1 00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:03,404 . 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,105 [Conquest by Patti Page] 3 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:07,708 - AH, COLD! 4 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,577 * 5 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:13,181 MICHELLE? 6 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,182 - * CONQUEST 7 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,084 - MICHELLE--OH. 8 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,419 OH, PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD. 9 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:19,520 PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD. 10 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,122 MICHELLE? 11 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,224 - MAN, I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN. 12 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,492 - COME ON. HERE. 13 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,493 - OKAY. - COME ON. 14 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:29,163 YOU WERE MARRIED TO THAT DOUCHE BAG FOR 17 YEARS. 15 00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:31,165 - I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS MARRIED TO A GUY THAT HAS 16 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,568 A CALVIN AND HOBBES TRAMP STAMP. 17 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,237 - THIS IS FUN! 18 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,239 - I HAD A LOT OF FUN. - LOT OF FUN LAST NIGHT. 19 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,740 - SO CRAZY! - IT'S LIKE OLD TIMES. 20 00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,142 - IT IS LIKE OLD TIMES. 21 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,009 I MEAN, WE WERE JUST SO, LIKE-- 22 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,344 WE DIDN'T HAVE A CARE IN THE WORLD. 23 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,745 - NO, WE DIDN'T. - WE WERE LIKE-- 24 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,180 - HEY. 25 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,315 I'M PROUD OF YOU. 26 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,117 - YOU ARE? - YEAH. 27 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,351 AND YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME. 28 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,520 IT MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT RIGHT THIS SECOND... 29 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,156 - RIGHT. - BUT ALL OF THIS... 30 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,090 - MM-HMM? - IS GOOD FOR YOU. 31 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,159 YOU NEEDED A PALATE CLEANSER. 32 00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,560 - I DID. 33 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,495 - AND SO DO I. 34 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,197 - YOUR BREATH IS KIND OF DISGUSTING. 35 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,532 - I KNOW. 36 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,633 - IT'S HIDEOUS. 37 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,401 - * NOW YOU KNOW WHO MADE THE * 38 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:16,410 * CONQUEST 39 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:19,413 [upbeat music] 40 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:27,455 * 41 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,628 - CASE NUMBER 62-217-46A, 42 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,365 STATE VERSUS LI LIN FOR LOITERING. 43 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,600 WOW, TRY SAYING THAT THREE TIMES. 44 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,770 UH, LOITERING DOES NOT USUALLY MAKE IT TO MY BENCH. 45 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:43,904 SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME-- 46 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,606 WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS GUY? 47 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,375 - [clears throat] MR. LIN HAS BEEN 48 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,610 REPEATEDLY ASKED TO LEAVE THE SIDEWALK 49 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:52,846 IN FRONT OF THE SALADICTATORSHIP VEGAN RESTAURANT. 50 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,183 APPARENTLY, WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO GIVE HIM MONEY, 51 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,151 HE TRIES TO STEAL THEIR SHOES. 52 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,219 - WELL, THEN, IF HE'S STEALING SHOES, 53 00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,920 WHY ISN'T HE HERE FOR THEFT, TOM? 54 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,822 - APPARENTLY, HE'S NEVER GOTTEN A PAIR. 55 00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,457 - WELL, THEN YOU TWO HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. 56 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:04,925 HA-HA-HO. 57 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,228 UH, MR. LIN? 58 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:11,299 DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CHARGES BROUGHT BEFORE YOU? 59 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,700 MR. LIN? 60 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:13,834 COUNSELOR? 61 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,538 - LIN--LIN, HERE IT IS. 62 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:21,175 UH, LOITERING, STEALS SHOES-- OH! 63 00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:21,909 HE'S DEAF, YOUR HONOR. 64 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:22,910 - WELL, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN 65 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,513 GOOD INFORMATION TO HAVE. 66 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,315 I'M GONNA CONTINUE THE CASE UNTIL WE FIND SOMEONE 67 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,550 WHO KNOWS SIGN LANGUAGE. 68 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,585 AND CAN SOMEONE MAKE A SALADICTATORSHIP RUN? 69 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,687 AN AVOCADO OPPRESSION WOULD BE GREAT RIGHT NOW. 70 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,926 - SO YOU AND MICHELLE WENT OUT AGAIN LAST NIGHT? 71 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,462 - I'M BASICALLY CRUISE-DIRECTING HER DIVORCE, 72 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,697 AND THAT GIRL CAN RAGE. - MM. 73 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,933 - SHE'S LIKE THE COURTNEY LOVE OF WOODLAND HILLS. 74 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:46,800 - I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SIGNING UP JUDGES 75 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,669 FOR THEIR NEW PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHS, 76 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,705 BUT SEEING AS HOW YOU LOOK LIKE A TROLL DOLL, 77 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,541 I'M GONNA POSTPONE YOU TO MONDAY. 78 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,608 - YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA. 79 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,777 WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT QUESO? 80 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,546 - YEAH, IF I HAD TO GUESS. 81 00:02:58,579 --> 00:02:59,813 - OH, MAN. 82 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,782 I FELL OVER THE NACHO MACHINE AGAIN. 83 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:02,883 - YOU BETTER RALLY TONIGHT, REBECCA, 84 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,253 'CAUSE I TOLD MY BUDDY I WAS BRINGING PEOPLE, OKAY? 85 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,520 - FOR SURE. 86 00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:07,621 THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS 87 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,523 LET DJ DR. GIGGLES DOWN. 88 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,958 - RIDDLES. OKAY? 89 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,726 DJ DR. RIDDLES. 90 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,695 GIGGLES WON'T BE A STUPID NAME FOR A DJ. 91 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,930 THAT WOULD BE STUPID. 92 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:21,001 YOU KNOW YOU'RE WEARING TWO DIFFERENT SHOES, RIGHT? 93 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:21,969 - EH. 94 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,437 - JUDGE HERNANDEZ, 95 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,405 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD, BUT I AM IN CHARGE 96 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,740 OF THE NEW JUDGE PHOTOS FOR THE COURTHOUSE. 97 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,676 AND I SEE THAT YOU HAVE NOT SIGNED UP YET, 98 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,677 SO IF I CAN JUST GET A TIME FOR YOU... 99 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,245 - DON'T NEED A NEW PHOTO. 100 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,281 MY OFFICIAL PICTURE'S BEEN THE SAME SINCE I GOT HERE. 101 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,249 I DON'T SEE ANY REASON TO CHANGE NOW. 102 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,384 - REALLY? 103 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,951 - MM-HMM. - THIS ONE? 104 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,487 A) IT'S 30 YEARS OLD. 105 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,822 B) YOU LOOK LIKE GLORIA ESTEFAN WITH A MUSTACHE. 106 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:42,956 LOOK, DO ME A FAVOR. 107 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,659 LET ME BRING YOU INTO THIS DECADE WITH A NEW PHOTO. 108 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,461 - FINE, I SUPPOSE I CAN TAKE A NEW ONE. 109 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:48,729 - [grunts] 110 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,831 - ALTHOUGH I WILL MISS THE OLD ONE. 111 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:54,568 LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL, THICK HAIR. 112 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,571 [singing in Spanish] 113 00:03:57,605 --> 00:04:05,679 * 114 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,683 [DJ Snake and Lil Jon's Turn Down for What] 115 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,051 - THIS PLACE IS FUN. 116 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,454 - GOOD MUSIC AND CUTE GUYS. 117 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:16,890 - YEAH, AND WE LOOK HOT! - AH-OOH! OKAY. 118 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,526 - COME ON, LET'S GO FIND SOMEBODY 119 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,060 YOU'RE GONNA REGRET IN THE MORNING. 120 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:20,994 - OKAY. 121 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,796 YEAH, I WANNA GET BACK AT NICK, YOU KNOW? 122 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,965 BECAUSE HE KEEPS POSTING PHOTOS ON INSTAGRAM 123 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,567 WITH ALL THESE RANDOM SKANKS. 124 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,601 - UGH. - CHECK THIS OUT. 125 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,069 LOOK AT IT, LOOK AT IT. 126 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,606 WHO WEARS A BIKINI TOP TO OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE? 127 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,043 - WELL, CLEARLY SHE'S NOT AFRAID OF THE SIZZLING FAJITA PLATTER. 128 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,010 - GOD. - YEAH. 129 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,979 - I AM NEVER GETTING IN A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN. 130 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,014 - SEE, THIS IS WHY I DON'T DO RELATIONSHIPS. 131 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,950 THE JEALOUSY, THE GAMES-- 132 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,852 YOU KNOW WHO MATES FOR LIFE? 133 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,787 - MM. - YEAH, THE ALBATROSS. 134 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,890 IT'S THE LITERARY SYMBOL FOR DRAGGING YOU DOWN. 135 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,693 - WOW. WAIT, SO YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT WITH GARY? 136 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,028 - NO, BECAUSE GARY AND I ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. 137 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,465 WE'RE JUST LIKE FOR FUN AND FOR FREE, RIGHT? 138 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,866 NO FUSS, NO MUSS-- 139 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,402 WE'RE BASICALLY LIKE TWO DUDES WHO HANG OUT, YOU KNOW? 140 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,103 ONLY ONE OF US ISN'T A DUDE. 141 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,438 - HEY, WHAT'S UP, JUDGE? 142 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:05,673 HEY, MICHELLE. 143 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,007 LOOKING GOOD SINCE YOUR NEWFOUND FREEDOM. 144 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,075 - THANK YOU! - CONGRATS! 145 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,510 - CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING, TEDWARD? 146 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,611 - YEAH. - NOW THAT I'M SINGLE, 147 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,646 I'M KINDA LOOKING AT YOU DIFFERENTLY. 148 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,981 - YOU'VE ALWAYS LOOKED AT ME LIKE THAT. 149 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:14,982 - HAVE I REALLY? - HEY, HEY! 150 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,617 HOW ABOUT-- HEY, HEY, HEY. 151 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,886 HOW ABOUT NOBODY LOOKS AT ANYBODY DIFFERENTLY, HUH? 152 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,053 - WHAT? - AH! 153 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,022 - YEAH. - OH, OH, WAIT! 154 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,024 WILL YOU POSE WITH ME LIKE I'M A RANDOM SKANK? 155 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,926 - YEAH. - OKAY. UH-- 156 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,027 - WAIT, IS THIS A JEALOUSY PHOTO? 157 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,061 - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, IT IS. 158 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,531 - OKAY, WELL-- - OKAY. 159 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,401 SWEET! THANKS! 160 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,002 - AW, YEAH! UH-HUH! 161 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:40,073 UH-HUH-- HEY, IS THAT GARY? 162 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,642 TEDWARD, DID YOU INVITE GARY? 163 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,945 - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I DIDN'T TELL YOU? 164 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:48,382 - WHAT'S HE DOING, THE GRIND OR THE FREAK? 165 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,683 - THAT'S GARY? 166 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,019 HE IS CUTE. 167 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,021 - YEAH. 168 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,790 HE'S CUTE. 169 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,626 HEY! - HEY! 170 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,828 - GARY. - REBECCA, YOU JUST GET HERE? 171 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,063 - I DID. I DID. I DID. THIS IS MY FRIEND, MICHELLE. 172 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,064 - HEY. HOW YOU DOING? - HI. 173 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,733 - YEAH. - THIS IS, UM-- 174 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,567 RENATA. 175 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,002 - OH, RENATA. IS THAT LIKE A BOAT? 176 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,003 - WHAT? 177 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,972 - YEAH, SO HEY, YOU GUYS, UM, 178 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,040 JUST MEET RIGHT NOW? 179 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,409 ARE YOU OLD FRIENDS OR RELATIVES? THIS A COUSIN? 180 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,010 - NO, WE MET EARLIER TONIGHT. - AH, OKAY. 181 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,479 THAT'S COOL, THAT'S COOL, THAT'S COOL. 182 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,513 WHAT, WHAT? 183 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,949 OH, GARY, YOU ARE HILARIOUS. 184 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:25,953 WE HAVE A BUNCH OF INSIDE JOKES. - FUN. 185 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,422 WELL, HE AND I WERE KIND OF DANCING, SO-- 186 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:29,823 - ALL RIGHT, WE'RE ALL DANCING. 187 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,459 - YEAH. - YEAH. 188 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,627 - HEY, COULD I JUST BORROW HIM FOR ONE SECOND? 189 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,062 - ONE MISSISSIPPI, TIME'S UP. 190 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,730 TIME'S UP. - WHOA! 191 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,966 [all cheering] 192 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,102 [laughs] - WHOO! GOSH. 193 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,504 OH. SO WHERE YOU FROM? 194 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:54,147 . 195 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:54,648 - MORNING, JUDGE WRIGHT. 196 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,784 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I CANNOT 197 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,519 STOP THINKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT. 198 00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,653 - YEAH, THAT WAS FUN. 199 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,121 HEY, HOW'S YOUR TAILBONE? 200 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,590 - BRUISED BUT WORTH IT. 201 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:03,691 - YEAH, IT WAS! - YEAH! 202 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:04,925 - THAT WAS FUN. 203 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,527 - HEY, DO YOU WANT TO JOIN ME TONIGHT 204 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,029 FOR AN ALL-EXPENSES-PAID EVENING OF FUN AND FROLIC 205 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,731 AT THE CRESTWICK HOTEL? 206 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,132 - FREE FUN AND FROLIC? 207 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,133 HOW'D YOU SWING THAT? 208 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,234 - AH, THIS COUPLE I DO MARRIAGE COUNSELING FOR 209 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,004 GAVE IT TO ME--OR USED TO DO MARRIAGE COUNSELING FOR. 210 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,271 NOW I JUST DO DIVORCE COUNSELING FOR THE WIFE. 211 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,675 BUT, HEY, [imitates whip crack] WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER. 212 00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:24,712 - OOH, WELL, IF IT'S FREE, IT'S FOR ME. 213 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,847 GOSH, I DO LOVE A GOOD HOTEL ROOM. 214 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,048 USE ALL THE TOWELS YOU WANT, 215 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,049 DUMP THEM ON THE FLOOR, 216 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,951 AND EAT BACON FROM ROOM SERVICE 217 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,586 WHILE SOMEONE ELSE CLEANS IT UP. 218 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:33,654 - IT'S THE BEST. - I'M IN! 219 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,490 - NICE! 220 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,626 - JUDGE WRIGHT, THIS IS OUR INTERPRETER. 221 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:39,727 - RIGHT. 222 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:40,594 MR. LIN, 223 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,763 YOU HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH LOITERING, 224 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,632 PUNISHABLE BY A FINE 225 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,567 AND JAIL TIME OF UP TO ONE YEAR. 226 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,637 DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CHARGES AGAINST YOU? 227 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:50,838 - HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME. 228 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,773 I THINK HE SPEAKS MANDARIN. 229 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:53,741 - ISN'T ALL SIGN LANGUAGE THE SAME? 230 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,208 - RACIST. 231 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:57,778 - NOPE. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS CSL-- 232 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:58,679 CHINESE SIGN LANGUAGE. 233 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:02,015 - UGH, OKAY. OKAY, ANOTHER CONTINUANCE. 234 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,151 GET ME SOMEONE WHO CAN SIGN CSL, 235 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,285 SOMEONE WHO CAN SPEAK MANDARIN, 236 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,054 AND A LAWYER WHO CAN SPEAK BOTH ENGLISH AND MANDARIN, 237 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,222 SO WE DON'T GET TRIPPED UP ON LEGAL TERMS. 238 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,258 AND, YOU COME BACK, JUST IN CASE. 239 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:14,595 AND WE NEED A STENOGRAPHER WHO CAN TAKE TRANSCRIPT IN MANDARIN. 240 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,629 - [speaking Mandarin] 241 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,699 THAT'S "I GOT YOU COVERED, JUDGE" IN MANDARIN. 242 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:19,867 - OKAY, JUDY, HOW DO YOU KNOW MANDARIN? 243 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,570 - OH, WELL, THE CABLE GUY HOOKED US UP WITH FREE CABLE 244 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:26,106 WHEN I WAS A KID, BUT IT WAS ONLY THE CHINESE STATIONS, SO-- 245 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,776 [speaking Mandarin] 246 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,644 - HUH. 247 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,779 [knocking on door] 248 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:32,613 - JUDGE HERNANDEZ. 249 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:33,914 IF YOU CAME TO YELL AT JUDGE WRIGHT, 250 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,148 SHE IS NOT HERE. 251 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:36,784 - I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU. 252 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,852 YOU'RE A STYLISH FELLA, 253 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,088 AND, WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD GIVE ME SOME POINTERS 254 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,089 FOR MY PORTRAIT. 255 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,691 - YEAH. ALL RIGHT, WELL, YEAH. 256 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,692 LET'S-- - GREAT. 257 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:45,826 - LET ME SEE. - OKAY. 258 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,596 YOU KNOW, WE GET YOU-- I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE GET YOU IN-- 259 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,664 IN THE RIGHT SUIT--IF YOU'RE OKAY WITH, I DON'T KNOW, 260 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:54,902 MAYBE TRYING A TIE-- THE NON-BOLO VARIETY. 261 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:55,903 - I COULD TRY THAT. 262 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,105 - GET SOME OF THE FACIAL HAIRS, LIKE, COMBED UP. 263 00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,674 AND MAYBE THREAD THE RANDOM EYEBROWS 264 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,342 THAT'S GROWING ON THE BRIDGE OF YOUR NOSE. IT'S-- 265 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:05,178 - WELL, MY WIFE HAS MENTIONED THOSE. 266 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,747 - MM-HMM. - WELL, THANK YOU, TEDWARD. 267 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,116 REALLY, IT'S--IT'S THREE VERY USEFUL SUGGESTIONS-- 268 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,851 - HEY, HEY, WHERE YOU GOING? WE'RE NOT DONE YET. 269 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,620 LET ME--LET ME JUST LOOK OVER RIGHT HERE REAL QUICK. 270 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:13,520 - WHAT? 271 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,722 - WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR POSTURE. 272 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,624 - WHAT? OH! 273 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:17,725 - YEAH. - YEAH. 274 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:18,726 - SEE, YOU'RE ALREADY AN INCH TALLER. 275 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:19,693 THAT'S NICE, MAN. - I AM? 276 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,729 - YEAH, WE'RE ALMOST EYE TO EYE. - [exhales] 277 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,098 - WAIT. 278 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,767 YOU'RE GOING AWAY FOR A NIGHT WITH GARY? 279 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:27,901 - MM-HMM. - ALL RIGHT. 280 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,037 YOU UNDERSOLD HOW SERIOUS YOU TWO ARE. 281 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,839 - SERIOUS? NO, WE'RE GOING TO A HOTEL. 282 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,841 THAT'S WHERE PROSTITUTES TAKE THEIR JOHNS. 283 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,809 - WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S GETTING SERIOUS. 284 00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,177 HE'S INVITING YOU AWAY. 285 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,713 YOU'RE ACTUALLY FOLDING YOUR CLOTHES. 286 00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:42,249 AND I SAW HOW JEALOUS YOU GOT WHEN HE WAS DANCING 287 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,617 WITH THAT OTHER LADY. 288 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,352 - I WAS NOT JEALOUS, OKAY? 289 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,788 I WASN'T. I JUST--YOU KNOW, LOOK, IT JUST SO HAPPENS 290 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,724 THAT GARY AND I TEND TO DO SOME OF OUR BEST WORK 291 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,793 BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 2:00 A.M. AND 4:00 A.M. 292 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,661 MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM. 293 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,096 - I THINK YOU NEED TO JUST ADMIT IT. 294 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,765 YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. 295 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:58,932 - I'M-- - OH, MY GOD! 296 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,167 IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. I GET IT. 297 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,902 HE'S CUTE. - YOU THINK HE'S CUTE? 298 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:02,936 - OH, YEAH. 299 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,638 - WE'RE NOT, THOUGH. 300 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,406 WE'RE JUST LIKE A COUPLE OF, UH, YOU KNOW, 301 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,242 BOOTY-CALL BUDS THAT ENJOY EATING CHICKEN WINGS 302 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,343 IN THE BATHTUB. 303 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,680 - DID YOU JUST WRITE A COUNTRY SONG? 304 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:13,814 - YES, I DID, AND IT'S CALLED 305 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,816 WE'RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. 306 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,720 YEAH, NO, NO, I GOT IT. - YOU GOT IT? 307 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,022 WOW, THIS PLACE IS NICE. - YEAH, IT'S NICE. 308 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,091 I MEAN, IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS, BUT YOU KNOW. 309 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,759 - NO, I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THE HAPPY COUPLES. 310 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,160 - NAH, I THINK THAT MOST OF THESE PEOPLE 311 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,262 ARE PROSTITUTES WITH THEIR JOHNS. 312 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,031 - REALLY? - YEAH, THIS GUY? 313 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,801 BET HE PAID A PRETTY PENNY FOR HER. 314 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,136 OOH, TRULY IS THE OLDEST PROFESSION IN THE WORLD. 315 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,738 - OH, JEEZ. 316 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,973 HEY, WE'RE CHECKING IN. - YES, WE ARE. 317 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,909 - AH, YES, WELCOME, DR. AND MRS. BOYD. 318 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,311 - UH, NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT MISSUS. 319 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,679 I'M A JUDGE. HE'S BARELY A DOCTOR. 320 00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:46,714 HEAD SHRINK. 321 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,682 - WE HAVE YOU DOWN FOR THE ANNIVERSARY PACKAGE. 322 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:49,683 IS THAT RIGHT? 323 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:50,684 - WHAT? - MM-HMM. 324 00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:51,819 - OTHERWISE, YOU CAN'T HAVE 325 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,053 THE FREE CHAMPAGNE AND STRAWBERRIES. 326 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,788 - TEN YEARS TODAY. RIGHT, HONEY? 327 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,724 - AH, YEAH, IT'S REBECCA. 328 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:01,294 . 329 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,129 - HEY, YOU BARELY TOUCHED YOUR STEAK. 330 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,331 MY HALIBUT WAS AWESOME. 331 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,834 - THIS PLACE IS JUST COUPLES, COUPLES, COUPLES. 332 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,468 IT'S LIKE NOAH'S FRICKING ARK IN HERE. 333 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,203 I MEAN, WE'D BE HARD PRESSED TO FIND A THREE-TOP 334 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,805 IN THIS RESTAURANT. 335 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,206 - YOU OKAY? - YEAH, YEAH. 336 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,844 I'M JUST BLINDED BY A SEA OF DIAMOND SOLITAIRES. 337 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:17,711 WHAT'S THAT? 338 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:18,578 - WELL, WHILE YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM, 339 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,480 I ORDERED YOU ANOTHER GIN AND TONIC. 340 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,150 - WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME I WANT ANOTHER GIN AND TONIC? 341 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,152 - W--BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL IN THE SINGLE DIGITS. 342 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,854 - YEAH, BUT MAYBE I WANT SOMETHING ELSE, YOU KNOW? 343 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,188 YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? MAYBE I WANT, I DON'T KNOW, 344 00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,257 A MARGARITA OR A GLASS OF WINE OR A BOURBON. 345 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,492 MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE TIED DOWN TO ONE DRINK 346 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,462 FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 347 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,330 - FOR DESSERT, YOUR SAMPLER PLATTER FOR TWO. 348 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,966 BON APPETIT. - AH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 349 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,267 WAIT, WAIT. DID YOU ORDER THIS? 350 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,234 - WELL, NO, IT'S PART OF OUR PACKAGE. 351 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,236 - AH, YEAH, NO, NO. WE DON'T SHARE DESSERT. 352 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,172 WE'RE NOT THERE YET. OKAY? SO... 353 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,473 NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? GIVE IT TO ME. 354 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,108 I'LL TAKE IT. YEAH, THIS IS MINE. 355 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:51,078 MINE, THIS IS MINE, SO YOU SHOULD ORDER YOUR OWN DESSERT 356 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,146 AS A SEPARATE PERSON. 357 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:53,947 - OKAY, I HAVE AN IDEA. 358 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,082 HOW ABOUT WE GET THE CHECK, OKAY? 359 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:58,118 WE GO UP TO THE ROOM, TEST OUT THAT BED. WHAT'S UP? 360 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,788 - OR, UM, HEAR ME OUT. WILD PITCH. 361 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,290 UM, I GO UPSTAIRS, GET MY OWN ROOM, 362 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,292 AND THEN WE SEE WHERE THE NIGHT TAKES US 363 00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,161 AS SEPARATE HUMANS ON THE PLANET. 364 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,430 - HMM. I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. 365 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,299 - I FEEL SICK. REALLY, I'M CRAMPING UP. 366 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,401 I THINK I MIGHT NEED A DOCTOR HERE. 367 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,435 - I'M A DOCTOR. 368 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,170 - NO, I MEAN LIKE A REAL DOCTOR. 369 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,305 - YEAH, I'M A REAL DOCTOR. 370 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,273 - NO, I MEAN, LIKE SOMEONE WHO WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL 371 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,009 AND CAN PRESCRIBE MEDICATION. 372 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,010 - YEAH, STILL ME. 373 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,778 - [sighs] GARY. 374 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,546 YOU'RE, LIKE, SUFFOCATING ME. - WHAT'S GOING ON? 375 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,415 - WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ASK WHAT'S GOING ON? 376 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,649 GARY, I MEAN, WHAT-- 377 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:33,987 STOP TAKING THE TEMPERATURE OF OUR NOT-RELATIONSHIP, OKAY? 378 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,188 THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN, 379 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:39,159 AND SUDDENLY, IT'S GETTING ALL WEIRD AND HEAVY, YOU KNOW? 380 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,528 IT'S LIKE THAT WEIRD FINALE IN M.A.S.H 381 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:46,233 WHERE HAWKEYE MAKES THAT LADY KILL THE CHICKEN. 382 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,801 YEAH. 383 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,136 IT WASN'T A CHICKEN, GARY. 384 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,538 IT WAS A BABY. 385 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:54,441 OH, GET UP. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF. 386 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,348 - OH, TEDWARD. - YEAH, JUDGE, HEY-- 387 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:04,484 OH, SIR, HEY-- IS--IS THAT YOU? 388 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,486 - I FOLLOWED YOUR ADVICE, AND I DO BELIEVE 389 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,555 I AM READY TO TAKE THIS PICTURE. 390 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:11,224 - UH, WELL, I SEE YOU IN THE SHIRT. 391 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,260 I SEE YOU IN THE SHIRT, LOOKS GOOD. 392 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,494 DID YOU--DID YOU DO SOMETHING ELSE? 393 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,230 - NO, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. THE CLOTHES DO MAKE ME LOOK YOUNGER. 394 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,431 - MM-HMM. - HEY, TEDWARD. 395 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,368 GOOD AFTERNOON, JUDGE HERNAND--HEY! 396 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,171 WHY? - D--UH-- 397 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:27,374 JUDGE HERNANDEZ IS GETTING READY FOR HIS NEW PORTRAIT. 398 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,542 - OKAY, YEAH. - HI, TEDWARD. HI, TOM. 399 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,978 - HELLO, JUDY. 400 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,079 - WHOA, JUDGE. 401 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,981 I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU. WHAT HAPPENED? 402 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,448 DID YOU TRIP AND FALL ON A SHARPIE? 403 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:39,086 - JUDY. NO. - [sighs] SHE'S RIGHT. 404 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,353 THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 405 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,956 I CAN'T DO THIS PICTURE LIKE THIS. 406 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,091 - I MEAN, COME ON, JUDGE. 407 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,358 YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A GREAT PHOTO, OKAY? 408 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:49,296 - YES, AND YOUR LEGACY IS VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS COURTHOUSE. 409 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,331 - MM-HMM. - SO JUST GIVE US THAT LOOK 410 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,267 OF AUTHORITY YOU PROJECT FROM THE BENCH. 411 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,103 GO! 412 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,537 JUST GO! - I'M DOING IT! 413 00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,571 - YUP, THERE IT IS! - UH-HUH. 414 00:13:58,605 --> 00:13:59,506 - YEAH, THAT'S IT. - UH-HUH. 415 00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,241 - THAT WAS IT. I SAW IT. - OH, HEY, JUDGE. 416 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,242 DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF THAT? 417 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,311 I WANNA DYE ALL MY CATS THE SAME COLOR AND SEE 418 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,347 IF I CAN STILL TELL THEM APART BY THEIR PERSONALITY. 419 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,349 - THIS IS ABSURD. 420 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,318 - THAT COULD BE FUN. 421 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,354 - THELMA AND LOUISE RIDE AGAIN! WHOO! 422 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,223 - I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA RIDE EVER AGAIN. 423 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:19,159 - OH, NO, TELL ME THEY DID NOT GO TO JAIL. 424 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,360 - THEY DO NOT GO TO JAIL. 425 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,896 - SWEET! - MM. 426 00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:25,132 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH-- WE'VE BEEN HERE AN HOUR, 427 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,134 AND YOU'RE ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH YOUR FIRST DRINK. 428 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,636 OKAY, OKAY, WHAT HAPPENED AT THE CRESTWICK WITH YOU AND GARY? 429 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,204 - [sighs] 430 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,405 I LEFT. 431 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,207 YEAH, I DON'T THINK I CAN SEE GARY ANYMORE. 432 00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,976 - WHY? 433 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,610 - BECAUSE I THINK HE WANTS TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP, 434 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,512 AND I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN. 435 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,315 YOU KNOW, HE STARTS HAVING FEELINGS, I HAVE FEELINGS. 436 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:45,252 FEELINGS SICKEN ME. 437 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,020 - WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY? 438 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,222 - WELL, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME, OKAY? 439 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:50,557 WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT. 440 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,259 I MEAN, THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANNA HAVE A RELATIONSHIP 441 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,394 BECAUSE THEN YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS LIKE HAVE DISCUSSIONS 442 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,930 ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP-- IT'S LIKE A VICIOUS CYCLE. 443 00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:59,199 - OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, YOU HAVE GOT TO TALK TO HIM, 444 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,634 SO YOU CAN FIND OUT IF YOU GUYS EVEN WANT DIFFERENT THINGS... 445 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:02,635 - SAME THINGS. - SAME THINGS. 446 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,271 - EH. - I KNOW YOU LIKE HIM. 447 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,138 - YEAH, YOU DO. - YEAH, YOU DO, 448 00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:07,140 BECAUSE YOU DITCHED ME AT A CLUB FOR HIM 449 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:09,276 WHILE I HAD AN OPEN TAB. - YEAH. 450 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,410 - YOU HAD AN OPEN TAB? 451 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,312 - CAPTAIN KAHLUA COST ME A FORTUNE. 452 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,214 - WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, WHAT CAN I SAY? 453 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,516 THIS BLACK AMERICAN LOVES WHITE RUSSIANS. 454 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,051 [chuckles] 455 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:22,089 . 456 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:22,990 - HEY, JUDGE. YOU'RE UP IN A FEW MINUTES. 457 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,593 - I WAS HOPING YOU WOULDN'T FIND ME IN HERE. 458 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,228 - COME ON, JUDGE. 459 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,297 WHY DON'T YOU WANNA TAKE THIS PICTURE? 460 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,033 - BECAUSE THAT GUY ON THAT WALL IS YOUNG, 461 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,302 AND THIS GUY IS OLD. 462 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,570 AND I HATE KNOWING THAT THE NEXT PICTURE THEY'RE GOING 463 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,007 TO TAKE OF ME IS THE ONE THEY'LL USE WHEN I RETIRE, 464 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,641 THE PICTURE THEY'LL USE WHEN I DIE. 465 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:42,709 - I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, JUDGE, 466 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:45,012 BUT THE PICTURE THAT YOU HAVE UP THERE RIGHT NOW 467 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,479 LOOKS LIKE A DUDE WHO DIED WHEN HE FOUND OUT 468 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,649 HIS VHS MOVIE COLLECTION WAS WORTHLESS. 469 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,318 - IT IS? [sighs] 470 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,320 I THOUGHT IT WOULD COME BACK LIKE VINYL. 471 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,089 - NO, BUT THE POINT IS, YOU LOOK GREAT. 472 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,757 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU. 473 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,260 HERE. 474 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,762 YOU LOOK LIKE A JUDGE THAT DEMANDS THE BEST 475 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,299 FROM EVERYBODY THAT WALKS THROUGH THOSE DOORS, 476 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:10,103 SOMEBODY WHO LETS EVERYONE KNOW THAT THEY DESERVE JUSTICE. 477 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:14,374 - LET'S TAKE A PHOTO. 478 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,709 - YEAH. ALL RIGHT. 479 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:19,479 OH, ONE LAST THING. 480 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,381 LOSE THAT TIE, MAN. THAT AIN'T YOU. 481 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,716 YOU GOTTA ROCK THAT BOLO. 482 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,718 - TEDWARD, 483 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,320 I NEVER STOPPED ROCKING THE BOLO. 484 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,322 - I SEE YOU. 485 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,191 THIS BOLO, IT'S ALL UNDER THE TIE. 486 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:34,794 - OKAY, IF THIS ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE CANNOT COMMUNICATE 487 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,663 WITH MR. LIN, I'M GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 488 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,666 SO WILL YOU PLEASE ASK MR. LIN 489 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,534 WHAT HE'S DOING IN FRONT OF THAT STORE? 490 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:45,238 - [speaking Mandarin] 491 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:47,340 - POINT, POINT, POINT. SOUND IT OUT. 492 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,142 RUNNING MAN. 493 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,286 - HE'S TRYING TO START A SHOESHINE BUSINESS, 494 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,354 BUT PEOPLE THINK HE'S HOMELESS. 495 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,555 WHEN THEY GIVE HIM MONEY, 496 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,424 HE THINKS THEY WANT THEIR SHOES SHINED, 497 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,059 SO HE TRIES TO GRAB THEIR SHOES. 498 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:09,796 - AND THEY THINK THAT HE'S TRYING TO STEAL FROM THEM, 499 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:12,799 WHEN IN ACTUALITY, HE'S TRYING TO PROVIDE THEM WITH A SERVICE. 500 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,634 - IT'S STILL LOITERING, YOUR HONOR. 501 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,670 HE IS IMPEDING THE ABILITY OF SALADICTATORSHIP 502 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:21,108 TO DO BUSINESS BY SCARING AWAY THE CUSTOMERS. 503 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,343 EVEN MORE SO THAN THEIR NAME ALREADY DOES. 504 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,246 - HE DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS DOING ANYTHING WRONG. 505 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:27,847 - WELL, THE STATE WILL CONSIDER A DISMISSAL, 506 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,816 BUT HE STILL HAS TO PAY THE FINE. 507 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,352 - MR. LIN--WHAT'S HAPPENING OVER HERE WITH MR. LIN? 508 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,722 - HE SAID THIS MAN HAS THE GENITALIA OF A SMALL CHICKEN. 509 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,424 - [laughs] OH, A CHICKEN PENIS! 510 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:38,625 SO TINY. 511 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,460 - TOM, NOT ONLY AM I NOT GOING TO FINE HIM, 512 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,429 BUT WE'RE GOING TO HELP MR. LIN OUT--THAT'S RIGHT. 513 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:45,098 WE'RE GONNA PASS THE HAT, AND WE'RE GONNA RAISE SOME MONEY 514 00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:48,701 TO GET MR. LIN A PERMIT AND A SIGN. 515 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,702 YEAH, I WILL START. 516 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,771 I'VE GOT A FEW PAIRS OF SHOES IN MY CHAMBERS. 517 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,806 TELL HIM TO SET UP AT THE TOWER ON SEPULVEDA. 518 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,209 HE'LL GET GOOD TRAFFIC THERE. YEAH? 519 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,410 CASE DISMISSED. 520 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,316 - OH, CHICKEN PENIS. YOU KNOW WHAT? 521 00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:05,852 IT IS A PLEASURE TO WATCH YOU WORK. 522 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,654 - THANK YOU, SIR. 523 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:08,821 EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE HEARD, 524 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,458 EVEN IF IT DOES TAKE ABOUT EIGHT PEOPLE TO GET IT DONE. 525 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:14,361 - MM-HMM, EVERYBODY EXCEPT GARY. 526 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:15,862 OH! DROPS MIC! 527 00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,130 [imitating crowd roar] 528 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:20,400 - TEDWARD, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO DROP THE MIC? 529 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,834 - [sighs] 530 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,171 - PICK IT UP. 531 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,140 THANK YOU. 532 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,808 AND TURN IT OFF, PLEASE. 533 00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:31,844 - [groans] 534 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,713 - HEY. 535 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,349 - HEY, GARY, THANKS FOR COMING BY. 536 00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:37,150 - YEAH, NO PROBLEM. 537 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,585 I WAS JUST TESTIFYING DOWN THE HALL 538 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,786 FOR A GUY WHO DRY-HUMPED A BUNCH OF MAILBOXES. 539 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:40,853 - MM. - I GOTTA SAY, 540 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,790 I UNDERSTAND HIS BEHAVIOR MORE THAN I DO YOURS. 541 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,692 - I KNOW. I KNOW. 542 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,328 I'M SORRY, GARY. I JUST STARTED--I DON'T KNOW. 543 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:53,300 I-I STARTED TO FEEL LIKE A CAT IN A CAGE, YOU KNOW? 544 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,935 IT'S LIKE--IT'S LIKE I'M AN EXOTIC TIGER, RIGHT? 545 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,804 LIKE A BENGAL TIGER, RIGHT? 546 00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,906 AND I NEED TO ROAM IN THE JUNGLE AND BE FREE. 547 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,808 BUT I FELT LIKE YOU WERE LIKE A POACHER, RIGHT? 548 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,643 AND YOU WERE JUST COMING IN, LIKE, ALL BOOM! 549 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,578 AND TAKE MY TAIL AND MAKE SOME KIND OF MEDICINE 550 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,247 OR--OR WORSE, LIKE, A KEYCHAIN. 551 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,749 YOU CAN'T USE MY TAIL AS A KEYCHAIN, GARY! 552 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,618 - OH, UH, WOW. 553 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,720 - YEAH. YEAH, WOW. YOU SEE? 554 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:17,724 LIKE, I GOTTA BE--I GOTTA, LIKE, GO--MM--OUT OF THE CAGE. 555 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,760 RIGHT? I WANNA BE ROAMING IN THAT TALL GRASS. 556 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:21,628 I WANNA SEE SOMETHING. 557 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:22,829 I WANNA TAKE IT DOWN. I WANNA HUNT. 558 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,932 I WANNA BE FREE AND, LIKE, HAVE FUN AND SUN MYSELF AND-- 559 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:28,968 - OKAY, OKAY, I FEEL LIKE WHATEVER WE HAVE, 560 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,271 YOU ARE THIS CLOSE TO BAILING ON IT, 561 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,807 SO THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO DO. 562 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,843 - WHOA, WHOA, GARY, DID YOU NOT JUST UNDERSTAND 563 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:37,910 THIS WHOLE CAT STORY? 564 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,347 - REBECCA-- WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? 565 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,714 - GARY-- - OKAY. 566 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,883 REBECCA GARY WRIGHT, 567 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,319 WILL YOU NEVER, EVER MARRY ME? 568 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,320 - WHAT? 569 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,822 - I WANNA WAKE UP IN THE MORNING IN AN EMPTY BED 570 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,358 BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY GONE. 571 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,960 WHEN YOU'RE SICK, I WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE. 572 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:54,994 ANYWHERE ELSE. 573 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,796 AND WHEN WE ARE 75, 574 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,732 I WANNA LOOK ACROSS THE TABLE AND SEE A 25-YEAR-OLD. 575 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:00,733 I WANT THE SAME FOR YOU TOO. 576 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,770 REBECCA, I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE, 577 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,772 BUT YOU ARE COOL, AND YOU'RE HOT. 578 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,707 AND DAMN, GIRL, YOU MAD FLEXIBLE. 579 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,742 [both laugh] 580 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,978 - OH, GIRL. - GIRL. 581 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:16,616 - GARY, MAN, YOU-- 582 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,684 YOU'RE GOOD. 583 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:18,718 - GOOD. 584 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:19,719 - YOU GOT A DEAL. 585 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:20,820 - LET'S JUST HAVE FUN. 586 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,722 - I LOVE IT. - OKAY. I LOVE IT. 587 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,925 - [chuckles] 588 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,694 - I MEAN I LOVE IT, NOT YOU. 589 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,729 - NO, NO, I GET IT. - OKAY. 590 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,968 TO NEVER KNOWING EACH OTHER. 591 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,805 - MM. 592 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:39,939 - WHOO! - NICE. 593 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,975 - WHOO! AH! I WANT ANOTHER SHOT. YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT? 594 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,745 - OH, YEAH, LET'S GO HALFSIES, THOUGH--CLEANER THAT WAY. 595 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:48,281 - AW, GARY. 596 00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:49,949 - GARY! - WHAT'S UP, TEDWARD? 597 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,419 - SEEMS LIKE YOU TWO ARE BACK ON TRACK. 598 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,487 - 100% COMMITTED TO NONCOMMITMENT. 599 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:56,523 WHICH IS PERFECT, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE IT'S WHAT WE BOTH WANT. 600 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:57,924 - YEAH. YEAH. 601 00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,759 LOOK AT REBECCA MAKING OUT WITH THAT DUDE AT THE BAR. 602 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,895 - WHAT? - AH! AHA! 603 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:03,996 - TEDWARD, ALL RIGHT, OKAY. 604 00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,832 - NO, I WAS NOT FINISHED YET. 605 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:06,866 AHA! 606 00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,501 - [chuckles]