1 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:02,503 . 2 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:03,637 - SO WHAT WAS SO PRESSING THAT YOU DEMANDED A WORK LUNCH? 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:07,375 WHAT, WARRANTS PILING UP? EVIDENCE TO REVIEW? 4 00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,610 - FULLY LOADED POTATO SKIN TUESDAY. 5 00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,179 OH, I HAD A CRAVING, 6 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,380 AND IT'S JUST SO GROSS TO EAT ALONE. 7 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,315 IT'S MUCH FUNNER TO SHARE IT WITH YOUR FAVORITE BAILIFF. 8 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,716 - UH-UH, NO, NO, I CAN'T EAT LIKE THAT. 9 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,385 LOOK, NEXT THING YOU KNOW, I'LL HAVE A BELLY 10 00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,320 AND LOOK LIKE WINNIE-THE-POOH IN ALL MY T-SHIRTS. 11 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,354 - MMM. 12 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:24,192 TAKE A SUBTLE, VERY SUBTLE LOOK ACROSS THE BAR. 13 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,326 SEE THAT GUY SITTING OVER THERE? 14 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,095 HE LOOK FAMILIAR? - WHERE? WHERE? 15 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,296 - DIDN'T I TRY HIM IN MY COURTROOM A COUPLE YEARS BACK? 16 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,763 YES, THAT'S HIM. THAT'S THE GUY. 17 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,233 I KNOW, IT'S BYRON CASH. I REMEMBER HIM. 18 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,535 REMEMBER THE CASE? - YEAH, YEAH, DRUGS, WEAPONS. 19 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:35,569 I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S OUT ALREADY. 20 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,505 AN EX-CON CHILLING AT A COP BAR, 21 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:41,309 A COP BAR EVERYBODY KNOWS IS JUDGE WRIGHT'S SPOT. 22 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,178 DON'T FEEL RIGHT. MM-MM, NAH. 23 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,646 [shouting] DON'T...FEEL RIGHT! 24 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,216 - OKAY, TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, TEDWARD. 25 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,683 COME ON, MAN, I'M A JUDGE. 26 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,219 THESE THINGS HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. 27 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,686 YOU TRY A GUY, YOU PUT 'EM AWAY, THEY GET OUT. 28 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,754 - YEAH, NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THEY HUNT YOU DOWN, 29 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,423 STAB YOU IN THE HEAD. YEAH, I KNOW HOW IT GOES. 30 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:56,590 - STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT. 31 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,326 - WE HAVE THE UPPER HAND RIGHT NOW. 32 00:00:58,359 --> 00:00:59,293 LET'S NOT WASTE IT. 33 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,594 AS YOUR COURT OFFICER, 34 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,263 EVERYTHING I AM, 35 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,265 EVERYTHING I KNOW 36 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,167 HAS LED TO THIS MOMENT. 37 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,269 [Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You plays] 38 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,804 AND IF THAT MAN HAS HARM PLANNED FOR YOU, 39 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:15,409 IT IS MY DUTY TO STAND BETWEEN YOU 40 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,178 AND THAT HARM. 41 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,680 - TEDWARD, ARE YOU SAYING 42 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,315 YOU WANT TO BE THE BLACK KEVIN COSTNER 43 00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,584 TO MY WHITE WHITNEY HOUSTON? 44 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,719 - HE'S ON THE MOVE--I GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE SAFE. 45 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,321 - [whispers] WHAT ARE YOU DOING... 46 00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,357 WITH YOUR JACKET? 47 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,525 THIS DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN. 48 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,528 [upbeat music] 49 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:42,570 * 50 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,208 - DID YOU GET THE CHARLIE LEWIS CASE? 51 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,543 ALL RIGHT, DON'T OVER-THINK THIS ONE, JUDGE. 52 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,844 CUT AND DRY. 53 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:54,348 YOUR ONLY DECISION IS GONNA BE 25 YEARS OR LIFE. 54 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,850 - GUY DOES NOT DESERVE 25 TO LIFE, TOM. 55 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,486 - ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S A SLAM DUNK. 56 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,221 THE LAW MEANS THIS THIRD STRIKE 57 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,923 IS MANDATORY MINIMUM. 58 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,193 - YEAH, BUT LOOK AT HIS CRIMES, TOM. 59 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:08,262 STRIKE ONE-- GRAND THEFT AUTO. 60 00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:09,830 - COME ON! 61 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,865 - [groans] 62 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,270 - SERIOUSLY. 63 00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,605 STRIKE TWO-- GRAND LARCENY. 64 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,407 THIS ONE IS REALLY STRETCHING IT. 65 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,741 - HEY, MAN, DON'T SWEAT IT. 66 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,276 I'M GONNA PAY FOR EVERYTHING I EAT. 67 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,578 - YOU'RE GONNA PAY $300 FOR A JAR OF CAVIAR? 68 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:27,815 - [laughs maniacally] 69 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,317 OH! 70 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,787 - WHICH BRINGS US TO THIS CASE, 71 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,356 HIS THIRD STRIKE. 72 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,824 - MOTHER OF PEARL HANDLE, VERY NICE. 73 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,459 [whistles] 74 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,261 2 HUNNY? 75 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,730 THAT'S PRETTY STEEP, MY MAN. 76 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,365 ALL RIGHT, I'M TAKING THE PRETTY KNIFE, 77 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,600 SO NOBODY DO ANYTHING STUPID. 78 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,373 WELL, WELL, WELL. 79 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,775 LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A STANDOFF. 80 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:58,312 - THE GUY LITERALLY BROUGHT A KNIFE TO A GUN FIGHT. 81 00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,980 I MEAN, THE ONLY PERSON HE ENDANGERED WAS HIMSELF. 82 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,816 - I'M GONNA PUT THIS GUY AWAY FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. 83 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,918 - TOM--TOM! 84 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,954 TOM, THREE STRIKES IS MISGUIDED, AND YOU KNOW IT. 85 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,789 IT WAS MEANT TO KEEP MURDERERS, RAPISTS, 86 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,458 AND CHILD MOLESTERS OFF THE STREET. 87 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,725 AND INSTEAD WE'RE... - JUDGE HERNANDEZ! 88 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,327 - HANDING DOWN SENTENCES TO GUYS LIKE CHARLIE-- 89 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,429 - JUDGE HERNANDEZ, YOUR HONOR, YOUR HONOR, 90 00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:16,664 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 91 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,599 LOOK, JUDGE GANDHI HERE IS TRYING TO PULL OFF 92 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,235 HER PHILOSOPHICAL ANARCHISM NONSENSE. 93 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,370 - LISTEN, YOU TWO, IT'S MY WEEK OFF, 94 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:23,971 AND I'M NOT GONNA SPEND ANY ME TIME 95 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:27,241 REFEREEING ONE OF YOUR ANNOYING LITTLE SCRAPS. 96 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,276 - NO-- - SO, COUNSELOR, 97 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:31,279 MAN UP. - YOU MEAN MANI-PEDI UP. 98 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,346 - AND JUDGE WRIGHT, 99 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,814 YOU FOLLOW THE LETTER OF THE LAW. 100 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:34,848 UNDERSTOOD? 101 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,317 - UNDERSTOOD, SIR. 102 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,252 AND HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME ON YOUR VACATION. 103 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,288 - THANK YOU. - YEAH, AT WHAT I CAN 104 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,589 ONLY ASSUME IS A NAVAJO SURF CAMP. 105 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,357 NO, NO...[chuckles]. - OH, HI, JUDGE. 106 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,825 IS IT CASUAL FRIDAY? 107 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,860 'CAUSE I'M IN THE MOOD FOR A LITTLE CASUAL AH-AH! 108 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,496 YOU KNOW? 109 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,663 - GOOD GOD. 110 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:50,931 - SORRY! 111 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,266 WAIT! 112 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,268 DID I MISREAD THIS WHOLE SITUATION? 113 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,537 - I WISH I HADN'T SEEN ANY OF THAT. 114 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,406 - TOM, I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO BE REASONABLE. 115 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,909 OF COURSE CHARLIE DESERVES SOME JAIL TIME, OKAY? 116 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,544 BUT 25 TO LIFE? 117 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,346 THAT'S WHAT WE GIVE VIOLENT CRIMINALS. 118 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,747 IT JUST--JUST-- IT JUST DOESN'T FIT. 119 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,516 - WELL, JUDGE, I'M THE D.A. 120 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,850 SO I'M GONNA DO WHAT I WANT. 121 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,320 - I JUST HOPE CHARLIE HAS A GOOD DEFENSE ATTORNEY. 122 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,455 - YOUR HONOR, I'VE DECIDED TO REPRESENT MYSELF. 123 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,923 AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I, UH-- 124 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,292 I THINK IT'S COOL THEY'RE LETTING CHICKS 125 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,294 DO THIS WHOLE JUDGE THING NOW. 126 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:23,297 [rock music] 127 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:26,300 * 128 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,301 - [sighs] 129 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,470 TEDWARD, I GOT THIS, OKAY? 130 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,439 JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU WHEN YOU STOOD GUARD 131 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,074 OUTSIDE MY STALL IN THE LADIES' ROOM. 132 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,076 - OH, YOU KNOW, YEAH, OKAY, THAT WAS-- 133 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,845 THAT WAS A BAD-- THAT WAS A BAD IDEA. 134 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:38,912 - YOU THINK? 135 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:39,980 - BUT I AM NOT BACKING OFF 136 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,583 UNTIL I'M SURE THAT BYRON CASH IS NOT A THREAT. 137 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,485 [alarm disengage beep] GOT SOME OF THE P.D. GUYS 138 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,819 ON THE LOOKOUT TOO. 139 00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:48,422 - TEDWARD, I MISS MY VAN. 140 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:51,392 RENTAL CAR PLACE ONLY HAD THESE MINI SUVS LEFT. 141 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,662 I'M LIKE A CHICK MAGNET FOR 30-SOMETHING LESBIANS. 142 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,330 - HEY, JUDGE WRIGHT. 143 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,631 IS THAT YOUR NEW RIDE? 144 00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:58,966 DIG IT. 145 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,435 - SEE WHAT I MEAN? ACTUALLY, SHE'S KIND OF CUTE. 146 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:04,405 - YEAH. [women singing on radio] 147 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,441 - YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME IN COLLEGE I DID-- 148 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,877 - UH, BELIEVE ME--BELIEVE ME, I WANT TO HEAR THIS STORY. 149 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,479 LIKE, I DO. I WANT TO HEAR EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID. 150 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,013 - YEAH, YOU DO. - BUT FOR NOW-- 151 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,482 WHAT IS THAT? 152 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:15,783 WHAT IS THAT? 153 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,754 - IT'S JUST A...NOTE. 154 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,022 "YOU READY TO DIE?" 155 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,491 NO SIGNATURE. 156 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,393 - YOU NEED MORE EVIDENCE THAN THIS? 157 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:26,394 - ALL RIGHT. 158 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,095 - BYRON CASH WANTS REVENGE. 159 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,597 LOOK, NO MORE SCREWING AROUND, JUDGE. 160 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,698 YOU'RE GETTING A GUN. 161 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,533 - I'M NOT GETTING A GUN. - YES, YOU ARE. 162 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,402 - I'M NOT GETTING A GUN! 163 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,235 YOU'VE SEEN ME AT MCDONALD'S 164 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,837 WHEN I MISS THE BREAKFAST CUTOFF. 165 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,071 YOU WANT TO ADD A WEAPON TO THAT MIX? 166 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,773 - YOU DEAL WITH VIOLENT CRIMINALS. 167 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,642 - AND ONE OF THEM MIGHT BE SCREWING WITH ME RIGHT NOW. 168 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,076 OKAY, I GET IT, TEDWARD. I DO. 169 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,412 SO I'LL LOCK MY DOORS, 170 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,380 AND I'LL EVEN HAVE THE COPS DRIVE BY. 171 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,616 - THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. 172 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:51,084 [quirky music] 173 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:59,126 * 174 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,162 - REBECCA... 175 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,431 REBECCA! 176 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,399 - [screams] 177 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,400 AAAAHHHH! - NOT THE FACE! 178 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:07,835 NOT THE FACE! 179 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:11,839 . 180 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:12,406 - TEDWARD, WHAT THE HELL? 181 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,041 - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE HELL. 182 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,008 IN UNDER THREE MINUTES, I BROKE IN YOUR HOUSE, 183 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,844 I CLIMBED ON TOP OF YOU, AND I STRANGLED YOU. 184 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,646 GUESS WHAT--YOU'RE DEAD. - [groans] 185 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:19,947 - YOU DIDN'T EVEN WAKE UP. 186 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,115 AND WHY IS YOUR ALARM CODE 69, 69? 187 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,851 - BECAUSE IT'S HILARIOUS! 188 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,953 - WELL, I GUESSED IT RIGHT AWAY. 189 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,187 REPROGRAM IT. 190 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,557 - I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REPROGRAM IT. 191 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,024 WHAT AM I, NASA? - JUDGE-- 192 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,926 JUDGE, THIS IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT. 193 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,429 OKAY, IT'S NOT JUST THIS ONE GUY. 194 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:38,799 SOMEONE IN YOUR POSITION IS ALWAYS VULNERABLE. 195 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,168 I JUST WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO PROTECT YOURSELF 196 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,470 IF IT COMES TO THAT. 197 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,205 - OKAY, FINE, YOU'RE RIGHT. 198 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,807 I'LL GET A GUN. 199 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,642 WE'LL GO SHOPPING FOR IT TOMORROW. 200 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:49,943 - GREAT. 201 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,045 - [sighs] 202 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,649 - OH, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. 203 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,851 I, UH, I MADE A SANDWICH. 204 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,490 - MR. LEWIS, PLEASE APPROACH THE BENCH. 205 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,126 THAT'S A GREAT COLOR ON YOU. - THANK YOU. 206 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,227 - YEAH. 207 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,664 YOU ARE AWARE OF YOUR RIGHT TO WAIVE A JURY TRIAL. 208 00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,500 I MEAN, ONE VERY REASONABLE JUDGE 209 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,134 VERSUS 12 UNPREDICTABLE JURORS, 210 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,869 IT'S-- - PERMISSION TO APPROACH. 211 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,572 - YOU MIGHT WANT TO MOVE YOUR BRIEFCASE, COUNSELOR. 212 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,908 - IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE. THIS, THIS--YOU'RE HELPING. 213 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,810 - NO. - YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HELP. 214 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,112 - I AM MERELY INFORMING MR. LEWIS OF HIS RIGHTS. 215 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,515 THEY LAW MAY NOT BE FAIR, BUT HIS TRIAL SHOULD BE. 216 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,850 - YOUR HONOR, I WANT A JURY. I HAVE A STRONG CASE. 217 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:33,854 AND DON'T FORGET--EVERYONE UNDERESTIMATED ELLE WOODS TOO. 218 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:34,855 - ELLE WOODS? 219 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:35,956 I'M--I'M SORRY, SIR. 220 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,792 ARE YOU REFERRING TO THE FILM LEGALLY BLONDE? 221 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:41,495 - "ALL PEOPLE SEE WHEN THEY LOOK AT ME IS BLONDE HAIR 222 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:43,497 AND BIG BOOBS." 223 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:45,032 THAT WAS ALL I SAW. 224 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,836 AND IT WAS WRONG. 225 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,038 LET'S NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. 226 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:54,842 - IT'S A VALUABLE LESSON. 227 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,243 YOU CAN-- - SIT DOWN. 228 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,782 - THE DEFENSE WILL ILLUSTRATE THAT THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY 229 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,519 THAT THE DEFENDANT COULD HAVE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL THIS KNIFE. 230 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,894 IT'S--IT-- 231 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:14,895 [knife clattering] 232 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:15,963 IT DOESN'T FIT. 233 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,799 THE HANDLE IS TOO SMALL FOR MY HAND. 234 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,774 IF THE KNIFE DOESN'T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT. 235 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,909 - MR. LEWIS... [clears throat] 236 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:29,843 PLEASE APPROACH. 237 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,178 - PERMISSION TO ALSO APPROACH, YOU HONOR. 238 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,646 - PERMISSION DENIED. SIT. 239 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,081 - OH. - YEAH. 240 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:36,917 YOU KNOW WE HAVE WITNESSES. 241 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,253 THERE'S VIDEO FOOTAGE OF YOU HOLDING THE KNIFE. 242 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:41,822 - THINK THAT'LL BE A PROBLEM? 243 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,825 - YOU KNOW, YOU SEEM TO BE AN AVID STUDENT 244 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,159 OF FILM AND TELEVISION. 245 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,360 PERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN 246 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:51,632 THE, UH, LAW & ORDER SHOW CRIMINAL INTENT. 247 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,867 - OKAY. - HUH? 248 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,669 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, 249 00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,905 I WILL SHOW THAT MY CLIENT 250 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,974 HAD NO LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT 251 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,976 OF STEALING SAID KNIFE 252 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,746 UNTIL AFTER HE ENTERED THE GUN STORE. 253 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:10,317 AND IN ACCORDANCE WITH CALIFORNIA PENAL CODE, UH... 254 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,652 OOH. 255 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:14,822 - [coughs] 45.. 256 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,990 [high-pitched voice] 9. 257 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,992 I LOVE THE GERMAN LANGUAGE, DON'T YOU? 258 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:22,162 - UH, CODE 459--WITHOUT PRIOR CRIMINAL INTENT, 259 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,831 AN ACT OF THEFT 260 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:28,702 SHALL NOT BE CONSIDERED FELONY BURGLARY. 261 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,170 BOO-YAH! 262 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,805 I WANT THE TRUTH! 263 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,741 I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! 264 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,009 - THAT'S RECESS. 265 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,811 RECESS FOR TWO HOURS. 266 00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:40,814 [ahem] SO WHERE DO WE GO TO GET THESE GUNS? 267 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,816 - I DON'T KNOW. MINE ARE STATE-ISSUED. 268 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,952 - I WONDER WHERE THE DEFENDANT WENT. 269 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,854 HE HAD A REVOLVER, A SEMIAUTOMATIC, 270 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,989 AND SOME OLD-TIMEY DUELING PISTOLS PULLED ON HIM. 271 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,958 OBVIOUSLY THEY HAVE A WIDE SELECTION. 272 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,761 OH, WELL, GUNS, GUNS, GUNS. 273 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,328 - JUDGE, I'M REALLY GLAD WE'RE DOING THIS. 274 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:56,396 [gunshot] - MM-HMM. 275 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,731 - YOU'RE NOT JUST MY BOSS. - NO. 276 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:58,766 - YOU'RE MY FRIEND. - I AM. 277 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,000 - AND IF ANYTHING WERE TO EVER HAPPEN TO YOU-- 278 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,770 - OKAY, NOPE, NO, NO, GOING TO A MUSHY PLACE, FREAKING OUT-- 279 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,772 MAKE IT STOP. - THERE IS A GIANT EX-CON 280 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,339 AFTER YOU, AND YOU'RE FREAKING OUT 281 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,876 ABOUT A LITTLE EMOTION? - YEAH. YIPPEE-KI-AY. 282 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,177 - WHOA, HEY, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 283 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,879 YOU DON'T JUST SHOOT YOUR WEAPON. 284 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:12,980 YOUR FIRST DEFENSE START HERE. 285 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,782 GUN FACE. 286 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:15,916 - ALL RIGHT, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME? 287 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,719 - WELL, IT'S BASICALLY MY "WHO ATE ALL THE PIE?" FACE 288 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,420 - YEAH. - BUT WITH CRAZY EYES. 289 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,823 [gunshot] SO IT'D BE LIKE... 290 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,224 - YEAH, I LIKE THAT. - RIGHT? 291 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,359 - ALL RIGHT. I LIKE TO TRY BEFORE I BUY, SO... 292 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,895 - LADIES FIRST. 293 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,036 WHOO! NICE! 294 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,105 HELLO, YOUR HONOR. 295 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,841 SOMEONE'S BEEN PLAYING A LITTLE LATE-NIGHT CALL OF DUTY. 296 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:43,010 - NAH, I GREW UP WITH GUNS. 297 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:46,013 WHEN JANNA HUNSINGER'S DAD WAS TAKING HER TO BALLET CLASS, 298 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:50,183 MY DAD WAS TAKING ME TO THE DESERT TO BLAST TIN CANS. 299 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,185 I WAS THE ONLY 11-YEAR-OLD IN THE COUNTY 300 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,121 WITH A LICENSE TO CARRY. 301 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,856 - THAT EXPLAINS A LOT. 302 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,158 - ALL RIGHT, COME ON, YOU'RE UP, COWBOY. 303 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,260 - [clears throat] 304 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,762 [gunshot] 305 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:06,700 AAH! 306 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,001 NAILED IT! 307 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,870 BOOM! 308 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:10,904 WHOO! 309 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,105 [gunshots] 310 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:15,242 - THIS IS MY "BAILIFF SCREAMS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL" FACE. 311 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,309 - THAT IS HURTFUL. 312 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,883 - THIS CAR IS LIKE A CORRECTIVE TODDLER SHOE. 313 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,718 - WOMEN LOVE BABY SHOES. THEY THINK IT'S CUTE. 314 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,019 - WELL, NOT EVERYTHING SMALL IS CUTE. 315 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:27,721 - AH, AH, LEFT MY WALLET IN THE CAR. 316 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:28,688 - ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU INSIDE. 317 00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:31,892 - HEY. NO-- HEY, STAY IN MY SIGHTS, OKAY? 318 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,861 - OH, COME ON, THAT'S RIDICULOUS, TEDWARD. 319 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,829 - HEY, I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU. 320 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:36,964 - OH! 321 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,868 JUDGE HERNANDEZ. - YOU IDIOT! GET OFF ME! 322 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,335 - I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON VACATION. 323 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,436 - I WAS! 324 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,005 WOULD YOU STOP? 325 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,007 - OKAY, IS NOW A BAD TIME 326 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,176 TO TAKE A CRACK AT RESORT-CASUAL BOLO TIE? 327 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,378 'CAUSE I AM SITTING ON A GOOD ONE, SIR. 328 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:57,951 . 329 00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:58,952 - I SHOULD CHARGE YOU WITH CONTEMPT FOR ALLOWING 330 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,054 YOUR BAILIFF TO BODY-SLAM ME! 331 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,189 - YOU HONOR, I AM SORRY. 332 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,423 I WAS JUST TRYING TO PROTECT HER. 333 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,892 - HE THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE. 334 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,059 WE'RE SO SORRY. 335 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,761 SIR, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. 336 00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:08,996 - TOM CALLED ME ABOUT THE CHARLIE LEWIS CASE. 337 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,298 - HE TATTLED? 338 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,133 - JUDGE WRIGHT, I AM WELL AWARE 339 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,868 OF YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THREE STRIKES. 340 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:16,203 YOU ARE NOT HERE TO FIX THE LAW. 341 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,905 YOU'RE HERE TO UPHOLD IT. 342 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,439 DO YOUR JOB. 343 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,174 NOW, I'M OFF TO MY MASSAGE. 344 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,811 - YOU WANT ME TO-- - [blusters] 345 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:27,047 IF I'M CALLED AWAY TO DEAL WITH ANY MORE OF YOUR NONSENSE, 346 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,182 THERE WILL BE NO HAPPY ENDING. 347 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,751 I HEARD IT. NOT A WORD. 348 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,056 both: HE SAID "HAPPY ENDING." 349 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,892 [both laughing] 350 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,193 - HE IS MAD, THOUGH, HUH? 351 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,029 - YEAH, DUDE. OKAY, DUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT? 352 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,897 I'M ABOUT TO GO ALL COMMANDING OFFICER 353 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,934 FROM EVERY BAD COP MOVIE EVER MADE ON YOUR ASS. 354 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,902 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CRAP I JUST ATE 355 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,904 FOR THAT LITTLE STUNT YOU PULLED BACK THERE? 356 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,073 YOU'RE A GOOD OFFICER, BUT YOU'RE A HOTHEAD. 357 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,209 AND YOU'RE COSTING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO THE CITY 358 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,912 IN DAMAGES. 359 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:01,014 I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT. 360 00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:01,882 - NO, THAT WAS GOOD. - YEAH? 361 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,117 - THAT WAS INTIMIDATING. I WAS SCARED. 362 00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,186 - I'M SERIOUS, AND THE POINT IS, YOU GOT TO STAND DOWN, TEDWARD. 363 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,520 - AH. LOOK, I FEAR FOR YOUR SAFETY. 364 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,156 I THINK YOU STILL MIGHT BE IN A LITTLE DANGER. 365 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,024 - WELL, OKAY, BUT THERE'S MORE PRESSING ISSUES 366 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,526 THAN THE HYPOTHETICAL PROBLEM OF BYRON, OKAY? 367 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:14,727 IF I DON'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO HELP CHARLIE, 368 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,064 HE'S GONNA END UP SPENDING THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN JAIL. 369 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,198 - YOU THINK I WANT TO HEAR THIS ANYMORE? 370 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,067 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! SHUT--STOP! 371 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,068 STOP! 372 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,369 OH, I SEE. 373 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,536 I SEE. OKAY. 374 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,038 OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. 375 00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,173 YOU'RE IN CHARGE. 376 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,507 YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M IN CHARGE! 377 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,376 SHUT YOUR MOUTH! - OH, MY GOD. 378 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,911 - OH. - THAT'S NOT GOOD. 379 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,112 - THAT IS NOT GOOD. 380 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:36,083 - I NEED YOUR EXPERT PSYCHIATRIC OPINION ON CHARLIE LEWIS. 381 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:39,052 I THINK HE'S NOT JUST-- HMM, HOW SHOULD I SAY--DIM. 382 00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:40,921 I THINK HE MIGHT BE CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS. 383 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,090 I MEAN, TOTAL CUCKOO-ROO NUT BALLS MCGEE. 384 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,358 - OKAY, YEAH, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S THE OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS 385 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:46,593 THAT WE USE, BUT-- 386 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,028 - CAN YOU EVALUATE HIM FOR ME, PLEASE? 387 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,497 BECAUSE IF YOU CAN FIND ANYTHING CLINICAL-- 388 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,664 AND IF THAT'S THE CASE, 389 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,533 I CAN PROBABLY GET THE JURY TO MAYBE GO EASIER ON HIM. 390 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,035 - [clears throat] DR. BOYD, JUDGE... 391 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,204 - HMM? - YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS. 392 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,072 BLOCKED PHONE CALL ON LINE ONE. 393 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:00,307 - [breathing heavily] - OOH. 394 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,110 - LET ME FIND BYRON CASH AND SHUT THIS DOWN. 395 00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,879 - NO. TEDWARD, COME ON-- - PLEASE, THIS DUDE IS CRAZY. 396 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,080 - TEDWARD, THAT COULD BE 397 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,982 THIS ASTHMATIC HAMMER THROWER I DATED. 398 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,384 JUST LET IT GO. 399 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,887 - OKAY, UM, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? 400 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,556 - OH, WELL, THERE WAS A CIRCUS COMING THROUGH TOWN, 401 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:17,925 AND THIS GUY THREW HAMMERS. 402 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,459 IT WAS PRETTY HOT. YOU HAD TO BE THERE. 403 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,228 - NO, NO, NOT THAT. THAT. 404 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,931 - OH, OH, YEAH. NO, THERE'S THIS EX-CON THAT I PUT AWAY. 405 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,232 HE MAY OR MAY NOT BE STALKING ME. 406 00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,566 TEDWARD'S FREAKING OUT. - WHAT? 407 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,035 WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? 408 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,569 - BECAUSE... - NO, NO, NO--THAT'S IT. 409 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,905 I'M STAYING OVER. - OH, HEY, HEY, EASY, TIGER. 410 00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:33,907 I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN GUNNING FOR THAT TOOTHBRUSH POSITION, 411 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,909 AND IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. - [sighs] 412 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,377 COME ON, I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU, 413 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,079 YOU KNOW, AS A FRIEND AND SOMEONE WHO CARES. 414 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,513 - WELL, DON'T WORRY, ALL RIGHT? 415 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,382 WE'VE GOT EXCELLENT SECURITY HERE AT THE COURTHOUSE, 416 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,184 AS YOU CAN SEE, AND I'M GONNA GET A GUN. 417 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,920 - YOU? A GUN? THAT'S, UH, THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA. 418 00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,288 YOU HAVE A TEMPER. - NO, I DON'T. 419 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,057 - YEAH, YOU DO. YOU TELL ME ALL THE TIME. 420 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,391 - NO, BUT JUST HEARING YOU SAY IT 421 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,560 MAKES ME WANT TO THUMP YOU IN THE NARDS, GARY! 422 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,095 - INTERESTING. - [growls] 423 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:58,231 SERIOUSLY, GARY... 424 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:01,034 PLEASE, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST TALK TO CHARLIE? 425 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,103 - ALL RIGHT, BUT I'M STAYING OVER TONIGHT, OKAY? 426 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,171 AND I'M BRINGING MY SWIFFER SWEEPER 427 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,306 WITH MY STEAK KNIFE DUCT-TAPED TO THE END OF IT. 428 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,975 - OOH, I FEEL SAFER ALREADY. 429 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,542 - GO AHEAD, DOC. 430 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,711 [Austrian accent] I WILL OPEN MY MIND TO YOU. 431 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,679 - THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD FREUD IMPRESSION. 432 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,048 - [normal voice] NO, THAT WAS SCHWARZENEGGER 433 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,250 FROM TOTAL RECALL. I JUST LIKE DOING IT. 434 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:20,053 - CHARLIE, YOUR CRIMES SO FAR HAVE BEEN THEFT RELATED. 435 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,221 ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, 436 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,722 HOW UNCONTROLLABLE IS YOUR URGE 437 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,224 TO TAKE THINGS THAT ARE NOT YOURS? 438 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,559 - ZERO. 439 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,362 - THAT'S WEIRD. I JUST HAD MY PEN. 440 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,498 HEY, CHARLIE, IS THAT MY PEN? 441 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,033 - THIS? - YEAH. 442 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,168 - NO. IT'S--IT'S, UH... 443 00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:37,204 FOOT SCRATCHER. 444 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,106 HEY, THIS MIGHT BE SOMETHING. 445 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,308 I BREAST-FED TILL I WAS FIVE. IS THAT A THING? 446 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,143 'CAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IT MIGHT BE A THING. 447 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,078 [elevator bell dings] - SO IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SUFFER 448 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,746 FROM AN IMPULSE-CONTROL DISORDER, 449 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,416 EXACERBATED BY CONCURRENT PERSONALITY DISORDERS, 450 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,451 WHICH MANIFEST MOSTLY AS KLEPTOMANIA. 451 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,021 - WHOO-HOO. 452 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,222 - YEAH. 453 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,558 YOU KNOW, MY--MY TESTIMONY COULD HELP YOU GET LESS TIME. 454 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,227 - YEAH, ABOUT THAT... 455 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,062 AS MY ATTORNEY, 456 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:05,565 I'VE ADVISED MYSELF NOT TO ALLOW THAT INTO EVIDENCE. 457 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,234 - CHARLIE, YOU KNOW THIS COULD MEAN THE DIFFERENCE 458 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,302 BETWEEN A FEW YEARS AND FOREVER. 459 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,303 - I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT. 460 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:14,241 I GOT THIS JURY WRAPPED AROUND MY LITTLE FINGER. 461 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:18,111 BESIDES, I DON'T WANT TO BE LABELED AS CRAZY. 462 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,579 THAT KIND OF THING DOESN'T SIT TOO WELL 463 00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,148 WITH THE LADIES. [squeaks lips] 464 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,416 - NO, IT DOESN'T. 465 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,118 - OH! 466 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,419 SORRY, MY MAN. 467 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:29,122 I BELIEVE THESE ARE YOURS. 468 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,727 - HEY. - UH--IT WASN'T ME. 469 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:35,728 I DIDN'T CALL HERNANDEZ. 470 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,098 - DO YOU KISS YOUR WIFE WITH THAT LYING MOUTH? 471 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,032 - TIPPY DOESN'T ALLOW MOUTH KISSING. 472 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,568 - LISTEN, GARY EVALUATED CHARLIE, OKAY? 473 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:44,371 HE'S GOT SOME EXTENSIVE MENTAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES, 474 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,139 BUT HE WON'T ALLOW THEM ADMITTED INTO THE CASE. 475 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,408 I MEAN, YOU REALLY WANT TO THROW THE BOOK AT A GUY 476 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,510 THAT'S TOO INCOMPETENT TO DEFEND HIMSELF? 477 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,079 - DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD 478 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,213 WHERE GUYS LIKE CHARLIE 479 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,648 CAN JUST REPEAT THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR AGAIN AND AGAIN? 480 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,751 - NO, TOM, I WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE NOBODY POOPS 481 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:01,121 AND THE MATRIX SEQUELS DON'T SUCK, OKAY? 482 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,223 BUT THIS IS A GUY'S LIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. 483 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:04,291 - ALL RIGHT, REBECCA, 484 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,526 THIS GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO LAW SCHOOL, RIGHT? 485 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,761 YOU'RE THIS KNOW-IT-ALL THAT'S BIGGER THAN THE RULES. 486 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,597 THE RULES DON'T APPLY TO YOU, ALL RIGHT? 487 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,099 I FOLLOW THE RULES. - I KNOW. 488 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,600 - RULES MAKE LIFE FAIR, 489 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,235 BUT YOU HAVE TO ENFORCE THEM, OKAY? 490 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,237 SO TAKE GARY'S-- - OH, GREAT, THANK YOU! 491 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:20,240 - OH, NO, THAT WAS NOT-- COME ON, THAT WASN'T ON PURPOSE. 492 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,774 I WAS JUST-- [light arguing] 493 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,580 - I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU. 494 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:36,289 . 495 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,157 - YOU PUT ME AWAY FOR FIVE YEARS, JUDGE. 496 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,392 - I WAS NOT ON THAT... 497 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,361 PARTICULAR CASE. 498 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,832 - AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU. 499 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:49,402 - BECAUSE PRISON TURNED OUT TO BE SO DELIGHTFUL? 500 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,371 - I WAS GOING DOWN A BAD ROAD, 501 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,340 BUT I WASN'T SOME KIND OF THUG THAT HURT PEOPLE. 502 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,476 THE SYSTEM WAS SET UP TO JUST THROW ME OUT LIKE GARBAGE, 503 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,211 BUT YOU DIDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN. 504 00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,647 YEAH, I GOT TIME, 505 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,516 BUT NOT SO MUCH I COULDN'T HAVE A SECOND CHANCE. 506 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:04,584 - MM. 507 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,287 - THIS IS MY FAMILY. - SURE. 508 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,257 - OH, WOW. 509 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,325 CUTE KIDS, BYRON. 510 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:13,826 TOM... 511 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,329 SOMETIMES I DO KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 512 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,198 - YES, THIS ONE ODDLY, 513 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:19,832 COINCIDENTALLY VERY SIMILAR CASE. 514 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,369 I WILL THINK ABOUT IT. DON'T RUB IT IN, OKAY? 515 00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:23,370 - IS THAT YOUR GRANDMA? 516 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,172 - THAT'S MY WIFE. 517 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,840 - AH, WELL... 518 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,142 GOOD LUCK TO YOU, BYRON. 519 00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:30,210 - THANKS AGAIN. 520 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,378 [groaning] 521 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,680 - OH. WHA-- - ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 522 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,848 - WHOO! I GOT YOUR BACK, REBECCA! 523 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,851 - TEDWARD! HE WAS THANKING ME! 524 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,753 - OH, THAT'S NICE. 525 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,689 OH, MAN, HEY. HEY, BRO. HEY. 526 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,591 HEY, DO NOT SUE ME. I CAN'T-- 527 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,426 OH, I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH. 528 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,895 - MAN, HIS GRANDMA/WIFE'S GONNA BE PISSED. 529 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,398 GENTLEMEN, YOU'VE REACHED AN AGREEMENT? 530 00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:52,665 - YES, YOUR HONOR. 531 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,834 THE DEFENDANT AGREES TO PLEAD GUILTY 532 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,503 TO MISDEMEANOR BURGLARY 533 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,837 AND WILL SERVE TWO YEARS 534 00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,407 AT A MINIMUM-SECURITY PSYCHIATRIC FACILITY. 535 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,674 - I THINK... 536 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,676 - THINK THE PUNISHMENT FITS THE CRIME. 537 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:06,346 - AND 'CAUSE I DIDN'T GET TO GIVE CLOSING STATEMENT 538 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,880 IN FRONT OF THE JURY-- 539 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,382 - WELL-- - YOU PROMISED. 540 00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,551 NO BACKSIES. - NO BACKSIES, TOM. 541 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,953 - ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT NO BACKSIES. 542 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,224 YES, THE PROSECUTION, IN TURN, WILL ALLOW MR. LEWIS 543 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:20,360 TO PRESENT HIS CLOSING STATEMENT TO THE COURT. 544 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,495 HE'S ALL YOURS. 545 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,796 - THANK YOU, THOMAS. 546 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:29,336 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY... 547 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,539 "THESE PEOPLE DON'T DREAM ABOUT BEING RICH. 548 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,342 "THEY DREAM ABOUT BEING ABLE TO WATCH THEIR CHILDREN 549 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,676 "SWIM IN A POOL 550 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,378 "WITHOUT WORRYING THAT THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET 551 00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,447 A HYSTERECTOMY BY THE AGE OF 20!" 552 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,882 - ERIN BROCKOVICH. - YES. 553 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,551 - GREAT FLICK. - YEAH. 554 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:45,352 - SHE HAD GREAT BRAS. 555 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,221 - YEAH, I JUST REMEMBER HER BOOBS. 556 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,257 - WELL DONE, SIR. 557 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,694 both: HEY. - WHAT'S UP? 558 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,363 - CAME TO RESET YOUR SECURITY SYSTEM, 559 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,864 MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. - MM-HMM. 560 00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,600 - GARY'S NOT MUCH OF A BODYGUARD AND YOU WON'T GET A GUN. 561 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:03,236 - OH, NO, NO, I GOT A GUN. LOOK, IT'S RIGHT HERE. 562 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,504 PRETTY CUTE, HUH? JUDY GOT IT FOR ME. 563 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:05,672 - NOT BAD. - YEAH. 564 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,340 YOU KNOW WHAT? AND THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE 565 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,941 I FEEL COMFORTABLE CARRYING A GUN. 566 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,344 YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT BYRON, ALL RIGHT? 567 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,347 I TOLD YOU--I DON'T EVER WANT TO BE WRONG ABOUT SOMEBODY 568 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,848 WHILE CARRYING A GUN, 569 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:19,286 BUT I DID GET THIS BAD BOY. 570 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,454 RARR! PSHH! 571 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,855 MY DAD TAUGHT ME HOW TO USE IT. 572 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,524 TAUGHT THE WHOLE FAMILY-- BIG HUNTING PEOPLE. 573 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,327 - WHO IS YOUR FAMILY-- DUCK DYNASTY? 574 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,929 OKAY, SO WHAT ABOUT THE NOTE THAT BYRON LEFT ON YOUR CAR? 575 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,998 - OH, THAT WAS JUDY. - "YOU READY TO DIE?" 576 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:32,932 YEAH, I WANTED TO SEE 577 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,502 IF SHE WANTED TO GO TO A HOT-YOGA CLASS. 578 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,770 BY THE WAY, I MIGHT HAVE BUTT-DIALED YOU DURING HOT YOGA. 579 00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,572 SORRY. - LINE ONE. 580 00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:40,973 - OKAY, HEAVY BREATHING. - MM-HMM. 581 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:41,908 - CAN I TAKE A BATH IN YOUR TUB? 582 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,877 MINE'S ALL FULL OF BUTTONS AND DOLL HEADS. 583 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:48,014 LONG STORY. - YOU KNOW THE WAY. 584 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,851 YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WHILE JUDY BATHES? 585 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:52,652 - NO, NOT REALLY. 586 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,387 I MEAN, GARY HAS A SWIFFER SPEAR. 587 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:56,356 YOU GOT A CROSSBOW, AND JUDY NAKED. 588 00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,391 - ALL RIGHT, JUST PARK YOUR ASS DOWN, OKAY? 589 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,394 BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE ME LEARN HER NAME. 590 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,362 - HEY. 591 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,030 I ALMOST KILLED NAKED JUDY. 592 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,399 - YOU WANT IT SHAKEN OR STIRRED? 593 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,369 - CLOTHED. - TOO LATE FOR THAT, MY FRIEND.