster that was, like, in the '90s, 1099 00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:53,559 it was everywhere, just like, hang in there, 1100 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,199 and a cat on a washing line? Yeah. 1101 00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,159 How long can he cling on? 1102 00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:59,479 That's Keir Starmer right now. 1103 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:02,319 Do you know who I think would be a good new Prime Minister? 1104 00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:05,519 And I know I'm a little bit biased when I say this, 1105 00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,519 but Nitro from Gladiators. 1106 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,959 Cos he's tough and he's strong 1107 00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,319 to put up with any shit off anybody. 1108 00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:15,199 He's also got it all up here. He's got it all sussed out. 1109 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:18,039 He probably doesn't know anything about economics. 1110 00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:19,399 You don't need to, do you? 1111 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:20,920 These have proved that. 1112 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,800 ♪ In a perfect world 1113 00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:34,679 ♪ In a perfect world 1114 00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:38,999 ♪ In a perfect world, singing 1115 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,919 ♪ Ohh-ohh 1116 00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,320 ♪ In a perfect world 1117 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,839 ♪ In a perfect world 1118 00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,319 ♪ In a perfect world... ♪ 1119 00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,600 Subtitles by Red Bee Media